The Pink Ghetto

Earth, Wind and Fiya!

2006-08-03T11:02:00.000-05:00

Before you die, you should see Earth, Wind & Fire perform. And I'll leave the rest of the review for AllHipHop.com...

The show was amazing, and I think I realized that White people just may like EW&F more than Black people. You know how how when somebody's "song" comes on, they do they throw their hands up and do like a backwards circle jig? Well, there were far more Whites doing that then Blacks.

FYI--August 2nd is now officially Earth, Wind & Fire Day in Columbus. Just one more perk from having a Black mayor. What will you do next year to commemorate this special occasion?

While you chew on that, here are some pictures of the night! Enjoy!!

Before EW&F came out, I was looking all cute in my seat.

Thanks to Rhyan's job, we got some good VIP seats. Real plush on my booty.

ME and Rhyan cold chillin in the VIP section

Rhyan before she started getting all wild and crazy at the show

2006-08-02T22:58:00.000-05:00

Can you make those guys out? That's Verdine White, Ralph Johnson and THE Philip Bailey

Verdine White is currently my hair idol! Do you think that's his real hair? That was the question of the night...

"Don't be scared of the juices and berries!" That's what that look means...

This guy is one of the "new" members of the group. He was kinda cute, some of the time...

2006-08-02T22:55:00.000-05:00

More pics of Verdine White! When a 50+ man can rock leopard pants, more ruffles than Price and hair down to his calf, that is surely camera worthy!

The whole line up oce again. We tried to get a solo shot of Philip Bailey, but the bouncers almost tackled us!

(Fill in the blank) Must Die!!!

2006-07-31T09:45:00.000-05:00

Shout outs to The Usual Suspects crew…I know you guys hate me for not coming out. But I had to take care of some unfinished business (shout outs to my unfinished business). I heard people were spilling out of Bodega’s, the deejays were on fire, people were beefin’, and celebrities were in the house. I wasn’t there, so you guys are going to have to fill in the blanks.

How awesome is the concept behind the movie John Tucker Must Die? I mean, I won’t be going to the movie theater to see it, but I will be anxiously awaiting its TNT or TBS television debut. It’s nice to know I’m not the only girl who has been two-timed (or in some cases 5,6 or 7 timed) by a boy. I used to date this guy that had at least five revolving girls that I knew of. Let alone the ones I didn’t know. If we could have got on some common accord, and “taught this guy a lesson” what would he have learned, really? Boys that like to date multiple girls can never be cured of that, I think. Because it’s not the boy with the issue, it’s the kind of girls the boy is attracted to. Of course, women can say…well if we change, the men with change. But face it, there will always be girls who will be with a man regardless of his “prior engagements,” there will always be girls who don’t care about other loves in his life. I used to live by the creed, “I don’t care about the other girls, just be good to me.” I date multiple boys, and I can’t say any of them ever get mad at me for being with the other. I also don’t lie about it either, which might be John Tucker’s problem…

So if you could fill in the blank up there, who do you know should “die” and what would you do to “kill him?”

There are tons of things going on this week. I don’t ask much from you guys, but please go out and support some of the local talent in Columbus.

Tuesday

Black Pearl Poetry will be celebrating its ONE YEAR ANNIVERSARY! Yeah! Shout outs to Ed Mabrey for a successful year! My favorite deejay, Krate Digga will be spinning (a House and Reggae set, so I hear). A SHE Slam with all women poets still has some slots open. Ladies, there is $200, diamonds and other prizes on the line…so I say get your words together and spit SOMETHING. Slam poet Patricia Smith will be in the building as well. As well, The Pink Ghetto. Tickets are well worth the $7 admission. You’ll have to be very important to get into VIP at this point…The place will be stacked around 8pm, remember this is the Brownstone people so get there early…

Wednesday

Writer’s Block Poetry will be having a send off for their Slam team as well. (Two teams in Columbus means the city is getting bigger and deffer). I love the Columbus Music Hall on Parsons too. Tickets are $5. There are fresh baked cookies and the bartender is hot!

I scored some hot seats and a hot date for the Earth, Wind & Fire concert! If you check the Ticketmaster site today...they are havins a special on seats, yo! $18 lawn seats are whatsup...What’s your favorite EW&F song?

Birthday Weekend Recap

2006-07-24T10:01:00.000-05:00

After the nonstop partying from this weekend, I swear I need some chicken noodle soup and a soda on the side (let it rain, and cool it out). Business first, pictures are coming! Actually I have one set that I will upload this evening, and a second set that I’m sure are coming swiftly.

Of the things that I can remember, here are some high lights from my weekend. For those of you who were there and swore I acted crazy, you can fill in the blanks.

Thursday
I swatted a plot to ruin my birthday by attending the Common/The Roots concert. Common was one song away from me flashing him Mardi Gras style. I’ve always known that Common was a good-looking man. But how sexy he is…man, I was sleeping on that! Expect comments about me stealing his sperm and having his babies for the remainder of the year. Look out for the full review on AllHipHop.com!

Friday
If you were at Cove Lounge Friday night, you saw the VIP section rockin’ like never before. Krate Digga brought in my 25th birthday like no other deejay could have! Big, big shout outs to him! There were tons of people there, and please blame the liquor if I didn’t remember you, or called you a name that wasn’t your name, or licked your face and called you sexy, or knocked your drink over or any of the things drunk (yet hot) girls do when they turn 25.

For all the people who promised to buy me a drink and couldn’t because I maxed out at three shots and two mixed drinks, you’ll just have to owe me one next year (or next time you see me out). After waking up Saturday morning and making myself not get out the bed because I was scared I would throw up, I’ve come to a couple conclusions.

1. I can’t forsee an occasion in the near future, however downing consecutive Patron shots is not the most gut-friendly thing in the world.

2. Inviting all the hottest boys I know to the same event wasn’t as panic inducing as my friends thought it would be. I did manage to come with and leave with the same person.

3. Always follow heavy drinking with heavy eating. How I forgot to do this, I don’t know.

Saturday
Did the family thing at Buca di Beppo. I successfully swatted an uncomfortable conversation with my Dad who told me to let him know when thee was something “Daddy friendly” on my blog for him to read. As he waited for a response, I stuffed my mouth with fried mozzarella.

After much debating and Christmas socks, breezed through the Brownstone which looked like the secret meeting of sugar daddies and PYTs. Even though I ate 10 kinds of pastas at Buca, settled at Steak N’ Shake for an awesome, late-night brownie sundae.

Sunday
The feeding frenzy continues! I went to the Ribfest with my mom, my sister, Jessica and Afrika and ate beef brisket, a huge ass smoothie and half of a funnel cake. I also tried not to flirt with hot boys in front of my mom, since she met my number one and liked him lots. According to PTosh, I’m just a big flirt…it’s harmless.

I met a couple people who knew me solely based on my blog, which made me feel part good/part creeped the eff out about what they really thought about me from meeting me in person.

Thanks to everybody who gave me birthday shout outs and everybody who came out to the birthday events. Once again, look out for pictures coming this evening!

FAQ: The Birthday Edition

2006-07-20T09:58:00.000-05:00

Q. Are you feeling any older?
A. Heck yeah! I feel like I’ve grown about six feet since last year. I have never been so emotionally, financially and spiritually taxed in my life. But I’ve gotten to know myself in a way that I never thought I would. When Beyonce talks about being her own best friend in Me, Myself and I, I now understand what she means. I’ve found out that I am witty, charming, intelligent, wordly and very, very, girly. And I just love it…I don’t know about you.

Q. When are you going to settle down?
A. I am settled down, compared to how I was acting this time last year. No more getting drunk in public. No more casual sex. I worry first about my image, second about my budget, third about my waistline anytime I go anywhere.

Q. How did you make it to 25 without having any kids?
A. The pull out method

Q. What’s the best birthday present you’ve ever received?
A. Well, last year on my birthday, I bought myself my first John Mayer CD. And one year later, I’ve probably got more John Mayer CDs than John Mayer. Not only do I have every studio produced and live CD (real versions, not copies), some of them, I have two copies of! Yes, I am John Mayer’s Stan and damn proud of it!

Q. What are you looking forward to in the next year?
A. Finishing my book of short stories, losing 30 more pounds, growing hair like Diana Ross, going to see the Cleveland Cavs play this Fall (if I’m still invited), going on vacation with my parents and sister, my new house, seeing my Godbaby turn four. Not having a tight ass (being uptight) at the advice of a good friend of mine who knows how spazzy I can be (I listen, I swear). Seeing all of my talented friends’ hard work turn into some big money and doing some PR work for them!

Q. What have you learned since your last birthday?
A. My angles when taking pictures, that I can ask anybody anything I want, I can’t eat the following foods: cabbage, yellow peppers, anything with pork, calamari or milk. I love sushi. I’m racist (mostly against other black people), I’m sexist (against WNBA players), I can date a white boy, I can date several boys at once and be in total control of the whole situation. I just can’t help being a girl. My favorite deejay is Krate Digga, my favorite wine is Moscato, my favorite vegetable is asparagus. I look best in pink. Kanye West just might be gay. Method Man definitely isn’t. Bailar by J Rawls just might be one of my favorite songs.

Q. Where’s the party at?
A. If you don’t know by now! Tonight after the SOLD OUT Roots/Common show, I’ll be at the Carlile Club awaiting my birthday poem from Wali.

Tomorrow I’ll be at Cove. You don’t want to know what I had to do to Michael Kors to get my fabulous dress. And thanks to working out four times a week, I’ll be able to free-tit it in my dress for the first time EVER. If that’s not incentive enough to come to my party, I don’t know what is!

Song For Today: Golden by Jill Scott (my new personal anthem)

Other July 20 babies:
Rockabilly singer Sleepy LaBeef is 71.
Actress Diana Rigg (The Avengers ) is 68.
Bassist John Lodge of the Moody Blues is 63.
Country singer T.G. Sheppard is 62.
Singer Kim Carnes is 60.
Guitarist Carlos Santana is 59.
Drummer Paul Cook of the Sex Pistols is 50.
Actress Donna Dixon (Bosom Buddies ) is 49.
Country singer Radney Foster is 47.
Singer Chris Cornell of Audioslave (and Soundgarden) is 42.
Guitarist Stone Gossard of Pearl Jam is 40.
Actor Reed Diamond (Homicide: Life on the Street ) is 39.
Actor Josh Holloway (Lost ) is 37.
Singer Vitamin C is 37.
Actor Simon Rex is 32.
Actor Charlie Korsmo (Can't Hardly Wait,Hook ) is 28.
Actor John Francis Daley (Freaks and Geeks ) is 21.
Actress Billi Bruno (According to Jim ) is 10.

Wants & Needs: The Birthday Edition

2006-07-14T12:10:00.000-05:00

Less than a week until my big birthday bash. No doubt I’ve been on top of the necessary preparations to make sure everybody has a ball, including me. Shout outs to Niel and Jurist Public Relations for the lush little shindig I attended yesterday. Everybody was all pretty and grown up. It was a black person’s heaven.

So below is a list of all the things I want for my own birthday. Some are rational, some are ridiculous. All are within somebody’s price range.

1. MAC Lipgloss It’s been a year since I’ve bought a tube of MAC Lipgloss. Sure, Loreal is a fine brand, but nothing is as sexy and buttery as a MAC glossed lip.

2. A Mortgage Payment Sure, that’s a big gift to ask for. This isn’t a required list so…if you can’t give me at least $800, then I won’t hold that against you. This is about what I want, not what is feasible.

3. CoCo Chanel Mademoiselle and DKNY Be Delicious I think by the time a woman is 25, she should have a signature smell. When I enter someone’s presence, they should be able to smell my distinguishable, pleasant scent. Now, that used to be CoCoMango body oil…but I need to step it up a little.

4. Aveda Be Curly Because this is the only way I will be able to wear my hair curly without making it drier than hot snatch.

5. Warm Spirit Vetiver and Bella Body Butter A Maintenance Day must! Nothing smells and feels better on a woman than this stuff. It makes me even more touchable.

6. A Body Like Beyonce Now, this is what you can do to help me get a body like Beyonce. DON’T go out to dinner with me when I call. DON’T ask me to go to breakfast or brunch. SUGGEST we make a salad or go get salads. DON’T invite me over if your dinner includes red meat, pork dairy, processed flour and sugar. DON’T buy me any drinks besides wine. ENCOURAGE me to go to the gym, even though I just got off work and I’m tired and hungry.

7. A Family Vacation Back in the day, my family used to go somewhere every summer. Well, I’ve been using my PR skills to “encourage” my parents to take me and my sister on a trip, sometime in August. We’ve narrowed it down to either Savannah or a cruise in the winter. I know I’ll be 25 and all…but I want to go on a vacation like I’m 10 again.

8. Subscription to Playboy No I’m not gay. Since that’s cleared up…so I read through the current issue with the taut, yet old Stacey Dash showing her goodies. And I forgot how intelligent and highbrow Playboy is. Besides the naked women, Playboy probably has the best articles and writers in magazine writing. Alex Haley used to write for Playboy, did you know that?

9. iPod Nano Okay, so I have a functional MP3 player. It serves its purpose, keeping me motivated while I work out. But dammit, I want an iPod Nano. Just because I do, okay!

10. One Song From Everybody What a perfect compliment to an iPod. So, you may not know me. You may read my blog and live in Bubble Fuck, Egypt. Or the Hilltop in Columbus. But you love me and want to get me something for my birthday. Well, this will be your cyber-equivalent to pinning a dollar on my shirt. Send me a dollar and a song suggestion and I’ll buy it on iTunes (and I’ll shout you out in a fabulous way)

Simply go to Pay Pal’s website. Hopefully you have a PayPal account, if not, then sign up for one. Click on the Send Money tab at the top of the screen. Type in my email address donnamarbury@hotmail.com, $1.00 (or more if you are feeling generous) and the song I should buy in the description. How easy is that!

So Far, So Good

2006-07-13T08:51:00.000-05:00

7 a.m. Wake up dazed after having a vivid, yet non-sexual dream about a boy I used to date. Laid in the bed for about five minutes and continued to be rebuffed by the fact that Matt Lauer is STILL on vacation from the Today Show.

8 a.m. Decided to eat breakfast at home even though I have to be at work at 8:30. But did it anyway. Started to think about the signs that you may be entering a real relationship.

Sign 1: The freak train passes you by. The myth of the freak train is true. When you settle down, the freakiest, helicopter ride will proposition you (why I just referred to a boy as a helicopter ride, I don’t know). The mistake I made with my last relationship is that once we got serious, nobody cared. Niggas knew it was flimsy, and I’d be back on the market soon.

Sign 2: You avoid your weaknesses. I like the little extra attention I get when I’m almost taken. But sometimes the mind is strong, but the body is weak. So I’m actually trying to distance myself from certain stops on the freak train, so I don’t end up on the West side when I want to be out East (did I take my metaphor too far?). So now I’ll talk to a boy online, instead of on the phone. There are some guys that I just can’t hear their voice without making some sort of action to see them.

Sign 3: I know I have to think about all of these things to expunge the dream about my ex I had last night. So actively dealing with debt (as The Champ likes to call it) without letting guilt and horniness ruin my life is a top priority. If not for the relationship, but for myself.

Sign 4: Hope that my confession lets the Number One boy know that I haven’t bestowed on him some ridiculous savior quality. He is not the cure. But because of his personality, I am trying to be a better person.

8:30 a.m. Still sitting on the freeway. People are driving like Hurricane Andrew hit Columbus last night and we are crawling through the wreckage. Thought fondly about the premiere of Project Runway last night, and a polite way to ask Michael Kors if I could kidnap his sperm. Even though I’m fly, he’s gay and I doubt he would have to sex to impregnate me. Especially for this

Also thought about ways to add the following phrases into my vocabulary without sounding gay:

Make It Work

You’re In

You’re Out

Meka Leka Hi, Meka Hiney Ho

9 a.m. Began to regret the pasta primevera and tuna melt I ate from Shane’s yesterday. Especially after seeing Beyonce looking svelte and fabulous in her new video.

Thought about when I was at the gym yesterday, and how the older I get, the more I am turned off by game. A boy came up to me and said “You look good when you sweat. I’ve been watching you for a while, we should talk outside of the gym.” At this point, even though I heard him clearly, I pointed at my MP3 player and shrugged as if it were impossible for me to remove it from my ear and “hear” what he had to say. I just can’t help being a bitch.

9:30 a.m. Began to feel really confident about the outfit I’m wearing to Niel’s birthday soiree this evening. Began to feel really guilty about all the people I need to call back including:

My friend from high school

My friend from college

My best friend in Toledo

My best friends in Columbus

My sister

A boy that I “like” (I kinda like him a little more than I like the average person. Not more than I like all of my other acquaintances. A lot less than I like him to differentiate him between a boy that I LIKE and just a person I am fond of) (That wasn’t much clarity, I know)

But then I said phuck it, it’s only 9:30 and if people would just come to my birthday party, they could get all access Donna. If you didn’t receive the Evite, let me know and I'll add you! Unless you are one of my four nemesis (who I know read my blog) in that case go phuck yourself next weekend, all weekend.

10 a.m. Gained a small amount of pleasure from a voicemail and email I received from this prick I used to date who sasses me pretty badly for not returning his calls last week. The pleasure is gained from the guilt he will feel once I tell him that MY GRANDMOTHER DIED and despite his efforts for mourning booty, I just didn’t have time to talk to him. One small step for being a bitch, one giant step toward getting this guy to leave me the hell alone forever.

Song For Today: If It Isn’t Love, by New Edition

12 Play

2006-07-10T14:01:00.000-05:00

1. I ate like a horse-cow-pig hybrid last week. Luckily, I didn’t gain any weight. Thank you, good ol’stress. At one meal, I ate macaroni and cheese, pasta salad and spaghetti. You would think I was getting ready to run a marathon.

2. I will never see Dwele perform again. Okay, never is a strong term but…I am so not excited about Dwele anymore. If you caught last week’s Art, you can expound with me, but I just felt like he gave an uninspired performance. And he didn't sing anything off of Subject! What the deuce? That should have been the Eric “Never Let’s Me Down” Roberson and Rashad show.

3. I’ve learned not to listen to house music when you are 20 minutes away from being late to a job interview and you have to stop by Kinko’s to print out your resume. House music in the wrong environment is panic inducing and stressful.

4. I’m considering carrying a surrogate baby for Beyonce and Jay-Z. Especially after seeing Fade To Black for the first time.

5. Khia doesn’t have anything going for her, but boy did she hire an awesome PR team. Ms. My Neck and Back is in every major hip hop publication (and Janet’s new CD) giving soundbites like a mugg.

6. Boys that can cook are the new hotness. I’m dating a boy who may, quite possibly cook better than me. My excuses before have been healthy eating and lack of proper cooking tools. But damn if this boy didn’t fry me some shrimp that made me lose my religion. A nigga can cook…some of ya’ll know that.

7. Speaking of the boy, it has been very interesting to see what interests I have picked up from him already. Some of them include: John Coltrane, Busta Rhymes, Alchemist, Cherry Limeade (a drink, not a rapper) and the color blue.

8. You have to believe that I’m trying really hard for my birthday to not become a fiasco. Really I am.

9. Who goes to the Spice/Sugar Bar? I used to frequent those places, but I haven’t recently. What’s your impression of the atmosphere?

10. Where’s a place in Columbus, besides Bucca di Peppo, where a large group of people can tastefully eat?

11. My grandmother had the greatest soundtrack at her funeral. Gladys Knight, Al Green, Frank Sinatra, The Spinners. Of course, some gospel…but now I see where my great taste in music comes from.

12. In the course of an hour, my 16-year old cousin called me: lame, dumb, stupid and laughed at me not with me while trying to teach me how to snap dance. Am I getting old?

It's Cold To Be July

2006-07-06T21:59:00.000-05:00

I don't love you. But I miss you.

There are no more knots in my hair. It took me an hour to get them out. Next time I wear my hair, what I like to call "ultra curly" I have to remember to wash the gel out before I go to bed.

I want to go out and have a drink. I tried going out yesterday, but I was so uncomfortable being around other people. I felt like I had "my grandmother just died" written all over my face. I went home after about a half hour. Actually I did what I always do when Im stressed out. I drove through Upper Arlington. But instead of turning off the music and listening to the nighttime, I listened to Room for Squares. I cried when 3x5 came on, like I always do. I always cry on that song. Everytime for different reasons.

The most I could love you, would never be love.

Ive been eating like crazy. Ive been working out like crazy. Ive been crying like crazy. Ive been sleeping like an infant. Ive been laughing little. This isnt like me at all.

I almost cried in Kinko's. It took them 20 minutes to print three, one-page documents off my CD.

I bought a Roots shirt online, even though it wasn't in my budget.

My goals for today: to answer the phone everytime I could. Don't ignore any calls. I can't let seclusion be too comfortable. To not be offended. To not be suspicious. To be light.

I was sexy to the people who wanted sexy. I was unaffected to the people who expect unaffected. I was happy so other people wouldn't worry. I was Donna only to me.

Today was such a pretty day. I didn't spend much time outside. I might go out tonight, but its cold to be July. I could just watch Family Guy. Or The Chappelle Show. And go to sleep.

I detect insincerity in some people close to me. I dont want to buy a house right now. Life is being played out around me. I'm deciding to be hands off.

Goals for tomorrow: to go to step class, to be on time, to be pretty and seem happy, to not sleep so much or worry about things I have no control over. To worry about the things I do have control over. To decide something.

Song For Today: Today by Zero 7

Finals Week

2006-07-05T11:54:00.000-05:00

You ever show up to class, and your professor surprise you with a pop quiz. Did you remember to bring extra number two pencils? Do you always have your notes handy? Do you always remember to practice with homework?

Well this week, not even knowing I was in class, I was challenged in several areas of my life. There were no notes. There were no friends to cheat off of. Just me and trying to figure out what my reaction would be to some of lifes most stressful situations.

My grandmother died Sunday. And though this was no surprise to the family, it was a shock to my emotions. I went through a range of emotions, out of the order that Im supposed to experience. Acceptance was first, then fear, then all of the bad things I ever thought about my grandmother swirled around my head like an unflushed toilet. Guilt for not knowing her better. Guilt for not being entirely upfront. Guilt from keeping the real, adult version me a secret from her. Then the idea of death, of completion. One day, I told myself, I will be done with life. What Im doing nowthis is it. That person I walked past on the street, I may have left the only impression I had a chance to make.

Who knows what time table we have. Who knows when Ill be making these arrangements for my own parents, maybe ever my sister, or my spouse. Or my kids. Fuck the way I reacted, how am I supposed to react? What are the answers on this exam that I stepped into? Are the mistakes I made really mistakes, or are they the way things were supposed to happen?

Life is no Choose Your Own Adventure book. We cannot preview corridors or decisions by flipping days like pages. Lifes pencils have no erasures. The only thing we can do is color in the dots with our choices and hope we dont end up with Fs at the end. So far his week, either Ive passed this test with flying colors, or Ive failed miserably. Either way, I sit a little taller, feel a little older and am proud that I used wisdom instead of textbook knowledge to make decisions.

Song For Today: Save Us by Raphael Saadiq

Boom Weekend!

2006-06-30T10:05:00.000-05:00

So I’m trying not to do anything stupid like eat a whole bunch of croutons in my salad or run across a loaf of French bread so I can be as svelte as possible for the weekend. I’ve lost three pounds this week, and I’m no-carbing it today. Why should you care? Because you best believe I will be stepping out and looking hot all weekend. I hope to lose at least five more pounds by Wednesday with all the running around I will be doing. Unless you are grilling up some asparagus and tilapia, don’t invite me to your cookout. I seen Beyonce on BET Tuesday and I’m focused, man!

Tonight
Dwele! Eric Roberson! Rashad! Middle Child! SugaRay! Yo’ momma! The Southern Theater hasn’t seen this many black people since…okay I won’t make a racial joke here. Just know it is going down in a major, huge way! If you haven’t heard or don’t know about the show, you suck. Hit up Wali for those limited, super cheap tickets at 614-774-2710. Hit up the Cove for the afterparty.

Saturday
I’m Gallery Hopping, who wants to go with me?

DJ O (I know the secret behind your nickname, still) Sharp will be doing damage at the Cove.

Sunday
You think I spend too much time, bigging up the Cove? Well, if any other place in Columbus has doing it like them, I’d be there. How about those apples. Two words: Kid Capri . Four more words: At Cove Sunday Night. What more can I say?

Monday
The new night at the Carlise Club will be jumping, trust me. Krate Digga, DJ Blek, all the people you know and love. And of couse, svelte Donna will be there…in the event that I successfully avoided my aunt’s famous potato salad.

Yeah, Red, White & Boom, of course. I think something’s going on at the Red Zone…but I don’t currently have that flyer in front of me. So one of you good people in the Ghetto can update us.

Tuesday
Black Pearl Poetry will be in effect

25-cent wings and Reggae Karaoke at Sunset Negril

I’m lucky enough to have Wednesday off too, but that’s nearly a week away. I don’t know I’ll be doing then! So check into The Pink Ghetto all weekend for updates on events, and pictures of the parties! OK, I successfully have carpal tunnel from all this typing, so you should come out sometime this weekend because A) you are a city tripper like me B) you need to buy me a drink to restrengthen my wrist and C) what else do you have to do! Holla, holla, holla!

I Think I Wanna Have Your Baby

2006-06-29T15:29:00.000-05:00

I'd have Michael Kors' baby and he could pay me in clothes, shoes and accessories for child support.

I'd still have Michael Ealy's baby and he could pay me in child support by acting like Tea Cake from Their Eyes Were Watching God every weekend he picked the baby up for visitation.

I'd have a baby with Tyrese to prevent him from releasing his potentially-God awful rap CD under the name Black Ty.

I'd have Andre 3000's baby and he could pay me in child support by doing a Jay-Z-style-perform-all-of-Aquemini-concert.

I'd have T.I.'s baby and hope for sympathy hunger pains so that he can gain some weight.

I'd have Johnny Gill's baby to dispel all of those gay rumors. Even though gay men have babies all the time. But he'd have to promise not to be gay, and then Id have his baby.

I think about having Van Hunt'sbaby every time my phone rings (Being A Girl is my ringtone).

I'd have Dwele's baby and he could pay me in child support by wearing his hair in an afroat the concert on Friday and at every photo shoot from hereon out.

I'd seriously consider having 50 Cent's baby if he paid me in child support by never rapping again.

Even though they are potentially crack addicted and gay, respectively...I'd go on Maury and have to have a paternity test after crushing lemons with D'Angelo and Maxwell and whoever was the daddy could pay me in child support by releasing a CD every June for the next 15 years.

Rules For The Weekend

2006-06-29T08:40:00.000-05:00

You smell that? This is the season for loose women. They are out doing all the things for boys that you aren't. So assuming that you aren't a loose woman, you should be concerned. Here are some rules for the weekend, to make sure your head is in the game.

Some women are morally responsible, educated and enlightened throughout the year. But then when the summer hits, their clothes come off and their legs stay open. And boys know that summer hoes will be out in full throttle this weekend. So be careful. Stay alert. And make sure you save all your extra specialties* for the summer. Now is not the time to let yourself go. If you boy likes the hot girls, make sure you are the hottest thing on his arm, every time you step out. Make him proud other boys are wagging their tongues at you. Remember the Maintenance Day and keep it holy.

*extra specialties include but are not limited to: lingerie, all those sex positions you read in the Karma Sutra and never tried, honey love, monkey love, spontaneous love, ect.

Rule 23: Hoes Into Housewives
If you are a hoe, don’t go after upstanding boys. You bring down the national curve, rock the boat, make boys not want to date women of your race and overall make it much harder for a good woman to attract a good boy.

Hoes need love too. So if you are a hoe, stay within the social circle most like your lifestyle. Date hoe boys. Argue with hoe girls. But don’t go after boys out of your league, regardless of your promiscuity-status. You are not Julia Roberts in Pretty Woman. Nobody is going to save you from being a hoe.

The only way a hoe turns into a housewife is through her own introspective journey of change. If you subscribe to the Trade Up rule, then you should know that after any significant relationship, one must reevaluate her strengths and weaknesses and prepare to go up a notch to a better boy. Don’t expect to have a better boy if you haven’t made yourself better.

Don’t ruin a good man by being a hoe.

Rule 24: Oh, She’s Just A Friend
We’re not talking about the random chicks or his sports buddies. We’re talking about that hot tamale, that former flame that still in your boy’s life. His best friend. The one he would probably fuck if they weren’t so “platonic.” She’s just as cute as you (if not cuter), and probably makes her self more accessible.

So the challenge is: how do you keep her ta-tas off your man, yet keep her from not hating you?

Because this is not the girl you want to hate you. This is a delicate, delicate bitch. Her opinion may way heavy. And she will be the first shoulder for him to lean on once things start going sour. When dealing with any boy who has an abundance of other women around him (mother, sisters, friends), the first thing is the most important. You must develop your look.

Not the purse matching the shoes look. The look in your eye of confidence that you can clearly display, “Bitch, I got this.” Practice in the mirror. Emote it with a smile. Now try a scowl. Don’t ever let any woman do for your boy what you can do for him. Now say that with your face.

When I was in college, my roommate’s boyfriend had a friend, we’ll cal her Lori. And Lori was always having problems with other men. She was always having car trouble. My roommate didn’t mind, she thought Lori was no threat. I tried to warn her until…

One day my roommate was calling all around, looking for her man. She called Lori, and there he was. Eating his favorite post-coital meal, tuna casserole, with her.

This chic will test the waters. She’ll need a ride at 4 a.m. She’ll need help with a clogged drain while dripping wet from a steamy bath. She wants you to know that the only reason why she hasn’t fucked your man is to fuck with you. We know how women can be.

But don’t play into the pettiness. Be nice to her. Learn all you can about her. Shop with her on occasions. But make sure she has clearly seen a look in your eye that lets her know you will fuck her up if she does anything to jeopardizes your relationship.

Rule 25: Your Single Friends
Now, I’m single, so this is going to sound like a contradiction. But don’t take dating advice from your single friends. Because if they knew anything about relationships, they would be in one.

The difference between me and your single friends is that I’m way more smarter and way more perceptive about things than they are. Your single friends are crabby, jealous, unrealistic and lightweight when it comes to keeping boys happy. Hang out with them. Flirt in pairs. Double date. But if you are trying to get some insight on your boy’s mind, don’t talk to them.

Every woman should have a friend that is in a successful marriage to guide her on dating boys. Optional, but helpful, is a platonic, single male friend. The married friend is there to let you know that building a relationship is not always fun and fancy free. It takes work and strong commitment. You have to know yourself before you decide to want to be like her.

The male friend is to remind you of:

-The attitudes of men who are still single
-What you have to choose from in the circle you hang with
-How simple men’s worlds are. They rarely think about the complexities of dating.

Song For Today: No One Else In The Room by Nas feat. Maxwell

16 Things I Learned From The 2006 BET Awards

2006-06-28T08:49:00.000-05:00

1. Black people sometimes start on time. I tuned in around 8:08 and missed Beyonce! Thank God for YouTube…here’s a video of her performance.

2. T.I.’s too skinny to rap acapella.

3. Damon Wayans just may be gay.

4. Ice Cube wants to desperately to be gangsta again.

5. Chris Brown is fucking Debra Lee. I know the guy is popular. But he won like 15 out of 10 BET Awards! He was on the stage more than Damon Wayans. I have to reason that he’s fucking Debra Lee. There’s no way in the world I’m the only person in America who missed the Chris Brown trend.

6. If Furonda from America’s Next Top Model was pretty, she’d look like Rihanna.

7. OK, Monique. You’re fat. We get it.

8. Ne-Yo looks like a chewed up gummy bear in the face. But boy, can he write the hell out of a song! Jay-Z was a proud poppa!

9. Busta Rhymes is the shit! His performance was the best, hands down!

10. Prince is my little purple fantasy! I don’t care if he rocks the Halle Berry Strictly Business haircut and wears makeup and high heels. Prince could have me climbing the walls and feeding him grapes any day.

11. India.Arie has to be the most unsexy singer in black music today. During the Chaka Khan tribute, I thought Stevie Wonder blowing into the harmonica was sexier than her.

12. People actually name their kids names like Julissa.

13. Yolanda Adams sings songs that aren’t about Jesus. Imagine that! Unless she was singing Sweet Thang about our Lord and Savior.

14. Andre 3000 is the only man who can look sexy dressed like a slave.

15. Vivica Fox said she was trying to bring back old Hollywood glamour in her dress...but really she looked like a hoe in a doily.

16. If you don’t watch Keyshia Cole’s new show on BET, she will come to your house and personally tell you about her struggle. For humanity’s sake…please watch the damn show. Jeez, BET.

Song For Today: Run It by Chris Brown

Debilitating

2006-06-27T09:37:00.000-05:00

Kimora Lee Simmons says that when you are in a rut, you shouldn’t talk to people. You should give the impression that you are always in a great mood, so you should only be in public when you are in a great mood. I try to subscribe to that. And it’s not that I’m in a bad mood…I’m just in a blah mood. It’s kind of muggy, hazy, cloudy outside. And I just love to write.

I read my horoscope today. It said:

When it comes to love and romance, your body is apt to turn to jelly today, and you may find yourself becoming so emotional that you can't even function, Donna. This is called love, and even though it can be heavenly, it can also be quite debilitating.

That’s a Cancer for you. Here's an equation for today: Take 1 of Donna's mind divided by 20 different things. And you'll have an estimate of my fuzzy concentration.

So how does one combat the jelly-like state love puts us in? I’ve tried silence. Not talking to a person. But that just gets me closer that impenetratable shell that old lovers had such a hard time getting through. I don’t want to do that. Nix the silence.

Talking about it causes too much drudging up of other emotions that have nothing to do with the original situation. Because everything will always come back to the idea that I never expect anyone to be extraordinary for me. I never expect to be surprised. I always expect that all of this will be too much. Nix talking about, I’d rather let it just be.

And then Isaac Hayes just happens to be in my CD player…and I find my mind wandering within the lyrics “Oh, you hurt me/you gave it to me/you put it on me momma/when you said….goodbye.” And all of the sudden, I feel his pain. I’m sad too.

One thing I’ve always noticed about myself is the way I sponge up other people’s emotions. My mood can change with the flick of a TV remote, or a missed phone call. If someone else is upset or stressed, it will most likely affect me. Absorbing them makes me understand this human condition more. It also gets me closer to being open myself. One day my written word will match up with my oral words, and I will feel open and relaxed.

I have a pen and I have paper, and because I write better than I talk I can make emotions out of words and craft sentences to make me feel better. I can write myself out of a debilitating funk. I can also write myself into one. Somebody asked me the other day why I blog so much. I didn’t have an answer then, but I do now. Because I love to write. And all of these pent-up, ravaging emotions have no other place to go. Either they turn me into jelly, or they end up on MySpace.

Today, I can decide to get lost in the cloudy, hazy, smoggy mess outside my window. I can go outside and breathe in the COTA bus fumes, I can walk up and down Broad Street until I’m sweaty and I can watch my already frizzy hair balloon with humidity. Or I can choose to follow the thin sunrays that shine between the city mess. And I can try to find something pretty out of this stagnant situation I’m in. Those are the only two options.

Song For Today: Ain’t No Way by Aretha Franklin

This Weekend

2006-06-23T10:14:00.000-05:00

Yesterday: Montray and I went to see the opening for Tyrese’s new flick Waist Deep. It’s a combination of Belly and a Lifetime movie. Meagan Goode is kind of overdoing the pouty, sexy thing, if you ask me. Some of you Negroes might go see it, so I’ll leave “my review” at that.

Comfest: Last year, as Dawn will remember, Hurricane Katrina made an appearance at Comfest during Middle Child’s performance. Not only did it rain…but debris, high winds, lightning and hail had me running through Goodale Park looking for refuge. So as much as I’d like to paint my breasts and run around like a hippie at Comfest…I’m a little concerned about the weather. Nevertheless, Weightless Recording’s stellar hip hop lineup will be on the stage tonight. BHB, S.P.I.R.I.T. and Middle will be rocking the stage Saturday evening. For more performances, check out Comfest’s site. Let’s pray for good weather people.

Friends…How Many Of Us Have Them?: Shout outs to my homie Original Superstars of Hip Hop show featuring Kool Moe Dee, Biz Markie, Slick Rick and Whodini at Cooper Stadium. Tickets start at $20! Who thinks Kool Moe Dee still rocks that leather suit?

Afterwards, she will be heading to the Cove, so everybody bring at least $5 for the Pin To Akilah’s Shirt and/or Buy Her A Drink Fund.

Other Weekend Happs: J. Rawls at the Brownstone tonight, Krate Digga at the Cove tonight, Easton Art Affair all weekend! See you on the flipside!

Song For Today: The Pleasure Principle by Janet Jackson. “You might think I’m crazy/But I’m serious” Somebody put that on a shirt for me, please!

I Miss Slip N Slide

2006-06-22T08:48:00.000-05:00

Is anybody yearning for a summer vacation? Jeez, 16 years of school is a habit hard to break. I’m still missing those three-month lulls in the year where I could eat Popsicles, and bust my knees on my Grandma’s Slip N Slide (the grass isn’t that lush in the hood) at any time of the day. It never gets late in the summer, regardless of what time you wake up. I remember waking up at noon on summer breaks, and still being able to play outside until past 9p.m. But alas adulthood settles in…you know that feeling you sucked your teeth at as a teenager, wishing you would be. I remember having long talks with my pre-adolescent friends about what we would do, when we were “grown.” Some of them included:

Going to bed when I wanted

Working multiple jobs so I wouldn’t be bored

Wearing makeup (well that part is fun)

Talking on the phone to the boy I was scared to talk on the phone to all night, whenever I wanted

Dying my hair

Red nail polish

Now that the feat is accomplished, mindless routine of adulthood is getting to me. Those never-ending days are now limited to getting in at least six hours of sleep for functionality at work the next day. I want a Popsicle. I want bruised Slip N Slide knees again. I want dandelion fuzz all in my hair. I want mudpies from lilacs and mosquito bites from being outside way too late and being way too sweaty. I don’t have to be that old school. I’d be happy with riding around with PTosh, listening to The Boy Is Mine by Brandy and Monica after happy hour at Applebee’s. I’d be happy with an afternoon perusing High Street, spending an hour in Singing Dog, and ending somewhere around the Pita Pit. But I can’t tell that to AEP, AT&T and Insight Communications. So I’ll keep my nostalgic ass at work.

CD Reviews: Check out my Avant review…this CD was alright.

Look Out For: My birthday celebration(s) are gonna be off the hook! Look out for the invites!

Question of the Day: What do you miss most from your summers as a kid?

Miss me? I’ve been posting more on The Pink Ghetto at MySpace.

I ♥ Rules!

2006-06-19T09:59:00.000-05:00

Rule 21: Sexuality and Marital Status

Don’t ever date a boy whose sexual preference and marital status is in question. You should be very clear that you are dating a heterosexual, single boy. Unfortunately, this rule is not obvious.

Finding out whether a boy is married should be as simple as an Internet search. However, if you don’t have access to a computer, there are some clues that you should look out for.

1. He never takes you back to his place.

2. If he does to you to his place, it looks like a Miami Vice bachelor pad with no photos (this is his hoe lair).

3. He doesn’t introduce you to any of his friends.

4. If he does introduce you to his friends, they are married and with similar gullible-looking random chicks like yourself.

5. He’s a trick (meaning he buys you stuff and takes you expensive, obscure places). I always assume that any man who is a trick is married.

6. He always suggests sex in crazy places (in his car, outside the restaurant, in a park) because his wife would never do that, and he probably doesn’t have a place for you to have sex at.

Don’t look for rings and stuff like that. Any real player will have those things covered up. Basically, someone not willing to be public with you is not worth your time.

As far as gay men, the flaming effeminate ones are not the ones you should worry about, unless you are Star Jones or Terry McMillan. The guys you should be concerned about are the seemingly upstanding and honest ones who, when you aren’t around, get more butt than ashtrays.

Once again, though it should be simple when a boy is into other boys, some women miss all of the obvious signs.

A boy is gay if:

1. He has more than a reasonable amount of lubrication in his possession. Some boys like the extra slip and slide of lube, and some girls need it. So in the bedroom anything goes. But if your boy carries lube with him in his wallet, in his car, in every room of his house, and won’t have sex without it, the gat dammit he’s gay.

2. He’s more sexy that you. This means, if he has more baby hair than you, more shoes and clothes and poses for pictures better than you. If he owns makeup of any kind, and puts anything on his lips besides Carmex, he's gay. You must know the difference between a boy who wants to take care of himself and gay. If he gets pedicures and invests in lotions and soaps, he is taking care of himself. If he waxes his eyebrows and polishes his nails, he is gay. I believe that women are often more physically sexy than boys…if a boy has too much cleavage showing, then he’s gay. (see: Kanye West)

3. Most importantly, if you’re boy wants anal sex more than 40 percent of the time you have sex, he is gay. Anal sex is a lot like birthday cake…if you have it every once in a while, it’s a treat. If you have it everyday, it kinda loses it’s meaning. Forty percent is high, and everything over that suggests that your boy enjoys anus more than vagina…that inherently is gay.

I suggest that women know at least one gay boy, not for the sake of shopping and finger nail polish, but to check up on boys that you date. Dating married and gay boys is not only embarrassing, but detrimental to your health. It’s know telling what a raging wife or pissed off gay boy would do if they found out you were sleeping with their man!

Rule 22: Kissing Boys and Boys Kissing You
You should never kiss a boy you just met in the club. Never. If you or any of your girls kiss boys they just meet in the club, you must question your ability to be openly intimate with people they don’t know. That’s just not safe.

You should always kiss a boy before, after and during sex. Some boys say they don’t like kissing…those are the same ones with intimacy issues.

Always require oral sex from boys you are having sex with. This is not debatable. Just like you should be giving oral sex to him.

If you are uncomfortable with any part of intimacy with a boy, or a boy is uncomfortable with you, neither of you should be having sex with each other.

Bonus Rule: This one is from my dad, given to me yesterday as I was ignoring a phone call from one of my exes:

Donna: Oh, that was just (boy that I used to date that I talk to occasionally).

My Dad: He sure does call you a lot, you must be seeing him again?

Donna: No, he knows the deal, we’re just friends.

My Dad: Men don’t have friends, they just have women that they want to sleep with or they want to sleep with again.

Donna: Well, he knows nothing is going on with me and him, so we are just friends.

My Dad: One day you are going to listen to your dad. I don’t have a women friends. So (boy that I used to date that I talk to occasionally) either is trying to sleep with you or wants to sleep with you again.

Donna: So any boy that I talk to is either trying to sleep with me or you assume I have slept with?

My Dad: Yes.

Donna: Daddy, you are walking the line like Johnny Cash.

Song For Today: Daydreamin' by Aretha Franklin

Still Pending

2006-06-15T10:16:00.000-05:00

No updates or status changes as of yet, Ms. Marbury.

That has been the quote of the week. Everything is on the cusp of movement, but not just movement, not just yet.

The house. Still pending.

The interviews. Still pending.

The six pounds I hoped to lose by the end of the month. Still pending.

I’ve been at the starting line, fully prepared and cocked to run for about three weeks now. Or to rewrite that in a way that is not so flattering to me: I have been antsy, anxious and impatient about things that I know take time for about three weeks now. Sam Cooke's A Change Is Gonna Come playing between every phone call and sandwiched between every email. Luckily I’ve had some sweet diversions while I wait. But even in strengthening relationships, someone as anxious as me must put on the breaks and not rush. I'm even sending still pending notices to myself.

If you can’t find anything to do his weekend, I will personally plan a weekend of cheap fun for you. There’s so much to do, it’s bananas. B-A-N-A-N-A-S (I know that was last year’s witty phrase, but I’m old school sue me.)

Tonight: Nicolay and The 3rd at Cove. $5 before 11p.m. Come show your face, I know I am.

Friday: DAWNSTAR at CBR’s in the Brewery District.

Saturday: Juneteenth at Franklin Park…plus, my boy J. Dave will be doing it big for his birthday celebration at Cove. Anybody who wants to get in free has to holla at me before Friday morning. Please, don’t call me while I’m in the middle of flirting with my hot boy to tell me that you are outside and they want you to pay $20 to get in. I warned you in advance…

Sunday: The tail end of the Worthington Arts Festival, check it out.

CD Review: Check out my review of Rihanna's new one in the Columbus Dispatch today.

Song For Today: Country Livin’ (The World I Know) by Esthero

Lindsay Lohan and Bengal Tigers

2006-06-14T08:33:00.000-05:00

Boy, was I rattled yesterday. Not only did I get sick from leftover calamari Caesar salad, but also I left my purse at work. I was sans lipgloss and money for the remainder of the evening. Despite not feeling well, my girl Jessica and me hauled ass to Black Pearl Poetry at the Brownstone. Scott Woods, wordsmith and poet, made a surprise visit along with several members of the Writer’s Block Poetry team. It was great to see both of Columbus’ poetry teams being able to rock it in the same venue.

Afterwards, Jessica and me went to a little family owned spot called Fritzy’s for some breakfast and giggles. I went to sleep around 12:30, and ended up having a dream that I was kidnapped by Lindsay Lohan in my parents’ house, where she had a huge party (of course) and made me strip on my parents’ kitchen table the whole time. Finally, she got drunk enough to pass out and I escaped, only to be met by a Bengal Tiger (“oh shit, a Bengal Tiger” is what I said in my dream) that I had to fight off to get into my car.

Shout outs to Dwyane Wade who finally gave me a 40 point game and a win with Miami. Trust me, I have way more invested in this game than just general interest ;)

While rummaging through my CD collection this morning, looking for my Musiq collection, I found this CD I made in college.

Half/Crazy by Musiq (What a great compromise song!)

China Love by Janet Jackson (This may be my favorite Janet song, if we exclude The Velvet Rope…that is my absolute favorite Janet CD!)

If You Leave Her Destiny’s Child feat. Next (My sister loves this song...you think Beyonce would do a song with these cats nowadays?)

I Got A Man by Eve (One of about three Eve songs I love.)

I Need A Girl, Part 1, P. Diddy feat. Mario Winans (Do people really make love listening to Biggie?)

I’ll Do Anything/I’m Sorry by Ginuwine (My favorite Ginuwine song…probably because of the Visions sample)

Mary by Scarface (What rapper doesn’t have a love song disguised as a weed song?)

Movies by Ashanti (OK, so shoot me for once being an Ashanti fan. This and Rescue Me are hot!)

Just Like Daddy by 2Pac (I could do without the thug 2Pac, but I loved sexy 2Pac!)

Emotional by Carl Thomas (I think every man has felt this way about a girl…a perfect break up song.)

Two Wrongs Wyclef feat. Claudette Oritz (Wyclef makes the best love songs. Sure it’s kind of a 911 knock off, but it’s still beautiful)

G.H.E.T.T.O.U.T. by Changing Faces (R.Kelly is a nut. This song is clearly written from his wife’s perspective.)

I Need A Girl Part 2 by P.Diddy feat. Loon and Usher (OK, I used to have a huge crush on Loon. I met his chocolatey self before and we instantly clicked. I could have hit that, but being a reporter, that kind of stuff isn’t ethical)

Camay by Ghostface feat. Raekwon and Cappadonna (The Champ will be excited to see this one! This song is…dare I say…beautiful and raw)

Hot in Herre by Nelly (It doesn’t really fit with the loose theme of the CD, but what they hey. Big ups to Rashad who was poppin’ Cristal in the video!)

Satisfy You by P. Diddy feat. R. Kelly (OK, so I had some kind of non-sexual crush on Diddy, obviously. Diddy in his post-J.Lo phase was so delicate and fragile. This song is hot, don’t front.)

Hot Boys (Remix) by Missy feat. Lil’ Mo, Nas, Eve, Q-Tip (Man, me and PTosh used to roll around the city BUMPING this song, looking for Hot Boys back in our day. Eve’s best verse ever.)

$5 Holla!

2006-06-13T09:02:00.000-05:00

Your horoscope for today: You're not watching anything on TV Thursday night and you need good music in your life. If you arrive at the Cove Lounge before 11 p.m. (a signal that means a early night home for all of you worker bees) you will be able to see Elevator Music's The 3rd along with Nicolay who has produced for Foreign Exchange, Havana and Little Brother for $5. Music this good shouldn't be this cheap. But since it is and you are so smart you are going to be there...unless you want bad luck for the next 30 years!

Big Ups and Shout Outs

2006-06-09T09:42:00.000-05:00

I woke up this morning totally exhausted yet feeling wildly alive. It’s a beautiful day in the city and I hope you are able to make the most of it. Of course there are oodles of things to get into this weekend, I just hope that someone steps outside their box and tries something a little different…you never know what could happened!

Much love to my homie PTosh, who continues to wow the Art Department over at OSU. She was accepted into her major, after putting together a banging portfolio. One day, she’ll have all of her work on display. If you are lucky enough to be able to see any of her work, you know she is the wave of the future.

Whatsup to my homie Doni Jai who left the greatest little Donna song on my voicemail the other day. After going around the country, he and his band, Dawnstar will be in Columbus on June 16th at CBR rockin out to their special brand of rock, funk and soul…I can’t wait for this show!

Shout outs to Scott Woods who will be emceeing a jazz/poetry hybrid this evening at the posh Columbus Music Hall. It’s only $5 and every poet has to perform in front of a live jazz band. Do something different on a Friday night, okay!

Shout outs also to my boy J Rawls, who is up there with John Mayer and Van Hunt on getting the most spins in ’06 from me. I will never get sick of Bailar feat. Aloe Blacc on his Essence of Soul CD. Anyways, International J will be doing his thing at the Brownstone tonight, stop by and say whatsup to him.

Either Saturday or Sunday I will be at my favorite park in Columbus, the Park of Roses, for the annual Rose Festival. This place is a poet’s dream.

A big shout out to Montray, even though the Miami Heat lost last night, he seemed to be in very good spirits. Hopefully, he’ll win his bet this Sunday when Dwyane Wade scores 40 points! I know I’m rooting for him!

BTW: I just want to let everyone know that Dwyane Wade spells his name wrong…

Happy Birthday to my Godbaby-daddy J. Dave! Thanks so much for pushing your festivities back until after payday! I’m galvanizing to troops to make sure we party hard next week! Stay tuned!

I love all my friends and I love the summertime! Whatever I do this weekend, I’ll take lots of photos to share next week…be safe and have fun!

Coming Up: My two-year Nappiversary at the end of this month!

Song For Today: For The Love of You by Isley Bros. “Driftin’ on a memory/Ain’t no place I’d rather be than with you…”

Rules, Sucka!

2006-06-08T08:55:00.000-05:00

I’m at work this morning, listening to VH1 Radio because I'm concerned that I’ve run a groove in my Van Hunt and John Mayer CDs. And what song comes on the radio? I Like by Guy! Oh shit, the next song is When I Think of You by baby-fat Janet Jackson! Working in the ultra-conservative environment that I do, it’s hard for me to withhold my excitement. My first reaction is to start doing the Cabbage Patch and the Roger Rabbit down the hallway. That would have been extremely Afro-American of me.

That intro had nothing to do with this fresh crop of Rules, by the way…

Rule 18: Lying to Boys
Don’t lie to boys. Be yourself. Tell the truth. If they don’t like it, phuck them. There are plenty of boys to talk to.

Don’t lie about your expectations. If you want to wait nine months before you have sex with somebody, then do that. If you only like lawyers, doctors, etc., then only date them. And don’t compromise your personal rules and guidelines. You’re the only person who will end up unhappy.

Don’t lie about dating other boys. The boys I date know I date other boys. They don’t know explicit detail or names, but they all know I’m exploring my options before I decide to commit.

Don’t tailor yourself to fit any boy’s idea. If you really don’t like a boy’s without a steady gig, don’t date boys without steady gigs. If you really don’t like boys with children, don’t date boys with children. Don’t say you love football when you’ve never seen a game. Tell him the truth! You may learn to love sports in the process.

If you are stuck up and prissy, own up to that. Be genuine in your prissiness. Be who you are and know that anyone not attracted to that is just a waste of time.

Rule 19: Random Chicks (Random Boys)
If you are adhering to the standards that you are accustomed to, you have probably landed yourself a pretty hot boy, or are in serious negotiations on landing yourself a pretty hot boy. Shit, even if you are swooning over the local loser, someone besides yourself will probably think your boy is hot.

There is a sub-category of women in the dating arena. They are called random chicks. A random chick is a girl who feverishly pursues other women’s boys. They make public displays of their freakdom in clubs, on MySpace pages, in any situation where they want people to know that they will phuck your boy.

Random chicks can be intimidating. Some of them are really pretty. They seem to be everywhere, not just clubs and bars, but churches, gas stations, Radio Shack, anywhere that hot boys may be. They are always pawing all over your hot boy or making it ultra obvious that they want him in ways that will shame your momma.

So here’s how you handle a random chick.

Like I said before, the only way to “keep a man” is to find one who wants to commit to you. Fortunately for you, you understand that and random chicks don’t. If you are dealing with a boy whose head is easily turned by skanks, let the random chicks have him. He is a random boy.

If you are dealing with an upstanding boy, whose flesh may be weak, there are a couple things you can do to ward off random chicks.

Befriend them. Keeping your friends close and your enemies closer is one way to get inside the chick’s head so that you can plan an appropriate offense. I don’t suggest inviting her over or going places with her. I do suggest casual conversation that eventually leads to questions about her past and attitudes toward men. Find out who else she’s sleeping with, her views toward casual sex and her pick up game (see rule below). Don’t let her know anything about your man and your relationship. Many random chicks are so caught up in their own sexy selves that they may not be astute enough to ask you for details about your life anyways. After you gain all the information you need from her, discard her immediately.

Hang With Your Man. I know some girls that never go to the clubs, bars, kick it spots, wherever that their boy frequents. That’s just dumb. That girl has no idea of the random chicks lurking where he is. Next time your man goes to the BW3, tell him you and your girls may stop by. Come in, chat a sec and find another table to sit at…and watch the other women who watch him. Now, I know this seems borderline stalkerish, but you must understand that boys don’t always keep their priorities in line when a beautiful woman starts giving them attention. Don’t do anything or say anything to the chicks unless you can find a seamless conversation starter (hair, clothes, shoes (all of this, by the way may be tacky on a random chick, because they are random)), but don’t make yourself too obvious. Make sure the chick can identify you, then approach your man again. This will let the random chick know what’s what.

Always have a general knowledge of or at least be able to identify the women who think your boy is attractive. Ultimately, the fact that you are confident, sexy, knowlegable and have a definite plan and purpose will keep an upstanding boy interested in you. You don’t have to compete with or outsexy a random chick. Don’t worry too much about them, just be aware of their presence If they can’t bang your boy, they’ll move on to someone else.

Song of reference: Sisters and Bitches by Jay-Z

Rule 20: Pick Up Game
Don’t ever ever ever ever (think Chris Tucker) take another woman’s boy. That is a cardinal sin in the sisterhood arena. Don't ever pride yourself in the fact that you can or would take someone else's boy. The term “taking” includes: sleeping with, emotional bonding with, or fraternizing with a boy who is currently in a relationship or continuing conversation with someone who he was recently in a relationship with.

Any boy looking to form a serious relationship with a new girl will make sure he is free from the emotional baggage of a previous relationship. Any other arrangement and you are rebound pussy.

Any boy who can justify cheating on his current woman for you is a loser. He will do the same thing to you. He will probably tell you how much of a better woman you are than his current flame. At this point, you should lay out your standards of dating and ask that he adhere to those. If he cannot, he isn’t serious about being with you.

Ultimately, your concern should be the other woman. You should never do anything in someone else’s relationship that you don’t want done to you. Also see: Rule 7:Pussy Control

Song of reference: Booty by Erykah Badu

Song For Today: Come Close To Me by Common featuring Mary. J Blige

The Casual Thing

2006-06-06T10:25:00.000-05:00

“Hey Donna, why don’t you answer my phone calls anymore,” said the text message from a boy I used to sweat like a sauna a little over a month ago. “I’m on my way over.”

He’s very aggressive. And he knows I like that. And considering my day yesterday, I was in need of some company. When you are down, I know niggas treat you like a number 2 pencil and want to test you. This whole being committed to the house thing has been spilling over to other areas of my life. I don’t want to continue to have all these loose-ended relationships with people. I need people with a purpose in my life. Even if for the night. Donna from three months ago would have been in the shower, getting ready and putting on something fetching.

“I don’t do the casual thing anymore, sorry,” was what I responded. I was so proud of myself. Rule for today: You should want what you want, and you shouldn't take second best...because you aren't second best.

Things To Be Excited About

Janice Dickinson’s new modeling show starts tonight! Yeah, she’s kind of nutty, but she was the best element of America’s Next Top Model. Plus, she knows her ish. I’ll be Tivoing that.

Master P and America’s Next Hip Hop Star. I don’t know if this is a good idea…but it is long overdue that someone brought Hip Hop into this arena.

Making The Band 3 is back on June 15! Diddy is riding this thing until the wheels fall off, and I will be there to make sure he embarrasses himself into obscurity.

Song For Today: Newness by Musiq. "Everything is cool/when love is all brand new/ cause your learning me and I'm learning you..."