The Perversity Weekly

Barrel Man says MERGE LEFT!

2009-06-05T10:37:00.001-05:00

2009-02-02T22:07:00.000-06:00

BORING

2009-01-31T22:09:00.004-06:00

ok fuckos

post an image that will make me laugh. this way you don't have to write anything. i don't even care if you steal the image. i know i certainly did.

annnnddddd.....go!

YEAHHHHHHH

2009-01-24T23:36:00.004-06:00

hey all you guys that wanted a PW blog...

HERE IT IS BITCHES WRITE SOMETHING

YEAAHHHHHHHHH
INITIATING NO TYPO-=MODE

SUCKKKKK MY BALLLLSSSSSSSSSSSSS

SERIOUSLY _______(ed.) and i threw a buig parety and mnnobody sas here at all so up yours bitouchessss

also fuck you

furtheromore

where are the posts?

i don't get it.

eiter wtrite something or dont

i dont give a shit
write whatever you want
i wrote abou tgoddamn bananas fuckit

BANANAXS

juytds make it all up

seriously nobody ivesves a poop

just make suonmthing up

even if you've been rrinking all night

if you made a good pseudoinym who cares?> just write something like this

DSAJAF;LKJDSAFLKJSALKJGDLKJs;lkja;lkjsa;lkjhsa up yours bieeetches

I WIN

On Infinity and Peepee

2009-01-15T21:16:00.008-06:00

Infinity, commonly expressed as a “you know, like a sideways 8,” is defined as: “an indefinitely great number or amount.” It is a concept that has always been difficult for the majority of Americans to grasp, so I have taken the liberty to illustrate it here via a technique that they are intimately familiar with:

That which troubles us the most about infinity is its contradiction with our expectation that everything must end. After all, middle school gradually comes to a stop, monster truck rallies often end unexpectedly, and many people often die, particularly in the movie Death Race. But infinity has no such tangible ending. Every Calvin in the Infinity Peepee Spiral, you see, has experienced everything that has ever existed and ever will. Ever.

Observe: (Calvin numbers are listed in relative inward order from the top-most Calvin represented in the image, although it technically doesn’t matter because there are an infinite number of Calvins in each direction.)

Calvin #2.57e4 is randomly mashing his balls on a typewriter and has created an exact verbatim retype of all the works of Shakespeare, only every instance of the word “thee” is an instance of the word “fudgepacker.”

Calvin #1.345e2 can eat lightning and crap thunder.

Calvin #7.8e12 started that whole fucking Chuck Norris joke thing.

Calvin #78,056,946,864’s urine is leaking onto the ground in such a way that the droplets coalesce to form an exact image of God creating Adam from the Sistine Chapel ceiling.

Calvin #2.3456e78 exists permanently in a looping beat-for-beat remake of The Little Mermaid, including the deleted “pissing” scene.

Calvin #3.458e12 loves wieners, but all he can distinguish is his own. Bummer.

Calvin #4.58e9,682,749,550 is technically not anywhere near the inside of the observable universe and also apparently ate a lot of asparagus.

Calvin #9.596e8 has AIDS, causing an anomaly that ripples through the remaining Calvin Cloud at a speed roughly measured as 4.8 CU (Calvin Units) per second, expected to reach subatomic viability in our portion of the universe in 6.8 billion years, coincidentally when everyone will die of intergalactic AIDS.

Calvin #4.57e12 is technically Jesus, but don’t tell anyone, it’s still a really big secret.

Calvin #6.4568e23 caused the Big Bang when he rapidly turned around and whizzed on an electric fence.

Calvin #1.356e23 is urinating on a giant Dodge logo.

Calvin #9.342e134 is praying to a giant cross, which is WAY MORE OFFENSIVE THAN CALVIN URINATING ON SOMETHING BECAUSE THE ORIGINAL CHARACTER WOULD NEVER, EVER DO THAT. Just because rednecks stole something from Bill Watterson's mind doesn't mean that Christians get to do the same.

Calvin #4.6e44 is really just jerking off.

Calvin #1.323e11 can levitate your mom with his mind. But only your mom. And he has to have a few drinks first.

Calvin #4.678e32 looks exactly like me and experienced virtually all of the same things, only he fell off his bike in the 3^rd grade and broke his leg. Also he became a billionaire and runs a space tourism company. Fucker.

How To Blame Whitey In One Fell Swoop.

2009-01-14T01:23:00.004-06:00

Recently, I was driving down the highway with a friend; we were headed to San Francisco to catch a concert. So we’re driving along, just shooting the breeze…when out of nowhere, a Volkswagen decides it would rather be DIRECTLY where my vehicle is than in the lane next to me. After the abrupt cut-off, I sighed and proclaimed, “Friggin’ white people!” My friend turns and says, “Dude, you can’t blame white people for everything bad that happens to you!” I replied, “…that sounds like a challenge.”

Ladies and Gentlemen, I would like to present:

Ways In Which White People Are Responsible For Everything Bad That Has Ever Happened. EVER.
(And don’t try to pull that whole “Adam and Eve were in Africa” card now…you’ve been making the “Every Major Biblical Figure Was White” bed for years now. Time to sleep in it, bitches.)

We’ll start by getting the major ones out of the way. American Slavery, Segregation, KKK, Assassination of Dr. King/JFK, and, most likely, Global Warming? Whitey. Syphilis, Influenza, Smallpox, Polio, Black Plague (ironic name), Tuberculosis, and probably AIDS? Thanks, Paleface. Reaganomics? …Reagan. Carrot Top, Gallagher, Carlos Mencia? Cracker Central. And I realize Mencia isn’t white, but I hate that d-bag.

Rather than rambling on (and because I’m feeling lazy), I’m going to just use one massive shortcut to prove my point.

Go ahead. TRY to tell me this asshole isn't responsible for all the pain I've ever felt.

PW SCIENCE CORNER - THE BANANA EFFECT

2009-01-13T20:45:00.017-06:00

Have you ever been riding the subway or waiting in line for groceries and spotted a man in a banana suit? If you’re one of the millions of Americans who have witnessed this scenario, you may have noticed the massive amounts of attention the banana suit brings. This is no mere effect of color psychology or difference-interference. What few people know is that the banana suit carries with it an amazing scientific property: the banana suit amplifies and projects human body language.

A banana-suit man need not ever speak – this amplification of body language renders all spoken languages obsolete. The results of this discovery can have far-reaching effects: once banana-suit technology reaches developing nations, for example, inexpensive educational systems can prosper. International business between corporate executives can be carried out without the need of translators. And finally, dead mediums like television, radio, and satirical college newsletters will be a thing of the past.

Observe the following case examples:

Happy:

Sad:

Mad:

Really Sad:

Horny:

Creepy:

Slutty:

Lazy:

Drunk:

Threatening:

Quadriplegic:

Racist:

2009-01-13T20:38:00.000-06:00

2009-01-13T19:12:00.003-06:00

i got your bumper/window sticker right here:

New Warcraft Expansion Takes Players Outdoors

2009-01-12T10:08:00.010-06:00

Blizzard Entertainment, Inc. has announced the third expansion for its wildly popular online game World of Warcraft: The Great Outdoors. "We're really excited about this expansion being released, as it promises venues that our players have never seen before," said Mike Morhaime, CEO of Blizzard Entertainment.

The new expansion area, accessed through the feared Front Door, starts players off in The Front Yard. Then, after they've gained some experience and gotten used to the zone, it sends them all over. "We've got zones for everyone, like The Park and The School. These areas will be completely alien to players, and we're exited about that," says Morhaime.

The expansion also adds new specialties as ways to make money with old professions, such as the Sandwich Artist for players who have maxed their Cooking skill. Blacksmiths will be disappointed to find that their trade is outdated, but Engineers will be overjoyed at the benefits their profession provides them.

Players receive all-new abilities, such as Walking, and Using Your Vocal Cords. These abilities will upgrade into Running and Having a Conversation once players dive deeper into the expansion.

There are also new dungeons and raids to conquer with your friends, ranging from the five-person Mall instance, to the epic encounters inside the 25-person 19th Birthday Kegger zone, which promises to tax players' skill levels in multiple ways.

The Great Outdoors also includes new player versus player venues that take advantage of the new areas, such as the Basketball arena, and a new ten-on-ten zone called Ultimate. While the new PvP zones are available as soon as you begin the expansion, the developers recommend waiting until your character has really gotten used to all his new abilities.

Players will also be excited about the new achievements in the expansion as ways to show off how acclimated they've gotten to the new areas. Achievements such as "Ask Someone Out, "Have a Five-Minute Conversation", and "Run a Quarter of a Mile" are difficult at first, but with sufficient invested time and effort, players will be able to obtain them all.

Players haven't exactly been clamoring for this expansion, but Morhaime summed his thoughts up succinctly: "We know it's a bit abrupt, and it might feel a bit awkward at first, but we're confident that players will eventually be excited to go Outdoors."

-Journey

Not only are we back...

2009-01-11T22:10:00.002-06:00

We're back in ~~pog~~ blog form!

-Journey

2009-01-11T22:00:00.001-06:00

We're back, bitches!
-Blue

YEAHHHHHH

2009-01-11T21:49:00.001-06:00

welcome back everyone
i missed you

~ kevin