The Rino and the Buddha

Compassion as Discipline

noreply@blogger.com (lisa rokusek) — Sun, 01 Mar 2009 17:23:00 +0000

“True compassion is not just an emotional response but a firm commitment founded on reason.” - HH, the Dalai Lama

Think of people as a cross between ants and marbles constantly moving in somewhat random patterns. A mass of movement, whirring about, jostling for position and direction going about our business of motion. Sometimes we bump into each other and those bumps impact direction and velocity. When we bump, it is a function of being in the right place at the right time to have whatever impact we do. We go about our days, bumping into other marbles in the checkout line, while making lane changes, and while making a living. Many contacts happen without us being aware of them, without thinking. People often have tunnel vision and are focused only on our own paths. The reality is, though, that the opportunity for real connection is always there, we simply must expect it from ourselves. Even amidst seemingly random patterns we can choose to forge bonds with each other, but we must be committed to seeing other people with compassion.

One day I was on my way to the grocery store to pick up a prescription. It was a gray, blustery day. Traffic in the parking lot was horrible, and I could see an even more frustrating backup while a car inexplicably sat in the way of any traffic in any direction. I hate that. I was not in the best of moods that day, and after I waited five long minutes I got out of my car and walked to the head of the line, which was now edging out into the street. I gestured at the driver and at that moment a man walked out of the store and headed over to the waiting car. He asked me what my problem was, and I said that I was going to ask her to move the car so the traffic could pass. I was on my best behavior, I was professional, pleasant, not at all nasty. I really didn't expect the vitriol that spewed from his mouth at me. I can't remember the details but I remember my reaction. Instead of flinching back I took a step forward, straightened my posture, stuck out my chin, and said his attack was unnecessary. He then said, "What are you going to do, hit me? You big dyke." Bizarre. I am anything but big. I am a little thing, even if I am strong, and I don't necessarily transmit dykeness, at least that is what folks tell me. I was really taken aback. I wondered why he chose to call me a dyke. Perhaps in his world women who don't back down to aggression are immediately dykes. I swear all this flashed through my brain, along with some odd fear that I look gay. I have never cared about looking gay, nor do I know what looking gay means. I said something vaguely insulting like I wouldn't want to catch your stupid, and he got in the car and they drove away.

I went back to my car, parked and walking inside. I was shaking, and almost in tears from some kind of weird fragile rage. An elderly gentlemen nodded at me as I walked in and I forced myself to smile back. I went to get my prescription, and he walked up. We started chatting, and I don't remember what he said to me, something about the weather and prescriptions - just small talk. He asked me if I was okay. I think he had seen the altercation, or maybe he just noticed me looking upset. I explained a bit of what happened, and he said you are too nice and smart a woman to let such rudeness shake you up. "If were younger I think I'd ask you out." So weird. Maybe that was his way of reassuring me about the whole wacky encounter. Maybe he didn't even see it. But his kindness and concern and reaching out to my, at that moment, very small sad self, touched me deeply. I don't know why. I'll bet he has forgotten that exchange, but I haven't. I remember it as a bright spot of human warmth during an ugly day.

Another time, in a long ago incarnation of me, I was again not at my best. I was young and new to St. Louis. I was taking classes and working full time, and was very fragile and bruised by life in general. One morning I was particularly overwhelmed in class. I had cut my hand very badly the night before, didn't have health insurance to get it stitched up, and was having the damnedest time. It didn't help that I had a manual transmission, and driving itself seemed like too much to handle. One fellow from the class came up to me as I was trying to juggle my books and get to my car. He asked me what the problem was, looked at the bandage job my friends and I had done and asked if I needed to go to the doctor. I told him no, I that didn't have health insurance. He said, "You really need to get that looked at, I'll drive you." His unexpected kindness undid my defenses. He drove me to a doc-in-the-box, ran me around town and generally took care of me that day. I ended up getting stitches; we ended up friends. Several times he just swooped in for no reason and did very kind things for me. He made a huge difference in my life time and again. I doubt that he knows how much his actions meant to me, though I have tried to tell him. We've become friends, and it is so easy to understand the significance of a friend. But I will always treasure the kindness that he showed before he knew me well, and see that as the measure of him as a person.

I can't count the number of times a few words shared with a stranger,or a surprise act of kindness, or an anonymous gesture of support have made a difference to me. They have taught me how easy it is to make an impact in the lives of those around us. The smallest acts of kindness can brighten a day. Large gestures aren't necessary to lift someone out of a painful rut.

If we see the folks around us as human beings, if we discipline ourselves to look with compassionate eyes we can touch and be touched so easily. It can be hard to reach out to someone you don't know well, or even to someone you do. Often folks often don't understand acts of generosity without a return for the giver, even if the gift is only a kind word. And it can feel risky to reach out. It can be just as scary to offer kindness as it is to receive it, but truly wonderful things can grow from the little seeds we sow. Instead of waiting to feel compassion - which is a passive stance, decide to be compassionate. Embracing compassion as a discipline instead of a feeling has helped me act with kindness when I couldn't before. One acts, instead of reacting, in relation to events or people or feelings. Choosing to act instead of reacting is itself centering and calming. People making that choice in a way that helps to build a world where compassion and kindness are not hoped for but expected – that is the world in which I want to live in. It is the world I choose right now.

Image is © Sean Gladwell | Dreamstime.com

Control Your Controllables

noreply@blogger.com (lisa rokusek) — Sun, 08 Feb 2009 15:57:00 +0000

Last week I saw an image in a blog by one of my favorite economists, Paul Kedrosky. He is one of my favorites because I can usually understand part of what he says. His post directed me to this article from another excellent financial analysis blog by Susan Woodward and Robert Hall.

This image, from the blog by Woodward/Hall, is a comparison of labor numbers from now and 1981 rescaled to the size of today’s labor force. Stunning.

Employment Numbers 1981 and Now

For those of you who, like me, were still in high school in 1981 - it was the biggest recession we have had in the US since the Great Depression. Not pretty. The graph shows us a partial image of how painful events are right now. Many people have lost homes, many are without work, and I have a feeling it is going to get worse before it gets better. There is a lot of suffering out there. I get calls from desperate people who are trying to put on a brave face. Sometimes I feel like I am barely hanging on to my life raft and folks are pulling on my legs to clamber on.

In the midst of all this turmoil, with so much personal pain around me, how do I keep steady? If I allow myself to dwell on the amount of pain and fear out there I would be paralyzed. If I allow myself to be drawn into the temptation to rage at the seemingly oblivious greed, ego, and shortsightedness running rampant (still) in Washington and throughout our business sector, I would be incapable of any forward motion in my life.

This past year I have had the opportunity to work with some extremely successful folks who are very good at what they do, and who are also wonderful human beings (That is another benefit of running my own company, I get to work with people who inspire me every day.) One of my favorite things to do, especially when I am having a rough day, is to ask these top performers what they think differentiates exceptional performers from average.

One night I was entertaining a candidate and his wife at dinner prior to his interview the following Monday. The truth was, I was a little intimidated. Both these folks were exceptionally bright, had extremely impressive professional backgrounds and were just super cool. They were so engaging and down to earth that I got over my self-consciousness, we fell into easy conversation and had a great meal. I especially enjoyed their conscious blending of business and life success. They made career choices that reflected personal values and strove for the same congruency that I seek. We had a great time. During our conversation they gave me one of the best answers to my differentiating question. In order to have significant impact in life and/or business you must learn to “control your controllables”. Simple statement, lots of power.

That candidate didn’t take my position though it was offered to him. He and his wife are the only people who ever sent me flowers to graciously thank me for all my work when they took a different position. It still brings brings a smile to my face despite the fee I didn’t get. The best gift they gave me was that phrase. I have probably heard it a million times, but I hear it differently now.

“Control Your Controllables”

I can’t stop the madness of our economic tailspin. I can’t make our leaders do the right things, whatever they may be. I can’t get everyone I speak with a job, I can’t feed the hungry families, or give them all shelter, and I can’t make it better for all the stray animals that lose tails in the freezing cold. I can only control my controllables, and the first step is separating the things I can control from the majority of that which I can not. Choosing to control some things means you can’t control everything. That choice requires a pause and demands analysis. It prevents simple reaction, and keeps me from turning into Chicken Little, whose announcement of “The sky is falling!!” did nothing positive and promoted all kinds of negative.

When I give myself permission to acknowledge what I don’t have power over, my life seems a little bit more manageable. When I look further and see I only have to actively deal with right now, this moment, it is even simpler. My right now can include planning for my work day tomorrow, or making smart decisions regarding my financial future, or deciding to help a stranger. I can decide it will not include fear and worry. If I look at those employment numbers and allow myself to be consumed with fear and worry, I won’t have any energy left to work to improve the numbers.

I am not advocating retreating from the world at large. It is important to be informed. But we sometimes bludgeon ourselves with an abundance of information and wallow in all the terrible news that has nothing to do with us and that we can’t do a thing about. When I do that I want to pull the covers over my head and never get out of my bed. Not helpful.

I am learning instead, to focus on what I can do to make my corner of the world better. I am tending my garden, I’m treating people around me with kindness and compassion and striving to live and act mindfully. In the midst of that practice the chart, though a concern, doesn’t scare me. It helps me see the world more clearly. I see the turmoil, pause, and choose my plan of action. I control what I can control.

The biggest surprise is how much more I get done when I am focused on my tiny pieces, and how much more optimistic I feel in the face of difficulties.

Think Like a Headhunter, Maximize Your Odds & Stand Out

noreply@blogger.com (lisa rokusek) — Sat, 17 Jan 2009 22:42:00 +0000

I am a recruiter, or if you prefer, a headhunter. As I joke on my Linkedin profile, I don't get too wrapped up in titles. I find and deliver specific talent to companies. In essence, I sell people to other people to pay my mortgage. While I make an important distinction between finding people jobs and finding talent for companies (disclosure: the companies pay my fees), I think a recruiter's unique perspective can inform and assist folks looking for new opportunities. When people ask me what I do for work, I joke that I gamble for a living, but it is closer to the truth to say I constantly search for ways to maximize the odds of my own success, and so should every job seeker.

Searches I take on are often contingency searches, which means I only get paid when I present the winning candidate and the company successfully hires them,so I am careful where I spend my time. This is one of the first things I want to share with folks looking for a job: The person you contact matters, the way you make contact matters, and your presentation matters. Lots of layoffs are taking place, and the first reaction is often panic, fear, and gloom. One might feel like wallpapering every available surface with a resume and cover letter, but honestly that isn't going to help.

Many people in today's market have never had to look hard for a job, and the job search landscape has changed a lot in the last ten years. Now we have job boards, web based networking and electronic resumes. Most people don't know how to search for a job beyond sending out batches of resumes or posting a resume on an internet job site. In my business we call that post and pray. Like most passive approaches it takes you out of control and does nothing to maximize your odds.

The first thing to do when you begin a job search is to look at what you have accomplished. Write down a list of accomplishments for each position you held in your career.. Be realistic, but also do not be afraid of sharing the best things about your history. Ask yourself what milestones made you proud. This will serve you in two ways. If you have been laid off, it will go a long way toward rebuilding your confidence. It will also give you more to choose from when constructing what will be the foundation of your resume. Most people just write a list of responsibilities under every position. Your job is to write impact statements about what you accomplished instead of bullet points stating responsibilities. Use numbers whenever you can. Your impact statements need to focus on how you have made money, saved money or made an difference in some way that accomplished either one. Companies are in the business of making money, and they hire people who understand that fact.

When writing a resume, think about how it will get used. It will probably get put in a database, so although all those fancy tables and ornate fonts might look fabulous printed out, go with clean, clear and simple. You should also have a key word section somewhere in your resume, even if it is at the very bottom of the last page. List specialized words or phrases from your industry that will help your resume get discovered by a key word search. While it is best to use such things in context in the body of the document, a key word section can maximize your exposure and keep you from sounding like you are just trying to use jargon.

I hear people say they were told to keep their resume to one or two pages. I think that is a mistake unless you are just starting out in the market. While one does not want to have a twelve page resume, I am far more concerned with creating a compelling presentation than I am with word count. I have no problem with a three or even four page resume if it is succinct, to the point, and full of relevant material. You will want to have a general resume that can be tailored to fit any specific positions you are interested in pursuing. Impact statements can be focused on specific markets or environments and taking the time to do that can make you really stand out from the pack.

If you take only one thing away from my efforts here make it this: Get rid of the objective at the top of your resume. Banish it. Your objective is to get a job, we know that already. Use that space instead for a Professional Summary. Tell your audience who you are, what you have accomplished, and how well you communicate, but most importantly tell them what you can do for them. A resume is not just a summary of you, it should be a compelling presentation that helps the reader see what you offer to them. The cover letter you right should have the same focus. Build a bridge between your history and what the company wants. You have to make yourself pop in print just like in real life. The harsh reality is with a resume you probably have less than 15 seconds to make an impression.

I want to touch on web research and networking tools like sites like Linkedin, and Jigsaw. People use them differently. Many folks choose to connect only with folks they know on Linkedin. My opinion is that I want as many connections on Linkedin as I can get, because many connections enhance its efficacy as a networking and research tool. I have 8500+ connections. From those connections I search from a pool of over 25 million individuals. By using Jigsaw and Linkedin together it is rare that I look up a company and am not able to get a targeted name and a contact number. Most importantly, I am often able to mine for connections between existing relationships. Priceless. If you had the option of havng the friend of a friend pass your resume to a hiring manager or emailing it in amidst a deluge of competeing jobseekers, what would you choose? I am not saying to bypass the posted rules, every time, one must be careful. But if you are doing your homework, it is most likely you'll find the best way to enter a company will not be through the generic hiring@comapnyx.com email address. The best place to enter a company is to find the person who is feeling the pain from not having the right person in place. That person will see you as a happy solution instead of one more candidate to run through the process.

I'll give you an example from just last week. I have an associate who is looking for a new job, and while doing some research, he saw a mid-sized company he liked a great deal. He called me to see if I knew someone there, and even though I didn't I was able to pull some contact names with phone numbers. I offered to make a call to make an introduction from him, because we know a reference reaching out on your behalf is often more powerful than reachng yourself. I picked up the phone and called the president. He called me back. After a lovely conversation, we forwarded my friend's resume which we had carefully tailored to fit that opportunity and organization. It was chock full of impact statements that applied to the work and the culture. I know he was on the top of the stack, despite our having not followed the directions posted on the website, because he got a phone call to interview the very next day.

I hope some of these ideas and techniques help folks navigate the job search landscape more effectively. Most of this is about getting to the dance. Once you get an interview I have some additional handouts I'd like to make available.

How to answer that dangerous but common interview question: "Tell me about yourself"
How to successfully ask for the job
Navigating tricky behavioral questions

Don't Scratch That Itch!

noreply@blogger.com (lisa rokusek) — Wed, 07 Jan 2009 19:15:00 +0000

I am sitting cross legged on a pillow on the floor, which I try to do daily these days, when my cheek begins to itch. A 20 minute daily sitting meditation has, over the past year, become more routine for me. I sit focused on my breath. I am my breath, in, out, not controlling, just aware. This focus is easier said than done. My mind sometimes races, daydreams, ponders assorted tasks, and of course it can start to worry. When I notice this behavior I acknowledge it, without feeling frustrated, and turn away from the distraction, back to my breath. Though it can be exhausting to train the mind, it is also one of the most refreshing things I have encountered.

The notion of training mind makes sense to me. In fact, the more I read Buddhist thinking by fellows like Thich Nhat Hahn, or Sakyong Mipham, the more I am amazed by similarities to some of my favorite postmodern thinkers like Heidegger and Foucault. The realization that we undergo thinking, that we are not always in control of it made sense to me when I first encountered it in college – who hasn’t had the experience of trying to remember an elusive thought? I enjoy critiques of things we as a society/culture see as fixed absolutes, and I was drawn to many of the same flavors of critique in postmodern and eastern thinking. Later, I began to understand that Buddhism and meditation are less of a religion and more of a type of mental training. They offer a way of training our minds like an athlete trains his body. That training, for me, seemed almost a continuation and application of the critique of thinking and concept of self that I found so compelling in postmodern theory. It also seemed like an antidote to much of what ails me, and to an extent, society

I think I think too much. Yeah, I know how convoluted that sounds, but it is accurate. Sometimes I feel a victim of my mind – it whirls, it swirls, and it is most certainly in charge of me. Sometimes I have hyperfocus, other times I have no focus at all. I used to think that I had a weak will, or possibly a lack of discipline. It didn’t occur to me that I could train my mind (as bright as I can be, I am often pretty slow). What I am learning now, is that I can work toward a heightened awareness, a mindfulness rooted in my present moment. When I cultivate mindfulness I don’t race, I don’t rush around, I can focus. Most importantly mindfulness brings with it a pause, an awareness of self, and a detachment that demands one hold even the things we believe at a distance, because they are also in flux. When we are truly present and mindful in the moment we are choices we might not have otherwise.

I have noticed that I have gained a stronger focus over the last year. Most importantly I am starting to see that mindful awareness in a way I can measure. When I first started sitting, I would have an itch and I’d catch myself scratching it without thinking. It is a reflex to scratch an itch, much like it is a reflex to hurt anyone who hurts you, or to yell when someone screams at you, or pulls out in front of you in traffic without signaling. As human beings we do a lot of that reflex stuff, and I think it often causes real pain. The ability to pause before reacting is invaluable, especially for someone like me who can be so quick to assess and quick to act. Pausing and breathing lets me recognize and be aware of my stance, but also to strive to see to see the other, to be mindful of their position and being. That pause has often tempered my reactions and helped me navigate better solutions than I might have without it. When I notice an itch on my cheek, I often now catch my hand right after it starts to reach and I pause, become aware of the itch, and relax and focus on the breath. Sometimes I don’t even react at all, I am able to turn away from the itch and back to the breath without reaching to scratch. Often the itch goes away when I am not paying attention to it. Wouldn’t it be great if we could all learn to pause before we react, and if in that moment of pausing we were able to recognize the truth that none of us are separate on this planet, that we are all linked all connected. I think our reactions would change and sometimes problems might also go away.

Sitting and breathing daily is a simple thing. It costs me nothing, needs no equipment, and can be done anywhere. Though simple, it is making a tremendous difference in my life. Somehow I feel more in control (while realizing that I have no control at all) than I ever have. I worry less, because I now see how worry robs me of my present and adds no benefit at all. I feel less stressed, because I now know stress also a weight I put on myself that pushes me out of the moment, and doesn’t help me accomplish anything. I think I may be even more kind and compassionate. I smile more, and that may be the most important part of being in the moment – it feels great.

people like us, dear

noreply@blogger.com (lisa rokusek) — Thu, 02 Oct 2008 01:05:00 +0000

It is often hard to be a person on the planet Earth. It can be scary, overwhelming, fraught with obstacles, and most of all, inescapably lonely. We are, after all, alone in our minds, our bodies, and our selves. I think most all of the stuff we do as people - creating, building, loving, consuming and communicating is meant, at the most basic level, to help us forget or at least put a band aid on the ache of that loneliness.

That is one reason we band together in tribes of similarity and often poke fun (or worse) at those who are other. Race, nationality, politics, religion, non religion, gay, straight, gender, geography. We work so hard to escape the singularity and loneliness of existence by being a part of something bigger. Today this country is as divided as I ever thought I’d see it. After 2000, 2001, and then 2004 I didn’t think it could get worse, but it feels like it is. Do you remember the horror, the rage, the fear? I think back on it a lot these days. I saw grown men on all sides of the political spectrum weep and rage. I watched people of all flavors do both beautiful and horrible things. Just like now.

I am as sad as I am hopeful. We are faced with terrific challenges today. Yet we cling so tightly to the myths that separate us instead of reaching for the meanings that could unite us. I, like everyone, often take refuge in the ability to reach out to those who think as I think, or who recognize me as part of their team. “Lifelines in the midst of the madness”, I say to myself, so thankful I have the opportunity. It might be friends, family, colleagues, or acquaintances I meet online, might be a chance encounter and conversation that makes my day. These days we have tools to help us seek out other people like us, whatever us might mean. It can be easy to find someone to answer our need to not be alone, our need to be understood.

One danger is that all this connectivity within easy reach can reinforce the tribes of sameness we cling to so tightly. It often makes us more rigid instead of less, and less tolerant instead of more. I think we need so much to belong, to understand and be understood, to find connection and meaning that takes away the ache of loneliness, that in our searching and our finding we forget that everyone else is doing it too. Thus, those who are not part of our tribe become less human. It reduces us, collectively, as people, and it is dangerous.

It is so common, and it scares me. I’m trying to fight it within myself, trying to see the humanity within the folks that frighten and enrage me. Its not easy. I have to leave the comfort zone of my tribe, and work to see something that humanizes the other. It is hard to fight the “us vs. them” mentality that seems so central to any discussion today. It becomes easier when one practices seeing it as an artificial divide, a human construction.

That practice requires fearlessness. If one accepts the premise that what divides us is not a given, but our own creation forged from our own fears and vulnerabilities, then so are the group identities that give us comfort and meaning. Thus, we find our selves truly alone, which is the uncomfortable position that contributed to the mess in the first place. Hopefully, though, the practice and effort will yield a healthier and more realistic perspective, and most importantly, the ability to reach out with compassion and strength, instead of lashing out and manufacturing distance from fear.

Are you out there, can you hear this,
Jimmy Olsen, Johnny Memphis
I was out here listening all the time,
And though the static walls surround me
You were out there, and you found me,
I was out here listening all the time

......Are You Out There, Dar Williams

Walls Fall Down

noreply@blogger.com (lisa rokusek) — Mon, 29 Sep 2008 01:31:00 +0000

The world seems to have gone mad. Not really of course, but it there are times it feels that way, what with the financial meltdown, an incredibly bizarre VP choice, and the finality of no more WAMU commercials, ever. Crazy times. Scary times. Periodically I look out my window to see if the Mississippi has reversed course like it did in 1812 from an earthquake here in Missouri. Some real activity on the New Madrid fault would be the icing on the cake, especially after waking up to a bed shaking appetizer earlier this year.

All this crazy stuff happening out in the world fits so well with my own business related lessons. In the wee hours of sleepless mornings I sometimes agonize about that fact that, in essence, I gamble for a living. All my careful research, preparations, and process only serve to remind me of all the things I do not control. I may have the ideal candidate, perfectly prepped, and poised to solve real problems at a receptive client. After a lovefest interview and an out of this world offer, my candidate might get an even more out of this world offer and turn my client down, or end up having faked an MBA, or lose the job because the client discovers his ultra-kinky porn site complete with rubber sheets, war paint and golden showers. In perfect situations I am not in control, and I so rarely have the best situations to manage.

It is a great for me to earn a living at the same time as it is crazy making. Every day I come face to face with the fact that no matter how hard I work, or how good I am at what I do, life happens and I am not in charge, even though I want to pretend I am.

Life happens. Sometimes good stuff, sometimes terrible stuff. Walls fall down. We don't decide what will happen to us, to strangers on the street, or to those for whom we care. We can only control our reactions, and that control is often as much an illusion as any other. I can try to be mindful of how I react to the person that cuts me off in traffic, but, more often than not, my determination to look with eyes of compassion is forgotten when the big truck almost runs me off the road. I'm working on that, but I have a long way to go.

I think wrestling with expectations and illusions of control on a personal and business level have helped me keep some perspective about the direction the world is going, economically, politically, and socially. I can only do what I can do, and mostly that is keeping my head on straight when things go pear shaped. Seeing and accepting circumstances as they really are instead of how I think they ought to be is the only way to have forward motion in an uncertain world. Focusing on that helps me to remember that while I am most certainly not in charge, I do have choices, even when the walls are falling down around me.

Trainwrecks (and bus wrecks) happen.

noreply@blogger.com (lisa rokusek) — Sat, 28 Jun 2008 19:29:00 +0000

I was working pretty hard when I heard the crash, and the sound startled me out of my focus. Because there is both renovation and street repair in my neighborhood, I had no idea that there had been a serious accident. So when I ventured out of my office to grab a bite to eat, it took a moment to register what I was seeing. A school bus had slammed into the front of a house across the street. It had just happened and the police and fire departments, though on the way, had not yet arrived.

We were all very fortunate. The group of children that spend most of their time playing on that sidewalk were absent that morning, and no one in the school bus was seriously injured. Even the tree was unscathed. Other than the substantial damage to the house, it was the best outcome one could have hoped to see.

This completely unexpected stuff can happen out of the blue in both life and business. But I believe that proper preparation can often mitigate at least some of the most unfortunate scenarios. Earlier this week I was interviewed by the Recruiting Animal on his radio show. Animal is a standup guy, and I really appreciate his persona. I like to think of him as the Stephen Colbert of recruiting. Despite his best efforts to ground me and help me be ready for the show, I feel like I only did a so-so job on the interview. It was all my failure, Animal. Have me on another time and I'll be witty, erudite and full of absolutely concrete stories of recruiting trainwrecks - I certainly have lived them!

One of the interesting points, at least for me, surfaced during a discussion of my process and what makes me different from some of my recruiting brothers and sisters. A comment was made that I seem to make my candidates jump through a lot of hoops, and that I shouldn't, as it is my client's job to figure out who is qualified. I didn't parry that very well, and I really should have, as it has become a keystone of my approach. I am by no means in favor of jumping pointless, silly hoops for hoop jumping sake. That sort of approach gives me hives, and I am really bad at it. However, I do ask a great deal of the candidiates I represent. This helps me know what sort of position they want, will excel in, and increases my ability to represent them in such a way as to help them make that happen.

I also ask a lot of the clients who pay me to find talent. I need to know a lot in order to be successful. I need to build a pretty detailed and accurate profile of the individual they seek, and I need to have feedback if I am off track. There are many excellent companies who prefer working with recruiters with styles other than my own, and that is just fine by me. People who choose not to give me business make it easier for me to determine who is a buyer and who is a supplier. If everyone was my client I would be out of business, because I would have no companies from which to recruit.

I feel strongly that as a recruiter who is paid precious fees to locate talent for my clients, I must do everything I can to make the best matches each and every time. I do a lot of homework up front. I ask the candidates I represent anything I need to in order to make sure I don't waste time discussing positions that are not of interest. It isn't just a quality check (though that is part of it) it also allows me to focus on how best to serve them. If a candidiate doesn't want to work the way I work, well, then he or she is not who I will represent to the clients who pay me.

Establishing a level of trust with both the candidates I represent, and the companies who pay my fees is essential to getting the information I need. Once that is in place, there are a lot of ways to do it. I can be flexible, I can be creative, and one size does not fit all. However, a very strong level of due diligence is extremely important on both sides of the equation. If we as recruiters depend on "making the right match" to earn a living, why would we leave anything we can control to chance? That is just like asking a train, or a bus, to smash into the side of our business, and it doesn't do anyone any favors - the client, the candidate, or our pocket.

pushing slowly from myself

noreply@blogger.com (lisa rokusek) — Sat, 21 Jun 2008 14:59:00 +0000

It is early and I am in my office with Itsy, the rescue kitten, frolicking behind me. She is skittish, still wild. If I move too suddenly she scurries into a dark corner. So over the past week my movements have become thoughtful, more smooth, and a bit more unhurried as she watches me. Having her in my office has been a distraction, but I find myself watching her watching me while I work, and it has been fun.

Over the past six months or so that thoughtful slowing down has been my overall pattern, though there has been no kitten to blame, or to thank. I am learning, to borrow and bend some words - a "disciplined practice of straying afield of myself" in order to create a possible opening toward self-transformation. I am learning to - not just simply discover who I am - but to shape who I may become, by questioning and moving away from who I am, why I am, and how I am, and even questioning the questions. Work, Life, Love, Identity. This year has challenged me deeply.

One night, very soon after I left my job, I was walking the dog and fighting my fear - those nights, on those walks, fear was a constant companion. With every step I talked myself though my panic and uncertainty. That night I was revisiting all our choices and the events that placed me on that spot, on that pavement, with that troubled dog. Walking, walking and talking, talking attempting to get us both unstuck from our particular anxieties.

I could barely see the thread of the plan through my fear, but it was there. We had a desire to live more lightly in order to create freedom for ourselves. We wanted to explore sustainability, leverage technology, to be active and engaged in the world in order to create a more meaningful life. We contemplated leaving the continental US to do it, but decided to stay here instead, because needing to leave a place to solve these kinds of problems doesn't ever seem to work. So we moved into the city and bought an old house to renovate, and then eventually another. My partner left her job, and we lived off my income while working on the houses. Then, suddenly, I left my company as well. The timing could have been better, but I remember thinking that survival doesn't always allow for perfect timing. Thus, I found myself walking hard pondering a life with no source of income, but some plans and a lot of dreams.

It was still warm that night. The moon was full, and I was walking past the manufacturing facilities and bars that make up that part of our neighborhood. It is a slightly gritty locale, especially at night. I remember stopping and staring at those silos or tanks or whatever they are. They glow when the sun rises and sets, and I love watching something so utilitarian become something more. They were beautiful that night, too, and in my anxious, magically thinking mind, became a touchstone for me, and a symbol for what I was trying to do with my life. I took this picture.

When I see the picture, or even walk or drive past the location, I remember that night. I think of my resolve - what I wanted. I don't even really know where I am going, completely. I have an idea, but it is fuzzy, and I know even that idea will probably become something else.

I am learning to live in between, to enjoy the spaces between the questions, to be whoever I am becoming, in the present. That takes a surprising amount of discipline and practice, and I am learning to embrace the uncertainty instead of assuming anything but one particular outcome is a failure. In a way, in another language, I see our choices as radical acts of self-transformative discipline that resist the pressures defining what is "normal" in the US. By resisting the expected, by living in comfort with less, and by doing slightly different things with intention, we continue to become someone else, someone more free from various constraints. That might be a bit grandiose.

But I do like the picture.

flee fly flow, a hunting I will go.

noreply@blogger.com (lisa rokusek) — Mon, 05 May 2008 20:42:00 +0000

I lost myself in work today. Csikszentmihalyi would be proud. Truth is, it has been a while time since that happened. I felt the rush that, I guess, has been stifled by some of my trauma-drama, anxiety and doubt. With Spring at hand (and some jingle in my pocket) much of that negativity has subsided, and I am feeling a lightness of being (but by no means unbearable) I didn't realize was missing.

I have this sense the that things I planned on are actually on track, even though getting to this point was so much work. Getting to this place was really harder than I imagined it being, which, I suppose, makes this resting place all the sweeter. So I get to breathe, and take stock, and stretch out. I actually hit my heavy bag today, and I am not sure why that feels like a victory, but it is. I have experienced some significant validation, which feels great, and since leaping so high worked, I guess I am going to keep doing it.

I always knew that choosing my clients was more important than anything else, but I didn't realize how hard it could be to walk away from the ones that didn't respect me when I had nothing else going on. But since I have now done it more times than I'd like to admit, I am finding it easier, and even helpful to move on down the road when necessary. When I say I move on down the road, I mean something very specific. I am the kind of person that remembers people, places and things. Anything that is emotionally charged in the file cabinet of my mind I don't forget. For me, leaving money on the table, even in early stages, is always emotionally charged. So when I decide I am not going to find talent for a company, they move from the buyer role to a supplier role. It is a common saying in recruiting - "You are a buyer or a supplier." Doesn't it have a nice ring? I love it.

Every company I encounter is in one of those two categories, and the ones I walk away from as a buyer are immediately placed (sometimes forcefully) into that supplier role. It feels good, and is good business. I believe that the way a company treats the people that find them talent is a fantastic litmus test of how they treat that talent. So if we can't come to an agreement on doing business, well, I owe it to the talent in that company to at least offer them a chance to find a company that will treat them better. That is my favorite part of this game, actually.

All of this somewhat painful but redemptive market research has helped me gain new perspectives and formulate some pretty bold opinions related to hiring practices in corporate America. Something is broken (or at least badly bent), and I am not the only one noticing it. I think part of it is the sheer volume of candidates that exist for every position and, while some are qualified, many are not. That is a symptom of the current post and pray methodology that internal recruiters and agencies both labor under. Personally I like the Prey model, as in I go hunting to find the right talent.

There is so much volume in the talent pipeline that a great deal of time is wasted sorting the tiny grains of valuable wheat from the chaff. Lots of good people are lost in the deluge of candidates flowing in when they shouldn't be there. Plus, there are so many folks responding to posted positions that the niceties of communication are no longer happening. Miss Manners would be weep at the lack of couth displayed in hiring practices in 2008.

I hear from both candidates and human resource professionals that the effects of this situation are really a drag, and a lot of gunk is gumming up the pipes. As a recruiter, my traditional place is to help those who want a specific kind of hunting, and I am really a very tiny part of the solution for specific positions in select companies.

I have been thinking about other models that could have a greater impact for both candidates and companies, and it gets me sort of excited. Coming up with ideas that help things work better and perhaps allow a purging of the pipes is fun. It'll be interesting to see if they can be made to work in the real world.

Spring Springs

noreply@blogger.com (lisa rokusek) — Sat, 05 Apr 2008 22:28:00 +0000

The last couple days in Saint Louis have been beautiful. Warm sun, fresh breezes, and tender green shoots springing up amidst that glorious end of winter feeling. I've been uncharacteristically calm which, perhaps, should frighten me, but I choose to look at it as a happy thing. Big things hang in the balance, but regardless of the results I know it is just a matter of time. My foundation is strong, and it is getting stronger.

Sun on my face, barefoot, outside, talking to people on my mobile. My office goes with me. I keep finding reasons to be outside while I work. Sometimes I don't work, sometimes I just sit and look at what my life is becoming. I like it. Today Ginger asked if I could go outside and keep watch on a rented tool while she ran to the store. I went out and laid in the trailer bed in the driveway. The clouds were fluffy and the air smelled so fresh. I made some calls with the sun warm on my closed eyes, and I basked in the crazy wonderful reality that I am making. Talking to people on the phone has always been the biggest part of my gig, but only recently have I felt so centered, focused and calmly invested in my process and my results. I can breathe, and because of that I can think, and thinking lets me pay attention and that has always been a good thing for me.

Every time I start to doubt myself I get an unexpected message that I am not doing the wrong thing, I am doing what I need to do and the things that I am doing are good. I may need to do more of them, but hey, I am working on that. People give me reassurance and kindness out of the blue. It is hard to believe, but every time I need a pat on the back, or a "buck up little trooper", it comes. I feel myself gaining traction, seeing things I might have missed before and doing things I only thought about in my past efforts. It is exciting. I keep stretching because I know I am far from my goals and need to keep improving, but I am starting to feel the momentum. I have time now to have the conversations I didn't have in the past. I am finding that my feelings of self-doubt are not all me and mine. My self-doubt is more of a human condition than my own secret shame, and that realization has been so freeing. The more I reach out to help others and connect, the more I am planting seeds and honing my approach. I know the billing will come; it has already started. It is tempting to have my nose to the grindstone. At first, I felt some odd bled of fear and guilt if I was doing anything other than panic-stricken dialing on my phone. That is fading, thankfully. I still work hard, but not out of panic and fear. I can feel my creativity, which was aways my strong suit, coming to the fore.

Right after I started my business, while I was still in the midst of the terror and doubt, I remember being amazed at how helpful and kind some people were. They still are, only now I am less stiff, and am beginning to trust in this thing that is building. It has been months since I woke up scared in the middle of the night wondering what the hell I was doing, and I am not missing that one bit.

We are leaping (so high), we are risking (so much), and we are trusting we'll land well. Trusting, not knowing, but there is no certainty in anything worthwhile. We leap, and while in mid-air, we turn and stretch to feel the warm sun on our faces and breathe deeply. We live, now.

To do anything else would be missing the point.

Recruiters on Safari

noreply@blogger.com (lisa rokusek) — Tue, 25 Mar 2008 15:41:00 +0000

Lately I have had a lot of people talking to me about technology, online research, social media and just geeking out in general in regards to recruiting. While I am not an expert in any of those things (well, except geeking out), I certainly have been a technophile for a long time, and have leveraged technology, the internet, and smart research in my recruiting. I love to share what I discover because it seems like a happy thing to do, even though I think it is human to feel the temptation to keep cool knowledge to oneself. If recruiters in general were smarter, more equipped and didn't exhibit foot in mouth disease (and we all have done it) we'd all be better off. So here is to the greater good, baby! If you find any of this helpful, please let me know.

In that spirit, let me also mention some excellent resources for recruiters to share information, techniques and activate networking power. Jason Davis has created RecruitingBlogs.com, and it is a great place to find other recruiters committed to high standards and innovation. If you as a recruiter are not there, you need to be, and if you want to find a recruiter, well what better place to look. SixDegreesfromDave and its Linkedin group SixDegrees are also necessary stops. If you want a community of high producers who share knowledge best practices and tips of the trade, get involved. Personally, each of these people and organizations have added to my identity and brand, lifted my spirits and also helped me find increase my reach - which is essential to recruiting success. If you are afraid of connecting with competition, or sharing potentially confidential information with folks who could eat your lunch, I urge you to rethink your stance. Especially on Linkedin, but really anywhere we network, we own our relationships not our contacts. I believe more is better, and sharing helps everyone. RecruitingBlogs, and SixDegreesFromDave really are great examples of that and are positive forces for developing community in the staffing industry.

Headhunting in the wilds of the internet has a lot in common with being a private detective, a profiler, or a hunter in unfamiliar territory. When you venture out on a new search you are on your own in uncharted lands, and you have to think about who you are seeking, what they look, smell, sound, and feel like. You have to find them where they are, not where you think they ought to be. It requires excellent listening skills and the ability to pay attention to details and make connections.

Many recruiters still subsist on job boards, though that is beginning to change. I like to think of the "job boards" as zoos with captive animals on display. (No offense intended to anyone with a resume on a job board) But those captive folks have put themselves out there for all the crowds to see. They are easy to find because they are all in few places, but that easy access is a double edged sword. If you can find them, so can everyone else, and the fact that they get poked with so many sticks (many of which are pointless and embarrassing)can make them surly, cranky, and very difficult to handle. That doesn't mean you can't find a great catch on a job board, you can, but you have to be nimble, good at establishing rapport very quickly, and able to add value fast. You can't bumble with folks who are on the job boards, someone else will snap them up before you know it.

While the zoos are less interesting from a candidate perspective, they are useful from a research focus, because in many ways job boards are a partial employment directory representing a cross selection of workers and companies. You can see what skills, perspectives, and approaches live at particular companies if you pay attention, and to a recruiter/profiler paying attention is everything. You can gather quite a lot of raw data on the boards that will help you draw a good map for when you venture out into the less controlled areas of the internet.

This may come as a surprise to some people, but the internet is not a database of candidates for us as recruiters to find. You don't log in to the internet and access it like a job board. I think of the internet as a crazy universe of activity, datapoints, people going about their business, subcultures of almost any commonality, and evolving stuff that absolutely has a life of its own. One should approach it as a potentially unfriendly jungle where one must tread lightly in in order to stay safe. Anyone who has accidentally opened their mouth in the wrong place in the wrong way on the net can tell you that the internet can bite, and bite hard. There is treasure, but you don't want to jump into the jungle without studying up on it first.

A great example of relatively safe haven in the jungle is Linkedin. Lots of recruiters have jumped into Linkedin, and there is a tremendous about of information out there on how to use it from a recruiting perspective. Shally Steckerl, Jason Alba, Dave Mendoza and Glenn Gutmacher all have a lot of valuable things to share about this tool and online networking in general, and they give concise tips for using these tools daily. But I just want to bring up a few things I have noticed as a recruiter on Linkedin. As a recruiter, why would you limit your network on Linkedin? I come down very clearly on the volume side of linking, but I believe have value as well as volume in my network. I use Linkedin as a research tool more than anything else, and I want to access to every bit of data I can. Don't you?

Shally Steckerl and Glenn Gutmacher have more tips to taming the wilds of the internet through smart search engine usage than anyone I know. Regardless of how smart you are with internet search, they will teach you a thing or twelve hundred. Take the online seminars, and if you want your head to explode sign up for the home study course. Following those search techniques will lead you to a vein of gold in the internet jungle from which you can extract many valuable candidate nuggets.

One of Shally's most important points in constructing a search - whether it be using a search engine, or using Linkedin, is that you have to know what prospective candidates look like in the wild. This is actually the key to any kind of recruiting research. In the zoo of the job boards, candidates are behind bars and wear resumes with keyword tags. In the wild they might just be talking about solving a problem, sharing ideas or talking about a conference where they have presented. For example, on Linkedin, many people write nothing more than titles and company names in a profile, and if you search for a lot of key words, you will not find much. However, if you know what companies have those skills, you can probably generate a decent list by searching on that company for a variety of relevant job titles.

Once you have identified the traits you seek and how they might manifest in the wild, you need to know how to contact potential candidates effectively. If you post a job ad in the middle of a technical discussion folks might not just be annoyed, they might write a blog post about yet another stupid recruiter interaction. So, just like a canny hunter, when we find those places where good performers live and work online, we need to study them and learn the local customs before we take aim and fire.

Again, Linkedin provides a cautionary example regarding approach. I get a lot of forward requests from recruiters to candidates, and while I am happy to help anyone, even my competition, I wonder why any recruiter would put a first interaction with a potential client, candidate or contact in the hands of someone else, especially when those hands quite possibly belong to someone you do not know. I love and respect my Mother, but I would not let her call, email, or set the stage for my first contact with anyone. I think that whole forward thing is probably not the best way for a recruiter to make first contact, ever. Again, just my opinion, but it is just as annoying to get unsolicited (and often irrelevant) job requirements from someone on Linkedin as it is to get canned spamlike emails from Monster. Taking the time to learn something about a potential contact will always get better results than random stick poking.

Once I needed some assistance with software for my mobile device. I searched on the web for some assistance and stumbled upon a discussion forum for mobile developers. I did my research, fixed my problem, and went to the miscellaneous section to post a thankyou for the help, and offered to assist anyone who wanted to talk with me with any career questions as a token of my appreciation. Instead of a flame in response, I made some really swell contacts with scary smart folks. Yes!

Twitter is another fascinating tool, and it is growing fast. Think of it as constant eruptions of 140 character thoughts into space. Streams of consciousness from an unidentified number of consciousnesses. Random thoughts, pointers to pictures and articles and interviews and what someone had for dinner. I think the last count showed just over a million folks using twitter. This tool crystallizes all of the lessons of profiling, tracking, and hunting on the internet. You can choose to follow people you find interesting, or you can search for folks that suit you and follow them. Of course a technology centric tool with be best used for techie types, but if you are at all into social media (or if your clients are and there are few who aren't) you'll be surprised what you can find.

Tweetscan is one of the search tools for twitter, and FriendFeed will aggregate all your online activity and let you keep folks you are aligned with up to date on your virtual world. This is powerful stuff for recruiters. You can search for keywords, but you won't get far searching like you would on a resume. Knowledge is power in the twitterverse, so knowing things like conferences or groups or online hangouts or what folks doing the stuff you are looking for talk about can find you the folks you seek. You can also save searches so when people post about topics in the future you are notified.

Once again you have to think about search terms. Results for Java (a software development language) were mixed up with favorite coffee spots. Agile (a type of development methodology) was great fun and led me to some excellent contacts. Localities, hangouts, conferences all yield discussion. As usual, it is not what people do, it is what they talk about (which is really part of understanding a resume as well).

Once you find people to follow, shut up and listen for a bit. Get to know people by watching them, and doing some research. Most folks on twitter link to a website or profile. You can search for even those who do not to find out more about them before you begin tweeting out to the masses. And the most important thing to remember on twitter - it is not who follows you that matters, it is who you follow.

That may be the most salient point of any online recruiting focus. It really is who you find, who you track, how well you profile, and how effectively you listen and make connections that will always land you the best prize.

separating virtual wheat from chaff

noreply@blogger.com (lisa rokusek) — Sat, 15 Mar 2008 20:21:00 +0000

As usual my head is abuzz with the social media explosion and the impact technology has on my world. While communication has always been a part of the technology, folks that barely own computers are becoming familiar with Linkedin, Facebook, myspace, and twitter. iphones are being advertised so deliciously on television ads that my lust can barely be contained, not to mention the tiniest of notebook computers making an appearance with the cutest of jingles. Sometimes I am not sure If what I am doing makes sense for my business. Sometimes I worry that I waste my time with my focus on all this geeky technology and social media web 2.0 stuff.

I am no expert, but as usual I know enough to be dangerous, and to be provide a lively conduit to my less technologically focused comrades. A less kind way of saying that is that I am obsessed with technology and communication but that I have people in my life who keep me from completely disappearing into the matrix. I love social connections technology provides, and I have for as long as I can remember. I went from devouring Asimov and Heinlein as a child and dreaming about connections within world to almost going broke networking coffeehouses with chat and email and online information in St. Louis prior to the web explosion.

One of the reasons I ventured out on my own in recruiting is that I could experiment with stuff like this and the stuff that is still being developed. I have had a lot of success with the social media in recruiting, and love the heck out of it. There is truly a dizzying amount of activity, and it promises to be a wild ride as we venture even more into interactivity and robust network applications. It can be a distraction, but I have found that as long as my online activities drive me back to the telephone (or my bottom line) I am okay. It is hard to focus and be that disciplined with all the fun, crazy stuff happening out there, but recruiting success (like most of life) really is about discipline and focus. I know I have to stay balanced, and a tool like twitter is very dangerous for us folks easily distracted by shiny bits, but it is also a way to find people, and that is what I do for a living. I guess it is always all about the results, and I should just let those decide if my geeky methods are helpful or harmful.

I believe that life is always enhanced by connection, which is partly why I love being a recruiter. And though I know that a lot of folks scoff at meaningful connections through a computer or a mobile device, for me it goes without saying that the lines between the virtual world and that of my own back yard are now so blurred as to be almost indistinguishable. I have had countless virtual world interactions that changed my life, made me money, or led me to find new friends or business contacts, so there is no debate on the value to me. The challenge for me lies in finding a balance. The dizzying real time feeds of email, tweets, chat and mobile blogging are as necessary to me as my morning cup of joe, but I have to work to find a way to stay grounded, centered and balanced in my approach, otherwise I might go crazy. So I am working on it. I think it is funny that I try to do 20 minutes of sitting meditation each morning, and then I go off to work, but it does seem to help me keep my balance.

Recruiting efficiently has a lot to do with doing effective research. That is why I think my methods might be interesting to people that are not just recruiters. Here is an example of how I use twitter. Think of it as a constant explosion of 140 character thoughts into space. Steams of consciousness from an unidentified number of consciousnesses. Random thoughts, pointers to pictures and articles and interviews and what someone had for dinner. Dizzying, right? You can follow people and see, in real-time, their streams on your screen. Entertaining, fun, pretty pointless though, right? Wrong.

Enter tweet scan, a real-time twitter search. For example, I will search for St. Louis tweets, and what do we find? An ever growing and surprisingly active list of folks using twitter here in my home town. Coolio! I am seeing denizens of the web that I never realized were there. But wait, what is that? Oh, a tweet from someone I might know, who knew that guy was on twitter. Man I need to get back in touch with that guy, uh, wait, holy cow. He is tweeting that he is hiring people, and is having problems. He needs me!

Uh, sorry guys, I gotta run, that right there there is some potential business popping it's head up, and as a rhino I need to charge right after it. But isn't it amazing how such a seemingly pointless tool can help you do what you need to do, or at least it can if you know how to use it.

its what you do with them that counts

noreply@blogger.com (lisa rokusek) — Fri, 14 Mar 2008 23:15:00 +0000

I use Linkedin and other social networking tools like twitter a lot in my business. I have always found social media fascinating and like to watch as new things emerge. Over the last few years Linkedin has become a tool I really value. It helps me connect with some of the 100 million or so people that work in this country, and even folks all over the world. I like this tool, it has some magic in it. In fact, I more than like it - I may love it a little.

I make friends, associates, and money with Linkedin, and I have wracked my brain to learn the best ways to utilize it in my day, while working vigorously to grow my network. Its crazy, but some people actually tell people to connect with me. (Thanks, Dave!)

When Linkedin announced the new "corporate recruiting solution" it took me aback for a few minutes. Corporate recruiters who partake can now have access to all 20+ million Linkedin members (members that are present in part because of promiscuous open networkers, of which I am am proud to count myself) without adding any contacts of their own. Sort of a pay to play solution, which removes the necessity of putting networking skin in the game. It almost felt like a betrayal to me, and I saw some other third-party brethren get really pissed off about it.

But really, when you think about it, we never own our contacts, for crying out loud. Listing them in Linkedin doesn't make them "ours" and would never prevent someone else from talking to them. Our contacts are human beings with self determination and lives of their own. Even if I had my list of contacts locked up in a drawer, it wouldn't prevent someone else from calling them. I was once asked if it made me uneasy being such an open networker because other people could call my contacts, and I answered, "If another recruiter had a great position for one of the thousands of people in my first-level connections then what kind of a networking contact would I be if I stood in their way?" Bring it, baby. The point is to help everyone be more successful, not try to keep all the success making stuff for ourselves. Plus, as any veteran recruiter will tell you, it is not just having the names of people - the approach matters.

I use the same reasoning when I share knowledge with people instead of hoarding it - information wants to be free, and flow to as many people as possible. Learning and innovation can only happen an environment where sharing happens, and the more I teach people my "special tricks" the more I keep on learning. Sometimes I have to remind myself of that.

So welcome to the family, paying corporate recruiters. C'mon in, the networking is fine! I wish you well and if I can assist you in any way, please don't hesitate to call.

....and hey, if you need any outside help on leadership or high impact positions in Technology Human Resources, or Operations, well, you'll know how to find me, I am probably in your network.

what does enough look like

noreply@blogger.com (lisa rokusek) — Tue, 26 Feb 2008 01:59:00 +0000

I love being a recruiter as a way to make a living. It is a fantastic mix of detective work, rapport building, conflict resolution, understanding and differentiation. In our new information age I can do it from anywhere, and that is just cool as it can be. My career fits me well, and I find it immensely rewarding when things go well, and probably learn even more when they do not.

I left my company and went out on my own because I felt like like my life was terribly out of balance. Yes part of it was the oppressive and abusive atmosphere coupled with the rampant disrespect, but all of that negativity really just made me more aware that I was following a path that wasn’t consistent with how I wanted to live. I found myself dreaming of a life where where kindness, compassion, and mutual respect formed the ground rules and, ultimately, where I could feel like I “made a difference” to the world as a whole. That life looked so far away from what I was living that it seemed like a fairy tale. When I stopped and looked at the distance between the life I was living and the life I wanted, I got scared. I also got busy figuring out a way to escape. It is not that I am against working smart and making money. I had that discussion with myself years and years ago, and I decided then that I can do more for the world with some cash than without it. But the truth was I was exhausted mentally, physically and emotionally from an environment that had become combative and very dark. I wasn’t doing anything for myself, not to mention anyone else.

When I left this past October I wasn’t at all prepared for the fireworks, especially because I had tried to do everything in the most positive manner I could imagine. I didn’t realize escaping would be so painful and difficult and infuriating, and I was shattered in a lot of ways. I felt like I had stepped off a cliff and couldn’t catch my breath. I realized I had walked away from a lucrative position with no money coming in and a whole lot going out. I was depressed and beat up before, but now I was was terrified.

I knew I wanted to build my new life in a way that would be more congruent with my values, so I figured I had better pay more attention to what my values were. I started reading a lot of stuff, including some Thich Nhat Hahn. I had read him before, but for some reason this time his poetic words hit home with a veangenace. He cuts right through the fluff and offers some real meat to those questioning business as usual. It sounds a bit dramatic, but I think reading Being Peace kept me from going off the train tracks while I found my balance. Leaving my old job was, for me, part of my fumbling toward a more mindful approach to living, a rejection consumption as an end in itself, a world view based on compassion for and appreciation of other, and the rejection of dogma over a search for a constantly evolving truth. I think the fact that rejecting all dogma - even Buddhist doctrine - is part of Thich Nhat Hahn’s world view is really sort of cool. I always thought that Zen Buddhism was awesome for atheists and post modern-thinkers.

Reading him gave me some of the best tools I had to get through my anger, fear, and stress - I learned how to breath through things as a way of staying in the moment and finding balance. Finding a way to treasure my present (even at 3AM on a fearful, sleepless night) seemed to help me let go of a lot of my what ifs, and somehow led me to see how I wanted to spend my resources and use my time.

Now, a few months into this experiment, I am figuring out new rhythms of working and living starting from scratch. I think that without those first few months struggling with rage, confusion and fear (and, truth be told, living off the charity of others with absolutely white knuckles -eating lots of beans and rice) I might not have been able to even formulate my emerging perspective. Working from home for myself brings with it all kinds of crazy questions and issues - not the least of which is remembering to brush my teeth, and figuring out a time to start work - it is also allowing me to figure out why I am working and what I want to accomplish. I am beginning to think about my life in a “what is enough” way instead of a “what can I get” way. It sounds simplistic but it has had a profound impact. Plus it works well for business the way I want to do it. My clients appreciate my flexibility, and so does my stress level.

Living with enough is still fun, and rich, and vibrant (or it wouldn’t be enough) and it allows me to have more freedom and creativity in order to do things I think are important. I have wild dreams of sponsoring mental health treatment for women who are at risk and without resources, and starting a foundation to catch people before they fall through the cracks of our economy to give them tools to prevent disaster, and all kinds of other slightly nutty schemes. Figuring out what is enough for me will ensure I have resources to put toward those plans very soon, but right now enough means being able to buy a bit nicer beans and pay my expenses. Walking away from financial certainty with a side order of crushed soul was one of the most difficult things I have ever done, and it is true I still have no safety net. But the process of doing it and paying attention has helped me feel more secure I ever have, and spending time thinking about what enough means to me is a big part of that.

No Clinging

noreply@blogger.com (lisa rokusek) — Sun, 13 Jan 2008 15:11:00 +0000

Tragedy struck our family suddenly, as it sometimes does, with no real warning signs or portents. One moment, contentment, a morning ritual of oatmeal and coffee, conversation about daily plans, and then a new moment - horror, blood, panic, and my oatmeal bowl in mid-air, suspended. That instant, so short so brutal, shattered us. Driving, driving to the animal emergency clinic - is this too fast? This is too slow - get in that lane - stave off panic, full of dread and fear, breathe in, breathe out dare to hope. So sorry, so sorry no words to capture the sorrow.

The history - years of love and effort and training with a much loved but unpredictable dog with and for whom we worked so hard (not hard enough?), and a greatly treasured older cat who ruled our home like a feisty queen, and with whom the dog always backed down, isn't the point here. But that history was the the fabric of our home, our life. Much effort, so much love and constant awareness. Years and years of vigilance, training and exercise wasn't enough, and now we lose two beloved beings in one short time. We live with that, we grieve, we work to move beyond remorse and guilt.

During one of the many trips to the hospital, (so many, an eternity in a few days) I think - this is why we need a heaven. This yearning to know that loss isn't how we end, that there is some goodness waiting to counter this searing pain. That hope would help with my sorrow, with my anger, with my guilt and regret. Too know that my beings will live again, free of pain, happy. That the damage led to perfection. My yearning tastes of tears, so sorry, no words.

I don't think the biggest difference between people is a belief in God or not. I know too many people who seek God who are also full of compassion, kindness and a desire to help themselves and others. I know too many atheists who are strident and arrogant, and I also can say the opposite. For me the two are different languages that ask the same question - how do we live with compassion and openness. What gives us meaning in the midst of suffering, what helps us to grow? Both stances can do that, and sometimes neither - thus the question of which is better is flawed.

What I seek in friendship and connection is simply connection and a desire for compassion and understanding. I expect an ability to build a bridge between difference, regardless of the material. When a person is so attached to a belief that it becomes a bludgeon and a barrier to understanding, the belief itself causes a problem, but isn't the problem. Attachment is the problem, as it so often is. We cling to things that comfort us in the face of the unknown, or in the midst of pain. That clinging is human, but it hold us back from becoming, from learning, from peace. When we think we already have truth in our back pocket we can't learn any more, and then we are limited. We can be so attached to what we know we may miss the truth before us.

My yearning for an afterlife where my beloved beings are happy and beyond the pain comes from such an attachment. I grieve for myself, for my loss, for my regret as much as I grieve for their suffering and dying. Eventually I must let go of my guilt and anger, and sorrow - they steal my present, and tarnish my memories. They take my joy, and there was so much shared. We had good lives together, and now, even after they are gone, they are helping me understand. For that I am grateful.

Engaged But Not Enraged

noreply@blogger.com (lisa rokusek) — Sat, 05 Jan 2008 23:47:00 +0000

It is five days into the new year, and I am glad of that - 2007 was a particularly trying time for me, full of a lot of personal and professional changes and challenges. It is good to have a fresh chapter to write, a blank page upon which to scribble. I am, as usual, filled with my own familiar mix of optimism and cynicism, which is often how the winter holidays leave me. The new year will most likely be much like the old year, and since it is an election year we will be treated to a panoply of events from all sides showing the problems inherent in our our political machine. Still, as we like to tell ourselves, our system is the best thing going, but it is certainly not as good as it could be.

Once again I am frustrated because stupid human tricks (with an emphasis on uneducated and opinionated humans) are as usual playing more of a role instead of less. Really, who would have thought that in 2007- 2008 there would be so much discussion about evolution from presidential candidates. Who would have thought that the Republican winner in the Iowa caucuses would be a candidate who has stated he doesn't believe in evolution. For me a lack of belief in evolution betrays a fundamental illiteracy in and hostility toward science. I find that behavior problematic when coming from an average citizen, but when it is embraced by a presidential candidate who has gained some traction, I am annoyed and frightened. Holy Cow, Pope John Paul II said that God isn't afraid of Science over 10 years ago - one wonders why we as a country are still struggling with this issue today. It isn't a question of atheism vs. religion, because even from my undeniable skepticism I see it is possible to be a religious person committed to rigorous intellectual inquiry. I think that thinking (along with fact checking) is going out of style, and that scares me more than any bogeyman I can imagine.

Our system of government is based on an educated populace capable of self-determination, and I think that dream is as far away as it has ever been, perhaps further. We have a "marketplace of ideas" where "truth" is often based on popular vote by the uneducated rather than actual evidence, and it isn't working. It would work if people were interested in actively seeking the merits of theories and ideas, but that is not the case. Otherwise, why would such a large and vocal number of Americans think that Barack Obama is a Muslim and was sworn in on a Koran instead of a Bible. Good Grief!

Some say we used to respect science and knowledge in this country, and now truth is defined by whichever group yells loudest. I am not sure we ever really respected science and knowledge as much as we like to think, but one thing I do agree with - Americans are losing sight of what it means to be rational.

It is enough to make for a nasty mix of rage and despair worse than any New Year's Day hangover. I think of that saying/bumpersticker/slogan "If you are not outraged you aren't paying attention" and I cringe. I want to pay attention, but I do not want to spend my time being outraged, enraged, or any variation of raging at all. So I am faced with a bit of a dilemma as I ponder how to be engaged and not enraged in 2008 and beyond.

I do think that a great deal of our problems with embracing or at least tolerating new or different ideas come from fear, and that fear when focused on education or science is a very dangerous thing for us as a nation.

I can only start with myself, of course. I believe that in order to work for a better world I need to work to create mindfulness in my own life, and in order to work to create better critical thinking and debate, I need to work to understand those perspectives so different from my own in a compassionate way, instead of dismissing them outright. I need to train myself to listen and understand where folks are coming from instead of immediately judging and reacting.

It doesn't immediately solve my rather dismal view of the reality of science, education and politics in America 2008, but I am reminded of Thich Nhat Hanh describing our planet as a small boat crossing the Gulf of Siam, and caught in a vicious storm. He says that often people panic, and boats sink. But one person staying calm and lucid on the boat can help the boat survive. He or she can remain present and communicate with others on the boat and thus save the lives of many people.

Staying calmly present and rooted in this moment, as I try to foster real, engaged discussion with even those who disagree with me is certainly better than being pissed off at all the stupid all the time.

I guess working toward that personal reality is a reasonable resolution for the new year. I sure have a long way to go.

*Some of the thoughts and concepts in this post were borrowed from this thread and mangled mercilessly. Thanks guys!

"You're soaking in it."*

noreply@blogger.com (lisa rokusek) — Thu, 15 Nov 2007 17:42:00 +0000

Aw, Madge. You'd hate my nails, but you are so very right about a lot of things. Buddha said, What you think, you become" What we soak in really makes a difference.

I can feel something changing inside me. This week I breathe easily, relax more fully, laugh with a deeper appreciation, and am feeling less angst.

It isn't a lack of stress, I mean I have leapt from the cliff and there is no safety net in sight. The bills have to be paid, food must be purchased, and I forgot to put the WoW account on hold and paid 15 bucks for an account we aren't using. Life goes on and a lot is sitting on my shoulders. It is scary - but I am starting to defrost from the panic I felt. I have to hustle, I have to pick up the phone, I have to connect with people in a very competitive business. So I do it. But, there is aa seismic shift happening deep inside me and I honestly didn't see it coming.

Something is happening to the way I see the world and the way I interact with it. I guess I didn't realize the impact of my environmental influences over the last few years. Though I am a pretty positive person by nature I found my self too often "going to a dark place in my mind", and preparing for the worst of behaviors from the folks with whom I had contact. It wasn't just that I would be prepared, because I have no problem with that - in fact I think preparation for the worst is a helpful skill. The problem was that I was beginning to believe that the worst would happen. And, of course, it often did.

Something dark had come over me and I don't think I knew it. I knew there was discomfort, I was aware of a disconnect, I felt a tenseness and could taste a dissonance, but I didn't realize the extent or the effect it was having on me. It was wearing me out and down in some very basic ways.

I was marinating in negativity. I was beginning to grasp at things instead of holding them gently. I remember having conversations with my self where I was worried that the dark world view would rub off on me permanently, or that people would begin to think of me in the way I was beginning to see my old company. I know that at the heart of my escape (and it is beginning to feel more like an escape and less than a job change with every passing moment)I wanted to prevent any further lasting damage from a stingy, negative, grasping and dark environment. I really need to reflect on the right description of what it felt like, but I remember it smelling like weakness, disdain, fear, desperation and hypocrisy.

We had a saying in our office - "Anybody is capable of anything at anytime." It is a great saying, and I still believe it today. It helps one be prepared for the worst very effectively. But, there are two sides to that equation, and one without the other does a disservice. We can be prepared for the worst, and also be prepared for the best. After all, someone could step up and surprise us with the best of human behavior, it doesn't always have to be a disaster. In fact, I am beginning to think we should expect the best while we prepare for the worst. That way if a person doesn't know how to react to us we give them a chance to be good.

This week people have been wonderful to me. I have seen and felt kindnesses from people I know as well as from strangers. Thousands of instances of people reaching out to me via the Virtual World and Real Life. Emails, phone calls, paper deliveries, LinkedIn connections offering to help me get my business off the ground, old friends reconnecting with a positive word, all expressions of mutual humanness. They have reminded me of what good we are capable of doing for ourselves and each other. Connection isn't just everything - it also makes everything easier.

We reap what we sow, and we do, indeed, become what we think. I am going to immerse myself in the thought of the possibilities of kindness, generosity and good manners. I am going to shape my life around those tenets because that is a life I can believe in and it is the universe I want.

The good is out there. I believe in it, I feel it and I choose to surround myself with it in the way I live, the way I work, and the people I choose to have in my life. I left my old job so I could create a life of work that was congruent with these core beliefs that are a deep part of who I am. I can feel it like a good, hot, richly scented bath in a roomy tub - it has welcomed me home, and I am soaking in it.

*Some of you may be too young to remember Madge. We're sorry. This is for you.

It is finally sinking in....

noreply@blogger.com (lisa rokusek) — Sat, 10 Nov 2007 18:44:00 +0000

I recently made a huge change in my life. I left a position I had held successfully for around a decade and decided to go into business for myself. I thought I could make a smooth transition by suddenly taking care of my self in addition to my previous employer, but I was wrong. Wrong to a magnitude that takes my breath away. Wrong in a way that sometimes wakes me up in the night frozen with fear. Wrong enough that I am fighting daily to not lose faith in myself. If I could be that wrong about how I could leave a company and a boss I thought I knew so well, what if I am wrong about being good enough to go it on my own. Ouch.

I don't really have enough distance yet to think objectively about this time in my life. Lawyers have been involved and accusations have been made of behaviors so inconsistent with my persona that it leaves me reeling with a sadness and weariness that is bone deep. Sadness, weariness, and a shot of full blown rage, of course.

Part of me sees some humor in this situation. Part of me, in my journey to the decision to leave this company that somehow was far too enmeshed in my sense of self, might have wanted to go out with a bang. There might have been a part of me that wanted to cause pain to mirror the pain I had been feeling. Part of me might have wanted to stick a hypothetical pencil in a hypothetical eye and say, "So THERE! Do you notice that I am actually not unimportant and I deserve some respect? Do you understand what an ass you have been? DO YOU SEE ME NOW?" The rest of me sees how scarycrazythursdaynighttvdrama that would be, and happily I was self aware enough to see that is not who I am, nor who I want to be.

So, I took that part of me and acknowledged it, gave it voice, and then actually behaved in a way more consistent with who I choose to be on a daily basis. At the end of the day, I do actually want to be one of the "good guys", even if I perhaps understand the guys in the black hats all too well.

Because I left a bad situation I have a real mess to deal with. An inconvenient mess that couldn't have had worse timing and couldn't have been planned better to push my buttons and ravage my fragile spaces. I now understand more than I ever did before why sometimes people choose to stay in untenable situations. Hell I did it myself, and I didn't even realize it while I was there. The payback for finally taking care of your own self and leaving can be really very horrible. At least I know that I did nothing wrong, that I tried to do everything right and my good motives are pretty clear. Plus, I documented. For the first freakin' time in my life.

Over the past years I have been thinking a lot about balance in work and in life and what I want my life to be. I began to realize that I can't wait until a more convenient and less scary time to live the life I want. So I decided to make it happen.

I have spent a lot of time working on my own fears of inadequacy, and my fears that I am a fraud and am not who or what people think I am. It sounds crazy to write that out, but I am starting, slowly, to track that those fears are not just my own personal shame. They are beginning to feel like part of the human condition and thus something that we all as humans can wrestle with separately and together and finally climb over.

I think screwing up my courage to leave a place that was far, far more unhealthy than even I admitted to myself is part of my (re)gaining my voice and my strength. But, as usual, I didn't make a change from one uncomfortable place into one with less discomfort. No training wheels here. No, I just jump from the frying pan into the crucible to see how well I'll do. I have no job, and thus our household has no income that I do not generate directly. The fears I have and the current threats of legal distractions directly impact my ability to do what I do to generate money, and I am faced with a situation that only stokes the flames of my neurosis while blowing up the plan I had to make a relatively comfortable transition. My timing for all of this could have been better, really. I decided to get healthy and stand up for myself just at the right time to put real pressure on Ginger to finish up the little house which will both be a physical space for me to work, and a way to generate some cash to take care of our financial realities. Silly rabbit.

But I still think it will be okay. Somehow I am still doing what I need to do, one tiny, babyish step at a time. And I am realizing that this moment, though fraught with challenges, fears, Windows Vista (of all things) other new frustrating software to learn, not enough space for my clutter, a problematic network and internet connection I don't understand, no money coming in and too much going out, and so much palpable fear, is just maybe cleaner and more honest than where I was before, and thus less dangerous to me.

Sometimes I am afraid that by leaving my old place I gave up whatever it was that made me good at being a recruiter. I am also beginning to admit to myself that, in part, I stayed there so long because I was afraid I wasn't capable of being successful anywhere else. I am beginning to see how hard it was for me gather my strength and will and believe I could walk out the door. I am so sad for that past me, and sort of ashamed I was and am that weak and fragile. It is sort of pitiful, and I hate being pitiful.

I keep fighting the shame, and I know and the fear will slowly clear as I keep push through it to act. Action breeds action and success. Pick up the phone, set up a meeting, do not hide, go connect with people. KEEP YOUR HEAD HIGH. If I do this the fear will go and the money will come. It always has.

Eventually I will feel less stiff and paralyzed by shock and the new and my own insecurities, and I believe I will enjoy this all very much. Most importantly, I will be (am?) living and working in ways and with people that are consistent with what I want and who I am. That change alone is enough to work though anything in my way.

fear relief

noreply@blogger.com (lisa rokusek) — Sun, 04 Nov 2007 16:53:00 +0000

Mary took me to brunch to plan my strategy and bolster my sanity. It needs so much bolstering right now. I am lucky to have so many people that are supportive but my goodness I do not know what I'd do without Ginger and Mary.

I went though all my documentation and laid out all my thoughts, and we were hungry. Who new that Mangia has such a great brunch. So cheap! So uncrowded and non smoky.

laurel, so beautiful in every way.

noreply@blogger.com (lisa rokusek) — Thu, 25 Oct 2007 21:48:00 +0000

my darling niece.

I got to go to visit my family as I sort out how I will conduct my business. I, though exhausted was able to go see laurel and her boyfriend. This is the thing I want to do more often. Family and friends are really so important, and this is part of why I want ed to leave my previous position.

Laurel is writing a paper on Vonnegut and I mentioned Harrison Bergeron. I told her it never failed to make me tear up.

This conversation alone was worth the trip, I think.

hoping lets us fail with honor.

noreply@blogger.com (lisa rokusek) — Sat, 20 Oct 2007 21:26:00 +0000

This is my office now, and though it is beautiful and I know this is the right thing to do, I am scared.

This is my office now. Hmm, is my life so bad if this is where I work? Heck no!

Despite my best efforts to leave without burning bridges - pain. The one time I go out on a limb to take care of myself while still doing my best to also take care of the company it is a disaster.

No time to stick my hand into the crazy, though. I know better.

What a perfect time to seek my balance. I will tend my garden and not worry about what he is doing.

This is so hard.

the end - a final look.

noreply@blogger.com (lisa rokusek) — Fri, 28 Sep 2007 21:28:00 +0000

I did it, .....but what will it become? An ending here will become a beginning elsewhere. It seems like this might be positive and hopeful and work out best for everyone.

I hope so.