The Real Matt Daddy

Now It's Time To Say Goodbye

2013-02-19T07:00:00.000-05:00

It's all about this kid!

"Times they are a changing" - Bob Dylan

I wasn't sure when this moment would come. I knew that blogging probably wouldn't be a "forever" thing in my life. I sort of anticipated that my time as a non-working at-home dad would be limited. Sometimes, life presents you with an opportunity that you cannot not take advantage of, and I am at that crossroads. I have been an at-home dad/dad blogger for two years, and I am sad to say that this will be my last post as "The Real Matt Daddy."

Real Opportunities

I have been presented with an opportunity to be a part of a small business owned by my step-father. This job will allow me to be flexible with my schedule so that I can still take care of my daughter when she is not in school. It will also allow me to do some things that I love to do - repair electric guitars and build cigar box guitars - and make money doing them. With this job comes the opportunity to really learn this business so that, one day, I could potentially take over when my step-dad decides to retire.

I have always wanted to run a small business, but without a sure-fire idea or start-up capital, I held back from taking such a big risk for the sake of my family. This could be the perfect opportunity because I could potentially take over an established business without the risk of starting from scratch. Not only that, it allows the me the flexibility that I need to be the kind of parent that I want to be and to pursue other means of giving back that I feel God calling me to at this time.

Real Balance

I feel that parents need to have a good reason for being away from their kids. One of those reasons is generating income. To be perfectly honest, the time required to write and promote a great blog that generates income takes away from being the best father I can be. It's not that I'm a bad parent when I blog, but it was different when my daughter was in a bouncer and was pretty much self-contained. She's much more active now, and I don't want to be a dad that sits online every day waiting for something to blog about while I miss out on her life. I don't want to find myself ignoring my kid because I'm promoting my latest blog post on Twitter. How would that be any different than just putting her in daycare while I go to work? The entire point of staying home was so that I could do it right, and the more I give to the blog, the less I have for her. That's just not fair to my daughter.

"Blog at night," you say, and that would be a great idea except that I value my marriage. The evenings are the only times that I get to spend with my wife to make sure that our relationship is strong. With her busy schedule, and especially with her new, longer commute, we have to be intentional about making quality time for each other. Blogging at night would ruin that opportunity to spend time together. We'd probably end up sitting on separate couches on our digital devices "connecting" with the world and growing further apart. That's not the marriage I want, and I won't sacrifice my relationship with my wife for my writing, no matter how much I love it. I have to prioritize my relationship with my wife and daughter over my love for writing, and I am very okay with that at this point. Writing was a very important and useful tool for me as I was leaving my full-time job to stay at home with my daughter. It really helped me process my emotions related to the major life change that was happening. I still love to write, but there are more important things in my life at this point, and I have to make room for them.

Making A Real Difference

One of my goals was to make a difference with my writing. I wanted to be a voice for men who needed some inspiration. I wanted to be an example of a good father so others could be encouraged to make the effort required to be a good father as well. There were many times when my writing made a difference for my readers, and I am thankful that our paths crossed at a time when the outpouring of my soul in text was able to speak to a thought or emotion that you were having at that same moment. Perhaps the best example I can set for you now is to make the decision to walk away (I seem to be pretty good at that. Just ask my previous employer!) Make sure the strength of your family always comes first.

I must admit, there were many times when it felt like I was "preaching to the choir" while writing on this blog. I felt like I was with a bunch of great parents standing in a circle and we were all yelling into the middle. Occasionally, one of us would have a message break through the circle. But those moments were rare, and when they did happen, they were minimized, trivialized, refuted, diluted, and rarely reached their intended audience. Anyone who could really benefit from hearing our voices was on the outside of the room that this circle was in, across the street, pulling their hair out because of their kids. They didn't get our message because we were not taking it directly to them in person. Real change never comes by talking alone. There has to be some action. If I want to help men be better fathers or be mentors to the fatherless, I have to get involved with them personally, and that is what I plan to do here in my local area. I encourage you to do the same.

Real Thank-Yous

There are a few people who have supported this blog from the beginning, not to mention a few people I met along the way, that I need to thank.

First of all, I owe a debt of thanks to my family and friends who encouraged me and were faithful readers even when the writing was not very good.

Bruce Sallan, thank you for being my most frequent comment giver.

Zach from 8Bit Dad, I will miss beating you to posting about the latest "dadvertising" (and your jokes).

Oren from A Blogger and A Father, thanks for creating the dad blogger Facebook group and for your sarcastic sense of humor.

John from Daddy's In Charge? Your banjo-filled Lego videos always helped keep things in perspective.

Lance and Matt from the NYC Dads Group and the other NAHDN guys (Al, Hogan, Chad, Chris and Chris), thank you for always promoting my stuff. It really means a lot that you thought it was worth sharing.

Lastly, I want to say thanks to YOU for reading this blog. I hope it kept you entertained and encouraged amid the craziness of life and parenting. I appreciate every comment, every discussion, and every social media whirlwind we shared.

"Idiot Dad" Largely Absent From 2013 #SuperBowl Advertising

2013-02-04T16:14:00.000-05:00

As a former advertising professional, I usually follow the trends of Super Bowl commercials. It seems that every year there's company that comes up short, falls flat, or makes a gigantic mistake. Now that I'm an at-home dad, I thought that I would look at the commercials from a different perspective. This year, I had my pen and paper ready. I planned to dissect the most watched (and most expensive) television messages of the year, looking for any hint of a company that used the "idiot dad" stereotype in their advertising. I planned to report the results to you here, and spend a good deal of time ripping each company apart for their blatant disregard for fathers. But I am happy to say that I have very little to report. After thorough examination, I have assembled the very best and worst(?) dad-related commercials from last night's big game.

One of the few commercials that came close to showing an "idiot dad" stereotype was the GoDaddy.com "Big Idea" ad. This ad was taking a cheap shot at men in general but not specifically dads, so I let it go. See for yourself.

I did notice that there were some commercials where a "mom" character took the place of a role typically stereotyped as a "dad" role. In the Hyundai ad "Team" a kid is being bullied on the playground and is told that he can't play until he comes back with his own team. Mom comes to the rescue. The usual stereotype is that dad helps son stand up to the bully. Hyundai got this one right though. This ad was funny regardless of who was driving Jr around to rally his team.

Hyundai did didn't leave dad out of the picture completely. In their ad "Epic Play Date," they give dad a central role, and he manages to have an amazing whirlwind adventure with the kids. Mom's there too, but she doesn't have any lines. Other than seeing dad drive like a maniac with a car load of kids, this one was pretty well done. Oh, and it features The Flaming Lips. That scores major points with hipster parents everywhere.

Hyundai wasn't the only car company in on the Super Bowl action. Toyota cashed in on the star power of Kaley Cuoco. Unfortunately, this is one of those ads that missed the mark. It wasn't until I watched it again to post on this blog that I even got the "spare tire" joke. I realized that this happened because I was just getting over the "infinite witches" part when I watched it the first time. I was like "WTF? Witches?" There was a lot going on in this ad, and none of it was done well enough to hit home. While I don't think that this was necessarily a negative image of dad, it definitely wasn't the most positive. In the context of this ad, I was willing to let it slide because it wasn't really making a statement about fathers in general. What do you think?

There was one more care company that featured a dad in their commercial. Audi had a huge hit with their ad "Prom". In this ad, the son is headed to prom alone. Mom is consoling; little sister is making fun; and dad lets him cut loose by tossing him the keys to the Audi. This ad was stereotypical, but not in a negative way. I didn't feel strongly that it was "pro" one parent over the other either. It was clearly about the kid and his "bravery" which is the trait that Audi wants you to associate with their brand.

Soda and beer companies mostly ignored the "dad" character altogether, unless you count the guy who raised the Budweiser Clydesdale. (That one was called "Brotherhood" anyway) Beer commercials focused on "buddies" or "friends" or "opposite sex/attraction" or "creepy Stevie Wonder." Coca-Cola missed the mark, in my opinion, with the Coke Chase (which may have been racist) because it left no positive association with the brand and involved an online contest with no apparent incentive to play along.

Pepsi redeemed themselves from their terrible Elton John spot during last year's game with a commercial for Pepsi NEXT simply called "Party." It's clear from the beginning that everything about this commercial is meant to be "over the top" and ridiculous. The "parents" were merely another reflection of that. I don't take commercials that begin with someone dressed in a unicorn head all that seriously when it comes to their display of gender roles/parenting.

The most hotly debated ad in the dad community is the fan-made Doritos spot titled "Fashionista Daddy." This content was made and voted on by fans to get air time during the big game, so even though I didn't like this ad, I can't really blame Doritos or their ad agency. There are several things I don't like about this commercial. The first is that the daughter is begging her father to play with her. I get it. My kid does this all the time, and sometimes *gasp* I blow her off. I always hate myself for it later, but it does happen. I don't like it being the joke, but I get it. I don't like that the daughter had to bribe her dad with Doritos, but I get it.

Now, this dad is apparently blowing off his daughter in order to play football with the guys. This is not a big problem if mom is home to step in while dad has friends over, but as we see at the end of the commercial, it appears that mom was out shopping, so dad was going to leave his young daughter unattended in the house while he played football outside with the guys. This is not a good parenting decision. Taking the grocery bag out of mom's hands would have kept this from being an issue with me. I don't like seeing fathers making questionable parenting choices in advertising. It just feeds the stereotype that we are somehow incompetent when it comes to taking care of our kids. What do you think? Did this one go too far? What could they have done differently and been just as funny?

Toward the end of the game, there was a Milk ad with Duane "The Rock" Johnson chasing down a milk truck so he could serve his daughter and her friends their morning cereal. Like the Pepsi commercial, but in a completely different way, this was intended to be "over the top" and ridiculous. He probably ran past three bodegas to track down that milk truck. And he left the girls alone, but hey, they got their protein! This was not a favorite.

The big winner for dad-friendly commercials goes to Kia and their "Space Babies" ad. This ad was clever, family oriented, had great brand association, and included a great display of selling features. I think that this is one that will stick with us for a while much like the VW "Use The Force" ad from last year.

What do you think? Did you watch the commercials? Did I miss any important ones?

#Ravens Linebacker @RayLewis On Retirement: "It's Okay To Be Daddy"

2013-01-02T19:16:00.000-05:00

As a Baltimore Ravens fan, I was anxious to watch the video of the entire press conference where Ray Lewis announced his retirement. But I didn't expect to hear him talk so much about fatherhood, and how his role as a dad helped shape his decision to retire at this point in his career.

Click on the link below, and skip to the 3:40 mark to hear him begin to talk about being able to watch two of his sons play football on the same team while he was injured. From there, he continues to talk about his thought process through this decision, and he brings up fatherhood several more times, saying that his kids have had to sacrifice having him around for seventeen years and that he doesn't want them to grow up without a father like he did.

My favorite quote of the entire press conference comes at the 8:25 mark,

"I couldn't split my time. When God calls, He calls. And He's calling... He's calling me to be a father. It's okay to be 'Daddy'... It's okay to say that."

See the full Ray Lewis retirement announcement HERE.

***UPDATE***

I have been seeing various comments on social media about the incident in Atlanta involving Ray Lewis just after the Ravens won their 2000 Super Bowl. And here is my response:

Comment on Facebook: What about that shooting in Atlanta that he let his posse take the fall for so he could make his millions in the NFL?

Me: Actually, it was a stabbing, and nobody took the fall for it. Nobody was ever convicted, which is a shame. This was not a premeditated attack. It was a bar fight outside of a club. Things were probably crazy. He was the most famous person in the group, so, of course, the target was on his back. Is it tragic that there was no conviction? Yes. Did he get off the hook? We don't know. What we do know is that he did plea to lesser charges (which the state never had to offer him, especially if they had any evidence). He served 12 months of probation (incident free) and also paid the largest non-drug related fine the NFL had ever issued ($250,000). Not only that, he did reach an undisclosed monetary settlement with the families of both victims in civil court. As I see it, he was prosecuted to the fullest extent of the law (especially if there was not enough evidence to ever prove anyone guilty). And it appears that he learned his lesson. He has played the rest of his career without the slightest incident, and he has been actively involved in charity efforts around Baltimore for his entire career. You can think whatever you want about him, but like I told somebody else who posted the same question, I'm not celebrating the 25 year old who made a terrible mistake with a crowd of people who got in a fight (whether he did any of the stabbing or just covered up who did). I'm celebrating the almost 40 year old father of six who is making his kids a priority over his desire to compete in the NFL for millions of dollars. Hopefully, you can see the difference.

Dad Blogs: Best Posts of 2012

2012-12-29T09:32:00.000-05:00

For those of you anxiously awaiting my return from "vacation mode," it won't be too much longer. I'm still working on remodeling our future home, and once we get moved in, I'll be back on a regular basis. I have so many stories to share with you - like why everyone is peeing on the floor, jokes to tell during a vasectomy, and much, much more.

In the meantime, I have some other great dad-related content that I think you would love. I'm part of a dad bloggers Facebook group that is 70 members strong (...and growing!). We decided that it would be fun to each share what we felt was our best post of the year. Some are funny; some are sweet; some will make you think; and others will make you cry. Here they are, in no particular order. (More may be added as they are posted this week, so be sure to check back!)

Looking At My Boy - A Blogger and A Father

Dear Hypothetically Gay Son - Ask Your Dad

Why We Have Kids - DadScribe

Does Our "Elf On The Shelf" Have A Penis? - Kyle of Rather-Be-Shopping

The Upside of Timidity - Ray Colon

May Your Song Always Be Sung - ihopeiwinatoaster

Gays, Muppets, Chicken + Jesus - Designer Daddy

Saying Goodbye To "Campa" - The Real Matt Daddy (Me)

Education vs. Intimidation: Why Your Parenting Philosophy Is Not Mine - Fodder 4 Fathers

10 Phrases That Will Reduce A Parent To Tears - DadDoes

Honoring Pearl Harbor - Rob Hatton

Toys Reflect Our Story - Cute Monster

A Daddy's First Miscarriage And The Feelings That Came With It - Keith of Daddy Place

Raising Children Without A Father Of My Own - Canadian Dad

Spiderman, My Kids And The Kissing Episode - Mommy's Busy... Go Ask Daddy!

Biggest Legends Of The West In One Photograph: Fake Or Real?

On Holding Hands: A Meditation On Being A Father - Raised ByLessons From America My Daughter

A Sublime Parenting Moment - Luke, I Am Your Father

The Parenting Wars... Starring Legos - Daddy's In Charge?

Whose Shoes To Fill - Active Duty Dad

Lessons From America - The P Word

The Intro - Ay Yo, Be A Father

Kids Tell (And Act Out) The Story of #Christmas

2012-12-24T06:00:00.000-05:00

Saw this in church this week. It's fantastic. Merry Christmas, everyone!

#RealFatherhoodStories: Mike from @SecretDadBlog

2012-12-23T08:05:00.002-05:00

How My Daughter Taught Me To Give

By: Mike of Secret Dad Society

‘Tis the season’ for giving, and for being completely humbled by your own children.We were going through the mountain of toys and stuffed animals that have amassed in the playroom, and we decided to clean out some of the clutter. The collection of stuffed animals, specifically, was squarely in my sights.

I said to my daughter, “We should give a few of these to another boy or girl to play with,” and just after the words flitted happily off my tongue, I realized what I had done. Four-year olds, as you know, take EVERYTHING literally.

I saw her eyes begin to grow wider and imagined the gears turning in her head, so I commenced with my back-peddling crusade. I tried to explain what it means to donate things to the Salvation Army, but it was already too late. She was dead set on going right out and finding a boy or girl to give her stuffed turtle and teddy bear to.

After a brief moment of reflection, I realized that this was a really good thing. It was a teachable moment and character building opportunity for my daughter. I recognized that this was a chance to be a really good dad, and I became very excited. We packed up the stuffed animals and headed off to the mall to look for someone to give them to.

Although there were lots of boys and girls at the mall shopping with their parents, we must have done five laps before she worked up her confidence and settled on the perfect girl to pawn off her old stuffed animals on. “Great,” I thought, “This is almost a wrap. Soon I can put another notch on my rad dad staff.” (I don’t really have a rad dad staff – see, I’ve become paranoid about being taken literally).

I bent over, smiled at my daughter, and said, “Go ahead, sweetie. Run over there and give them to the girl,” after which she completely froze. I tried encouraging her to no avail. She wanted to do it, but couldn’t work up the nerve. I could totally understand where she was coming from. That was when I came to the realization that I was going to have to do this myself. My gut instinct was to run. Instead, I took a few deep breaths and tried to think.

“Okay, I can do this!” I thought. I looked at the mother, who, as far as I could tell, appeared to be a decent and friendly person. I then looked down at myself. I was sporting my best pair of corduroys. OK, that’s good. No foods stains either, that’s also a plus. The best thing I had going for me, however, was having my daughter with me. That would have to lower my creepiness value significantly.

That’s when my brain began to riot against this dumb idea. Every ounce of me revolted against approaching this total stranger. I’d much rather be anonymous, so instead I briefly considered giving my daughter some cash to drop into the Salvation Army bucket out front, but I knew it couldn’t work. She just wouldn’t understand. No, I had to go all-in now.

I paced back and forth a few times, (you know, just to look even creepier to nearby shoppers) and then I made my move. I gripped my daughter’s hand tightly, not only for her support, but also in an effort to look less threatening. We were in this together.

I smiled and said, “Excuse me, but my daughter really wants to give away these stuffed animals to someone, and she chose your daughter. It really would make my daughter’s day.” I then turned slowly to my daughter and said, “Open the bag, honey,” to show that it contained no rat poison, body parts, or other nightmarish items – just two cute and cuddly stuffed animals. I smiled again and waited patiently as the mom sized up the situation.

She started to say, “Well, she already has – ,” but I deftly and ever so subtly shook my head, raised my eyebrows as high as my face would allow, and tried to nonverbally communicate something along the lines of, “Dear God lady, please please please don’t make me have to do this again – you’ve got to help me. Just take the $%^&* bag of stuffed animals, have a Merry Christmas, and let’s move on!”

Just then her daughter said, “OOHHH, they are so cute!”, and my own daughter began doing that cute thing she does where she sort of dances in place because she’s so excited, shy, or in this case, both. So the mom says, “Are you sure?”, and I volleyed back an immediate “Yyyy-ep!” Then Mother went on to say that it was very nice of her and all that jazz… Actually, my brain stopped processing outside stimuli at that point as my inner monologue began screaming, “WE DID IT! WE DID IT!”

After a quick goodbye and well-wishing for Happy Holidays, we went our separate ways, and I wiped the sweat from my brow. I gushed to my daughter about how proud I was of her for giving away some of her toys, and I offered to take her out to eat as a special treat. She chose the ‘dinosaur place’, which baffled me at first, but turned out to be the Texas Roadhouse right outside the mall. We had a great dinner and a discussion about the ‘fun’ we had giving away her toys and making another little girl happy.

I’m sure these sorts of things happen all the time, but this one really is going to stick in my mind for quite some time. It’s easily going to be my defining ‘dad moment’ of the year. Nothing else in the world could have given me courage to approach a complete stranger in such a manner, except for wanting to do right by my daughter. Both of us grew a little bit as human beings that night.

Mike is just a geeky dad of two young kids, a boy and girl, who is a kid at heart himself. He blogs at Secret Dad Society. He hopes to provide inspiration for other parents to share the love of learning about, making, and doing new things with their kids. You can follow him on Facebook or see what he's tweeting @SecretDadBlog.

Do you have a story about your father or about being a father that you would like to share? If so, submit your "Real Fatherhood Story" to TheRealMattDaddy.com by first reading the requirements, and then emailing us your submission. Thank you.

DADS: Tell A Major Brand How You Purchase/Consume Yogurt

2012-11-27T09:36:00.004-05:00

Dads,

Here is your chance to talk to a major company about what's important to YOU as a father and a consumer!

"My fellow students and I are doing a group project about yogurt purchase and consumption among fathers with children under the age of 18. Our hypothesis is that there is an opportunity for our client, Chobani yogurt, to reach out to fathers of young children and acknowledge their nurturing role in their children’s lives. The survey will be used to confirm this hypothesis, and then used to formulate Chobani’s future advertising strategy. The responses will be kept entirely anonymous and only shown to the client in a presentation on December 3rd. We would be incredibly grateful if you could post the survey on your Facebook page and blog to help us in this endeavor."

- Studens from S.I. Newhouse School of Public Communications at Syracuse University

We don't always get opportunities like this, so let's make a good showing and let them know what's important to us as involved fathers.

Please TAKE THE SURVEY and then share on your social pages!

Help Us Kick #Cancer in the Prostate! #Movember

2012-11-11T21:50:00.002-05:00

One in two men and one in three women will be diagnosed with cancer in their lifetime. That makes me want to kick cancer in the prostate. I've never been kicked in the prostate, but I'm almost certain that it would hurt like heck. I have been kicked in the scrotum, and that does hurt like heck.

More often than not, if you get into a fight, there is an expectation that both parties will fight fairly. This is strangely true in even the most extreme circumstances - like bar fights. Anyone who kicks his opponent in the scrotum during a fight would be seriously looked down upon. Cancer would be someone who would kick his opponent in the scrotum.

In its fight against the human race, cancer doesn't fight fairly. It takes extreme medical practices to even have a chance to survive.

It does not fight with a predictable style. There is no formula for avoiding or beating cancer that is 100% effective.

Anyone can get it. It makes no exception for age, race, religion, gender, or sexual orientation.

It is sneaky. It often doesn't make its presence known until it's too late.

It is aggressive and doesn't respect boundaries. It doesn't always stay confined in one location.

The only way that we can fight cancer is to throw so much money into research and health initiatives like early screening that it doesn't stand a chance. We need to kick cancer in the prostate.

We need to attack it as aggressively as it seems to be attacking us. We need to raise money and awareness at an unprecedented level.

I am part of a group of men that has taken on that very challenge. We are throwing caution to the wind. We are ignoring the wishes of our spouses. We are growing mustaches to raise awareness for men's health initiatives and prostate cancer research. You can help us kick cancer in the prostate.

First, go to see your doctor at least once a year for a health screening to check for cancer. Learn what to look for so you can detect any early warning signs.

Second, donate to our Movember team to raise awareness for men's health initiatives and prostate cancer research. Click on the giant mustache on top of the sidebar on the right.

Third, tell someone you love to get their annual screening.

Day 11

How To Grow A Mustache for #MOVEMBER

2012-11-01T06:00:00.000-04:00

It's that time of year again. Today is November 1st. It is the official kickoff date of Movember. During November each year, Movember is responsible for the sprouting of mustaches on thousands of men’s faces, in the US and around the world. With their Mo's, these men raise vital awareness and funds for men's health issues, specifically prostate and testicular cancer initiatives.

November 1st

I have joined up with 26 (and counting!) dads and dad bloggers to raise money for this amazing cause - MEN. Did you know that the likely hood of a man getting cancer is still 1 in 2? HALF. That's right, HALF of the men you know - fathers, husbands, brothers, sons, uncles, cousins - could end up facing some sort of cancer in their lifetime. That is unacceptable, and I believe that this charity does make a difference even if it is by doing a very silly thing like growing a mustache.

So, why mustaches? Nothing says "manly" like a well-groomed mo on your upper lip. Think of all of the manly men you know of - Tom Selleck, Chuck Norris, the Brawny guy - all of them have great mustaches! Just make sure you follow the rules!

So, if you'd like to donate to our cause, CLICK HERE.

If you would like to join our team and grow your own mo, watch the video below, and then CLICK HERE.

HOW TO GROW A MUSTACHE

featuring Nick Offerman (aka Ron Swanson from NBC's Parks & Rec)

How To Take Some Much Needed Time Off

2012-10-20T16:08:00.000-04:00

So, how do you take some much needed time off?
You just do. That's it. There is no magical formula. Just do it.

I don't think that there are too many of you reading this who wouldn't consider your lives to be busy. Sometimes, we end up doing too much, and we need to take a break. I have been writing on this blog for almost two years without a break, and yesterday, life handed me the much-needed rest that I need. The video card went up on our home computer. A simple fix, right? It probably is; however, I will not be making it any time soon. You see, I was already contemplating taking a break from all online activity for a few months. This fried video card just gave me the confirmation that I needed to make the decision.

My family is in the process of moving back to Maryland. That happens in several phases. Phase one happened this weekend when we moved into temporary housing. Phase two involves me completing renovations to our future home, which is five minutes away from our temporary home. Phase three involves moving into the future home and completely out of our other homes. Phase four involves minor cosmetic repairs and the selling of our old home in Gettysburg. Since I am doing the renovations, repairs, and heavy lifting by myself for the most part, I am taking a break from this blog for a while. Don't worry, I will be back on January 1st (if not sooner) of 2013. In the meantime, there will be a lot of traveling back and forth between all three of my homes, and I will be busy with my hammer and paint brush.

I will still be writing for the Blogger Idol competition for as long as I remain a contestant. I am please to be included in the Top 8. That means I will still be begging for your votes on Wednesdays and Thursdays via Facebook & Twitter. If you want to help me win (I could sure use that tablet since my computer is busted), be sure to follow me on one of those accounts. That said, my Facebook and Twitter accounts will not be as active as they usually are since I will be too busy taking care of the needs of my family. I know you understand.

Lastly, I will be participating in this year's MOVEMBER campaign, and I will, again, add a widget to the sidebar for donations. There is still time to join our team of awesome dads and dad bloggers. Last year, we got some pretty awesome products from our sponsor and raised over $20,000 for prostate cancer research and men's health initiatives (search for "MOVEMBER" on the right side of the screen for related posts from last year).

If you need a Matt Daddy fix while I'm gone, you can read my guest post on Dad Blunders where I wrote a futuristic letter to my daughter as she is about to become a mom.

Until you hear from me again, be good to each other.

Matt Peregoy a.k.a The Real Matt Daddy

Dealing With Another Dad Double Standard

2012-10-16T16:04:00.001-04:00

I was talking to someone the other day who I hadn't seen in awhile. He asked if I was "still doing the Mr. Mom thing." I understand that I can't expect him (or his older generation for that matter) to understand how difficult it was for me not to shout "DON'T CALL ME MR. MOM!" But just as I pat myself on the back for withholding my disdain for that particular statement, he said something else, "So, you're really using that college degree, huh?"

I hadn't given his statement that much thought at the time. I just continued the conversation, and we went our separate ways. My wife later said to me, "I can't believe he said that." I thought she was talking about "Mr. Mom" because she knows how much I hate the phrase. "No," she said, "About you going to college." She was right. I didn't even stop to think about how much of a double standard that really is. I was so upset about his repeated use of the "Mr. Mom" phrase that I totally missed what might be an even bigger put down.

Our country spends millions of dollars a year to market science and mathematics to young girls so that they stay interested and pursue careers which require advanced degrees. If a woman gets a college degree, she is praised for her ambition. If she later decides to stay at home with her children, nobody questions her choice to get a degree. It makes her better educated person, which, presumably, adds to what she has to offer as a mother. Her choice to get a college degree is viewed as a good choice, even if she later decides to stay at home. So why, then is my choice to get a college degree all of a sudden a bad choice because I decided to stay at home?

I think that this is where negative stereotype of "idiot dad" comes into play. Our culture does not expect very much of fathers; therefore, when one spends money on an education just to stay at home, it is seen as a waste. We are not supposed to have anything to offer our children anyway.

I am happy that this just isn't true. I believe that any education is valuable, and we should aim to pass along that knowledge to our children. All degrees earned by mothers AND fathers are valuable to the future success of that family, whether it increases their potential income levels, their ability to help with homework, or even their ability to teach their children how to be better students.

What other double standards are out there? I know that there are a lot toward moms, but what about others that are directed at fathers? Why do you think this double standard exists?

The Benefits of Eggs for Breakfast

2012-10-15T12:23:00.002-04:00

I came across a handy infographic about eggs, and I thought it would be fun to share. I know that there are some misconceptions about eggs, and I thought this picture addressed a few of those with some good information. Personally, I love eggs. But I have to be honest, I do have high cholesterol, thanks to my mother's side of the family, so I have to watch what I eat. Eggs are one protein source that I am not willing to part with, and there are many important reasons why.

The first reason that I will keep eating eggs is that they have a low glycemic index - that means they don't raise your blood sugar. I don't have any health concerns that require me to eat a low glycemic diet (like diabetes), but I have found that sticking to foods that don't raise my blood sugar helps to keep me feeling full for longer periods of time. When you eat a piece of whole wheat toast for breakfast, your blood sugar spikes higher than it would if you ate a Snickers bar (see the book Wheat Belly: Lose the Wheat, Lose the Weight, and Find Your Path Back to Health for more info like this). As your body digests the toast, your sugar comes crashing back down, usually around two hours after you have eaten. Now you know why you're always grabbing snacks at the office around 9:30 or 10AM. You can eat three or four eggs and your blood sugar does not spike at all while the protein makes you feel full for a longer stretch of time

One of the other misconceptions about eggs is that they are a risk for salmonella. This may be true, but did you know that the odds of a single egg containing salmonella are around 1 in 20,000? If the average person eats six eggs per week, for 75 years, they have only eaten a little over 23,000 eggs. Your lifetime odds of being killed in a car accident are one in 158. Lifetime odds of drowning? One in 1,100. Lifetime risk of being killed in a fire? About the same as drowning. What about the lifetime odds of being murdered? Surprisingly, they are about one in 210. I'll keep eating my eggs. Just make sure that they are fully cooked as the majority of food-born illnesses are caused by under-cooked food.

There are also a variety of ways to cook eggs, and most of them are incredibly easy. Not only that, you can do what I do and make egg sandwiches in bulk and then freeze them individually for convenient microwave cooking at a later date. The possibilities are endless with eggs.

The final reason that I will continue to eat local, free range eggs is that they are probably the most affordable protein sources, and they have a relatively low carbon footprint. When eggs come from responsibly managed farms, they are a nutrient rich source of several very important nutrients such as vitamin D and Omega 3 fatty acids (in free range or vegan fed, especially). I feel good about eating a protein source that is both good for me and good for the environment.

What about you? Do you eat eggs? Do your kids eat eggs? If not, are you surprised by any of the information presented? What is your favorite way to cook eggs?

@GoogleChrome Champions #Fatherhood in Their Recent Ad Campaign #Dadvertising

2012-10-12T09:29:00.000-04:00

I've never met a mom who didn't love a commercial with an involved father in it. I have to believe that has to be part of the motivation behind Google's new set of ads for their Chrome web browser. But regardless of their motivations, I have to say "THANK YOU!" to a brand that dares to include involved fathers in their advertising (or, as I call it, #Dadvertising). Check out their latest effort.

This ad is fantastic. It simply tells a story without a hard sell. You want to be that dad. You want to do something amazing like he did. You want to have a story like his. So, you probably need to use Google Chrome. If I didn't already use the browser (apparently, it's an awesome dad thing), I'd probably check it out based on these commercials.
Isn't that what we want from brands? We want them to capture real life in their advertising. We want them to "get it" when it comes to what we do on a daily basis. We want them to understand why we choose to use a certain product. We want them to listen to our feedback and improve their products according to our desires. Everything I know about Google leads me to believe it does exactly that. And in the world of marketing and public image, that's a win for Google. Now that we expect this kind of relationship with them, all they have to do is live up to it.
Here the other videos in this series. What do you think?

10 Parenting Resources Highlighted by @DrReneParenting #ahdconvention

2012-10-09T16:07:00.001-04:00

One of the featured speakers at this weekend's 17th Annual National At-Home Dad Convention was Dr. Rene Hackney. She currently owns and teaches at Parenting Playgroups, Inc. in Alexandria, VA. She lectures to thousands of parents, teachers, and social workers each year on a wide range of parenting related topics. She holds a PhD. in developmental psychology and a M.A. in school psychology, both from George Mason University.

Her session at the convention was titled Managing Power Struggles and Helping Your Kids to Listen Better. I think most of the dads who attended would agree that it was a powerful, and informative session that offered practical application that would immediately make a difference in our homes. While I can't recap the entire session, I can give you ten of the resources that she mentioned so that you can do specific reading to target any issues that you are having with your individual child.

For Kids:

1. The list of resources available for kids on Dr. Hackney's site is extensive. So, here is the link to her page of helpful children's books arranged by topic.

Books For Parents:

2. Partnership Parenting: How Men and Women Parent Differently--Why It Helps Your Kids and Can Strengthen Your Marriage - Men and women not only have naturally different communication styles, but unique approaches to parenting as well. While mothers tend to overprotect their kids, fathers tend to push them toward independence. And whereas many experts tend to advocate “a united front,” Drs. Kyle and Marsha Pruett reveal how Mom and Dad not always being on exactly the same page— which, initially, may seem to cause conflict— can actually strengthen the whole family. Informed by the Pruetts’ research and extensive experience with parents and children, Partnership Parenting offers a new outlook. In addition to fascinating biological insights, the book features strategies for negotiating common “landmine situations” from birth to age eight, from discipline and bedtime to helping kids with homework and teaching them responsibility. With wisdom and humor, Partnership Parenting helps couples take advantage of their individual strengths to raise confident children while simultaneously improving their marriage.

3. Playful Parenting - From eliciting a giggle during baby’s first game of peekaboo to cracking jokes with a teenager while hanging out at the mall, Playful Parenting is a complete guide to using play to raise confident children. Written with love and humor, brimming with good advice and revealing anecdotes, and grounded in the latest research, this book will make you laugh even as it makes you wise in the ways of being an effective, enthusiastic parent.

4. Too Much of a Good Thing: Raising Children of Character in an Indulgent Age - More and more children are growing up without a clear sense of financial or emotional limits. The Washington Post recently reported findings from U.S. Bancorp that even lower-income families are buying and spending more than ever on their children. But whether the cause is over-indulgence due to a new affluence or over-compensation for a lack of time spent with them, especially when both parents are working, many parents have created a world where their children's every need and desire is instantly fulfilled. But, as Dr. Kindlon points out, the one thing money cant buy for children is character. Dr. Kindlon guides parents toward helping their childrenand themselves understand the consequences of giving too much and expecting too little.

5. Easy to Love, Difficult to Discipline: The 7 Basic Skills for Turning Conflict into Cooperation

Learn how to stop policing and pleading and become the parent you want to be. You love your children, but if you're like most parents, you don't always love their behavior. But how can you guide them without resorting to less-than-optimal behavior yourself? Dr. Becky Bailey's unusual and powerful approach to parenting has made thousands of families happier and healthier. With this inspiring and practical book in hand, you'll find new ways of understanding and improving children's behavior, as well as your own.

6. Homework Made Simple: Tips, Tools, and Solutions to Stress-Free Homework - This book is for any parent who has ever experienced stress, self-doubt, and anxiety over their child's homework. In Homework Made Simple - Tips, Tools, and Solutions for Stress-Free Homework, Dolin, an educator with over 20 years teaching and tutoring experience, reveals the core problems that commonly lead to homework stress. She identifies six key student profiles: Disorganization, Rushing, Procrastination, Avoidance, Inattention, and Frustration and provides tips and strategies to deal with the each type. The reader will find over 100 proven solutions to tackle difficult situations and the challenging homework problems that accompany them.

7. How to Get Your Kid to Eat: But Not Too Much - Answering a multitude of questions—such as What should a parent do with a child who wants to snack continuously? How should parents deal with a young teen who has declared herself a vegetarian and refuses to eat any type of meat? Or What can parents do with a child who claims he doesn't like what's been prepared, only to turn around and eat it at his friend's house?—this guide explores the relationship between parents, children, and food in a warm, friendly, and supportive way.

8. Siblings Without Rivalry: How to Help Your Children Live Together So You Can Live Too - This wise, groundbreaking book gives parents the practical tools they need to cope with conflict, encourage cooperation, reduce competition, and make it possible for children to experience the joys of their special relationship. With humor and understanding, much gained from raising their own children , Faber and Mazlish explain how and when to intervene in fights, provide suggestions on how to help children channel their hostility into creative outlets, and demonstrate how to treat children unequally and still be fair.

9. How to Negotiate With Kids Even When You Think You Shouldn't: 7 Essential Skills to End Conflict and Bring More Joy into Your Family - A vast readership awaits How to Negotiate with Kids. It addresses some of today's top parenting concerns: how to deal with a child who disagrees, how to avoid being either an ogre or a pushover, and-most of all-how to handle conflicts in ways that build lasting relationships with children.

10. Kids, Parents, and Power Struggles: Winning for a Lifetime - Noted family educator Mary Sheedy Kurcinka hits upon a crucial parenting topic: coping with the everyday challenges of disciplining your child, while understanding the issues behind his or her behavior. In Kids, Parents, and Power Struggles, she offers unique approaches to solving the daily, and often draining, power struggles between you and your child. Kurcinka views these conflicts as rich opportunities to teach your child essential life skills, like how to deal with strong emotions and problem solve. With her successful strategies, you'll be able to identify the trigger situations that set off these struggles and get to the root of the emotions and needs of you and your child.

Do you have any favorite parenting books that you found useful?

A Woman's Work is #^%&*ING PEANUTS - @BloggerIdol Week 2 Entry

2012-10-05T15:00:00.000-04:00

As an at-home dad, I get questions about gender roles and stereotypes all the time. People often don’t know what to make of me as a father who directly cares for his child, so I usually end up telling them. They ask things like, “Are you babysitting today?” To which I reply, “Nope, I'm parenting.” Sometimes they still don’t “get it.” For those occasions, I had this shirt made up.

While I think that gender stereotypes are occasionally funny but mostly useless, I do believe we can learn a lot from the opposite sex. So, in an effort to truly understand the way that my wife approaches parenting, I decided to conduct an experiment. I tried to imagine living out my routine for a day, but with her mind.

I would wake up to the sound of my toddler talking to herself in her crib. She’s talking to herself. Is she hurt? Is she thirsty? Is that normal? I would assure myself that everything was okay, and proceed to get dressed. These pants are tighter than last week. Am I eating too much Halloween candy? Can I get away with sweatpants at story time two weeks in a row?

My hair would get put up in a pony tail because there was, literally, no time to shower. Then, I’d get my kid up and out of bed. This diaper is really full; no more drinks before bed. Am I a bad mom for doing that? "Stand up, so we can get you dressed." Her pants are tighter than last week. Did she hit a growth spurt? Did I leave laundry in the dryer? Dress clothes or towels? Crap, I’m going to have to iron.

We would head downstairs for breakfast. She needs to have a fruit. She didn't have a fruit at dinner last night. But I want her to be full, so she should have some protein too. I would prepare her an apple and a waffle. There's no time for eggs, but I should pack a healthy snack. I don’t want to take gummy snacks again. Crap, we’re out of milk. I should stop on the way home. “Are you ready to go?” I would ask her. We’d finish up our breakfast... Granola bars are healthy, right? ...and head out the door for story time at our local library.

After circling the block to get the cheaper parking meter (the ones closer to the library are a dollar, and these are only twenty-five cents)… #WINNING! … we would find our seats in the circle of other parents. It’s sixty degrees outside, and she’s wearing that? The librarian would start reading a book about animals. Wait, we’re making animal sounds. Why isn't my kid making the animal sounds? She does them at home. Why not now? Quack, Baby, quack… we need to practice.

"Great job!" Sweet, she knew that was a dolphin. None of the other kids knew that. “Sit down so everyone can see,” I’d remind her. Should I get a book out for me? I won’t have time to read it anyway. Don't forget the milk.

“No, we don’t eat the glue stick,” I’d tell my daughter during craft time. Why is she eating the glue stick? Is she hungry? “Are you hungry? I have raisins in your bag,” I’d offer. Did that woman just give her kid peanuts? Really, peanuts? That kid IS eating PEANUTS?! We'd finish our craft an then go play with puppets. Is she insane?! Who brings #^%&*ing peanuts into a room full of kids? “We need to share the puppets. Ask her nicely for a turn.” ALLERGIES!!! CHOKING HAZARD!!! We need to leave before I punch that woman in the vajay. #^%&*ING PEANUTS?!

When story time was over, we would head out to the grocery store to pick up the milk and a few other things. Did I bring my coupons? Do I have them sorted for stacking? Crap, I should have checked the blogs for the best deal. “Hold my hand; we’re in a parking lot! Look for cars.” There are so many germs on these carts. That bug is going around. Crap, are they out of wipes? And my husband thinks I'm crazy for having a backup stash. “Don’t touch the cart until Mommy cleans it,” I would carefully instruct my daughter. I wonder if juice is on sale. Crap, this coupon is expired. I can’t believe she brought #^%&*ing peanuts. “Don’t touch the food on the shelf, Baby! We’re going to check out soon.” Great, I forgot the milk. No time now. I'll have to text Matt to pick it up.

“Put that jar down.” Is this the shortest line? “No, you can’t have any candy.” This kid is seconds away from a meltdown, and I do NOT want to get those looks. “If you’re good, I’ll give you raisins when we get in the car,” I’d end up negotiating. Why did I just bargain with her? Don’t give me that look.

“Don’t put your hands on the belt. Your fingers could get stuck.” Really? You can’t scan any faster, Gladys? Where’s the bagger? How did Jessica Simpson lose that baby weight? Damn, she looks good. “Don’t climb out of the cart! We’re heading home for lunch!”

This experiment was supposed to last all day, but it was like I was living inside a commercial for BING. I couldn’t even make it to lunch without feeling the need to press the virtual PAUSE button to catch my breath. Thinking like a woman is truly exhausting. No wonder they say, “A woman’s work is never done.” She’s too busy thinking about everything else!

The Weekend The Men Went... to the At-Home Dad Convention #ahdconvention

2012-10-04T14:51:00.000-04:00

On a weekend in October...

...a national non-profit organization will conduct a social experiment like none other.

Men from around the nation will leave their homes and flock to Washington, D.C...

and leave... their wives...

alone... with the kids.

Can they survive?

Of course they can. This isn't a Lifetime reality television show.
(Plus, this is the seventeenth time it has happened.)

It's time for the convention!

Well, it's finally here. The 17th Annual At-Home Dad Convention is taking place this weekend (with activities starting today) in Washington, D.C. My wife will likely be glad that I'm gone (mostly because it means she gets to sprawl out when she goes to sleep) because this is the weekend that recharges my passion for being an at-home dad. Not that there is any lack of passion, but let's be honest, the week after the convention, the dishes get done a little faster, the laundry seems to put itself away, and the house is suddenly spic and span like it hasn't been for a while. Why? Because when I get back from the convention, I feel like Super Dad, and I'm dying to prove it to myself.

All kidding aside, I am really looking forward to connecting with some friends from last year. I am also looking forward to meeting some of my blogging pals in person, namely Chris Routly from Daddy Doctrines (who will be part of the same panel discussion that I am in, more on that later), John from Daddy's In Charge? (you can't hide!), and a few others.

The most important part of the convention is the Saturday speaker lineup.
You can view the program details here.

I will be tweeting the best take-aways from the following sessions (in this order):

Parenting Playgroup Workshop - Dr. Rene Hackney
The New Dad: Caring, Committed, and Conflicted - Dr. Brad Harrington
Age Based Open Forum - Dads of pre-school aged children
(my girl is 2 1/2, so I'm getting a head start)
Dads and Daughters - What We Say, What They Hear
Men's Brains: Improving Communication in Marriage and Family
Moving the Conversation Forward*
Motivational Speech: Jeremy Hilton, 2012 Military Spouse of the Year

You can follow me on Twitter (@realmattdaddy) and look for the hash tag #ahdconvention to keep up with what's going on throughout the day.

I have also been nominated for the board of the National At-Home Dad Network, and I am honored to even be considered. I know that even if I am not elected to the board, I will still do everything I can to further the cause of at-home fatherhood (and involved fatherhood in general) with this great organization.

* I will be taking part in the panel discussion "Moving the Conversation Forward" along with Lance and Matt from the NYC Dads Group, Chris Routly from Daddy Doctrines, and David Worford. We will be discussing how dads can work with the media and marketing companies to change the way dads are portrayed in the news, on TV, in film, and in advertisements. I am honored to be a part of this panel, and I look forward to sharing my thoughts.

I have to give a special "Thank You" to my mother-in-law for loaning me a laptop so that I don't have to do everything from my phone this year. It is very much appreciated!

Don't forget, you can help me win a tablet from the Blogger Idol competition that I am currently participating in so that I don't have to borrow a laptop for next year's convention in Denver. (VOTE HERE until midnight Thursday)

Funny Survey Responses and Some Good #DADvice

2012-10-02T07:00:00.000-04:00

The first time that you land on my site, a little box pops up in the bottom right hand corner. It will ask you one of two questions. The first is "How did you find this site?" I am very interested in what channels lead to my site so that I can invest more time in promoting myself there (or realize that I am not promoting my site strongly enough in other areas... Pinterest). The second, and more interesting question, is "What topics would you like me to write about?" Over the past year, this question has yielded some very funny responses (and some pretty serious ones as well). Here they are in the order they were received.

October 5, 2011 - why you hate doing the housework your amazing wife asks you to do?

I should have seen this coming immediately. Thanks, Honey! I'll get right on those dishes.

November 10, 2011 - your hobbies, that keep you sane when you have a bad day with the kids

I have a few hobbies that I have alluded to during the life of this blog. I enjoy playing guitar, playing bass guitar, and singing. In the past, I have been into aquariums, Texas Hold 'em, and fantasy football. Lately, I have found myself wanting to learn more practical hobbies. I have been gardening for while now, but I haven't learned how to can things or make jelly. I want to learn that for sure. The most recent practical hobby I have discovered is making cigar box guitars. They are super cool, 3-string blues guitars. Here is one I just made for a friend. Yup, that is Hello Kitty on a cigar box guitar.

Oh hai! Wha's dis ting u made?

November 26, 2011 - embarrassing baby moments

I write about these quite often. There was that one time my kid pooped in the tub. Then there was the time she found a favorite shape in an interesting place. The time she stuck an apple up her nose. Or how she sometimes says things that a borderline racist. So, read up.

November 27, 2011 - How can I get my husband to go to the convention?

I assume that you are asking about the National At-Home Dad Convention. There are any number of ways to accomplish this. You could just leave him little notes all around the house. You could bring it up every single day until he finally caves in. You could have him call me, and I could probably convince him to go. But the easiest way would probably be to withhold sex until he signs up to go. I'm not saying it's the best way; I'm just saying it would be the fastest way.

December 21, 2011 - things every child does, like balance the light switch between on and off

What? Who does that? Even if I were to write about things that every child does, I'm not sure that "balancing the light switch between on and off" would be the first thing that came to my mind. Pooping, throwing food, and whining all seem to be at the top of my list of things that every child does. Even if I exhausted that list and somehow managed to get to the part of the list with "balance the light switch between on and off," I'm not sure how I would write about it. "Hey, my kind balances the light switch between on and off, isn't that funny? The End." Not really sure where else to go with that. Sorry.

June 15, 2012 - self publishing

I think you have my blog confused with something else. Have you ready my "About" page? Have you read anything on this site? By the way, it's all self-published. Confused yet? You should be.

July 18, 2012 - fake crying

This is actually very funny. When you realize that your child is fake crying, it's such a "light bulb" moment. YOU WIN as a parent when you can recognize this. Unfortunately, this was such a brief phase for my daughter that it did not get written about. Maybe some day, when I have time, I can finally write something up.

August 5, 2012 - You seem to be an exceptionla dad. I have grand child who have fahtered a # of children after thier births. Can you write about how you can be a postive influence on dad's or how to pick a guy that will be a a responsible dad based on what you do?for those kids who's Dad's only pay 45 cents a month or less as child support, how can you write so they will know that every dad doesn't treat their kids like crap?

Thank you for the comments, first of all. Wow, where do I start with this one. First of all, it breaks my heart to hear about dead-beat dads. I just want to shake them and be like, "Dude, you don't get this time back. This is your legacy. This is why you were placed on this earth."

The first question is "How can we be a more positive influence on dads?" This is a great question. There are so many levels that this problem can be addressed on, but the number one place that it starts is in the home. We become good fathers when we have good fathers (or father figures). When dads are absent, I believe that a mentoring relationship - such as a coach, a pastor, or an uncle - can be just as valuable. One of my goals is to get involved in a prison outreach as well so that dads can learn about parenting while they are in prison in hopes that they will be better fathers when they get out. Secondly, our society has to do a better job of including dads in the childbirth process. Once they are educated about what their child needs, they are then equipped to be a better parent. Lastly, women need to expect more of their men. Don't let them off the hook. Expect them to be better.

The second question is "How can you pick a guy that will be a responsible dad?" I might sound a little old fashioned here, but you can tell a lot about a man by the way he treats his family. Secondly, I am a big advocate of abstinence until marriage. When we cheapen love to just sex, we set off a chain reaction that cheapens family to just a hook up. We cheapen a real relationship to just something casual that meets a physical need. We have to educate young men to respect women and be leaders. Again, a strong, positive, male influence will go a long way in this situation.

The last question is, and forgive me if I am interpreting this incorrectly, "How can you write so that dead-beat dads know that their behavior is unacceptable?" Unfortunately, the only way for a dead-beat dad to understand what his role as a father is would be for him to have a good father or father figure. You can preach at him all day, but until he has a clear example of what that love looks like, he will continue to be lost. That's why I love the work that The Mentoring Project does with getting young men access to mentors that will guide them through the difficulties we face in life. See if there is a church in your area that is offering mentoring services. Unfortunately, once they are grown, it is difficult to get a man to change his behavior without some sort of consequence of his negative behavior (jail, loss of custody, loss of job, family consequences, etc.). I try to encourage women to expect more from the fathers of their children, and I try to challenge dads to expect more of themselves, and I hope that this message always comes through in my writing.

August 24, 2012 - How can you cure erectile dysfunction?

Seriously? No, this was not my wife again. How does any American not know how to solve ED by now? How many Viagra, Cialis, and Levitra commercials have to air before everyone knows? Talk to your doctor, people!

September 30, 2012 - How can I make my son listen to me? He listens to his dad, but not to me.

Do you find yourself giving in when he whines? Do you find that you avoid correcting him because you don't want him to feel negatively about you? These are just a few of the reasons that a child may not listen to one parent (usually mom). If dad is successful in getting Jr. to listen, you should be asking dad what he is doing that works - then get on the same page. Discipline works best when both parents are on the same page. My wife and I use time-outs and spanking. We made a list of the few things that we believe deserve a spanking, and we agreed to use time-out for the rest. We also check in with each other by talking about whether or not she has been behaving lately. Did she go to time out? Why did she go to time out? The correction from both parents is consistent; therefore, our daughter does not play one of us against the other. There are many schools of thought on discipline, but you will probably be more successful if you communicate with your husband and aim for consistency.

You can't say I never wrote about what you asked for! Feel free to use the friendly little Qualaroo survey box to communicate anything to me that you would like to see me write about. Or, you can always click my chicklets at the top right to follow me on Facebook or Twitter (or yes, even G+).

@TrayChaney's New Vid #MIKEBULLY Is Released

2012-10-01T17:09:00.000-04:00

Tray Chaney, aka "Poot" from HBO's The Wire (the best TV show ever created), has just released his new video "Mike Bully" in conjunction with the Maryland State Education Association's promotion of October as National Bullying Prevention Month. Tray is a good friend of the blog, and has tackled tough subjects before. This time, he's telling the story of Mike, a kid that gets bullied in school but doesn't know how to handle it. I think you will see that in the end, he makes the right decision. Follow the conversation with @TrayChaney on Twitter using the hash tag #MikeBully.

Enjoy the video!

@DreftDetergent Has A Great Commercial For Parents #dadvertising

2012-09-29T09:00:00.000-04:00

This is fantastic. The only thing I could ask for would be to show moms and dads working together. But otherwise, this is a great commercial for parents. Hit them up on Twitter (@DreftDetergent) or on their Facebook page and let them know you love this ad. Ironically, Dreft is a Procter&Gamble brand, and just a few months ago, we were giving P&G a hard time for their Olympic ads that were very glaringly dad-less. I'm glad to see that some parts of the P&G brand understand that dads purchase their products too!

@BloggerIdol Week 1 Entry - A Really Awkward Gift

2012-09-28T14:58:00.000-04:00

Prompt: Your audience needs to get to know you, and be able to connect with you. So, your first assignment is to introduce yourself to them by telling them about a family tradition you have. It can be with extended family or whatever, but it should really give them an idea about who you are.

Becoming an expert gift giver is no easy task. After all, gift giving is not something you can affordably practice every day. To be an expert gift giver, you must wait for an appropriate time to give your gift (birthdays, holidays, significant life events, getting out of jail, etc). Then you must deliver a meaningful, yet appropriate, gift that exceeds any and all expectations. I must confess I was not always an expert gift giver. In fact, at one time, I sucked at giving gifts.

The Gazelle... how majestic.

Let me take you back to my senior year of high school. I’m at a Christmas party that is taking place in a friend’s basement, complete with that musty basement odor and an unused Gazelle. Picture the ping pong table littered with red Solo cups full of soda (we were a pretty wild bunch). An assortment of salty snacks is strewn about. A couple of friends who think everyone wants to be a part of their "PDA party" is rounding second base while seated on the puke green plaid sofa that smells like arthritis cream because my friend’s grandmother sits on it while she watches her “stories” on the thirteen inch black and white TV that’s in the corner. This party is a real rager.

I really liked a girl named Amy back then, and knowing that we would be at this party together, I decided to surprise her with a gift. This was a complicated gift giving scenario as she did not yet know that I was interested in her. I needed something that said, “I like you, but I’m not a creepy stalker guy.” And for some reason, I decided that soap was this perfect gift. Girls like that stuff, right? I was clearly in over my head. I am ashamed to admit that I walked into Wal-Mart the night before the party, and, instead of going to the aisle full of Christmas gift boxes, I went to the regular soap aisle. I found apple scented Wal-Mart brand soap in an apple shaped container – yes, with a pump (which was impossible to wrap, in case you’re wondering).

Ladies, you know you want some...

It never occurred to me that these cute, fruit shaped soaps were meant for my grandmother’s kitchen sink. It never occurred to me that this girl might take my gift as saying, “I like you; I may or may not be a creepy stalker guy, and I think you should be washing dishes” let alone the much more obvious "I think you smell." It never occurred to me that any soap purchased at Wal-Mart, gift box or not, is considered substandard by most women and has no business being anywhere near their body. I had no way of knowing! Why didn't anyone tell me about Bath & Body Works? The look on her face as she opened her gift was not one that I want to relive at this particular moment. Let’s just say that she appeared to be greatly underwhelmed and somewhat confused.

I’m not exactly sure how I managed to pull this off, but one year later, Amy and I were dating. We had actually been dating for four months. So when it came time to exchange Christmas gifts, I got her something nice. But I also surprised her with another gift – soap! I stepped up my game this time. I explained to her that I now realized that fruit scented Wal-Mart soap was not good enough for her. If she was nice enough to give me a chance after that terrible first gift, she deserved the good stuff. I told her I would make it up to her every year at Christmastime as long as we were dating.

Amy got some great soap while we dated in college. One Christmas she got camp soap because she was going to Thailand for a semester and would be spending some time living in a village where there would be no soap available for laundry. The following Christmas, she got a fair trade, hand-made soap that smelled like the incense that was burned at the Buddhist temples she visited while she was abroad.

Two years ago, while Amy was six months pregnant with her first child, she got baby soap in her stocking. That’s right, the tradition continues. Amy is now my wife of six years, and while my first gift to her wasn’t perfect, the gifts that we give each other today – love, friendship, and family – would have never been possible without that first awkward moment when she had to decide whether or not I was a creepy stalker guy after opening her Wal-Mart brand fruit scented soap in an awkwardly wrapped, apple shaped dispenser.

To read what the judges thought about this post (and my reply) see the Blogger Idol page where it was originally published.

To help me become the next Blogger Idol, vote for me every Wednesday at 1pm EST - Thursday at 1am EST.

To participate at home, check the Blogger Idol homepage every Monday to see what we're writing about.

What do you think? Any constructive criticism? What family tradition would you have written about?

Are At-Home Dads Violating God's Design? Podcast Link and Thoughts #SAHD

2012-09-25T17:19:00.000-04:00

Some of you have been asking for a link to the podcast of my appearance on Moody Radio's program Up For Debate. You can access that podcast by clicking the link below.

http://www.moodyradio.org/radioplayer.aspx?episode=94849

Many additional questions were brought up on the Up For Debate Facebook page as well.

Here is a point by point summary of this podcast. Any thoughts that I would have liked to include but did not for a lack of time (or preparation, in some cases) are in italics.

Mark Driscoll would bring at-home dads under church discipline - My thoughts on Mark Driscoll and more about how Mark Driscoll uses church discipline to be a spiritual bully.

Do you see this as a permanent arrangement? - Why does that matter? (We will see later in the discussion that those who hold the complementary view make exceptions for those who are temporary at-home dads due to injury, illness, or other life events. To which I say, if there are acceptable exceptions to your model (exceptions which are not backed by the scriptures you choose to read into) then how strong is your model?

Do you struggle? Yes, struggle is a part of the human condition. We all struggle. When you struggle, you should look for support.

Do you struggle with identity? I think we struggle with identity as at-home dads when we tie our identity to only being a financial provider. If I claim to be a follower of Christ, I am called to shed that identity and find my identity in Him. God worked on that in my life by changing my definition of "provide" and showing me how to put Him first instead of money, possessions, or employers.

Dad-Mom is a Man Fail - A reference to Owen's article. My thoughts on the commercial from a marketing standpoint. The point that I was not really able to bring up is that at-home dads are not trying to be moms. (See the tab "Mr. Mom" above) We want to be awesome dads. That means we do things that dead-beat or checked-out dads don't do - help out at home, show emotions, love and support, but I would argue that most of us also provide (many at-home dads hold part-time jobs) and protect (just try to approach my kid on the playground and I'm on you like a grizzly!) In fact, a lot of at-home dads were very critical of that same commercial because we don't approach what we do with that attitude. We prefer the other version of that commercial that shows how most of us approach our jobs as caregivers (pssst... it's about the kids!) We shouldn't define fatherhood by the job a man does outside the home. Fatherhood is defined by what he does at home.

Genesis 3 - Curse I believe that we are delivered from that curse through our salvation in Christ. I also believe that when scripture says in Galations 3 that there are no more social categories like Jew or Greek, Slave or Free, Male or Female, that means our salvation gives us the freedom from those social constraints. However, sometimes it is necessary to operate within those social constraints in order to further the gospel message as Paul often instructs. Jesus doesn't need social categories in order to find those willing to follow him. He sought out tax collectors, harlots, foreigners, and fishermen. Social status is often used as a point of judgement by the church, and that is unfortunate.

1 Timothy 5 - See my thoughts on Mark Driscoll using this passage.

Titus 2 - See my thoughts on Mark Driscoll using this passage.

People who argue that at-home dads violate God's design never mention Ephesians 5. One of the only chapters where Paul specifically instructs Christian families directly. There is no mention of provision in any of these verses.

Adam's work is cursed, Eve's child bearing is cursed. - See my thoughts above about being delivered from that curse through salvation.

Proverbs 31 woman - I find it ironic that Complementarians use this verse to describe the ideal woman. She selects wool and flax (that's farming). She "provides" food for her family and her servants (Why is "provide" not interpreted as "earns a paycheck to provide" in this case?). She conducts real estate transactions. She plants a vineyard (which is probably a source of income). She trades for profit (earning income). She gives charitably (from her excess income). She makes linen garments and sells them (earning income). She "watches over the affairs of her household" (Perhaps while other people, such as servants, take on the actual tasks?) Her work is praised in public - because she is working in public, not hiding in her kitchen, as some would have you believe.

Stats: 176,000 at-home dads in the US (if you include dads w/ PT jobs 626,000) - The total is somewhere closer to 2 million. And census figures do not accurately categorize at-home dads. Dads who work from home full time are not considered at-home parents. Moms are always designated as the primary caretaker, and fathers are considered an "alternate childcare arrangement" (so are babysitters and daycares). I do work part time. And a lot of at-home dads do. Does that mean we are still not providing? The model that they propose is not clear on this either.

1st Caller - It seems like her friends have lazy husbands, not caring and involved fathers that want to take good care of their family. If there is any self-serving motive in your decision to be an at-home parent, you shouldn't be surprised when the situation doesn't work out. Both parents have to be on the same page and communicate about this regularly.

God's glory is in being a godly provider and taking on the call of Genesis 3 - God's glory is about loving Him with your heart, soul, mind, and strength, loving your neighbor as yourself, taking up your cross, dying to your own self-interests (like careers), and making disciples. And I agree that we can glorify God in any social position. I actually give God more glory now because I can clearly see how he is using this time to change my family.

What is the definition of provide? Are you only providing money? That lets dads off the hook for involvement at the home. (My opponents do concede that home involvement is ideal, but they seem to not be willing to quantify it or put any further definition into it. That means if you do the dishes once a week, you're probably okay.)

Faulty logic, assuming that the inverse is true and trying to have it both ways. If women are to be working in the home, then men are not to be, (20:48) but still loving and sacrificing for your family. (Owen often uses the term "plugged in" when talking about his kids and "helping" when he does the dishes for his wife. That's some sacrifice, Owen. Forgive me for not patting you on the back. Around here, that's just what is necessary for the household to run smoothly. We all live here, so we all pitch in.) You can't have it both ways. You can't argue that men are not to be working in the home because you think a verse says that women are. The inverse is not automatically true.

Caller #2 - What about single dads/moms? This is an important point that their "ideal plan" misses. We have a lot of single parents. Is there room for them in your model? No. They have to do both roles. That's why I believe that Ephesians 5 would be the better model. There is room for single parents in that model.

Caller #3 - There are families that are subject to extreme circumstances - injury, illness, disability, finances, unemployment, etc. Again, is there room in their model? No. They make exceptions. I would argue that this means the model is flawed. Again, there is room for such circumstances when using Ephesians 5.

What about short term at-home dads? They seem to make exceptions for that, but I am unclear on what they believe to be an acceptable length of time? One unemployment cycle? Two? Three? Where is that supported by scripture in your argument? Again, Ephesians 5 is the better model.

Emailer - Frugality leads to unbalanced lifestyles. - Totally agree. My family has been forced to be more frugal than ever by reducing our income more than half. We could all benefit from that principle.

Dennis Rainey's comment - "In our 20's it was fun, in our 30's okay, in our 40's we hit a wall and become angry, especially the women. And men become passive." - This is not a problem that is only for families with at-home dads. I think a lot of divorced couples probably started taking this way before their marriage ended. Passive manhood is a big problem. That's why I stepped up to take change of my home and do what was necessary for the health of my marriage and family. Would I like to be less passive? YES. Do I think that this is type of conversation is always the result of an at-home dad situation? NO. I have dozens of dads that I know who say otherwise. Again, if the decision is made together, and both parties are up front about their expectations and continue to communicate along the way, a healthy relationship is more likely the result.

Masculinity and Femininity - I hate these words. Why? Because Christians often tie them into other words that just start trouble. We are BOTH made in the image of God. God (and his son) both display masculine and feminine traits. Jesus' call is to abandon your own desires and take on his identity - to be homeless, to be a servant, and to not be tied to your possessions.

Gender Debate - Masculinity and femininity always come back to the gender debate, and I think that just clouds the conversation. I believe it's a separate conversation. At-home dads are not confused about their gender. We want to be awesome dads - not moms.

Vision of the family: Economic vs. Spiritual - I very much agree with this. We have to treat our family as the spiritual mission that they are, not simply an economic struggle.

Caller #4 - It could work if the husband and the wife want it (caller bases it on money). My situation had nothing to do with money. We lost over half of our household income when I decided to stay at home.

Caller #5 - It is against the Bible because it clearly states that our purpose is to glorify God and those roles are what glorifies Him. See above notes on what I believe the scriptures say about glorifying God.

Caller #6 - 1 Timothy vs. A Different Kind of Provision - See my thoughts above on 1 Timothy and the word "provide" (especially Proverbs 31).

Caller #7 - Gender identification had better line up with the Bible. Another Christian confused about masculinity/femininity and gender identity. They are not the same.

Caller #8 - Both parents are at home. Should dad go to work outside the home to fit the model? Ephesians 5 would cover this arrangement as well.

What do you think? Are at-home dads violating God's design for men and women? Is there a specific design for men and women? What about the situations mentioned here?

How You Can Help Me Be The Next @BloggerIdol

2012-09-24T16:02:00.001-04:00

The madness has officially begun! I was selected from roughly 160 applicants to participate in a little writing competition called Blogger Idol. Inspired by the popular American Idol TV show, Blogger Idol wants to find the "next big thing" in the blogosphere. Each Saturday, contestants are given a writing prompt by the judges, and they have until Tuesday to complete their post. Once the items are posted, they are reviewed by a panel of judges before being opened to the public eye. The public gets access to the posts every Wednesday at noon, and fans are allowed to vote for their favorite entry. Voting is only open for 36 hours, and counts for a portion of each contestant's total score. Eliminations are announced on Fridays, and the entire process starts again.

If you would like to help me by voting for my entry each week, you can visit the Blogger Idol homepage every Wednesday at noon CST (1pm EST). The first post will be where you will be able to vote for me (I will post a direct link via Facebook and Twitter when it goes live, so make sure to follow me there!). Thank you so much for your support during this fun contest!

You can also participate by writing your own posts. Each Monday, the public will be given a chance to see the prompt that we were given, and you can submit your own posts for others to read. How cool is that? It's a fun way to participate while enjoying the challenge. I look forward to reading what you come up with.

#Dadvertising: @Yoplait's Go-Gurt "Gets It" Mostly Right

2012-09-19T09:24:00.001-04:00

What can I say about this commercial for Yoplait's Go-Gurt? So many things - and they're mostly good! I saw this while watching NBC's "Go On" last night (which was unexpectedly funny, and has a great supporting cast). I know this commercial has been out for a while, but this was the first time I have seen it. And while other dads may disagree with my assessment, I found a lot of good in this commercial. My only complaint is the first two notes, which appear to be from his wife, as the first is addressed to "Hon." This implies that it might not be normal for dad to be packing lunch. The commercial would be much cuter if all of the notes were from the kid. That said, there was a lot of good in this ad.

1. Dad is the only parent in the commercial.

We don't see this often enough in advertising. This is a reality for a lot of American families. Even when mom isn't the primary breadwinner, she may have a part time job that means dad gas to get the kids off to school. Plus, there are a lot of divorced and single dads that are doing this work every day. It is good to see that reflected in advertising. Why? Because it means that companies are paying attention to who is buying their product. They care about how you spend your dollars (obviously, they want you to spend it with them), and they will do whatever is necessary (lower prices, change packaging, run commercials) to reach the audience that is most likely to buy their product. Companies paying attention to you may seem like a bad thing, but when something goes wrong, or when a product fails to meet a standard that you have come to expect, wouldn't you rather have a company that listens to its customers?

2. Dad is packing lunch for his son.

We need to see dads doing more of this in television, movies, and advertising. You may think that this is not a big deal. But I believe that we are part of a society that expects very little of their men. We don't expect men to be great fathers anymore. We consider it "special" or "exceptional" behavior and not the "norm." I, personally, believe that this has a great deal to do with modern advertising. Companies have spent so much time and money telling women that they can be powerful and men that they can be bumbling idiots. I'm not saying that some of these commercials weren't funny along the way, but at what cost? We now have a society full of women that don't need (or sometimes even want) to have an active father in their child's life - and we have fathers who are satisfied to just earn a paycheck and not be actively involved in their home. Seeing more images like this one would go a long what to help change expectations in our society. It would be difficult to maintain the perception that you don't have to be involved if you were seeing involved fathers in a larger percentage of the thousands of advertisements, TV shows, and movies we consume on a daily basis.

3. Dad knows his child.

"Duh." says dad when his son asks if there is Go-Gurt in his lunch. Dad knows his child's needs (lunch) and wants (Go-Gurt). It is impossible to know your child's needs and wants without some sort of active relationship with them. In this case, the son also plays a game with his dad leaving sticky notes around the kitchen to make sure that he gets his Go-Gurt. There is playful interaction between father and son (even if it is indirectly through sticky notes). This might be the most powerful statement in the entire commercial. Dad doesn't say, "Duh" directly to his son, but after his son has run off, as if to imply that he would have known what his kid wanted, even without the helpful sticky notes.

Have you seen any other good examples of #Dadvertising lately?

Toddlers and The Seven Levels of "Why?"

2012-09-18T00:30:00.001-04:00

Things are really busy here at The Real Matt Daddy household. I'm in the process of several projects - renovating a house, cleaning my own house, building a few cigar box guitars (post coming soon!), winterizing, etc. So, I'm taking a Tuesday off... well, not completely. I wrote a post for the blog Lil' Kid Things, and you can feel free to read it if you need your regular Real Matt Daddy fix.

Toddlers and The Seven Levels of "Why?" - as featured on the blog Lil' Kid Things.

I wanted to thank those of you who tuned in on Saturday to hear me debate whether or not being at at-home dad violates God's design for men and women. While the structure of the show did not allow me to fully elaborate, I feel that I did what I could in the time provided. Since the host very strongly agreed with the other guy I was "debating," I didn't really feel like it was set up for me to come out on top. But I knew that going into the event. I don't need to win. I was happy to be able to share my story, and if my story inspires one other person to make changes and become a more involved father, then it was worth all of the theological back-and-forth. I know how God has blessed the arrangement that my wife and I prayerfully chose for our family. I could fill dozens of pages on this blog with the ways that we have grown closer to Him and closer to each other. But I wanted to make sure to thank you for your support, especially my at-home dad crew that is pushing for answers on the Up For Debate Facebook page. I will post a link to the podcast as soon as it's live on their site.

Taking My Daughter To Her First @Orioles Game

2012-09-14T21:39:00.000-04:00

So, things have gotten a little bit nuts in Baltimore. Aside from the excitement over the Ravens' week one offensive performance, the Orioles are playing their first meaningful games in September since their stellar 1997 season that ended with Armando Benitez serving up a home run to Tony Fernandez of the Cleveland Indians in the 11th inning of Game 6 of the ALCS. In honor of the 20th anniversary of Camden Yards, the Orioles were offering "throwback prices" on certain sections of the stadium. You could literally purchase a seat for $4 or $8 (the prices when Camden Yards opened back in 1992). Given the playoff atmosphere at the stadium with the Tampa Bay Rays in town, and considering the cheap seats available, I decided that this would be the perfect time to take my daughter to her first game.

Off To A Rough Start

Due to circumstances beyond our control, we arrived to the game a bit late. We missed out on the free t-shirts (they had the "BUCKLE UP" logo), so that was really a bummer. But I was thrilled with the view from our $8 seats near the left field corner. We were eleven rows back from the wall, and there were a few foul balls hit our way, all though none were close enough to make a play. The sun was out, and the weather was beautiful. We were here for a ball game, and boy did we ever get one.

Advanced Preparation

When taking your child to a ball game, it is important to know the rules of the stadium. For example, at Camden Yards, you may bring in any unopened food or drinks (other than alcohol, of course). Being an afternoon game, I was able to feed my daughter an early lunch on the road, and we had plenty of snacks and a spare cup of juice so that we stayed hydrated. I knew our seats were going to be in the sun for most of the game, so we all wore hats and sunscreen. I did not bring sunglasses for my daughter because she would have definitely dropped them, and in a crowded stadium, that would have been a disaster. So we opted for the floppy hat for her instead.

Plan to take a friend or your spouse. It is tough to watch a kid and watch the game at the same time. If you take a buddy (in our case, it was my brother) they can do a little bit of "backup duty" to make sure that your child isn't running off when you have to use the restroom or sneak a peak at the action on the field. In our case, it was also helpful that we sat my daughter in between us so that we helped to shade her from the afternoon sun.

Cool Stuff For Kids

Most ball parks have some cool stuff for kids. Check the team's website to see what is available during your visit. Sometimes they let kids run the bases or meet players before or after the game. You might be able to get your picture with the mascot at a certain time. Most parks have a "Little Fan Zone" or something similar where kids can play if they are not interested in the game. The Orioles have a special certificate for first time attendees that says "Most Valuable Fan" to commemorate your child's first game. And they also gave us some big stickers and a post card of the stadium. This was a great gift for my little one, and she was thrilled with the stickers of the Oriole Bird.

Jock Jams

One of my daughter's favorite CD's is a generic "Jock Jams" disc with all of the classic stadium anthems. She dances wildly around her bedroom to hits like "Y.M.C.A.," "Hot, Hot, Hot," "Come On Ride The Train," and "We Will Rock You." She recognized these songs when they played at the park, and she was thrilled to sing along, "It's like in my room!" she said. We have thoroughly prepared her for the stadium experience, and she rose to the occasion with her Y-M-C-A hand motions and "If You're Happy and You Know It" hand clapping.

Find the Mascot

While we took a break between innings to walk the concourse (my girl was getting antsy), we happened to pass the team mascot, the Oriole Bird, and my daughter was able to give him a high five as he walked by. When we returned to our seats, all she wanted to do was go see the bird. I pointed him out as he danced through various sections of the stadium, and she kept asking, "Can we go get him?" It was too cute. I had to eventually tell her, "No, honey, he has to see all of the little boys and girls in the stadium, so he is a very busy bird. Aren't you glad you got to give him high five?"

Leave Early, Avoid Disaster

I planned to leave the game early. I knew that my toddler would never sit through an entire game, and nobody wants to be that parent dragging their jellyfish of a screaming toddler to the car. Granted, the cheap prices for the seats made leaving early much easier, but this would be smart for any parent of a toddler to consider. When you do decide to leave the park with a toddler who could melt down at any second, the walk to the car and the ride home are the longest you will ever experience. If you plan to leave early, you can usually catch the last inning or two on that fancy contraption called the radio in the car. We left in the seventh inning as we had a long walk to where we parked, and I don't regret it for a second. When we left the game in the seventh, it was only HALF over! We listened all the way home, watched an inning at my dad's house, and then went to visit my wife's mom, and the O's were just finishing when we got back in the care to head home. Fourteen innings! She definitely would not have lasted that long. Heck, I wouldn't have lasted that long! I didn't pack that many snacks.

All in all, we had a great time, and I want to give a BIG thank you to the folks at Fan Assistance for their hospitality and to the security guard who told us about the free certificate to commemorate our first game. That truly made our day, and now we will never forget our first daddy-daughter trip to Camden Yards.