The Random Life

Scarf Ministry

2012-01-18T22:46:00.001-08:00

I know I haven't posted in a while...a LONG while. I've missed you all greatly, but I have been quite busy with goings on at the Abbey.

I have been experiencing some pretty heinous life changes recently (not going into detail here), but I am trying to turn my sloppy sobbery into something good.

I am starting a ministry for the homeless! I have been crocheting like mad to distract myself and it occurred to me that there are people, lots in Charlotte, that could use a nice woolen scarf or hat on a cold winter's night.

I've contacted the local parish about partnering with their prayer shawl ministry and hope I get some yarn donations since my college pockets can't clothe the poor alone (much less me).

If any of you readers or fellow bloggers have any helpful ideas or would like to contribute please Email me at ashleyfmiller@abbey.bac.edu.

Thank You and Pax Vobiscum!

A Sweet Thought

2011-11-03T18:44:00.000-07:00

i carry your heart with me (i carry it in
my heart) i am never without it (anywhere
i go you go, my dear; and whatever is done
by only me is your doing, my darling)
i fear
no fate (for you are my fate, my sweet) i want
no world (for beautiful you are my world, my true)
and it’s you are whatever a moon has always meant
and whatever a sun will always sing is you

here is the deepest secret nobody knows
(here is the root of the root and the bud of the bud
and the sky of the sky of a tree called life; which grows
higher than the soul can hope or mind can hide)
and this is the wonder that’s keeping the stars apart

i carry your heart (i carry it in my heart)

~ e.e. cummings

Something Your Boyfriend (and Mine) May Need Someday

2011-10-24T19:58:00.000-07:00

Reading: "Pucking Love"

2011-10-23T19:56:00.000-07:00

Click on this picture to hear my original poem "Pucking Love" which I read at this year's first Agora meeting. I personally think the camera angle is horrible, but whatevs.

Disbelief

2011-10-21T19:48:00.000-07:00

You say that you can’t see it,
-you don’t believe it’s real.
God brought you no miracle
-disbelief he cannot heal.

What can I do, or argue,
-to make you see the light?
All my love is yours to have,
-but I feel I’ll lose this fight.

Believing the invisible
-is no easy task.
Though observing the
-miraculous isn’t much to ask.

You can explain it all;
-yes, I already know.
For those times you can’t,
-then where do you go?

What can I say or show
-to make you believe?
I speak with all sincerity,
-and no wish to leave.

I love despite this
-absence of divinity.
Am I naïve to trust
-intent of the Trinity?

You and I are two sides
-of just one coin.
Opposite in our views
-but still we join.

A fool to believe
-and a fool to love you.
I realize there is nothing

-which I could say or do.

For now, I am simply here
-waiting for your light.
A candle sitting on a sill
-looking into the night.

Ashley Faye Miller

Meowizing World Leaders

2011-10-19T19:38:00.000-07:00

Again, out of boredom, I have begun a random project.

I am "meowizing" the names of world leaders both present and historical so that I may later create a LOL Cat style picture book. Examples:

Chairman Meow Tse Tung
Benito Pussolini
Adolf Kitler
Vladimir Kitten
Meowie Antoinette
Fidel Catro (not original)
Chancellor Merkat
Queen Elizacat II
Ho Chi Meow

T-Shirt Contest

2011-09-01T12:00:00.000-07:00

The BAC History Department's 2011-2012 Shirt

Submit you favorite quote about the topic of history for judgement. The winning quote will be incorporated in the design of this year's department shirt, and the chosen submission will be rewarded a free tee. Free sounds good, right History majors? Let's get started!

Submissions will be accepted by ashleyfmiller@abbey.bac.edu. :)

Wake

2011-08-17T00:00:00.000-07:00

Awaken from this dream

On the wave of Morning's Light;

Worlds come apart at the seam.

Here is the truth of Day

No longer lost in Ever Night.

What words live to hear, to say?

Day breaks on dreary Land;

Sparkling Shadow hides from sight.

Take Reality, hand in hand.

Follow-Up: Shirts that Remind Me of My Best Friend Shelby

2011-08-16T12:10:00.000-07:00

Throwback Art 3: Caspian and the Holy Spirit

2011-08-16T10:11:00.000-07:00

Color pencil sketch.

Oil pastels.

The T-Shirt Wishlist

2011-08-15T12:00:00.000-07:00

I initially started this list for myself, but ended up seeing things that reminded me of others. I simply compiled a picture list of t-shirts I thought were pretty awesome among awesome. Enjoy my selections. Links are in the photos and clicking the design will lead you to the source page.

Night Prayer

2011-08-15T00:11:00.000-07:00

We do not see the saints at night

Holy faces hide, but pray

These reminders out of sight

yet heaven has not gone away

Glass robes blackened without flame

dim wicks over shadowed pews

each paragon stands in their pane

housed in home of joyous news

Voices of the heavens sing

through blackness of the night

A light still shines sparkling

the Star of Queen's delight

Thoughts On Vampires and Anti-Vampire Things

2011-08-13T12:00:00.000-07:00

Vampires, blood-thirsty terrors of the night. They have terrified nyctophobics (those fearful of the dark), listeners of urban legends, and horror movie viewers for generations.

Recently, I pondered upon the different vampiric myths and here are my thoughts, questions, and comments:

Vampires are not supposed to be able to come into a house without an invitation: What if they burn the house down? What if they just burn one wall down? Can't that cancel out the "house" factor? Wouldn't they just walk over the nonexistent wall?

Holy water will hurt/repel vampires: What if they aren't Christian?

Garlic repels vampires: Of course garlic repels vampires! If you had strands of garlic bulbs hanging around like you see in movies and cartoons, I'd be repelled as well! Anything or anyone with even a slight sense of smell wouldn't be attracted to that much garlic.

Vampires turn into bats: Couldn't they choose something a little more scary to turn into? Bats are basically winged mice. Bats used to fly into my grandmother's house through the chimney. All I see when I hear "bat" is the comical image ofmy great grandma chasind a winged mouse around with a broom to kill it. When she had, she usually tossed it outside for the cat. Take that vampires! My grandma just whooped you flying rodent behind!

Vampires suck your blood: Okay, I'm partially hemophobic. The fact that they're after my blood is a bit disconcerting. However, how are they getting all the nutrients they need from my blood? Are vampires just chronically iron deficient?

Vampires can't see their reflection in the mirror: If I were a vampire, this would be a good thing. You are DEAD. You are pasty, pale, and probably have circles under your eyes from that chronic iron deficiency. Actually, not being able to see yourself would be good for everyone. Maybe we'd all be a little less vain if we couldn;t check a mirror every five seconds.

That's about all for now.

Empyrean

2011-08-11T00:00:00.000-07:00

The Amaranthine fields of my Elysium

-- call to me from golden distance.

In what measure do we hold these clouds

--which separate us from Simplicity?

Seems we do not realize that world

-- which exists outside our selves.

Now dig your grave with golden shovel

-- not thinking of such false enclosure.

No light illumines this dank earthly tomb,

-- yet take heart in the longer Journey.

Look to where Eternal Flower burns bright

--in meadow of incomparable glory.

On bended knee with uplifted hearts

--we bow in knowledge of Divinity.

With strong grip we guard what remains

-- at the bottom of that Evil Box.

Universe still seeks to share the Word

--while the World prefers silence.

Still I see waving flowers of Amaranth

-- inviting me to return home.

Things I'll Be Starting My Junior Year of College Without...

2011-08-09T12:44:00.000-07:00

A Laptop Charger- somehow I never managed to order another one of these over the summer.
A job - HR at BAC is still going nuts.
A career plan- who knows what I'll want to do next?
Journey concert tickets- I really wanted to order a pair for the Jim and I, but my leading Orientation has completely screwed that plan.
Money- my money will most likely be finished off by paying for gas to get to school, yay.
The friends who graduated in Spring '10 - I'll miss them.
My Yankee Martika- She's having money issues, and that sucks major popsicle.

Lalalala...Mountains

2011-08-09T10:05:00.000-07:00

Another throwback that was published in the 201o Agora of BAC.

Blown ink

A Love Thing

2011-08-08T12:00:00.001-07:00

Tempera Paint and Ink Wash Batik

The Pansy Project

2011-08-08T12:00:00.000-07:00

This is an art project I did back in my Senior year of high school made me feel a bit Alice in Wonderlandy or Georgia O'Keefey. These are a few of the many photos I took of Pansy faces and a couple of the remaining watercolors I did of them.

So maybe I'm not the greatest at watercolors.

Violet Hill

2011-08-06T12:00:00.000-07:00

"I took my love down to violet hill
There we sat in snow
All that time she was silent still
Said if you love me, won't you let me know?
If you love me, won't you let me know?"

Oil Pastel and Color Pencil

The Story of How Jim became "the Jim"

2011-08-05T13:00:00.000-07:00

I turned 20 years old on March 16th, 2011. On that date I had never had a date. A 20 year old college Sophomore, not sheltered or home-schooled at all, and I hadn't had a "boyfriend" since 1st grade (if you even count those). That's right Aaron Burgess, I remember our little playground and Crayola fling.

I had always considered this fact an indicator of my inadequacy and awkward social deformity. Needless to say, it upset me. It was something that had bothered me for years. Was I too smart, too dumb, too fat, too outgoing, or just too myself for anyone to actually want to attach themselves to me in a romantic way?

No, this was not the case (otherwise I would have no reason to write this post). However, I can obviously empathize with every person who has ever felt alone in this way.

There is something fulfilling about being connected to someone in that special way. Not that any type of Romance (especially Romantic Comedies) movie or novel could really convey the true emotion or feeling (these can be differentiated) that comes from such a relationship. Having this connection is having a partner, not just sexually as so many in society seem to think, to take on the world with (or dominate the world with in my case). Romance is never a replacement for God (let me throw my Catholic in there), but it is certainly something so beautiful and natural as to be from Him. Love is meant to heal and make whole.

Being a bit older (not too old though) at the start of the game really gave me an advantage I believe. I was past the point of wanting a titular boyfriend or someone that would only be interested in a one week relationship before moving on to someone fresh. I was just a little curious as to what was going on.

(At the risk of deviation, let's continue on my Train of Thought.) If you and I have never discussed my family, they are all a tiny iota of Insane. There are alcoholics, wife beaters, druggies/dealers, and multiple combinations of these things. Thus, I always feared addiction. Fortunately, I found something a little less physically harmful to become addicted to: crushes. This is odd in more than a few ways. Did I mention the residual man-fear that comes with never having a father and being raised my a single mom with aid from lots of other female figures? Yeah.

I love having crushes. I have been infatuated with multiple types of men and received interest from none of them. I was always actually approached by the wierdest, grossest people who I never had a lick of interest in. I believe these unobtainable, one-sided fantasies were my protection from an actual and potentially damaging relationship with a real boy. My Pinnochio.

For years, I lamented my solitary status (I'd like to clarify that I wasn't as desperate and languishing as I might sound in this particular article) while still keeping these unreachable goals in sight.

Eventually, I started to grow up a little. I experienced a pretty rough relationship fail with someone I thought could be more and hit the floor hard. After that, I gave it a rest. I must confess some pretty disastrous secret crushes on a few guy friends which I knew were leading to Nowheresville, but they were fun and I kept in mind the meaninglessness.

Then there was the day I became jealous. Yes that describes it, jealous. I was having a get together in my apartment near the end of the year with a few of my friends and decided to invite a few more History majors to the gathering and movie-watching. One particular friend asked if he could invite (I'm trying to recall the exact quote) "a random Floridian". How was I supposed to know who this was? I began to speculate that this random Floridian person was some visiting girlfriend. I imagined a blonde for some reason, the sun perhaps? I accepted the fact that this person and I were not even in a relationship and that he could have whatever bleach blonde girlfriend he wanted. They were invited.

Then he showed up with our fellow History major Bryan. While Bryan may have long, flowing locks he is most certainly not a girl and definetly not a blonde. Needless to say, I was surprised and secretly relieved.

A few weeks (at least I'm pretty sure it was a few weeks) later, I had another Friday night gathering of the peeps and fellow historians. This guy (let's just start applying Jim after this) and I had been hanging out together in groups for a while; there was a lot of TV and Sunday night Fox programming involved. That night, after a few crazy conversations and attempts at Floyd on the Spanish guitar by a friend of ours, we somehow ended up dating.

After quite a long time of wondering if I would ever be involved in any semblance of a relationship with someone I might remotely like, I gave up. I relaxed and decided to just leave well enough alone. To enjoy the freedom of random crushes and just get along for a while. Then BAM I actually end up with the best possible match (at least that's what my friends say Jim is). Meh, he's alright.

Since he and I started dating right as we went into two weeks of exams, it was a bit of a shock to everyone. Some of our mutual friends and acquaintances weren't even aware that we knew one another. Someone even Tweeted about us apparently (we heard about our relationship through the Grapevine). We began right as the school year ended, and have managed pretty well thus far (I can't really fortell how this is going to go yet really).

I kid with the poor guy about my having "leased him for a year" and "renting to buy". I don't forsee any problems on my side with keeping it together, but I'm honestly afraid of his becoming annoyed with me. I'm an annoying person, and I acknowledge that fact willingly and with an open mind.

So dear Jim gets to battle my annoyingness, awkwardness, insane family, residual man-fear, and general insecurity. Goody for him, eh? It takes a strong personality to handle either of us really. He can be an arrogant jerk at times, and then I do really want to punch him. It is so easy to refrain at this point because I don't have an overwhelming Irish temper and I have so many sweet moments to overpower my annoyance. I'd love to share, but I'm pretty sure he doesn't want his romantic side advertised on my blog.

After a while, we began having to introduce one another. You know how it goes at random relative gatherings and social interactions:

"This is my so-and-so."

When I first had to do that, I really choked on "this is my boyfriend". Nothing against Jim in the least, but it just felt so unnatural to me. That phrase simply isn't in my phrasebook. I eventually came to "This is my Jim". It felt right. I proclaimed that he was "my Jim" and somehow this evolved in my mind to referring to him as "The Jim". He's even listed in my phone as "The Jim".

We're still going presently. Wish us luck (he has until April 29th, 2012 before he can decide, set a countdown clock). I'm Ashley Faye and he is "The Jim". That's just how it is. That is how Jim became "The Jim", and "The Jim" became my (*choke*) boyfriend.

To Everything There is a Season

2011-08-05T12:00:00.000-07:00

Summer
Autumn

Winter

Spring

"To every thing there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven:
A time to be born, and a time to die; a time to plant, a time to reap that which is planted;
A time to kill, and a time to heal; a time to break down, and a time to build up;
A time to weep, and a time to laugh; a time to mourn, and a time to dance;
A time to cast away stones, and a time to gather stones together; a time to embrace, and a time to refrain from embracing;
A time to get, and a time to lose; a time to keep, and a time to cast away;
A time to rend, and a time to sew; a time to keep silence, and a time to speak;
A time to love, and a time to hate; a time of war, and a time of peace."
"

lead sketch and watercolor

Watercolor Collage

2011-08-04T12:00:00.000-07:00

Watercolor and Ink

An Elf Thing

2011-08-03T19:36:00.000-07:00

"...Not all those who wander are lost..." ~ J.R.R. Tolkien

This is my favorite excerpt from one of Tolkien's poems.

This is a random elf thing I drew that strikes me as Tokienesque.

Graphite Sketch

Some Superheroine Chick Doodles

2011-08-03T19:22:00.000-07:00

Update on the Jim Break-up Ruse

2011-08-03T19:11:00.001-07:00