The one thing I’ve learned over the years is there is no one thing. If you want to be a good leader, good manager, good employee there is no one way. Often, the “way” you interact needs to change with each person and each situation. Sure, honesty, fairness and maintaining integrity are constants.  Being a good “human being” is not what I’m referring to. I mean, when you lead (either by example or position) you have to be able to adapt your “way”. I call it “leading from all sides”.

If you lead from the front, it means you are hands-on, in the trenches, fighting alongside your team kind of person. It creates loyalty, understanding and empathy, both for the leader and the led.

If you lead from the rear, you are a hands off, delegating, let your people do what you hired them for kind of person. That creates mutual respect, accountability and self-worth for all involved.

Some lead from the sunny side of the street. They are positive, cheerleading, can-do types who boost morale, create a comfortable environment and sense of security

Some lead from the realistic side. They are the logical, analytical, pragmatic types that look to prevent problems and obstacles, are prepared for a crisis and willingly accepts constructive. They create an environment of fairness, honest communication and security.

The trick is not just using one way but a combination of the 4 types and not with a wide generic brush but with the understanding of what the situation or person will respond to.

Accessing these points opens your leadership to practically any situation or personality.

There is a reason there are spots on a compass between the main directions. Sometimes going South-southwest is far more accurate than just going pure south or pure west.

What side do you lead from?

Michael Redmond takes a chance and talks to risk management with Craig. The last in a series highlighting speakers for the PMI-Rochester Professional Development Day on May 24th, Michael explains the importance of identifying potential problems every company face yet often don’t want to think about.

You can find more about Michael Redmond at http://www.redmondworldwide.com

Anthony Mersino talks to Craig about “soft skills”. They talk about feelings (no…no crying), empathy, interacting with strangers and new people. You know, things Craig has no ability to talk about. They also discuss how to become more self-aware, understanding self-confidence and being more authentic.

Be sure to attend the PMI-Rochester Professional Development Day on May 24th and if you can’t attend but want to learn more about Anthony, visit his company’s website at http://www.projectadvisorsgroup.com

Maria Matarelli (@mariamatarelli on twitter) calls in to discuss her Agile Management program she will be presenting on May 24th at the Project Management Institute-Rochester Chapter’s Professional Development Day. While Craig’s limited knowledge of Agile is more than obvious, he does manage to get some understanding on Scrum, Velocity and thanks to Maria, invent Smokey and the Bandit Management.

You can register for the May 24th PMI-Rochester PDD at http://www.pmirochester.org and you can learn more about Maria at http://www.bevilledge.com/maria or connect with her via LinkedIn.

People see what they want to see. It’s why whenever a politician opens his mouth, half the people praise their insight and courage to speak “the truth” and the other half thinks they’re stark raving mad and out to destroy America.

Often we think we can self-assess our needs, talents and abilities but are we looking at the truth or a better version of the truth?

Forbes magazine highlighted a new book on the issue:

The two professors – Christopher Chabris and Daniel Simmons – have now written a fascinating book called “The Invisible Gorilla: How Our Intuitions Deceive Us.” It’s a great read that addresses several critical shortcomings inherent in our most important leadership tool – our brain.

“The Invisible Gorilla” examines six everyday illusions that profoundly influence our lives: illusions of attention, memory, confidence, knowledge, cause, and potential. According to the authors, these illusions represent distorted beliefs we hold in our minds that are “not just wrong, but wrong in dangerous ways.”

They go on to point out:

And that’s where three of the illusions come in.

We think we see more than we actually do (illusion #1). We overrate our abilities to recall what we have seen (illusion #2). And we constantly overestimate our own qualities and abilities (illusion #3).

These illusions explain a lot of otherwise inexplicable human behavior. For example, how four people can see a car accident and all have very different versions of what happened. How we can “recall” events that never actually occurred. And how we can get many things wrong when we’re absolutely, positively sure we’re right.

And business fall into this trap too:

How else to explain a company like GM continuing to crank out monstrous gas guzzlers in a world of declining oil supplies and soaring prices. How else to explain Blockbuster video continuing to invest in bricks-and-mortar outlets even as their customers flocked to NetFlix and on-demand cable movies? How else to explain the popular music industry fighting digital downloading while watching an entire generation of their best consumers walk around listening to iPods?

These companies were run by very smart, capable people. But their brains caused them to see what they wanted to see. And they missed the 800-lb. gorillas walking right through their industries. Add to that their inflated confidence in their abilities to continue dominating their markets, and the end result was inevitable.

It’s easy summed up in the old phrase “Buying into your own BS”. Seeing the goal, envisioning your accomplishments is one thing. Living like you already did or that you have all the answers is a whole other problem.

How are you looking at yourself? Are you wearing rose-colored glasses or under a gloomy cloud? Or as you are: with all your strengths, weaknesses?

Lois Creamer can help speakers build their business at http://www.bookmorebusiness.com

For some, they find this reality hard to believe because they confuse the underlying foundation of someone (personality) with the constantly changing and often finicky attitude.

Personality is how you view the world; attitude is how you express those views to others.

Attitudes can change in an instant. Get a phone call, win the bet, spill your coffee, get a compliment, lose your keys, or find a dollar on the sidewalk. Instant change.

People can have good attitudes while having negative (not fatalistic!!) personalities. The good-natured worrier, the kind over-planner, the funny problem-finder, the pleasant critical thinker.

 
Focus on the attitude of the person. Is it helpful, even if delivered in a clumsy or direct manner? Are they trying to pinpoint the problem so you or the team can fix it and move on? Are they offering up potential roadblocks yet still willing to take the trip with you?

If you think these people don’t exist…maybe your attitude is the one that needs changing…

Crystal Washington (@Cryswashington on twitter) joins Craig to discuss afroPuffs…yes afropuffs, being harassed by the TSA, tornado helmets and most importantly social media. With so many platforms popping up it can get confusing very quickly. Crystal talks platforms, strategies and maybe social media isn’t something you don’t need to be on every second of everyday.

Crystal can be found at her own website – http://www.crystalwashington.com

I was once reprimanded by an unsolicited life coach who told me “It’s not a problem, but a challenge!”

To which I replied “I’m sorry, Sudoku is a challenge, ordering Mongolian Barbecue is a challenge^[1]. Talking to you is a challenge. What I’m talking about is a problem. Challenges can be ignored. Problems can’t.”  

Since my perspective was not the one he wanted to hear or was one that he expected he seemed offended by my reply. He was assuming his perspective was the only one that mattered. Sadly, this is not uncommon.

It seems people rarely take time to see how the other person may look at things or perceive a given situation. Maybe because it no longer fits our 140 character, instant status updating world. Maybe because their perspective doesn’t fit our own narrative^[3]. We don’t want to see their side because we have become too invested in our own ideas, our own perspective, that we don’t want them to be challenged at all, otherwise we’d risk “being wrong”. Maybe it just takes too much supposed “time and effort”^[4]Maybe it’s a combination of a lot of different reasons.

Looking at things from other’s perspective, teaches us new things, builds empathy towards others^[5] and creates long term trust.

Teaches us new things: If you can see something in a new light, gain a new understanding on a subject or a person, uncover information you hadn’t considered before, you can make better, stronger decisions.

Builds empathy: If you can’t see someone’s perspective, it’s hard to understand that person or relate to them. It’s easier to slap a label on them based on one thing and move on. Doing that closes the door to all their talents and skills. If you can take a moment to at least look at things from their perspective, it can clear up misinterpreted animosity, remove the presumption of personal intent^[6] and create understanding that leads to:

Creates long term trust: Honest looks at other’s perspective builds trust through your ability to show fairness. Being fair-minded is a huge advantage when leading others. Fairness doesn’t mean you have to agree. It doesn’t mean you have to acquiesce to other’s ideas. It does mean you are willing to hear others ideas or concerns and weigh them accordingly. You have the final say, yet allowing others to express their ideas/concerns/opinions in an environment they know they will be heard gives you a track record of fairness.

And that’s all most people really want out of life…a fair shake^[7]

What’s your perspective on perspectives?

Dr. Michael Nuccitelli talks cyberbullying with Craig on this week’s Reality Check. Be it texting, tweeting or trolling facebook statuses, “The Nuche!” as Craig gleefully calls Michael, discusses why kids bully, how to identify if you child is bullying or being bullied and introduces his new iPredator Protected membership based advisory services that works to protect, advise and educate online users, their families and businesses.

You can find out all about it at www.ipredator.co (no “m”!)

In this “everyone gets a medal” “all ideas are equally valuable” and “there are no mistakes, just happy accidents” world we’ve created around ourselves, one valuable tool is often missing in many people’s arsenal^[1]: The ability to accept rejection.

I come from an entertainment world where you are rejected far more than you are accepted. In my case, much more^[2]. Handling rejection becomes almost a defining quality. Understanding and embracing rejection is a huge part in an organization’s success and those who handle better than others often succeed at a greater pace.

Ron Ashkenas has an article at the Harvard Business Review touching on this very topic^[3] But I’ll skip to the good parts:

In light of these behaviors, leaders need to encourage a more conscious and healthy toleration of rejection. While all employees should feel comfortable offering ideas, raising issues, and making observations — they should do so with the knowledge that they may be rejected. If they get discouraged or angry about not having their ideas accepted, they might shut down and stop contributing. Similarly, if employees feel so self-important that the organization should never turn them down, their sense of entitlement will make it difficult to drive constructive change.

 

 It’s easier to talk about learning from rejection than to actually experience it. Rejection often triggers painful emotional doubts about our own competence and self-worth, so we either try to avoid it or pretend that it doesn’t matter. A more constructive approach is to remember that rejection can be beneficial: It can force us to come up with more ideas, redirect us to different paths, and keep us humble and open to learning.

 Let you’re people know how important their ideas are, encourage them to share them but also prepare them for the instances when they are not accepted so they can be ready the next time.

Arnold Richie, long time Houston realtor, joins Craig in a more locally based show than normal. Craig asks the hard hitting questions like what is a short-sell, why are agents even necessary and most importantly: do you have to disclose ghosts? Arnold patiently answers Craig’s dumb question with poise and insight.

You can also go to Arnold’s second love Upstage Theater to get tickets to fantastic live shows as well!

Have you ever been wrong? Made a mistake? Screwed up? Flubbed it? Made a mess of things? Stepped in it? ^[1]

We all have. ^[2]

Often, people will scramble to hide their mistakes or worse, look you in the eye and tell you it’s not a mistake at all. In their effort to look infallible they come out looking ridiculous. But mistakes and errors are a huge part of the process. And being wrong should be something true leaders can admit to and use to their benefit.

Kathryn Schulz, wrote a book all about it called Being Wrong: Adventures in the Margin of Error and she points out many ways ^[4] you can use being wrong to your advantage.

From Forbes:

So how do you foster a corporate climate that has a healthy relationship to being wrong? Schulz offers four pointers for executives.

 

1. Appoint a devil’s advocate. Too much groupthink? No one willing to speak up with dissenting opinions? As a manager, you should “appoint someone you really trust whose job is to argue against you,” says Schulz. “If you’re so respected that no one in your inner circle is willing to say you’re wrong, you need to rethink your internal management structure.”

 

2. Showcase your commitment to being open about mistakes. If you’re wrong, admit it – and if someone else in your company has made a mistake, don’t attack them for it. “I guarantee you any situation in which you have your wrongness shoved in your face will go very poorly,” says Schulz. “You’ll be disinclined to acknowledge your error, and the most common response is to become defensive and entrench.” Instead, make it clear that everyone is wrong sometimes, and it’s part of a shared responsibility to learn from errors together.

 

3. Argue against yourself. Make it standard operating procedure – for yourself and your employees – to argue the opposite side of a case, even if you’re convinced you’re right. The research you conduct may help illuminate aspects you’ve been overlooking and encourage you to revise your opinion.

 

4. Truly listen. When views are polarized, it can be hard for anyone to step back and see another side, much less admit they’re wrong. But listening can defuse that tension, says Schulz: “If you let people talk things through in an environment where they feel they won’t be attacked, a remarkable number will let down their guard.”

Being wrong is not the end of the world. It’s often the start of something much, much better.

KK Robbins (@kk_robbins on twitter) discusses with Craig how we lie to ourselves. Responsibility and accountability rear their ugly heads as KK explains to Craig how we lie more to ourselves than to others. This leads Craig to doubt himself ever more. Who knows, he could be lying to himself RIGHT NOW!

Learn more about KK Robbins and her book “Life Lessons of a Liar” at http://www.kkrobbins.com/

I wanted to share this piece of insight from an article I found by Daniel Sobol on arguing in business.

Most people try to avoid arguing ^[1] especially at work. But arguing, . But what really caught my eye is something I’ve always stood behind and that was being able to say “No, Because”. From Fast Company:

2. SAY “NO, BECAUSE”

 

It’s widely evangelized that successful brainstorms rely on acceptance of all ideas and judgment of none. Many refer to the cardinal rule of improv saying “Yes, AND”–for building on others’ ideas. As a former actor, I’m a major proponent of “Yes AND.”

 
But I’m also a fan of “no, BECAUSE.” No is a critical part of our process, but if you’re going to say no, you better be able to say why. Backing up an argument is integral in any deliberative discourse. And that “because” should be grounded in real people other than ourselves.

 

We conduct ethnographic research to inform our intuition, so we can understand people’s needs, problems, and values. We go out dancing with a group of women in a small Chinese village; we work in a fry shack in the deep South; we sit in living rooms and listen to caregivers discuss looking after a parent with Alzheimer’s. This research informs our intuitive “guts”–giving us both inspiration for ideas and rationale to defend or critique them.

 

During ideation, we constantly refer back to people, asking one another if our ideas are solving a real need that people expressed or that we witnessed. This keeps us accountable to something other than our own opinions, and it means we can push back on colleagues’ ideas without getting personal.

With all due respect to my friend and podcast guest Avish Parashar and his great book “Say Yes, And” ^[2] , it’s okay to say “no” and object to a bad idea. In my own book “Half a Glass: The Realist’s Guide” ^[3] I bring up how to object properly:

You can’t just say, “That’s a bad idea!”

 
Sorry, “That sucks!” isn’t a good response to someone’s new idea. Even if it sucks stronger than a black hole.

 
If you do accidently forget to engage your filter and they ask “Why does it suck?”

 
“I don’t know. It just sounds bad. Of all the things I’ve heard before, that idea sucks the most. And yet, I couldn’t tell you why. It’s like art. I know it when I see it and that idea sucks.”

 
How useful is that kind of feedback? Does it really accomplish anything besides identifying you as a jerk?

 
When you do have a complaint and want to share it, you need to:

 

Explain why.

 

You can easily state you don’t like the idea and then go through the laundry list of reasons you dislike the idea.

 
“I don’t think that is the right approach because…”

 
Back up your own objections. They’re going to defend their idea, you better take the effort to defend yours or you might as well keep quiet.

 
Being the “I told you so” person gets annoying.

 
Being the person who identifies the key problem and help improve it is seen as a “critical thinker ”. If you have valid reasons why an idea is not good, you won’t get dismissed out of hand.

 
Often a typical response to an objection is “Well, what’s your idea?”

Making a good idea on the spot is not easy. It takes planning and time. They sure took time thinking up their crappy idea. You probably need that time, too. Taking an honest look at why an idea may not work is still a valid way to be constructive.