The Reluctant Networker by Greg Peters

TMI

2013-01-14T08:00:00.000-05:00

OK, so maybe you should hide just a little bit.

Quite a while ago I wrote about the need to show "selective vulnerability" with your networking contacts. We need to be prepared to open up a little bit to those around us so that they can connect to us as a human being. It's that personal connection that makes our network so powerful. Unfortunately, a lot of people aren't really comfortable doing this. That's OK, just be patient with yourself and you will get there.

Just don't go too far.

I was at a networking event not long ago. As I was getting a seat for the presentation, I couldn't help but overhear the conversation between two of the folks at the table.

One young woman (who shall remain nameless -- mainly because I never caught her name) was telling a remarkable story about breaking up with her significant other. I won't go into the details, but suffice it to say the story would not have been out of place on some of the racier soap operas. I felt a little embarrassed even to have overheard this tale of woe.

Then I looked at the other woman.

The expression on her face was an amazing combination of disgust, horror, confusion and boredom. She didn't contribute to the conversation at all and seemed only to be waiting for it to end. Apparently she was, because a few minutes after I sat down, she turned away from the sob story to introduce herself. Miss Lonely Heart, having lost her audience, drifted away, much to my new acquaintance's relief. It turned out that the two women had only met in passing once before.

"I guess I just have one of those faces that says 'Tell me your troubles'" she laughed.

While she had a pretty good attitude about the whole situation, it was pretty obvious that the other woman had gone down more than a few notches in her opinion. So that we don't fall into this limiting behavior, here are a few ideas about "oversharing".

Consider your audience. If it's something you should normally only share with your spouse, best friend, or mental health professional, don't. I know it seems kind of obvious, but some folks don't have their social guidelines nailed on too tightly.
Consider the innocent bystanders. Even if you are speaking to an appropriate audience, there will undoubtedly be the occasional person who might be close enough to overhear, especially in a large event setting such as the one I described. You never know who you might be making uncomfortable.
Consider your attitude. In general, people don't like associating with negative people. You may be going through some dark times right now, but the more you can focus on the bright points, the more bright points there will be.
Consider your reputation. Word of mouth is one of the things you want to achieve with your networking. Which words do you want, the ones about your horrible relationship or most recent physical ailment or the newest exciting adventure you are taking on?

Ultimately what you share with others is how they will perceive you. Choose your conversational topics accordingly.

Image by stock.xchng user ilco

Networking Mental Trash: Worthlessness

2012-11-13T08:00:00.000-05:00

You are not an empty coffee cup.

What are you thinking?

No, seriously, when you go to a networking event or show up for a one-to-one over coffee, what are you thinking? It's largely your mental state which will determine the relative amount of success you experience. So, are you thinking about how you can be of service? Great! Or is your head filled with thoughts of making a sale? We've talked about how that can get in the way in the past.

Or maybe there's some other mental trash that blocks your success.

Let's take a look at some of the mental baggage we might be hauling and how we might be better off without it. This is the first of probably many forays into what you can do to throw away these unproductive mental states. Today we are talking about feelings of worthlessness.

Many of the folks who attend my workshops and presentations are "in transition" -- some by their own choice and many not. It's usually from one of the latter group who says something to the effect of, "Why would anyone want to connect with me? I don't have anything to offer."

I will admit, this mindset will limit your networking success, because if you truly have nothing to offer, you are a charity case begging for help or a manipulator and user who is only looking out for his own benefit with no real concern for others. Fortunately, this mindset, while real to those who experience it, has no actual footing in reality.

Here is just a short list of what you have to offer:

Your prior professional experience. You sold widgets for fifteen years. You have knowledge of the industry and how it evolved. You can say what was wonderful, but also warn about the pitfalls that might await someone in the widget sales industry.
Your prior personal experience. Maybe you've traveled in foreign lands or to exciting places in your home town. Perhaps you've had an organic garden or have delved into the world of photography. At any rate, there are those out there, irrespective of their career path, who might benefit from access to that knowledge.
Your network. As your network grows, you will be able to connect more people to each other to their benefit. Remember that you don't have to buy from the people in your network to be valuable to them.
Your willingness to help. As a great networker, you know that your best quality is to keep your ears open for some way you can help the other person. Sometimes that might just mean helping them brainstorm a new idea, or physically help them with a task, or even just lending a sympathetic ear.
Your being a fun person. Focusing on the positive and having a ready smile and a warm handshake can go a long way toward being of value to other people. By just being a person that other people would like to be around, you can be a balm to the spirit, a confidant in adversity, and a cheerleader in victory. Just be a good friend.

Ironically, those who suffer from this limited mindset tend to be focused on the wrong person in the equation -- themselves. They know they need something from their network (a job, a client, etc) and they feel like they have nothing to give in return. If instead they focus on what they have to give from the many resources they have at their fingertips, they stop being a gold-digger and start becoming a gold-giver.

Photo by Theresa Iovcheva

At the Bottom of it All

2012-10-23T08:00:00.000-04:00

Sometimes we help them stand,
Sometimes they help us stand.

It's not the techniques.

Techniques make you comfortable, efficient, and effective, but won't guarantee networking success.

It's not the events.

Events make it possible for you to meet new people, but meeting new people isn't enough.

It's not the one-to-one's.

One-to-one's give you the opportunity to deepen the relationship, but the relationships aren't enough.

It's not the phone calls, emails, or even the handwritten notes.

They all give you the means to maintain the relationships, but that still isn't enough.

It's not even the referrals you give.

Though, we're getting closer to the mark.

In truth, at the bottom of it all, all of these things are simply tools -- tools that can be used for good or ill. The good networker and the high-pressure sales guy can both use all of these mechanisms. One of them is simply using the tools to build a resource, the other to manipulate a prospect.

No, if we truly get back to basics, the one factor that will make the difference between success and failure in your networking practice is...

You have to care.

You must understand that, while you are networking, it's more important for you to be looking out for the other person's benefit than looking out for your own. Networking only works when you give first and don't worry about whether it will return to you.

The path you build to their success is the one you will walk to reach your own.

Photo by Ned Horton

Focus to the Front

2012-10-09T08:00:00.000-04:00

I think I'll just check my messages.

OK, let's be honest. You've heard the siren song call of your smart phone on more than one occasion. How wonderful to be able to check your email inbox, voice mail, or maybe even read a few posts on the social media site of your choice. When you've got a few free moments, why not take care of those little things, right?

To tell you the truth, I have no problem with that myself. Just remember that one of those "free moments" is not when you are sitting at a networking event listening to a speaker. There is only one thing you should be doing at that point -- paying attention.

Why? I mean you're their to connect with other people, right? It's not like you can do that while that person is in the front of the room going on and on about whatever it is. Why couldn't you just sneak a quick peek now and again?

Here are a few ideas that will hopefully keep you on task.

Information. OK, this one should be obvious, but conceivably the organizers didn't just pick this person at random. In fact they probably believe that the presenter has some sort of valuable information to convey. You might have something to learn here.
Discussion. Paying attention will give you something to talk about with the other attendees and also with those you might meet later who didn't get to attend the presentation.
Connection. As a professional speaker myself, I can tell you if you come up to me after I speak and tell me about some specific piece of my presentation that either really spoke to you or that you will use to make your life better, I will pretty much love you forever. Despite appearances, speakers are a bundle of insecurities just like everyone else. They like to know that their efforts haven't been wasted.
Reputation. As an audience member, when I see someone near me checking the results of their fantasy football league during a presentation, that person goes down a notch in my eyes. Their inattention tells me that they don't value improving themselves through learning and that they don't have the ability to focus on a situation for longer than a few minutes. Probably not someone I want to refer if I can avoid it.
Concentration. Not just for you, but for those around you, you checking your phone can be a distraction.
Good manners. (Sorry, I couldn't come up with another "-tion" word.) When it comes down to it, checking your electronic tether is just plain inconsiderate. It disrespects the speaker who has put no small effort into the information she's presenting. It disrespects the even organizer who went to the trouble of arranging the speaker. It disrespects your fellow attendees by creating a disruption, no matter how small.

Of course there will be times when you really do need to be in immediate contact with your home or office. These instances are few and far between. You have to ask yourself the question whether the message that might be waiting is really worth alienating the people you are with right now. Most of the time, unless it is truly a matter of life and death, it isn't.

Whatever it is, it can wait for twenty minutes.

Image by Michal Zacharzewski

Process not Product

2012-10-04T08:00:00.000-04:00

Didn't I just clean this yesterday?

Just cleaning the desk isn't enough.

I have a number of friends who are professional organizers. They help people who have challenges dealing with the clutter of modern life. The mistake that most of their new clients make is just wanting help to get things organized. That's part of what happens, but it's not the most important one.

The real trick is coming up with systems and processes so that the newly organized client stays organized.

There's not much point in cleaning up someone's messy desk if they keep the same disorganized attitudes which made things a mess in the first place.

Networking is the same way.

Usually what happens to most people is they run into some difficulty in their life or business. They lose their job or they need a new client or their child needs a connection to get into a good school. When that obstacle crops up, they get busy networking. They spend a lot of time and effort connecting and reconnecting to build a network sufficient to meet their need. Then, when they no longer have that need, they return to their old ways and let that network start to evaporate.

Until the next time they need help.

A better way to approach this is to stop thinking so much about the end product -- getting the client or getting the job, or getting the child into the school -- and think of it more as a process. What behaviors do we have to maintain in order to have a powerful resource that we can call upon when we are in need?

If we focus on sharpening the ax, then we're ready when we have a tree that needs felling.

My Karate instructor, Grand Master Keith Hafner tells us that it's easier to clean something that's already clean rather than wait until it gets dirty. Maintenance is cheaper than repair.

Maintaining your relationships is a lot easier than building new ones every time you need them.

A Time to Connect and a Time to Sell

2012-09-27T08:00:00.000-04:00

What happens when you "door-to-door" sell at an event

Networking is not the only way to bring customers to your business.

You've got telemarketing, door-to-door sales, direct mail, and print advertising. Heck, you can even tie a banner behind an airplane and tow it around during the next college football home game. Because networking can take a long time to start paying off -- months or even years -- we should have it as a part of the mix of mechanisms we use to grow and prospect for our business.

That said, each has its time and place. The mistake most people make is thinking that the networking event is a good place to sell.

It really isn't.

I was doing a little casual research lately about sales. For most people trying to sell at a networking event is a lot like a combination of telemarketing and door-to-door sales. By the way, these methods do work to bring customers to your business. One of the articles I read quoted a study by the Direct Marketers Association. Apparently, using a targeted list, you could achieve a response rate of around 6% from cold-calling. Door-to-door statistics were a little harder to determine, but one person wrote that they expected to make a sale about one in forty times that someone answered the door (less than 3%).

Here are a few problems with trying anything like this at a networking event:

The numbers. Even if you could hope for getting a sale with one in twenty people. Unless every event you attend is with a brand new group, you will have a hard time finding enough folks who haven't already heard your sales pitch.
The focus. One of the reasons telemarketing achieves such a high rate or response is that they start out with a very targeted list of numbers to call. The average networking event is much more general, so unless you are selling umbrellas in the rain -- your odds are closer to one in forty, one in sixty, one in one hundred, or worse. As those numbers change, it gets even harder to target enough new people to fill your pipeline.
The time. Even assuming there are enough new people and they are of a sufficiently focused demographic, you then run into the trouble of time. Suppose you need to talk with twenty new people before you can get a sale. Most events I attend have about a twenty to thirty minute window for open networking. Let's see. Doing the math (carry the one), that leaves between 60 and 90 seconds for each conversation. Better not let them talk too much, it will really cut into your pitch time.
Their attention. When a telemarketer calls or a salesperson shows up at the door, they've got a few seconds of their prospect's undivided attention. How successful would they be if they had to compete with ten other salespeople trying to get the attention of a prospect who is in the middle of a conversation at a party with fifteen of their friends? That pitch had better be fascinating or it won't even rate a second glance. Heck, it won't even rate a first one.
Your reputation. No one, I repeat, no one, likes to be sold to. If you start pitching every single person you meet at the event, the word will quickly spread to avoid you at all costs. My mom, Debby Peters (aka the "Networking Guru"), refers to this as "commission breath" and there isn't a breath mint made that's strong enough to erase that stench. The equivalent in other sales techniques would be if a neighborhood had a telephone warning system where as soon as the salesman rang the first doorbell, a call went out telling the nearby houses not to answer the door.

Please, understand. I'm not saying that you shouldn't have other forms of prospecting as a part of your business development model. I'm just saying that you must keep them separate. There's a time to every purpose under heaven and the networking event (and the one-to-ones that come about as a result) are no place for a sales pitch.

Photo by Miguel Saavedra

Activity is not Productivity

2012-09-20T08:00:00.000-04:00

Are your networking activities leading you
down a path to where you want to go?

How much time did you spend "networking" last week?

How much of that was activity and how much was productivity?

Most people, when they are doing their networking, tend to work on things which aren't as productive as they could be. I'm not just talking about bottom-line, cash-in-the-hand, clients-or-contracts type productivity. I'm also talking about simply building stronger and deeper relationships which create a powerful resource that leads to those other benefits.

Let's look at the difference:

Activity: Going on Facebook (or LinkedIn, or whatever social media site)
Productivity: Engaging other people on Facebook, etc.
Spending an hour playing Farmville is not networking. Reading other people's posts is a good practice -- you can find out more about them and their interests that way. To count your social media time as productive, however, you need to be comment on what they've said or respond to their comments about what you said. That will make you stand out in their minds. Otherwise you are only one of their hundreds of "friends".

Activity: Attending networking events
Productivity: Attending networking events and meeting new people.
Most people just show up at the events and assume that this is sufficient for their networking effort. If you want it to be a productive use of your time, it needs to be more than that. You must have a specific goal for what you want to achieve while you are there -- and that goal can't be "to eat". Only by setting a goal -- specifically to meet new people -- can the event pay off for you.

Activity: Meeting new people at the networking event
Productivity: Following up with new people after the networking event
Just meeting new people isn't enough. Five to ten minutes of conversation doesn't make a long-term, mutually beneficial relationship. Only by following up and meeting with our new connections outside the networking event will those relationships grow from simple awareness to the level of trust, where all the real benefits of your networking kick in.

Activity: Developing your networking systems
Productivity: Developing a networking practice
This is one that tripped me up for quite some time. As a computer programmer, I wanted to develop the perfect web-based application to track and maintain my network. Of course, I couldn't get started networking until I actually had that system in place. Day after day I planned until, finally, my wife said, "Greg, use a spreadsheet and get busy. It will do for now." She was right. In fact, I never did get around to creating that perfect system and I'm still using a couple of spreadsheets to this day (and very happily, thank you). We need to avoid the "constructive avoidance" of creating our tools (whatever that might be for you) and just get busy connecting.

Activity: Clearing out your email/voice mail/mailbox
Productivity: Sending the message/making the call/sending the letter
These are more "constructive avoidance" activities. Others might include sharpening your pencils, organizing your files, cleaning your desk, straightening your office, etc. Set aside your time to network and then do it. No excuses, no distractions, no exceptions. Straightening your desk will not increase the depth nor the numbers of your connections.

Of course, committing yourself to productivity in your networking practice requires a certain amount of self-honesty. So often when it comes down to focusing on our relationships, we want to take the easier path -- the one where we feel like we are getting something done, but requires no real effort or risk on our part. If we aren't careful, though, we'll end up with an uncluttered desk and no real connections.

Your success can tolerate a messy desktop from time to time.

Photo by stock.xchng user ShadowRave

Facebook Birthdays

2012-09-18T08:00:00.000-04:00

When you wake up to this, you know it's going to be a
good birthday!

"Just think of it as being half way to ninety!"

This is what my dear friend, Angela Kujava, told me to cheer me up on the occasion of my forty-fifth birthday a couple of weeks ago. It still gives me a chuckle.

In addition to all of the other festivities -- I had three separate celebrations -- I received cards in the mail, phone calls from friends and family, and several dozen well-wishes from my Facebook friends.

Let's talk about that last group for a few minutes.

Facebook is a wonderful tool for networking. It's not a replacement for your face-to-face efforts, but it does afford a certain ability to maintain a light touch with the people you know -- if used properly. One of the features that makes it particularly handy is it gives you reminders of whoever is having a birthday today. Not only a reminder, it even provides an easy link to post a birthday message.

Here are a couple of things you can do with this facility that will make it an even more powerful networking tool.

Use it. It takes about three seconds to click on the link and type in your message. Even assuming you have over a thousand FB friends, you still, on average, have only three or four birthdays on any given day.
Show interest. Spend an extra second or two in order to make this the beginning of a conversation. "Happy birthday, Bob! Are you and Laura planning anything fun to celebrate?" Just by adding in that extra query, you can spark an interaction with that other person. Facebook is at its strongest as a networking tool when you can use the comments area to carry on a conversation.
Personalize the message. We sometimes have people amongst our FB friends who we might not have seen in person in a while. Make sure that they know that you know who they are. "Happy Birthday, Matt! It seems like forever since we were in Black Belt Camp together."
Make it an excuse. Not an excuse to forgive past behavior, but an excuse to propose future behavior. "Happy Birthday, Nick! It's been too long since we've had coffee. Do you have any availability in the next couple of weeks for us to get together?"
Respond. This is for the person receiving these well-wishes. Respond to each birthday wish -- preferably as it comes in. Yes, you could just do a blanket "thank you" post (heck, you can still do that also), but it only takes a moment to say thank you to a specific person and they are far more likely to see it and feel appreciated if you respond to them individually. You can even apply some of the same techniques in 1 through 4 above to make the response more powerful.

Birthday wishes can be the most powerful networking messages you send. Giving someone a call or dropping them an email might very well make their day. You can even use Facebook to let them know that they are loved and remembered.

So, take a moment right now to start building those strong relationships with a simple "Happy Birthday!"

One-to-One Conversations: An Epilogue

2012-09-13T08:00:00.000-04:00

If this is what your one-to-ones are like,
you're doing it wrong.

It's not a government form.

The purpose of these categories of information we've discussed over the last five posts is not to create a series of boxes for you to fill out about your networking partners. It certainly isn't for you to create an actual form to hand them to fill out.

The goal here is to provide a guide to conversation. It's for those who are uncomfortable when they find themselves chatting with someone with whom they've only spoken for five minutes in a crowded room. In fact, you can even use the same general categories for that first time you meet at the networking event (though you certainly won't have the chance to go into any significant depth in such a venue).

You've probably heard of some other acronyms for this same process -- GAINS, GIFTS, FORMS, etc. They all work to further the relationship process if you use them properly. Just like my mnemonic, INFER, the underlying goal is to find out as much about your new networking partner as possible so that you can find ways to help them,

Their success is a milepost on the path to your own dreams.

Don't forget, too, that they can't help you find your dreams unless you are willing to share them. This conversation thing has to be a two-way street. For any question you ask, be prepared to have the same question asked back to you. Be willing to meet them at least halfway. And don't forget the most important question of all -- the one that makes this whole networking thing work in the long run:

"How can I help you?"

Photo by tijmen van dobbenburgh

One-to-One Conversations: Relationships

2012-09-11T08:00:00.000-04:00

"So, how're the wife and kids?"

OK, so if we want to bring that into the modern era, that should be "spouse" or "significant other", but still this old chestnut is the basis for one of the most powerful topics you can discuss in a networking one-to-one -- the other person's relationships.

This is the final part of my series on conversational topics during a one-to-one meeting. You can read the posts on "Interests", "Networks", "Future Focus", and "Evolution" first if you want, but it's not necessary. This series sprang from a desire to look a little more closely at the concepts embedded in the INFER system I came up with a couple of years ago. The underlying theme to all of these pieces, though, is to focus your attention on the other person and learn more about them so you can find ways to help them succeed.

Their success leads to your success.

While asking someone about the most important people in their life is powerful, for the same reasons, it's something around which we need to tread lightly You've heard the one about a mama bear protecting her cubs, right? We aren't that different.

I still remember the first time we took Kaylie out to a restaurant. We were at our favorite place, Raja Rani. We had gone there so many times in the past that the staff there pretty much all knew us and would always stop to chat when we showed up. One of the waiters greeted us at the door and seeing our little bundle of joy in her carrier reached out to touch her hand.

Something dark and primitive shifted in the back of my skull -- sleep deprivation never helps these situations, by the way. Unbeknownst to him, that young waiter came about this close to me doing bodily harm to him before I was able to re-engage the "civilization" part of my brain. It was kind of scary to realize that I had that in me.

That's the kind of deep emotion, though that makes understanding another person's relationships so important.

If you protect and nurture their family, you become family.

I've spoken with some truly great networkers and they all understand this. They look for opportunities to help someone elses children get into good schools. They help aging parents connect with services that allow them to stay in their homes. They might even find potential jobs for siblings or spouses. Heck, I'm guessing they buy a lot of Girl Scout cookies each year.

And they do it because it's the right thing to do, not because they want the other person to "owe" them.

Approach this topic carefully. Asking about the troubles their children are having isn't a "first coffee" conversation. As you get to know them, it's perfectly natural to ask about the relationships they've shared with you, but don't probe for their pain in those areas. That's something they need to bring to you. Done gently, though, connecting through their existing relationships can go a long way toward building a powerful connection between you.

And that's the point of this whole networking thing, right?

Photo by Al Bogdan

One-to-One Conversations: Evolution

2012-09-06T08:00:00.000-04:00

So, how do we get there from here?

"So, what do you do?"

It's the clichéd question that almost everyone asks at a networking event. Is it boring? Maybe. But boring works and it just might lead to a much deeper appreciation of the other person.

This is the fourth in my series on conversational topics for the one-to-one, whether it's a coffee, lunch, breakfast or what have you. You can read the prior posts (on "Interests", "Networks", and "Future Focus"), but it isn't necessary. These all stem from the INFER system that I came up with a couple of years ago. The general idea is to create moments of connection that are both memorable and useful.

So, back to the discussion of their evolution. In this case we're talking about how they got from where they were then to where they are now. What was the sequence of events, and more importantly, what were the reasons for their decisions.

About a year ago, I spoke at the Washtenaw Prisoner ReEntry for a program called "Job Club". This was a weekly meeting that returning citizens would attend to help them develop the skills they needed to become a gainfully employed, valued member of society. I was chatting with one of the gentlemen before the meeting. Carl (not his real name), as with many of the other attendees, was looking for a job.

What was different about Carl was that he specifically wanted a janitorial position. I thought it a bit curious as most of his compatriots simply wanted "a job", so I asked why. He told me that such a position would allow him to bring some order from chaos and make the world just a little better for those around him. It was a way that he could make a positive impact with his life.

You could see him stand a little straighter when he talked about his reasons.

When we ask the other person about the path they've traveled and the choices they've made, one of several things might happen:

At the minimum, we move along the conversation. Asking someone about their career path is about the least intrusive way to get them to talk. Easy questions to use are:

How long have you been selling widgets?
How did you get started?
What do you enjoy about selling widgets?
What changes have you seen in the industry?
What's the most important thing a new widget salesperson should know?

You make them the star of the movie of the week and let them be the expert. They get to talk about their favorite topic (themselves). If they've been in business for any amount of time they may have some valuable insights. Sincerely telling them that they've inspired you with something they've said could certainly go a long way toward them seeing you as someone worthy of their time and effort.
You find out information that will help you recommend them to others in your network. Take the example of Carl I spoke about earlier. If I found someone in need of a janitor, I could just say "You should hire Carl. He would be a good janitor." It wouldn't be a particularly inspiring referral and probably wouldn't garner him much more attention than any other applicant. If, however, I said "Hire Carl for the position. I spoke with him not long ago and he told me that he views being a janitor as an opportunity to make the world a cleaner and better place. In his mind, it's a way he can leave a positive impact on the world." Wouldn't that leave a more remarkable impression on anyone looking to hire Carl?

Every one of us has a story about the struggles we've gone through to become who we are today. In fact, sometimes I refer to the "E" in INFER as their "Epic Journey". Learn the other person's story. You don't have to necessarily walk a mile in their shoes, but at least listen to what they tell you about the path. Not only will it bring you closer, but it may stop you from a misstep or two as well.

Photo by stock.xchng user bschwehn

One-to-One Conversations: Future Focus

2012-09-04T08:00:00.000-04:00

Help them turn the rainbow into a bridge to their
pot of gold.

OK, be honest. You've got a dream, right? Maybe it's a new house or a new car. Maybe travel in far-off lands. Perhaps you'd like to meet your soul-mate. Wouldn't it be nice to find a genie who could make those wishes come true?

Wouldn't it be cool to be that genie?

This is the third in my series on what to talk about at the one-to-one. You can check out the details for ("Interests" and "Networks") first, if you want, but it isn't necessary. We're delving a little more deeply into the mnemonic that I came up with some time ago -- INFER -- which gives a general framework of concepts to ask your new (or even long-term) contact about so you can find ways to help them and thereby deepen and strengthen the relationship.

So, back to today's idea: The future focus.

A friend of mine, Mike Wynn, is a great networker. He is always looking out for the benefit of others. He had a dream. He wanted to own a vacation home where he and his extended family could go to relax and have fun with each other. He wanted it so his son could have closer relationships with all the cousins and have fond memories of playing with them.

Unfortunately, vacation homes can be somewhat expensive.

He started sharing his dream with his network. Not long after that, a friend told him about another friend who wanted to sell their timeshare up north. It was for three weeks in the summer and the place was large enough to allow the cousins to come and vacation. While it wasn't exactly his dream, it accomplished the underlying reason he had that dream in the first place.

So, do you think he's grateful to the person who made that connection for him? You bet. When you connect people to their long-term goals, they want to find ways to do the same in return.

The journey to your dreams starts with the bridge you built to theirs.

These long-term visions, though, can be deeply personal things, so tread lightly. You probably don't want to ask them their lifelong goals at your first coffee -- that would be creepy. Instead, tone it down a bit and ask things like: "So what are your plans for the upcoming holiday?", "What sort of challenges do you think you'll run into in your business in the upcoming year?", or "Are you planning anything fun in the near future?" Whether they are goals they are trying to reach or obstacles they are trying to avoid, one of three things can happen:

You can help immediately. You have knowledge that moves them forward. Maybe they are going on a trip to Italy and you can tell them about the little gelato shop you went to when you were there. Possibly you have a resource they could use -- they need a projector for an upcoming presentation. Or maybe they need a strong back to help them move. Whatever the situation, you have immediately at hand what they need to succeed.
You can connect them with what they need. Maybe you've never been to Greece, but your sister-in-law has. Make the introduction and you still get credit for helping them create a great vacation.
You can't help them right now either directly or indirectly. You can still keep a watch out for people or resources that bring them closer to their dreams. Even without that, though, just the fact that you've made yourself available as a confidant will draw them closer to you.

We often talk about the power of goals -- dreams with a deadline, right? They give us a measurement of our success and a target for which to aim. They give our efforts meaning and focus. So now imagine what power is in helping someone to connect with those visions.

Do more than imagine it. Make it happen.

Photo by Jason Wickens

One-to-One Conversations: Networks

2012-08-30T08:00:00.000-04:00

"Where do you find your success?"

Ultimately, this is what you are asking when you ask someone about the networks they are a part of.

This is the second in a series on the topics of conversation you can use during a one-to-one meeting (coffee, lunch, etc) in order to deepen and strengthen a relationship. You may want to read part one on "Interests", first, but it's not necessary.

About two years ago a dear friend, Eleni Kelakos, invited me to attend my first National Speakers Association meeting. She had heard me present at a Chamber of Commerce event and thought that I should consider adding professional speaking to my business repertoire. I wasn't so sure, but decided to go on her recommendation.

I will be eternally grateful.

Because of her invitation, I attended a meeting which opened my eyes to the possibilities of what I could accomplish in front of a roomful of people. Because of her recommendation, I completely changed my approach to my business. If it hadn't been for her invitation, I wouldn't be where I am today.

That's what can come from learning about another person's networks.

Oh, and it's not just how you benefit, but also when you ask the other person about the groups to which they belong -- both formal and informal -- you are taking an interest in their long-term success.

So, let's look at what could happen.

You both belong to the group. Similar to finding a shared interest, a shared group provides a common point for your connection. You can compare notes about your experiences. This is more likely to happen if one of you is new to the group or if it is fairly large. Either way, you now have a new networking partner to keep you honest for the group's regular events.
You don't belong to a group to which they do belong. This is the opportunity to make them into an expert and a hero. Ask them about their experiences with the group. What sort of events do they have? Who are the members? What has been their return on investment of time and money? If it sounds like a group which might be beneficial to you, ask if they would be willing to invite you as a guest. Of course, be prepared to pay your own way, but acknowledge that they would be your hero by simply being that friendly face in a new crowd.
You belong to a group to which they don't belong. Here's where you get to be the hero. If you are a member of a group which you think would benefit them to consider, ask them to be your guest. Of course, since you are inviting, you should plan on paying for their registration. If you are a member in good standing (and why wouldn't you be?), you might consider contacting the organizer to see if they offer a comp registration for first time attendees. Many organizations do. This whole process can reap benefits on multiple fronts. By inviting them, you are telling them that you care enough that you want to see them succeed. This builds a reciprocity imbalance which makes them want to find ways to help you. You are doing a favor for those already in the group by introducing potential new members. The event organizers will also be grateful and remember your service. They usually like it when there are new people attending their gathering.

Is every new person you invite to a group going to become a life-long member? Nope. They don't have to, though, for you to reap the benefits of showing you care about their success.

And who knows? The success you bring about might be your own.

Image by Jan Willem Geertsma

One-to-One Conversations: Interests

2012-08-28T08:00:00.000-04:00

Unless you are both standing near something like
this, the weather is not a personal shared experience.

"It sure has been hot lately."

Let's face it. It's not the most auspicious way to open a conversation -- and it's also not likely to lead to a one-to-one that really strengthens the relationship.

This is the first of a series talking about the conversations we should be having when we meet a new (or even a long-time) networking connection for coffee (lunch, breakfast, high tea, etc). Chatting about the weather, while easy, doesn't really offer us the opportunity to find ways to help the other person and thereby deepen and strengthen the potential relationship.

About two years ago I came up with the acronym INFER as a mnemonic on the various topics we could ask the other person about -- a guideline for a conversation. I've refined the concepts a bit. So, let's delve into the why's and how's a little more deeply, starting out with their interests.

The passions make the person and we connect with the person.

Most people have interests outside their work. They have things they get excited about and devote their time to when they aren't making their livelihood. In fact, sometimes their extra-curricular pursuits are the reason they have to work so hard. Some hobbies can get expensive!

One of two things can happen when you ask a person about his other interests:

You share the interest. If this is the case, you suddenly become a lot closer almost immediately. I'm sure you've experiences this already. You're sitting across from a financial planner, an accountant, or a IT repair specialist, chatting politely. Then you find out they share your interest in the television show "Battlestar Galactica". Suddenly you are long-lost friends -- your relationship jumping up a notch or two. Common interests create a common history.
You don't share their interests. While not as strong as #1, this still has its benefits. They may be into competitive Alpine chainsaw juggling (it's the up-and-coming thing, I hear) and that's not something you've ever really been too excited about. That's OK. All you have to do is keep that information in the back of your head. The next time you read an article about the upcoming competitive Alpine chainsaw juggling convention that's coming to town, you can forward that tidbit to your contact.

Are they likely to know about that event already? Probably. The important thing is that they know that you remember them as a person who has interests other than their job or business. You are connected on a personal level.

The one-to-one conversation is about connecting on a personal level. Conversations about the rain, snow, heat, cold, etc. won't make that connection. Shared experience or sharing experiences are where those deeper relationships will take place.

And it's from our interests that those experiences arise.

Photo by Cheryl Empey

Magic Moments

2012-08-23T08:00:00.000-04:00

I watched Kaylie's face as the world spun past and I knew this moment was one of the special ones -- never to come again.

She and I were down at Disney World together. Lisa and our brand new baby, Abby, were back up in Michigan with my sister-in-law, JoAnn. It was just the two of us enjoying the carousel behind Cinderella's castle. She was three and a half.

That moment is indelibly imprinted on my memory. I knew, even if we came again in some future year, she would never see the world with quite the same magic in her eyes.

Our relationships, both personal and professional (in fact, they're all personal, right?) are made up of just such memories. Magical moments that stand out above the everyday.

Do you think our networking partners remember that conversation we had about the weather? I'd guess not. They will remember when they found out that we share a common passion for Civil War re-enactments. Do they recall talking about what they do or how their business is going? I doubt it. There is a good chance they remember us connecting them to that big new client. Do they care which coffee shop you first met at? Nope. But they will remember the first time you introduced them to that caterer who took amazing care of their daughter's wedding reception.

We want to look for those magical opportunities with our networking connections. They aren't always the big things, but they will stand out from the ordinary and usually they simply show that we care. This is kind of the point of the one-to-one. Of course we are trying to get to know them better. We want to know more, though, so we can better help them and make ourselves and the relationship we are building remarkable in their eyes.

Does Kaylie remember all the times I made her cereal for breakfast? Does she remember any particular time? Probably not. As of right now, though, she remembers that carousel.

Calling Priority

2012-08-21T08:00:00.000-04:00

Consistency is more important than intensity.

Would you skip brushing your teeth all week only to brush them fourteen times on Sunday? I'm hoping your answer is "no". That's not the way to good dental health.

The concept holds true for networking, too. We need to adapt those behaviors into our daily lives. We especially need to set aside time in our schedule to reach out to our connections on a regular basis. Unfortunately, it's easy to get bogged down in less productive behaviors.

Activity isn't always a good indicator of progress.

After a few years of doing this, I've finally come up with a particular order I try to follow with my daily correspondence. Try it out and adapt it for your own practice. See what results you get. In general, high value, high interaction activities come first. Lower value contacts or ones that don't require actually talking with the other person come later.

Here's my list:

Confirmation messages. I look ahead to the next business day and send out confirmation messages to the folks I will be meeting. I know it seems like this break the whole interaction rule, but it has an extremely high value and since I have templates in my mail system for this purpose, it usually takes me about a minute to be done.
Scheduled calls. If you told them you would call on or before a certain day and time, take it as seriously as any other appointment. In fact, this should go in your calendaring system as an appointment to make sure you are establish credibility with your connections.
Referrals. When someone responds to your request for help, you had better do something about it. After all, this is the ultimate personal goal of networking. Again, this is a high value interaction, even if it doesn't have to be a highly interactive one.
Follow-Up. You met at the Chamber breakfast and they didn't have their schedule so you could set up a coffee. Call them before the expiration date for their business card to set up that follow-up conversation. Otherwise there wasn't much point in striking up a conversation with them in the first place. This category would also cover any of the other categories where you sent out an email and now it's time to schedule an actual face-to-face meeting.
Tickler File. You might not have any from the first three categories, but you will always have some from this one. This is how you maintain connection with your existing network. Depending on the size of the tickler file, you may be calling two, three, or more people whom you already know on any given day.
Introductions. I know it may seem strange to place this one on a lower priority. Usually this is about responding to an e-introduction. Most people would find it a bit odd to receive an immediate phone call from someone to whom they've only recently been introduced. A quick email to make the initial connection and propose a call is all that you need to do. Of course, when you've scheduled the call, then it gets bumped up to #2 above.
Asynchronous Contacts. This final section is for any other contacts -- quick emails, thank you notes, etc. They don't have a particular time commitment and they don't require interacting directly with the recipient. You can do these in the early morning or late at night. They are still an important part of your networking practice, but shouldn't take the primary spot in your efforts.

At first this may seem a bit overwhelming. For the most part, though, several of the categories will probably be empty on any given day. Until you are fairly far along in your networking practice, you probably won't be seeing referrals on a daily basis, for example. Personally, a half hour to an hour of calls during the working day is all I need. Then I can add in another twenty to thirty minutes to respond to introductions and take care of other non-interactive (read "e-mail-based") connections.

Most people spend at least this amount of time sending email, making calls, and posting on their favorite social media site. The process I've outlined simply prioritizes those efforts so you get done the most important activities first.

Photo by Jakub Krechowicz

Coasting

2012-08-14T08:00:00.000-04:00

Everything falls apart.

A few years ago, I watched a fascinating show called "Life After People". The underlying concept asked what if, for whatever reason, suddenly every human on the planet vanished? What would happen to all our artifacts as time marched on without us to maintain them? The upshot was, given enough time, everything would eventually crumble, some faster than others.

What really caught me was no matter how solid something appeared, it still needs us to maintain it. If that's true of structures built of brick and mortar, how much more true is it of a structure built from good will and strong relationships?

One of the most dangerous points for us in our role as a networker is when all the connections we've built start to pay off. Often these benefits may come from directions we didn't expect -- maybe even from people whom we haven't seen in a while. There's a real temptation to think we can just relax in our networking efforts -- coast, if you will.

Don't give in to the temptation.

Networking has a certain momentum. Once you get things started, it can survive the occasional week or two without you doing your normal networking activities. When you start getting up to a month or two, though, your tight network starts getting a little loose. Close connections start fading. People forget you as more immediate issues take their attention. Soon, you have to start the whole long process of rebuilding which can take almost as long as it took to build in the first place.

Clearly, coasting is a dangerous pastime when it comes to your networking practice. If you do have to do it though -- perhaps you are temporarily overwhelmed in either your professional or personal life -- what can you do to limit the damage?

Limit the coast. If you know you are going into one of these networking down times, set yourself a limit. whether it's one week or two or even a month, set a hard limit and start scheduling more networking after that point. Most people find it difficult to break an appointment, so a scheduled meeting will interrupt your networking coast.
Network through your abundance. In this case, your abundance of knowledge through a blog or e-newsletter. While this isn't true two-way networking, by regularly reaching out to members of your network through one of these mechanisms, you are at least keeping your name in front of them which helps prevent the forgetfulness problem.
Broadcast networking. Social media sites such as Facebook and LinkedIn can serve to keep their memories fresh, too. Take just five minutes to login, update your status and comment on at least one other persons and you're less likely to have people wondering if you fell off the face of the earth. If possible post something other than "Hard at work". Make it personal so they get to know the real you.

I've said it in the past, networking has to become a part of your lifestyle if you want to succeed in the long run. If you view it as just something you do, sooner or later you'll be tempted to coast. Just like riding a bike, though, sooner or later you have to start pedaling again. The longer you wait, the harder it will be to get back up to speed.

Photo by Joses Tirtabudi

The Levels of Participation

2012-08-07T08:00:00.000-04:00

Where are you in the Participation Pyramid?

"I've decided to leave the Chamber", she told me. "I'm just not getting any business out of it."

I was chatting with a business owner to whom I had delivered the welcome bag when she first joined the Chamber of Commerce. I knew that for some people, the Chamber just wasn't a good fit, so I wasn't horribly shocked. Still, I always like to know what happened, So, I asked her for more details about her experiences, specifically which events she was attending.

"Oh, I don't have time to do that!"

So, she basically expected to sign up and suddenly have her phone ring off the hook with business opportunities. I could have told her that she would be disappointed with that plan. Assuming that it's even the right one for your goals, the results you get from being a part of a group are directly related to the level of participation you maintain.

Let's look at what you can expect as a...

Visitor. You show up once or twice to events for the group. If you are a skilled networker, you're simply checking it out to see if it is a good fit. If you aren't skilled, you just show up those two times and then declare that networking is a complete waste of time because you didn't get any business.
Expected Results: None. You've made no visible commitment to the group and you won't be remembered or missed much past the last time you attend an event.
Attendee. You are a regular at the groups events and have been for at least a six months to a year. The other people who show up regularly know you by name and probably know what you do. They comment if you miss an event. This is a dangerous place to be because it feels like you are devoting a lot of time to the group, but no one in the group reall knows you very well, so your returns on the investment of time and money will still be somewhat slim.
Member. At this point you are not only showing up to most of the events, but you are connecting with other members outside the events -- one-to-ones. You may also at this point have officially joined the group, though this is not sufficient to making the group pay off. This is the first level of participation where you can start to expect real results. Now people not only know you on sight, but many see you as a close, personal connection.
Participant. Beyond making good connections (and definitely still including that behavior), at the "Participant" level, you are a visible supporter of the group. You take extra time and effort (and sometimes even money) to serve your fellow members. Your activities might include serving on a committee, writing for the newsletter, or acting as a greeter at the events. At any rate the best connected people in this organization see you as someone to help in any way they can.
Organizer. At the top of the participation pyramid is the role of "Organizer". At this level you are not only connecting deeply with the other members and serving in a visible capacity, but you have also made a long-term commitment to devoting your time and effort to this organization's success. The dangers at this level are that you only have time for one or maybe two groups where you serve at this level. You also might have a tendency to focus so much on the group that you forget to ask for help from those members who might be willing to do so.

The more time and energy you are willing to devote to the group, the more likely the group is to reward you. Understand this and you are far less likely at the end of the year to feel like you've wasted your time in an organization which has given you nothing in return.

Photo by Sigurd Decroos

Networking Lessons from a Bad Break: Lesson #3

2012-07-31T08:00:00.000-04:00

Continuing with my lessons learned from my "failed" triple board break, watching my efforts in the video, I can see that my kick wasn't aimed well. In the first attempt, it was way too high. In fact, I think I might have clipped one of the holders' fingers.

Ouch. Sorry about that.

Lesson: For success, aim is 90% of the effort.

The funny thing is, I've held for little kids and had them miss by even more and still break the board. The difference is that they were using boards which snapped relatively easily -- practice boards which were very thin to get them used to the process -- whereas my triple board break was much more difficult. It not only required significantly higher force, but that force had to be directed to the exact correct spot (about the size of a dime).

Networking Lesson:
In networking, your aim is 90% of the effort, too. This is especially true for bigger requests. If I really need a personal, face-to-face introduction with Al Jones, the CEO of ABC Corporation, then that is what I should be asking for from my networking contacts. Of course, that request has to be to members of my network with whom I have the strongest connections.

The mistake that most people make is just asking for a connection in the ABC Corporation and hoping, somehow, that the CEO will miraculously appear. In fact, quite often they can't even be that specific. All they can say is they want someone who wants to buy their stuff, whatever it is. That's the kind of ask that just bounces off, just like my foot did with the boards.

So to give yourself the best chance of success, learn this lesson: Know what you are aiming at then focus your network on that exact, specific spot. There's no guarantee, but you've got a better chance of breaking through if you do.

Networking Lessons from a Bad Break: Lesson #2

2012-07-24T08:00:00.000-04:00

In the last post, I told you about a "failed" board-breaking attempt that I made as a part of the many tests I am going through for my next belt. As with many of the so-called "failures" in our lives, it's only truly a failure if we don't learn from it. In this case, I walked away with a whole slew of lessons. Some were about martial arts, but many applied to other areas of my life, including networking.

Yesterday, the lesson was about not bringing enough people to the task. Today is why that happened.

Lesson #2: Success comes in the long term.

I had fewer people holding my boards than I needed in order to have a successful break. In a demonstration like this, the breaker has a number of responsibilities: Choose the technique, purchase the boards, set up the holders, etc. This also includes making sure you've got your holders lined up ahead of time. If they aren't in the school when you need them, then the rest of it falls apart.

This requires that you focus more long term. It wasn't until that morning that I realized I had never spoken with anyone about holding for my break, just assuming that they would somehow magically show up.

Networking Lesson:
Making requests of your network takes time. The bigger the ask, the more time it will probably take.

We all run into challenges in our lives. Sometimes they seem so great that it puts us into survival mode. Maybe we lost our job, perhaps there's an illness in the family, or possibly it's something as simple as a newborn who won't sleep through the night for more than the first year of her life, leaving you perpetually exhausted and fuzzy-headed (for a hypothetical example).

When we are in the midst of these challenges, we feel like we are walking on the edge of a cliff. We start looking very carefully at where we are placing each foot. A misstep could send us over the edge, so this makes perfect sense. The problem is, if we do it long enough, we start thinking that this is the way we are supposed to be all the time, even after the danger has passed. Unfortunately, if we are focused on each footstep, then we aren't looking at the horizon to make sure that those steps are leading us toward our long-term goals and not into long-term trouble.

The real-world example of this is the entrepreneur who focuses on completing his short-term projects, pushing off his networking to "when he's not busy". Unfortunately, this ignores the fact that networking takes time to pay off. Instead, while he does need to devote time to those money-making efforts, he must also dedicate some time and effort (and usually not that very much, really) to:

Maintaining his network. Weak connections can't help as much as strong ones.
Looking for ways to help his network. Helping them deepens the connections faster.
Asking them to help. If they don't know where he's going, they can't help get him there.

In order to achieve real success in our lives, we need to keep our eyes on the horizon. Our efforts today need to take us to those long-term goals of tomorrow. A powerful network can almost always bring you what you need, so long as you give it enough time to work.

Networking Lessons from a Bad Break: Lesson #1

2012-07-19T08:00:00.000-04:00

With a mighty "Hiyaa!", I drove my foot toward the waiting planks of wood...

... and bounced off.

As one of the tests for my next belt at Keith Hafner's Karate, back in the Spring, I did a board-breaking -- actually a triple board break (three at once).

If you check out the video, it wasn't a rousing success.

At least it wasn't a success based upon whether the boards actually broke. Grand Master Hafner believes that the successful board-breaking is one where you learn lessons you can apply to your training and to your life.

Believe it or not, this "failed" break reminded me of a number of lessons about networking.

Lesson #1: The more people involved, the better

As you could see in the video, there were only three people "holding" -- two in front holding the boards, and one behind in the center to brace the two of them. None of them were heavyweights. You may have noticed when I kicked (both times) their bodies moved back a good three or four inches. It doesn't sound like much, but with three boards, I needed a larger, heavier group to hold that could handle the strength of my kick without moving.

By the way, this is no fault of the holders. They are all great martial artists. They just didn't have enough body mass between them.

Networking Lesson:
Just as with my break, if you want help from your network, you need to make sure that it's big enough and strong enough to absorb the effort. If you've only just started bulding your network -- perhaps it's still relatively few in number or most of the connections are in the "development" stage -- then making a big ask just isn't going to happen. Your network won't have the depth or breadth to be able to help out.

What's a big ask? How about a personal introduction and endorsement to the CEO of a Fortune 500 company? If your network is too small, chances are no one in your network can make the connection. If the connections aren't strong enough, they won't be willing to make the connection.

What's the solution? Well, you can (and probably should) do several things:

Grow your network. Add new people. This means attending more networking events and following up on introductions.
Deepen your network. You may already have plenty of connections, but none of them may know you well enough to think that helping you is a priority. You need to start deepening the relationships. Stay in contact -- more one-to-ones. Find ways to help them. Make yourself a valuable part of their lives.
Reduce your ask. The holders I had that day would have been sufficient for a single-board break. Similarly, you can reduce your ask to fit the strength of your network. Instead of the personal introduction and endorsement to the CEO of ABC Corporation, you might instead ask for advice on who to approach in the company.

Networking is not just a numbers game. Still, the more people you know who are looking out for your well-being, the stronger your network is and the more powerful results you can ask of it.

Of course, before you can call on your network, you have to build it first. That takes time and forethought. We'll talk about that lesson next time.

Sometimes You Get What You Need

2012-07-17T08:00:00.000-04:00

Sometimes we need to hear it.

If the emergency sirens start sounding that severe weather is near, perhaps it's time to set aside your plans for the family picnic. Heck, if the weather forecaster is telling you that there's better than a fifty percent chance of thunderstorms, you might be better off trading in the picnic blanket for tickets at the nearest movie theater. In both cases you want to hear one thing, but you need to hear something else.

Consulting with your network can go the same way.

Your network can be a great source of advice, recommendation, and expert opinion. After all, it's made up of people who have taken an active interest in you and your success. The challenge is to be willing to listen when they tell us, not what we want, but what we need to hear.

Maybe you've decided on a new target market. You're pretty excited about it. You want to hear how easy it will be to break into this sector. You need to hear what your connections in that industry think. Maybe that class you were about to teach has to be certified by their national association first. That would certainly save you some embarrassment.

Perhaps you come up with a new product for the market. You want to hear how great it is. You need to hear what problems it has so you can fix them and really be ready to sell -- unless you like angry customer service calls.

It's possible that you've gotten tired of your logo. It's time to rebrand and bring a new face to your business. You want to hear how the new look will drive new customers to your door. You need to hear how the new look might drive your old customers away.

For many of us who are solo-preneurs or have very small businesses, we don't have an official board of advisors. That can lead to some lonely decision making. That's when we can look to our closest network connections to be an extra sanity check on the directions we are taking -- an ad hoc board, if you will.

One caveat to this recommendation, though: Remember that your network can only advise you. You are the ultimate authority and must take ultimate responsibility. I was reminded recently that truly great innovators sometimes have to go against the established wisdom. Ask for advice, certainly, but at the end of the day, if you still believe that you are right, make your decisions accordingly.

You may still get what you want, but by consulting with your closest connections, you may also avoid some of the obvious pitfalls.

And we pretty much all need that.

Image by Cecile Graat

The Personal Message

2012-07-10T08:00:00.000-04:00

In a post from a while ago, I talked about some bad behaviors regarding communicating with your customers through a form letter. My friend Victoria Kamm, President of Obviously Brilliant, commented on the post and wondered about how one would actually go about creating a personalized snail mail piece. It's an excellent question and I think the answers apply to almost any customer communication.

Before we go any further, though, I do need to make a stipulation. All of these ideas are based on the premise that the purpose of the communication is to establish a better relationship with the customer. If all you really want to do is advertise to them, then you can ignore this stuff (just like your customers will ignore your advertisement).

Use their name. Never, ever, ever address the letter to "Sir", "Sir and/or Ma'am", "Policy Holder", or "Client". You need to be personal. Most word processing programs have a "mail merge" capability. Use it. Oh, and wherever possible use the name they prefer to be called. I know when something comes in that says "Dear Gregory", that I can usually safely dump it in the recycling bin.
No advertising. I know I mentioned this before, but it bears repeating. What you send should never be just one big advertisement. It must be information which will be useful to them without necessarily trying to convince them to buy from you. If you present the recipient with truly useful material, they will see you as an expert in the topic area and they will want to talk with you. Advertising is interruptive and most people today have learned to ignore interruptions.
Be useful. This is something I learned in a recent seminar I attended by former National Speakers Association President, Mark LaBlanc. He told us that we have one, maybe two, opportunities to capture their interest and attention before they begin to ignore our communication. This means we need to make sure that those who are receiving information can use it. These means one of two things:

Be general. The information has to be so general as to be useful to everyone on your mailing list. This has the danger of the piece being so general as to be obvious (and therefore not particularly useful). Still depending on the topic, it is possible.
Segment. If you want to communicate some topic which is specifically useful to some smaller segment of your mailing list, only send it to that smaller segment. They will love you for addressing their specific needs. Those who aren't in that segment won't view you as being irrelevant to their lives and start ignoring you.

Be generous. Many of us who provide information as a part of what we do, have a tendency to want to hold back that information. After all, if we give them that information for free, why would they bother paying for our services later? Listen, if that one piece of information is all they needed from you and they weren't ever going to need anything else, then they can go out and buy a book to discover what they need to know. They were never a prospective client in the first place.
Close with you. The signature should be from a specific person -- preferably you. Poeple connect with people, not with companies. You may want to appear bigger than you are by signing "ABC Company, Customer Service", but that makes the recipient feel like just another account. Not a good lasting impression to leave them with.

I will warn you. I am not an expert on direct mail advertising. There are those folks out there who know that stuff cold. I'm only telling you what I've experienced as the recipient of my share of form mailings. Be useful. Be personal. Make an effort to make me feel like this is a letter from a friend and I will be much more likely to respond.

After all, we'll do things for friends that we would never consider doing for a faceless company that treats us as just another number.

Photo by Arianne van Noordt

They May Still Hate You

2012-07-05T08:00:00.000-04:00

"This is rubbish."

That was how a comment from a reader began to a recent article I posted on AnnArbor.com. She then went on to cast aspersions on my business style, location, credentials, and, yes, even my wardrobe.

This is the payment you will sometimes have to make when you try to give back.

AnnArbor.com does not pay me to post articles on their site. A couple of years ago, a friend recommended me to one of the community editors at the time. That editor liked what she read of my material and gave me a shot at a regular spot. Do I gain benefit from this?

You bet.

I have a regular column now. Every Sunday, people who read the Business Review section of the site get to see my smiling face. Is it advertising? Nope. Except maybe in the strictest interpretation. The final paragraph of each article is the "about the author" blurb which does give some of my credentials and links back to my website. Other than that, I do not hawk my services in any way.

If you are considering getting your name out there by writing or speaking. Be aware that there are people out there who will hate you no matter what you write or talk about. As my hero Scott Ginsberg would say, you've got to love the haters. They will tell you when you are on the right track. He should know. He writes about people being more approachable and friendly.

And some people still hate him.

The challenging part of this whole situation is your goal, in addition to recognition, is to engage your audience. You want people to comment on your posts or come up to talk with you after a presentation. If they are less than kind at times, the best way to respond (in my opinion) is to strip away all the vitriol and ad hominem attacks and address only the core issues they bring up.

They will probably never be satisfied, but your other readers and followers will see you as a classy person who rose above your attacker and make them that much more likely to want to connect with you.

One of my new heroes, Larry Winget, said in a presentation I attended, if you want rabid fans, you have to be willing to have rabid enemies." So, just remember, when someone pulls out their poison pen on you, they're just telling you that you are doing something right.

Photo by Diego Medrano

Good E-Introductions

2012-07-03T08:00:00.000-04:00

You wouldn't ask a recent acquaintance to help you move. No matter how nice it would be to have them help, the time and effort involved exceed the levels of that relationship. The same is true for asking them for a personal, face-to-face introduction to someone in their network. It's a lot of work and they don't know you that well yet.

Still, if they offer to connect us, we want something more powerful than them just giving us the other person's contact information. That feels a lot like a cold call. Brrrr.

What lies in between is the e-introduction.

The challenge is that, while most people are willing, most also aren't particularly effective at it. Have you ever received an e-intro that went something like this?

Hi, Bob

You should meet Greg. Here's his contact information.
Greg Peters -- gpeters@gregsbusiness.com

Thanks!
Frank

Worse is when you don't even see it because you aren't CC'ed on the message.

So that we don't make the same mistakes with the people we are trying to help, let's look at the make up of a good e-introduction.

Copy everyone. Everyone involved should know what's happening.
Salute both parties. "Dear Bob and Mike"
A little boilerplate. Tell them this is an introduction. "I'm making this email introduction because I think you would both benefit from getting to know each other."
Bio block #1. Tell person #1 about person #2 briefly. Include the reason you think they should get to know person #2. You might also include how you met person #2.

Bob, meet Mike Smith. Mike is the owner of The Dogs Are In The House, a pet boarding facility here in Ann Arbor. I met Mike through at this amazing workshop about good networking practice. The real reason I wanted to connect you, though, is I found out that he shares your passion for Alpine chainsaw juggling. Who knew?
Bio block #2. Now do the same thing in reverse.

Mike, meet Bob Jones. Bob is an attorney with Jones, Jones, Jones, & Shoppenflueger. In addition, he is the president of the local chapter of the Alpine Chainsaw Jugglers Association. I've known Bob from back when he only juggled knives.
A little more boilerplate. This depends on how much you want to assist with the connection. For most it's enough to say something like "I've included your mutual contact information below. I'll leave it to you to continue the conversation." If you want to be more helpful, you can offer to set up a meeting for a face-to-face intro or even go so far as to suggest particular days and times which would work for you to facilitate such a meeting.
Their contact info. Name, business (if appropriate), email, and phone number. Basically the information on their business card, you should be willing to share.

I know this might seem like a lot of work, but once you've done it a time or two, it really doesn't take that much longer than one done poorly. Do you really have to go to all this trouble for your e-introductions? No, not unless you want to be remembered as a great connector.

Oh, wait. That's kind of what networking is all about, right?

Image by Salman Ali Ehsan