The Pudding Bordello

Weird Science Part 1

2011-02-17T17:43:00.000-08:00

Greetings few believers!! It's February, which means it's time for science. It's always a good time for science so to celebrate the monumental event, I'm going to look into the annals of science to and rate the great men of science who have changed our lives through the force of their brilliance and their sheer butt fuck insanity and contempt towards mankind.
Dr. Ivo Robotnik

As far as mad scientists go Dr Ivo Robotnik (aka Dr. Eggman in Japan and parts of US) is one of the most recognizable villains as the main antagonist of Sonic the Hedgehog. But his inventions make him one of, if not the most wasteful mad scientists of all time. Wondering what I’m talking about?
Well if you play most of the Sonic games you know that Dr. Robotnik is the guy who captures all the woodland animals and traps them inside his robots called Badniks in an effort to change everything to robots so he can make the world in his image. The problem is that Badniks are the main fighting force that he throws against Sonic, Tails and the bajillion other allies he seems to get with each game. So when a Badnik is destroyed, the animal is released and skips away happily to freedom as if it wasn’t horribly imprisoned and tortured.

Now you have to ask yourself, why take all that time to capture the woodland animals and put them INSIDE the Badniks? Theoretically one could say Robotnik is using the animals as a living battery like machines used humans in the Matrix movies. But just like the Matrix movies, all logic and sanity goes out the window. If Robotnik is using woodland animals as his main power source then it’s a really shitty power source or he’s really great at making machines run on little power.

Potential Power sources

Human beings can only crank out 60 to 150 watts of body heat. Your electrical signals are about under 60 watts of energy. It sounds like a lot and it is if you’re going to use it to light up several lamps. Now that’s a human being. Robotnik is using squirrels, rabbits, birds and other various small animals that are usually appetizers for larger animals that would be better to use for energy potential. Then on top of that, it’s incredibly difficult to turn body heat and electrical nerves into raw energy. It’d be more realistic putting on a wizards cloak and hat to use magic to change people into double A Duracell’s. Also energy is released from the food living things eat. So that links us a bit closer to the Energizer bunny but even doing so still makes people piss poor energy sources. When you digest food, you still have to spend energy to digest it so it’s honestly better to just get the energy from the food or really anything else for that matter. Hell he’d probably have better luck with using old fashioned wood burning robots.

So if Robotnik managed to create fantastically advanced robots that only require a small amount of energy harnessed from the body heat of tiny animals, why is it wasteful? Because you’d have to spend more of the energy to trap the animals, build the machines, put the animal in the machine and additional functions inside the machine that sedate the animal, feed it and keep it alive cause if you don’t, the robots are now just expensive caskets and you’re just going to end up with a genocide of cuteness that only Japanese anime can capture. But technically Robotnik is eliminating our carbon footprint by way of sentencing all cute little animals inside of the machines to die a slow, painful and horrific death.

Hey Robotnik, if you were able to create an advanced attack robot that can function on such a small amount of energy for an extended period of time, wouldn’t it be easier to SELL THE FUCKING TECHNOLOGY AND GET MONEY!!!! I mean he’d rake in more money and bitches then P. Diddy under a bitch money waterfall!! Things powered by Robotnik technology can theoretically run for at least a hundred years, like the T-800

Credit does have to be given since Robotnik is one of the most active mad scientists. He’s always using giant fucking machines (powered by a small acre of dying bunnies and birds) to attack Sonic in recognizable patterns. Now how many other mad scientists have the balls to get their hands dirty? And when not using giant units of mass destruction, he has his tiny egg pod that has more permutation add-on’s then the fucking Megazord. After all this micromanaging you think he’d be slimmer but that’s like saying computer science majors should be models of physical perfection because they get exercise by building computers and working out their hands.

Not a computer science major

I understand there’s a reason why he’s called a “mad” scientist but all I want is a bit of consistency of economics here goddamnit. Mad science is about spitting in the face of God. Rendering all his creations useless by your own hand. One does that by creating abominations of nature by genetically combining things that should not be ever combined or making giant fire breathing mechanical frogs, which are surrounded by a shield of circling skulls. It’s not about being just simply wasteful for the sake of being wasteful. You’d do better just to get a super pack of batteries at Costco and use them like porn stars on vacation (cause porn stars use batteries to take lots of pictures). Plus the bigger the machine has to be, the more animals you have to use to power the fucking monstrosity. Honestly it’d be faster to just get rid of the animals with your giant death machines rather than power them. Besides, who doesn’t love cute little animals?

Pictured: Aborted early work

But luckily Robotnik recovers some points through the irony of using a cute white bunny to power a coconut throwing death machine monkey. That’s truly making the world into his image however his image isn’t really very imaginative since it’s the same animals almost every level. The Robotnik animal’s kingdom seems to be somewhat limited.

Brilliance level: 4 of 5

Takes some brains to grab animals and put them in machines to be used as power sources

Insanity Level: 3 of 5

It's pretty nuts to change the world into robots because you think its better

Threat level: 2 of 5

His life's work is his life's weakness because at the rate he has to capture animals and put them in machines will take him awhile. Not a great plan when your enemy is known for speed

Huh?

2011-01-07T02:08:00.000-08:00

Ok so I've noticed one trend here. One consistent thing on this blog you few believers love and that's the Flash. Don't get me wrong. I like Bar-Wal-Jay-Bar too. In all his incarnations, I've been a Flash fan. I even gots a Flash figure. He was even my favorite character from the Justice League (save for Batman cause you know, it's the goddamn Batman) and always I have hope of someday beginning to run so fast the I enter the Speed Force. But until that day, I've still confounded because the review on Flash: Rebirth is the one entry that gets the most hits.

This month alone it's gotten 126 hits. All time stats rounding at 682 hits (now 683) and climbing. You see, I'm confuzzleated because I'll put random shit on tags from Kim Kardashian all the way to Prune shoes, all these things I've written on. Except Prune shoes but that does not matter. What matters is for me to get how that one entry garners so much attention while the others have so little even though they are popular search phrases.

Unless you guys are being assholes and laughing at my work. Or praising it as the height of comic bookery review, basking in the glory as beautiful women make shrines to me as Jerry Bruckheimer makes a 3D movie about my life due to the awesomeness of the blog, which then stars me, about me. That then goes on to win an Oscar in best picture, Actor (me), supporting actor (me again, I'm that awesome) and cinematography (not me but that swiss guy can really do magic with lights)

I'd like to thank the Academy, my mom, baby Jesus,
Optimus Prime for dying for our sins

Now I'm not complaining. I'm not. But I just wonder why that gets so many hits. The next up is the list of the 2000 worst foods for you. That's not far behind with 633 hits. Everything else falls behind drastically. Is this the end of times? Is the seven headed dragon I call Pufflesnout from the bible going to rise up and eat each continent? What is the purpose of my life? Will I ever find someone? The questions in life never seems to cease.

How DO they fit all the junk inside that trunk?

WHY THE FUCK ARE THERE VAMPIRES ALL OVER THE MARVEL UNIVERSE? Seriously. Look it up.

Should I just give up ol Wade and put on the scarlet and lightening? Can I settle for the rugged good looks of the midwest boy and the charm of the slightly dangerous but down to earth blue collar charm of Central City?

.....

....

How I do my best thinking. Doctors call it ADHD

Fuck no. DP pics are waaayyy more entertaining the the McSpeedy. But as always, I'm just happy someone is reading. So thanks to all of you (unless you're all mocking me, then you guys are dicks and I hate you) for reading. I really really appreciate that some guys in France, stumble across my blog while looking for comic book midget amputee vore porn. No seriously, thanks for reading. I love you guys. And here's a cool pic of the Flash I found.

I don't know who the artist is but it's really kick ass but I can definetly tell you it's not mine cause I can't draw to save my brothers life (R.I.P. Jake). But nonetheless, an awesome drawing.

Just to show Marvel and DC can get along and I can walk in both worlds.
Yes I know that's Kyle and not Hal.

OH CANANANADA!!!

2011-01-03T04:15:00.000-08:00

Congratulations to the great Nation of Canada for beating Denmark in the rankings. Still not quite #1 to USA but every little bit. Denmark, I'm dissapointed. High ups for Canada. Land of Maple Syrup. With amber waves of ice hockey. Home to such noble citizens such as Nathan Fillion, Sum 41, Peter North, Keanu Reeves, Jim Carrey and Captain Cannuck. Others such as Pamela Anderson, Shania Twain, Estella Warren, Shannon Tweed, Nelly Furtado, Elisha Cuthbert, Natasha Henstridgehollly crap there are a ton of hot bitches from Canada. Plus weed is legal in some places (not that I smoke but in case I ever want to pick up stoned chicks cause it makes me feel less scumy then picking up drunk chicks). That free health care and Canadian hospitality. Can't beat that along with French Canadians.

Your prize: This lovely watch Spider-Hulk models. Couldn't get
a hot girl like Christina to do it at such a last minute.

Turner-Rex. Mahagony dynamo of sex making

2010-12-30T00:27:00.000-08:00

This post is for my bro Josh, the swirly mocha delight that all the ladies like. Enjoy the love of the image ladies. Josh is currently single and will be a working professional in the physical therapy field. Sex is his name and sex is his game. He's ready to party up and settle down so enjoy him in all his glory. His shoe size maybe 9 but in our family, the shoe size denotes his size in inches. He's tetra bites of tightness and he has no herpes. So enjoy Josh

On the eve

2010-12-24T00:46:00.000-08:00

Dear Santa,

Here's a list of things I want for X-Mas. If I do not recieve these items, Wikileaks will be featuring a new article on your so called "humane and cruelty free" practices of your staff and "PETA Friendly" ways that your handle your reindeer. They are currently numbered for your convinience

1) A working replica of the sniper rifle from Halo: Reach. The SRS99 that's a true Anti-Materiele Rifle.

2) Heather Morris

3) Olivia Munn and/OR Olivia Wilde

4) A New fire extinguisher

5) A Dog

6) A Cat

7) World Peace (By force if it must be done)

8) A week to play in snow

9) The ability to make snow monsters

10) A nice new camera

11) A never ending condiment gun

12) Money. Lots of it

13) The ability to go back and change things

14) A cool job that pays alot.

15) The abilty to read minds

16) Random girls

I think you shall find these things easily obtainable. I wait to hear your answer by tonight. Remember. The choice is yours.

Merry Christmas!

Zero Hour

2010-12-21T20:53:00.000-08:00

Insert Joystick Joke here

It took nearly ten years but the saga is finally at an end. Spartan-117 has defeated the Covenant, ODST’s are happy with not being dead and helping the earth, and Sgt. Johnson has been killed along with a ton of other non existent heroes of the Great War period. That leaves us with to remember where it all started. Remember Reach. But I’m not talkin bout Halo: Reach. I’m talking about Halo Zero.

Isn’t that Halo: Reach? Yes. And no. Welcome to the one super-fan’s dream as he envisioned Halo like it was a crappy “what if?” comic. We all know how great those are.

What if Doctor Strange wasn't a pussy?

So the “what if?” scenario here is “What if Halo was released back in the golden age of the 16 bit revolution? Actually I’m more sure that it’s was some guy saying: “Hey. I want to play Halo from the Fall of Reach scenario” waaayy before Halo: Reach was released. Anyway it brings us to this. Halo Zero. It’s a side scrolling idea that gives us the chance to fight our way through split lipped alien bastards and escape from Reach as Master Chief. After finishing the superior Halo: Reach, I’m going to get to Halo Zero and play from a different angle. Oh and btw: It’s not sponsored by Bungie. They just used the logo.

*klick klack BANG* Our residents...*klick klack BANG* are trying *klick klack BANG* to sleep!

As you can see here the graphics are pretty good. It’s bright and colorful with the sprites for all the soldiers and aliens done with all the finest graphical articulation that 1992 could bring us. The movement is smooth as a baby’s but being oiled up and slid across a hockey rink while being pushed with a broom on a slip and slide. I honestly thought the sprites for this game would be cheap but I was actually impressed with it as I moved Chief forward and backwards. Also his movements in aiming and shooting. But it was then I noticed it was just the Chief’s legs that were moving with fluidity. The rest of him was kinda choppy. Well him and the alien’s whose movements weren’t as smooth as the Spartans. It’s a minor gripe but the movements of Chief’s legs are so mesmerizing I feel like I’m looking at Phoebe Cates from Fast Times as she comes out of water since it’s so fucking graceful.

Next up in the saga

The controls are a bit weird at first to get used to. Since you push the button to move right, meaning you run towards the right of the screen and vice versa. I know it’s basic knowledge and me posting this means that I just devalued my college degree by a level. However keep in mind I’m a multiplayer guy where the keyboard controls are altered. Plus I’m going from FPS to side scroller (or side scrotum as I like to call it) so give me a break here. But what’s this? The default control to move forward is T and the move backwards is Q? The button to pick up a weapon is 7 while reload is B? Did the guy who set the defaults just wanted to fuck with me or did an alien monkey’s lay eggs in his brain? Either way I had to reset everything to my liking. Oh and you shoot with the mouse. It’s a godsend that I was able to change the controls because if this was all keyboard, I’d have to press F12 with my nose to shoot while my hands were pre-occupied. It’s just a side scroller. I’m not programming Pentagon missile defense codes against the Russians.

The game runs smoothly and it takes me back to an oh so pleasant time in my childhood where I sat too closely for hours in front of the TV while my parents left me to my own devices. Plus it’s Halo so the only thing that could make it better would be eating a plate of bottomless nachos being hand fed to me by beautiful alien hand maidens. I can pick up weapons and drop them. They all the sound effects from Halo AND they even have the score from Martin O’Donnell in full quality. Not any cheap Mario Paint Midi remix. They even have the shield, ammo and grenade meters from the first came. Plus the targeting reticules are accurate for every weapon you pick up.

However I noticed two major flaws in the game.

1) I CAN”T DODGE ANY ALIENS SHOOTING AT ME. Man they just have that good an aim. No wonder we’re losing this fucking fictional future war? I mean they don’t miss ONCE! The entire game just turns into a game of “I SHOOT YOU IN THE FACE!! NO I SHOOT YOU IN THE FACE NOW!!!” Plus I understand machines not missing but aliens? Come on!!! This is like a slightly higher tech version of rock em sock em robots or what I like to call my family gatherings. No matter what I do, run backwards, run forwards, jump, duck, I always get shot. The game degenerates into crawling forward slowly so I can take on one guy at a time and waiting for my shields to regenerate. That's not strategy. I know it's kinda similar in Halo but the thing is at least you have different angles to attack. This is just a line of guys ready to run a train on me or me runing a bullet bukkake on them.

I figure the one godsend would be the driving levels where I can run shit over in my Warthog while a gunner takes sweet pleasure in riddling alien bastards with holes. I start to drive forward past aliens at full speed but my fucking gunner does nothing. Next I start taking damage until I die! Wait!? WHAT?!?!?! THAT’S NOT HALO!! I’m supposed to run them over but nothing happens. I only ever kill aliens with the Warthog is when I time a jump or slow down for a moment in front of a couple, which is not a guarantee kill either. I move the mouse to see a targeting reticule on screen. So I gotta drive and shoot but wait, I can’t do that either at full speed. I just end up taking damage. Now I’m playing the faster version of the face shooting game. Let’s just call this fucking game FACESHOOTER!! I can’t even dodge in the damn car!! As AVGN would say: What a shitload of fuck.

2) Glitch glitch glitch. What? Graphics? No. I mean controls. At some point in the game the controls just begin to lose most of its responsiveness. When I say most. I mean all. I don’t know why it happens but Master Chief apparently just likes to run even after I take my hands of the button to move forward. This wouldn’t be as bad if I could shoot but he’s so concentrated on becoming the embodiment of Usain Bolt that he forgets to shoot his gun and just takes it on the chin. Think that’s bad? Sometimes he just LOVES shooting his gun that he just keeps doing it until there’s no more ammo or he tuckers himself out. It’s either that or just doesn’t want to move at all. He likes to take it on the chin. I thought it was my computer at first but even after checking my hard drive, RAM and killing all other programs, Chief still had a mind of his own. Apparently Chief back on Reach just liked to act as if he’s a slut with ADHD. Strangely most sluts I know seem to have ADHD as well. Hmmm….

So is that about it? Actually yea. The game is a nice time killer and would be alright if save for the fact that it just turns into a game of tag. I tried it on Legendary and basically I couldn’t even get past the first Elite. I just got killed in two hits. It’s more like Robocop from the NES except that I can actually dodge in that game.

The funny thing is that they actually have a multiplayer option where you link up over a network to kill each other. I didn’t get to try this because NO ONE ELSE IS PLAYING THIS GAME!!! I mean if I had a chance to play THIS:

Or THIS:

I think the choice is obvious.

FYI: One of the worst weapon combos to have

Included is even a level designer. Why? So I can create perfect sniping spots!! How do I snipe in a side scroller? Well I basically hit the fire button and it zooms me ahead but three feet where he enemies just can’t see me because if someone’s off screen, they’re invisible. Then I pick my spot and shoot. For an annoying sniper like me, it’s like smoking going on a date with Megan Fox and finding out she’s turned into a rotting zombie. A fat rotting zombie. What's even better? You can actaully MISS while sniping. You can place the targeting chevron over the face and fire and it will not hit. What's worse if that it takes more then one shot to kill things with a torso shot. It might not be a big thing but in the regular Halo that counts as a kill. That's what you get for getting a sniper rifle designed by Mr. Maggoo Industries.

So would I recommend this game? Sure if you’re 360 got the red lights and you’re stuck without a Halo fix that you REALLY need badly. But again, this game can be beat in like 30 mins on normal and hard. Plus it’s free so why not.

http://www.fileplanet.com/159240/150000/fileinfo/Halo-Zero-%5BFree-Game%5D

While you were out...

2010-12-20T22:27:00.000-08:00

You know, you do one crime across international borders and they don't take it lightly. I mean how am I supposed to know that if I try to....oh hell...it's not worth it. Let's just say Mexican Jails along with Icelandic Justice system are too complicated that they just convict me by calling me a warlock and trying to burn me at the stake. Also they called me a drug dealer but I swear it's not my drugs. How was I supposed to know I was selling to a narc?

They Don't Fuck Around in Iceland

Plus they tack on other misconstrewed charges

Cocaine's a hell of a drug

For the last time. I was HIGH when I did that. Can't people understand that? And why won't you call me back Josh? But while I was away you few believers actually clicked on websites and got me money. I mean not enough for bail or anything but I could at least make a phone call JOSH who never picked up. On top of that I got a new subscriber. Which brings the total up to a lucky seven. SEVEN JOSH! THE AMOUNT OF TIMES I CALLED YOU BEFORE SHOWER TIME!! DO YOU KONW WHAT SHOWER TIME IS LIKE IN A MEXICAN JAIL????!! THEY DON'T SHOWER YOU WITH WATER!!

But I did manage to get some education credentials while I was in. Take that expensive student loans. Anyway. I'm back. Huzzah

I am SO an accredited Doctor from Hollywood Upstaris Medic...oh.
Dr. MARIO. Not Micha...never mind.

A Note From Our Sponsor...

2010-10-02T03:09:00.000-07:00

Wake Me When You Need Me

2010-09-30T03:22:00.000-07:00

With the cinematic cutscenes and the fame of Machinima, it was inevitable that there was going to be a Halo animated movie and lookie here, it's Halo Legends

Except it's not one long big live action or cinematic movie. It's several shorts in almost all anime format and style and was sanctioned by the Bungie studios. So you know at least they had a hand in it somehow and it's similar to the Animatrix that came out acouple of years ago and it even begins in a similiar way where both movies have an introduction to the entire back story of their respective universes with disgusting amounts of detail that fanboys and scholars love (and there is a correlation between the two). And just like the Animatrix, it has several different stories of various characters that don't really have much to do with the main story. So here's the first.

Origins

It begins after the ending of Halo 3 where if you're a cool gamer and not a lame PS3 player, you know that Master Chief and Cortana are floating out there in space as half of their ship has been cut in half by a slip space jump and are left floating out there with nothing to do except narrate about the entire history of the past thousand years and the entire story from Halo to Halo 3. Also she waxes poetic about the nature of man and existence but you know women...blah blah blah. So it brings you up to full speed on everything. Again, if you really love Halo, it's awesome. If you're not really into it and just into shooting people, then it's boring. I personally was looking at digital ghost boobs of Cortana. It's great because it sounds like they used the original actress from the game for Cortana's voice or a voice actress of equal sound and skill. At first seems Pee Wee Herman weird to break up the stories but it makes sense when you think about how it's two different stories and such should be bookended by their respective eras even though I think it's kinda insulting to the audience. Then again they do know the American education system and Japan DOES love to drag things on (stupid Dragon Ball Z with it's eighty episodes of powering up). The animation is cool and anime. I mean it's nothing spectacularly great but it does the job quite well.

The Duel

Eirian

So who liked playing as the Arbiter?? If you raised your hand or perked up at the mention of playing as the Elite then you my friend are a....

But Patty, it's not my fault I got a PS3

No one wants to be the Arbiter. Everyone wants to be a Spartan or an ODST. Being the Arbiter is like dating a hot girls less hotter sister so that you can get to the hot sister in time. But this story is an interesting samurai story take on how the position of Arbiter came to being and how it was once regarded as a holy position before the Prophets came into power and the Elites in this even wear a Japanese type robe when they're not in armor. It's so a tragic samurai epic anime complete with the killing of a milllion enemies that can't shoot for shit (the fucking tank can't even touch him) while the Arbiter slices and dices everyone with his swords. His fucking motherfucking cock slicing swords against a ton of guns and tanks. Then his wife is killed and he faces agianst another elite with a sword and guess what? Classic slicing and the wait for it moment where blood splotches out like a hydrant since every character in anime, has at least a gallon of blood in them. Seriously, it's an interesting take on the Covenant and I like learning about the other side but the problem is that it falls into cliche. The story isn't strong enough to carry it through nor are the characters deep enough to make it interesting enough but the visuals are quite stunning. However, not stunning enough to make you care.

The Prototype

I believe I can fllllyyyy

Want more Japanese emo-ism? Well wait till you get a load of The Prototype. It stars an emo soldier nicknamed Ghost who's the only survivor of his platoon which he commanded and lead into slaughter. How? We don't know. Why? Not important. How'd he survive without injury? Super naturalism. So we cut between flashbacks of the dying soldier in his arms asking him to feel and be human because he's considered a Ghost because he has no feelings about anything, which means he's a guy, and the current battle over a testing ground for a Spartan heavy assault armor with big fucking guns and a ton of missles. Hey, one thing the Japanese can do it's big robots. The art is typical anime fair again much like the Origin short but this does have a ton of more action with lots and lots of explosions. I mean alot. It even has some gory alien guys exploding which is always cool. Prototype is probably best viewed with the sound off or the dialogue gone or on another language since you can put your own words to the story, just like I do whenever my old boss would talk to me. And of course he stays to fight when it would've been easier to run.

The Babysitter

Fear the ODST. The Covenant know of the fighting prowess of the special forces known as the Helljumpers. See there perfect foofy hair and big eyes which make them either decesnded from Lupin the 3rd or Cowboy Bebop. Aside from the whole femmy hair popstar boy band look, this is actually a descent story just with anime to it. It's of course about the ODST special forces marines on a secret mission to kill a Prophet but with a Spartan as the sniper. And it goes so beautifully and delightfully according to plan where the heroes kill the bad guys, quip funny and no one dies or gets hurt cause every war film and combat situation seems to dictate this logic. Pssshhhhh....yea right. So it basically all goes to shit in a handbasket full of grenades near a fan. However you get to see the rivalry between the ODST's and the Spartans and how the relationship in this story leads to a budding respect of the abilities of the other. I'd say the style of the story telling is much like Shinichio Watanabe (geshuntite!). Yes I know I misspelled it all but you are Canadian if you care about such a thing. So is it emo? No. Well kinda is but not in the whiney way. More like the casualties of war way. But a plus is that you get to see Dutch from the ODST game in here.

Odd One Out

Damn. Cookie Monster got big since he went to prison

Look!! POKEMON!!!!

Don't be fooled by the cover of this. I mean it looks seriously cool but it's actually a non-canon tale of Spartan 1337, an arrogant, self promoting bumbler who constantly falls off the back of Pelicans (and for a change he crashes instead of the Pelican). Sounds like my kind of guy since he is quite adapt at being a soldier and fighting a big ass Grunt that's dumber then shit and powers up to Goku levels. Seriously, he does power up in such a way and destroys half the land around him. If that's not weird enough, then you have 3 little kids dressed up as cavemen, a giant T-Rex that chews on 1337 then has two super powered teenagers with mad ass Kung Fu skills and strength help battle the special giant Grunt. Then 1337 is carried off by a Pterodactyl. After carefully reading what I just wrote, I'd have to retract the word adapt and say, competent. With loads of terrible luck. Yea. It's not meant to be taken seriously but seriously you can't really watch this thing without wondering what drugs they have in Japan. Hmmm....maybe I should go back to Japan....

Homecoming

You two share....or else...

It's a bit really weird to watch. Let me tell you, it's hard to watch a tough and gritty war drama when all the soldiers look like this:

"Don't look behind you now but I think Jake is fucking that tree"

There is a ton of guns and action and alien splattering with the typical war bravado but again, the Japanese emo-ism runs rampant in this. I like the story and it's similar to the short story Pariah in the Halo novels about the kids who want to go home in the Spartan program but again it's a ton of eye zooms, near tears and sing songy flowy language. Terrible? No. Watchable? For the most part. So apparently the other half of the Spartan II project is to guilt the covenant into surrender with puppy dog eyes.

The Package

EVERYBODY!! I HAVE TO PEE AND THEY DIDN'T
BUILD A ZIPPER INTO THE SUIT!!

Outside of the pornographic title, this story is just like the Animatrix where the best story is the one that's computerized. If you just watch one story from this DVD, watch this. It's really fantastically amazing although it does have the Japanese look to the characters, especially in Dr. Halsey. It can be overlooked for the most part but the part that's hardest to overlook, Master Chief's voice is changed to a much gruffer one. Not the smooth gruffess that makes you want to croon in his arms like a drink of warm brandy but the type of battle grizzled vet that makes your grandaddy's war stories seem like fairy tales. Ahh...I miss pappy and his stories before bed time :) So the story is you watch Master Chief and the other Spartans fly around in cool X-Wing type space bikes and try to rescue Dr. Halsey from Covenant hands. Again the computer animation is amazingly breathtaking and made with amazing attention to detail while the other cool thing: You get to see the Spartans faces. Not the big guys but you can see every other Spartan from Fred to Kelly and even see the Spartan III armor in action. It's a big plus if you read the books and has really awesomely great action in it. Cartoony action? Yes. I demand realistic action to my fictional giant cybord stories!!! Seriously, it's good though. The action is fun, fast paced and plays out alot like the magic that made the first Halo game so much fun in the crazy, skin of your teeth kind of way.

So final verdict?

Overall 3/5

It's a mixed bag. Some of the stories work. Some don't. It's just too weird of a hybrid in the styles but there is some hope to it. Honestly I'd like to see Bungie make another DVD of animated shorts but with less anime. A lot less anime. It wasn't too bad in Batman: Gotham Knight and much better in the stylized world of the Animatrix but the Haloverse doens't really need much anime. It works for one or two stories but not the entire span of the DVD. Still it is an interesting experiment so a must view for Halo fans and a passing fancy for the casual fan and a must for anime fans. So not everything should be anime because you get something like this:

Hal Jordan, we hardly knew ye

2010-09-29T04:39:00.000-07:00

Marvel and DC. Should really be named Johns vs BD, as in Geoff Johns (DC creative head) and Brian Michael Bendis (Marvel's creative head) since those are the only writers that do any of the major work concerning the universes. I gotta say though that comics has an unholy tradition of stretching their writers out too thin but these guys seem to love the idea of being workhorses, especially in regards to Johns who basically is re-shaping DC as we speak. I mean he did Infinite Crisis, 52, Rebirthed GL and the Flash, Blackest Night and now Brightest Day but before that, he did Secret Origins starting with our very own Hal Jordan.

Thanks to my best buddy Josh, I got a copy of Green Lantern: Secret Origins. Why was it a secret? I have no idea. Probably because he was being seduced by a Russian spy for the secret access to the hearts and mind of children and geeks everywhere, especially geeks since we tend to usually hold high levels of access to technology when we are not choosing to live with our parents (it's a legitimate choice dammit!!) Or was good ol Highball Hal a bed wetter? Now everyone already knows the story of Hal Jordan since it's the basic flyboy former Air Force test pilot who got a green energy ring from an alien space cop before he died. Pahleeese. Guys, can you be more creative then that? Now if you made him a giant head of Willian Shatner as with little tiny legs then I'd say you're in business!! So I wasn't expecting much from this title. True I am a GL fan but not the biggest one to date but a comics a comic and Josh does have good taste.

So what's so damn new about John's retelling? Well not really too much honestly. The basics are still there but it's what's added that makes the story so appealing is that it really expands upon who Hal Jordan is and his struggles before becoming a Green Lantern. It's very similar to Batman Begins in the way of the origin story since it shows the personal and psychological aspect of the character and Johns really seems to dig Hal and makes it so that we do too. But not only does he re-do Hal Jordan but also slight revamps of the supporting cast and villains as well so that he can tie it all into his version of the DC universe. What's also so great is that we not only stay fresh to the original Alan Moore story of Tygers, which gave the ideas of Blackest Night but also set the standard for Green Lantern lore.

Another great thing about Johns is how he gives a great tune up to the old corny GL villians from Hector Hammond to Black Hand and makes them corny to truly and utterly fearsome foes. I admit before this story I considered Hector Hammond a weird, giant headed pedo verion of Professor X but here in Secret Origin, I found out how really vile the guy is and how creepy he is as an obsessed stalker of Carol Ferris. Then to add more to current DC universe, here Johns added Atrocitus, the head Red Lantern from Blackest Night as part of the lore. At first I thought it was a cheap ploy but as I read on, I coulnd't get enough of it and how he was the one who caused Abin Sur to crash. I mean the original story of the yellow element fucking up his ship was kinda cheesy and didn't make a whole lot of sense. However adding old red and angry in it, makes a kinda of sense. Plus it's also great to see Sinestro before he became the hated enemy of Hal Jordan and the friendship that helped to shape them. It also added a sense of tragedy to the whole relationship.

However the greatest depth came to Hal Jordan. Now Hal was the typical "No Fear" Maverick from Top Gun type of guy and although that's a cool character, it tends to wear a bit thin. But in here, we learn the tragedy and anger that drove him and how he learned to grow up after realizing he became a wash up and Air Force eject. I mean he did punch out Batman since he wasn't afraid of him so Hal's the man. Plus just like Flash: Rebirth, you learn to like the guy even though he did go insane and kill a bunch of folks but that wasn't his fault. Seriously. Read GL: Rebirth. But overall it's also great to see Hal Jordan as struggling with the GL power and coming to terms with it since well, honestly, the most powerful weapon in the universe fueled by will should at least come with an instruction manual and take some time to get used to. Plus we're all so used to confident Hal that seeing unsure Hal is a welcome thing and makes him a more endearing character. My favorite moment was when Hal questioned the Guardians....priceless. The retelling also ties everything in for the current DC Universe run that involves Blackest Night and Brightest Day as well and again, very smoothly I might add.

Now the artist on this team is Ivan Reis, who's worked with Johns before on many titles and on the recent Blackest Night run and is always in top form and this is no exception. His nuances and shadows give a great compliment to the action and adds a dramatic, cinematic feel to the story. Speaking of which, Hector Hammond is going to be the main baddie in the new GL movie and originally, I wasn't for it however I do have to say that now after reading this, I'm looking forward to it and I know that they probably read Secret Origin as essential reading before getting to the script or at least using it as a source for a rewrite.

In fact after digging a bit, I saw that Reynolds said that the Secret Origin book was the bible he used for the upcoming movie to characterize Hal Jordan. So I'm happy it's going in the right direction. Now as for that other movie....

Overall I gotta say:

5/5. Go pick it up before the movie

Actual movie poster from WB

Fan Male!!

2010-09-29T03:30:00.000-07:00

http://themep.blogspot.com/2010/09/first-fan-mail.html

Check out my letter to the best dern physical therapy blog on the net. It's what made me the human adonis I am today.

I CAN'T PUT MY ARMS DOWN AND I HAVE TO PEE!!

Original image here at: http://muk100.deviantart.com/art/Max-Deadpool-2-128654191?offset=10

Check out his site and art. Great work.

Clothes Make The Man

2010-09-29T03:18:00.000-07:00

But if the title is true, then what the hell am I besides awesome? I mean among my valuebles, I value most my hilarious t-shirt collection. Not all our funny but at least I try to be cool, vintage or unique.

So I got two new recent additions since I am a Halo and RvB fan.

Bad ass space Marine.

Now let's see what job I have

PELICAN PILOT?? HELL NO! THOSE THINGS CRASH LIKE EVERY
10 MINUTES IN HALO!!!!

So I got this little diddy at Target by accident. It was among a Halo: Reach bundle accessory gift pack. I'm not normally up for this shit but I was in a bit of a good mood so I decided why not? I was still waiting for my RvB shirt in the mail so I couldn't resist. It came in an action figure package which means it was sealed up like in plastic which was a bit annoying since I couldn't open it up and try it on but luckily the generous customer return policy at Target was accomedating enough for me if it didn't turn out well. The reason is that I'm an adult small and I'm more along the lines of form fitting clothes for my shirts. Plus I wans't thrilled with the design intially but for $9.00 I said what the hey. I plopped down money and off I went.

I got home and was really surprised at how cool the shirt looked. It was something straight out of a USMC or ARMY shirt with its military green shade and letters on it. Plus the UNSC logo was pretty bad ass and after trying it on and breaking it in, I was sold. I mean the thing looked damn good too on me and I liked how it contoured to my shape. Plus I always support my fictional space military since they protect me from all the worst alien threats imagined.

Rebel Scum

Covie Bastards

Sith Stank Asses

Because if they dont fight alien menaces, who will?

Oh. Makes sense

So yes. The shirt broke in nicely as a small and really was fully comfortable. It's full cotton by Gildan shirt company and is preshrnk. Great breatheabilty to it and comfortable as all hell. It's a bit loose, but slightly so it's made for comfort and really really nice. I just hope someone doesn't ask if I served. Those things get awkward although I'm sure people not familiar with Halo or that don't pay attention will probably think it's a college.

It's true.

Then FINALLY after waiting several days I got my Simmons "I Hate The Bands That You Like" shirt. I loved the maroon color and the "I Like Me" Caboose shirt kicked ass and was probably one of the best fitting shirts I have. But problem: The new Simmons shirt is a new company. Caboose is Jerzees shirt company. This new one is M&O shirt company. Damn you Roosterteeh you cockbites!!! But once I tried it on, it was really pleasant. Comfortable as all hell and not to mention a great fitting shirt. The neck on both the UNSC shirt and the Simmons shirt were both a tad bit tight but once it broke in, it was really super comfortable. The Simmons shirt is alittle thicker then the UNSC shirt but it's not too bad at all. Still has great breathability and is also made of pre shrunk cotton so score.

The Simmons Maroon shirt was $16.95 so not bad at all but with shipping and handling it was 5 bucks more. Still worth it.

The UNSC shirt was the best deal ever since it's usually like 16 to 19 dollars. Target Win!

Next up are Deadpool shirts. I need to get one but so far most are pretty lack luster. I have to go to the unofficial ones for cool designs. Fail Marvel. Fail again. However the unofficial ones are pretty cool. But expensive. More news on this later

Will The Few Believers Please Stand Up?

2010-09-29T02:48:00.000-07:00

Just out of curiousity, who else amoung my friends reads me since I tend to post at obscure morning hours?

Curious....I just want to know...So if you could post on my FB or here, it'd be appreciated. OR click on the ads!!! Get me cash money and remain unknown....:)

Macho Macho Man....

2010-09-29T02:40:00.000-07:00

Greetings few believers!! Well guess who's back and with a new food review....ME!!

And with my new headgear for maximum protection, I fully utilized it for my new conquest, the Macho Combo Burrito from Del Taco. A mighty combo of mighty beef and beans with red AND green sauces and a bunch of other crap you can see in the burrito in a mighty layer of tortilla the size of my head and I have a giant head that's so massive I bent a stop sign with it one time (true story). So by request, I have climbed this mighty Everest of a fast food favorite.

"God!! It's like Orson Welles Autopsy"

So after climbing into the Mike mobile and getting my burrito, I sat down to properly devour this heart wrenching device of food. So first bite? God is it hot. Gotta wait a bit for it to cool down. I got it fresh and hot just like yo mom (BOO YAH!) so I had to wait a bit and got some funny looks at Borders where I ate it. (They have comfortable chairs but boy do they get made if you accidentally smear sour cream on their crap). After it cooled, I have to say it was a proper taste of heaven. GOD it was like an orgasm and I was quickly devouring it. It had a great array of flavor in it from the beef and beans (which I choose, you can get it with just beef, just chicken or beef and bean) just....like Megan Fox making love with Julia Stiles. What? I like Julia Stiles. Am I the only one? Bah....philistines...

Flavor Fight

But it's not what it was the best part of the burrito. No. The best part was the mixture of "fresh" tomatoes, sour cream and lettuce with cheese. I mean it was almost perfect in the balance of the ingredients except the it was a bit heavy on the sour cream and meat and beef. I thought they killed an entire cow for this fucking thing. I can feed a small African village with this thing and that's what makes America great!!! At times I felt the ingridients were trying to fight each other for flavor superiority however again...it was the meat that won out. Veggies didnt' stand a change. But seriously, it was a bit much since I hit a vein of sour cream in the middle and it felt.....dirty since it squirted. Was it tasty? That's besides the point although I will say that sucking out sour cream made it feel like a weird meaty twinkie.

*Momentary stop so that I can get all the dirty phallic jokes out of my system.

**Still waiting

***Still waiting

However the flavor once you got past that, was still heavenly. If I had to compare it to another taco franchise place, I'd say Taco Bell's Taco supreme was probably the best comparison due to the abundance of sour cream.

Only meat source capable of producing enough meat for
this burrito

*Stops again for dirty jokes.....

So it was again an amazing tasty feat worthy of any post drinking drunken food craving endeavor. The only down side was the fucking size of the damn fucking thing. I mean seriously...it's FUCKING HUGE!!! I couldn't even finish the fries or the drink since it was so big. It was an atom bomb for my heart cause I can feel my arteries gaining more and more plaque as we spoke. I was going to originally do a double review for the Macho Burger from Del Taco (sad that a taco place makes a better burger then most places around me) but after eating only half the fucking burrito, I realized that attempting such a feat will fucking cause insulin shock and I may wake up with my foot or arm cut off from diabetes. However I did black out after awhile which I figured from the itis but I awoke several hours later at home. No memory of how I got here or what happened to the burrito and drink and fries but after looking around, I saw covered in the remain of cheese and sour cream with an empty bag and cup.

And if you guessed if it's bad for you....absofuckinglutely. This thing is 1050 calories and created in carb and fat hell. You think it'd have alot of protein which it does at 49 grams but carb wise it hits 113 grams and fat wise it hits 44 grams. I still don't get how it's over 100 grams of carbs but Jesus this thing is fattening. But it's soo good. I mean of course by all accounts it fails health wise but do you really want to live forever? But the taste is amazing. Like if Megan Fox was a taste, it would be this. I mean I wanted to name this burrito original sin since it's probably what tempted Adam and Eve instead of a fucking apple.

Overall Taste: 5/5

Overall Health: 1/5

*Note, headgear, did nothing.

Mr. Postman...Mr. Postman...what the hell are you bringing me?

2010-09-26T01:02:00.000-07:00

Hello PB,

I have a question if you wouldn't mind answering.

1) PS3 or XBOX 360?
2) What do you think of the new Superman/Batman movie?
3) Since you like Halo, can you review Halo Wars? I don't know if I want it yet.

Thank you. I like your blog.

Frank Tucker
Alberta, Canada

GASP!! A Canadia person!! You people have been quite disappointing as a prescience on this blog. The Danes are whipping you up and down and soon they'll over take you in hockey. You and your awesome flag and happy people and hockey playing mother cannuckers have been underwhelming to say the least on the blog. But I'm a big fan of Due South and Canadia Mounties so I shall gladly answer your question. And lookie...it's numbered for easy access (insert dirty thought and/or joke here)

But before I start, you win the award for the inability to count properly since that is not one question but three and are currently in the running for the proof locker award, which is the award for the lack of a proof reader. Onto the question

1) Post Scrotumatium level 3 is not a joking manner. I don't know why you would want such a disease in which your scrotum tries to eat itself so I'd have to say XBOX 360. It's got the Halo series which is a plus and much better online capabilities. Sure it's not as fancy as the other systems but it has a variety of better games.
2) Weee wooo!!! You exposed my new upcoming review as soon as I can get it on DVD or bootlegged from another source through Vietnamese bootleggers. Hopefully those guys will forget that I tried to screw them out of paying for TMNT 3. Those little guys are some angry little fuckers. I guess they haven't forgot about that whole war thing.
3) It's not CAN I review Halo Wars. I can and will and do it better in bed ladies*! And it's a Bungie game. I don't think they've ever put out a bad game....ever. So yea. So look for the review in a couple of weeks. And good luck on your self eating testicles. Poor fella. It's like two pitbulls wrestling in a canvas sack over a bone.

What happens when you get PS3

*Response to letter was delayed due to blogger flexing in front of mirror incessantly with his fat molded into muscles

Hey Puddin B's

Thanks for the blog and I just wanted to say that I'd really like to say that you're awesome. Please publish my letter and pick me to be showcased. I promise to be your best reader and friend. Muah

Holla at cha girl

Karissa Lee

Hmm...a female blog reader. Well Karissa all you gotta to is hook me up with a naked sexy video of yours doing something with pudding and you're right as rain for getting put on the site.

Something like this is also acceptable

Hi Pudding Bordello or Michael or whatever strange lyrical apparatus you call yourself you ghost in my machine.

I wanted to write in say that I really like your blog and it's really fun to read and I feel that I've found a kindred brother to share my brew with. And not sharing in a way to drown you but in a way to drink after we drown someone else. Anyway I request humbly a review of the great and mighty Del Taco Macho Beef Burrito. Prove that your are a man of men and that you can conquer such a mighty mighty food source of meat. Quench tha bloodlust and tell us that you survive and what it tastes like. If you don't have a Del Taco, do a Sonic Frito Chili Pie.

Also thanks for the workout tips. Give me a tip about getting bigger. Thanks.

Evan Joliet
Los Angeles, California

This is my reason for being the mess I am Evan.
You're worse then I am and I don't want to know why.

Geez. Can't I just ever get nice normal readers just like that Alexis Diller girl's blog or The MEP site? Now you win the crazier then me award. But here you are and although you're scaring the living daylights out of me and turning it into night, I'm glad your wrote in few believer into this piece of the net. Yea...I got Del Tacos where I'm at and can do a review of the Macho Combo Burrito and prove my manliness to you by sticking a giant white phallic food object into my mouth and cramming it down as much as I can into my maw. However I may forget since I am busy with other things going on in my life so I'll try to get to it as soon as possible. And Sonic's are rarer then Del Taco's. Why must you torture me by giving me obscure food sources? I live in the city. Not the damn woods. Stop making it hard for me and try to kill me with model lingerie bowl players instead of a massive coronary where the plasma in my blood turns to solid and wreeks of delicious delicious greasy meat. We got a Sonic though so we shall see what I can get. If you care that much...click on banner ads and help get me paid so that I can continue to provide you with quality edutainment and borderline drivel for free. It's really costing you nothing. Just a mouse click. Or else I have to resort to selling out to subliminal advertising

Oh and as for getting bigger, two words: Penis pump. OR just be happy with what God gave ya.

Alright...those are about all the lette....ahh...time I mean I have for letters. So remember if you need anything reviewed....

Ask Michael

2010-09-25T20:40:00.000-07:00

Dear Michael,

The Beast from the East. Best in the West. Thanks for your blog and a ton of your entries and I think it's mostly ok However I gotta say that I have to say that the biggest drawback to the site is the fact that you're too sporadic about your posts. I can't tell what you'll review next so maybe a headsup would be nice so we can know what to expect. But the biggest thing I love about the site are the Deadpool pics. Where do you find those? Are those from your collection? Do I have to sacrafice a goat to your gods so that you will never lose Deadpool pics?

Also as for some advice: My girlfriend is mad at me because I made a bad compliment. I mean she's hotter then the Tattooine sun near the pit of the Sarlac. She was mad. What gives? I said she was hot. Help me Pudding Bordello. You're my only hope.

Jason Greenwood,
Big Hole Valley Montana

Beast from the East? Best in the West? My cliche sense is tingling. But I gotta say mostly ok? I would be offended if your town name wasn't so hilariously homo AND heterosexual. So I can forgive it. Yea. I know my posts are random and sporadic much like the structure of the letter you wrote and judging by the gramme you win the award for most corrected grammar in the state of Montana. As for the states we'll have to see other letters but so far you're number 1!!! But for my posts, I could put what's coming up but then I'd be a blog tease because then I'd realize you're serious and then I'd get uncomfortable and then it ends up like Joan from Mad Men. I just can't follow through since I'm a sporadic kinda fellow and you gotta grab on like a Womp Rat out of hell. But tell ya what I can do though is that I do take requests but remember you have to keep it something I can do, like asking me to rate riding on the space shuttle or being Kim Kardashians thong is going to be hard. Unless you click on the banners which gives me, Michael, cash money that I can use said money as a gateway to the said thing you want me to review or Deadpool comics.

Honey, you might want to see the gyna...gynocolo..the
vagina doctor

Speaking of which, I find Deadpool pics a plenty on the net. If there's a Deadpool pic, I got it. But dont' worry artists, I'll give you credit and ask permission because I'm not into raping the art you got. Man...I feel dirty responding to this letter. I suggest you not sacrifice a goat but rather a large rat of some sort that you name Fidel just in case I ever run out of DP pics or the fact that I feel dirty from all the rape references (Poor poor busty curvy Joan and her busty curvy curves)

Hmm...a girl that's mad for no real reason? Yea...she sounds like a woman. But in this account, you were out of line Big Sky Boy (which is a great porn name). Boba Fett nearly died at the pit of the Sarlacc but 12 other intergalactic alien criminals were not so fortunate, cause they fell into the pit of Carkoon of the all powerful Sarlacc, where they find a new definition of pain and suffering, as they are slowly digested over a thousand years. So too soon buddy....too soon. Nearly half a century is not enough time. However I even suggest you can fix this by telling her that she's not as crazy as she acted and that only slightly like her mother. Then compare her eye of Sauron in some way or say her mustache is much nicer then the cows you have out their in Montana and that cow maybe your next g/f if you don't play your cards right.

I have a Deadpool pic for almost all occasions. I'm awesome and have no need
for a girlfriend.

Avast-Son

2010-09-25T15:20:00.000-07:00

Hello few believers! It's my bi-annual award season but not for bisexuals because they got it good since they get to double their chances of dating and sex like the great omnivores of the past. Huh? What? We're omnivores? Score. Wait....Wouldn't that make us bi-vores or bi munchers? Bi-Munchers. I found a new word. Anyway for every person that writes in, leaves a comment get an award for this point on for the month of September. Also at a very soon point in time I shall bestow upon my readers the illutrious award of the Diamond Spoon!! But it's not time for that, yet however I'm tackling the age old question that has plagued philosophers from Pluto to Hasselhoff

Ninja

Pirate

vs.

This is erotic model Aria Giovanni. She has nothing
to do with the fight between pirates and ninjas

First of all you have to understand that this fight has been ongoing involving many factions from the Ewoks to the Imperial Troops to Jedi to Crips and Bloods and ultimately the Coca Cola Company (dern red devils) and Pepsi (dern blue Mormons) that we have to just boil it to the original pirates and ninjas irregardless of all the factions involved.

Now the war between the two sides occured during the US Invasion of Afghanistan. Neither side were a part of the conflict, it just took place at that time. It was then the dreaded pirate Roberts met the ninja Ryu Hayabusa in the town of Oktoberfest, Virginia for Beerathon since pirates are well known for drinking and debauchery as well as ninjas, to a lesser extent. The details aren't well known but we do know that the right of parlay was invoked by Roberts at his attempt at arbitration but that was when he was met in the face by a ninja star. It wasn't until sometime later that parlay means "pickle-footed-turd-jergller" which attributed to the short lived battles between cowboys and ninjas in which hundreds of cowboys got ninja stars to the face.

So with a ninja star to the face, Roberts ran from the battle and returned to his ship, Slave I and spoke to the head of the pirate nation who promptly did nothing. Then ate a sandwich. Then called the head of the ninja nation to flesh out an agreement which quickly escalted into a musket sandwich delivered to the head of the ninja nation via quick deilver system through the phone.

So that started the fight of the nations between the pirates and ninjas. Never forget that's why those two factions are at war so when ever you have beer or German food (My personal favorite is the corndog. Yes corndog is German. If it wasn't then why do they have it at Wienerschnitzel huh?) remember that druken misunderstood rage and fatty food was what started the most epic war of all time, PWN (Pirates W Ninjas) I have yet to come up with what the W means.

Welcome To The New School Of Awesome

2010-09-23T13:31:00.000-07:00

Many of you have written in and asked if I'm addicted to layout and banner changes or if I get paid to do so. Unfortunately it's the latter but if everyone sat together, clapped their hands and clicked on the banners, then maybe I would be paid to update it with cool new designs so that people can steal for their own little amusements or plagerizms. Oh and speaking of which, the new banner is courtesy of these guys:

Ryan and John

No they didn't plagerize, I took from them (with permission of course) their amazingly awesome Cable and Deadpool picture for the new banner on the site and with my own crappy photoshop skills, made the big box above you. So thanks to Ryan and John and their combined awesome creative efforts. Honestly it's probably one of the best C & DP drawing ever. I was going to make Deadpool say "Chimichanga!!!!" but the scene is just too awesome and the talent just that amazing that I feel slightly dirty for sullying such a great piece of art, just like the time I peed on the Mona Lisa by accident. But check out these guys at their respective website and if you work for Marvel or DC, hire these guys. And if you also work for Marvel or DC, please send me free crap to review!!! The free-er the crap, the better!!

The Original Image before I butchered it with my horrible photo shop skills

John the artist: http://valhaley.deviantart.com/
http://www.glasshousegraphics.com/creators/pencilers/jonathanlau/index.htm

Ryan the colorist: http://rsb13.deviantart.com/

So check them out and the rest of the array of their arsenal of awesome.

INtreatment

2010-09-20T16:42:00.000-07:00

I have the newest form of therapy and closure within my life. It's helped me become less of a psychological mess now and given me new clarity and purpose and it's all based on the hit movie Inception. Now you see my therapy is based upon this idea that people have incepted a seed into your brain via your dreams while you were passed out and may have also possibly taken pics of you sleeping for their own sick purposes and stolen your socks and underwear. Don't believe me? Then why are you always missing one of your socks or a pair of your undewear at times? Think it was the fact that you lost it while doing laundry? Lies. It's Inception. How do you know the laundry wasn't simply a dream? Inception.

So whateve ailes you, it's all Inception and for a modest fee broken down in several exhorbatent payments, I will come to your legal and emotional aid to help you in your time of need to help with my Inception theory. I can even assist you in court with a deep and formal knowledge of Inception, dream processing and criminal deniability, bribes and blackmailing.

Cheated on your g/f or b/f? Inception. It's not your fault.

Using sterois? Inception

Caused an incident where you harrased a female sports reporter in your locker room? Multiple Inceptions.

Can't cum? Inception

Cum too soon? Inception

Farted in an elevator? Inception

Acted like a slut? Inception

Murder in the first degree? Inception

Obese and can't stop eating? Inception

Perverted Office groper? Not your idea, it's.....INCEPTION!!!

So yes folks, whatever happened and whatever you have done, it's not your fault. The vast corporal conglomerate has allied against you so that you do things that you would find terrible. They are going to ruin your life and we cannot let that happen. No we can't. Whatever involuntary or voluntary thing you did, you didn't! It's been done to you and not for you in your mental mind. Do not face these things alone. Only a trained professional like myself with the use of drugs and alcohol can help you navigate the mine field or your enemy mind by making sure you're not having a dream within a dream within a dream and that trust that you will be awake by thinking you are when you really aren't but the waking dream life is really reality which has been thrust upon you by the ideas of the others mind. Don't waste your time building buildings. Don't be afraid to dream bigger darling because your dream really isn't a dream because it's a dream within a dream within a reality of a dream.

And with some psychological training from the Dr. Phil Academy of Psychological logic and psychopopscile arts*, I too can help you in two easy sessions to deal with the trauma of Inception and how to steel your mind against further attacks, just like in the movie. Don't think it can happen to you? It already has. It's already fucked up your life and you don't even know it. My specialized training can go deep into the later cake of your mind without being crushed by upper layers of frosting or being stuck in between by the delicious layers of spongy goodness and gooey frosting that's oh so warm. Shore up your mental defenses against such things as:

Giggaty

The Devil

Battlestar Galactism

Fox Executivus

Pooping in your sleep

Jesus Monster

Transincephalitus

Gastric colonic dental dam

Brain robbers

Transrubber coating fast necrosis
Transrubber coating slow necrosis
Taint
Zits
Hydrolarckicphobia
Irritable bowel movements
Bileveler syndrome
Dental Transmography
Bed wetting

And a slew of other unimaginable disease not yet imagined by me!!

So don't lose hope just yet folks. I am here to help you and rescue you from the plight of little people running around with guns inside your head. Keep steadfast and don't lose hope. Call me now!!!

*Accredited only in the states of Mississippi, the city of Vernon, Alaska and in the city of Tungsten Virginia. Also in the country of Rumekistan

Remember, Remember the 14th of September

2010-09-20T05:01:00.000-07:00

*Warning Spoilers

With Halo: Reach out, we're now full circle on the kick ass Halo saga which has pretty much defined an entire generation of gamers and a new way of changing the way video games are viewed. Now I haven't played the game and have missed playing Halo: ODST as well and Halo Wars. It's something that would bother me alot more if I didn't have the ability to watch the cutscenes and clips from the game which is what I love most about the Halo series. Firefight mode is great and multiplayer-deathmatch-skullbomb-capture-the-flag are all great little options to play in the game but as always, it would be empty without the core of the characters and the story.

Now I loved ODST because we finally got some characters behind the people we played as. Nothing wrong with Master Chief but the problem was that he didn't really have any personality. Strong, silent type are guys you can respect but the problem is that you don't really get to know them. I'm not saying Chief is a bland character but he's like a white envelope against a snow storm (HI OH!) Roast time...gotcha Chief. But seriously John-117 did have some great moment of dry humor and wit and a stoic confidence that made you stand up straighter if you looked at your reflection in that gold visor of his. However most of the Chief's personality shined through his actions, such as jumping out of high places and through the supporting characters like Sgt. Johnson.

But ODST gave us something new: distinct personalities. Now Halo felt like something out of the dirty dozen or Predator (don't laugh...that movie had some great personalities and kicked ass). Not only did every element of the game play and story improve but also also the story telling and cinematics, which as the story progressed, became even more dramatic and more advanced that most of the time they could easily place most of the Hollywood blockbusters. But it wasn't until Halo Wars did you really get a sense of distinct personalities. Again, Chief had some personality but nothing that shined through and all the other Halo games did have distinct voices for the supporting marines with actors and actresses such as Michelle Rodriguez and Nathan Fillion but they were very briefly seen and most of the time killed. Halo Wars gave us Sgt. Forge, Capt. Cutter and Scientist Anders as well as the sarcastic and dry witted A.I. Serena. All were welcome edition to the franchise and us a sense of connection to characters outside of the stoic Spartan and the gruff Avery Johnson. But it wasn't until ODST where we got a real array of fleshed out characters that were completely distinct from each other and gave the game a real human touch that seemed to come out of war movies. But although it was awesome to play kick ass sci-fi special forces Marines, we still wanted to be Spartans.

But we never saw what Spartans looked like under their lids? Were they freaks? Did they have hair? Are they just robots? Is it really George Clooney in his dreamy charm hiding under that helmet? A hint of the answer came to us during Halo: Legends where we got to see the Spartans without helmets on and well...they looked like us. Just bigger grant it from all the human growth hormones pumped into the crap we eat. Damn you Foster Farms. No artificial my ass! But we couldn't really take into account if this was official cannon or if it was something that Hollywood anime people came up with.

Finally we got our answer in Halo: Reach where not only did we get to play as a Spartan but a Spartan that's not Master Chief. We got Noble 6 who is far from the strong silent type. But we also have Jorge, Jun, Kat, Carter and Emile and we all saw that they had distinct faces, personalities and even armor specialties. True we did have hints of Spartan III's and Spartan II's in the Halo novels but those again were novels. Not exactly cannon. So it was nice to get the news straight from the XBOX's mouth that yes, everything that we've read, seen and experienced outside of the games is official. So now we had Spartans each with distinct personalities, looks, specialities, armor, accents and psychological traumas. Some may argue that playing as the quiet Chief or the Rookie from ODST are probably the best examples to give us the full experience in gaming which allows us to imagine ourselves as the character in the game, but we lose the personal touch in that we get to respawn as many times as we want to. Sure it's frustrating but we know we're going to come out on top since we hold the power of the controller in hand. ODST gave us a sense of some danger since we were not sure if the character we were playing was going to actually die in the game so we would experience a sense of loss and again, personality gave us a connection to the characters.

Halo: Reach was a story in which we all knew the ending to. Every Spartan was going to die. Now technically not ALL Spartans were killed so that gave Reach a sense of the opposite of what we experienced in ODST which was a sense of hope, hope that one of our favorite Spartans from Noble Team may actually live. Now some cynical types may just say that we can already just expect everyone to die but with each Spartan having a distinct look, speciality and personality, it gave us an attachment that we couldn't avoid because being a jack of all trades isn't a bad thing, it does leave us at a loss for identity. Here we could identify ourselves with the job of being the big gun heavy weapons specialist or the lone wolf killer or the stalwart leader. We could as well connect with certain characters as the game progressed since we do have the experience of fighting alongside Noble Squad since it allowed us to It was brilliant of Bungie to leave Noble 6 faceless yet not without personality since well giving us another silent Spartan to play as would a redundant as hell. But it also made sense to have each Spartan able to talk with each other since there really is a sense of bond and brother(sister)hood between these soldiers who grew up, trained and bleed with each other. I swear that when I watched each Spartan die on screen that I felt a level of sadness. I even got a bit choked up and in awe of the last scene involving Noble Six's last stand.

Now I have to say that JUST from what I've seen and read, Halo: Reach looks to be the best of the bunch. It's got a ton of new features with firefight mode and unlockable but it finally allows you to stab people for close quarters combat and the armor lock option looks to be another fun option in battle that one could do some gleeful violence with. It also gives you another feature which allows you to play in your favorite armor type and color so it's really come a long way from the 5 color choices you had in the original game in multiplayer (and it is pink....not lightish red). And I really do have to say it's nice to see the Spartan side of the games expanded so that now it's much more based on actual military forces since military forces have specialties and armor for such specialties. It is something which the main series seemed to lack a bit since all we got was Arbiter and Master Chief and they were the jack of all trades.

Halo also brought about an interesting outlet and parallel which may have foreshadowed the current military crisis in today's climate. If we look at the factions in Halo we have the UNSC, a military branch made up of people of all nations who are fighting the Covenant, an alien religious hegemony who are on a quest to wipe out humanity since they believe us to be a blight on the universe. Sound sorta familiar?
It should since the current war on terror involves the allied nations of behind the US, in game are represented by the UNSC and Al Queda, a group of religious extremists, in game are represented by the Covenant. It even has the element of a horror movie in the Flood, a group of parasitic spores that turn the infect into zombies. Again, this is part is revving up for another post...hopefully I can get to since I am lagging a bit on the other posts I plan to do. I'd love to go into it more but it's really for an in depth review that I'm sure you few believers will read.

But while touching upon the topic of the Flood, Halo gave us that interesting twist which was a complete surprise element. And added a sense of terror to the game. It lended a horror element to the game much like Doom or Dead Space without it being the primary focus of the game. The Flood added an interesting slant to the story so Halo truly became a focal point, taking from many elements of science fiction. It borrowed story and style elements from Ringwold, Enders Game, Aliens, Event Horizon, Alien Mind, Starship Troopers and Man-Kzin Wars and even Avatar to name a few (yes I have slept with a girl...and seens some naked even. Why do you ask? I CHOOSE to be home alone on Friday nights reading. Really I do? Really.....I'm so lonely...). Halo also incorporates from war movies with elements from the Dirty Dozen, Serenity, Predator, and Platoon.

Reach does suffer from a brief stint of the Star Wars Syndrome as I call it, meaning that as the series jumped back in time, it became technologically cooler and more advanced. But this is a minor quibble considering how good the game elements are. Halo I may even say has changed the way game advertising is done. Look at every Halo game and you receive a live action trailer. It really isn't the typical way to market a game at all and feels much like a movie advertisement or viral marketing. It even implements a documentary and employs the use of real soldiers and veterans as actors. You can see the recent wave of advertisements over the past few years and how they attempt to copy Halo's advertising strategy in the recent advertisements of another cyborg armor suit game, Metroid: The Other M.

Of course we know this is all building up to a Halo live action movie but I say why even bother. I'd just as soon as show the clips from the game all tied together intercut with some actual gameplay. It'd turn out a hell of alot better then most Hollywood movies. I'd even go all out and do a full CGI Final Fantasy style Halo movie since the in game cinematics are so well done and contains genuine moments of drama, action and comedy all rolled into a large sandwich of actual substance, which annihilates movies such as Resident Evil: Afterlife, Doom and even some other action or video game movies.

Hopefully Bungie's creative staff will be on hand for the Halo movie. I unfortunately have doubts about it being so true to the original source material or even resembling the live actions commercials. I do know that Peter Jackson is the big director producing it and even names like Steven Spielberg have been rumored to direct it but I still have to wait and see since Hollywood's track records with videogame movies have been damn spotty at best. So go out and get Halo: Reach and see how it all started. If not, then I really really recommend getting on YouTube or the net and watching the quality cutscenes as a movie. I know I haven't played the recent games but hell..I don't need to tell you that it's good.

Inez Sainz And The Ding A Lings

2010-09-19T03:07:00.000-07:00

Backfield in motion...how can I
NOT make that joke?

Sweet Coreillian Cheeseburger this woman is hot!!!! I don't give two fucks about in depth game analysis or experience in speaking about the game of football. Just send in the woman and leave it be. I don't even care if she knows anything about football. Just let her stand there. Sorry Ronnie, Howie and Terry. You guys are going to have to have your circle jerk somewhere else.

And I gotta know, how many boners does this woman bring up in the locker room? I know that she's not the only woman who's come into the pipe swingers convention but jeez she's an extra layer of hot with that accent. SAYONARA!! And they said I can't speak Spanish.....

My Schwartz is bigger then yours

But by now everyone knows the fact that she's been harassed by the NY Jets in the locker room as she waited for her interview because she's a hot girl. I know most and most of the world think about this kind of stuff and say that she shouldn't have been dressed so hotly and in a male dominated, sport locker room, alpha thumping locker room full of homo erotic men showering and trying to avoid bumping uglies and NOT expected to be harassed and viewed upon as a sex object. True, you can't dress a certain way and expected to be treated differently. It's like the time I dressed up as a hot dog at McDonald's and was beaten up....or wait...was that a dream? DAMN INCEPTION!!! But in seriousness, an example would be the woman getting raped because she dressed to sexy and walked down sodomy alley in high heels in the dark. She shouldn't have dressed as such right?

But really, how far have we really come in society when we have to teach people not to be jerks. I mean yes I know she's like Ms. BOING however we gotta know a bit better then that to behave. Who'd like it if they're family member acted like that? I mean I'm told all the time: "Don't be that guy." It's what we're taught as human beings not to treat people that way. She dressed to something to the effect to the picture on the right and yes, it's pretty sexy but sorry, doesn't give you licence to go nuts like a Tex Avery cartoon. Actually I think she just wore a white t-shirt but I think you get the point. But I know it's not a simple world but a descent person stays descent because of who they are. Nurture does play a part but really, can't the world be more like me and replace sexual frustration by burying it into a mental illness or transfer it into mindless violence with hilarious bits of quips? I've heard it's common sense that you shouldn't dress such a way since it invites harassment and attention but it's also common fucking sense that anyone is going to feel uncomfortable if you sexually harass them and such. Also acting like a douche can get you eviscerated like that fucking Trix Rabbit...trying to get my Trix. I mean for christ sakes, it's a locker room, not a strip club and strippers at least get paid for what they do. She's a reporter not a hooker. Even though she does trade on her sexuality to get ahead by giving some guy a head. HI OH!

Serious reporters requires dressing seriously

Poppin Wood

In defense, you got to remember that it's a different mentality for athletes who are pumped and pushed to win in the most alpha way possible and that people need to understand that. I mean I can't wear meat boxers to a zombie plagued or bring my sex thong to a beach (darn women always...wait...DAMN INCEPTION!!) and expected to not get stares. Social etiquette does require such a thing because well men are quite stupid and women are kinda nuts. I mean I can't be too mad at the guys for acting that way but I think that women DO have to take some responsibility in the matter. A girl has the right to dress sexy and it's not an invitation to rape her, but if said woman walks into a prison, then well....you gotta lay some responsibility on the girl cause you gotta be responsible for personal safety and for situational awareness.

Ron Kantowski of the Las Vegas Review-Journal (http://www.lvrj.com/sports/three-up--three-down-103230479.html) however had a point I have to agree with, why do we need to be in the locker room at all? I can see it for big champion celebrations and such but does a reporter need to be in there for every game? I'm sure it's been awkward for guys too in there since watching a bunch of naked dudes swing around fleshy lances of glory isn't exactly something you want to see so much. I mean there has to be a happy medium for this like waiting for the players outside.

Recreation of event *Note: Recreation dramatized for
maximum hilarity

It's a bit of a sticky situation but I think everyone has lost a bit of personal responsibility, not common sense in this matter. Ines Sainz wasn't walking down sodomy way with high heels nor were the guys being bad guys, they're were a bit pumped (hopefully not literally) after the game. It's a man's world but it wouldn't be nothing without a woman or a girl....cause then we'd be homosexuals.

A Brief History Of The Marvel Universe...

2010-09-19T02:08:00.000-07:00

Snikt!

1974-Wolverine is created

1975-Wolverine joins the X-Men

1980-Wolverine leaves the X-men

1981-Wolverine comes back to the X-Men

1995-Wolverine joins the New Fantastic Four

2001-Wolverine has a past in Origins

2005-Wolverine joins the New Avengers

2007-Wolverine reforms X-Force

2007-Wolverine Kills Sabertooth

Extended claws. Awesome power

2010-Wolverine Goes to Hell

2010-Wolverine Beats Daken

2010-Wolverine Joins the Avengers

2010-Wolverine stays on the New Avengers

2010-Wolverine stays with the X-Men

2010-Wolverine stays with X-Force

2010-Wolverine Fights Vampires

2010-Wolverine Becomes a Vampire

Pikachu level 10

Marvel, stop over using characters please. How many teams can he possibly be on? He's a fucking vampire now? More like he's a vampire again. Yes....again. I nkow after like 50 years every story has been done to death but you can do better Marvel. You can do alot better. I mean look at DC. Batman is terribly overused but at least they have some quality control, even over Grant Morrison. Why the hell is he in so many damn books? Again this fucking 6 year old logic to make sales. Why is he in hell too? I don't even bother to fucking read the stories anymore at this point when I hear shit like this.

Plus it's bad enough that you're fucking up the continuity and stories of the main characters but now you've extneded it to whole fucking groups. The current run on the X-Men, Curse of the Mutants is just damn attrocious. For all of you in internet land, it's about the X-Men fighting vampires. Yes....vampires. The promo images have vampirized versions of all the X-Men since they are fighting VAMPIRES!!! Plus they're throwing in yo mama and the kitchen sink as they have cameos from Spider-Man, Savage She-Hulk, Blade as part of the non-mutant guest stars. Those are just the non-mutant guest stars. Don't even get me started on the mutant guest stars. I know I've said it before but it's just really funny at this point since it's like the alcoholic family member who keeps on relapsing while coming up with get rich quick schemes who was once the high school football star.

Public Service Annoucment

2010-09-18T18:41:00.000-07:00

This has been a public service annoucement.

Smells Like Teen Spirit

2010-09-18T03:13:00.000-07:00

Official Hellcats drinking game: Take a shot everytime
you see a mid-drift.

Alright so the new season of TV is in swing and that I'm all in cause I need to watch something while I write or workout or whatever (whatever doesn't always mean look for porn...I mean...the keyword is always). Usually to feed my superhero fetish I of course watch Smallville and of course the amazingly awesome Supenatural. So here comes my surprise when I stumbled onto my Friday timeslot to find a bunch of blonde cheerleaders instead. Normally I'd be happy to see such things but I was expecting some kind of story line. However I stayed with Hellcats mostly because I couldn't find the remote so I decided that I could zone out most of it and sneak peaks at some hard bodied and nubile young cheerleaders. That sounds alot like high school except I'm not under the bleachers or holding a trombone (and yes there is a dirty joke in there).

So as I kept watching, Hellcats actually wasn't too bad at all. The writing isn't exactly Aaron Sorkin but this IS a show about cheerleaders and yes it's kinda like Bring It On the TV show but with a some miscasting. Let me get to that but not before looking at this.....

Edgy outsiders always choose
Paul Frank

So Hellcats follows Marti (Alyson Michalka...yea I know. I wanna call her Milk of Magnesia), a too cool for school yet brilliant smart outsider who's a pre law college girl from the wrong side of town because she wears all black. That's how you can spot outsiders in TV black. Sometimes they ARE black. Now being from the wrong side of the tracks means that you gotta have fucked up parents and Marti's mom really fucked up since she lost her scholarship so Marti is forced to use her early gymnastic training to replace an injured cheerleader since cheerleaders get full rides at this school. There she makes various friends, one being the surprisingly non-bitchy captain Savannah Monroe (Ashley Tisdale who's really nubile as a brunette) and the rest as they live together and eat together and do it all together in a porno setup without the actual porn occuring.

Is it like Bring It On? Yes. I mean if fucking has dizzy Tissydale who was in like Bring It On 12 and who played a cheerleader in ten other movies. Plus we got Milk of Magnesia in it who I'm sure did some kind of high school cheerleader movie stuff as well. But as for the rest of the cast you got Gail O'Grady playing a fuckup parent who means well instead of a cop or something on NYPD Blue (anyone still remember that show) and others who I can't remember and don't want to IMDB. Michalka however I feel is a bit miscast or misdirected. Since she's supposed to be the harder edged Eliza Dushku character but doesn't have the edge that Dushku brings. She's Dushku light since there's not as much intensity. Tisdale does play the sweet, petite, overly neat peppy cheer captain but there are some minor moment of drama where she does excel at such as the second episode in which we find out her parents disowned her for not going to the family college. But again it's at CW, pre teen level which she's played alot. But I do see some promise in Tisdale's acting ability and think if she transitioned to more adult roles she'd begin to really grow. Milk of Magnesia however is at a bit of a impasse where she seems ready for the more adult harder roles but still needs time to play in the high school dramedy place to build up her chops.

Jailbaity but 100% less illegal

However both are really hot. I mean if you think there's just navel gazing with bare belly's then you're going to get mounds of that like mana from the heavens, and what sweet mana it is. So you got that much eye candy and it's in spades. The cast is descent. I don't see any breakout stars but it seems like they all know their roles and fill them. The biggest level of chemistry is between President Robin Palmer (DB Woodslide from Buffy and 24) who plays the team doctor Derrick Altman and Vanessa Lodge played by Sharon Neal. If you're good enough at TV trivia then you should have no problems deciphering the above sentence.

So all I can say is that it's a CW show. Not a bad one but it seems that the CW is going back to the old WB Buffy/Dawsons Creek teen arena. I mean it seems to be what works and did give us a good show in the short lived Reaper and Smallville. So Hellcats does have some potential in the female audience and a male one since there are a ton of hot girls prancing nubiley around. The lighting isn't terrible but I think the shows still trying to find it's footing so the style of the show isn't set yet. But the one thing I have to say that it seems the premise is going to wear thin after about episode 4 but I'm waiting and seeing so far. So it's guilty pleasure. Sue me. The dance choreography is pretty cool with lots of work you can tell going into the authenticity of the cheerleading.

Again, not a terrible show but not a great one either since the scenes are about Disney channel level but slightly older and more risque. It's not bad as a guilty pleasure but the plots are beginning to wear a bit thin so here's to hoping that it can do something interesting and soon. Tom Welling, the actor who plays Clark Kent/Stuporman in Smallville is an executive producer with his finely chisled face and abs. And I'm sure if the show survives, he'll do some directing and possibly a guest spot so we can see him mixing it up with the nuile young dressed cheerleaders and their slightly hookerish uniforms as the new cool kid who transfered from rich cool kid high.

Tom Welling Guest as the kid who wears long sleeve
shirts with short sleeve shits with long sleeve shirts.

So go check out Hellcats before it hits DVD's and you miss those personally tailored hot uniforms.

Overall: 3/5

Profiles in Villiany: Chtylok, the Che-k'n Kau

2010-09-17T02:29:00.000-07:00

Size isn't an issue. However choice is

You remember that show Cow and Chicken? Imagine if they mated and had a child, and don't ask me which one would be bitch and which one would be butch because this is mind boggling enough, and after being exposed to Cosmic Kryptonian Gamma Radiation it grows to 25 feet in length and can fly and eats dinosaurs for sustinence. I know it sounds like William Shatner in his later age but I'm talking about Chtyl...I'm just going to call it Cowkin since it's a damn cow mixed with a chicken.

Fosters Farm poultry is always 100% natural with no added hormones or steroids

So this thing apparently comes from the Savage Land and was worshipped by as a god by the locals with good measure too cause anything as ugly as sin as this thing has to be worshipped or a tourist attraction. On top of that it's got 100 class strength which is around Hulk level power plus it can fly around and attack you with it's beak, hooves and talons. If that's not bad enough this thing is fucking armed with a damned spiked tail. It's like my greatest creation if I were six years old.

Cowkin basically is monster of the week that was used like 3 times and most of those times it fought Spider-Man. Yea...Spider-Man. Plus it had to also fight the Hulk and Ka-Zar. Now it hasn't come back since and with good damn reason because big ass monsters are hard to use in comics. Don't believe me? How often do you see fucking Galactus? I don't see Fin Fang Foom appear that often (aside from the racist name popping up. Even with an Asian chracter like this we still lose in comics). I mean yes they are awesome and Chy...Chicken/Cow would be awesome except for the fact that it's too fucking hard to write in as a story. I think the only time you'll ever see this thing come out again is in a Pet Avengers book and even that's a long shot.

The legendary Esquilax, a horse with the head of a rabbit
and the BODY of a rabbit!

Grant it, the thing looks pretty impressive unil you learn what the fuck the parts of the whole are, a cow and a chicken. It doens't sound that impressive. And they couldn't fucking combine any two other animals? ANY OTHER TWO!? You have the entire animalia kingdom filled with tasty and dangerous critters and they choose the two biggest meat sources. Any two animals. Sharkapillar. SabertoothBison. Raptiger (Raptor Tiger, NOT a rappin tiger), ElectricstingingJellycelledMonkeycrab. Anything would be better then this. An Esquilax would be more fearsome....

Hell call it an Eaglebull. Anything but chicken cow. Hell it's in the damn name:

Che-K'n Kau.

The sad thing is that I WANT to like the character. I just can't find any place for a fictional cryptozooligical animal in this modern world. I even think Mulder would pass on this case on the X-Files.

Yes. A monkey with a gun is more entertaining then a giant chicken cow