The Prodigal Blog

Neighbors

2011-02-21T15:13:00.000-08:00

Strange events happen to me sometimes, and I recently had an urge to put some of them to digital paper.

It was late at night a few months ago. I don't remember what I was doing that night, but I was returning home at around 11pm. Driving down the street that leads to my apartment complex I saw a strange sight. I made out the shape of an older woman in her nightgown - she was standing on the inside of the gate facing out and had both of her hands on it. I opened the gate using my clicker and the woman stumbled forward into the middle of the street. As she approached closer I could tell that something was wrong. I lowered my window and asked her if she was OK. She came up to my window, grabbed me, and told me, "I am not feeling good."

She was definitely very drunk. I parked my car and proceeded to talk to her for a bit; Stanton is not a safe place for anyone to be wandering around at night, especially drunk. I introduced myself to her and she told me her name. I'll refer to her as Ann from now on. Ann told me that her husband had passed away, she was in deep debt, and she had been in and out of alcohol abuse centers multiple times. She apparently lived on her own and had few close friends and family to care for her. I escorted her to her friend's(?) house who was decidedly unhappy about seeing my neighbor in her state. After some discussion and back and forth we both escorted An to her apartment in Briar Oaks.

Do you ever experience a situation that strikes you? Maybe that feels surreal or a situation in which you remember details very vividly? I can remember walking Ann up to her apartment that night and very vividly remember seeing the disheveled state of her patio and living room. Chairs and pots in disarray, looking like they haven't been tended to in months. Old newspapers, TV dinner trays, and trash scattered about. Thinking through that scenario, the sorrow that I felt being there with her is still very palpable to me today.

What words of comfort did I say? Did I take the time to preach the Gospel to this woman? What words of mine could have assuaged her and met her in her time? And there's the rub - I did talk to her for sometime, I brought up talking to social workers, gave her some phone numbers for assistance, but I never followed up with her nor did I explicitly express the Gospel in words to her. I have not seen her since that night several months ago. God be merciful to me and enable me to love people to the extent that you love me.

Review: Wrestling With An Angel

2010-11-08T22:32:00.001-08:00

Haven’t reviewed a book in a while. So a miracle has happened and I have indeed finished a book and feel good enough about it to actually write something concerning it. Most of the time, when I finish reading a book I usually don’t have a strong compulsion to want to tell people to go out and read it right away. This however is not the case with “Wrestling With An Angel”. This book by author Greg Lucas has become one of the touchstone books of my life. I don’t think I am saying that too lightly.

Greg Lucas operates a blog that I was pointed to by Jason Chang (hat tip engage). Gauging from how I responded to reading some entries in his blog, I clearly recall telling Susan right before I started reading, “Susan, I think this book is going to ruin me.” Wrestling With an Angel is a collection of short essays that Lucas has written, recounting experiences he and his family have with his mentally handicapped son. In humorous, heart wrenching, and pride crushing honesty, Lucas recounts how God has worked both in his life, the life of his son, and the life of his family. The absolute best thing about this book is his willingness to not back away from the hard truths of scripture, to look unflinchingly into what the Word of God says about our sinfulness and to accept it. Here’s an excellent excerpt:

“(Speaking of the Gospel) But how is this applied in the life of an individual who cannot respond in faith or who does not have the ability to comprehend the basic truth of the gospel? I’m not thinking of the native in a distant, unreached part of the world, someone who at least has a general revelation to point him towards more specific revelation. I am thinking about my 17-year-old son, who literally has the mental capacity of a 2-year-old.

Many Christians approach this sticky theological topic with their feelings, bypassing biblical study in the fear that truth may not be as comforting as their emotions. We want to believe that infants, very young children, and mentally disabled people are basically innocent in the eyes of God. Should they die without having attained a certain degree of mental capacity, we assure ourselves, they are necessarily saved from His wrath. Certainly this is how God would do it, right? This rationalization feels good and makes sense to our heart.”

Amazing! Certainly true and certainly things that I have thought. This kind of intellectual and theological integrity drove me to find comfort in the cross and in the love and grace of God. So theologically and intellectually this book is a complete win.

On a personal and emotional level, I have never read and cried as much as I have when reading a book. I wept at almost every other page. My crying and weeping must have been terribly distracting to Susan at Starbucks since she was trying to study and the folks around us were probably wondering what was going on. The best way I can describe my personal response to this book is that it feels like I am reading someone who has walked the same path I have walked, just who is a little bit ahead of me. Reading the book both reminded me of my past, my present, and my future as I read about Greg’s past, present and future. I wept for a lot of reasons. Another person who is a firm believer and is walking the difficult line in caretaking. The moments of, “Oh I remember feeling just like that…”.

The book is relatively short, its tenth chapter finishing up at 99 pages. I read it in its entirety in an hour and a half. That is not to diminish the book's great worth – some of the best and most profound reading I have done has been in short books that were concise and relentless in their points (Knowledge of the Holy).

I highly recommend this book, even if you do not have experience in dealing with the mentally handicapped. The lessons and principles that Lucas shares in his book are valuable to all believers at any stage in their lives. While we struggle and strain to love those who may or may not ever learn to love us back just the way we want we can only be deeply humbled and broken and the deep, rescuing, adoptive love of God.

Travelogue - Minneapolis, MN - 1

2010-09-30T20:41:00.000-07:00

Hello. Writing in from lovely Minneapolis, MN. We've all arrived safely and I am currently sitting in the hotel room. Gotta say upfront that my roommate is a bit on the eccentric side. Oh well.

Anywho, I'm going to go ahead and recount some of the events of the day so that my future self might actually remember what happened to past self.

Travis spent the night. I didn't sleep too well, got up at 6am, and off to the airport. By the way, I've never really traveled within the continental US that much so this was kind of a new thing for me. Anyways, got a bit turned around within John Wayne Airport. Eventually things righted themselves, or I did, one or the other. Found Ivan, ate McDonalds, jumped on the plane, and a few hours later we found ourselves in Denver, CO.

I wish I had taken a picture of some things that I saw while we were in the confines of the airport, but suffice to say that I was having a good time. Signs about tornado shelters and franchise stores that I have never heard about fascinated me. Ridiculous of course, but fascinating nonetheless.

We flew, I slept, and then we landed at St. Paul airport in Minneapolis. Things went into high gear for a bit as we hurried to catch up with some of our other coworkers. We took the light rail system (which was awesome, functional, mass transit makes me very happy). Demographics were interesting. We found out hotel, checked in, ran out and walked several blocks to get to the convention center.

Here's our little corner of the "International Marketplace". Our booth definitely stands out from many of the other booths that have already been setup. Many of the other booths, from such organizations as OMF have photos and large bold font proclaiming who they are. I think we've gone the opposite route, with a large, red, cryptic banner, some t-shirts, and a single LCD TV.

Speaking of that LCD TV, we had to run out and find a Target and buy that TV and then run it back to the convention center before 7pm. We made it, but it was a lot of fast walking. Anyways. Time to turn in for the night. It's.....11:03pm here...9:03 for you PST folk....weiiiiiiiird.

The Perils of Waking up

2010-09-03T07:59:00.000-07:00

So remember that blog post from a couple days ago. That same thing basically happened again today. Except probably a bit worst since my grandmother and myself suffered some injuries. I am a tangled mess of frustration this morning. Waking up to basically a physical fight is taking a toll on me.

On this morning. It is with tears that I say that I am thankful that the Lord is compassionate, even on me. It is an impressive and overwhelming statement to make to say that the Lord is compassionate and slow to anger. This morning I was the opposite of those characteristics, and in short order as well. I can't believe how patient, slow to anger, and compassionate God is to us. It is easy to be compassionate for those who have a sense of themselves. Those who can see the errors of their ways and who we perceive as being people who can 'get better'. But I perceive no such future sometimes with my brother and that weaves tangled webs of frustration, bitterness, depression. Oh how I weep at how little I am actually able to do in changing him.

God have mercy on me, forgive me for my not being slow to anger, patient, and compassionate. Forgive me God for being angry and harboring hatred towards my brother. God have mercy on me and my family, I am so weak.

The Perils of Living

2010-09-01T07:33:00.000-07:00

This morning I realized yet again the far reaching consequences of my somewhat unorthodox upbringing.

My brother got up out of bed and then proceeded to not listen to anyone about anything and decided that the best position he could be in would be a ball on the floor. This poses a problem for myself, my sister, and my grandmother since my grandmother usually has been taking him to day care. We're all usually on a schedule so there isn't always the luxury of waiting for him to decide he's ready to do something. Sometimes we just have to push him out the door and into the car. That's probably the least fun thing you can do with my brother. As I tried to coax him onto his feet he reached out to strike/scratch my hand. This provoked a response from me that I would describe as somewhere between anger and rage. I reprimanded him for trying to hit me and then we got him down the stairs. He tried to strike my face. And again later my arm.

As my grandmother drove away I am filled with emotions. Fear. Anger. Disappointment. I returned to my room, simmering in these feelings, punched the wall, and then sat on the floor. Why so angry? I spent a moment praying to God why I am the way I am, and why my brother is the way he is. The thought that came wasn't what I expected it to be.

Physical violence was pretty much the standard for me being raised - when I was resistant, non-compliant, or just didn't brush my teeth I would be thrashed. Simple as that. And in an extremely perverted understanding of justice I want my brother to understand:

"In my day, you don't try to hit your parents (older brothers). I was damaged because of that. I want you to know just how much of that you are avoiding because of the fact that we're in a different place."

It's impossible, of course, for my brother to understand my complex reactions to physical violence, his non compliance, and our mutual father. But I REALLY want him to understand. These are the days where humility, peace, and patience are garments that I need to put on. They're just so threadbare sometimes.

Ultimately, as I sat on the floor thinking for a few minutes, it dawned on my that my reactions to my brother are heavily rooted in my past with my father. I have to say that I frequently think: "I'm over my father. No big deal. It's all in the past." Except I seem to be in situations that make me relive the past and then I uncover the darker parts of my heart all over again.

I feel like Job,

"Then I would still have this consolation—
my joy in unrelenting pain—
that I had not denied the words of the Holy One.

"What strength do I have, that I should still hope?
What prospects, that I should be patient?"
Job 6:10,11

And like the psalmist,

"6 Man is a mere phantom as he goes to and fro:
He bustles about, but only in vain;
he heaps up wealth, not knowing who will get it.

7 "But now, Lord, what do I look for?
My hope is in you.

8 Save me from all my transgressions;
do not make me the scorn of fools."
Psalm 39:6-8

May the Lord be with all people who are fathers and may he guard me in the days that I become one.

-jr

Prodigal Radio 002 - Recorded - Now in Post-Production

2010-05-02T20:41:00.000-07:00

Hey Everyone,
Just writing to let ya'll know that we recording an new, eclectic episode of Prodigal Radio. Keep an eye on ProdigalRadio.com for updates. The task of post production is quite daunting...I'll see you on the other side.

Oh nut - also, here's a PSA for gamers out there:
Ever play the Mechwarrior series of games? Well, Mechwarrior 4: Mercenaries has recently been released for free download at mektek.net. I'm pretty sure that their site is still down from being massively overrun by the nerd masses, the best I can help you with is to either locate the .torrent of the files, or find me, I have the files on my trusty usb stick. That is all. :)

-jr

One Person's Trash...

2010-04-11T22:01:00.000-07:00

Today after the youth led service (which by the way, the young folk did very well) we assisted with setting up the rummage sale. And well...I'll try and show you the rest...

Airports are Weird

2010-03-27T00:07:00.001-07:00

I just got home from picking my aunt up at John Wayne Airport in Costa Mesa. Her flight was scheduled to arrive at 10:50pm; I arrived 30 minutes early just in case. I've never picked anyone up at that particular airport before, so I was somewhat bewildered and dazed beyond what might be normal for me. I walked around, checked the flight information, and then made my way to a bench off to the side of the more trafficked parts of the airport. That is to say that I was not hidden from view, merely on the fringes of the main thoroughfares.

I sat down, and instinctively pulled out my phone to thumb through the cheap games that come bundled in with any phone that is not intelligent enough to be considered a 'smartphone'. After failing in Snake3 for the third time, a strange thought came to my mind.

"Why am I so instinctively interested in appearing busy?"

I returned my phone to my pants pocket, said a prayer, and looked up and out. Someone had taken a seat on the same bench as me; She was looking at her Blackberry. A mother and daughter walked by; They smiled at me. Business people moved efficiently and purposefully through the airport, reminding me of the tactical sense of movement that one might observe in highly disciplined soldiers. There's a man with a rose eagerly waiting for someone. Some friends who won't look each other in the eye while they converse, awkwardly looking at the advertisements.

Yeah airports are interesting for people watching. But they also make me feel slightly uncomfortable. It's an odd feeling - maybe that feeling is caught up in the purpose and utility of an airport. Airports are like a point of transition in the lives of people - no one really stays there, no one lives there, it is just a place that people are passing through on their way to somewhere else. It makes me feel tense, uncomfortable, I want to look busy. In fact, it seems that everyone wants to look busy here. And everyone wants to look and move purposefully. Maybe some are. Maybe its a show.

I actually wasn't planning on making this a "spiritual" post, but as I wrote it out, some ideas just started to stand out to me. Life on earth is basically one long transition. For some, it is the low point in a transition to Heaven and eternity with God. For others, it is the high point in a transition to an eternity without God. But here we all are, and I can't help but feel like the realities of an airport can sometimes be borne out in the realities of the lives of everyday people, living their everyday lives, Christian or not. The feelings I feel waiting in an airport are feelings that I feel like I feel regularly on this earth - tense, uncomfortable, wanting to be in a place with permanence. I busy myself with trivialities and attempt to put on fronts and appearances for people so that I won't seem strange.

Look up from your phones. Be aware of where you are. Be thankful that this place is a transition to a better place. There will be no stress, discomfort, awkwardness, and no need to put up a front of any sort in the place we're transitioning to.

Notes to Self - Thoughts about Health Care Reform

2010-03-21T21:29:00.000-07:00

The Consumerist posted some links to the Health Care Reform bill that is passing through the halls of our government. Honestly its very difficult to pay attention, or even want to, when the public dialog around health care reform is so polarized. So, I went ahead to take a look at the source material that's generating the controversy.

Oh snap. It's 2,409 pages...I'm making these notes based the summarized version from the House Ways and Means Committee. Not noting everything, just things that strike me as interesting.

CBO says that insurance coverage 32 million more people will be covered as a result of the legislation (95% of Americans)
Will apparently reduce the federal deficit by $138 billion over 10 years, $1.2 trillion in the following 10 years.
Major tax cut for low and middle income Americans in the form of tax credits and cost-sharing assistance.
Increases payments to primary care doctors in Medicaid.
Provides new, free annual wellness visits, and eliminates out‐of‐pocket co payments for preventive benefits under Medicare, such as cancer and diabetes screenings.
Promotes preventative health care.
Invests in scholarship and loan repayment programs to expand health care work force.

"NO DISCRIMINATION ON THE BASIS OF PROVISION OF ABORTION.—No Exchange participating health benefits plan may discriminate against any individual health care provider or health care facility because of its willingness or unwillingness to provide, pay for, provide coverage of, or refer for abortions."

Funds to school based health clinics - cannot use grant money to provide abortions.

"(c) SENSE OF CONGRESS REGARDING LONGITUDINAL STUDY OF RELATIVE MENTAL HEALTH CONSEQUENCES FOR WOMEN OF RESOLVING A PREGNANCY.— SENSE OF CONGRESS.—It is the sense of the Congress that the Director of the National Institute of Mental Health may conduct a nationally representative longitudinal study (during the period of fiscal years 2011 through 2020) on the relative mental health consequences for women of resolving a pregnancy (intended and unintended) in various ways, including carrying the pregnancy to term and parenting the child, carrying the pregnancy to term and placing the child for adoption, miscarriage, and having an abortion. This study may assess the incidence, timing, magnitude, and duration of the immediate and long-term mental health consequences (positive or negative) of these pregnancy outcomes."

"(e) ABORTION COVERAGE PROHIBITED AS PART OF MINIMUM BENEFITS PACKAGE.—"

Honestly I didn't go through all 1990 pages. One of the things that struck me was how difficult it was to imagine the practical effects of this huge piece of legislation. Despite that it was pretty easy to do some quick searches for the word Abortion and see it linked to the above excerpts. A lot of the conservative furor over this bill seems to be over abortion related coverage, but I can't seem to find it. (Just because I can't find it doesn't mean it isn't in there. What it does mean is that I'm horrible at reading government jargon.)

Any who, I'm more concerned right now about the details that aren't so clear and the promise that this bill is paying for itself. Can you provide basic insurance coverage to 95% of Americans and have it pay for itself? Is it good to end a blog post with a question?

Probably not.

Prodigal Radio...coming soon!

2010-03-14T22:27:00.000-07:00

If you've been around me recently, you might have heard me babbling about making a podcast...well...we're doing it! No really. I think we're going to do it.

Here's an unedited look at the creative process that we went through in naming the podcast. The place the mp3 is hosted is a temporary solution for now until we're able to come up with our own hosting solution for the mp3's.

I'll be posting updates here on the progress of each episode as we're producing it. Hopefully in the future though we'll be migrating blogs to our new domain name ProdigalRadio.com.

Anyways, here are some of the things to look forward to from the podcast:

Unique takes and discussion on a wide range of topics including: news, music, games, movies, technology, Christianity, and Christian subcultures
Musical guests and interviews
Profile interviews with special guests that you may or may not know

Let me know if you guys have any topic suggestions, ideas, or criticisms.

Music is Dangerous - A Rant

2010-03-07T16:57:00.000-08:00

OK. Maybe it would be better to say that music can be dangerous. Let me preface this post by saying the following:

1. Music is not evil.

2. Me calling this a rant, isn't an attempt to escape genuine criticism. Fire away!

3. God has often used music to lift up my soul from the depths of indifference and sadness.

4. I believe that God uses music, and those who play it.

So what exactly am I trying to get at then? I think I am trying to voice concerns about our Christian liturgical culture. Music has always been part of the worship of the people of God. Throughout time, and even into eternity we will not only be worshiping God with our hearts and our minds. But also with our singing and playing of instruments. The worship of God through music is printed throughout the entire bible. Consider the following:

"David and the whole house of Israel were celebrating with all their might before the Lord, with songs and with harps, lyres, tambourines, sistrums and cymbals."

2 Samuel 6:4-6

"Sing joyfully to the Lord, you righteous;

it is fitting for the upright to praise him.

Praise the Lord with the harp;

make music to him on the ten-stringed lyre.

Sing to him a new song;

play skillfully, and shout for joy."

Psalm 33:1-3

God really digs the ten-stringed lyre. No really. Look it up on biblegateway.com. I'm really curious to check one of those out in heaven. More so, there are yet more verses that deal with God's people singing his praise. It's amazing to me that, though we are God's creation and music is also merely something he has created, that he would want to hear us raise up music to him. Someone once told me that music puts words and sound to the cries of the soul. The reality that He desires to hear the clanging about that we call music, blows my mind. It takes the clanging about we do and raises it up, transcends what it is by itself.

So, I realize that I've actually said a lot of nice things about music. OK, I'm bringing it around to what I was thinking about today.

Our music is to be an expression of the soul. But what if the music we play does not line up with our soul? And what if what we sing does not reflect mental and spiritual realities in our lives? Is this a problem? I'm not sure. But I think that if we're not careful we are treading into very VERY dangerous waters with what we consider "worship in song" in our worship services.

Music moves us, there is almost no doubting that reality. When I am driving home and listening to a driving rock song, I am going to get pumped up. Me getting pumped up will probably have nothing to do with the actual content of the song, and more to do with my mind's reaction to the beat and skillful playing of the instruments. When I listen to a more serious song, sometimes I can't help but be moved by it. Usually my mind catches up with how the song makes me feel. Usually.

Can the worship music in our services do the same thing to us? I think it can. Perhaps I am over reacting to something that is in reality innocuous, but I really want to take Solomon's words seriously:

"Guard your steps when you go to the house of God. Go near to listen rather than to offer the sacrifice of fools, who do not know that they do wrong.

Do not be quick with your mouth,

do not be hasty in your heart

to utter anything before God.

God is in heaven

and you are on earth,

so let your words be few.

As a dream comes when there are many cares,

so the speech of a fool when there are many words.

When you make a vow to God, do not delay in fulfilling it. He has no pleasure in fools; fulfill your vow. It is better not to vow than to make a vow and not fulfill it. Do not let your mouth lead you into sin. And do not protest to the temple messenger, "My vow was a mistake." Why should God be angry at what you say and destroy the work of your hands? Much dreaming and many words are meaningless. Therefore stand in awe of God."

Ecclesiastes 5:1-7

We aren't going to the temple in Jerusalem, and the veil has been torn, BUT, I think the some of the principles here ought to be carried over into our worship of God. When we have 'worship in music' on a set schedule in our services, words are projected onto a screen, and agreeable music playing, sometimes it is easy to start singing along, simply for the sake of singing, no serious introspection or high thoughts of God necessary. There is a deliberateness to what Solomon is describing that I struggle to realize in my own life. And don't get me started on vows (verse 4-6), modern worship songs are often FULL of vows that I simply am not ready to make.

Music isn't bad. But it can be dangerous. If we aren't careful about how we lead our worship services, and how we are led into our times of communal worship, I think we are in danger of sinning by letting our emotions be lead to places our minds are not. This is one of the chief and highest responsibilities, in my mind, for every person who considers themselves a worship leader. As stewards of the music we play we are to, with care and discernment, shepherd the people we are leading into right understanding, proper perspective, and hearts that are true before our God. As worshipers who are being led into worship, may we take seriously the importance of worshiping with our hearts and out minds.

Celebrity Daze

2010-02-25T22:28:00.000-08:00

I am currently star struck. I don’t know when the last time was that I felt this way. I just saw two celebrities…in the flesh…and they interacted with me…answered my question…nay even signed my book. Honestly, I haven’t been at such a loss for words in sometime. I just met Mike Krahulik and Jerry Holkins of PENNY ARCADE. Yeah. I know. Freaking awesome.

That’s my assertion at least anyways. Don’t assume though that it was a raucous party. Because, well it was in a Barnes and Noble, and it was really just a book signing for their latest book. But still. Given their fame I’m surprised there weren’t more than the hundreds already there (ok there were maybe 100+ people there). They took questions from the gathered audience for an hour. I asked a question!

They answered all sorts of questions. Mostly all heavy hitters: favorite game of all time, direction of the gaming industry, favorite novels of all time, who their romantic interests were in certain RPG’s, how they deal with games and their children. More honestly it was a lot of ridiculous questions, ridiculous answers, and laughing at their responses. I think having gone through this experience, I’ve realized that I’m a bigger fan of theirs than I realized. I listen to their podcasts, read their web comic, read their news articles, browse their forums, watch their online tv show, and buy their books. OK…it seems that I’m a fan.

Speaking of fans, there were many there, and there are interesting social observations to make of geeks. We are all incredibly socially awkward. You may know that from hanging around me. Just imagine that times 100. It's awesome. I awkwardly talked about Mass Effect 2 with the person next to me as the line slowly moved towards Gabe and Tycho.

And as I stepped forward, book clenched tightly in hand, I froze up and every intelligent thing I had on my mind to saw went away. Gabe/Mike looked up at me and gruffly asked, "How are you doin'?"

"Ah..um..fine! Thanks for...what...you do! I really enjoy your work!" I said.

"Thank you!"

I slide over to Tycho/Jerry. "Thank you very much." I say.

Then I walked away to the escalator, book clutched to my chest, a slight skip in my step, and goofy smile on my face. I have just been in the presence of geek gods.

Ant Start Projects

2010-02-23T17:37:00.000-08:00

.../theprodigalblog.blogspot.com/ant start projects

start: Hi everyone just writing to post up some things I'm up to and that have been exciting me.

warning: LOST starts in 3 hours.

verbose: I've been a wee bit busy with work and a few side things...

Went hiking around Chantry Flats and checked out the waterfall up there since the recent rains. Pretty awesome.

[no photo found]

Played through Mass Effect 2 (very fun, definitely makes it pretty high on my favorite games played list)

Projects: things I will be up to...

verbose: So I've got a few things that are coming out of the factory of my mind that I'm thinking of wrangling down

1. Wanting to read more. I am going to read the following books, starting from left to right.

From left to right...Love or Die, Crazy Love, The Prodigal God, a Shelter in the time of Storm

The plan is to read these books by the end of March. None of them is particularly long. I will report back with the results...or not. I've asked a party of people to keep me accountable to this goal so... results pending.

2. Prepare and host an audio podcast. This one has been pretty exciting to think about. This past weekend I put together an outline for the very first episode of ${podcast.name}. Hopefully we'll be able to record sometime next week and have something by the end of February that people can actually listen to. I don't actually expect it to be of any high quality, to make any money off of it, or for it to have any sort of popular following. Just doing something that I think would be fun, interesting, and stimulating for the group of people I'm pulling together to do this thing.

A question in regards to doing a podcast: does anyone have any ideas for theme music? I have a couple people I'm thinking of asking to compose stuff for me, but if anyone has anything in mind I'm open to that as well.

Blog finished

Completion time: 29 mins

Sorry for the randomness in the structuring of this post. I've been spending a lot of time looking at Ant Scripts and .xml formatting.

+8 to Beard

2009-12-25T13:03:00.000-08:00

Day 8 of Beardedness. Merry Christmas btw. Heading off soon to grandmother's house. Usually I like to stroke my chin when in deep thought pretending I have a beard...it is strange that now I can stroke my chin and find that there is pseudo beard present to be stroked.

Horribly sick by the way. I thought I already got sick this season!?!

I'm dying.

Bearded madness

2009-12-23T18:38:00.000-08:00

Hi guys. I am growing a beard. Well...at least for the next few weeks. I will post pictures as we progress.

Today is day 6 of not having shaved. Be afraid. I am.

(BTW - not trying to look thug...just had a hard time being able to click on the 'shoot photo now' button.)

And we're out of beta. We're releasing on time.

Reviewing 09' - Part 1 - Introduction

2009-12-21T16:24:00.000-08:00

All my best ideas come from the shower. I’m not kidding. All my worst ideas and anxieties come out in the shower also; again, no joke. Should I call these waterborne day dreams revelations? Or an early morning curse from my subconscious? Or maybe it’s connected with the fact that I’ve just woken up and my mind is barely sober enough to determine what it wants to think about, and what ‘I’ want to think about. Or perhaps it is a partnership between the aforementioned and the Holy Spirit, meant to rouse me from my stupor. Trust me; no alcohol is involved, because as most people know about me, one drop of that stuff can put me in a world of hurt (allergies).

This morning as I scrubbed my oily hair clean with my standard Head and Shoulders a thought boiled up to the surface of my mind. And I use the term ‘boil’ quite metaphorically because that what happens with ideas and me. They sit, and I ignore them as long as I can, until I wake up one morning in a hot shower and the idea is popping up everywhere. Sorry, back to the idea. Some things are harder for certain people. And some things are easier for certain people. That’s it; that is the fullness of my thought. Disappointed? I am, having just written it and reading it over again. But I suppose it goes a bit further than I’m letting on.

When I say that some things are harder for some people, my mind is awash in all the things that are just…harder for me. I feel like I have a harder time than most making friends. I also feel like I have a hard time keeping friends than most. I have a hard time making quick decisions. I have a hard time keeping track of time, future dates, and other practicalities (sorry Susan!). I’m relatively confident that part of this is that I am a lazy slob and a horrible person. This doesn’t really make it acceptable; it’s just me saying that it doesn’t come as naturally to me as it might for others.

I have a pretty easy time thinking. About things. Many things; ideas, principles, applications, behaviors. In fact I’m often told that I think too much. Probably true. Or maybe it would be truer to say that I think too much about the wrong things. Earthly things; things that will pass away.

As I struggle against my old sinful self that seems to never die, I’ve come to realize that people who I might have cast judgment on in the past, have been in fact struggling against the very same limitations I am struggling against. I am a crazy man. I think of things to write about in the shower. I over think, am constantly afraid, have intense social anxieties, have a constant desire to prove myself, and can’t simply stop caring about what people think of me. No matter how hard I try. And there we come to it. I am a madman. However…I take heart in my shower based madness because I know that Paul has been there too (well…not the shower…or at least mine).

We know that the law is spiritual; but I am unspiritual, sold as a slave to sin. I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do. And if I do what I do not want to do, I agree that the law is good. As it is, it is no longer I myself who do it, but it is sin living in me. I know that nothing good lives in me, that is, in my sinful nature. For I have the desire to do what is good, but I cannot carry it out. For what I do is not the good I want to do; no, the evil I do not want to do—this I keep on doing. Now if I do what I do not want to do, it is no longer I who do it, but it is sin living in me that does it.

So I find this law at work: When I want to do good, evil is right there with me. For in my inner being I delight in God's law; but I see another law at work in the members of my body, waging war against the law of my mind and making me a prisoner of the law of sin at work within my members.

If Paul is a madman and is man enough to confess his downright struggle against the limitations of our flesh, then I am glad to be in his company. The older I get, the more acutely aware I am of my own sinfulness. At almost every mental turn there lies a trap to ensnare me. Only Jesus can save me, and perhaps only he can make true sense of these blog entries.

Part 1 in a hopeful series. (And I mean that in two ways: one, I hope it has a hopeful tone, and two, I hope that I write another one to make it a series.) I am the son that ran away.

Mischaracterizations

2009-12-21T12:09:00.000-08:00

Jerry...you crazy crazy man.

(12:05:40 PM) Jerry: what's your blog again?
(12:05:59 PM) Jerry: jrdapimp.blogspot.com?
(12:06:04 PM) jr at liferay: close
(12:06:05 PM) jr at liferay: but not quite
(12:06:06 PM) jr at liferay: haha
(12:06:21 PM) jr at liferay: http://theprodigalblog.blogspot.com/

Odd Findings

2009-07-30T21:45:00.000-07:00

It is very odd, the places you find yourself on a day to day basis in the Philippines. One day you might find yourself teaching the unruly bunch of kindergarten students, the next, you could be speaking in front of a crowd of 750. Furthermore, in continuing the pattern of seemingly (not) random activities we've participated in; we rode in a motorcade/parade through the city. Never really anticipated doing that, but its National Nutrition Month here and we are participating in a 'Values and Ethics Formation Program' here. (AKA: VBS). It was...an odd experience riding through the city with Mr. and Mrs. Nutrition. Another day in the Philippines I guess.

-jr

(Not) Live Blogging from the Philippines

2009-07-27T17:41:00.000-07:00

Hey folks. Just writing to let you all know that I am indeed alive and in the Philippines. Its been only a few days and I feel like I've seen and experienced too much to express in this confined space. I have spoken 2 messages so far and am going to be speakin again tonight. Please pray for me.

I had forgotten about some of the beauty of the Philippines. A typhoon, well THREE typhoons began to roll in last night, and as we drove back to the Shelter, lightning streaked across the sky. Lightning here fills the sky and comes without the thunder. Quiet and powerful on a hot and humid evening.
12 people packed into a van intended for 9.
Warm and humid. Wind and rain. Lightning and (no) thunder.
Another day in the Philippines.

What Counts

2009-04-20T20:59:00.001-07:00

1.
Good morning world, hello today
Sun overhead, grass waves below
Walking to my car, hear the beep beep alarm
Expressionless, Thoughtless

2.
Soft breeze, harsh heat
Pop the door open, keys in the ignition
Turn the key, feel the rattle rattle vibration
Unfocused, Drifting

Can you hear it?
Do you know what counts?

3.
Light filters through the glass, cold air blasts
Sunglasses on, vehicles move oh so quickly
Radio squeals noise, words drone drone over the speakers
Robotic, Insulated

4.
Parking lot full, kind ladies with nice words
White buildings, many people seated in a room
Voices come together, they Rise and fall Rise and fall
United?, Discordant

Can I hear it?
Do I know what counts?

3.
Voices fall, words spoken from a stage
A Book opened, words older than Time
Universe fades, one Whisper speaks soft soft words
Indefinable, Ineffable

2.
Activity buzzing, crowds mixing
Mouth agape, eyes welling up
Sitting, silent so silent
Speechless, Rising

1.
Do you know what counts?

Punches Pulled=0

2009-04-16T22:42:00.000-07:00

It should be no surprise to most folks that I've always been an avid (massive) fan of Caedmon's Call. Anyone surprised? No? Good. I picked up my guitar tonight and started strummin' around (is that proper turn of phrase for informal guitar playing?) and I found myself settled into tinkering with old CC songs that I knew. I can't say I've had a lot of introspection today but as I tinkered and played their music it led me to look up the lyrics for the music that I had forgotten.

Oh Lord your Love

Oh Lord I give You all I have
But it seems so little
When You have given me so much
I come to You with empty hands
And a heart that's fragile
You come to me with a wealth of love

(CHORUS)
Oh Lord Your love
Is new with every morning
Your faithfulness
It gets me through the night
You bid me come
You know that I am weary
Your yoke is easy
Your burden is light

And now I sing You songs of praise
But Your greatness is beyond me
I know I cannot comprehend
How You ancient of days
Stoop Yourself to call me
To be Your son, to be Your friend

What a quality song! As mellow, calm, crazy, emotional, numb, fill-in-the-blank I become. I must remember: I am a son of God! And that ladies and gentlmen. Is not just a blog-worthy thing. It is worth beyond that which we can comprehend. And it is that incomprehension that takes me into worship tonight.

"He lifted me out of the slimy pit, out of the mud and mire; he set my feet on a rock and gave me a firm place to stand. He put a new song in my mouth, a hymn of praise to our God. Many will see and fear and put their trust in the Lord. Blessed is the man who makes the Lord his trust, who does not look to the proud, to those who turn aside to false gods." Psalm 40:2-4

Prone to wander indeed. Must. Stay. Here.

For the Non-Readers

2009-04-15T21:28:00.000-07:00

I'll try and upload a photo once in a while to break up the text, and also, for the people who don't come here to read (which is strange to me). I took this photo in the Huntington Estate Gardens. I'm definitely not a great photographer, but I do like to try and capture cool things in cool lighting. Hope you agree. Also. I have a far higher res of the image here: http://picasaweb.google.com/jr.houn/TheHuntingtonEstate08#5287260254074143058

On Becoming That Guy

2009-04-15T19:50:00.000-07:00

Yes. I have not held up my end of the bargain in terms of the frequency of posting. My digital “Mein Kampf” is, of course, the title tagline. Note the ‘…months later…’ remark. I know. I do not intend on letting slip months of time before my words appear here, but just so you know. For a person like me it seems my ideal is always higher then my own physical reach.

Having a vision always seemingly longer then my actual reach continues to be one of those things that shadows all of the ‘good’ things ‘I’ have done. But that leads us astray from the topic at hand.

The piece of writing after the jump, is part one in an envisioned three part series. Several factors stirred my initial brooding (or brainstorming as some might call it). Occasionally I ponder about the fates of those who I have lost touch with – sometimes I hear that they are alive, well, engaged in the local church, and still loving God with their heart/soul/mind. Other times, I hear that they are down, out, and as far from church and a loving relationship with God as can be. These external ponderings gradually turned inward as I considered the state of my own soul. Hit the jump to read on…

Over the course of my time in the church, I’ve come to know and befriend a great many people. Many people who, in their times and in their ways, have proven to be profound influences on my development as a person and as a fellow believer. Along with those people who I have associated the type of warm fuzzy memories that one normally associates with a stuffed animal, are memories of people whose lives, for good reasons or ill, have gone astray. And by astray, in this context, I would mean that they have left what Paul would call the ‘good fight of the faith’. Discussions about such people occasionally will crop up in conversation and frequently begin with:

“Hey remember so-and-so?”

“Oh yeah! I remember that guy! He was great! What’s he doing nowadays? Haven’t seen him in forever!”

“I don’t know man. He kind of just dropped off the radar.”

That guy. It’s a somewhat emotional topic for me. There are plenty of that-guys that I can look back and recall. Perhaps you can recall similar people in your own life? These people were good people who I knew, and it never ever occurred to me to blame them for their lapse in church attendance. Of course church attendance in and of itself is by no means the only barometer of someone’s spirituality, but it is a more along the lines of a canary in coal mine situation. These were people who weren’t too terribly different from me, yet somehow they are in very different places then where I might have envisioned them five years ago.

The story of that guy, to perhaps my/our constant detriment, seems to be one that is universally experienced. And so perhaps it was with mild shock that I recently woke up and thought to myself in the shower, “Have I become that guy?”

Have you become that guy?

Part one of a three part series on That Guy.

Sneaky Brothers, Peacocks, Loot, and You.

2009-04-06T18:21:00.000-07:00

OK. So about that Saturday blog promise thing...yeah. I know. I'm sorry. It was quite a long day! I'll make it up to you by posting some photos about my weekend. It always amuses me how shocked people are when they find out that I have a brother. Well here is some definite proof that the rumors are indeed true - doubt no longer Thomas and see that my brother does indeed exist!

In case you were caught unawares, and who could blame you, my brother is 16 years old (omg), likes to gnaw on his bandana, and was born with autism. The event that we were at over the weekend was a 5k Run/Walk put on by Ability First. We spent most of the time walking, which was fine enough because the race went through the ever scenic Los Angeles Arboretum. Being myself a fine conossieur of Aboretums and their ilk (big fat lie) I knew exactly what to expect.

Well. I expected trees. I mean...Abor-etum. Isn't that somehow related to trees? Ok. I expected trees. And tangentally, I expected plants, since plants and trees are of similar familial ties. But there were Peacocks. Uncaged. Unfettered. Just...cruising around this very wide open, very lush, very unrestrained environment. I wasn't really sure whether or not to be afraid for the peacocks that my brother was on the loose, or be afraid for us that perhaps...if there are such exotic animals running a-mok to terrorize folk what other dark terrors lurked among the trees. Terrors just waiting for my precious nerd blood!

Yeah. Not so much. Ok. I will be back to post more photos and give a little bit more commentary later. For now...I have another dark terror that I must admit to indulging in. Yes. I have begun playing it. No not "It". With the spectre of Diablo 3 looming on the horizon my secret love for grinding levels and collecting the phat lootz has been stoked yet again. Come and join us on U.S. West - liferay/liferay.

I told you this blog wasn't going to be only serious stuff. :)

Am I Making Cents?

2009-04-01T18:11:00.000-07:00

I came, I blogged, and then I realized that there is a fortune to be made in carving out my niche on the internet. Yes. I'm sorry to announce it..but after seeing the advertising earnings and profitability options, I've decided to sell out. Be careful...the image after the jump may startle those of weaker financial constitutions...

Yep. Clearly I'm making the big bucks here. I'll be shutting down the writing portion of my blog to focus soley on selling you, the good reader, everything I possibly can. Will be renaming the site promptly to - The Consumerist Blog.

**Edit** This is about as many advertisements as I can have...I can't BELIEVE the types of ads they are automatically serving me.