The Pink Teapot- A guide to Etiquette

My goodness gracious!

thepinkteapot@gmail.com (Janine) — Sat, 07 Nov 2009 16:31:00 +0000

I have not fallen off the face of the earth as some may have speculated, we have simply been infested with every contagious disease known to man- at least twice! The week school started my children came home with the stomach flu and it's gone downhill from there. I'm getting over my last (positive thinking) illness for the season and then I'm back in the office so to speak. I appreciate your patience and loyalty in re-reading my posts (the beauty of google analytics). Please leave some new comments on old posts when you stop by for a visit and I'll be back soon- just in time for the holidays- we're going to have so much fun! Luff to all!

A kick in the pants...

thepinkteapot@gmail.com (Janine) — Sun, 27 Sep 2009 21:04:00 +0000

Often people think that because I write an etiquette blog, I have the correct advice, the right things to say, or that I'm always on my best etiquette behavior. The other night we were out with friends and my sweet friend made a point of telling me that she wanted to do something nice for me. Instead of accepting that as I would tell all of you to do, I argued with her and would not accept. She finally said, "what would The Pink Teapot say about this?" ouch! She was right. If I were giving someone else advice, I would tell them to accept graciously even though that is not always comfortable for us.

Good lesson in walking the walk.

Heavenly Hostess Giveaway Winner!

thepinkteapot@gmail.com (Janine) — Sat, 19 Sep 2009 06:49:00 +0000

This has been so much fun! I loved writing about being a good hostess as well as hosting this giveaway. It was a true pleasure for me. The winner of this giveaway is Julie who said, "I blogged about the giveaway on my personal blog! Count me in for another entry!" Congratulations Julie! What a fun apron you have to cook (or not to cook) in!

(the reason that the random generator says 1-72 is that there was a deleted comment that I cannot count)

A Heavenly Hostess (Giveaway) CLOSED

thepinkteapot@gmail.com (Janine) — Thu, 10 Sep 2009 03:29:00 +0000

What does it mean to be a good hostess? I will never forget going to a class with many women around my age many years ago- all young mothers; and we were taught by an experienced mother of 10 about being a good hostess. This wonderful woman spoke of making sure your front walkway was clean, your door was wiped down, your front entry way was clear- esthetics. I'd like to add a few things to that.

None of us is perfect- but we all love to put our best foot forward and I don't think there is anything wrong with that as long as we allow others to know that it's our best foot. I wrote a post about being a good hostess about a year ago that you can read here. I also have a series of posts about house guests and how we can be good longer term hostesses.

When guests come, consider the following:

How does my home smell? I have warmers throughout my home that I turn on every day to enhance the smell of my home. I enjoy a congruent smell throughout that reminds me of Fall or Christmas, or even Springtime.
Is my home comfortable? This is not about square footage or the "clean house award". What I want you to ask yourselves is- Is there a place for your guest to be seated so that you can talk with them? Do you have them remove their shoes and walk on a sticky floor?
Have I been considerate of my guest? Ask your guest immediately if they would like a drink of ice water. If they have been there a while, ask them if they would like a snack, perhaps you could slice up an apple with peanut butter, crackers and cheese, celery and dip- it's not a bad idea to keep things on hand to offer.
Am I presentable? I love my sweats. Anyone who knows me can tell you that. However, when I am entertaining, I love to dress up. I think this shows respect for my guests. It shows them that they are important enough to me that I took the time to get ready and put on my best clothes for them. When I host a dinner party, you will find me in my Heavenly Hostess apron (friends can attest) because it's my best. I want others to know that they are special enough to me that I will put on my best things for them- get out my best china, crystal, silver or gold, linens, 40's jazz , and a fantastically cooked meal (hopefully).

Cynthia from Heavenly Hostess has graciously offered to do a giveaway with The Pink Teapot. I blogged about my Heavenly Hostess apron over a year ago and talked about the importance of wearing it! We should all feel honored because this apron is nothing short of amazing. I would wear this to show my guests how important they are to me, just as I currently wear my other apron from her. This is, in my opinion, the finest apron available, and I'm so excited to give it to one of my Pink Teapotians!

**You must leave a separate comment for each thing that you do below (ie one comment after you've blogged and tell me you've blogged, one comment after you've tweeted, one comment after you've added the button, one comment after you've become a fan, etc)- I have tried to email those who have not done it correctly but it becomes cumbersome and I'm not sure I'll be able to do that again, so please try do do this correctly (luff you)

Leave a comment on this post for one entry**
Blog about this for an extra entry (and link back to your post in your comment please).**
Put the The Pink Teapot button on your blog for an additional entry.**
Follow @thepinkteapot on Twitter and tweet about this for another entry.**
Become a fan of The Pink Teapot on Facebook for an additional entry.**

This contest will close at 11:59pm on Friday, September 18th. The winner will be announced the following day and chosen by random.org

Flirty Apron Winner!

thepinkteapot@gmail.com (Janine) — Tue, 08 Sep 2009 13:53:00 +0000

My winner was chosen this morning from Random.org- 44

Congrats to Happy Dash who said " I was just saying to my husband that I need an apron for all this cooking I've been doing lately... great giveaway! Have a great day!"

I think this apron makes me want to cook a little more frequently in the kitchen because it's so dang cute!! Happy cooking!

Flirty Apron Review and Giveaway!! CLOSED

thepinkteapot@gmail.com (Janine) — Tue, 01 Sep 2009 05:36:00 +0000

Here it is ladies, if you've been anticipating like I have, then you'll be so happy to know that I've received my lovely Flirty Apron in the mail! I ripped the envelope open and found a neatly folded apron inside that I couldn't wait to wear (literally). I took off my other apron, and with glee, tied the bow on this little beauty!

Here's what I love:

I love the fabric. It's to die for. Thick enough that it would hold up well in the wash and those beautiful pleats would stand the test of time, but not so thick that it won't move with you as you move around the kitchen.
I love the colors! Red, black, and white...how fun. I enjoyed putting on something a little different than what I'm used to and the patterns were fantastic and eye catching.
I loved the long sache. I had plenty of room if I wanted to tie it up front, around the back in a big bow, or to do whatever I wanted with the long sashes, and I appreciate the thoughtfulness of the company for giving me that room and flexibility.
I loved their punctuality. They told me they were sending the apron out the door and I had it the next day (I believe). That's service!
I love their vintage flair with a modern twist. Their aprons are sexy and flirty while still maintaining a traditional style that I enjoy cooking in...a style of practicality!

The thing I didn't love so much:

I only have one thing to say that I didn't absolutely adore about these aprons. I thought the pockets could have been a bit deeper. I thought the placement was perfect and the width too; but I just wanted a little extra snuggle room for my hands and perhaps a set of keys and a phone when I run to the market in my apron when I've forgotten the cornstarch.

I give Flirty Aprons 4.75 stars for superior craftsmanship, customer communication, design, use of fabrics, functionality, and a little flair!

Way to go girls!

Now it's time for one of you lucky ladies to win one of these incredible aprons...I know mine is know officially a keepsake. Here's how to enter my giveaway for an apron from www.flirtyaprons.com:

1. Leave a comment on this post for one entry.
2. Blog about this for an extra entry (and link back to your post in your comment).**
3. Put the The Pink Teapot button on your blog for an additional entry.**
4. Follow @thepinkteapot on Twitter and tweet about this for another entry.**

5. Become a fan of The Pink Teapot on Facebook for an additional entry.**

This contest will close at 11:59pm on Monday, September 7. The winner will be announced the following day and chosen by random.org

*Any one person can enter up to five times and increase their chances of winning

**You must leave a separate comment for each extra entry.

The little pink book of etiquette

thepinkteapot@gmail.com (Janine) — Wed, 26 Aug 2009 03:10:00 +0000

I found a great book that I thought I would share. This book is a small, practical, and cute guide to etiquette that you're all sure to enjoy! It's found on my nightstand and I frequent it's pages so that I can learn more and love the author's adorable humor- a great read. This would also make a great gift. You can purchase it here.

Too Nice for her own good

thepinkteapot@gmail.com (Janine) — Wed, 19 Aug 2009 11:00:00 +0000

These are some of my favorite emails...the ones that don't necessarily have a cut and dry answer. This particular situation has many different variables and so I put it out to you "Pink Teapotians"...what do you think?

"I have a neighbor who drops by unannounced in the evenings just to say "hello." Sometimes it happens at dinner or bath time. Sometime its just inconvenient because I'm trying to steal a minute for myself. I don't have the heart to be rude, but she drops by with her child and once my child sees who is at the door, I don't have much choice in acknowledging them. When I open the door, her child rushes in and then I have company, even if just for a few minutes.

I might say something like, "Oh I'm busy making dinner and doing laundry." And she might respond with, "we'll just stay a minute." I don't even invite her past the foyer, but even that doesn't seem to get through. Then, we have to pry the kids apart to send them on their way.

What do you recommend?

Signed,
Too Nice for Her own good"

We're all intelligent here. But this takes some thinking. What are the parties' personalities like? What are their needs? There is a basic infringement going on here. The person who is just "coming in" during dinner time or that special time of day is simply infringing upon this person's boundaries.

The one thing I will say is that if we will allow them, others will show us their boundaries. I want to hear from you!! I'm so excited to hear what you have to say to this person! I'm sure they are excited too!

Class is timeless

thepinkteapot@gmail.com (Janine) — Fri, 14 Aug 2009 20:23:00 +0000

I was in one of those reflective moods the other day and I was thinking about class. I was trying to wrap my brain around what it really is and what it means. I think it can mean different things in different situations and to different people. We can't all act the same way in any given situation because we're all different personalities and that would be boring, we weren't built that way, however, there are some constants.

We can always think before we speak...or try-let's work toward that...that's a goal of mine!

We can always err on the side of being kind: we can be nice instead of rude, include instead of exclude, give others the benefit of the doubt (not always easy to do), smile instead of scowl, wave instead of ignore, forgive instead of hold a grudge, and build bridges instead of create gaps.

We can always politely say "no thank you, but thank you for asking...that was so nice" instead of "No!"

We can always say "yes please!"

It doesn't cost you anything to slow down sometimes and take time for others

A sincere thanks via text, email, homing pigeon, or in person looking them right in the eye is so powerful. It may be forgotten by you in a moment's time, but may be remembered by the person being thanked for a lifetime...don't forget to show gratitude

My point is that kindness and class I believe go hand-in-hand, they're close cousins...perhaps even the same thing. I have rarely seen a rude person or a closed off mean person and thought, now there's a person with a lot of class.

I am writing this because I feel that I have a lot to learn in this regard and I think we can all learn from this. Sometimes we are too busy, too proud, too stressed, too stupid, too...whatever to just stop and think about how what we may do, or what we may have done could affect the other person and we need to think about that more often. If we would do that, I can tell you that the world would not only be a more well- mannered place, but a classier place. Things that are vengeful and hurtful would not be said and done so easily, apologies would come more quickly, forgiveness more easily, smiles more readily, and thank-you's more heart felt.

Try it for a week, give it a chance. See what happens.

A difference of "opinion"

thepinkteapot@gmail.com (Janine) — Sat, 25 Jul 2009 12:40:00 +0000

My husband is in the Multimedia field. When people ask me what that means, I say, "he gets to do everything: photography, building websites from the ground up, video/video editing, print work, logos, everything design" you name it, if it's in the realm of multimedia design, he gets to play. One of the advantages of working with a team is that he has tech writers with whom he works. These tech writers are professionals who specifically have English or more specified degrees for which they went to school so that they could learn the English language and be masters at it. The funny thing is that he'll come home after building copy for something and it's standard to run it by at least two tech writers. Each writer will have a different opinion on what is correct and what is not correct (a few commas here, a semi colon there, etc), I thought that was funny- especially when you read later.

I profess to be no such master of our language, however I do know that I seldom go around spewing words that I've looked up just to look smart. I use words that come naturally to me, and if they have not become integrated into my vocabulary by some outside source (my family, reading, ongoing education), they are foreign, but I do love to continue learning and I hope that I do not offend, I do my best to use no dramatic errors while writing or speaking.

This is a long-winded introduction to something that happened in the comments box exactly two months ago that sparked a little debate and I thought we should address it and here's why: If we have something negative or constructive to say to others, we should address it privately. It shows class and restraint. We should always think before we speak (or write). We should know what we're talking about if we are going to address a point. Lastly, we should always remember that it's always right to stand up for ourselves-we must stand up for ourselves. This does not mean being rude, but we should not allow ourselves to be run over at all (or any longer for some of us)- and that's not bad manners. We all have things in our lives that we should just let go, but if you can't let it go and it's just eating you up and you've allowed it to affect how you treat others (or that person) by all means, get it out of the way, but do it with respect...like my brother always says "Git R Done"!

So here's what happened- I wrote This post- and the first comment I got was this (verbatim mind you):

Janine-

I've always been interested in etiquette, and was pleased to stumble on your blog a few months back.

I've tried to ignore this, but unfortunately, I can't do so anymore--your egregious spelling/grammatical errors are, to my eyes, just as bad as having bridal shower guests self-address their own thank-you cards.

So I'm choosing to unsubscribe. I know this may make me seem like a jerk, but there's a disconnect here. I can't take someone seriously in this realm if they can't take the time to learn English properly.

If you agree, and want to address to problem, please consider asking someone to take a quick look over your blog-posts before they go up, or even hiring an editor. You'd do the same for a custom-printed wedding invite or a Christmas update letter, wouldn't you?

And here was my response about an hour later (after some thought):

I appreciate that you have the time to go through my posts and find grammatical errors as well as the spelling errors that my spell check (which is not perfect) didn't happen to catch. Since The Pink Teapot is a blog and not a website, it was never intended to be professional. I have never gained profit of any kind, I have had no formal etiquette training (of which I make all my readers well aware), and I am the first to apologize for my shortcomings.

My grammar will never be perfect. My spelling may never be perfect (unless spell check becomes a little more sophisticated) and I may not have the time necessary to edit my posts as I would like because my main dedication is to my family, first and always.

  So while I appreciate all forms of communication on this blog as they may help me improve, in the future, should you have a truly constructive criticism, email it to me instead of leaving it with a name only in a comment box.  

Good luck in your endeavors and I hope you find another etiquette source that meets your criteria. To avoid offending you in the future, I might suggest that you purchase a professionally edited book.

Janine

This communication was followed by a series of comments by a few of my wonderful readers (a few of whom were truly ticked off), but after I thought about what I wanted to say, I wrote a well thought out response that I thought was neither belligerent or reactive. That's how I'd like to think I live my life, although I know I fall short. For you new-comers, please know that The Pink Teapot will never be perfect, but that my heart will always be in it, and for you stalwarts, thank you for sticking with me even in the summer craze, it will probably always slow down for me in the summer as long as I have children home.

I hope that this communication helps you all in your day-to-day struggles dealing with people who just can't help themselves. We all have people in our lives like that, don't we. Have a fabulous weekend.

The Pink Teapot is one year old!

thepinkteapot@gmail.com (Janine) — Mon, 13 Jul 2009 15:24:00 +0000

One year ago (on July 10th) I started the Pink Teapot. How fitting that on an etiquette blog I'm late posting about my blogiversary, but that's life I guess! Thank you all for making this one of the most rewarding things I do!

Happy Independence Day

thepinkteapot@gmail.com (Janine) — Fri, 03 Jul 2009 13:40:00 +0000

I cannot promise with summer and four little ones keeping me on my toes that I will be posting on my one year "anniversary" (which is on the 10th of July) but I am going to try. I would, however, like to wish my fellow Americans a Happy Independence day. I say Americans only because I know I have readers all over the world whom I very much love and I hope to continue to learn more about your holidays and traditions that I might be able to celebrate them as well.

Today's post is simple. Enjoy, enjoy, enjoy! I have made past 4th of July holidays so busy that by the time it's over, I'm so exhausted, I can't even remember if I had fun. I'm to the point in my life where I do still love to entertain, but I have limits on how far I'm willing to take that. For example, my crowd will be just as happy with chicken and burgers as they would be with filet mignon rubbed with a homemade rub and homegrown potatoes slow roasted with homegrown herbs. I laugh as I write that because we do have an extensive garden thanks to my husband so some of those things happen anyway, but only out of convenience, I promise!

I have a post I did a while ago for Fancy Friday (ahhh, I miss Fancy Friday...let me get my kids back in school, we'll get there again, I promise)- on Flag etiquette. Maybe you'll learn something new, I know I did.

Have a fabulous weekend and remember to take time to enjoy!

"I'm in the hospital for a baby" etiquette...?

thepinkteapot@gmail.com (Janine) — Sat, 13 Jun 2009 16:20:00 +0000

Yes, I do realize the title of this post is not grammatically correct (disclaimer), but it works for my purposes.

In honor of a dear friend who just had a baby, I'm going to talk about Hospital Etiquette when someone is going to or has had a baby. I realize this is a sensitive subject and everyone is so different that there is no possible way to appease everyone, but I will try.

For the Mom's to be:

This time is about your experience, your laboring to bring a life into this world. It's a time that cannot be re-created or re-experienced. You get one chance to spend time with the ones who are caring for you during labor and then with your sweet baby after delivery- remember that.
It's okay to say no. There is no cause to be rude. Although sometimes we have people in our lives who are pushy or overstep their bounds, we can plan ahead, thus helping to minimize the "drama", let me explain: the day you are in labor is the wrong day to discuss with your mother-in-law that you'd rather she not be in the room as you're delivering your baby. Think ahead of people who you need to discuss this with and have a candid conversation with them. If you are unable to do so in person (because of fear or logistics), a sweet email, filled with excitement about the new baby and a clear invite or boundary given, will help ease that tension.
You need your rest: This is more than an etiquette tip, it's advice from a mother of four. I so enjoy company and love people, but the 48 or so hours we spend in the hospital with a newborn baby combined with the annoying (but necessary) interruptions of the hospital staff, do not create a restful environment to begin with. Mix in all kinds of visitors and you're even more exhausted when you come home even if you thrive on people like I do.

For the Visitor (family or otherwise):

Please respect that it is not the end of the world if you are not there for the actual labor and delivery of your grandchild. Although I understand it may feel that way, it's simply not the time to be imposing on another person. I remember my sweet mother-in-law and I having conversations about this when I was pregnant with my first child and I remember her being so respectful of my wishes. I actually wanted her there just after, and we told the family we'd call them. My husband's family as well as mine respected that and we had all of our family around us within hours of my son's debut into this world.
Please don't ask if you can be there during labor and delivery- and don't just show up. Again, this is a private thing, a painful thing, a wonderful thing. There are so many emotions wrapped up into this event that make it special. It should not be intruded upon by someone else, no matter who that person is.
Don't get your feelings hurt. My wise mother always says, "remember it's not about you, it's about them". I am a tender-hearted person and I wear my heart on my sleeve, so I understand getting my feelings hurt, but this is not about you, this is about the person who is holding that little bundle of joy...remember that.
Don't assume and bring children. It's always best to not bring children to the hospital for so many reasons. They press the call buttons, run around, bring germs along with their sweet faces...none of these things are appreciated. A visit can always wait until they get home from the hospital so you can find someone to tend to your children to go and visit the baby and mother.

This by no means covers all things, but here are a few ideas. I love to hear all about your experiences and the suggestions that you have to help.

Lucky Girl!

thepinkteapot@gmail.com (Janine) — Fri, 12 Jun 2009 18:32:00 +0000

"All American Preppy" who said- "I would love to have a personalized "blogging ideas" notepad like Ashley made for Liene! I absolutely love everything Ashley comes up with!"

Thank you to all who participated, that was a fun giveaway and I agree with all of you that Ashley is tremendously talented all of her creations are amazing! Congrats!

I'm Guest Blogging this week & doing a giveaway here!

thepinkteapot@gmail.com (Janine) — Tue, 02 Jun 2009 00:01:00 +0000

I'm guest blogging at Ashley Brooke Designs this week, so make sure to check out her blog. She has graciously accepted my request to do a giveaway on my blog. She creates beautiful custom paper designs in all forms and is amazingly talented. You can preview some of her work with these images. Please leave a comment below and tell me what type of custom design product you would like to receive from Ashley Brooke Designs. I will choose a winner next week. Good luck!

Elevator man

thepinkteapot@gmail.com (Janine) — Mon, 25 May 2009 13:00:00 +0000

Now that you all know that I'm a Danny Elfman fan, as well as an Oingo Boingo enthusiast by the title of this post, let’s write about elevator etiquette, shall we?

While staying at the Ritz in DC with my Mother, I had the pleasure of observing the atrocious manners of some, and the immaculate manners of others (se la vie). One day in particular comes to mind. My mother has had both of her hips replaced and although she is amazing and resilient, she can only do so much, go so fast, and still must use a cane to walk (it's only been three months). We were waiting by the four (yes four) elevators that led to our rooms and she and I were the only ones waiting. Very abruptly, a family came racing to the elevators (two parents, two children maybe 13 and 10). The button had already been pressed, so we all stood there waiting for the elevator to open. When the elevator door just behind the family opened, they quickly shuffled in and did not bother to move to the back therefore leaving no room for my mother. I stared at the father until the door began to close, and as it did, he looked right at me. He must have been unconscious to not recognize that 1. there was a handicapped woman standing there before him; 2. that he didn't make room for her; and 3. that he made no apologies. I was outraged! I don't become outraged very often, but this was my mother we're talking about. She patiently stood there until another elevator opened, by which time another gentleman (yes, a gentleman) let us into the elevator first. I complimented him on his graciousness and good manners. My faith in humanity was restored.

Coming down from our room we got into the elevator with a lovely young couple. I didn't have the pleasure of being introduced to his wife, but his name was Tony. As we stepped in, we made small talk, and as the elevator stopped, Tony let my mother and I exit first- Thank you thank you! We had just about had it with elevator drama on our trip and Tony and his wife came to the rescue. I actually embarrassed myself by running after him to give him my card and told him I'd be writing about this, and so I have.

My sweet sister-in-law-to-be was apologizing for people in her town and their lack of manners as she witnessed some of the same etiquette breaches that I did over the weekend; but this was not a commentary on her town (which was lovely as was her family); It is a commentary on our society "me first, all about me, fabulous me" but what about others? What about opening a door just because? What about a smile just to smile? What about lowering your voice as you use obscenities to describe something? What happened to caring about those around us as much as we care about ourselves? I have faith that humanity is good, alive and well; just not thriving in some places as much as others. As my travels have taken me different places, I have found that each place has a distinct feel. This place had the feeling of busyness in one’s own life (I’m too busy with myself to let a handicapped person on the elevator first). Although I know that many people in the hotel were visiting from various locations, I saw things in local stores and other local public places that led me to this judgement.

I must say that the staff at the Ritz was everything it is supposed to be-gracious, caring, attentive, polite, and generous. I want to thank them for helping to make our trip a memorable one. I also want to thank everyone with whom we had the opportunity to interact-whether they made it pleasant for us or gave me material to write about.

Oh my...I have lots to say

thepinkteapot@gmail.com (Janine) — Mon, 18 May 2009 06:13:00 +0000

Life experience is a wonderful thing. I have had many life experiences this past weekend that I would like to share with all of you and I can't wait, however, since I can't decide what time it really is due to jet lag and the fact that I have to get on a plane tomorrow as well, I'll wait until I'm in my comfy chair at home to write all the things I want to share with all of you. Coming soon to an etiquette blog near you!

That's too much info for a first date!

thepinkteapot@gmail.com (Janine) — Thu, 14 May 2009 12:58:00 +0000

We were recently the hosts of an all adult dinner party at our home, a proud accomplishment with four little ones. It was enchanting for me as I watched my husband truly delight in our guests' company (as did I of course). You know who you are and since you read my blog and you know I'm going to mention this, you shall remain nameless!

One of our dear friends related an experience she had while attending an event where she knew no one well. She felt uncomfortable at the level of intimate conversation going on, not necessarily because these ladies were being so rude, but perhaps (in my opinion) because they were not considering her feelings or thoughts being someone who was new to this particular situation and could in no way keep up with the inside jokes, the casual sarcasm, or the flagrant disregard for anything private (it seemed). Now I'm not lecturing these ladies by any means, there is nothing like a great group of girlfriends, however, when one is invited to be part of that for a time, that group needs to be sensitive to that one new person's needs, instead of just thinking of their own needs as a group. Someone should to stand up for the little person, the new girl, and it's you...the one reading my blog.

Here are a couple of things to think about:

When in mixed (newer) company, there are topics to avoid: Sex and bodily functions, other people, intense politics, religious differences, and child rearing techniques. You could also add to that list-insistent opinions stated as facts about any topic. I will never forget sticking my whole leg (if you will) in my mouth once when I didn't know a family well at all, and talking about how I thought an establishment could do a little better in this area or that, and it turned out they owned it, nice Janine, nice. I learned my lesson-listen far more than you speak, ask questions about the new person; find out what they're interested in, who they are, where they're from. Most likely you'll find you will have things in common. If not, at least you made an earnest effort and tried your best. If you truly lack for conversation, try The Box Girls they specialize in conversation boxes for different events in your lives, what a fabulous idea!
Think of others, not only of yourself. At times I find that I will talk about my life or doings (when asked) in order to avoid making others feel as though they have to open up, break the ice, someone has to do it! This is an art; one I have not perfected. You have to gauge who that person is, how much they like to converse, how comfortable they are talking on "the first date" and subsequent dates, and read their body language and facial expressions. We went out with friends recently who wanted to know all about a particular topic; they were fascinated by it. I happily delved into this particular topic, but that's where I tried to monitor (maybe not successfully) talking too much and getting too passionate about my subject versus satisfying them in their curiosity. We're going out again soon, so I guess they've given me another chance to work on that "art".
There's always a way out; in this I firmly believe. You are never stuck and here are some tips that I shared with my dear friend- some light and comedic, some matter-of-fact, and some- to the point: "That's way too much information for a first date", "Wow, is it that late? it's past my bedtime!", "That image is going to be in my head all next week, I'm not sure how I feel about that" (all using comedy to lighten the situation but hopefully get your point across-especially when sex is brought up inappropriately). Here is another post I did on gossip that gives some great tips on how to handle a crowd when gossip arises. "I have a date with a bubble bath and have to go, thank you for inviting me", "It's been such a long day ('already'-if during the day) I am going to go home and take a breather, thank you", "Sorry to jet out of here so early, but I have a million things to do (who doesn't), thanks for the invite", "You ladies were so kind to include me, it's so nice to see close friends all together. I have to get going I have_______ to do, thank you" Here I've given you several one liners that tactfully get you out of a situation and allow you to leave. Make sure you convey your thanks, no matter how saucy the gathering got, to the hostess, not forgetting your manners.

We just have to remember that relationships with women are some of the most enriching (or can be) experiences that we will have in this life, as they were meant to be. They are not to replace our spousal relationships, or our relationships with our children (should that be your stage or choice of life), but there is nothing like a good group of girlfriends. For me, most of my girlfriends are scattered all over the place, a sprinkling, if you will. I adore that. I have all kinds of close, adorable, sophisticated, loving, kind, women in my life who enrich me and lift me up. They make me a better person and that's the whole point. I like acquaintances, but I've learned the difference between a true friend, a passing friend, and an acquaintance, all of whom are valid and okay, just different. I remember an email coming around saying that people come into your life for a reason, a season, or a lifetime, and do you know what makes me most grateful? That most of my girlfriends are there for a lifetime. I love you all, you know who you are; thank you for enriching my life and making me a better person.

That's what women are meant to do in your life, so if that's not what's happening, change it up, think about what you're attracting to yourself, and fix it, if needs be. Make friendships a priority, it's a sad thing indeed when people don't have that in their lives.

Love to all, I'm heading out of town so have a glorious spring weekend!

I've said this before...who's not reading this blog!

thepinkteapot@gmail.com (Janine) — Sat, 02 May 2009 21:22:00 +0000

So I was listening in on a conversation the other day that went something like this: "Wow! you look so uncomfortable and you're huge, are you due to have that baby yet?" I just about died! The Momma-to-be was dressed all cute and even went to the extra effort to wear lots of jewelry as to bring the eyes upward! There were many things that any person could have sincerely complimented her on. My biggest surprise was to watch this continue throughout the day. What are we not understanding people? It's a virtue to be honest and we must be, but we must also find something sincere to compliment others about. What pregnant woman feels so skinny and hot at 8+ months pregnant? Very few would be my guess and if you do, more power to you! I have posted about this because it seems that every time I'm around a pregnant person, they get someone making a remark like that, which is simply inexcusable. So, let's go through it...compliment them on how they're glowing, their jewelry, their other cute kids, an accessory that they might be wearing, the way they smell, or simply tell them how happy you are to see them! There, I've given you several possibilities and alternatives. Now, my suggestion is to send this post to all your friends via the little envelope at the bottom of this post so that all our friends and family get the hint! I am simply fed up with this for all my lovely pregnant friends' sake. Here's my other post on pregnancy.

I personally cannot physically have children anymore, a decision that was painful and really not mine. I would take pregnancy any day! Pregnant women have done something beautiful and great and I hope we can all be more sensitive to that in the future. I was perhaps a little passionate in my delivery of this post, but I hope I get the loving point across!

Oh, and in addition to this, I'll be posting about how to act in the hospital when a family member or friend has a baby...do's and don'ts. Look out for that one.

When in doubt, do!

thepinkteapot@gmail.com (Janine) — Mon, 27 Apr 2009 15:43:00 +0000

I was talking with a friend recently who had lost a loved one. The one sentiment she expressed to me was that she wished that she had understood before the passing of her loved one, how much it meant to receive that little note or phone call showing that you care.

So often in our lives, we think that when others are going through difficult times, we had best leave them alone to grieve, to recover, to prepare, etc., these are well intentioned thoughts, however, there is nothing wrong with sharing a note, a message, flowers, a frozen meal on a door step, whatever you feel you can do for another person. This expressing of love and caring is often held back because we want to "respect another's boundaries" and yet, the best outpouring of love and support that I have seen in my own neighborhood and circle of friends has been when we have done the exact opposite.

Most of the time, it is a lack of knowing what to do or say that holds us back, our own insecurities, if you will. I have posted on this before. If you have a friend, neighbor, or even an acquaintance who has lost a loved one, I have some suggestions on bereavement correspondence here.

When someone is ill (or their family member is ill) whether an acute illness or chronic, I have some suggestions that I've thought of.

I think that our biggest faux pas is always in lacking to do or say something, ignoring what is in front of us, rather than addressing it. There are always appropriate times and places to do so, but we are never remiss in letting others know that we care, only in ignoring other's suffering.

I know that in my own personal experience I have not been perfect in addressing my loved one's suffering, but I have tried to consistently share caring (and sincere) thoughts with friends and loved ones (and sometimes people with whom I might be less well acquainted) because positive and sincere caring never hurt anyone but I do believe that a lack of concern can be hurtful to those in need.

How does this tie into etiquette you might ask? In every way possible, in my opinion. This is the epitome of etiquette in my mind. True etiquette is not snobbery or the putting on of airs, it is the sincere caring of another's comfort. We want others to feel comfortable in our presence and in genuinely wanting that, if we strive to put ourselves out in situations that may seem awkward (like the ones mentioned above may be for some), we may find that we make new friends, heal another's heart, lift another's burden, or make another feel at ease.

I hope you will take this challenge in it's most pure form and strive to place yourself in this position more often. Even if this means for you writing more Thank You notes, express to others what you have failed to express in the past. Do better and be better.

Fancy Friday-lesson I learned

thepinkteapot@gmail.com (Janine) — Fri, 24 Apr 2009 12:09:00 +0000

I appreciate all my readers being patient with me as I tried my hand at a giveaway. I have been approached (attacked actually) by a gaggle of businesses wanting to do advertising on my blog, giveaways, etc. I have been hesitant and have not known how to handle this; not because of a lack of business sense, but because I'm dealing with an etiquette blog, not a blog I chose to create for financial gain.

I was amazed to see (through site analytics) that my readers did in fact respond to the giveaway and came to my blog to see what all the fuss was about (the first two days), but not a lot of people were either excited about what I was giving away (understandable, it's a practical item, not a pedicure), or interested (because it's not why they come here in the first place).

So I put it to you. Yes, I got some responses. But my readership is quite large, I expected well over 300 comments easily for this giveaway, if not more and I felt like that was a fair estimate. I have over that come to my blog every day. I had a hand full of people leave comments so...was it what I gave away or was it the fact that The Pink Teapot, an Etiquette Blog, threw it's readership for a loop and gave away something.

I realize more and more as I get private emails every day that I have a readership who likes to ask me questions privately, like a private "Dear Abbie for etiquette" type thing, so I don't expect that I will get 100 comments about this either, but I have anonymous comments ladies (and gentlemen) for a reason, or you can email me as you always do! Be honest, tell me your opinion. I write this blog for you, my readers. I always want to improve upon what I'm doing here and make this blog what you want to come and read several times a week (when I'm doing a good job keeping on top of writing).

Happy Friday everybody!

Drum roll please...

thepinkteapot@gmail.com (Janine) — Thu, 23 Apr 2009 15:30:00 +0000

I used the random number generator this morning to choose my winners and I apologize for the automated post this morning, I was supposed to have filled it in, but I was waiting until the last second to allow more comments and then got tangled with life. I'm so sorry!

Thank you to all of you who participated in our giveaway...it was so fun to read all of your comments! I loved knowing how different all of your uses would be and how creative you could get using a business card...who knew! The winner of the 1000 free business cards (to be chosen by the winner) with free shipping is Laurel Plum who said, "I need several cards printed. Business cards and cards exclusive to promote my website. But there is something about my path that is always putting me near tons of people that could use a little help in some way but would not dare ask. The majority of the time it is help I could easily offer or a source I could connect them with. I always give that line, "Call me if you need anything" and my number, but I think a lot of times it does come off as a line they may have heard before. I try to follow up and have gotten to know some well enough that they may take me up on it (what a blessing to me, too!), but only a few. I have been thinking of having calling cards made that simple say "I mean it. Call me." with my info. I thought they would be whimsical for everyday encounters, but the meaning would be so much more for those special connections. It would be interesting to try.

Great giveaway! And since I am normally a lurker, I'll take the opp to tell you how much I adore your site. When we were five our Grandmother gave each of the girls a huge Vanderbilt book of Etiquette. We were obviously too young to use them, then later it became an inside joke. But as an adult, it has been a priceless reference. Your site is a daily reminder of those lessons with up to date practices. Thank you." Congratulations Laurel!

The winner of 500 free brochures is Jennifer Young who said, "What a darling one you created! I would love to include these with a photo of our new baby for an announcement! xoxo". Congradulations Jennifer!

Thank you to everyone again, it was a fun "experiment" for The Pink Teapot to perform and I look forward always to what the future holds! Look for my post tomorrow, it's Fancy Friday...and a good read!

My first giveaway!

thepinkteapot@gmail.com (Janine) — Thu, 16 Apr 2009 16:28:00 +0000

I'm excited...and a little nervous. Thus far I have declined to do giveaways on an etiquette blog because I don't really talk about products, however, I have talked about calling cards specifically, and so I thought, "why not, my readers would love these, I know I do!" and so here we are...prove me right ladies! We are doing a giveaway with Uprinting for 1,000 calling cards (or business cards if you prefer) and another giveaway for 500 brochures. I chose Uprinting for their unique and clean approach to graphic design as well as their seemingly unparalleled customer support (you have live chat with a graphic designer whenever you need help!) Here is a quick calling card that I designed on their site that I love!

The rules are as follows:

Leave a comment telling us what you would use the free printing for
You can choose from any of their stock items
Winners in the US and Canada qualify for free shipping. Shipping fees will apply to winners outside these areas.

Good luck to everyone. I like random number generators, but I may just surprise everyone and pick the most unique comments as the winners! We'll end the giveaway in a week, seven days from today!

Noises in the restroom!

thepinkteapot@gmail.com (Janine) — Tue, 14 Apr 2009 20:12:00 +0000

The worst thing about this post is that it was actually inspired by experience!

I was washing my hands before dinner at one of our favorite restaurants the other night and the most horrendous noises were coming from the stall. Now, I realize this is a restroom, but I believe that talking to yourself is not necessary. I can't explain, I don't have the audio clip, so we'll just leave it at that. Let's do the run down of things we should never do and things we should always do in the restroom:

Leave without washing our hands thoroughly. I say thoroughly because I have seen too many times women get their hands wet, get soap, rinse the non-lathered soap off and dry their hands...what good does that serve? none. 25 seconds of lathering hand washing in warm to hot water to kill germs ladies.
Talk on your cell phone while in the stall. This is wrong on so many levels I won't even take the time to explain why...if you do it, stop it...and for those of us who are privy to those conversations, we should all make those "noises" so those women are horribly embarrassed! (just joking...mostly).
Seat protectors-use them! They are not only there for your protection, but for the person after you as well. Let's face it, it's not the most sanitary place in the world, so save yourself and the person after you some trouble by taking an extra 15 seconds to use the seat protector.
Be aware. I have been asked for toilet paper under a stall door before and been more than happy to give it....what is our alternative ladies if there is NO paper product in the stall. I agree if there is an alternative, use it, but otherwise, you may ask because the alternative is horribly unpleasant!
Wait your turn. If there is a line, make sure you pay attention to who was just in front of you and who was just behind you so that you know exactly where you are in line in order to help others feel at ease.
Use a paper towel at the door to help yourself out. I have seen more and more at restaurants that they use a waste receptacle at the door so that we may throw away our last paper towel after we've used it to open the door...the reason? refer to rule # 1!
Keep noises and talking to a minimum. We have all day to talk and most things are not so crucial that they can't wait until we are out of the bathroom stall. Of course we have bodies and our bodies are not perfect, nor am I suggesting that they should be or that we should cause ourselves pain and discomfort, but elective talking and such can and should be avoided while in the bathroom stall.
If it is a single restroom and the door is locked when you try, leave it and wait. The worst thing I've had happen to me is when someone repeatedly tries (like 6 or 7 times in 30 seconds) to open the door. Now I understand that everyone must use the restroom but this doesn't make it any easier for the person occupying the restroom...and in fact it may take them longer because of the induced anxiety...so try once and leave it! If you simply cannot wait..the men's room usually has a much faster turn around and it's acceptable in that situation to use the men's room and in fact more restaurants should have signs that show the women's room and then the mens/women's room for the women's comfort (in my opinion).

I'd love to hear your pet peeves as well and other suggestions that I may have left out...these are all things (unfortunately) that I've dealt with personally and I'm happy that my misfortune has led to this post! Good luck in the restroom jungle!

"I'm a Fan"

thepinkteapot@gmail.com (Janine) — Sun, 12 Apr 2009 04:58:00 +0000

Thank you to Brittany from "Food for Thought" for this award...how clever and cute!~