I could hear the catch in her voice.  The anger. The sadness. She was pissed. Hurt. Done. She came to work with me as her marriage was ending. Years of trying. Of therapy. Of work. And the marriage still ended.  She lamented the wasted time.  The energy.  All she had done…all they had done…she was exhausted. Yet here she was, at the bottom of a mountain.  Knowing that the climb was the opportunity.  There was an old her she was ready to shift.  There was an new her ready to embody.  She knew this. But she didn’t want to do it.  She wanted to run away. Hide.  Make everything numb.  She railed at path ahead of her, wishing for completion.

The beliefs about her worthiness…about her ability to be loved, had loomed large in her life.  These where core issues for her.  Deep in her being.  She was ready let it go, but beginning was a daunting task.

I waited until she stopped crying to begin.  “This is a privilege.  You are only here in this moment, to do this work because you have done everything else that needed to be done.  You have primed the pump.  You have walked the path.  This is not easy. But make no mistake, it is a privilege.”

The words sank in.  Her breath steadied.  She grounded herself.  She made it clear that she was not willing to live the rest of her life living in the lie of her lack of worth.  She knew more than ever, this moment was hers. Hard fought.  She was not going to let it go without living it to the fullest.  In that moment, the story of who she was began to change.

We spoke last week and she reflected on her journey.  On who she is now.  The willingness to let begin. To own the right and privilege of her path.  She held her former resistance tenderly, loving who she was way back then.  She smiled at the thought of her new love. Her new job.  Her desire to stand forward in her truth.  Life is good.  Great.  Because she recognized the sacred opportunity and took it with gusto.

(this piece was written with permission of my client.  Any identifying details were changed).

Sometimes, it’s not going to be easy.  It’s just not.  There is this myth going around that when you are wildly on purpose, everything is easy.  When talking to clients, and getting to know their desires, they often tell me that they want to finally figure out what their life purpose so that work will never feel like work again.  They will be like Snow White in that scene where all the animals show up and help her clean the house…communing with The One every moment of every day. Not only will work never be challenging, but all of life will be a happily ever after sort of deal.  Easy, peasy, nice and breezy.

But that’s just not the way it is.  I LOVE my work. I always say that I have the best job I could ever imagine. I get to show up as myself. Serve amazing people doing amazing things..and I get paid for it!  I get to write. Travel. Create. Play. I have ample time for myself. I love what I do.  And some days it’s hard.  Some days it feels like work. Some days I am on the growing edge, pushing myself past my comfort zone. Professionally. Personally.  It can be rough.  I hit up against all those parts of myself that I let stop me in the past.  They have to be loved. Worked with. Loved some more. Sometimes it doesn’t feel like picking daisies on a sunny day with the wind blowing perfectly in my hair, or whatever soothing and perfect image is used in a women’s hygiene ad.

Working on purpose does not mean that everyday is a cakewalk. There were plenty of times in my life when I thought that hitting a bumpy patch meant that I was on the wrong path completely.  I had wanted to stand forward as a healer and coach several times in my life. I would start.  Things would be challenging…I wasn’t making enough money or getting enough clients. I would feel stuck and figure that things weren’t meant to be.  I stopped. Went back to whatever I was doing before.  And that would be that. I did not realize that challenges can be part of the process.

Until I decided to push a little more.  I remember, almost 3 years ago now, standing in my kitchen having a real good talking to with myself.  I had just been fired. I knew what I wanted. I promised myself that no matter what I wouldn’t quit.  The only way to fail was to stop…and that was no longer on the table.  And guess what. I haven’t. And it rocks.

Some days it rocks so hard that I can’t help but do a dance around the house. Most days in fact.  But that took time. There was lots of growing. Lots of discomfort.  A few mistakes. Incredible amounts of fun. Love. Joy. What living in deep alignment with your purpose will do is enliven and enlighten your world. Even the rough days have an aliveness behind them.

My recommendation is a deep commitment to yourself and tons of support. Invest in yourself.  Work with a coach. A guide. A healer. A team of incredible friends. Whoever gets you and will hold for you as you move forward.  I would not be here today without my coach.  I get the privilege to do that for clients everyday as they stand forward in their purpose…and take big action to make magic.

I have said it before and I will say it again, your purpose is not an action step.  It’s not a job. A project.  A way of doing anything. It is an internal experience. From there we can, if we choose, find a job is in direct alignment with said purpose.  Or our job can be the thing that allows us to pursue our purpose in other ways.  Or we can know the real truth of purpose…every action we ever take can be imbued with that magical intention.  None of that, though, will make it easy.

Maybe you are wondering where “It” is.  It being the job. The relationship. The clients. The book that you think should have been written 2 years ago.

You have done the inner work. Shed the beliefs that held you back.  You journal. Vision. Talk to the wildly wonderful aspects of your being.  Every trick you have been taught is in play.

You are ready. You are just waiting for your manifestation to appear so that you can receive it.  And you wait. And you wait. And you wait…

If this sounds familiar, be prepared to wait for a while.

The Universe meets us at the point of action. Not thought. Not intention. Not heart felt wishes on genie bottles and shooting stars.  ACTION.

The internal work is important.  It allows you to get into into alignment.  When you are in alignment with what you wish to create, action is easier. More grace filled. You are not battling the internal war that can make movement on the outside slow and painstaking.  There is no more boulder to push up the hill.

But all too often we do the work on the inside and wonder where the real world results are.  We sit and think that since what we want isn’t showing up, The Universe must have a better plan for us.  Maybe. Or maybe the Universe is waiting for us to light spark so it can fan our magnificent, creative flames.

Manifestation happens at the crossroad of action and alignment.  Manifestation is really an act of creation.  Sometimes things are magically bestowed upon us.  But more often then not, the most gracious moments of life happen when we are active in crafting our experience.

Want the relationship? Take action to meet people. Let yourself be seen.  Want clients? Reach out to potential folks, offer amazing goods and services. Invest in yourself. The book? You have to write it.  Want a new experience…make it happen.  Maybe it takes time.  Maybe it takes getting into alignment. But if you want it, it is worth

Love up the part insides that are longing for connection.  Clear out those irrational beliefs.  And then then get your magnificent ass in gear and go rock it.

After a short traveling break…Ask and it is given is BACK!  yay!!

Have an issue you want some guidance on…or a dream that could use some coaching?  Email me at JoAnna@receivingproject.com

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Here’s my question to you.

I am an artist- in the early stages of being recognized., My husband felt that my mentor/friend was too emotionally close to me and wanted me to have nothing to do with him at all. The problem is all of my art colleagues are in his “circle” and in honoring my husbands needs, I have isolated myself from my own art world.   Saying “too bad” to my husband seems like the easy way  out but we are married over 25 years and not so easy to do. He is supportive of my artwork and hangs my work all over the house- so there is support from him on this level.

–Paintease artist

Hi Paintease,

I imagine that this is a really challenging situation for you. I hear your love of your artistic process as well as that love that you have for your husband.  And the desire to honor both yourself and your marriage.

I wonder what your husband might need from you in order to feel more secure in your relationship. I wonder if there is a degree of transparency that can be created so that he understands what is going in your painting circles. It may be a case of your husband feeling left out and disconnected. In order to honor his needs, it is important to find out what they really are.  His reaction to your mentor may be symptom of these feelings.  By opening up the door to explore the root of his discomfort, you may not only get a reconnection with your artists friends but with your husband as well.

Much love and light to you!!

–Jo Anna

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Good Morning!

I have a question, a little back story, and I’ll do my best to keep it short: L is 49 and I’m 44.

I’m living with the love of my life, but he doesn’t want to get married. He was married for a short while over 20 years ago and his attitude is, ‘been there, done that, didn’t like it the first time, won’t do it again.’

L and I dated 17 years ago for two years and life took us in different directions, we’ve been dating now for almost four years and we bought a house together six months ago. I have absolutely no doubt of L’s love. I want to be his wife. I know it’s ‘only a piece of paper’, but I want to be his wife. I want to feel that ‘bond’ of husband and wife, I want the respect you receive when someone introduces you as ‘their wife’, instead of just ‘the girlfriend’ (he never refers to me as ‘the girlfriend’). His daughter and my kids all want us to be married – my youngest daughter teases him by saying, ‘I tell everyone your my step-dad, when are you going to make it official?’. L just laughs….  I am not the type of person who ‘hints’ or ‘beats around the bush’. What I do want to have happen, is for me to get up the nerve and say, ‘L. I want to be married, how about it?’ Or words to that effect. Help!

I do wonder if I should just be happy with ‘living in sin’ and try to deal with my disappointment myself. I do believe in God and the Universe. I talk to God daily and give my problems to the Universe. I’m so not a perfect person, I can’t begin to tell you!!  I want to be married. I would be honored to be L’s wife, if he would only let me. If I could only find a way to tell him. Or….. maybe I should just drop it and try to be happy with the way things are.

Suzie

Hi!

I so appreciate your honesty in your letter.  I wish I had an easy answer to your situation.  I don’t. But I would say that the first thing is to get as clear with L as you did with me.  Yes, you do have to let him know your desires in as clear and powerful language as you shared here. He deserves to know the depth of your desire.  He deserves to know the clarity that is present about wanting to get married.

So what is it going to take for you to just say it to him?  I get that it may be scary and put you in a vulnerable place.  But before you decide to change your mind, you might as well ask for what you want.  And to communicate to him just how important getting married is. Bringing this up

You used the term, “living in sin”. I get that it may have been said tongue in cheek…but I can’t help but wonder what judgements and beliefs about marriage might be ready to be shifting into something more powerful.  It may be good to explore what you think marriage will do to your relationship…and if those beliefs are true or simply old beliefs.  It may be time to let the old beliefs go…which could really serve you in creating an amazing marriage.

Sending lots of love your way!

–Jo Anna

Welcome to the second installment of the me living my advice columnist dream.  Want to get my perspective on an issue in your life?  Write me at Joanna@joannarothman.com

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Dear Joanna,

My husband and I were high school sweethearts.  We have quite an elaborate history together including the (forced) adoption of our daughter at age 16 (unplanned pregnancy)…I am sure you can appreciate how this decision continues to affect both of our lives daily.  We are now married with 2 small children, and we really are living the “dream”.  To most, we are a “Power couple”: Happy, Successful, a lot of nice “things”, etc.  Recently,  I have begun a new adventure of self-discovery. I am developing my spiritual beliefs, and I have made the choice to be TRULY happy; To thrive, rather than just to survive.  I can say that never in my life have I felt such a connection to other human beings, and I have found the meaning of true grace and happiness.  HOWEVER, my husband has extreme trouble understanding where I am in this process of growth and discovery.  He has become quite explosive toward me, saying hurtful things. Though, he has admitted that he is also jealous and has trouble understanding where I am in life.  When I try to explain, he becomes quite agitated and oftentimes will begin cracking jokes.  I would like to see my husband rise to this level, but I certainly understand that I cannot force him to do anything that he doesn’t want to do.  What are your thoughts on how best to approach this situation?

With sincere love and gratitude,

Anonymous

Hi!

I really acknowledge your courage in sharing…and in your commitment to your path.  It sounds like your husband is scared.  Scared of things changing…of you changing. The opportunity may be to reassure him of your commitment to your marriage, to him as well as the commitments you have toward yourself and your spiritual journey.

I also wonder if there is a part of you that afraid as well.  Your husband may be a powerful mirror for you in this moment, reflecting back to you pieces of fear inside of yourself.  Are you aware of any fears about becoming “too spiritual” or losing yourself on your journey?  When we make big changes, it is not uncommon for parts of us to that are not yet in alignment with our personal growth to make themselves known!  This is just an opportunity for you to shine the love on those parts of you as well!!

 Sending lots of love your way!!!

–Jo Anna

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I need to lose weight (I am nearly 300 lbs now and want to be ½ the person I am now!  )

I know I need to lose weight

I want to lose weight

I know that I need to eat good foods, exercise etc.

I am vegetarian already

I just don’t know how to connect my  mental ‘knowing’ to my body’s ‘knowing/wanting/doing.

Does that make sense?

I tried slim for life, lost 47 lbs after depriving myself of popcorn and other yummy stuff.

I felt NO better, I thought I looked NO Different. My clothing still fit the same.  What was the point?

I don’t like group weight loss like weight watchers. I didn’t like the ‘reporting in ‘ 2x a week, sheesh I am a busy woman and don’t have time for this!

(I would rather read/craft or work in my garden or volunteer as a Master Gardener and answer questions) also I am short on $

I just can’t understand why I can know this stuff, but it just does not get to my heart/soul.  Sigh   I know I am an emotional eater, I eat when happy/sad/bored/tired etc.

So I have been trying very hard to limit portions, eat well at work during the day, and have a nice dinner and no snacking! I am trying to address the emotional issues, before I eat I am asking

Myself “are you hungry or emotionally starving for something?”   That seems to help a bit. (the last year has been extremely emotionally challenging- losses/bad times etc) I have been heavy for most of my life.

Cut out creamer and sugar in the coffee (now I just use milk), cut way back on cheese and am planning this weekend to make ‘smoothy’ fruit packs for the freezer so I can quickly make

A fruit smoothy with homemade plain yogurt( and spinach/veggie powder)  in the morning for breakfasts.

But I continue to plug on.

Always craving chips!

Thank you,

Anonymous

I am excited to share this guest post by the wonderful  Beryl Young. Beryl is a photographer as well as a teacher of   photography. She brings tremendous heart and soul into her work, showing people not just how to take a great picture but how to use the process to have a powerful and healing experience.  Her newest e-course, Radiate, is beginning and she is extending her introductory pricing until Monday June 4th for readers of this blog.  

________________

Somewhere deep inside me there always been an inner glow ready to shine, it’s just took me awhile to find it.

I found my radiance unexpectedly during some of the darkest days of my life.

It was hidden in the click click of the shutter that was supposed to be used to capture beautiful images of my first born child. Instead my shiny new dslr camera was used it to process the grief of saying goodbye to her much too soon.

My beautiful flower, Bella Rose – who bloomed and faded during my 20th week of pregnancy.  My heart wanted so badly to break in a million pieces as the hopes, dreams, and plans for her life and mine we shattered in an instant.

But as dozens of colorful miniature roses arrived on our doorstep as a tribute to her, an amazing thing happened.  I opened myself up to receive the beauty of the those blooms in all their glory.  I picked up my camera to preserve a memory – her memory, and get a lasting glimpse at hope, new life, and inspiration.

Pretty soon, I was looking for any excuse to make magic with camera in hand. If my body was no longer creating a child I was going to create beautiful images to inspire me instead.

This act of receiving beautiful gifts through my camera lens birthed my entirely new perspective on life. I found healing in my morning cup of coffee. I found warmth in the nuzzles from my two cats. I found meaning in the light of a brand new day.

Bella’s loss allowed me to gain much needed time to soul search within myself. It opened up space for me to learn who I truly am and what matters most to me in this lifetime. Losing my daughter led me to the gift of photography and its incredibly healing qualities.

Now, almost 3 years later I am teaching others how to nourish their mind, body, and soul from behind the lens. Together we discover passion, art, skill, and creativity.

Won’t you come along on this journey with me?

—–

Beryl Ayn Young, serves as chief photography muse over on her personal blog (link to: http://www.berylaynyoung.com/) and serves as teacher of photography courses aimed at nourishing the mind, body, and soul. She believes feeding the spirit with lifelong learning, photographic healing, & a glass half full perspective. Beryl leads classes and offers mentoring aimed at teaching you how to improve your camera skills and cherish life’s journey. Come discover how photography + self exploration + editing techniques = a radiant new YOU during her upcoming photography e-course, Radiate (link to:http://www.berylaynyoung.com/radiateclass/) launching June 2012.

2 days on the road. Over 1000 miles.  I haven’t had to drive much yet…ok, I haven’t had to drive at all. That is weird for me. I like to drive. It’s the best place for me to think up wonderful thoughts or sort out challenges. The problem with driving is that I don’t get to just sit back and enjoy the scenery.  But here I am, the opportunity to relax and be driven…to just watch as the landscape shifts and shifts and shifts.

Watching the LA urban world turn into desert turn into mountains turn into the rosey mesas turn into land filled with trees and mountains has been absolutely my favorite part. I love the when the landscapes begin to intermingle.  Where the trees pop up in the desert. Or when I can see the mountains in the distance while the plateaus are still right in front.   It reminds me the the slow and yet sudden nature of change.  The do and do and do…wondering when we are going to see a difference. And then there it is. The big change we have been waiting for.  It’s so easy to forget the subtle steps that got us to the grand, sweeping shifts.

I prepped and prepped for this trip.  I wished for it for several years. I did the inner work to make it happen. Did the outer work to create a business that allowed me to live where I please. It was a lot of little steps. And then all of sudden, its 3am and I am shuffling to my fully packed car ready for destinations eastward.  All of a sudden…except for all the million steps that it took to get there.

I know for me, it can be easy to get lost in the steps. To wish for the all of a sudden to hurry the hell up already.  But being on the road and really experiencing each mile that it takes to get us to the next city has been an amazing gift.  Every step forward is an adventure. It helps to shape the goal…make the sudden moment of fulfillment all that more powerful.  When I remember that, the whole journey is downright amazing.

Want to make more money? Launch those business dreams? Have more? Sell more? Want that big, wild life of your dreams? Yes? Good!

Do more. Do bigger. Do better. Take action. Everyday. Don’t stop. If it’s not working, do something different. Wildly different. Stop looking for signs of what is meant to be. Commit to your creative powers. Refuse to quit. Refuse to struggle. Don’t be afraid of contingency plans. Know that a side gig is a launching pad not a death sentence.

Charge more. Connect directly to the source of your income. Woo your audience with love. Be genuine. Seek to serve. To understand. Speak personally. Ask for what you want. See the possibilities. Rock people’s worlds. Offer something amazing. Delightful. Offer what you see people are craving. Something that makes a difference in people’s worlds. See that difference in your own.

Don’t discount yourself. Don’t discount your services. Don’t buy into to people’s poverty mentality. Don’t buy into your own. Make big, bold offers. Get uncomfortable. Make a commitment. Invite others to do the same. Stretch into the realm of your genius. Go for it. Forget about having everything right. There are no perfect words to describe what you do. Trust in the amazing outcomes.

Share. Authentically. Wholeheartedly. Do it in a way that works for you. Write. Speak. Paint. Dance. Get your voice out there. Empower. Empowered. Don’t whine. Don’t freak. Don’t create a situation where your audience feels like they have to take care of you. Just share your vision. Your truth. Courageously.

Ask for help. Be supported. Challenged. Uplifted. Have a sounding board. Have support. A team. People who love and cheer for you. Who you cheer for too. Cheer loudest for yourself.

Be incredible at what you do. Be even better than that. Make sure you are ready. Train. Learn. Grow. Drop your old stories. See the truth of yourself. See yourself as whole. Push past the boundaries. Be honest with yourself. Live up to the hype. Make it happen.

It is popular to declare everyone ready. To bestow permission for someone to dive into the work of the soul and get going. Dive into business and begin…NOW!

It’s not that I disagree. Many people are holding back in the possibilities of their being. Are stopping before they ever start only out of a fear of failure or wild success.  Are holding back from their desires because of the made up stories they spin for themselves.

Any yet…

And yet there is something to be said about waiting. Waiting until the time is right. Until the work on the inside has been done before taking action on the outside.

Many people want to help. Make a big difference. Do what feels good and rock the world in marvelous ways. They step forth in service boldly. But they are not ready.  They seek to assist others because they are embroiled in the same pain-filled chaos.  They identify with the issue rather than see the wholeness in not only their clients, but themselves as well.

We cannot take people where we have not been.  We cannot teach what we do not know. We cannot guide people to mastery when we are still victims to our own stories.  The goal is not perfection of the self. But an deep understanding of the path…and not just the war torn parts.  The goal is to see the fullness of the journey. To know the way out the brambles and into the shine.

There is no shame in waiting. In cultivating your tools before you unleash your wonder on the world.  You deserve to know the way of your being adeptly.  To share from your own pool of magnificence that you yourself discovered.

Enjoy the journey. Savor the experience. Share when you are ready.