The Ridiculous Food of Upstate New York

Salami and Butter Sandwiches

2013-06-19T07:56:00.001-04:00

This seems like a stupidly simple thing to be posting about... But yesterday I had a couple discussions on the twitters regarding the salami and butter sandwich. It appeared that many people had never sampled this delightful combination. Out of my personal sandwich panoply the salami n' butter is an easy standout, so I thought I might share.

First you are going to need some goodly butter (at room temp). I picked up some Kriemhild Dairy Farms (Hamilton, NY) butter at P-Chopistan as it was on sale at 4.00$ per 8oz. I like this butter. It is has great flavor and just the right amount of saltiness.

For the bread-y chariot for my fatty/meaty delights I chose some rye from Heidelberg Bread (Herkimer, NY). Heidleberg Bread stands out to me as a model for local/in-state food production. Their products are absolutely outstanding, wholesome, widely available, and not unreasonable in price. Many producers could learn from Heidelberg's model. Their rye is especially tasty. The rye flavor sort of gets in the way of the pure salami/butter flavor sensations, a neutral and toothsome white might be a better choice, but it is what I had on hand.

Butter both slices of bread generously with the softened butter.

For the salami, I used some of my homemade German style "sandwich" salami. This is a lightly spiced salami with an agressive fermented tang. Perfect for this sandwich. You are going to want to use a sufficiency of salami. I find that in this case a sufficiency of salami is a single layer. You are looking for balance in this sandwich.

There you have it folks. This is one of those simple treats that transcends its components. The salami n' butter is best eaten after having been wrapped neatly in wax paper and left to sit in the bottom of your knapsack for a couple of hours. I advise you to try this if the combination has never occurred to you.

Things I Do That Inexplicably Annoy My Wife: Onions in the Planters

2013-06-18T11:27:00.001-04:00

So my wife was being horribly indecisive this year in regards to what she wanted to grow in the 3 half barrel planters we have. I got annoyed with looking at the remains of last autumns hearty mums, so I took action! I filled those suckers up with onions. I figured if all that good soil was just going to sit there, it might as well provide us with some sustenance...

However, Mrs. Dave does not seem to share my view that planting onions was a perfectly reasonable solution to filling the planters in light of her own inaction/indecision. She has made it quite clear to me (in stern tones) that onions in the planter is, in her world view, exceedingly strange. Also, she has been asking, "who wants to look at frikkin' onion plants?" and "what will the neighbors think?" I have been pish-poshing her and insisting that onion flowers can be beautiful in their own right but she is not having any of it. Also, repeatedly stating - "think of the salsa, hon!" does not seem to be helping the situation in the slightest...

In any event, my garden proper is doing OK. I have 16 assorted 'mater plants and I believe about the same number of various chiles (along with some other stuff). I think we can all agree that we need a bit of sun to get things growing a little faster, but I trust that we will get all the shine we need in time.

Look at that, no posts for 'nigh a month and then you get a two-fer Tuesday! Maybe my post writing muscles are coming up to strength again...

Ridiculous Commodity-Meatless Society of Upstate New York

2013-06-18T11:16:00.000-04:00

So, I have made the decision to stop purchasing/consuming "Commodity Meat" completely. I know I fashion myself as a bit of an everyman and declarations of this sort are admittedly a bit twee, but I am sharing anyways. So there.

I am not going to beat the dead horse here as I am making the supposition that most of the people who read this will be well aware of the horrors of modern factory/industrial meat production. Aside from all of that, who can say that they aren't slightly disturbed each and every time they push their squeaky cart past the expanse of pale soggy pork chops, flaccid beef, and flabby birds in the meat case at the supermarket? Anyone who has drawn knife through a properly raised shoulder of pig or slapped the skin of a quality chicken can not help but shed a tear (or throw up in their mouth a little) at the site.

As I am a human, I am a pro at deluding myself (as most humans are). Saying to myself, "it can't be as bad as all of that" as I throw a plastic wrap ensconced steak or chop into my cart. Well, I really can't delude myself anymore. I think we all know that it really is as bad as all of that.

We have all been so conditioned to expect meat to be so damn cheap. Our lust for cheap flesh has created a monster that must be stopped. I want my meat to cost more money. There I said it. I want to pay dearly for a piece of a beast that has consumed so many resources in its quest to become my dinner. With the delicious crunch of a bit of bacon cut from the belly of a pastured pig I want to taste a bit of guilt. But I want the guilt to be that a majestic, happy, beast of the land had to die to fill my belly. I do not want the guilt to be because I participated in a horribly wasteful and toxic system that produces an inferior product to boot.

So, what are the logistics of my plan? Many have stated, "that is going to be expensive." I know that this may come as a shock in light of the frequent subject matter of my hack weblog but the Mr. Dave family actually consumes what I would deem to be a well below average amount of flesh. The wife is nearly a vegetarian and the munchkins are wary of most foods as munchkins are wont to be... I really don't think excluding unnaturally cheap meat products will have that huge of an impact on the monthly grocery budget.

I consume fresh meat (meat cooked from raw, i.e. not cured/dried/etc...) maybe only twice a week. My plan is to spend around 20 dollars per week on meat. Maybe 80-100 dollars a month. This doesn't seem like a whole lot of money when you think about it. Pictured above is about a pound of pastured pork chops and about a pound of grass fed ground sirloin. Combined cost of these meats was ~16.00$. That is for 8 x 4 ounce servings. That seems to be a completely reasonable and responsible amount of meat for me to be consuming in a week.

My main issue will be with replacing all of the various items of charcuterie that I enjoy. I am actually quite proficient at producing my own salamis, bacons, sausages, etc... So I guess it is more a problem of sourcing the fat and cuts necessary for all of this. I actually think forsaking cheap/disposable meat from these processes will ultimately increase my skill. If I was forced to bin a 10 pound batch of salami made from high test heritage pork, I would shit. This will force me to pay attention and respect the ingredients with which I am working to a much higher degree. All as it should be.

Oh yes. Entertaining is going to become very expensive... The price of primal cuts from happy beasties is sometimes laughably high. No matter, I am creative. We all know the best party food is made from the lips and the anuses...

In any event, words are chaff in the wind. I will stop wasting them now but I will continue to share on this topic (I think). Where I am sourcing stuff, pricing, etc... Maybe this will be of interest to some. Maybe not.

Tinkering With My Capital Region Style Hot Dog Sauce Recipe...

2013-05-26T21:00:00.000-04:00

^ looks gross, I know... ^

So, I have been working on my personal recipe for Capital Region Style Hot Dog Sauce (click for my earlier recipe) again. Many will have no idea what I am talking about here, so a bit of peremptory explanation is probably in order. Frequent readers you may disregard as this will be a review.

You see, the greater Capital Region of New York is home to a "hot dog micro-region" where small 3" wieners with mustard/raw onion/meat sauce (the "works") are the norm. Check out these bad-boys from Hot Dog Charlie's --

There are several venerable establishments which are particularly famous mini-dog vendors. I refer to Gus', Famous Lunch, and Hot Dog Charlie's as the holy mini-dog triumvirate (Charlie's is my personal favorite).

The meat sauce is the major player in the mini-dog with the "works" experience and the relative quality of the sauce is usually what swings your average wiener-muncher's loyalty towards a particular hot dog joint. The Capital Region style sauce is a kissing cousin to Michigan sauce and both were developed by Greek immigrant vendors.

I have endeavored for years to perfect my very own version of this beloved sauce with varying degrees of success. If you will remember, some years ago I shared a recipe that I had come up with. That was a decent version of the sauce... But age and wisdom have made me realize that there was much room for improvement in that recipe. I will attempt to impart some updated knowledge of the current state of my household hot dog sauceology.

The first and most important thing you should concern yourself with when starting your hot dog sauce is the final texture of the meat in the sauce. You really aren't going for a chunky "chili" sort of thing here. The crumb of the meat (can meat have a crumb?) should be very fine and have become almost one with the liquid of the sauce. Consult the video at the beginning of this post of the sauce for an idear of the texture I am speaking about. Note that at this point the sauce has not been tightened with a bit of cornstarch (explained later).

In my earlier recipe I advocated obliterating your cut of meat in a blender... This is fine, but perhaps unnecessary. You can go ahead and grind some chuck, brisket, or whatever else you have through a fine plate (85% lean is probably best, I used to go fattier). Here is the rub though. How you cook the meat at the outset is most important thing in the whole process.

For 1 pound of meat you are going to need about 1/2 cup of finely diced onion. Take that onion and sweat it out in some fat (lard, suet, or butter) until translucent over moderate heat. No browning. I repeat no browning. When the onion is soft throw that meat in and get to smashing and smooshing. I use a wooden spoon myself, but some Michigan sauce recipes that I have seen advocate using a potato masher. It doesn't really matter as long you obliterate any chunks that would ruin the saucy end texture.

MASH IT UP!!!

Also, no browning of the meat. I repeat, no browning of the meat. You are just looking to knock the pink off of the beef before adding your spices. Caramelized flavors are not really what you are looking for in this particular sauce. I have tweaked my spice mix a bit over the years and I think I have reached a good stopping point.

For 1 pound of meat I go with 2 tsp. salt, 1 tsp. pepper, 1 tsp. mustard powder, 1 tbsp. paprika, 1 tbsp. chili powder, 1/2 tsp. cumin, 1/2 tsp. garlic powder, 1/4-1/2 tsp. red pepper flakes, and 1/8 tsp. ground cinnamon. Throw the spices onto the smashed meat and onions and let them cook along at moderate heat for a couple of minutes. Raw spice flavor is pretty characteristic of a lot of hot dog sauces, but I think it is best to cook them off a bit... Use the cheap spices for this though, nothing too fancy. I actually think the muted flavors of cheap, grocery store spices give the final sauce a more traditional/authentic taste. Mini-hot dogs are a cheap (39-75 cents each) food and we need not put on airs.

At this point you cover the meat with water and bring to a bare simmer.

It is now time for a couple of small additions. A deviation from my original recipe is the addition of some acid. I have agonized here over what is best. I have tried -- cider vinegar, malt vinegar, lemon juice, ketchup, tomato paste, and I can't remember what all else... After all of this experimentation, I am sticking to my traditional "no tomato" stance in regards to this sauce. Tomato, even in small amounts, throws off the whole flavor in my humble opinion. To tell you the truth, I think what works best is a bit of plain ol' white vinegar. I throw in about 1 tbsp. to start with and sort of ratchet up the amount by tiny increments until I get where I want (somewhere between 1 and 2 tbsp.).

Also, I still don't use stock/broth as a liquid but I have come to enjoy the addition of a bit of good quality chicken base. Not enough to impart a real chicken soup sort of flavor, maybe only a teaspoon or so. This adds a bit of pleasant umami and some nice meaty undertones.

The whole mess simmers away for 2 or 3 hours covered on the range. Another slight deviation from my original recipe is that I have found that adding a little cornstarch slurry at the end to tighten up the sauce just a hair is not a bad idea. I use a titch less than 1 tbsp. dissolved in water.

There you have it folks. I think I am honing in on my own Platonic ideal of what a hot dog sauce should be. This is not necessarily an attempt at imitation of any of the big, local players' sauce, but more of my personal taste built under the framework of their storied offerings. I take a couple of small departures from tradition but nothing too grave.

Also, I must say that I have left my secret ingredient out of this recipe. Muhaha. I will never tell. The sauce is quite good without it so don't worry so much. We must all have our small secrets and intrigues, now don't we? The world would be absolutely no fun without them...

Mountains, Cookies, Funerals...

2013-05-22T11:25:00.000-04:00

See those cookies? Those are some good cookies right there... Oatmeal-y, chocolate-y, buttery little bastards. I ate about 4.

So where did I get them? It is enough to say that I aquired them, the hows and whys aren't really too important... They were made by the Bruderhof down in Rifton (Town of Esopus). The Bruderhof are a religious group originally hailing from Germany that have settled in several communities including one right here in the Hudson Valley. The delicious cookie making matter aside, if you have ever had dealings with the Bruderhof then you will know that they are generally some of the nicest people you are ever going to want to meet.

Some time ago I had the occasion (and honor) to be present for the funeral of one of the elders of the community. Every time I taste a Bruderhof cookie (probably once or twice a year) I am reminded of this event as I found it particularly moving. Have you ever been to Esopus? It is a very pretty town filled with forests, hills, and winding roads. The honored man was carried by members of his community (children singing the whole time) in plain pine through this setting to a simple clearing in the woods. His friends, family, and neighbors put him to rest right there in that honest dirt, laid down fresh pine boughs, and then took turns covering him with shovel-fulls (children singing the whole time). I don't think that I have ever seen a more simple and beautiful expression of loss and I sort of treasure the memory.

Why am I telling you all of this? I guess one of the central themes of this hack blog has always been about the power of food to conjure up deep and powerful memories and these cookies certainly do that for me.

Also, it is an example of why I love the great state of NY (most of it at least). I bet a lot of you have never even heard of the Bruderhof, Rifton, or even Esopus. We have so many treasures hidden in the nooks and crannies of our little corner of the world. There is power and mystery up on our mountains and untold glories squirreled away in our vallies. I will concede the point that it is sometimes necessary to search a little harder for the gems in Upstate NY then elsewhere, this is only part of its charm...

In any event, food, memories, blah, blah, blah... I will stop now. As I am always on about Proust and his madeleines, I will leave you with variation on the theme from a song-

Over and over again

I keep tasting that sweet madeleine

looking back at my life now and then

asking: if not later then when?

-Pet Shop Boys, "Memory of the Future"

Plant Highlander: There Can Be Only One

2013-05-21T18:37:00.001-04:00

I have a random little bit of useless ground in my backyard that lies between my shed and the neighbors fence. Usually I just let the prickly vines and other weeds grow as they may but this summer Mr. Dave Jr. has become increasingly adventurous with his roaming. Not wanting him impaled by thorns or ridden with poison ivy I cleaned it up some weeks back leaving nearly bare earth. I will probably just put down gravel or something eventually... But until then I am playing plant Highlander!

I grew quite a few plants from seed this year and was left with scads of extras. Instead of doing the sensible thing and saving the seeds for next year, I have been strewing them all about behind the shed. All sorts of stuff -- flowers, peppers, assorted lettuces, carrots, etc... You see, in my twisted thinking I believe that only the strong will survive! As I intend to thoroughly neglect anything that should sprout back there, surely only the strongest and stoutest of plants should have a chance at life. Maybe I will breed a race of super-carrots or something... I don't know.

Probably everything will die. But maybe one giant pepper plant will grow from among this plant-ghetto that I have created and choke the life out of all of the other rival sproutlings. There can be only one!

...

2013-05-07T09:13:00.002-04:00

Some Thoughts on the Production of "Artisan" Food Products at Home

2013-04-23T13:20:00.002-04:00

Bear with me here, I will get to the point after some blathering about the above pictured cheese...

Here we have a cheese that I make with some regularity. I don't really know what I should call it, I guess it is a "provolone style" cheese as I have heavily adapted the traditional sort of recipe to my own needs and purposes. To make this cheese I use 3 gallons whole milk + 1 quart of half and half (Meadow Brook Farms, Clarksville, NY). I use both mesophilic and thermophilic cultures, it is a pasta filata cheese of the Italian school, and is brine soaked.

The resulting cheese can be eaten at any point during its lifespan. Eaten young it is vaguely reminiscent of the standard low moisture mozzarella that you would find at any grocery store. After 4 months or so of aging it acquires some character. This cheese is great for snacking, melts well, and is fairly mellow in flavor (i.e. acceptable to children as it reminds them of string cheese). Due to the high quality dairy that Meadow Brook Farms churns out (and the fact that I don't use any adulterants) there is a freshness to this cheese that makes it thoroughly enjoyable.

So, why am I telling you all of this about the stupid cheese I make? It is because I would like to share a bit of my philosophy on the home production of "artisan" food stuffs (mostly charcuterie and cheese in my case).

You see, when many of us set off on the road to becoming budding salami makers, cheese makers, or kraut-meisters we tend to set our sights unrealistically high. A novice cheese maker decides that he/she might like to give Roquefort cheese a go, or an aspirant of the meaty art of charcuterie might go after a large diameter, cold smoked, dry cured number... There is always the urge to produce the rare, exotic, and exciting -- the sweaty, gooey, stinky, moldy cheese that will impress your friends and scare the neighbors.

During these lofty pursuits I think that many of us kitchen alchemists lose sight of what I believe to be the primary goal of home production -- taking quality ingredients and crafting them into foodstuffs that you and your family will actually consume with some regularity. Trying to recreate items that are made by veritable artists with hundreds of years of tradition behind them (not to mention a full compliment of facilities/equipment) is a foolish pursuit and will often result in miserable failure (and waste).

That is why I brought you through the example of my provolone-esque cheese. That cheese is a no nonsense, pedestrian affair that is not going to knock the socks off of your learned cheese aficionado. But guess what? As un-complex as it is, it is made from excellent local dairy products, isn't full of chemicals, and I actually enjoy eating it! I can produce a giant log of it relatively effortlessly and inexpensively and the stuff fulfills a good amount of my cheese eating needs.

That is the rub I think. Master the basics of your craft, start churning out agreeable results that you can integrate into your daily diet, and then maybe move on to a novel/difficult recipe or two to spice it up a bit. Forsake the urge to make fermented Nepalese raw yak milk cheddar for the novelty of the whole affair and just go ahead and do up a nice wheel of Monterey Jack (w/milk from your local dairy) instead.

Taking the production of a couple food items out of the hands of the mass purveyors and bringing it home is a pursuit worthy in and of its self. If you can make even half of the cheese /salami/ pickles/ sauerkraut/ bread (or whatever else) that you consume at home yourself than I think that is just the bee's knees. If you can go a step further and do all of this whilst using responsible local products than you are knocking it out of the park.

All this being said, there really is nothing better than crafting then eating/sharing your own stuff. After many years of trial and error (and the construction of Franken Fridge, my meat curing chamber) I can finally consistently produce my own small diameter, dry cured, snacking salamis like these -

These lil' salamis pretty much satisfy my salami snacking needs so I no longer have to pay the exorbitant prices charged by many purveyors of this sort of thing. After about 10 years of meddling with salamis, I am only now moving on to fancier, large diameter sorts of stuff like this pork/beef jobber with walnuts -

I have high hopes that soon I will be providing for my own sandwich salami needs, we shall see...

Ever since buying my house I have been getting increasingly involved in kitchen gardening as well. I have two big giant raised beds filled and prepped for this growing season and I look forward to finding ways to deal with all of that produce (if everything doesn't die or get eaten by Delmar's hordes of cheeky deers).

So to sum it up -- make stuff at home, but maybe try to keep it simple.

Butter Hard Rolls

2013-04-09T11:55:00.002-04:00

I have taken a sort of sojourn away from writing about the foods indigenous to our great Upstate New York homeland as of late. So I thought it might be nice to examine an item that is maybe not absolutely unique to Upstate NY, but is so ubiquitous here that it is worthy of mention.

Who likes butter hard rolls? I try to think of white carbohydrates as a treat to be enjoyed sparingly lately so my butter hard roll intake is pretty slight. But I have eaten more than a couple of these bad boys in my life. The borders of the area of butter hard roll availability seem to be pretty consistent with those of breakfast sandwich land, i.e. New York and New Jersey. Of course you see the butter hard roll elsewhere... but I would arge that New Jersey and Upstate New York are the true butter hard roll spiritual homelands.

A butter hard roll, very simply put -- is a hard roll... with butter... Not too overwhelmingly complex of a concept but the devil is always in the details. I am going to put this out there right out front -- A true Upstate NY butter hard roll is often a very disappointing experience. They have most likely been left at room temperature for indeterminate lengths of time which leads to a host of problems. A stale hard roll or rancid butter are two of the main issues and a pet peeve of mine is when the maker tries to spread cold butter on a soft roll and tears up the crumb. That is the move of a rank butter hard roll amateur.

In any event (and for better or worse) butter hard rolls are available at most gas stations, convenience stores, bakeries, and diners 'round these parts. The specimen we will examine here today was obtained at my beloved Stewart's (click for an unnecessary amount of posts that I have made about Stewart's). I forget how much they cost at Stewart's but I think they are around a buck.

Here you have your standard Stewart's hard roll, which are OK, but not my favorite. They are a bit soft crusted with a crumb that is a little denser than one would like. The roll is split, given a hearty smear of butter (Stewart's uses Cabot butter), rolled tightly in cellophane, adorned with a "BUTTER" sticker written in Stewart's trademarked font, and parked in a basket next to the register awaiting your grubby mitts.

There she is folks. Bland, buttery, and cheap sustenance.

Butter hard rolls of this ilk have their purpose. This purpose is mostly to settle your stomach after a night of heavy drinking and this is a purpose most worthy when you think about it. In fact, during my wife's first pregnancy she could stomach little and I remember buying these for her a time or two. So my two cents is that Stewart's should market its butter hard rolls towards pregnant ladies and drunks.

To sum it all up, butter hard rolls are widely available in Upstate NY, often bad, but sometimes good. Fiorello's over on Western Ave. does a pretty good version for a buck and I think the McCarroll's at the Delmar Market will make you one with a Prinzo's roll if you ask... A good hard roll with good butter actually really is a simple and splendid thing when done right.

I will not get into a discussion of hard rolls here as that is a topic all of its own, but I will tell you that I favor Prinzo's Bakery's hard rolls. I live off Delaware Ave. in Delmar so Prinzo's is pretty much right up the road from me. I can generally obtain their hard rolls at peek freshness which is most likely the reason I favor them over any of the other usual suspects in the local bakery world. Below is an example of their product-

As I just made a metric butt-ton of delicious 'Ndjutica Butter I thought it might be nice to treat myself to a bit of a spin on the classic butter hard roll. I cut and smeared that roll with a lordly amount of delicious, spicy, fatty, 'Ndjutica butter...

This was glorious.

My "'NdjUtica" is A Success! I Made 'Ndjutica Butter!

2013-04-01T14:26:00.001-04:00

If you will remember, some time ago I posted about a charcuterie experiment that I had thrown into my curing chamber (Franken-fridge). I had whipped up a version of the Calabrian spreadable salami 'Nduja which I named "'Ndjutica" in honor of the Utica Grind Pepper that I used in the recipe. Here she is pre-curing-

I put this chub to cure in early January (I didn't get around to publishing the original post until late January) so this puts the total cure time at around 6 to 7 weeks. I had planned on letting the chub cure for several months -- but as expected -- curiosity got the better of me and I pulled it early. I was anxious to know whether my 'Ndjutica was a success or not (6-7 weeks is enough to get the jist) so I could get to making subsequent batches to satiate my meat-spread hunger...

I was immediately encouraged upon slicing off an end of the 'Ndjutica as it appeared to have dry cured pretty evenly throughout the entire chub. It pretty much looked just like the (overpriced...) Boccalone 'Nduja that I ordered and sampled quite some time ago.

I pulled a hunk out of the twisty end bit and warmed it up between my fingers. The texture was perfect! I.e., not sliceable like a traditional salami, but fatty and maleable like 'Nduja is supposed to be. I tasted a bit of the 'Ndjutica and thought it was delicious. The salami was salty, fiery (but not intolerably so), smoky, with a fair amount of fermented funkiness. I was just pleased as punch with my creation.

My mind immediately began racing with ideas for ways to utilize the fairly large amount of 'Ndjutica that I had on hand (aside from eating it straight). Generally you eat the stuff warmed and spread on bread, or you can throw it into a pasta sauce. I also recalled having seen a neat idea to make a sort of 'Nduja compound butter. I thought this would be a worthy purpose for a nice bit of my 'Ndjutica. I got to work post haste.

Using a rolling pin and some cellophane I fashioned two large rectangles (one of butter, one of 'Ndjutica). Just look how nicely the spicy stuff spread out -

Afterwards I carefully rolled the two fatty squares together into a sort of meat/butter jelly roll. I threw the beautiful cylinder of spicy charcuterie and butter into the fridge to chill down and meld flavors for the evening.

This morning I had the wife pick up a loaf of Prinzo's Bakery (Delaware Ave., Albany) bread. To me Prinzo's bread is the perfect "blank canvas" sort of thing when you really want to enjoy the accompaniment without another strong flavor getting in the way. Prinzo's bread is also my favorite vehicle upon which to enjoy my other treasured meat spread -- Rolf's Pork Store's Teewurst.

Ain't the below a pretty picture if there weren't ever one? Just look at that fatty red 'Ndjutica rolled within that yellow butter. I almost cried.

And here she is spread lightly on a thin slice of bread.

I spread the stuff cold which was not ideal, but I could not wait. A hunk of the 'Ndjutica butter at room temp. with an ice cold beer and a nice slice of fresh bread is going to be really very good. I am going to wait until the weather gets a bit better so I can enjoy this experience outside unsullied by the crap weather we have been receiving. I will let you know how that goes...

In any event, the 'Ndjutica was everything I could have hoped or dreamed for in a homemade meat creation. There are precious few times in my life where I would put up one of my own home-crafted food items against any commercially available version of the same -- this is one of them. I can't find too many flaws with this recipe and given a few minor tweaks I am going to put 'Ndjutica into regular home production. I can't restate how thoroughly satisfied I am with this project.

OK, my arms are sore from patting my own back. That is all.

A Gallery of Stewart's Signage: Part 4

2013-03-31T11:52:00.000-04:00

Sounds philosophical...

I seem to be in the midst of a lazy period so here is another pictorial post. Happy Easter!

Gallery Part 1

Gallery Part 2

Gallery Part 3

Today is not Sunday! It is Chicken Tender-day. Tomorrow
is Mac & Beef-day.

Bread... Donuts... Mix & Match them! Both equally
valid for making sandwichs. Also, what the
frick is "malt-o-meal?"

Fritter Friday. Those red lines symbolize post-fritter
farts. From your butt.

Graze with Flavor the Cow on processed meat and cheese.
All. Day. Long!

For your Easter viewing pleasure, a crappy
photo of dear children's Stewarts-art!

Happy Annual Ham Festival (Easter)!

My Plan for "Guerilla Poutine" Is Taking Shape...

2013-03-27T14:03:00.005-04:00

A while ago a Montreal Poutine location opened up over in the Crossgates Mall food court. Most people were of the general agreement that the poutine was a bit subpar. I tried their stuff a couple of times as takeout (the wife goes to the mall occasionally, I seldom do). I will say that poutine is probably at its worst after steaming in a to-go box for 30 minutes, but even so...

...based on what I received I can easily see why those persons uninitiated into the wonders of poutine might not have been over enthused with the Montreal Poutine product. **Edit** Forgot to add that the place has since closed, thanks for reminding me Anonymous commentator.

The whole Montreal Poutine thing got the dish on my mind... As I have also been on a mad cheese making tear lately a concept that I am calling "Guerilla Poutine" has begun to take shape in my addled brain...

What is Guerilla Poutine you ask? Well basically, I am going to make my own fresh cheese curds, whip up a nice veloute, put it in a thermos, and then drive the short distance from my house to the Glenmont Five Guys Burgers and Fries location. I am going to obtain a large order of fries, find a secret corner, dump the fries out on the bag, sprinkle them with delightful curds, slather on the veloute, and then feast like a poutine mad dog! I am going to go out on a limb and predict that this will be absolutely glorious! (you can tell I am enthused because of all the exclamation points!).

We must start somewhere so here we are starting with the curd. I purchased a gallon of Ronnybrook Creamline Milk over at the Slingerlands Shop Rite. The Ronnybrook milk is pretty much the only easily available non-homogenized milk you can track down around these parts. It is a bit dear, but I have found that it is excellent for cheese making.

I made some cheddared cheese curds out of this fine milk. If you are interested in how to make cheese curds, click here.

I am always amazed at the texture of the curds after the cheddaring process. You hear the analogy - "about the texture of chicken breast" as a reference for the final product of cheddaring.

I like to dry the little bastards out a bit after salting. This right here is probably the finest time to eat a cheese curd. The trademark squeaking when you chew thing is at its apex when the curds are still this fresh. Although I enjoy a lot of the mass market curds (and even some of the smaller production brands) out there, many of these products are really more "small bits of cheddar" then the actual cheese curd experience. Until you have had curds that are truly fresh made you are missing out on something very good.

I now have this many delicious curds made from nothing but delicious milk, rennet, cheese culture, and salt!

Stage one of Operation Guerilla Poutine is now complete. Next phase of the operation is the veloute... Until then, Mr. Dave out.

Hot Dog Charlie's: 6 w/The Works (The Beauty Speaks For Itself)

2013-03-26T19:55:00.001-04:00

HOT DOG CHARLIE's

"The Longest Hot Dog in New England!": A Pictorial Review.

2013-03-17T21:03:00.002-04:00

Wasn't I waltzing through Niantic, CT when I spied
this sign on the unassuming Family Pizza establishment...
(Note the use of "home to the..." in the stead of
"home of the..." Interesting grammar....)

This hot dog made the front page of "The Day!"
Where does the line start!?!

Reasonable prices for a "Mega" version of the
hot dog sausage.

There she is folks! With bacon/onion/cheese.
I shy away from hot dog "chili" outside of
Upstate NY. I am ever loyal to our particular sauce.

A top view, that sucker is nigh 2' long.

The view from my mouth.

The remains of the day.

You Think You Are Better Than Me? (Table Hopping Post Got Me Thinking About All Good Bakers and The Cheese Traveler)

2013-03-07T11:28:00.002-05:00

So a while ago ol' Steve Barnes at the Times Union Table Hopping blog put up a post entitled "Quality Restaurants where you don't fit in." This opened a flood gate of comments as locals -- seemingly delighted with the opportunity -- let fourth a stream of vitriol. Two establishments that caught a bit of (to me, unexpected) flack were All Good Bakers and The Cheese Traveller (adjacent each other, Delaware Ave, Albany). As over-positive as I usually am about our great Upstate NY homeland (and the Capital Region in particular), this whole kerfluffle gave me cause to examine a sort of unsavory aspect of the local culture.

Many of the comments concerning The Cheese Traveller were geared towards the staff being rude, condescending, or otherwise making people feel unwelcome in the shop. Before going further I should state that I have only had two direct experiences with the establishment. I bought a couple things from their stand at the Delmar Farmer's Market over the summer, and I swung into the actual shop a couple of weeks ago.

I got some salami,

and a bit of Limburger cheese.

I found both experiences to be pretty standard customer/proprietor interactions. During my in-shop visit the proprietor engaged me, offered me samples, and answered a question in quite an expected fashion. I am a bit shy and reticent, so if anything he probably found me rude and unwelcoming!

As for All good bakers, I have only been once (a week or two ago). I got a wonderful (and cheap) half-dozen bialy (that is plural right?) -

and a baguette.

This time I was being a little cheeky. I had already read all of the Table Hopping comments (they got a bit of flack too) and had had a twitter conversation with someone who had a bad "customer service" experience on several occasions at the bakery. So I came out of my shell a bit (I can be frightfully charming when motivated) and purposefully engaged the female staff member who took my order (seeing if I could illicit any sort of negative interaction). I asked a question that would be annoying to any tried and true baker (regarding gluten) and it was handled with nothing but grace and friendliness.

So here is where I am going to get kind of controversial. Luckily no one really comments on my hack blog or I expect there would be a torrent of self-righteous indignation and dander up-edness in response to this...

OK, so in the above I have highlighted the fact that at both AGB and CT I was treated with nothing but kindness. But guess what folks? I do not expect kindness. During my evaluation of a shop offering a commodity, the "customer service experience" does not enter into the equation in the slightest. I find the expectation of "friendly customer service" to be the most annoying aspect of American consumer culture. I think it reeks of self entitlement and I hate it. And you know what? I think we have an especially strong propensity towards over-expecting anyone in the service industry to fawn over us locally.

Why would you care if you felt "welcome" or not in a bakery or a cheese shop? Unless the staff were outright rude (threw things, insulted you outright, made fun of your shoes) why would you expect anything besides perhaps a hello? Maybe after you have frequented the establishment and cultivated some sort of personal relationship with the store workers you could come to expect a few extra social graces, but off the bat I don't think this is an entitlement...

I expect that the staff at any given shop to answer my basic questions concerning the products and to not make me wait unnecessarily to be served or to check out. Other than that, if their product is quality and their prices are sound, I expect nothing else. Heck, the staff at Rolf's could lambaste me with insults upon entry (they don't, they are likewise extremely courteous) and I would still go and spend money because I love their products.

If I walked into the Cheese Traveler and asked "What's good?" or "I am looking for something that my 2 year old will like, do you have anything purple?" or "I like cream cheese and Stilton, what would you recommend?" I would expect that the proprietor might be hard pressed to answer and perhaps give me a quizzical gaze as these are all very silly and hard to answer questions. It seems that a lot of the Table Hopping comments stemmed from situations like this.

But the issue here goes deeper into our character. We are, and have always been, a hardscrabble and working class folk around here. Many of us have made good, prospered, and moved to the suburbs but we all share the same roots. I think we tend to have a bit of a fragile sense of pride and any real or imagined slight to our ego, self-image, or intelligence gets taken hard. We seem to have a larger than average, "you think you are better than me?" bone.

I find it strange that many people seem to find the fact that the owner of a specialty cheese store might be in possession of more and preciser information concerning cheese threatening to their self image... I want to know that my cheese monger is "better than me" in terms of cheese and cheese knowledge. I don't even mind a little condescension, I grew up buying comic books and maybe I got acclimated to a bit of "area of expertise condescension" from various comic book store staffers. Reasonable condescension is the right and privilege of the true expert! I did not see any of this at either the Cheese Traveler or AGB, but I would not have gotten all bent out of shape if I had.

In short, one of the only things that make me bashful (and a bit ashamed) of my majestic homeland is this sentiment towards demanding slavish, fawning, "customer service." Be rude to me, scoff at my stupid questions, hurry me out the door to serve the rest of the line. But stay open. Keep offering your wonderful products. The cheese (and all other sorts of things) must flow. I implore others around me to not attempt to verify your self worth based on the treatment you illicit at establishments offering artisan food stuffs.

That is my two cents.

Where Have You Gone Uncle O'Grimacey? (Yearly Shamrock Shake Documenting)

2013-03-06T21:10:00.001-05:00

Annum 2013

So I obtained my yearly dose of the minty green chemical brew that is McDonald's Shamrock Shake. I like to fancy that the shake changes from year to year, but I have a feeling that it is actually I who is changing...

In any event, I hold to the opinion that there is a general trend towards more assertive minty-ness in recent years. Way back when I remember the things just being sort of green with a pretty vanilla flavor profile. This year the Shamrock shake is of Creme de Menthe parfait like proportions. For the second year running there is no cherry included which pleases me (I hate cherries). I guess the only other thing of note this year was that there was a sort of pleasant green strata effect when viewing the shake from the side... You can kind of see it in the above pictures.

I have now documented 4 years of Shamrock Shakes... This sort of makes me examine what my life has become that I have wasted so many years documenting shitty novelty milk shakes on the internet. No matter, I regret nothing.

Below are the past 3 years worth of shakes.

Annum 2012

Annum 2011

Annum 2010

Meatloafy Puss

2013-03-02T19:52:00.000-05:00

So a friend of mine was having a small birthday soiree this afternoon and said friend had requested that I produce a meatloaf for the occasion. Never being one to turn down the birthday wish of a lady, I decided to oblige. This will be my fourth foray into what I called Meatloafistry (I fancy myself a "Meatloafartist"). If you will remember I have previously created Meatloafy the Whale, Meat Romney, and the Grumpy Loaf. It seems that people tend to become quite tickled by these meaty sculptures and I am generally happy to put them together.

As Meatloafy the Whale was perhaps my favorite loaf so far I decided to continue with the Carvel theme. The Cookie Puss cake seemed a pretty complex endeavor to recreate in meat... but I always welcome a challenge and "Meatloafy Puss" was born.

It was a daunting journey from conception through execution so I thought I might share the process below. I hope you enjoy.

Anatomy of a Loafy Puss

I started with the same general process as I did with MLtW (Meatloafy the Whale). I baked a big ol' meatloaf and used a stencil to cut it into a rough "Puss" shape. To imitate frosting I used some instant mashed taters.

An ice cream Puss uses cookie ice cream sandwiches for the eyes. I decided to utilize the meat equivalent of an ice cream sandwich - the McDonald's cheeseburger.

At this point I thought the loaf looked like some sort prehistoric Venus figurine. A "Meatloafus of Willendorf" if you will...

The next problem I had was figuring out how to make a cone shaped object for the nose. I remembered a recipe for 0 carb taco shells from the low-carb diet I was on a while back. You basically just microwave shredded cheddar and then shape it once it has cooled slightly. I thought the cheese cone came out famously.

Meatloafy Puss was beginning to take shape.

Naturally I used Easy Cheese for MLP's (Meatloafy Puss) arms and mouth.

Check out MLP's cheesy pythons (arms)!

I shaped some salami into wee hands and eyeballs. For the hat I used another McDonald's hamburger patty covered in BBQ sauce.

I pondered for quite a while as to what to use for MLP's nose-ball. I first thought about a giant meatball and then I considered a rice ball... But I wasn't too thrilled with either of those options. Suddenly I was overcome with divine inspiration and I thunked of what I consider to be the pièce de résistance of the whole project. Wouldn't one of my beloved Herkimer cheese-balls be just the thing? It ended up making MLP's proboscis a little too large, but what the heck, meatloaf sculpting is an art not a science.

Behold! The completed Meatloafy Puss! His Loafy Puss-iness! The Puss of Meatloaf! All joking aside, I am only chalking this up as a marginal success. I thought it came out pretty good and captured the essential feeling of an ice cream Cookie Puss, but it was just a bit busy. I think a true piece of meatloaf art needs to be a little simpler and more minimalist in nature.

"Gaze into my cheeseburger eyes! Muhahah!"

In any event, despite my feelings about Meatloafy Puss, I think the B-day girl was pleased that I had fulfilled her request for a loaf.

So that was the process. Now we should look at Mr. M. Puss in action at the party --

I feasted on Meatloafy schnozz! With crackers!

I offered Mr. Puss a sip of my Uncle Charley.

Oh God! MY EYE! My cheeseburger eye!

We feasted on face. We plundered the Puss.

That is all all folks. Who knows what further meatloaf creations lurk in the heart of me...

Grandma Brown's Bean Can Cheese Mold

2013-02-26T17:31:00.000-05:00

As I mentioned before, I am on sort of a cheese making tear lately. I used to make cheese quite a lot but then kind of dropped production as I began to take an increasing interest in the meaty art of dry-curing. Lately it seems that I am right back at cheese making full force. Don't ask what re-inculcated me with the desire to dabble in the dairy arts...

Recently I decided that I would like to make a rather large traditional, cloth-bound cheddar. If you don't know, to make cheddar you need some sort of cheese press to form your curds and press out excess whey. I used to have a small, dedicated press but somehow (I moved recently) some key pieces went missing. Not wanting to spend the princely sum that a new cheese press would cost, I have been improvising.

First, I adapted my sausage stuffer to act as a cheese press and it works quite well. Only thing is that it can only accept a pretty small cheese mold. I wanted to make a larger wheel of cheddar so my tiny brain gears started turning as I tried to figure out what I could MacGyver together on the cheap...

Suddenly it came to me! A Grandma Brown's large size bean can would be just the thing. You can read all about Grandma Brown's (made in Mexico, NY) awesome beans right here and more about the behemoth large sized can here.

I was fully prepared for immediate action as I generally happen to have at least one of the giant bean cans on hand as an objet d'art (I love the label). I girded my loins for a couple of days of bean eating and cracked the can open. I took the two ends off of the bean can and drilled some drainage holes. I used one of the tops and some blocks of wood as a follower. For the weight I used a tool box and some of my cast iron pans.

Here is the setup at work pressing a cheddar made with 4 gallons of Meadow Brook Farms (Clarksville, NY) milk. I wouldn't reuse the can too many times but for an expedient cheese mold it seems to be working famously.

Anyhow, I just realized that pressing a NY cheddar made with NY milk in a Grandma Brown's bean can is probably about the most stereotypically Upstate New York thing a man can do...

Mr. Cheese

2013-02-22T23:09:00.001-05:00

You might have noticed that I a haven't been posting much this past couple of weeks. The cause is that I have been on a mad cheese making tear which has consumed most of my spare time. I am trying to perfect a Brie-esque cheese recipe made with New York dairy. So far I have Ronnybrook Farms and Meadowbrook Dairy comprised experiments coming along nicely.

I have had some hiccups. I lost my first small batch of test-cheeses to slip skin, but the two batches I am currently aging seem to be coming along nicely. I also have a couple of cloth bound/lard sealed cheddars aging away. Hopefully everything turns out well.

I don't know why I am so prone to these maniacal quests to institute home production of diverse food stuffs... All I have to say is god bless my wife for humoring all of my projects (sorry honey for the rather large curd spill of the other night).

Nothing Says Valentine's Day Like A Meat Heart

2013-02-12T15:10:00.000-05:00

I think I have actually joked about making meat hearts once or twice before... But guess what? ShopRite (Slingerlands) has went ahead and made my jesting a reality. In three different meats no less! Usually I have to find my strange and wonderful grocery store items over at P-Chopistan (Price Chopper) so I was glad to see a little slice of weirdness at ShopRite too.

Lamb, beef, and chicken breast hearts. The steak one in its own little heart shaped box is my favorite. My wife would wretch if I gave this to her, but you know what? Steaks are actually a pretty thoughtful gift to give to a guy like me... So I guess this concept isn't entirely strange and misguided. It is only partially strange and misguided.

The Piss Beers of Upstate New York: Part 5, Stewart's Mountain Brew Ice

2013-02-11T10:53:00.000-05:00

Piss Beers, Part 1 - Genny Lager
Piss Beers, Part 2 - Uncle Charley (Utica Club)
Piss Beers, Part 3 - Genny Bock

Piss Beers, Part 4 - 12 Horse Ale

OK, I have been holding off on this review for quite a while for various reasons. I gave Mountain Brew Beer Ice (available at Stewart's Shops) a quick mention within the first installment of Piss Beers (linked above) and I meant to do a write up soon after. But the whole Mountain Brew phenomena kind of became a "thing" locally and everyone was writing about the stuff. I thought I would give the issue some time and breathing room until such time that the post-flurry died down and I could do an honest review removed from the spontaneous celebration of the brew's kitsch factor. So here it is.

If you are new to my blog (doubtful, this is the blog equivalent of a smelly, old man, day-drunk, dive bar. Most are regulars.) then I should warn you that I am something of a fan of Stewart's shops. You can browse through the innumerable posts that I have penned on the subject here. So when I first spied the silvery shimmer of a case of Mountain Brew Beer (Ice) I was as giddy as a school girl.

So much to love. Just look at that can? Has there ever been a more wonderful can? It was as if all of the wonderful design features of all of the signage that I have documented in my galleries had been distilled down into the form of the Mountain Brew can. The plain silver bad boy with its shoddy calligraphy, limited color palate, and inexplicable stylized sports figures, what is not to love? Gilding the lily is the glorious tag line, "A Very Cool Brew." You had me at the silver can Stewart's.

Mountain brew can be purchased by the can at the lordly price of 75 cents.

Or by the case (cardboard) for a pittance. 10.99$ for 24 cans of the Brew of the Mountains (Ice)? Can you live at that speed?

In any event, I think I am mostly in love with the Mountain Brew beer as an objet d'art rather than as an actual consumable beer... But I guess I should review the stuff in its own right.

There isn't really much to say about Mountain Brew Beer (Ice). A good analogy would be that Mountain Brew is to Genesee Lager as Busch is to Budweiser. It tastes like any other mass market "Ice" or other cut rate American lager. It is similar in flavor and body to Natty Ice, the Beast of Milwaukee or any of the other usual suspects. Mountain Brew pours a light amber with a decent head. It smells vaguely of socks and the flavor is a bit funky with virtually no hints of hops. Drank at any temperature other than ice cold and it is a thin and insipid brew. It isn't by any means awful, but I wouldn't be drinking it at room temperature unless you have more hair on your down-low then I do.

But guess what folks? Get those silver bad boys goddamn ice-ass cold and you can slam these suckers like water. You can't beat the price with a stick and several cases of Mountain Brew is the flippin' perfect thing for a hot-ass day in August when you feel like getting shitty drunk with the boy-os on the cheap. Strolling by the lake with a half drunk six pack of these hanging from your belt (the sixers come with a six pack ring) on a hot day with your sweety sounds to me to be about as good as it gets. Go ahead and see if I am wrong...

So the verdict is - I love the can, drunk ice-ass cold the stuff is not half bad, and you can't beat the price. Stewart's Shops Mountain Brew Beer (ice) is a success in my book and I will punch you in the eye if you say any different.

You know what would be better than a can of Mountain Brew Beer? A tall boy can of Stewart's Mountain Brew, that is what. You can have that idea Stewart's, you can take it to the bank. Trust ol' Mr. Dave, he wouldn't steer you wrong.

A Donut Stuffed With Brownie Batter? Is This What We Have Come To?

2013-02-05T14:47:00.000-05:00

** Edit **

Apparently some people are reading this as a positive review or endorsement of this wretched little donut (Fussman, I am looking at you). In fact, I found it a disgusting example of food science and marketing, I though I conveyed that... I find things like the Brownie Batter Donut to be fascinating in the same way as a doctor would find a particularly nasty tumor fascinating.

Sorry, I guess I am over-subtle in my indictments sometimes....

** Edit **

It is no secret that I am absolutely fascinated by novelty fast food offerings. That is not to say that I enjoy eating the stuff or consume it on any sort of regular basis... But I am drawn, as a moth to a flame, towards all of the strange, terrible, and surreal forms into which our society has warped its food stuffs.

A mere burger or chicken sandwich interests me little, but when I see a bit of colorful advertising heralding something that makes me stop in my tracks and say, "No. No. It can't be. They can't be serious. Why does that have to exist?" I feel absolutely compelled to purchase the item and document it here on my hack blog. I fancy my self something of a fast food anthropologist and I am convinced that future generations will look back at my scribblings with bemused horror.

In the distant future, society will marvel over the strange milk shakes, rotating cylindrical horrors, and McDonald's pies that were happily shoved down maws during the present era. They will most likely suppose that these things were created by powerful shamans under the influence of mystical hallucinogens during strange rituals. Our far off descendants will wonder what purpose these strange cultures of the distant past would have for inflicting these colorful, terrible things upon their unsuspecting gullets...

Surely one of the most perplexing items to future peoples will be the mother flippin' BROWNIE BATTER DONUT. Yes, you heard me right. Dunkin Donuts is peddling a BROWNIE flippin' BATTER DONUT. As in, a heart shaped donut stuffed with "brownie batter." Take a second, let the concept of a brownie batter donut wash over your brain. It is a sweet breakfast confection with its guts composed of the uncooked batter of another sweet dessert.... It is a recursive dessert. Dessert inception. I see desserts within desserts... Careful when you gaze upon the below picture lest you descend into dessert² madness.

Don't get me wrong here folks, I will admit to having licked a brownie spoon or two in my day. But separating the singular experience of licking a brownie spoon from the actual act of making brownies is a sort of culinary heresy. Brownie batter is to be enjoyed on the very rare occasions when one is actually making brownies, I believe that that is a fundamental law of the universe. Brownie batter available at will is a world gone mad. Frankly, I am scared by this donut. Scared.

In any event, Dunkin Donuts frickin' nailed the "brownie batter" experience right down to the gritty bite of raw granulated sugar. This stuff tastes just like cheep Betty Crocker batter that your Momma might have made. So if you are looking to recreate the childhood experience of spoon licking this donut is for you (I guess...).

I don't really have much more to say, the whole Brownie Batter donut concept kind of threw me for a loop. I am usually a little more bemused by these sorts of confections, but this is sort of a bunker buster/"shock and awe"concept among the world of novelty fast food items. To take a bite is to look into the void.

A Frozen Champion: 3 Little Pigs Mac Cheese from Valente's

2013-02-04T12:38:00.000-05:00

So apparently the "Times Union/Table Hopping Mac-N-Cheese Bowl" is a pretty big deal around the Capital Region. Heck, I think I even submitted a recipe for the first one if I remember correctly (needless to say, my genius went unnoticed). I won't be attending as I have heard the event gets horrifyingly crowded. I am a bit agoraphobic and the thought of being jostled and rammed with baby carriages while waiting in giant lines for little cups of mac cheese sounds fairly abhorrent.

In any event, I was walking through the Glenmont P-Chopper the other day when I spied something interesting in the freezer case right next to the Stouffer's. Here we have a frozen portion of the 2 time winner of the aforementioned mac cheese bowl, Valente's (Watervliet) "Three Little Pigs" Macaroni and Cheese. I am always game to sample local packaged foods and I was a bit interested in giving this storied "bowl" champion a whirl (even if it is in a frozen form).

The Valente's product is penne with a pecorino-romano, mascarpone, and aged provolone sauce with pancetta, prosciutto, and sopressata mixed in. There is an explanation of each ingredient as well as a strange story about pigs on the back of the box.

I was a bit apprehensive about this dish because the inclusion of all of those cured meats shouted over-salty to me off the bat and nothing about the recipe really says "macaroni and cheese" to me. But I maintained an open mind. Into the microwave she went and several minutes later this is what we have.

You get some tiny penne noodles in a thick cheese sauce along with some nondescript pink ground up meats.

As expected the Three Little Pigs was way too salty for my tastes, almost inedibly so. The salty problem was compounded with a heavy umami back from the aged cheeses. The little meat boogers didn't really do anything for me either. They were just slightly chewier bits of saltiness to accompany the mushy noodles. I don't fault the Valente's item specifically for the mushy noodles as that is a problem common to most frozen pastas. This is all to say that I thought the stuff was gross. I ate two bites.

Let us also look at the nutritional impact of the stuff. The picture does not do the smallness of the portion justice as you really only have about a cup/cup and a half of the pasta. 920 calories and 25 grams of saturated fat right there folks. I would be fine with this if the product was some sort of delicious indulgence to be enjoyed infrequently. For this small dish of gook it seamed fairly unreasonable.

I can only imagine the in-restaurant portion is much larger, probably to the tune of 2 or 3 times the volume. I don't know how you would struggle through such a large portion of rich fare such as this but I am sure people do it. That is a lot of saturated fat right there, even for a glutton like myself.

Perhaps the Three Little Pigs is much tastier in its fresh, unfrozen state (I would bet it is), but I was left nonplussed. If this is the recipe that won the Mac Cheese Bowl two years running then I remain dubious concerning the event. Actually it almost made me want to pick up some tickets because I am a great appreciator of strange, weird, or terrible recipes. I bet there are some hilariously bad concoctions, mango salsa mac cheese or something like that...

Anyhow, I always hate to rip a local product. But I really didn't enjoy this one. I admit that I only had 2 bites, so this review is a two bite review.

How My Meat Is Hanging...

2013-02-02T18:32:00.000-05:00

I have been on something of a curing tear ever since Franken-Fridge (home made meat curing chamber I constructed) became operational. I am almost out of room already for the sake of Pete! I find something very pleasing and pretty about a space filled with dry curing meats so I thought I would share. Clockwise from the big fat bastard in the upper left we have pseudo-'Nduja, long skinny German style salamis with diced up bits and ends from my last batch of bacon mixed in, petit hams and lonzino interspersed with some standard salamis on the bottom shelf, finally that is a stinky cheese experiment I will get into later if it works...

I decided to see if utilizing the actual wine-fridge section of Franken-Fridge would work for curing too, so I have a cured, pepper rubbed picnic shoulder hanging in there. We will see what happens.

I have a couple nice chunks of pork belly curing away in my actual fridge that I want to dry into a sort of speck. Aside from that, I am slowing down on the meat curing for the rest of the winter. Hopefully everything turns out good, I will let you know.

Mr. Dave Is No Longer a Chipotle Virgin

2013-02-02T12:45:00.001-05:00

Somehow I made the journey into adulthood without having ever tried some fairly common food stuffs. In the past I have shared losing my bologna virginity (that is a strange turn of phrase...) as well as my Big Mac virginity. Even though Chipotle restaurants have not been around forever the place seems to have become a ubiquitous presence in the discussion of casual restaurant dining. I don't know if I have gone more than a couple of days without hearing someone squawk about the place. So today I was in the general area of StuyPlazistan in Guilderland and I decided to lose my Chipotle virginity.

I went at around 11:00 AM and the Stuyvesant Plaza location was empty. This surprised me as part of the reason I have avoided going to Chipotle is due to the enormous lines I have witnessed. Luckily the menu is not overly expansive as I am bad at decisions and these sorts of places where you have to pick everything on command often throw me into an indecisive crisis.

Having recently ended my severely carbohydrate restricted diet (mid-30's male vanity crisis induced) I decided to fall off the carb. wagon hard with one of the "bowls." I got brown rice, pinto beans, vegetables, pork (about which I have heard good things), hot salsa, sour cream, and cheese.

Digging in the pork looked all good and porky. "Fresh" is part of Chipotle's hip cache and I will admit that you could actually tell that most of the ingredients were minimally processed.

I can see why people like the place. That is not to say that I liked the place over much, but I can see why people do. The ingredients are leaps and bounds better than you find at pretty much any other mass market chain restaurant. The cheese tastes like real cheese, the sour cream tastes like real sour cream, etc... I am just not a huge fan of this particular brand of pseudo-Mexican with the oversized burritos and what not. If I am away from home and need a healthful meal then Chipotle would be a viable option, but it is not the sort of food that I would crave or go out of my way to obtain. I can take or leave Moe's, Hot Harry's, and the rest of the genre. As an aside, should one of them put a chile relleno burrito of the type I fell in love with while living in southern Arizona on their menu, I might change my tune.

In any event, there you have it. I have tried Chipotle. It was pretty good. I don't think I will ever have to go there again.