The Power of Habit

Habit #4: Better Choices

Tue, 07 Oct 2008 12:27:37 -0400

I’m still working on habits 1 & 2. I’m on week four with habit one and week three with habit 2. (I didn’t add a new habit last week.) I am still struggling like crazy with habit #1, but I’m doing better. I’m also doing much better with habit 2.

The newest habit is “Better choices.” In all areas: eating, activities, work, etc. I tend to be a little attention deficit when it comes to life — bouncing from one thing to the next on impulse. I bite off more than I can chew and I need to make better food choices and exercise choices. I guess it feels less threatening to say to myself, “I am going to make better choices today” than to say, “I will not eat sugar today.” ARGH. If I could just stop my emotional eating to cope with the stress of raising kids with autism, and being a pastor’s wife things could really change for me. I am going to be taking a class soon called “Celebrate Recovery” and I hope it will help me in this area. I am a compulsive personality, so I don’t know how to do anything halfway.

So, maybe I can trick myself into making better choices this week. What do you think?

Habit #3: Master Habit #s 1 & 2

Tue, 30 Sep 2008 20:11:56 -0400

Since I have not yet been very successful at habit #1, I don’t think I’m going to add a new habit this week. But I will say that I have been enjoying habit #2. I love watching my husband’s bewildered reaction as I do things to “make him feel important.” It’s not that I wasn’t attentive before. I was. But I don’t know, I just say things in a different way since starting this new habit, and it has him wondering what I’m up to.

It’s cute.

He’s like a shy little kid about it, and he is soaking it all up big time.

That’s the funnest part of habit #2 — seeing his reaction to it. It just makes me want to practice it more and more. I haven’t told him that’s what I’m up to. I will eventually.

As for habit #1 — I haven’t been feeling very well, and have a lot of aches and pains. So, I need to work harder at not moaning and groaning about how I feel. I hate to admit that I’m a whiner, but I am.

Maybe I’m afraid to try a third habit. And I guess, I am afraid because I’m afraid to fail.

Still, there’s nothing written that says I can’t take my time in the “new leaf turning” thing. So I will.

And should Jesus come before I master it - I will rejoice that I’ll be changed in a twinkling of an eye! But for now, the change comes slow and steady, minute by minute, hour by hour, day by day.

Day 4 on Habit #2: Imagine Everyone Wears a Sign That Says: MAKE ME FEEL IMPORTANT!

Thu, 25 Sep 2008 13:46:11 -0400

I chose this habit because I am a task oriented person more than a people person. I am one of those people that is a happy little bee spending time all alone doing all the things that busy bees do. The down side to all of that is it’s easy to forget that people do benefit from me coming out of my solitary hive to spend time with them. I’m too quick with a passing “Hello.”

As a pastor’s wife, I’ve been told before that I hurt someone’s feelings because I didn’t say “hi” to them. And it wasn’t because I intentionally ignored them! It was just because I am usually always thinking, thinking, thinking about something. I live far too much in my head and rarely am I truly just “in the moment.” So, I have to give myself a little pep talk when I’m in a group of people. “Remember to look at people, acknowledge them. Karla, it’s not about you. Listen. Care. MAKE THEM FEEL IMPORTANT.”

I’ve been forgetting to do that pep talk lately, so I really, really want to master this. And I don’t want to do it in a fake way. I know too many fake-gracious types. You know the kind — the kind that just oooooze sweetness but you know that once you’re out of their presence they are a different person? No, that’s not what I want to be. I want to genuinely CARE about what’s on people’s minds. Once someone has been in my presence I want them to be glad they were. I want people to say, “Oh! Look who’s coming!” No, “Oh no, hide! Karla’s coming!”

You’d think at my age — 47 — I’d have so many things figured out by now. Well, I hate to break it to ya folks, but I don’t. And I can’t tell you how disappointed I am that I still have so much to learn and master! I thought surely by now I’d have mastered much more!

I’ve come to the conclusion that we never stop learning and we never will. For one thing, even if I did master it yesterday — today’s another day. And with the way my memory has been lately, I am sure to forget plenty of what I learned in my 20’s!

For some reason, I have no problem doing this with children. Children fascinate me. I love being a teacher. I love looking at their little faces and learning all about what they are thinking. I just need to transfer this to adults, too. Because, people are people and we aren’t all that different from one another. All people are learning as they go. I need to be more patient with that.

I remember once a few years ago there was a lady that I had a very hard time making sure I had the right attitude toward. She was grossly overweight, never bathed, and the smell was the worst I’d ever smelled in my life. She was also very unattractive.

Don’t get me wrong. I am not a judgmental person about looks. I am overweight myself, and I won’t win any beauty pageants. So I don’t judge people based on their looks. I want you to understand that this was the most extreme situation probably anyone has ever been in. I can’t imagine anything that could possibly be worse. Honestly.

Anyway, it really bothered me that I avoided this person. Because it wasn’t just the physical, it was also her personality. She just plain annoyed me and rubbed me the wrong way. I prayed and prayed about it. I begged God to give me His love for her.

That’s when Jesus said to my heart: “When you hug her, Karla, you are hugging me because I live in her.”

That did it. From that time on, I was able to genuinely love and accept her. Did she stop stinking? Nope. Did she still have a beard and rotting teeth? Yep. But the thing was, God was able to give me the grace to look past all that and really, really love her.

That’s how I want to be with everyone in our church and community. It’s such a privilege to be a pastor’s wife. But it’s an important responsibility, too. I realize that my response to people will affect them in ways I may never know about. And I never, ever want to hurt someone.

If I really make this new habit a true part of my life, I think the chances of harming one of God’s precious people will be a lot lower. Don’t you?

A New Habit (#2) and a Confession

Mon, 22 Sep 2008 17:30:34 -0400

I must confess that today I whined. I not only whined, I grumbled and grunged and was not very pretty when I began cleaning up after all that the boys managed to “create” in the house while I was sick and in the weeks I’ve been otherwise occupied.

Three boys — all with ADD, two with autism, and a husband who is housekeeping imparied and also with ADD — can you blame me for complaining?

The fact is, I shouldn’t have. I should have handled it differently. But I didn’t. So, I repent, I confess, and I will try to do better next time.

We are far from finished in our housekeeping journey today. I loose steam after one room, but the boys are “trying” to help — best they can. (Yes, trying is a good word, very trying.) And I am trying harder not to whine and complain. But I have to tell ya — it’s a challenge!

Okay, enough about habit #1 that I’m trying to master. Today is Monday and it’s time to add another new habit to the mix. Here we go.

Habit #2: Pretend that everyone wears sign that says, “Make me feel important.” I sometimes get too busy to remember to build up. It’s not that I tear down, but I am too often task oriented more than people oriented. I need to change that. Somehow. So, remembering this little rule, I think, might help me.

I learned this rule from Mary Kay Ash, the founder of Mary Kay cosmetics. I think it’s a great new habit, and I look forward to using it. I think had I done THIS today instead of stomping and hollering at the boys (I mean, honestly, they don’t hear very well!) maybe I would have gotten more out of them.

Then again, maybe not. But I know I would have felt a lot better about the way I handled myself.

I read somewhere that being in control means being in control of YOURSELF, rather than others. I think that’s very true. I can’t control my sons’ autism flares and behaviors, but I can control how I respond to them. I can’t control their every move, and I can’t control every mess they make. But I can control my attitude towards such “hardship.” (Yeah, tell a Mom living in a mud hut in the jungle that I have hardship. PUH-lease.)

It’s all relative, isn’t it? And speaking of relatives, there are no harder people to practice these new habits around than they!

I can do this! Just saying so makes me think that hey, maybe I really can.

Day 6 and 7on: Do Not Complain

Sun, 21 Sep 2008 00:54:21 -0400

As you can see, I missed day 5. I spent most of it trying to survive the day and get home and back to bed. Then, on day six, I spent most of the day sleeping, and am just now awake at 12:47 AM. I am happy to say that I avoided complaining MOST of the time, althought I did slip a couple of times when I said “I am miserable.” Which, techinically, was a fact, not a complaint, right?

Perhaps what I should have said is, “Praise the Lord! I am alive, and I still have feelings left, and I am better today than I was yesterday and I am looking forward to feeling better soon!”

Hopefully this post is making sense. I’m writing it in the blur of having slept almost 24 hours straight and a woozy head and stiff fingers. If I wake up and look at this and there’s something unworthy written here, I’ll delete it post haste!

I have such admiration for people who have chronic illness and pain. I really admire those who go through those things with such grace. I have watched more than one person die of cancer or some other chronic illness, and I have always, always admired the way they handled themselves. If it were me, I am afraid I’d be writhing and yelling and wanting the whole world to suffer with me. I pray my family never has to suffer with me in such an instance becuase I’m afraid I’d probably embarrass all of them with my whining.

However, I will admit, knowing I was working on this new habit caused me not to complain as much as I normally would have while I was sick with a cold/flu this past week.

I have one more day to go before I announce the next new habit. I wonder how I will do at juggling two new things instead of just one. It takes 30 days to establish a new habit. I am looking forward to becoming a more positive person by taming my tongue and the things that come out of my mouth.

Just because I think it doesn’t mean I have to say it. And not being able to say it, makes the thought less permanent.

Praise the Lord! His mercy endures forever! It’s a good thing because I am sure I use up the most!

A Challenging Day 4 on Do Not Complain

Thu, 18 Sep 2008 22:35:13 -0400

Today I have a miserable cold/virus/sore throat. That’s not complaining — that’s just stating a fact, right?

I will be the first to admit to being the world’s greatest wimp when it comes to being sick and not feeling well. I want the whole world to suffer with me. I moan and groan and cry and whine. Horrible, aren’t I?

Do you think God is testing me? The very week I decide to choose the new habit of not complaining — I get sick. Then again, maybe Satan is buffeting. Either way, my funny side can’t help but see the humor in all of this. I just wonder if God is stifling a few giggles himself.

Making a Difference: Dangers of a Critical Heart

Wed, 17 Sep 2008 15:36:14 -0400

Making a Difference: Dangers of a Critical Heart:

This goes right along with my new habit this week, don’t you think? What a powerful message. I appreciate the strong visual message this sends. I don’t think I’ll easily forget this one.

Day 2 on Do Not Complain

Tue, 16 Sep 2008 10:13:05 -0400

I’m on day two of my “Do Not Complain” new habit and I already blew it. As I was sitting down in a little Kindergarten chair to help a student today I complained that my knees hurt.

I do NOT want to grow into a complaining, whining, miserable old lady. I want to be a gracious old lady, with honey on my lips. I want people to say, “Oh! Here comes that sweet little old lady,” not “Oh no, hide, here she comes. I wonder what ailment she has today!”

I know I can only acquire these good habits by the grace of God.

“Dear Lord, give me grace to praise you that I have legs that work, knees that bend, and the joy of sitting in a Kindergarten chair to help cutting and pasting.”

NEW Habit for Week of September 15, 2008: I will be thankful instead of complaining.

Mon, 15 Sep 2008 14:07:00 -0400

Do not complain.

Instead of complaining, I wil be thankful. I will praise God and thank Hiim for the many blessings I have in my life! I will remember those blessings and they will distract me from things I am tempted to complain about.