Photo by Tom Curtis at www.freedigitalphotos.net

Editor’s Note: The Power of Moms is a website for mothers of all religions (and for mothers who are not necessarily religious). Each Sunday, we post a spiritual essay, and we would love to gather a wide variety of perspectives and ideas.  Our goal is to be respectful of all beliefs while simultaneously offering opportunities to share meaningful, spiritual thoughts with one another.

This Mother’s Day, I reflected on some lessons that I have learned by being a mom. I feel that I have learned so much in my short time being a mom; I seriously cannot fathom what future lessons I have in store.

Not too long ago, I heard a speaker say something that really impacted my life.  He said, “Every lesson that we will need in life, we will be taught by our children.”  I truly believe this.  I feel that every lesson I need, I will be taught by my children; scary but true.

One lesson that I have learned is about perspective.  Often times, I look at my life or the current situation I am in, and I think, “How did I get here?”  This would include times when both kids are screaming (just for fun to see who can scream the loudest), my house is a disaster (and I swear I just cleaned it), or when I am running with my son in my arms–trying to get to a bathroom, and realize that I am all wet and he couldn’t hold it anymore.

I mean, I have had some crazy, what-I-like-to-call “mom moments” because you earn the title with each one.  I constantly repeat to myself, “Is this really my life?” But, I know that I will truly miss this one day; I will look back and say, “How did that go so fast? Why didn’t I appreciate it more in the moment?”  I have learned perspective and to appreciate my life for what it is, including all the trials and triumphs that it brings.

I have also learned that my parents knew exactly what they were saying when they said, “You’re going to thank me for this one day.” I have said thanks to them so many times, “Thank you for having a better perspective on my life, than I did.” I seriously thought that when I was a teenager, I knew so much more that my parents did, and that I was so cool. If I could speak to all the young people out there for a minute: ”If you could know now what I know, now that I am a mother, now that I am married…you would change the way you live your life.”

I bet that there are many mothers out there with older children, maybe even teenagers, looking at me thinking, “If you could know now what I know…you would change your life.” And then some whose children are out of the house are probably saying, “If you could know now what I know…”  Can this just go on and on?  Our perspectives on life will always be changing, because we are always changing.

Motherhood has also taught me humility.  Many times when I have said, “My kid will never do that…,” my kids have not only done that same thing, but way worse than what I saw someone else’s kid doing.  When my daughter starts to play with the flab on my tummy…I am truly humbled. When my son says, “Mommy talk nice” I am truly humbled.  When I think about how blessed I am to be able to raise these special children…I am so humbled.

Obedience to a higher law is another lesson I have learned. I seriously get so happy when my children obey; all I want for them to do is obey. Growing up, my dad used to always say, there are three things I need you to do “Obey, obey, and obey!” I totally get it now, I hear myself always saying, “If you just listen to what mommy says, then you would be so much happier.” Whether it’s obedience to the unwritten laws of basic morality or to religious commandments, we are happier when we are obedient to what is right.

We’ve all had those days, haven’t we?  The groceries got left in the car, the sock got stuck in the vacuum . . .. And you think to yourself, “Is this real?  What else could possibly happen today?!”  You’re not alone.

Join Kristine Jones and April Perry as they discuss ways to manage all those things that somehow find a way to go wrong.

Click here to listen to, “Ever had a day that felt like a circus?”

Music from Creations by Michael R. Hicks.

Photo from flickr.com

Speaking of schedules, most experienced moms have found that their summers go much smoother when there is one (a schedule, that is, and April wrote a great article about that here), and many of those same moms have also discovered there are easy ways to incorporate learning into all that summer fun (Saren wrote a great article about combining fun and learning here). We’ve all heard the reports of teachers spending the first semester of school re-teaching their students everything they forgot while lazing around the pool or watching TV for 10 weeks straight, but I like to think we can prevent our children’s brains from turning to slush over the summer.

The beauty of being a child is that learning is fun and fun is learning. Never is that more true than during the summer. In fact, I dare say if you make the most of these summer months, your kids can go back to school ahead of the game. So how do we enjoy the fun and relaxation of summer (and the joy of no more early morning carpools–yippee!) while still keeping our children’s brains active?

Of course you can purchase one of the many summer workbooks out there and have your kids do a few pages a day (I try to do that), and there are always academic camps or summer school to keep your kids up to speed (not my favorite–again, I’m all about having my kids to myself). If you’re the really organized type you could even research homeschooling websites and come up with a curriculum of sorts for your summer learning adventures, but I have to admit that I like my teaching moments to be less structured. I like things to feel a little more organic in the summer, and to be really honest–I don’t want to have to work that hard! It is summer after all, so I’d like to suggest some activities that I think are the most  fun with the least amount of work that give mothers the biggest bang for their buck (so to speak). I’m going to break down a few of my ideas for creating fun and easy learning experiences this summer into two simple categories: at home and out and about.

AT HOME

1. Cook and bake. What better way to practice both your math and science skills than by making cookies? Think about the math required to follow detailed recipes for baked goods, or the potential to learn about time and temperature by simply setting the oven and timer? If you think about it, both cooking and baking are nothing more than a series of chemical reactions. During the summer months, I like to have a different child help me make dinner every night of the week. Not only does this give me one on one time with each of my children while teaching them how to cook, it also requires them to learn and/or use those math and science skills! (Click here for a cool website on the science of cooking.)
2. Plan a vacation. If you’re taking a vacation this summer, why not let your kids get in on the planning? Children can do basic research online for your destination (geography) and, depending on their age, you can have them help you make a general budget (math), map out the distance and mileage between destinations (math), and even help make the itinerary for your trip. (And if it’s a road trip, take advantage of all that time in the car with some brainy audio books like Story of the World.) If you aren’t going on a trip this summer, you could still create a “family passport” by choosing countries you’d like to visit and spending a week at a time learning about their food, language, music, and customs. End the week with a family party using as many of these elements as possible.
3. Have a reading hour. Everybody needs a little down time every day (especially mom!), so it’s a great idea to have a designated reading hour to enjoy a good book. (I like the idea of using the hottest hours in the afternoon to go inside and take a siesta, but every family is different.) You can find endless book lists online to help you come up with a summer reading list for both you and your kids. (Here’s one to get you started. And another.) You can even opt to reward your kids with a frozen treat every week for reading a certain number of books or pages. (Will they earn one scoop or two?) And don’t forget the value of a good kids magazine. We’ve been subscribing to NatGeoKids for years and I can’t say enough good things about it.
4. Do science experiments. I love doing at-home science experiments. Our favorite one so far has been the classic mentos and diet coke explosion, but you can check out several websites or library books with other fantastic and easy ideas for learning in disguise. This is one of my favorite websites for this very thing.
5. Sit down and eat. Yes, it’s true that families who make dinnertime a priority produce children with better grades, but that’s not what I’m talking about here. I’m referring to the passive learning that happens year round at our house by my kids just sitting down to eat at a table set with educational placemats. I’ve been using these for years, and I can’t believe how much my kids have absorbed by simply staring at their placemats while eating. I’ve picked mine up here and there, but I just found this fantastic website where there are more options available for purchase than I had ever imagined! (I just bought several more…)
6. Make a movie. Hand your older kids a video camera and tell them to go make a movie. Computer skills have surpassed many other skills in importance (think cursive), so wouldn’t it be fun for your kids to get more familiar with various computer programs by creating their own masterpiece? Plus, you’ll have some potentially hysterical family history recorded in the process.
7. Plug them in. Yes, you read that right. You know they’re going to be on the screens more than usual during the summer months anyway, so while I do hope you try to set some limits, why not monopolize on that veg out time by indulging in some seriously smart entertainment? Whether you have hundreds of TV channels, Netflix streaming, or you just borrow DVDs from the public library, there is no lack of educational entertainment for kids. My kids love the “How It’s Made” show on the Science Channel and are often found watching Planet Earth on Netflix. Even the Weather Channel can be fascinating and educational for kids. You’d be surprised what they will enjoy, so don’t limit their entertainment to the Disney Channel or Cartoon Network. (The equivalent of a Twinkie for the brain.) And don’t forget educational computer games and activities. Here’s a short list to of some of the best:

funbrain.com

kidsknowit.com

pbskids.org

funschool.kaboose.com

raz-kids.com

nasa kids’ club

OUT AND ABOUT

1. Got to a museum. You’ll have to do your own research to find out what’s in your neck of the woods, but you’re sure to have at least one of the following near your home: an art museum, history museum, natural history museum, life science museum, zoo, aquarium, aviary, planetarium, arboretum, living history center, science center, or nature preserve. (Am I forgetting anything?) Doesn’t a weekly field trip to one of these places just sound fun? Not to mention educational. (Don’t tell the kids!) Most of these places have displays, programs, and activities geared specifically toward children, so explore the possibilities in your area and don’t forget to look into the “free” days many of these places offer at least once a month.
2. Take a factory tour. I’m determined to go on the family friendly tour of a salt water taffy factory near our home this summer. What factory tours are near your town? (Find out here.) A neighborhood friend even told me recently that there are tours of a copper mine near our home.
3. Frequent the library. You knew this one was coming. Most (if not all) public libraries in the United States take part in a summer reading program, offering prizes upon completion and hosting free weekly activities. Since you’re going to be having a reading hour every day anyway, you may as well put a weekly trip to the library on your calendar. And please don’t miss the nonfiction “how to” section of the library. That’s where you can find all sorts of books that will fuel your kids’ brain energy back at home. (How to make paper airplanes, how to do science experiments, how to plant a garden, etc.) I can’t think of a better way to spend a hot summer day than by taking a trip to the library followed by a frozen treat!
4. Shop ‘til you drop. Okay, so shopping with kids in tow during the summer months is not fun at all, but it’s going to happen–a lot–so if you’re having a good day, maybe you can simultaneously keep your children busy and preoccupied while also helping them learn a thing or two. Just tonight I took two of my children to the grocery store for a few things, and my son got a great lesson in price per ounce as we talked about which peanut butter was really the better deal. (He originally thought it was the one with the lower price.) And this may sound a bit ambitious, but how hard would it be to have one of your older kids bring a calculator to the store and add up the cost of groceries as you go along? Younger kids can play games such as finding a certain number of items or items of a certain shape.

Of course, we’ll still enjoy our fair share of pool days, carnivals, and fluffy movies, but it’s nice to know there are plenty of educational activities out there too that are just as much fun. Happy summer!

QUESTION: What are your favorite ways to mix fun and learning during the months of summer break?

CHALLENGE: Choose a few things from this list to incorporate into your family’s summer schedule.

***If you’d like more links to great learning websites, printable charts, suggested activity lists in different categories, and everything you need to keep your kids’ bodies and minds active and add some structure to your fun, click here for our “Do-it-Yourself Summer Camp Kit.”

Photo by FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Photo by hinnamsaisuy at www.freedigitalphotos.net

Today is the first day of summer for my family.  School is out, the weather is great, and we are excited…so why did I end up in such a grumpy mood this morning?

Maybe it was because I stayed in bed too long, and by the time I got up, my two-year-old had dumped garbage all over the living room, my older children were itching to run around outside, and we no longer had the time to take that day trip we’d been planning.

Maybe, it was because I really wanted to exercise and take a shower, but I hadn’t anticipated that all of my children would want to whine and complain and sit right next to me while I tried to take on Jillian Michael’s 30-Day Shred (loved that workout, by the way…even WITH my little ones all around me).

Or, maybe I was grumpy because I hadn’t thought about all the laundry, cleaning, and organizing that needed to be done, and I hadn’t shared my summertime goals with my children.  They were under the impression that summer was going to be one non-stop party, and I was envisioning a beautiful month of de-junking and hanging out at home.  We needed a compromise.

Whatever it was that caused these summertime blues, I was determined to find a solution this morning, and I thought I’d share what we discovered.

(1) I took a few minutes to study creative summer plans my friends Suzanne and Saren have shared with me.  They are both incredible, and though I didn’t implement all of their great ideas, they inspired me to come up with a plan that would really work for my family.  Suzanne is one of those mothers who makes the most of every summer month. She schedules a weekly park day, a weekly swim day, a weekly field trip day, a monthly date night out, and a monthly Girls’ Night Out, and then she types up the whole thing and gives copies to all her friends so they can easily join in the fun.  Clever, right? Click here to view Suzanne’s summer schedule. And Saren has developed this whole “do-it-yourself” summer camp program moms can create for their own families. Click here to read Saren’s article about creating your own family learning adventures camp.

(2) We created a “Summer Bucket List.” I’ve never done this before, but I remembered that Allyson Reynolds put one together last year that looked like SO much fun (click HERE to read it), and I figured we could do the same thing!  I always get to the end of the summer and think, “How did the time pass so quickly?  I never even got together with so and so or made it to that museum we’ve been dying to see.”  Not this summer….  My children and I gathered around the whiteboard in the kitchen this morning and wrote out all the things we’d like to do.  Which friends do we want to invite over for play dates?  Which restaurants do we want to visit?  Which parks?  Which museums? Which stores? We’ve now got a great idea list to work from each day, and we are all incredibly excited.

(3) We put together a “Summer Family Routine List,” which includes all the things we need to be doing on a consistent basis–reading, tidying the house, wondering, practicing the piano, helping people who are sick, etc.  Now when my children wake up in the morning or come to me saying, “I’m bored,” I have a whole list of things ready for them to review for ideas. This is another idea that is explained more fully in Saren’s “do it yourself summer camp” article.

(4) We established a theme for each day of the week. Monday is “Laundry and Library Day,” Tuesday is “Field Trip Day,” Wednesday is “Friend Day,” Thursday is “Sports Day,” and Friday is “Beach Day.”  Of course this will be flexible, but having some sort of a system set up helps us to make sure we’re incorporating a variety of activities into our summer.

(5) We set up a quiet time schedule. My two-year-old takes a two-hour nap every day, and that’s when I either nap, work on this website, or do my desk work and phone calls.  I don’t want my older children watching TV for the whole two hours, so we set up a little rotation (they drew numbers out of a hat to decide where to start).

Rotation #1 = 30 minutes playing computer games

Rotation #2 = 30 minutes playing with toys quietly or playing in the backyard

Rotation #3 = 30 minutes reading or writing stories

Final 30 minutes = a television show that everyone agrees upon

They’re entering their final 30 minutes right now, so I will finish this up, but I wanted to record this because it’s made a huge difference for me.  Now that we have some sort of a plan in place, I’m not grumpy.  In fact, I’m feeling just as excited about the summer as my children.

QUESTION: What do you do to create some sort of order in your summer routine?

CHALLENGE: Hold a mini-family council and plan your Summer Bucket List, your Family Routine, and/or a theme for each day of the week.  Or, if you like things to be more unstructured, have a conversation with your children where you can align your summertime expectations.

Photo submitted by Stephanie Pletka

On my pre-schooler’s first day of class, an assignment was sent home requesting they create a show-and-tell board. They wanted it to include a description of who he was, number of siblings he has, pictures of the family, and fun activities enjoyed during summer break.

At age four, my son couldn’t write, he didn’t know what the word “description” meant, he couldn’t count to twenty, and they wanted him to do what? So I had pictures developed, bought poster board, and let him do whatever he wanted with his little marker and glue. It looked just like you would have imagined. It was pitiful, funny, and messy.

You should have seen the look of accomplishment on his face; he was beaming with pride as he carried his over-sized masterpiece into the classroom. You should have seen the look on my face as I walked into the classroom and saw the Mona Lisas of artwork: stenciled letters and 3D art images all created by very talented parents. It looked as if PR firms had been hired to design some of the projects. At first, I was embarrassed.  Had I made a mistake? Was it my assignment or his?

Fortunately, he wasn’t intimidated by the professional-looking art projects surrounding his poster. The feelings of accomplishment he obtained from creating the project independently gave him a tremendous sense of pride and security. He made no comparisons whatsoever. Rather, he walked into the room with his head held high as if to say: ‘Look what I did!’

As parents, we obviously want the very best for our children. If I could roll mine in bubble wrap to keep them from getting hurt, I would. But it is really to their detriment when we hover over our kids–intervening in their squabbles with friends, doing their work for them, or negotiating their grades at school. We become an advocate in places we may not belong. It’s okay to give them advice, guide their hearts, help them behind the scenes, but when we fight their battles or navigate their future we can get to the point where it becomes a disservice to everyone involved.

In the CNN.com article How to Ground a ‘Helicopter Parent’, Dr. Nancy Weisman, a licensed clinical psychologist, notes that it’s important for kids to understand that they are not going to be rescued. Otherwise, they may feel a sense of entitlement. In dealing with powerful people, Dr. Ken Haller from the St. Louis University School of Medicine suggests that as parents, if we bully to get our way, it sends a message to our children that we need to be “controversial and adversarial.” He suggests teaching them the “art of negotiation” as a more valuable tool.

While it’s important to be their advocate when they’re younger and their guide and counselor in their teen years, I’ve learned we shouldn’t hover over them to make sure they don’t ever slip and fall. In failure, there are lessons to be learned. There is value in a skinned up knee.

Important information can be gleaned from failure. Some say: Failure is not an option.  I say: Failure is an amazing learning tool. If a child fails, collect data from what went wrong. We can help our children take those mistakes and turn them into successes. Talk to anyone who owns a profitable company, and they will tell you, more character was built during failure than in victories. Learning to deal with failures now, while the stakes are small, can be excellent training for adulthood when failures can be far more serious.

If a child fails an assignment or misses a class, have them meet with the teacher instead of you. This teaches accountability. If your teen didn’t complete an assignment, let them experience the natural consequences. The best lessons-learned are taught in the “School of Life.”

I’ve found that when I try to rescue my kids, whether through homework assistance or taking their forgotten lunches and uniforms to school, I get in the way of their effort to be the “frontman” in their own lives. They become the ‘slacker’ and I become the ‘grunter’; the resentful-one, guiding the boat with one paddle. Somewhere in the process, they lose the pride and the gratification they could have gained from doing it themselves. Their mentality becomes: ‘Mom will pull me through it.’

Self-reliance is a gift, a game-changer. If we teach them independence they will fly.
The question remains, how do we give our children the resources they need to become responsible citizens?

Give them responsibility. Instead of trying to take the bullet for everything that goes wrong, let them be accountable for the consequences of their choices. We give our children chores at an early age, and make them do their own homework with limited parental involvement. We’ve found they are even competent to fill out camp forms, do laundry, and earn their own spending money. In those self-sufficient tasks, life-lessons will be their best coach.

Each child has unique needs for boundaries as well as innate desires for independence. I challenge you to find places in your parenting where you can hover from afar, allowing your children more room to soar.

QUESTION: How do you handle letting go of the control and allowing your kids the opportunity to learn and grow on their own?

CHALLENGE: Today, try taking a step back when you would normally run to the rescue. Talk to your child about what he or she can do on their own.  Together decide how he or she can be more responsible and accountable.

When our discussion leader asked this question during our Learning Circle discussion last week, everyone was quiet for a few seconds – something pretty unusual for our group. I guess it’s sort of a big and unusual question.  And most days we’re so focused on basic intentions (like getting kids fed and to bed) that we don’t stop to think about the big picture of what we’re trying to accomplish as moms.

Once we got talking, we pretty much all agreed that we want to raise healthy, happy children who will go out and lead successful lives. Those are pretty good intentions, right?

But then we went around the circle and each person talked about her individual intentions as a mother – intentions that go beyond the generally universal intentions that most mothers share. While there was certainly a lot of head-nodding as people expressed intentions that others shared, we saw that all have some unique intentions when it comes to the things we want to expose our children to, the family experiences we want to have, and the specific qualities we’re intent on helping our children to develop.

For our monthly assignment (along with discussion questions, there are suggested assignments at the end of each monthly Learning Circle article provided), we decided to do something that seemed a little morbid at first. We decided to think about what we’d love for our children to be able to say at our funerals some day. The assignment suggested that through “beginning with the end in mind,” we’d be able to think through what our intentions really are as moms and adjust our behaviors and practices accordingly.

So today, I did a quick brainstorm of my general intentions as a mother and then went back and jotted down a few examples of specific actions that would support each intention. Then I used that list to help me write up the following “eulogy-type” statements that I hope my kids will be able to say about a me some day (hopefully not just at my funeral…).

Here’s some of what I came up with:

“Our mom was a champion of motherhood. She worked hard every day to be the best mother she could be and to help other moms and families have the resources and support they needed to be their best.”

“While she always made it clear that her greatest “calling” was as a wife and mother, she was very involved in many other callings in outside the little world of our home. She made a point of always involving us in her larger-world work. We helped raise money for orphans every year at a Christmas concert. We helped with all the work she did at our schools. We helped do data entry for The Power of Moms. We helped set up for and present at Retreats and got to travel to wonderful places as a family thanks to Retreats. We helped make videos to help other moms and kids learn about ideas that worked well for our family.”

“Our mom was really great at being “present.” She was great at “putting off the ‘put-off-able’s’ in favor of the ‘now-or-never’s’.” When we came home from school each day, she had a snack for us and was excited to hear all about our day and help us with our homework. She really listened when we talked (even though she often had to remind us to take turns talking). While she was very busily involved in projects to help our community and the larger world, we always knew she’d drop everything else if one of us needed her.”

“Our mom searched out and cultivated the unique potential of each of her children. She found us just the right teachers and lessons and opportunities to match our interests and talents and taught us herself when need be. She helped us cultivate friendships and hobbies that were important to us. She taught us to work hard and made us mad by not letting us give up. It was clear that her greatest goal as a mom was to help us bloom into the people we were really meant to be – even when we wanted to be lazy people.”

“She taught us to cook and to clean and to earn and manage money well. Through praising us up and down when we’d do it, she taught us to be self-starters who could see a need and meet that need be it cleaning up leftover dishes or helping a kid on the playground who needed a friend. She raised us to be self-sufficient people who could manage our households and our finances and our relationships.”

“Mom often told us that one of her greatest intentions as a mom was preparing us to be great parents one day should that opportunity arise. From the time we were very small, she had the older kids help with the younger kids in our family and when we ran out of younger kids, she encouraged us to volunteer to babysit and do special activities for our little neighbors and cousins. She taught us to understand and appreciate small children. And when one of our siblings was struggling, she and my Dad often asked for ideas from the other siblings. She helped us to see how hard and how important and how wonderful parenting is.”

“She taught us how to resolve disagreements and respect other people’s needs and feelings and differences. Whenever we had disagreements, we had to sit by the person we’d been fighting with until we could each say what we’d done wrong, state how we were goingt to make up for our wrong-doing and then we had to ask each other’s forgiveness and give each other a hug before we could go on our way. We hated it. But we also loved it. She helped us to understand why people act the way they do. All of us siblings are best friends today thanks in large part to these lessons.”

“Mom taught us to love nature and adventures and to focus on health and fitness. She and Dad made sure we went on hikes and bike rides almost every Saturday which were great family bonding experiences. She went running or did some kind of serious exercise at least three times a week her whole life and took us with her a lot of the time – often we were trailing behind in a bike trailer or racing ahead on our scooters or bikes. She had a passion for fresh, tasty, healthy food and taught us a great deal about nutrition and cooking.”

“Mom taught us about marriage. Through her example, we learned the importance of always building up your spouse. She was always pointing out the amazing and wonderful things that our Dad did to us and always demanded that we respect our father. She made sure we knew that Dad was her number one priority and that made us feel safe and secure.”

“Mom was a little high-strung and certainly made mistakes. She got overwhelmed and mad and impatient sometimes. But she was good at learning and changing and apologizing. And through her example, we learned that everyone makes mistakes and everyone can and should fix their mistakes.”

“Mom taught us not only to work hard for and attain the things that really matter but also to say no to and gracefully walk away from the things that don’t. She helped us learn to prioritize and to do less good things in favor of doing more great things.”

I’m sure some of the things above ring true to you and some don’t really connect to your own unique intentions as a mom. Our own unique talents, interests, priorities and experiences will help us determine the intentions that are right for us as mothers. But the one thing that is universal is that when we take the time to think about what our intentions really are, we have a much greater chance of achieving our intended outcomes!

When the kids came home from school today, I found myself reacting to them and dealing with situations quite differently thanks to what I’d written.

For example, in the midst of trying to patiently and lovingly help with homework, I realized I’d forgotten to buy some important supplies for an event this evening when I was at the grocery store earlier. Instead of being frustrated, I saw this oversight of mine as an opportunity to take my son Isaac on a little “date” (he’s been seeming to need a little extra attention). On the drive to the store, I really listened to him talk about whatever he wanted to talk about and was fully present with him. At the store, I asked his opinion on the type and quantity of stuff I should buy and took his thoughtful suggestions. On the way out the door, when I saw a man from church that I’d met once before, I avoided my initial urge to just hurry on home and made a point of chatting and introducing Isaac. Out in the parking lot, we saw this man trying to load way too many helium balloons in his small car and since we had plenty of room in our van, we were able to transport a bunch of balloons for him. It was a great chance to set an example of caring and helping for Isaac and we talked about how good it makes us feel when we get to help others.

To help you think through your own intentions as a mother and the actions that can take you towards those intentions, I’ve put together this simple worksheet.  You’ll find that it’s much easier to mother with purpose and intention when you’ve taken the time to figure out what your main intentions really are!

Worksheet: Your Intention as a Mother

QUESTION: What are YOUR intentions as a mother?

CHALLENGE: Use the worksheet provided or just write out your own list of intentions as a mother. Then work bit by bit to make your intentions reality.

Photo by freedigitalphotos.net

Photo by photostock at www.freedigitalphotos.net

Pen: check. New notebook: check. Snacks: check. Sexy sunglasses (because I was going to my first child-free, all-women seminar, WITH MAKEUP, and wanted to feel grown up): check.

I was attending my first Power of Moms Retreat! Would I find answers to the questions in my heart about my mothering? Would other people have ideas I could learn from?  Would anyone even talk to me? Yes, yes, and yes!

I had one haunting feeling lurking in my heart, and I came to the retreat to find the answer to this question: Why am I a mean mom and what can I do to stop?
During the first portion of the seminar, when discussing the great value of mothers, the answer came. The idea hit my mind, cleared my heart and lifted the guilt from my shoulders. I don’t even think the insight had anything to do with what the speaker was addressing. The idea was this: I am not mean. I am stressed. These two small sentences have changed my self-perception, parenting, priorities and planning.

I am not a mean person. Okay, I suspected that deep down. I go and teach Zumba and pilates to teenaged girls around my city. We shake it, laugh and giggle, and often I can feel from the girls the idea, “Man, your kids are so lucky! I bet they love you.  You are so much fun.” Then I go into my car, hang my head, and wonder, “Why don’t my kids see this side of me? They don’t even know I’m fun.”

So the next day I turned on music and asked my kids if they wanted to dance. (They are young enough to join in and not be embarrassed by me.) My girls went nuts, grabbing my hands and twirling, actually wanting to be with me and begging for more.  Later that day and into the week they were much more willing to do their jobs. Throughout the week I tried to tickle my three year-old boy and swing him about more, and he burst out, “This is SOOO much fun, Mommy!” He had never said that before.

Photo by photostock at www.freedigitalphotos.net

Some mothers have fun as a natural gift–and some of us need to develop that talent. “It is a happy talent to know how to play,” said Ralph Waldo Emerson. Is it worth planning and letting loose for fun? Yes! Fun is the glue of fond memories. Fun is the mover of mountains of laundry and obstinate kids who would not otherwise budge without it. Fun will bring children voluntarily back to an activity like chores, homework or family night, in a way that force cannot. It can bring our children back to us. Fun is not a luxury. It is a necessity for strong families.

There is a perception that fun is only found recreation: sports, shopping, eating, dancing, theater, theme parks. Fun is an essential human need, and therefore it is attached to advertising to catch our attention–we are marketed the idea that fun comes from products and food (“Happy” Meals). We’re told that to have fun we have to escape the drudgery or trap of our families and kitchens. We are told that fun and work, rigor, and duty are mutually exclusive. This is not so. Mothers do not need to escape their daily duties–we can add fun to them and elevate the daily grind to a life of meaning for our families! Robert Louis Stevenson said, “There is no duty we so much underrate as the duty of being happy.” In our home we try to add fun to our daily routine with music, races, teasing, charts, jokes, togetherness, snacks, and serendipity moments. Beto Perez, the founder of Zumba, calls his dance aerobics class, “Exercise in disguise.”  Maybe teaching our children chores doesn’t have to be strict and somber to have meaning–it can be “work in disguise.”

“You are stressed.” Okay, that one should have been obvious to me, but it wasn’t.  What I thought was a mean mommy was just a normal person’s reaction to early mornings, late nights, the demands of four young, hungry, wiggly children, extensive commuting, strong-willed toddler personalities, etc. It makes total sense that the girls in the Zumba class or my nieces and nephews think I’m more fun than my kids do: I am not stressed out when I’m with them. I’m playing with them on Sundays, when I’m typically better rested, better fed, and not caring about my schedule. I’m fancy-free, relaxed, more myself, and therefore more fun.

So I got less stressed. It is my central focus: what can I do to reduce the stress in our family, so that I can be happier, enjoy my children more, and be more capable to serve my children like I dream of? We rearranged our schedule to be on the road and away from home a lot less. To streamline the stress of housekeeping and laundry we simply got rid of a ton of our possessions. For meal planning I let go of the pressure to create raw or fancy dishes, and instead serve very healthy but simple meals.

And now to help me really believe Heaven’s love note, that I am not  a mean mommy, I write down my dreams about who I am or want to be. For example, I write: I am a fun mom. I love having fun with my children. I can gain the understanding I need to de-stress my life and enjoy my children. I can have fun and still be a type-A personality. I can figure out ways to make work fun for my family. I can take activities that are difficult for myself, like exercise, cooking, or laundry, and even make them fun for me.

QUESTION: When was the last time you laughed or had fun? When do you remember having fun with your parents as a child? Are you ever not fun because of stress, and what could you do to lessen the stress?

CHALLENGE: Look for ways in your daily routine to make the mundane fun for you and your children. Trust your personality and go with it. You don’t have to try to be the “fun” mom down the street; you’ll have your own flavor. Share your ideas in the comments section. Find a way to lessen the greatest stress in your family. (And fun might be the answer, i.e., if finances are your greatest stress, then playing at the park might lighen up the family mood and help you through the long haul.)

Photo by David Castillo Dominici at www.freedigitalphotos.net

Do you ever have one of those days when you are raring to go and attack your goals and to-do lists, but your children are not? I had one recently. I was pacing around the kitchen, ready to go exercise and move on with the rest of my day. One child was playing with the utensils, instead of putting them away. The other child was running around the room in circles, instead of getting dressed.

“You look frustrated,” said my husband.

“I am!” I replied. “I feel like I am always waiting for little people. It would be so much faster if I did things myself, but then they’ll never learn!” After feeling sorry for myself for awhile, I had a rare moment of clarity.

“What’s my main purpose in life right now?” I asked myself. I already knew the answer. It was to be a mother of little children. Does it really matter how quickly I get through my to-do list? Or, better stated, “Does it matter more than my children?”

I thought back to my days in the workforce. One year, our team decided that we needed a mission statement. We wanted our employees to have a real sense of purpose, to feel empowered. We wanted them to know our organization’s priorities so they would conduct themselves accordingly. We worked on a concise mission statement supported by several values. It was an amazing experience.

Following the example of many others, our family had recently come up with a family mission statement and rules. But what about me? What was my personal mission statement as a mother? This got me thinking over the next few days.

I used the following process to come up with a personal mission statement for motherhood. Maybe you would find it helpful to do the same. Then, the next time you’re raring to go, and someone’s lost a shoe or remembered a project that’s due tomorrow, you’ll be able to “keep calm and carry on.”

1. Brainstorm. The first thing I did was make a list of all the qualities or traits that I thought were important and wanted as a mother.
2. Define your purpose. After brainstorming, I could see a theme developing. I decided that the single most important purpose for me, as a mother, was to nurture my children. This would be the crux of my mission statement.
3. Define your values. Your values are what help you make day-to-day decisions that support your mission statement. Decide what things will help you achieve your purpose.
4. Make it short. You want to be able to remember this quickly and easily.

After this short process, here is my personal mission statement for motherhood: My mission is to nurture my children by listening, teaching, playing and loving.

Now, when I’m racing out the door and my daughter starts crying because she can’t zip her jacket up, I can think, “I will nurture her by teaching her.” When my son is talking non-stop about the robot he wants to invent and I want so desperately to tune-out, I can think, “I will nurture him by listening to him.” I’ve tried this over the last couple of days and it’s made a big difference in how I perceive a situation.

Every major successful business has a mission statement. Many successful families have mission statements. Why shouldn’t every mother?

QUESTION: How would you define your purpose as a mother?

CHALLENGE: Go through the four-step process listed above and make your own motherhood mission statement.

Photo by DDpavumba at www.freedigitalphotos.net

Editor’s Note: The Power of Moms is a website for mothers of all religious preferences. Our Spiritual Sundays section is a place where our authors can write about thoughts that are more spiritual in nature, and our goal is to gather a wide variety of perspectives. If you (or someone you know) has something to add to this section to help us reach a wider audience of mothers, please send the submission to submissions@powerofmoms.com. Thank you!

My last two babies are not only teenagers now, but licensed drivers. The eldest of my four children is set to marry in June and my college-age son is batting around career ideas. I’m trying to figure out what happened to all those little kids who used to run around and drive me crazy.

Whatever happened to the simple questions like, “Mom, can we have a piece of candy?” or “Which story are we going to read at bedtime tonight?” Now it’s, “How much of a homeowner’s loan do you think we can get with our credit?” or “What kind of science questions are on the ACT test?”

My brain hurts. It’s swelling, even.

I’m consumed with high school transcripts, college applications, and finishing out our home school year. We’re in the midst of adding an apartment onto our house for my aging parents.

Don’t get me wrong, I well recall the days of toddlerhood — the toys strung from here to kingdom come, long, sleepless nights, kids who wouldn’t eat anything. Those days, emblazoned in my memory, will never fade.

Yet sweet, sweet memories, little things they said, still come to mind. I’ll never forget rocking my son early each morning while he watched Barney. Or how my daughter belted out “A Whole New World” from Disney’s Aladdin movie:  ”INCORAUGIBLE FEEEEEEDWEEEEEED!!!” (“indescribable feeling”). And I’ll never forget how my youngest signed-off at the end of every drawing: “I like you and I love you.”

Along with the treasured memories, I also remember how I used to get carried away with the house cleaning. We’re talking toothbrushes to wash the floors and dusting every-other day. My standards drastically lowered as time and years pressed in from all sides.

Photo submitted by Ruthie Gray

Now our priorities are more about grades and grandparents’ health and less about dust and grime. Ah, the phases of life and the perspective we gain. But this, too, is a phase of life. It seems to be fleeing all too quickly. If I focus on the big stuff, I lose joy in the small stuff—this feeling of my kids all around me, the interaction, the funny moments, the joy, the laughter, the fact that they still love me even though I’ve messed up a hundred billion times over.

I’m learning you never actually get to the point where you know what you’re doing. Once you arrive at that point, your children have progressed to the next stage.

I may not know what I’m doing, but God knows what He’s doing, and that’s enough for me. He has blessed, and He will enable. I just have to come to Him, kneel before Him, and draw strength from Him daily. He is the One who ordained it. He will bring it to pass. After all, He knows the plans He has for us (Jeremiah 29:11). Who am I to think it is all “my plan” anyway?

How do you eat an elephant? One bite at a time. One morsel, even. Not in months, weeks, or even days. In minutes, seconds, and little accomplishments.
Thank-you, God, for my VERY full life!!!

QUESTION: How has God given you strength through different stages of parenting your child?

CHALLENGE: Identify the little accomplishments you’ve made with your child this month and celebrate them together.

photo courtesy of Megan Stewart

Editor’s Note: This month, Megan Stewart and Mary Croxford team up to discuss Kindness and Friendliness. As a special bonus, they are giving away a Helping Hands chart from Brite Music! Giveaway details are below!

We love focusing on this value and feel if we all worked on being kind, it would take care of many unpleasant problems that arise from the opposite responses.

Mary: This month has been crazy already. What is it about May? For us it has been the mad rush of the end of school, soccer, church activities, pushed back bedtimes (due to the sun coming up later–the kids are having a harder time falling asleep, which results in a harder time getting everyone up and going in the morning). In fact, the word s  l  o  w  m  o  t  i  o  n comes to  mind and unfortunately we hear ourselves repeating “hurry, hurry” over and over! Also, as many of you already know, with the kids feeling more tired in the morning, their attitudes shifted from the usual pleasantness to complaining, teasing and bickering! Something had to be done!

So when I sat down to read the value, I had an idea. I had recently heard about a mother using a clicker to get herself to focus on positive thoughts so I decided to use a clicker for the value this month and boy it worked beautifully! Here’s how I did it.

photo courtesy of Mary Croxford

As usual, we sat our kids down and talked about the monthly value, kindness and friendliness. We discussed different ways we can show kindness and friendliness to others – family, friends and strangers.  I showed them the clicker. I told them that when I noticed behavior that demonstrates the value “kindness and friendliness” I would click. They could not tell me to click; it would be just when I noticed things. My kids loved this. Our morning DRAMATICALLY changed! They loved seeing the number go up on the clicker. It’s amazing how a little focus can really make a huge difference. Accentuating the positive begets more and more positive.

Megan: A tool that we found useful that we’ve been using this month is the “Helping Hands” chart from Brite Music.

photo courtesy of Megan Stewart

Each person has a hand that moves up the chart when others notice them doing kind deeds. It’s worked beautifully for our kids and has given them a good visual of the progress that they are making. Something else that my hubby and I have talked about trying is taking a day or two to let them move one another’s hands on the chart so they can obtain a different perspective of kindness and friendliness from the receiving end of it.

Kindness and friendliness are habits that require action. If we focus more on them, it becomes easier for us to notice others and ways we can be kind and friendly. Simple things, like opening a door for someone, returning a grocery store cart or grabbing one from someone who is finished unloading to their car, sending off an email of gratitude to a teacher or friend, smiling and saying hello (this is fun to do in an elevator). All these ideas are easy for us to do and for a child to do, as well. Make it a contest when you’re out to see who can notice the most opportunities to reach out with kindness.

photo courtesy of Mary Croxford

A small note about the Internet: it is a SUPER tool to take advantage of and reach out as well as to teach your children to use it in the same way. How easy is it to say something nice to someone or lend some kind words of encouragement or support? It’s fast and convenient to make a small effort to reach out to someone you might not otherwise have the opportunity to do so.

We love to read books and some of our favorites are:

1. The Spiffiest Giant in Town
2. The Rainbow Fish
3. The Kings’ Highway
4. Horton Hears a Who
5. Charlotte’s Web
6. Why Christmas Trees Are Not Perfect and How The Grinch Stole Christmas (I know they’re seasonal but we never tire of Christmas around here!)
7. The Giving Tree
8. The Snail and the Whale
9. Lots of Berenstain Bear books

Some great movies:

1. The Blind Side
2. Seabiscuit
3. Radio
4. Elf (I know, more Christmas!)
5. Bambi
6. Emperor’s New Groove

Some great CD’s from Brite Music:

1. Show A Little Love-this cd has lots of songs about kindness & friendliness
2. I Have A Song For You Volume 1 – songs 3 & 4

As we were sitting here writing this article we started discussing how great it is to reach out to others, strangers as well as old friends. So we have decided to extend this challenge not only to ourselves and families tonight at the dinner table, but also to you:

CHALLENGE: Reach out in various ways this month by stopping by to visit someone or inviting someone into your home, talk to someone new you haven’t spoken with before at school, church or another activity, take the time to leave a comment on someone’s blog or website you are following or on Facebook and encourage your kids to do the same. (Texting is so easy too.)

QUESTION: What are you going to do to follow through with the challenge this month or do you have additional ideas that we can benefit from by sharing with our own families? We’d love to hear them!

FREE GIVEAWAY: We love to hear your ideas and thoughts! Please feel free to comment on this article and we will enter each person who comments in a free “Helping Hands Chart” giveaway download from Brite music! The contest ends May 25^th at midnight PST. The winner will be announced next Saturday, May 26^th.