Virtual Teacher

Help Your Child Develop Positive Thinking

2021-03-16T07:23:00.011-04:00

Help your child write a list of five-to-ten positive things about himself or herself. When the list is ready, have the child practice by saying the list softly a number of times. Discuss events or times when the child can use the list (e.g. when coping with angry feelings or when teased).

Have the child complete an Inventory of Strengths where she lists her positive qualities, skills, and efforts. Questions to answer can be:

What are my strengths?

When do my strengths help me?

Where do my strengths help me?

Do I use my strengths?

When do I use my strengths?

Where do I use my strengths?

How do I use my strengths?

Use the child’s answers to customize a set of positive self-statements that she can use to reinforce her self-confidence and to stay motivated.

Help the child develop a set of positive statements that he can use to cope with troublesome events. The child can use these self-statements individually; several self-statements combined, or coupled with other behavioral management interventions such as anger management and/or relaxation. Some examples:

Things will be fine.

I’m upset now, but things will get better.

Soon, I’ll feel happy again.

When I start to worry, I relax and feel better.

There’s no problem so big that it cannot be solved.

I can problem solve. And I will.

One-step at a time will get me there.

Trying my best is what counts.

Family > Parenting > Child Compliance

Ways in which parents can deliver supportive and persuasive messages to inspire and encourage children to be the best they can be.

The Heart of Disciplining: Understanding and Delivering Feedback, Criticism, and Corrections that Teach Positive Behavior, an innovative language-based approach to child discipline, fully elaborates on three essential corrective acts: giving feedback, criticizing children, and correcting and redirecting behavior. Readers learn how to transform “flat” or adversarial language into enhanced communication that persuades and inspires children to be the best that they can be. Just look at this amazing content!

Contents

Introduction

So, What is Discipline?

Setting the Parameters for Language-Based Discipline

Section 1: Feedback

Kinds of Feedback

Guidelines for Giving Corrective Feedback

Observable Behavior

Have a Goal

Make Sure the Goal is Specific

Make Sure the Goal is Realistic

Match Behavior with Goal

Match Praise with Goal

Engage Your Child in the Creation of Goals

Focus on Strengths

Communicate Positive Expectations

Make a Specific Recommendation for Change

Structure Your Feedback

Do Not Overload Your Child with Too Much Information

Begin on a Positive Note

Make Feedback Relevant to Your Child

Own Your Feedback

Clearly Distinguish Between Intention and Effect

Attribute a Positive Intention

Separate Behavior from Character

Focus on Effort and Progress

Focus Your Child on Strategic Effort

Provide Alternative Strategies

Speak the Language of Strategies

Give Feedback about Processes and Procedures

Build Motivation

Ask Questions

Teach Self-Reference Feedback

Keep 5: 1: 0 Ratios

Section 2: Criticizing Your Child

Kinds of Criticism

Guidelines for Criticizing Children

State Only Observations

Watch Out for Manners

Have a Message

Collect the Facts

Show Concern

Reference Actions, Not Abilities

Keep Your Strong Feelings Under Control

Minimize Errors and Mistakes

Be Specific

Tolerate Negative Behavior

Give Supportive Examples

Explain the Purpose of Criticism

Teach Relative Reasoning

Become a Coach

Train Your Child in Self-Criticism

Link Your Criticism with Praise

Review Daily

Say What You Mean and Mean What You Say: Hidden Criticism

Section 3: Correcting and Redirecting Behavior

Guidelines for Correcting Behavior

Have Clear Behavior Expectations

Give Unconditional Acceptance

Avoid You-Messages

Separate Child from Behavior

Externalize the Behavior

Help Your Child Fix the Mistake

Show Concern

Remain Calm

Do Not Dwell on the Past

Stay Close

Avoid Global Statements

Start with Something Positive

Give Positive Directions

Give Your Child a Substitute Behavior

Make the New Behavior Relevant

Give Choices

Presuppose that Your Child is Going to Comply

Use Presuppositions of Change

Avoid Questions

Change “No” to “Yes, After…”

Replace “Why” with “What”

Give Examples

Focus Your Child in Fixing the Problem

Focus in Prevention

Use the Boomerang Technique

Teach Social Problem Solving

Remind Your Child of Positive Behavior

Train Your Child in Self-Assessment

Do Not Sugarcoat the Problem

Use Schaefer’s Six-Step Procedure

Giving Warnings

Some Pointers for Giving Warnings

Requests or Commands?

When Refusing Is Not an Option: Mastering the Alpha Command

Guidelines for Giving Alpha Commands

Using Precorrection

Correcting a Child Already Angry and Defiant

To preview this book on Amazon, click here: GO TO “LOOK INSIDE”

To see the digital edition (ebook), go here: GO TO EBOOK

For the printed edition (paperback), go here: GO TO PAPERBACK

Some Communication Strategies

2021-03-15T09:04:00.000-04:00

The first word of advice is “listen first.” Listen to children with respect, as you would do with a dear friend. When your child is speaking, show genuine interest and be curious. You can show interest by making a supportive comment like, “That’s interesting… Tell me more.” When we give children the precious gift of listening, we are letting them know that we care and that we are interested in what they have to say. Listening first, then, is the foundation, so that, when we are the ones doing the talking, children listen to us.

From the speaker’s perspective, some communication strategies that we can use are:

Assume that what you want is true. If you talk and act as if what you want is true, your child will believe you. When we assume something, we are sending the message that the child already wants to do what we are asking, for example, asking, “Do you want carrots or celery?” assumes that the child wants and will eat one of these two vegetables.

Use positive directions. Negative directions tell children what not to do, for example, “Don’t make noises” or “Don’t hit your little brother.” On the other hand, positive directions tell children what they need to do to comply. Always describe what you want in positive terms, for example, say, “Talk in a quiet voice” rather than “Stop shouting.”

Point out an acceptable alternative. Positive directions guide the child towards a more appropriate behavior. For example, “When you hit your little brother, you will have to go to time-out. Try hitting this pillow when you are angry.” When we point out an acceptable behavior, the child will be more likely to change the inappropriate behavior because he knows what he should do in addition to what not to do.

Give choices to the child. Try to give the child some freedom of choice, e.g., “Either play quietly or go upstairs to play.”

Related reading…

Contents

Introduction

So, What is Discipline?

Setting the Parameters for Language-Based Discipline

Section 1: Feedback

Kinds of Feedback

Guidelines for Giving Corrective Feedback

Observable Behavior

Have a Goal

Make Sure the Goal is Specific

Make Sure the Goal is Realistic

Match Behavior with Goal

Match Praise with Goal

Engage Your Child in the Creation of Goals

Focus on Strengths

Communicate Positive Expectations

Make a Specific Recommendation for Change

Structure Your Feedback

Do Not Overload Your Child with Too Much Information

Begin on a Positive Note

Make Feedback Relevant to Your Child

Own Your Feedback

Clearly Distinguish Between Intention and Effect

Attribute a Positive Intention

Separate Behavior from Character

Focus on Effort and Progress

Focus Your Child on Strategic Effort

Provide Alternative Strategies

Speak the Language of Strategies

Give Feedback about Processes and Procedures

Build Motivation

Ask Questions

Teach Self-Reference Feedback

Keep 5: 1: 0 Ratios

Section 2: Criticizing Your Child

Kinds of Criticism

Guidelines for Criticizing Children

State Only Observations

Watch Out for Manners

Have a Message

Collect the Facts

Show Concern

Reference Actions, Not Abilities

Keep Your Strong Feelings Under Control

Minimize Errors and Mistakes

Be Specific

Tolerate Negative Behavior

Give Supportive Examples

Explain the Purpose of Criticism

Teach Relative Reasoning

Become a Coach

Train Your Child in Self-Criticism

Link Your Criticism with Praise

Review Daily

Say What You Mean and Mean What You Say: Hidden Criticism

Section 3: Correcting and Redirecting Behavior

Guidelines for Correcting Behavior

Have Clear Behavior Expectations

Give Unconditional Acceptance

Avoid You-Messages

Separate Child from Behavior

Externalize the Behavior

Help Your Child Fix the Mistake

Show Concern

Remain Calm

Do Not Dwell on the Past

Stay Close

Avoid Global Statements

Start with Something Positive

Give Positive Directions

Give Your Child a Substitute Behavior

Make the New Behavior Relevant

Give Choices

Presuppose that Your Child is Going to Comply

Use Presuppositions of Change

Avoid Questions

Change “No” to “Yes, After…”

Replace “Why” with “What”

Give Examples

Focus Your Child in Fixing the Problem

Focus in Prevention

Use the Boomerang Technique

Teach Social Problem Solving

Remind Your Child of Positive Behavior

Train Your Child in Self-Assessment

Do Not Sugarcoat the Problem

Use Schaefer’s Six-Step Procedure

Giving Warnings

Some Pointers for Giving Warnings

Requests or Commands?

When Refusing Is Not an Option: Mastering the Alpha Command

Guidelines for Giving Alpha Commands

Using Precorrection

Correcting a Child Already Angry and Defiant

To preview this book on Amazon, click here: GO TO "LOOK INSIDE"

To see the digital edition (ebook), go here: GO TO EBOOK

For the printed edition (paperback), go here: GO TO PAPERBACK

Encouraging Children

2021-03-15T07:51:00.004-04:00

Our encouraging words should aim at building children’s self-confidence. Children need to understand that it is okay to make mistakes; trial and error are part of the learning process, and that is how we all master new and challenging skills. Teachers and parents can encourage children to remain optimistic and positive in their ability to learn new skills or to improve current skills. When the child makes a mistake, simply shifting his/her focus from failure (problem-oriented) to hopefulness (solution-oriented) can do wonders in improving the child’s attitude and self-confidence. We can help children see academic errors and mistakes as both external to them ―not as a personality trait that defines who they are― and controllable, that is, something that the child can improve through effort and using learning or coping strategies. We help children focus on effort when we consistently notice and appreciate the child’s effort.

Teachers and parents also encourage children when we help them move their focus away from causes (why the problem is happening) and toward goals, or where they are headed (that is, what they want, and how they can get what they want). Our encouraging role resembles the role of a sports coach, with few or no criticism and plenty of support. Like a sports coach, we identify and build on the child’s strengths (e.g. good sense of humor, good with numbers, organized, good memory), helping the child identify how his /her strengths can help in acquiring a particular skill or reaching a particular goal. Examples of encouraging words that focus on the child’s effort are:

That’s a great effort. Don’t worry about the small mistake.

Keep trying. I know you can work this frustrating problem out.

I know you will figure out a good way to do this next time.

Keep at it; I know you will figure this out. Do you want my help?

It's okay to make mistakes, we all do. What do you think you learned from it?

Related reading…

Contents

Introduction

So, What is Discipline?

Setting the Parameters for Language-Based Discipline

Section 1: Feedback

Kinds of Feedback

Guidelines for Giving Corrective Feedback

Observable Behavior

Have a Goal

Make Sure the Goal is Specific

Make Sure the Goal is Realistic

Match Behavior with Goal

Match Praise with Goal

Engage Your Child in the Creation of Goals

Focus on Strengths

Communicate Positive Expectations

Make a Specific Recommendation for Change

Structure Your Feedback

Do Not Overload Your Child with Too Much Information

Begin on a Positive Note

Make Feedback Relevant to Your Child

Own Your Feedback

Clearly Distinguish Between Intention and Effect

Attribute a Positive Intention

Separate Behavior from Character

Focus on Effort and Progress

Focus Your Child on Strategic Effort

Provide Alternative Strategies

Speak the Language of Strategies

Give Feedback about Processes and Procedures

Build Motivation

Ask Questions

Teach Self-Reference Feedback

Keep 5: 1: 0 Ratios

Section 2: Criticizing Your Child

Kinds of Criticism

Guidelines for Criticizing Children

State Only Observations

Watch Out for Manners

Have a Message

Collect the Facts

Show Concern

Reference Actions, Not Abilities

Keep Your Strong Feelings Under Control

Minimize Errors and Mistakes

Be Specific

Tolerate Negative Behavior

Give Supportive Examples

Explain the Purpose of Criticism

Teach Relative Reasoning

Become a Coach

Train Your Child in Self-Criticism

Link Your Criticism with Praise

Review Daily

Say What You Mean and Mean What You Say: Hidden Criticism

Section 3: Correcting and Redirecting Behavior

Guidelines for Correcting Behavior

Have Clear Behavior Expectations

Give Unconditional Acceptance

Avoid You-Messages

Separate Child from Behavior

Externalize the Behavior

Help Your Child Fix the Mistake

Show Concern

Remain Calm

Do Not Dwell on the Past

Stay Close

Avoid Global Statements

Start with Something Positive

Give Positive Directions

Give Your Child a Substitute Behavior

Make the New Behavior Relevant

Give Choices

Presuppose that Your Child is Going to Comply

Use Presuppositions of Change

Avoid Questions

Change “No” to “Yes, After…”

Replace “Why” with “What”

Give Examples

Focus Your Child in Fixing the Problem

Focus in Prevention

Use the Boomerang Technique

Teach Social Problem Solving

Remind Your Child of Positive Behavior

Train Your Child in Self-Assessment

Do Not Sugarcoat the Problem

Use Schaefer’s Six-Step Procedure

Giving Warnings

Some Pointers for Giving Warnings

Requests or Commands?

When Refusing Is Not an Option: Mastering the Alpha Command

Guidelines for Giving Alpha Commands

Using Precorrection

Correcting a Child Already Angry and Defiant

To preview this book on Amazon, click on this link: GO TO “LOOK INSIDE”

For the digital edition, (ebook), click here: GO TO EBOOK

For the printed edition (paperback), click here: GO TO PAPERBACK

Creating Rapport with the Student that Constantly Disrupts Your Class

2018-03-22T07:28:00.001-04:00

Are you having more negative interactions than positive interactions with a disruptive and acting-out student? Your ability to influence and to persuade a disruptive student toward appropriate classroom behavior is contingent upon the bond, or rapport, established between the child and you. By applying basic child guidance principles, you can shift the balance from negative interactions and comments to positive interactions. Some guidelines follow.

Develop the Ability to Distance Yourself from the Acting-Out Behavior

Increase your tolerance threshold to disruptive and acting out behaviors; downplay mild disruptive behaviors and allow behaviors that deviate from what is standard or “appropriate.” Do not personalize the student’s behavior, and avoid reacting emotionally. Emotional reactivity to what the student says or does is the number one reason why interactions between teachers and students turn into conflict, and the main reason why a conversation turns into an argument. Remember that teacher tension can often stir up a crisis.

Shift your attention away from his acting-out behavior and toward increasing recognition of those times where the child is exhibiting positive behavior and is interacting appropriately. For example, you see the child sharing his coloring materials with another student; tell the child and celebrate. It will require a conscious effort on your part to notice and reinforce positive behavior (a smile and a friendly remark can be extremely rewarding to any child), while downplaying mild negative behaviors.

Avoid judgments, put-downs, and lectures. In addition, avoid making comparisons between the student and other students in the classroom.

Adopt a non-blaming attitude; instead, focus on developing positive ways of interacting with the student, rather than in identifying and disciplining inappropriate or negative behaviors. In other words, do not be a “Got you!” teacher.

Focus on developing equality with the student, not domination.

As a first step in distancing yourself, and the child, from the problem behavior, a child guidance strategy that you can use is the naming the disorder technique. Borrowed from psychology, this technique consists in using a nickname (e.g. Lucy Three-Eyes) to name the acting-out behavior. Lucy Three-Eyes is the common enemy or problem, the child is not the problem. In other words, the “symptom” (acting-out behavior) is dysfunctional, not the child. When you name the problem behavior, rather than naming the student, you are not only identifying the common enemy that you are both dealing with, but you are also giving yourself the opportunity to create an alliance with the student to defeat this common enemy.

Be alert, and recognize the warning signals (e.g. when the student seems ready to start a fight). See them as signals, not as personality traits or a reflection of the student’s character. Join the student in defeating Lucy Three-Eyes, which helps you in reinforcing your bond or alliance with the student rather than alienating yourself from the child.

Address the Student’s Disruptive Behavior as Actions Capable of Change

This is a basic child guidance principle that, when remembered and applied consistently, can turn a chaotic scenario between a teacher and a habitually disruptive student into a therapeutic interaction. While you should be distancing yourself from the problem behavior, you should not distance yourself from the child. At all times, you should be working in building rapport with this student. Rapport with the child will be your best tool during difficult times.

To strengthen your rapport with the child, know the student: what he likes, what angers him, what he is fearful of, what his goals and aspirations are, and to what he responds positively. At difficult times, listen to the student and understand his point of view.

Develop a mindset that recognizes all students’ worth and potential, and always address children’s problem behaviors as actions that can change and will change. Remember, and let the student know, that she does her behavior, but she is not her behavior. See the disruptive and acting-out behavior as a challenge for both you and the student to master, and see yourself as a strategist and a problem-solver. When managing disruptive and acting-out students, always remember that you are a professional doing a highly demanding and challenging job.

During disruptive and acting-out episodes, shift from name-calling to mutual problem-solving.

Develop the mindset, and tell the student, that behavioral self-control can be learned.

Be flexible and capable of adjusting to any situation.

Great Resource in Student Behavior!

Now on Amazon

Effective use of consequences as a behaviour management strategy

2017-07-19T10:51:00.001-04:00

Essential Child Guidance Skills for Teachers of Students with Recurrent Behavior Problems

2016-10-29T09:08:00.001-04:00

Teacher Training > How To Guides > Student Discipline

Plenty of advice in child guidance and in therapeutic approaches for teachers, school counselors, and other support staff. Unparalleled resources in behavior-influence language. Take a look at this amazing collection of psychoeducational books on Amazon:

Child Guidance Methods

Giving Feedback and Criticism to Students that is Constructive and Growth-Promoting

2016-10-23T12:00:00.000-04:00

Teacher Training > How-To Guide

An out-of-a-kind resource in student discipline!

All Behavior is Communication: How to Give Feedback, Criticism, and Corrections that Improve Behavior is an education and teaching book by Carmen Y. Reyes, The Psycho-Educational Teacher. The topic of this innovative guide is simple yet powerful: what teachers say to children (the words we use) influence the way students perform. Feedback and criticism that convey high and positive expectations influence positive performance, but feedback and criticism that constantly remind children of their low performance and/or recurrent behavior problems reinforce the same low performance and behavior problems that we want to extinguish in the first place. Teachers make the difference, that is how powerful our words and messages are. Therefore, if we want to change children’s disruptive and/or apathetic classroom behavior a first step would be to monitor, and if necessary change, the messages we send to students. All Behavior is Communication: How to Give Feedback, Criticism, and Corrections that Improve Behavior explains these three speech acts in detail and presents ways in which teachers can use language that is supportive of children, inspiring children to be the best they can be. This informative guide is an excellent resource for teachers, school counselors, and those parents with an interest in child guidance skills.

To preview this book on Amazon, click here.

Breaking the Cycle of Conflict in Your Classroom

2016-10-22T18:21:00.001-04:00

Keeping the Peace: Managing Students in Conflict Using the Social Problem-Solving Approach is a book by Carmen Y. Reyes, “The Psycho-Educational Teacher.” The issue of how to communicate effectively with distressed students represents one of the biggest challenges that teachers, administrators, and support staff face in today’s schools. A different but related problem is how to resolve a conflict happening between two or more students. These are no light issues; much of what teachers and administrators describe as discipline problems and disruptive behavior in the classroom stem from breakdowns in teacher-to-student and student-to-student communication. When these breakdowns are ignored or treated poorly, conflict spins out of control. Once in a conflictive interaction, teachers and/or staff find themselves in adversarial relationships with students. Similarly, two students in conflict see each other as enemies. Angry feelings, aggressive behavior, and in most extreme cases, violence are the basic communication styles known to adversaries. Each side trying to win over the other side, with an “I win-You lose” attitude that affects both and benefits neither. The win-lose paradigm may settle the conflict, but only on the surface; genuine conflict resolution can take place only when all parties involved feel treated fairly. Simply put, to manage conflict effectively, teachers and students need better communication patterns. This takes us to the second premise in this book: conflict resolution is an interpersonal communication skill that teachers and students can learn. Effective listening and speaking skills are prerequisites to effective communication, and effective communication is the prerequisite for effective conflict resolution. In her book, Carmen Y. Reyes details a framework of interpersonal communication principles and strategies that lies the foundation for both creating a positive classroom atmosphere and for resolving conflicts once they happen.

To Preview this book on Amazon, click here.

What Can I Say and Do Differently to Help Students Overcome Negative Feelings and Behaviors?

2016-10-22T15:25:00.000-04:00

Essentials of Emotional Communication for Reaching the Unreachable Student: Where Do I Start? What Do I Say? How Do I Do It?

This innovative book is a comprehensive source of interactive (language-based) skills that gives teachers, school counselors, school psychologists, and administrators a unique opportunity in connecting, influencing, and guiding hard to reach students. Elsewhere, effective behavior managers are best known for their strong repertoire of interpersonal communication skills. Understanding how verbal and nonverbal messages operate in our interactions with our most challenging students enables school staff to engage distraught children in constructive interactions and in positive processing of their feelings and behaviors. Once teachers learn how to use language that contributes in the healing process of children’s troubling feelings and dysfunctional behaviors, interpersonal communication skills reach the level of emotional or therapeutic communication. This 300+ pages book includes 18 chapters subdivided into four sections:

Part 1: The Basics (Chapters 1-3)
Part 2: Where Do I Start? (Chapters 4-6)
Part 3: What Do I Say? (Chapters 7-15)
Part 4: How Do I Do It? (Chapters 16-18)

On Part 1, “The Basics,” the author inspires teachers by revealing the magic inherent in the words we say to students. Emotional communication is presented within the broader context of interpersonal communication, including principles and steps. Part 1 includes a section in nonverbal communication as well as an analysis of feelings and their role in learning. Part 2, “Where Do I Start?” focuses on how to create rapport with an angry or troubled child, the single most important element in emotional communication. There are also techniques in therapeutic listening and a discussion of the role of the self in emotional communication. Part 3, “What Do I Say?” includes a large selection of therapeutic language techniques. The author’s analyses about the fundamentals of language and linguistic patterns that influence positive behavior make this book worth every penny. From Chapters 8-to-15, we learn one linguistic technique after another, with each new technique adding to the impact of the previous ones. The therapeutic dialogue is described step-by-step, from the beginning of the interaction (how to open the message) to the end of the interaction (shifting the message). The fourth and last part, “How Do I Do It?” is the application part; the “grand finale” of this must-read book. Chapter 17, “The Supportive Style” includes dozens of therapeutic interventions to defuse power struggles.

To preview this book on Amazon, click here.

A Powerful Language and Interactions-Based Approach for Managing Classroom Behavior

2016-10-22T14:28:00.000-04:00

Watch Your Language! Ways of Talking and Interacting with Students that Crack the Behavior Code by Carmen Y. Reyes, The Psycho-Educational Teacher, is a comprehensive resource (360+ pages) of skilled language-based interventions aimed at improving classroom behavior by improving the way teachers and students relate, placing special emphasis on those strained interactions with students exhibiting habitually disruptive patterns of behavior. Founded on theory and principles in interpersonal communication this interactional approach is rooted in the belief that teachers’ ways of talking play a crucial role in influencing how students behave. In other words, students’ behaviors are a reflection of both the words that teachers use and how we say those words to children. A core belief in interpersonal communication is that high expectations that are goal-oriented influence positive behaviors while low expectations lacking a behavior or academic goal influence negative behaviors. This innovative resource is a 10-chapter book divided into three core parts:

Part One: The Basics (Chapters 1-3) On this introductory section the essential elements of interpersonal communication are explained, including channels and styles. Chapter Two details four interpersonal communication theories with high relevance to the classroom setting; Chapter Three introduces the two main components: receptive side or listening and expressive side or speaking, including full lists of both listening and speaking skills.

Part Two: Interpersonal Communication is Everything… And Everywhere! (Chapters 4-7) This second part analyzes popular behavior-change procedures from the unique perspective of therapeutic communication (Chapter Four). Among these enhanced approaches we find: assertiveness, optimism, rational thinking and talking, goal-oriented language, social problem solving, and solution-oriented messages. Chapter Five gives us guidelines for becoming an effective communicator focusing on language skills such as rapport and empathy. The section ends with an analysis of nonverbal communication in the classroom including ways in which teachers can align verbal and nonverbal language to send supportive and encouraging messages to students.

Part Three: Speech Acts (Chapters 8-10) On this closing part, teachers learn how to manipulate different parts of a sentence (e.g. nouns, verbs, adjectives) to modify the meaning of our messages (Chapter Eight). Chapters Nine and Ten are all about disciplinary speech acts and how our messages to students can evolve from flat and short-term (short-lived) to transformative and long-term (i.e. discipline that the child internalizes or self-discipline). Using unparalleled disciplinary language such as suggestions and hidden commands coupled with child guidance speech acts such as: interpreting, reflecting, reframing, decoding, challenging, and confronting teachers will be able to turn-around day-to-day interactions with tough to reach and noncompliant students from antagonistic to collaborative problem-solving. Our language makes the difference!

To preview this book on Amazon, click here.

How Habitually Disruptive and Troubled Students Benefit from a Child Guidance or Therapeutic Approach

2016-03-10T12:15:00.001-04:00

These are dramatic times for teachers. In educating children, we have a difficult and demanding role. Like no other, our profession is responsible in ensuring that children develop emotionally, socially, and academically. As society evolves in complexity, so does our role. With so many social and emotional issues affecting directly a student’s potential for learning, we can no longer guarantee our success in educating children relying only on academic expertise. The fact is that, like adults, in coping with modern society’s pressures and demands, children are paying a heavy emotional toll too. At alarming rates, more and more children and adolescents are experiencing all kinds of stress and trauma reactions, and at all levels of severity. This can turn into a chaotic scenario for teachers if it catches us ill-prepared.

Since children’s affective and emotional status strongly influences how they perform in the classroom, it is imperative for teachers to become acquainted with how students develop and function socio-emotionally. If we are going to remain effective in doing our job —thriving rather than simply surviving— we need direct access to the current ideas and latest development in child guidance or psychoeducation, a therapeutic approach that blends psychological and educational theories and research.

How Habitually Disruptive and Acting-Out Students Benefit from a Therapeutic Approach

Child guidance, a multidimensional approach to the education of children with emotional and behavioral difficulties, trains children in understanding how feelings and emotions relate to their behavior difficulties. To help students change dysfunctional behavior, this therapeutic model contains a mixture of affective (emotions), cognitive (thinking), and behavioral (behavior) elements, so that acting-out students learn to recognize and understand how their emotions and way of thinking drive their particular pattern of behavior. This therapeutic model is based on the principle that behavioral change comes when students are able to understand the motives behind their behavior and are properly trained in productive and more positive ways of behaving.

What Therapeutic Teachers Do for Habitually Disruptive and Acting-Out Students

Focusing on the unique social and affective needs of the child, a therapeutic teacher develops an adult-child relationship that is conducive to a new insight, and is growth promoting. The therapeutic teacher coaches the student in finding alternative ways of meeting his/her socio-emotional needs in a more effective and socially appropriate fashion. The teacher-student therapeutic relationship takes into full consideration the cognitive and affective factors that are influencing behavior, and involves the student in finding and implementing alternative ways of behaving. The student takes an active role throughout this process in his/her own emotional and behavioral improvement.

A therapeutic model is deeply rooted in the belief that all troubled behavior is determined by a multiplicity of factors in interaction, and that, to be able to change problem behavior, every aspect of the child’s personality —feeling, thinking, and behaving— needs to be taken into account. The therapeutic teacher explains important social and affective concepts and techniques to children, and trains disruptive and troubled students in how to manage their own emotions and behavior. The therapeutic teacher develops an accepting and trusting relationship with the difficult student, seeing the child’s disruptive and acting-out behaviors as a challenge for both teacher and student to master, and a rich opportunity to help the student develop more productive ways of feeling, thinking and behaving. The therapeutic teacher never “gives up” on the difficult student, perseverating in strengthening a mutually trusting relationship while implementing enhanced child guidance techniques to help the child. The therapeutic teacher always uses a solution-oriented language, focusing on the possible and changeable when working with the student, and expressing to the child that change is possible and that all students can develop self-control.

Now You Can Develop Child Guidance Skills

To learn how to cope with stressful or troublesome events, build positive attitudes and effective life skills, and achieve their social and academic goals, schools provide the ideal environment in which classroom teachers and related services personnel with the adequate training can teach social and affective skills to children. Teaching these important skills to students relates directly to the role of schools in preparing children to function effectively and to deal competently with society’s demands. When we teach social and affective skills to students, we are giving them the ability to understand and manage their own emotions and behavior, and we are assisting children in developing resilience in coping with further troublesome events along the road.

Unfortunately, a great deal of this very much-needed information from the child guidance and emotional communication literature never reaches teachers. In Psychoeducation for Teachers of Students with Behavior Problems, we recognize and address this need. Now we can train teachers to resolve students’ behavior problems by applying therapeutic techniques based on sound psycho-educational and communication principles. Grounded in the author’s strong psychological and educational background and expertise, Psychoeducation for Teachers of Students with Behavior Problems takes full advantage of current psychological and educational theory and research to train teachers in the child guidance techniques they need to become skillful behavior managers and behavior change promoters.

Related Reading…

Essentials of Emotional Communication for Reaching the Unreachable Student: Where Do I Start? What Do I Say? How Do I Do It? To preview this book on Amazon, click on this link.

Get Better Student Behavior

2016-02-01T09:26:00.003-04:00

Watch Your Language! Ways of Talking and Interacting with Students that Crack the Behavior Code

For teachers and school staff

To buy on Amazon, click here.

Watch Your Language! Ways of Talking and Interacting with Students that Crack the Behavior Code- For Teachers

2016-01-05T10:05:00.001-04:00

Part One: The Basics (Chapters 1-3) On this introductory section the essential elements of interpersonal communication are explained, including channels and styles. Chapter Two details four interpersonal communication theories with high relevance to the classroom setting; Chapter Three introduces the two main components: receptive side or listening and expressive side or speaking, including full lists of both listening and speaking skills.
Part Two: Interpersonal Communication is Everything… And Everywhere! (Chapters 4-7) This second part analyzes popular behavior-change procedures from the unique perspective of therapeutic communication (Chapter Four). Among these enhanced approaches we find: assertiveness, optimism, rational thinking and talking, goal-oriented language, social problem solving, and solution-oriented messages. Chapter Five gives us guidelines for becoming an effective communicator focusing on language skills such as rapport and empathy. The section ends with an analysis of nonverbal communication in the classroom including ways in which teachers can align verbal and nonverbal language to send supportive and encouraging messages to students.
Part Three: Speech Acts (Chapters 8-10) On this closing part, teachers learn how to manipulate different parts of a sentence (e.g. nouns, verbs, adjectives) to modify the meaning of our messages (Chapter Eight). Chapters Nine and Ten are all about disciplinary speech acts and how our messages to students can evolve from flat and short-term (short-lived) to transformative and long-term (i.e. discipline that the child internalizes or self-discipline). Using unparalleled disciplinary language such as suggestions and hidden commands coupled with child guidance speech acts such as: interpreting, reflecting, reframing, decoding, challenging, and confronting teachers will be able to turn-around day-to-day interactions with tough to reach and noncompliant students from antagonistic to collaborative problem-solving. Our language makes the difference!

Watch your Language! Ways of Talking and Interacting with Students that Crack the Behavior Code- To preview this book on Amazon.com, click here.

Memory Strategies for Low-Achieving Students

2015-12-11T10:29:00.007-04:00

These guidelines are from my 7-page article, Memory Strategies to Help Students Remember what they See and Hear in the Classroom.

Short memorizing rehearsals are more productive than longer ones. Make sure that each practice is no longer than 30 minutes at a time.
It is better to have five weekly rehearsals of 30 minutes each than one longer weekly practice (e.g. three or more hours in a row).
Memory improves when students use multiple sensory pathways to learn the material. For example, when students are learning visual material, they need to elaborate verbally on what they are seeing. On the other hand, if students are trying to consolidate verbal material, for example, from the history textbook, memorization is easier if they draw a diagram or write smaller bits of information on index cards that they can study visually.
When the learning material is both meaningful and organized is always easier to remember. When studying, children need to use organization aids such as timelines, outlines, bullet lists, flowcharts, cause and effect diagrams, and/or comparing and contrasting diagrams.
Practice children in highlighting, outlining, and summarizing important information.
Students can remember definitions better if they use their own words and/or paraphrase, rather than trying to memorize exactly what the teacher said or what they read in the book.
Memorization improves when students think of something that connects with the new information, and link the new concept, topic or theme to what they already know.
Teach students to think of examples of what they are trying to remember. The more connections they make, the more details they add to the concept or topic, and the more
examples they can think of, the better their chances of memorizing and learning the information.
Teach students to group the information, placing similar items together. For example, from a grocery list with 23 items, the child creates the fruits group, the vegetables group, and the meats group. Students need to know how many items they need to remember (23) and how many groups of items are in the list (3). It is harder to remember 23 isolated items from the longer list, but the same items are easier to recall if we group them in three groups, e.g. eight meats, six vegetables, and nine fruits.

If you liked this reading, you would probably like...

ISBN 10: 1478308281

ISBN 13: 978-1478308287

Make Your Words Count: Encouraging Statements to Focus Children on Effort

2015-12-11T08:32:00.002-04:00

Encouraging words are words that aim at building children’s self-confidence or trust in their own abilities to master a skill and to solve their own problems. Children need to understand that it is okay to make mistakes; trial and error are part of the learning process, and this is how we master new and challenging skills. Parents and teachers can encourage children to remain optimistic and positive in their ability to learn new skills or to improve current skills. When the child makes a mistake, simply shifting his/her focus from failure (problem-oriented) to hopefulness (solution-oriented) can do wonders in improving the child’s attitude and self-confidence. We can help children see personal or academic errors and mistakes as both external (not as a personality trait or defining who they are) and controllable; that is, something that it can be improved through effort and using specific learning strategies. We help children focus on effort by consistently noticing and appreciating the things they do to better themselves.

Parents and teachers also encourage children by helping them shift the focus away from causes (why the problem is happening) and toward goals, or where they are headed; that is, focusing children on what they want and what they need to do (steps) to get what they want. Our encouraging role resembles the role of a sports coach, with as little criticism as possible but with adequate supervision, detailed directions (the how to or procedure), and plenty of support. Like a sports coach, we identify and build on the child’s strengths (e.g. the child has a good sense of humor, he is good with numbers, is organized, and has a good memory), helping the child identify how that unique set of strengths can help in acquiring a specific skill or in reaching a particular goal. Examples of encouraging statements that focus children on effort are:

That’s a great effort. Don’t worry about the small mistake.
Keep trying. I know you can work this frustrating problem out.
I know you will figure out a good way to do this next time.
Keep at it; I know you will figure this out. Do you want my help?
It is okay to make mistakes, we all do. What do you think you learned from it?

Amazing reading!

ISBN 10- 1495352714

ISBN 13- 978-1495352713

Effort Praise: A Motivational Strategy for Reluctant and Apathetic Students

2015-12-11T08:02:00.002-04:00

Parents, teachers and tutors know well that apathetic and unmotivated children represent a problem of almost epidemic proportions in our classrooms, in particular, at the highest-grade levels. The most important question to answer is what a teacher or a tutor can do to motivate a reluctant, apathetic, and/or helpless learner. This is no simple question with an easy answer. One motivational strategy that can help is the use of effort praise. In few words, this is how this strategy works:

Minimize the child’s mistakes and praise his effort. Help the child understand that errors and mistakes are part of the learning process, and they are necessary so that learning can take place. It is important that adults pay attention to small changes, so that we can praise those first signs that indicate movement toward the child’s goal (for instance, when we see the child focused and completing the task). Some examples of effort praise are:

Your math is improving every day.
I’m really glad that you _____.
You are really concentrating today.
The important thing is that you tried your best.
I admire how much effort you put on this essay.
This is the neatest job I have seen you doing.
I love seeing you doing your class work.

Focus on strengths and assets rather than on weaknesses and errors. We can praise the part of the task that the child has already gotten right, minimize errors, and then we tell the child what she needs to do (the steps and strategies) to complete her task successfully.

Additional Guidelines:

Make sure the child clearly sees the connection between his own effort and school success. Children who understand this important effort-achievement connection are more likely to respond to difficult tasks and failure with less stress, less frustration and more positive expectations about the outcome of the event.
Make sure that you define effort correctly, telling the child that effort is spending effective and strategic time on the learning task. Just trying harder or wasting time doing random activities that are not working is not effective effort. Effective and strategic effort focuses on using learning strategies and procedures, that is, trying hard in a particular way is what leads to success. When the strategy or procedure that the child is using is not working, we tell him or her to try a different strategy or procedure. Teaching children to make strategic effort attributions helps them see failure and academic difficulties as problem solving situations in which the search for a better strategy to use becomes the focus. When we train an apathetic, unmotivated, and/or helpless student in how to use strategic effort attributions, we can weaken the negative perception that lack of ability is what causes failure (e.g. “I’m dumb! I’ll never learn this!”); most learning problems are rooted in either children not using learning strategies, or applying an inefficient learning strategy for the specific skill that they are learning. The child simply needs to find a better learning strategy to solve that particular problem.
Teach the child to see academic errors and mistakes as her cue to change the learning strategy she is currently using.
Explicitly tell and show the child how to manage failure and setbacks in a constructive and strategic way, for example, you can say, “This is not working. What is another way that you can do this?” Alternatively, say, “What is another strategy that you can use?”

To better understand the full impact of low motivation on learning, you can read my article, How Children Learn: Understanding Motivation

Amazing reading!

ISBN 10- 1495352714

ISBN 13- 978-1495352713

Teaching Strategies for Learned Helpless Students

2015-12-10T19:00:00.002-04:00

Make sure the child clearly sees the connection between his own effort and school success. Children who perceive this connection are more likely to respond to difficult tasks and failure with less frustration and with positive expectations about the outcome of the event.
Make sure that you define effort correctly, telling the student that effort is spending effective and strategic time on the learning task. Just trying harder or spending time doing random activities that are not working is not effective effort. Effective and strategic effort focuses on using learning strategies and procedures, that is, trying hard in a particular way is what leads to success. When the strategy or procedure that the child is using is not working, we tell him or her to try a different strategy or procedure. Teaching children to make strategic effort attributions help them see failure and academic difficulties as problem solving situations in which the search for a better strategy to use becomes their focus. When we teach an apathetic, unmotivated, and/or helpless student in using strategic effort attributions, we can weaken the child’s perception that his lack of ability is the problem, helping the child understand that the problem lies in using an ineffective learning strategy or procedure. The child simply needs to find a better strategy to solve that particular problem.
Teach the child to see academic errors and mistakes as her cue to change the learning strategy she is using.
Model to the student how to manage failure and setbacks in a constructive and strategic way, for example, you can say, “This is not working. What is another way that I can do this?” Alternatively, you can say, “What is another strategy that I can try?”

To read the complete article, click here.

Great reading!

ISBN 10- 1495352714

ISBN 13- 978-1495352713

Adaptations and Modifications to Help Students with Attention Problems

2015-12-10T13:10:00.002-04:00

The following study adaptations or modified learning strategies are ideally suited for children having difficulty paying attention to tasks and completing assignments. Teachers can easily adapt these strategies for classroom use or to use with several students at a time.

Before the child begins to work on a task, have him identify and list the steps for completing it, including a time estimate both for each step and for the whole task. You can write the estimates on a piece of paper or index card to prompt the child when the time to complete each step is near.
Write the list of steps on an index card (a key word or a key phrase for each step is enough), and have the child write the same list on a notepad or an index card. As the child completes each step, she crosses out the step off the list.
Provide a timer or stopwatch for the child to monitor her work time.
Give the child ample warning when an activity is about to change. For example, you can say, “You have five more minutes of work time left. In five minutes, we move to _____.”
Make sure the child knows exactly how long he has to work on the task. Set up benchmarks like, “Pages 12 and 13 should be completed by 11:15.”
Read the directions aloud, and have the child follow along, underlining or highlighting the most important information, explanations, key words, and/or steps. In addition, the child writes the correct number above each step, e.g. 1, 2, and 3.
Break a longer task into several smaller and easier tasks. For example, using index cards or a notepad, the child writes down each smaller step required to complete the assignment. The child works on one index card or step at a time, keeping all the other index cards out of sight. As the child completes each step, he throws away the card for that step, moving to the next index card.
Give reduced assignments to your inattentive child, so that he can complete work independently and for longer time. For example, the inattentive child completes only five problems of the twenty problems on a page, or completes the odd numbered problems but not the even numbered problems.
You can reduce the amount of visual material that the child needs to pay attention to by drawing a circle around or tracing with your finger (framing) the important information on the chart or diagram. Teach the child to consistently draw circles around and/or highlight important visual information.
When you are handling an inattentive and unfocused child, keep your expectations humble and real. One task left without completion is not a big deal when the child managed to finish two other tasks. The two completed tasks, however, are a big deal; acknowledge the child’s success and reward her effort.

On my 11-page article, Helping the Unfocused Mind: Teaching Strategies for Students Having Difficulty Getting and Maintaining Attention, the important issue of attention problems in schools, including a wide variety of strategies, is explored in full. To read the article, click here.

Great reading!

Ways of Talking and Interacting with Students that Crack the Behavior Code

ISBN 10- 1490339566

ISBN 13- 978-1490339566

Behavior Management Tip 4: Winning Child Compliance with Positive Language

2015-12-08T18:08:00.001-04:00

A popular belief in interactional and language-based discipline is that, when adults state any direction or command given to a child using positive wording, the child complies faster (and easier) than when we use negative language, i.e. negative directions or a negative command. Typically crowded with harsh terms and spoiled with negative presuppositions about the child’s character or identity, a negative direction tells the child what not to do, for example, “Don’t run on the hall” or “Don’t bang on the table. What’s wrong with you today?!” (Negative presupposition: “There’s something wrong with you.”) In the same category we find the “Stop” command, for example, saying, “Stop yelling! I’m getting a headache!” (Negative presupposition: “You are giving me a headache.”) or “Shut up! I don’t want to hear another sound coming out of your mouth!” (Negative presupposition: “Your sounds are annoying.”) Positive directions, on the other hand, give the child an alternative of what to do instead of the unruly behavior; simply put, a positive direction redirects the child toward a more appropriate, acceptable behavior or a better behavior. As an added benefit, positive directions are “cleaner” (no demeaning terms) and free of contamination (free of harmful presuppositions). Here is an example:

Teacher: “Making noises at the table interrupts the other students. If you need to make noises, I want you (taking ownership of your message) to move quietly (command) to the back of the room and bang this toy (plush dog, command) for five minutes, (command), so that, when you feel better (powerful presupposition: “You will feel better”), you can return to the table (command).”

A parent would say to her child something like this: “I have a headache and loud noises make me feel worse (taking ownership of your message). I would like for you (taking ownership and also, softening your message) to go to your room (command) and play with your Legos (command) for one hour(command).”

Notice how in both statements, the adult remained in charge, and steadily, told the child, very specifically, what the child should be doing instead.

ALL BEHAVIOR IS COMMUNICATION

How to Give Feedback, Criticism, and Corrections that Improve Behavior

To preview this book on Amazon, click here.

Disciplining Noncompliant Children

2015-12-03T09:53:00.001-04:00

Here are some “tricks of the trade” in language-based discipline so that teachers and parents get better results when disciplining angry and/or noncompliant children.

1. Lower Your Voice

When disciplining, reduce the tone of your voice and speak s-l-o-w-e-r. This helps you both in projecting self-confidence and in remaining calm. Louder and angrier statements, on the other hand, conceal the message beneath all the noise and harsh words that accompany them.

2. Stay in the Present

Do not dwell on past behavior, or something that happened weeks earlier. Correct only behavior that is happening here and now.

3. Own Your Message

Change “You-messages” to “I-messages.” For example, instead of saying, “You are such a potty mouth!” say, “I feel uneasy because I don’t like being cursed.”

4. Challenge the Child

When you address misbehavior, keep it simple but keep it challenging. The simplest and most challenging message that we can deliver to a child with recurrent behavior problems is, “Connect with the best in you.” Focus the child on her best qualities and in how those qualities can help in strengthening weaker performance.

5. Accentuate and Transfer Positive Behavior

Build on what the child is doing well already, concentrating in spreading out positive behavior to weaker areas of performance. Simply put, let the child know that “If you can do it here, you can do it there.”

6. Use Temporal Language

Use language that communicates your expectation that the negative behavior is going to change; it is just a matter of when (time). For example, you can say, “In the next few days, when you are no longer feeling angry about this…”

7. “Close” the Negative Behavior

Conversely, talk about negative behaviors as if they were something from a distant past, even when the behavior happened just five minutes earlier. Always talk about negative behaviors using the past tense of verbs.

8. “Open” the Child to the Possibility of Better Behavior

At the same time that you are talking about misbehavior as something from the past, use verbs in the future tense to build positive expectations and to “open” the child’s mind (to make the child receptive) to more positive expectations. Talk about how things are going to be (how the behavior is going to improve) sometimes in the future, but without specifying when. Keep “change” unstated and indefinite, so that it comes when the child feels ready for it.

9. Always Separate the Actor (Child) from the Action (Behavior)

Make sure that the child knows that although he does his behavior, he is not the behavior. Replace messages that label the child’s character (e.g. “You are selfish”) with messages that label actions (e.g., “You are acting in a selfish way.”) Simply put, label the behavior, not the student.

10. Talk About Specific Actions

Use behavior specific language, describing what you see, hear, and can touch. Steer clear from inferences, interpretations, and judgments of the behavior. You can start a discussion about a particular behavior saying something like, “Let us talk about the way you handled this situation with Kevin.”

11. Focus on the Child’s Goal, Not on Your Goal

Your messages to the child should be more about “Be the best you can be” (the child’s goal), and less about “Be the way I want you to be” (your goal).

12. Focus the Child on the Goal of Self-Discipline

Discipline is more effective and long-lasting when it comes from within (self-discipline), rather than being imposed by an external source. Help the child identify a long-term goal, breaking it down into easier and more manageable steps (short-term goals), so that the child experiences success in smaller increments. Nothing builds success like success; with the long-term goal in mind, strive for self-discipline.

13. Give Choices to the Child

Ensure that the child takes responsibility for the behavior choices she makes. The child needs to understand both that behavior is her choice and that choices have consequences; and these consequences can be either positive or negative. Once the child understands behavior as a choice, you can start building a lesson for life: “Because I am the one responsible for the choices I make, I’m the only person responsible for the things I do.”

Related Reading...

THE HEART OF DISCIPLINING- FOR PARENTS:

Understanding and Delivering Feedback, Criticism, and Corrections that Teach Positive Behavior

To preview this book on Amazon, click here.

Do Kids Need Positive Thinking?

2014-10-14T11:08:00.002-04:00

Like adults, children are not immune to the stressors of life. In managing personal and academic challenges, kids quite often experience frustration, expressing high concern and self-doubt with remarks such as:

I can’t do anything right.
I messed up again.
I’m so stupid.
I’m a failure if I can’t do this.
Nothing works out for me.
I’m going to do awful.
I know I’m going to fail this test.
The other kids think I’m weird.
Everybody makes fun of me.
I know something bad is going to happen.

Most children seem unaware of this pattern of negative thinking, missing the important connection between repetitive and pessimistic self-talking (negative thoughts) and a low self-confidence with high anxiety. Like with the rest of us, these kinds of negative judgments or beliefs put us down; we criticize ourselves harshly for common errors and mistakes, doubt of our skills and abilities, and anticipate only the worst. With children specifically, negative and pessimistic thinking strongly correlates with low motivation in school and learned helplessness; the latter is the tendency to give up when facing challenging and difficult tasks in school, even when the child has the skills and ability to deal successfully with the academic task. As we can see, habitual (common and recurrent) negative thinking and beliefs are extremely damaging to anyone’s self-confidence, especially children’s. When we think positively, on the other hand, we anticipate good and favorable outcomes, trying harder and perseverating longer when things get tough. Positive thoughts and more optimistic expectations open the mind to ideas, words, and images that are in harmony with good mental health. This is why is so important for teachers, parents, and caregivers to openly discuss the value of positive thinking and talking with children, so that we help build resilience, or the ability to recover quickly from troublesome experiences. Here are some activities that caregivers can use to train children in positive thinking:

Help the child write a list of five-to-ten positive things about himself or herself. When the list is ready, have the child practice by saying the list softly a number of times. Discuss events or times when the child can use the list (e.g. when coping with angry feelings or when teased).

Have the child complete an Inventory of Strengths where she lists her positive qualities, skills, and efforts. Questions to answer can be:

What are my strengths?
When do my strengths help me?
Where do my strengths help me?
Do I use my strengths?
When do I use my strengths?
Where do I use my strengths?
How do I use my strengths?

Use the child’s answers to customize a set of positive self-statements that she can use to reinforce her self-confidence and to stay motivated. Examples of customized self-statements for a specific child can be:

I’m hard worker and I want to do well in school.
I enjoy poetry and love writing stories.
My spelling is strong.
I have tons of friends; my parents call me a people’s person.
My friends like about me that I’m a good listener.
My friends also like the fact that I know how to keep a secret and I can be trusted.
I’m strong-willed; I do not give up easily.
Okay, I may be stubborn, but I’m fair and respect other people’s opinions.

Once children develop skills in recognizing negative and anxiety producing thoughts, and they identify their strengths, the final step will be teaching them to reverse the thinking, substituting negative and pessimistic thoughts with more positive and optimistic ones. Children experiencing high anxieties and insecurities benefit from having at hand a set of coping self-statements that they can use to neutralize the worrisome thought. The insecure child can use these coping statements individually; several statements combined, or coupled with other behavioral management interventions such as anger management and/or relaxation. Some examples:

Things will be fine.
I’m upset now, but things will get better.
Soon, I’ll feel happy again.
When I start to worry, I relax and feel better.
There’s no problem so big that it cannot be solved.
I can problem solve. And I will.
One-step at a time will get me there.
Trying my best is what counts.

Related Reading...

The Heart of Disciplining- For Parents: Understanding and Delivering Feedback, Criticism, and Corrections that Teach Positive Behavior- To preview this book on Amazon, click here.

Contributing Factors to the Escalation of Behavior Problems

2014-09-09T10:14:00.002-04:00

In the psycho-educational field we firmly believe that adult behavior strongly influences child behavior, often creating an emotional atmosphere that is more conducive to noncompliance than to compliance. More specifically, what we say to children and how we say it can either accentuate or de-escalate a behavior problem. Caregivers need to be vigilant of those communicative (i.e. messages) and interactional (e.g. strained adult-child interactions) factors that may inadvertently fuel inappropriate behaviors in children. Next, I share some insights of things we say to children that may be contributing to disruptive behavior at school and at home. Among them, we can find:

· Creating on-the-spot penalties for misbehavior rather than developing and discussing consequences for negative behavior with children before problem behaviors happen. Children need to know the consequences for misbehavior in advance.

· Describing inappropriate behavior rather than appropriate behavior; for example, saying, “Stop playing with that pencil!” instead of “Please, hand me the pencil.”

· Using too many “stop” messages (e.g. “Stop talking!”) and not enough “start” messages (e.g. “Put the toy away so that you can start doing your work”). Compliance is easier when we tell the child what to start doing rather than just telling the child to stop a behavior.

· Using vague commands; for example, “Knock it off!” An effective command is descriptive, and in 15 words or less tells the child exactly what we want her to do to comply. An example would be, “Pick up all the toys from the floor and put them on the bottom shelf.”

· Giving negative directions that tell the child what not to do (e.g. “Do not hit,” “Do not make noises,” or “Do not color on the desk”) rather than using positive wording that identifies an acceptable alternative and tells what to do to fix the inappropriate behavior. For example, “Try hitting this toy if you feel angry” or “You can color on this paper, not on your desk.” The child may be willing to change his behavior if he receives a good suggestion (alternative behavior) of what to do instead.

· Using name-calling (e.g. “What a baby you are!”), put-downs (e.g. “You are just lazy” or “You just never use your head”), and/or threats (e.g. “You are going to get it if you keep that up!”).

· Labeling the child with “you-messages;” attributing negative qualities to the child’s character or identity. For example:

a. “You are just lazy.”

b. “You’re rude and obnoxious!”

c. “You are so disorganized.”

d. “Cindy is stubborn!”

e. “Daniel is such a troublemaker!”

f. “You enjoy stirring up things.”

· Criticizing the child in ways that indicate stability and permanence (e.g. “You are always messing up” or “You never listen”), suggesting that the problem behavior is here to stay.

· Failing to reinforce the child’s compliance with our appreciation (e.g. a smile and a “thank you”).

What We Can Say Instead...

Constructive criticism is specific and behavioral, describing the child’s actions or behavior; negative criticism, on the other hand, is judgmental and concentrates on blaming the child for her behavior and in finding faults in the child’s character (e.g. “You are so rude and obnoxious!”). When correcting behavior, teachers, tutors, and parents need to communicate a basic acceptance of the child even when we disapprove of a particular behavior. Simply put, we describe and disapprove the behavior, even expressing disappointment if we want, but never condemning the child’s identity or character; for example, we can say to the child, “I feel disappointed with this behavior; you behaved in a rude and obnoxious way.”

Related Reading...

All Behavior is Communication: How to Give Feedback, Criticism, and Corrections that Improve Behavior- To preview this book on Amazon, click here.

Behavior Management Tips 3: Task Orientation / Education World

2014-07-01T09:14:00.004-04:00

Click on link to read article:

Education World: Behavior Management Tips: Task Orientation

Amazing Resource in Child Discipline!

Ways of Talking and Interacting With Students that Crack the Behavior Code

Now on Amazon

Creating an Emotionally Healthy Classroom Environment | Edutopia

2014-06-27T09:28:00.002-04:00

Click on the link to read the full article:

Creating an Emotionally Healthy Classroom Environment | Edutopia

Great Resource in Reading Comprehension!

Check it out on Amazon

Establishing a Positive Classroom Climate: Teacher Advice | Intervention Central

2014-06-27T08:16:00.002-04:00

Click on link for full article:

Establishing a Positive Classroom Climate: Teacher Advice | Intervention Central

Out-of-a-kind-resource

in student discipline!

Now on Amazon