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Essential Zen Lessons - part 3

I’m thinking that, for the summer at least, I’ll write some lists that fit the survey results from a month or so ago. There were two 98% winners - “Zen Living,” and “Zen Hints and Tips.” The other highly-vored-for items included “communicating and relating” and “sexuality and sensuality.”

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I’ve got a couple of ideas for today’s article, and it’s really great that they’ve come from reader comments.

By the way — I really do appreciate it when you leave comments on the blog — I see them, read them, appreciate them, and also respond on the blog.

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Present Moment Application

So, the first thing I want to talk about today is the application of the four A’s. This, of course, is taken from one of the points in last week’s article.

The four A’s describe the internal process of working through our experiences. Step-by-step, we work through Awareness, Acknowledgment, Acceptance, and Action.

But this technique, like all techniques, is prone to a very simple misuse.

I know this is like beating a dead horse, but we are all prone to externalize what is going on in our lives. I suppose there’s another article here — how we give ourselves credit for our successes and blame others for our failures — but what I really want to talk about, ever again, is the concept of total personal self responsibility.

This idea is key to what I write about, and key to Zen. It’s the idea that all I can know is me — my thoughts, intentions, feelings — and all I can do is what I do. What others are doing only has an impact on me if I choose to create an impact.

Here’s the misuse:

When applying a new technique, we may easily “get” the language, but mess with the intent.

The point of everything we talk about is to develop a state of detached awareness. What, you might ask, is it detached from? It is detached from the need to create an emotional reaction that leads us away from simple observation of self and the experience.

The four A’s are intimately intertwined with the pronoun “I”.

This is diametrically opposed to what I notice when I teach this technique to my clients. They’ll say stuff like,

“So I am aware that my boyfriend is a jerk, and I fully acknowledge what a big jerk he is, and I even accept but he’ll always be a jerk, where I get stuck is what to do now.”

To the casual observer, my client is perfectly following the technique, as she lists off the four aspects. She, in other words, “gets” the language.

But it doesn’t take great wisdom to see that the subject (the use of the 3rd person pronoun) of the 4 A’s totally misses the mark. She’s using the technique to maintain blaming and externalizing.

Rather than endlessly restate the obvious, here’s a better application of the technique.

“So, I am aware that I have a tendency to judge my boyfriend, and I acknowledge my judgmental streak. I further accept that this is a part of my personality, and is an issue I want to work on, so it is my intention (this is how I will act) to notice, and stop myself , when I go into judging.”

An entirely different kettle of fish, eh?

You see, at the end of the day, there’s really no way to determine whether or not one’s boyfriend is a jerk, or in any way to blame him for anything going on within the observer.

I have one client that I’ve been working with for a few years now, and I’d suspect that 90% of our time is spent with her trying to convince me of what a terrible husband she has. I suspect that she’s really looking for total agreement with her self diagnosis of how hard done by she is. It’s a strange dance we do. She pulls out endless examples of her husband’s misbehavior, and I remind her that he’s the same guy she married. I wonder what satisfaction she gets from being the poor helpless victim of the big, bad idiot. Who is probably neither big, nor bad, nor an idiot.

The problem is that talking about someone else’s fault solves nothing. It just reaffirms what we already believe. And endlessly lecturing another person on their perceived faults, while using ever more sophisticated techniques, is still nothing more than bitching, moaning, and complaining.

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9 — the pronoun is “I”

I am convinced that there is no easier way to say this – your job is to pay attention to you.

Now, of course, it’s easy to go to, “Yes, but that’s so selfish!” I suspect people toss out the “selfish” word as yet another way to stay focused completely on others.

One of the chief lessons that comes from Zazen is the awareness of just how much crap our minds generate. We’re always looking around, judging, criticizing, blaming. It’s what our minds do best. This does not change the point.

Nothing in your life changes if you don’t change it.

Pain doesn’t stop until you stop hurting yourself. There may be a grim satisfaction and blaming others, but all you get is that grim satisfaction — nothing else changes — and there you sit, in a pile of mud of your own creation.

The solution is endless application of the four A’s, using the pronoun “I”. Here is who I am, here is what I am doing, here is what is working for me, here is what needs to stop. And then… wait for it… you actually have to do it!

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10 — there is little we can know

I received a blog comment regarding last week’s article — and intrigued myself over the last sentence.

“When you don’t have that mindset it’s a great challenge to get your mind thinking in a different direction as long as you know it will benefit you.”

The mindset he was describing is doing as opposed to just thinking.

I’m not particularly interested in noticing how the writer describes acting as “thinking in a different direction” — what he is really describing is getting caught in a thought loop that goes nowhere — and how difficult it can be to escape this pattern.

What I want to say something about is the last clause:
“… as long as you know it will benefit you.”

Life in the 21st century, especially in the West is built on the flimsy foundation of (eventual) reward. Virtually everything we buy is sold on the basis of all the great things that are going to happen-eventually-if we buy the product.

It’s like the really old joke (see above photo.)

Two Newfies are visiting Toronto. They discover they have a five dollars between them. They really want to have a bunch of great experiences. One of the guys takes the sawbuck and goes into a drugstore. He walks out with a box of tampons. He says, “Problem solved!” His friend says, “What are you talking about?” The guy says, “I saw it on TV. You can go horseback riding with Kotex, you can go swimming with Kotex, you can go dancing with Kotex…”

Anyway, it’s really silly to think that we can anticipate future benefit.

When we teach the communication model, we often hear, “I’m willing to try this, but only if my partner does too.” And then they go on to explain that in the past, their partner has let them down, and therefore will likely let them down again, and they don’t want to put all that effort into learning how to communicate before they can be totally assured that it’s all going to work out the way they imagine it might.

We demand assurances because we fear death — the greatest uncertainty of all

Most of us hate thinking about dying, and do whatever we can to avoid the subject. We even use euphemisms for death — “passed away,” “moved on,” saying, “I lost my mother,” to which I often reply, “Do you want help looking for her?”

Because of this innate fear of the inevitable, many are endlessly looking for assurances and security. We’re willing to stay stuck in deadly situations — deadly for our hearts, deadly for our souls — if someone cannot or will not promise us in advance that doing something different is going to make it all better.

And, of course, no one can.

John Lennon had it right when he sang, “Life is what happens while we’re busy making other plans.” Within a very short time of recording this line, he was shot and killed by a deranged fan. There are no assurances, about anything! This is just the way it is.

So the important question is, what can I do right now to fully and completely live my life in this moment?

It is impossible to know now what will benefit me in the future.

You might have to wrap your head little bit to get around this one, but imagining an outcome and experiencing an outcome are absolute opposite things.

So, let’s go back to the idea of the communication model, or the four A’s —

You can sit there and think about what might possibly happen were you to use either or both of these techniques. You can draw pictures in your head, have conversations with imaginary people, think about outcomes, think about differences, and at the end of the day you know precisely nothing.

Or, you can do the communication model, you can use the four A’s, and then you can see what actually happens. If you like it, do more of it. If it doesn’t work, do something else.

Doing things this way is direct and simple. You do something, you evaluate the results. No one else is involved — it’s just you observing you. The more you apply the technique, the easier it gets, and the more interesting the results become.

This is so with anything we learn — it’s hard until it’s simple.

Today’s lesson is this. Zen living is not an intellectual pursuit — it’s a way of acting and being. When sitting, you sit. When communicating, you communicate. When eating, you eat. Nothing we do is for an eventual benefit, because there is no eventual. There is just the now in which I act, and now in which I observe the results of my action. No assurances. No manipulation. No games. Just living with attention.

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Workshops, Retreats!

Darbella and I can help you to find a new, vibrant, rich path. We offer day-long and weekend events —just you and us—and we will work with you, to be the change you want to see.

Read about it here:

Day-long Intensives
Weekend Residentials

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Make Contact!

So, how does this week’s article sit with you? What questions do you have? Click here to go to the online article, and leave a comment or question!

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Essential Zen Lessons - part 2

I’m thinking that, for the summer at least, I’ll write some lists that fit the survey results from a month or so ago. There were two 98% winners - “Zen Living,” and “Zen Hints and Tips.” The other highly-vored-for items included “communicating and relating” and “sexuality and sensuality.”

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I was working with a client yesterday, and much of what we talked about, and did in Bodywork, was both fascinating and predictable. Predictable, because she’s doing the same thing she always does to make her life miserable. Fascinating because she’s quite bright and totally “gets” what we were talking about.

Doing it? That’s another story.

At one point, she said, “You make all of this sound so simple!”

Darbella and I talked about that one afterward. Dar made (as usual) a good point. Paying attention to the present moment is both simple and hard, and is neither simple nor hard.

It only gets to “simple” or “hard” when we get involved with thinking about doing, as opposed to doing.

Dar mentioned a reaction she has to one of our Zen teachers, who often talks about how “hard” Zen practice is. He sighs a lot. Dar’s comment was, “It’s not hard, and it’s not easy. It’s just whether, in this moment, you do it or not.”

How Zen of her.

One of the “rules about sitting” is: “WHEN you distract yourself by following a thought, bring your attention back (to the breath, to the moment, to nothing… to whatever is “up” right then and there.)”

Notice the when, as opposed to if.

If losing focus was something we are expected to get past, why the continual reminder to simply pay attention again?

One of the chief distractions is grasping onto a sense of “this is hard.” In relationship counselling, “This is hard” is short-hand for “Why the hell should I have to change when it’s his/her fault?” Hint: because the only thing you have even slight control over is yourself.

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4 - Drop Judgement

Yeah. I know. Impossible. None-the-less, let’s hold this one as a part of the discipline, eh?

My opening stories are all about judgement.
Hard, easy, good, bad, right, wrong, at fault, innocent,
all are judgements as opposed to statements of fact.

It is 28 degrees Celsius today is a statement. “Jeez, is it hot today” is a judgement. Dealing with aspects of life - birth, illness, disability, death - is neither hard, nor easy. What it is, is both predictable and necessary.

Being present, using excellent communication, releasing blocks, getting over oneself - again neither easy nor hard.

It’s simple, though.

Once all of the excuses are out of the way, there is this: am I doing it, or am I not? If I am not, I can start, or I can yell at myself.

See? Simple.

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5 - Be Aware

Back in the good old days, The Haven promoted the 4 As - Awareness, Acknowledgment, Acceptance, Action.

I just looked, and see they’ve added an A and a B. (Breath & Appreciation.) You can download a pdf of the key Haven model here.

Anyway, I suspect that much of what we talk about here can be framed within the context of the original 4 As.

Zazen is the one and only method for Zen practitioners to achieve what might be called ’simple awareness.’

This is awareness unclouded by judgement.

Mostly, people are spectacularly unaware of anything beyond their stories and judgements.

My principal goal is to get you to devote your life to awareness, which then leads to the other three As.

Now, of course, within awareness is noticing my attempt to go non-present.

I call these NPMs - non-present moments.

Bare, or simple awareness is awareness unclouded by excuses, ego, or blame. Items that come into awareness are ‘as they are,’ and are worthy of simple notice.

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6 - Acknowledge

Acknowledgement sort of means to know you know.

The dictionary suggests, “admitting to knowing something” as a definition. Stress on admit.

The Zen practitioner, as she notices the arising of thoughts, judgements, “dual thinking,” freely admits to what is happening in the mind. But the essential acknowledgement is this:

This is me, separating myself for the actual experience of the situation at hand (the moment,) as I turn my thoughts into something more significant than the situation itself.

As I notice, and then acknowledge what I am doing, I find myself able to choose.

Sometimes, I really, really want to blame and judge.

There is nothing wrong (at all!) with any choice, so long as it is a conscious choice, AND I am willing to accept copmplete responsibility for my choice. We’ll get to action in a minute, but at this stopping point, let me be clear: we have almost no control over what we think, and therefore our thoughts are harmless and blameless. What we do with our thoughts is another matter entirely.

7 - Acceptance

Reread the intro, and the “it’s hard” stuff. This is NON-acceptance. This is how we get up into our heads and excuse our stupidity and laziness.

Acceptance is quietly and completely owning who I am and what I do, (i.e. have NPMs) - without judging “hard,” “bad,” whatever. As I accept that I do have NPMs repeatedly, I can have it, notice it, and let it go. As opposed to the relentless search for the “reasons.”

Acceptance is living with yourself as you are, warts and all, without judgement, blaming, or looking for the “reason.” “Why am I in this mess?” is a common counselling question. The answer is, “Because of choices you made, and because, sometimes, shit happens.” Ruminating endlessly is not helpful. Acceptance of the reality of this “now” is essential.

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8 - Action

The first 3 As lead to action. Action, as I mentioned last article, is of the “Chop Wood, Carry Water” variety. Going into your head to make yourself more miserable is not an action. Getting off your butt and doing something meaningful, now, is what action is all about.

This is where the rubber hits the road, so to speak. All I can do is what I can do.

My actions need to be clean and pure from, you guessed it, within the container of my belief system.

In other words, my actions match what I say that I believe to be true. My only job is to bring myself under my own discipline.

This week, contemplate your relationship to points 4 to 8. Commit to seeing the truth of you, and from there to being you by living and enacting you. Moment by moment, of course!

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Workshops, Retreats!

Darbella and I can help you to find a new, vibrant, rich path. We offer day-long and weekend events —just you and us—and we will work with you, to be the change you want to see.

Read about it here:

Day-long Intensives
Weekend Residentials

---

Make Contact!

So, how does this week’s article sit with you? What questions do you have? Click here to go to the online article, and leave a comment or question!

---

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Essential Zen Lessons

I’m thinking that, for the summer at least, I’ll write some lists that fit the survey results from a month or so ago. There were two 98% winners - “Zen Living,” and “Zen Hints and Tips.” The other highly-voted-for items included “communicating and relating” and “sexuality and sensuality.”

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I came close to digging in to the June 2008 cover story of Psychology Today - “Dare To Be Yourself.” The problem, as I read the article, is that it is decidedly results oriented, as something from a Western perspective would be. While it describes living with flexibility and flow,

it’s clear that such an approach is seen as a technique to get somewhere - to being authentic, (Whatever the hell that means…)

Well, gag me with a spoon.

“I want to be authentic, real, who I really am,” is often short-hand for, “I want to continue to do stupid stuff that doesn’t work, and get others to behave, so that I can be happy.”

Because they believe that the solution to theirproblems lies outside of them, they are frustrated and angry - and can’t quite place their finger on why.

It’s why so many people are so sappy when they “fall in love.” There’s all this emotional vibration going on, and it’s all so greatly distracting from the underlying dissatisfaction.

Zen is all about “is-ness.”

In other words, what is going on inside of you - all of the mess, and game playing, blaming and drama, - IS your life. As is whatever your body is doing, moment by moment. To again quote the amazing Taoist, Stewart Wilde, “The way it is, is the way it is.”

I would say, “The way it is, is only the way it is.”

There is no getting past who we are, thereby achieving some state of bliss where everything is, well, “just perfect!” Perfect is just one more goal - one more “judgment point.”

Despite the prevailing western myth that the goal of life is happiness, in Zen, we might suggest that being present is all that is possible. Or perhaps better put, awareness of being present - it’s not that being present is a choice, after all.

Here’s the first three Essential Zen Lessons.

1 - Be Present

If presence is all there is, why is it so hard to be so? Well, let me re-introduce you to your egoic mind structure.

For me, the odd part about the Psychology Today article is that the writer is caught in the “authentic self loop.” This is the idea that people are actually both real and “substantial.” Our minds do this to us by constructing stories of past and projections of future.

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]]> http://www.phoenixcentre.com/blog/2008/07/07/essential/feed/ http://www.phoenixcentre.com/blog/2008/07/06/ok-so-this-kid-is-amazing/ http://www.phoenixcentre.com/blog/2008/07/06/ok-so-this-kid-is-amazing/#comments Sun, 06 Jul 2008 17:45:34 +0000 wayne http://www.phoenixcentre.com/blog/?p=136 Today, I did, and found this - quite, quite amazing -

Amazing Kids Sungha Jung Playing Guitar-With or Without You

© Wayne Allen - visit the author for more great content.

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