The Real Live Ho Show

Gross Governor Spitzer and Media Misquotes

veronica@sexwithoutshame.com (Veronica Monet, ACS) — Sat, 22 Mar 2008 20:18:00 +0000

Wow! This last week was nothing short of insane. My phone was ringing off the hook with questions about politicians and prostitutes from CNN, FOX News, Associated Press International, The San Francisco Chronicle . . . ad infinitum. The television interviews didn't happen due to scheduling conflicts or in the case of Geraldo, last minute breaking news. But I did wind up on a couple of radio shows and I was quoted in more newspapers than I can count (courtesy of API which goes everywhere!).

Most of the newspapers did a good job of quoting me accurately, but a couple of them misconstrued and misquoted. For instance, during my career as a high-end escort and a courtesan, I made some pretty impressive "wages." But apparently a couple of reporters decided to "correct" for inflation. I am a stickler for the truth (maybe you are familiar with my motto: The Truth is Always Better) so I want to have the last say here.

For the record, the most I ever made as a courtesan depends upon how you want to look at it:

by the hour: $1,350
by the day: $8,000
by the date: $16,000
by retainer: $50,000

Of course I worked from 1989 to 2004, so these amounts might look different if you correct for inflation. But no matter how you play with the numbers you can't determine what an escort makes annually based upon her fee. Escorting is NOT a job. Escorting is a profession. As with many service professions, hourly escorting fees NEVER tell you how much a given provider makes in a year.

If you work a job, you are probably required to work at least 40 hours a week. One of the wonderful perks about prostitution is that you can work as infrequently as you care to (unless you have a pimp). Many providers make a month's wages in a weekend and take the rest of the month "off." What do they do with all that spare time? It depends upon the provider of course. But many of my colleagues and friends are crazy busy as political activists and artists and even parents.

As rebels and non-conformists, most professional escorts are NOT interested in working a 40 hour week or maintaining anything which might resemble a traditional schedule. They love the lifestyle because it affords so much freedom and a higher quality of life - if you enjoy things like vacations and time with loved ones.

I do. So when I was working as an escort, I constructed my fees to provide me with tons of free time. This also made it possible for me to both own a home and spend a lot of time speaking publicly and writing about prostitution - often and mostly for free. I didn't become wealthy. That was NOT my motivation. I wanted to live life to its fullest and work passionately for the things which matter most to me.

And in case you haven't figured it out yet, communicating concepts I consider important is what matters most to me (after family). Which is one reason I retired from escorting over four years ago and began writing and speaking full time. The other reason is because I got tired of looking over my shoulder for law enforcement. I don't make as much money anymore but that could change. After all, some writers and public speakers do very well for themselves. My first book advance amounted to what I could make in a weekend as an escort but hopefully subsequent books will pay more. But again, money has never been my primary interest in life - despite the stereotypical assumptions about prostitutes.

Another topic which deserves some clarification in light of the recent resignation of New York's Governor Spitzer is the different working conditions in various branches of the sex industry. In reality, sex work spans a huge industry with drastic differences in pay, the services provided and working conditions. Since many people have trouble thinking clearly as soon as you mention "sex," I like to draw parallels with food. For example, an 18 year old kid flipping burgers at McDonald's is doing the same thing world famous chef, Wolfgang Puck, does for a living. They both prepare food for people to eat. Yet no one would argue that these two individuals experience the same working conditions or "job" satisfaction.

When it comes to sex for money though, the media, second wave feminists and voters are quick to equate street prostitution, massage parlors, brothels, incalls, outcalls, escorts and courtesans as the same thing.

I will be the first to admit they are equal "morally." And that IS the primary reason all prostitution is lumped together - because most people are more concerned with the "moral" implications of prostitution than any other factor. The amount of money you make doesn't change whether what you do for a living is inherently "good" or "evil." And if that's the discussion we want to have, then let's bring it out in the open and stop dancing behind smokescreens like "oppression" and "sexually transmitted diseases."

Got you with that last one, huh?

Well, in the United States, the fact is that prostitution only accounts for about 7 to 10 per cent of all sexually transmitted infections. Those numbers are very different in other countries but in our country, condoms are inexpensive and readily available. And contrary to what "abstinence only" sex education preaches, condoms DO work very well if you use them properly. I should know. I used them for over 14 years with over 1800 clients and stayed perfectly healthy the entire time.

Although prostitution was once considered the "fault" of the prostitute, it has become fashionable to cast sex workers as "victims" and label the profession of prostitution "oppressive" and "degrading." The only way you can make this stick is either by assuming sex is inherently degrading to women unless they do it for free; or by conflating drug addiction and domestic violence with how a person makes a living.

Street prostitution does have a very high incidence of drug addiction and domestic violence. It is woven into the very fabric of this sector of the sex industry. Domestic violence in particular is an accepted part of the street culture. But treating either domestic violence or drug addiction as part of any profession is stupid and ineffective. Educating street prostitutes to the realities of domestic violence and providing domestic violence shelters for working prostitutes would work far better. Incarcerating pimps for domestic violence would also be a good first move.

However as the laws are currently enforced, street prostitutes are regularly rounded up in so-called street sweeps where they are jailed for a few hours, fined and released. They then go back to take a beating from their pimps for not making that night's "quota" due to the arrest. And they have to "turn" even more "tricks" to pay the fine. It is a ridiculous cycle which turns your local government into a pimp and costs you tons in tax dollars to accomplish nothing (a city like San Francisco spends more than $7 million annually to put street prostitutes through a never ending cycle of arrests and fines).

Additionally, street prostitution accounts for only about 20 per cent of all prostitution in the USA. The rest of it is on the Internet and by referral. Many independent escorts are college students, college graduates and women in their 30's and 40's who are fed up with the "glass ceiling" and/or want to supplement their income. These are neither drug addicted nor battered individuals. Instead they are simply people who have made economic choices which fall outside of the norm.

Some say that prostitution cannot constitute a choice because of the limited economic options available to a given population. That is certainly a discussion worth having. But let's not label it a discussion about prostitution. Economic choice affects all professions but especially dangerous or unpleasant tasks which could include field labor, garbage collection, emptying bedpans and cleaning septic tanks.

I would much rather catch a plane to a beautiful resort and sit on some bored business executive's face than do any of those jobs. And that doesn't mean that the average street prostitute shares my sentiments. If she is getting beaten and raped on a regular basis, any other job might look like an attractive alternative. But what if she could catch the plane to a resort and be pampered? Is it really the prostitution which is repugnant? Or isn't it the violence and hatred which kills the soul? Decisions such as this are really best left to the individual.

One final word. Governor Spitzer was a lousy client. His whining about using condoms illustrates immaturity, selfishness and short-sightedness. His nitpicking about cheap train tickets and mini-bars points to the fact that he wasn't ready for The Emperor's Club. But then again, anyone who would order brunettes, blonds and redheads from an agency with such a pretentious name as if he were ordering take-out, reveals himself as a pretender to the throne.

Podcast Number One: The Double Standard Lives On

veronica@sexwithoutshame.com (Veronica Monet, ACS) — Fri, 07 Mar 2008 02:38:00 +0000

Check out this first audio installment of The Real Live Ho Show:

http://www.archive.org/details/TheDoubleStandardLivesOn

What do you think? What do you wish I would talk about?

Feel free to leave comments here or email me directly at veronica@sexwithoutshame.com

Welcome to The Real Live Ho Show!

veronica@sexwithoutshame.com (Veronica Monet, ACS) — Mon, 25 Feb 2008 20:08:00 +0000

I have presented The Real Live Ho Show for a multitude of colleges and universities for over 15 years. Some of the more illustrious venues I have had the pleasure of speaking at include Kent State and Stanford. When I walk into the classroom I head straight for the blackboard and write:

Veronica Monet:

Current Sexologist
Former Prostitute
Lifetime Whore

As you might expect, this elicits some laughter and whispers of confusion. I will be the first to admit that I love creating controversy as a learning tool. It's no fun unless my audience is engaged in the discussion. I love to be as interactive as possible and if a particular crop of students is reticent to share their thoughts I have been known to give away porn to the first student to give a correct answer.

My favorite question is "What is a Bonobo?" It is amazing how many college students have never heard about this amazing animal. Bonobos are the mascot of many sex-positive organizations and movements because they solve their problems with sex. They are in fact the only non-violent ape. You would think that alone would catch more press but otherwise intelligent and objective people are just too squeamish about the Bonobo's sexual behavior. Bonobos not only engage in sex frequently, they practice sex which violates the taboos of most human cultures. Bonobos do it all: gay sex, lesbian sex, missionary style heterosexual sex, french kissing and prostitution. No wonder so few people know about this animal. They really do flaunt some sacred cows of conservative moralists.

My presentations also include a slide show. I wish to demystify prostitution and highlight the healing benefits of sex, so I have created an erotic slide show of real life sacred prostitution. It is both a documentary and an artistic account of my professional relationship with a prostitution client. As the images transition on the screen, I love to watch jaws drop in shock. The surprise is not due to some unfamiliar or degrading sex act but rather a response to the affection, compassion and spiritual connection. No one ever expects to see that.

I keep my presentations topical so they morph from year to year while retaining the salient features. The flavor of the moment is "trafficking." Much hysteria, legislation and entertainment preaches the evils of this latest scourge of sex for pay. The trouble is, it isn't new and it isn't any more real than "white slavery" was a couple hundred years ago. While some children and women are forced into a life of prostitution, the vast majority are simply seeking a way to feed themselves. Many of the so-called "trafficking victims" who are "rescued" very quickly return to the profession as soon as the handouts from those who would "rescue" them dry up.

A much more effective and realistic way to ensure that exiting prostitution is easy and accessible to everyone is decriminalization. If we simply remove existing laws, we will make it possible for people to move into other jobs without the stigma of an arrest record. Additionally, if we redirected the millions of dollars spent by most major cities putting prostitutes and their clients in jail, we could afford to open recovery houses, training centers and daycare. Unfortunately, none of that is as glamorous as rushing into a suspected crime scene and whisking a "victim" off to an interrogation room to recount her tail of woe. Put in that situation, I could cough up a pretty convincing story about my innocence too.

Which is NOT to say that some of the people "rescued" are not in need of it. But the "trafficking" problem has been vastly over-stated and too many of those who are "rescued" are NOT better off once they have been "rescued." People don't need to be perceived as "victims" nor do they need the patronizing efforts of those who want to play hero. What everyone deserves is equal protection under the law (something prostitutes do NOT have) and the freedom and dignity of choice.

There is so much more to this topic. Future installations will include discussions about sex and religion (for instance, did you know that the Catholic church used to operate brothels?) and help you distinguish between the many branches of the sex industry (what is the difference between a prostitute and a courtesan?). I may even broach the topic of how sexual shame leads to global warming. Stay tuned.

Yours Without Shame,
Veronica Monet