The Randomness of Tropa23

Changing

noreply@blogger.com (tropa23) — Sat, 11 Dec 2010 07:54:20 PST

One of the things I'm trying to do is eliminate something from my life to make room for the coming of the Messiah - and that thing is to not make fun of people. I know that might not sound like a lot, but it is. Especially for as long as I have done it and if done in and with a group. Not good. Where's the dignifying of a person when one does that? Just because that other person isn't in the same room while the smack talking/gossip occurs, it doesn't make it right. It's still doing it with malicious intent that's wrong. I never realized just how "easy" it is to make fun of someone. Gotta get that attitude out of my head. An attack on someone's dignity is and will always be wrong.

Dreaming

noreply@blogger.com (tropa23) — Wed, 08 Dec 2010 07:17:40 PST

This was THIRD day in a row of remembering my dreams. Very odd.

Two mornings ago: dreamt that a friend (Oscar) was seeing another friend (Meyer) 2 totally far cities apart. Oscar didn't even tell me that he was even seeing someone, but to only to find out thru Meyer that they were w/o Meyer knowing how close I am to Oscar. That didn't surprise me or make me upset cuz I ain't a person to get up in a person's bizness like that. When Oscar wants to tell me something, then they will on Oscar's time. Not gonna love Oscar back any less. HOWEVER, it DID make me hella upset when I find out that Oscar doesn't invite Meyer to see any of Oscar's receptions. Oscar is a painter, and I think that this is an important event to share with friends and family. But to know that 1) Oscar doesn't even tell me that he's in a relationship or 2) doesn't even invite Meyer to this event upset me. Meyer doesn't even have a clue what's happening in Oscar's city. I guess it's the fact that when a person can't even celebrate the really special events with a person that they are in a relationship with, then how special is that relationship? Is that door to your closet really that hard to move? Don't forget, you'll always have friends like me to help push with you!

Dream 2: a lot more vague. I got in a car crash in my old Elantra, but only remember it looking like a modern art piece after the wreck. It was a part of a stack of 3 cars with mine being on the bottom. There was more to it but can't remember.

Esta mañana, I had a dream where I was performing, singing a playing guitar, in front of an audience as part of a two day thing. First day was awesome. Second day, a disaster! As I was about to start singing, a whole bunch of stuff, blocked my view from the audience. Frantically, I started to move the stuff to the side. After that was all done, I started to play, but I totally blanket on the lyrics... and this was my song. I had friends who were trying to help, but then I was forgetting even what chords to play. Eventually the boos started coming in. I still didn't want to quit. Just then the sound guy cut the sound to my guitar and mic while the promoter came out to get me. All she said was, "Just wasn't your day." Total FAIL. The day before ROCKED, and then everything went wrong.

I can remember saying that I no longer had dreams. Go to sleep and wake up. Now? Wonder what this means? Do dreams even have any function or are they supressed imaginations digging their way out of the rubble called reality?

Lazy Sunday

noreply@blogger.com (tropa23) — Mon, 06 Dec 2010 08:03:34 PST

Had a lazy Sunday yesterday. But a great one. Had an Advent Retreat at St. Albert's. Learned that the old testament, through Isaiah, saw the coming of Christ and that John the Baptist knew someone greater than himself, than everyone, was soon coming through the new testament. I dint know why, but the verse, I'm not even fit to carry his sandals, resonates with me. But good lesson on what Advent means - the preparation for the arrival of the world's Savior is coming! Spent time with Mary, my sponsor. Really needed to connect with her and glad to do so - and she didn't ask me if I was still single and without offspring. Score!

Other than that, came back home and chilled. Was the last day of ST2010. Someone made me nostalgic! Both in a good and bad way. Good in remembering what once was. Bad in what it should be. Sad that it isn't anymore and fear that it no longer can be. I miss the way ST was - a true community. I was proud to perform with them and for them. It's just hard to put into words to describe but it's WAY beyond just putting on a show. It was about belonging to something bigger than yourself and your friends. Way bigger.

Advent

noreply@blogger.com (tropa23) — Sun, 05 Dec 2010 09:41:34 PST

I thank God for guiding my spirit to find Him through my free will. But I had a thought: we're going into this second Sunday of Advent and we're learning that it's a time to prepare for the coming of Christ as not only the baby, but also for His second coming. And we're to prepare for this ultimate time of judgement. so I'm ecstatic that I'm preparing for that time as well, but that's something we know and believe, because it is the end of everything, isnt it our Duty to tell Everyone about this as well? But that's where I'm perplexed, because it's of this free will that I'm preparing myself. By "forcing" someone else to prepare for the last judgement, seems counter-intuitive because it's against their free will. I've prayed about this, and all I'm getting back is that I feel like the best thing is to pray that they get that "call" as I have.

Focused

noreply@blogger.com (tropa23) — Sat, 04 Dec 2010 01:32:51 PST

cool. landscape mode. focused. life is finally becoming more focused. originally I was thinking about creating a new blog about my recent faith journey into being a confirmed Catholic, but the truth is is that this blog is all about... me. I mean I'm probably the only one who reads this anyways... right?

anyways, I guess ever since I've really started to trust in God and everything that has happened in my life and more to the point what will happen in my life, I guess the stress factor of not knowing what will happen next has gone considerably down. I mean, I am human after all and I still have A LOT of things to work on, but as I step closer to God, I feel things are and will fall into place cuz after all, it's His Will that will be done :)

back to my point. like with work, I'm starting to get my passion back for the work I do. granted, it's pretty nerdy, but a genuine curiosity has been reignited within me about what I do that I haven't really felt since going to school and learning what I had to do. it's so exciting! I find myself going into work early and leaving late. not only because I have a lot of work, but because I ENJOY what I'm doing.

as well as something like this - blogging. as you can tell I haven't blogged in a very long time. I've kinda either lost touch with who I'm destined to be or I've just lost the interest of putting my thoughts, though random as it is, down. now, if only I can focus this energy into writing more stories.

I guess everything boils down to the Grace of God of giving me the ability to live in Kronos Time. boy, I hope I got that correct. But it's the theory that if you do something where you lose the total concept of time, then it's because you're doing something you were MEANT to be doing. you are fulfilling your purpose in life. and a clock should never dictate that to you.

hola!

noreply@blogger.com (tropa23) — Fri, 12 Nov 2010 15:01:07 PST

Well, it's been some time since I've last been here. So much to talk about and so little time to write down everything. But will soon. I promise. Word is bond. later for now.

#teamconan

noreply@blogger.com (tropa23) — Thu, 14 Jan 2010 13:52:49 PST

I've been a huge fan of Conan since he was on at 12:30am. Actually, I kinda liked his show better at that timeslot. At times his self-deprecating humor was too much, but overall, his shit was always funny, especially the WTF? moments like the masturbating bear. In the Year 2000 always cracked me up. The shows with him outside of the studio after 9/11 was genuine. Plus, even then, a lot of critics said he would never last. And all these years later, he's still here. In many ways, he's lived out the American Dream because through "hard", quoted cuz honestly, he didn't like shovel dirt or lay bricks, but he put in his time to be the Tonight Show host. And now this is taken away.

NBC is a douche for taking this away from him. In a way, it's very symbolic of what's happening in America regarding the economy. Conan's losing a job involuntarily. Well, technically, he didn't have to, but that would've meant that he'd have to compromise his value of The Tonight Show and it's timeslot, not of post-2010-Olympics, but in history. The American people might just see this as another managerial decision to squash someone's dream job that they obviously love to do. Classic underdog story. And America LOVES underdogs. This is pretty good drama, and I guess that's why I'm so intrigued about everything. We have our hero. We know his wants. In steps the Bad guy: Zucker for switching up the timeslot for the Tonight Show, leaving our hero in a tight spot. Leno is a creep too, cuz he should've done the noble thing and said, Look, I had my shot at the Tonight Show gig and now it's Conan's. Asshole. But I digress. Drama. Good stuff. Made me wanna watch and since it's about real lives, not just for these people I named, but for everyone on the cast and crew of these shows PLUS the people who work for NBC. Once again, it's the BIG CORPORATE meanies showing that they have no regards for the people that work for them and have given it their all.

days are flying

noreply@blogger.com (tropa23) — Wed, 13 Jan 2010 15:29:38 PST

every minute that goes by seems like an eternity while doing nothing. i got like the biggest headache from looking at a computer screen and sending out resume after resume to all the jobs that i like. gotta figure out another strategy. thinking about adding a little something to my resume as well as cutting out references to my 10 years of web experience, even though that's how long i have been in this crazy business. but feel that some employers might think that i'm overqualified for some positions. i don't know what to do anymore. i really do love putting sites together though.

so many thoughts are running through. shit.

Frustrated

noreply@blogger.com (tropa23) — Tue, 12 Jan 2010 14:05:38 PST

This is definitely my darkest hour. I got creditors calling. I have no money nor incoming income. Luckily I talked to someone with B of A and struck a deal to pay some money to them, but still feeling really down in the dumps. Add to that, I'm getting sick again. Third time since early December. I heard somewhere that No health, no wealth. Apparently I have neither. I don't know why I'm even posting my personal stuff here. I guess I just needed to vent without anyone really knowing all the trouble I'm going through, mostly out of shame. But the thing is, I admire people who can keep it real, and I can't keep it anymore real than this.

On a lighter note, I spent an evening with my ex-girlfriend's family this past weekend. It was great. I was SO NERVOUS, but I needed to be there because it was their niece's 18th birthday party, and it was the least I could do. Plus, she asked me to be a part of her party. That was good considering that I haven't seen her in 5 years. But yeah. I had a great time with her mom and her mom's mom, whom I missed terrible. For 7 years of my life, she was practically my 2nd mom. She is an amazing person! And everything with MK went well too... and her boyfriend. She's an amazing person herself and she deserves way more than the mess I've turned out to be. That's a good thing!

Where did everything go wrong? Just venting.

EPIC 2010

noreply@blogger.com (tropa23) — Sun, 27 Dec 2009 10:47:12 PST

Big eyes on the prize called 2010. All I have to do is survive until then and everything will be okay. maybe?

Interesting

noreply@blogger.com (tropa23) — Sun, 20 Dec 2009 22:40:23 PST

Other than it's been forever since I've written on here, something really interesting came up that made me want to blog about: the social dynamic between what's ethically acceptable in a game to win $1,000,000 and what's okay to do in real life. I'm talking about Survivor. The game's tagline is Out wit. Out last. Out play. But can this be synonymous with Lie. Cheat. Steal? or Honor. Integrity. Loyalty? It's just a really interesting point of view to have because there can only be a true answer which all depends on the circumstance. It's just that if this was just a game, right, just a game, and on top of that, it's for a million dollars, would you abandon all of your ethics and morals for it? Especially if you say that Honor, Integrity, and Loyalty is what's everything to you?

Personally, and this is just me, but I don't think I can. The other side is that you have to have that killer instinct in order to get ahead if there can only be one winner.

RENT

noreply@blogger.com (tropa23) — Mon, 14 Dec 2009 13:58:01 PST

I'm a RENTHEAD.

The most depressing dream ever

noreply@blogger.com (tropa23) — Sun, 27 Sep 2009 07:39:34 PDT

I'm barely awake but I need to get this out before the dream gods take this away. I just had the most depressing dream ever. I dreamt that I was part of an arranged wedding where the bride never came. I was there in front of family and friends where I thought it was just a fancy party cuz a lot of people were dressed nice, including me cuz I was in a tux, but yeah. No bride. Of course all this was arranged by my mother. It was like I was living in a Shakespearean play with her arranging everything without my knowledge and inviting everyone to my wedding and I was the last to know about it. And I didn't need to be pushed over the edge. What was worst was getting all the gifts and cards saying congratulations that made it feel like everything was my fault that there wasn't a wedding. That made me feel the worst. The cards came from all my cousins, who weren't there in the first place, but sent REALLY ELABORATE cards with pictures and fancy writing like it was a scrapbook. The only good thing was that my real friends, who were there, were there for me even though I was the most humiliated person ever. They stood by my side even though they didn't know what to say or what to do. Shoot, I wouldn't anyways. But yeah. Everything was so vivid and ABSURD at the same time. I'm at my wedding, dressed like I was gonna get married, but didn't know that I was there to get married. And all these people coming up to me saying that they were sorry for me. The worst feeling. Of course blame was abound by others. But I quickly through it back onto myself, because don't dreams speak the truth wheter unconscious or not. I know I'm rambling but what can you expect at 7:30 in the morning, but that's how much this dream effected me. A surprise arranged wedding that the groom didn't know anything about. wow! and I guess that's the biggest twist was that the I got stood up anyways...

gotta turn this into a play. all things happen for a reason... well if you believe in that kind of stuff.

A new start

noreply@blogger.com (tropa23) — Mon, 06 Jul 2009 10:41:22 PDT

Or should I rather say, "another" new start. Gonna make this short cuz I am hunngray!

these last couple of days has really taught me a lot about myself. i've come to face many road blocks and even though i'm still faced with a certain amount of fear, uncertainness, and anxiety, I feel a courage I've never felt before. i'm always telling myself that it's too late to do anything about the path i've already worn, but there have been so many signs telling me that today is the time to step off the path. huminga. and float towards my destination... which is something i know, but can't put into words. i can, but not yet.

new start.

feels like forever, my old friend

noreply@blogger.com (tropa23) — Thu, 19 Mar 2009 23:00:00 PDT

why am i humanizing a blog that i'm actually writing myself? maybe it's because it feels like the only "person" who i can talk to without feeling either pity or guilt for talking about the stuff that's going through my mind.

just had the realization again about my age and where i am at this point in life. i'll be in a show in april and doing a reading in may with the most amazing artists and good people, but for the first time right now, i just noticed my age in comparison to them. and in doing so, i'm like ashamed that i'm not where i need to be. maybe it's like an internal competition thing in saying that when these people get to my age, they're going to be light years ahead of where i am now... then again, maybe not.

looking back at those years, i was struggling to find my place in the world. i was in a pretty good relationship and i was going back to school to make a living for myself. and for all intensive purposes, i have. i have a good job and i'm pretty sure that i've amassed a lot of experience in my field to feel confident in getting any job i want, and that's not arrogance, it's working through ALL THE SHITTY jobs i've had in the past and SACRIFICED so much that I deserve to get any job i want Damnit! Working on weekends, holidays, for minimum wage with acquaintances coming in with their fancy jobs and me... struggling.

Which still leaves me right where I still am... struggling. But at least I finally have a goal - to be a playwright. I've been kicking my ass and still sacrificing to make this dream come true. Every day I try to do something that will help me get better. I consider this entry as part of my training as well as it builds my stream of consciousness. But the sacrifice is being alone on this journey. I want to reach this goal SO BAD that I don't want to be distracted by anyone. And it wouldn't be fair to anyone for me to be like this. I've already went through it before. I know I'm being selfish, but to be honest, this dream feels like the only thing i have to keep me hoping that my life has purpose.

At the same time, I wouldn't want to wish this on anyone else. The greatest high I get is when I think of a scene and these characters start to come to life and write the scene themselves. The worst feeling is knowing that these are the only people who don't mind my manic depressive submissions.

*breath* okay, i'm feeling a little better. good therapy fix!

2008.12.18 - Randomness

noreply@blogger.com (tropa23) — Thu, 18 Dec 2008 19:42:17 PST

2008.12.18 - Randomness

- in a really grumpy mood.
- hates it when the OCD kicks in
- desperately waiting for this year to end and begin the new one!
- wishing life was this easy to reboot
- picturing life on a pier with a frosted breath at sunrise.
- bah-humbug!
- trying hard to not get caught staring ;)
- forgot about using this thing instead of posting on facebook
- first blog post mailing this from my iPhone.

now i'm typing this from my computer, but the above is a running list of random thoughts that run through my head during the day. usually, i post these up as a status on my facebook account, but then i started noticing that a lot of these thoughts shouldn't be shared with everyone. these are my thoughts and posting it for EVERYONE to see just seems too much for me to handle right now. now, i know that this is a public blog, but shoot, if anyone sees this, y'alls don't know me personally. plus, i could use this as a venting list too.

anyways, it's nice to be able to use my phone for another productive thing :)

Longing to belong

noreply@blogger.com (tropa23) — Tue, 02 Dec 2008 20:45:56 PST

So I'm chillin in my car bored. I'm just now putting into perspective on why I've been driving all those miles back and forth between here and sacto - it was so that I could feel like I belong. Instead I'm here being the adult and being responsible about how much I'm putting on my car. But yeah Im just able to reflect on why all those miles were used it was for me to not feel alone. I hate feeling kawawa but I guessxtbese are one of those few occasions when I feel like venting.

There's an interesting conversation on kgo about how this man in Iran will be getting the punishment of what he did to his former girlfriend - he will be blinded with acid. When he found out that his girlfriend wanted to leave him, be took acid and threw it in her eyes, this blinding her. And now because of the laws in Iran where they have an eye for an eye, he'll have to suffer the same consequences he laid on her! Now that's the question is this right? I am haunted by ghandi's saying's "an eye for an eye will make everyone blind" but in the back of my head I'm saying that if this person ever did this to anyone in my family and I'm including those friends whom are family I'd say give me the damn bottle! For reals, yo! It's an interesting debate is all I'm asking, but I'm confronted by another quote, if you're on a picket fence and you don't pick a side to land on you'll fall on one of the spikes!

Baby steps. Being as old as I am, I'm slowly finally realizing some of my faults and one of them happen to be my jealousy. I can be so bleh about it sometimes that I totally overreact to certain situations that I really have no control over hence I lose control over my better judgement. And most of the time, it's usually after I mess things up that I realize how much of a jerk I can be when I start feeling jealous about something or someone. I know now when it's coming on and with this realization hopefully I can head off that being a jerk phase and just keep on chugging through. That is at least I hope I can cuz I don't want to lose something that has finally become a bright spot in my dreary life.

emo

noreply@blogger.com (tropa23) — Wed, 24 Sep 2008 23:27:46 PDT

feels like forever since i last wrote in here, and believe me that's a really BAD thing. sometimes this blog is the only thing that keeps me sane. just learning more about myself lately. oh, before i forget, i was going over the bridge into the city. was stuck in the farthest left lane to enter 5th street and looked over the bay towards the san mateo bridge. "how easy would it be to just get out of the car right now and jump?" honestly, i had the scene running over and over in my head in dvd switch angle views. from inside the car. door opens, follow the swinging of the door while the last shot is two feet going over. from behind. from the pov of the person behind me. from the pov of the side mirror of the person in front of me. and finally my pov. just opening the door and jumping without a thought in order for no thoughts to stop. i wanted that feeling of flight. and knowing that it'll be over soon.

haven't had that feeling in a while. don't really know why it krept back into my psyche but it just did. thoughts of killing myself sucks, cuz it just feels like something i can't control. like something i want real bad. even prayed for it one time. just take me from what most everyone i know fears the most. something that i live with. the quiet. the cold. the dark.

feeling alone.

Way Off Broadway

noreply@blogger.com (tropa23) — Fri, 29 Aug 2008 08:10:32 PDT

I should be getting ready for work, but I can't stop watching this movie called Way Off Broadway. It's crazy because some of the storyline is way too close to home, but... it's kinda cool to see this as an indie. roughly it's about a group of really close friends, whom are artists in their own rights trying to make it. and surely enough, the playwright gets the girl at the end... *sigh*

wrapping this up, it deals not only with the "success" of being an artist, but more importantly, the failures of being one. as i said, really close to home. the movie just finished and i have to go off to my... job.

politics

noreply@blogger.com (tropa23) — Thu, 28 Aug 2008 06:39:38 PDT

So at my ripe age of 36, I'm just starting to see the political process in action. It's a great time to be an American because there is a call to action. A call for a revolution in this country has been asked for and I want to be in there and help create an American that I can be proud of. I wonder who ever thought of having the presidential elections fall on the same year as the Olympics, but it doesn't hurt to be a jingoist.

I never knew who Joe Biden was before last night, so his speech was very important to me to listen to. And now that I've heard him, I'm more at ease with him being a Vice Presidential Candidate. He is convicted of how to deal with foreign affairs, just as he is assured as Barack will do the right thing.

I think one of the major points I'll take from last night is that Yes, a lot of the countries in the world hate us. And there's only one person to blame for this. GEORGE BUSH! I understand that in his mind, he needed to take the hard stance on everything. But it's not what I believe in. Thus, it's hard for me to say that I don't believe in this current president. He has taken a stance of being the Bully of the world, and being the president of the united states, it reflects so badly on all of us. That's why I liked one of the quotes by Frmr. President Clinton. "Diplomacy is first and military action is only used as a LAST RESORT!" The war in Iraq has gone on for too long. How many more Americans have to die there? I'm not going to vote for a person who wants to keep troops there for 100 years. Speaking as a military brat, realistically, that might happen. Shoot, we still have troops in Germany. But I would never say that if I was running for office. Numb Nut!

But I'm doing my part to try and listen to the "other side". It's to be sure that I am voting for the right person. I saw the "debate" at Saddleback, and I have to admit that I liked McKain's demeanor and candor when he answered the questions... well, that is until he stated very clearly that he only believed that a marriage can only exist between a man and a woman. i respect his belief, despite how backward his thinking is.

But I digress, Barack Obama is starting to look like someone I can believe in. Someone I am willing to help to make this country stronger. Don't get me wrong, this is still a great country and I'm very fortunate to be an American, but there's just so many things wrong with it's current inability to say that All Men (and Women) are created EQUAL! I'm hoping that Barack will be that person I can hold accountable to making this real american dream come true. An African-American male. A black man. Officially and Realistically can become the President of the United States. That's one step taken in the right direction for the rest of us... UNITED.

My Fear

noreply@blogger.com (tropa23) — Sat, 16 Aug 2008 08:32:41 PDT

So, tonight is the closing night of my play, The Gift, and I was seriously considering not going. My alternative plan was to go to sac and play poker. That would've been fun plus I would be with people whom I was comfortable with. Then in typical tropa23 fashion i started analyzing this choice. A major accomplishment in my life is ending yet i didn't want to go. why?

fear. i am afraid to get close to these amazing people. everything is still new even though i've known most of them for a year now. there's nothing bad about them. they are artists and doing something GREAT for the community. then why should i be afraid? it's because i didn't want to lose the friendships i had in sac. however, through natural causes... some of those closeness is gone. i've been pretty depressed about that lately, but i guess that's the way it just goes. i ain't mad at anyone or anything like that, it just happens. just sad about it. it's just that i have to start over again. what i have with my friends in sac is different. some of them are not even considered friends to me. they are more like family. and one thing about families is that it takes a lot to break that fiber. with friends, that interweaving of over a decade of friendship can and will be tested, stretched out, and sometimes torn. but being a family, those strains always eventually get mended. well that's what i believe.

but back to this fear. i was watching something last night on tv and there was this one line from something a movie i flipped to where one of the characters says to another, "if you don't face fear, you won't see the opportunity." and that's really been my problem, i've been too scared to approach others. i have no idea why, it's just that. ugh. and it's utterly stupid to use the I'M SHY excuse. I have to man up and just say hi. it doesn't necessarily mean i can carry a conversation after that, but just be yourself and to again stop hiding behind a fake facade of "but, this is myself." yes... i've been funny, but not in a haha kind of way.

paalam.

learning

noreply@blogger.com (tropa23) — Fri, 15 Aug 2008 08:36:30 PDT

went to stories high last night and was pleasantly... well i won't say surprised, because i know how good everyone is, but i was taken aback by how tighter and tighter the show has gotten. i take that back cuz i do know that only going through a run is the only way for the cast and crew to get tighter! it was fun to see ALL of the pieces come together. i'm taking notes tonight and start on another play. well, try to start. it should be fun.

been thinking about someone today. i think i wrote about this before but for some odd reason, i've been thinking about her. i don't know why. we're just friends, but... and believe me there's no romantic inclinations there. none. but is that why i'm obessesing over her... because there i do think of her as more than such. preposterous! just sucks to think about someone too much. i think i did write about the unrequited friendship before. you know, when you think that someone is a close friend... but not getting the love in return. it's so stupid to feel like this! childish even. maybe, it's just plain sadness. sadness that for some reason that i'm so blind to see that we aren't as close as we used to be. or maybe even that was an illusion. *chuckle* why do i do this to MYSELF? i'm crazy, but at least i'm able to laugh at myself for it.

paalam.

:)

noreply@blogger.com (tropa23) — Fri, 08 Aug 2008 21:59:37 PDT

calm now.

depression

noreply@blogger.com (tropa23) — Fri, 08 Aug 2008 19:35:46 PDT

i don't really expect anyone to read this so i'll put this up. note: i'm writing this to get all this angst out of me. i'm not looking for sympathy or help or anything. sori. even though you can read this as me complaining, it's because i am. but i'll never say these things out loud. i don't need help. i don't need friends. i don't need pity. i'm going through shit right now and i know that this is just a part of me that has to be let out every once in a while. shit.

what's going on with me? i'm so fuckin... shit.

whatever. have a nice day.

inability to love

noreply@blogger.com (tropa23) — Fri, 08 Aug 2008 01:32:22 PDT

i forgot what it was to be in love. i can watch a romantic movie or something, but it will seem completely foreign to me. what happened? i am completely devoid of feeling anything right now. what's happening to me? one of my favorite indulgences is the movie MOULIN ROUGE. and at the heart of that movie says that everything is love. love is the greatest thing in the world. love is a many splendid thing. love lifts us up where we belong.

ugh! i guess i just haven't found the one. shoot, i'm not even in like with anyone. no one. grrrr.... what's wrong with me? and i'm not even in the opposite vengeful mood either with the f*ck people who are in love or anything. actually, quite the opposite. i'm happy for people who are in love. i'm happy for those who have found their other half.

*sigh* i'm ready for go across the pond...