The Ritter Files

New Comedy by Alderwood

2017-03-26T12:38:00.005-04:00

Stressed out, burned out, and divorced, J.D. is in dire need of a change of pace. When his father dies it is his one chance to throw caution to the wind, to hit the open road, on the trip of a lifetime that his dad had planned for him before kicking the bucket. After accidentally pissing off the mob in Atlantic City, J.D., Pete and Sarah blaze a trail across country that lands them in one crazy adventure after another.

Cyrus Alderwood presents a trio of characters in this boisterous comedy that readers can take to heart. He continues on with his unconventional style in this slapstick comedy for the ages. The wit and charm of the characters take you on a journey that touches on the philosophical meaning of life while the story leaves you craving more.

Those who buy the paperback version get the Kindle version FREE.

Coming Soon!

2016-09-23T16:16:00.001-04:00

Tales From the Sunset Pub, coming this Fall. This multi-genre book by authors Cyrus Alderwood and Mat Adder will certainly leave you stunned and wondering about the person next to you at your favorite watering hole. For updates on this and other works visit www.cyrusalderwood.com.

Whitetop Mountain

2015-04-26T13:44:00.002-04:00

After another long cold winter Spring is finally here and we've have some beautiful days mixed in with all of the rain. Hopefully this Summer will be warmer than last year and I can get a few more trips under my belt. This week (April 24th) I made my way to Whitetop Mountain in Mount Rodgers National Forest. Whitetop Mountain is the second tallest peak in Virginia behind Mount Rodgers. I took the opportunity of a sunny day to walk a little bit of the Appalachian Trail. Here are a few pictures from the top of the mountain.

Doosh Playlist

2014-11-29T10:17:00.001-05:00

The Doosh Playlist

I have spoken to many writers over the years about their writing habits and traditions. I have a tradition that I have kept since I finished the rough draft of my first book (written under another name) back in 2003. When I finish a rough draft I always take the time to go outside in the sun and smoke a premium cigar, usually a Makers Mark. I assume that’s better than stripping naked and drinking whiskey outside. At least for the neighbors!

I have noticed that most writers need absolute silence when they write. They can’t stand even the slightest of distraction. I guess that’s understandable. I, on the other hand, would go insane without some sort of background noise. I prefer to have music playing when I write, preferably something that sets the tone for what I am writing. If I am writing something that is edgy and a bit out there, like Bedtime Stories For the Terminally Afraid, I will listen to something like The Doors or even go so far as Type O Negative.

For this goofy book, A Man Called Doosh, I had a totally different playlist. If you haven’t read it yet you can pick it up for you Kindle or NOOK for only $2.99. It won’t break your bank account, but if you don’t check it out you just might break my heart. Heh! Oh, and while you’re at it, add The Doosh Playlist to your MP3. It makes your workout at the gym go faster.

Dirty White Boy by Foreigner
Jive Talkin’ by the Bee Gees
Don’t Bring Me Down by ELO
Saturday Nights Alright For Fighting by Elton John
Street Fighting Man by The Rolling Stones
I’m Too Sexy by Right Said Fred
Strut by Sheena Easton
U Got the Look by Prince
Legs by ZZ Top
TNT by AC/DC

Link for Kindle: http://www.amazon.com/Man-Called-Doosh-Cyrus-Alderwood-ebook/dp/B00PYW3XIU/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1417274156&sr=8-1&keywords=doosh

Link for NOOK: http://www.barnesandnoble.com/w/a-man-called-doosh-cyrus-alderwood/1120818560?ean=2940046419115

A Man Called Doosh!

2014-11-11T18:58:00.002-05:00

Eddie Duchesne has a big problem. He and his wife live a comfortable life like most, paycheck to paycheck. Only now that she is three months pregnant they lost their health insurance at his job because of the new health care law. What was adequate for their needs was suddenly illegal. Now Eddie has to pay twice as much for less coverage and they barely get by as it is. What’s the solution? Eddie takes a weekend job as a wrestler in Tampa to make enough extra money to afford their insurance.

Follow Eddie, aka “The Doosh” in this laugh a minute comedy as his wife comes up with a plan to make him infamous in Tampa, at least until the baby comes. “A Man Called Doosh!” is reminiscent of the old glory days of professional wrestling when working the local circuit was important and you never knew what was going to happen next. Bar fights, arrests, a drunken priest, jive talking, and one mean bastard make up the adventure that will keep you laughing your ass off. The Doosh, his wife, her two sexy friends, and Latino Heat are out to change wrestling in Tampa forever.

Enjoy the comedy! Coming soon to Amazon and other online ebook sellers.

2014-07-02T17:18:00.000-04:00

Supporting Independent Authors---and enjoying one heck of a good story.

If you've read some of my previous posts on here you'll know that I am very supportive of independent authors. Not all of us have the connections of best selling authors, and those of us that write know that seldom does an agent you query actually take the time to read what your synopsis is before telling you to piss off. It is too risky for them to try to make money off of a new writer. That's why most of the time these days authors sell a lot of books on their own and then the agents come out of the woodwork to sign them...when they have no risk but can share in the piece of the pie. Ever heard of Fifty Shades of Gray? Rich Dad, Poor Dad?

Before I rant, you should meet author Wendy Willett, author of Amber Shadows and the Missing Wands. I recently asked Wendy a few questions regarding her writing and experiences with her book.

What inspired you to start writing and when?

I've always had a creative side. Since I was a kid my talent and thirst for creativity has gone through several changes. First it was singing, then it was acting, then it was writing. While I can still sing and act, I prefer to be behind the scenes, creating the story. Writing started for me when I wrote an article in grammar school for our class newsletter and found it fun. After school I went to college and found it extremely boring. I wasn't taking courses I wanted, rather the courses they told me I had to take first year. They felt like nothing more than repeats of my senior high school classes. I graduated from Carmel High School for Girls, a college prep high school. They separated the girls from the boys back then and boys were only in my advanced courses, like Drama and Art. Now it is an integrated school. After I graduated, back then, the College of Lake County did not have a drama department and theater. Had they had those classes, I would have added them to my classes and stayed. So I decided to join the work force. I became a secretary for a sign company, met my ex husband and married. I retired 2 years later when I was near my due date to deliver my first born. From that point on, I was a stay-at-home mother. Time passed and I was expecting my second child. During that pregnancy I decided I needed something more in my life than just being a mother. I was bored and felt there had to be more to life than being a mother and wife. It was my creative side calling out to me. That is when I became a student of Institute of Children's Literature. My daughter was born in 2001. This made time hard to come by for studying, but I was able to get my diploma by studying when my children slept. During my last months of studying, the character Amber Shadows popped into my head. I felt it was time to write about a young female protagonist who had magically abilities, yet had emotional turbulence going on in her family life. Most books I had read had male protagonists and it seemed to me that it was done to death. Suddenly I was developing a story. Meanwhile, my professor wanted me to continue my education in advanced classes because of my high grades and talent for writing. She wanted me to go into journalism-writing articles. Now while writing articles was fun for me as a kid, it simply was not what I wanted to learn and do in my writing career. I told her I wanted to write and learn how to develop books, so she taught me to develop my talent of writing a full story from beginning to end. I have been working on writing various projects since then, when I am not working. A big influence on me in writing Amber Shadows would have to be all the works I read on science fiction, the supernatural, and of course my favorite...magic. Movies even influence me! I'll be watching a movie and for some reason, I'll find myself paying attention to the script more so than the whole movie. I'll be sitting there saying, the line should have been this... or that. I'll even ruin the ending for myself and guess the ending because I can not shut my writer's imagination off! When this started, I found that I like script writing and editing and decided to write the screen adaption to Amber Shadows and the Missing Wands, my first book in a planned series of four. I've edited scripts with others in the indie business, and found it was more enjoyable than writing scripts.

Tell us a bit about your future projects.

Projects I have started are still works in progress. I wrote the pilot to Maniacal Witch and although written and complete, it sits up on a shelf until such time as I can be free to pitch it and continue writing the series. I am open to a producer wanting to read it, buy the rights to it, and offer me a contract to consult on each episode with another writer, and receive a percentage of royalties. After having to deal with many disappointments in partnerships, people not following through because they weren't who they said they were, etc. I made the decision to remain solo as a writer on projects I am doing now. Currently, I am editing the Amber Shadows script adaption because it needs to come down in pages. I had put so much description in it because I wanted the director who contracts me to make the movie, to visualize the book as I had written it. So unless I can find a reputable producer and director who wants to read it at 140 pages, I need to get it down to the norm of 120 pages. The bad part of having to edit it down is, I feel I am taking away from the script in having to follow these formalities of the film business. I am also developing book II in the Amber Shadows series, Amber Shadows and the Crystal Locket of Lost Time. Each book I do in the series, will have a script adaption made for movie options. I will be writing the scripts but wouldn't mind another writer adapting each book so long as I have a say-so in the making of the movie. I want the filmmakers to stay true to the stories I write in the series just as J.K. Rowling did with the Harry Potter movies. There is another script project that I have been wanting to write about, possibly even make it a book first. The ideas are spinning around in my head every day so it will be written. I'm keeping it hush, hush though, because I do not want the idea stolen by another writer who decides to claim it as his/her own. That happens way too often in this business. There are also a couple other ideas brewing in my head for books to write. However, right now my focus is on the Amber Shadows book series and script adaptions. Once the Amber Shadows series is done, I will be moving on to my other projects.

Who is your favorite writer?

I don't have any. I enjoy many works of various writers, but to say one of them is my favorite would be playing favorites, so I won't say. I did enjoy the Harry Potter series and the Charlie Bone series, stories I've read from my friends such as Pot of Gold, which would make an awesome screenplay by the way. And I've always loved the works of Sir Conan Doyle and J.R. Tolkien. I've recently taken to reading the Fallen Series by Thomas Sniegoski when I can find time.

What kind of experiences have you had promoting your book?

For the most part I promote on FB and Twitter. I have done book signings/readings for the grade school my children attended. One reading in particular stands out in my memory. It was the first time I was asked to talk to the 5th grade students and teachers about writing books and screenplays. They wanted to inspire their students to write short stories and develop them properly, so they asked me to read for them an excerpt from Amber Shadows and the Missing Wands book and talk about my experience as an author/writer. To make them see how amazing reading and writing is, I read each character as if I was the actual character. I found this extremely fun to do because I was able to put my acting abilities to use too. Afterwards, I received a standing ovation. The kids stormed up to me for autographed posters of the book cover. That was such a rush and one I will never forget! I only wish I could do more book readings/signings. Another time I was asked to teach book writing at another grammar school in Libertyville Illinois. I gave them a project to work on and their teachers only had to follow up on how well they developed their stories. I miss going out to meet students and fans for book signings, but the reality is I have to maintain a paying job while writing in my spare time. Perhaps in the future I will be able to resume book signings and readings. The kids/fans are amazing and fun to talk to. If I can inspire at least one child to write and develop their talent, then it is more than worth the time given. There is such a joy in reaching out to kids about reading and writing.

You can find Amber Shadows by searching Amazon and all other major online book retailers.

10 Commandments of College Life

2014-03-30T13:03:00.000-04:00

10. I don’t encourage underage drinking. In fact, I suggest you don’t break the law. However, I’m not an idiot. You go away to college and you’re away from home and the parental controls and you’re likely to partake in an adult beverage from time to time. Or for some of you party animals…every damn weekend and Wednesdays. So if you insist on drinking, I suggest you pick out a liquor that you actually like and slowly build up a tolerance. Slowly! I mean that. Don’t go pick up a fifth of your new favorite and drink half the bottle on a Friday night. You know what happens when you do that? You either have the worst hangover of your life that lasts for three days or you freaking die. Seriously. Go slow. That way over your college years when you have a birthday or a party or something, your cohorts will recognize you as the guy that likes Crown or a particular vodka. They’ll give you those as gifts from time to time and if you pace yourself you’ll have a nice stash of whatever you drink that should last you at least two or three years past college. Why pay for it if you can have enough of it bought for you for various reasons.

9. Pick a cool professor that you actually like. Preferably someone who is closer to your age and barely tenured. You never know when you might need a professor to have your back when you do some dumb shit at college.

8. Do not buy beer for minors!! I stress that. It’s bad. However, once again I won’t be foolish. If you insist on buying beer for underage drinkers, recruit two or three friends along with you to be the beer-buyers. It is best that at least a couple of those “of age” friends be pretty girls. Pretty girls get invited to more parties. When everyone is drunk let the hosts know that they are running low on beer. You’d hate for the babes to leave. So you collect $ from these suckers to go out and buy another case for them. Make sure you approach people individually about the beer shortage. Collect ten bucks from four or five people. Come back and drop off the case of beer. Collect $50 for a $20 case of cheap beer. Split the proceeds with your pals. You hit a few parties each weekend and make a couple hundred bucks. Not a bad score and you look like the good guy for doing the deed.

7. Make friends with a couple of upper classmen with a nice apartment. You never know when your roommate is going to be a dick and you need some place to crash.

6. Now that you’re in college and all growed up, it’s time to put away that shit music that got you through high school and expand your musical tastes. Listen to different things. No more Ke$sha, no more shitty rap music where every other word has to be deleted in the videos. Don’t be that person that still listens to Minaj and Miley, or that white kid that still thinks he’s bad ass by swinging that baseball cap around backwards and listening to gangsta rap. Don’t be that douche bag. Go back and explore musical history by checking out some old Muddy Watters, crossing time into the late 60’s, the re-emergence of some edgier music in the 70’s. I do suggest you avoid disco. But make sure you hang out in the era of George Clinton and the P-Funk Allstars. You will Funkin’ dig it. Try some newer alternative stuff. Don’t be closed minded. It’s a big damn world out there. Pop culture just slings mind numbing shit for the masses. Be smarter than that.

5. A simple slogan says it all: Better Dead Than Red. I’d wager a guess that at least 95% of the faculty at your university are left wing progressives. Don’t let those commies beat the spirit of socialism into you. Question authority. After all, they hide on campus behind academia and have never had to produce in the real world. Those that can DO. Those that can’t TEACH. Remember that. Communism sucks. Don’t let the commies beat you down. To borrow a word from your pals Public Enemy, “Fight The Power.”

4. Be a prankster. You have four to six years of college, depending on how lazy you are. Have some fun with it. It’s a great time before you go into the real world and actually have to take responsibility for your actions. Find someone else in your dorm that has a good sense of humor and won’t kill you for pushing the envelope against them and start a good natured practical joke war. Be careful that you don’t take it too far. You don’t want to be newsworthy at 6 o’clock or anything. Try something funny like waiting until your target is out of his room. He will likely lock the door if he’s smart. That’s when you take a piss in a pizza pan and put it in the freezer. When it is frozen you take it out and pop the frozen circle of piss out like you would with an ice tray. Then you slide it under the door with enough force that it makes it to the middle of his room. When he gets back he’ll wonder how someone got in and took a piss in his floor. A clever little trick if you can avoid being caught by your R.A.

3. Enjoy life in the Quad. When it is warm girls show up in bikinis to work on their tan. It is especially fun to hang out during co-ed intramurals. I knew a guy who would sneak out at night and drop a deuce in the sand where they play volleyball. That was always a laugh when some guy would tromp through the litter box with no shoes on.

2. Debt sucks. Don’t let the snake oil salesmen pawn a dozen credit cards on you that you can’t even make payments on. And you definitely don’t want to still be paying for a cheese pizza you ate during your junior year three years after you graduate. Don’t run up a lot of credit card debt unless, of course, your parents are footing the bill. Then by all means go buy that new Kindle.

1. Don’t forget to be a dreamer. That nerd at Facebook invented that platform while he was in college. Bill Gates and Steve Jobs dropped out of college and made their millions because they weren’t afraid to chase dreams. Just because you are in college doesn’t mean that you can develop some new concept or find your own niche in this world. Those who are foolish enough to think they can change the world are the one’s that actually do.

So here is one more tip for you guys who are planning on going to college this Fall. Get out a notepad and a pen and take some notes. These movies will change your point of view about college life. Make sure you watch these before the next semester. This is important.

American Pie 2
PCU
Old School
Revenge of the Nerds
Revenge of the Nerds 2
The Graduate (an old movie, but the guy shows you how to extend your lazy streak well past college and how to get lucky at the same time)
With Honors
Dead Man On Campus
Back To School

A College Class About Miley Cyrus...Are You Kidding?

2014-03-27T19:06:00.000-04:00

According to an article on Yahoo News, a small liberal arts college in upstate New York (Skidmore College) is offering a college course on Miley Cyrus. Take a moment to insert your own joke here. I don’t think I need to go into an explanation of what is wrong with America’s college system these days. I am curious as to how the professor convinced the powers that be at Skidmore how a class about Miley Cyrus will add to the stature of the University, add to the overall well-roundedness of the student body, and how this class will help students be more prepared for life in the real world after graduation.

I have a college degree and a ton of debt to go along with it that I’m still paying for. Outside of a handful of classes that were actually helpful, I could have gotten the same level of education at the public library and from the Internet. That would have saved me from still having to pay an ass-load of debt. I feel bad for college grads today coming out into this so-called economic recovery only to have lower level or temp jobs and having all that debt come due while they still can’t land that first great job they hoped for. If I were a college student and this class was the best new offering they could come up with I would seriously consider a transfer.

But to offer a class about Miley Cyrus and having to pay a good sum for it seems somewhat ridiculous to me. The 21 year old Justin Bieber look-alike seems to be on the verge of an emotional breakdown like a lot of other child stars that grew up on camera before her. I’m not pissing on the her talent or anything, I’m just making a point that offering a class on cultural success when the girl is barely legal seems a bit dumb. Perhaps the college would be better served having a class about how pop culture impacts society. The whole art imitates life imitates art sort of thing. Starting with the rise of rock and roll in the 50’s and the emergence of Hollywood would be a great place to start.

And besides, if you have to pick one cultural icon to dedicate to an entire class I can think of a lot of more deserving icons. I’m sure Cyrus would agree. How about the blonde bombshell herself, Marilyn Monroe. Or maybe Andy Warhol, The Beatles, or any number of amazing actors with a storied history such as Jack Nicholson or Humphrey Bogart. Or perhaps someone who doesn’t rip off the

80’s band Accept by swinging from a wrecking ball in her video with a Bieb’s haircut. We’ve seen that video before, but we can be thankful that the guy from Accept kept his clothes on during the video for Balls To The Wall.

Oh, before I forget. Angus from AC/DC had been there before as well.

It Takes Heart...Chasing Hollywood

2013-07-24T14:57:00.003-04:00

On my Facebook page, Author Cyrus Alderwood (a pen name) I have a lot of actors as friends on that list. Initially I set the page up to promote my latest book, but I got a lot more out of that just a few book sales. I paid attention to a lot of the posts that actors put up (many of whom would be considered as struggling actors chasing their dreams) and learned a good bit about the best of human nature and desire.

I am fortunate to have as a friend an actor named Jake Lawson who is originally from Gate City, Virginia, not far from where I grew up. I met Jake some time ago through mutual friends in the area (yes it is a small world in rural Virginia) and learned a good deal about the path that his life had taken and what kind of sacrifices and dedication it takes to follow your dreams. In short you need courage. And true to the title of this blog, it takes heart.

I sat down to talk with Jake a while back to interview him about his chosen career path and the struggles that come along with it. If you are an optimistic person that is chasing a goal or dream, Jake’s story should be a bit of inspiration. You see, Jake recently had a great turn in his acting career having filmed “Solace” with Anthony Hopkins and Colin Farrell. Following on the heels of that breakthrough he was picked up for a major role in “Field of Shoes,” a story set back during the times of slavery in the South. Both major films will be released in 2014. If you don’t know who Jake Lawson is, you very well might by this time next year.

I asked Jake what it takes to chase your dreams and barely get by in L.A. for 9 years before getting a break.

“You have to have that never say die attitude,” he says. “Life in this business is tough. You have to keep improving and believing in yourself. And now, finally, after nine years I’m seeing good results from the hard work I put into it. You have to have family and friends to lean on through the tough times. They get you through them.”

He worked countless jobs in L.A. to get by. Just like most actors that are trying to make their way, he worked in food services, worked as a substitute teacher, worked construction, and countless other tough jobs just to get by. However, Jake didn’t leave for L.A. right after college to chase his dreams. He started out as a school teacher in the Gate City school system teaching English and coaching the basketball team.

“Growing up I always loved basketball. I have a passion for it. I wanted to be the next Mike Kryzewski and that’s why I took the collegiate path I chose. I wanted to coach for a career.”
Jake decided to go back to graduate school in order to chase that goal. He coached for a small college for four years before taking a job coaching another high school team in Oak Ridge, TN. The transition back to high school was tough so he left that job and went back to Gate City. After working for a local attorney and politician for a short while he knew that it was time to take the plunge into acting, something that he had been wanting to try since he was a kid. Jake went to Nashville where he got his Screen Actors Guild card after filming a couple of commercials for the U.S. Army and Goodwill. In 2003 he left for L.A.

He had the courage to leave behind a steady job, predictable income, and health benefits to follow a dream that had been a part of him for most of his life. When I asked how tough that was, he said it wasn’t a hard choice at all. “This was what I was always supposed to do.”
“I just want to keep the momentum going,” he said when he explained that he just signed with the top talent agent in the southeast.

I asked him what his thoughts were as he reflected back on the past nine difficult years.
“Thank God for all those old jobs and struggles. That was my path to travel. You have to enjoy the journey.”

Jake is a great example of hard work and dedication. I always keep a simple philosophy in my head when things are tough and find that you don’t have many supporters in your corner. Winners focus on what they are going to. Losers focus on what they are going through.

You can get more information about Jakes acting career at the Internet Movie Database: http://www.imdb.com/name/nm2743448/?ref_=sr_1
One of my favorites, he played the crazy old preacher in a small town zombie movie spoof.

Go Read Some Comedy, Damnit!

2013-07-19T22:29:00.001-04:00

You know that feeling you get when you’ve went way too long without a break? The constant stress of work and life catches up with you and all you want to do is escape to your own private beach or cabin somewhere and take a week to relax. To do absolutely nothing but enjoy the sunshine, the peace of nature, the stars shining brightly at night, and maybe read a good book.

You need a vacation…some time away to find yourself. To rethink your life and the path you’re on. It’s that place where being exhausted is borderline burnout. That place where you don’t want to be.

That’s where J.D. found himself in the book “Pot of Gold.” Working long hours at the bank and burned out with his station in life, he finds himself constantly stressed. To add to his woes he receives the letter stating that his divorce from his high school girlfriend is final. It was a rough marriage with a bad ending. Just when he thought his day couldn’t get worse, he receives a letter from a local attorney informing him that the father he never knew had passed away.

J.D. meets with the lawyer thinking he’s to discuss the matter of a small inheritance. Instead, J.D. is given an opportunity. A once in a lifetime opportunity. His father left behind a chance for him to take an adventure, one that could change his life forever. He accepts the challenge and sets off cross country with his best friend and troublemaker, Pete.

As they travel the path J.D.’s father set out for them they somehow manage to piss off the wrong people, the New Jersey mob. “Pot of Gold” is the hilarious journey from coast to coast of friends looking for their own purpose in life with two aloof mobsters on their heels trying to bury them along the way.

"Pot of Gold" can be purchased at all major online retailers such as Amazon and Barnes & Noble.

Top 35 Hair Bands

2013-06-14T19:22:00.003-04:00

There’s nothing like going to a concert and paying way too much for a ticket and getting a mediocre show at best. It also reminded me of times when the rock shows were more like a party, the ticket price for general admission was $19.50 and if you got there early enough you were pretty darn close to the stage to see you favorite bands. Yep, that was the 1980’s when there was always a tour going on…a headlining act and usually two other glam bands that opened up for them. The show would get kicked off at 7:30 and wouldn’t end before 11:00.

I remember seeing a lot of Hair Bands (of Glam Metal, if you prefer) back in the 80’s and early 90’s before MTV killed rock and roll. So, I thought I would put together a list of my top 35 Hair Bands of that era. I’m sure I’ll leave some out. But here’s my list of personal favorites.

35. Def Leppard
34. Extreme
33. Bulletboys
32. Whitesnake
31. Motley Crue
30. Helix
29. Dirty Looks
28. Thunder
27. Slaughter
26. Scorpions
25. Bon Jovi (Not a real fan, but Wanted Dead or Alive is bad ass enough to get them on the list)
24. Badlands
23. Warlock
22. White Loion
21. Lynch Mob
20. Enuff Z’ Nuff
19. Trixter
18. Britny Fox
17. Tuff
16. Tesla
15. Shark Island
14. W.A.S.P.
13. Quiet Riot
12. Lita Ford
11. Poison
10. Warrant
9. Twisted Sister
8. Skid Row
7. Great White
6. L.A. Guns
5. Faster Pussycat
4. Dokken
3. Ratt
2. Kix
1. Cinderella

The Next Indiana Jones Movie

2013-05-20T21:04:00.001-04:00

One of my favorite movie franchises of the 1980's was Inidana Jones. The first in the series, Raiders of the Lost Ark, still remains my favorite to this day. Although they are all great, you must admit that one is tough to beat. Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom was great, and in the 1990's we saw a revival of the brand with Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade.

Harrison Ford has starred in some of the best movies of the last thirty years, but we movie buffs will always remember him as Han Solo and Indiana Jones. That is why it was kind of sad when I went to the movies and watched Indiana Jones and the Crystal Skull. It was also a great movie, and the plot moved forward from Indiana Jones always battling the Nazi's to finding a new foe with the Soviets during the Cold War. It was refreshing to see him square off in a new adventure with a new foe.

However, father time catches up to all of us. I was a bit skeptical when I first heard Shia LaBeouf was to play his son and potentially take up the lead for the franchise. I have to admit that I'm not a big fan of the Transformer movies, which is why I was I skeptical. However, after seeing that movie when it came out I was very much surprised that the torch had been passed so effectively.

I think LaBeouf will do an excellent job with the franshise if the powers that be in Hollywood decide to make a few more Jones movies. So the big question is...when and if they will make another? Is it already being developed? I sure hope so!

Remember the 80's?

2013-03-28T18:23:00.002-04:00

I thought I'd take a few moments and share the introduction to the book, The Ultimate 80's. It's available on all e-reader formats. I have included the links for it at Amazon and Barnes & Noble at the bottom of this post. You'll like the book. Not only does it bring back a ton of good memories, but it's funny, too! Enjoy!

Ah, the 1980’s. Just getting a chance to hang out with friends brings back so many thoughts of that amazing decade. Growing up in the 80’s meant that we were a bit more innocent than we are now, we were the last generation of kids that would go out and play at night without the hassle of a cell phone and as long as we were home a few minutes after the street lamps came on then all was well in the world. In fact, the only people with a “cell” phone were the super rich like Gordon Gekko from the movie Wall Street, and the only people with beepers were drug dealers! How about that for being in the technological stone age!

If you’ve bought this book (and obviously you have), I bet one of the first things that went through your mind when you found this book was that goofy email that goes around from time to time and on Face Book called “Children of the 80’s.” Well, there were actually a few versions of that email going around, but here is one version that probably looks familiar:

We are the children of the Eighties. We are not the first "lost generation" nor today's lost generation; in fact, we think we know just where we stand - or are discovering it as we speak. We are the ones who played with Lego Building Blocks when they were just building blocks and gave Malibu Barbie crewcuts with safety scissors that never really cut.
We collected Garbage Pail Kids and Cabbage Patch Kids and My Little Ponies and Hot Wheels and He-Man action figures and thought She-Ra looked just a little bit like I would when I was a woman. Big Wheels and bicycles with streamers were the way to go, and sidewalk chalk was all you needed to build a city. Imagination was the key. It made the Ewok Treehouse big enough for you to be Luke and the kitchen table and an old sheet dark enough to be a tent in the forest. Your world was the backyard and it was all you needed. With your pink portable tape player, Debbie Gibson sang back up to you and everyone wanted a skirt like the Material Girl and a glove like Michael Jackson's.
Today, we are the ones who sing along with Bruce Stringsteen and The Bangles perfectly and have no idea why. We recite lines with the Ghostbusters and still look to The Goonies for a great adventure. We flip through T.V. stations and stop at The A Team and Knight Rider and Fame and laugh with The Cosby Show and Family Ties and Punky Brewster and what you talkin' 'bout Willis? We hold strong affections for The Muppets and The Gummy Bears and why did they take the Smurfs off the air? After school specials were only about cigarettes and step-families, the Polka Dot Door was nothing like Barney, and aren't the Power Rangers just Voltron reincarnated?
We are the ones who still read Nancy Drew and the Hardy Boys, the Bobbsey Twins, Beverly Clearly and Judy Blume, Richard Scary and the Electric Company. Friendship bracelets were ties you couldn't break and friendship pins went on shoes - preferably hightop Velcro Reeboks - and pegged jeans were in, as were Units belts and layered socks and jean jackets and jams and charm necklaces and side pony tails and just tails. Rave was a girl's best friend; braces with colored rubberbands made you cool.
The backdoor was always open and Mom served only red Kool-Aid to the neighborhood kids- we never drank New Coke. Entertainment was cheap and lasted for hours. All you needed to be a princess was high heels and an apron; the Sit'n'Spin always made you dizzy but never made you stop; Pogoballs were dangerous weapons and Chinese Jump Ropes never failed to trip someone. In your Underoos you were Wonder Woman or Spider Man or R2D2 and in your treehouse you were king.In the Eighties, nothing was wrong. Did you know the president was shot? Star Wars was not only a movie. Did you ever play in a bomb shelter? Did you see the Challenger Shuttle explode or feed the homeless man? We forgot Vietnam and watched Tiananman's Square on CNN and bought pieces of the Berlin Wall at the store. AIDS was not the number one killer in the United States. We didn't start the fire, Billy Joel.
In the Eighties, we redefined the American Dream, and those years defined us. We are the generation in between strife and facing strife and not turning our backs. The Eighties may have made us idealistic, but it's that idealism that will push us and be passed on to our children - the first children of the twenty-first century. Never forget: We are the children of the Eighties.
Yes, America! We are the children of the 80’s. So who are we? That can be summed up by a simple essay. If you are truly a child of the 80’s, you won’t need me to tell you what movie this comes from. You’ll know from reading the first line.

“Dear Mr. Vernon:

We accept the fact that we had to sacrifice a whole Saturday in detention for whatever it was we did wrong. But, we think you're crazy to make us write an essay telling you who we think we are. You see us as you want to see us: in the simplest terms, in the most convenient definitions. But, what we found out is that each one of us is: a brain . . .
And an athlete…
And a basket case…
A princess…
And a criminal…
Does that answer your question?

Sincerely yours,

The Breakfast Club”
　
Welcome to the 1980’s all over again. Let’s have some fun!

http://www.amazon.com/The-Ultimate-80s-ebook/dp/B007Y6WZF6/ref=sr_1_3?ie=UTF8&qid=1364509224&sr=8-3&keywords=the+ultimate+80%27s

http://www.barnesandnoble.com/w/the-ultimate-80s-john-schweingrouber/1113572765?ean=2940044993952

You Might Be a Redneck...

2013-03-15T20:49:00.001-04:00

Not to go all "Jeff Foxworthy" on you, but if you have a pair of swinging truck balls on the back of your Ford...you might be a redneck.

(This concludes the shortest blog post on the web.)

The 80's Best Songs

2013-02-23T20:18:00.002-05:00

Do you know that feeling you get when you're driving down the road and one of your favorite songs comes on the radio, one from when you were in high school? Maybe it's a rockin' tune and your pulse races and you speed up a little bit when you hear "I Can't Drive 55" or "Panama" is playing. Or maybe it's one of those classics like "When Doves Cry" by Prince and the Revolution or "Don't You Forget About Me," the classic theme song to The Breakfast Club movie.

Whatever the song, nostalgia sets in. It does for me. Everytime I hear "Heat of the Moment" by Asia I crank the radio up loud and think back to those fun times. Hanging out with friends and "cruising" around town just to see who else was out and what our other freinds from school were doing for fun. Sometimes we'd end up at a friends' house playing Nintendo or watching a movie. Of course back then they were all on VHS. Yep, those old dinosaurs are long forgetten by now unless you were a part of the last batch of kids to see those. We would go back out and cruise around a while longer playing music from the cassettes put out by our favorite bands back then (Def Leppard, Motley Crue, Huey Lewis and the News, etc...) only to end up at someone's house to watch Saturday Night Live back when it was in it's prime.

So as you think back to those times, your favorite songs, your best friends...take a walk with me through the 80's and smile. Check out my book about those times, our experiences, and all things fun about the 80's. Tell some friends about it, then get together over drinks and talk about some good times. The Ultimate 80's is available in all e-reader formats, but here is where you can check it out if you have an Amazon Kindle:

http://www.amazon.com/The-Ultimate-80s-ebook/dp/B007Y6WZF6/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1361666122&sr=8-1&keywords=the+ultimate+80%27s

The Americans!

2013-02-13T16:27:00.003-05:00

The Americans, the newest show on FX, is a breath of fresh air for viewers who are tired of and turned off by the endless and mindless number of reality TV shows. Finally a show that highlights mystery and intrigue on a weekly basis. If you haven’t been following the show so far I suggest you set your DVR Wednesday nights and enjoy this roller coaster of international espionage.

This show is set in the early 1980’s and features a married couple with two young kids. By day they seem like just another ordinary American family living in the suburbs of D.C. However, they were trained in Russia to be spies in America, to blend in with the culture, to raise children like every other family, and to conduct deadly high level espionage when instructed by their bosses from Moscow. In the second episode their task was to plant a bug inside the home of the Secretary of Defense.

So what’s next and where will their loyalties ultimately lie as they are torn between the commitment to their homeland and their two kids and life in America. Give this show a chance and you’ll likely not be disappointed.

It's the Little Things

2012-12-22T22:16:00.000-05:00

Just a few random thoughts during this holiday. With Christmas just a few days away I am always mindful this time of year that it is the little things that count in life. It’s not about gifts and decorations, it’s about the moments that you share with others. A laugh, a smile, an encouraging or complimentary word.

It’s been a long year for a lot of people. The economy still sucks. In my region the main economic driver is the energy sector and thousands of families are out of work during this holiday season. Recently the school shooting in Newtown, CT reminded us that there is evil in this world and that life is precious and sometimes cut way too short.

I got a package in the mail yesterday that emphasizes this point. I opened the box with a kid-like excitement and smiled and laughed at every trinket in the box, things for ages 3 and up. Oh, and some really great hot chocolate powder that I refuse to share with anyone! But I was reminded again that it is the little things that count. There could have been a $500 gift inside of that box. But nothing compared to the fact that someone thought about me and gave me some gifts to keep me chuckling. Just being thought about was priceless. I called to say thanks for the gifts and probably spent over a half hour laughing over the phone. A great conversation is a gift that lasts forever because it is in your memories going forward. Something as goofy as a socket monkey night light brought a lot of joy.

So remember this holiday how it’s the little things that matter. My older sister is going through chemotherapy for breast cancer right now. Spending some time with her goofing off is priceless. Sharing some laughs and some funny gifts with someone special is priceless. Remember those things that money can’t buy and that’s where you’ll find the best gifts of all.

Top 10 One Hit Wonders of the 80's

2012-12-20T20:19:00.000-05:00

When I think back on growing up in the 80's I remember mostly how dynamic and fun the culture was. It was a time of excess on all levels. "Excess" is a word I use a lot in my book The Ultimate 80's (available for all eBook formats at online retailers). Excess in fashion, excess in movies and television, and mostly in music. The 80's kicked off with the new wave phenomenon and the rise of MTV and its impact on the culture at large, and on the politics of the day.

I cover a lot of fun topics in my eBook, including a ton of personal top ten lists in the world of fashion, music, television, and movies. You'll find a lot of interesting trivia in the book. But one topic I didn't cover in much detail was the one hit wonders of the 80's. There were a lot of them! So I thought I'd toss in my personal top 10 one hit wonders of the 80's. Got a few of your own favorites, feel free to share them.

10. Eddie Grant - "Electric Avenue"
9. Nena - "99 Luft Balloons"
8. John Parr - "St. Elmo's Fire (Man In Motion)"
7. T'Pau - "Heart and Soul"
6. The Outfield - "Your Love"
5. Rockwell - "Somebody's Watching Me"
4. Gary Numan - "Cars"
3. Modern English - "I Melt With You"
2. Big Country - "In A Big Country"
1. Flock of Seagulls - "I Ran"

NOOK and Kindle!

2012-12-15T22:10:00.000-05:00

Since I am in the process of writing a new novel, I thought I'd take a moment to share with you the link for my author page on Barnes & Noble's website. (At the bottom of this blog).

So far I have 7 books available online for eReaders. Four are in a horror series (Legends and Landmarks), two are short story compilations. Those short stories are kind of like horror meets the Twilight Zone. The other book I have is a humorous nostalgia book about the 80's.

Also, I have a short story available for free that is titled Game, Set, Match. I wanted to make something free for readers so those who haven't read my work can get a fun sample before spending your hard earned money. Everything is under $10, no need to charge high prices for something that has no overhead or uses physical materials like paper and ink.

My books are available in all eReader formats. Thanks to those who have bought my work. If you haven't, take some time to at least get the free download and see if you like it. eBooks make a great Christmas gift! I appreciate all of my readers, and thanks again.

Cheers!

http://www.barnesandnoble.com/s/schweingrouber?keyword=schweingrouber&store=allproducts&iehack=%E2%98%A0

Hooray Beer!

2012-12-12T12:31:00.001-05:00

According to a Yahoo news article, the consumption of beer can help fight off the common cold. It seems like a chemical compound found in the hops provides the human body with the ability to fight the virus behind the common cold. The study was conducted by a Japanese beer company, but I’ll still consider this bit of news the gospel until told otherwise.

Did you know that studies have also shown that beer consumption can also help with bone density and reducing the risks of heart disease and Alzheimer’s? It’s true. So next time you decide that having a few beers with your pals is a good idea and your wife wants to complain about it, just tell her that you’re drinking for your health so you two will have many more years together.

Who was it that said beer is proof that god loves us? Well, whoever said it was a wise man. Enjoy some famous quotes about beer and drink up! For your health!

"I would give all my fame for a pot of ale and safety."
-Shakespeare, ‘King Henry V.’

"Who cares how time advances? I am drinking ale today."
- Edgar Allan Poe

"Always remember that I have taken more out of alcohol than alcohol has taken out of me"
- Winston Churchill

"I am a firm believer in the people. If given the truth, they can be depended upon to meet any national crisis. The great point is to bring them the real facts, and beer."
-Abraham Lincoln

"24 hours in a day, 24 beers in a case. Coincidence?"
–Stephen Wright

"Sometimes when I reflect back on all the beer I drink I feel ashamed. Then I look into the glass and think about the workers in the brewery and all of their hopes and dreams. If I didn’t drink this beer, they might be out of work and their dreams would be shattered. Then I say to myself, "It is better that I drink this beer and let their dreams come true than be selfish and worry about my liver."
-by Jack Handy

"Beer, the cause of, and solution to all of life’s problems."
- Homer Simpson

"You can’t be a real country unless you have a beer and an airline – it helps if you have some kind of football team, or some nuclear weapons but at the very least you need a beer."
- Frank Zappa

Top 10 Power Ballads of the 80's

2012-11-11T09:21:00.000-05:00

The power ballad was a staple among 80’s hard rock and hair metal bands. Once Motley Crue released Home Sweet Home from their Theatre of Pain album, it was pretty much expected from then on that every hard rock and hair metal band had to include at least one song and video of their own power ballad. It’s a good thing those became popular because it was those songs that brought out most of the girls to the concerts. Personally speaking, it was nice to have some eye candy at every hard rock show I went to during those years.

I’m a big fan of Top 10 lists, so here is my own personal Top 10 of power ballads during the 80’s. This list is only for hard rock and hair metal bands. I don’t care how good Survivor was during the 80’s, they don’t make the list because they weren’t hard rock or hair metal. So here’s the list (always subject to change depending on my mood).

10. Dokken---Alone Again

9. White Lion---When the Children Cry
8. Tesla---Love Song
7. Kix---Don’t Close Your Eyes
6. KISS---Reason To Live
5. L.A. Guns---The Ballad of Jayne
4. Faster Pussycat---House of Pain
3. Aerosmith---Angel
2. Cinderella---Nobody’s Fool
1. Motley Crue---Home Sweet Home

Way too many honorable mentions for this list, but Lita Ford’s “Close My Eyes Forever” would be on there. So would Queen’s “Who Wants To Live Forever.” I think the only band that never did a power ballad was AC/DC. Could “Whole Lot of Rosie” be considered a love song? Hehe, don’t think so. “The Price” by Twisted Sister suddenly comes to mind. That was a great song. W.A.S.P.'s "Forever Free" was another great song that was very underrated.

Of course, no one could ever forget Poison’s “Every Rose Has It’s Thorn,” or the ballads by Guns N Roses, Warrant and Whitesnake. What a fun decade.

All of these bands and more are highlighted in my eBook, The Ultimate 80’s. You can find it for your Kindle, NOOK, and all other eReader devices. Hope you take some time to check it out. And tell your friends to check it out, too.

The Ultimate 80’s by John Schweingrouber

Ahhhh, Autumn!

2012-09-22T16:57:00.002-04:00

This is my favorite time of year. There's nothing lip a cool nip in the air to make someone feel more alive as the seasons change once again. It's especially nice for me because of the change of colors throughout nature. I'm colorblind, so for about three weeks in the Fall all the colors seem to come alive for me for the first time all year.

It's kind of hard to explain to people what my colorblindness means in the scope of everyday life. I probably see things much the same way, just a shade or two different. But when it comes to nature, the green (which I don't see as everyone else does) seems just as bland to me as a dry winter day in many regards.

So on this great Autumn day I had the chance to spend some time with friends and my sister, and spent some time talking to others that mean a lot to me. The only thing that would make it better would be to spend some time at the lake enjoying the beauty of nature with someone special. I hope you enjoy the season as much as I do.

Caruso-Cabrera vs. Energy Independence

2012-08-17T17:45:00.000-04:00

So I’m sitting around on this overcast Friday pondering topics to blog about and a few ideas come to mind. I thought about going a bit in the gutter by comparing the babes of CNBC vs. those of Fox Business. Or maybe a top ten list of the hottest ladies on all news channels combined. Can anyone say Michelle Caruso Cabrera? Wowzer!

But I settled on a topic that is a bit closer to home when it comes to our wallets. I’m watching CNBC and listening to an oil analyst at Oppenheimer discuss the risks in the Middle East that could impact the cost of oil. There is a possibility that the unrest in other parts of the region could spill over into Saudi Arabia, although slim. However, let’s consider the result if it did happen. Currently the U.S. gets just under 20% of its oil from Saudi Arabia, according to various web sources. If that country came to a standstill it would certainly throw a shock to the system.

If Saudi oil production stopped then most analysts seem to agree that oil prices would double very quickly. If that happened then how would you, Joe Citizen, feel about another war in the Middle East involving American troops while those of us at home are paying $7 a gallon for gas? Let’s assume the perfect storm happened over there and Iran develops nuke’s and halts oil shipments out of the Strait of Hormuz. Israel and Iran would be on the brink of war, and that would also lead to American military action. How about $250-$300 per barrel of oil and $10-$12 per gallon of gas? This isn’t outside the realm of possibility.

The thing that bothers me most about our energy situation is that we have so much energy here in America that we don’t need to spend a dime in that part of the world. It sucks that when we fill up our tanks some of that money goes back to that region and falls into the hands of governments that hate us. Some of that money falls in the hands of terrorist groups that are hell bent on killing you and me.

It sickens me that since I was a kid every politician for high office has promised American energy independence. Every single one of them has lied to America. Their reward for lying and pushing our country to the verge of economic collapse…they continue to get paid for life even long after being booted from office. Isn’t it ironic how someone gets elected to congress as a middle class attorney, getting a salary for elected office of around $130,000 a year but miraculously are worth untold millions when they are defeated for re-election or retire? Corrupt bastards.

With all the oil, coal, and natural gas we have we have no excuse to not achieve energy independence within two years. But, no political will. Hell, no one can even get a permit to drill for oil back in the Gulf regardless of their safety record and the current administration has shut down over 100 coal fired plants since coming into office. No wonder heating our homes in the winter is breaking the bank of the middle and lower income families.

Oh, sure there are a handful of the newer elected congressmen that want the same thing. I thought my previous congressman who served nearly 30 years gave a crap about the issue, but turned his back on his district that is comprised of families relying on home grown energy. His votes during his last term put families out of work, put our country at risk, and then he moved back to D.C. after losing to take a job with a lobbying firm…or so I have read.

Does anyone really think the current administration or the one that will come in in January do anything to actually make us energy independent? I certainly don’t.

Maybe I should have blogged about Cabrera and the other CNBC babes. At least I would be in a better mood now.

Joan Jett Is Still Bad Ass

2012-08-08T10:00:00.000-04:00

53 year old Joan Marie Larkin, an 80’s rock icon, began her professional career as a founding member of the all-girl group The Runaways in 1975. It wasn’t until the 80’s that her career finally hit stride when she went solo. Larkin is known for classic hits and great live performances including hits such as Do You Wanna Touch, Bad Reputation, Crimson and Clover, Cherry Bomb and I Love Rock and Roll. She also did the title track for the 1987 movie Light of Day.

Larkin is still rocking to this day and sounding better than ever. Of course, we all know her as Joan Jett. She turns 54 next month.

Maybe I should do a top 10 list of the coolest 80's Ladies. Jett would easily make that list.

80's Hard Rock

2012-08-04T18:08:00.001-04:00

I have had a couple of songs stuck in my head the past couple of days so I thought I’d admit my kinship with hard rock and heavy metal music. In my latest book, The Ultimate 80’s, I have an entire section dedicated to this genre of music during that decade. I still keep those CD’s handy for road trips and try to never miss an episode of That Metal Show on VH1 Classic.

Growing up I used to go to concerts with my big sister as often as a rock band would tour in our tiny neck of the woods. Most concerts I saw in Johnson City, TN…a two hour drive from where I grew up. Despite the long drive I would seldom miss a hard rock show.

One of my first concerts was David Lee Roth. He had just released the video for Stand Up from the Skyscraper album. Poison opened up for him and it was a heck of a fun show. Speaking of Poison, I saw them headline four or five times. They were a good live act and the shows were always fun. I remember seeing a lot of different bands opening for Poison in their heyday. Bands like Bulletboys, Danger Danger, Warrant, Slaughter, and Winger were among them.

One of my favorite bands from that era was Cinderella. They had a mixture of some bluesy rock and roll tossed in with their hair metal and sounded great live. Their debut album Night Songs is still one of the best albums of that era.

Another great live act was the Scorpions, absolutely loved their music. I saw them in Knoxville right about the time they released their classic hit Wind of Change. I have never heard a Scorpions song that I didn’t like. Great White and Trixter opened up on that tour. All great bands and all were great live. I was fortunate enough to see Great White a couple more times before MTV killed rock and roll.

Even though I saw a lot of bands, two still stick out after all these years…KISS and Van Hagar. Not only does KISS sound great live, but when you see them you get one hit after another and the show rivals the 4^th of July. Their show is worth every penny. I’ve been to a lot of concerts where the band didn’t sound very good live and the overall show was dull, but with KISS I always get my money’s worth.

I remember seeing Van Halen supporting their album For Unlawful Carnal Knowledge. Van Halen is another one of those rare bands where every song is good, not one clunker on any of their albums. I still wish I could have seen a lot of other bands live, but when you are a kid you can’t afford them all. Unfortunately I missed AC/DC, Ratt, L.A. Guns, Guns N’ Roses, Kix, Metallica…and the list goes on.
A lot of these bands still put out great music today and I think we hard rock fans should still support them by bying their newest material…but only after you buy one of my books!!! Heh!