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“Anyone who has never made a mistake has never tried anything new.”
Albert Einstein

I don’t really write much about blogging since this is a website about personal development. But once in a while I make an exception.

However, some of the mistakes and lessons I have learned are probably still helpful even if you don’t have a blog.

1. I didn’t proofread out loud.

If you proofread your article out loud then it’s much easier to catch strange sentences or missing/misspelled words. A simple and effective tip.

2. I worried too much about negative reactions. They were mostly in my head.

Out of all the feedback I have received over the last three years very, very little has been hostile, angry or nasty. So don’t let your fears about what people may say stop you from posting something or from starting your own blog.

3. I didn’t think looks mattered that much.

I changed the design of the blog last year and the rate of added subscribers and the offers from advertisers and all kinds of personal development businesses have increased. The blog looks more professional and therefore I believe it looks more trustworthy now than it did before. It leaves people with a better first impression.

No, the surface – or what may seem superficial – is not just what matters. But it does have a big impact. Don’t neglect it (in any part of your life).

4. I didn’t focus on email subscribers.

Articles about blogging often talk about the importance of RSS subscribers. Online marketers often talk about the importance of email subscribers. I have found from my own statistics that a lot more people actually reads a new article if it is delivered via email rather than via RSS. Putting email subscriptions in the spotlight has ensured that a lot more people will actually read what I write.

5. I forgot to backup the blog. Many times.

I have been lazy about this many times and every time the blog had some problems or went down for some reason for while I got stressed and angry at myself for not doing such a very simple thing more regularly. Don’t make that simple mistake.

6. I didn’t do proper research on hosting companies.

Back in the spring of 2008 my blog went down. It was down for about nine days. I called the support desk at my old hosting company here in Sweden each day. And each day they told me they would take a look at it and fix the problem. They didn’t. So after more than a week of frustration and phone calls I finally switched hosting companies.

Before making that switch I did some research for about an hour. I read blog posts about hosting companies with the best service. I checked out the website of magazine about internet here in Swedne that does a test every year to find the best hosting companies.

I suggest that you do such research before you start a blog or if you are thinking about switching. It will save you a lot of trouble and stress down the line. Things have run so much smoother with great support people that know what they are doing and will actually help you.

7. I took the wrong perspective for what I wanted.

This is a big mistake I made. I wanted to build and grow a blog to help myself in my own personal development, to help other people who needed some advice and to make this into a full-time gig.

But I was inexperienced and naively listened to too much advice and my own laziness that told me that you pretty much just had to write a bit about things you liked and then slap on some ads and you would be set. So I blogged inconsistently and so the blog grew inconsistently. I slapped on some ads that made me a bit of money but really not that much at all.

Nowadays I don’t view this as just as a blog. I view it as a business where the blog is one part. Last week I set up other parts like a new mailing list and my first own product in the form of the free 7 Timeless Habits of Happiness e-book.

If you want a blog where you share your thoughts then view it as a blog. But if you want to grow it faster and someday turn this into a part-time or full-time gig then I have found it to be much better to view it as a business. It makes it much easier to stay consistent with your work and to find new ideas and solutions both within and outside of yourself to help you to grow your business (and in many ways grow as a person too).

8. I didn’t focus enough on what is most important.

Like with anything else in life, if you want excellent results then focus on doing the most important things. Because there will never be time and energy enough to do it all. And if you don’t focus on the most important things then they are often not done at the end of the day since you kept yourself busy with other things.

What is the most important thing here? At least for me it has been content. Focus your time on writing the best content you can manage. Yes, connecting with people via email, other blogs and Twitter is important. And checking statistics can be fun. But you have to limit the time you spend on those things because without the content you are going nowhere.

It’s a 45 page e-book in PDF-format focusing on habits, techniques and strategies that have helped me to become happier over the last few years. It’s not a magic pill, but these things have really worked for me.

To get access to the book simply sign up for my new email list using the form below. A short while after you have done that you will receive an email in your inbox – be sure to check the spam folder so it didn’t get stuck there – with a confirmation link that you need to click. A short while after that you will get another email with a download link for the e-book.

This email list is, like the e-book, something new that will expand the Positivity Blog beyond just being a blog. It is a part of my plan and main focus of 2010 to expand and grow this website.

The aim of the email list is to deliver 2-3 emails per month with content that is not published in the weekly stream of articles on the blog.

It will include:

• Tips and strategies to help you improve your life.
• Pointing out tools and services that you may find useful.
• And possibly, a recap of links to blog posts that has gone up over the previous month.

As with any newsletter, your email address will not be sold or shared and you can unsubscribe at any time.

If you are using an ad blocker then you might not see the signup form above. Disable the ad blocker to be able to type in your email address.

If you enjoy the book, please share this page with friends on Twitter, Stumbleupon, your own blog and other places so they can get their own copy. Thank you for the support! =)

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“I hear and I forget. I see and I remember. I do and I understand.”
Chinese proverb

“Absorb what is useful, Discard what is not, Add what is uniquely your own”
Bruce Lee

Personal development books, blogs and videos can be a wonderful resource to help you improve your life. Over the last few years I have learned a couple of things that helped me to make better use of that information to get actual results in my life.

I would like to share those things today.

1. Use your own common sense.

It’s easy to be drawn into thinking that gurus or teachers know everything. But a book or blog can’t know or understand exactly what you dream about and all the positive and negative experiences you have been through. No one can know you better than you know yourself.

So it is important to use your own common sense with any advice you are given. Sometimes it may mean that you rely on what someone knows and so you take a leap of faith. Sometimes it may mean that you recognize that something does not live up to the grandiose hype but still has useful things to offer. Sometimes it may mean to dismiss something because it just doesn’t sound right.

Friends and family that aren’t that into personal development can be a voice of common sense. They can ground you if you become a little too lost in theories. So listen to them. But of course, use your common sense here too. Be the highest authority in your own life.

2. Find what fits you, let go of the rest.

There is a lot of advice floating around. I recommend using the advice from Bruce Lee at the start of this article and finding what works and fits you the best. And then you can let go of the other stuff that you have tried.

You may for example find an article with 25 procrastination hacks. Knowing them all will just make you confused. Find the ones that worked the best for you. I personally only use three or four strategies when I get struck in procrastination and want to get moving again.

3. Know that it’s the doing and experience that really changes you.

Don’t over think it. Do it.

Don’t hang around on blogs or online forums all day. Use the free time you have for experiences, no matter how small they are. Because you gain experience, confidence in yourself and real results by doing things. Not by over reading or having endless theoretical discussions.

4. Don’t think that it has to be complicated.

When you have a problem that feels big or have been there for a long time then it’s easy to think that you need a complicated solution. And that your problem is really complicated.

By actually doing things, failing and learning you need to expose yourself to pain and discomfort. By overcomplicating things and over thinking them you can create a helpful excuse to not take action.

By making things more complicated than they need to be you can also make them feel very important. And since you are involved in these important things, well, then you have to be important too, right?

This way of going about things can make you feel good or OK in a strange kind of way. It also stops you from making progress.

One simple way to feel more positive and reduce negative thoughts and inner tension is for example to work out a couple of times each week. A very simple activity with many positive benefits. One simple way of freeing up more time is to set time-limits for activities and to stop doing the irrelevant stuff. Don’t dismiss solutions just because they sound too simple.

Also, one tip is to look at what other people who are doing what you want to achieve do. It may not be the answer you are looking for or want – because it is not an easy magic pill or some secret supercomplicated solution – but it is simply what actually works.

5. Be patient.

I think it took me four tries to establish a workout routine that stuck. It is common to have to start things over a few times before they really stick.

So things may take longer than you hoped for. Life is most often messier than the plan you had. Don’t let that stop you. Be patient, learn from your mistakes and keep moving.

6. If you have a really serious problem, seek professional help.

There is a difference between getting a bit nervous before a meeting at work or a date and having a big panic attack and feeling like you can’t breathe or are about to faint.

If you have a serious problem, then please seek professional help. A book or blog can only go so far. The advice on this blog is for small or medium sized problems (at least as I experience it). If you have a really bad problem then the advice here or on other blog or in books may still help you a bit.

But still believe that best option in such situations is to seek professional help. Perhaps one on one counseling with someone with vast experience, someone that comes highly recommended.

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“It is neither good nor bad, but thinking makes it so.”
William Shakespeare

Some things are often deemed to be bad. Some things are often deemed to be good.

Here are three things that may sound bad but can actually be good for you. Three things that I have learned to make better use of or strengthen a bit since that would help me out. Think about them. Then add and subtract as you see useful for your life and situation right now while using your own common sense.

1. Selfishness.

Selfishness is rarely seen as something positive. The word may fill your head with images of greedy and soulless Montgomery Burns-like people.
However, personal development is in a way pretty selfish. You are trying to make yourself and your life better. But the thing is that by focusing on helping yourself first you can become stronger and help others in a better way too.

If you just focus on other people and not on yourself then you risk burning out. Or people may take advantage of you as you set no limits or boundaries. You become the “nice guy/girl” who is always out there to help people but think little about yourself which in the long run can become pretty unhealthy.

And selfishness and helping others often go hand in hand anyway. I did for example improve my health and increased my energy levels last year. This also gave me the extra energy to work on an free ebook – that will, if everything goes as planned, be up on the blog very soon – besides writing the usual articles. So that is a win-win.

2. Lazyness.

Being lazy isn’t all that bad. Being lazy about stuff that is irrelevant or not that important will help you quite a bit to free up time and minimize unnecessary stress. Getting the most stuff done isn’t the best option. Getting the most important things done will improve your life and world the most.

So, as I wrote a few weeks ago, set limits for checking inboxes, Twitter etc. Use your laziness and come up with ideas on how to make things as simple as you can in your daily life. Find the smartest path instead of thinking there is some reward for doing things in the most roundabout and complicated way.

This also makes it easier to really relax when you relax and work in focused way when you are working. Be smart and balance life and take advantage of laziness instead of making things into an unnecessarily big struggle.

3. Ruthlessness.

Adding a bit of ruthlessness has, in just the right amount, been very helpful for me. It allows me to cut out the unnecessary instead of wimping around and trying to everything to fit in somehow. If you have problems with putting a stop to something or making decisions then a little bit more ruthlessness may be what you need.

Because at some point you have to make harder decisions and cut out stuff you may not want to. Otherwise you won’t be able to find the time and energy you need. This may mean to skip some social engagements or cutting down on the TV-shows you follow from 10 hours a week to 2 hours a week. Not always fun, but you have to be the boss of your life. You have to make the decisions and say no both to yourself and to others if necessary.

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“You must be the change you want to see in the world.”
Mahatma Gandhi

Improving your attitude and living a more positive life overall can take a lot of time and effort. But a part of it can also be simple. You can spread positivity around you with small actions.

This will not only make you and other people feel better today. Over time you tend to get what you give. You will make it easier for yourself to live a more positive life in the long run too.

1. Smile. Smiling puts you and the people around you into a more positive mood. It even works when you don’t feel much like smiling. Just try forcing a smile for 30 seconds if you are feeling a bit negative and see what happens.
2. Give a genuine compliment. Compliments are awesome. But make it a genuine one. Make sure you really mean it or it may have the opposite effect as your insincerity shines through. Find something a bit unexpected – like great taste in old soul music rather than looks – and something that is important to the other person and make a positive, appreciative comment about that.
3. Hugs. A hug is, just like smiling, a simple physical thing that can make anyone feel a little better. People love hugs.
4. Encourage someone. There is much discouragement in the world. You may hear from people around you, you may receive much negativity from the TV and newspapers. Many will back down from doing something they want because of that outer atmosphere of discouragement. So instead, be an exception and encourage people to believe in themselves and what they want to do.
5. Change the way you feel. Emotions are contagious. So to spread positivity, know how you can create and sustain a positive attitude and optimistic mood. Know how to pick yourself up out of slumps. Besides smiling, you can also appreciate life more, change your physiology, act as you would like to feel, ask better questions and recall positive memories to make a quick emotional shift. Read all about those things in this article.
6. Help someone out in practical way. Maybe it’s not encouragement that is needed. Maybe it’s a practical solution. So lend someone a hand when they are moving. Or give them a ride in your car. Or if they need information, try to find a solution via Google or by asking the people you know.
7. Just listen. Sometimes people don’t want any help. They just want to vent or for someone to listen as they figure out things. It may not seem like much but it can be an immense help for someone who needs it.
8. Put things into perspective. It’s easy to get wrapped up in problem and make a mountain out of a molehill. But you can help out by adding your perspective. The two of you can talk about it, perhaps laugh about it and even find the hidden opportunity within the problem that in one person’s head may have almost seemed like the sky was falling.
9. Play positive music. Uplifting music is of course a great way to boost your own mood. You can do the same for people around you. Put on a really positive song when you are hanging out. Or send them an uplifting playlist for Spotify or some other music program.
10. Perform a random act of kindness. Just holding up the door or pointing out the way for someone who seems lost can be a way to spread a little bit of positivity. It’s always nice when someone you don’t even know does something kind for you.
11. Pay it forward. If a friend or stranger spreads a bit of positivity to you then in some way pay it forward. Spread the positivity on to another person and let an upward spiral of positivity grow and expand in your world.

Feel free to chime in the comments and add your simple tip(s) for adding more positivity to the world today.

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Lately I’ve become a lot fonder of limits than I used to be. I used to see them as something negative. Because on one level it’s great to surpass you own limits. On another level it is pretty helpful to set some limits.

So here is how I use limits to make things easier for myself and to accomplish more.

1. Drop the irrelevant stuff.

What are the most important things in your life? What are the least important things in your life? Find ways to drop the things that are actually pretty irrelevant when you think about it. This may not be that easy though and you can encounter resistance from within.

Even if it’s a change for the better you are still upsetting the order you are used to and that is uncomfortable. But to make room for new stuff or more of the best stuff then something has to go. You can’t just work faster and faster.

2. Set limits for daily checking.

I check inboxes, Facebook, various statistics for my website early in the day. And just once a day. It is relief because your mind becomes less stuffed with thoughts that just run around in circles. You think more clearly and feel more relaxed. I would highly recommend adapting this in a way that suits you and to try it for just a week and see how it feels.

3. Set time limits for small decisions.

This is a new experiment I have been trying out for the last two months or so. I don’t sit around thinking about decisions like if I should exercise, make a phone call, try some new food or anything where I may feel a bit of resistance from within. Instead as soon as I think about it I make a decision to do it within seconds and start moving.

If you wait for just one or a few minutes then that can create unnecessary doubts and excuses in your head. The mental burden in your mind – which can become a pretty big energy sucker over days and weeks of time – is minimized by doing this.

4. Set time limits for tasks.

Last year I started using Twitter. It became pretty sporadic. So this year I decided to set a timebox for 15 minutes each day to use for Twitter. At first, I felt resistance but I had set the limit and so I was going to use Twitter for 15 minutes each day. After a couple of days the limit became useful in another way. Because now I had got into it and it had become more fun than it used to. So the 15 minute limit now helps me to use Twitter effectively and to not spend too much time there.

Try using a similar small limit to either get started with doing something each day or to cut down on something that you are spending more time on than you really want to.

5. Set a limit for commitments.

Say no. Stretching yourself a bit can be good. Overextending yourself is not.

Get to know your limits for getting things done and actually enjoying life instead of just trying to get yourself through each day with your head above the water. Think about it, use the other tips above and find a balance where you get the most important things done but also feel good about your life and not just deadly tired and with a lot of mediocre results.

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“There is no such thing as a worthless conversation, provided you know what to listen for. And questions are the breath of life for a conversation.”
James Nathan Miller

“If you have an important point to make, don’t try to be subtle or clever. Use a pile driver. Hit the point once. Then come back and hit it again. Then hit it a third time-a tremendous whack.”
Winston Churchill

One of the most common problems that people may run into in conversations – based on my own experiences, emails/comments I get and feedback from people in real life – is that their heads go empty and they don’t know what to say next. The conversation stalls and there is even perhaps an uncomfortable silence.

So how can you overcome this challenge?

Here’s what I do.

Why does this problem even come up?

First, here’s my short explanation why you might run into this problem. One reason might be that you are simply not prepared or out of your “regular world” (meaning for example that you go to a party to watch the finals in the world championship in rugby but know nothing about the sport while the other people are huge fans).

But a more common reason why you may run into this problem is that you feel that you need to say the “right thing”. You may want to not want to appear stupid by saying the wrong things or asking the wrong question. Or you want to impress someone.

1. You don’t have to be perfect.

Realize that you don’t always have to have the best answer or say the perfect thing. No one is expecting that except you.
Setting such ridiculous expectations just screws with your mind and improves nothing. Instead it can lead to a sort of performance anxiety that winds up paralyzing your mind. And so you don’t know what to say next.

2. Don’t think too much.

When you think too much you tend to have your focus inwards. You become self conscious, start to question yourself and fear what the future may bring. You get stuck between options for what to say and nothing comes out.

If you instead bring your awareness back the present moment you shift your focus outwards again. You notice what the people you are talking to are actually saying, what is happening in your conversation and around you.

This is the natural headspace stay in when you’re in a conversation. It’s a place where you probably are most of the time with your closest friends and family.

So how do you get into this comfortable and social headspace?

• Breathe or observe. The simplest way to reconnect with the now is to just focus on your breathing or to observe and take in your surroundings with all your senses for just a minute.
• Assume rapport. Basically, instead of going into a conversation or meeting nervously and thinking “how will this go?” you assume that you and the person(s) will establish a good connection (rapport). How do you do that? Just before the meeting, you just think/pretend that you’ll be meeting a good friend. Then you’ll naturally slip into a more comfortable, confident and enjoyable emotional state and frame of mind. In this state of mind conversation tends to flow more naturally without much thinking. Just like with your friends.

You may want to do a combination of breathing to relax if you feel tense and stressed and then you assume rapport to bring yourself into an even more positive headspace. Going straight from nervous to assuming rapport successfully may be too big of a leap.

3. Tap into curiosity.

When you are stuck in some kind of negative emotional state then you are closed up. You tend to create division in your world and mind. You create barriers between you and other things/people.

Curiosity on the other hand is filled with anticipation and enthusiasm. It opens you up. And when you are open and enthusiastic then you have more fun things to think about than focusing on your nervousness or fear. So be curious.

But when you are curious, don’t get stuck in the questions game where the conversation turns into an interrogation. Mix the questions up with making statements. Instead of asking what someone’s favorite film is just tell them what your favorite one is and the let them continue from that statement.

4. Associate.

Find something in what you are already talking about to help you move into the next topic. The topic of fishing lure commercials on TV can help you bounce over to the time you and your uncle got trapped in boat without fuel while fishing. And then you and the people in the conversation can go on to talking about family or the oil problems the world is facing.

You can also find inspiration for topics by simply observing your surroundings.

5. Prepare.

The tips above should help you out but if you get really stuck anyway then you may want prepare and have a few topics in your mental backpocket.

• The person you are talking to. Again, curiosity is good because people like to talk about themselves.
• Passions. People love to share positive emotions and usually like to know what makes the other person tick.
• Watercooler topics and the news. It never hurts to be updated on what’s happening in the world.

6. Do the right thing.

This is more of a long-term solution but it makes conversations and just about anything easier and makes your life flow in a natural way.

If your thoughts and actions aren’t in harmony then you don’t feel so good about yourself. You feel like you are disappointing yourself and your self esteem sinks. If you on the other hand do what you deep down think is the right thing as much as you can then you feel like you deserve good things in life (and so the need to impress anyone significantly decreases). You feel confident and alive.

This does of course come through in a major way in any interaction.

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“All glory comes from daring to begin.”
Eugene F. Ware

“With the new day comes new strength and new thoughts.”
Eleanor Roosevelt

A few days ago I wrote about how to make that change you really want to stick this year. Today I’d like to continue on the theme of newness and fresh changes with this companion piece.

1. There is always a new beginning.

“Every new beginning comes from some other beginning’s end.”
Seneca

“When one door of happiness closes, another opens; but often we look so long at the closed door that we do not see the one which has been opened for us.”
Helen Keller

How often do we not miss the window of opportunity in a new situation just because we are still angry, sad or frustrated about that other door that just closed?

To me this is another powerful reason to remind myself to stay in the present. To not get stuck and hung up on missed opportunities. When you are living in the present – which is a way to live on the positive and open part of the emotional scale too – and not stuck in the past I have found that it is a lot easier to find the hidden opportunities in any situation.

So whenever you see a door closing, take your eyes off it at least pretty shortly after. And instead of letting your awareness linger on what is in the past, use your time and focus to find the new opportunity that lets you continue the unpredictable adventure that is life.

2. Just get started.

“A journey of a thousand miles must begin with a single step.”
Lao Tzu

“So many fail because they don’t get started – they don’t go. They don’t overcome inertia. They don’t begin.”
W. Clement Stone

“The secret of getting ahead is getting started. The secret of getting started is breaking your complex overwhelming tasks into small manageable tasks, and then starting on the first one.”
Mark Twain

Sitting at home on your hands and thinking about something or hoping will not get you far. To get something out of life you have to get going. It’s not always easy though as fear and inner resistance and simple inertia holds you in your place. So how can you make it easier?

Well, you can certainly do what Mark Twain recommended, it works very well. You can also:

• Ask yourself: What is the worst that could happen? A lot of the fear we feel before getting started comes from fuzzy and foggy thoughts about what could happen. But if you actually imagine the worst scenario then it’s often not as frightening as you thought. You won’t die or anything. And it won’t ruin the rest of your life. Imagine the worst scenario and then try to create a plan focused on how you could get on your feet again if that scenario, against all probability, should happen. You’ll realize that whatever your fear is you could probably get back on your feet and back to normal life pretty quickly once again.
• Make a list of the reasons to get started. Do it on paper, on your computer or just in your head. When you stuck in fear and inaction it’s very easy to just focus on the negative aspects such as it being hard work or the risk of pain or failure. So you need to change what you are focusing on to motivate yourself to take action. Making a list of positives like benefits and possible opportunities can be very effective for turning your focus around.

3. The beginning doesn’t have to be perfect.

“Beginnings are always messy”
John Galsworth

“All great deeds and all great thoughts have a ridiculous beginning. Great works are often born on a street corner or in a restaurant’s revolving door.”
Albert Camus

When you read personal development blogs or books it’s easy to be lulled into a feeling of enthusiasm where everything will go smoothly if you just stick to the plan.

But reality is a bit more messy. Plans go out the window or may need to be modified as soon as you put them into action. That’s OK. That’s normal. Be prepared for that. It doesn’t mean that what you learned won’t work. It just means that a book or article can’t explain all the intricacies of your life and situation. There will always be a bit of simplification and things that piece of text could not predict.

So don’t go looking for perfect beginnings (or situations in general). Such hopes just tend to disappoint you since nothing or no one can live up to such unrealistic expectations. Instead, accept that this is how life is.

This is also why perseverance, patience and going after what you really, really want is essential. Without those things you’ll fold and give up when you hit a snag, bump or fall flat on your face.

Also, always keep a pen and paper – or a cellphone – nearby to write down all the great ideas that come to you in the strangest places.

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“The greatest waste in the world is the difference between what we are and what we could become.”
Ben Herbster

“The doors we open and close each day decide the lives we live.”
Flora Whittemore

“The universe is change; our life is what our thoughts make it.”
Marcus Aurelius

It’s a fresh new year.

Although you can make a positive change in your life at any time most people get an extra dose of enthusiasm around this time of the year. That’s only natural.

But how do you go about making changes that will stick? How do you not wind up in the same place where you started a few weeks or months from now?

Below is a sort of checklist for 2010 that will help you to avoid some of the most common problems that people have when they trying make a change. I have created it so I have something to look back on as I move through this year. You may want to do the same.

1. Choose something YOU really want.

It’s easy to tipsily declare your New Year’s resolution for 2010 when you got a glass of champagne in your hand. But do you actually want it?

Maybe you don’t really want it that much. But the world around seems to want it. This doesn’t mean that you can’t achieve it. But it might be better to focus on what YOU really want. Both to steer your life in the direction you yourself want and to create positive internal motivation instead of external pressure you feel you have to live up to.

How do you find out what you really want to do? By thinking and by experimenting and just trying things out (the image you have of something in your head can be very different from the actual experience). Get to know what you really want in your life.

2. Choose a main focus.

Choose one main area of life to focus on each year. This makes it easier to actually get a lot of things done and taking massive action instead of getting lost in too many commitments and getting worn out by trying to balance all areas of life.

This year I will be focusing on expanding and growing my business (which is this website at the moment, but soon a bit more than that). I have also set a smaller, secondary focus on developing and expanding my social life even more. Fitness and health that was my main focus in 2009 will take a backseat. I’ll mainly let it run on autopilot based on the positive changes I made last year.

Think about what area of your life that you really want to focus on. It may be the area you know deep down that needs to most improvement. Or the area that you think you will reap the greatest rewards by improving.

3. Find a way that fits you.

Different things fit different people. It did for example take me quite some time of trying different ways to do cardio exercise before I finally found body weight exercises.

Experiment and find what works for you and what fits your personality. This will make it a lot easier to stick to your positive change and develop a relaxed consistency.

4. Set big goals, not reasonable ones.

One mistake I made last year was to set a too small goal for how much money I wanted to make from my business each month. It was reasonable, but it also didn’t inspire me that much. By the summer I realized this and tripled the amount of money I wanted to make.

Suddenly, I felt uncomfortable but also excited. My mind started to spit out solutions to help me reach that goal. I didn’t reach the goal in 2009 but my income shot up quite a bit during the last six months of that year.

So this year I’m definitely setting bigger goals than I used to.

I may not reach them but if you aim for the stars and wind up in the treetops then that’s still pretty great.

5. Set the goal but focus on the daily process.

I for instance use this when I write and when I workout. I don’t take responsibility for the results in my mind. I take responsibility for showing up and doing my workout/writing. The results – I become stronger and the website grows – come anyway from that consistent action. And this makes it easier for me to take action when I know that is all I need to focus on. Instead of using half of the energy and focus I have available on hoping that I “reach my goal real, real soon”.

Focus on the process and you will be a lot more relaxed and prone to continue than if you stare yourself blind on the potential results that never come as quickly as you want to and puts you on an emotional rollercoaster from day to day.

6. Find ways to overcome the things that cause you to relapse into old behavior.

Stress may cause you to feel like smoking again. If so, find a few relaxation techniques that can help you. Worry may lead you to eating too much to feel better. If that is an issue that pops up for you then learn to reduce your worries in life. If you get stuck in inaction learn how to up your enthusiasm and motivation quickly or to just take action anyway.

Find ways to turn bad days or moments into something positive once again.

7. Let other people help you out.

If you’re about to quit smoking ask others who have overcome the addiction what their best tips are. Do some research on/offline. This can save you pain, frustration and it can help you to keep going.

You can also tell people your goals to get accountability and motivation to take action. And you don’t have to go it alone. Finding someone who wants to make the same change that you want can make things easier.

8. Use laziness to your advantage.

I’m kinda lazy. But I use that to my advantage by for example not having any sweets or cookies in my cupboards. I only have healthy stuff there. Since I may feel the craving for something sweet or a snack from time to time but I am too lazy to go to the store I wind up eating what I have at home. A simple habit that has helped me to improve my health.

I also know that I am too lazy to go to the gym or go out running three times a week. So I workout at home. This has helped me to have very good consistency.

Such small, invisible barriers can have a great impact on your daily life. Remove them or use them or to your advantage.

9. Don’t confuse homeostasis with “time to give up”.

One big problem with making that change stick is homeostasis. What that means is that any system wants to be stable. That goes for you. And for the people around you.

So after the initial enthusiasm for your new change in life wanes it may not feel as that much fun anymore. It’s sort of enthusiasm backlash. This is the homeostasis kicking in within your mind (no matter if the goal/habit etc. is actually very positive for you). It’s a resistance to change to keep the system (you) stable. If you are simply aware of this being what it is – rather than a signal to give up – you can persevere, be patient and keep going more easily.

You should also be aware that the homeostasis may appear in the people around you too. Sure, you getting shape might be great. But it means changes in the lives of the people around you too (perhaps new food and nights spent running instead of watching TV with the family etc.). So the people around may react negatively in some way.

Realize that it is the homeostasis in them, not that they are being mean. It’s their brains doing what’s natural to keep the system (the family, circle of friends etc.) stable when “scary change” intrudes.

10. Use reminders in your environment.

I have written about this many times since it have found it very helpful for staying on track and making a change stick.

Simply write down your goals on paper and put them where you can’t avoid seeing them every day. Your fridge, bathroom mirror and workspace are such places.

Paper works fine for this but I have started using a medium sized whiteboard instead. There I can write – in big letters – what my main focus is, what my most important goals are and also any other important thought or perhaps quote that I want to be reminded of each and every day.

11. Don’t beat yourself up when you slip.

You will most likely have a few bad days and fall flat on your face even if you follow the tips above. The important thing here is to not be too hard on yourself and keep on beating yourself up for a week. That could certainly lead to giving up altogether. Plus, it’s kinda pointless.

Instead, learn what you can from the experience so you don’t have to repeat it too many times. Then get back on the horse again the next day. And keep going.

Look at it like this: 2010 will pass no matter what you do. You will arrive at New Year’s Eve this year too.

So if your fail or make some mistakes, so what? Since the time will pass no matter what you do you might as well try again. By doing that you can make 2010 your most awesome year yet.

If you enjoyed this article, please share it on Stumbleupon and Twitter. Thank you very much! =)

The discount is now over. Please go here to read my review of Photoreading.

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Just a quick update today. The offer from Learning Strategies to all Positivity Blog readers that consists of a free download of their Double Your Reading Speed in 10 Minutes session (that also sells regularly as a CD for 19.95 dollars) and a 60 percent discount on both versions of the Photoreading system expires in two days (at the end of the 30:th of December 2009). So if you’re interested I would suggest following the link above now.

Double Your Reading Speed in 10 Minutes is a quick session where you learn to read faster through three steps (and it includes a great little exercise for quickly stepping into a mental state of relaxed attentiveness).

Photoreading – the most popular and top selling product from Learning Strategies – is a whole system and home study course filled with techniques to help you not only read even faster but also to help you get what you want out of books and to better understand and retain what you have learned. It’s not just about moving your eyeballs faster over every word words in a linear reading kind of way but more about getting what value you want out of a book.

To read more about my positive impressions of Photoreading and find more information about the course visit the this article that I posted a few weeks ago.

Instructions for the free download and discounts

To access the free download and the discounts go to this page. After you have filled in your email and other details you will get an email in your inbox (be sure to check the spam-folder too so it didn’t get displaced there). Inside the email is a link to the page where you download the Double Your Reading Speed file. The file is in .zip format so you need a program to unzip the file and get access to the mp3 file within. You can unzip it very easily by using Winrar for Windows (free for 40 days) or StuffIt Expander for Mac (totally free).

Inside the email from Learning Strategies is also a link to the sales page for Photoreading. On the salespage you just type in the customer code from the email and click the” update shopping basket” button to receive the discount. If you pay by credit card then you can split the payment into three parts that you pay over three months (that option costs an extra 9 dollars).

The discount is 60 percent on both versions of Photoreading. The classic version now costs 99.95 dollars instead of the usual 245 dollars. And the Deluxe version goes for 218 dollars instead of 530 dollars.