The Ramblings of a Crazy Person

First Reading with Oracle of the Dragonfae Deck

2013-08-20T16:44:00.002-07:00

Past
The Sovereign - Gentle Power

Present
The Wild Huntress - Face your Shadow

Future
Gaia's Dragon - Divine Union

My Interpretation:
I feel that this reading is telling me that I must not focus ALL of my efforts on being a better person...but focus a bit more on being balanced. I must learn to love every part of myself, and not turn my back on my nature. Now is also a good time for creative ventures...such as what I already have planned. If I am able to succeed, I will reach balance, success, and perhaps happiness and maybe be able to have/adopt a child.

To Family and Old Friends

2010-02-13T04:09:00.000-08:00

LOADS of things have changed about me in the past several years.

I figure I may as well make a note of some of the bigger changes.

- I tend to dye my hair
- I have tattoos
- Just because I have done things, doesn't mean I still do them
- I have been through a LOT, and let's face it, it hasn't left me unscathed
- I am Pagan. I respect your religious views, as long as you respect mine. We can even talk about stuff as long as you're not trying to either bring me back to the Mormon church, or just back to Jesus in general.
- I am married to a soldier in the US Army

If I think of something else...I'll add it in.

Broken

2010-02-13T02:00:00.001-08:00

I promised to love, and honor him forever
I lied
Where there was love is nothing
Where there was honor is now disgust

Does this make me bad?
Does this make me wrong?
Does it make me a failure?
Am I broken?

Or is it him?
He was nice
He was caring
He was loving
Then he drank
He changed
The nice became mean
The caring just disappeared
The love was twisted...into something else

Is he the broken one?
Was I just in the wrong place at the wrong time?
Did I give him too many chances?
Did I wait too long to leave?
Will I be like him?
Will I change like that?
Have I been damaged beyond repair?
Will I ever be able to forget?

I used to feel strong.
I used to know I was powerful.

Now I feel cold and weak.

Can I get my strength back?
It has been so long...
Will I ever find it?

When did I lose it?
How long has it been gone?

Longer, I think...
I think it left me that night in December...
That night I have tried to block out of my mind for so many years...that night that won't go away...

So, here I am
I feel like I've been broken
I feel cold and alone

There is only a small amount of hope
A flicker of what was once me leftover

Trying to get out
Trying to be free
It's getting bigger, but will I ever be the same?

Fire

2010-02-13T01:59:00.000-08:00

Darkness is everywhere
I feel it surrounding me
Why can't I find the light?
Where did it go?
I used to have it...
The fire has burned out
Only red embers remain
Can I relight the fire?
Can I bring it back?
Will it ever be the same?

Wait
The flame isn't completely out
Will it grow?
Can it be what it was?
How long will it take?

For now there is just darkness.
Without the fire I feel cold.

I only feel warmth with him
when I am with him I feel the fire
it burns big and bright
as if it had never gone out

I want to feel that all the time
I want to feel the fire wherever I go
what do I have to do?
what am I missing in myself that puts the fire out when he is not near me?

She (Original was lost, this is what I could remember)

2010-01-31T01:57:00.000-08:00

She stands alone
Alone in the dark
She looks around and sees nothing
The only light is from above
Far above her
Is a circle of light
An opening
It's as if She's deep in a pit
A hole in the ground
Looking up at what She doesn't have
Seeing people walk by
Happy people
Smiling and laughing as they pass
She can't get to them
She calls out, but they don't hear her
Of course they don't
She's down there in this hole
How does She get out?
What does She do?
Is She stuck there forever?

Side Mirrors on Cars

2010-01-31T01:52:00.000-08:00

So for a while now I've been contemplating the side mirrors on my car. I know it's an odd thing to contemplate...but seriously...who thought up the way they work?
They clearly state on them that objects you see in the mirrors are closer than they appear. So...you're driving and see something that appears like 5 feet away...but you probably only have 3 feet or something like that. That just doesn't seem safe! Wouldn't it be smarter to have objects you see in the mirror be farther away than they appear? Wouldn't it make driving so much easier if things looked 5 feet away but were really 6 feet away? Wouldn't less accidents happen that way?
So...who the fuck decided that things should be closer than they appear? Why wasn't the person that created them or thought up the idea smart enough to realize that people would be safer if things didn't appear farther away than they really are while you are driving. It's not like driving is the safest thing in the world to do...