The Potter Experience

Alone (revised)

2015-04-14T12:49:00.001-07:00

Richard was alone.

Not truly alone, he had friends, and he had his family, and he had Gina, his loving girlfriend. But he could never quite shake the feeling that he was alone.

For as long as he could remember, everything seemed just a bit too distant to be real. Not all the time, mind you, but only when Richard really focused on it. Yes, Richard told himself, he was quite alone indeed.

Perhaps he would leave.

Yes.

Yes, he was going to leave and find somewhere that he would not feel alone. He had finally made up his mind, he would leave behind everybody that he knew. This would certainly stop him from being so hopelessly alone.

Perhaps he would wait until tomorrow to leave, it was supposed to rain today. His mother would need help bringing in the groceries, and he didn't want her to do it herself in the rain.

So Richard made up his mind, he would leave tomorrow. If the weather was right he would leave tomorrow and find somewhere that he would not feel alone. But Gina had planned a lovely date for them tomorrow. He couldn't leave tomorrow, he couldn't do that to Gina, not after all the effort she had put into planning their date.

He would leave then, Richard decided, the day after tomorrow. It would be a Friday, which just seemed well suited to leaving.

Yes.

If the weather was right the day after tomorrow he would leave then. Oh but the day after tomorrow was Phil's birthday party, he simply couldn't miss Phil's birthday party. They had been best friends for years, and how would that reflect on Richard, missing his best friend's birthday party?

After Phil's birthday party he would leave, he would go find somewhere he belonged and he would stop feeling so alone. But he wouldn't do it before the party, all of their friends were going and he couldn't miss that.

And so on that cold September afternoon Richard finally made up his mind, he would leave in three days. He would leave the day after Phil's birthday, two days after his date with Gina, and find a place he didn't feel so alone.

So long as the weather was suited for it.

Richard couldn’t say for sure why he felt so alone, surrounded by friends and loved ones. He only knew that he had felt this way for quite some time.

And so, three days after he had made up his mind to leave, on a sunny, unseasonably warm September morning

Richard left.

He wasn’t sure where he would go, he had never really travelled outside of his hometown of Cannock. Growing up in a small town had been nice, but Richard thought that if he was going to stop feeling so alone he would have to go where there were more people.

London seemed like a good possibility, but he had never been to the city before, and the complicated roadways and the intimidating maps he had seen of the Underground were a bit offputting.

No matter, London was a city steeped in history, and provenance. He could not possibly feel alone with so many people around.

Yes, he would go to London.

And so without any further thought Richard loaded his duffle bag and his suitcase into his red 2001 Mini Cooper and headed down the M1 toward London.

He had traveled nearly half the distance to his destination when Richard pulled off the M1 to take a break and get fuel at the Welcome Break on the north end of Milton Keynes.

After parking he went in to the convenience store to use the washroom and grab a cup of tea.

Before entering the store Richard made a mental note of a rough looking group of men who had just gotten out of an old Ford Transit and were standing in the parking lot smoking cigarettes.

He used the washroom which was, to his delight, recently cleaned. He then purchased a cup of tea and headed back toward the parking lot.

This had been a very good decision, Richard thought, already feeling less lonely than he had been back in Cannock.
He was about to get back into his Mini when one of the rough looking men, an older fellow, completely bald with scars on his face, shouted to him.

“Oi! Pretty boy!”

Richard turned to the man, not quite sure how to react.
“Y-yes?” he managed to sputter, though he could feel his face turning red.

“That’s a pretty lil’ car.” The rough man said laughing, his Geordie accent making the words all the more infuriating.

“T-thank you…that’s a nice Ford Transit.” Richard replied, trying not to show his embarrassment.

The rough men turned to each other and laughed. It reminded Richard of when he was a schoolboy teasing the girls with his friends.

He didn’t like it.

Richard’s vision started to turn the same color as his car. The same color his face and ears were turning. All he could hear was his own heartbeat, and the laughter of the rough men.

Suddenly he was behind the wheel of his Mini Cooper, again heading down the M1 to London.

Richard was confused. He did not remember getting in to his car, nor did he recall turning back on to the M1 and passing through Milton Keynes.

He began to feel very alone again.

The next exit was A5120 to Flitwick, so Richard estimated he had been driving for about 15 minutes without any memory of it.

He decided it would be best to pull off and collect himself.

Had he blacked out?

He certainly hadn’t driven with his eyes closed. But he could not even picture himself getting into the car and driving away from the Welcome Break.

Richard pulled over to the shoulder of the road and slowed his Mini to a stop.

He had never felt more alone in his life.

Richard took a moment to collect his thoughts, and he began to remember the time between being mocked by the bald man and taking the Flitwick exit.

The man had teased Richard, laughing with the other rough looking men, and making jokes about Richard’s sexuality.

Richard hadn’t liked that at all.

He had climbed into his car, started the engine, and reversed into the bald man, knocking him down.

But that couldn’t have been all that happened.

Richard knew, it was just like the situation in Manchester all over again.
And Sheffield before that.

Without remembering the specific events, Richard knew the bald man was dead. The other rough looking men were probably dead too, though he couldn’t be certain.

The police would be coming now.

They would take Richard back to Cannock.

Back to Gina.

Back to the hospital.

Richard was alone.

Goodbye

2015-02-22T01:47:00.001-08:00

Goodbye... Or perhaps I should say so long.

Goodbye just seems so hopelessly final. Like it's a forever sort of word.

Immortal.

I don't think I can let you leave forever.

I don't even want it to be for the night, let alone forever.

If you're gone who will take your place?

I can't even imagine that...replacing you...

Impossible.

I want to let you go. Let you be free, and explore the world.

I'm just so lonely when you're gone. Stay the night tonight?

I get it. You need freedom. I do too.

I just wish I could feel free from you. I need to feel that I'm worth your time.

Approval.

I know, I shouldn't be keeping you, it's late and you need to sleep.

I could talk your ear off, or just sit and listen for hours.

Goodnight.

The Long Dark Pt.1

2015-02-21T23:35:00.001-08:00

The wind that night had carried whispers with it as it blew into town. Whispers of sorrow, and death, and ruin, but also whispers of love, and recovery, and change for the better. No one knew quite what to think when the snow began to fall. The light, fluffy white kind at first, blanketing everything with a fragile, glimmering coat. But then the snow began to fall, as wet and as heavy as rain, and trees began to bend and groan under the stress.

For three days the snow fell without a sign of relenting. The older men in the village began to make jokes that the weather gods has forgotten about them.

And as suddenly as it had began the snow stopped.

It wasn't until the first shipment of supplies after the storm that we began to notice something was amiss.

The storm had changed the outside world, or perhaps more accurately, it had changed our perception of it. The people of Carlston suddenly felt as though the trucks bringing supplies on the ice roads were in some way dangerous. Not dangerous in the sense that the drivers couldn't be trusted, these men had been driving this same delivery route for decades, and knew nearly all of the small town's inhabitants by name.

No, this danger was in the change that the storm had begun, and these outsiders had not experienced.

When the McDaniel's old farmhouse roof had collapsed under the weight of days of wet snow, these outsiders weren't there to help dig out the frozen carcasses of the family. We were.

And when Paul Gregory had passed out in the road after a night at Jim's Tavern, these outsiders hadn't been there to help give the bad news to his children. I was,

This wasn't a sense of resentment that the truckers had been home, safe in their warm beds, while the people of Carlston were dealing with these tragic events.

No, they simply would not be able to understand that the people of Carlston did what needed to be done.

All of us.

Paul couldn't handle it, and so he had gotten so piss drunk that he knew he wouldn't make the walk back home.

We all knew that if our new world was revealed, it would quickly be destroyed.

The truckers presented a danger to this new reality in Carlston, and for the remaining winter months they would be the only danger for miles.

The old summer camp on Lake Mephisto would open in June, but that seldom brought more than a dozen children to town. And this winter had been much too cold for the ice fishers. Another aspect of our new reality.

In fact, we knew that if we could distance ourselves from the danger presented by the truckers, our new way of living could continue.

We all knew.

The older men no longer laughed when they spoke of the gods forgetting us.

Here, in this narrow valley, a change had occurred. A change all at once horrifying and beautiful and tragic and glorious.

The gods had truly forgotten us.

Or perhaps more accurately, they had turned their backs on us, ashamed of the changes which they had wrought.

How could they possibly forget the atrocities we had committed in the name of survival, and the name of advancement?

To Be Continued...

A Confession

2015-02-21T21:09:00.001-08:00

What I'm about to tell you may seem strange. It may seem like the rantings of someone lacking sleep, or even like I'm just fucking with you. But trust me when I say this is the honest truth.
For as long as I can remember I've seen things that no one else sees. I'm not talking about paying more attention to the small details around me...though maybe that's part of it.

No, I'm talking about when you see things out of the corner of your eye when you're sleep deprived, or high, or just watched a scary movie and it's dark in your house. Those...things... that you see out of the corner of your eye...I see those as plain as day.

The silhouette of a person that disappears when you blink, or turn to look at it? The one you convince yourself was your mind playing tricks or just your imagination? I can look directly at that silhouette, watch as it becomes a man, and watch even further as it twists itself into impossible shapes.

I know. I know. I sound like a crazy person, some sort of schizophrenic who sees things that aren't there. I get it. Believing me would mean completely relearning the world you think you know.

I don't expect you to believe me. I just need to tell somebody...anybody...

Science fiction or horror stories would explain this as me seeing fragments of a parallel dimension. That some near death experience or some fluke of my biology allows me to glimpse these horrors across temporal plains.

I never bought into that bullshit.

As new age and faux enlightened as it sounds, you just have to be willing to accept that the things we tell ourselves aren't there...really are.

When your cat sits staring at the corner of a room, or your little kid swears he saw something in the closet, your mind insists that there's nothing there. Because only crazy people believe in demons and ghosts and boogiemen.

Right?

Only crazy people.

Open your mind for just a minute, the next time you're walking home in the dark, just remember this confession. Tell yourself that maybe that movement you saw in the corner of your eye wasn't just a trick of the lighting.

Don't look though.

If you turn and look at it you won't see anything.

At least...not yet.

Think back to when you were a kid, waking up in the middle of the night with the feeling that in some dark corner of your room was some indescribable monster, and pulling the blanket over your head to protect yourself from it.

Now imagine being an adult, and not just having that feeling, but being able to see the creature, that horrible, spider-like thing watching you from across the room.

This is my life.

I see things that no one else can see.

And if I tell anyone they'll think I'm insane, or they'll give me drugs to make me stop seeing these things.

But I know that this is real.

The hair standing up on the back of your neck...the feeling that something is crawling on you...I know the truth of all of it.

This is my confession to you.

Alone

2015-01-21T22:29:00.001-08:00

Richard was alone, not truly alone, he had friends, and he had his family, and he had Gina, his loving girlfriend. But he could never quite shake the feeling that he was alone.
For as long as he could remember, everything seemed just a bit too distant to be real. Not all the time, mind you, but only when Richard really focused on it. Yes, Richard told himself, he was quite alone indeed.

Perhaps he would leave.

Yes.

Yes, he was going to leave and find somewhere that he would not feel alone. He had finally made up his mind, he would leave behind everybody that he knew. This would certainly stop him from being so hopelessly alone.

Perhaps he would wait until tomorrow to leave, it was supposed to rain today. His mother would need help bringing in the groceries, and he didn't want her to do it herself in the rain.

So Richard made up his mind, he would leave tomorrow. If the weather was right he would leave tomorrow and find somewhere that he would not feel alone. But Gina had planned a lovely date for them tomorrow. He couldn't leave tomorrow, he couldn't do that to Gina, not after all the effort she had put into planning their date.

He would leave then, Richard decided, the day after tomorrow. It would be a Friday, which just seemed well suited to leaving.

Yes.

If the weather was right the day after tomorrow he would leave then. Oh but the day after tomorrow was Phil's birthday party, he simply couldn't miss Phil's birthday party. They had been best friends for years, and how would that reflect on Richard, missing his best friend's birthday party?

After Phil's birthday party he would leave, he would go find somewhere he belonged and he would stop feeling so alone. But he wouldn't do it before the party, all of their friends were going and he couldn't miss that.

And so on that cold September afternoon Richard finally made up his mind, he would leave in three days. He would leave the day after Phil's birthday, two days after his date with Gina, and find a place he didn't feel so alone.

So long as the weather was suited for it.

Re: Help Find Danny!!

2015-01-12T01:05:00.003-08:00

I found this letter in my email spam folder, I don't really know what to make of it so I figured I could maybe help by re-posting it here, verbatim:

April 23, 2012

I don't expect you to believe what I'm about to tell you, in fact, I'm not so sure it actually happened. The only things I know for sure are that Danny is missing, and everyone I talk to about him seems to have no idea who he is. Even his own parents seem confused when I ask if they've heard from Danny lately. But I was there the day he disappeared, I was there with him, that much I know. Please don't excuse this as the bullshit ramblings of some kinda crazy person, or a cry for attention from some loser who never made anything of himself. I'm only telling you this so that I can find Danny. I've written everything down as best as I can remember it, and I've backed up multiple copies of this, in case they try to stop me from telling my version of the story. I just hope someone out there reads this, and can help me find Danny.
Alright, here goes...

We had both just started our new jobs at that big corporate owned Mega Store just outside of town, you know, the one that's likely to put every honest company in this podunk shithole of a town out of business. It opened last month, and Danny and I figured it was a good opportunity to make some extra spending money without feeling guilty for shorting the cash register once in a while to pay for beer.

The first day was just the usual training BS and a quiz to fill out making sure we knew what sexual harassment was and which side of the shirt to wear our nametags on. Then the hiring manager took us on a tour through the store to make sure we knew exactly how much useless crap we sold, and had a rough idea of where to find it.

When we got to the back corner of the store, the dimly lit part where they keep all the low end electronics, Danny noticed a door marked "Under Construction" and asked the hiring manager, Harold what was still under construction with the store opening the next day.

"Oh that's just the management area, a couple small offices and a meeting room, I guess they decided to save our part for last." the round, balding man chuckled dryly. "It'll be nice to have an office though, the shift from working at corporate to working here has been a big change."

"Kind of out of the way for an office isn't it?" I asked. "I mean...it's a solid 10 minute walk from the front doors to here."

"It's always good to see new hires so curious about how the company works!" he replied with a sort of passive aggressive enthusiasm.

Leading us back toward the front of the store he continued his training spiel, mostly stuff about always greeting customers a certain way, and always smiling, the typical corporate micromanaging.

Then came a stern, hushed warning, quiet enough that Danny and I were the only ones that could hear, but fierce enough to make it clear that he was not playing around. "...and finally DO NOT talk about the management area, don't ask any more questions about it, and if you go in there without being called in by a manager, you will be fired on the spot."

With that his stern look turned into a jolly grin and he introduced us to Rita, the large hispanic woman who would teach us to run the cash registers.

As our first day drew to a close Danny and I were in the washroom, getting the most out of our 8 hour shift by pissing during company time. As I was washing my hands I looked in the mirror and said to Danny "You know we're fuckin' checking out that management area, right?"

He grinned mischievously, "They can't fire us if they don't catch us."

We changed into our street clothes and began walking around the store, trying to avoid suspicion by looking like we were checking out all the different departments and what they had to offer. When we got to the dimly lit electronics section near the management offices we began to really ham it up, pretending to be delighted and shocked at the low low prices of these low low end televisions and cameras.

When we were sure no one else was around we slipped toward the wall marked "Under Construction".

Danny silently opened the gap between the two hanging sheets of plastic which served as a temporary doorway into the area, and we stepped through.

On the other side of the plastic the floors changed from the grey, stain resistant carpeting of the electronics department to large red and black tiles, and the walls were covered in actual hardwood. Not that cheap veneer shit, but actual wood, it looked like the entrance to a decidedly tacky, but very expensive hotel.

"Shit...this is actually nice!" I whispered to Danny, unsure of if we were alone in the offices.

The lobby was empty, except for a few chairs covered in plastic to protect from the dust, and a large crescent shaped reception desk flanked by twin hallways.

Danny nodded silently, and gestured toward the desk.

We slowly approached the desk, and I walked around to the other side to see if there was a directory of the offices. "Let's go check out Harold's office, see what he was so happy about earlier." I suggested.

Danny argued that we should probably get out before we got caught. But I pressed the issue "Come on man, who cares if we get caught? It's just a stupid job anyways, I wanna see these offices."

Having failed to find a directory of the offices we decided to just head down the left hallway.

The hallway curved slowly to the left, we passed washrooms which required key cards to open, and a janitor's closet, before we saw any offices. The very first office we came up to had Harold's name etched in the glass on the door.

"Perfect, it's not locked, let's check it out!" I hissed at Danny.

He once again argued that we should be careful not to get caught. And I once again pressed the issue.

I slowly opened the door into the office, it wasn't anything overly impressive, but it was ridiculously clean and organized, almost like Harold was creating a sterile environment...or as if he had severe OCD.

After quickly shuffling some of his supplies around we left the office and went to the next one down the hallway. This one didn't have a name etched on the glass, but it did have a lot more personal belongings on the desk, photos of a manager we hadn't met, along with his wife, and some random knick knacks.

Danny pointed out that even though this office seemed much more...inhabited... everything was still arranged in an extremely meticulous and organized fashion.

"I guess they just hire that type of weirdo to manage these places." I responded, no longer whispering. "Let's check out a few more before we go."

Danny agreed, leading the way to the next office and flinging open the door.

He stood in the hall, staring blankly into the office with a puzzled look on his face.

"What is it?" I asked as I walked up next to Danny.

He simply nodded toward the office.

I turned to look in, half expecting Harold to be sitting there ready to fire us.

Instead I saw an exact copy of the previous office, the same meticulously arranged knick knacks on the desk, the same photos of a man and his wife, and the same clinical cleanliness.

"Obviously these offices belong to the couple in the photographs Danny, they're just a couple of OCD weirdos like Harold." I said, only half sure that I believed it myself. "C'mon, let's check the next office."

Knowing what I do now, I wish I had just left it with that explanation and left the management offices, but of course I pressed on.

What we found was office after office laid out so identically and with such precision that they were indistinguishable from one another, and each one had the same photos of the same couple.

Eventually the hallway looped back around to the lobby area, coming out on the right hand side of the reception desk.

As we stepped out of the hallway we were greeted by the sound of a woman clearing her throat.

The receptionist turned to face us. She was the woman from the photos in all the offices.

"You know you're not allowed to be back here." she said calmly, looking us up and down. "Harold warned me that you probably would be back here though."

As she spoke a man stepped out from the other end of the hallway, the man from the photos. As soon as she had finished he said "It sure is a shame that you had to come back here... Harold warned you not to come back here, didn't he?"

Danny and I nodded, now feeling like children who just got caught with our hands in the cookie jar, and momentarily forgetting how creepy it was that these two had put their pictures in every manager's office.

"He told us if we came back here without permission we would be fired on the spot." I replied, readying myself for another job hunt.

The man and woman both laughed in unison.

"That's nonsense, It's always good to see new hires so curious about how the company works!" the woman said with the same fake enthusiasm Harold had used earlier.

"Harold always was a bit dramatic." the man said softly "We only ask that you come to the nightly meeting, and learn a bit more about the inner workings of the company, if you can survive that you can keep your job, a little bit wiser for the experience."

We reluctantly agreed to come to the meeting.

"Great! It's right this way!" the receptionist said, gesturing to a door between the two hallways which I hadn't noticed before.

She turned, opened the door, and gestured for us to follow.

The man followed close behind us as the door lead to a narrow hallway, much less lavishly decorated than the lobby.

"Now, you'll have to sign a non disclosure agreement, you know, standard legal stuff." the man informed us "Some of what is discussed in these meetings is legally sensitive stuff, it's to protect us and protect you, you see." he continued on, in a reassuring tone.

"As I said before, do this and you can keep your job, it would be awfully silly and reactionary of us to fire you just for finding out a few company secrets."

"Wait...the only company secret we know is that you and your wife here have your pictures in every office...what's so bad about that? I mean sure...it's a bit unsettling, but it's hardly a scandal." I argued, hoping to get out of this meeting and get home in time to watch the game.

The man and the woman both erupted into laughter. "We're not married...wow...you really don't get it do you?" the woman replied, her tone shifting from one of understanding to one of mocking. "Here, I guess you can see for yourself." she said, as we arrived at what I assumed was the door to the conference room. She opened the door and again gestured for us to follow.

The room was brightly lit, and it took a moment for my eyes to adjust. When they did I saw 4 identical boardroom style tables, each surrounded by about 2 dozen men and women, each exactly identical to the man and woman from the photographs.

"Are you seeing the same shit I'm seeing??" I asked Danny. He slowly nodded, and the blank look on his face slowly turned to one of confusion. "They've got to be clones or something, right?" I said, half to Danny and half to myself. Danny asked the woman if they were indeed clones.

"Of course, we shouldn't have expected you to comprehend this...at least not right away. "She replied, an audible buzz rising under her voice with every word she spoke. "We are not clones....we are the offspring, the collective, what you may know as a hive..."

"Okay lady, now you sound fucking insane, we're leaving, fire us if you want." I replied dryly. "I don't know how you pulled this weird clone shit off, but I'm not dealing with this over a stupid cashier job."

"It's...zzz...paid..zzz...overtime...zzz..." she replied "What's....zzZ...a little...zZZ...practical joke..ZZZ...between coworkers?"

Danny apologized on my behalf, and then turned to me and apologized, explaining he needed the extra money.

"Alright let's get this meeting over with then." I said, settling into this new weird reality where my job was managed by dozens of lookalikes.

"You'll want to take a seat, and be very still, and very quiet." the man who had followed us into the room said to me, his words noticeably free from buzzes.

I sat at the nearest table, and gestured for Danny to do the same. He shook his head slowly staring into the distance, and the ground slowly began to rumble.

"Sit the fuck down!" I shouted to him, as the clones began to make an irritated buzzing sound.

"I wouldn't have yelled if I was you... I told you to sit still and be quiet." said the man calmly.

Suddenly my chair began to shake.

I stood up, only to notice that the mere act of standing had propelled me nearly six feet in the air, I was floating...not weightless like in space, but more like someone had turned down the gravity.

"Wait...who turned down the gravity!?" I asked, suddenly enjoying myself.

"That would be our queen...she so enjoys a challenge, and you humans are so slow and clumsy." replied three of the men in perfect unison.

Suddenly my chair was enveloped in a black cloud, that seemed equal parts gas and gelatin, and then the chair was gone.

I landed in the middle of the table and turned to Danny "Dude you're gonna wanna try this!" and leapt from my landing place on the table to an empty chair, before leaping to another table.

I looked back and the three men who had spoken were gone. As were their chairs, and there was a smoldering hole in the table where I had previously landed.

Whatever this black shit was, it was chasing me.

Danny finally awoke from his stupor and realized what was happening. He tried to jump but simply fell to the ground.

He began to crawl, and as he crawled it seemed as if a massive weight was placed on his back. I could hear him struggling to breath, and I could see blood where his knees and elbows had dragged on the tile.

"Dude get up!" I shouted, leaping toward him.

I helped him to his feet, and jumped back to one of the tables. I turned around to see Danny fall to his knees.

He went pale, and fell forward, hard.

The sickening thud of his face bouncing off the tile floor, combined with the cracking sound his nose made still echos in my head. I continued jumping from empty chair to empty chair, and then back toward Danny. I landed next to him, but when I bent to help him up I was suddenly sent flying across the room. I landed at the feet of the first man we had met, and skidded into him hard enough to send him sprawling onto his back.

He let loose the most terrifying shriek of pain I have ever witnessed, before disappearing into the black shit.

I quickly jumped toward one of the tables, and just as I landed on it I was knocked unconscious.

I awoke in the hospital, bleeding from my nose, my elbows and my knees. I faded in and out of consciousness for what seemed to be only minutes, but the doctors later informed me was 5 days.

I had stumbled into the emergency room and collapsed from blood loss, with severe cuts on my forearms and knees and a badly broken nose.

The doctors told me I was alone, they figured I must have gotten jumped outside the local pub, they told me that the cuts were consistent with falling on broken glass, though they found no broken glass in my skin.

I tried to call Danny to see if he was alright, but his number was erased from my cellphone and I can't for the life of me remember it.

No one seems to know who Danny is, my childhood best friend seems to have ceased to exist.

I only found the courage to write about this when I awoke this morning to a knock on my bedroom door. I opened the door and on the floor was an envelope, addressed to me from Harold.

Inside the envelope was a plain piece of paper on which was written, in very meticulous, almost perfect handwriting "What you experienced was real, I can help you, no one else can. - Harold"

There was also a keycard...it looks like the ones the washrooms in those management offices use. I'm going there tonight, hopefully I'll find Harold and find some answers...hopefully I'll find Danny.

I've set this message to send out automatically if I don't cancel it by Midnight on April 24, 2012. The truth must be known, even if I don't make it.

Justifiable Intoxication Pt.1

2014-12-03T23:47:00.001-08:00

Something that never ceases to amaze me about the university life style is how people always, no matter how busy and stressed and ready to break down they may be, seem to find time for a beer. Maybe this is what the real world is like, I have absolutely no idea, but I love it. At the end of the day I can fully appreciate the need for something as simple, pure, and relaxing, as having a beer to unwind a little. But this got me thinking...
There are all kinds of tropes out there about beer, and more generally about alcohol, and obviously they have their basis in reality to varying degrees, so I figured I would explore a couple, and specifically my experience with them so far in my relatively short time on this planet.

Without Beer There is no Civilization

Now, this one obviously is very grounded in reality, with beer involving the boiling of water, and boiling being a way to purify water way back before we as humans understood that it was the boiling, not the beer itself, that made those drinking it less likely to fall ill. Obviously this translated into primitive civilizations who figured out how to make alcoholic beverages lasting longer and becoming more advanced over time.

That's great, and the history nerd in me loves to talk about that stuff, but that's not what I'm going to talk about here. I'm instead talking about civilization in the sense of civility.

In my experience, there are few ways to quickly and effectively repair a broken social bond, or forge a new one, than over a pint. I've made a lot of friends at the bar, and most of them extend well beyond being just drinking buddies. There's a few aspects that I believe play into this, but one that people often fail to mention is that no one cares if you say something stupid after a pint. Obviously this ties into the next entry, with alcohol serving as a social lubricant, but I think in some cases it's more than that. With the amount of pressure in meeting new people or attempting to mend a damaged relationship, it's sometimes easier to just get a little wobbly and forget about trying to be cool for a bit.

You see, no one is cool when they've had a few, and no one expects you to be.

That and there seems to be an inexplicable value in buying someone a pint if you've angered them or done them wrong.

If I spilled water all over you at a restaurant and then handed you $5 you'd likely still be pissed. But if I accidentally spilled water on you then offered to buy you a beer to set it right, you're likely going to get over it a lot faster. There's a certain social currency to beer.

Alcohol: Lubrication for the Soul

We've all heard this, alcohol is the social lubricant, it helps shy people out of their shell and it makes people much more likely to talk to strangers or the opposite sex without holding back or being too reserved. Now I'm sure there's some sort of sciencey explanation for this, something about limiting or otherwise affecting higher brain function, but logic and rationality aside, it just seems so much more fun to imagine alcohol as the cheat code for no friction, but on social and dating norms.

I've noticed that lately if I have a couple drinks I'm a lot more likely to dance, even though I know I'm a horrendous dancer. The fact is when I'm buzzed I'd much rather flail around and make myself and others laugh than try to look like a tough guy in the corner nodding along to the music with my arms crossed. This in turn makes you more approachable, as well as making you happier and making you want to dance more.

I take back what I said, it's not the no friction cheat code, it's the max bonus multiplier pickup, creating a feedback loop of good times and reckless abandon.

Alcohol Loosens Your Tongue

We all know the person who says too much, or lacks discretion when they've been drinking. Sometimes this is just a matter of forgetting something should be secret, or forgetting who they weren't supposed to tell the secret thing to. But other times, and this is, I suspect, the case with myself when I'm drunk and chatty, the drunk individual is just flying too far below Giving a Fuck that they don't even register on the radar.

I personally try to be as honest and forthcoming as possible at all times, even at times that it embarasses me. This one has been an issue for me though as I try to keep other people's business where it belongs, but I know once I've had a pint or seven I'm liable to just talk about whatever I want to whomever I want.

There are more that I want to talk about but it's getting late, I'll write more later.

My Unconditional Love of Napalmpom

2014-12-01T14:30:00.000-08:00

Roughly a month and a half ago I pre-ordered the début album from one of my favourite Calgary bands. The kickass group known as Napalmpom finally released an album, titled The Unconditional Love of Napalmpom. I'm not about to do a full review of the album, as others have done it already, and better than I would. The only things I will say are as follows

This Album Kicks Ass

Napalmpom's bio on their Facebook page, press releases etc. refers to the band as playing "celebratory rock n' roll so good even the members of the band play air guitar along to it" and this album delivers on that promise. Seriously, check out this hilarious video for their song Guided by Volume, in which they overlaid their audio on a Mumford and Sons video.

They Market Themselves in Hilarious and Awesome Ways

This past Friday (November 28) the band played a gig at The Plaza Theatre along with the movie This is Spinal Tap. To me, this speaks volumes about the band being in it for the love of music and the fun of rock.

The album cover for The Unconditional Love of Napalmpom is a coloring book style drawing, with the art being a mashup of Schoolhouse Rock style lettering and irreverant rock imagery twisted into an almost kid friendly form. The first 200 preorders (including my preorder) of the vinyl version of the album came with DoodleArt markers with which you could color your own album cover.

This might seem relatively minor, but for me it was a genius marketing ploy, I brought the album to a bar for my friends to help me color it, and most of them, never having heard of Napalmpom immediately wanted to hear the album. I showed them all. Were it not for this cool concept for an album cover, I likely would have mentioned the album to only a few people, along with playing it at parties and at work. Instead, this got us all talking about the album.

Kudos to the band for creating an amazing album and a kickass marketing ploy to go with it.

I hope that these guys buck the unfortunate trend of short lived Calgary bands, I honestly feel like they have a ton of potential, and could make it pretty fuckin' big.

I give this album 11/11. Go check it out, buy it, and go see these guys live.

Napalmpom Bandcamp Link

The Tragical Comedy or Comical Tragedy of Mr. Potter

2014-12-01T00:06:00.001-08:00

This is my first post in forever, almost two full years, I guess I got sidetracked by life, as is wont to happen...I have so much that I've wanted to say but I've been doing the arguably healthy thing and venting through more abstract forms of expression, like music. A few caring individuals have encouraged me to write more though, so here goes I guess...
First, I'll be posting some song lyrics and such on here in the near future, so go ahead an ignore those in advance, they're not particularly good or clever.

I've broken the post up into titled, numbered segments, because listicles are all the rage. (Fun fact, list style articles trigger the reward center in your brain as you get to the next point...so enjoy the endorphins...you're welcome!) I've resisted the urge to call this post something stupid and formulaically clickbait-ey like "I thought he was just posting on his blog, but what I read shocked me to tears." It was fairly easy not to do that, since unlike the scum of the internet Buzzfeeds and Upworthys that use this formula, I actually write content.

1. The Work/School Grind

Okay, with that said, there's a lot to talk about, I'll start with the fun stuff! As of yesterday I'm officially unemployed after my first time working while in school. 0/10 do not recommend. I commend those who work while in school, but if you can afford not to, don't do it. This was by far the most aggravating semester of my academic life so far, and not just because of girls for once.

That's not to say there were no benefits to working, I had more money to go out and have fun with friends, so the lack of time to do so sucked a bit less when I could go hard on the nights we did go out.

Additionally, lack of stress over funds made me more willing to try new things; it's easier to take a chance on a new bar, new drink, new band, or new group of people to go out with, when the financial drain is less of an issue.

The other upside was having a significant discount on electronics and housewares. I bought a mic stand so I can record more, and I bought a new frying pan, tres excite!

That being said, it was a grind, my free days were taken up by either work or school stuff, which meant a lot of late nights and early mornings, and a caffeine addiction to match.

2. The Fairer Sex

Alright, anyone who knows me knew I would write about women here. There's not a tonne to tell that I'm willing to disclose in a public forum. I've got nothing to hide, but some of these women still have dignity to protect.

I'll start with the less salacious stories... (Oh shit a list within a list!)

The Activist

She's genuinely one of the most interesting and caring people I've met. She's absolutely stunning, and has modern day hippy ideals, but not in that annoying "omg you eat meat!?" way. I don't think she has any interest in me beyond a sort of morbid curiosity and friendship. I wish this wasn't the case, but sometimes life is a bit of an asshole. She gave me a card basically thanking me for being me...and I have never wanted to kiss someone so bad as I wanted in that moment. I don't know what else to say about her because there's so much to say that would give away who she is to anyone who knows her. I'll just say she inspires me and pushes me in ways no one else has...I'm lucky to have her in my life in any capacity...even if I want more.

The "Not That Type of Girl"

I met this girl during the Calgary Stampede, and she's a cute, seemingly insanely innocent girl. I found out that one of my close friends had hooked up with her and ended up burning her, and that made me really question him. She's one of the few people I hang out with who consistently seems intimidated by me, and I find it simultaneously embarrassing and flattering. She came over at around 1am one night, made me get drunk with her, then asked if she could sleep over in my bed. She then proceeded to shut me down repeatedly from doing anything other than making out with her. Not entirely sure what to think of this girl. We stopped talking for a long time after Stampede, which bummed me out a bit since the one night we spent pretty much the whole night at Stampede ignoring everyone else and just dancing and flirting. Anyways, we recently started talking again, so at the very least I'll have someone to chill with on occasion.

There's a few others, but without identifying details I can't tell enough of a story about them...on to the more fun ones:

The Roommate

I've known this girl for nearly 3 years now. Last year I sparked up a bit of a situation with her roommate but it never progressed very far since she wanted a relationship and I didn't. Anyway, I started talking to her in September because I hadn't seen her in a while and decided to text her. This lead to me flirting with her, because I'm a manchild and don't know how to have a non-sexual conversation.

Basically at some point in flirting with her she brought up her roomie and mentioned that she had been jealous of what we were doing, because she had feelings for me for a while but I didn't seem to even notice her. This lead to me telling her that I found her attractive, but didn't want to bring it up before because she had always openly flirted with my friends, so I didn't wanna face rejection.

Jump cut to her coming over after the bar one night...

The "Love You Like a Brother"

I met this girl during Stampede as well, and initially I really had zero interest. Then she started hanging out a bunch and my friends started to ask why I wasn't trying to make a move. This led to me re-examining the whole situation, and realizing that we had been flirting a lot, and I had just kind of put it out of my mind.

This resulted in me bringing it up to her one night while drunk...at which point she told me "I love you like a brother...I don't think we could ever do anything..."

She slept over that night...she took back the "like a brother" thing not too long after we laid down in my bed.

The Girlfriend

This is a girl I've known since my first year here, and I've always kinda had an on and off thing with her. She moved away last year, so I didn't see her for the better part of a year, but she moved back this fall. We started hanging out and doing weird pseudo-date type stuff, dinner and a movie and such, but it always just seemed like posturing.

Then one day she invited herself over, we went straight up to my room and got pretty intense right away. As soon as everything was finished she kissed me and then pulled away and told me she has a boyfriend now.

So that's all the ones I wanna talk about, I might talk about more situations with females in the near future...

3. The Expanded Mind

I've never been a drugs guy. I used to smoke a lot of weed but it started to make me too paranoid, so I stopped that shortly after high school. I've never really done other drugs, until about a year ago when I first tried mushrooms.

All I can say about mushrooms is that I can see absolutely zero reason for them to be illegal. I don't want to do them all the time, and have only done them a handful of times despite thoroughly enjoying them every time. Unlike weed, or drugs that people actually become properly addicted to, I don't CRAVE getting high again on mushrooms. They're just one of those things that make life more fun for the time that the high lasts.

A lot of my friends have these misconceptions that mushrooms make you see all sorts of crazy stuff like movie scenes where people try acid and see the world as demons or cartoons. In the times I've tried them, the craziest thing I've seen is the walls breathing with me.

Essentially they just make me euphoric, and make everything significant and hilarious.

Just an example: My friend who was on them with me the last time I did them was texting his friend who was at Cowboys, he messaged her saying "How's cowboys tonight? Are there lots of hats?" and we both lost our shit laughing about that.

When she replied asking what he meant he text back saying "I'll take a black hat please, preferably a European one from the 1950s." and we again lost our minds laughing at this.

I'm not one to condone illegal activities, but if you get the chance to try mushrooms with people you trust, don't turn it down based on preconceived notions of scary hallucinations or the thought of having a bad trip.

4. The (F)Artist

Aw yeah, see that shit up there ^^^ ? That's right motherfucker, Brian Posehn reference! Comedy nerd cred!

Sorry, I'm tired and a bit tipsy now.

Anyway, I've been writing a lot more as I indicated in the intro to this post. I owe that in part to the activist mentioned in the fairer sex category, she seems genuinely interested in my artistic expressions.

I would write more, but then that would leave me with fuck all to say for future posts about music and the like. So....leave me some feedback, and let me know what a POS I am for putting my business out there like this.

Speech Class, Drunken Ass, and something else that rhymes with that.

2013-01-15T13:31:00.001-08:00

I am writing this on January 15th of 2013, one day before my 23rd birthday. I've not posted anything in a while that wasn't somewhat depressing. I plan to make up for that here.

Since I last wrote on here I've befriended new people, avoided making too many drunken mistakes, and passed the most challenging course of my young university career.

I suppose a good place to start would be the new friends. Since fairly early in last school year I've known this girl named Kaylene who just happens to be our current student body president. I mostly just knew who she was because she's so involved with activities around campus that nearly everyone knows who she is, but then on the Kokanee FreeRide trip last spring we talked and realized we knew each other but did not know how. These sorts of things happen, so I brushed it off as us probably having met earlier in the year and forgot about it.

Cut to this year in the first semester at the campus bar, running into Kaylene multiple times whilst we are both intoxicated, always chatting a bit then going our separate ways. Until Halloween, when we discussed the fact that we never talked while we were both sober, and I gave her my number. About a month and a half later, upon realizing she had still not contacted me, I gave her a hard time about it on another drunk night. She gave me her number and we began to talk on occassion.

On one of the last nights of December in which I would actually be in Calgary we decided to go for food and some drinks, and we got along awesomely. We've hung out once since then and that was pretty fun too. It's always cool when you can befriend someone as fun and outgoing as this girl is.

Next up is Christmas break. The only real news aside from seeing my family, which is always a sweet and sour situation, is that I bought myself a MicroKorg analog synthesizer. I don't know how to play it worth a damn but I figured I'd give myself something to do that, unlike drinking, is not a constant financial drain. So in my spare time since then, I've been working on making music, as well as practicing my vocal abilities (if having a deep, monotonous voice counts as an ability).

This semester I'm taking my standard 2 history courses and 1 political science course, as well as a speech class. Introduction to public speaking seems like it will be a worthwhile endeavour as I've long been better at articulating my thoughts on paper than through speech, and I'd like to balance that out a little bit. I gave my first speech in class yesterday and I definitely fucked it up and rushed through it.

This past saturday was my birthday celebration, and me and 4 friends (plus 2 friends of friends) went to a beer and pizza place here in Calgary called Beer Revolution. It was amazing, great food, amazing beer selection, and good company. Aside from our server looking like she was sick of dealing with our table, it was all around an awesome experience, which we followed up by going to a few bars before settling on one called Melrose.

There's not too much to tell about the time at Melrose other than that it's my kind of bar, an older crowd, and places to sit and chat, rather than a packed dance floor with less tables than your average dining room. I'm the kind of guy who when I wanna go wild I'll go wild, but I would almost always prefer to just have some drinks and sit around talking with friends, which is more or less what we did. The girl I invited out and I made out a bit, but I was trying to be respectful, not only to her but to my friends who would likely rather not watch me shove my tongue down some girl's throat.

Around 1:30am we decided to leave melrose and have an afterparty back at the apartment, leaving early allowed us to pick up some liquor before the stores all closed. The after party was a bit much, with my friend's friend trying to boss me around and tell me how to behave in my own house, as well as making pathetic attempts to psychoanalyze me stating "I'm a psych major I know my stuff!" And my long time friend making out with the girl whom I had made out with earlier in the night. (Not that this really bothered me beyond being mildly grossed out, it's not my place to care after all.) It was around 5am by the time everyone left (except for the girl and her female friend she had brought along). And it was time to call it a night.

University Life 2: The Reckoning

2012-10-20T23:20:00.001-07:00

So I had originally planned to post on here a lot more often than what I actually do, it was going to be my own personal record of my experiences in University, and that would have been spectacular. I failed at this task miserably by posting only when something angers me, less than half of what I had intended to write about. So I guess I'll use this post and my current free time to make up for that. Here goes...
Returning to school this year I was already infinitely more confident than I had been last year. No longer fearful, or shy, I came here ready to make this year my bitch. It began pretty quickly, on my first day telling my RA that I wouldn't be attending any planned events (as opposed to last year where I was guilt tripped into a slew of boring events over the first month and a half of the semester.

Then came reuniting with some of the friends I made last year, it was as if the 4 month break between semesters had never happened, it was an easy fit and we were all quickly back to our old ways of sitting around drinking and wishing we knew more girls. The first time that I saw a girl with whom I could not agree on anything last year, I told her that she looked fantastic and that I wanted a fresh start.

That was step one of making the year awesome. Step two was to meet more people, not the easiest of tasks when your social circle consists mainly of a group of friends who know each other from their last few years together and are hesitant to bring in others. The solution? Go where I know a fair number of people but will not know the majority: the student bar at the school. My connections with the returning employees from last year (and the...mostly...good impressions I left with them) allowed me to ease myself into potentially awkward social situations.

Having met much of the new staff I was back in my comfort zone from last year, simultaneously a good and a bad thing. (It's hard to step things up if they're comfortable the way they are.) Enter Gin and Mountain Dew:

It was a typical Thursday night (Student night at the bar) and I was with my typical group of friends pre-drinking. This time I had decided to drink some good alcohol (Tangueray 10) with some caffeine (something I had not attempted since the blackout night) I was already pretty hyped by the time I got to the bar, and ended up introducing myself to one of the best looking girls I've ever met (and consequently dancing with her) and we got along great. The following Saturday i met up with her and 2 other employees from the bar at a pub, and had some good chats and got her number.

I quickly realized that this girl, although beautiful and pretty fun to drink with, was not my type. I set my sights on a few other girls and have since been just trying to have fun with everyone I talk to. I feel like I'm naturally a pretty funny guy, though it sometimes comes through in awkward or perverted ways, most people I've met agree that I'm funny in some way or another. I've now made it my mission to talk to and impact as many people as I can.

This past Thursday I talked to possibly the most gorgeous girl I've ever met, and despite being blackout drunk managed to make a good enough impression to get her to add me on Facebook (without me prompting her to do so).

Obviously more than this has happened in the past month and a half, but I'll talk about some of that later.

Just a small rant

2012-09-16T12:50:00.000-07:00

The stupidity of the current generation and the instant jump to insults or calling someone haters for correcting them is probably one of the main reasons I have no hope for the future. If you can't handle criticism you can't find your flaws and grow, if you don't grow from recognizing your flaws then you'll have the 16 year old mentality of "I'm right and you're wrong regardless of the truth" for the rest of your life. Congratulations folks, you're the reason shit like Snooki and #YOLO exist. Your self important attitude would be acceptable, had you ever accomplished or even attempted anything meaningful in life. Seeing as how this is not the case, your self importance is undeserved, and it makes me and any other reasonable person want to remove you from this world.

A Boy and His Dog

2012-09-10T17:30:00.000-07:00

Birth;

You're so small and so fragile, yet so full of life. I can't wait to see if you grow to be as big and goofy and friendly as your parents.

You sleep the whole way home, it's been a big day for you, such a friendly little thing.

We name you Sasha, after your mother, she's beautiful and we know that one day you will be too.

Linoleum floors are a new thing to you, we spend hours playing with you and laughing as you slide into the walls, not yet understanding how to stop yourself.

You get spayed to avoid the hassle of puppies, drooling and barely able to walk after your surgery, you're as happy as ever to see us.

The years pass, we're growing up together. You're always there for me when no one else is. I tell you everything.

You're truly my best friend, you know my fears, you alone know how scared I am to grow up. You never judge me, you never tell anyone.

My first breakup; you cuddle with me and slobber on me when I feel like my world is ending, "This is heartbreak" I think aloud, your stinky breath and cold nose assure me that you'd never let me down.

You're getting old in dog years, I'm a young man and you're suddenly an old lady. You don't let it show though, still energetic and goofy, you love to play even when it hurts.

I'm going away to University, to the world I'm brave, full of confidence, and ready for the challenge, only you know that I'm scared to death. You reassure me again, my silent confidant.

Your eyesight is going, and you're getting easy to sneak up on, you don't hear so well these days. Gone are the days where you come running to the door when I get home, now you sleep by the door and don't wake up until it pushes against you.

I tell myself that I'll see you again, though I'm not so sure.

When I return for the summer and you're barking and jumping up and down happy to see me I known you've got more time.

You still try to jump up on me, but now you've forgotten how to stand on linoleum. It breaks my heart seeing you slip trying to sit upright in the kitchen.

Gone is the grace, the speed, the energy of my best friend. But in your eyes I can see that you remember me, you remember all those years. The days spent in the yard chasing after birds much too high in the air for you to ever catch, barking at passersby hoping they will come say hello.

Standing up is slow and painful for you, some days you can't even climb onto the couch without help. You don't complain, you just sleep on the floor, it's soft enough anyway.

Now I'm going to University again, this time I don't tell you I'm afraid of this big change. I tell you I'm afraid I'll never see you again. You don't seem too concerned, you're just happy to get some attention.

I leave early in the morning, I want to wake you to say goodbye, just in case, but I don't, you need your sleep and I know you'll drive mom crazy with whining if you're awake when I leave.

I can't imagine what I would do without you to confide in, and I wish I could tell you one more time that I love you.

I hope you'll be alright, and I hope that I'll see you again at Christmas...I won't.

Death.

Gettin' High to Disguise My Lows

2012-07-27T21:57:00.001-07:00

I'm beginning to think coming home and working construction for the summer was a mistake. Sure I've got to see some good friends but everything else about it has ranged from shitty to full on traumatic.
As I had expected, nothing here mentally stimulates me the way the city does, it actually seems to stifle not only my creativity but my drive to do anything at all. Top this feeling off with the loss of a wonderful friend not a month ago and I can build a strong case for never returning to my hometown. I've tried to make the best of a bad situation but it has only lead to more frustration at my failing attempts to improve my standing.

I took the initiative to learn to run different equipment at work only to be told after 3 days of staying late and learning on my own time that I was not allowed to run said equipment and was no longer allowed to learn on the company's machines.

My mother got a new house which she moves into on September 5, but it's hard to be excited for her knowing our lovely pets need new homes, and that I won't have a place to come back to next summer if the plan to find work in Calgary falls through.

Anyways, just a short rant.

The Darkness Surrounds me... (Part 1)

2012-05-09T08:50:00.000-07:00

Disclaimer: This is a fictional short story, it contains some weirdness, but don't take it too seriously.

June 1, 2007

I'm awakened in the middle of the night by a sharp pain in my side, right below my rib cage. I jump out of bed and run to the light switch. My eyes take a moment to adjust to the brightness, but it doesn't matter. I don't need to focus to see that my formerly white sheets are now bright red.

Stepping in front of the mirror, I catch a fleeting glimpse of what appears to be the hind legs of a large insect. I attempt to brush it away, but my hand falls flat against my own skin. Whatever it was, it's gone.

I remove the sheets from my bed and carry them to my laundry room. After starting the machine I return to my bed room where I promptly fall asleep on my now bare mattress.

June 2, 2007

I awake to the sound of a knock on the front door. I grab my housecoat and head down the hallway. I can see the silhouette of a tall, slender man through the frosted glass of the door.

"Just a moment!" I shout through the door to the figure as I finish tying my housecoat.

I open the door to see that the man who was outside my door is now standing at the end of the driveway, facing away from me. He is wearing a dark suit and is completely bald. "Umm...hello??" I shout to the man, hoping to draw his attention.

No response.

"Excuse me sir!" I shout, looking around. I notice a small, blank envelope on the Welcome mat.

I bend down to retrieve the envelope, and when I look up the man is gone.

The Student's Lament

2012-04-15T11:09:00.000-07:00

Well, I'm exactly one week from being on my way back to the hometown after my first year of university. It's a bittersweet feeling, being finished the semester and hopefully having at least a 3.3 GPA for the term is exciting, but I'm not looking forward to the Summer at all.
Partially it's me not wanting to work 12 hour days all summer again as I normally do, but don't mistake this for a rant about how lazy I am. I have met more genuine and fun people in 8 months of university than my previous 21 years of life combined.

It's a great feeling to walk into a room and have people happy to see you and have random people come up to you in the bar and be excited to talk to you, having met you in the previous weeks. Now, I'm not saying "Oh gods yes, I'm finally popular!" I'm not delusional, I don't think I'm popular but rather I believe that the people I surround myself with now are more genuine and friendly than everybody back home. I finally feel welcome and like people are happy to see me which tells me I'm doing something right. When I go home for the Summer, there's maybe 3 people not including family who will be happy to see me.

These last few weeks have been incredibly fun and I know nothing will compare to them over the summer. Not just the partying, which I don't plan to do all summer, but the company with whom I've been partying. From beautiful women who are incredibly fun and genuinely interesting to the guys who just want to make sure we're all having a good time rather than chasing tail nonstop, it's a wonderful bunch of people.

All this being said, I am looking forward to making money again, and seeing my awesome pets and my wonderful family. It's just hard to be excited for what's likely to be a boring and tedious summer when I'm having so much fun at school, between partying, learning, and just trying new things.

Letter to my Aunt and her husband

2012-04-09T13:18:00.000-07:00

My cousin recently passed away when he crashed his helicopter, to honor his memory I wrote my aunt a letter since I can't make it to the funeral because of school. Go ahead and read if you want.

Dear Bev and Mike,

I am extremely sorry for your loss and I wish I could be there in your time of mourning. I know that nothing I do could ever make up for the loss of your wonderful son but please know that my thoughts are with you during these difficult times.

Though I did not know Matt well, I will always remember the times when we were all young and how happy he always was. I have been told by those fortunate enough to know him better than I did that he was still that positive and fun person. I envy that he was able to pursue his passion by becoming a pilot. We should all be so lucky as to become what we wish when we finally decide to grow up.

I can only imagine the pain you are feeling, but know that your friends and your family are here to help you through that pain. This tragedy is a reminder of how precious little time we each have on Earth, and to do anything less than live our lives as joyfully as Matt did would be to do disservice to his memory. Instead we should follow the example he left behind and pursue that which we are passionate about and leave a positive imprint on those around us.

It is with a heavy heart that I write this letter and I wish I had the time and money to attend the funeral, but do know that my thoughts are with you and I will always remember Matt as the energetic and cheerful boy who grew up to follow his dreams.

My American History term paper

2012-03-28T12:00:00.000-07:00

I'd like to apologize in advance for the length of this post, but I am fairly proud of myself for having written this paper and felt like sharing it here. I learned a lot in my research and I think anyone willing to read this paper would benefit knowledge-wise from doing so!

Abraham Lincoln is widely considered to have been the greatest president the United States of America ever elected. The reasons given for this distinction vary greatly depending on the contemporary issues when such statements are made. Nearly every election year a politician or his respective campaign will invoke the name of Abraham Lincoln with explanations of how a particular policy falls in line with what Lincoln would have done. Many of Lincoln’s speeches and quotes are still used to this day in efforts to gain support for a cause or raise morale of a group. Possibly the most quoted of his speeches being the Gettysburg Address, which begins with the now iconic “Four score and seven years ago…” and has been used in countless films, documentaries, and even elementary school plays. In recent years however, the most commonly cited reason for Lincoln to be considered the greatest president is his Emancipation Proclamation. This document along with a North victory in the United States Civil War during his time as President of the United States began the long, slow journey toward freedom and equality for African Americans in the United States of America. While the reasoning behind the abolition of slavery has been hotly contested since the Emancipation Proclamation was signed, and is in fact still a point of disagreement among historians, most historians agree that the decision was neither as sudden nor as easy as is often depicted. Lincoln himself had to overcome obstacles and opposition in order to abolish slavery, arguably the most important of which are explained in brief in the proceeding pages.

One factor in the abolition of slavery that is often overlooked by modern scholarship is the work which had been done prior to Lincoln’s presidency and indeed prior to his birth. As Polgar indicates in “To Raise Them to an Equal Participation” the early stages of the abolitionist movement were well underway by the time Lincoln was born in 1809. These early stages included attempts to educate former slaves to the point where they could be productive and responsible citizens, as well as attempts to educate the public and overcome white prejudices. These early efforts are important to consider when attempting to gain proper historical context for the Emancipation Proclamation, as they raised awareness among both cultural elites and freed former slaves. While it would be difficult to argue that these early movements affected Lincoln’s beliefs directly, as he considered himself to be “naturally antislavery” they did lay the foundation on which he would later build his argument for abolition of slavery. In order for Lincoln to abolish slavery he would first have to gain political and public support. These early abolitionist movements alongside other factors helped to increase public opposition to slavery by educating the white population to overcome the falsehoods about African Americans which had been culturally engrained.

As the white public became more educated and aware of the fallacy that was the belief in African Americans being inferior, public discussion of emancipation increased. While the common perception in modern discussions of this era is that only the Confederate southern states were against the abolition of slavery, as Weber points out this assumption is far from accurate. Many Northern citizens were still racially prejudiced and others “...feared that freedmen would take their jobs.” That there was still public and political opposition within the loyal Northern states meant Lincoln would have to wait until he could justify emancipation from a political standpoint or he would risk alienating border states. Many of these states were ideologically opposed to slavery but feared the repercussions of freeing the slaves and openly opposed the idea of doing so during such a tumultuous time for the nation. As the emancipation of the slaves became a more realistic and inevitable future, the debate within the aforementioned border states began to intensify. While this resistance to emancipation may seem barbaric or even racist in retrospect, the border states’ fear was not born entirely out of ignorance. As Binnington indicates, many feared that the emancipation of slaves would lead to a massive migration to the North by those recently freed. The expected result of this massive migration was that much of the land along the path would be destroyed. While this is not an entirely unreasonable assumption due to the large number of slaves in the South, this prediction did not account for those slaves who would continue to work and live in the southern states. Fears such as these were simply one more obstacle on Lincoln’s path to abolishing slavery.

While gaining public support for the abolition of slavery was of great importance, it was far from the only major obstacle to the freeing of the slaves. According to Finkelman, the most crucial aspect to the abolition of slavery was “...the actual possibility of a military victory.” As this was no certainty at the beginning of the Civil War, Lincoln needed to time his move to abolish slavery to take place at a time where the North had gained the upper hand in battle. To attempt to abolish slavery and subsequently lose to the South would effectively negate previous abolitionist efforts while simultaneously creating backlash from the loyal northern states, many of which were less than fully supportive of the war from the beginning. As Don Green alludes to in “Constitutional Unionists: The Party That Tried to Stop Lincoln and Save the Union” a major factor in the secession of the South was Lincoln being elected president. These Unionists had predicted that the South would hold true to their threats of secession should Lincoln be elected and attempted to gain a political victory over him to prevent such events from occurring. With the benefit of hindsight an argument can be made that what these Unionists were doing was attempting to prevent the abolition of slavery. This is not likely correct as Lincoln, though antislavery had not yet made public his plans to emancipate the slaves, and would not do so until well after he was elected President. While this opposition from what was essentially the third party during the election was a small hindrance, it was indicative of the larger issues at hand as Lincoln maneuvered toward emancipation.

Shortly after Abraham Lincoln was elected to the office of the President of the United States of America, in fact during his inaugural address, he acknowledged that he had “no lawful right” to attempt to end slavery at the level of state governments. This statement, while technically true was likely an attempt to dissuade the southern states from seceding as Lincoln was well aware that secession would lead to war and further complicate the emancipation process. Although the South would secede in spite of Lincoln’s apparent efforts to prevent it from doing so, this would eventually give President Lincoln the legal right to free slaves from their masters. From a modern perspective it may seem as though freeing the slaves should have been undertaken immediately following the secession of the South, however the laws of the time considered slaves to be legal property of their owners. This legal protection of slaves as property, and the constitutional Fifth Amendment protection of personal property prevented Lincoln from acting with the immediacy that his critics both contemporary and modern would have preferred. The system of checks and balances in place within the structure of the United States government limited Abraham Lincoln’s power in this situation. Essentially this meant that those states which had remained loyal to the Union would have to abolish slavery internally and of their own accord. While the institution of slavery would eventually be destroyed following Lincoln’s Emancipation Proclamation in January of 1863, it was abolished in a way that was legally justifiable and followed shortly thereafter by a constitutional amendment to further legitimize the abolition of slavery.

Perhaps the most often overlooked aspect of the abolition of slavery by Abraham Lincoln is the pace at which the emancipation of African American slaves took place. Popular culture seems to believe that the Emancipation Proclamation immediately ended slavery in the United States of America, history however paints a much more difficult and lengthy process. The Emancipation Proclamation applied only to states which refused to rejoin the Union and instead chose to remain in rebellion. The details of the document and the states to which it applied meant that those border states which still recognized the legality of slavery while remaining loyal to the Union were unaffected. These border states would not be legally required to free their slaves until Amendment XIII to the Constitution of the United States of America. Resolved and passed by Congress of the United States of America, "January 31, 1865. Ratified December 6, 1865," stated that “Neither slavery nor involuntary servitude...shall exist within the United States, or any place subject to their jurisdiction.” The signing of the Emancipation Proclamation and the ratification of the Thirteenth Amendment signified what was the beginning of a tumultuous and often dangerous period for the former slaves as they attempted to integrate into what was predominantly a white society. However, President Lincoln had achieved his goal of ridding the United States from the embarrassment and horror that was human slavery.

Lincoln has been widely praised as a great man and a great president for his actions not only in freeing hundreds of thousands from the bonds of slavery, but for leading the United States of America through arguably its’ most violent period. However, he is not beyond criticism and the merits and reasons for the aforementioned actions have been a constant topic of debate from his contemporary critics as well as modern historians and political scientists. These criticisms largely arise from the myth of Abraham Lincoln as some sort of flawless man of unassailable character, but do not negate the major strides toward human equality that Lincoln achieved during his relatively short period of political prominence. When considering in proper historical context the obstacles which Abraham Lincoln was forced to overcome in order to abolish slavery in the United States, the potential reasons behind the decision seem inconsequential.

Short but Sweet & Sour

2012-03-27T14:12:00.001-07:00

It looks like my body has finally had enough of the university party lifestyle, after having partied nearly every day since St. Patrick's I'm now sick. I woke up this morning with my throat so badly swollen that I couldn't talk and it took considerable effort to swallow the water I immediately reached for upon waking. I'm still unsure if this is a result of irritation from the amount of yelling one has to do in a noisy bar, or if I'm legitimately sick.
I'm banking on the former as it would hopefully go away within a day, but I've been sleeping on and off all day just in case it's a cold or something worse.

I don't regret the decision to party so much as it has not affected my grades (I wrote a paper for my American History course and got an A on it...I will post it here tomorrow) and I've met a lot of wonderful people over the last few weeks. Just last night I finally had a long enough conversation with my friend's girlfriends' sister to be comfortable asking her about hanging out some time. She's a cool girl and we talked about the failure of most comic book movies to stick to the particular mood and mythos of the story arcs around which they are based. (Of note was the butchering of Deadpool in X-Men Origins Wolverine)

I also won a Kokanee Free Ride pass last week which gives me a free trip to Lake Louise with 50 or so other students from my school (about 8 of whom I've already met) and access to the Kokanee beer gardens in the aforementioned location. I wouldn't have won the pass if I hadn't stayed late at the bar.

Anyways, that's it for now, I'm headed back to bed.

So Kiss Me, I'm Shit Faced (A Freshman Retrospective)

2012-03-19T14:08:00.000-07:00

I'd like to start off by saying I hope everybody had as fun of a St. Patrick's weekend as I did. Started off with a Fred Penner concert on Friday night, met the man and got a photo and autograph, then went to a fairly epic bash on Saturday night and got absolutely shit faced listening to live Celtic music. I spent the better part of the night talking this girl into coming over to hang out with my roommate (Wingman Level: 99) and she did. Not too sure what all happened and even if I was sure I wouldn't get into it on here.

As I'm writing this I'm procrastinating from the research I should be doing for my American History term paper. I just felt like maybe getting some of the creative energy out of my brain and onto a page might help me focus some more.

I'm nearly finished my first year of university, and can't wait for my 2nd year to begin. If I didn't need to make money to save up for next year I would continue on through the summer. University has been the best thing to happen in my life so far, I have always felt I would be well suited for the Post-Secondary life, but it really has been everything I hoped for. I'm not the kind of guy to go to the bar and try to pick up girls, nor am I the kind of guy to just go nuts when I'm partying, I'm more of a social drinker and 9 times out of 10 I prefer getting tipsy in a pub and chatting with friends. I've been doing a lot of that lately and it's gotten to the point where I go just for the company rather than for drinks. (I still drink, that's just not the reason for going.) And the student pub on campus has been an awesome place to meet like-minded students, as well as develop inter-personal relationships with some of the History faculty.

Being around people who are also in University for the sake of higher learning rather than the sake of pleasing their parents has been great. I love knowing that I can talk to the people I hang around with about school, or about their plans for the weekend. Getting out of the toxic "living for the weekend" environment of my hometown has changed me for the better. For the most part I'm completely happy with my life now that I'm in university and feel I'm actually accomplishing something. The few things/people that continue to drag me down are slowly being phased out of my life, and I've never felt better.

When I'm finished exams and back in my hometown for the Summer I will probably write more about what I learned about myself, and about other people in my first year of University.

Until then, enjoy and feel free to give your own insights.

If I could, I would be good

2012-03-13T22:30:00.000-07:00

I felt like I needed to get some shit off my chest, and since I average maybe 4 hits a day on here, I felt this would be a good venue in which it was unlikely to ever be read by anyone I know. Feel free to comment.
To those "friends" who would rather lie to me and avoid me than hang out, until they need something. (If you're reading this you know damn well who you are): I'm sick of your shit, I'm a nice guy and maybe that's why I keep you around, because I know how sad your life would be without people like me in it. My patience is wearing thin, a guy can only take so much BS and I'm well beyond that tipping point. If you didn't owe me money I would simply cut my ties with you and move on. But, since I'm a broke ass student who could use every dollar I can find, I keep you around. If you can't be honest with me at least be honest with yourself, pay me back and get the fuck out of my life. I don't need the immature BS and all the baggage that comes with being your friend.
P.S. to one specific person: You tell me you can't hang out because you need more notice than what my itinerary allows. Then when you need something you can hang out. I'm done helping you for the complete lack of any respect I get in return. If I want to hang out, even if I leave the planning up to you, you're busy. When I get in touch with you, you're hanging out with other people. Honesty is always the best policy if you don't want people to resent you. The sooner you learn this the sooner we can maybe get along for more than a week at a time.

To the masses of people who continue to send me hateful/angry/butthurt messages on facebook and emails regarding my political or religious views: I understand that religious people don't like to have their faith questioned, I understand that a good portion of people refuse to question the rationality of their beliefs because the idea of becoming disillusioned scares them. That being said, threatening me because of posts challenging the rationality of your particular religion does not make you a better or more enlightened person than myself. I live what I feel is a fairly good life, helping others as needed, volunteering my time and excess money to causes I believe help others simply because I want to and my mother raised me to appreciate what I have while so many others have nothing. If this bothers you because you can't do any of these things without the religious dogma attached, you need to get some perspective on life and who is really the better person. I do things because they're the right thing to do, not because they will earn me time in paradise. Who's the better person here? Someone doing something because they want to? Or someone doing something because it benefits them? If you're having trouble answering that, the clear answer is the former. So what if I drink too much? (I don't harm anyone when I'm inebriated aside from myself when I do dumb things) So what if I take needless risks? ( I don't take risks that put anyone but yours truly in a bad spot) How does this make me a bad person? How is my "preaching" of logic and reason comparable to religious leaders preaching the excommunication and abandonment of those who don't believe in the same imaginary friend as them?

That's it, I will post more later.
Too drunk to keep writing cohesive sentences.

Grammar Nazi

2011-12-17T14:07:00.000-08:00

This is an extended version of a post I wrote on Facebook that got tons of hate from people who think grammar only matters in English class.
Dear friends,

It's time to learn the difference between there, their, and they're.

Their: showing possession, for example: If they don't learn the correct use of the term, I am going to cut their toes off.

There: showing location, for example: You can put the severed toes on the table over there by the fireplace.

They're: contraction for "they are", for example: Could you please put those toes in the garbage bin? They're beginning to rot, and I cannot stand the stench.

Addendum: Explanation of use of apostrophes.

Apostrophes are used primarily to show possession. For example, Jack has 6 pies, and the Joker steals them: The Joker stole Jack's pies, all six of them.

Improper use: used to show multiples. For example, Dave had 3 fake IDs and one authentic one: The cop was not impressed when he saw Dave's (<--possession) fake ID's (<--improper use) but was relieved when he found out Dave was a minor and would be tried as such.

And last but definitely not least, the difference between "then" and "than":

Then: showing necessary consequence, for example: If you don't put those toes in the garbage can then I'm going to sever yours as well.

Than: comparative, for example: Those rotten toes smell worse than anything I've smelled to this point in my life.

-Onward and Upward!

Sweet Dreams and Clean Sheets

2011-12-16T22:58:00.000-08:00

Now, I'm fairly certain I've posted these sentiments before, and probably about the same person, but I just seem to never learn my lesson when it comes to two faced people, and people who flock to me when they need something and run the opposite direction when everything is going well for them.

Basically, I've asked a certain friend whom I've not seen since September to hang out, just to watch movies, or whatever she wants to do. It's completely platonic, at least on my end, and I'm the kind of guy who will more or less be supportive no matter what, but isn't afraid to tell her when she's being dumb over a guy. I'm not looking for more than a friend in her, but I am looking for a FRIEND, not a conditional, only around when they need something "friend". But once again, I ask to hang out, she ignores me the whole day and only texts me to tell me she's out with friends.

I don't expect anyone to drop what they're doing to talk to me or spend time with me. But this situation played out like this: I asked her to hang out on Friday, I asked her this on Tuesday, she told me she would hang out if she didn't have to do family stuff or babysit. We discussed it further on Wednesday, she once again agreed we need to hang out, said she would if she wasn't busy with the aforementioned obligations. Then I get a text from her tonight asking what I'm doing, I tell her I'm just chilling with my roomie, and ask what she's up to. Her response "just out with friends". I don't know, obviously I need to learn my lesson about not trusting people and not depending on anyone, but I just can't help but be offended by this. I feel betrayed, yet again.

A man can only take so much betrayal before he stops believing anything you say, just remember that.

-Onward and Upward!

Student Life

2011-12-13T19:32:00.000-08:00

I finished my first final exam today. I couldn't fully bring myself to study for any great length of time for this one. I guess my brain just kept telling me I was prepared enough. There's only 2 questions on which I was unsure of my answers, so I'm fairly confident, only 3 more exams this semester and then I get to go visit the family. Wish me luck

-Onward and Upward!

I (heart) MRU Girls

2011-12-02T18:41:00.001-08:00

So some of my classmates and I were talking about how awesome it is to go to a school in which roughly 65% of the student body is female. We further discussed that we should make shirts that say I <3 MRU Girls.
I decided to make this idea a reality today, mainly out of boredom. I set up a Spreadshirt shop, because I've ordered shirts through them before and they're by far the highest quality vs. price that I've seen.

Anyways, check it out, the prices are all set to the default, so I'm not making any money, just thought it might be cool to see if anyone would actually purchase and wear such shirts. Leave some feedback!

I <3 MRU Girls Shop <-----