The Realism is...

I Don't Like to Lose

2014-02-22T12:47:00.001-05:00

One of my colleagues is a racist--flat out. I get that already, but I thought a part of my mission as it relates to having been placed on this team of misfits, was to be the example of a worthy black man. One who you don't have to fear...one who is articulate and sharp. Though I embody the aforementioned, it has done little to change the racist's mind. Every time a situation comes up--in particular the Zimmerman and the Dunn trials, there has been nothing but strife between us as we try to talk out what I know and understand to be the inherent racism present in both cases.

My purpose is not so much to re-litigate the cases as it is to use the cases as a concrete example of what Black people in America can be subjected to. I was impressed with Mark Geragos who said very plainly on television that America is still a very racist place. Geragos remarked that he was not at all surprised by the stuff that Dunn was saying--animals, thugs, more people should kill them like so they'll get the hint, etc--because he says that he hears that type of stuff all the time when people think it's 'safe' to say it. I sent the guy a link to that video and another one so he could hear and see people who look like him affirm that America's racist ways are not yet gone. Contrary to the narrative that he believes. He's of the opinion that clearly racism is over exaggerated and inflated because we have a Black president. The thinking public is keenly aware that this view is unfounded.

We were discussing the issues via email and in person. He said something like, "I don't have to defend myself." What did he say that for? I laid his soul to rest. I'll shorten it...basically I told him that I have not asked him to defend his position simply because it is indefensible--full stop. I just wanted him to gain new data...because when we know better we do better.

A Black colleague of mine told me to let it go. The other coworker is never going to get it.

I am disappointed in that because he has a child who he will likely rear with this racist view. Funny thing is he doesn't think he's racist. I guess I don't have to tell you he a firm Tea Party supporter.

Here's a scenario he posed to me. Racist coworker and a friend were at Dave and Buster's playing a basketball game. A Black guy came up behind the friend and called next on the game. The friend bent down to tear off the tickets he had won. THe Black guy must've thought the guy was trying to play another game because he mentioned again that he had called next. The ticket tearer said that he was only retrieving his tickets. My racist coworker wanted to know what's the line between self defense and murder. He posed the question because he said the Black guy was close to them and they felt threatened. Racist coworker wanted to know if it would have been okay to kill the guy since they felt threatened. Enter my blank stare.

Here We Are Again...

2014-02-16T12:49:00.001-05:00

Yet another time in the sordid tale of race relations African Americans--males in particular are devalued and dehumanized. Although I didn't follow the trial of Michael Dunn very closely I was displeased to hear the snippets of media coverage that I heard prior to the verdict. Dubbed the 'loud music trial', all I would hear is about how this random white guy parked near/beside some young black guys and asked (probably demanded--because some of us have unreasonable expectations colored by the white privilege we unknowingly or pretend to unknowingly enjoy) them to turn down the music.I don't need to go into all the other ways Dunn could have avoided any conflict, but clearly he was looking to start trouble, at least from my vantage point.

I wasn't there that fateful night, but I do know that it ended with Dunn exiting his vehicle, taking a knee like he's a vigilante from the wild wild west and firing 10 shots into the nice Dodge Durango they were inside. How tragic that a white man's inflated sense of self, superiority, privilege and disdain for difference costed Jordan Davis his short life.

Even more tragic is my lack of surprise at this travesty of justice. To be fair, Dunn was found guilty on like 4 of the charges, but the jury was hung on the main charge of first degree murder. That means that at least one juror had to believe that Dunn was justified in using deadly force against a group of teenagers who didn't tap dance on command. Enough of these weak punks who resort to wielding guns when they cannot have their way. America, God is not pleased.

We cannot continue to ignore the inequities that face people who are minorities. Would Dunn have reached for a gun had it been a group of four white boys? We'll never know...but my claim is no..he absolutely would not have reacted the same way. What is it about the mystique of the black man that scares so many. Is it because others feel that they are powerful beyond measure or at least potentially equal to them? If you believe that then it is in your best interest to feed the media machine with negative images and to keep the playing field uneven so that self actualization will only know a few and not the many.

Coming on the heels of the Trayvon Martin case I was already woefully poised to accept a verdict of not guilty or a mistrial on the charge of murder one. What's different here is that whether Dunn is found guilty or not for the first degree murder charge--and Angela Corey, Florida State District Attorney, has pledged to try the case again, he will serve upwards of 50 years for the charges that he was found guilty for, provided there's not a different decision rendered by an appellate court.

Well that's my two cents on the matter. I could go on and on, but we will respect the justice system, no matter how flawed it may be. NO surprise that a justice system that was never designed for minorities like myself still does not have a good handle on how to divy up equal justice.

One more rant...yeah this piece isn't flowing in an organized manner, but I want to get it all on paper. Why did we spend so much time focusing on the victim's perceived bad boy behavior--you know---listning to music on a Friday night with friends, and not enough time digging into the past of Dunn? I've seen clips and stuff online about perceptions of folks who knew him for for years. None of that was introduced at trial...I guess the prosecution had their reasons, but after losing the Trayvon Martin case, if I were them, I would have brought out all the stops. It almost feels like we just can't get it right to honor our fallen. I would appreciate it if they could've gotten a complete victory. The symbolism..especially during Black History Month would have been refreshing.

Thoughts...A Collection

2014-02-11T01:33:00.000-05:00

1. I am so glad that during the State of the Union address that my President called climate change a fact. Like....why does the right not want to own the validity of science? I have a guy on my team at work who believes it's all a liberal hoax. It's 1:14 am so I don't have the energy to go into the craziness of his argument.
2. Sometimes we have to go through to get through. We don't always get there at the same time and we may not use the same methods. The point is that we all will get there. Sounds like you've finally arrived. I'll be there to meet you at the shore.
3. I have started operation get rid of this debt. I have been paying down all my credit cards so that I will have zero balances moving forward. I gotta get that score up so I can purchase in the near future.
4. I hate when you have to suffer for someone else's inadequacy. A lil situation happened on my job where I thought I would be able to leave sooner than it appears I will be able to leave. Well....all things in time. I believe everything happens for a reason. I really don't believe in coincidence; I believe in providence.
5. Even though she didn't hustle today,those Patron margaritas were on point.
6. Why are insurance companies allowed to play games when I need my car repaired. Someone hit me in the back on a snow day couple weeks ago. The dude has yet to call in (as far as I know) to his [father's] insurance company so that I can go have my vehicle repaired. Found out the process could take up to 45 days before they make a ruling. Smh....
7. Soon I want to sit down and set some goals for the year. Well I already have some things in mind, but I want to write the vision and make it plain.
8.I cannot find my passport. I need to order a new one.
9. I also need to pay the maintenance fee on the timeshare. If they send me one more "final notice...."
10.Am I the only person who doesn't have Facebook and Instagram? I do tweet though.
11. Blogger is on point....I typed in HTML in this post and it let me know really quick that I had a broken tag. Go 'head Google.
12. Speaking of head...
13. I'm ready for election season to start. Doesn't election season seem to be going the way of Christmas? You know how we have that Christmas creep...in September they start reminding up about the upcoming season....same with election season. Here it is 2 years out and I'm brimming with excitement.
14. Chris Christie would have done better in my book by just saying, hey I know ole dude, but I don't stand by his actions. (Like go ahead and still throw him under the bus but let him know that he has to be the sacrificial lamb in order for Christie's presidential bid). We used to kick it back in the day. Especially since the job at the Ports Authority that the guy had was created for him by Christie. Now...who creating jobs for someone they don't really know like that? Huh? I'll wait......
15. Another white guy shot another young black teenager? For some music? This has got to stop. And I think it happened in Florida no less.
16. Speaking of travesties...has everyone learned for Kendrick Johnson? The 17 year old non-mentally challenged almost adult who 'fell into a mat in a high school and died for positional asphysia? The nerve it takes to make up a story like that, drive across town and deliver that message with a straight face without fear of getting molly whopped. I don't know who signed off on that cockamamey crap but if I was in the room and heard that out loud I would have been like...ok...wait...y'all...we gotta come up with something better than that.
17. The second anniversary of my father's death passed this month. As a matter of fact today technically is the day we buried him and the day Nippy was found dead in her hotel at The Beverly. You know when I was in L.A. I had to go by and see the spot.
18. Guess I should take it on back to sleep. Just had a lot jump off today and I thought I should channel some of this energy by posting something on my neglected blog.
19. I wonder if any of the people I've followed on Twitter recently know that I am following them because I know them from the Blogosphere. They may not know why I comment sometimes on their posts. Oh well....

Random Stuff

2013-12-01T15:19:00.000-05:00

I was just over at Don's spot and in leaving him a comment I thought of something that I needed to let all three of my current readers know: I'm a visionary and I didn't know it. When I was a child I remember asking my sister and other folks who were older about why we don't fry turkey since it's poultry and we fry chicken. They all scoffed at me and said it wouldn't 'fry up right.' So I sorta accepted it as fact, but always maintained in the back of my mind that one day when I had some money and some time where no one was around...kinda hard to do in a 4 bedroom house with 7 people...that i would venture into the kitchen and explore this idea myself. Well, I never got around to it, but I remember encountering some in college. I was like...hmmmm....so people do fry turkeys. Maybe my sister and those around me just weren't experienced enough with other stuff to give me guidance on this subject. They just a bunch of jive turkeys!

It's funny when things transition and the person who initiated the end begins to reach out and admits all of what went wrong /what they did and whatnot. I don't know what to do with that at this point.

I got to do something that I've never done before recently. Always thought about it, but finally did it. Wasn't all that. But hey...at least I can cross it off my list.

My dressing was banging that I made for Thanksgiving. My mama said hers didn't turn out as well. Maybe I need to give her my recipe.

The birthday is coming up soon and I've made no plans. Dang....gots to do betta. I think I'm going to the A for a friend's graduation. Maybe I'll spend some time down there. Is Compound still open? (Am I showing my age?)

I enjoy church...primarily just the sermon though. I need a church where they preach first and do all the other stuff after that. I don't need and hour of singing and whatnot. I'm down with preaching...you singing a song or two that doesn't last for an hour and have a bridge and a vamp and then doesn't get reprised when it's supposed to be over already and then us going home as we place the offering in the baskets.

This season of Real Housewives of Atlanta is heating up. That doggone Phaedra is a trip. She's not Apollo's mama. Dang. Gon tell him he better not do it again. He prolly did get some head from Kenya though....but hey....he still with her so she should be satisfied.

Is this an old school view? As long as dude is taking care of home, if he has a few indiscretions, can't you forgive it and move forward. Like...the bills are paid and you're able to travel and pick up a new pair of shoes if you choose. Can't you work with his other issues. You know how many people would love to have a man who can at least hold down a job and help---not pay---but help with the bills?

Joey is doing fine. Did I mention I have a shih tzu maltease mix named Joey? I'm pretty sure I spelled that wrong, but I'm not inclined to Google or spell check it at this time.

I need to get my stuff together for work. It's almost time to start applying for promotions again.

Another RHOA question.....what the hell is wrong with Mama Joyce? Like really.....you gon get some money crazy. Stop hating.

YOu know how you start with a random list thinking you're gonna have all this good stuff to include? And then you start writing and realize there's not a much there as you thought and the stuff that you could really write more about you're still trying to keep close to the vest...so as not to be too vulnerable? Well yeah.....that's where I am.

I posted two days in a row and one went under November and the other day went under December. I'm spanning different months son!

30 Day Recap

2013-11-30T18:56:00.001-05:00

Wheh! A lot has transpired since the last post. I had to deal with some drama and some misunderstandings. Communication is so important. Saves people a whole lot of heartache and confusion. Now that I put on my big boy draws and opened the lines of communication things might turn around. It will take a while for things to "go back to normal" but there's definitely potential that things will be okay. It's day by day though.

I recognize I'm not saying a lot, but that's because I don't want to jinx anything. I believe that anything is possible, so I'm trusting and believe that this too shall pass. Those of you who know the words of prayer, pray my strength. (Sounding just like the end of a testimony in any COGIC church anywhere in the deep south.)

Funeral Shenanigans

2013-10-30T17:33:00.000-05:00

As you recall, Whitney Elizabeth "Nippy" Houston departed this life on February 11, 2012. That was also the date that we buried my father. The funny thing is everyone called me on that day to see if I was okay about Whitney and exactly zero people asked me if I was okay about my father's funeral. Well, it's because they already knew that it was well with my soul.

So the Tuesday prior to the Saturday of the funeral I get all these calls all night long. I didn't want to answer my phone so late and I already knew why I had 38 missed calls starting from around 3 am til like 6 am. I decided I'd call back on my own time after I got off work and after I went to a meeting that I needed to attend. I made up a story about leaving my phone somewhere and not having access to it so that I wouldn't have to answer a bunch of questions about why I didn't answer the phone or why I didn't call back.

Suffice it to say my suspicions were confirmed. My father had passed early Tuesday morning. My mom wanted me to rush home at once. I had to tell her to pump the brakes cause I had to tie up loose ends where I lived in Maryland before jumping on the road for a 9.5 hour drive home. I stayed from Wednesday through Monday of the next week...or maybe it was Tuesday. It was Valentine's Day--I remember that detail because I pushed for the funeral to be on Saturday so I could spend Valentine's Day with my current love interest. My father might've been dead, but I still wanted some Valentine's Day booty.

When I arrived I learned that the arrangements were pretty much solidified, but to my horror the funeral costs were exorbitant. My father did not have life insurance since the insurance he had was tied to his former job. And you know how it is, the sicker you get, the less likely people are to give you life insurance. Believe you me, I tried to get insurance on that joker many times, but I was denied each time. Yeah...even Colonial Penn is fake...all those lies about we take anybody. Well...actually they say they won't ask you any medical questions....however I suspect they just do some investigative journalism on their own to find out whether they should deny you because of the extremely high risk. So without insurance, of course [black folks we gotta do betta] we had to cover it ourself. The initial cost of the funeral was a little over $10K. I was like...wtf....um....we ain't got no $10K to throw in the ground. Here's a small way I cut costs. The casket was $2400. I was like...um...yall ain't got nothing cheaper? They showed me a picture of one that was $500....it looked good enough to me. They were like we can go in the vault or somewhere so you can see it in person. I was like...I don't need to see it. It's $500 and I'm already sold. I also wanted to eliminate the limos and let us drive our own vehicles. That would've saved another grand, but my mom was adamant about having the limos. I was like...well...why can't we rent some from the people who do them for prom? We don't need $1000 limos. Anyway....managed to get the cost down to like $8300. We didn't have the entire amount so myself, my mother and my sister put together $5K as a good faith thing so they would go ahead and have the service and we agreed to pay the rest off in installments. Service went okay. I was pretty much comforting everyone else since they were distraught and I was like, "I wonder what food they have in the back." After the service we took an extended ride to the cemetery to bury the body. When that was over we went back for the repast...(i don't know why the food after a funeral gets a special name) where his side of the family came by and offered their fake condolences and admonishments about keeping in touch with each other and all that jazz. Of course I haven't spoken to virtually any of them since that day.

Mom kinda entered a mild funk/mini depression for about a couple months. Eventually she snapped out of it. They hid it from me though because I would've gone back home. If you read the other recent posts, I wasn't working for several months so I was definitely free to be at home for a month if needed be. She's better now and I hope that she'll continue to get better.

In terms of Jay Emm Bee making peace with everything, he did. The night before my father passed I remember vividly being in the movie theater. This urgency to pray came all over me. I prayed about the issues of the past and asked for total release from the bondage of anger and utter despising. God moved and took it away from me. This was roughly 1030-1100 that Monday night. About four hours later (Tuesday morning around 3 am) is when he passed. Look at God. I made me peace and I believe that is when my father was cleared to leave this earth. So it turns out, perhaps it was me who kept him alive for so long.

Waiting...

2013-10-21T22:13:00.000-05:00

As I pen this I am awaiting a change in my current situation. I have prayed and made the sincerest appeal that I know how. Only time will tell if all the effort has been worth it. Seconds turn to minutes and minutes to hours, but I'm going to hold fast to what I know is possible. In case you happen to come across this, yeah....this one's for you.

The quitter...but for good reason

2013-10-20T08:01:00.000-05:00

After I made up my mind in May 2011 that I was not going to continue at the school I had been at for the past three years I began in earnest to search for new employment. Each day at work my partner and I would sit in our office for about 30 minutes to an hour and look on the net for opportunities. To force myself out of the current position and to ensure that I would have no choice but to look and not accept another year at my current place, I asked to be placed on the excess list. This list is used to help people move ot other locations within the district. The difference between this and a regular transfer is that if a position is not secured the district is obligated to pay your salary for at least a full year.

Somewhere along the way the district decided to offer buyouts if you didn't think you could find a position by the time the school year came around. This is a win for the district because they could buy you out of your contract (and their contractual obligation to pay your full salary for one year) for $25,000. Certainly everyone can see why they'd rather give you 25K as opposed to say your 70K. I thought this was an attractive option and decided to jump through the necessary hoops to take the buyout. There were a few stipulations, like document a certain number of interview/attempts to secure a position, etc. On the day before I was supposed to submit the paperwork to process the buyout...of course I waited til the deadline in typical JayEmmBee fashion, I received a call from Human Resources informing me that they had a position available for me at another school. I still wanted to do the buyout but I felt that wisdom dictated that I take the position with the salary for another year while I continued to search for other employment. The position was supposed to be the same as the one I currently held, just at another location so I was cool with that.

When I arrived at the other location I was greeted warmly and given a tour of the facilities. I met the other instructional coach and she took me around and we discussed a few things briefly. I couldn't figure out why we weren't planning together and discussing more. After all,my other partner and I planned everything together. Turns out I was duped. They principal said that he didn't need another instructional coach...he just wanted someone to teach an elective class. I was like...um...no...I'm supposed to be an instructional coach and I have it in writing.

I went downtown to central office to clarify. I explained to them and showed them the letter that they generated informing me of the position assignment and the job title. They were like well we thought that was what the position was supposed to be. However, it turns out that the principal didn't need that position and he wanted something else. So you kinda have to take whatever he has. To say I was livid is an understatement. I thought because it was in writing and I was promised something specific that there was no way that they could back out on that arrangement.

I returned to the assigned place and picked up the supplies I would need to try to return to the classroom (something I hadn't done for over 3 years and something I had never done at the middle school level) to teach an elective class in English and mathematics. I'm not even trained/credentialed in English, but alas.

I hated every moment of it. I don't like middle school children for day to day involvement. It was different when I was a coach and I came in to assist someone with a lesson or taught a model lesson every now and then. I didn't like that every day thing. Managing and dealing with them is soooo different from dealing with high school kids.

The children were unruly. They got on my dang nerves, repeatedly.

One day while classes were in transition in the hallway I was lining up my students along the lockers as was the custom. There was this one young man named Charles who could be obstinate at times who didn't want to comply with my directive. He was messing with others kids. He was approaching them making a shanking motion, but he didn't appear to have anything in his hand. I implored him to cut it out and get in line so that we could file into the classroom and master some material for the day. He came toward me doing the same thing. I was like boy get in line and stop playing. I never anticipated that he would make contact with me. Sadly, he did and that was a career turning point.

He hit me on my right hip. Before I knew it the young man had been punched in the chest and was up against a locker. I'm not saying who did it, but it happened before I knew it. You cannot play with grown folks. To be honest, it happened so fast it scared me! I was like....ok....maybe it's time for me to let this go. I don't have time for my good name to be sullied because some disobedient child provoked me. The young man after the terror left his eyes, because it caught him off guard as well, began to put on a scene that rivaled all scenes. You know the typical 'don't hold me back i'ma f@4k him up' type stuff. I informed all teachers who were participating in restraining the young man that it was okay to let him go because he was only acting. To be clear, if he had approached JayEmmBee to do anything I was gon put something on that azz! I might've been fired on the spot, but he would've never forgotten Mr. JayEmmBee.

I had to call his parent and provide statements to the administrators and bunch of other jazz. The principal said he understood and would help me through this situation, but I took this incident as a sign that I needed to get out. I was not so much concerned for my safety, but I was concerned for the safety of those children. At that point I felt that I was too turned up to be in the classroom because I was ready to take names for anyone of them who tried it. That isn't a healthy place for me and certainly (because they would've been bruised and battered) wasn't a healthy place for them.

I went to human resources after countless nights of not sleeping well and having anxiety about the job and all that and turned in a handwritten letter of resignation. I didn't even bring my own paper. I used a sheet of printer paper so that I could scribble my wish to depart and turned around and never looked back.

I did panic though. Two days after I quit I was like...omg....I'm unemployed...and I quit on my own....what was I thinking?!?! I began applying frantically for jobs online and I got a hit in two days. I started that next job within weeks after we dealt with salary and stuff.

Turned out I had to quit that job too.

Things were so-so....children were better behaved. This was a charter middle school. It satisfied my curiosity about charter schools but there was so much I hated about it. The hours were too long...like 7:30 am to 4:30 pm. It was about a 45 minute commute in the morning and about 1 - 1.5 hour commute in the afternoon.

The incident that made me quit this job was my principal's response to me needing to be off one day. On a previous occasion I needed to be off and I asked the principal what the procedures were for requesting time off. She told me not to worry and to just indicate the absence in the time/accounting/payroll system. Of course I left lesson plans and I was off to handle my business. On the occasion in question, I told the assistant principal that I needed to be off. I sent her lesson plans by email, sent her a text and reminded her at a meeting that I would be away. I didn't tell the principal this time because I figured the assistant would tell her because they shared an office. I told the assistant too, because she was in charge of the middle school in which I worked. The principal handled the elementary school.

I'm at one of my favorite stores the night before I was to be absent from work. I start getting these text messages from the assistant principal. Let me attempt to gist out the textversation:
AP: Did you tell Ms. Gibson you were going to be off?
JMB: Nah...I told you.
AP: Well...she said she didn't know bout it. You're still supposed to always inform her of an absence.
JMB: If we're having this conversation about her not knowing, then she must know.
AP: Well she said to tell you that you won't be paid for the missed time because you have to request time off three weeks in advance.
JMB: k

Obviously I was exasperated. I'm thinking ok...why can't the principal call me/text me herself if there's an issue and how dare you threaten me with money. I have been black for (at the time) 30 years so those kind of threats mean very little to me. I know how to do without. In addition, when I asked you what the procedures were for requesting time off, why didn't you mention to me at that time that requests typically had to be submitted three weeks in advance. And who knows almost a month ahead of time every time they need to be off? Get a life lady.

After my appointment that day I decided to compose an email when I returned home. It went something like this: Effective immediatly I will no longer continue employment with XYZ school. Thank you for the opportunity, but I must follow my passion. I have never before quit a job by email. After I sent the email the AP was bothering other teachers trying to find out if they knew I was going to quit. They didn't know because I made the decision that evening in while looking for deals under the red bull's eye. So that's how I quit two jobs in two months. I quit the second one in November and chilled until March of the next year...I think the seven months came from that 4.5 months plus the summer previous. It was a good time though. I had a blast when I wasn't working.

So I revealed on of my favorite stores, sorta. And I forgot to mention this detail. When the incident happened with the lil boy I was telling my bae the story. It didn't matter that I used the phrase "I redirected him..." instead of saying before I knew it the young man was up against the locker and there was a loud crashing sound...it was clear to anyone who heard the story that there had been some physical contact. I guess when people know you....

Is Anyone Out There?

2013-10-19T16:57:00.001-05:00

Aight....so I know we've walked this road before, but this time I'm going to try to actually do better.

Let me see if I can catch everyone up on the last couple years....

1. I quit two jobs in rapid succession because of an incident. I think detailing that incident will be an upcoming post. Wonder if anyone will be around to read it.

2. After I quit the second job I took about 7 months to myself where I didn't work. Had a blast. Traveled and just chilled while I waited to start another job.

3. Started another job. Been there almost 76 weeks. (Don't you hate when parents are still saying the months and you gotta do all that mental math determine that the child is 3.5 years old?)

4. Fell in love. Broke up. Got back together and now after some poor choice I made we are trying to rebuild trust. This can prolly be a couple blog posts right here.

5. My mom came to visit me after like 13 years of not visiting. She stayed for like 11 days. I was extremely apprehensive, but it went okay. I got a chance to introduce her to my bae and for her to meet me. I mean, although she thinks she knows me, she only remembers the boy who lived with her...not the man I ave become.

6. My father passed away in February 2011. We buried him on the same day that Whitney Houston was found dead in the hotel in Los Angeles. When I visited you know I went by there to see the hotel. And I also drove the route from Nicole Brown Simpson's Gretna Green address (they've changed the house number, but they not slicker than me) to where OJ's Rockingham mansion used to be. I don't think he could've done it in the allotted amount of time. Maybe that's a blog post as well...well actually, there's the funeral stuff that happened...that can be a post and maybe, if people aren't too bored with my wild theories about settled legal cases, maybe I'll write about that as well.

7. I like a few new shows: Welcome to Sweetie Pie's and I actually kinda like Game of Thrones. I didn't think I would, but my bae turned me on to it.

8. So...what's wrong with the right? Like....can they get any more absurd?!?!

9. Ok....here's my commitment....I'm going to choose either one of the ones I did a teaser about or another something and write an actual story.

10. Your word is only as good as you can hold up to. I'm on a quest to show that word is bond.

11. On that love tip....I know that its real and unconditional.

2011-09-22T15:35:00.002-05:00

I was holding out hope for Mr. Davis. Alas, it was to no avail. For a moment, I allowed myself to believe that there was a possibility that the Supreme Court would at least stop the execution until we could reexamine the witnesses who have since recanted their original testimonies. Nevertheless, it was not to be. At one point in my life, I was all for the death penalty. What i realize now is that it's all or nothing. Because of cases like this, I have to now confess that I am against the death penalty. This cannot continue. We have to stop this. I will confess though, that I didn't speak to a senator or DA or anyone else. I called, but didn't get an answer. We cannot afford to go back to business as usual. Let me add this...I don't know what happened because I wasn't there. But because of the doubt and supposition, that, in my opinion, is at least enough to have stopped the execution. I wonder if the Supreme Court is going to or already has published a reason for denying Davis another appeal. I'd like to read it if so.

बौगिए

2011-07-30T12:34:00.002-06:00

So I was thinking about the term bougie. I did a couple searches on the net to see what others had to say. I was inspired to develop my own list to tell if you are bougie. By the way, the items listed on here are my intellectual property and are not to be reproduced without the expressed written consent of blog owner.

You might be bougie if

1. People always make reference to your bouginess. Everybody ain't wrong. Accept it. If you are always justifying or explaining why you're not, chances are you are only further confirming the assertion. After all, being bougie is something that others are supposed to know and recognize about you, but that should never be spoken of. Bougie people like to feign modesty.

2. Every time you go to a restaurant you think of something to let the people around you know that you are up on what's happening. For example, you request shelled eggs at IHOP because you don't want the powdered version. Or you request a cup of hot water in which to soak your silverware to kill germs.

3. You would absolutely never consider parking your vehicle any where that offers valet. As a matter of fact, you probably choose to go to clubs/lounges/restaurants/malls that offer valet over the others. You probably disguise this by letting everyone know that you prefer the crowd/bartender/menu/stores at this particular location when the truth is your bougie azz just wants to valet. Especially if you are parking any of the flagship vehicles of the black bourgeoisie (benz, bmw, lexus)

4. Speaking of cars....you might be bougie if every time you rent a vehicle you scoff when the Hertz representative offers you a Camry and ask, "Do you have anything European?"

5. Even if you don't shop at the bougie stores (stop acting like you don't know which ones...Whole Foods, Trader Joe's, stuff like that) you only purchase fresh vegetables and have a healthy disdain for anything processed or that has been loaded with preservatives.

6. You can't remember the last time you actually physically washed your own car. Or your idea of cleaning is calling Merry Maids.

7. You have something that you don't eat any more or you boycott certain stores because of your political awareness.

8. You use your passport for identification. Like your license isn't good enough.

9. You wouldn't consider driving anywhere that will take longer than 3 hours in a car. You fly so frequently that you have it down to a science exactly what time you need to arrive to still make the flight.

10. You own at least 3 articles of clothing that have been purchased from a vintage clothing shop. One of the hallmarks of being bougie is longing for the simpler times--relishing the classics of the days gone by.

So...that's my first attempt at a list of something like this. Maybe I'll try another topic soon.

Take care.

Timeliness is Next to Respectfulness

2011-07-10T13:17:00.003-06:00

I think a person's word is their bond. I'm a lil old school so I expect you to do what you say you are going to do. In the event that you cannot do what you say you are going to do, then there should be a way to communicate that such that I do not feel that you are not trustworthy. One thing is for certain, if you don't do what you say you are going to do, then I am going to begin to distrust you. The way that I process things are pretty simple. Yes or no. Today or tomorrow. I am or I am not.

I dislike when people are late. I strive to be on time. In the event that I am not going to make it at the agreed upon time (an infrequent occurrence) then I will extend to you a courtesy call to let you know what's going on and I'll be sure to include an updated ETA. To me, when you are late to something that you have agreed to attend at a predetermined time, then you are showing a lack of respect for the person or entity to whom you have committed. Some would argue that it's not that serious. I vehemently disagree. I cannot piecemill the areas with which I trust a person. I have to trust you implicitly or not trust you at all. I do not have room for a lot of gray areas.

Quick story. A few friends and I decided to go to King's Dominion last month. I told everyone to be at my place before 11 am so that we could leave. I call two of my people to see where they were. The response is, "I'm bout to leave my house in about 5 minutes." When people tell me things that do not make any sense to me I'm often left in a stunned silence as I try to make sense of what I've just heard. I'm thinking come again. How can you be about to leave your house in five minutes when the time is already 10:57? Your answer should have been something along the lines of, "I'm turning into your complex right now" or "I'm parking outside. I'll be up in 30 seconds." I told Ty (who was bringing Mike) to hurry up.

Fast forward to 11:30 am and still not Ty and Mike. I mean, who does that? Tonya and I left and headed on to the park. I sent a text to let them know that I had to roll out. I an apologetic text, a text saying have fun and then a phone call. I couldn't speak to Ty at the time because I was talking to someone about logistics for the park, but I did accept the call and say that we'd speak later. I guess I took too long to get back to him...(did anyone miss the part when I said I'm on the way to King's Dominion? Like I'm riding rides and stuff....I don't really have time to discuss your lack of respect or your tardiness)...I get an angry text asserting that I only left to impress Tonya and blah blah blah. Well, nothing could be further from the truth and the angry text isn't the subject of this post, neither is the assertion contained therein because people who know me well know how strongly I feel about people being prompt and timely. I mean, do what you say you are going to do. I manage to make it to places on time. It's not like I get helicoptered in. I plan ahead. Traffic? Leave 15 minutes earlier. You have to start from the time you are supposed to arrive at a place and plan backwards taking into account all of the tasks you must complete in order to arrive.

So here's the question. Do you agree that being late to an event that you have agreed to be on time to can be equated to a lack or respect?

Mind you I sent him a text around 9 am that morning and he assured me that he would be on time.

About the title...remember the saying that cleanliness is next to Godliness? Well, I'm throwing my own spin in the mix.

Hot times

2011-02-26T13:24:00.001-05:00

My first thought is if the title is going to turn to Arabic.

Just dropping a line since I'm under the dryer. Quick story. My boss wanted me to secure the building last week. He showed me which secret room to enter that controlled the lights and whatnot. He let me on and propped the door. He also showed me how he wanted me to lock the front. Little does he know that the secret room isn't so secret. I've been in there before because I have a master key. That's the point of this quick story. He has no idea that my key gives me access to so much on the building.

On another note I did a case search. I wanted to find out some information about someone that I heard. My, the power of a case search.

वास्सुप

2011-01-29T09:11:00.002-05:00

So this will be a collection of random thoughts.

1. So I'm not sure why I didn't notice it when it was on, but The Nanny is actually kinda entertaining. Each Saturday morning I watch the reruns on TVLand. That's my routine until I feel like getting up and starting my day.

2. I'm so surprised that we missed a day of work on Thursday and had a 2 hour delay on Friday. This new interim chancellor (assuming she's the one making the decisions) is growing on me. She's a sister so she understands how we folks feel about the weather.

3. Somebody told me that they believe that my supervisor is highly functioning autistic. He taps when he's annoyed and scratches sometimes when responding to questions. I have GOT to look up the criteria for what that looks like. I laughed, but it's really not a laughing matter.

4. I wish I could've made it home for mama's birthday. At least one brother and my sister could make it.

5. All of my siblings have married and are divorced or in the process. I wouldn't take nothing for my journey right now.

6. So yeah, I didn't fully understand what all those old sayings meant when I was a child, but now I am at a place where they are fitting language to sum up what I feel.

7. Please quit advising me to buy. I appreciate the intent, but I am well capable of making informed decisions on my own. When I need your advice, I'll ask.

8. I just noticed that the title changed to arabic again. Wth?!

9. Maybe we can do a party for mom early march. Yeah, I think she'd like that.

10. I can't wait to get this tethering working on my phone so I can call Comcast and let them know to reduce my high a-- bill. Reason number 3518 I love my Evo.

11. I've offered to teach you how to fish. No, you can't have my flounder. We're going to show you how to raise your own.

12. What made people think I would fall out with my brother over a vehicle? Accidents happen. That's what we have insurance for. If I didn't understand the inherent risks, I would not have authorized him to use my vehicle.

13. So how long has it be suspended? Over 7 months? Wow. Thank God I haven't gotten stopped. Well...except that one time down town when the cop told me to move and I told him no. Then he said it again and I leaned out the window to say no again. Indignant, he flipped on those lights, backed up behind me and approached me at the window? I guess he though my answer was going to change. Luckily my boy got to the car so we could leave. I probably should've just moved. That could've been catastrophic. I do not want to go back to jail.

14. I prolly won't post any labels because it'll turn to arabic too.

15. Why is it that the people who claim they don't do drama are the biggest drama queens and kings? Sorta like how people say, "I don't wanna get in your business but...", and then promptly proceed to pry.

16. He could've let me drown...but instead He took me in.

17. The people who don't make decisions are the ones who think I can do it. I need the people who sign checks to take notice.

18. Grown people can have fun at Chuck E. Cheese. I'm just sayin'.

19. I'm too old to be scared to pause and be at a loss for words when she walks my way. Wth.

20. I'll say something the next time.

21. Did anyone see Due Date? Little Fockers?

22. Gotta remind mama to send my stuff from Christmas. Like...I don't want winter to be over before I get the sweater.

23. I'm hungry like shyt (in my DC voice). I'm so proud of my ability to assimilate.

24. Lemme get something to eat. Gotta get ready after while.

इ अल्रेअद्य लूकेद अत माय फोरेहेअद एंड आईटी दोएसं'टी हवे सुक्कर व्रित्तें ओं आईटी

2011-01-16T07:49:00.005-05:00

why did the title turn to Arabic characters? Gotta holla at blogger. The title is: I Already Looked At My Forehead and It Doesn't Have Sucker Written On It

So I have a friend named Jerry. Let me give you a lil background on Jerry. Jerry is the type of dude who has a heart of gold but makes decisions that aren't in his best interest. I guess basically he's still not mature and handling this being grown thing all that well yet. To help contextualize my questioning of his decision-making ability, I'll provide a couple examples. One time, instead of paying his rent, he decided to take his money and rent out a club to throw himself a birthday party. He bought himself a new suit and was buying drinks for people too. I didn't attend the event because I was like um, Jerry, this is stupid. Just get some people to meet you at the club. You can still buy drinks and have a good time. Why waste your check on renting the space. Well anyway, soon after this he lost his apartment, in part because he was unable to make up the money to get himself back on track. You think my assessment was still a lil hasty? Ok...try this one. So he had a good 9 - 5 making decent money. He decided he didn't like that job any more and decided to quit. He quit and began looking for another gig. (Already you should see one of the irresponsible things he did). He found another job relatively quickly so things seemed to settle down for him a bit then. During this time he also moved into a room in a woman's home. He and this woman are COMPLETE opposites. He's a young black dude full of energy and she's a older while lady who's very comfortable with her consistent routines. At this other job he began to get into it with his supervisor about his performance or lack thereof and his attitude. I'll fast forward to the pink slip. Then he got on unemployment.

All the while he's on unemployment he's struggling to pay 700 per month to his landlord. No reason, in my view, that he should have been struggling. The 700 covered rent and utilities. The only other bills he would've had to contend with are cell phone and food. I should not that he was receiving in excess of 1800 per month in unemployment.

By now I hope I have justified my opinion. I could give you more but I think those examples are sufficient. So yeah, before Christmas he called me while I was in Target to ask me if I could loan him some money to go home for Christmas. I told him no. I did tell him though that if he needed a ride from the bus station once he returned to DC he could ask me. On a whim I decided to hit him up earlier this week just to check to see that he returned safely and whatnot. Mind you the call in Target was so random because I had stopped accepting his calls and would not communicate with him for about 4-5 months. There is only so much Jerry I can stand. Like the reason I keep him around is because I absolutely do not understand his logic and it is fascinating to me sometimes to hear his absurd stories and listen to his antics. On this call he tells me that he's still looking for a job, his unemployment is running out, (Wasn't is extended like 3 times), he hasn't had a haircut in several months, he's personal training now and one of his clients paid for his LSAT test.

See how much that was? And that's the abridged version. Take a second and re-read all his claims. Okay now, let's move on. So somewhere in there he slipped in that he needed 20 to get a haircut. I was feeling a lil bad for him so I said that I could spare it. My thinking skills didn't kick in until we had disconnected the call. He's what came to mind. If you just went home for 2 weeks, why didn't you get a haircut then? I'm sure mama, sister, brother, cousin or step-half uncle would've seen to it that you got a haircut, given your situation. Secondly, if you're personal training people, I don't think I'd let you train me looking crazy if you haven't had a cut in months. And if you are training people then why wouldn't you take some of those ends and get a haircut? Another thought, if you had to borrow money from people (another mutual friend) to get home, why didn't you just stay here and get a haircut and realize that going home is a luxury that you cannot afford at this time? I guess that would've been too adult.

I decided to not give him the money for the aforementioned reasons. Thoughts?

Qik - for the blog by Jay Bee

2010-12-28T14:38:00.001-05:00

So...

2010-12-28T14:27:00.001-05:00

I think i'll use qik for videos. For some reason the app won't let me upload photos either. I'll work around it til I find another app that'll let me do it all. Suggestions?

Testing this out...

2010-12-28T14:17:00.003-05:00

Ok so I downloaded an app to my evo...can't seem to upload a video so Imma start small with this quick post. Hopefully I can get it working.

What's That Thing Called?

2010-12-28T09:20:00.003-05:00

You know that thing that people used to have on old shows that was kinda wrinkled on the sides like an accordion, but that you held with two hands to suck in and blow out air to fan flame to kinda give a lil jolt to the fire? Well yeah...that thingy...whatever it's called...that's what I'm doing now. I'm tryna revive this thing. Maybe I should change the background or something...maybe that'll help. I think I'll try that after I'm finished typing this.

So back in October I took my mom to the Bahamas as an early Christmas present. She's never been and neither had I. As a matter of fact I didn't even own a passport. The whole thing was a big deal. For weeks we talked on the phone making all of our preparations. By the way, I added her to my cell phone account and she has learned how to use her phone pretty well. At age 59, soon to be 60 January 28, 2011, she is texting messages and pictures. I even caught her watching tv on her phone. When we spoke the other day she mentioned that she forgot her password to Facebook. I was thinking to myself, "Since when did you get a Facebook account? You not 21 lady." I digress.

So yeah, we made our plans and whatnot and took a ship over to Grand Bahama to stay for a few nights. The ride over was absolutely dreadful. We had been warned though. The people said the seas were very rough and asked if we still intended to travel. I saw others still getting on the boat (well walking through the inside of the terminal thingy) so I assumed if they weren't deterred, why should I be? I had never been on a cruise ship. Both she and I got soooo sick. She was worse off than I. We both decided to try to go to sleep just to get through it. I was so relieved to be on solid ground again. Whew! It was so bad that my first thought once we had docked was that I could not take the boat back to Florida. I was going to have to secure flights for both of us. Fortunately, the ride back was pleasant. So smooth. I knew what I experienced on the ride over had to be the exception, otherwise I can't imagine why people would be traveling this way.

The trip was relaxing and cool. We shopped, ate, hit the beach, did some tours and frolicked with the locals. She was very appreciative and when we parted she of course asked the obligatory question about interacting with him*. I told her that I cannot make her any promises but I'll do what I can. By the way, I got another lead on AARP. I heard that they will write a policy on someone pretty much regardless of their health condition. If there is anyone out there reading this...do you know of any life insurance companies that will write policies on people regardless of their health? I need to know most expediently.

*************************************** One more post to go til I get to post 100. Go Jay...go Bee...go go go Jay Bee.

Chia Pet

2010-12-25T20:29:00.005-05:00

Does anyone else find the Obama chia pet thing offensive? Like I lightweight feel like the company is tryna be funny. I mean, I know they have George Washington and Abraham Lincoln up there too, but I still feel like the main goal was to make a caricature of our first black president. It feels akin to sambo or blackface. Maybe I'm reading too much into it. Any thoughts?

So....

2009-07-22T10:25:00.007-06:00

So I've been busy and whatnot. Not making excuses, but I'm just saying. I've been reading blogs all morning and have a renewed sense of purpose about sharing with my long lost blog buddies. I'm sure nobody is gonna stop by to really read since I kinda fell off the map for several months, but I promise I'll do what I can to get back on your blogrolls and to become a part of your regular blog reading rotations. Okay, enough of that.

So since during the summer months I have a more relaxed schedule, I am able to go in for a few hours a day if I feel like it or when I'm called. I love everything about being on your own schedule. Right now we're in the midst of a transition on my job. Much to my chagrin, we're moving forward with new leadership for this upcoming school year. This puts me in quite a precarious position. Here's why. Whenever there's a change in leadership, often the entire leadership team and persons who were loyal to the vision of the leadership or in support of the same are slowly moved out. I don't necessarily anticipate that this will be my fate, but I'd be foolish to think that it is not at least a possibility. In addition, the people who have wanted to 'get at me' because they were jealous of the relationship I had with my former supervisor now probably feel that it's their time to come up in the world. Those who know me well know that I am not intimidated by this. I can hold my own. Again, I'd be foolish, however, to pretend that this is not a real possibility and would be even more foolish to believe that it isn't likely that some people might attempt to capitalize on this and attempt to throw me under the bus. These feelings have been undergirded by the reports I've received from persons informing me that people are indeed beginning to run off at the mouth. Not to worry. These are the people who will feel the cold steel of stricter observations and increased visibility for their many shortcomings. If we gon do whatever, then we need to be prepared to have whatever done back to us. It's not right, but it's okay. (Somebody stop me.)

So in the very near future I will be making a voyage to Savannah, Georgia, to put right what for years has been so tragically wrong. I don't like nothing (a purposeful double negative) about what's going on at home. After having lost two limbs, sight, functioning kidneys, and in the absence of a heart that is functioning in the way that God originally ordained, him* is still acting a fool. Unreal. Be having my moma up at all hours of the night looking up stuff online and reading him* the Bible. I cannot for the life of me figure out why she won't just shut that B.S. down. People who don't have legs, eyes, kidneys, and only have perfunctory hearts, DO NOT MAKE DECISIONS. Since everyone at home doesn't seem to know this, it is encumbered upon me to be the voice of reason to bring this message to the forefront so that everyone will be aware. In many ways I feel like a savior with a message of deliverance. It's my job to set the captives free! So did I also mention that the church voted him* out? Him* still feels like him* needs to be preaching so him* coerces my sister into updating his resume and mailing it out to various churches in the area, begging for preaching engagements so that him* can take his tainted message of the road. UN-FUCKING-REAL! It absolutely unnerves me that this foolishness is going on. I cannot take those people. And they wonder why I don't go home. I simply cannot get with that ridiculousness. Who does that? So now churches now have to add to their list of requirements:

Of good report
Faithful and diligent
People person
Walking
Seeing
Able to effectively exegete a text
A visionary

Sounds absurd right? Yeah, so is thinking that someone who is unable to walk and see and is generally in poor health is ready or fit to be a pastor of a church.

So I've been actively seeking high risk insurance on him*. I found a company. At this point I've given them all of the required information and am just waiting on them to get back with me on the terms. Basically, if they write me the policy, I'm sitting on a lottery ticket.

So this is random, but let's see, so far we've covered job and family stuff. I woke up this morning with an insatiable desire for some french toast. I made some but then got even a lil more inventive. I decided to try to make a smoothie of sorts to go with my french toast and bacon. I used cantaloupe, kiwi, grapes, milk and a little orange juice. It was almost terrible, but nevertheless I didn't want to waste food so I drank it anyway. I included a pic. Doesn't it just look aweful?

So I thought I'd add....
I laid my brother's soul to rest in the Popeye's parking lot. He play too much and he play with grown folks.

I went to bingo the other day and had a blast. I've gotta get back on my bingo grind.

Been hanging out in DC a little more now. The city really has grown on me.

There was something else I was about to write about but it just slipped my mind. I hate when that happens.

Take care....I'll update soon.

Achoo!

2009-03-26T10:47:00.005-06:00

I'm sitting here sniffing, sneezing and wiping my eyes. I seem to have come down with a lil sumptin'. Yesterday I woke with a swollen throat and itchy eyes. I wrote it off to allergies, even though I've never really had allergy issues. I rationalized that maybe I had developed something since the relocation. Imagine my dismay when I awoke this morning with the runny nose and coughing and sneezing. I'm guessing I've run up on an old fashioned cold. It'll be fine as soon as it runs its course.

Earlier this week---Tuesday--I went to have some blood work done for my physical on Friday. I checked out my test results online. I don't know what the acronyms mean but I could tell things are looking good because in one column they'd list stuff like >40 and my actual reading was 42. Or if it said a normal reading is <140 mine would be 120. So like I said, I'm on the right side of all the stuff for which they examined my blood. I know one of them had something to do with cholesterol.

While I was there I decided to pick up the STD results I had done last month. I ended up going to the doctor because I had a swollen lymph node in my groin on the right side. I was bathing one day and ran across a lil lump. My first instinct was to check the other side of my groin to see if I had a matching lump on that side. I did not. I instantly had a Highlights moment (remember that magazine?). I knew this didn't belong in the picture. I made an appointment to go find out what was up.

The doctor told me it was a swollen lymph node caused by a bacterial infection. He let me know that it was not uncommon. My major concern was to make sure that it wasn't cancerous or a cyst or something like that. He gave me some amoxicillin and said it should be fine in a few days. I half took the prescription that was supposed to last me 10 days. I was supposed to take 2 pills per day 12 hours apart but ended up taking pills when I remembered. I still have probably 10 pills in the container and started the prescription February 18, 2009. Yeah, so as you can see, I didn't exactly follow doctor's orders, but fortunately I'm fine.

Because of the nature and location of my health concern, the doctor recommended a full STD screening. I agreed and gave them all the blood and urine that they needed. So fast forward to Tuesday of this week. After I gave blood for my physical I went up to medial records to get the results from the previous month's screening. I was a little nervous. You know how in those moments before you review the documents you have that silent time to replay the tape? You start thinking about everything that you've done and all the what ifs. Anywho, everything checked out fine. No herpes, syphilis, HIV, gonorrhea, chlamydia, etc. I was relieved.

Good health. You are why I find pleasure in the simple things in life.

As Promised, Christmas Story

2009-03-23T08:37:00.007-06:00

Three blogs ago I said I'd tell you all what happened when I went home for Christmas. Being a man of my word, I'll do just that. So we typically always meet up for Christmas at either my mom's place, my deceased grandmother's place or one of the aunts' places. Christmas 2008 was held at an aunt's place in Albany, Georgia. This place is about 4 hours from where my mom stays in Georgia so it didn't make a whole lot of sense for me to fly to my mom and then ride down to Albany an additional 4 hours. I decided to fly to Atlanta and drive to Albany from there--about 2.5 hours. A direct flight to Albany would have probably cost me about $150 more. I have family in the A, so it was not problem for me to hop a ride with one of the cousins.

Anyway I arrived in Albany on Christmas morning. My mom and him arrived maybe around 1:00 p.m. When they came in the house I greeted everyone in their party. Three uncles and him accompanied my mom. All though I spoke to him grudgingly, I did at least acknowledge his presence. It was all I could do to muster that up. Him's hearing is going bad in addition to the myriad of other health related, evilness induced challenges he has. As a reminder, ever the consummate teacher, let's have a quick review. Double amputations in both legs, kidney failure, on dialysis, legally blind and I think one or two fingers are missing too. Anyway, he apparently didn't hear me. Not my issue.

We ate and opened presents. The tradition is that we all sit around and read off each name and ooh and aah over every single gift. It usually takes 3 - 4 hours but it's time well spent. I heard him ask my mom if she checked on 'that situation' they discussed. Let me bring you up to speed. JayBee = 'that situation'. So anyway, him told her she didn't have to say anything, just be observant. I figured that their conversation centered around me not speaking to him and how he felt about it. Clearly I don't give a sh@t about how him feels about anything so I made no moves to make him feel any differently.

**********************************************************************
(time elapse, you know like how they do in books)

So when it was about time for them to leave, my mom asked me if I spoke to him. I told her that I did. Ever trying to be the mediator she asked if he heard me. Of course I told her that I couldn't speak for him and wouldn't attempt to do so. She requested that I tell him goodbye before they pulled off to go back to my grandmother's. I was lying down when we had this conversation. I remarked that she could just leave and go back and pretend that I was asleep because if I were asleep I wouldn't be expected to wake up and give a benediction over the day. Of course I can't really say no to mama so I complied, but not without trying to help her understand more about how I feel.

I let her know that him has no right to make a big deal out of me not speaking to him. I never do. Why would him's expectation be that today would be any different? Him's issue with me not speaking to him is 'how it looks to the [extended] family.' That's just the bullshit I'm talkin' about. Everyone else is fully aware of how I feel. This imaginary audience for whom we're supposed to be performing DOES NOT EXIST. It is this fakeness that I rebelled against as a child and I'll not continue to participate in it as an adult. Moreover, with him acting like I'm such a disrespectful muthafucka of a son, it allows him to play the victim. As if someone drug him through years of a horrible existence and not the other way around. Unacceptable.

She understood that. I didn't use any profanity, but she clearly understood what I was saying. It seemed to be a turning point in our relationship because I had began to withdraw from her because she continued to try to push me to engage with someone with whom I didn't desire. She doesn't push it anymore and hasn't since that date. Three months strong. Not a single mention of 'talking to your father' or any of its derivatives.

Peace of mind. You are why I find pleasure in the simple things in life.

Calling You to Enter the 21st Century

2009-03-19T12:38:00.005-06:00

I finally got a new cell phone. I owned the Treo 700wx with Windows mobile for years. I liked it and all but there were some problems. For one, I couldn't send pics or video via text message. I couldn't talk on the phone and be on the Internet at the same time. I didn't have a way to permanently record my contacts. With the advent of the Treo Pro all of those issues and more have been corrected.

I dropped the old phone (700wx) in water Sunday after I got back from the liquor store. (I did go to church but ended up drinking with some peeps.) I sprang into action to pull it out of the water quickly, removed the battery, shook out excess water and let it dry out. It started working again Monday morning and held out all the way until I left lunch around 2:20 p.m. Wednesday afternoon. Once it had it's final hurrah, I rushed to the Sprint store to see what I could get and decided on the aforementioned.

It feels good to have a phone with all the neat stuff. Pictures by text message. So common for many, yet never before a reality for me.

You are why I find pleasure in the simple things in life. Truly He is the center of my joy.

A Picture is Worth A Thousand Words

2009-03-08T13:43:00.004-05:00

And nothing beats a picture but a video. I should have put on some chapstick before I recorded this.....too late now.