This is very intriguing. Actors, I would love to hear your thoughts.

This is a process. An experiment. A game. It’s play, but it’s real. It’s about how to be the creator/author/maker of your life – deliberately and purposefully – without sacrificing the present moment. How to hold a vision of the future while living happily and effectively in the here and now.

First, I want to give credit to Mark Forster for teaching this process in his book, How to Make Your Dreams Come True. These ideas are his. I believe he is still offering How to Make Your Dreams Come True for free on his website: Get Everything Done. You can grab a copy here.

This practice isn’t about willpower, or S.M.A.R.T. goals, or fluffy bunny affirmations, or Law-of-attraction-without-action-miracle-wishing. This process is designed to help you:

• develop the frame of mind and the power of mind that will pull your goals towards you,
• keep you compassionately accountable to yourself,
• maintain natural (not forced) motivation and,
• help you enjoy the process of taking action in the here and now.

Before we go on, I also want to give credit to Eric Maisel. In the Creativity Coaching class I took with him in the fall, he pointed repeatedly to the benefits of developing a self-coaching practice. I read Forster’s book after taking Dr. Maisel’s class and the self-coaching process Mark demonstrates in his book found me in the right place and frame of mind at the right time. And it all clicked. I heard a little voice in my head say, “This is for you.”

Here we go.

Write a vision as if you are living it in the present. This is nothing new. You will encounter this exercise in almost every book you pick up on goal setting and life planning. It’s what you do with the vision after you have it written that matters.

Here’s an example:

My office is full of sunlight this morning. I have a full cup of coffee warming my hands while I look out the back window and watch the dog chase squirrels and bark at the birds. I’m thinking about my day and smiling.

There’s some work on my art table that I’m looking forward to getting back to this afternoon. Ideas and solutions were percolating in my brain while I slept and I woke up knowing what’s next for this piece. Which is nice because when I left the work yesterday, I wasn’t sure what to do with it. I’ve learned to trust the process and the benefit of working with fresh eyes and a fresh mind.

First thing on the agenda: writing and painting. The first two hours of the day are mine every day to do my creative work.

Next: two client calls. My favorite clients. Yay! Of course, I say that about everyone I work with. One is developing a one-woman show and we need to discuss the pros and cons of the venues she’s been scouting. And the other is working on setting up her website to promote her writing. Fun stuff. I love working with energized, visionary, creative people.

I have two actors coming over at 1:30 for some private coaching on their scene for class. These actors are taking no prisoners, let me tell you. They come full of ideas, they’re creative with their choices – they truly enjoy the creative process of telling the truth on stage. I love working with them.

Then – more writing. Some fiddling with Photoshop. Maybe a photography jaunt. Yeah, a photography jaunt sounds good. Oh, I also need to do a little prep for this week’s workshop.

And – then a quiet evening with husband and child. I think Warehouse 13 is on tonight. It’s our favorite show.

That’s it. I just made that up. I like it too. Notice what isn’t there.

No dates. I didn’t write, “It’s January 10, 2013 and here I am in my office thinking about my clients and students.”

No ‘shoulds’ or grandiosity. I didn’t write my acceptance speech for an Oscar. It’s a normal day. It’s brief. It’s simple.

No fear or justification. No battle. “I’ve worked hard for this moment and I deserve the success I have.”

The voice is peaceful. Enjoying a simple moment with a cup of coffee thinking about her day and watching the dog run around in the backyard. None of that, “Ha! Ha! I am victorious! I have conquered the world and made it my b…h!”

Keep it simple and write with a voice who is experiencing the feelings you want to feel in your life. I want peace, love, comfort, inspiration, collaboration, quiet – a natural creative flow to my work and my life.

Okay? Okay.

Next up – what to do with the vision. Which is the super important part.

But, that will have to be another post later this week. Sorry. I got drawn into my vision much more than I thought I would. I wasn’t thinking I would write my complete vision when I started this post, but there it is. I think it’s a keeper.

If you write yours, please share! You can leave it in the comments below – or send me an email.

Happy day to you! Stay tuned for Part Deux later in the week.

Personally, I find it difficult to refrain from thoughts that sound something like: “This year I’m going to finally lose that extra weight. This year I’m going to get my business in high gear. This is the year I’m gonna make it all happen!”

Yet, in my heart I know these thoughts aren’t real.

Wait. Okay, the thoughts are real. I AM thinking them so they’re ‘real’.

But I also know these thoughts are fantasies. I would even go so far as to call them self-indulgent fabrications full of hooey. They are something I say to myself to make myself feel better about not being all that I said I wanted to be in 2011.

But, here’s the kicker. 2011 was great. I had a good time. No, all my dreams didn’t come true. Yes, I’m still 30 pounds overweight. I didn’t get that book written. AND – still – 2011 was a great year.

Life happened. Stuff got done. Challenges were met. Shows were directed. Losses were felt. Grieving occurred. Laughter was heard. Healing happened – my mother got 2 brand-spanking-new knees! In review, 2011 will be remembered as a fine time.

My point is my resolutions usually feel like another way for me to beat myself up and focus on all the things that didn’t happen last year – again - instead of, as they are intended to be felt, like hopeful plan-making. They seduce me into thinking that I am doing something positive for myself when in fact I’m focusing on what I don’t have, where I messed up and what I want to fix while, at the same time, setting myself up to fail. That’s a double negative.

Please hear this next sentence: This is the way MY brain works. You may be completely free and innocent of setting yourself up in this manner. I’m thrilled for you and I mean that.

But, my inner critic, my inner mean girl, my gremlin is a seductive side-winder. She can twirl and twist my good intentions backwards and inside out. And, she is such a part of me, that I know better than to engage her in hand-to-hand combat. Instead it’s better for me to simply walk away.

So this is me walking away from resolution making. My plan for 2012 is to let myself completely off the hook.

I realize this will require some effort on my part. I’m not programmed this way. There is no ZEN in Kirsten. I’m full of plans and ambition. I can be competitive and needy and downright bitchy. My brain is a hamster-wheel of want.

But, this is me letting go.

Instead of thinking about what’s ‘on my plate’, I am thinking, instead, about what’s ‘on stage’.

What’s on stage now? I’m writing this. It’s my declaration of letting go. I, Kirsten Olson Malinee, hereby declare that I will not attempt to MAKE anything happen in 2012. I will not push boulders up mountains. I will not engage in battle with sneaky side-winders – a.k.a. inner critics and gremlins. I will not re-join Weight Watchers. I may or may not finally (if ever) get that business plan written. I am letting go. I am setting myself free.

Do you hear alarm bells ringing? I do. That’s my inner critic sounding off, “What the h-e-double-hockey-sticks are you talking about!?!”

My response, “I don’t know yet.”

I have NO IDEA what ‘letting go’ looks or feels like. I’ve been at this game of mental combat for so long, I’m not sure  what civvy life is.

For now, I’m just going to ask this question: What’s on stage?

The stage is where the action happens in the here and now. The stage is where I connect with the nitty-gritty of my humanity. If I try to fake it on stage, it will be glaringly obvious so – no fake tears or laughter. On stage I’ll have honesty, empathy, character, dialogue, conflict (internal and external – bring it!), action. Heroes, heroines, villians and everyman-woman. All those things one moment at a time.

I’m not talking about performy smarmy acty performances, over-exerted drama or faking it till you make it theatrics. Honesty, truth and action. Humanity. That’s my stage.

So…

What’s on stage now? I’m gearing up to teach an acting class. I’m not MAKING that happen. It is happening and I will be there when the time comes. Thinking, musing and dreaming about teaching fills me with energy and possibility. That’s a GO feeling.

What’s NOT on stage? Directing. Thinking about directing fills me with a ‘meh’ draggy dreadful feeling. That’s a NO GO feeling. Please understand my feelings about directing reflect in no way on past directing experiences. I love the memories and all the actors, casts, and crews I’ve worked with. But, for now, I’m just not feeling it. No go.

What’s on stage? Art making. Playing with paint and paper and glue. Exploring Photoshop Elements. Learning. Diving in. I’ve tumbled head-first into this rabbit hole and I’m not making plans for escape any time soon. If the Queen of Hearts (a.k.a. inner critic) shows up and tries to boss me around, I’m gonna bop her on the head and paint the roses whatever d-a-m-n color I desire.

What’s on stage? I’m playing with a visioning process. I know this is dangerously close to plan-making so I’m treading lightly here. Visioning will be based solely on what feels good. It will come from my heart center – not my head – not comparisons – not shoulds or ought tos. This is visioning from the heart.

Casting call: To help me hold this vision tenderly and gently I will engage in a dialogue with my inner self-coach as opposed to my inner critic.

Already there’s conflict on the stage! Inner critic vs. inner self-coach. And…action!

And, I’m making a promise to myself, that I will not play or tolerate mind tricks nor will I plot grand schemes to MAKE my vision happen. Remember, there will be no pushing of boulders up the sides of mountains! My vision will unfold as it will when it feels good and right to me and only in the present tense (not future, not past). Me, my vision, and I will play on stage in the here and now of my present reality.

What does that mean!?!

I have no idea. This is just the prologue. Act I is still in the dressing room applying her lipstick and rouge.

So – What’s on stage for you?

(a) film(s) by Andrew Zuckerman.

I continue to surf the wave of change that is sweeping through my life.

Status Report:

My daughter and I (and the goldfish and the guinea pig) have moved into our temporary home with my fiancé, my mother has moved into her new apartment (and is STILL waiting for her cable hook-up – AAAARGH!), my dog has moved into her temporary home with a friend of mine, we had the house inspection last Thursday and we are waiting for the seller’s response to our requests, my belongings are stored away in a truck that is parked in a secured area in some unknown location, my fiancé and I are learning how to co-habitate (practice makes perfect) and all of us are negotiating these new territories on a moment by moment basis.

There is a part of me that believes something should be constant, but constancy has been suspended. I am using the word “should” because I have a weakness for it. Should is an anchor, but it’s one that can pull you under when you start living for what you think should be instead of living from what is. The truth is the constants in my life are on hiatus. The one exception to this is the love of my family. But this family is a newly formed constellation. So the one constant is love. I can lose track of love when I am packing boxes and steam cleaning carpets and I’m immersed in a to do list longer than my right arm.

So what does this have to do with creativity? I am questioning everything. Seeking clarity. Looking within and without at the changes swirling in my life and I am sensing big internal shifts happening while the external shifts continue to take shape. What’s happening outside is a reflection of what’s happening inside – and the reverse is also true.

I only have questions:

The biggest one is, “What do I want to be when I grow up?” Okay, forget the growing up part. Who am I and who do I want to be? Since I began blogging and connecting with like-minded friends on their blogs and on Twitter it has become clear to me that I have reached the point where it is no longer possible for me to trade my time (read life) for money. If my soul is not connected with the work I am doing then I am not doing MY job. I mean MY job as in the job I was sent to this planet to do. The gift I was given and intended to share.

Intended:

…something within me that I am meant to tend to and nurture in order to share it with the ones who will prosper from the receiving of it. I know my spirituality is murky in the religious sense , but this one thing is crystal clear to me. We are intended to share our blessings with each other. That’s art. The art of living. The art of creating and the creation of art.

So when the sea is churning all around us, we hold on tight and we look up to the sky and cry out, “Why?” and the way we choose to live and what we choose to make is the answer. I pray that I may be brave enough to live my truth and that I may be lucky enough to know it.

This is the beginning of re-visioning. The beginning and the end are both alive within every moment of our lives. We have the opportunity to be brand new every time we take a breath. That’s inspiration.

Grab a copy of this free e-book from Mark McGuinness of Lateral Action. I do appreciate Marks’s helpful and generous work. This book is a collection of articles he wrote in response to submissions from readers of his Lateral Action blog when asked to submit the creative blocks that keep them struggling.

Mark is a poet who earns a living as a coach and trainer for creative professionals. He has no clue who I am, but he is one of my heroes on the horizon. Please grab a copy of this book and check out Mark’s blog too.

Enjoy!

My acting students will understand this question: Do you see the OVARIOS!?!