A few weeks ago, the health and fitness celebrity Jack Lalanne died. After listening to a story about him on NPR, I found myself watching video after video of his mid-20th century TV show on YouTube. I don’t remember his show from my childhood, but, the other day, I was somehow completely hooked. This tip is not really about him, but I do like the point he makes in the video.

So, have fun with a little YouTube, and then sit back and smile (or not)!

First, watch this video: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NEboAJf9UVc.

Did it make you smile? Whatever you think of Jack Lalanne, it’s hard to disagree that smiling (and spontaneous song) has an uplifting effect. You might be able to recall experiences when smiling was contagious, even under difficult circumstances. Similarly, you might remember times when you noticed that everyone around you seemed to be frowning, or at least appeared overly serious.

At least once this week, see if you can catch yourself in a moment that could benefit from a smile. Notice the details around you – how glum everyone looks, or how “blah” you might be feeling. Then, share a smile with the person or people around you, and see if it catches on (or smile to yourself if you’re alone). At the very least, it will probably make you feel better, and it might have a substantial ripple effect that could make other people’s day.

By the way, I’m ideally not talking about a phony, cheesy smile – the kind you became skilled at for family photos when you were in the 6th grade. I’m talking about a smile that comes from within. So, in order to really smile, you might bring to mind a time that made you genuinely happy or a sense of gratitude for something that is going right, even if everything else seems to be not so great. If this seems impossible, then try the phony one…but phony smiles, believe it or not, often morph into genuine ones. Give it a try! And – here’s the true mindfulness part – notice how you feel before, during, and after your smiling moments, particularly the emotional and bodily content of your experience as it happens. (Even notice if you have that “I don’t want to smile, I’m in a bad mood” mentality…are you thriving on your present-moment misery?!)

This time of year can be challenging for a variety of reasons. One challenge I find is to honor the commitments I so eagerly made to myself during the holidays and at the turn of the new year. So, this tip is for those times when you want to commit, but it seems so hard to get there.

Think of something you have been finding it difficult to commit to, despite your best intentions. It might be to clean your office, practice piano, or call a counselor for help with something important in your life. Whatever it is, acknowledge that it’s important to you, and reaffirm your commitment to take at least small steps in that direction.

During the course of the coming week, there will be many moments in which you face a choice to either act or not act upon this commitment. In the moment that you face this choice, can you pause and take stock of the decision ahead of you? What do you notice right there, in that moment of decision? What resistance, negative thought patterns, or other hurdles arise to try to keep you from acting in the direction of that commitment? What other temptations come into play (“hmm…I could either spend 15 minutes organizing my desk, or I could watch just a little TV…or maybe go on Facebook for a while”)? What arises in your thoughts, your body, and your emotions? Just see if you can be right there in that moment of decision, observing it with an open mind.

Then, ask yourself “Will this decision lead me toward, or away from, the things to which I am committed?”

After this pause, go ahead and make your decision, and act upon it. You might not always choose to act toward your commitment, but your increasing awareness around that moment of decision will lead you toward a more intentional and mindful relationship with your commitnent and, ultimately, increase the likelihood that you’ll make the choice that will serve you best in the long run.

A few caveats:

* Please do not take this tip to suggest that I think you should “hunker down” and always choose the less fun or less relaxing option. Facebook is OK from time to time, of course, as is eating ice cream and many other pleasurable activities. But think how good you feel once you take some steps toward a commitment – often a much longer-lasting reward.

* Also, taking baby steps is typically much more feasible than trying to get something done all at once (and often the only way – like I can’t possibly learn Swedish in one night, yet I try a little each day if possible).

* Finally, please do not beat yourself up if you make the “wrong” decision. Simply bring awareness to the point of decision-making. If you feel bad about the choice you make, tomorrow will present a new opportunity to try again.

All the best with this one – let me know how it goes!

One of the primary reasons people come to career counseling is to take the next step in their personal “pursuit of happiness.” From our first days in elementary school, we’ve been told that this is a noble, fundamental American pursuit. (Historians have debated what Thomas Jefferson meant by happiness – many argue that he meant a “public happiness,” the type that one feels when giving to others and to the common good – more on that in this Wikipedia article.)

But what, really, is happiness, and how do we “get” it? That’s one of the places where my job as a career counselor becomes very interesting, and tricky – I certainly can’t craft anyone else’s happiness, and, I would argue, neither can finding that great job.

The field of positive psychology describes six “core virtues” that contribute to happiness for most people in most parts of the world (the words in parentheses are measurable character strengths, which can be learned and practiced):

• Wisdom and Knowledge (creativity, curiosity, open-mindedness, love of learning, perspective, innovation)
• Courage: (bravery, persistence, integrity, vitality, zest)
• Love and Humanity (love, kindness, social intelligence)
• Justice (citizenship, fairness, leadership)
• Temperance (forgiveness and mercy, humility, prudence, self control)
• Spirituality and Transcendence (appreciation of beauty and excellence, gratitude, hope, humor, spirituality)

In the mindfulness teachings I’ve learned and share with others, happiness is developed and practiced as an internal state, removed from such external factors as money, job status, and possessions (I would qualify this by agreeing with the research that indicates our basic needs must first be met – food, shelter, some close relationships with family and/or friends). Mindfulness practice, such as meditation and contemplating gratitude, can elevate one’s sense of meaning, put things in perspective, reduce anxiety, and help a person clarify and act upon goals that will lead to increased genuine fulfillment.

In the “The connection between a good job and happiness is overrated” post on her Brazen Careerist blog, Penelope Trunk cites an Economist magazine article defining “The traits of work that makes someone happy”:

1. stretches a person without defeating him
2. provides clear goals
3. provides unambiguous feedback
4. provides a sense of control

She goes on to emphasize that we can cultivate these qualities in our jobs, rather than needing them as fundamentals from the beginning of our employment. I agree that this is possible, provided there’s room for this cultivation (and many workplaces just don’t have it).

So, the question remains – what is happiness for you, and how do you make sure you maximize your happiness? You might find some clues above…and don’t expect that career counseling will lead to happiness in the obvious ways.

In my view, a good job/career match is important, but searching for that elusive “perfect” match can be an exercise in acquisition, which does not lead to genuine happiness. Once you “acquire” that great job, or even that great alternative lifestyle that may be offered by a creative, nontraditional career path, you might find yourself looking for the next thing, wondering why that acquisition did not lead you to daily bliss.

Instead, focusing on the job/career search as it plays into the above happiness indicators, and remembering that it’s not the “be all, end all” of your happiness pursuit, is a much more realistic and satisfying attitude to take. And yes, as a career counselor with training in psychotherapy and mindfulness, I can help you cultivate a lasting, genuine happiness.

I welcome your comments about happiness – what has made you happy in your life? Which pursuits of happiness have really “worked,” and which ones have not lived up to your expectations? Does your job/career make you happy?

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I just finished Daniel Pink’s new book, Drive: The Surprising Truth About What Motivates Us, and I love it! He talks about the three things everyone needs to thrive at their jobs (and the three things every organization should be sure to cultivate in its workforce): autonomy, mastery, and purpose. Good things to think about in your own career/job search, I’d say.

Most of the people I work with don’t have any of these in their current work (that’s why they’ve called a career counselor, I suppose). What about you? Does your current position offer: Autonomy over your time and how you get your work done; the potential to work toward Mastery of challenging projects, tasks, and goals; and an overarching sense of Purpose in the work you do? If you’re looking for a new job or career direction, it might be wise to keep these three factors in mind, at least considering their level of importance to you and whether you know where to look for them.

Some questions to ask yourself:

• What puts you in a state of “flow” (complete engagement with what you’re doing, so you lose track of time)?
• What gives you a true sense of purpose or meaning?
• What level of autonomy and trust do you need from your employer in order to do your best work?
• What have you taken pleasure in “mastering” (knowing that doesn’t mean you’re perfect at it, just really good)? What was that mastery process like for you?
• Do you know anyone who seems to have all three of these elements (autonomy, mastery, purpose) in their work life? What have they done to put themselves in this fortunate position? What can you learn from this person’s experience?

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“How in the world could having a cup of tea help me with my career or job woes? How could tea possibly help my stress, help me deal better with my boss or coworkers, help me get my life together? I mean, really!”

OK, so a cup of tea is definitely not going to solve all your problems. It’s probably not going to make you stronger, smarter, happier, or magically without worries.

Now that we’ve gotten that out of the way, consider having some tea. Consider really enjoying the tea, and the whole process of making it, sipping it, and sitting over the cup as it wafts up to your face. Consider “taking tea” in this way alone and also with a treasured friend.

The tea’s not exactly the point – it’s the mindful approach you take to it that can really help you center, calm down, enjoy your relationship with a cherished friend, and get out of your hurried, worrying routine. By placing attention on something that stimulates your senses (like an aromatic cup of hot tea), you bring yourself into the present moment and temporarily out of the whirlwind of thoughts and emotional reactions that are so prevalent in daily life. The result can be very grounding and calming (but no guarantees – see below!). Over time, this type of practice can have a profound impact on your stress level and your perspective.

You do not need much time – maybe 15 minutes if you’re making tea alone at home and one hour if you’re with a friend (although you may find you want to linger!). Have your tea at home, at a friend’s house, or at a relaxing tea house. In Denver, I highly recommend Seven Cups (traditional Chinese tea house – very quiet and restful) or Wash Perk (comfy neighborhood coffee house).

Here are some “instructions” for taking a mindful approach to tea:

If you have a little extra time:

Bring your full attention to each step of preparing, drinking, and savoring your tea. Notice how your body feels and moves as you make the tea. If your mind feels distracted, notice that, too, and then bring your attention back to preparing the tea however you want to do so. Then, sit down and notice the warm cup in your hands, the way the steam feels as it wafts out of the cup, the tea’s aroma, and how your body feels as you contemplate drinking it. Once you put the cup to your lips, see if you can drink slowly, paying close attention to the process without multitasking or thinking about other things. When your mind does wander (which it inevitably will), don’t get mad at yourself for “blowing” it – just gently bring your mind back to your tea. Ideally, you might spend 10 minutes or more with your cup of tea.

If you have only three minutes:

Make a cup of tea and then spend three minutes giving it your full attention before you take your tea with you to do other activities. Or, purchase a cup of tea at a coffee shop, and spend a few minutes focusing on the tea that has been prepared for you.

Important note: If you do not find yourself feeling completely relaxed and content with your cup of tea, don’t worry. The goal is not to make yourself feel as blissful as possible. The “goal” is simply to spend a few minutes devoting your full attention to something simple and small – in this case, a warm cup of tea. You will sometimes feel truly at peace with this exercise, and sometimes not – that’s how it works. But it’s a small way in which you can train your attention toward the present moment and away from your worrying mind.

If you’re in the midst of career transition, you might find yourself confronted with fears and apprehensions you’ve never felt or thought about before. You might feel stuck in your current situation while trying to figure out your next move – yet finding the possibilities scary and, at times, overwhelming.

In order to become more comfortable with stepping out of your comfort zone (a requirement for major career transition), you might consider planning some three to five activities that can get you out of your routine, out of the box, temporarily. What has the potential to expand your life, even just a little? What can you do to push yourself past your perceived limitations – perhaps something that asserts your independence in a new, yet small, way?

This is a helpful thing to do even if you’re not facing career challenges, but it’s particularly helpful for people who feel stuck in a rut. I like to make such a list periodically to ensure I don’t find myself in a rut. My current list includes visiting the Butterfly Pavilion and letting Rosie the tarantula (and maybe a scorpion) walk across my hands; cooking an Indian meal after shopping for ingredients at a Southeast Denver shop I’ve heard about; and seeing some new artists perform at Swallow Hill folk music center.

Whatever your level of adventure, see if you can think of three to five adventuresome (for you) activities you can do within the next two or three months. They may be with your family, with a friend, or alone…use your imagination, and make them fun (you can also make a “to do” list of household tasks, but that’s a different list). And commit! Once you’ve made your list, post it where you’ll see it each day, and get out your calendar to make concrete plans.

Facing the chaos and emotional challenges of career transition requires that you pay attention to your own needs. In part, this involves establishing a routine and retaining some of the basic comforts that you most appreciate. But if you’re ready to begin moving forward in your life, expanding your horizons bit-by-bit can be very inspiring and motivating. See if you can start with a few of your own “adventure steps!”

Saturday, October 24 is Take Back Your Time Day. What’s that, you say? An opportunity to reflect on your own time crunch and the general “time famine” that pervades our culture, and a chance to do something about it. This year’s theme is Chill Out! because, as the Take Back Your Time web site says, “We believe Americans (and Canadians) need to chill out by reducing working hours and unnecessary consumption, thereby at the same time helping to cool the climate of the planet.”

As this blog is in large part about making time for yourself, I invite you to think about how you might devote some quality time for yourself this weekend and on an ongoing basis.

What is one thing you have been meaning to do for yourself but that you’ve been putting off, maybe because it feels “selfish,” “unproductive,” or that you don’t yet deserve it? Can you examine these areas of resistance to being kind to yourself, label them as “just thoughts,” and give them less weight in your life? Are you really selfish if you take a 30-minute walk each day, for example, or is that just a part of the story you tell yourself?

Have you considered that making more space for some of your true interests and longings might free up energy to devote to those other things you need, or want, to do? Taking personal breaks can help us re-energize and feel more centered during our errands, caregiving, and other “must-do” activities. Similarly, if you care about helping the planet (or other people, animals, etc.), consider helping yourself to some breathing room first…if you’re continuously rushing around, you’ll have no energy (or time) for making planet-friendly changes in your lifestyle or community.

Here are some very simple, yet very meaningful, Take Back Your Time Day ideas:

• Prepare and eat a meal at home with your family, a friend, or by yourself. (And please don’t skimp just because you’re single or with a long-term partner who’s used to quick microwaved meals!)
• Take a long bath.
• Take a walk.
• Do a household chore or yard work slowly, allowing yourself to appreciate and feel gratitude for the opportunity to have a home to clean (or wash your car by hand, enjoying the fresh air).
• Enjoy a lingering conversation with an old (or new) friend.
• Pick up, and take time to read, a book that’s been calling to you for a while.
• Sit down in a cozy place, and make a list of the things you’d like to do that would truly feed your soul. Then make a plan for how you’ll do at least some of them in the next month or two.

One important part of making our time more meaningful and fulfilling involves reclaiming a sense of community. In counseling people who are trying to experiencing extreme work-related stress or angst, I notice that many people feel they’ve lost touch with this important connection, as well as with their own sense of direction. They find themselves in a “rut,” not knowing where to even look for community connections or how to expand their circle of acquaintances and friends.

We all have our personal preferences for how we like to socialize, and not everyone can or should be the neighborhood social planner…yet I’ve found that for myself, it’s essential to attempt some connection with the people in my immediate neighborhood. It invites opportunities for spontaneous connection, lets us learn some interesting local stories, and helps us feel more welcome and protected at home.

That’s why I loved the recent recommendation from New American Dream to bake cookies for a neighbor. It’s also why last December, I distributed invitations to everyone on my block for a holiday open house – about 25 people showed up, and it was a wonderful opportunity to meet many of my neighbors.

If you’re feeling that cultivating community might be just what you need, it won’t be helpful to think of it as one more task on your to-do list. Instead, consider it a way to break up the hurried routine, a chance to actually slow down and give yourself permission to “just be” for a few minutes as you chat with your neighbor about the weather or stop to pet someone’s dog.

A bit farther afield from the neighborhood are citywide opportunities. I often recommend that people find an in-person group in their town through Meetup.com and, for people in Denver, consider taking a class at Colorado Free University or making some connections at a community-oriented coffee house such as the Wash Perk.

I’d love to hear how you have helped foster community and what this sense of community has done for your spirits and for your stress levels.

The blog is back! After my vacation in August, I needed some time to check in with my vision for this blog. It feels so essential to have a sense of direction, and sometimes we just need to take a little time off to be introverts and figure things out. So, I did just that.

Now that I have emerged from that introversion, I have decided to continue pretty much the same focus I’ve had with previous blog posts, but to focus this overall web site a bit more toward my Denver audience. This should not preclude the blog posts and weekly mindfulness tips from being of relevance to everyone.

To get back to the idea of having a sense of direction…many people who come to me for counseling admit to feeling “clueless” on this front. This can be a decidedly uncomfortable feeling, yet I don’t think its such a bad thing. Naturally, we all want to find a place of greater clarity from which we can move ourselves forward toward goals that will fulfill us in a deep, meaningful way. Yet a period of “cluelessness” may sometimes be just what we need. It can be an opportunity to sit with ourselves, in all our discomfort, and really explore what it is we feel we are meant to do with our lives. We so often need this seemingly chaotic time to contemplate our lives and de-clutter our minds from the conditioning that tells us what we “should” be doing, rather than diving into the next project just for the sake of keeping busy.

Of course, this is not to negate the urgency we feel if we are unemployed and need to find work quickly. But even if we are fortunate enough in these economic conditions to find a job to pay the bills, we need to give ourselves time and space to get in touch with what our longer-term needs might be.

So, once again, I advocate for a minimum of a half-hour a day that is just for ourselves, preferably allowing some form of contemplation or quiet time without too much planning or busywork.

I’d love to hear from you. How do you deal with feeling like you lack direction? Have you discovered any helpful strategies for making decisions about the next chapter in your life? (I’ll address these questions more in upcoming posts.)

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“I know I’ve got to get out of this job one day, but I’m so busy right now, I don’t even have time to think about it!”

These words from a recent client speak to the heart of a major obstacle for many people when it comes to any lifestyle change, including career. Our busyness can obscure our ability to make significant decisions for ourselves. The irony is that being super-busy can be easier than allowing ourselves to become still and quiet and deal with difficult decisions or painful situations…but this avoidance can cost us genuine happiness and contentment.

Do you have time to discover what changes would be good for you? If you know the changes you want to make, do you allow yourself the time and mental space for them to develop?

As you probably know, there’s a big difference between having an inkling that things need to change and actually taking steps to make changes happen. There are many reasons we resist making changes. One of the big ones is actually an unwillingness to give ourselves the time and space to be alone and let our intuition guide us.

Have you ever had a great idea come to you while you’re taking a shower, walking your dog, or just waking up in the morning? These are times when the busyness of our daily lives and our thinking minds often get a brief respite, allowing our intuition to come to the surface. Have you also noticed that if you try for these moments of insight, they’re less likely to come? This is why it’s so important to allow ourselves quiet time alone each day, not to be used for planning or strategizing, but to just be with ourselves in the present as much as possible and allow things to arise as they will. (And science bears this out: scientists studying brain imagery believe contemplative or creative time allows the brain to synchronize its logical left side with its intuitive right side, facilitating our ability to think creatively).

Yes, I realize this is hard! Our culture tells us to remain busy all the time. If we stay busy, we can feel productive – but who is this productivity really benefiting? I would submit that quiet time alone is radical and countercultural – after all, we might just gain some insight that leads us to do something outside the norm (like singing in the street, eating slow lunches, vocalizing our political opinions, or taking a vacation to Timbuktu).

Starting now, I challenge you to be radical by taking intuitive time for yourself every day (without trying too hard to be radical or intuitive). Excellent ways to do this include walking in nature, sitting meditation, drawing or painting, listening to inspiring music, and petting or walking your furry friend (as long as it is in a meditative, present-moment spirit, rather than “stewing/thinking about all the things I have to do/ruminating about who said what” mode).