The Reluctant Ramblings of an American Cynic

2011-07-07T21:14:00.001-07:00

Last Dance with Mary Jane

2011-06-25T15:08:00.000-07:00

Marijuana. Where do you stand? Should it be legalized, decriminalized, medicinalized (i know, not a word)? Should alcohol? Should tobacco? Surely "Spice" or K2 shouldn't be. But they are. Is there something insidious about this drug that makes it more dangerous and destructive than any one of those? It all depends on who you ask. For the Pro crowd, stoners are the the spokes-people...and that's never good for anyone. Not that the Con's have it any better with hypocritical politicians and annoying disingenuous/exaggerated anti drug commercials.

I used to smoke weed like mad, and yeah, it was pretty awesome. It was a great way to relax after a stressful day at work and escape my lackluster life. I could not only forget how utterly depressed i was, but it enhanced everything: food, video games, food, tv, food and movies....also food. What wasn't awesome, however, was how it enhanced my natural lack of motivation.

Much like a crack head, I needed weed. I would forgo my basic needs simply to afford and obtain this escape. It got so bad that it led to my dropping out of college around 9 credits shy of getting my AA. Not only did i force myself into a career i never wanted, but i continued to ignore my need to attempt to advance in said career. My lifestyle was much closer to that of a "junkie" than a "stoner". I put myself in danger time and time again. Not simply in danger of being caught by the police mind you, but literal, physical danger. Id meet complete strangers in strange places in some pretty damned bad parts of town. Ive been patted down, searched for wires, once even met a fairly unfriendly man with a gun in his vest with one simple question: were my friend and I "the niggas that been talkin shit"? This question wasn't completely unwarranted..to be fair. For all he knew we could have been. He'd never met us before and had only seconds before come rushing into the door in somewhat of an angry/hasty manor. We weren't the "niggas" in question, just saying it was a fair enough question to pose.

The state of our apartment was ridiculous. We piled the trash outside on the upstairs patio simply because we didn't feel like walking it to the dumpster. We'd sit in near comma sates drinking beer and simply dropping the empties by our respective chairs. Our apartment became a haven for not only fruit flies, but at one point we had such a flea problem that upon stepping onto the carpet the bottom 12 inches of your leg would be a black, crawling nightmare. I wish i could say this was an exaggeration. I really do wish that.

That being said, I'm well aware that my situation wasn't typical in the least bit. I have a highly addictive personality. When i couldn't find any weed id drink a 12 pack of bud light a night and I still smoke around a pack of cigarettes a day. I know many people who have no problem smoking the occasional blunt, joint or bowl with none of the issues i had. I know that alcohol is much more dangerous, not only to your own liver and kidneys, but to everyone around you. But i also know that without taking it out of my life, id most likely still be depressed with no sign of dealing with my personal demons.

So at this point you'd think id be backing those blocking legalization. You couldn't be farther from the truth. As much as those people would say that weed derailed my life, i say i did. We cant simply hide behind a drug as an excuse for our actions, or lack there of. I could have stopped anytime i wanted, just as i eventually did. I just didn't want to. I had no self esteem, few very close friends and as far as my dating situation? Lets just say the emotional scars are still there. The weed was a symptom, my escape of choice. It was my personal experience.

Ive been offered everything from coke to acid, crack to "x". Not once have i tried any of those. Not once would I. Even at that point in my life i realized my probability of addiction, and luckily knew not to get involved. I quit smoking weed. No cold sweats, no hallucinations, no shaking, emotional swings or head aches. I had a little trouble sleeping the first couple days. that was it.

If you've read so far than you now know why i call these "ramblings". The sad thing is there is so much more to say on the issue. The bottom line is that we are all responsible for our own actions. It is the governments job to protect us, but not from ourselves. All drugs have the potential to hurt one's self or even others but compared to just about all others mentioned in this blog, none have less potential than weed and some are very much legal.

Its all a political crap shoot that we all know wont be sorted out anytime soon as long as the people calling for legalization are stoners and the people blocking it are politicians afraid of upsetting the status quo. We need to look at this from an unbiased position and consider the hypocrisy. We cant have it both ways, either strip away our freedoms to drink and smoke, or give us the freedom to toke.

Harry Potter and the Human Condition

2011-06-21T19:40:00.000-07:00

What is it about the interwebs and complete and udder jackassery? Is it that we as a species are simply racist, homophobic, mean spirited people who are so inundated with daily life pressures that we seek some anonymous means of releasing all of that anger and insecurity in a 150 character YouTube comment? Id like to think not. But then i know better.

(I'll start out with complete disclosure: i do love me some racial jokes. Everyone does. Dave Chapelle is one of the funniest men alive based in no small part on his understanding of this. This is not what I'm talking about in this blog, unless the jokes are made with malice or with the belief in some truth behind them. anyways, on with the blogging.)

Its only natural to fear or dislike or disapprove of someone or something that challenges your ideals, or what you've grown accustomed to. Racism is a natural instinct. Its part of the human condition. As much as we try and remove ourselves from the concept, we are still simply animals. We still have packs, herds. gaggles and prides and we still fight for territory and resources. We grow up with these groups and assume one of two basic roles: follower or rebel. within these roles there are,of course, sub groups and varying degrees. We either realize our accident of birth or we simply take what we are as some concrete destiny, though for most it isn't quite that deep

I myself don't even know where i fall in these two basic groups. On the one hand i could be considered a rebel in the sense that i grew up in a more or less typical white suburbanite, christian family and yet have not one racist bone in my body and am proud to count a homosexual as a not only an extremely close personal friend, but somewhat of a mentor.

On the other hand am i really rebelling against anything? My mother is a saint, and being catholic should be seriously considered as an applicant. To me, at least, my mother holds true to the often forgotten roots of the overall christian belief system. A loving, caring person who is steadfast in her love of Jesus and of the church, but more importantly in her love for the human being. With an insane work ethic and sense of responsibility this woman puts others ahead of herself on a constant basis. This is a woman who will spend hours upon hours at church be it teaching classes, taking classes, lecturing or just helping out for random events and yet still embrace my friends with open arms and a smile on her face and love in her heart. Shes not blinded by strange interpretations of an ancient text, but enlightened by the simplest and most important message that book has to offer. This woman is the face of Christ incarnate.
And despite my years of Catholic school in year after year of all white classes, my first best friend on this planet was my next door neighbor, a black female.

Perhaps I'm just one of the lucky ones who escaped this symptom of the human condition, spared by an accident of birth to a truly remarkable woman and an accident of circumstance to be placed into situations that would challenge my "destined" values. Perhaps the human race isn't in as bad shape as i tend to think it is. But just as i had my positive experiences shaping my world view, it always comes back to that human instinct.

I've had white people say incredibly racist things in my presence, I've had Christians say incredibly homophobic things and I've heard atheists/agnostics/other wise say some horrible things about Christians. It all stems from the same basic point: we fear that which challenges our personal values and we group those who challenge us into the other pack,herd,gaggle or pride.

Its not in our natural instinct to accept others, but then again, its not in our natural instinct to shit in a toilet or wipe our asses. I thank my mother for teaching me how to do both of these things and for helping me make this world just the tiniest bit less shitty

Religion and all that implies

2011-05-23T11:32:00.000-07:00

With the Rapture having come and gone just this last weekend, i feel this is the perfect start for my blog. Religion is a touchy subject. This is where you make or break friends, followers, voters, what have you. But really, should it be? What beliefs do you hold that demand that you hate a fellow human being? Feel free to disagree with what someone does in the privacy of there own home, sure, but hate the person for a harmless consentual act that has no baring on how you live your life? Why do we feel the need to mock or criticize an idea that doesnt make sense to us? By all means speak out against factions and fanatics spreading lies, hate and death to further their own power or ego, but to those simply believing in a higher purpose? Something doesnt seem to click.

Im not picking on any religion, and im not going to get into specifics. Before anyone out there in internet land gets the idea that im a radical athiest in the vain of Bill Mayher attacking the very idea of religion you might want to stop reading now if youre looking for an on going insult to those of faith. Thats been done over and again, and frankly, its sickening. Is it worse to belief in a god and try to bring others around to your way of thinking in an attempt to "save" them or to attempt to strip them of something thats brought them comfort and a sense of purpose? If youre an athiest, power to you, youve made up your mind. If you feel the need to lash out at those of faith, however, how are you expressing anything but the same blind hatred and stubborn ignorance you so desperately want to hate them for?

The week leading up to last saturday was a source of fear for some, humor for others and for a very small group, hope. I myself made countless jokes leading up to saturdays non-events. Obviously Harold Camping was...misguided... But for as many jokes as i made and though i risked ushering in the end of the world to the sound of MuZac and a whirling slicer blade, it was still in the back of my mind. There was still that thought of "what if".

That being said, as 6pm rolled around the globe like an inevidable earthquake of ungodly terrors, I faced my own judgement day. I stopped for a second and realised just what this "apoco-lapse" really meant and how the reality for these people was anything but a joke. For some it really was the end of the world as they knew it. For Harold Camping and his followers it was a pain that i doubt anyone but they could understand. Their faith, quite possibly the most preciouse thing a person can have (for those who have it), wasnt simply tested, their faith was torn assunder. They removed their children from school, quit their jobs and spent their life savings in many cases. These people were promised heaven, what they were left waking up to sunday was a hell of their own making. Imagin in this economy, no job, no house and no faith to lean on. All these people are left with are RV's painted with giant billboard reminders of why their lives are upside down. All i ask is that these people be shown some respect at least for their conviction to what they believed. Who among us would be willing to do the same for our faith?

While there are some would say this is an indication of the dangers of religion, i say that those who would had arrived at that conclusion long befor these events. No, these events are simply bad investments in the spiritual stock market. We all make our own investment be it athiesm or otherwise and we wont know until the end whether we'll cash out or bust. I, myself, go with agnostic bonds...at least until the market's a little less volitile..

If you actaully read these ramblings than i thank you for your time. Be good

Allow me to Introduce myself,

2011-05-23T11:05:00.001-07:00

I am a 26 year white male residing in north florida. A chronic under acheiver, I currently work as a deli clerk for a large, south eastern grocery chain. I cannot begin to explain my reasoning for starting a blog, not to whomever might read it or to myself. One might cite anything from boredom to the tried and true narcissistic idea that people actually care what random thoughts pop into my head on a daily basis...but then again, isnt that what facebook is for? The closest reason would probably just be as simple as the need to justify owning a laptop for something other than stockpiling page after page of long abandoned writings.
Whatever my reasons, here we are so i might as well get to it. Grammatical and spelling errors are sure to be a mainstay, so sit back, relax and read half of an opening paragraph before getting bored. Be good all