The Ranunculus Adventures

Valentine's Day Crafting with Neruda

2012-02-13T14:15:00.009-07:00

No one tells you this about pneumonia: It's super boring. You have to pretty much stay in the house, avoid going outside, avoid doing anything that involves walking more than like 10 steps and avoid being in public where your gross coughing fits are likely to make people stare at you like you are the sole spreader of the Contagion virus.

So you stay home, where no one judges you. And you come up with projects, because if you don't have projects or a purpose to the day, you will go crazy. The first three days were okay because I could barely move, thus a good goal for those days were: I'm going to watch the entire first season of Arrested Development again. Or, I'm going to clean out my Netflix queue. Or, I'm going to watch that new Smash show (The writing needs to improve before I give that one a pass. Good concept, not such a great pilot, but I'm willing to give it a fair shot. Katherine McPhee does not hold a candle to Hilty, it will be interesting watch the show TRY to make that a contest.). Then, as my health improved, I needed bigger goals. (Re-imagine my marketing concept?) But those goals were too lofty, too difficult and I really just wanted to sleep. So I scaled back.

I made stuff.

My crafting history is bad, at best. Does anyone want to see my failed shadowbox? No? Or how about the card I made last week that looked like a heart bleeding out pepto bismol? I turn to Etsy for homemade goodness, there is no shame in it.

But these crafts turned out okay, thank goodness. They required very little effort. On Saturday Sarah had a craft day at her house. All last week I told Ryan I wanted that to be my first time out of the house. I was going stir-crazy; the cabin fever was kicking in BIG TIME. He agreed to let me go on two conditions: 1. He drove me there and 2. I would call him as soon as I got tired. So I went, and it was wonderful but totally exhausting and I slept the entire drive home after only 3 hours of sitting and crafting.

I stole my craft idea off of a blog somewhere (don't remember where it was, Pinterest link probably) and made it my own: A Valentines Day garland made up of poems by Pablo Neruda, who, like every nerdy English major, made my college days a little less lonely because of his way with words. He's popular, I get it. I'm sure by my literary elitist readers (of which there are none) I won't be taken seriously unless I love some obscure, hipster poet that no one has ever heard of, but I don't care. I LOVE Neruda poems and they are so richly seductive that I feel like I've picked up the latest Harlequin novel just by reading them.

Like this poem, which is his most famous, Sonnet XVII:

I do not love you as if you were a salt rose, or topaz
or the arrow of carnations the fire shoots off.
I love you as certain dark things are to be loved,
in secret, between the shadow and the soul.

I love you as the plant that never blooms
but carries in itself the light of hidden flowers;
thanks to your love a certain solid fragrance,
risen from the earth, lives darkly in my body.

I love you without knowing how, or when, or from where.
I love you straightforwardly, without complexities or pride;
So I love you because I know no other way

than this: where I does not exist, nor you,
so close that your hand on my chest is my hand,
so close that your eyes close as I fall asleep.

I love these poems so much that I ripped them out of my book (don't worry, I didn't rip out my favorites) and made something with them. Now THAT'S true love. Bonus: Ryan had slipped a card in the book for me to find - on our third anniversary, which was about 6 years ago. TOTAL WIFE FAIL.

I ripped out the poems, cut them into squares and painted a bubblegum pink heart on them. I waited for them to dry and then modpodged the crap out of them and glittered them up with Martha Stewart expensive glitter. Then using the world's weirdest hole punch, I strung a pink ribbon through them and hung them up to dry.

And...I love it! I really do! I love that the poems I adore are now hanging up in my house, even if they are covered with a big pink heart.

I made a craft! Hooray! It's so fun and pink and Valentines Day-ey.

My second craft was collage-ing (word? sp?) a binder to hold my new coupon book. This was not nearly as impressive, but I still think it's fun. A five year old can do it, which means mine falls in the mediocre range.

My evil plan is that I'm going to take the coupon world by storm. I won't be extreme couponing (also known as mustard hoarding), but today Ryan is clearing space to put up a pantry shelf in the laundry room. I'm excited about it! And about my coupon binder!

And that's what I made. Exciting times, exciting times. Life right now is very similar to Moxie's: watching life go by outside the window.

"You are like nobody else, since I have loved you."
- Pablo Neruda

Happy Valentine's Day, my friends.

How to Give Yourself Pneumonia

2012-02-10T15:55:00.008-07:00

Step One: Get a cold at the Montessori School, since even though it is filled with darling, angel-faced children, those angel faced children could also be called petri-dishes, who love nothing more than to sneeze on your face, wipe their runny noses on your sleeves, breathe on your hair (you know who you are, 2 year old!), and touch you with slime-covered hands that have been god-knows-where. When you don't want to get sick, kids become zombies who are hunting you with their unwashed hands.

Step Two: Even though you have a cold that makes life kind of miserable, keep going back to work. You are a sub, so you normally go into classrooms that are not only filled with aformentioned petri-dishes, but the teacher who was there the day before touched everything and then you come in and touch it again. It's like trying to stay dry while repeatedly jumping in a pool. A freezing cold pool. Keep thinking, "The sickness will pass tomorrow!" and push it, push it. Only see dollar signs. More eight hour subbing shifts, yes please!

Step Three: You've had a cold/throat/coughing fit thing for three weeks now. Don't worry, keep working. And when you have any down time, do stuff. Hang out with friends, drive around doing errands, meet with brides. Whatever you do, don't sleep or rest, even though your body is screaming for it.

Step Four: Have a wedding in the middle of a blizzard. This means when all your friends get a snow day and are cuddling up with a glass of hot chocolate, you are outside in the studio, bundled up like a mummy and are equally as scary looking as you make corsage after corsage. The blizzard is too dangerous to drive in, so tell your co-worker not to worry about it and then do it all yourself. Take five hours to design, breathing in the freezing air the entire time. After designing, while your husband insists on having a relaxing snowday and keeps telling you to settle down and rest, decide it's time to begin gathering for the swap party AND reorganize the kitchen shelves and drawers.

Step Five: The next day, spend the morning rushing around in the cold air AGAIN even though you are exhausted because you are INSISTENT that you are fine and that you will have your birthday celebration, dang it! Deliver the wedding, which takes a lot more on-site work than normal and then collapse at your Mom's house for a few hours while thinking, "Huh. It feels like something is sitting on my lungs. I'm sure it's nothing." *cough cough WHEEZE*

No thank you, no help please!

Step Six: Party it up on your birthday weekend even though you kind of feel like death. Dinner, painting, drinks, after-drinks, late-night pizza topped off by church in the morning and then going to a friend's house for the Superbowl. (At least the food was amazing. Thank you, mia.)

Step Seven: Wake up Monday so weak you can barely stand. Notice a strange rattling sound coming from your throat. No, not your throat. Your LUNGS. Finally agree to let your husband take you to the doctor. Wait until she listens to your lungs and confirms what you feared: You have pneumonia in your left lung, thick. She, in a very strict, scary uni-sex doctor kind of way tells you that you are not to LEAVE YOUR HOUSE for at least three days, but it should probably be a week. "NO COLD AIR. NOT EVER. NO WALKING AROUND." You agree, because you are a little scared and a little scared of HER.

My Husband when I'm well:

My husband when I'm sick: "Go back to bed, wench! You shall not pass into the kitchen! You may watch a movie or sleep and that's it!"

Step Eight: Listen to your husband as he goes into "rest-nazi" mode. "Are you picking up that glass? I said are you picking up that glass?? NO! No, you are NOT! Bad wife! Go lay down." Feel both oppressed and impressed at your husband's manly bossiness when he is concerned for your heath. Finally give in and admit the truth - you are very sick. Cancel the polar bear plunge you have scheduled for this week.

Then turn from trying to give yourself pneumonia to healing it. Start again.

Step One: SLEEP. SLEEP. SLEEP. Sleep like you have never slept before. Pinterest. Sleep. Reflect on how stupid you've been. SLEEP. SLEEP. SLEEP. Call your Mom. SLEEP. Read. Read more. Watch movies and bad tv. SLEEP.

And then...wait.

Paint, Drink, Repeat

2012-02-05T20:45:00.010-07:00

Last night for my birthday, Cindy, Emily, Sarah and I crashed Canvas and Cocktails in the Southglenn complex. I had so heard so much about it, and it was about time to put my brush to the canvas and see what it was all about. Also, we were celebrating my birthday.

You guys, it was so much fun. Like, the most fun EVER.

You come in the door, and it's like walking into a party. The energy is up, the music is blasting and there is a huge line at the bar. There is ALWAYS a huge line at the bar.

You check in, pay and are given a handful of brushes. They have names; baby brush, round brush, big brush. Yeah, it's pretty self-explanatory.

You can pick all different kinds of painting, depending on their schedule.

My friends met me there, all dressed in their aprons - ready to paint the town. Or a canvas. I pulled on my apron, tied it, sat down. Sarah looked over at me. "You should get a new apron."
I scoff, thinking that she just doesn't like my apron because it has paint all over it and hers is much cleaner. Sarah likes things neat and clean. I roll my eyes. "Why?"

"Because your apron has a penis painted on it."

Indeed it did, at the bottom, just in the perfect spot. Cindy and Emily proceeded to pee in their pants laughing while I switched aprons.

The class was absolutely packed, and everyone was in the mood to party. We were painting a replica of Van Gogh's Starry Night. I was intimidated by it. A little bit of history of my artistic past: I love painting. I took five painting classes in college, and loved every minute of it. Oddly enough, my Professor maintained that I was really good at both texture and painting nudes. (Not from life, of course. From statues. And pictures.) True story.

We lined up, got our 3 squirts of paint and got ready to create a masterpiece.

The instructor (who was possibly the most bombastically cheery person on earth) began with basic instructions for painting. "Okay ladies...you are going to start with a little black and a little blue. Does everyone have wine? Yes? Whoooooo!!" (Tons of women raise and wave their paint brushes in the air like we are at a rave).

Then, we paint. It's relaxing and soothing and hilarious. People are standing up and dancing in the aisles to "Party Rock Anthem." It's weird and awesome at the same time.

Cindy decides that she hates the picture we are painting and paints her own: a waterfall with black and white birds. It was awesome. She wasn't the only one painting her own way ("Tooting to her own tune" as my Mom would say) - three girls next to us were doing their own thing as well.

One of things that I found amazing is that even though we were all following the exact same directions with the exact same colors, our paintings were SO different. Sarah used purple in hers so that it would match a certain room in her house. I loved that idea.I didn't veer to far from the instructions, but I did try to add a certain yellow glow that radiated out from the right side of my stars and moons. That made it a little different, at least.

The wine helped mix it up a little, I think. I can't even capture it, but it was SO fun.

I love my painting. We are hanging it up in the house, like I'm a little kid and it's going on the fridge. I don't care. Here's the finished product:

It took about two hours and by the time we finished I was flush with the pure passion of painting. I had missed it so much - the smell of the paint, the feel of the brush against the canvas, the smear of yellow paint on my face. Sure, it was kind of like painting-by-number, but I don't care.

It was the perfect night to celebrate another year of life, and hopefully it's full of all those things - creativity, passion... and WINE.

ABC's of Flowers: B is for....

2012-02-03T12:45:00.006-07:00

B is for...

Bouvardia: Avaliable year-round, Bouvardia is a pretty perfect little filler for a wedding bouquet, table arrangements, really anything. The main bloom is a star-shaped bud that form a loose cluster at the top of the bunch. They come in most colors, but I'm a big fan of both the pale peach/pink (seen in my picture at the top of the page) and the white. Bouvardia do not have a strong scent, but they have a pretty long vase life. My favorite thing to do with them is when they are still buds that you can put just a little pressure on them and they pop open with a snap. It's quite satisfying.

Billy Balls: Also known as Craspedia or Bachelor Buttons, these tropical flowers have boomed in popularity over the past three years. They look amazing with hot pinks, fresh greens, yellows and oranges. Their strange shape is complimented by their fuzzy heads, which can emit a tiny but if fine yellow powder. If you are looking for a unique centerpiece, I would try these, alone, in a narrow teal vase. They aren't the cheapest flower, but they always make a big impact, and you just need two or three to have them stand out in an arrangement. If you wanted these, you would want to order them by name from your florist, seeing as they wouldn't have them in normal stock.

Greenery Bonus: Buplerum. Maybe my favorite greenery EVER, buplerum is the quickest way to add a fancy, whimsical feeling to anything. Light green with tiny (TINY) yellow buds, it can range from a filler to a flower in itself. It's inexpensive and way more fun than leather leaf.

Movie Reviews, Jan 31st

2012-01-30T22:30:00.007-07:00

You know what happens when you are sick? You watch a lot of movies.

Sherlock Holmes, Game of Shadows: I saw something in a theater, hooray! In general, I find these movies to be fun all around. The first Sherlock Holmes is one of my favorite movies to pop in when I just want to relax and watch something entertaining and smart. I love the steampunk feel of it all, the muted colors, Robert Downey Jr's eternal smirk of "I'm so smart, just watch." Game of Shadows was not AS fun as the first one. It was lacking that sense of new, that sense of whimsy. This one was much darker, much more chaotic. The plot was tighter this time, which I appreciated. But the woman, Naomi Rapace (also known as the amazing actress who stars in the Swedish version of the Dragon Tattoo movie) was completely wasted. There was no real reason for her to even be in the movie. That being said, the scene in the trees with the guns (you'll know it when you see it) took my breath away. I can't remember that happening since Inception. So yeah, I would totally pay to see another one.

MoneyBall: I like baseball. Let me rephrase that - I like watching baseball GAMES, but only in person. There is something about the feel of the game - the smell of the grass, the sizzling of hot dogs, the hard seats, the crack of the bat...yes, going to a baseball game is a little magic like that. This movie is not that movie. It's not Field of Dreams where you just revel in the American past time and feel that nostalgia. This is a movie about money - and it's pretty good. It didn't keep me on the edge of my seat, but it kept me very interested. Brad Pitt was fantastic as an aging team owner who never stops rethinking his decision to go pro, and Jonah Hill plays the mathematics prodigy that changes the game. Is it for the better? Who can say - maybe the Red Sox? Brad Pitt deserved his Oscar nomination. Jonah Hill does not. Just because he didn't make any lewd jokes or a tool of himself does not mean he deserves an Oscar. Truth: I really dislike Jonah Hill.

Crazy, Stupid, Love - This movie was crazy stupid good. Like, REALLY good. The writing was sharp, the acting spot on, and the heartfelt moments were very genuine. I love a romantic comedy that doesn't feel anything like a romantic comedy, and this movie was one of those. Ryan Gosling, HELLO! "Hey Girl. Let's talk about how we love the library." Bwaaahhh.... It was fabulous all around. It's the first movie in a long time that made me think, "Huh. I might want to buy that." I about died at the look on Ryan Gosling's face when Steve Carrell opened his Velcro wallet. Watch for it. Rewind, approximately 8 times. Die laughing.

The Fighter: Oh Christian Bale - is there NOTHING you can't do? You can sing. You can dance. You can jump off buildings in a batsuit and talk with a mouth full of marbles and you are still so amazing. The Fighter is proof that there is no character that Bale can't perfect. Watching him as a crack addict washed-up boxing champ who has to sit still as his brother rises to fame was both painful and fascinating. I couldn't tear my eyes away from his complete transformation, and neither could Ryan. We kept saying, "Christian Bale is so amazing." "RIGHT?" "RIGHT???" The movie was good - very much worth watching - but his performance was absolutely INCREDIBLE. Yeah, he deserved that Oscar about a billion times over.

The Lincoln Lawyer: This movie came to our house as the product of a neglected Netflix queue. I hadn't updated it in a few weeks, and after we hung on forever to a certain DVD, we mailed it back and didn't check it...and so we got the Lincoln Lawyer. *Blerg* However, much to our surprise, we really liked this movie! Matthew McConaughy is very good at playing lawyers (remember The Pelican Brief?), and he was exceptional here as a dirty, scummy, crook lawyer who frequently frees criminals who are guilty as charged. The movie takes a few minutes to take off, but once it does you are sucked in. Courtroom drama, when done well, can be thrilling - and this one was. I can't elaborate without giving away any spoilers, so I'll just say this: you won't be sorry you rented it. I like McConaughy playing a bad guy. It was a great Friday night popcorn movie.

Rent this: All of them.

Waiting Sucks

2012-01-27T09:17:00.007-07:00

I recently posted on Facebook that I needed a blog topic. My friend Terri said, "Why not a post on waiting?" I responded, "That wouldn't be a very long post. It's like staring at a wall." She wrote back, "Exactly!"

There's really no other way to put it - waiting sucks. It's been officially been 8 months since we were cleared for adoption. It feels like forever, so much longer than 8 months. The process to get to the point where we were cleared for adoption took about 8 months on it's own. (Home studies, Dr's appointments, a mountain of paperwork...)

But now, we just wait. And it sucks. I'm sorry that the word sucks is going to be in this blog a lot, but there is really no other word for it. I try to make light of the waiting - "God's teaching us patience!" I laugh, while inside my heart thumps a dull gray. That's what waiting is like...it's like being a petrified tree. Our adoption counselor (who we love) told us that she thought we would be picked quickly. I'm not sure what she meant by that. I assumed three months. Perhaps I should have assumed nine. After all, the waiting period is, on average, 9 to 18 months. The fact that we are STILL below the minimum wait time just kills me. It feels like forever.

Ryan and I resolved that we would not be that couple that waits by the phone. No, we were going to live life and when it happened, it happened. And we have. And we did. And I didn't seem to notice the waiting. Until the holidays hit.

Christmas, with all it's joys and meaning, felt a little still this year, a silent night. I think because I assumed that we would have a baby by Christmas, I really noticed the lack of one this year. On Christmas morning I thought, "Next year we will for sure have a baby." I remember thinking that for the last two Christmas's too. All that talk in church of "Waiting for the child" took on new meaning, a painful reminder that while my Savior has arrived, our child has not.

It's hard, waiting for a baby. You can't make long term travel plans because you might have to drop them on a moment's notice. We got a call in the early Fall that we were going to be shown to a birthmother who had already had her baby - a hospital call, something we are open to. This threw us into a panic. We did not have a SINGLE THING ready. The guest room was still a lovely guest room, we did not have a car seat, a diaper, ANYTHING. I have no doubt that all these things could be rustled up in a day or two between us, our parents and the generosity of friends and the church, but it was still scary. We felt like we were caught with our pants down. Then, we didn't get picked, which always leads to a mountain of self-doubt. Why weren't we picked? Is there something wrong with us? Is our book dumb? Are we ugly?

That situation led us to start working on the nursery, determined to not have that happen to us again. So.... the nursery is pretty much ready. It's cute and perfect, and I totally love it. And I will not show pictures of it until we are matched with a birthmother or have a baby in our arms. It's too weird. It's weird having it in the house, this room all ready to go. But I know that when we do get our child, I will be so thankful that I put the time in to make it really special, instead of a thrown together nursery that we did last minute because we didn't want an empty nursery in the house. It's owl theme, and it's very cute and soft.

At least the nursery is still being used as the dog's sleeping area. Keeps the air fresh.

I think the waiting is compounded because we are also waiting for so many other things. My book to be sold. My new book to be finished. Wedding season. Waiting on top of waiting. We were so glad to see 2011 go. It wasn't a terrible year, it was just the year of waiting. Nothing really exciting happened. There were no devastating lows, but there were no high's either. You know that scene in New Moon where Bella's all moody and the camera swirls around her chair and you see the seasons change outside her window as she stares blankly outside? It's a fantastic scene, and that's what our year was like, only at the end of everything I didn't end up saving a sparkly vampire with awesome hair, I am still sitting in front of the window while Lykke Li wails about possibility. November. December. January.

But I'm not Bella. I promise not to throw myself off a cliff in angsty agony.

I know this all sounds very melancholy, and at times it is. That's not to say that I don't have good times, great nights, exciting things. I have a very blessed life, even within the waiting. I have a husband that I love and that loves me (who is doing the dishes right now, because I got the flu and am currently working on swallowing just ONE saltine - a perfectly crappy day to write this perfectly crappy post), an amazing support system of family and friends, a cute house, two dogs that I find endlessly amusing, and I'm writing a book that invigorates me.

But the truth is that waiting sucks. Because the waiting sucks so much, Ryan and I made the decision that we have to have something on a horizon to look forward to. We can't just stay in this limbo of never doing anything. So, if we (God forbid) do not have a child by the end of this summer, we are starting to talk about going to London. I've never been, and we know some friends of Cindy's that own a fabulous B&B over there. This has made me excited again - we are talking plans, hooray! It's not a baby, but it's a pretty awesome possibility. I need that possibility.

Waiting sucks, but life doesn't have to. At least, not all the time. And I'm comforted by the fact that someday (soon?) I will get to pick up my baby, look into their eyes and say "You were worth the wait."

I just hope it's sooner rather than later.

ABC's of Flowers: A is for....

2012-01-24T13:41:00.004-07:00

When I meet with brides, there is always a moment where the bride looks down sheepishly and says, "I don't know very much about flowers, sorry." I always assure her that that's okay, that the only brides I really meet who know a ton about flowers are gardeners. I was thinking the other day that maybe I can do something about that!

Most of my friends also have said they wish they knew flowers better, so voila!

This will be my newest reoccurring blog post: A-Z Flowers, where I featured two flowers every week in that letter category. By the time I'm finished, readers should have a pretty good idea about flowers and be more knowledgeable in front of friends so that they can drop cool lines like: "Um, yeah, I find zinnias to be mother nature's poor man's dahlias." They will instantly look more cool and attractive people will want to wine and dine them. Nothing like dropping a casual "Oh, I simply love bovardia" into everyday conversations.

I'll try and use pretty common flowers too, flowers that you can buy easily, rather than rare breeds. So, today we start with A.

A is for...

ALSTROMERIA and ANEMONES.

Alstroemeria - You've seen them before, probably at your local grocery store. "Alsto", as florists call it, is very cheap and lives for a very long time. Even though they are cheap, they are lovely - my favorites are the purple and white striped breed. They have the appearance of tiny little lilies, though without the pungent scent. They are a great choice for brides looking for a beautiful flower on a tight budget.

Anemones - are also called "Wind poppies". They are a seasonal flower, a very finicky breed. They are extremely popular for weddings. The white and black anemones, especially, are a good choice for brides looking to incorporate black. Anemones are pretty expensive, only because they are so small and delicate. There aren't many in a bunch, so they are best used for the bride's bouquet, or for bouts. They are super chic flowers, and their jewel tones can't be beat.

Katie's Baby Shower Shower

2012-01-23T10:44:00.009-07:00

Yesterday I had the pleasure of hosting Katie's baby shower. Katie has been such a blessing to me - not only is she just a fantastic friend, but she helped me find some winter work subbing at a Montessouri school, but she lets me use her pool all summer. It was time to throw her a shower.

Katie's having a boy, so at first I thought of throwing a boy-themed shower...but then I decided that just because she's having a boy doesn't mean the SHOWER has to be boy themed. As long as the presents are boy-appropriate, than the shower can be pretty and bright, huzzah!

Katie looked gorgeous. Pregnancy really suits her, she is always glowing.

After finding an adorable invite on Vistaprint, I decided that the shower would be shower themed - a rain shower. I combed Pinterest for ideas (Pinterest, changing my life one picture at a time) and came up with some ideas for decor, food, etc.

Emily and Karen helped me set up the day and the night before, which is great because my rain clouds were terrible - another example of how I truly stink at crafting. Look at that sad cloud, he has no friends :( He is delegated to the wall.

We hung up up all the umbrellas that we could find in our cars, and luckily it was just enough.

Karen taught me how to make these super cute cloud straw holders,and Emily cut out some tiny umbrellas to top the cupcakes.

The food was great, mostly because I had a lot of help: Deb brought bacon wrapped chestnuts and savory deviled eggs, and my Mom brought her marshmellow pistachio salad. I made tuxedo brownies, lemon cupcakes with the Magnolia bakery vanilla frosting, and my Mom's chicken salad, which always gets rave reviews (pulled rotisserie chicken, cut green grapes, mayonnaise, craisins and cashews).

We played two games, a celebrity baby name game where we made up our own celebrity baby names and Katie picked her favorite - mine was Peony Bacon, but Katie picked "Cupcake Jubilee", Karen's name. The second was a game that I came up with because I am not a huge fan of the gross baby shower game (I have been known to dry heave during the "Guess the candy bar melted in the diaper" game). I broke everyone into teams and gave them a white construction paper book, crayons and magazines.

They had 15 minutes to create a children's book. Katie then read them outloud to everyone - good practice for reading stories to her little boy :) The stories were hilarious, but the prize went to Karen, Deb and Nicole's team for writing an actual kid's book instead of a crazy rant inspired by hamburgers or a story built around the guy who played Thor, "The Hollywood Cowboy"

Then Katie opened her presents. People were so generous, and she got so many cute and useful things. She was the faster present opener EVER. I got her "The Runaway Bunny" because that was one of my favorite books as a child.

We also had a nail painting station. I'm kind of into nail polish right now.

The shower went so fast, and I hope that everyone had a great time. I'm learning the keys to having a fun party is to have lots to do and homemade food. I'm thinking of blogging about it. Right now I'm blogging about blogging, that's very meta.

And what happens after the shower stays at the shower. Unless your friend takes a picture of it and then blogs about it.

Karen: "Drinking out of a ladle is SO fun!"

Congrats Katie, we can't wait to meet your little boy! And I can't wait to move those adorable clouds (not my sad one) into the nursery, I think they will be so cute!

A Sparkling Affair (Pro-Pics)

2012-01-19T21:07:00.010-07:00

I had the pleasure of doing flowers for the wedding of a friend in December.

Sarah is so lovely - such a sweet and kind person. Meeting with her was hilarious. First, she told me "I'm not really a flower person", then "What kind of flowers don't look like flowers?"

I told her that I hoped I could answer that question. Sarah married Kyle on December 17th in a romantic night-time ceremony at the Miramonte Lodge in Broomfield. Their theme was sparklers, and it was reflected in the colors and the decor.

Everything was black and white with hints of silver and perhaps the tiniest hint of blue.

Sarah was SUCH a gorgeous bride, she has that vintage beauty and her colors were just right for that. Her dress was jaw-dropping, such a romantic combination of fabric and flowers. She had a very clear vision of her wedding - a wedding vendor can always tell, and it was definitely there.

As a person who wanted black and white, I wanted to meet her need of the flowers being part of that sharp and clean color palette -it was almost a wash of color rather than the pop of color most brides want.

We picked calla lilies because she liked them - she also liked tulips. So we did white callas for her and white tulips and callas for the bridesmaids. It was the picture of simplicity.

We accented them with dusty miller, a beautiful, fuzzy silvery greenery - the closest flower you can get to silver without using paint. I was a bit worried that the tulips would look too whimsical (they just do what they want, as a general rule of thumb), but they were great! They opened just the right amount.

I loved the colors. It was different than anything I had done previously, and that made it interesting by itself. I love this picture below because the man leaning over to sign the license is Sarah's brother, Andrew. I did his wedding about a year ago. I love that I've designed flowers for both a brother and a sister.

Seriously. Try not to tear up. *I am* This family is very special to us. Sarah's mother is a close friend who helped us find our home AND sold us our beloved doxie, Moxie. They are such a close, wonderful family who really loves each other.

The wedding was really romantic, very heart-felt. They used some amazing music, including a favorite song of mine - Brooke Fraser's "You Can Close Your Eyes". It's such a unique song about love and sacrifice.

Guess who made that amazing cake? My friend Katie! Seriously, I can barely get a TWO layer cake together without it looking like an ogre stepped on it. She is so talented and I LOVED watching her watch me put the flowers on her masterpiece. She was trying to look cool, but I could tell she was nervous. "Don't worry, I do this all the time" I said, and she nodded but I could tell she wanted to strangle me a little bit.

I love the firework details. LOVE THEM. Most of the pictures featured here are courtesy on Corrie Brockman of CLB Photography. You can check out their website here: http://www.clb-photography.com/. There are a few of my own pics of the night mixed in, but the pictures that make you go "Oh, that's gorgeous" are hers, and the ones that make you go, "Oh. Okay." are mine.

Congrats to Sarah and Kyle, I wish you many blessings on your new marriage. I was honored to both to be a vendor and a guest at your gorgeous joining of two great families.

Sick Thoughts

2012-01-17T19:20:00.005-07:00

Ha, that blog title should throw off pervy Google searches for at least a week or so! Tee hee. Typing that made me tired. I'm sick today. I could feel it yesterday, creeping up my lungs and jaw, a slight pain, a tiny bit of exhaustion. All tell tales signs that a sickness is arriving, an impending doom to my week.

I went to bed last night at 8pm and it was wonderful. I read the first chapter of Inheritance and was struck by how much I have loved this series. I'm going to read as slow as possible so I savor every word.

This morning, it felt like a train snuck into our room, ran me over and then backed out slowly. Everything is exhausting. Taking a drink of water feels like climbing a mountain.

Ryan and I deal with sickness very differently. I want to be pampered and loved. I want chicken soup and my hair stroked and to go as long as I can without taking drugs. I can't sleep during the day because if I do, I won't sleep at night, which then just makes me sicker and sicker and it's a terrible cycle that I can't shake and then I've been without sleep for a week and I call my sister and cry hysterically until she rushes over and knocks me out with her impressive drug supply. That's what happened last time.

Ryan wants the opposite. Ryan wants to be left ALONE. He wants to take the drugs and sleep all day. I stock his bedside table with kleenex, assorted drugs and pills, water, a book and he doesn't use any of it because he passes out and flits through dreamland ALL DAY LONG.

I spent the day on the couch watching everything that Ryan doesn't want to watch together - Oprah repeats, Top Chef and a stream of the most recent seasons of Grey's Anatomy - including the terrible musical episode, when Grey's Anatomy tried to be Glee. The most recent season is otherwise a strong one - no Gizzy, no ghostly make-out sessions - but a musical episode where a half dead Callie sings songs? What the WHAT?

It was terrible. We watch all our Netflix streaming on the Xbox now, which looks amazing, but also shows me how popular my husband is in the world of Xbox Live. Every three seconds a little "bloop" announces that one of his million friends is trying to talk to him and I have to ignore them until they go away. Sorry, FirehouseReigns, Grafeaux, hyghwayman, offShot, WastedWolf, Rodeojones, FallenWookie, KungFuJesus.....it's just me, being lame, watching the Grey's Anatomy musical. Cool Ryan isn't here to help you shoot things - it's just his hobo wife who is buried under a pile of kleenex and juice.

The dogs sense that I'm sick and stay by my side. This sounds really sweet until you realize that by "by my side" what I mean is laying on my face, or on my legs, or my stomach, their tiny paws digging into me. Peka literally loves blankets more than people, but more than that she loves blankets ON people, particularly legs. Legs under blankets is what Peka's heaven looks like - endless legs to lay on, endless amounts of people to trap underneath her fluffy girth.

I managed to write a chapter of the book this morning, but I'm surely going to go back and read over it as I might find gems like this: "Dinah squinted her eyes at the mass of moving blue flowers, rippling in the morning GOSH I FEEL LIKE CRAP breeze."

One good thing about today is I managed to get a lot of planning done for that shower I'm throwing on Sunday. And by planning I mean "Looked stuff up on Pinterest". I learned how to make tissue paper balls, huzzah. AND I put towels in the dryer (which about killed me). At least I wasn't completely useless.

Now it's 8:15 pm and I already am hearing the sweet siren of sleep calling me. I'm fantasizing about my downy covers, my two perfect jersey pillows. I'm not looking forward to the sick dreams, which are always completely insane with a twist of zany.

Elephants swimming in glasses of milk. My friends making fart noises with their mouths and forcing me to guess what song they are singing. My house turning into a fork.

These are sick thoughts my friends, these are the ones.

Releasing the Wonder

2012-01-13T21:51:00.011-07:00

My first novel was easy to write. Not easy in that it took me a year, not easy in that at times it felt like it would never end, not easy in that it was my first, my baby, my book, my Elly.

It was easy to write in that I knew what I was writing about. Flowers. St. Louis. A chubby florist. I didn't have to imagine anything other than the story and the dialog. I knew what the City Museum looked like, and if I needed reminding, I would just look up pictures on the internet. The writing just flowed out of me, easy as letting my fingers fly over the keyboard. Sure, I had to think, always, but I would blink and a paragraph would be written. The book, at times, seemed to write itself.

This is not the case with the book I'm currently writing. I'm not going to lie - I think it's awesome. It's imaginative, it's intricate and exciting, definitely the best thing I've ever written.

It is a BEAST to write.

It takes me like three times longer to write a single sentence. The progress is steady but slow. Ever since I started this book - aware that I need to hurry - I have been getting up 2 hours early every morning and writing. I've learned that even though I am a night person (If I wake up before 8am I kind of feel like I've been hit by a train) that unfortunately my brain is at it's sharpest in the morning, from 6:30-8:30am.

I have a process. I get up, pull on comfy pants and a comfy shirt. Attractive 80's sweatband goes in my hair. I get orange juice, my version of coffee. I sit on the couch, a pillow on my lap, my laptop on the pillow. On goes the bright pink, kid-sized headphones. They are pluged into my Itouch, which has a book-specific instrumental playlist. I stretch, take a deep breath.

Then my fingers dance over the keyboard - it's like I'm in a trance. Hours can pass this way without me noticing. My writing is sharp when I have no distractions. Without the headphones I'm okay - with the headphones, I'm better, even if there is no noise. My headphones are the equivalent of a weighted jacket for a kid with ADHD.

Here's why I have to concentrate so darn hard with this book - with this book, I get to imagine. I get to create. I have the privilege of coming up with things that I haven't seen, haven't read about, haven't experienced. They don't exist outside of my own mind.

It's been a long, long time since I have really let my imagination play. Sure, as adults we imagine certain things: the perfect entrance to a party. And outfit that makes us look 30 pounds lighter. The day we win the lottery. But as adults we don't imagine with the same richness and detail of being children. We do not create elaborate worlds in front of our eyes. When I was little, I would rather play imagination than do anything else. As an adult, it's like a brain strain. But it's getting better. It's getting more fun every day, especially now that I'm at the point in the story where I really GET to play, to create.

I get to type the worlds, have an adventure. It feels like this: It feels like cracking my head open and summoning the very dim memory of something foreign. It feels like plunging my hand into a dark pool and hoping that I'll pull out treasure but risking that it might be a pile of dung. That, or some repressed creature that will gnaw my fingers off.

Deep imagination is scary. It's opening a gift without knowing what's inside. It's creating a world with very little to go on and then giving that world rules and foods and people and land. It's asking your husband to draw a map for you and figuring out together where the sun rises and sets, where the land meets the water, where armies march and die, where people walk off into the mist never to be seen again.

It's pretty amazing. The rest of the day I feel like I'm dumber than usual - like I used up all my brain neurons writing the book. The massive output of data leads to a shortage on common sense or people talking to me and me responding "I'm sorry, what were you saying?"

I'm releasing the wonder - one page at a time. And hopefully someday I can share this experience with someone else, with readers.

What a gift to have readers imagine along with me, to go on that journey of imagination together. It's the best an author could hope for: a release of wonder.

Books and Songs of 2011: A Fabulous Pairing Menu

2012-01-11T22:01:00.010-07:00

2011 is so like, eleven days ago. I didn't realize until someone suggested it on Facebook that I had plum forgotten to do a best of 2011 books. Oops. It's not too late! I'll combine books with songs, as they naturally compliment each other - a great song on the radio, a thick book in your hands, a cup of steaming hot chocolate beside you, a doxie warming your feet...

Like wine and cheese, a book and a song are meant to be combined. So, here are the best books that I read in 2011 with a song to go with them...

The Book: The Game of Thrones Series (5 Books) - Seriously, SERIOUSLY. Go out, buy them, read them, let them take over your life. It's an incredible series, perhaps the best adult adventure I've ever read. George R.R Martin is beyond genius, and the experience of reading them was a reading experience that I'll treasure forever. In fact, I'm already planning my return :) Ryan suggested them to me for years before I tried them, just because I was turned off by how much they looked like fantasy (read: nerd) literature. I was wrong. I was so wrong.

The Song: Rolling in the Deep by Adele. The first time I heard it I knew it was a song that I would immediately own and listen to almost daily for the rest of my year. It's still not old.

The Book: The Story of Edgar Sawtelle - A sweet and heartbreaking epic of one boy's life in rural America, this book will touch every part of you. It's an especially special read for dog lovers.

The Song: Roll Over Me by the Autumn Film. A sad and heartbreaking ode to her father that passed away, this song gets better and better with each play. On days that I feel lost, or like we are waiting forever for life to begin, I can find refuge in the lyrics - I can truly my emotion and the lyrics roll over me like an ocean wave.

The Book: The Summer We Fell Apart - Nuanced, funny and deep - I loved this multi-angled lense look at an American family that focused in on every siblings flaws and gifts, pride and love. I truly felt like I knew the family at the end of this book, and that is a hard thing to accomplish as a writer.

The Song: Grenade by Bruno Mars. Fingers dancing over the piano, Mars gorgeous voice going up and down the scales, add in a killer beat and you have a song that was in my head for the good part of the Fall. I love it, even though Ryan is constantly making fun of the lyrics: "Who jumps in front of a train for someone else?" Quiet, hater.

The Book: An Object of Beauty - Steve Martin, actor, banjo player..incredible writer? Yes and yes. This glimpse into the art world both taught me about the art world and interested me in the dialog and complexities of owning art. I highly recommend this and Martin's other book, Shopgirl.

The Song: Fiona Apple, Get Him Back. No one does jilted lover quite like Fiona Apple. I can't imagine her music peppy and romantic, and I don't want to. She's angry, she's mean, she's fantastic and her voice is like honey. Who says "Wait 'til I get him back, He won't have a back to scratch, Yeah, keep turning that chin, and you will see my face as I figure how to kill what I cannot catch." Who says that? Fiona. And she's amazing.

The Book: The Magicians - I think I might have been the only one of my friends to really enjoy this book, but there was something about that just intrigued me. Quentin, the anti-hero, the nods to Harry Potter and Narnia, the dark nature of Fillory. It's not for everyone, but I liked this cynical look at magic.

The Song: White Blank Page by Mumford and Sons. Okay, their entire ALBUM could have made my year end list, but my favorite song by far is "White Blank Page". It's angry and beautiful and has lyrics that just punch me in the gut. Someday I will write a book named "The Brink".

The Book: World War Z - Yeah, I loved this zombie book. Now, everytime I look at a structure, I think "That would be a good zombie safehouse!" I'm not a girl who liked zombies or even remotely cares about zombies, but I'm of the mind that a great book is a great book - no matter the subject, and this was no exception.

The Song: Moves Like Jagger/ Stereo Hearts by Adam Levine/Gym Class Heroes. Okay, I'm just going to put this out there - Adam Levine has the sexiest voice this side of Josh Groban. It gives me chills - the man has pure talent and his sound is like no other. And these songs are just SO fun, so catchy and such a great motivator to shake one's own hips. Stereo Hearts is always on repeat lately, and it makes me feel like I'm 12.

The Book: One Day - Don't watch the movie. Just read the book. The incredible, original, well-written, gorgeous love story that will change the way you think a love story has to be told. Emma and Dex will be one of my favorite literature couples for all time.

The Song: A Thousand Years by Christina Perri: Yes, it's all swoon, and yes it's from the Breaking Dawn soundtrack. But just because Edward and Bella might have copulated to a certain song doesn't mean it's not the most romantic song I've ever heard. And the lyrics, "I have died every day waiting for you, darling don't be afraid, I have loved you for a thousand years, I'll love you for a thousand more..." Pure romance people. I would like to get married again (to Ryan), so that we can dance to this song.

The Book: This is Where We Live - The story of a married couple that slowly falls apart, all because of the housing crisis, was a sobering and timely read. All that aside, the writing was just fantastic - as well as the richly imagined characters and plot. It was just a GOOD, GOOD read.

The Song: Heavy in Your Arms by Florence and the Machines. Again, I could list every song on this album, but this one is my favorite by this band. It's cosmic, it's dreamy, her voice is so different and fluid..listneing to Florence and the Machines is like floating in the stars while sipping a martini.

Books I'm Looking forward to reading in 2012? The newest Eragon book (Inheritance), Bossypants by Tina Fey, and the Anne of Green Gables series.

Readers, what was the best thing you read or heard this year?

A Warm Wedding in the Depths of Winter

2012-01-09T15:00:00.011-07:00

Remember awhile ago when I said that I was keeping a fabulous wedding in my back pocket so that during my long, weddingless months I had something to show? Well, here it is, I decided it was time to post it today instead of a long, tear-filled diatribe about the Friday Night Lights finale.

Late this Fall I had the great opportunity to design and deliver a wedding at the Manor House in Ken Caryl Ranch.Ken Caryl Ranch is this beautiful valley just outside of Denver, a little circle of gorgeous mountain homes and golf courses galore.

I had never been to the Manor House before, but I hope I will be back. Delivering to a new location is always a little bit scary - you pray you have the right address, that you don't get lost, that there isn't another "manor house" somewhere in the Denver area.

Look at that sexy minivan! Oh yeah!

It was the right one, built in the perfect location: At the top of a hill overlooking the valley below, glorious in all it's late Autumn foliage.

The mansion itself was pretty fantastic. I could have spent all afternoon looking at all the little details. Unfortunately, I couldn't - I had a wedding to deliver.

SOMEDAY, I hope to have MY picture over a mantel. Me, riding my Clydesdale and holding a glass of Moscato. It will happen.

The bride was detailed oriented, and I mean that in the best possible way - she knew exactly what she wanted and was incredibly organized. It made my job very easy.

Her bouquet was a mix of fuschia and orange roses, fuschia and orange ranunculus and a gorgeous greenery called blu plurim.

The bridesmaids were a similar mix, without the ranunculus.

My bride looked absolutely stunning - her dress was so perfect for the setting.

Her ceremony was outside, which was great for the picture perfect view of Denver...

...but was made a little bit more difficult by the gale-force winds ripping through the valley.

In fact, the gerbs that we were securing to the chairs had to be triple-taped by my lovely assistant Emily.

The bride had so many little details that made the day special for all her guests. You could tell a lot of work had been put into this wedding.

Outside the Manor House is a huge tent for hosting a reception, draped with billowy fabrics.

She had two different centerpieces, one tall and one low. For the tall centerpieces she had gerbs, kermit pomps, lemon leaf and curly willow with mini-gerbs wired to the willow.

For the low centerpieces, she had all those same flowers in a square glass vase. Her tables were such a bright, pretty contrast of orange and pink.

And like inside the mansion, there were so many cute little details:

I loved this wedding so much that I sought out the professional photos, and they were incredible, courtesy of Volkel Images.

I'm not sure how that bouquet is standing up, but I don't care. It looks AWESOME.

Here's my favorite:

The dress. The plains. The mountains. The flowers. It all works.

See, doesn't this seem more fun than swirling snow and cold toes?

A Date at Hammond's Candy Factory

2012-01-06T21:51:00.010-07:00

This Friday I took Ryan on a "Mystery Morning Date" something that I just made up five seconds before we went to bed the night before. He had no idea where we were going. He loves secrets and puzzles, and so he asked for clues.

I told him "It's Bright"...

And, "it's Free". He was convinced that we were going to either the Stock Show (uh, no. Do I seem like a girl who wants to stare at a steer for a few hours?) or the Denver Art Museum.

Well, we were not doing either of those things.

We were visiting Hammond's Candy Factory just outside of Downtown Denver!! A little history about Hammond's - they have been HAND making their candies since 1920.

Thier location in Denver is still the only place they make their candies, even though they are shipped all over the world. Honestly, it's a bit like visiting Willy Wonka's factory - there are even candy tiles in the floor.

It was so fun.

The tour is only about 25 minutes, completely free and really interesting. You get some cool hats and get to observe people hand-making the candy, just like they have been for almost 100 years.

See that guy above cutting candy canes? It's amazing. Their candies are truly little works of art. The tour gave us a little history of the company, told us how they make their candies and some interesting facts about packaging and production (One log of candy cane sugar makes 500 candy canes or lollipops, which are all hand-twisted. Literally. We watched them do it.)

They also make Mitchell Sweets, which apparently are pretty famous since my friend Ruth on Facebook mentioned them. "I love the marshmellows!" Of course we took one of those home.

My favorite part of the tour was at the end, when we got to go into the shop.

It's like a color explosion in there. Everything is shiny and very bright.

You feel like a child again, staring wide eyed up through the window of a candy store.

*Note the PB&J chocolate bar! I tried the Smores kind instead. I'm not that brave.

There is every color and flavor imaginable. I'm not a huge candy person (I'm more of a baked goods kinda girl), but I loved just STARING at everything.

They carry every flavor imaginable. Strawberry Lemonade. Grape. Rootbeer. Butterscotch. Ryan and I picked out a few for our friends and family: Five Spice. Pumpkin Pie. Gingerbread. Very Blueberry. Neopolitan.

I can see why Hammond's is so well known - their candy is absolutely GORGEOUS. It's so pretty you want to take a picture of it, even as you lick it. Pictures didn't really capture just how shiny and rich everything is. It's a sensory overload, a feast for the eyes. There is just bucket after bucket, tower after tower of color and more color.

Ryan had a fantastic time as well - I love this picture because he A) looks like a kid in a candy shop, which he pretty much IS and B) he also looks like the cute guy behind the counter in a 50's diner that makes malted milkshakes.

The funny thing is that I when we pulled up I said to Ryan, "You've always wanted to go on this tour!" And he looked at me and said "I have never even HEARD of this place." I leaned back in my seat, thought for a minute and said "Oh. Maybe that was KAREN. Or Sarah!" Then we laughed and went inside. Ooops. Next time I'll take you to an Red Wings game honey. He still loved it.

Ryan and I love free factory tours. We've done the Budweiser St. Louis tour about 13 times, the Celestial Seasonings tour about 5, and now we can add this to our list of fun factories to visit! Next up, the Belgian Brewing Company in Ft. Collins. I'll be driving home from that one :)

It was a "sweet" way to spend a Friday morning before we got home and did chores :) The Hammond's Candy Factory is open M-F, 9-5, Sat 10-4. Tours are every half hour and totally free! It's just off the 58th Avenue/Washington exit on I-25. I highly recommend it. If you aren't from Denver, you can order candy right from their website at www.hammondscandies.com.

It's the perfect place to get your Valentines Day candy (yes, they have chocolate too), and it supports a local business!

Kisses and Hugs and Lollipops too.

What to do with Old Christmas Cards

2012-01-01T15:01:00.006-07:00

I'm being crafty, try not to die of shock. The good news is this craftiness only requires a pair of working scissors. It's the best crafting experience ever. No glue, no three trips to Michael's, no glitter on my face, no condascending looks from my extremely talented and crafty friends "Oh, look what you MADE! Good for you!". You only need scissors. And hands.

I love Christmas cards. Even in 30 years, when we just hologram message our Christmas cards to our distant friends who live on Mars using our neurotransmitter and it is piped straight into their brain waves, I will still be licking stamps and sending old fashion cards. There is nothing more sweet than getting Christmas cards, the one time a year when your mailbox holds more than bills and endless ads for the cell phone company that you are currently using.

I feel like everyone's unique style is displayed in their card. Some do the picture thing, some do handmade, some do store-bought. There are sparkly cards and vintage cards, funny cards and religious cards, cards that support UNICEF and cards that support Starbucks. Some people like Heather, over at Last Day Ago, dragged her couch out into the snow for the best Christmas picture ever. Now THAT'S devotion to a kickin' Christmas Card.

I always feel sad at the end of the season when I throw the cards away. It makes me feel like I'm turning my back on the person that sent them. The past few years I've made Ryan sit down with me and look through them one by one, to make sure we appreciate everyone who sent us a card. I'm sure it's his favorite moment of the year.

Well, Ryan can rejoice, because that tradition is gone and now we have a new one - making gift tags out of old cards! I got the idea from my friend Terri. She told me how she cuts the cutest part out of any Christmas card to use as a gift tag next year. Punches a hole in the top, strings some ribbon through and volia!

GIFT TAG AMAZINGNESS.

So that's what I did. And they are so cute, all packaged up and ready to go with our wrapping paper for next Christmas.

If you see your card in these tags, don't be offended. Be happy that your card gets a second life and was deeply loved and appreciated before I mutilated it with scissors.

Happy Crafting! (If this is really crafting. I'm pretty sure it's not.)

2011's Best and Worst TV (Fun With Clips!)

2011-12-30T15:06:00.009-07:00

The Best TV of 2011:

The Best:
Parenthood: I can't tell enough people about this show. Most people have never heard of it, mostly because NBC can't sneak a commercial for it in their endless loop of the Biggest Loser clips, also because people think it's a remake of the movie. It's not. The show follows 3 generations of parents and their children, all within one incredible and flawed family. And it's not just the good - it's the bad, the awkward, the tense, the painful. The show can make me cry and laugh outloud in most episodes, and it has the most stellar cast, led by Peter Krause (Six Feet Under) and the fantastic Mae Whitman (who is the inspiration for my protagonist in book- in- progress). I can't recommend it enough. Also, this season they added an adoption storyline - even if it is pretty untrue to life - so, hooray for that!

Parks and Rec: If there was ever a witty comedy with a true heart of gold, it would be Parks and Rec. It's hilarious without being mean, funny without the sharpness of some other comedies. I'm pretty sure Ryan would leave me if he had to in order to be friends with Ron Swanson. May I just add that Leslie and Ben's relationship is the cutest love story on television right now?

Raising Hope: I could not be more surprised by this funny little show about a lower class family struggling to make ends meet with a new baby. (The child of a serial killer, no less!) Not only are the one-liners and the acting hilarious, but this one is one of the best proponents of family values that I've ever seen. Also, they portray Christians as normal but flawed people, just like anyone else - just like we really are! Hallelujayh, amen, we're weirdos too, but in a good way.

Sherlock Holmes: Ahhh, this was so fantastic, WHY were there only three episodes? (Thanks BBC! This is why British people are so grumpy, their shows are only three episodes long.) Get ready for this name - Benedict Cumberbatch - plays a sharp, odd and arrogant Sherlock, and I vastly prefer him to Robert Downey Jr's version, who is just a little sexy for my taste. Watson (Martin Freeman, now the Hobbit) played as a damaged veteran was a stroke of genius, and that added element makes the relationship between the two all the more entertaining. I believe this is on Netflix on Demand - make sure you add it to the queue today :)

Friday Night Lights: This show is ALWAYS at the top of it's game. Except for season two, when Laundry and Tyra killed a guy. (It's a running joke in our house whenever we watch Friday Night Lights - hey, remember when we KILLED a guy?) The last season was nothing short of miraculous. The Dillion Panthers were given their final nod, and the East Dillion Lions became the team you will ALWAYS root for. Regulars from the first few seasons came back for a visit, and everytime they stopped by it felt like coming home. "Street! Matt! Tyra!!" I won't ruin anything for you, becaues the joy of watching this show is so wonderfully rich that I won't do anything to taint the experience. It's on Netflix Streaming right now and I totally recommend setting aside a week or so, and immersing yourself with some Coach Taylor. The last episodes left me a wreck - in a good way. And in case no one has ever told you - this show has NEVER been about football.

Game of Thrones: It's fantastic. It's epic. It's like a punch to the gut. It's the best adult book series I've ever read (Harry Potter withstanding, of course). And the show is simply terrific. Sure, they really need to scale back on the sexytime stuff, but it's HBO. They love to put sex in because they think it will attract male viewers. But really, it's not needed. The story is strong, the acting phenomenal and the way the show looks...it looks like you are watching Lord of the Rings! I believe the series comes out on DVD in January- make sure you rent it before Season Two comes out on HBO. The teaser is enough to make you drool....

And now, for my favorite TV episode of the year....

"Regional Holiday Music", Community: It was like all my Christmas wished wrapped into one. For their grand farewell (to the Fall/Winter TV season, at least), Community skewered (and I mean SKEWERED) Glee. They mocked everything that's wrong with Glee from the "aggressively asexual" Mr. Rad - obviously suppose to be Mr. Schue - who was gleeful but a little bit scary, to the insane mash-ups "Get ready for Lil' Wayne and Elton John!", to the very sexual portrayals of it's young girl cast-members. Also, my favorite lines ever? Pierce: "What the hell are Regionals? And why are they always talking about them?" or "Not liking Glee doesn't make us bullies and to imply so is REVERSE bullying!" The saddest part of the episode was the end - our familiar gang all sits together to watch a crappy TV special and a song sings over them "See you at Regionals..." Community family? Will I see you again? I pray so, because you are the funniest show on television.

And now for the WORST. Like movies, I have become pretty good at avoiding bad ones - if a show stinks, I just don't watch it. Plus, we rarely watch regular TV anymore. We mostly watch things on Netflix or On Demand. Therefore, I only have one WORST television show and that is...

"Why are we still on?" "Haha, I don' t know, look at my TIGHT shirt! It's SO modern."

Whitney: What's not to hate about it? The terrible writing? The sexual humor that is funny for 3 seconds before they need a new joke, yet it goes for 20 more minutes? The strange message of the show? "Whitney is a sexually liberated woman, so she doesn't want to get married, only she secretly DOES." Is that a secret? Or a plot? Um, hello, that's every woman who calls herself "Sexually liberated". My hatred for this show is amplified ten fold because A)It replaced 30Rock for 6 months, and B) Because it continues while Community is put on hiatus. Good one, NBC! Let's stop production on a critically acclaimed and very funny show and keep pushing Whitney, which is pretty universally mocked and TERRIBLE.

*FacePalm*

Okay, to end on a high point, I'll post one more funny song from the Community Glee episode. "Oh, I gotta tell the babies!" Priceless.

Word.

Awesome. There are a couple of shows that I can't wait to watch that I've heard really good things about: Homeland, Fringe Season Three, Happy Endings...I'll save those for next year - which luckily is just a day away.

The Best of Things: 2011's Best and Worst Movies

2011-12-27T15:39:00.013-07:00

Here at last, my favorite movies of 2011. 2011, unlike 2010, did not have a stand out movie that just blew me away, like Inception did the year before. Still, these were solid films that I could watch again and again. I'm pleased to announce that the list actually surprised me this year!

Add them to your Netflix or Redbox Queue and you will not be disappointed.

The Best Movies of 2011:

Water for Elephants: This was just a very well done movie, very faithful to the book. Special effects are everywhere these days, so it's nice to see a movie where the tiger is a REAL tiger. You can smell the elephant dung, feel the sweat on the face of the circus workers. Robert Pattinson just might make it out of the Twilight movies alive because of this, but the real star here was Christoph Waltz, who was terrifying and cruel and a perfect portrayal of the evil August.

Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows, Part Two: It delivered on all layers: emotionally, spiritually and artistically. It was a cathartic and painful end to the series, and I really believe that this movie should win the Oscar for Best Picture to recognize the series as the whole. I'm not sure I have ever seen a movie that I was so emotionally bound to. It was wonderful and gut-wrenching and left me sobbing in the theater. It was THAT good.

Super 8: A throwback to the E.T generation, Super 8 was sweet excitement, a journey to a less buzzy, more innocent time, where boys act like boys and aliens have feelings. I loved it, and Kyle Chandler should have been a movie star ten years ago. I can't imagine anyone NOT liking this movie.

Bridesmaids: I wanted to cheer in the theater - FINALLY A COMEDY FOR WOMEN THAT DOESN'T HATE WOMEN!! I can't tell you how refreshing this movie was. Everything was just right in this movie - the men weren't cliches, the women weren't either, no one had a high powered media job, and there was no chase through New York on a motorcycle or speed boat. It captured everything that is great and terrible about being a bridesmaid, a friend, a woman. Hallelujah! I would like to order 30 more, in order to purge every Katherine Heigl movie ever made, thank you.

127 Hours: I know that I've gone on and on about this one, but never has a movie left me so breathless, or so ready to jump up and cheer. I never dreamed that I would love a movie about a man trapped in a canyon who cuts off his own arm, but it was brilliant. Absolutely, painfully, wonderfully brilliant. It's one of the best movies I've ever seen EVER. The movie itself is so lush and full of color, and James Franco gave the defining performance of his career. (Because it definitely wasn't the Oscars.)

Disney's Oceans: Yeah, I love marine life? Like, a lot? I can't handle Pierce Brosnan's horrible narration of the movie or the emotionally manipulative shots of a sad seal swimming around a shopping cart, but what I'm seeing on the screen makes it all worth it in the end. This movie captures how I've always felt about the oceans, in all it's real color, magic and wonder. Creation is a miracle, and I never feel it more than when I take in the seas.

X-Men First Class: Would you ever believe that this would be on my list? I LOVED this movie, and it was totally a "Good wife watch" for my husband. Michael Fassbender, with his darkly furrowed brow, is a smoldering Magneto, and James Mcavoy was perfection as the wonderfully nuanced Professor X. Not only was this by far my favorite X-Men, but it was one of the best things I saw this year! No one was more surprised than I was.

The Muppets: Here's what I hate about movies like Shrek: They are so self-smug, so ironic and winky. They have veiled sexual innuendos, they have sarcastic humor, they have questionable moral values....sure, I love all these things in Arrested Development, but I do not like these things in a kid's movie. And that was why I loved the Muppets. It wasn't ironic, or tongue in cheek. If people were dancing happily down the street, it was because they wanted to, dammit. They MEAN it. There were more adults in the theater than kids, all of us longing for that little piece of Muppets nostaglia and joy. It was well satisfied, and Jason Segel was the perfect guy to bring back such a beloved part of my childhood.

Margin Call: Loosely based on the collapse at Lehman Brothers, Margin Call follows a bunch of analysts as they discover that the company they work for is on the verge of being completely broke, and as they come to the shocking revelation that this will trigger an American economic meltdown. The movie covers one 24 hour period. We see the discovery, the alarm, the fallout, the scramble and the mad sell-off. This movie did the impossible by showing that these analysts were actually people, people trying to do their best when those above them called all the shots. There is a tingle of anticipation that runs through the movies as the sun slowly rises...you know, as they do, what the morning will bring. Zachary Quinto who stars as a young analyst was fantastic, as he always is. The moment where he sees the error and realizes that he's the only person to see that America's economy is hours away from collapsing is...well, chilling. This movie was absolutely electrifying, a must-see.

Mission Impossible: Ghost Protocol: I just saw this TODAY, and I couldn't resist adding it to the list. It's fast. It's exciting. It's a perfect movie to see on the big screen. There are nail biting bits. Parts that make you jump out of your seat. There is Tom Cruise running. My sister and I are constantly talking about how Tom Cruise the best movie runner EVER. EVEERRR!!! And Jeremy Renner is in it, and let's just say he's inching his way up to Christian Bale. Seriously, this is the great action movie of this Christmas season, by far the best of the Mission Impossible series. And yeah, Tom Cruise really did those climbing outside the building scenes, I looked it up on the internet, and if it's on internet, it must be true.

And now we have The Worst Movies of 2011: So...I didn't see many terrible movies this year. I'm getting good at avoiding stink bombs, thank goodness. I asked around on Facebook, and here were the responses. My friends are HILARIOUS.

"Cowboys and Aliens ... stupid but funny ... BAD B Western as Eddie says" - Terri
"Bad Teacher was, you know. Bad." - Erin A.
"Two major Redbox failures: "I am Number Four" and "Your Highness." More like "'your DUMBness." - Emily

and my personal favorite response:

"I am number four could have been I am number two. " - Christopher S.

My choices for worst movies: Burlesque (laughable dialog, Cher needs to retire, oh Christina, how have you fallen so far?) and Iron Man: 2 (The enemy is..BIGGER ROBOTS! AGAIN! AGAIN??).

The biggest stinker I saw this year? Letters to Juliet.

If you've watched the trailer, you don't need to see the movie. No, really. It doesn't get any better than that well-timed Taylor Swift song. From the painful dialog to the terrible acting and the plot holes, the only thing this had going for it is pretty people in a pretty setting. And that's the best thing I can say about it.

Thanks for checking this out, stay tuned for 2011 Best of Things TV and Music!

Readers - what was the best and the worst film you saw in 2011?

Loot.

2011-12-26T19:10:00.014-07:00

Christmas is not about a lot of things. It's not about Santa or Elf on the Shelf (stupidest, creepiest thing ever) or mistletoe or gingerbread houses or Christmas lights or cookies or the sparkly Christmas shirts.

In our society, we have to work hard to remember it's not about the presents.
It's about the Jesus. It's about the Jesus. It's about the Jesus.

But that doesn't mean I can't enjoy sharing some of my wonderful gifts because I'm 12 and I like it that way. And, as our Senior Pastor said at Christmas Eve service, when you give a gift, you are mimicking the gift we are given in the gift of Christ. So...Presents??

First, I found a number of presents on Etsy this year. It's my new favorite thing. This gorgeous necklace from Etsy that was a gift from Ryan. The seller's name is The Brass Hussy. Here's why I love this necklace...because the book I'm writing is called "Queen of Hearts." Is this not perfection? I have a new love for all things Queen of Hearts. The Card is especially signifigant in my book, which Ryan knows. I can't wait to wear it.

The second thing that I got from Etsy was a lovely Owl mobile for the nursery. It's SO cute. I'm kind of obsessed. Look at those little owl faces with their big eyes, they just make me happy.

Speaking of owls...AHHHHHHHH!! I wanted a lovely stuffed owl for the rocking chair in the nursery and I had an idea of one in my head but couldn't find it...and then my Mom did. This might be my favorite gift. As it turns out, even though I am 30ish years old, I still crazy love stuffed animals. His name is Walter, a good name for an owl.

From my sister I got a bottle of Clinique Happy and a nostalgic trip back to high school, which is the last time I owned it. Just a whiff of that heavenly perfume and suddenly I'm flying down Federal Blvd in a canary yellow car, rocking some jean overalls and singing "Unbreak my Heart"by Toni Braxton. Suddenly, I'm 17 again, and all I want it a letter jacket. (Overrated. Mark my words, High Schoolers, you will never EVER wear that jacket past high school, unless you are a tool.)

I also got Inheritance from Cindy...which I'm starting tonight. If you haven't read the Eragon series, I HIGHLY recommend it. It's a fantastic, richly imagined read, and each book just keeps getting better and better.

Media Loot. Awesome.

My Mom bought Water for Elephants for me - apparently, it was hard to find! I loved the book AND the movie - Robert Pattinson looks WAY better with a tan and is quite attractive when not making a constipated face at Kristen Stewart.

Another one of my favorite gifts was from Karen: book plates, since I lend out so many books!
How PERFECT of a gift is that? She knows me so well.

No more stealing books from me, people! (By the way, who has my Tangled DVD? Anyone?)

Emily got me a card making kit (below) and a sweet Chocolate Mint candle (one of my favorites!) from B&BWorks. I love stationery - can't send it out fast enough. I'm old fashion that way. She also treated Ryan to a Starbucks sampler, which made him so happy, I swear I saw tears.

For as long as I've had dogs, I've wanted a monogrammed, L.L Bean doggie bed. Mostly because I love the way they look, kind of because they are guaranteed for life, partly because I really wish that my life was an LL Bean catalog. All I need now is a house on a river in Connecticut, two yellow labs, a Canoe, a winter cabin and our family has to look like this:

That should be simple enough....I need a model figure and face, cute little girl, McDreamy and a cream jalopy with Christmas greens and a wooden sled. We're SO close, I can taste the well-made sweaters and boots.

I digress. The dogs have immediately taken to the bed - I fear Peka may never leave it. Ever. Like, ever. Her muscles will atrophy.

From my Dad we received a new knife set, which is great because our knives are so dull that they will barely cut bread. This one is KitchenAid and it came with a sharpener. Amen.

Ryan also got me this super cute owl necklace to make up for the one that I lost in Connecticut. *cringe*
This one is a light cream, pink sparklies, coral accents... Oh, and did I mention that Ryan SUPER surprised me with a horse drawn carriage ride in Old Town, Ft. Collins? I can't WAIT! He did good this year ;) So romantic. I got him a wool fedora for the winter, Fringe Season One, a sweater vest and a board game. Also, a knock-off Sean Jean (apparently it is not pronounced "Seen Jean" like I thought) cologne that my entire family declared smelled "like old baby powder, and not in a good way" and so I took it back today and exchanged for a knock off of Eternity for Men.

And that's the presents round-up.

Today Cindy, Emily and I continued a sisterly tradition of going day after Christmas shopping. I stocked up on mostly white Christmas decor. This year I decided that I am not a fan of the green and red thing. I have always loved Christmas trees/decor that is mainly white - white with some browns, blues, greens, silvers and golds.

Plus, we need new Christmas decor. All of our Christmas decorations were bought at Big Lots right when we got married - all were cheap and somewhat kitchscy, they have not aged well. Just to give you an idea of our inherent classyness, we have a giant stuffed Rudolph, mmmkay?

This was the year that I decided I want to slowly build a collection of NICE Christmas decor, in a color and theme that I love.

Which is like this.

Basically, I want my house to look like the embodiment of the poem "Stopping by the Woods on a Snowy Evening." Snow. Trees. Sky. Pinecones. Horses. This is much preferred to the current poem of our house, "Stopping by Goodwill in a Questionable Neighborhood on a Tacky Evening."

Readers, Friends - What was your favorite gift this year?

Nebraska: Nice People and Ninja Cows

2011-12-23T11:35:00.011-07:00

Our trip to Nebraska couldn't have started better. First, we were able to get plane tickets for a killer deal - two round trip tickets for 157.00, TOTAL, thank you Frontier Halloween sale - so instead of an eight hour drive and a ridiculous amount of fast food, we hopped on a plane in the afternoon and an hour later (quickest flight in the WORLD), we were there, in cold, windy Nebraska.

Nebraska is a special place. The airport has 12 people in it. Everyone is really, really nice and drives really, really slow. Ryan's mom took us home to her beautiful house and fed us homemade chicken noodle soup - with hand-made noodles. This my absolute favorite dish that Ryan's family makes. Soup, cheese and crackers, and Ryan's mom's peanut butter cookies. There's a reason they call it "The Good Life."

We mostly relaxed there - well, aside from watching news reports about the ninja cow. See, there was a black cow on the loose in Nebraska. The cow would appear at random times and then be gone, leaving behind cow pies and mystery. They have tried many times to catch the cow, but it always eluded capture. It escaped from not one, but TWO pens.

Like I said, NINJA FREAKING COW.

Well, the ninja cow was/is all the rage in Nebraska. It was in the papers, on the news, it was the hot topic of the day. There was even a "Ninja Cow Update" on the news ticker. Oh Nebraska, I love you in all your randomness. You can read about the Ninja Cow here:

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2077867/Legend-Ninja-Cow-happy-ending-shadowy-bovine-finally-captured.html

I also learned in Nebraska that I might have it in me to become a bird watcher. Ryan's parents have a great view from their main level, and a pair of binoculars to take it all in. I loved picking those things up and watching the birds. My favorite was this red cardinal that loved their bird-feeder. Red Cardinal + White Snow = Perfect Picture.

There was also a huge brown barn owl that nested outside their house. He was pretty wondrous as well, and I think he had my Hogwarts letter but forgot to give it to me.

I'm serious about the bird watcher thing. I could become a bird watcher. Thanks, Nebraska, for bringing out ONE MORE nerdy part of me that I didn't even know existed.

I had a quick, way too quick visit with my friend and old college roommate Cassandra. We met at the Lincoln mall for some holiday shopping and catching up. I'm trying to convince her to bring the kids and come out this summer. Look at these two cuties - they just got their "Pillow Pets" - apparently a big thing - and were loving running around the mall. We would have stayed longer except that it was a blizzard outside and I was worried about her getting home okay. Still, it was so nice just to be able to hug her and talk. We fall back into laughing about old times so easily. The Lincoln mall had some GREAT deals - everything is cheaper in Nebraska. Seriously, a box of cereal is still like 2.50 out there.

The next day I was ushered into Nebraska high society by eating at RUNZA, which apparently is a mix of ground beef, cheese and cabbage wrapped in a croissant. I was not brave enough to actually eat the RUNZA, but I had a bite of Ryan's and it was...interesting. Runza: good hamburgers, weird other stuff. As Heather put on my Facebook: "Eating Runza is the price that every woman who marries a Nebraska man must pay at one point or another."

Yeaaahhh. No RUNZA for me.

Later that day, Ryan had the very special honor of baptizing one of his younger cousins, Beckham in a private ceremony at his home church.

It was a beautiful ceremony, and was followed by a pizza party at his Grandparents house. Godfather's Pizza, a Nebraska staple = YUM.

Katie arrived later in the week and brought my favorite little person with her: my niece Isobel, cutest thing in the WORLD. They drove 3 hours in a pretty heavy snowstorm just to spend the weekend with us. Katie is pretty amazing, and we were thrilled to see our niece, who calls me "Aunt Coco". Yeah, is your heart melting already?

I think I could literally eat her toes she is so cute. We don't get to see her often enough, so when we do, it's all I can do to not to just hug her 12 hours a day. I'm sure she would find this very boring and somewhat weird. She is so delightful and sweet - she has a mischievous smile and Katie's curly hair. She's a doll, our gorgeous niece, we love her so much.

We celebrated Ryan's Dad's 60th birthday with games and Chinese food, and then I did some additional celebrating by knocking over one of Ryan's Mom's Christmas Trees and breaking some china that was her Mother's. That was NOT great, but at least she had some extras, so all wasn't lost. The redness on my face probably made me look a lot like Santa Claus.

Our four days in Nebraska flew by. Our last day was spent trying to stuff everything into two small carry-on bags because I made the mistake of going to an amazing estate sale with Ryan's mom and sister and buying stuff like I was going to put it in the van and take it home. I scored some vintage Pyrex for Heather over at Last Day Ago (check out her collection here: , it's awesome: http://lastdayago.blogspot.com/2011/05/obsessed.html. Stop by, stay...her blog is wonderful.)

The Pyrex plus all the other Nebraska goodies that I walked away with made our suitcases very full. Even with Ryan's rushed packing skills, not everything fit. The good news is, it didn't matter anyways, as our plane was delayed SIX hours. First, we were just waiting 15 minutes for the plane door to close. Then we were waiting for the mechanic to arrive. Then he didn't have the part and so it was being driven in from Kansas City - which is 3 hours away. Then we were taking a plane from Orlando. It was not the most fun thing in the world. In fact, it was really stupid, but it was not - as some people made it out to be - the WORST THING THAT HAS EVER HAPPENED TO ANYONE EVER. People were yelling and screaming and berating the flight attendants. It was ugly. People lose their minds in airports, I'm not sure why. Rules of etiquette and behaving in public need no longer apply. Ryan and I simply took a long walk to the food court and had a quiet lunch, away from the crazies.

I worked on my book and Ryan played on his Ipad and before we knew it, we were given flight vouchers and sent on our way to Colorado.

Beautiful, warmer, mountain-view Colorado. Home of the best airport in the world.

But no ninja cows.

Happy Christmas Sparkly Things

2011-12-18T21:15:00.006-07:00

As promised, Happy Christmas Sparkly Things.

Sparklies in abundance. Why? Because I was one of many hostesses for our Annual Advent by Candlelight program this year, as I am every year.

The event always sneaks up on me. EVERY. SINGLE. YEAR.

It's always the day before and it's a mad scramble, grabbing dishes and candles, matches and chargers and stuffing them all into my oversized "Oprah Book Club" L.L. Bean tote (by the way, if you need a Christmas gift, the L.L Bean totes are incredible. I will literally have mine until the day I die, and it will be in perfect condition. Just FYI.) and shove it into my van. Then I head to church where I will inevitably set up my table and then feel like it's subpar.

This year I figured my table would be extra special since I had a LINEN tablecloth as opposed to the plastic one I sported all the years before. It wasn't until last year that I looked around and thought "Ah, I am the only one with a classy plastic tablecloth from the dollar store. That's...fantastic." "Hey, did you hear the gossip?" "No, what's that?" "Oh, the pastor's wife. She brought PLASTIC tablecloths." "You don't say! Scandalous!" This probably doesn't' actually happen, but I'm just saying it COULD. Another edge I had this year was that Ryan forced me to iron my tablecloth. I mean, does it get any more elegant than that? We are classy people, all the way.

It's always so fun to set up your table as the other hostesses set up theirs. You can sneak a peek before all the magic happens. I love looking at all the unique pieces, the little knick knacks, candles, dishes and centerpieces. For instance, I totally spy on everyone's Christmas dishes, something I need to buy after Christmas (on sale, of course) this year.

I love seeing everyone's different tables because everyone's is SO different, and pretty in it's unique way. Even when the colors are similar, the tables are so different - like this lovely angel table in blue OR a blue snowman theme.

Or, a "Country Christmas" vs a "Country CLUB Christmas"

Tinsel? Candles? Mirror candles? People have AMAZING stuff.

This table below was one of my favorites. Black, silver, white with a hint of amber? *Swoon* And the blue lit dessert tower. Yeah, I'll just go home now ;)

And everyone has such yummy desserts!

Then there was my table. I went with a stark white theme. White, because I love white Christmases, stark because I don't own very much in the Christmas entertaining area. I want to say it's "chic and modern" but it might have also been "boring and naked." They are very close.

I do, however, have a nifty access to fresh hydrangea. And a sparkly table runner from Home Goods. I DO adore my wooden candles from (ahem..) Hobby Lobby. One of the nice ladies that sat at my table asked if I carved them. I spit my tea out. Oh, you kill me. *Wipes tear away*

The big draw to my tables was Black and White Cookies, homemade by our friend Evan, who makes authentic Italian pasteries ONE TIME a year. He just happened to give me six extra, and they were the perfect favor. I thought they looked quite nice against my wedding china, which I bust out for every occasion because I love it so much.

My dessert was Chocolate Applesauce Cake, which is the easiest known recipe to man, but also so delicious. The lights were dimmed (note to self, load up on candles for next year), and we listened to Christmas music as we mingled and chatted. As a table hostess, you frequently run to the kitchen to get tea, coffee and water for your guests. From this experience I have learned that I would make a terrible waitress.

After the dessert, we all went into the sanctuary for a short service of prayer, Christmas hymns and carols, and Advent Scripture readings. A perfect night with the incredible women of my beautiful church.

A good reminder of what Christmas is really about.

And, just in case you don't know, it's not candles, dishes, china and centerpieces.

Fertility at any Cost

2011-12-13T20:02:00.011-07:00

I feel like IVF (In-Vitro Fertilization) is everywhere right now. Today at the Target checkout, I saw a litany of magazines involving In-vitro, the most obvious of which was US Weekly featuring some smiling Kardashain (Kourtney? Kim? Khloe? Kan't keep them straight. Kan't bring myself to care about their insipid lives.) with the headline "I'll do anything for a baby".

Love the shirt, dude.

Yeah, I'm sure Khloe will. In a big, public way. Classy. In-Vitro is the new skinny jean.

I'm sure this blog post will ruffle some feathers. The danger with discussing in-vitro is that by saying that you disagree with it, you somehow end up with angry hordes of parents who think you have just devalued their child's existence. If their child came into the world with in-vitro and you think it's wrong, than in conclusion you must hate their child and curse it as a thing that should have never existed. It's something you can't have an opinion on. Either you are for In-Vitro because you are FOR that child, or you are the enemy, worse than the Nazis.

This is not true at all of those of who aren't singing the praises of IVF. I can't imagine the joy of holding your child after years of unsuccessful trying. I rejoice for those children. In a perfect world, everyone who wanted a child would POOF! be pregnant and then it would be good. Unfortunately, that isn't everyone. Then the question is - what comes next?

After all our tests were done, we were pretty much shepherded right into the fertility clinic, where IVF was presented as the next step. Not an option, just the next step. When I told my doctor that we were planning to adopt at the next appointment, she was pleasantly surprised. I guess many people don't take that route. It's right into the IVF cycle, no questions asked.

To be frank, I don't like In-Vitro because of what it says, what it stands for. Sure, there are ethical, religious and scientific reasons that I disagree with it, but that's not for this blog. My main reasons that I don't like In-Vitro is because of what it says, particularly about adoption.

It says, like Kourtney, "I will do ANYTHING for a baby." But it's not just anything for a baby. It's anything for THEIR baby. Anything for MY biological baby.

Because in the media, unless it's THEIR biological baby it doesn't quite count. The feeling that I get from IVF that an adopted baby is great, sure, but it's not QUITE the real thing. Adopted children are viewed in the IVF world as a second choice, a sad compromise that a barren couple must make. You wanted a Lexus and you got a Camry. Nevermind that studies show that adopted families are just as happy than those who successfully have a child through IVF.

Take Mariah Carey. And Celine Dion. Big names who used round after round of very public IVF to have "Their own" children.

It makes me wonder - what are their true reasons for wanting to be parents? Truly think about it. Those that choose IVF are desperate to be parents - a longing that I feel in my heart of hearts, the deepest part of me - but more than that, they are desperate to parent a child that comes only from them. A child that shares their DNA, their face, their blood. Is it wrong to want to bear your own child, a fruit of you and your husband's love? Absolutely not, it's something I still dream about. But should you go to incredibly extraordinary measures to get YOUR OWN child when your body says nope? I'm not sure.

If you want to be a parent, you want to be a parent. An adopted child is just as much your own child as...your own child. It makes sense. Love is what makes the difference in the space between a womb and when they leave for college. This publicity-driven desperate cry for "OUR OWN child" makes me sad. I know that desperation. I know the despair. Maybe I'm not desperate enough, I don't know - but IVF never appealed to us. Did I not want it enough?

To be honest, I don't understand choosing IVF over adoption. In one situation, the child is there, ready to be loved, ready for you to be their parent. They might not have your DNA, but they will have your mannerisms, your family, your heart, your history. In the other situation, it's a roll of a scientific dice, for a quarter of your mortgage. We have talked to so many people who lost everything - literally everything- because of IVF. I'm sure there are people out there who feel like IVF gave them everything they ever wanted, but....at what cost?

Khloe had it right - at any cost. The cost of IVF is high. 15,000 dollars and up to be exact. And the statistics show that it doesn't usually work the first cycle. The more cycles you do, the higher the success rate. Adoption isn't cheap either - but at least the amount of money you spent on it does not raise your chances of being matched with a baby. We have met so many people in our adoption journey that tried IVF. Tried and tried and failed. It has broken up marriages, cost couples their health, their sex life, their finances.

Please don't get me wrong. Babies are a miracle. In-Vitro or Adopted, they are all little miracles.

But, I worry about what Khloe's US Weekly cover says to the general public. "I'll do ANYTHING for a baby" says "If I adopted, it wouldn't be enough." It's the same reason that I hate the ending to "Did You Hear About the Morgans?" (perhaps the bigger question here is WHY did I watch that TERRIBLE movie?).

WHY?

Sarah Jessica Parker and Hugh Grant can't have children, so one of the last scenes is them deciding to adopt. "YAY!" I thought when I saw the movie. "Yay, adoption!" Then, we see their happy little family with their tiny Asian daughter and it all seems great...until the camera pulls back and we see that she is pregnant. Of course. Because an adopted little girl isn't enough. For it to be truly a "happy" ending, she has to have HER OWN.

For me, "I'll do anything to get MY OWN baby" is so much different than "I'll do anything to be a parent."

...and it's out there. Feel free to rant and rave below. Merry Christmas from the Blogger Grinch. I promise my next post will be happy Christmas with sparklie things.

Stephanie Gets Married

2011-12-11T10:14:00.010-07:00

Can I tell you about a girl named Steph?

Well, for starters, her class was the coolest class in our high school, the class of 1997. They were the overachievers, the beautiful, the faithful, the talented. Our class, the misfits of 1998, looked at them with awe and jealously. They won championships, were featured in newspapers, did chapel on a regular basis, were kind and lion hearted. My class is most famous for when one of our members stood up to the administration because they wouldn't let him play an Aerosmith song for his chapel. Oh, and a gay kid left out school (or got kicked out, depends on who you talk to) and that made news. But that was about it.

Steph was one of the earth-shakers in her class. She was a drama star, a choir leader, in charge of about a million activies, the teachers favorite, the students favorite...she was a girl you loved to envy until she won you over with her infectious laugh and awesome sense of humor. She became my good friend my Junior year when she joined the cheerleading squad, bucking all trends and upsetting the delicate high school balance of drama vs. sports. (Not that cheerleading is a real sport. It's not.). We had so many good times, in fact Steph is so fun that she is responsible for many of the ridiculous things I did in high school, including, but not limited to: Teepeeing the Vice Principals house, having an 80's party, and mooning traffic out a van window.

What does this have to do with anything? Well, Steph got married.

And it was so beautiful.

Their small, intimate wedding was in Breckenridge, which is my favorite of the mountain towns in Colorado. They are a gorgeous couple. Dress blues, oh my!

I just got the pictures from Steph, and I couldn't wait to share. I can only guess by this picture that Steph sang to her beloved in the ceremony, which I'm sure was incredible, seeing how her voice is pretty much amazing.

I loved the dark blue dresses for the Fall. Such a perfectly executed color palette.

Her flowers, which I LOVED making were succulents (straight out of their pots!), white vendella roses, lavender stock, pale blue scabiosa, purple veronica and dusty miller for that silver hue.
I see arrangements like this being the trend this year: Wildflowers are VERY in.

I'm going to go ahead and say that it looked like a pretty good time.

A fabulous mountain wedding for a fabulous couple. Steph has spirit to spare, so I'm sure Adam is a wonder all to himself.

I'll leave you with this little gem: CKE Photography did a great job on these!

This is how all cake sharing should be done at weddings. Violent and real.

Congrats Steph, and I know your life will be amazing here, there and anywhere you end up. "Let the Adventure Begin!"

I Was An Internet Troll

2011-12-06T22:03:00.012-07:00

Be honest, it's happened to you. You find something online that makes your blood boil and before you know it, you have cracked and wiggled your fingers and sit down to BLOW SOMEONE AWAY with your mad keyboarding and debate skills.

Whether it is on a Glee comment board "WHY is this show still on?" or an abortion conversation on CNN.com, or Trip Advisor "3 Stars? More like 3 Black Holes!!" I've been known to roll up my sleeves and leave a few black eyes across this great Internet stratosphere.

It's even happened on Facebook. And the fallout was messy. Now, I try to refrain. Any political conversations I try to steer clear of. I sometimes forget that I am a pastor's wife, and my political leanings have been a hot topic at one time or another. (If that is a hot topic, than we live in a SUPER boring world, fyi.) I know it's radical to vote on individuals who I think would best run the country instead of blindly following party lines. I know, I know, I'm not supposd to do it but still, every once in awhile, I feel the need to tell or correct someone like a crazy cat lady who just trolls Facebook all day long waiting to pounce in her Snuggie and bright pink socks.

It's the blind internet fury. I attack, I feel vindicated, then I feel bad, then I think about how stupid arguing on the internet is and then I delete my comment, because then I can tell myself it never happened.

That's how that goes. In my shame, however, I always remember the time I was a serious blog troll. See, there was/is this blog. It's called The Concordia Sisters of Perpetual Parturition. It's written by three very, very smart women, Lutheran women, the kind of women that I wish I could be and never will be. They are super faithful, dedicated mothers and wives, theologically deep and nuanced and surprisingly funny. They cover a lot of topics, but as the title implies, they write a lot about child rearing, child bearing, birth control, large families and the like. It's a blog about trusting God, about life's up and downs.

When I first discovered the blog, I thought it was about women who went to Concordia colleges, a place for them to write and connect and hang out online, like a giant women's student union for Concordia's. I started stopping by every once in awhile. And then I read the posts. And some of them were about saying no to birth control and having a large number of children.

Uh, I had a lot of feelings about this. There was one post in particular that REALLY rubbed me the wrong way. Maybe it's because we are adopting, and my perceived tune of "You aren't a good Lutheran unless you are popping out kids left and right" twisted my undies the wrong way. Maybe it's that I was having a bad day. Maybe it's because I'm the crazy Snuggie cat lady, that or some feminist left-winger who is burning my bra on the porch, but I lit up that comment board like it was the fourth of July. Guns blazing, word winging, quote quotin', I took off like it was the Hunger Games and I was a candidate from the Capitol. Bring it ON, I thought, as I typed with a vengeance. I felt smug and self-righteous and smart, all those things you should NOT feel after arguing with someone about theology and the things of God. I was blasting on all cylinders.

Weeks later, I talked to my friend Jen about it. As I told her how I like tore up that comment board up, in all my boasting, she was silent. I ranted and raved, waved my hands around like I worked at an Italian deli. Then she said quietly, very humbly: "Do you know what Parturition means?" I scoffed. "Yeah, isn't it like fellowship, like a band of sisters?" She was silent a beat more. "Uh, NO. It literally means "Giving birth." To my horror, she was right. The technical definition of parturition means "the action or process of giving birth to offspring."

CRAP.

So let me lay this out for you: I had been intentionally going to a blog that is about perpetually giving birth to argue against perpetually giving birth. Suddenly, it all made sense - why the blog was preoccupied with children. Why there were pictures of nursing mothers in the mast head. Why it was all about giving birth, and families. Why people shared their labor experiences in very visceral ways. Here, I had just thought I was in a weird birth zone, wondering where all the other Concordia women were, when the purpose of this entire website was to talk about giving birth and raising children, and trusting God within that.

In short, I WAS AN INTERNET TROLL

A bad one, the worst one. I was mortified. I felt absolute guilt, and I felt like such an idiot. Those blog owners, they probably HATED me. And so did the people who read the blog. And fellow commenters. The hate would be spread around! I had no reason to be commenting on that blog, and yet, here I was, commenting away, so sure of my rightness.

I am a tool. I was a tool.

I never went back to that blog, not after I learned that a vocabulary error had made me a despicable person. And I tried to quit being angry on the internet after that. After all, what's the use of spending 20 minutes arguing with some 12 year old about politics? Or making SURE that EW readers know how I feel about Breaking Dawn? It's a waste of my time and theirs, even if I do like that delicious rush of "I'm rightness".

So ladies over at Concordia Sisters of Perpetual Parturition? I'm sorry. Forgive me for my error, for my blog trolling. Forgive me, I was confused. I now understand that your blog was always about babies and nursing and being a good mother in front of the Lord.

I also understand that I maybe need to buy a dictionary.

The Blog troll is leaving now.

Book Reviews, Dec 5th

2011-12-04T15:33:00.006-07:00

The Story of Edgar Sawtelle by David Wroblewski: Every once in awhile, you stumble across a once in a lifetime read. This was one of those times. Part Hamlet, part rural American saga, part dog training manual, The Story of Edgar Sawtelle is simply an extraordinary epic story about a boy and his dog. The writing is rich and has a lyrical poetry to it. It will make you yearn for simpler times, for a plot of land to call your own, and a need to buy a German Shepherd ASAP. Edgar is a mesmerizing hero - a mute boy with the heart of a lion, and the flawed characters that surround him are all equally as enjoyable. It cheered me and it broke my heart, it brought me comfort and gave me chills - all in all, it was an incredible reading experience.

The Year of the Flood by Margaret Atwood: Sometimes, when I read a really incredible book I like to follow it with a super crappy one, just to calm myself down. No, not really, but that's what happened here. Post-apocalyptic literature when it's good (the Hunger Games, 1984, Brave New World) can be REALLY good, and when it's bad...well, it's like shoving futuristic torture instruments into your eyes. I came off the high that was The Story of Edgar Sawtelle and down into the life-sucking pain of The Year of the Flood. I like Margaret Atwood - The Handmaiden's Tale is a YA masterpiece - but this book was miserable. It takes place in the future, where only the worst people are left on earth to rape, pilage and misuse technology. Everything is spelled wrong ("Hylthwzer") in the future and everything has fallen apart as Earth's resources run out. The characters are unlikeable (The best thing about Ren is...?) and you find yourself skimming just to get to where the action is. Let me save you from that - it comes in the last ten pages and it involves a man leading a woman dressed as a bird on a leash. Told you it was awesome! Oh, and the lengthy prayers/hymns between each chapters by the "God's Gardener cult? Pure silliness. Don't just skip this book, avoid it like the plague that wipes out most of humanity.

The Summer We Fell Apart by Robin Antalek: Have you ever seen yourself through someone else's eyes? Perhaps through a picture or an audio recording? It's alarming and jarring. We have an idea of who we are in our heads, and it's always strange to learn otherwise. That's the premise behind The Summer We Fell Apart - it's an intimate look at four siblings and their mother. Each sibling has three chapters each, and they all interact within each of the chapters. For example: The first three chapters are from Amy's perspective. She feels abandoned by her family as the last child, an artistic sensitive girl. She's thrilled later in life to find a painter who loves her and pities her older sister Kate, a neurotic overbearing lawyer who she sees as bossy and lacking in depth. You think you have a handle on Kate until her chapters come. Kate is the older, responsible sister and can't stand Amy's lackadaisical lifestyle and need for everyone to baby her. She sees the worst of Amy and her painter boyfriend ("Of course Amy finds a limp wristed painter who has no form of viable income" she laments.) See what I mean? It's such a deep picture of these characters and the family that envelops them. This was a wonderful read, and by the time the Mother's chapter finally comes, you love this insane, totally dysfunctional family.

The UnCoupling: Were you forced to read the play Lysistrata in college? I was, by my looney tunes drama teacher, who gave us more than one dramatic reading of the play, in which the women of Greece give up sex with their husbands to force an end to a seemingly endless war. Yeah, good stuff that play. The Uncoupling is based on that play, a classic retelling with a little bit of magic. All the women that work or attend a suburban high school are struck with a spell that makes them turn away from their men. Teachers, students, guidance counselors - there is no women left un-frigid. The writing is sharp and funny, and the author's observations about teenagers are uncanny and true. I found myself saying "I've never thought about that, but she is SO right." She must have spent a lot of time in or around high schools. This read probably isn't for everyone - sarcastic folk will love it - but I throughly enjoyed this little tale about the politics, importance and consequences of sex.

Cindy's House/Housewarming Party

2011-12-02T15:46:00.009-07:00

So, I'm a little behind. Okay, I'm a lot behind. That's because my list of things that I need to do this week/year is getting longer and longer and my patience is getting shorter and shorter.

I finally got the Christmas cards out today. Coming to a mailbox near you! Another thing on my list was to "Catch up the blog". Catch up with what? EVERYTHING.

This is step one. So, my sister moved into her own apartment this fall. It's the perfect apartment for her. When she described it, I made a skeptical face, but now that she's in it, I see her wisdom: It's absolutely amazing, the apartment of her dreams. She lives in a single apartment building that rests on top of the private garages, like a little shop above a bakery. It's in a huge, crowded complex, but it's quiet yet safe.

Busting a move, Lady Gaga style.

After she had been moved in awhile, Cindy threw an awesome housewarming party - one that matched the sheer chic vibe of her house. See, my sister's main goal of her house is that she wants to live in a hotel. Thus, apartment must feel like a hotel. I'll break this next part into sections for ease: The House. The Party. The People.

The House:Here is her living room:

Please take note of the sweet Moroccan lamp on the floor. And the peacock feathers on the fireplace (Her inspiration for the entire room). See the frames with no people inside of them? People are SO last year.

That couch is really comfy. I know, because I've already slept on it. The night I dropped Cindy's Christmas tree on her.

It's really soft. I like this couch so much I asked my sister if she would be mad if I bought the same couch. She said no, because she's a good sister.

And here is Cindy's super baroque chair that I'm in love with:

This is her dining room:

Her bedroom, an all white affair. The drapey fabric has sparkles in it that twinkle and shimmer in the light. Ooohh...ahhh.....Thank you, Joann's fabric.

The bathroom: Love the curtain. It's very creepy Forks.

More house details:

This is the kind of thing that my sister excels at. Putting things like random white balls on the floor and just leaving them there. In my house, it looks like I have some really old softballs on the floor because I'm lazy. In her house, it looks like something you would see in Design Star.

The Party: Was a blast. I brought some flowers for Cindy's party, in her very narrow color scheme: "Plum. Only plum. Maybe some lighter purples. And greens. NO stock. No mums. NO roses."

So, I brought dahlias. They looked awesome, for about a day. Emily made Guinness cupcakes with a beer and vanilla frosting. They were incredible. So good.

Cindy is becoming quite the baker as well! The other dishes were chicken salad sandwiches, fruit, veggies, a pasta, dip and taquitos in green chili, of which Ryan ate ten. Literally. He came up to me looking quite unhappy, rubbing his belly and said "I had ten taquitos!" in the way someone would say "I hit a PUPPY with my car!" There was much eating and drinking and laughing. The way parties always go.

The People: I love my/Cindy's friends. Our friends are so fantastic that people want to steal our friends. I would too. Cool people like this are hard to find. We can spread the love around.

Other party details:

Cindy has a great view.

I'm so proud of her. Proud of all the things she has done this year: Secured a great job for herself as she steadily moves up in the company. She drives a better/safer car. Furnished and decorated a beautiful place. Talks about things like life insurance and 401K's. Bought a vacuum cleaner and utensils.

Look at her. My baby sister, all grown up and cool.

I want to be JUST like her when I grow up.

Until then, I just plan on camping out at her apartment instead of staying at a hotel when I feel like I need to get away for a night. Ryan and I are already calling it "The Southern Condo."