What is Go Red For Women?

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I recently came upon this article in the New Yorker by Jonah Lehrer that talked about the inherent problem with “brainstorming”^[1].

The consensus among “brainstorming” advocates is that if you allow people to offer ideas, free of criticism, in a ‘safe’ environment that you’ll get better suggestions than people either a) working alone or b) being allowed to critique and challenge proposed ideas.

Research shows that both assumptions are wrong.

First, individuals can come up with more ideas on their own, sometimes TWICE as many ideas. Mainly because instead of listening to someone offer up a an awful idea, evaluating the merits and thinking of its use in context^[2], you would be generating more ideas with the proper parameters already in place.

Yet, leaders feel they need to gather the troops together in a conference room or on a “retreat”^[3] where they can hammer out ideas. Then they stipulate that there will be no criticism of any idea.

How can you validate the strength of an idea without looking for the flaws??

As Charlan Nemeth showed in his research “Debate and criticism do not inhibit ideas but, rather, stimulate them relative to every other condition.”

Can brainstorming with criticism get out of control? Sure, if an ineffective moderator allows it. Quality leaders allows criticism, sets the proper tone to for constructive criticism and knows when to move on when the idea is proven to be good or not so good.

Let people come up with ideas on their own then bring them together to share, debate, eliminate and defend their ideas to really get the most from your team.

Don’t let brainstorming become a man-made disaster!

 Thank you for participating in this fundraiser! Small amounts add up, and any amount you give will assist the research for children born with cranio-facial abnormalities. This is the 5th annual fundraiser our family has hosted, and we appreciate your support!!!

 

Kate is turning ten-years-old and we are celebrating with a fundraiser for Dell Children’s Medical Center. Kate was born with Sagital Synostosis, a condition that caused the bones in her head to fuse together. To correct this situation she underwent surgery to reconstruct her skull. We were fortunate, today Kate is fabulous. She is smart, funny, enjoys school, and brings a smile to all who know her. When she was born there was not a state-of-the-art medical facility for children in Austin, Texas. She was treated by wonderful doctors at Children’s Hospital of San Diego. Since that time a new hospital has opened in Central Texas, and for the past five years we have supported the research efforts of these local doctors with the “Kate Singer Endowment for Cranio-Facial Surgery and Research” (In 2010 we began donating to a similar fund in San Diego). We donate part of the fees Thom earns as a professional speaker, and each year on Kate’s birthday we host this fundraiser. Please join us by making a donation of any size. Thank you, Thom, Sara, Jackie and Kate Singer

Listen to Thom talk publishing but more importantly, donate to this worthy cause.

There really is no such thing as a “self-made” person. Everyone has had help along the way. It could have been a teacher, a parent, a spouse, various friends or colleagues that offered bit^[1] of advice, encouragement or an opportunity that allowed you to move forward. Make sure you take a moment to thank them.

Without them, you wouldn’t be anywhere near the person you are today.

“Well, I sucked pretty bad today” – Tom Brady

That is direct quote AFTER winning a game in which an important quarterback sneak, delivered by the same Tom Brady, was the winning score. Afterwards, all the sports talk shows were complimenting Tom for admitting that his game wasn’t up to par. It was “refreshing” “good to hear such honesty” and he “didn’t pull any punches”.

I heard these comments and thought to myself “Why the fawning? This is what successful people do. They evaluate their performance, look for improvement and get better.^[1]” But in our society, too often we refuse to admit when we did something badly.

I don’t prescribe to the practice of constantly telling yourself affirmations or avoiding criticisms. It is a faulty practice that assumes we are emotionally fragile and thin-skinned victims. It does work for some people but I’ve often found the most effective people are able to criticize themselves without crumbling into a weeping heap. They have the attitude that they will get better by looking at what went wrong. This whole ‘Move forward, don’t look back” mentality is usually said by people who have screwed up in the past and don’t want to think about it, that there is nothing to learn. This is ridiculous!

You are not some sniveling unstable person^[2] You are a human being that makes mistakes, learns from them^[3] and get better.

If you constantly need pep talks to get you through your day ask yourself:

• Why am I even doing this if it causes so much anxiety and stress?
• Am I repeating the same behavior, which is why my brain is telling me to “STOP!!!”?
• What can I do to make this situation better? Is there someone who can help?

Getting help when you feel overwhelmed or that you’re doing poorly is not weakness…its progress. Let’s revisit Tom Brady’s self-analysis again only we’ll continue his quote a bit further:

“Well, I sucked pretty bad today, but our defense saved us,” Brady said.

Can you admit when you’ve done poorly? Can you ask for help?

If you can do these two things…you might be able to make it after all!

As I have discussed in my book “Half a Glass: The Realist’s Guide”^[1] rumors and gossip are going to happen whether you want them to or not. The only decision you can make is if you want to know what’s being shared or be clueless to the information (or misinformation).  While you may think gossip is ugly and useless, science is proving otherwise.

And now it seems that gossip can be good for your health and conscience:

Researchers found that when people in the study saw someone acting badly, their heart rates increased. But researchers found that it helped their heart rates when they were able to share what they witnessed with someone else, particularly to warn them of the potential exploitation.

 

“Spreading information about the person whom they had seen behave badly tended to make people feel better, quieting the frustration that drove their gossip,” study researcher Robb Willer, a social psychologist at UC Berkeley, said in a statement.

 

In addition, researchers found that people in the study were even willing to sacrifice money in order to let other people know of cheaters who were players in economic trust games — in this case, gossiping was a means of preventing other people from being taken advantage of, said study researcher Matthew Feinberg, who is also a social psychologist at UC Berkeley.

 

The research is published online in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology

You don’t need to pass gossip along but be open to hear what’s happening around you. It builds trust and peace of mind.

Or so I’ve heard…

The “Power of Positive Thinking” has been sold and marketed so much it’s been widely accepted as the way people “should” behave, think or act. Sadly, the truth behind the value of negative thoughts and emotions has been driven into the shadows, to be ignored and avoided. Thankfully, more and more people are coming to understand that our negative thoughts partnered with a positive attitude (they are not mutually exclusive) can be a powerful combination for personal and professional success.

In my Internet travels, I came across Dr. Roger Covin, Ph.D. His article at the Huffington Post showed the qualities of negative thinking:

The problem is that while positive thinking can yield some mental health benefits, an excessive and rigid search for positivity can bring about the opposite effect.

 

Sticking with the analogy of germs, negative thoughts and emotions (including stress) can be a good thing in moderation — like germs or viruses that stimulate the functioning of the immune system. There are a number of benefits of negativity, and at least some negativity in one’s life from time to time is probably desirable.

 

First, negative thinking can be adaptive. When problems arise, worry can be a constructive thing if it leads to problem-solving. Anxiety is useful when we are threatened and are in need of safety. (For example, you should feel some anxiety when driving in poor weather.) Sadness is a normal emotion in the context of loss. In fact, it is believed that the symptoms of depression evolved to facilitate the need for rest, protection and self-soothing.^[1]

 

Second, negative life experiences (including negative thoughts and emotions) often play a significant role in maturation and character development. Guilt and shame not only allow us to recognize and correct mistakes we’ve made, but also to become a better person. Repeat experiences with frustration help build tolerance and may ultimately assist in the development of patience.

I’ll keep you posted as more and more people spread the word!

There’s an old expression ‘If you have never made a mistake then you’ve never done anything new’. I would like to add my own, ‘If you have never been criticized then you’ve never made an important decision’.

People who make decisions are always in a position to be criticized. Even if the criticism is just the fact that you’re in the position to make said decision ^[1]. Criticism is just a fact of life, but how you react to it is what defines you.

Here are a couple of things to remember when you’re standing in the blast of constructive^[2] criticism:

Become tone deaf: This doesn’t mean ignore the criticism. That means you often need to listen to the information and not necessarily the tone or ‘the way’ the information is presented. Don’t disregard the message because you don’t like the messenger. Not everyone is an expert communicator or can turn a phrase as elegantly as I can ^[3] Most criticism is offered up as help but can come out as an attack. Ignore the tone and zero in on the info.

Don’t get defensive. Whenever someone disagrees with us or calls us out on something we may have done wrong, we get our hackles^[4] up^[5] and start defending ourselves.  Let it go and then:

Learn. Criticism is a great way to learn what you are doing wrong. Absorb the criticism, learn from it and:

Fix it. Correcting the problem is a great way to a.) stop further criticism and b.) avoid future problems. Which leads to^[6]

Don’t do it again. Because if you do it again you’ll only have to deal with more criticism, only next time, the tone will be worse, you’ll get more defensive, they pull out a knife, you pull out a gun…it ends badly. That’s all I’m legally allowed to say.

Suck it up. Sure, being criticized is not fun. But if you want to succeed in life, you need to deal with it. You need to develop a tougher skin. People will criticize EVERYTHING! It’s the entire basis of the Internet. There is not a statement in the world you can make that someone somewhere won’t take the wrong way. Just be aware of what is worth listening to and what you should ignore.

Feel free to criticize me by leaving a comment below!

With the political season revving up for the primaries, one of the biggest accusations politicians make against another is the evil and dreaded “Flip-Flop”^[1]. A candidate votes on an issue 15 years ago and if they do not maintain their opinion for the rest of their political lives they are inconsistent, untrustworthy, shifty, carpet bagging Flip Floppers!!^[2]

While changing ones opinion to curry favor with a section of the voters is blatant pandering and will cost you integrity points^[3] why isn’t there room for growth? Why can’t someone’s opinion change, especially when new information is available?

Politicians can never be wrong. Even when confronted with the true and undeniable facts, they will spin the information to show their originally wrong statement was actually correct. While that may work on a disinterested public during a 24 hour news cycle, if you try doing that with your employees… you’ll get a very different outcome. They know when they are being fed BS and your attempts to twist the past to fit your version of what is right will create distrust^[4].

Leaders and managers have to constantly be gathering data to make the proper decisions. When new information comes in, they need to be able to quickly judge its value and adapt if necessary. It’s not flip-flopping if you are learning and reconsidering. What was true 15 years ago may not be the case in today’s ever evolving workplace.

Sticking to your guns can be an admirable quality…until you’re out of bullets. Then you’re just a guy waiting around to get shot.

Denver Broncos quarterback Tim Tebow has posed some interesting problems that some manager might be able to relate to. He’s a talented, versatile employee that doesn’t fit the mold of a typical staff member, yet the results are undeniable.

Sure, he doesn’t have the best throwing mechanics. His completion percentage which is usually less than 50%, and his running style is destined to get him injured ^[1] .  But if you watch him you can clearly see his teammates believe he can win, the fans are excited to see him play and despite the scrutiny from the media he wins, usually in tense, pressure situations where other QB’s would wither. Overall, a very productive individual and teammate that works in unconventional ways.

What is a manager (or in this case a coach) to do with such a person?

Stubborn folks would force Tebow to change his style, his mechanics and conform to the system in place. Which is why John Fox, the Broncos head coach, should be an example to managers everywhere.  Despite Fox’s personal coaching style of running a more conventional NFL offense, he realized that “We can’t do that other crap” he was going to have to adapt to Tebow’s  strengths and not force Tebow to do things he was comfortable or able to do.

In business, often so many managers get hung up on the way things “should” be done, they will ignore perfectly good results because it wasn’t done “their way” ^[2]. They shoot down any attempt to do things differently and will fight to maintain the status quo. Life is about playing the hand your dealt. John Fox didn’t want to run a spread offense with a running quarterback but that’s the talent he has. He changed large chunks of the offense to fit his most important player. You can tell he’s not comfortable with the changes but he’s committed to it because of the results.

Are you committed to the results or to the process? Are you adaptable or stubborn?

Are you willing to let your Tim Tebow do what he does best?

I have long heard that to be successful you must thoroughly love what you do and make it your “passion”. That says that if you don’t like what you do for a living, you’ll never get better at it, you’ll never be proficient and your life will be utter misery. Is that true?

I get it. People would rather do what they want than what’s available. However, realize that if everyone did what they “wanted” society would collapse. Who would fix the sewers? Pick up our trash? Work at the DMV? Or do any of the other boring, mundane, gross, insert-reason-YOU-won’t-do it job?

Even spoiled athletes can succeed without “loving” what they do. Take Serena Williams:^[1]

From USAToday:

Serena Williams has won nearly $35 million in prize money on the tennis court, but doesn’t sound all that happy about it.

The 13-time winner of grand slams singles titles is tuning up for the Australian Open this week at the Brisbane International and told reporters there she wasn’t all that thrilled about her career.

“I don’t love tennis today but I am here – I can’t live without it so I am still here,” Williams said.

She added that:

“It was never that I have fallen out of love with it – I have actually never liked sports. I have never understood how I became an athlete – I don’t like working out.”

Why am I bringing this up? Why am I telling people to do jobs they don’t like?

I’m not. The reality of everyday life is many of us have been (or currently are) in jobs we don’t like. I’ve worked for narcissists, toiled through bureaucratic automatons doing jobs I hated and jobs that were drudges. However, It subsidized the things in my life that I enjoyed. Despite some of these awful work environments, I excelled in many of these positions for one main reason:

Commitment.

I made a commitment to the job I took. I had bills to pay, rent and other financial obligations. Like many of us do. I took the jobs I could to get paid. I did them to the best of my abilities because I made a commitment to the job. If the job was going to pay me, I had better do the work.

You need to remember, especially in jobs that aren’t “sexy” that you don’t need to hire for passion. You need to look for people willing to commit, people who show traits of aptitude and responsibility.

I’m fortunate enough to be in a job^[2] where I am in control. But because of that autonomy, there are several aspects of being a speaker that I outright loathe. Although I know I have to do them. It is part of the commitment I’ve made.

So try not to judge people on their passions. As seen on American Idol, millions of people have passions that they just suck at. Judge people like workers-on their output and commitment.

One of the biggest thing that really gets my goat ^[1] is people who insist on believing ^[2] that a positive attitude can cure all their ills. It’s just not true.

The condescension of positivity shames people into thinking they must be positive thinkers to get anywhere in the world, overcome their sicknesses and overall, to just be a better person than negative folks.  Yet, positive thinking doesn’t offer any greater strength than any other type of thinking. Certainly not in the health department. I stumbled upon this article in the Daily Mail that spoke about how our obsession with positive thinking can actually hurt your recovery:

Try to stay positive . . . it’s become a common call to those who are ill as the belief has grown that having a positive attitude will not only help you get through illness, but make you better quicker.

But is it true? In fact, there’s no evidence that teaching yourself to have a positive attitude makes you physically healthier. A recent study of cancer patients in Finland and Sweden found no association between survival rates and whether people were positive or negative in their outlook.

The study, in the American Journal of Epidemiology, looked at 4,600 people with cancer over 30 years, and found that whether they were extrovert or neurotic, their attitude to life had no relationship with how long they survived their illness.

It’s not an isolated finding. An analysis of research by Dr James Coyne, professor of psychology at the University of Pennsylvania School of Medicine, found that there were no good quality studies showing that ‘positive psychology’ had any effect on physical health.

In one of his own large studies, he found that the sense of emotional wellbeing of cancer patients had no effect on how long they lived.

Read more: http://www.dailymail.co.uk/health/article-2081407/Why-staying-positive-WONT-speed-recovery.html

But there’s too much money to be made by writing books on what people WANT to hear vs. the facts. It’s much easier to sell candy than medicine.

The reality is getting seriously sick sucks. Having a serious illness can be devastating. Having to pretend that everything is going to be great instead of confronting your true feelings and working through them openly and honestly…that sounds like a true sickness.

You may have noticed the new design here at the Realist’s Guide. Guessing by my Google Analytics, you haven’t.

I’m re-launching the Realist’s Guide as a hub for honest, reality based information.  

I hope to create a fluff free zone, without the typical marketing lingo and goofy made up words like “Soloprenuer!” or “Chief Happiness Officer!”.  At first, it will be a bit more Craig-centric than I’d like, but hopefully, some additional contributors will appear from time to time to offer their insights.

The Reality Check podcast will be a part of the expansion also, offering the same fun yet informative interviews with a variety of experts on a wide range of topics. If you already subscribe to the podcast via YouTube, iTunes or FaceBook then I can’t believe much will change for you.

Feedback and requests are always encouraged. If you would like to contribute or you see something on the interwebs that you feel I should share with the rest of the world, please do not hesitate to let me know.

Have a great New Year!

Holly Duckworth of Leadership Solutions International joins Craig on the season finale to discuss gratitude. They delve into vital issues like Craig’s monkey-like handwriting, volunteering one’s time, keeping an “Oprah Journal” (yeah…Craig had a hard time with the name too) as well as just figuring out some ways to better express one’s gratitude. It’s an appropriate way to end 2011 for the podcast!

Holly can be found at http://www.hollyduckworth.com (where else?!).

See you in 2012!!

Article source: http://feedproxy.google.com/~r/RealityCheckwithCraigPrice/~3/5-0XQaBF0WE/episode-39-holly-duckworth-gratitude

Alan Cerny (Nordling from Ain’t it Cool News) returns by popular demand to talk about all the great movies coming out this holiday season. Oscar bait is chumming the waters as well as action flicks and kids movies. Throw in some great directors like Scorcese and Spielberg along with superstars Tom Cruise, Robert Downey Jr. and George Clooney and you have Craig and Alan happily talking movies!!

Have a Happy Thanksgiving!!

Article source: http://feedproxy.google.com/~r/RealityCheckwithCraigPrice/~3/YzvUuv4PfPM/episode-38-alan-cerny-holiday-movie-preview