The Project Bowl

New Projects

2005-05-17T23:44:00.000-07:00

Old faces and new places... as you may have picked up from Va-va's post earlier, things have been busy over here and we can now reveal why... this site is relocating and can be found:

http://projectbowl.blogs.com/

Please up date your links, we are still in the process of moving and sorting out the furniture but all your fave blogging (and more) can be found over there... so off you trundle you cheeky wee monkies! ;)

Edit: Official housewarming party over there coming soon! ;)

Hot dates!

2005-05-16T14:02:00.000-07:00

She has a way with words and simply can explain a day better than I could ever manage to try... so I will point you in the direction of Va-va's blog (it includes piccies!) and contains all the details about what happened on a really really cute date Stiggy and Va-va had on Sunday... go have a read and get very jealous ;) Ahem!

Barbie Style

2005-05-15T23:12:00.000-07:00

Caught in the act! Va-va's barbie, Gwen, gets it doggie-style from Smooch when the Voom isn't watching...

25 Word Challenge

2005-05-14T17:33:00.000-07:00

Found here. Go there now. Thank you.

Need I say more?

Food Aid Packages!!!

2005-05-13T16:17:00.000-07:00

What a week! Yesterday the second of two packages arrived and it was from fellow blogger Kate:

And contained in the package were four boxes of...

Yummy!! But if that wasn't food enough for thought... Silk sent us food from across the pond in a stockpile package:

So those at the Project Bowl are going to pile on the pounds this weekend! Hoorah!

Car sex anyone?

2005-05-13T10:59:00.000-07:00

Well if you are thinking of attempting this then you should make a note of this web site which could be considered the Ultimate Guide to Car Sex... maybe... fun cartoon drawings too! (Not for kids!)

Project Bowl Search News

2005-05-13T10:13:00.000-07:00

It is always fun to see what people were searching for on google when they stumbled upon The Project Bowl, here are the latest hits from this week:

1. Art of the Saber (or variations there of) [30 searches]
2. muff diving club donegal [2 searches!!! 1 from australia and 1 from ireland]
3. puffy [2 searches]
4. +free phone tune itchy and scrat [1 search]
5. hot chocolate whores [1 search]
6. "tomorrow's just a future yesterday" [1 search]

I mean to say... wtf? Ok, the odd hit on hot chocolate whores could possibly happen... but what the heck...? Muff diving club donegal?

Star Wars Toonie

2005-05-13T09:12:00.000-07:00

It's a well-known belief that your life flashes before your eyes when you die... apparently it is the same for Stormtroopers. Check out this hilarious cartoon!

The Men's Club: Puff's Retort # 8

2005-05-12T21:53:00.000-07:00

Apologies for being two days overdue with this article but there was a lot of research required. Ahem. The subject (as regulars will be aware from the other articles posted in the series) is on stripping. For those that know me well understand I am of class and style and I am not the fish which can be found at one of those seedy strip joints. Far to tacky for me - a personal feeling and belief not held by many males. After all, let's face it, the women wear something similar to this:

and there is very little to strip off before the show is 'over'. These places are more suited to a laughable night out and, I have discovered, are usually more amusing when attended with your girls pals who sit there beside the guys laughing at the tarts who are trying to be raunchy.

No, this is not sexy to me but merely an amusing night out and not much more. Va-va is rumored to have planned an excursion into the big smoke with Stiggy and La-la at some point for such amusements and I am sure a report will feature on all sides with comments on just what the places was like and how tacky the women are.

I am of the belief that the best 'sex' in the movie - the most erotic scenes - are not those when people are naked or are actually 'doing it' but where the actors and actresses do not bare all rather leave it to the mind to fill in the blanks...

A woman's shoulders are the front lines of her mystique, and her neck, if she's alive, has all the mystery of a border town. A no-man's land in that battle between the mind and the body.
Al Pacino, The Devil's Advocate

Grace Kelly and Audrey Hepburn are two fine examples of women who maintain some of the highest sex appeal in the industry and yet never got shagbusted on screen. Charlize Thereon was ultimately her most sexy in The Italian Job... and there were no jobs given in that movie other than stealing gold.

One of the greatest powers a woman has over a man is playing with his mind. Give him a view of 'everything' and you lose a great deal of that power. Wear something seductive, not too revealing and make the 'show' last and there will be far more satisfaction on all sides. Ahem.

So a strip show is best, in my humble opinion, kept behind closed doors between two individuals that are in a relationship... provided it is done in front of the aquarium...

Long elbow length gloves are essential. Revealing those sexy shoulders becomes an indispensable weapon. What most women walk out with in a strip joint should be kept for a later round - unless 'slutty' is what is being aimed for.

You see, for those that are slow learners and not picking up on what I am saying here, stripping isn't for the club but teasing foreplay between a couple... so play with your man through the night. You can't walk through the streets dressed in something such as shown above without getting handcuffed... one way or the other.

Wear something like this, however, with long gloves and sexy shoes, and the man will be wanting you - particularly if you follow the steps given below - and he will enjoy YOUR show more than any club... and you will also reap the harvest, so to speak.

I know what you are thinking. This is too classy for a strip show. You would be wrong. Very wrong. Take him home to start the 'show' after a night of a little wine and nightlife. I do not suggest something like Fatboy Slim's Gangster Tripping to be considered strip music (unless at a club) but the music is important as to what happens next so cue it up on your CD player before you go out...

The music (NOT the outfit) will actually determine what kind of strip it is going to be. There are two types of classy strip: A show to watch or an 'audience participation' show. Both are very exciting but the latter is often overlooked on both sides as being a strip show.

For the show to watch then something slower like #1 Crush by Garbage (as per Va-va's suggestion) would be recommended. This would fit in well with what is considered the entertaining show where the gent sits back and watches the lady remove items of clothing, perhaps teasing him with items removed...

However the 'involved strip' is a wild and pro-active event on both sides. The throwing of bodies against walls as hands move over the body... biting... tugging of hair... biting... kissing... more biting... and this is before any item of clothing has been removed.

Ventilador Rumba-80 by Ojos de Brujo becomes a suitable track to be playing. The strip no longer becomes a show just for the guy but for the woman also to enjoy. The gentleman should be wearing something like this:

Clooney stubble is recommend as long as it isn't sharp but there is just enough to gently tickle the lady's body without it being an irritation to her:

Shoes to match the girls dress should be something like this, which give the desired flare and sex appeal and will shimmer as you both trip the light fandoozie around the room...

Dance around the room a little with each other, more body throwing against the walls as hands move over each others body and a piece of clothing can slowly be removed. Taking it in turns with the kissing of the neck, shoulders and any part of the body that is suddenly exposed. You need to build up the pace and keep the momentum going. Help each other with the removal of clothing, slowly and not rushing it as often done during normal 'sex'. This is a strip show - don't forget that or get too carried away... just yet! ;)

With a soft dress as shown, the man can stand behind the woman and kissing the back of her neck and those deadly shoulders whilst he gently holds her hips as she lets her body press against his body and slides down giving the dress a chance to slip up her thighs ... very arousing and revealing... and just when you want to take it off, just when everything is about to be exposed...

Throw him against the wall, bite, caress, kiss, scratch and bite some more then run your fingers across his body... it is now time to remove his tie...

...you get the idea, right? ;)

You can see the photo of the gent was taken just after this moment as he has no tie.

"But this isn't what we call a stripshow!" I hear you cry... then you have no real distinction in class, style and finesse, say I.

To enhance the experience I suggest candlelight so that after the strip (or during if you have a lot of cash and the clothes are of no value to you) and before the sex (that is called the foreplay, gentlemen) there are opportunities for dripping hot wax on the skin as well as running ice-cubes across the curves of the lady's body...

An ice-bucket is suggested to keep the cubes in lest your flatmate hear you having to subtly run to the freezer to get more...

...and be careful when tossing off the bra not to ignite it in the candle flame!

All in all, for me, that makes a far more enjoyable striptease as there is more than just the visual teasing involved. This way there is an arousing hands on approach.

To mis-quote John Milton (Al Pacino) from the movie The Devil's Advocate, you need to play with each other's instincts for the ultimate experience:

Let me give you a little inside information about God. He gives man instincts. He gives you this extraordinary gift, and then what does He do... He sets the rules in opposition... Look but don't touch. Touch, but don't taste. Taste, but don't swallow...

Enjoy the show, get involved and it will be a night to remember on both sides... and no amount of money at any club could ever pay for something as mind blowing as you will experience!

If you have missed the other articles in this series you can find them here:

Chrissy Casts Off, Sadie Strips, Kathy Knocks Off, Silk Sheds, Michelle reMoves, Wizard Watches, Phin Peers, Zonker Zings

Special thanks to Va-va for researching the images.

Do you want bigger breasts?

2005-05-12T11:21:00.000-07:00

I'm talking to the ladies here, not the gents.

Va-va Voom discovered recently that you don't need those gimmick breast enhancing pills nor surgery. Save your pennies folks, how she grew her breast size in just THREE days can be found on her blog. I kid you not!

"Not possible!" I hear the masses cry.

"Chah!" I reply with a scornful tone, I have seen the evidence... more on this over at Va-va's place.

Note: This is work safe before you seedy-minded cheeky wee monkeys think you are going to get a view of them!

Project Bowl Mandates

2005-05-12T08:15:00.000-07:00

Posting:
1. I post because I want to not because I have to.
2. I post therefore I am.
3. I post, I read, I conquer.
4. I may have quiet days (like yesterday) because real life happens. Real life does not get in the way of blogging - real life is what I live.
5. I do not blog to get away from the real world. The real world to me is an awesome place. If you have not seen the sky for a few days I suggest you get out, enjoy the taste of air and then come back and blog something you experienced.
6. Articles and entries are all based on truth, are kept as close to the truth as possible although names are sometimes withheld and artistic license sometimes applies merely because I really am a blogging fish.
7. All work is original unless otherwise stated. I will credit where possible. If I have not credited - email me with evidence and I will credit you and possibly more.
8. I have a couple of lawyer friends who blog. Do not mess with me lest I become the messie.
9. Sometimes I will blog more than 6 entries in a day. I was probably inspired by something I read, saw or heard and felt an urge to blog. There is no limit to what I can blog.
10. Not everything I blog you will like. That is because you are not me. I do not expect you to like everything I blog.

Linking:
1. I do not believe in reciprocal links.
2. If I link to you in the side bar it is because I read your site at least once a week but, more likely, I actually read your site more than once a day.
3. If I refer to your site in a blog entry it will be in relation to a unique post which will point only to that post.
4. In circumstances where I know the bloggers and I refer to them by name, handle or site title as a passing comment I will link to the main site, not a specific post as outlined in point 3.
5. You cannot pay me enough to link to your blog. I link because I want to.
6. Because I link to your blog in an entry does not mean I read your site, like your site, find your site attractive. It does not mean I will link to your site in my side bar.
7. Because I don't link to your blog in my side bar does not mean I do not read or visit your blog. I do not update the template on a daily basis and when I do I may not always add links. Some sites I vet for a few weeks before I add. I only add links that are of quality and liking to me.
8. Beg for a link in an email and you are likely to be ignored.
9. Beg for a link in a comment and other readers of my blog will see you are a moron and probably not touch your site with a barge pole.
10. Comment begging is on a par with link begging. Do not do it.

Miscellaneous Notes:
1. I am not a Jedi but I like to practice mind control as taught by Obi-wan.
2. Va-va is the sexiest woman alive and she is hot.
3. If you speak ill of any lady, you are not a gentleman and if I see you I will take you down a peg or two. Respect women, respect children, respect your elders and maybe you have chance of not being a jerk.
4. If you have a problem with me and want to blog about it, please do the kindness to let me know via email that you are bitching about me. I would like to point you in the direction of my disclaimer though. Read it and accept it.
5. I do not have a problem with people who write nasty things about me in their blog. I would like to thank them for the free publicity though. Do not expect me to flame you back, I understand and respect other people's opinions.
6. Other people's opinions are often wrong, but I respect them.
7. I like Sloppy Joe's.

I'm lost for words...

2005-05-10T00:10:00.000-07:00

...and just hope I will be able to sleep after seeing this... too hilarious for words - go take a look at this image!

Screen Grab Rant of the Day #7

2005-05-09T13:28:00.000-07:00

So I totter over to see what this is great 'new' blog is about... I am greeted with the words in the title banner: The Huffington Post - Delivering News and Opinion Since May 9, 2005.

I stop and think... in the mid-~~life~~ morning crisis I had this morning at Panera (see previous entry) did I suddenly age rapidly? Did I shoot forward in time? Is it now back to the future?

I check the calendar. No, today is May 9, 2005.

[Insert cartoon double take here. Ahem]

So this new blog bravely and proudly announces (in a typical celebritized pompous, arrogant and obnoxious style) that its writings should be noted and respected. That you should sit up and consume the authors words to become satisfied with life.

It promises something fresh yet all I can smell from here are stale words and rotting thoughts. Of all of these guest writers I am both shocked and disappointed at Ellen being involved. Why would Miss DeGeneres, a comic genius that knows how to phrase so eloquently, stoop and lower herself to such a... gimmick?

A dark day indeed.

No, I prefer those celebs who don't think of themselves as better than others in their blogations, but do it, like the rest of us mere mortals, for the real reason...

Should I pause for breath before I give what the motivation of blogging is? The simultaneous emotional occurrence extraordinary influential feeling that makes me fight to find the fuel that fire my flame and passion for writing? Perhaps the writers of The Humpington Post [sic] actually lowered themselves to read the words of a mere blogging fish in a hope they can gain some insight as to how they are fucking up the mix...

Well, you know what, I won't give the answer here dammit. Because you - the real bloggers of this world - you know why! And if you are from The Huffalumpton Post and want to know the answer: email me and I will tell you for a small consultation fee.

Thank you Wil Wheaton and David Duchovny for at least showing us there are some celeb bloggers out there who are, in fact, worthy of such a title.

As for me, though, the real celebrity bloggers are the likes of my lawyer Sadie and my cake baker Kathy.

And for humorous posterity... let's see that obnoxious moment one more time:

Ever have one of those moments

2005-05-09T08:19:00.000-07:00

...one of those moments when you just ponder what life is really about? Sitting in Panera this morning I noticed an elderly gentleman walk in with a World War II uniform in one hand and a box in the other. It seems he has written a book (Shavetail - The Odyssey of an Infantry Lieutenant in World War II by William L Devitt) and is making an 'appearance' in a hope to generate more sales.

The simple act of him turning up and sitting at his table alone with his books, looking around in a hope that someone would buy one, made my mind ponder... what is this life all about?

Maybe I'm getting old or just having a Monday morning moment, but what does this life add up to and who will remember us tomorrow when we are gone?

As bloggers we, perhaps, have an advantage of leaving behind more memories than those who have gone before. With the dawn of the digital revolution people can watch, read and view our lives time and time again.

But the world eternally spins and we are at the mercy of time... as far as I can make out (in my many years of traveling and experiencing the bittersweet world) we need to live for the moment, enjoy what we have, who we are with and remember those who have gone before. Look to history only to learn from its mistakes, look to the future in search of happiness. People say they don't have high expectations or hopes in life meaning they will never be disappointed, but I think unless you reach for the moon you will never really experience the greater good of life because you will only settle for second best.

A hot chocolate wouldn't go a-miss right now either. ;)

A quiet day

2005-05-08T09:58:00.000-07:00

Yesterday I had a quite day away from blogging. A moment of stillness which I think was much needed. Actually, I tell a wee fib. I geeked out with my new Waterproof Apple Mac and it is damn good fun!

Stiggy geeked out with a new camera and took this (long overdue and much demanded) photo of me! :) To my right is Francisco and above me swimming out of view is Spot.

If I was on TV...

2005-05-06T12:45:00.000-07:00

I just started pondering, if you were famous and invited onto a TV talk show (Letterman, Late Late with Craig, Ellen, Leno etc) what would:

1. You want as the music to be playing for you as you appear from behind the screen and why?
2. What would you wear and why?
3. What one question would you want them to ask, why and what would your answer be?

I'm posing these questions to The Wizard, KateSpot and Va-va to answer on their blogs. Once they answer they can then tag three more bloggers. Have fun with your famous five minutes!

Thinking about this... Kate is obviously a seasoned professional having been interviewed by CNN :P

Holy Grail!

2005-05-06T12:19:00.000-07:00

That is one fucking huge Python...

Hooker University

2005-05-06T11:31:00.000-07:00

A day of classes for sex workers, called Whores College, has been held in San Francisco...

But seriously, if you even considered attending, would you take lessons from this woman?

So all you who know that fucking annoying commercial on TV for National American University, feel free to sing the new lyrics to the tune: Get your degree, set yourself free and the LA Prostitute University.

(Almost) Daily Surf Selection - May 06th, '05

2005-05-06T09:29:00.000-07:00

It has been a while since we have run this feature but today there is a bunch up for grabs for hat-tipping which I have found in my surf this morning...

The Wizard offers up an open letter which bounced into his inspiration like a bouncy boob from the direction of Spidey to this lass.

WillBoy seemed a little miffed by a comment made at a gas station and despite it being a tad rude, La-la suggested that perhaps it should seen it as a compliment.

Va-va wonders if anyone can guess where the location of this beach is.

Sadie mulls over if Fistful of Fortnights could be labeled a sex blog (and hopes not) and I would concur. It isn't However it is a sexy author blog and that is a label she couldn't escape from.

Silk tells the sad story of the departure of her mad dog and as much as the mutt scares the shit out of me, it really cannot be blamed for biting anyone who's name is Mavis.

Feisty announces she is moving to new digs and wants thoughts on just what image of her we should have. I know what image I have. Ahem. Just saying. She isn't the only hot chick trying to make decisions though as Kate tries to weigh up the options: PDA or Camera and asks for help.

My fellow fish from the Men's Club, Phin, tackles the Jennifer Wilbanks runaway moment once and for all whilst the other MC gent, Zonker, provided me with chuckles yesterday when I read this observation.

Satellite Fun found this great image on Google's satellite image search engine. But I must question the presentation of the particular rock. Ahem.

I enjoy viewing photoblogs as a picture can say so much. Joel's latest at écoute s'il pleut triggered my brain to ponder in its screwball way it is famous for: Seriously, should ironing board covers really be so bright and colorful? If you have small kids they are just going to want to grab at it and play but with an iron and scissors sitting on top you are asking for trouble!

I knew it wouldn't take too long but I didn't expect it quite so quick. When I read at PSP Garden this morning that crackers have hacked the system's UMD lock already I wonder how Sony will react.

Flying by with a quiche...

2005-05-05T16:11:00.000-07:00

Yes, I know - terrible and old old pun, but this is just a quickie as we are all taking a drive out tonight to see some of Va-va's friends make an ass of themselves singing in her old hometown karaoke contest.

Thankfully her hometown isn't Eerie Indiana!

Thanks for all those who participated in Random Word of the Moment! I hope you all enjoyed it and I think it is a great idea so hopefully we can spread it around and get people all over the globe doing nutty things! We'll have another tomorrow which I will publish when we get back from the singing bar tonight!

Happy Cinco de Mayo day folks!

Random Word of the Moment #1

2005-05-04T22:00:00.000-07:00

Here is a fun and daft idea I came up with today: Random Word of the Moment or RWotM. I will give the RWotM here on this blog and the task is to try and use it at some point during the day in real life as you go about your business. You might walk into a store and ask for whatever the word is or pretend to have tourettes and shout it out in the middle of the street (of course I'm sure some of you might not need to pretend you have it). You could say it to your boss or just insert it into conversation at a random point - being sure not to skip a single beat so to arouse any suspicion that you said a weird and wonderful word.

Once you have completed the task, tell us about it in the comments section of this post and let us know just how you used the word and what reaction you received!

So the word for today, Thursday 5th May is: Monkeynuts!

Screen Grab of the Day #6

2005-05-04T11:49:00.000-07:00

I was just organizing, mending, fixing, improving and setting up The Portal (new subject matter yet to be confirmed but expect a whole lot of everything and more besides) and installed a new script. I then randomly checked Jamesboy's profile. Interesting stats... I guess that is what you call dedication! :)

Membership is free, content will be aimed at what the punters demand. Feel free to sign up if you haven't already! :)

Donor time...

2005-05-04T07:51:00.000-07:00

Thank Your Lucky Stars...

2005-05-04T06:44:00.000-07:00

...that you are not a bee. 99% of all male bees die virgins as there are usually 25,000+ to one female. An interesting fact.

It seems the same is the case for young female tropical bee fish, Meja, who passed away in the tank this morning. Her tuma growth overtook her body and she will be missed!

An apology

2005-05-03T20:58:00.000-07:00

I'm going insane but I would like to make an apology to the delectable Ruth who blogged on the Divaesque/Men's Club subject earlier but I didn't link her in my post. This post is dedicated to you :)

Ruth: I'm sorry. An oversight on my part but I missed the notification that you had morphed to a new blogzone and I had been tearfully clicking your old link (in my side panel) only to get Not Found errors. I thought my connection was crapped out but THANKFULLY I have you now. Ahem. Everyone go read her blog. Bookmark her blog. Visit her blog daily. If not I will send Va-va over to shred your poorly tailored clothing. Just saying.