The Prodigy is In

More than a Glare: a True Story shared for Women’s Day

2012-03-07T05:18:00.000-08:00

http://www.flickr.com/photos/31086818@N08/5163782525

I’m sharing this story after ten years. It took me time to write this because I thought it was not necessary. But after the recent news about a sexually harassed woman official, I felt the need to finally tell my story. I’m also writing this as a thank you and an apology to my mother, who is also a one-of-a-kind woman. She was the one who told of the news. I initially sided to the perpetrators; my mother just remained silent.

I kept quiet for ten years because I hoped it will never happen again to anyone. Ten years after, it is still happening.

Do not worry. For those of you who are about to say “OMG,” relax. What I’m about to tell you was not done to me.

But surprisingly, I got myself involved. If you knew me very well, I’m not the confrontational type.

I just graduated from college, trying to work my way in the employment world. I was in my first job as a telephone operator in a freight forwarding company. Since I was also monitoring the main fax line of our office, it was part of my job to coordinate with the Supply Officer so that I don’t run out of facsimile paper. In the freight forwarding business, a delay may mean a lost business for us. I made sure that I never ran out of supplies.

Our Supply Officer is a man, who also serves as a truck driver and warehouse monitoring guy. With the kind of responsibility he had, he was considered as one of the trusted men of our boss (which was a big deal in our company, because our boss was very strict). Rumor has it that among the men employees there, he was the most arrogant.

It was time again to request for facsimile papers, so I went out of my small, glass-enclosed room for a few minutes to talk to Mr. Supply Officer. Not long after I returned in the room, he appeared with my request on hand. He passed it through the small hole of the room’s glass.

The hole may be small, but what I heard from him resounded.

“Hoy, Belinda (not her real name)! Huwag ka munang umuwi; isasama kita sa beerhouse. Lalaki ka naman, hindi ba? Wala kang dibdib eh!” (Hey, Belinda! Don’t go home yet; I’ll bring you to the beerhouse. You’ll love it there; you could pass for a guy. You’re a flat chest!)

He was referring to one of my female officemates, who just got out of our office’s main door to go home. What he said were heard by many, if not all, in the office.

I was surprised by what I heard. Yes, it is true: my woman officemate is not well-endowed, but for him to just say it matter-of-factly was way overboard.

I found myself confronting Mr. Supply Officer.

“Bakit mo uli isasama si Ma’m Belinda sa beerhouse?” (Say, why do you want her to tag along again?) I said. I was kind of hoping for a changed answer.

“Eh lalaki ‘yan eh. Wala s’yang dibdib,” (She passes up for a guy. She’s flat-chested.) he replied with a smirk.

Hope’s gone. He just repeated his reason with remorse.

Without battling an eyelash and with a glare that could kill, I blurted out, “Porke wala s’yang dibdib, lalaki na s’ya?” (Just because she’s not well-endowed doesn’t mean she’s a guy.)

He looked at me, and then retreated with a discomfit laugh. My glaring eyes followed him until he was out of my sight.

That was unbelievable. We are living in the twenty-first century, yet there are still barbarians lurking around.

My regret was that what I did was not enough. I could have told my boss or our Human Resources Officer about the incident. But I never did. I was a new employee and I admit: I felt I did not have a voice; that what happened would just be one of those “joke times for women” in another ordinary day.

What I found out months later was our boss took the driving and warehouse monitoring from Mr. Supply Officer. Though I never knew the reason for the change, still, revenge is sweet.

What I just shared never stopped a husband for hurting his wife.

My story never suspended the female circumcision that’s still happening in some African countries.

Heck, it never even stopped some heartless men from raping, abusing, or trafficking women.

One thing that I knew was when I did that, I knew I stood up for what was right.

Nanindigan ako para sa kapwa ko. Nanindigan ako para sa kapwa ko babae. Nanindigan ako para sa sarili ko.

I pray I would not have to get involved in the same situation.

But if I do, I know I would do more than a glare.

My New Love

2011-03-24T09:00:00.000-07:00

Meet my new running partner

This is new - and correct - running shoes.

After getting a gait analysis, I surfed the Internet non-stop for the best (and okay, most eye-candy) stability running shoes.

And here it is - New Balance 870.

I hope that, as of this post's publication, I have logged longer miles with it.

Child's Play

2011-03-17T09:00:00.000-07:00

http://www.flickr.com/photos/44115070@N00/247871593

I wrote this last March 18, 2010

I was privileged to teach the brightest third grade students in Southville International School and Colleges from 2007 to 2010. I never thought I would get the chance to teach our students – not even the excellent ones. The idea of me being inside the classroom was a nightmare that I hesitated to get the offer when handed to me. Well, it was not offered, to tell the truth; it was assigned (if you’re in Southville, you’ll understand what it means). “It’ll be fun; it will be a good experience for you,” our Principal BRY then said.

And fun it was.

Here are some of the most memorable anecdotes, situations and moments that I have been through as a Vision and Task Circle facilitator. They are proofs that they didn’t only learn from me (well, I hope); I learned a lot from them as well. (NOTE: Names of students were changed.)

1.    My one boy student introduced himself like this: “Hi, I’m Paolo. I’m Scottish!”

2.    During one of the activities, I asked my students to list down the things they will do if they get to do to   the United States. One girl student, Susie, wrote, ‘I’d like to meet boys and get to know them.’ Kind of surprise to get that answer from a nine-year-old, I asked her why. ”I want them to like me,” she said.

3.    One girl student, Carla, came in late for the class and started looking for a seat. Ryan, one of my boys, immediately stood up and said, “Oh, I’ll get a chair for you.”

4.    The Quote of the Week that I shared was posted on the board. It says “I believe I am someone who can do my best.” As I started to briefly discuss the quote, everyone except Sam, believed in it. “I don’t think of it that way. I think I will fail,” he said with a sad face. Stephen, his classmate, said without battling an eyelash, “That’s stupid. You should never give up at all times.” When I asked further, everybody said that they could always ask help from others.

With that, I didn’t need further explanation.

5.    On my very first day of teaching, I gave a getting-to-know-you activity which everybody enjoyed. The group conversation led to playing PSPs (Play Station). Almost everybody in the class admitted that they are using ‘cheats’ to win games. With the word ‘cheat’ implied, I asked them, “Why are you using cheats? Isn’t that bad?” They said in chorus, “So that we could go to the next level!”

I do hope they won’t have to resort to real-life cheating in the future.

6.    On the brief discussion on Compromise, the example that I gave was giving way to their younger sibling in watching a TV show. Gian, with hands rose, said, “Oh yeah, there’s another TV in the room anyway.” To add, Stephanie said, “We also have a TV in the kitchen.”

Moral lesson I learned: compromise is not the way I thought it was.

7.    For them, sacrifice means losing your life for somebody else. Because of this, they don’t find the value appealing.

8.    In one activity that taught about respect for each other, they were able to identify and remember the times when they were hurt or ignored by their classmates or friends. “I know how it feels to be hurt or be ignored by a classmate or a friend, especially if you did not do anything bad against them,” I said. “But it is not good either to hurt them back.”

The class fell silent.

I guess the Golden Rule did its job.

9.    In one activity about Multiple Intelligences, I instructed them to choose any activity posted in the board (it caters to all intelligences). One student, Brian, got up from his seat and showed me his work. “This is a nice drawing,” I said to him. “Would you like to color this?” Brian’s eyes lit; he went back to his seat to put color in his work. By then I realized that he likes working alone.

That was the first time I saw him smile.

10.    On my last day as a facilitator, I told the class that I will be doing a lot of tasks in the next few weeks. It meant that I won’t get to meet them anymore (I had to do a white lie; they will not understand what resigning means, anyway) A big resounding “WHY?” was in their faces as well as in their mouths. But I told them that I will be catching up on them through the new facilitator.

I felt my chest became a bit heavier as my students said goodbye and left the classroom one by one.

Yep, fun it was.

Missing the Normal

2011-03-08T09:00:00.000-08:00

http://www.flickr.com/photos/82483656@N00/365288893

I wrote this last September 5, 2010

I am stuck in the house, conscious of the thought that I need to blink my eyes every now and then. I still check if the right side of the back of my neck is still aching due to a possible higher eye grade. At long last, though, that my cough is gone after a week.

I just got out of flu two weeks ago, but due to the eyes strain that I’m having right now, I still feel sick. This is the second week that I did nothing but rest. To tell everyone frankly, I don’t find it good anymore.

The sick week that I experienced is one for the record. Aside from I was the last one standing in the family before everybody succumbed to the fad flu, it was a fact that I had cough and colds two months before. Although I could say I’m luckier than my family members because unlike them, I only had a slight fever.

Being sick makes you weak; makes you stay in bed for a day or two. It also makes the food tasteless. It also makes you drop everything that you have planned. It also makes you miss the things that you do every day, making you wish that you’re well by tomorrow.

Don’t get me wrong. It’s not that I don’t want to stop and rest. I do want to stop and rest, but not because I’m sick. That’s not my type of vacation.

I want to get back on track because I have a lot of things to do.

-    I will still read a lot of books that will make my brains work;
-    I will still look at Manila Bay during travel to and from work, because I have fallen in love with it;
-    I will finish my two master’s degree subjects, and I want to finish it with dignity at least, before I say good
              bye to the whole course;
-    I will still make a lot of blog posts and promote it until my fingers give up on typing;
-    I will still run a lot of fun runs;
-    I will still pray a lot;
-    I will still make my dream come true, one by one;
-    I will still make a lot of memories with my family and friends;
-    I will still do what is needed of me in my work;
-    I will still write a lot of stuff, the ones inside my head that needs to be released.

So please, don’t judge me when I say I’m tired of resting. I want to get up from the bed and get back on track.

I miss the normal.

It's February 27, and I'm missing the Backstreet Boys

2011-03-01T15:00:00.000-08:00

http://www.flickr.com/photos/44124473769@N01/82434062

I wrote this last February 27, 2010.

It’s February 27, the scheduled concert of the Backstreet Boys. Every one who knew me would have envisioned this: I’m standing in line outside the Big Dome (the venue), my camera very well kept in my bag (to prevent security from getting it). I’m speaking excitedly to Jecy (my friend who is also a fan) while looking at my watch (what time will they let us in?). My precious ticket is in my hands, held closely to my heart. And I’m wearing a personalized BSB Forever shirt that I asked my brother to do and print for me.

WRONG. I’m tucked in my room instead, listening to my BSB cassette tapes and CDs. Jecy and I are sending SMS each other, wondering what they are singing this time.

Believe me, I would have been there. But circumstances didn’t permit me – I just got a new job (money had been scarce since January) and my Jecy is more concerned of saving money for a second-hand car. We also planned to go to Bohol this year – so that means we need to save more money for that.

So who’s to blame for missing BSB? It’s them and me. It’s me because I didn’t foresee them coming (I should have been religiously checking their website). It’s them, on the other hand, because they didn’t even bother to call and inform me.

As I listen to their songs, it was though I was time-warped. I remembered ho I became a fan (it was through Murielle, a high school friend). And a fan I was! I’m one of those who patiently (and deliberately) defended their talent (and their looks) to non-believers, particularly ‘N Sync fans. I also somehow had less respect on our Media Club adviser in high school for dissecting the meaning of “As Long As You Love Me” (“Sure the song is good. But you wouldn’t care even if you don’t know a person well? What if he’s a criminal?”).

I bought their albums during the week of its release (the only time I bought on the first day of release was in 2000, when Black and Blue album was released. I bought the album in the morning, but had to go back to the music store in the afternoon to check if there’s really something wrong with the printing of the album cover. The sales girl said it’s really like that, but I got a calendar, anyway.

I memorized their name, birthdays, songs and the number of awards they got (I can’t believe they haven’t had a Grammy). I collected posters, pin-ups, and read every BSB article I could get. I also watched every interview and music videos I could get my eyes on.

When they came here in 2006 for a concert, Jecy and I bought ticket a month before the event, and heaven knew how I prepared myself to scream my heart and lungs out. It was the first time I screamed “Marry me!” to five guys who barely knew me. And I didn’t care.

Years have passed. When I saw Murielle months ago, we laughed about our high school BSB craziness. I learned to forgive my Media Club adviser. I mourned for weeks when one BSB member left the group. I got to learn and accept that BSB and ‘N Sync are nothing but creations of boy band mania and pop culture (I would admit, now, that I would drop everything if Justin Timberlake would ask me to be his girlfriend).

I am still a fan. I content myself to the fact that I am capable of sticking to what I want (and who) I choose to love. I am capable of loving people – the good and the bad – about them. I am capable of being me – focusing on my goal and doing it.

Yes, I am not ashamed to tell that I am (and will always be) a Backstreet Boys fan. And since I couldn’t join the other fans that might be singing “Backstreet’s Back, alright!” right now, I am sad.

I’m missing them.

Giving 'Em Away

2011-03-01T09:00:00.000-08:00


My would-have-been comeback runs. My 143Go Run (Feb. 27) and Run United1 (Mar. 6). Yep, I gave 'em away.

My comeback runs were delayed. Thanks to my acute rhinitis that tagged along vertigo.

But instead of fretting, I did what I had to do: follow the doctor's advice. So I took a deep breath and surrendered my fate.

The next thing I did: contacted my runner friends with a breaking news - I'm giving away my 3K and 5K slots. NO CHARGE.

After a day of SMS and Facebook marketing, I was able to give 'em away.

Call me crazy for giving away my running slots for free.

But I think I will be crazier if I continued to hold on to my singlets - and cry for the comeback runs that never were.

And so with a smile, I really gave 'em away.

My comeback run may not be now, but it will happen soon. Or sooner than you think.

Lady Antebellum - Need You Now

2011-02-26T22:09:00.000-08:00

ABC 2011 Oscar Promo With James Franco and Anne Hathaway LONG VERSION HD

2011-02-26T22:08:00.000-08:00

Love - at the Movies

2011-02-03T09:00:00.000-08:00

http://www.flickr.com/photos/39041992@N05/3709309902

During college. I took a subject on scriptwriting. I loved every minute of it, because I just love to write. It would be a cool thing for a script to be turned into a movie. One of the best things I have learned? Check out the most memorable lines.

In the celebration of the Love Month, I Googled some of the best movie lines my eyes (and ears) ever came across (at least for now):

"Kiss me. Kiss me as if it were the last time." -- Casablanca

"I would rather have had one breath of her hair, one kiss from her mouth, one touch of her hand, than eternity without it." -- City of Angels

"Life is like a box of chocolates; you never know what your gonna get." -- Forest Gump

"The greatest thing you'll ever learn is just to love and be loved in return." -- Moulin Rouge

"I'm just a girl, standing in front of a boy, asking him to love her." -- Notting Hill

"I am someone else when I'm with you, someone more like myself." -- Original Sin

"Promise me you'll survive. That you won't give up, no matter what happens, no matter how hopeless." -- Titanic

"I love that you get cold when it is 71 degrees out. I love that it takes you an hour and a half to order a sandwich. I love that you get a little crinkle in your nose when you're looking at me like I'm nuts. I love that after I spend day with you, I can still smell your perfume on my clothes. And I love that you are the last person I want to talk to before I go to sleep at night. And it's not because I'm lonely, and it's not because it's New Year's Eve. I came here tonight because when you realize you want to spend the rest of your life with somebody, you want the rest of your life to start as soon as possible."
-- When Harry Met Sally

(Source: http://www.romancestuck.com/quotes/movie-quotes.htm)

It Wasn’t the Same as Before – But It’s Okay

2011-01-27T09:00:00.000-08:00

http://www.flickr.com/photos/31878512@N06/4704140020

wrote this last April 24, 2010.

After a month, I got the chance to get out with my former colleagues at work. It was the usual talk-laugh-talk on the road towards our destination and during munching time. But I didn’t get to share much stories unlike before.

I have only been away for three months, so I know the people and the events that they were talking about. But somehow, I lost touch on some of the details; I kept on asking why to all of them. I don’t know much anymore.

Then I remembered; yes, it has already been three months since I left my former work. I have been away for that short time, but it seems like ages.

With that realization, I leaned back on my chair. It hit me: I don’t belong anymore.

But instead of feeling different, I just enjoyed staring at them one by one, as either one told a story or reacted to what was just said. I missed the times when I was with them at one table. At least they’re not talking about the work that they left at their desks.

Does this mean I’m having regrets about leaving? Part of it is yes, part of it is no. But as long as I’m given the time to spend with these friends again, I will just be fine listening.

It’s true – it’s not the same as before. But it’s okay.

Realizations of a Newbie

2011-01-20T09:00:00.000-08:00

http://www.flickr.com/photos/40645538@N00/3382448853

wrote this last October 30, 2010.

Time, as everybody would say, flies fast. In a nick of time, I realized that I have been in my new job for nine months.

I already passed my probationary period – proof of this were the many baptism of fires that I had (sent to Ilocos for a seminar, hosted programs twice, and participated in a statistics quiz) and my completion of the new employee’s training program.

I have seen and heard and knew a lot of things in my job – name it. The good and the bad, the ugly and the uglier, the nicest and the kindest, and the toughest and the weakest.

But for sure, I have not yet seen the best and the worst.

So after nine months, what have been my realizations?

I realized that people will never learn good ways if they have been used to the bad.

There are people who really do not work literally – and they get paid.

One of the things that I learned in my former colleague still stands true to this day: keep things to yourself; be at your guard.

People will say the nicest things when you talk to them. But they tell otherwise when you’re not around.

Officials can be stupid – and the more they get stupid because they do not listen to their subordinates.

I could get up at five in the morning, be on the road by 6 am, so that I could go home by four in the afternoon – and not be really that stressed about it.

Some people are really thoughtful and nice – but they will also tease you to somebody you don’t know, only because you don’t talk much.

I realized that I hate people who react immediately to simple things – because they don’t have much to do every day.

I realized that no matter how good I am in making things done, I have to consciously let go of the things that normally do before to get things done – blame the protocols.

I can’t change anything in my work – unless it falls under or any of the following: an office order, administrative order, department order, or memorandum circular. Oh, be careful with the amendments every now and then; you have to know them.

It is so dim-witted to continue living in the Paper World despite the existence of technology – and giving up on it.

Saturdays off are the best thing that ever happened to me – again.

Kids will roam around the office every now and then – I was once like that.

People will get all the loans in the world just to have money – because either it’s for the kids or for another debt that is still being paid.

People will bring you down – you have to keep yourself up.

You know the saying “Absence makes the heart grow fonder”? – True only for the first few weeks. Soon, you’ll realize you’re not thinking about him or her. Voila – you have officially moved on.

Maturity doesn’t happen overnight.

I realized that I am good – but I don’t have to shout it out to the whole world.

I realized I always have a choice – to make every day great, good, or fine.

I realized that I won’t be a newbie forever. Soon, I’ll be staying for a year, maybe two or three.

Blessed

2011-01-13T19:25:00.000-08:00

http://www.flickr.com/photos/14111752@N07/3006420502

My mother has pneumonia.

After almost a week of going to and from the hospital for consultations and tests, that was the diagnosis.

But her family (that's us) is still grateful.

We were worried of these possible diagnoses: tuberculosis, thyroid problems, or a heart irregularity.

All she got is pneumonia.

Don't get me wrong. I see her pain as she coughs; she holds her upper chest as if to lessen the pain. She's also into antibiotics. As a daughter, it's like stabbing you inch by inch.

But I still see everything as a blessing.

It's a blessing because she was diagnosed early. She went to the doctor immediately. It's a blessing because she's responding well to medicines. It's a blessing because her doctors are great. It's a blessing because she has a strong family behind her. It’s a blessing that she will be taken cared of.

In life, we have almost given up to the reality that it is hard to look for blessings in trials. It's not easy; I think in some instances, it WILL never be easy. Even I took several months to accept that having a maintenance medicine for my hyperthyroid is something that I have to live with in the meantime (and eventually conquering any fear of my condition, thanks to running). Truly, it is hard to see a rainbow in dark clouds.

But what made me see the beauty of it was this: my family has gone through a lot of difficulties and trials. Problems came to pass; yet we are still standing. We love each other and we care for each other. We have God with us. That’s what kept us going – and it will be the same formula that we’ll still be using.

What was more surprising was that I never had an inch of worry when I found out about my mother’s pneumonia. I was confident about all the facts: it was detected very early, medicines are given, and it’s curable. The first words that I thought of were “Thank you, God.” I was a revelation to myself: I guess my faith matured an inch.

My mother has us for a family. Together, we have a faith as strong as our love for each other. We are blessed – and we will continue to share blessings.

All she got is pneumonia.

Grateful

2011-01-06T05:16:00.001-08:00

I just feel that my Love Tank is so full. And it’s only the fifth day of the new year.

Yesterday, I went to my former company to play Santa Claus to my friends – hey, it’s still Christmas. Although I was not able to meet most of them due to traffic, I still excitedly bundled their gifts. With the help of my former colleagues in Human Resources Department, the gifts were delivered. I knew they got into their hands – my cellphone was bombarded with “thank you’s.”

I am grateful for that. I never thought I would get a lot of TYs in a day. It was enough to keep me going.

Today, after almost thirty years, I got to meet and greet one of my godmothers. She resides in Sydney, Australia, and got to know her in pictures and through my mother’s stories (she was one of her childhood friends). Although my mother said that my godmother saw me when I was a toddler, this was the first time that I really saw her and I was sane (I mean, you don’t get to remember much the people when you were a tot, right?)

I am grateful for the four hours that my family and I spent with her (and her family, too). I have never been so tightly hugged – it was like the years of not seeing each other just melted at once.

My Love Tank is so full. I feel that it’s so overflowing, I need to give love back.

Want me to give you a hug?

The Essence of Character

2010-12-31T09:00:00.000-08:00

I was waiting for my former teacher, colleague, and current mentor Ms. Belen when I saw this message on the wall. I have seen this many times but I never took notice of its real meaning.

I hope you'd get to reflect on it on this last day of 2010.

Happy 2011.

Getting Back on Track

2010-12-28T18:56:00.000-08:00

http://www.flickr.com/photos/30011527@N05/5076461543

Last Monday, two days after Christmas, I “re-laced” up and walked for twenty minutes. And I made it.
This was the first time that I re-connected with the village road again, after being sidelined for more than a month due to a lower back pain injury (I was suspecting it was piriformis strain; my doctor didn’t say anything, though).

It was so disappointing when I found out that I need to undergo four therapy sessions for my injury. I felt I was already at the top of my own running game – I was able to finish my second 5k with a new personal record. I was still planning to run another 5k before the Christmas season, and do my runs after the nine dawn masses.

Everything was planned.

But still, I’m blessed to have undergone therapy. I have researched about my condition and it was said that it would respond well to therapy. It was way better than having surgery. Besides, I believed that I needed it so that I could go farther in the future. I was able to stop, hanged my singlet for the meantime, and just listen to my body.

It’s funny how life makes you feel invincible, and then makes you stop and think about what you have done.
After four sessions, I was cleared. But with conditions – I need to consult the doctor immediately as soon as I feel it again. And I need to be more careful (goodbye, three-inch high heels; hello, Naturalizer).

http://www.flickr.com/photos/72825507@N00/482031103

And so I walked again – just like the first time, when I thought I would only walk. I think I was able to do six laps of walking (approximately 350 meters). I listened to my body, while Timex got busy checking my split.
I miss running. I miss the time when after four laps of brisk walking, I would start doing my baby steps and then slowly up my running level. I miss the times when my mother would tell me to stop just when I’m in the middle of my 15th lap. I miss the exhilaration that running brings me.

I miss paying running fees, joining runner friends, getting new singlets, hearing run start horns, running, running, running.

I’m praying that this is the start of me getting back on track.

Moving On

2010-12-28T17:07:00.000-08:00

How do you continue for another day when a lot of goodbye’s have been said the day before?

http://www.flickr.com/photos/38633611@N00/267989510

How do you pick up the pieces and try to put it together, knowing that it will never be the same?
How do you see the new day?

http://www.flickr.com/photos/17642817@N00/2815030927

What do you tell yourself – “I’ll be alright” or “I’ll be fine?”
How come you tell people you’re okay – but deep inside you’re not?
How come in spite of the many things that occupy your mind, it all boils down to “it’s still empty?”

http://www.flickr.com/photos/10209031@N08/4415974631

When will the day when you could proudly say “I’m back to normal” come?

My Life according to the Backstreet Boys

2010-12-24T09:00:00.000-08:00

http://www.flickr.com/photos/44124473769@N01/82434062

wrote this last November 4, 2010

This is one fun and interesting Note that I got from Facebook, thanks for the tag of our neighbor, Lian Eusebio. I had to get all my Backstreet Boys albums to answer the questions correctly.

It was hard answering the questions. There were so many song titles that I could have placed; there were some, though, that I had to think about very carefully, or else the answers will be illogical.

In the end, it was fun. Song titles made me remembered the songs and played them again on my mind. It’s unfortunate that I could only use one artist, as I have a handful of artists that I like.

Oh well, there’s always another round.

Using only song names from only one artist, answer the following questions.

1.    Describe yourself – The One
2.    How do you feel? – Larger than Life
3.    Describe where you currently live – I Want it That Way
4.    If you could go anywhere, where would you like to go? – Anywhere for You
5.    You favorite form of transportation – Climbing the Walls
6.    Your best friend/s is/are – The Perfect Fan
7.    You fear – Drowning, 10,000 Promises, and Unsuspecting Sunday Afternoon
8.    What was the best advice you have given? – What Makes You Different (Makes You Beautiful)
9.    Thought for the Day – No One Else Comes Close
10.    How would you like to die? – Show Me the Meaning of Being Lonely
11.    My soul’s present condition – We’ve Got it Goin’ On
12.    My motto – As Long As You Love Me

After the Storm

2010-12-17T09:00:00.000-08:00

wrote this last July 14, 2010

http://www.flickr.com/photos/11599314@N00/2581774487

I was awake since eleven o’ clock in the evening due to the angry wind. I knew there was a typhoon. But like many that night, I was also caught unaware of the typhoon’s sudden change in direction.

I have experienced a lot of typhoons in my life; I guess I have been through the worst. But this one I could single out because of one thing: I was unprepared of what was about to come.

The typhoon’s name was Basyang. In the Philippine folklore, Basyang was an old yet kind woman who’s fond of telling fantasy stories to children so that they would never cease to learn the values in life.

I think the Basyang that I experienced also taught me a lesson during its wrath: one, I must be prepared for anything, for anything can happen. Two, God will never abandon us. I have never experienced such calm during a typhoon’s fury while praying.

When I woke up the morning after the wrath, I saw the damage that Basyang did. I immediately rolled up my sleeves for a major clean up.

Another storm has passed; I’m a new person again.

Piazza Serendra

2010-12-10T09:00:00.000-08:00

wrote this last April 23, 2010

Two hang outs for rich people in one night? Not that bad.

After staying for one and a half hours in Shangri-la, I got to see Serendra for the first time. This time, though, I wasn’t alone. I was with my nurse friends, who just finished a two-day convention. I felt so safe that I told myself I would still be fine in case a car would hit me.

Days before going here, I did my research about the place (I only heard of it from my companions). The most important thing to Google is the restaurants located there. Thanks to ourawesomeplanet blog, I got to check some of the best.

Their expressions shocked me – the food place that I mentioned (Abe), is in the heart of the Piazza. People do go there.

When we arrived at Abe, we really saw up close that people really do go there. We had to wait for a few minutes before we got a table.

Apart from the delicious food, it was another night of get together. They shared their two-day convention experience, while I shared the walking trip that I did at the Shang.

We also saw people running all over the streets of the Piazza. A Nike stall was visible in the area for those who’d like to try them on. I saw a group of runners doing stretching before they took on the road. My companions said I should start joining runs (two of them have been joining fun runs). I told them I wanted to, but since I really do not run (and I don’t have any exercise routine), I may need to consult a doctor first. But when I saw some cute guys, I immediately told them that it running could be worth trying.

On the ladies’ room, my other friend waited for Sheree (a celebrity) to get out of one of the cubicles. After a few minutes of waiting in vain, she gave up and we went out. Good thing the ladies’ room was so clean; it was not a problem if we had to stay longer. Oh well, she’s not Angelina Jolie, anyway.

And even if he was already tired, our male friend (who was of course the driver) managed to see a Ferrari car parked by the side street. That made me scream for joy, I wished gleefully for him to follow the car.

Ciao, Piazza Serendra. It was fun being with you even for a few minutes. I would like to come back and visit you in daytime with the same friends, because to tell you frankly, I’ll get lost if I go alone.

A Shangri-la Walk to Remember

2010-12-03T22:03:00.000-08:00

I wrote this last April 22, 2010

I have never stayed in EDSA Shangri-la Mall longer than today. Between walking to meet my friends and staying where they were and waiting for them to pick me up, I chose the latter. I knew it’s the usual mall of the rich, but hey, there’s nothing illegal walking with them, right? Besides, I wanted to be alone for a few hours.

Brands that I know and someday, I’ll get to go inside their stores to buy:

1. Michael Kors
2. Marks and Spencer
3. Cole Haan
4. Naturalizer
5. Florshiem
6. Burberry
7. Top Shop
8. Ralph Lauren
9. Lacoste
10. Tiffany & Co.
11. Guess
12. Kate Spade

I sat down by the fountain after walking for thirty minutes, starting from the fourth floor. I longingly stared at the Haagen-Dazs but I resisted the temptation to buy, for a scoop costs P175.
I found The Nail Spa cute and amusing; but I remembered how good I am in cleaning my nails, so maybe I’ll never get to go there.

I saw a store called Audio Video Drivers International and got curious. It’s a store of everything AV gadget. I envied the staff as they watched a live football game using their cool flat screen TV while sitting in a very nice sofa. Hmm, I think I’d like to but those, too.

I walked past restaurants and got to see the uniqueness of their interiors; maybe I’d get to eat there, too. I just hope I’d like the food and that they word someday will be sooner.

I also saw stores for home interiors. Name it: kitchen, dining, bedroom, receiving area, even Asian and modern decors. Nobody’s going inside their stores, though.

It’s cool to kill time inside a rich’s mall every (like Shangri-la Mall) now and then after a day’s work. But I do hope that someday, I’d get to bring my family and other friends there. Not just to kill time, but to buy. I see butterflies and flowers as the mall’s ceiling decors. I think that day won’t be too far.

Detour

2010-11-26T21:57:00.000-08:00

I wrote this last March 30, 2010

http://www.flickr.com/photos/76761958@N00/32236938

I have proven that unplanned road trips make the happiest moments. Although I am an advocate of careful planning (as I was branded as OC), I think a detour once in a while won’t hurt.

I remember few months ago when all of us in the office were about to go home. It was Saturday afternoon, and everyone has shut down the computers. One of us said she’ll go to the mall; the other one immediately said, “I’ll go with you.” The third one said, “Me too!” The fourth one (that’s me), all of a sudden, just said “I’ll go as well.” It was surprising for me and for them too, as I am not the type who would go out unplanned. But then I thought: I would only spend time sleeping when I get back to the house, so why not spend the rest of the day with officemates-cum-friends instead?

The detour that Saturday afternoon was worth it – it was the time to unwind for all of us. We did not talk about work - we did not talk about what’s going to happen on Monday, which most of the things we wrote on our weekly planning schedule won’t happen, or who’s the latest people who have violated our kindness. Instead, we talked about ourselves – okay, I actually got most of the interesting questions – the real us outside work. It has solidified our friendship; it was something that even our 201 files can’t keep.

Last Saturday, I again experienced another detour. This time, I joined the ride with one of my male friends, who generously drove three of the nicest young girls to a nearby mall (they are student assistants in the school where I used to work). When one of the girls asked my male friend if we could go to their house, he simply just said, “Sure,” and changed directions.

Although my friend added that we could not enter his house for “the keys are with my brother,” I knew he was trying to pull out a fantastic prank against the three. But I was not able to give him the ‘what-are-you-up-to’ stare, as I might spoil the fun. All of a sudden, he drove the car straight to the gate of a plush suburb (he doesn’t live there). Just imagine the ‘what-you-live-here-I-didn’t-know’ reaction of the girls.

What seemed to be a prank house visit turned out to be a simple yet funny road trip, with stopovers to take pictures and sight-seeing the best houses. It was as if we have all the afternoon to ourselves. It’s as there were no worries and other concerns on our minds.

Such detours helped me learn a few things on how to appreciate life. Ever since, I have been trying to plan my days as I wanted them to be. I get frustrated if I don’t get what I wanted or get to do what I needed to do, because I know that even small changes will mean big changes. But in fact, sometimes, all I have to do is to “count every moment.”

It also made me realize that I need to stop and think about others – how could I make the best of times with them. It helps me rediscover again and again that I don’t need to do something grand for others – “quality time” is enough.

Finally, it made me realize that I may have fears, worries, even setbacks – but I am not alone in the journey. Detours have shown me the generosity and sympathy of friends. Detours helped me go back to the basics – life is simple. It is okay to live life with simple joys.

A detour may be an alternative route that we sometimes take, but I think they are necessary deviations of our journey. We need detours to somehow find ourselves back on the road.

Jolly Treat

2010-11-19T09:00:00.000-08:00

I wrote this last February 22, 2010

I consider myself as a Jollibee Kid. Blame my parents for enrolling me in the Jollibee Kiddie Club, which was the result of constant visits to the fast food chain. It was like I was bound to eat Jollibee only every time we went out. As a kid, I wasn’t bothered about it. The minute I enter Jollibee branch, I immediately envision myself already sitting in one of its chains, with my spaghetti in front in my area of the table (Jollibee really had something to do with my love affair with my comfort food).

Though I was a Jolly Kid (a Kiddie Club member), I never got to spend a Jolly Birthday Party. We tried inquiring once for my eighth birthday, but my parents thought that it’s still best to celebrate in the house. It was okay with me; my vision of Jollibee eat-outs was enough. It was still a treat for a kid.

Later on, I learned to go out and eat with friends. I learned to go and eat in other fast-food chains, and after that, fancy restaurants. Sure they were fun, but the Jolly memories were always with me.

It is cool to get invited in kids’ Jolly Birthday Parties. Now that I’m older, I now have a different perspective with kids’ birthdays. It’s fun, of course. It is fun to see kids participate in the games. It’s funny to see shy kids who never removed their grasps from the pants of their mom and dads. It puts a smile to my face to see them eat their food and laugh at Jollibee’s antics. It was fun to be a kid.

It was a Jolly treat.

http://www.flickr.com/photos/16071304@N00/3078531589

Missing You - Not

2010-11-12T09:00:00.000-08:00

http://www.flickr.com/photos/33345813@N00/1385100375

wrote this last July 21, 2010.

I heard a familiar song one day. I have known this song since I was a kid – I even remember singing it using our new karaoke. I remembered singing at my heart’s delight, even though I don’t have any idea what the song meant.

Years after, I heard it again. This time, I knew the meaning. Well, sort of. Part of its chorus goes like this:

        I miss you like crazy
        Ever since you went away
        Every hour of everyday
        I miss you like crazy
        No matter what they say or do
        There’ just no getting over you

I got scared after I heard the song. Because for the first time after the hurting, it dawned on me that you don’t matter to me anymore. This time, it’s true.

But why did I get scared? I am afraid to see you – your face, your smile, even your shadow.

I’m afraid to hear your voice – the way you say “hello”; even the way you say your mind and your laugh.

I’m scared to realize that you still exist.

Whatever I felt for you before is gone. I don’t want to feel whatever I felt before again, and then realize that I’m still going to miss you when you’re gone.

To tell you honestly, I miss you – not.

On Dream Boards and My Search for the Perfect Laptop... or Notebook ('Cause I Hate Excess Baggage)

2010-11-05T09:00:00.000-07:00

wrote this last March 15, 2010.

Even though a friend discouraged me many times those laptops are not really good investment (and he has the authority to say that because he is a licensed IT practitioner), I still wanted one. First reason: my old reliable computer needs to retire after serving me and the rest of the family for ten years. Second: possible business opportunities (but it doesn’t mean I’ll bring work at home).

But there was a problem: I simply couldn’t afford to buy one. Before going to a computer shop to feast my eyes on them, I would need to buy more important purchases (like the ever reliable Bench Alcogel that I have started to keep in my bag since the A H1N1 madness). So I promised myself that I would save to the hilt. But then, I just can’t buy. So somehow, I gave up wishing and hoping that I would have one.

http://www.flickr.com/photos/49512158@N00/3699040930

But despite the resigned feeling, I placed a picture of a laptop in my dream board. I wrote beside the picture: “I will have a laptop. It will help me communicate with my friends and create other sources of income.” With a prayer, I stared at it, just like the other things that I posted. I may not afford it now, but someday, I might.

Last month, my mother told me that she’ll join her high school reunion. One of her classmate-friends, who is my godmother, would also be joining. My godmother is now living in Sydney, Australia. Since I haven’t really met her ever since, I decided to write her a letter. When I was about to wrap up the letter, I just thought of kidding her of giving me a gift (even if my birthday falls on May). There’s nothing wrong in trying, I thought, so why not try it?

And so with courage, I wrote on the stationery paper: “Before I end, may I ask for a gift on my birthday? I’d like to have a notebook. It’s a small laptop. I’d like to start an online business with my brother and it will surely make us more connected to you.” With that, I prayed, signed the letter, folded it, and coursed it through my mother. I forgot about it after.

When my mother came back from her reunion, she happily said, “Your godmother was pleased about your letter. I don’t know what you wrote to her, but it seems there is a positive response. Contact her immediately; she might leave for Sydney tomorrow.”

I contacted her as instructed (through SMS and e-mail). She replied after three days to my e-mail: “Start looking for your notebook. How would you like the payment to be sent?”

I then remembered the laptop picture in my dream board. I caught myself staring at it for a long time. It felt unthinkable: are you about to be real?

A week later, I got an SMS from my godmother: “How’s your notebook search? What’s the easier way for you: bank account deposit or door-to-door delivery?” Okay, I told the laptop picture in my dream board. You are really just about to pop out of my board, literally!

I just felt so blessed. Finally, one of the things that I thought I will never have, it is going to come true!

But as the good news sank in, I know that the challenge has just begun. I’m not just talking about searching for the perfect laptop, or notebook. I know that just like my old reliable personal computer, I will have to be responsible in taking care of the new notebook. But more than that, I should be able to use it on what I intended it to be – an instrument for reconnecting to people that I love and for earning passive income. That I really need to focus on.

It’s not because I will not be true to the words that I promised my godmother. Maybe I’m just scared because I know that if I still don’t put my acts together even after the notebook’s arrival, then I’ll blow my chances of a new life. If I don’t do well – if I fail – in this unchartered territory due to fear and complacency, then I’m really a wacko.

For now, I’m just waiting for my godmother to send her promised gift. The search is already on for the perfect laptop, or notebook (I have even asked the help of my other friend to help me on my search). Soon, my search for the perfect notebook will end.

But my search for a new life has just begun.

Proscrastinator Me

2010-10-29T09:00:00.000-07:00

wrote this last September 5, 2010.

http://www.flickr.com/photos/10393601@N08/2987926396

I still have three weeks before the schedule Licensure Exam for Teachers (LET), but I have not reviewed any single thing about Professional Education. My mother borrowed a reviewer from a colleague, but I haven’t touched it.

I did not do one activity and my midterm exam in one of my master’s degree subjects (a MAJOR subject at that). On the other hand, my elective subject has a final paper that I need to submit in a week’s time, but I have not done any reading on it.

I have learned the basics of internet marketing last year, even the basics on how to be a virtual assistant early this year. I tried to learn them so that it could give another possible income for me and my family. But close to a year of learning them, I have not done something dramatic.

These are just some of the things that I have been doing, or, I NEED to do – but I’m not doing them.

Despicable Me? No, it’s the Procrastinator Me.

I don’t know how this procrastination really started. I remember during my school years that I have always been a prudent student – I do care of the deadlines. With the guidance of my parents, I got all my assignments and projects done. During college, I even remembered maximizing the use of my calendar by writing all the deadlines of my projects, as well the midterm and finals schedule. I was able to get through them all well.

But alas, gone are the days when I get to put my life on schedule. Gone are the days of getting scared of not submitting on time.

Somehow, when I ended up schooling, I have learned not be scared of the consequences.

I realized that there were no more teachers to tell me what to do and when to submit them – that’s why I have put on tomorrow the things that I need to do.

I was old enough to be guided by my parents, so I could do what I need to do on my own.

When I have started working, I have learned the art of “last minute” – doing tasks and reports one day or during the deadline. I’m thanking my former and current office mates for introducing me to this art – I found myself good at it. I even brought the art at my master’s degree class.

I was told time and again that I am a bright person. I know it has not gotten into my head. But the being bright and being good at doing things at the last minute is a deadly combination, if you’re going to ask me.

It’s funny that I have learned how to procrastinate at this point in my life. Deadlines during school years have far less dreaded consequences than what could happen to me now.

I will fail the licensure exam if I will not start studying.

I will risk failing my master’s degree subjects and end up having two failed subjects before ending my course.

I will continue to rely on my salary, bickering on how big the deductions are on my taxes and other government stuff if I do not apply what I have learned about internet marketing.

See, I know the consequences of my procrastination. But it seems that I am not scared.

Was it because I have fully believed that I can still do them at the last minute and emerge a winner?

Was it because no one’s guiding me anymore, thus the lack of motivation on my part?

Was it really the “bright person” in me that has gotten into my head?

Have I gotten so strong that I don’t fear anything anymore?

I don’t know. But what I do know is that I need to get up and do something about the Procrastinator Me.

It seems that some of the effects of procrastinating have not gotten into my nerves. I know that whatever delays that I’m doing now will pay back to me big time soon. I know I can’t let that happen to me. Not anymore.

I need to change for the better if I want to make things happen for myself. I want to be surprised again on what I can do – at the fastest time possible. I know that I can only change if I just go for it – once and for all. No more delays.

I’ll start tomorrow.