The Public Urinal

CANADA - A TRIP THROUGH THE REDNECK TWILIGHT ZONE

2019-10-21T10:41:00.004-05:00

Canada Oct. 2019 Jon was driving, Cody was in the back seat, I was in the passenger seat, Billy Ray was on the roof, and Shane was in the trunk. Not sure how these seating arrangements were determined, but even more, not sure how we acquired this “80” something model pale peach colored LTD. Billy Ray was singing on the roof, Shane was screaming and beating on the lid of the trunk, Cody kept telling Shane to shut the hell up, and all of the sudden Jon started to turn green.. He slammed on the brakes, BR bounced off the hood and just disappeared, heard a thud in the trunk and Shane got quiet. Jon started hollerin "I gotta shit! I gotta shit!" I guess it was pretty bad, cause all he did was pull his shorts down just far enough to hang his ass over the edge of the running board (yeah, this LTD had running boards AND sittin on 35's).. anyway.. Jon didn't quite get his ass slid out enough when the volcano erupted. I had already dove outta the car thinking we were being shot at because the area we we in looked like "lil Bagdad". Then i heard Cody start yelling and cussing. In Jons attempt to clear the edge of the car, he didn't quite clear it and some shit shrapnel got on Cody. We all got out of the bad ass LTD lookin for Ray but he was gone, popped the trunk to let Shane out but he was gone too. Cody still cussing... Now the area all of the sudden looked like one of the back alleys on Menace To Society, can't know why. We got back in and drove what seemed like an hour when we seen someone on the side of the road sitting on a cooler so we figured we'd stop and pick them up since there was no sign of life around because the area was now resembling the Iraq desert. It was Hipp, nursing a tasty vodka drink. His hands were all bruised and bloody like he'd been in some altercation. First words out of his mouth were "you got my money?" He got in, we all mixed a drink, and headed on down the road, which was now the crocker woods. We pulled over at a truck stop with showers so Cody could go clean up a lil bit and buy some more beer and liquor. Yeah theres a truck stop in the crocker woods now. A little while later we ran out of gas and coasted to some garage with pressboard double swinging doors. A man and a woman walked out weighing at least 350 each, with and english accent. They said we could stay the night in their 8th floor apartment next door and would get us some gas in the morning. We asked where we were and they said Saskatchewan.. not sure how that happened. As me, Jon, Cody(still cussing), and Hipp were about to walk up the stairs, here come two mexicans walking down the alley with Shane. He was half way thru a bottle of Mescal, and the worm was already gone. They said they found him in a titty bar down the street, heard there was some rednecks in town and figured he belonged to us. Somehow somewhere i had lost my shirt, Jon was in shorts and flip flops, Cody was in a ghillie suit with a .50 cal on his shoulder, and Joey had on a Hawaiian shirt and a kilt. We started up the stairs to the 8th floor but ended up on the 13th floor. We walked in this one room apartment which was only about 12'x12'. Billy Ray was already there cooking rooster fries and chitterlings, and baking a loaf of bread. Shane passed out on the bed which took up half the room, Cody started fighting with Hipp, Jon went next door with some naked señorita that showed up with some pickled okra, BR kept singing Merle, i finished off the bottle of Mescal, Buffy and Paula showed up and made Cody & Shane leave with them. Then i woke up..

Porn

2016-03-25T12:33:00.000-05:00

If you get hit and killed in a freak accident by a runaway trailer while walking down the sidewalk surfing porn on your cell phone, I'm not sure the porn had anything to do with it... I want to be a news reporter when I grow up

A Profound Little Paragraph,, for all you lazy worthless pos's (politicians alike)

2015-09-16T10:22:00.000-05:00

EFFBOOK - FACEBOOK IN A NUTSHELL

2015-09-01T12:10:00.000-05:00

Drunk mad frat boy on Oxford Square Ole Miss

2015-08-24T15:13:00.004-05:00

Redneck water swing

2015-08-24T15:13:00.001-05:00

Bug wrestling at its best

2015-08-24T15:12:00.001-05:00

Today

2014-03-05T14:52:00.002-06:00

With the rapid decline of intellectual common sense, or common sense of any nature whatsoever these days , people should be spayed and/or neutered at birth, then be required to fill out the necessary paperwork(and have it notarized), endure a waiting period of 2 years, then be voted upon by a legitimate thousand seat jury of non-afflicted(non-government/no politicians) individuals(people that can actually traverse the South Lamar roundabouts without asking directions).. for the right to rent reproductive organs for breeding.

Bad kids? No..

2011-11-01T09:52:00.000-05:00

Ever been walking thru walmart and just wanted to just jerk a knot in some kids little ruthless ass that seemed to be wearing a shirt that says "I'm a disrespectful little shit because my parents are idiots and they dont care what i do as long as they dont have to deal with me"? Yeah i know, that would have to wrap around the shirt front to back 8 times, so what. Anyway, "worlds greatest mother" is sorting thru her facebook contacts for a late night booty call, "worlds greatest father" is off over sampling the cough syrup in the medicine aisle, both conveniently not noticing the disrespectful "little shit" has taken off to the toy aisle unlatching the net that holds all of the beach balls intact taking out some lil ole lady with a walker. Meanwhile, with all the commotion attracting everyones attention, "little shit" has acquired a can of spray paint from the hardware section and proceeds to make his rookie appearance in the art of graffiti in the panty and bra section.. yes, he's halfway across the store already. After all this, i lost intrest, bought a beach ball and a can of spray paint (dont know why), oh, and some condoms..