The Ranunculus Adventures

New Author Photos! No Trainwrecks Allowed!

2013-05-22T09:18:00.002-06:00

I have new author photos! I originally was going to have some gorgeous author photos courtesy of Laura Murray, who took the amazing images of Erin dressed as the Queen of Hearts which will grace my book cover. A little background info first.

Getting the right picture of Erin was 99% of my concern that day.

We had tacked on photographing me at the end for a new author photo as a total after-thought.

So, my pictures. It didn't really work out. It was nothing that Laura did, rather it was that I was in complete chaos, both mentally and physically. I had just dragged Erin's big dress and sword around Downtown Denver. I was nervous about the shoot. From the moment we started that day, I was frazzled and a very busy-girl. I was in no place to have photos taken of myself, which is something that is already VERY hard for me. I'm terribly unphotogenic when I have pressure to take a good picture. It's really, really hard to get a good picture of me when I know a photo is being taken.

The original author photos reflected this. The pictures themselves are lovely - the light, the posing, Laura's creative eye was responsible for that - but I looked AWFUL. My hair was terribly frizzy because that is what happens when I get stressed and for some reason, I like to sweat from my hair follicles, which makes it a million times worse. My make-up was failing because I was running around. I hadn't eaten or drunk any water that day. More than any of these things, you can just tell in these photos that I was NOT in the right mindset to get my picture taken.

Laura was amazing, but I wasn't.

That doesn't really work for a professional author photo.

And that's why you will never, ever see them. Because I looked like a total trainwreck. But Erin's pictures turned out incredible and that's what mattered.

Since these didn't work out, I scheduled Sarah to take my picture. She took my last author photo, and I was really happy with that. She curled my hair and helped style me for the picture, which we took in her loft. Yes, we're very fancy that way.

For the Queen of Hearts cover, I wanted something more simple, and not bright. The cover will be black, white and red, and nothing will stand out quite so badly as a bright teal sweater on the back of that book. Yikes, no.

Because of this I chose a striped grey and white dress, and a simple, gorgeous necklace that Kim bought me in Connecticut. It reads "She has read too many books and it has turned her brain."

We took about 300 pictures (297 of which you will NEVER see), and out of those 300, I liked about seven. I narrowed those down to these three:

My sister played with the colors and emailed me the pictures. From there, I played with them a little on my new awesome photo editor (Aviary) and then sent out an email to a few artistically minded friends, or just those who will tell me the truth, and asked them for their favorite.

Of course, my favorite counted as well, and so when this one tied for the winner, it was a simple choice.....

Huzzah! Look at that! A non-trainwreck! This girl has her stuff together AND she's wearing lipstick AND it's not on her teeth!

I mean, I would trust this person to write a book. Right? I'm hoping everyone else feels that as well.

Chick Lit Author Blog Hop and Giveaway - What's on Page 25?

2013-05-20T00:00:00.000-06:00

What's on Page 25? I'm participating this month in the Chick Lit Author Blog Hop, so exciting!

You can read more about the Chick Lit Blog Hop here :

As part of this hop, we are hosting a grand prize drawing so that one lucky blog hop winner will receive a FREE Kindle Keyboard 3G, with Free 3G + Wi-Fi, and a 6″ E Ink Display. That lucky grand prize winner will also receive a “chick lit starter library” filled with great chick lit books written by the indie authors participating in the blog hop. So go and enter!

So, what's on Page 25?

At this point in Elly in Bloom, you have been introduced to the lovely, clumsy, chubby Elly. She has just returned from delivering a chaotic wedding at the St. Louis Botanical Gardens, in which she had an unfortunate accident with a chocolate fountain. (Don't ask.) She returns home to her apartment disheveled and a mess, and finds comfort in the company of her Old English Sheepdog, Cadbury. Elly reminisces about when she bought Cadbury, and how he brought much needed love into her life after she found her husband straddled by a red-headed artist. Of course, more love is headed Elly's way, as you'll see at the bottom...

Enjoy page 25 of Elly in Bloom!

They formed camaraderie – much like soldiers, they leaned on each other with an understood world weariness, and the common need for each other. She took him out for daily walks and let him eat most things, and in return he slept by her side on the bed, and didn’t poop inside anymore. His puppy face changed, and he became a beautiful dog – one that strangers complimented with ease. She was proud. Proud that she had not killed him in his puppy years, but also that her mother would have loved Cadbury. They walked around Forest Park in the spring, taking in the pink blossoms on the trees, and in the winter, Cadbury bounded through the thin snow in the striped sweater that Elly wrestled him into. He saw her through the good days, when she was high on life, and through the down days when she couldn’t believe it was two years since she woke up that fateful morning and drove away from the love of her life. He was her dog through and through, even when he was being reprehensible.

Back in the kitchen, Cadbury finally proceeded to get excited about her being home, jumping on her and nuzzling his cold nose against her shoulder. She had been home almost three hours at that point.

“Hello doggie-love,” she murmured.

She donned her favorite outfit: big, comfy pajama pants with reindeer on them and a fitted tank top, sat down on her couch, opened a bottle of wine and settled Cadbury across her lap. She flicked the remote. On the television, a beautiful woman dressed in a teal satin dress offered roses to different gentlemen. Each one smiled at her and kissed her cheek. Elly snorted. There was nothing like the idea of perfect, candle-lit romance to piss her off. She waved the wine bottle at the TV.

“Eat it up sweetheart…it all starts like this, and then it’s late nights at the studio and new paintings and then all of a sudden you’re the unstable one, waving a wine bottle at the television!”

She looked at Cadbury to see if he found the humor in this moment. He huffed at her.

“Yes, you’re right. I’m bitter, I get it”. The doorbell rang. “Chinese food!” she sang out and ruffled his ears.

She opened the door and gasped.

An insanely beautiful man stood at her door. She would have been disappointed if it had not been for his eyes. Those deep brown eyes, the color of chocolate cosmos, or of deliciously rich soil. Framed by long lashes – almost girlish in their length – his eyes were almond shaped. He looked to be perhaps half-Hawaiian. No, Vietnamese. No, Hispanic. No. Elly was really bad at guessing countries of origin. Well, wherever he was from, he was exquisitely handsome. Dark curly hair, skin the color of coffee mixed with cream.

‘Um, hello?” he said softly.

Thank you for stopping by, and make sure to enjoy all the other authors on the hop!
(Win the grand prize! The 23rd secret word in the 25-word sentence is: for)

Gatsby? What Gatsby? And Other Summer Movie Reviews

2013-05-19T00:23:00.002-06:00

“And so with the sunshine and the great bursts of leaves growing on the trees, just as things grow in fast movies, I had that familiar conviction that life was beginning over again with the summer.”
- The Great Gatsby

Time to go to the movies!

This is the year of good movies. Last year was the year of the terrible movie. You could tell at the Oscars that they couldn't GIVE those things away. Were you in a movie this year? Did it have Transformers in it? No? Here's a golden trophy for you!

This year...AWESOME movies.

First, we have to talk about The Great Gatsby.

Oh My Stars was it so good.

I have been waiting very long for a companion to fill my Moulin Rouge loving heart, and it's here!! It's not like Australia, which let me down! The Great Gatsby was everything I thought it would be. Loud. Buzzy. Excitable. Sexy. Glamorous. Scandalous. Dangerous. Pretty. The movie was totally in excess in all areas. Too many lights, too many fast cars, too many gorgeous clothes, too many loud parties. The glitter/crystal budget must have been in the millions. It was dazzling and wove me into a stupefied, enamored state. And let's talk a little bit about Leo. Leo, the best actor in our generation - besides Christian Bale, OF COURSE. Is there anything he can't do? Break hearts as Jack Dawson? Be a crazy Aviator peeing in jars? Thrill us in Inception? Slave owner? Make me think he is actually disabled in Gilbert Grape? Can someone please give him a trophy already? What else does he have to DO?

His Gatbsy was marvelous. I loved that they withheld him for about 30 minutes into the movie and then you could almost hear Luhrmann scream "UNLEASH THE DICAPRIO!" The movie absolutely soared when he arrived. You felt his absence, and you didn't even know it. He turns around, glass in hand, fireworks exploding to Rhapsody in Blue and you about DIE in your seat. I'm not kidding. It's like being blown away by the sheer force of his handsome. And then there's the sweater. You know what I'm talking about. THE SWEATER. WITH THE PANTS. It's too much. It's almost manipulative. He deserves an Oscar for this, only because it's such a subtle, PERFECT performance.

All that sweater nonsense aside, he was the ideal Gatsby. Secretive, jolly, a little insecure but busting forth with glorious and naive hope. As a fan of the novel, I was really pleased with the adaptation. It stayed very true to the book and Baz Luhrmann was the perfect indulgent director to capture an era that exploded with light and debauchery.

Then there's IronMan 3. Guess who made me go see that? Actually, it was good. I was not a fan of IronMan 2, mostly because I felt like the plot was "Bigger robot! Bigger robot! Lots of bigger robots!" Here's the thing: I could give a lick about bigger robots. So this one was nice because (minor spoiler): he loses all of his robots. We actually had to see the man dealing with the question: Who is Ironman? The Suit? Tony Stark? Whoever is in the suit? Good questions and good acting followed. It wasn't Shakespeare, but I liked that they got to the heart of Tony by stripping away everything that makes him so untouchable. Rovert Downey Jr was all cackle and zingers, just how I like him. It was the perfect summer action/ popcorn movie. Sometimes you just need to sit back and have a good time, and that it was.

Olympus Has Fallen:
Yup. I saw this movie. It was my Mom's birthday. She made me see it because my Mom loves movies where either the President or the earth is in peril. It was okay. Gerald Butler made a much better action hero than a Phantom of the Opera. (The producers of that movie: "Do we think the Phantom should be able to sing? Since he's like...the Phantom? Nah, let's get that hot Scottish guy!) There were big plot holes (the White House is taken hostage and then just everyone just hangs out for like 12 hours. Are you kidding me? There would be a thousand Navy Seals in that house in like five minutes.) and way too many people getting graphically shot in the head, which I REALLY didn't like. Extra points for a good kid plotline that for ONCE in an action movie that wasn't totally annoying.

The villain was good - I bet we will be seeing more of that actor.

Otherwise, it was exactly what you would expect. Guns. Explosions. A nuclear countdown. It would have been way better if Harrison Ford showed up and said "GET OFF MY PLANE!"

Next up at the theaters: Star Trek Into Darkness (for Ryan), Man of Steel (for Ryan), World War Z (so I can bemoan the differences from the book) and Monsters University (fun times!).

It's a movie summer for sure!

We Are All Going to Die by Cone Snail

2013-05-17T12:45:00.000-06:00

My sister called me TWICE the other night. In a row. This is odd for my sister. Usually, she's like a phone ghost. She will call at the most random times and then never leave a message. If she DOES leave a message, it's either "Hola Chompo!" and nothing else, or something totally bizarre like a Les Mis song sung about cake (oh cake, oh cake! This is a chain we'll never break!).   Either way, two phone calls in a row means Dad has gotten his hand stuck in an AC vent or Mom has somehow turned the tv into a bomb by pushing random buttons.

She called me twice because she needed to warn me about cone snails, ASAP.   "I called you because...we need to talk about cone snails."

"Ummm...are you drunk?"

"Nope. I want to tell you to watch out for cone snails when you are in Hawaii."

To sum up what she said: "Cone Snails can kill you. And they can be found in Hawaii. Lots of people have died from touching a cone snail. They pick them up because they are pretty and then they die. They have a small harpoon of venom at the front of their mouth, and it paralyzes you and then kills you. So don't pick up ANY shells in Hawaii or on the beach and wear water shoes."

My reaction was "WHAT?"

Here is what conesnail.com says: (Yes, they have their own website. They are taking over the world.)

"The harpoon is like a disposable, hypodermic needle. Once the cone snail uses a harpoon to inject venom into its prey, it is discarded. The snail must reload another harpoon before it can strike again. Thankfully for snail, they have around twenty harpoons at various developmental stages in storage so a snail will always have another harpoon ready to load and use. The venom is made of a small number of amino acids. Cone snails have the ability to make hundreds of toxins and deliver a cocktail, or mixture of toxins, when injecting its prey with venom. If you are hurt by a snail you must seek help immediately. There is no special antidote that can be given to you.There have been several fatal cases of injection with cone snail venom. Cone snails do not move very quickly, but they can paralyse their prey in a matter of seconds."

Okay. So now we have to worry about cone snails killing us on vacation. Apprently, their venom is just being explored by the University of Hawaii, and they have released a new type of painkiller made from their venom that is better than morphine and oxycotin.   On the movie my sister watched, the researcher said he would not be surprised if the cure for cancer is found in a cone snail.

Great. I still dont' want to meet one.   I would like to not die by cone snail.

Because the internet is awesome, I spent about 3 minutes last night watching a video of a cone snail eating a fish alive. It will haunt my dreams forever. And actually did. I had a dream last night that I was in some sort of labratory, and I was surrounded by cone snails. Only these were like 80's cone snails, because they were all neon. Anyways, they were everywhere, I was trying to find Ryan to warn him about cone snails because I knew he would try to touch them.

(If he didn't know they were poisonous, he totally would. He took 900 pictures of giant slugs on the Olympic Penninsula). In my dream, I couldn't find him, but I did find Moxie, and then she jumped in a pool FILLED with cone snails. And I couldn't jump in to save her because I knew there was a huge chance that I would die in the pool. I had to just watch my dumb dog swimming around, trying to bite cone snails.

It was very stressful.

Here is the video below. You can watch it if you would like. It's not gross really, but it's just terrifying.   You will never be able to live a normal life again. Don't say I didn't warn you. Nature is SO weird.

Snails: Upping their game against humans one step at a time. Well played, cone snails. Well played.

This random blog post has been brought to you by too much late night caffeine and copious amounts of watermelon.

The Queen is Coming: The Indie-Author and Self Promotion

2013-05-15T13:55:00.002-06:00

Last night, at approximately 11pm, I decided that I would make some Queen of Hearts promo images.

What do you think?

Side note: How awesome/scary/hot/terrifying is my friend Erin?

See, the Queen is coming. She is coming in July. I think. I say I think because I'm about to sign with a very exciting PR company, and things might change.

I'm in this weird area right now where I am hurtling on my own path and pace, and suddenly, I could be jerked a totally different direction. It's strange and exciting all at once. What I hated about having an agent (yes, I said it) was the wait. I waited for a year while they messed around with Elly in Bloom and then at the end, nothing came of it. That was infuriating, and I swore that my timetable would never again be based on anyone else's whims. After all, that's one of the great beautiues of indie-publishing.

You don't have to wait on anyone but yourself. As a control freak, I like and need this.

And so, I'm getting ready to launch Queen of Hearts in July. It has taken me two years to write this book, and that inclues a huge chunk of time taken out to launch Elly in Bloom. I'm ready. The book, FINALLY, is ready. I'm working on the supplemental material, the images, the cover, but the book? The book is DONE. It feels incredible to be done with it. I am ready for people to read it, to love it, to hate it. I know now that it will be a bit divisive and I can't wait to see the arguments play out.

Will Queen of Hearts launch in July? I truly hope so. But my PR company might have other ideas. We'll see.

I have indeed signed with a very cool PR company. Until the contracts are all signed and dated, I can't say which one, but it's a big one and I'm super excited because they were my number one choice.   I'm hiring a PR company because the amount of PR that a indie author has to do nowadays in daunting. One of many obstacles facing indie authors is discoverablity and getting your name out there. If you don't have a huge publishing house churning out your name to potential readers, what do you do? How do you find people? How do people hear about your book?

Self-Promotion.

And sometimes, it's exhausting. I worry about it constantly. Am I putting out too much? Too little? I don't have a Tumblr - should I? I only have 250 Twitter followers. I should have more. Do I need two author FB pages, one for the Elly in Bloom series and one for Queen of Hearts?   I only have five Instagram followers - that's pathetic. Do I blog enough? Do I need ANOTHER blog? Do I have enough reviews? How is my Amazon Author Central? My Goodreads author page? My Smashwords page?   All of these things have to be kept hip, relevant and recent. It's overwhelming and intimidating and I worry that it's annoying to those that know me. It's a constant stream, and at times it is a bit like drowning in your own words.

Imagine that every single day, wherever you work, you had to petition to save your job. You had to remind your bosses of how great you are, every single day. You had to enlist co-workers to publicly state that you deserve your job. You have to email and tweet and stay totally relevant minute to minute, lest your company fires you, because you face that every afternoon. That's what it's like to be an indie-author right now. We are all fighting for the same spot, and social media is the key. You want to sell books so that you can write books. To sell books, you have to get readers to find your books. To unleash your creativity, you have to become a marketing expert.

The fact of the matter is that the indie pub revolution is here. It's happening right now, and the market is flooded with indie-authors. You have to work three times as hard to get noticed, just to rise above the fray. Writing a good book is the first and most important step, but after that it's all elbow grease and networking. Then, once you've risen above the fray, gotten the reviews, you have to maintain that. Blog. Tweet. Post. Facebook. Grow your followers. Make fans. Make friends. Sign books. Do blog tours. It's a lot.

Please don't misunderstand me - I am blessed to be able to do what I love to do every single day. My dream of becoming an author has come true and it's everything I thought it would be.

But. But. I did not anticipate the level of PR and self-promotion that I would have to undertake, just to stay relevant and selling books.   It has cut dramatically into my writing time, which is something that the writer cannot abide.   I find myself often making choices like "PR today or writing?" Do I focus on what I'm writing NOW or do I spend the time promoting what I've already written? It's always one baby that is left in the ocean.

That's why I'm signing with a PR company. I'm hoping that not only will they take the burden of PR off my back, but also because I want to see what Elly can do with a little push behind her. It was the perfect time to hire a PR company, because I will be launching two books this year. I'll need help with that.

So, The Queen is Coming. If she comes on my timeline, it will be July. Things might change for the better, but for now, I'm preparing for her arrival.

If I haven't said it yet, thank you.

Thank you for following this blog. Thank you for being a friend. Thank you for reading Elly in Bloom and caring about my career. Thank you for being a stranger and today you are visiting my blog for the first time. We indie-authors have to talk about ourselves a lot, and we get tired of it.

So thank you for your patience, and thank you for your support.
I hope you get to meet the Queen very soon. I think you will really love to hate her.

Books with Altitude - I Now Call This Book Club Meeting To Order!

2013-05-12T09:37:00.000-06:00

You guys. I finally have a book club. AND IT'S REAL.

This Saturday night was the first meeting of Books with Altitude, and it was awesome. Our book choice was Gone Girl by Gillian Flynn, and it was the perfect book to kick off our new group.

We decided that each member would take turns hosting, and when it's your turn to host, you also get to pick the book.   Katie hosted first, and I should have known it would be perfection, especially concerning the food. Each hostess will try to make something that relates to the book.

First, the menu: Katie made DELICIOUS grilled cheese sandwiches (sourdough and sharp cheddar, Mmmmm), and served them with BBQ chips. Why? Because in Gone Girl, they talk about how this is Nick's comfort food from when he was a child. Each hostess will TRY and make something that sort of carries along with the themes or parts in the book. Genius!

We also had grape kool aid, which was also mentioned in the book, only ours was spiked with a Blue Curacao, White Grapejuice, Grape Vodka and Grenadine.

They were good, but I made a beeline for the fabulous wines that Emily brought with her.

After we ate, we retired to "The Salon", which is what Katie calls her living room, to discuss the book. And we SO did. Katie had looked up some fantastic questions on her Smartphone, and we were off and running.

I love discussing books in detail. You'll discover feelings about the book that you didn't even know you had, and before you know it, you are in a passionate discussion about the impact of parents upon a sociopath child. Or whether Amy or Nick deserved each other. Or how Amy overestimated her intellect and was surprised that it could be overcome with sheer force. Or whether women create different versions of themselves all the time.

Ah. Such discussions are the things of a perfect summer evening.

We ended around nine, and then it was writing time!

I would like to invite all my blog readers to be a part (long-distance) of our Books with Altitude book club! If you would like to read the books and then chime in with your thoughts when I recap the meeting on the blog, that would be amazing.

Our June Book is "Where'd You Go, Bernadette?" by Maria Semple. We will be having our Books with Altitude meeting at the end of June, so you have lots of time to enjoy it.

Read on!

Drizzly and Dreary Days

2013-05-09T20:00:00.000-06:00

Normally, I love the rain. I am a person who thinks she could live in Washington, that's how much I love the rain. Green grass, that smell of the cool wet earth, watery thick moss that creeps over the trees, a churning grey sky - oh, I am so there. With a raincoat and boots on.

Except this week. This week has been really rainy for Colorado. Our grass is a bright vibrant green, and the flowers in our hanging basket are bursting forth with shameful beauty. Everything is alive, from the fat robin that sings on our deck to my husband, who grumbles while he mows the grass.

Not me. I'm sort of miserable.

I'm not sure why I've been feeling so down lately. Maybe it's because Mother's Day is on Sunday, and if you are someone who struggles with infertility, it's maybe the worst day of the year for feeling like a total failure.

Maybe it's because I keep seeing all these happy adoption stories everywhere, on all these blogs, and I think - where is our miracle? When do I get to post an overjoyed blog with a smiling baby and rave about how it was all worth it? I really would like to write that blog.

This week just felt like "everything is the worst" in adoption land. First, we were told about a potential birthmother with twins. TWINS! If we got twins that would be amazing! We would be done! Then I called to check up on that about a week later and was told that the birthmother was shopping around to different agencies because some agencies have no cap on living expenses. See, when you are matched you might get a request from the birthmother to have some help with her living expenses. Our agency caps that amount to protect their families, and the amount is something that we know ahead of time. But there are agencies that don't do this. And somehow, birthmothers have figured out that they can leverage their baby to the highest bidder. We might be able to pay two months rent and some medical, but at other agencies, they can request a year's rent and a CAR. And so they are fleeing to people who can pay them more. It's basically selling your baby (which is illegal, but there's the loophole!), and it makes me so sad, because that's just one more thing that stands between us and a birthmother. So that was an awesome phone call.

Then today we got another phone call saying that there was a hospital call, we were being shown, and they felt good about it. Then we get "the email." Hearing the "ding" sound in my email on those days is terrible. It makes my stomach hurt. See, if we were picked, we would be called. "Get your stuff and come get your baby! Bring a strong pen!" But if you aren't picked, they don't want you to get all excited when you see the agencies phone number pop up, so they email you instead. It's like being killed by a soft bullet.
EVERY OTHER WEEK.

The email basically says "Sorry you weren't picked again, but the birthmother had a connection with another family." You want to scream "Why isn't someone connecting with US? What's wrong with us?" It leads to a terrible spiral of self doubt and depression and fits of unattractive crying. We've been through this, oh, I don't know, seven times now? We're tired of it. My friends are tired of it. I can only imagine my family is considering stealing a baby for me so they don't have to hear about anymore.

Speaking of...

I was texting my sister about it today. "I"m feeling very sad for myself about so I bought myself a tube of expensive hand cream." She wrote back "Hand Cream?? I'd have gone for ice cream."

I never feel like I can justify nice hand cream for my purse, until I'm sad. Then there are no rules.

So now I have this, and it smells like heaven.

Side note: we need to paint our windowsill.

At least my dog doesn't mind me talking about it. Or maybe she does. Moxie's face says "Really? You're talking about this again?"

I should be happy right now. Things are happening. I'm days away from signing a very exciting contract with a very exciting company. Elly in Bloom was just released on the Nook and Smashwords, so if you were waiting for it for your lovely little Nook, wait no more! Queen of Hearts has come back from my line editor, and I'm about to start its final edit. These are all good and exciting things. We're going to Hawaii soon!

I felt better after my friend posted this blog from Hyperbole and A Half. I've always loved that blog, and reading it today made me thankful that even though I feel sad, at least I feel sad. Things aren't as bad as they seem. Lots of places in the world people are having much bigger problems.

But the weather isn't helping, and I really wish they would get my memo about that.

Confirmation Sunday

2013-05-07T20:13:00.002-06:00

Last Sunday was Confirmation Sunday at our little church.

For those of you who aren't Lutheran, Confirmation for us is a celebration of young people confirming and confessing their faith in the Lutheran church, and as Christians. They take a TWO YEAR class at our church (taught by my husband!) and then they are confirmed and are welcomed at the Lord's table.

All year, I get to hear so many stories about Ryan and his confirmations. He loves teaching them. He also loves the amusement that they provide him with. His confirmation stories are the best! Like how one year he required his confirmations to write a paper on Martin Luther and he got one very special paper about Martin Luther King, Jr. Or when someone was writing about Martin Luther and the Diet of Worms, which was actually his trial before the Holy Roman Catholic assembly, the kid wrote

"They tried to feed Martin Luther a diet of worms and he would have NONE of it!"

Haha, best kid ever. It's so wonderful to see my husband up at the front, giving these young people his blessing.

It makes my heart swell with pride and I want to run through the streets shouting "I love my church! I love my husband! I love being Lutheran!"

Around the church hang the banners that the kids make with their parents. They are better than anything I could ever make ever.

RIght before I married Ryan, I had a confession to make Over a glass of wine, I muttered, "So, I've never been confirmed, is that a problem?" See, when I would have been in confirmation, I was being shuttled between two churches and two parents. My parents had just divorced and my Father remarried, and I was very angry at everyone, because that's what you do when you are 13. I acted out all through the confirmation years.

My mom wanted me to get confirmed, and I declined. What can I say? I was an angry brat.

I was also lighting bushes and chemicals and my nail polish on fire, so she had bigger fish to fry than fighting with me about confirmation.

After we were married, I confessed to Ryan my darkest Lutheran secret. I worried he might leave me.

(I've also never been to a youth gathering. Shameful!)

He smiled and said "It's okay. We'll take care of it." And we did! When we went on vicarage - best year ever! - to St. Paul's Lutheran Church in CT, our amazing, incredible, lovely, generous, hilarious vicarage supervisor Pastor Yeadon said that he would confirm me privately.

In case you didn't know this, Pastor Yeadon is pretty much my hero.

Once a week we would meet, and he would ask me questions, and I would answer them and then we would talk for hours about my answers -probably because I was crazy wrong the first time. I found myself looking forward to it each week. I grew in my faith, gently at first, and then more aggressively.
At the end of our vicarage, he said "Well, you are confirmed. Congrats!" and gave me a hug. That was it.

Best confirmation ever!

After church this Sunday, we had the traditional cake reception and pictures for our little traditional church. I LOVE these moments in the church year.

There is just something about the cycle of life inside of a Christian congregation.

Baptism becomes Sunday School. Sunday School becomes Confirmation and then Youth Group. The kids celebrate their Graduation, and soon, you are having Weddings. For most, this will follow in a few years with the Baptism of their children, who then go to Sunday School.

Eventually, it wraps up in a Funeral, where those that have watched your life blossom and grow come to celebrate that those who die in Christ.

It's beautiful and meaningful and holy in a way that I can't fully express.

Congrats kiddos on your confirmation, and congrats to my husband who now has a glorious free night during the week. It's the best summer present he could ask for.

The RMFW Indie-Pub Panel

2013-05-05T19:48:00.001-06:00

Last Saturday, I was privileged to be a panelist for the Rocky Mountain Fiction Writer's Indie Pub Extravaganza. Along with seven other inspiring authors, I sat down for a crowd of about 50 and answered questions about our experience with indie publishing.

I was so nervous. I had spent weeks before the panel preparing, and by preparing I mean, I read like 10 articles on how to be a good panelist.   Here's what I took away from the aritcles:

-Don't monopolize the panel. Let other people talk.
-If you do talk, it should be limited to or under two minutes.
-Don't talk about something that you don't actually know about.   (I made a mental note NOT to contribute when the panel conversation turned to e-book formatting. Yeah, I know nothing about that.).
- Joke, and don't be afraid to disagree (respectfully) with someone. This makes the panel interesting.
- Don't look at the moderator. Look at the audience.
- Encourage and uplift your fellow panelists.

I've seen some terrible panelists, mostly at Comic-Con, one of whom is currently on the Big Bang Theory. Let's just say that smacking gum into his microphone was so obnoxious that when it was time for the audience to ask questions, the first one was "Can you take out your gum? I'll gladly take it." And they did. Ewwwww...

The night before, I spent the evening picking out an outfit that said "Professional, charming and fun",( i.e, what don't I have to iron?) and brushing up on my book statistics. I ordered Elly in Bloom magnets to give out to participants and filled a Pyrex with Andes mint to bribe audience members into liking me.   I arrived at Belmar Public Library and before I knew it the panel was starting.

I was nervous when it started, but as soon as I began answering questions, everything faded away.

I LOVED IT!

I loved talking with people about my experiences - good and bad - in publishing. I enjoyed explaining why I chose indie-publishing over traditional. I relished sharing with people how marketing and social media have changed everything about how authors find their readers and vice versa.

I momentarily worried about my shoe choice.

My Dad came, and when I didn't know where to look, I looked at him. This didn't always work, because he was very interested in a man on our panel who wrote a best-selling (100,00 copies sold!) book about electrons. So I was looking at my Dad who was looking at Kenn Amdahl, who is now his hero.

My favorite thing about the panel actually happened after the panel. Dozens of writers stuck around to talk, and that was beyond fabulous. We got to talk about their books, my book, their ideas, my ideas, their art, and the way I WISH I could do art.

I was handed cards, I handed out magnets and mints, and then it was over.

It was maybe the most fun I've had this side of a water-slide and a daiquiri. In the last two years or so, I found myself seeking out a group. I wanted a group of people - a community - that understood me. Sure, I have my friends and family, my church and a group of small dogs that thinks I'm great, but I needed a group. A professional group. I spent a long time looking in the wrong places for this kind of group. Being a writer can be very isolating. You do all your work alone, and spend a ridiculous amount of time in an imaginary place where there are few flesh and blood friends to be found.

But at the library, surrounded by other writers, all of us new and still a bit idealistic, I thought - Yes. These are my people. This is the group I've been waiting for. Not specifically THESE people, but writers in general. My tribe.

One of my main goals for 2013 (besides launching two books, getting a baby, getting America Ferrarer's figure and going to Hawaii) and was to become more involved with writers. My first step towards this goal was to join RMFW. Having the opportunity to present at a panel was a great first meeting with this awesome group. I'll be attending their fall conference, and presenting on world building in October! As if this wasn't a happiness explosion all by itself, I just happened to run into a woman at the library who is the Vice President of the Colorado Romance Writers. We are talking. It's exciting.

Things are happening. It's exciting. And after the panel my Dad treated me to Noodles and Company, who has the best penne rosa in the world AND they had Grapefruit Izze's....

So, what I'm saying is, one of the best days ever.

You can read more about RMFW and my fellow panelists at the link below:

http://www.rmfw.org/events/

Crafternoon Fail, Friendship Win

2013-05-01T23:23:00.001-06:00

You might not know this by every person that lives in the general Denver area posting about it on Facebook, but it snowed today. A lot. May 1st. Really? On Monday I wore capri pants. Awesome cargo green capri pants. Black shirt. Ridiculously cool earrings. Flashy sandals. I was rockin' it. Today, not so much. A long sleeved shirt. Unflattering camel colored sweater. Socks with skulls on them. Pink earrings. I was a trainwreck, in general. Why?

BECAUSE I DON'T KNOW HOW TO DRESS FOR WINTER IN LATE SPRING.

ALL MY WINTER GEAR IS PACKED.

Since I woke up to this (actual picture taken in my backyard today)...

I decided it was a snow day. It's the last snow day we will have (fingers crossed, toes crossed, doggies crossed). Katie texted me early: "Want to come over and finish our Pinterest project?"

This is our Pinterest project: a book wreath. Katie makes the coolest things from Pinterest. She always has new hip scarves or organizational white boards or recipes - Katie is like the Pinterest queen. I am an avid Pinterest participant, but I mostly just like to pin pictures of girls running through fields in big dresses or of brownies or dogs eating leaves or Les Mis Memes. Katie does things with Pinterest. So she was nice and was helping me do this thing.

It's a book wreath. A wreath made out of book pages, more specifically pages of The Host. (Sorry!) We started about two weeks ago, when we bought pool noodles at the dollar store, taped them together with duct tape and began curling and glueing pages of a book, one by one to the wreath.

Immediately, Katie's looked AMAZING. When hers is done, it's going to look like something she paid five hundred bucks for.

Look at it. PERFECTION.

Mine immediately did NOT look amazing. I'm not good at crafting. I say it again and again, and it's true. There is just something wonky about me using a glue gun. And my curls were too small, then too big, then they all looked like ice cream cones. Katie was giving me the look reserved for your sad, dumb friends.

About halfway through our Jane Eyre marathon (BBC version is the best! Take that Michael Fassbender! You and your non-modesty can go somewhere else!), I officially declared my project a failure. It wasn't happening. I was never going to make it all the way around my pool noodle. My curls were flopping, some were falling off. PINTEREST FAIL. COLLEEN FAIL. LIFE FAIL.

I looked at my dejected pool noodle wreath, and began ripping off the curls. Then I had an idea - what if I made something much smaller with them? What if I did more of a small sun than a wreath?

I floated the idea to Martha Stewart across the table (my godson was now playing with my dejected noodle), and she leapt up, found a random round mirror, and then found a way to turn a mirror with no back, a piece of cardboard from a Christmas decoration, some ribbons and a dying glue gun into this:

What. The. What. Sometimes I hate my friends. And by hate I mean love, admire and pine for their talent. But seriously? Really? You take like ten minutes and you make THIS???

Ryan came home tonight, saw it hanging on the wall and said "WOW! I love what you made honey! That is AWESOME!"

I wanted to take all the credit, but when I remembered that the last time I tried to make something, I was sitting knee deep in curled and glued pieces of The Host and close to tears with a piece of the book glued ot my hand.

So I waved at it. "Katie Happened."

"OH" he says, trying really hard to not look surprised. "That makes sense."

How to Host A Swap Party

2013-04-26T09:27:00.000-06:00

How to Host A Swap Party:

I've had four people tell me as of late that they want to host their own swap parties. I'm thrilled, and I hope it catches on! So here's some information from the girl who has now thrown FOUR of them and learned the in's and out's of opening your house to a Swap-bonaza.

Part One: The Invite

1. The invitation is SO VERY important. As the host, you must be super specific (read: rule Nazi) on the invitation about what is allowed. If you are not specific in telling people what they can (Boutique style clothing) and cannot (toys, crap, used underthings, furniture) bring, you might end up with a house full of things that are A) hard to move, and B), that no one wants and C) that carry icky germs. You must remind people that this is a classy, organized swap, not the crap bin at the Goodwill where hideousness goes to die.

Here's how the instructions from my invitation this year read:

You are invited to the 4th Annual Swap Party!

What to Bring? Gently Used (and washed!) Clothing of All Adult Sizes, Jewelry, Beauty Supplies (3/4 Full or More), Barely Used Make-Up, Perfume, Purses, Clutches, Shoes, Stationery, DVD's, CDS, Books, Crafty Items and small household items.

Only small household items are up for the swap. Nothing bigger than a large shoebox, please. No furniture, large planters or large used electronics allowed.

Please be mindful of the difference between junk and swap-able items. If you wouldn't give it to a friend, don't bring it here!

I know, I seem like a bossy witch. But without guidelines, trust me, it would be anarchy.

Part Two: The Prep

Prepare your house for invasion. Pick the rooms that you want to be open for the swap, and which ones you don't. Mark the rooms you don't want used in the swap with a piece of paper with a large red X on it. It's pretty clear.   On the other rooms, it is absolutely necessary to mark what goes in each room.

Here's how my rooms broke down (You could always add/less more if you wanted):

Clothing:Sizes XS-XL and Jewelry
Clothing: XXL and Plus Sizes and Shoes
Homegoods, Kitchenware, Media (Books, Movies and Cds)
Health and Beauty, Purses

Some notes:
- It works best if you have a high surface for the clothing. (I.E, a bed or large tables) No doubt, looking at clothing is where people will spend the majority of their time. I put the main clothing in my bedroom, so that everyone can spread out their clothes on the bed and have an easy time reaching for the clothing, holding it up, trying it on, etc.
- I cover all my surfaces with sheets and tablecloths. The beds are completely wrapped up in a sheet that goes over the comforters. The tables are covered, the couches are covered. Anyplace that is going to have anyone else's stuff on it gets totally covered. I have all very clean friends, but still, the idea of 30 people's used clothing on your bed? YEUCH. Hence, the sheet.
- Label each room with what goes in it. When people arrive, dragging their clothing bags with them, they will be tempted to hand you their bag when they walk in. Not so fast, sister! You make everyone put out their own stuff in the rooms, folded and neat - like a boutique! This is their price of admission. Plus, if you had to put it all out, the swap would go until midnight. It's best to stand at the door and direct them where they need to go "OH, clothing goes upstairs on the left!"

Doggies get to spend the swap party in their crate. Because....chaos. Look at that derp face!

Part Three: The Swap

Set up food and drinks in a clutter free area, so that people can go in and out of the rooms, relax, and share their finds. Turn on some fun music - you don't want every place to be crazy. And don't let anyone swap before it's time - that's not fair!
Unless you are the hostess and you grab some earrings and a ring holder, but that's just like, I don't know, what you get for paying for cocktail weinies.

Explain the rules of the swap: first, everyone has to go through twice, which is the rule everyone hates the most. Why have it? Because we've found that on the first go around, everyone is like, "meh" and they grab like two things because they don't want to seem like they are taking a lot. Also, they want to make sure that they don't miss out on things in other rooms, so they rush. On the second time through though - they find what they want. They dig. They find that gorgeous shirt under a pile of pants. On the second time through, THAT is where the swap magic happens. So even though everyone groans when I make them go through again, they ALWAYS find something. The second rule is: If you are not sure if an item is in the swap or something that belongs to me, please ask. :) I've never had a problem though with that, though I don't know any skeezy people, so maybe that's why.

Part Four: The Clean-Up

After everyone is done, and people start leaving, you want to take advantage of the remaining guests to help you clean up. Hand everyone a garbage bag and then everyone packs up one. Bam! Just like that, everything is ready to be loaded. And this will probably fall to you, which is fine! Then you get to drive over to your local ARC or Veterans Drop Off and feel like (to quote Firefly): A big damn hero. Because even though you had a fun, totally free shopping day, by donating this stuff, it's helping people! Lots of people! This year we had 30 garbage bags full of nice, quality clothing. 30! And about three large boxes of stuff to go with it. That's a lot of thrifting!

Another fun thing to do after the swap is to goof around and play with all the weird leftovers that people bring. That's called "The Swap After Dark". You can read about that here. And then you do it all again. After everything is packed up, throw all your sheets and tablecloths right into the wash, on hot. Then you are good!

This year, my goods included a gorgeous candle that smells amazing, a super cute ring holder shaped like a skeleton key, three shirts, new shoes and a pair of black dress up capris that I am so going to rock this summer, and an unopened bottle of hair frizz serum, which everyone knows I need. The haul was great. Some people take four full bags home, some people (like my sister) take a pair of earrings. But everyone goes home feeling jazzed. They helped themselves, and they helped others. What's not to love?

To wrap this up, I need to share the best swap story ever, which shouldn't discourage you from swapping. About two years ago, I got a phone call from Karen that was the best story ever. "Um, so you know how I got those super cute corduroy pants at the swap? I was at work, and I felt something in the pocket and so I reached down inside and pulled out...A TOOTH."

AHHHHHHHHH!!!!!    Best thing ever. The good news is that Karen had washed the pants, so she wasn't too worried about germs and ickiness, but it was still pretty hilarious.   Oh man *wipes eyes * who has a tooth in their pocket?

Good luck and happy swapping!

Disturbed: Our Television Culture of Violence

2013-04-23T20:17:00.001-06:00

As I watched television last night, I was struck by our whirling, tragic out-of-control world. So much pain, so much anger and malice towards are fellow human beings. Everywhere is needless death in spades and acts of pure horror without much intent.

I'm not talking about the Boston Marathon, although it was all of these things. I am talking about the new show Hannibal on NBC.

See, I was staying up late working on cleaning out my inbox.   Ryan had gone to bed early, as he was exhausted and not feeling very well. First, I watched The Voice because um, Adam Levine. Then I watched another episode of The Voice because um, Adam Levine. Then, for some mindless reason, I decided that it would be a good idea to watch the new show Hannibal at 11:00pm.

I was stunned and staggered by the zeal for violence in that show. Throats cut with blood arching in the air. The show started with a terrifying murder, by gun, of a husband and wife inside of their home. The show then continued with the murder of two young girls in a row, and then two more girls after that. Two of them were impaled on antlers, like wall hangings. Then Hannibal ate some lungs. That was followed with another brutal scene, with two young girls getting their throats slit in a VERY graphic manner.

I realize that I was watching Hannibal, which is about the murderer/cannibal from the film Silence of the Lambs. I didn't think this was going to be a Hallmark movie, or Modern Family. I knew that this was going to be a dark show about solving murders. But I didn't think that the violence, on a primetime network television show would be so disturbing. What struck me the most was how many young girls were murdered. It was as if the show couldn't get enough of them. The images that I saw on the screen seared into my brain, and as soon as I closed my eyes to go to sleep, I kept seeing the blood arching through the air, or the tortured girl impaled in the woods. It seemed like senseless gore, rather than a sharp look at the criminal mind. Let me remind you that this was NBC. NBC, the same news channel that has provided non-stop news about the Boston Marathon, and the terrible, real cost of violence. I know that it's all for entertainment's sake, but when does entertainment become dangerous? What are these shows and movies teaching our young men? It also makes me furious when I think about how the major news networks are claiming that they aren't covering the Gosnell trial because the details are too disturbing. So let me get this straight: impaling young girls on antlers and mounting them in a living room is not too disturbing, but featuring REAL news about something VERY disturbing is too hard on viewers? Grrrr.....

I've thought about it all day today.   I wondered why that particular show of violence disturbed me so deeply. I watch Game of Thrones. It's very violent. But I've also read the books, and I know that the books are violent. A PG-13 Game of Thrones wouldn't really be Game of Thrones. It's a book series about a world fracturing war. It's also a fantasy world, a world you know doesn't exist. There's all these factors and then there's the main thing: Game of Thrones is on HBO. That is a premium cable channel, and it's pretty hard to watch if you are not an adult who has ordered it. Hannibal is a primetime major network show. I'm not trying to excuse the violence in Game of Thrones. There are many times in that show that I am forced to turn away from the screen. There are a lot of things in that show that need to be toned down. But I feel like someone shoving a sword through someone in a battle is different then a teenage girl being tortured and then cut apart like a fresh kill, all for entertainment's sake. And maybe I'm wrong. Maybe death is a death is a death. But on a show like Game of Thrones, the violence is woven into a bigger story; on Hannibal, violence IS the story. I use to like Dexter; now I can't even watch it. The darkness is too much, and I am seeking something much lighter to nurture my soul.

Watching Hannibal made me react in several dramatic ways: first, I couldn't look away, but was plagued by haunting images later in my mind. Second, it made me wonder when the bar for shock value and what is allowed on network TV was raised so dramatically. Is it because they are trying to compete with the cable networks? Third, I fear for my children with a television in the house. What would a child learn from watching that episode of television? As an adult, I wrinkled my nose and shut my eyes to degradation unfolding before me. As a child, I would have stared in wide-open horror and then later been tortured by these confusing and devastating concepts.   And if I did watch it, I would have taken away that women, especially young and pretty women, are disposable. On television, young pretty girls are the props and toys of serial killers and mad men.

Long story short, I will not be watching Hannibal again. And when we are blessed us with children, we are going to be on those parental controls like white on rice. I like Mad Men as much as the next girl, but I prefer mine with a glass of scotch and a killer 50's suit instead of a Chianti and a side of lungs.

I'll sign off with this quote which I love, and in this case, I feel like it applies well:

Book Reviews: Matched, The Lifeboat and More

2013-04-20T22:51:00.002-06:00

I've been on a reading streak for the past two months. I think learning to order books directly from my library online has something to do with it. It's like magic, that special kind of magic, BOOK magic. I go to my Goodreads (bought by Amazon, did you know? I'm not sure how I feel about this as an author and as a reader, in case you were wondering, which you probably weren't...) Anyways - I go to my Goodreads "Want to Read" list, pick like 3 books and then just drop them into my library cart. Two days later, they are ready to be picked up from Anythink. I'm telling you: book magic. My husband feels the same way about his Kindle, which is sort of blasphemous.

Here's what I've read lately:

Matched by Ally Condie: I have seen these books everywhere. In hands, in bookstores, in magazines, in airplanes. Their covers are miraculous. If you would like to talk about the power of a good cover, we can talk about Matched.   It's a good story, but the cover is GREAT. It kills me. The story, which revolves around "The Society", focuses on Cassia, her match Xander, and her other match Ky. The "Society" determines what you eat, how long you exercise, who your parents are, what your career is, everything. You know, it's sort of what America is becoming. (*wink*)   The people in the society live long and stress-free lives, until there is a hiccup in the system. Then everything falls apart. The hiccup? Attraction. I liked this dystopian futuristic novel much more than I liked Divergent, which was along the same vein. The story had less action, but more heart, and the plot moved along smartly. I would absolutely pick up the second book in this series. It reminded me of The Giver, which is one of my favorite novels of all time. Matched could be it's lighter, much more flirty cousin. It ended with a great cliff-hanger, and I love those in a series.

The Lifeboat by Charlotte Rogan: There are 39 people in a lifeboat in 1914. It's sinking because the weight of 39 is too great. What happens next?? This simple - brilliant - idea is the main premise for The Lifeboat. Our narrator Grace -who was a completely unreliable narrator, which sometimes worked and sometimes didn't - tells us the story of their journey from shipwreck to salvation, with more than a dozen deaths along the way. It's a harrowing story, and I had a hard time putting the book down. The author did a fantastic job of describing the misery of drifting alone in the middle of the ocean. Everything down to how their hair smelled and felt was told with such raw precision that I could absolutely feel myself drifting along with my fellow shipwrecked friends and enemies. It was an absolute "What would I do?" sort of situation. What do you do when hunger, desperation and the need to survive overrides your basic human decency? Could you murder? Throw someone overboard? Guilt someone into giving up their life? Kill a child? This book was headed into the "One of the best reads ever" categories when I hit the final quarter of the novel. Then, I'm not sure what happened. The first three quarters of the book were told mostly from Grace's perspective in the lifeboat, which was excellent and addictive read. The last part of the book - which would have been the climax of the novel - was all told in the courtroom, in past tense. It was as if all the energy had been sucked out of this story which was whirling towards a fantastic conclusion. I've never been a fan of reading courtroom dramas, and for me this just took the wind out of my sails.   It was still a wonderful read, but I couldn't help think of the towering achievement that it could have been if the ending had been in the same style as the rest of the book.

Fairy Tales from the Brothers Grimm as retold by Philip Pullman: I bet you didn't think that you needed to re-read fairy tales an adult. Well, you would be wrong! I loved reading these updated fairy tales by Philip Pullman (best known for his "I hate God" series, The Golden Compass, which is actually a pretty fantastic book if you can ignore his raging atheism, which I had no problem doing). I hate to say that he "updated" them, because that's really not what it was - the frog Prince doesn't suddenly have a cell phone or anything ridiculous like that. It's more like your very smart, well-read uncle is telling them around campfire - and he really knows his stories. Cinderella, Hansel and Gretel, Briar-Rose - I LOVED reading all these short stories, and I was charmed by the detailed notes at the end that told of the stories origins, different interpretations over the years (some surprisingly sexual!), and how dark the Grimm brothers were. Those stories are not for the faint of heart!   This was such a fun surprise, and it made for great little bursts of reading since the stories were six pages as most.

On Deck: Origin, Me Before You, Wonder, Iced, The Interestings

Riding Back to Reality - and into a "Blizzard"

2013-04-16T20:44:00.002-06:00

On our last day in Glenwood Springs, we slept in and then called our dysfunctional bus company to pick us up for the train. It turns out that there was one more fail in store for us: the bus company said that 20 minutes notice was too far ahead for the driver to remember and that they couldn't pick us up for another 53 minutes.

So, we called the taxi company who then got to listen to us bemoan the bus company. The snow flurries had started and my Dad had called the day before and left a frantic voicemail. The caps are used for effect to elaborate on the yelling factor, which was major:

"I KNOW THAT YOU NEVER WATCH THE NEWS SO YOU PROBABLY DON'T KNOW THAT THERE IS A BLIZZARD HEADED YOUR WAY! YOU AND EMILY NEED TO DRIVE HOME A DAY EARLY AND AVOID THE STORM! I'M NOT KIDDING! CALL YOUR FATHER! LEAVE RIGHT NOW! WHY DO YOU NEVER ANSWER YOUR PHONE???????"

There were two messages exactly like this.

5 minutes later, I got this message: "Hi honey. I just talked to Ryan. He said you are taking the train. Much safer, just make sure the driver slows down when he gets to Denver. Have a great ride!"

Love my Dad.

We arrived at the train station, which was ADORABLE. It probably hasn't changed in a hundred years, and I loved that. Small benches, big clocks, coat racks. Emily and spent about 10 minutes Instagramming. It's my new obsession.

We settled in and then had a lady conductor tell us how to do our ticketing. Basically, we each had a number assigned to us and we were to board according to number. Flash forward 10 minutes, while we are waiting in line and the same train conductor comes in yelling at the top of her lungs: "Line up, get outside, what are you doing in HERE? You're going to miss the train! You're all going to miss it!"

And we almost did. We literally stood outside in the snow, a guy glanced at our ticket and then we had been on the train about 1 minute before it was hurtling towards Denver.

Colorado is wonderous, and our train ride back was full of it. This country, so wide and vast, and us, so blessed to be born in this country, so lucky to live in this state. Even now, I continue to be dazzled by the huge amounts of beauty in our state and in our nation. *Wipes tear away*

Oh sure, we had the cheese and wine again, books and conversation, but the real story was waiting for the snow. Everyone in Colorado was posting about the blizzard that was supposed to hit Denver that day, and so we just waited for the snow.

Waited and waited, while we took in the landscape, and the truck full of rednecks that mooned the train from a low valley. Our entire car busted out laughing. There are no pictures of us aboard the train, because for our first train ride we were all "oooh, fancy, I'm going on a train tomorrow ma'ma! Perhaps I'll snag myself a fine gentleman caller!" , with our hair and make-up done.

On the second train ride, we were more like "I hope no one thinks we are hobos."

Anyways, as our train climbed UNDER the rocky mountains (dozens of tunnels) there was no snow, no snow, and then we go over one mountain, and....

NARNIA!

Where is the lampost? Mr. Tumnus? Turkish Delight for one, please....or wait, maybe we were on the Polar Express on our way to the North Pole! Hot chocolate, por favor!

After our initial snow blast, I took a long and peaceful nap on the train as we wove into Denver. When I awoke, I imagined being in a blinding blizzard. I was worried about Ryan getting down to the train station.

I didn't need to be. The "Blizzard" that everyone kept ranting about was actually like half a foot of wet and fast melting snow. Oh Colorado. We have a fake blizzard last week, and then this week, with no warning, an actual blizzard. I wore sandals on Saturday. What the heck is happening?

Took this picture with my phone. I'm telling you, these smart phones are sort of dangerously addicting.

Things I'm Loving for Spring 2013

2013-04-14T18:00:00.001-06:00

HEEELLLLOOO!! (That's my Oprah impression.) Are you ready for my FAVORITE THINGS for SPRING 2013? Here we go! Free cars for everybody! For you! And you!

Waiting for Summer Weather: Absence makes the heart grow fonder, and so I am amused with my growing desperation for warmer weather. Spring has been a tease this year. We have a few days of 60's, and then more snow.   And then just when you start breaking out the sandals because you think fickle, bitter winter has left, it snows a-freaking-gain and your pretty lavender toes are freezing in the slush.   I want to ride my cruiser and swim outside and bemoan the heat. The weather better straighten out, because I have appropriate length navy shorts to wear.

Cocoppa: Katie showed me this app last night over pineapple vodka, and I'm already in luuurrvv. It turns your phone into a dazzling, beautiful, matching apps playground. I love all the subtle pinks and sparkles, the vintage themed apps, the way that you can "gloss" all the apps so that they have a faint glow to them....my phone is so pretty!

Mod Cloth: Have you visited the best place to shop for clothing on the internet? No? Well, go now and then come back when you've significantly depleted your bank account.    Where to start? The fact that they have all sizes? LOVE. That the dresses are unique, that they aren't the same ones you see at Old Navy on everyone you know, risking the chance of dressing like twinkies at a party. The dresses they have are gorgeous and chic and possess that vintage charm without smelling like a thrift store. Don't even get me started on the accessories. It's like the entire wardrobe of Mad Men showed up to fufill my clothing desires.
www.modcloth.com

Les Mis on DVD: Being able to watch the greatest musical of all time whenever I want? PRICELESS. I mean, it wasn't actually priceless, it was 16.99, but being able to fast forward through "Lovely Ladies" and rewind "Do You Hear the People Sing" again and again is beyond thrilling. I even broke my own rules and downloaded one song from the movie: "Empty Chairs at Empty Tables" with Eddie Redmayne. It's entirely affecting and leaves me a happy mess.

The Neighbors: My sister just introduced me to this show, and I laughed so hard in the first episode I saw that I about lost my cool. The little Dick Butkiss kid is HILARIOUS. I don't know why more people aren't talking about this show. It reminds me of the best episodes of Community. The matching clothing. The toast communication device. The subtle digs about Americans. I LOVE shows that are both bold enough to be both zany and clever, and this is one of them.

Jurassic Park in 3-D: I haven't seen it in 3D yet, but I know I'm going to flip out and have nightmares about T-Rex's for weeks. And I can't wait.

A Holy Experience: Ann Voskamp is such a poet at heart, and her words pour over you like rain. I've ordered her book, One Thousand Gifts, and I love going to her blog for a daily dose of poetry, inspiration, photography and scripture.
http://www.aholyexperience.com/

Mama Loves Food: There are a million cooking blogs out there, and you could spend your life browsing their gorgeous photos and drool worthy recipes. Ain't nobody got time for that! I like Mama Loves Food because the recipes are clear and simple. There is no call for elaborate ingredients: it just has simple, good food. Not only that, but she's totally hilarious. Check out her "About Me" section and laugh. Her "Menu" section is concise and to-the-point and filled with a huge variety of foods. http://www.mamalovesfood.com/

Social Media Cheat Sheets:   As a new author who has to do her own advertising and PR, I can be overwhelmed with the amount of social media that I have to not only understand, but embrace and master just to keep my name out there.   At first I found it impossible, keeping current on Facebook, Twitter, the blog, Goodreads Author, Amazon Author, my website,Google + and Pinterest. But then I found these cheat sheets on Pinterest and they helped me understand how to make the most amount of time in the shortest amount of time. Until I hire a PR company (which hopefully will be soon!), then I need to be good at this. Because I need more time for Instagram.

What Spring 2013 things have you all excited?

Authors in Bloom Blog Hop: Recipes, Giveaways and More!

2013-04-12T17:34:00.001-06:00

Welcome to the Authors in Bloom Blog Hop and the Ranunculus Adventures blog! I thought that Elly in Bloom just HAD to participate in Authors in Bloom, don't you think?

Over the next few days you can visit over 60 authors who will share gardening tips (no green thumb here, so glad you can get it there!), recipes (Mmm...cookies, cakes, salads!), great giveaways and one amazing grand prize: a Kindle Fire or Nook (winner’s choice) along with a $25 gift card to get books for your new eReader! All you have to do is leave a comment on each author’s blog that participates with your EMAIL and you will automatically be entered to win!! That’s over 60 chances to WIN!!

The master page for the blog hop is here: http://www.acozyreaderscorner.com/

And if you don't have a Kindle or Nook yet, you should! I resisted the e-readers for so long, but last year when I only had one book for an entire Alaskan cruise and my husband had like twenty on his Kindle, I saw the light.

As for my giveaway, I'm going to giveaway a Scrabble necklace (Which are all the rage around here) from HandmadeinChico!

To enter my giveaway, just leave a comment below saying what YOU will be reading this summer!

(No extra points for Elly in Bloom. Sorry! But you will make my week.)

For my recipe, I chose this delicious Island Party Snack Mix. I make this every year for my annual swap party, and I have people request it all the time. It's super easy, and when I say it's the most delicious snack every, I'm not kidding. It tastes nothing like traditional Chex Mix - which is good - but this is like, a MILLION TIMES BETTER. And it's so easy!

2 1/2 Cups Corn Chex
2 1/2 Cups Rice Chex
2 Cups Macademia Nuts
1/4 Cup Butter, cubed
2 Tbsp sugar
2 Tbsp corn syrup (I used dark and it worked just fine)
1 Cup Flaked coconut
1 Pkg (6oz) Chopped Dried Pineapple
1 cup White Chocolate Chips
In a large microwave safe bowl combine cereals and nuts. In a small microwave safe bowl, combine the butter, sugar and corn syrup, Microwave high, uncovered for 2 minutes, stirring halfway through. Immediately pour over cereal mixture and toss to coat.

Cook cereal mixture uncovered on high for two minutes, stirring once. Add coconut, cook 2 minutes longer, stirring once. Spread all onto wax paper to cool. Stir in the pineapple and chips. Store in airtight container. Snack all week.

I can't think of anything better to kick off flip flop season, except maybe an actual vacation.

Hot Springs Heaven

2013-04-10T22:46:00.002-06:00

The next day was Hot Springs day. Emily started the day with a four hour spa treatment at the Hot Springs Hotel Spa.

I wasn't there, but the words she used to describe it were in the range of "heavenly", "relaxing", "utopia" and "melting bliss." I'm going to go out on a limb here and guess it was pretty good.

I met her downtown after a short ride on the Glenwood Springs bus.

I'm going to rant a little bit about the Glenwood Springs bus.

How it was supposed to work: we call the bus for a special pick-up at our little hotel. Easy peasy. The bus comes and takes us downtown.

How it actually worked: We call the bus about thirty minutes before we needed to leave. They would either tell us that it was too early to call and that the driver couldn't remember the pick-up if they told him now OR that we were calling too late (five to ten minutes earlier than the pick-up) and that it was too close to the time for the driver to make the pick up. Somehow, there was a magic three minute window you had to intuitively call within to get this bus. It was RIDICULOUS.

Who can't remember something for ten minutes? That's like if I drove to the grocery store and then couldn't be expected to remember where I was going.

Bus company, YOU HAVE ONE JOB.

By some bus miracle, I made it downtown and we had lunch at the Pullman, which was fabulously farm fresh and local food, suggested by a friend. Emily had oysters, and I had an elk burger and everything was going well...and then Emily had bone marrow. I have never seen anyone eat bone marrow. It was maybe the most disgusting looking food I've ever seen. It looked just like the globs of fat that I cut off from pieces of meat. I'm not sure what it was, but the sight of it made me gag. I've never gagged while watching anyone eat anything. Even if I had to watch a person eat a pickle that had been dipped in vinegar and slathered in mustard (which would be the evil food trifecta), I don't think I would have this sort of reaction to a food. It was violent and immediate. She spread the marrow on a piece of toast and I about lost my dinner at the table. It got so bad that I had to leave and wait it out in the bathroom so that Emily didn't have to feel weird, so that she could could enjoy her gourmet bone marrow. \

She's got such a distinguished palette and really enjoyed it - I felt bad that I wash a weinie and had this really strong reaction to it. Note to self: no bone marrow in the future for me.

Anyways - ON TO THE HOT SPRINGS!

The worlds largest hot springs were amazing. I hadn't been there since I was a child, and it was so much more luxurious than I remembered. We went in the evening, since we thought a hot pool during a semi-hot day sounded miserable. It was the perfect evening for it.

We watched the sun set beyond the hills, steam drifting off the two large mineral pools. There are fifteen minerals in the pools, the same minerals that have been steaming up through the pool vents for a century.

Check out Emily saying hello, bottom right.

The minute you slip into them, you can feel it: even if it's your imagination, you feel restored, relaxed. The water is the perfect temperature. It's so different than a hot tub. It's constantly warming you, but not overheating you. You can stay in it for hours. There are two different pools, one hot and one of a more a more wild warmth. It's nice because you can drift back and forth between the two, like people have been doing since 1888, no joke.

And we did party like it was 1888. We floated and drifted. Swam from one end to another. We people watched, which could prove to be either interesting or uncomfortable, since Glenwood Springs is a popular honeymoon destination where people like to get really hot and bothered in the pool.

All around the pool are signs that say no food or drinking, but pretty much everyone is drinking. You would think that the Glenwood Springs was also a waterbottle factory by the amount of "water" being consumed around the pools. A general air of friendly fun permeates the air. Strangers get chatty in water.

We stayed for three hours, and we would have stayed longer if my entire body wasn't starting to look like a California Raisin. When your fingers are so wrinkly that touching anything hurts, it's time to get out of the Hot Springs.

And so we left, restored and mineralized. Seeing the pools as an adult made me realize just how lucky we are to live in a state that is so richly blessed with natural resources. And one very terrible bus company.

Love on The Tracks

2013-04-06T21:58:00.000-06:00

“...what thrills me about trains is not their size or their equipment but the fact that they are moving, that they embody a connection between unseen places.” - Marianne Wiggins

Today was the first time that I have ever taken a real train. I've taken some pseudo- trains before that ran from Bronxville to Manhattan, and those had a steaming pastry/NY smell magic all their own, but those were more like really long subway cars, complete with scary people.

I've never experienced a true, Amtrak style experience.

Well, let me tell you: it's amazing. It is the opposite of flying. Flying is a ball of stress and horror. Flying is compromising your humanity to mail yourself across the country. Flying is the worst thing ever. Taking the train is leisurely! It's roomy! It's SO quiet! First of, let's talk about the leg room.

Tons of it! They even have a special little pedal that pulls down for short people, like me! And your chair reclines almost all the way. You could absolutely sleep overnight in that chair with just a few neck problems in the morning.

There was so much leg room that I could have done a cartwheel in between the seats. It was fabulous. We settled in with our luggage and the train took off from the station. No seatbelt announcements, no scary jolt of power and launching into the sky, just a cute horn and a little shake. The scenery turned from downtown into the foothills, from open plains into pine trees and windmills.

The ride was smooth and easy. Sure, we are all waiting for the high-speed magic trains of the Hunger Games, but until then, Amtrak will do. Before long, our silver bullet (not just a terrible beer!) was snaking it's way through the Rocky Mountains.

We went through a six mile long tunnel, which felt a bit like being plunged into a dementor nest, but when we emerged into the light of a snow covered Winter Park, it was a little bit heavenly.

Then we had lunch. I packed, no joke, a single bag of Chex Mix. What Emily had said was "Bring Snacks." I did. She did not. She brought Manchengo and Gouda, gourmet crackers, apples, cookies, wine and salami. AND A CUTTING BOARD. We moved from our assigned seats to the observation car and had a lunch that could only be called sensational. Emily's European spread attracted many envious glances, but we didn't share. Maybe we are bad people, I don't know.

We passed through the snowy regions and emerged on the Western Slope, which is more desert-like, and reminded me of our trip to Utah.

Not that I always noticed the landscape. At any given moment over the 5ish hour trip, I was either looking out the window in awe, taking a nap (the gentle motion of the train was like being rocked by a giant) or catching up on my reading. I've read some heavy things lately, so it was time for some dystopian YA fun.

Five hours of bliss (really!) later, we pulled into Glenwood Springs, just as the clouds were coming in. We've checked in at our hotel, and I'm looking forward to a few days of relaxing, writing, reflecting and embracing my inner 60's hippie by soaking my cares away in a natural hot spring filled with strangers and lots of transients and some floaty bits of sulfur. Good times.

More on that tomorrow. But until then, take a train! I'm sold! It's not just for oil barons 100 years ago or society ladies in hoop dresses or baseball players (I really don't know much about train history, can you tell?), but it was certainly fun for two grand ladies in their 30's. Being on a train tapped into some deep and collective nostalgia inside of me. I sighed and looked out the widow and was so very happy.

Losing my Humanity/I Have a Smart Phone...and it's Pretty!

2013-04-03T23:42:00.001-06:00

I have officially entered the new century, only about three years too late. After holding out for years, Ryan and I finally decided to get smart phones today.

For a long time, we figured that we didn't need them. I have an itouch, and Ryan has his beloved "I won this when dressed as a cardboard Transformer" ipod. I have a laptop, and we had a desktop before it had a seizure last week and died. I could almost see it drag itself up one last hill before gracelessfully giving up it's last breath. We have the technology to check our email, our Facebook.
In our minds, why did we need a phone to do the things we could already do?

I also held a grudge against smart phones, for a long time. It seemed that the minute anyone got their phone, that I was suddenly fighting for their attention with this little gadget, for even the smallest minute of their time. Deep conversations turned into nodded "Uhh huhhss..." while they surfed and texted and had their eyes glazed over as they just became absorbed in another world. It seemed that everywhere I looked, I saw signs of this alien take-over, in the most depressing places. The phones were turning everyone into vacant eyed robots.

Restaurants were the worst. I saw entire families, heads down as they all surfed the same web, across the table but miles apart. Kids ignoring parents, parents ignoring children. Large groups of girls not talking to each other, just all sitting at the same place, their little white phones buzzing in their hands. I felt such a deep sadness when I saw this. I felt that humanity was disconnecting at it's very seams. What holds us together is our connection with people, of loving each other, of sharing and being understood, of another human saying "I hear you. I see you." When I viewed smart phones, I viewed a way to lose intimacy with friends, with family. It was something that would drive a wedge between us, at the very least a constant distraction to my already buzzy brain.

No one jumped on my "Smart phones are evil!" bandwagon. (I hate when that happens.) By then everyone I knew had a smart phone anyway. Eventually, I saw a huge range of interactions with the phones. There are indeed some people whose phone is like an appendage they cannot go a second without, but for the vast majority of my people, it's just a communication device that does a lot of cool things. I love looking at my sisters hilarious collection of pictures, or surfing Pinterest with Sarah. They can be used for good - I've seen it! And, if I'm feeling ignored or annoyed by someone, I've found that a subtle "Anything interesting on there?" usually puts a stop to it. I'm sure I'll have a few of those very rude moments of my own in the coming months.

I came to the conclusion that it doesn't mean I'm losing my humanity if I get a smart phone.

It's because I learned they are just so darn useful. Like, everytime we were lost on the way to a wedding delivery and I made Sarah look up the location. Or when we would call for restaurant reservations. Or Groupons. Or travel updates. I have become another sort of annoying friend: the friend who asks you to do things on your phone for me."Hey, could I check my email real quick? Can I check Facebook? Can you look up modcloth/store hours/phone number/Les Mis trailer/what happens if I microwave Pyrex/last name of the guy that was in that one movie about the thing?" I don't want to be annoying friend anymore, but that's all information I need. Like, right now need.

Long story short, now I have an iphone. An iphone4 to be exact. It's white and beautiful and oh-so-shiny and I want to marry it. I'm going down that road. I've shed my dumb phone, and I've diving in, plan and all, right into my smart phone. I already sent a text that was meant for my husband to my friend Katie, who found it very hilarious and sort of inappropriate. Less than 6 hours old, and my journey has already been marred by mistakes. It helped a lot that the phones (and their cases) were free. FREE FREE.
Sprint is amazing.

I'm about to lose a piece of my humanity, and it looks a lot like a Starbucks app. So tasty!

All right people, what apps do I need?

Book Reviews: The Making of Us, Life of Giants, Etc...

2013-03-30T11:21:00.002-06:00

Since I've been out-of-sorts this weird month, I've had lots of time to read. Enjoy!

The Making of Us by Lisa Jewell:   I liked this sweet book about what it means to be a family, even if said family was created by an anonymous sperm donor many years ago. It took awhile for the Making of Us to grow on me, especially regarding one of the three main characters. Long lost siblings Lydia and Dean were likeable and well-drawn, both struggling with loneliness and isolation. Robyn, a shallow and self-centered student with a God-complex made for difficult reading. She, who had the best support system out of all her siblings, was a terrible person who looked down upon her loving adopted family - they just weren't as pretty as her! - the way a King might look upon peasants. I was also distracted by the books constant emphasis on how beautiful everyone was. This seemed to be a major theme: beauty, appearance, attractiveness, and that the siblings were bound together because they were just all SO hot. However, I found myself returning to the book with less and less time as the novel wound on, and it seemed to really hit it some stellar pacing halfway through. By the end of the novel, I was filled with a warm, happy feeling as I saw the three characters undergo a brilliant character development as they realized that family is what you make it.

The Lost Daughter by Lucy Ferris: I'm not sure how it is that I ended up with books that have to do with adoption or birth-parents, but this one had a birthparent story at it's core as well. The Lost Daughter focuses on Brooke, who when she was 16 makes the worst possible decisions ever when she has a surprise pregnancy. Like, taking poison from a flaky adult woman/local witch to cause an abortion. Then, the baby keeps growing and she does nothing, just thinking that the "incident" will happen one of these days. She delivers with the help of her boyfriend (who uses a metal cooking spoon to deliver - WHAT?) and they leave an lifeless baby in a crate outside of a dumpster in the rain. You can probably see why I had a hard time feeling empathy for Brooke from the beginning.   Brooke is now an adult and still conflicted and plagued with guilt about what happened. She's married and has a daughter, and her sweet husband wants another. Brooke doesn't. (It's explained the she thought that her first child with him was a spirit baby of the other - um, what?)   The author has a great grasp of words, and her writing is lyrical, so it kept me moving through the novel even though I didn't like any of the characters aside from Seth. About halfway through the novel, the "child" appears - a disabled girl named Nadia who was found by the dumpster by an immigrant family. Here's why I would still give this novel the thumbs up: because Harris could give us a tied together story with a happy bow, but she doesn't. She doesn't send Nadia happy into her mother's arms. No. She's bitter and Brooke's actions directly made her what she is - physically disabled but mentally sharp - and Nadia knows this. Brooke is not truly absolved of anything, but made to directly face the consequences of her action. In any other book, I'm sure they would have made Nadia a perfect child, but I'm glad the author took a very brave route here to show the reality of these young people's decisions. Again, as a person who longs for a child, it makes me shake with anger when I see these kind of stories (Really? Having a baby in a motel and putting it by a dumpster is harder than giving it to a loving family to raise? How hard is dropping it off at a hospital?), but I became a fan of this author through her beautiful writing and her unflinching stare through a difficult plot.

Life Among Giants by Bill Roorbach: Of all the books listed here, I read this one the fastest. This was a very strange book, one that definitely could be called literature. It was a mystery, it was a love story, it was a sports novel, a foodie blog and a fairy tale. It was all of these things, and it was like drinking a love potion that made you a little drunk, and a little confused. The main character, a very tall and sweet boy who sees his parents brutally murdered, lives across the street from High Side, which is a mega mansion owned by the equivalent of John Lennon and his strangely beautiful ballerina wife. The boy eventually comes to fall in love with the ballerina, and begins to notice all sorts of strange connections between his parents death, and the constant whispering and drama over at the mansion. The boy is an athlete, a chef, a student, and the story covers about thirty years of his life as he untangles the hundreds of strings that lead to finding justice for his parents.    I'm not sure why I loved this novel, I just did. It was creative and seductive and fresh, and oh, it's also about mushroom hunting.   It was fabulous. Although, I must say that I found the character of Kate to be utterly useless and without merit. Why didn't she step up and care for her younger brother when he saw his parents murdered? Why did she do so many terrible things? Was it her mental illness or her choices? Did she even really HAVE a mental illness, because I just saw her as hopelessly selfish, taking everything from everyone around her. Either way, I found her grating. Luckily, she wasn't always around, and the main character was so shy and sweet that I just wanted to wrap him in my arms for comfort, this gentle giant.

What are you reading right now? On the deck next: The American Heiress and The Reading Group and whatever comes in from the library...

Elly in Bloom On Tour with Chick Lit Plus!

2013-03-25T17:30:00.000-06:00

I'm so excited! This month I'm on tour with Chick Lit Plus, which is one of the number one websites and gathering sites on the web for Chick Lit authors and fans. They do blog tours, interviews, giveaways, reviews and have a gorgeously designed and fun website that can entertain a book lover for hours.

This is my first blog tour and I'm so excited! Not only is Elly in Bloom zipping around the net until April 15th, but I am getting to "meet" all these fellow book lover and bloggers! The schedule is as follows:

March 25 – Chick Lit Club Connect – Guest Post

March 27 – Jersey Girl Book Reviews – Review, Guest Post & Excerpt

March 28 – Books Etc. – Review

March 29 – Storm Goddess Book Reviews – Review & Q&A

April 1- Books Etc. – Guest Post

April 2- Chick Lit Plus – Review

April 3 – A Blue Million Books – Guest Post, Q&A & Excerpt

April 4 – The Book Fetish – Review

April 5 – Tea and Scribbles – Review

April 9 – Dee’s Reviews – Review

April 10 - Books à la Mode - Q&A & Giveaway

April 11- Writers Corner – Review

April 12- The Autumn Review – Review

April 15 – I’m Simply Debbie – Review

A big thank you to all the bloggers who participated in this blog tour!

**Everyone who leaves a comment on the Elly in Bloom tour page at Chick Lit Plus page will be entered to win a $20 Amazon gift card! Enjoy surfing around!

Charming Charlie's Giveaway & Queen of Hearts Scavenger Hunt

2013-03-24T14:04:00.001-06:00

Hello everyone! In honor of Easter, I wanted to do a fun giveaway that ties in with what's happening now in my little author world.

Currently, I am in the final stages of preparing Queen of Hearts for publication. I have hired a fantastic copy-editor named Jeni who is looking over my third draft and who will then come back with what I'm sure will be 3,000 small edits. The book has been filtered through the test readers who proved SO invaluable that I'm unable to really thank them as I should because I find myself at a loss for words.   Their feedback led to some very significant changes in the novel, all of them for the better.

The cover is being designed as we speak, and I've begun working on some seperate images for the book (anyone know a really good map designer or artist? I'm 100% serious.) My dear QOH model Erin is going to be designing a few small images for the part breaks and perhaps the title pages. So exciting and yet so strange: apparently it takes a village to raise a novel. I'm still on track to launch Queen of Hearts this summer, pending any drastic changes in my representation.   I'm so excited to have it out there, this, my first foray into fantasy.

So! Let's talk the Giveaway!   Charming Charlies...have you been there??

It's like a heaven made of jewelry. Everything is organized by color and style and it's the most dangerous store in town. Do you need a coral colored necklace with some pearls mixed in? Oh, we have that right over here. A lavender owl headband? Yes, the lavender owl section is in the back.   The best thing is it's all pretty affordable, but not cheap. I have several things from there now and none of them have broken, so that's sort of fabulous. They have shoes, purses, scarves, wallets, bracelets, necklaces and a zillion pairs of earrings. Speaking of...I am in love with this small, delicate necklace craze.. Where can I get that?
Let me think about it...CHARMING CHARLIES!

For this March/April Giveaway, I am giving away a $20.00 Charming Charlie's giftcard! This giveaway, however, is going to require a little bit of work. It's a scanvenger hunt of sorts.
(*Smiles evilly and rubs hands together.*)

After reading the book twice and marking the heck out of it with a pen, I've finally picked my quote from Alice in Wonderland to begin Queen of Hearts. The technical name for these are "epigraphs."

The first person who can guess the quote that I have chosen as my epigraph for Queen of Hearts will be the winner of the gift card.

Some important hints:
*The quote comes from chapter VIII - The Queen's Croquet Ground
* The quote occurs in a conversation between The Cat and Alice
* It is a quote about the Queen of Hearts
*It is five lines long in my Barnes and Noble classic version.

And that's it! What happens if no one gets the quote? First, I will be totally disappointed. Secondly, I will just draw randomly so that someone wins the gift card.

To enter, leave your best guess in the comment section below. You can guess more than once.

(If you copy/paste huge sections of text, you will be disqualified. No cheating!)

I'll run the contest for a week. If two people guess the same quote, I'll just see who posted it first.
Good luck and happy hunting!

Movie Reviews: Oz, Cards and Wallflowers

2013-03-23T11:13:00.002-06:00

Oz the Great and Powerful: Oz the Great and Powerful was neither great nor powerful. It was TERRIBLE. Where to start? Well, first of all the entire movie seemed to be miscast. James Franco carried the same "I could care less" about this attitude that he did when he hosted the Oscars. That smug look that says, "Why should I be here when I could be getting another PH.D in anthropology? I'm only doing this movie ironically." Even at the end of the movie, when he was supposed to be a different man, he still looked like he would rather be in a dorm room somewhere with Seth Rogen making FUN of this movie. The sad thing is that when James Franco cares, he's great. Have you seen 127 Days? He was incredible in that. Mila Kunis was beautiful but bland, and we could have used less shots of the director zooming in on her hugely large eyes. We get it! She's pretty! So is Glinda! Can we please go back to the movie? There were about five times in the movies where I thought "is this like a Revlon commercial for fake eyelashes? I seriously don't understand." The film was way too long and way too boring.

It's terrible pacing reminded me of another adaptation - Snow White and the Huntsman. I took my Mom to this movie, and she felt the exact same way I did. I wish I would have known, because we could have left halfway through and gotten our money back, or went and watched Admission with Tina Fey. At least we know she's a sure thing. The plot was needlessly complicated, the dazzling CGI was not that dazzling when you've seen Life of Pi, and there was a talking monkey voiced by Zach Braff that was BEYOND annoying. If one of the witches would have blown him up, I would have cheered. Outloud. He was the Jar Jar Binks of this movie. I know this movie is maybe/sort of for kids, but this would be the worst movie to take kids to. In front of us at the theater was a charming family of four. The kids were well-behaved, polite...and they were BORED OUT OF THEIR MINDS. They were shifting in their seats every nine seconds, asking their parents to leave, falling asleep, wandering around the aisle..at one point I saw a kid slouched face first over the seat with his knees on the floor just staring at his Mom. Normally, this would annoy me in a theater, but I felt the SAME EXACT WAY, like I wanted to pull my hair out and escape from this never-ending, poorly-written color fest. I wanted to be like "Hey kid, want to go play video games in the lobby area?", but then I would be arrested for kidnapping, and so I didn't. I looked it up online and it's been 73 years since the Wizard of Oz came out. 73 years, and that movie is still a billion times better than this terrible sequel. Do yourself a favor, leave Oz to Judy Garland and don't waste your money or time on this. Ugh, it was awful! I really hated it, can you tell?

Perks of Being a Wallflower: We rented this movie when I was sick and I can confirm now that it was the only movie that I didn't fall asleep watching. It was awesome! So unlike any of your normal teenage movies, this one didn't focus in on cliche peer groups (Jocks! Nerds! Unfriendly black hotties!). Instead, this was the story of one painfully shy and sweet boy who has had quite a bit of recent trauma for his young life. It was heartbreaking, honest and sweet, one of the best coming-of-age movies I've seen in awhile. It was genuine and sincere in the best sort of ways. It wasn't preachy or flowing over with adult notions of what it means to be young.

Emma Watson was fantastic, but Logan Lerman, who played the lead character, was brutally incredible. It was so refreshing to see a teenage male character filled with depth and insecurity.
It was wonderful. Rent it today.

House of Cards: First of all, let's just ask a really basic question here. Why, why, why on earth would anyone ever piss of Kevin Spacey? Have you seen Kevin Spacey? I'm pretty sure he's the scariest guy ever. Remember The Usual Suspects? Spoiler: he is Keyser Soze! Remember when he was in Seven and he cut off Gweneth Paltrow's head?? WHY WOULD YOU EVER MESS WITH HIM?? Upsetting Kevin Spacey is the premise in it's entirety of the Netflix series House of Cards. Set in Washington, D.C, this series follows Spacey as Francis Underwood, who is the House Whip and a scheming political climber. (Ryan had to explain to me about three times what the "whip" was. Then when he realized that I knew nothing about how our government works, he drew me a flow chart. He's that guy.) House of Cards was really, really good. Normally I would find political dramas to be a snooze, but this one kept me absolutely engaged. It was addicting, and I feel like as a result of watching it, I have even less faith in our government which is brimming with lobbyists and back-alley dealings.

However, I do have faith in Kevin Spacey and crew and I can't wait for the next season (which hasn't even started filming yet. Grrr...). Were there some things I disagree with in the show? Absolutely. The characters on that show have no moral compass whatsoever (I hate Zoe!), but like a certain fantasy book that I'm working on right now, House of Cards is a show where you root for the villain. And it's bloody good fun.

Go Egg Nog

2013-03-21T21:10:00.001-06:00

Lest you think that my blog is now the Debbie-Downer blog where I just bemoan my lack of children, I give you this little gem: the best text ever, a text sent from my awesome Dad to my fabulous sister.

A little history: a few months ago, my husband walked into our room with his mouth hanging open. "What's wrong?" I asked. He looked at his phone and then back up at me. "Your Dad learned how to text."

"NOOOOOOOOOO!!!"

Whenever my Dad learns a new technology, it's always an adventure. Whether he is making us watch Hulu videos of the Armed Forces 4th of July concert or, no joke, about fourteen repeat viewings of the David Bowie/Bing Crosby version of "Little Drummer Boy" (is that the craziest thing ever or WHAT?), it's always...well, something insane. Somehow, my Dad manages to find the strangest places on the web to fascinate and entertain him. Now he knows how to text.

Believe me when I say there is a world of fun waiting for us.

Nothing could prepare me for the reality, this text conversation that he had with my sister. And to answer any pre-questions you may have:

*Neither my sister or I have any idea of who this baby is.

*We also do not know who the cat is.

*I am also not sure who "The Marx" is.

Prepare yourself...

Holding On To Hope

2013-03-19T23:11:00.004-06:00

This June will be our two-year anniversary of waiting for a child through adoption.   It's been two years, two LONG years since we were considered "Approved and Waiting".    Before that, there was a year process to get approved - homestudies and a pile of paperwork that would make the IRS quiver with fear, so all in all, this adoption thing has taken up three years...so far.

After we were approved, the wait began. I remember those first few months that we waited. I was nervous, thinking that a baby was right around the corner. Every single morning, as I opened my eyes, my first thought was "Maybe today is the day!"    This went on for awhile. Then I stopped thinking that particular phrase. "That day" was not coming, and it didn't seem like today was EVER going to be the day.    Months turned into a year.

We met with our counselor, who told us that the 6-9 month waiting period was very rough, and that it was normal to want an appointment around then. She said "I usually see people around the 12-18 month period too."I remember thinking, "That would absolutely kill me."   Turns out, it didn't.   And yes, just last month we had a sob fest (by we, I mean me) in her office. We were angry, petulant and sad. We came in with a list of aggressive questions and stayed for hours. "What are we doing wrong? Why is no one picking us? What is wrong with our book? Are we with the wrong agency? Are YOU the wrong agency? Where are all the babies? WHAT ARE YOU DOING??"    After our session, we left feeling a bit comforted by their answers, but still full of a the kind of disappointment that we are learning to live with daily.

We truly love our counselor. We believe, in our hearts, that we picked the right agency, even if the wait is longer than others.   Yes, we still believe - but we aren't glossy-eyed naive children anymore. We have set a deadline for ourselves. If we are not matched or do not have a baby by this coming December, we will be making some hard decisions. Perhaps it will be another agency. Perhaps it will be adopting older children. Either way, we cannot be staring out at a barren road with no end in sight With the way our agency works, we could be cycled through forever if no one ever picks us. And that, to me, is unbearable. It was something I didn't quite understand when we signed with them. I knew it, but I didn't know it. I, like an idiot, figured we would be picked quickly. I know enough about myself now to know I need there to be an ending, a spot on the horizon where we say "ENOUGH." An infinite timeline of disappointment is something I am not strong enough to bear. I am not a person who can wait idly by for five years, not knowing if it will be ten or fifteen more. We have a life to live, and I'll be darned if that life is spent waiting.

You might have gathered that hope is in short supply these days.   I wish I had the same fervor and excitement that I did about adoption in the first place. At first it was all, "Adoption is amazing! We are learning so much!" and then it was "Oh my gosh, we are going to adopt! It's so exciting!" then it was "We are ready! Bring on that awesome adopted baby!". Then our tone changed. "Yeah, that waiting is hard, but we know it will be worth it at the end!" became "Adoption is great, but I wish we weren't waiting so long!" to "Please don't ask us about it." Now, and I pause because I know it isn't right thing to say, but I'm at the point now where I'm not sure I would recommend this to anyone.   A friend of mine asked if I would present at a Christian ladies conference about adoption. I laughed and said "Um, you don't want that, because right at this moment, my presentation would be called Adoption Sucks."

It's increasingly hard to be positive about something when you feel like you are the worst case scenario.

I follow dozens of bloggers who have adopted. I have mutual friends who got their baby in like three weeks. I know people who got babies from China and the Ukraine and Ethiopia, and yet, it seems that getting a baby from the U.S is possibly the most impossible task ever. I don't understand what we, or our agency, is doing wrong. When I look at the pictures of their gorgeous families, I know that they struggled and waited. But I can't see past the children in the picture. I see the end result, not the process. I hate the process. I know that someday we will be on the other side with our own beautiful family pictures, and the wait will seem like nothing. But there is a nagging feeling in my heart that says, "What if that day NEVER comes?"
What if the only babies I ever have are novels?

Whenever I am talking with someone about it, I am usually offered the condolence of "It's all in God's timing." While I know that this is given with the best and most lovely of intentions, and while I know that this really IS true - after all, God does know. He knows when our hearts will be filled with the love of a child. He knows everything and his timing and will are perfection, but I'm having a hard time the past few months at smiling at the idea of God's timing. Maybe I'm impatient, but two years is a long time to swallow platitudes about "God's Timing".    I'm not saying I don't trust in it. I do. But could it maybe be like, I don't know, sometime soon?

Could God's timing be now?

Is it okay to NOT like God's timing or hope that it speeds up a little? (Pastor Husband says "Yes.")

A friend said to me the other day, "Hold on to hope. It will happen, even if it doesn't happen soon."   Tears welled up in my eyes because it was such good advice, but also because I already feel like I am desperately holding. Lord, I am holding. If hope is a rope, then it is attached to a ship, and I am being trailed behind the ship, through huge waves of blinding salt water and crushing breaks that pound my body into pulp. The ocean is terrifyingly deep, and my hands are raw from holding on to hope. They are tired and weary, and if I'm honest, I'm starting to loosen my grip. I tell myself things like "If we never have children, we'll be okay."   I know it's a lie, but it makes me feel better to know that bottoming out won't actually kill me. Holding on to hope is getting harder and harder the farther we are dragged along. We are tired and weary of infinite holding.

If this seems somewhat self-pitying, it is. It's not like I'm crying all the time. I'm not depressed. Hope is just HARD right now. I have so many blessings in my life that I forget to count them occasionally. I have a God who forgives me for my selfish nature and loves me more than I can fathom. I have a husband who loves me who shares each intimate feeling of this so-far-terrible journey. I have a family who waits patiently beside me, friends who listen as a I constantly bemoan my lack of little people, and a support group of online women who, like me, wait endlessly for hope.

We are all holding on, together, to this impossibly tattered rope.

Even though it may be obvious, I feel like I need to state it here, just in case: if you know anyone experiencing (or if you are experiencing) an unplanned pregnancy and are considering making an adoption plan, please have them email me at vanillaoakies(at)yahoo(dot com). Networking is the number one way that most adoption agencies find their clients. So please, if you hear of anyone or know anyone, please do all you can to put them in touch with us.
It does not matter what state they are in. Thanks!