Sometimes, when faced with the most difficult decisions in our lives, the question is not so much what SHOULD we do, but what is it we are WILLING to do?

There’s nothing quite like the experience of yearning for answers so strongly that you’re immobilized until you “figure it all out.” A lot of unpleasant things tend to happen. Relationships falter. Money dwindles. Weight accumulates. Brain fog sets in.

Life essentially goes on hold as you ponder the ultimately unknowable “should.”

Should implies societal acceptance that is often antithetical to the very thing that is pulling at the recesses of your heart. Should implies probable success, which you also know in the recesses of your heart, will never truly come from a passionless and calculated activity.

If you’re stuck right now in a cycle of should, the best way I know to get out of it is to consider what single, heart-approved action, what inspired step, you would willingly, even joyfully, take.

And then take it.

Even if it’s the teeniest, tiniest, this-isn’t-enough step you can imagine.

Because there’s also nothing quite like the experience of knowing what you want to do and then not doing it.

Don’t be surprised if the should gremlin creeps into your choice of even this small action. We can become so mired in the quicksand of “I don’t know” that any movement feels like a life-or-death choice. (It rarely is. But I know you know that. Deep in the recesses of your heart.)

The should gremlin can often be sent packing with this little trick: Ask yourself if you’re willing to stay stuck. And just for a few moments, allow yourself to feel what that really means. Give those emotions free rein. And then ask yourself again: Am I willing to continue living like this?

The answer you hear may be, “yes.” A meek, shamefaced yes, but a yes nonetheless. Love yourself anyway. And then drop back into your heart and consider a different action step.

This simple sequence of questions (“What am I willing to do?” “Am I willing to stay stuck?” “What else am I willing to do?”) begins to widen and strengthen the channel between our brain and our heart – the key to bringing our dreams and visions to life.

You’re tapping into what you truly desire… and also honoring the mind’s need to choose. Give yourself only heart-sanctioned options and you will be on your way to an inspired life.

What are you willing to do today?

Are you still here or did you run screaming in the other direction?! I know, I know… many people resist journaling. One of the most common excuses I hear is fear that others will read what you have written. You mean they might finally see the real you and you can start communicating with each other authentically? I digress.

I think writing is actually a primal urge. I don’t mean professional writing like we do for books, articles, marketing etc. I’m talking about good ol’ diary style writing — pouring your heart out through the pen in your hand. You know, magic happens with that wand you call a pen.

Most coaches, healers, and other creative types acknowledge that journaling and writing are critical tools for tapping into your intuition and your creativity. It’s also great for brainstorming and decision making. All things you need to grow your business.

So let’s see if we can get you unstuck from whatever’s holding you back from writing like nobody’s reading.

Step 1:  Start off with this easy technique. Get a journal and block out some time on your calendar every day for a week. Find time when you have privacy to write uninterrupted for 15 minutes. Ideally, get away from your desk, your office, or even your home.

Before you start writing, settle in and take a deep breath. Relax. Write these two words: “I am.” Finish the sentence. And then without thinking about it, just keep writing down whatever comes to mind. Write for at least 3 pages if you can. After a few days of doing this consistently, I guarantee you’ll be surprised by what you bring forth.

Now here’s the best part. When you’re done, take your pages… and shred ‘em. Rip them by hand or destroy them mechanically. Shredding is very satisfying, actually, especially for you list-checking Type A’s in the audience. And it guarantees that NOBODY will be reading what you wrote.

Step 2:  Gather your courage and bring that journal out into the open. Put it next to your computer. Before your begin working, write down the phrase, “I wonder what would happen if today I…”  Finish the sentence. Be bold. Dream big. Draw pictures if you want to. Now here’s the scary part. Close the cover but LEAVE THE JOURNAL ON YOUR DESK.

Uh-huh.

You’re going to walk away at the end of the day with your dreams tucked happily next to your computer where any random passerby, maybe even the cat, might sample its treasures. I suppose you could try to cast some sort of protective spell over it, but why?

Just for a moment, imagine a world in which you could be entirely yourself, including being transparent about the things that matter to you most. Think of what it would be like if you not only voiced your dreams but then felt supported in your creation of them. This is a trusting step in that direction.

And from a business standpoint, if you can’t put voice to your dreams and share your biggest visions, how will you truly inspire and serve your clients?

Step 3:  Get another journal and set it next to your computer. Yes, yes — a fresh one! We’re moving on to the advanced stuff!

Here’s how this super-secret journaling technique works: When you find yourself struggling with something, write it down in the journal. Spell it out in as much detail as you want. Then write down a question. For example, “What’s the next best step?” Sit quietly for a moment and stay very present in the moment. The answer may come to you. Or not.

So if the ideas are being as stubborn as you once were about journaling, put the pen back on the paper and just start writing again. Write whatever comes to mind. Make a list of ideas or solutions. Doodle. Write about why you’re mad that you have the problem.

If you’re still stuck, start asking yourself more questions. The key is to be absolutely in the moment and recording everything. More often than not, if you stick with it, your subconscious will release the answer. At which point, you’ll be singing my praises.

Congratulations! You’ve just become a journaler.

Now go forth and write! Oh, and write me too and let me know how it goes  ;-)

Recently I learned something really cool about kangaroos: They can only hop forward, not backward. Hmmm… do you sense a business parallel here somewhere?

What would your business look like if you were a kangaroo?  I’m thinking mine would be quite a few more hops ahead.  So today I decided to put on my kangaroo suit and see what it would be like if the only direction I could go was forward. Here’s what I concluded.

If I were a kangaroo, I would:

1. Take decisive action and course correct as necessary. Kangaroos are very strong creatures —they need to be in order to get into motion. However, they use increasingly less energy to hop as they gain momentum. Too often we humans wear ourselves out before we even take the first step in our businesses. We try to examine all the options before we even have a result to compare to. Kangaroos know that changing direction becomes easier once we are in motion.




2. Not let past mistakes slow me down. As they gain momentum, kangaroos also become very efficient at breathing, which gives them enormous stamina to leap over obstacles. It’s kind of hard to leap over obstacles in your business when you are always looking back over your shoulder or out of breath with anxiety. Doing business like a kangaroo means gaining wisdom from past experiences, while keeping your eyes on the path ahead.




3. Take more time to rest and balance my body, mind, and spirit. Hopping requires a lot of energy, so the kangaroo must be strategic about managing it. We humans would also benefit from taking breaks — daily, weekly, and yearly — to recharge before starting off again in bursts of creative energy. The smart kangaroo knows when to slow down and when to start hopping.




4. Always rely on my intuition to give birth to new ideas. Kangaroos are marsupials, born prematurely. Blind at birth, they must find their way to their mother’s pouch on instinct. Essentially, they must trust their inner guidance and keep moving forward or die. Successful entrepreneurs follow the voice of spirit, allowing new ideas to flow through them and carry them forward on waves of potential.

It seems to me that doing business like a kangaroo means bounding into a powerful and joyful future of balance, confidence, and ease. So tomorrow, I’m going to be “going ‘roo.” How ’bout you?!

Today I’m beginning a 30-day writing challenge. Technically the challenge was to write 30 blog posts in 30 days but I usually go rogue on these types of challenges and this one is no different. So I will be writing every day but it won’t always appear as a blog post. You will see it in some form, however, most days.

Committing to a task that requires daily discipline is not something I undertake lightly. Constant change and variety are essential to an enjoyable life for me. Indulging that personal preference has led to much fun and adventure along my journey. On the other hand, it’s also created some serious challenges with running my business.

There is an irony inherent in the entrepreneurial experience and that is that while having your own business provides you tremendous freedom of self-expression, an underlying willingness to be disciplined with your time, your energy, your systems, your communications, and even your self-care is essential if the business is going to succeed.

Many of us start our businesses after rebelling against the restrictions and the red tape of a traditional corporate job. High on our newfound freedom, we luxuriate in managing time as we desire — doing what we want, when we want, for as long as we want. Or we leap out of the starting gate with no structure to deliver our products and services professionally or to keep the income stream steady. Either way, critical work isn’t getting done, and overwhelm sets in. The only solution is the dreaded self-discipline.

(Are you thinking, “Just hire an assistant!”? You need self-discipline for that too, butterfly.)

There is good news though: If you can master the art of managing your business, you will find the freedom you desire: more time to create, more money to hire assistants, more energy to explore new worlds. The sooner you adopt the belief that self-management = business success, the sooner you will be enjoying your freedom.

Where do your systems need tightening up? Are you missing deadlines you set for yourself? Does it take far too much time to launch new programs and services? Have you had complaints about errors? Is your income where you want it to be? It’s time to turn an eagle eye on what you’re doing and how you’re doing it. Be unswerving in your intent to minimize the inefficiencies and maximize the results.

I have found that calculating the value of your inefficiencies is an eye-popping way to motivate you to take action. A quick way to do this is to make a list of the things that are not getting done, or that are having to be redone, and calculate the value of them. For example, if you aren’t completing a project, what is the estimated cost of lost sales? If you’re wasting time on a meaningless activity, what’s the value of that time?

If you’re starting to hyperventilate reading this post, take a deep breath and relax. I’m going to make just one simple suggestion to get you started on the track to better business management.

Pick one thing you need to improve and commit to doing it daily for 30 days.

I know you know what you need to improve. In fact, I’m sure you could list a dozen or more things without hesitation. Just pick the one that you feel deep in your heart is the most important for you right now. If you can’t decide, sit quietly for a few minutes, breathing deeply, and ask your higher self. The answer will come.

Maybe you need to limit the time you spend answering email to one time period each day. Or you want to commit to posting on a social media site daily. It might be practicing a new technique you wish to master. Perhaps it’s simply getting to bed on time so you aren’t sleep-deprived and foggy headed every morning.

For me, the answer was faster and greater output of writing. So I have committed to writing every day for 30 days, with the intention of streamlining my process and completing some long overdue projects. I’m expecting that holding myself to this goal will require me to be more efficient in everything else I do in my business as well. Otherwise, I’ll just be trading one efficiency for another.

What do you need to change about your business management? Are you committed to making that change every day for 30 days?

As entrepreneurs, we know that getting into action is critical to reaching our goals and growing our businesses. However, if you’re stuck in a spin cycle of indecision or running full tilt and not pausing before acting, you can find yourself with less than satisfactory results. When we are stressed or frantic, our decisions tend to come from fear and that fear can be directly related to the lessons of our Life School.

Our best choice — every time — is to make decisions and choose actions that are based on deep inner guidance. Tapping into that wisdom can happen in many ways and your Life School holds one of the keys!

If you’ve had a hand analysis and know your Life School(s), check out this quick take on avoiding fear-based decision making.

School of Peace

Whether running on pure adrenaline or numbed out to the point of inertia, Peace School peeps sometimes find it hard to be present in the NOW. In the School of Peace, it’s all about doing one thing at a time with focused attention on the decision at hand. High anxiety and struggles with gut level fear can lead to hasty decisions you later regret (or none at all).

Here’s a quick check when taking action:

• If you are thinking: “I have to keep moving!”
• Try on this next best thought:  “I will slow down for a moment and make this decision from a place of calm centeredness.”

You may be juggling too many “sticks and plates” and acting from panic as a result. The next time you have an important action to take, consciously bring yourself to center and listen to your body’s signals for the answer.

School of Wisdom

“Jump or don’t jump?” – that’s the question usually on the minds of Wisdom School peeps, who are ever on the high dive of decision making with their toes curled around the edge of the platform. The need for perfection and expert status tends to block one’s innate wisdom, and the result is procrastination and indecision when it comes to moving forward.

Here’s a quick check when making decisions:

• If you are thinking:  “I have to make the right decision, no mistakes!”
• Try on this next best thought:  “What do I need to know in order to commit to taking action right now?”

Your difficulty making a decision may be from fear of being exposed for making the “wrong” choice. The next time you have an important action to take, consciously ask yourself this question and listen to your wise inner guidance for the answer.

School of Love

The School of Love is an ocean of emotion, where the entire range of human feelings is open for exploration. Love School peeps crave closeness and connection but struggle with how best to have it – hold back your true feelings or let ‘er rip? The powerful need for love and acceptance can create blinders when it comes to taking inspired action.

Here’s a quick check when taking action:

• If you are thinking (in the deepest corner of your heart):  “If I do this (or don’t do that), they will like me.”
• Try on this next best thought: “What decision do I feel in my heart is right to make, regardless of the expectations of others?”

You may be acting from a fear of rejection or exposing your true feelings. The next time you have an important action to take, consciously ask yourself this question and listen to your heart for the answer.

School of Service

In the School of Service the pendulum swings between sacrifice and selfishness. More often than not, Service School peeps are hanging out in the sacrifice wing of Earth University – overdoing, over-serving, and overextending ourselves. The urge to serve can easily put them in situations where it is difficult to know what is inspired action and what is compelled.

Here’s a quick check when taking action:

• If you are thinking:  “I have to do this!” or “She/he really needs me to do this.”
• Try on this next best thought:  “Is this serving the highest good for everyone involved?”

You may be acting from a misplaced sense of obligation or difficulty saying “no.” The next time you have an important action to take, consciously ask yourself this question and listen to your soul for the answer.

Working with our Life Schools is a LIFE-long process. Enjoy the ever-evolving experience of mastering yours!

Entrepreneurs wear many hats, from leader to administrator and everything in between. Sometimes the hat we least want to wear is “decision maker,” especially when it comes to prioritizing our continuous stream of creative ideas. Armed with a 3-page list of projects, we can start our days emotionally exhausted before they’ve hardly begun. Which ideas to pursue, which ones to set aside? Talk about one foot on the gas, one foot on the brake!

Here are 3 questions to help you get a handle on your “Gotta Gotta” list:

1. What am I resisting doing? One way we distract ourselves from the truly important goals is by creating a long list of smaller projects that seem easier to complete. If you find yourself tacking more items onto your to do list than you’re actually completing, ask yourself if you are really just running away from the project that you know in your heart should be your #1 priority.

Our egos can come up with all sorts of clever reasons why we should do something else first, or why we should set “the biggie” aside for a little while longer. Thing is, the more you put it off, the more it will pull at you. Before you know it, you’re spinning in circles and can’t get even the small, side-tracking projects completed.

Bottom line: Stop resisting and put the Big Kahuna at the top of your list!

2. Why am I doing this? If you’re feeling frozen and nothing is getting done, you may have some lack of clarity around the purpose of your projects. A likely culprit is a To Do list filled with things that you think you should do but that don’t make sense to you at some level of your consciousness.

Take a step back and ask yourself why each item is on your list. You may be surprised to find that the response is, “Because I should/need to/have to.” Listen up: You don’t HAVE to do anything. YOU are the creative director of your business. Do it YOUR way. “Expert” advice is great as a guideline, but your final plan of action should come from your own sense of what is best for you and your business.

Bottom line: Your higher self knows best! Tune into it daily and watch how your priority list becomes a lot easier to manage.

3. Do I believe in the potential of this project? Pouring your heart and soul into a project you secretly don’t believe can succeed is wasted time and energy, no matter how much you love it. This is a subtle form of self-sabotage that can be hard to detect as it can hide behind the outward appearance that you are taking action.

If you are feeling a lack of enthusiasm or motivation to work on a project, ask yourself if you really believe in the value of doing it. You may find that you are hindering the project with unwarranted fears about its potential. Alternatively, it may be a signal from your higher self that the project needs rethinking. Ask a colleague, a coach/mentor, or even an un-biased third party for feedback and support.

Bottom line: Lack of belief in yourself is insidious and can really limit our ability to create freely and to complete projects. Catch these energetic drains quickly before they pull you far off-track.

Your creative projects are the heart of your business and deserve the full power of the love and energy you devote to them. Keep your project list energetically clear with these 3 potent questions anytime you begin to feel overwhelmed, blocked, or apathetic. They are excellent tools for keeping you on the path to your highest potential!

When people come to me for Life Purpose coaching, they bring with them a variety of emotions, from excitement and anticipation to wariness and even a bit of fear. That’s understandable. Discovering one’s purpose can be a bit intimidating, like the ultimate competition has just been set up between our ego and our soul.

But it’s really not a competition. More like a dance between these two important aspects of ourselves. When we dance with our Life Purpose, there will be the inevitable missteps, but with practice comes confidence and ease.

I know that it can seem safer to sit out the dance, but consider what it means to live your life on the edge of the dance floor, never feeling the bliss of twirling and gliding, completely in the flow of life’s beautiful music.

It’s not the same if you sit on the sidelines just thinking about it.

Once we’ve discovered our life purpose — through whatever means has been presented to us, through whatever journey we have taken, and for however long it has taken to get there — the next step in the evolution of our soul is to consciously embrace and embody our purpose, in our business and our lives. Just intellectually knowing your purpose is really not enough.

It is true that the more conscious we are, particularly of ourselves and what motivates and inspires us, the more likely we are to live lives of fulfillment, happiness, and peace. But knowing and being are NOT the same thing, and it is in the BEING of your Life Purpose that the true alignment with your soul will be found.

I’ll bet you thought I was going to say that you have to “take action” on your Life Purpose, didn’t you?! Well, yes, action can be a part of “being,” but aligned action is inspired action, and inspiration comes when we are in the moment, being our authentic selves, if only for those few moments when inspiration dawns and we step out onto the dance floor without fear.

Resisting your personal truths is terribly detrimental at an unconscious level. And it becomes even more problematic when you are consciously aware of your purpose. It’s one thing to be in endless pursuit of your purpose (and that in and of itself can be a smokescreen), but to have attained a level of conscious understanding of your purpose and yet continue to avoid it sets up a struggle in all areas of your life.

Somewhere along the way we’ve adopted this notion that our Life Purpose is hard. Avoiding your life purpose is actually harder than aligning with it. Being off-purpose is often nothing more than habit. And even baby steps made toward your purpose will begin to open up new vistas of opportunity for your business and your life.

If you have achieved some understanding of your life purpose, I encourage you to make a conscious effort TODAY toward realizing that purpose by reframing how you are BEING and thus how you are taking action in your world. If you forever avoid your purpose, you will forever be on the sidelines of the dance floor of your life.

Most of us fantasize about running away from it all at one time or another. The fact is that we all DO need time alone, and the rewards of doing so far outweigh the effort to make it happen.

However, while it might seem exciting — and even decadent — to just “jump on a plane and go,” a little bit of forethought can turn a getaway into a truly relaxing and revitalizing experience that prepares you to return to your business with a fresh heart and mind.
Here are my top 5 tips for making the most of your next personal retreat:

1. Go alone. A personal retreat is separate from a vacation with family or a romantic getaway with your partner. Those are valuable and important experiences too, but a personal retreat needs to be done solo.

This decision can be a tough one if you travel a lot as it is for your business. However, as we all know, conferences and training events are fun but exhausting, and unless we’ve tacked on at least a few extra days (and really, how often have you done that?!), they aren’t solid down time for body, mind, and soul. You’re so wound up from anticipation and/or anxiety to implement what you’ve learned that it’s hard to settle down and relax either before or after the event.

I chose to take my last retreat in a place where I have friends and colleagues to socialize with, but I also spent a good bit of time alone, hiking, touring, and just being, without any pressure to accommodate anyone other than myself. Extended time alone really highlights the inner journey.

2. Go for at least 3 days, but a week (or more!) is really ideal if you can do it. Less than three days doesn’t feel as much like a special time set aside for you. It’s also difficult to fully settle into the experience when you only have a few days to relax. But if that is all you can do, then still go for it!

A block of time for retreat is a precious jewel to be treasured however you can manage it. (Bonus tip: Go far enough away from home that you really feel like you are away. If you are within easy calling distance, there’s a greater likelihood that you may receive an “urgent” plea to return home, which will make you resentful and even more in need of a retreat than before you left home.)

3. Don’t plan to work. Set the intention that you are opening your heart and mind to new experiences and new perspectives on life, love, and the Universe. ☺ My original plan for my retreat was to create new and exciting content for products and programs. Shortly before I left, however, I realized that if I didn’t clear myself first, I would simply be creating from the same mindset that caused me to want a retreat in the first place. Entrepreneurs put enough energy into idea creation every day that we don’t need to carry that into our retreat time as well.

There is definitely a time and place for working retreats, but if you are frazzled or feeling under pressure to come up with new ideas for your business, use your retreat time to recharge and refresh your being at every level. You’ll come home ready to create big things!

4. Rest/exercise/eat well. Take care of yourself in ways that are often challenging to do on a regular basis at home, especially if you’ve gotten far off track with this in your daily routine. A personal retreat is not the time to stay up all night reading and eat hot fudge sundaes every day! If you have been under serious stress, keep the exercise light and focus on getting a lot of rest, but do try to move your body a little bit every day. Drink a lot of water and eat lightly in the overall.

Consider this time to heal yourself physically so that you go home with renewed energy and commitment to improving your personal care routine. Let your reward for this process be bright eyes and calm mind rather than chocolate chip cookies and potato chips.

5. Spend time in nature. We live so much of our lives locked up inside our homes and offices, glued to telephones and computers. Do yourself a big favor and get outdoors as much as possible during your retreat. Really breathe the air and notice all the beauty around you. Listen closely and you will hear magical things! There is great inspiration to be found in nature.

This is such an important part of the experience that I really encourage you to pick a retreat location that calls to you first and foremost from a nature standpoint. Whether it’s the beach, the mountains, the desert, or somewhere in between, whatever environment draws you to the outdoors is the ideal place for your next retreat.

The most important tip I can give you is to stay present in the moment and enjoy every part of your retreat, even the travel hassles! You will be so glad you did. Have a great retreat and don’t even think about sending us a postcard!

When was the last time you took a break from your business and spent a substantial amount of time (at least 3-4 days) away from your work, by yourself, to completely unwind? Recently? Last year? Never?!

Many conscious entrepreneurs have an awareness of the need for time to reflect and relax, but dedicating extended time to do so (outside of our personal daily spiritual practice) can seem like an impossible indulgence. Family obligations, budget constraints, or simply addiction to our workaholic, entrepreneurial tendencies often stop us from making the effort to “get away from it all” and restore ourselves body, mind, and spirit. Spa days are great, family vacations are wonderful, long weekends a treat, but none of these is a substitute for a full-on, multi-day, retreat by yourself!

I took a 9 day personal retreat recently and during my planning process was surprised to hear feedback from people that suggested that I really should be “focusing on my work,” and “haven’t you been traveling a lot as it is?” and just flat out incomprehension that I would “treat” myself to such an experience. Because I had such clear intentions for my retreat, I was a little taken aback by these responses. After contemplating it though, I realized that our general mindset as entrepreneurs is too often one of personal sacrifice rather than reward.

I think this attitude needs to change!

We can get so caught up in our daily routine that it’s hard to step back and realize that we need a break. This is especially true when we are in the habit of regularly meditating, journaling, getting bodywork or similar. We can trick ourselves into thinking that that is enough. Although these practices are vital to our ongoing well-being, and keep us focused and centered from day to day, they are substantially enhanced with the occasional, well-timed retreat.

Heart-centered entrepreneurs give of themselves volubly, every day. Replenishing that well we serve from deep in our soul is truly critical if we want to avoid burnout, resentment, and most of all to be able to continue serving from the highest and best place possible. It may seem like a financial luxury, but if it results in deeper thinking and more powerful programs and services, then really, you can’t afford NOT to take this time for yourself!

After my recent experience, I have concluded that a regular (at least annual) retreat is necessary for me personally, but if you are new to this concept or struggling to “justify” the time and expense, here are 3 ideal times to give it a try and see what magic manifests for you!

1. You are about to create a significant new program or product. Just before you begin a major new creative project is the ideal time to take a personal retreat. Oftentimes we approach new projects from a place of “gotta do it” rather than being completely open to the possibilities that are about to manifest. Our eagerness to jump right in can lead to snap decisions, cutting off of possibilities, and incomplete thinking.

If you are ready to embark on an important new project, consider setting aside at least a few days to completely clear and refresh yourself — and reconnect with your higher self — before leaping into the actual work. Tapped in and turned on to the bigger picture allows space for the full potential of your project to unfold.

2. You are struggling or stuck in your business. This may seem like the hardest time to take a break, especially if you are squeezed financially. When the going gets tough, we have a tendency (and an historical and cultural predisposition) to think we can just willpower our way through a slump, and sometimes that may be true. More often than not, however, what we really need is to untangle and remove ourselves from the environment we are trying to work from and get a new perspective on ourselves and our current challenges.

Conscious entrepreneurs are usually engaged in non-stop personal development and so we believe that we should be able to self-coach ourselves around our problems. But sometimes what we really need is to do something completely different and give our brain (and our ego) a break from focusing on the issues at hand. A personal retreat away from your day-to-day responsibilities is the perfect way to halt the mind chatter and allow flow and synchronicity back into your experience.

3. You are contemplating a major business transformation. This may seem like an obvious time to take a break — and it is. If you have been contemplating the need for a big change but haven’t committed to some time alone to allow the ideas to really flow, might you really just be trying to avoid what it takes to undergo a major transformation?

It’s really easy to come up with reasons why now is not a good time to spend time and money away from your business. But if your soul is calling you in an increasingly louder voice to start shifting in a profound way, there is no better place to quiet yourself and really listen to that voice than on an extended personal retreat.

Each of us will have different ways that we go about a personal retreat – whether it’s in a luxury resort or spa, a rental home, or a cabin in the woods. The key element is that you take yourself away from your daily routines and responsibilities and shift your attention onto simply caring for yourself and healing yourself at all levels. When you open yourself up to this experience you allow new energies, new ideas, and new possibilities to flow!

Relationships are the very fabric of our lives. Every person we come in contact with creates a relationship, whether we simply meet their eyes in passing on the street or we choose to spend the rest of our lives with them in partnership. Actually, everything is relationship, and that is why we spend so much time thinking about it, worrying about it, wanting it, needing it, repelling it, healing it.

I recently had a relationship experience that was incredibly frustrating. The crux of it was that another person was behaving in ways that were hurtful and upsetting to me. The situation was such that I was not able to adequately express my frustration or defend myself, which really challenged my need for open communication. And the emotions around this issue were sufficiently distracting to me that I dwelled frequently on how to “fix” it.

After wrestling with this frustration for a while, I eventually realized that it was not really necessary to have the closure I desired and that in fact, demanding it was nothing more than an ego stroke. Yes, there are times when we truly must speak up or risk sacrificing our integrity — amongst other things. This was not one of those times. I’ll admit, though, that letting go of the urge to “speak my truth” took a bit of work to fully embrace. Exhausted mentally and emotionally, I turned it all over to the Divine.

And through that act of surrender, came the gift of Ho’oponopono.

For right at this very same time, I received a call from a woman I had recently met, Georgina Sweeney. During our conversation, Georgina mentioned to me that she sometimes uses a Hawaiian technique of forgiveness to assist her clients. I had heard the term Ho’oponopono before but didn’t know anything about it. What I was about to learn profoundly transformed the way I experience forgiveness and I’d like to share it with you now.

Ho’oponopono means “to make right” or “to rectify an error.” Essentially, it is a spiritual cleansing ritual, the main purpose of which is to reconnect with our own divine identity. The process clears toxic energies that are blocking our healing. These toxins take the form of negative emotions, memories, stresses, and fears that lodge themselves deep within our body, our psyche, and our spirit.

Because all souls are really one, what affects one of us, affects all of us. So when we are struggling and in pain, at some level everyone else is affected by it. Likewise, when we heal ourselves, we heal everyone else as well (all souls — not just the people involved in a particular situation). Can you see how powerful Ho’oponopono would be if everyone were doing it on a regular basis?

Here’s the tricky part: Ho’oponopono is a practice of taking 100% responsibility for all of your thoughts and actions — as well as everyone else’s. Yes, you read that correctly! There is no divvying up of responsibility for who said what or did what. You must accept FULL responsibility. But when you do, coupled with the technique I will describe below, the result is pure magic — healing at a profound level.

The alchemy here is of allowing LOVE to transmute the negativity, LOVE to neutralize the emotions and memories, LOVE to free them from the soul, and LOVE to fill the space we have cleared. As we release the painful emotions and memories and fill ourselves with love, so are we doing for all others. What an incredible gift to ourselves and the world!

The process is surprisingly simple but deeply transformative. It goes beyond just asking for forgiveness (from yourself as well as others). There is something about the combination of taking complete responsibility and using love to heal that makes this a particularly powerful technique.

Ready to learn the process? It’s very easy. You simply repeat the following four magical phrases with focused and positive intent. Georgina mentioned that she uses the other person’s name as well, and I liked that idea, so I used that too.

The process goes like this:

I’m sorry.
Please forgive me.
Thank you.
I love you.

That’s the basic method. Ho’oponopono is an ancient technique and there is more to it than this. If you are interested, I strongly encourage you to learn more about it!

However, at the time I began using it, I knew nothing more that what I am relating to you here. I simply repeated these phrases over and over to myself like a mantra — while I was shoveling snow, doing the dishes, taking a break from work, sitting in meditation. I even wrote it in my journal. It was the last thing I did before I went to bed. I repeated the mantra as many times as felt right in the moment. And I would stay present while I was doing it, holding the intention of love and forgiveness.

Holding intention is an important key to this process. You can’t just say the phrases mindlessly. Put your heart and soul into it. Really feel the emotions of love and forgiveness while you are doing it. Fill yourself with light. Surrender to what is. Remember that you are healing all other souls too!

There is nothing else for you to do. No analyzing, no processing, no picking apart the situation piece by piece. That’s the mind trying to take over the process. Your higher self knows what needs to be healed. Let it do the work for you.

Ho’oponopono can be used to heal all sorts of emotions, from complex to relatively mundane, recent experiences or past traumas — and in all sorts of relationships, from our families and friends to our clients and vendors.

Here are some answers to questions you may have right about now:

Did I do this for weeks? No, actually just a couple of days. And I began feeling peace with the very first “session.” However, this was not a deep-seated problem with long-term history, so it may not be reasonable to expect such quick results with something you’ve been carrying around since childhood.

Did I do anything else special? No, I just repeated the process and stayed present in the moment, really feeling the emotions of forgiveness and love as completely as possible.

Do you have to “love” the other person to use this technique? Well now, that’s an interesting question, isn’t it? We all know the English language is ridiculously bereft of words to describe all the various forms of love that we can feel. My answer is: No, the other person doesn’t have to be someone you would say “I love you” to in the way that we typically use those words. If you consider that the Ho’oponopono process embodies the concept of oneness of all that is, and that “love” is the same as “God” or “the Divine,” then there should be no question or hesitation about using the word “love,” regardless of the relationship.

What finally happened? I reached a place of complete release and complete peace. I no longer have any desire to explain or defend myself. I accept my responsibilities fully but without the self-destructive thought patterns that were plaguing me. Whether or not the other person accepts any responsibility at all is now irrelevant. I don’t have negative feelings toward the other person either. In fact, everything about it feels completely balanced and in harmony. Like all is right with the world.

Fascinating, eh?

So how can you use Ho’oponopono in your life today?