The Phelps

Doing it again..

2011-09-26T08:49:00.000-06:00

I have always bounced back and forth between keeping my blog public or private. I have always made it private for a little while, and then gone back to public so friends and family across the states could read it without having a login. And then someone has to start leaving weird anonymous comments about my kids and it reminds me of why I wanted everything private in the first place. So, were going back.. for good this time. My parents have a gmail account now, so I'm perfectly okay with changing. Please email me or leave me a comment with your email if you would like to continue reading/following. Thanks. Happy Autumn to everyone!

First Day of Preschool

2011-09-06T11:59:00.004-06:00

Today was Duke's first day of preschool. I'm still shocked at how quickly this day has come. Kael wanted to be just like Duke, and being the great big brother that he is, Duke gave Kael his old back pack and they posed together for their "first day" pics. Absolutley love these two.

Kael's 2nd Birthday

2011-07-18T17:32:00.000-06:00

Almost two weeks later, I'm just now posting about Kael's 4th of July Birthday Party. We had a bbq with friends and family, which didn't turn out exactly as we had planned.. Mother Nature had better ideas. Fortunately, the sun did decide to come out long enough for the kids to play in the slip'n'slide. After our party at home, we headed to my mom's house for another party and fireworks. I can't believe my little boy is 2. That went by all to quickly for my liking, but Duke is loving having a mini version of himself as a playmate.

Happy 2nd Birthday Kael!

Dinosaur Park

2011-06-10T09:35:00.000-06:00

We spent an afternoon at the Dinosaur Park with our friends Mikell and Drake.

The boys loved seeing all the dinosuar replica's, the fossils, and especially loved the

playground. As did I. It was perfect weather with great people.

Finally feels like the summer of 2011...

2011-06-06T17:10:00.000-06:00

We finally got a day that felt like summer and here's how we spent it.....

Grad of 2011

2011-05-31T08:54:00.000-06:00

I can't believe my little sister has graduated!! To me, she will

always be the cute little blonde, with hair to the back of her knees,

and big blue eyes. The girl who came and snuggled with me, and laughed

as we told secrets late at night.

Congrats Savvy!

I had made a promise, that as soon as both my sisters were 18,

we would go skydiving. I couldn't possibly think of a better way to "jump start"

life after high school. It was AWESOME! I loved seeing my sisters faces as they jumped

out of our plane at 12,500ft. It was all surreal at first, and even on the plane ride up. But, as soon

as the plane door opened, man can you say adrenaline rush?!

Our sweet helmets!

I've already been crying a lot this weekend, due to the fact that Coltan would have been

right there with us, jumping out of a perfectly good plane. So, I'm afraid this post will be quite a bit

shorter than usual, since I don't feel like crying or fighting the tears. But, it can be summed up with the words to one of my favorite songs right now:

And what I wouldn't give
To ride around in that old truck with him
If heaven wasn't so far away
I'd pack up the kids and go for the day
Then tell him we'd be back in a couple of days
...In the rear view mirror we'd all watch 'em wave
Yeah, and losing them wouldn't be so hard to take, if Heaven wasn't so far away.....

(If Heaven wasn't so far away, by Justin Moore.)

Pictures do the talkin'....

2011-05-26T16:13:00.000-06:00

Here's what we've been up to lately. I ablsolutely love and adore these two...

and their buddies. :)

Mother's Day

2011-05-13T11:33:00.000-06:00

I got spoiled for Mother's Day.. My favorite breakfast, eggs and salsa, then a surprise from my boys. Duke walked up to me holding a bright orange box, announcing that NOW he could show me what they got for me. Nick told me that Duke picked them out because he knew they were my favorite color.

I went running in them for the first time yesterday, and man did they feel good. They need to be broken in, but my feet felt like they were wrapped in pillows. I've been training for a "dirty dash" (mud course) that is a 5k race at the beginning of June, so I've been jonesing for some new shoes.

I'm so grateful for the two boys that made me a mom. They've humbled me and taught me what it means to truly be unselfish, and I've learned some of life's most important lessons from them. You have to pick your battles.. if it won't matter two days from now, then it shouldn't be a big deal now. Kisses heal everything. The paint, marker, and lipstick can be painted over, and there's really no use in getting mad about it. Patience is everything. At the end of the day, as long as my kids are safe, healthy and feel loved, it doesn't matter how big our house is, what car I drive or how they are dressed. My list could go on and on. But I've learned more from these two little guys than any college professor taught in a classroom or from any book I've read. Love these two faces more than words can say.

Easter!

2011-04-29T14:41:00.000-06:00

Although it's almost been a week since Easter, just wanted to share some pictures of my two handsome little guys celebrating together!

Spring Sports

2011-04-20T09:33:00.001-06:00

It's officially time for spring soccer and tball, and the Phelps family couldn't be more excited. Duke had been asking for two weeks when his games were going to start, and had been wearing his uniform and cleats around the house. Two weeks is a lot of time to wait. I can't believe that he is old enough to be playing, but at the same time, I can't wait to watch him grow and excel in athletics. He already has a natural love for tball and he loves playing both sports. Kael on the other hand is quite upset that he doesn't get to play.. as illustrated by a photo below. We are loving the recent weather however and looking forward to continuing to watch Duke as he finds a new hobby/obsession/love.

Last time through Ogden Temple..

2011-04-04T09:58:00.000-06:00

I have been dreading the end of March. I knew the day was coming, but I didn't expect it to come so quickly. I told Nick at the beginning of the week, that the Ogden temple was going to close on Saturday, April 2nd, and I absolutely had to go through one more time. This was the temple that my family attended together when my brother recieved his endowments, three days before he died. I wanted to burn the images in my mind. All the details of the inside of the temple where I spent some of the last hours with my brother.We tried to set a date and time to go, but with the weather being so on and off, it was hard to know Nick's work schedule. On Thursday night, all the pieces seemed to fall into place, including my realizing that our temple recommends expired on April 1st. We had until midnight on the only day that Nick was done working early enough to go, and I don't consider it a coincidence. I remembered right before we left that we had gone through two months before and they were close to being expired. I should have just taken care of it then.
Anyway, we made it for one of the last sessions of the night. I knew that it would be difficult, because it felt like I was saying goodbye to one more piece of him, but I didn't expect it to be as hard as it was for me. I could remember where he sat, where he stood, what he looked like and what he said. The fear of not being able to remember that....
It felt good to be there with Nick, and even though I cried pretty much through the entire session, I loved that we were able to just be together in the celestial room. I am so grateful to him, that he is a worthy priesthood holder and that he knew how much I needed this. That he just held me in his arms while I cried. I am grateful to my brother for the example that he was, and for the sacrifice he made to give our family a more eternal view. I know that I can still get those spiritual feelings at any temple we attend, but the Ogden Temple was special to our family.

April Fools......

2011-04-01T10:15:00.001-06:00

I'm not usually much of a prankster, but last night something so random happened, I couldn't help but play a prank on Nick this morning. Last night Nick and I went to the Ogden temple one last time before they close it for renovations. It was the temple our family went through when Coltan recieved his endowments. I told Nick I had to go one last time so I could remember all the details . More to come on that later. After we got home, the kids were already in bed, and being exhausted from crying, I was the first to climb under the covers. Nick grabbed my phone off the counter for me so I could plug it in, and threw it across the bed to me. Somehow, it bounced off my knee and hit me right in the face! It hurt so bad, and my already swollen eyes were sensitive anyway. When I woke up this morning, I checked and there was not even a red mark from where the phone had made contact with my face.. so I grabbed some lime green and purple eye shadow and went to work. When Nick noticed my eye, he started laughing and then apoligized for laughing and for the black eye and started feeling really bad about it. He left for work still apologizing. I can't wait for our plans to go to Savanna's birthday dinner tonight, and somehow the black eye will have disappeared. April Fools Babe!

Were Staying...

2011-03-28T10:44:00.000-06:00

After a 3 week whirlind of packing, cleaning, and mountains of paperwork filed with a loan officer, we're staying. We couldn't be more happy either. Long story short, a real estate agent who worked in the office as the same agent who listed the house, put it an offer. Felt a little unethical to me, but it's one of the bonuses of being in real estate. Needless to say, after he saw the other offers that had previously come in, including ours, he offered 50k more. Would have been a great deal, but we are more than happy to stay. I have to say that there is comfort and peace of mind staying in our somewhat small but comfy home. Being self employed, insurance isn't the funnest thimg to pay for, and with Duke starting sports this year, and Kael turning 2, I'm sure we'll be spending some time at the doctors office. We love Farmington, our friends and neighbors here, and are looking forward to getting our pool pass for the summer. Thanks to everyone who helped, whether it was brining us boxes, watching our kids, or sending prayers our way.

Caution: Not for the light reader...

2011-03-19T21:33:00.000-06:00

This is about to get deep.
In the last three weeks, I've been on a roller coaster of emotions.
It seems that right when life seems to get simple, and everything seems to have finally fallen into place, like the perfect puzzle piece, a rachet get throwns into the middle of it all.
Life has been good. My family is healthy, the snow and blustery weather all but gone, Nick is back to work and happy about it, and I had found some peace within myself. I was happy and content with the way life was. Of course there were the daily struggles with raising two crazy boys, and still missing my brother beyond words, but I had finally settled a battle that had been stirring inside me. I took a step back, and realized that I was exactly where I was supposed to be, with the people that I was supposed to be with. I love our friends, neighbors and ward members here in Farmington, and love our quiet street with the large, overgrown sycamore trees shading the entire front yard. Of course I wish we had a little more space inside the house, but those feelings may have been from the last 6 months of trying to keep two little gremlins (and I say that with the most adoration) busy inside the house. Life felt right.
Then an opportunity seemed to fall into our laps. A house that we have loved since we laid our eyes on it, and in it, years ago, had recently become a short sale.We got excited, then heard it was going to auction. So I stopped redecorating the interior of the house inside my head. :)
Then just short of 3 weeks ago, the owner called and said they were signing the paperwork, making it a short sale. Nick and I spent the entire night that night, going over our budget, and saying the dreaded "M" word. Could we move? We did our taxes two days later, got a phone call the next day saying the starting price on the house dropped 30k, and we were the first ones to put in an offer on the house. Then we were told that we needed to get our house on the market asap, and get it under contract. I cleaned like a mad lady, got pictures up three days later, and half my house packed into boxes and into the garage. Now the waiting game. Waiting to hear back from the loan officer, waiting to hear back from the real estate agent and owners, and waiting to get a phone call on our house. And can I just say, that my brain goes a million miles an hour when it plays the waiting game. First the adrenaline rush, getting the ball moving, and then the rush wears off. I'm left redoing our finances again and again, feeling like maybe were supposed to stay right where we are, then waking up the next morning fearing the news that we won't get the house. Then we get a little sliver of information, and the adrenaline rush is back on. I'm planning and over analyzing: where Duke would go to preschool if we moved, all the things we would need to do to finish the house and make it livable, whether we would move our horses or not etc.. Then I start thinking about all the things I would miss about Farmington. Definitely not the size of our house, but the neighbors, the friends, the trees, the short drive to teach my classes and more. But this house!! If we get this house for a great deal, we probably wouldn't move for a very long time if ever. It is gorgeous, and so us. Barn wood island in the kitchen, double sided rock fireplace, 4 car garage for Nick, and a huge yard for my kids. I absolutely love the whole house. There's not a thing I would change. (*Okay, well the rooms upstairs belonged to girls, and they are painted pink, purple and teal. So there would be some painting, but that is it.) And I can't say that an opportunity like this falls into your lap, let alone having the real estate agent call 24 hours after hearing the house of your dreams was up for sale, AND the price had dropped 30k without us negotiating a dime.
So, here I am, trying to keep my house clean enough to show, trying to sell it, and knowing if it does, a small piece of us will always be here in Farmington. So I am praying every night, that whatever is supposed to happen, and whatever is right for our family, will happen. And more importantly, that Nick and I will be able to accept it. Even if it's not the news we want to hear at first.
Then a whole new battle begins to rage. Is there a place that we are "supposed to be" indefinitely? I believe that we are in specific places at an exact moment to meet certain people whom we have eternal contracts with. I don't believe in coincidence. We meet people, and some become lifelong friends, others it seems fulfill a need in our lives, or teach us something, then fade as the need is met. I truly believe that we made contracts with others before we came here, knowing that we would need eachother to survive the hard times. How else could a group of women, all feel the same feeling of being soulmates, after only meeting once or talking on the phone, and the only reason of contacting one another was because they had all lost their sons? I had the fortunate experience of meeting one of my eternal friends just a couple years after my brother died. She had also lost her younger brother, had two young children as I did. We met through our mom's, and had an instant connection. I felt I could bear my soul to her, cry to her about Coltan, and she understood me. All without having never even met him. I told you this would get deep.
So, long story "shortened", my internal struggle is that I don't have a sense of where or which direction I'm supposed to be going. My mom so eloquently said, "not all decisions have a right or a wrong." I had prayed and fasted, felt that we were to "move forward" and she said that was all I needed to do. Which is hard to do with a mind that thirsts for a well planned road map to the next step.
So where am I going with all this? I don't know. I guess I needed to vent, and I needed to be able to read my thoughts. Somehow, it helps my brain to relax when I can write everything down, read it once or twice, then forget about it. And I'll finally be able to fall asleep, knowing that my crazy train of thoughts will all be right here in the morning, ready for me to take it all on like a freight train again tomorrow. Sweet dreams.

Big 25!

2011-03-12T21:21:00.001-07:00

I can't believe it. I know I probably say it every year, but each year seems to go faster and faster.

And just like that, I am another year older.

My 25th birthday was one that was much like a crazy roller coaster ride. Nick had to work for most of the day and left pretty early, so the boys and I had the day to do as we wished. (Well, kinda.)

As we were picking up and getting ready for the day, I got the overwhelming knowledge that my brother was wishing me a happy birthday from the other side. Almost, I almost thought I could hear his voice. Of course, it sent me into whirlwind of emotions and tears.

Then Kael spilled white paint all over a pile of clothes on the laundry room floor. More tears, just a different kind.

Then a friend came by to bring me a cupcake and a hug. (Pina Colada cupcake pictured above. The day was looking up again.)

As I was helping Duke to get dressed, I noticed a red bump on his back just above his pant line. Then as he took off the remainder of his pajamas, I counted 12 little red bumps. My first thought was chicken pox, and that my birthday dinner date night with the hubby would be off.

Then after a few phone calls we found out that his skin was reacting to a chemical in our hot tub. Sighhh.

Duke disappeared for about twenty minutes then returned with a birthday card, one from the stack of cards I keep in my room for those last minute holidays and such, with signatures from he, Nick and Kael. All the names were spelled right and were neatly drawn all over both sides of the page. He said that he and dad got the card for me. Oh how I love that boy.

Then we lost Kael's blanket that he can't sleep without. Needless to say after a half hour of searching and both of us pretty much in tears, we found it between the wall and the fridge, and both took a nap.

Then another friend came by with a card and roll of cookie dough. Yes, I absolutely love cookie dough, and yes I ate the entire thing without cooking one cookie. There, I said it. You all know the truth about me.

Anyway, she stayed and talked and gave me the break that I had been needing. She made me laugh, and reminded me that I needed to just relax.

The day was filled with lots of birthday singing from friends and family... and then Nick took me out to all-you-can-eat sushi and Baskin Robin's for some snickers ice cream. Then we stayed up watching wedding video's with some friends and laughing about our crazy pasts.

Although it was a little hectic, I wouldn't change one minute of yesterday. It was the perfect 25th birthday. Thank you to everyone that was a part of it. Whether it was a note on facebook, a text, a song on the phone, or if you took the time to stop by and say hi. Here's to a day definitely for the record books. I am officially a quarter of a century old.

Happy 23rd Coltan!

2011-02-28T19:41:00.000-07:00

Yesterday was my (brother) Coltan's 23rd Birthday. The night before, while Duke and I were talking about him, Duke started to get teary eyed and asked how Uncle Buckwheat would get his presents if he was in Heaven. He asked if he could come down and get them from us, so we could see him, then he could go back to Heaven. I wish I could make the dreams of a 4 year old come true, for they would have made our entire family's greatest wish come true as well. I suggested writing our birthday wishes to him on some balloons and sending them to him. That way Duke could see them being sent to Uncle Coltan.

Coltan's high school buddies made the long trip up Chalk Creek to celebrate with us, and how grateful I am for them. We laughed and talked of good memories, and watched some home videos of Coltan. Watching them play with my boys gave me a glimpse into what life would have been like, had Coltan still been here today. Having his great group of friends all together at the same time with our family brought back feelings and memories that I have sorely missed. Coltan was definitely there with us, as he always is when we are together. But, once again, a small part of me wanted more. To see him again. To feel his arms around me.. and to see him play with my boys.

Happy 23rd Birthday Buck. I know you were there, and I know you would approve of the party we threw in your honor. Love and miss you with more than my heart. KP

Discovery made by a 4 year old....

2011-02-21T09:35:00.001-07:00

On Friday while driving through Kamas, Duke humored us with some of his 4 year old knowledge. He was making a slightly distorted face and rolling his first finger and thumb together. I asked what he was doing, and his reply was this (with a 4 year olds excitment of discovery):
"Mom, guess what!? If you do this with your boo-gurs, they disappear!

This little guy keeps me on my toes, and definitely makes our little corner of the world, very entertaining.

I'm longing for summer days......

2011-02-18T12:57:00.000-07:00

Today, I woke up thinking about Coltan. Probably because he was in my dreams for most of the night. Thinking of him always takes me back to warm summer days, wearing cut off shorts and cowboy boots, with our feet on the dash of the ol' Ford Highboy. Windows down, singing country music at the top of our lungs. Oh how I miss summer and more than miss, LONG for an afternoon with him. Days were different when they were spent with him. We lived so far away, no cell service, no gas stations or grocery stores. We made up our own things to do. It was better than what you see in the movies. It was real, honest to goodness, genuine country summer days. We were eachothers best friends. I just want a summer afternoon with him, the sun shining, and watching the breeze blow the miles and miles of alfalfa. Almost like the waves on the ocean. If only.

Disney World Picture Update....

2011-02-14T11:48:00.000-07:00

Today will be a double post day, because it is Valentines Day, and I can't wait to spend the evening with my better half.

But until then, here are the photos from Disney World...

Turkey Legs?! Who would have guessed.

The Galatic Alliance trapped by the Evil Emporer Zurg.

Kael's favorite. He actually hugged her and waved goodbye to me.

Where in the world.....

2011-02-04T09:20:00.000-07:00

We are alive! We just returned from a week in Orlando, FL where we thoroughly enjoyed the sun, the sand and 5 days of Walt Disney World. I'm still not sure who had more fun on the kiddie rides, Nick and Josh, or the boys? We stayed in an awesome two bedroom condo that was minutes from all the WDW parks, had 3 outdoor hot tubs and a pirate ship in the pool, and we pretty much had the place to ourselves. (Pictures to come soon.. the genius so called photographer, left her camera on the counter and didn't realize it until we were going through airport security. So our friends were kind enough to let me play with theirs for the week.)
It was a much needed family vacation and a perfect getaway from the winter blues. I'll post more of the stories with the pictures, but just a few of the moments that made the highlight reel without photos:

1. We stopped and bought oranges from a man with a pick-up truck full of them, off the side of the road, expecting them to be the best since they were home grown. It was a couple miles into the ride back when we noticed the bag said "California Oranges".
2. Three nights of staying up late playing phase 10 until midnight, and one night staying up talking and telling our darkest secrets until 3am. Yes, that was the morning the boys decided to wake up at 7 on the dot.
3. Mikell "leaping" across the front room, and then rolling on the ground laughing. Wish I could explain more.
4. I was craving peanut butter m&m's one night for our phase ten rematch, and as we pulled up to the store, Nick turned and asked what kind I wanted. The conversation went like this:
(Nick:) You want m&m peanuts right?
(Me:) No, peanut butter m&m's.
(Nick:) Yeah, m&m peanut.
(Me:) Not the peanut m&m's.
(Nick:)Yeah, that's what I said.
By this time we were rolling on the floor of our minivan laughing, and Nick shook his head, and went to get my m&m's. My knight in shining armor.
5. We were pushing the cart full of our luggage back down to the car to head to the airport, climbed into the elevator and noticed that Kael wasn't there. I completely stopped breathing and I got an adrenaline rush that doesn't even compare to skydiving. As soon as the elevator stopped, I sprinted across the well groomed garden, up the stairs, and was headed back to our room. But I knew I had held his hand and helped him walk out the door. Somehow, between walking out the door and the short walk to the elevator, Kael ran left, and with the long line of luggage and me being at the end of the line going right, I never noticed he was gone. As I was reaching the top of the second flight, a man, who must have seen the fear in my eyes, asked if I was looking for a toddler, who was on the third floor running around laughing. I sprinted another set of stairs to find Kael playing peek-a-boo with three older men and running in and out of their room. It still terrifies me to know that if Kael had run into the room of the "wrong" type of person, he could have disappeard and I wouldn't have had any idea of where he had gone. It is only funny now, because he is safe with me, but I do have to say that he was laughing keeping a group of men very entertained. Mother of the year award. (I do have to say that Kael may just be an Olympic Sprinter when he grows up.)

More highlights to come, but as for now, I am sitting and drinking a mug of very hot chocolate in a pair of Nick's sweats. I, unfortunately, contracted some bug on the plane, and we've all been coughing since we got home. Missing the warm weather, but glad to be home. Thanks to the Webb Family for a wonderful time. We love you guys.

1.11.11

2011-01-11T14:07:00.000-07:00

I wanted to freeze a moment in time at 1:11pm on January 11 of 2011. This is the perfect picture because it's exactly what our lives are like on a daily basis. I had hoped for "the perfect picture" of all three of us smiling, but this is even better.

My goal is to take a quick snapshot of our family on every rare date, that I know my kids will never experience again. The picture at the top of the blog is us on 10.10.10.

Happy 1.11.11 to all of you!

Twenty Eleven!!

2011-01-07T16:59:00.000-07:00

2010 was a great year for the Phelps Family, full of many great memories, and check marks on our family bucket list. But we are loving the new us in 2011. Our "bucket list" for this year is bigger and better than ever. We have seen eachother through some of the hardest trials, and we are ready for whatever comes our way. We sat down together and made our list together. (I like the term "bucket list" better than "resolutions".) I want to live out my bucket list. I want to cross off the things that make me and my family happy, and that are good for us. I won't share them all here, but just a few things that our family is looking forward to crossing off our list this year:

{read the b.of.m together as a family from beginning to end.}
{Nick and I attend the temple once a month together}
{save enough and search for (hopefully find :) a new house}
{skydiving again with my sisters for their first time}
{finish my photography website, in home studio, and build my business}
and a few more...

Our New Year's eve was exactly what the doctor ordered. We had a chill night with great friends. Never a dull moment with them. We had dinner at Dave's BBQ, spent hours watching the boys (aka the hubby's) play at boondocks, and made it home with 20 minutes before the ball dropped in Time Square. It was the perfect way to end 2010.

The faces that started the new year!

2010-12-27T11:57:00.000-07:00

This picture slideshow customized with Smilebox

Duke is 4!

2010-12-09T17:14:00.002-07:00

I can't believe I am typing the words.... where did the time go? My Lil' Duke is 4 today.

We had a party with friends yesterday, and played games at the park, ate pizza, cake and ice cream. The plan had been a sledding party, but since there was no snow, Duke said he wanted a dirt-bike party. Thank you to all our friends and all the cousins who came and celebrated with us.

He had a sleepover with his three best friends and they stayed up until 11:30 laughing together. Then we had waffles for breakfast, and the boys headed outside to play with Duke's new razor scooter. (He's already jumping it.)

Happy Birthday Duke. We love you with all our hearts, and can't wait for the memories you will bring us through out the next year.

{Love these two......}

2010-12-04T21:41:00.000-07:00

One of the reason's I love winter, is my boys are extra cuddly! Just a few days ago, I walked to the front of the house, (things were extra quiet and I was suspicious) and this is what found. I couldn't have been more in love at this moment...

And I had to post this one because I love snuggling, and the look on Kael's face is priceless. This is how we start our mornings together... especially when it's cold.