The Ranting Walrus

It Came to Me in a Dream

2008-11-08T02:29:00.004-05:00

It's fucking Saturday morning, 2.30 am. Campus is empty, Estimated Prophet tingles my eardrums as it shoots out my laptops crappy speakers. I am naked. And very bored. Theres a lot I could be doing, like homework, or studying, or masturbating, or finding some pants, but fuck that. I'd like to share a short fable I wrote for yall. Thats actually utter bullshit, I wrote this for my FYS class. Fuck you all, every last one of you. You are not here to entertain me, I don't even know who you are. Most likely Duder, I have a feeling he and I are the only ones who read this. (Dont tell him, but I don't actually read this either. So I guess that makes it just him. Sorry dude, but I've got better things to do, like be naked. It takes up a lot more time than youd think, it really takes over your life. One minute your roommate is tellin you hes goin away fro the weekend and then the pants come off and it all goes to hell. ) I am bored as shit, and naked, and I'm gonna post this incredibly beautiful and enlightening essay cause I need something to occupy my sadly sober mind. Fuck, if things get as bad as they probably will, I might even EDIT it and make it even more beautiful, enthralling, and short. With no further ado, welcome to my dreamworld.

(Assuming I can get the fucking thing to paste in here... this is bullshit. Why can't it comprehend the basic copy and paste function? Fuckin amateurs.)

Heavy eyelids droop as the clock strikes 3 AM. All the creativity is drained from his head, as is all his day's energy. This condition is met every night: where one is overwhelmed by the waves of sleep splashing gently on ones overworked body. Temptations of rest dance though his mind like sugar plum fairies, but the glory of rest must be put off; there is work to be done. 2 more pages must be written before Kyle can immerse himself in the theta and delta waves of deep sleep. Red, weary eyes flutter dangerously as his head hits the desk. Silence falls, but not for long. Thunder rumbles from his cavernous mouth, as a puddle of drool pools on his desk, freshly cleaned from previous procrastinating. He spirals downward into a dream...

Sirens blast like dying cats. The snooze alarm is eventually slammed as he wakes up, mildly confused in a bed full of aquatic animals. The sheets are layered with various kinds of fish, all flapping in desperation to get back to their oceanic habitat. A turtle is stuck on its back, unable to get up without the help from its bewildered bedfellow. Flounder peek out from under the mattress, and a shark lies across the bedspread. A thick, viscous liquid bleeds out of the mattress, immersing the sleeper in a gelatinous paste of plankton. His confusion is matched by his disgust, and he rushes to the bathroom to cleanse himself of all his acquired fish juices.

The door clicks locked and the bathing ritual begins. The body is presented, naked and filthy. The water is steaming, a hot spring of tranquility. The curtain is drawn, and the personal grotto is ready for action. Warm water dribbles gently down, from chest hair to stomach hair to leg hair to foot hair. It meanders, exploring the nooks and crannies of every fleshy appendage. Suds of soap cut through the goo plastered all over his dank, hairy person. An outfit of tiny bubbles is hand made, then washed away. Now comes the shampoo, reeking of a hundred soggy berries in the springtime. Gel oozes gently into his hand, and is scrubbed vigorously into the matt of tangled hair. How curious that man devise a product that works so well to detangle hair! Conditioner is the bane of knotted locks, and leaves no tie unfastened. The war on dirt is drawn to a close, victory yet again!

The curtain is redrawn and steam rushes out of the shower. Nervously he eyes the smoke alarm, putting on his jeans as quickly as he can manage while remaining upright. He breaks the seal of the bathroom, and delights in exposure to the cooler, less humid atmosphere of the room. A shirt is snatched from the clean side of the closet. Today's color is purple. The shirt conjures up images of young colts running free, with no humans to tame them. Their energy is boundless, and they run with the rising morning sun. He scratches a line through the box labeled November 4th: today is his day off, and much adventure and excitement await.

The eating ritual is the next event of the day. An apple rests on the shelf, approximately the same shade of green as the ripe banana on it's left. Kyle chuckles to himself a he recalls the previous day's excursion, which included a fruit liberation attempt, which ended in success for all involved parties. He grabs the apple vivaciously, and takes a large bite. The fruit is sweet, a delicious reprise from the more conventional Crispix cereal. The green flesh tears so perfectly, and juice dribbles forth from its luscious innards. Care is taken to avoid biting the seedy center core, for this contains not the apple's finest taste. A muffin sits provocatively in the corner, pleading for attention. It's golden color tempts the eye so; it is irresistible. The muffin is the perfect foil to the apple. It's granular texture compliments the spongy cake of the apple. The stomach gurgles in delight, appeased with it's latest offering.

Suddenly, an apparition! It is no other than the fabled Batman, Dark Knight! His mask obscures all emotion, save the expression of his angry, passionate eyes. His voice slices through the tacky Hawaiian music put on only moments earlier. His request is urgent: Kyle is to write an essay on the spotlight effect in order to learn how to restore poor Gerald's shattered confidence. He had walked out of the library with a book accidentally placed in his backpack, which set off the earsplitting alarms installed just a few days earlier. Many turned to look up at this spectacle, where Gerald felt all now held him accountable for ruining the quiet serenity of the library. However, the spotlight effect tells Gerald that others aren't paying as much attention to him as he pays himself. This leads to excessive worrying, when few are really that bothered at all by Gerald's slight disturbance.

Batman nods politely as he departs, tearing the screen from the window. With a crash like a splash cymbal, the screen impacts the ground and shatters into fragments. But this sound is not the sound of destruction, it is that of inspiration. A path begins to appear in the clouds of fog in the mind, daintily marked by golden pinpricks of sunshine. It leads to a most unusual fountain, surrounded by toadstools and glimmering beings of light. Peering into the fountain's shimmering water, one could peer into the workings of reality, into the inner structure of the soul. This realm is explored, first by imagination, then with a sitar. Few musical instruments can capture the allure of this fabled fountain of illumination like the spacey tones of a sitar. Perhaps a sarod might be able to work as well, but the sitar sits patiently in the corner. It has one desire in life, only one function: to be played, and make music that bridges from the heart of the player to the heart of the listener. Through sound, the audience and the performer are linked together, each feeding off each other's energy. The pathway is clear now, and the sitar is the perfect vessel to traverse this domain. The record button is pushed, and three hours later is set aside. The song is over, it is time to make the next logical step: invite others.

Bless the invention of texting! A mass message is sent out, requesting all musicians to journey to the land of Oak with their instruments in hand. About half respond, unusually good for a Wednesday afternoon. Of those who responded, only two have risen to the request of the messenger. The familiar curves of a guitar case are unmistakable, as are the iconic lettering on the black amp accompanying it. An accordion is no stranger to the dorm, and is unveiled by the master, who turns the awkward confusion of notes that is the instrument into a pleasing, whirlwind of sound. Together, the three instruments make music that plunges the listener into the realm of the fountain, mysterious and deep, bubbling with themes of passion and chaos. A small fish leaps from the depths of the fountain into the befuddled arms of the observer, stunned at their change in fate. The fish is taken home and grilled, its flesh the most delicious substance known in the village.

By now, it is late afternoon and the fingers are exhausted. The suggestion of a visit to the reservation across the street is proposed, considered, and agreed upon unanimously. The three set out on their expedition, dressed in their warmest attire possible. Not one, not two, but three layers of pants are worn by all. The method works great: pajama pants are worn under sweatpants are worn under jeans, making for an unusually warm, cozy outfit. Boots are strapped onto feet padded by the thickest socks in the drawer. Each student grabs a water bottle as they exit the dorm, prepared for their voyage at last.

The wind strikes them first. Blasts of cold blow bits of hair everywhere, most annoyingly into their eyes. Hoods are drawn to ward off this evil breeze. It is not enough to stop the three as they seek the riches of nature's beauty. Leaves of gold and green share the sky with leaves a bright red. Some drift lazily to the forest floor, piling upon each other into giant piles of crunchy joy. One kick can send up thousands of these natural gems, but one kick leads to many, and a delightful hour is whiled away, casting these colorful dead things into the air. They fill the sky, until there is no space left for breathing, and the three begin to suffocate. A jolt of panic rips through the happy moment and sends a wave of shock through the kickers...

Kyle bolts upright. The clock now reads 4.57 AM. There are two pages left of his essay to complete. The fish are gone, the musicians and the leaves as well. But the image of the fountain remains as strong as ever, and two hours later, the paper is finished with enough time for an attractive three hour nap. Follow your dreams, for they will lead you to greater success.

Ain't It The Truth!

2008-11-03T14:59:00.001-05:00

Glenn Beck - Current Events & Politics - Picture of the Day - November 03, 2008

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Reflection On Some Brainsturbation

2008-10-30T22:09:00.001-04:00

So I'm looking through the Brainsturbator archives...again...and I find this gem:

Maurice Strong: Another Hidden Ruler

I don't particularly agree with 37's opinion on One World Government, but the fact that everything else is on the nose is pretty goddamn scary. In fact, I definitely do not agree with his stance on the NWO, considering all of the freedoms that we currently have will be stripped away for good, if said government should take control. I'm positive that it'll happen one day soon, unfortunately. With the free market not being so free anymore and our freedoms provided by the Constitution slowly being stripped away, it's only a matter of time.

But to be honest with you, although it's certainly a scary thought (having one world government controlling everything you do and think and say [Think Hitler on a larger scale]), I'm trying not to be nervous about it. After all, these creeps that run that whole show FEED ON FEAR. Their only poison: Mental Strength and Rebellion.

So let's keep our minds fresh and continue to seek the truth.

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More Sites= More Fun!

2008-10-30T15:01:00.002-04:00

Ever wanted to chat with the freaks behind the Ranting Walrus? Ever wanted to exchange ideas with ACTUAL Walri?

WELL NOW YOU CAN!!

Here's just a few sites that you can go visit to chat with us or learn more about the Sacred Mission behind this blog. So...here you go:

Ranting Walrus on Squidoo

Ranting Walrus on Twitter

Ranting Walrus on Kwippy

Enjoy!

Peace!
-Duder

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Chuck Baldwin On The Bailout

2008-10-27T21:17:00.002-04:00

Once again, I'm thoroughly convinced that Chuck Baldwin is the right man for America. I encourage everyone to view this video and get informed.

Kick ass Baldwin video!

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Walrus Music

2008-10-22T16:39:00.003-04:00

I'm proud to be the first to announce that a ranting walrus has started a band! A one-man band, to be precise. Anyway, Fesomelia Staelemotus made a myspace devoted to his band. Check him out!

Seriously, he won't disappoint.

http://www.myspace.com/fesomeliastraelemotus

Enjoy!

Thinking Is Dangerous, But So Is Ignorance

2008-10-20T19:12:00.001-04:00

I've never understood why anyone would purposely buy into all of this media bullshit on TV, radio, etc. But today I had a revelation.

Most people are under the impression that Ignorance is Bliss. Perhaps that is ok in some cases, like when your sister leaves your house in middle of the night, only to come back with a stranger's clothes on and smeared lipstick all over her face at 4 o'clock in the morning. But in most cases, it only leads to problems.

Basically what I mean is, most people don't want to know the truth because if they do, that means they'd actually have to do something about it.

I dunno about you, but to me that sounds EXTREMELY un-American.

Wasn't the whole point of the American Revolution about "Taxation Without Representation"? Think about that for a moment. We were being taxed for things that we weren't even aware of because we were misrepresented (or not at all) in Parliament. So what do we do? We protest and start a flippin' war!

It seems to me that not many want to hear the truth, simply because it'll force them to take action. Well, let me tell you something, America: ignorance may be bliss for now, but if you don't start to take responsibility for your actions and for your country, someone will take it over and screw you over. And it'll be all your fault.

So what I'm advocating is the use of thought and reason in the election of our officials, be it executive or legislative. Let's protest if things aren't going the way they should. Let's gang up on the Congress members putting pork in the bills that are meant to try and prevent an economic collapse. Are you telling me that voting for a bill that could possibly save our beloved Union is too much to ask? You need to add hundreds of pages of goodies before you could pass such a bill?

This is the ignorance I mean. We have it in Congress and in the Oval Office. And since no one is doing anything to stop it except complain, they will keep on doing what they're doing and continue to fuck us over. We must get off of our lazy asses and do something to spread the word around: WE DON'T WANT INCOMPETENCE ANYMORE! GIVE US OUR FREEDOM BACK!

But are you willing to take the challenge?

Here's how you can get informed:

-Pay attention to the news.
Yes they are biased. Yes they don't give you the whole truth, but that doesn't mean that they don't give you SOME of the truth!

-Listen to the politicians themselves
Don't listen to the clips that the media provides. Find the whole speech or debate and realize the context of what they're saying. Trust me, it helps a TON!

-Find a reliable source of information on the internet
I like Realclearpolitics.com a lot, but even they are very biased when it comes to the two-party system. I would check out the other candidates as well and see where they stand on political issues such as the economy, the Iraq War, abortion and decreasing the size of big government.

Hey wait! Big government isn't an issue proposed by the media?

I guess I'm gonna have to cover that one in the next article...

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I Freakin' Love Cartoons!!

2008-10-15T09:28:00.001-04:00

http://video.google.com/googleplayer.swf?docid=1057391195915718366

I tried to embed the video, but of course, it didn't work. Just click the link...I KNOW you'll enjoy this!

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War in Iraq: Almost Over?

2008-10-14T20:37:00.001-04:00

Why isn't this all over the news?

http://www.cnn.com/2008/WORLD/meast/10/14/iraq.security/index.html?eref=rss_topstories

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A Discourse on Improvisation from Around the World

2008-10-05T20:52:00.002-04:00

Listening to a piece of improvisational music, it is quite impressive how fluent musicians are in their playing. Professional musicians can hear what other musicians are playing, and communicate back and forth as to what will come next. Will the sax player take a solo, or will the band go to a chorus instead? Such musical fluidity is required of advanced musicians. Because of this, many players have found ways to communicate with their fellows using music. In this regard, they use music as a language to communicate ideas. Such language fluidity is seen in all genres of improvisational music worldwide.

Jam bands rely heavily on communication through improvisation. Toubab Krewe jams by each instrument playing a simple riff. They take turns, each instrument playing a new riff for 4 bars, then repeating the riff until it is their turn again to change. By that time, the other musicians have altered what they are playing and the sound slowly evolves into something different. This group also plays with dynamics, where one instrument will play a crescendo and the other instruments will follow, then simultaneously drop out and let the leading instrument solo by itself for a few bars, then everyone comes back in and the jam continues.

The Grateful Dead use their own methods to perform hour long jams that never seem to end. Most songs written by them include a distinctive main guitar riff. This riff is used by Jerry to kick off the tune, but also used during jams to signal the band to stop jamming and move onto the next song, as indicated by whichever riff is used. This is how the Dead can play songs one after another without ever having to stop to consult a set list.

Vladiswar Nadishana, a Siberian music prodigy, creates incredibly intricate, layered music with hundreds of obscure instruments. His style follows an almost classical structure, which helps keep him focused as well as keeping from overdoing passages. He works in 'paragraphs,' presenting one idea on one instrument by itself. He repeats this idea several times, adding more and more instrumentation, then changing to a new idea and building that up in a similar manner. This pattern continues over the course of a tune, revisiting certain riffs again and again, yet presenting them differently every time.

Ian Anderson uses a similar method in his classically themed album "Divinities: 12 Dances with God." Each 'dance' starts with a different motif, explores that motif, then hints at ideas from earlier pieces, phrased to fit into the new motifs. The first dance lays out the main ideas that are referred back to throughout the piece, much like a good introduction. Because all the dances flow together, a powerful, magnificant conclusion would be expected, but his album does not provide this closure, giving it a slightly awkward ending.

Classical Indian music is a highly structured genre focusing on improvisation. Ravi Shankar's album 'A Morning Raga/An Evening Raga' is an excellent example of a raga's structure. A raga is a musical sentence which could be thought of as a thesis, and is associated with a mood and time of day. Raga Nata Bhairav is meant to be played in the morning, and communicates feelings of hasya (happiness), adabhuta (wonder), and shaanta (peace) at the start of a new day.

The structure of a raga resembles the structure of an essay. Ravi opens the raga with an alaap, an unmetered introduction that outlines the motifs of the raga. This is where concepts are introduced that will later be explored during the other movements of the raga. The second movement is called the gat, where the tabla player enters and initiates the rhythmic pulse. This equates to the body of an essay, which contains the main ideas, which are elaborated upon. The tabla player improvises while the sitarist plays the raga over and over, until the drummer plays a tihai, an idea repeated three times, which then signals the sitarist to start improvising while the drummer plays a steady groove, until the sitarist plays a tihai and the drummer begins again. In this way, the musicians can communicate who's turn it is to play without interrupting the music. The final conclusion of the raga is the jhalla. The sitar plays a slow melody with the left hand while the right hand plays intricate, fast paced rhythms that build momentum. Often in this section, there is a call and response portion where the sitarist plays a riff, and the drummer imitates it on tabla. This leads to a tempo build, and the sitarist concludes the raga with an abhoga, or closing movement.

Improvisation is the musical equivalent of a conversation. By communicating ideas back and forth, a discussion results, where ideas can be explored and fleshed out. Much practice and patience is needed to develop the fluidity of musical expression the most talented musicians possess. However, it is incredibly useful because from improvisation, ideas for new songs can be gleamed, or perhaps the jam itself could be released as a tune. And there are few things as satisfying as getting some musical friends together and jamming out.

Not sure what to do anymore...

2008-09-30T18:01:00.002-04:00

This whole financial crisis is puzzling the hell outa me. What the FUCK is going on...and what can I do to help? Better yet, what can I do to GET help?!?!?

Let's be honest, no matter how it started, there's no quick fix to this. It took years to happen and it may take years to resolve. We may even have to depart from our credit cards and actually resort to buying only what we can afford! We MIGHT actually have to start WORKING!! (NOOOOO!!!)

The only way I see that the typical American can help the cause is to do two things:

1) Buy American-made goods.

Let's face it: there is a very minute amount of truly AMERICAN-made things these days. Why not support what little we have left? Why not actually send money to our government? I mean, I hate this big government federal ass bullshit as much as any thinking American, but fact of the matter is, we are in debt. We are in a MASSIVE DEBT! And now the only way to pay it off is to jack up taxes. Now this whole economy business comes along wrecking our wallets YET AGAIN (if this bailout gets passed, anyway). I only wish there were stronger words to express how I feel right now, but until I find a way to say it, there's always this: "WE ARE FUCKED BEYOND BELIEF!!" The dollar is collapsing...do you realize that this is the EXACT kind of tragedy that could spur the one world currency? Do you realize that it could help the formation of the NAU? Do you realize that I went off topic? I'll get back on it right now.

2) DO NOT withdraw your cash!!
That would be the mistake that our forefathers made back in the late 20s...they panicked, withdrew all their savings from the bank and BOOM! Depression. Or at least the start of it. Like this situation, it sorta started with credit bullshit and people spending stupidly...or spending the money they didn't have. In this case, it has to do with loans that people kept withdrawing. Lemme tell you something: a LOAN cannot pay off another LOAN! But then again, Congress has been doing it for decades...no wonder we're short on cash! And to top that off, we're trying to help the whole world with this war on terror, but all we proved is that we can't even keep ourselves on our feet. WHO ARE WE TO TRY AND HELP ANOTHER COUNTRY REBUILD IF WE CAN'T EVEN KEEP OUR OWN COUNTRY STANDING? DOES ANYBODY ELSE FIND THIS TO BE COMPLETELY AND UTTERLY INSANE??????

Shit...this things sickens me SOO much...

And the worst is that the country will not wake up to the corporate bullshit. We will still end up with a Democrat or a Republican as President. Why can't America face the facts? We need REAL people who REALLY represent the people...who will REALLY do what's necessary for our country and not FUCK IT UP MORE!!

To think I used to be a Republican...

Shit man...shit. WHERE THE FUCK ARE THE PROTESTERS?? DON'T YOU WANNA BE HEARD? THIS IS THE TIME TO DO IT! STOP GIVING ME BULLSHIT ABOUT ANIMAL RIGHTS...ABOUT GAY RIGHTS...ABOUT LATINO RIGHTS...all of that is fine and dandy, but HOW ABOUT AMERICAN RIGHTS?? DON'T I, AS AN AMERICAN, DESERVE TO BE FREE?? DON'T I DESERVE TO CHOOSE A CANDIDATE THAT COULD ACTUALLY FUCKING SAVE OUR COUNTRY??

To be honest, I'm so fucking sick of this shit. I want to protest all of this bullshit, but no one seems to be on the same page as me. Everyone is just either lost, completely bought by the liberal (and neo-con) media, or just plain ignorant. Just to STUPID to understand that THESE ARE THE TIMES THAT TRY MENS' SOULS...and we are all failing...the US is about to fall to socialism, people...try watching Glenn Beck once in a while...HE'S ON TV EVERY FUCKING DAY. But I'm sure you'd rather fucking watch Spongebob or I Love New York or the fucking Hills or The View or some random football game or those fucking bars that show up when nothing is on...GET A GRIP PEOPLE!! THIS IS A LIFE AND DEATH SITUATION FOR OUR COUNTRY!!

Has anyone else noticed Russia becoming more and more Soviet lately? I swear to God, if they bomb Ukraine, I'm going to fucking FLIP THE FUCK OUT!! Not only because I'm a Ukrainian-American, but because they are trying to build an empire again. HEY, YOU FUCKING RUSKIES, YOU OWN HALF OF FUCKING ASIA!! YOU ARE THE BIGGEST COUNTRY IN THE WORLD!! YOU DON"T NEED ANY MORE LAND, YOU ASSHOLES!!

And you know what, I'm gonna say the same to the US. YOU ARE (or were) THE MOST POWERFUL COUNTRY IN THE WORLD!! YOU DO NOT NEED MORE LAND OR TERRITORY!! WHY NOT SPEND SOME TIME FIXING YOUR POVERTY PROBLEM OR SECURE THE FUCKING BORDERS TO KEEP AMERICA FOR AMERICANS AND THOSE WHO ARE WILLING TO BECOME AN AMERICAN CITIZEN?!?!?

But why don't we secure our borders? Because in the end, Mexico, Canada and the US will be one nation. Or at least that's the hopes of those in charge.

Here's the bottom line of this whole rant: It doesn't have to be this way. We built this nation on protesting England and fighting for freedom. Why not do it again?

Too lazy? Then don't even fucking bother voting! Don't even fucking try to preach to me about your liberal agenda (because liberal and neo-con is the same in my book). Go back to your HDTV that you bought on credit and that Xbox 360 that you can't even pay for and go waste your time, your life and your MIND away while the few, the proud and truly patriotic Americans are fighting for YOUR life and YOUR freedom.

>Takes a breath<

Sometimes I wish I didn't feel this strongly about shit...it'd get me in MUCH less trouble...

Theory: Because It's Fucking Important

2008-09-23T20:01:00.006-04:00

It's dark out as you make your way down the lonely, dimly lit street. Your footsteps echo as you descend into the quiet solitude of the subway station. Pausing at a corner, the melancholy melody of a bansuri catches your auditory attention. Like a painful, desperate cry of longing, the haunting flute draws you closer. As you approach, the wails build to a terrifying climax. Then silence falls, and all is still. The man reveals his inanimate companion, and you are struck at the simplicity of the object: it's nothing but a tube with some holes carved in it. You inquire as to how this sound, this feeling, could be possible, and the man reveals his secrets.

There is a whole underlying science of mathematics that guides musicians in their choice of notes. The more advanced musicians often espouse the value of learning this math. Theory is the grammar of music. By learning it, one can express ideas with greater clarity, and broaden one's horizons into fields never dreamt possible.

All music starts with a scale. The first note of the scale determines the key. The following notes are determined by a pattern of intervals. Scales can contain any number of notes, but many scales contain 7. Notes follow a series of half and whole steps until an octave is reached. A half step is the distance from one note to the next chromatic note. A whole step is two half steps put together. An octave is the same note as the first in the scale, but the pitch is higher. The most common scale, the major scale, follows this pattern of whole and half steps: whole whole half whole whole whole half.

Not all music is contained by the major scale, and many variations exist. The pentatonic minor scale is a 5 note scale used widely throughout blues and rock. It's cousin, the pentatonic major, differs only in that the second note is a half step higher. But scales alone cannot explain all of music's magic.

Chords are groups two or more notes pulled from the scale. A major chord consists of three notes, the root note, a note a major third interval above the root, and a note a minor third interval above the second note. These intervals form recognizable shapes on a guitar, creating patterns that can be recognized with agility. Minor scales are also utilized commonly. A minor chord consists of a root note, a note a minor third above the root, and a note a major third above the second. In a major scale, each note has a corresponding chord. The first, fourth, and fifth notes all have corresponding major chords, while notes 2, 3, and 6 have minor chords. The 7th chord is diminished, whose construction is determined by a root note, a note a minor third above the root, and another note a minor third above the second. In a scale, every major chord has a relative minor chord that share two notes in common. A major chord's relative minor chord is found a minor third step below the root note of the major chord.

Theory can be intimidating to learn, but its practical applications are limitless. Learning chord construction allows a musician to more quickly dissect difficult progressions. Scales are useful in performing solos, and generating melodies in original works. They are also useful in performing back up behind vocals or other instruments. By learning scales, a musician can narrow down the number of notes to a much more manageable population, and even if those notes are chosen at random, the likelihood of them blending in a satisfying way is much greater than the odds of notes picked entirely at random, unshaped by the knowledge of scale construction.

Music is a language, and every language follows certain patterns that make for easier communication. Although not all musicians learn these rules of syntax, those who do often find it easier to communicate their musical ideas more clearly, effectively, and purposefully. These are the musicians that can perform with powerful emotion, with a power that transcends the written word, but not the spoken. This is the magic of music, the ability to generate feelings without ever saying one word.

The man returns his bansuri to his lips and resumes his hobby. The melody is light and cheerful now, far from the mournful dirge played not long ago. Your spirits are lifted with the joy of understanding, and you ride the peaceful waves of sound home to bed.

A New Threat To Facism

2008-05-10T14:53:00.003-04:00

There's been a recent buzz across certain websites about something called 5GW. The subject matter interests me in ways you guys can't fathom at the moment. However, since I still don't understand the whole thing entirely, I'll leave you few faithful readers with a a bunch of sites and articles regarding this subject.

www.skilluminati.com

I highly recommend this website as your starting point. It's run by the mastermind behind Brainsturbator, Audible Hype, and Humpasaur Jones (all websites that you can find on the side panel of this blog). This man, known as ThirtySeven to many, is one of the Walrus's patron saints, considering both Fez and I delve in his sites on a regular basis. This being one of them.

Anyway, when you're there, click on the 5GW 2008 Project link to get all the information you'll need. Recommended places to begin include anything with the name John Boyd in it.

Unfortunately, my computer is acting sluggish and retarded at this moment in time, so any future links will be posted in the comment section. However, with some research on the Skilluminati website, you'll find a ton of information (many of which I would've posted on here).

So...enjoy!

More Breaking News!!

2008-05-03T01:25:00.002-04:00

I'm REALLY excited for this one!

Ever since I've discovered his website, I've been a follower of Pastor Chuck Baldwin. Basically he's into all the stuff I'm into regarding politics.

So he sends an email for those on his mailing list about what he'd do as President if it were him in the White House making all the decisions. Due to the content of this email, I'm almost 100% positive that this person would be the best President since Washington and Jefferson if he ran for the office.

And here's the best part: HE IS!!!

As a complete shocker to me, he concludes his well written email with his official introduction as a presidential candidate. Let's put it this way: I haven't been this excited over a presidential candidate since Ron Paul...and before him...never!

Now hopefully he'll be able to get SOME media coverage, but perhaps the fact that he's a Constitutionalist rather than a Republican or Democrat could alter his chances a bit.

Anyway, I wish Chuck the best of luck (rhyme intended) and beg all of you to look at his site:
http://www.chuckbaldwinlive.com/index.php

Even if you don't want to vote for him in the 2008 election, please look at the site's articles for enlightenment on a myriad of issues and concerns. He has articles ranging from the patriotism of the Confederate flag to the mishaps of the Bush Administration. It won't be a waste! You have a walrus's promise!

BIG NEWS!!

2008-04-30T22:09:00.002-04:00

Ok...it's not THAT big, but it's sort of important.

There is now a new blog for your viewing pleasure. It's called One Mind At A Time...

http://onemind.blog.com

If you truly know me and what has been written on this site, you know what the above blog is about. HOWEVER, this does NOT mean that the Walrus has died! It is still functioning perfectly and will continue to survive as long as there is an Ocean and sea critters to nibble one (in case you didn't catch the reference, the ocean is the Internet and the critters are YOU, the reader. Yes, we eat our readers)

So without further ado, please welcome One Mind as a new member to the Walrus Family!

ALSO...

I have received word that Ron Paul has written a book! It's called The Revolution- A Manifesto. Yours truly will certainly buy/steal this book and share it's wisdom to my walrus brethren. Once this book is in my possession, I will gladly write an article about it. Until then...

May the Schwartz be with you!

Why does everyone hate America?

2008-04-13T14:23:00.003-04:00

Maybe it's because we're indolent and good for nothing bums.

Ok, maybe not everybody. But seriously. In what other country would you be able to ask your teacher (impolitely, i might add) why the subject at hand is relevant to society? In almost ANY other country, that would get a smack in the face or at least a detention. In fact, many foreigners would also give you a smack in the face for saying that as well. Why? Because many immigrants (even the illegal ones) come here to get a better life, to learn and to work. And what do Americans do? Complain. Don't do shit. Sit around and wait for the magic fairies to do all the work. Then complain some more.

And then we all wonder why every other country hates the US. It's because we want EVERYTHING with little to no work.

Not to be stereotypical of Asians, but why is it that they are (usually) straight A students? It has nothing to do with the rice content of their blood, rather the fact that their parents (who are most likely immigrants) kick their ass if they don't. And plus, these people mostly have respect for the elderly that Americans do not.

And I'm not trying to have a racist rant here either. I'm just spitting out a few facts that you all can't deny. It doesn't just apply to Asians and Asian-Americans. It applies to most foreigners who come to the US for the "American Dream". It applies to Mexicans. It applies to Africans. It applies to Italians. It applies to EVERY walrus on the face of the Earth that isn't American.

That also isn't to say that ALL Americans fit this mold. There's PLENTY of Americans studying and working their ass off to get a few dollars. But the fact is that there aren't NEARLY enough of them. And that's why countries hate us so much: we're ignorant, lazy and pathetic. Myself included.

Mind you this is coming from the person who dislikes the school system almost as much as he hates the Federal Reserve system.

All I'm saying is that maybe instead of turning our Ipods on at full blast and watch horrible TV sitcoms we should give a book a chance. Maybe draw something. Take a walk. Study a little more. Stop writing blogs and go finish your English homework.

Oh shit...I have English homework?

Random Poetry

2008-04-09T20:32:00.005-04:00

Written in less than ten minutes, I thought this poem was good enough to post on the Walrus. So...enjoy!

Oh and also, this is property of the Ranting Walrus and (as with anything on here) is copyrighted by its writers. Do not steal or use any of this without permission.

Thank you.

Fight
For the right
And power to spread the light.

Our might
In the night
Let's us free the ones in sight

Give us time
To sublime
The imprisoned one's mind

Maybe there
We can share
Our power if we dare

But be warned
That your scorn
May result in your demise

So be wise
And surmise
That your pain is our disguise

Beatniks, Hippies, and And Why Everyone Else Sucks

2008-04-06T00:05:00.003-04:00

Ok, so maybe that title is a wee bit...how you say...harsh. But it got your attention didn't it?

Or maybe not.

Anyway, I've been reading a lot of Jack Kerouac lately (and if you're close to me in ANY way, you're sick of hearing about him). And I guess my lazy ass became less lazy when I realized that I had an essay on one of his books due a few days ago. So that's how I got back into the act of reading (because I'm a lazy sparknotes-using bum). And I just think the guy's a fantastic writer (who happens to have a great eye for style, according to GQ).

I guess the first time I heard about Kerouac was actually in my Creative Writing class. My absolutely TERRIBLE teacher happened to mention him. Back when I still had some sort of respect for her, I took the name down in my notebook and moved on with life. Then I read about him online on some hippy website. So I say to myself "Is this guy like some sort of SQUID or something?" So naturally I checked out one of his works when I found he was on my list for my English term paper. I was all set.

And just so you don't think this was some random post, I'm going to connect this to the Walrus in some way.

I think Kerouac personifies the word "Walrus" in ways Lennon couldn't put to song. Being a ranting walrus requires a topic you wanna rant about and just go on and on and on and on about it until everyone is sick of the subject. Kerouac had a vision about a free-spirited youth that did whatever they felt like, which included having casual sex, smoking a ton of pot, and listening to music no one else would listen to. His books were flooded with such imagery. His LIFE was flooded with such imagery.

And yet he somehow hated hippies. Go figure!

Now go read On The Road. And when you're ready to hitch hike across America, give me a holler and off we'll go!

Modern Schooling System: Introduction

2008-04-02T17:59:00.008-04:00

Coming to the end of my senior year in high school, and thus leaving standard public education system forever, I think I can safely say the most interesting, useful, and informative things I've come across in life had nothing to do with the modern educational system.

Public education today is in a horrid state of affairs: creativity is discouraged, blind submission is mandatory, and nothing useful is taught. Even worse, although students are taught fact after fact from age 6 to 18, many students don't really learn anything.The good students grow up to be model citizens who are afraid of getting into trouble or sticking out from society in any way.

But I try to avoid explanatory models and stick to predictive models and improvement. If allowed to continue unchanged, the 'model person' will become so bogged down by trivial 'facts' like George Washington won the Second World War, the Universe is made up of String Cheese, and the sex lives of celebrities, that much useful information would get pushed out of the way simply because it is not valued by a society that doesn't value excellence in thought.

We see this in art. "There are only a few successful artists in the world, and the odds are not in your favor that you will become one of them," say many responsible, caring adults. This discourages many impressionable, trusting children from pursuing a career in the arts. Does this mean there's no talent? No, just that one will probably not make an income to support the standard model of living that the model person is told they want.

Imagine this on an intellectual level: the current trend in securing cheap labor is to go overseas and exploit poor countries' desperate people. It is likely that in a few centuries of time, this form of slavery will somehow become outdated, around the same time the dilemma of employing the people who were replaced by machines will get solved. This will all lead to a giant work force who will be used for simple, basic labor. At that point, basic schooling won't be necessary, as all one would need to do was learn how to do one simple job and go to a factory looking for employment.

This would probably lead to worker abuse as witnessed throughout the rest of history, but I fear I've presented enough information for now (which is the fancy way of saying I've drifted way off topic). But this thread is by no means dead: this is the beginning of a new series. Tomorrow will bring a synopsis of the material currently covered in schools.

And by tomorrow, I mean next time I go on this thing.

Derren Brown Simulates Drunkenness

2008-04-02T15:49:00.007-04:00

If you don't know who Derren Brown is, I highly recommend you look him up, he's a saint here at the Ranting Walrus. Derren makes his living royally fucking around with peoples' heads. The things he can do with your mind are astounding, like this. All this is done using a bizarre, relatively new branch of psychology known as Neurolinguistics Programming, or NLP.

I asked a friend of mine, Dr. Richard Gray, Ph.D, on how Derren did this particular trick. Dr. Gray has a Ph.D in psychology and is a certified master practitioner of NLP with years of study and experience behind him. There are his words, used without permission and hopefully he wont be angry with me for sharing:

1. Establish rapport and get him to do something. "Bring that chair over here". This establishes a yes set, a cooperative frame.

2. Have the subject remember the state and differentiate the state from others: you’re a cider man not a beer man. Remember the state and disassemble it into sequences of feelings. Note how he questions him about sequences of experience. First place he was aware of the experience---in the mouth, then back of throat, and what was felt there. Then down to the sternum and what was felt there. To the stomach, etc. First, I think he touches the leg as an anchor for each step.

3. As he repeats the steps, each time the subject names a place and a specific felt memory of that specific sensation, he touches him there with a very specific kind of touch, an anchor. In some places, especially as the feeling moves down his body and shoulders, the anchor is a sliding anchor that matches the increase of intensity of the state and will evoke that segment of the state in an increasing manner.

4. He has the subject repeat the sequence fast several times. As he goes through the places, he fires off the anchors.

5. He tells the subject to loop the state (this increases its intensity) while he continues to fire off the anchors. He goes faster and faster and suggests that each loop builds on the last and with each loop the intensity doubles. Watch the fast part of the movie and watch how he touches the guy. Each time he is firing off the anchors and giving suggestions about the increasing intensity of the state.

6. At the same time he begins to anchor the whole thing to the word that he has written on the pad so that the word becomes an anchor for the increasing state as a whole. “Look at this word and later when you see this word it will bring the whole thing up again...

7. Once the state is stable and fully anchored to the word,all he has to do is show him the word and it evokes the state.

Poop Report: Entry 1

2008-04-02T14:47:00.003-04:00

Date:
4-2-2008

Subject:
Fesomelia Straelemotus

All food consumed in the past 3 days:
4 slices of pizza, 3 glasses of Pink Lemonade, a chocolate bar, a ham sandwich, 48 peanuts, an egg, three potatoes, a tub of slaw, 4 plates of hot buttered groat clusters, a cat, the pubic hair I found in my Calc book today, 1 gallon of tap water, and some grapes.

Did you have a previous movement today?
No

Do you have a regular bowel expulsion cycle? If so, at what times does your bioclock ring to let you know Mother Nature will be calling?
Yes, at 3pm daily.

Did you engage in any anal intercourse in the past week?
No

Experience:
For 22 seconds, 25.7g of movement mixed with 2.4 L of flatulence shot out of my lower intestine. It displaced 17 fl. oz when placed in my sink. The movement consisted of two pieces of dry, firm bowel of 10 cm and 25cm in length and 2 cm in radius. The movement was a light yellow brown color. The scent was strongly egg with undertones of sulfur. Taste was overwhelmingly bitter and carried an aftertaste of blood. 23mL of urine was collected at 95.6 degrees Fahrenheit, and the urine was observed to be a vibrant shade of neon yellow (previously determined to be due to heightened consumption of Vitamin B12). Cleanup was easy, medium amount of buildup left an anal ring with partial veil. 5 strokes with 4 squares of toilet paper using the fold-over method removed all buildup. 12.6 revolutions were counted before the large bowel was sucked down into the lower plumbing. No streak marks were left in the toilet, from entry to exit. No backwash was recorded. Aftereffects included heightened levels of relaxation and happiness.

Let Them Starve?

2008-03-27T12:29:00.009-04:00

As you know, were all about asking questions and expanding
perspectives here at the Ranting Walrus. As usual, we have
for you another unusual idea: "Why don't we let the
starving portion of the human population die off instead 
of increasing the population more so we can equal the
amount of food we have since we greatly outnumber our prey?"

The basic assumption here is that there's not enough food to
go around. I honestly don't know how much it would take to
feed the entire population of the world, but i had 3 meals
today, yesterday, the day before... And don't forget, this
country is having an 'obesity epidemic!' Its not that
there's not enough food, but the distribution of that food
is uneven.

Furthermore, there was some pertinent data collected from

the biosphere experiments. (If you're unfamiliar, a group

of scientists made a big giant dome that contained several

different climate zones (a tropical rainforest section, a

tundra, savanna, deciduous rainforest...) which they lived

in for two years, sealed off from the rest of the world)

They came up short on harvest, and were forced to

drastically restrict their diet, eating only one large salad

everyday. However, their health had never been better,

indicating that we would actually function better eating

less, which if acted upon, would free up even more resources

to be shared among the starving.

An interesting side note: when your stomach is empty, it
secretes a hormone called ghrelin which has been positively
correlated with increased creativity and intelligence. My
thoughts are this is an evolutionary adaptation: when you're
starving, its because you haven't been able to get food. Your
stomach makes ghrelin, and suddenly you start thinking in new
ways, and devise a new plan to get your meal. The existence
of such a hormone also validates dreams of smart drugs...
but thats probably not happening anytime soon.

And as far as competition: why compete when you can
cooperate? Cooperation just makes more sense: you're
getting another person to do your work, and it doesn't
get much better than that. Helping people is not only
a better thing to do morally, but its just as good if
you look at it in terms of numbers. If you do nice things
for people, they are more likely to return the favor.
You feel good about yourself, thus boosting self image.

So its in your best interests to help those around you.
Hence why we need to devise ways to help these people
living in squalor worldwide. I had an idea a few months
ago to potentially cure a lot of diseases with nothing
but a pocket full of jelly beans, a head full of lies,
and more optimism than is necessary. Imagine a bunch of
fake doctors, giving jellybeans as placebo drugs to
people and telling them its medicine that will cure AIDS,
malaria, etc. There are different ways to boost the
effectiveness of a placebo: a red pill will work better
than a blue pill; a happy doctor will have better
results than a grumpy or indifferent doctor. Unfortunately,
this idea was brought before a big debate in the APA and
they declared it unethical, but that just means I'm not
going to have their support. If I can get a success rate
of 51%, that means more people are benefiting from it
than not, so its better for the majority of people if
it works. That's the only problem... I don't know for
sure exactly how effective this will be. I can say that
placebos from other studies have had success rates of
up to 50% (these were for antidepressants, which were
found to be just as effective as the actual meds... don't
bother buying the real drugs, buy the illegal ones, they
will cheer you up with much more reliability than the
legal ones will), but these were for painkillers. Since
pain is a purely psychological phenomenon, applying a
new mode of thinking would be one way to cure that problem,
but would it be enough to work on other, germ based
diseases. There is evidence to indicate yes. Although with
viruses it might not be the same: you can reduce the
symptoms of the person, but once you have a virus you
will always be a carrier. So even though you won't suffer
from AIDS, you can still pass it onto those who don't have it.

And for increasing the population, yes, there are a lot of
people on this earth, probably more than our food supply can
handle, but who are we to deny the basic needs of life for
our fellow man? I believe you should lend a hand wherever
you can, especially if it would save a life. Even if you have
the people compete over their resources, you'd have survival
of the fittest. But then again, cooperation instead of
competition would allow more people to survive... which
means the most cooperative people would survive. Who knows,
maybe if we can get in harmony with our planet it will
sustain more life than we originally thought.

This is all very idealistic, but man has been killing off
his brothers since recorded history, so I don't seriously
think theres any future hope of humans forgetting about
things like anger and revenge and pursuing cooperation over
competition. Humans will be humans, and there will probably
never be world peace, and that my whole plan for the future
will never happen as well. This question is more a predictive
model than a plan of action. Those in starving lands will
perish while the rich hoard up all the food.

That's just human nature.

Enter The Bathroom

2008-03-27T02:32:00.003-04:00

my english teacher made the mistake of asking me to write a free verse poem...
i read it to my class before she had a chance to stop me
best awkward 5 minutes of my life
anyway, here it is

I sprint into the bathroom, clutching my butt with both hands.
Oh boy, this ones gonna be a dozy, I catch myself speaking to the mirror
as a sopping wet fart is set forth from my colon, which immediately kills a small mouse
my pants drop like birds dying in flight,
then i sit on the throne and let that hot ass cake flow

the sounds from that bowl could forgivably be confused with aliens shooting giant whale carcasses into the ocean at the speed of light in the attempt to destroy the planet
in fact, you could feel the splash of cold water and warm feces on your soft, sensitive tu-cas.
and suddenly: the scent of death
it hung so thick in the air you could see it
and trace letters in it
i write boo.. oobi... bies...
They are surrounded by the color of wilted flowers that have been rotting in the sun for a few days,
but not to the point where flies were killing each other to get to that stinky goodness

Relief! What joy! The pleasure of an emptying intestine cannot be overstated:
its better than anal sex
which is only half good cause going out is by necessity step 2
but boy, is step 2 nice...
Almost worth it, and on some occasions is

at last my shit is done
i peer down into the steaming bowl and notice that an alarmingly large island now stands in the center of the bowl
i shall name it killberra mountain
because the kernels of corn remind me of maple trees in the fall
And the consistency of the bowel movement is approximately the same viscosity as custard
hard and firm if you grab it
but soft and flowing when you gently drag your hand through it
maybe you can feel it now?
You know you can.

its beautiful, in a way
cause half of the weight of fecal matter comes from dead bacteria that live inside my intestines
life is everywhere

i think about how to best approach the act of wiping
and how the soft paper draws little flecks of shit from my anus like a graveyard draws a necrophiliac
i reach back and grab the roll and start the arduous process
rip, shove, wipe, fold, repeat until step 3 cannot be repeated, toss
repeat, oh shit
repeat repeat repeat

proud of my efforts, and declaring my ass wiped,
i rise from the special seat and flush
but wait! Mt killaberra isnt going down without a fight
the earth shakes as the tectonic plates of fiber beneath the Mexican chilli wiggle
volcanoes erupt: hot gas and shards of hardened shit fly everywhere

The water level rises as the force of the water down is not enough to shake loose the tremendous mountain of shit
Niagra falls in miniature, complete with boulders and observable currents!
Little heaps of light brown poop make polka dots on my neon green floor
but the separated flecks of corn seem to be blending remarkably well
the water carries all this and more like a rat carrying the plague
and just as flea bitten and mangy
PANIC! pangs of nausea sweep my body
hands clutch my mouth,
but young saplings burst forth and grow in spite of being in the center of the parking lot
suddenly the puddles on my floor elevate and turn the shade of green algae in my fish tank

but i know better, i can win this fight
i grab my plunger and shove
pull back, shove
pull back, slip on shit, fall and roll in the giant mess that now spans the entire floor of my bathroom and may possibly extend out into the hallway
i am now damp, and my cologne is obscured by the smell of decaying bacteria, bacteria decomposing food, decomposed food
decomposition
death

i recover and, jumping to my feet,
i wiggle the flushing thingy again and set forth the wrath of my toilet’s water pump.
Like a mouthful of robotusson, the toilet clears its throat and swallows the giant mess that originated from my eating of an apple, some broccoli and a Chalupa (or three)
i lie, seven was my lucky number last night.

suddenly i am left standing
in the disaster area that is my bathroom
the excitement is over
time to return to my abstract life
this normal part is starting to scare me.

A Shamanistic Perspective

2008-03-20T23:03:00.001-04:00

I was recently admitted to a hospital for pulmonary reasons, and I'm
going to describe my experience in terms of shamanic practice instead
of conventional 'I went to the hospital and they gave me medicine..."
For those interested in placebo medicine and making treatment more
effective, LISTEN UP.


Upon realizing I was unable to cope with my illness alone, I summoned
the aid of some medicinal professionals. They came, dressed in strange
clothing and speaking some mutated version of English I had never
heard before. One carried in a bag of strange deceives. From this bag,
he plucked some magical gadgets and attached them to various parts of
my body. The machine had more lights and wires than I'd ever care to
understand. After joining myself with the machine, it began to emit a
series of beeping noises, which somehow made sense to the man. He
shouted something in his strange language to his female friend, who
had been writing continuously ever since she had entered my home. She
then proceeded to ask me semi-meaningful questions about my past and
wrote down my answers on her mysterious sheet. Next they strapped another apparatus to my face,
which began misting and a sudden wave of comfort passed over my lungs
as I felt the sudden ability to breathe return to me. They consulted
each other once more, and decided I needed to be moved to a place of
healing.



They walked me out to a strange machine, which was colorful and very
clean. I was seated inside on a small couch, surrounded by metal and
medicines. I was allowed to keep the mysterious misting mask they had
previously given me, and my breathing continued. The machine made a
loud noise, then began to move. As it progressed, the woman began to
comfort me, making small talk about me and my future. The ride was
pleasant enough, and quick. I arrived at the hospital, where I was
surrounded by strange looking people with foreign accents who kept
giving me different medicines and speaking that bizarre language.
After several confrontations with the doctors, I was transported to
another room with several other OBNOXIOUSLY LOUD SCREAMING BABIES HOLY
SHIT IT WAS HORRIBLE. (but I digress...) Here I was attached to
another beeping machine. More and more doctors and nurses came to me,
all smiling and telling me I was doing great. They gave me a small
plastic machine, which apparently I had a na
tural talent for. I was able to the the bar all the way to the top on
my second try.



At this point, all the details can be blended together. Nurses would
see me every 4 hours, continuing to give me words of encouragement and
EVER MORE MEDICINE.  A Super doctor also visited me, who told me my
future and prescribed me various medicines for future treatment. With
an assload of paper work, I was discharged from the hospital and
allowed to return to my home.



The phrase to remember here is 'establish meaningful routines.' If you
actually care enough to think about that and get stumped, ask about it
and I'll explain. It's too confusing for me to explain on two bowls, 3
hours of sleep, and a full bladder at 2AM.

Just so y'all don't think we're dead...

2008-03-17T19:43:00.001-04:00

We're not dead. I currently am bogged down with term paper business, watching too much TV after promising myself that I'll never watch TV again, masturbating (of course) and being too fucking lazy to write any new shit. However, there will be a WEIRD ASS article on universes and a continuation of the Art of Thinking series that deals with the philosophy of "insanity", both by yours truly. And we all know that whatever pops into Fez's head is fucking AWESOME and WEIRD at the same time...so once his computer stops fucking men, I'm sure he'll post those too.

And SHAAAMPOO MASTER...when the fuck are you gonna post something, eh? Yup you heard right! We have a new member to the walrus family, but until he posts something, I will refer to him as Maggott McGee, for clearly he is not a master of any shampoos as of late. LOLZ!!

Ahh! The sweet smell of...AWW GODD! WTF??? IS THAT ROTTEN FISH??
In case you didn't know, I ate smoked white fish yesterday (mmm...toasty) and it tasted AMAZING but it funkified my kitchen with the smell of decaying fish.

Hmm...what other random shit could I tell y'all about...

I hope I kick ass on my term paper...cuz I officially give up on the bitch...NOW!!

AHA!! TAKE THAT ENTERTAINMENT OF THE ROARING TWENTIES!!!

Also, DUCK!!

Sorry, that was a goose.

BTW, I'm not high...I'm just frustratingly bored and feel like posting the most random pigeon droppings that I can.

I hope you enjoyed the excretion that I just pulled out of my nice, warm, hairy ass. Please do comment! I'd love to hear from people other than the morons writing this thing!