www.instagram.com/karen.johal

EDITOR’S NOTE: The below is a recent check-in we did with Karen (July 2020). The world had evolved so much in the short time since our initial interview, we felt it important to circle back with her and address aspects of this new and ever-changing reality. We can’t thank her enough for her patience, flexibility, and thoughtful honesty throughout this process. If you haven’t done so already, you can read our initial interview with Karen here.

Welcome back! Thank you for joining us again for a quick check-in. This is understandably a loaded question but, how you are feeling these days?

I feel well. It’s been a while since our first interview and a lot has happened in the world since then but I am safe, happy and healthy. Thank you for asking that as well, a lot of people tend to ask what are you doing? As opposed to how are you? Or how is your heart? Which I think is important to highlight. I still have not learned how to cook rice and have just started a new book which I am enjoying.

What's the situation where you are in the UK/Birmingham these days?

We are opening up in the UK slowly. The pubs are open, the high street is open and we’re adjusting like everyone else to what this new world looks like. We’ve lost a lot of lives sadly but the NHS (National Health Service) has been amazing with how it's coping.  It is for the most part looking good so far as we’re slowly emerging, so fingers crossed we can continue to keep each other safe. It has been wonderful to be able to finally see my grandparents and friends after months of lock-down as well.

On the flip side of things, the response to the death of George Floyd and the news coverage of the world wide protests for Black Lives Matter was slow at first. I think the British knee jerk reaction was that it was an “American Issue” so it did not apply to us. America is so far away so it gives us this sense that it’s problems are far away from us too. But what I have seen in the last few months is this necessary upsurge in action and activism to call out the systems that are inherently oppressive and racist. I think we are acknowledging that we can’t call systemic racism an “American problem” when similar corrupt systems exist and thrive in the UK and across the world as well.

How are you coping with the effects that COVID-19 has had on the theatre/entertainment industry?

It is a weird time. Sometimes I think you know, it will be okay because theatres will open up eventually but the uncertainty can be daunting. We don’t know when we will be able to go back to film sets or to see live theatre again but I am hopeful that we will. When we do, it will be a spectacular and historic moment to be a part of. One thing I am seeing among people outside of the industry is how much entertainment, in many formats, is cemented into our daily lives. There is now a new appreciation for what we do. Entertainment is truly vast in its media, so much work goes into it and so many people are responsible for what you watch or tune in to. So I am relearning to appreciate how truly extraordinary that is and I feel quite proud to belong to an industry that contributes in this way to the world especially during this time.

On the whole I am coping well with all the uncertainty. It's been an adjustment for sure as someone who likes to plan and  be organized but it's been liberating in a way to take a break from the rat race. If anyone is prepared or adept at being out of work and thriving, it's artists right?

What are the changes you're seeing/experiencing in the industry as a result the recent events?

At first I think the industry was quick to adapt to this pandemic, adjusting to Zoom readings and FB (Facebook) live theater and if there are any auditions they have moved predominantly to self tape submissions or voice over work. So I have seen changes in that respect but it will get harder to sustain operating in this way for a longer period of time especially for live theater. In my home town, the Birmingham Hippodrome Theatre has been hit particularly hard. It's the largest theatre in the city and one the best we have. I used to work for them before I moved to New York years ago, so it is really sad and unnerving to see it struggling to reopen. There are a lot of jobs and a lot of amazing people who work there who are now facing uncertainty about their livelihood. The most humbling thing to see is how beloved live theatre is and how much people have rallied to save it.

It is a momentous time of awakening for the industry too. What I have seen are numerous theatres, schools, production companies and brands, etc. releasing statements or changing their ethos in response to how they may have contributed to systemic racism in the past, which I think is a great first step. Some of these institutes have been complicit and allowed injustices to go on for too long and now they are being called out and actually listening to the criticism they are facing. It is easy to join a movement when it's trendy and serving you in the moment so the “call out” culture is really effective in its ability to stop inequality in its tracks, which excites me for when the industry begins to operate at full capacity. We hopefully will see a cull of all the things we let slide before to make room for a new and brighter future with work that is representing a true reflection of society.

Speaking to that a little more, my experience in the industry will always be altered by the fact that I am a woman of colour. I can’t change that about myself, and the way I move through the world is different. When I look for auditions there are significantly less roles available to me and even more so for other minorities. If I look at auditioning for period plays I instantly count myself out because I think that my casting would not make sense for historic continuity or if I want to play the role of the sister to the lead, I am already counting myself out because I know that it will be harder for a production to find actors who look like me. These thoughts probably never cross the minds of my white colleagues because space is being made for them in a way that makes them the default for casting and makes people of colour the alternative. The people producing and casting have to make that choice in order to make room for people of colour or tell more stories about people of colour. The majority of space anywhere is white, which is not a negative thing but there is nothing fair about having to adjust to the state of things just because that's the way they have always been. I don’t let the state of the world become a hindrance to my work because that does not serve me or anyone else who looks like me. Where I can, I make space for myself to move as freely as possible in these spaces that are not designed for me, it motivates and stimulates the work in a way that is necessary.

I once had a comment from a teacher in school who said that my casting type would be “young professional or doctor”. The assumption was made based on what I look like and not my acting ability. I was also miscast in my graduation play in a role meant for a black actress and again that decision was made by someone who viewed my ethnicity as interchangeable. I was the only British student of Indian descent in my graduating class and I have worked consistently since graduating in roles that I earned based on my ability. I have never felt deterred from working because of someone else's thoughtlessness. It is much harder for people of colour to move through the world full stop, so the industry is no different but I deserve to occupy these spaces just as much as anyone else. So moving through these predominantly white spaces and not letting fear or prejudice govern my career is imperative and just as important as the work itself.

What, if any, do you think the theatre/entertainment community's responsibility is moving forward?

I don’t think there is a “one size fits all'' solution because the way forward means making a lot of mistakes and being okay with that, which is difficult because it means addressing things that make most people uncomfortable. As a Brit I can definitely vouch for sometimes getting overwhelmed by something I am passionate about. I get in over my head emotionally and don’t say anything but it is important to power through that. It is our own individual responsibility to make a change where we can, with our conversations and with our choices and most importantly what we put out into the world. Whether that is with our social media or with our energy.  A lot of the responsibility is down to individuals in places of authority too, who have the power to put stories on the stage or on film.

Whenever I see someone on television or on stage who looks remotely Indian, I research them. I get giddy and excited and proud to see someone who looks like me. (I may find out that they are actually Armenian but still). That is the reaction of someone who is underrepresented, it incites this feeling of being seen in a place that is unattainable. When I first moved to New York for school my grandfather said to me he couldn't see that many Indians on Television so he thought it would be hard to establish a career after graduating.  When I visited after graduation he said “Now there's too many!”. The development of the industry in those three years made such a difference, we had visibility in a way that we did not before so continuing with that in mind could make a huge difference.

What do you feel isn't being talked about enough?

There are 101 topics not being discussed enough, we should never feel satisfied with how much we’ve talked about a topic especially when it comes to fighting for equality for everyone. I think about predominately addressing issues in my own community with South Asian Culture. Colorism is a huge, ingrained problem that we just dismiss because it's always been the way things are. I am a light skinned Indian woman so that comes with privileges among the South Asian community which is something I didn't really register actively before. Addressing these things as someone who the game is rigged for is so important. 

One thing I found baffling about how other minorities were reacting to the Black Lives Matter movement was that it is perceived as the responsibility of white people to eradicate racism. It’s not. Other ethnic minorities are not exempt because we have experienced racism, if anything that puts more skin in the fight. We need to be fully transparent in our efforts everyday, that is through conversations and on social media and calling out hypocrisy. My feed has been inundated with people posting performatively and mixing the posts among their bikini photoshoots so we don't catch them out for being insensitive and that is counterproductive. Our priorities have shifted as this has become so prevalent and I am starting to see who is truly authentic about their actions and the way in which they express themselves on social media. The way you take up space and what you use it for says a lot about who you are and where your heart is. We can never talk enough about what we can do to help with any topic, it is not a one stop destination to a place of peace, it's a continuation. Making mistakes is a key part of that.

Who are the storytellers/artists/activists you’re following or paying attention to?

Ahh there are so many! I am constantly watching, reading and consuming something at any given time. It all adds to the collection and I think diversifying what you consume is important too. There are so many formats out there that I am now learning so much more than I ever did in school! Which is brilliant and it's a never ending educational journey.

Munroe Bergdorf is an amazing Trans activist who I follow: she is a highly intelligent and articulate person when it comes to speaking about activism. She truly is moving in an authentic and uncompromising way and taking up space on social media to occupy and rally for causes that are so important to the Trans and LGBTQ+ community.

I also highly recommend listening to Jameela Jamil’s I Weigh podcast, she explores mental health mainly and the feeling of “shame” with her guests. I have been following her for years and I think the key thing with her is transparency. She opens up about her own experiences and challenges a lot of celebrity bullshit which I love. We are now in a time where celebrities can directly speak to us, so what they are saying can be dangerous. Jameela calls that out so that you can see the whole picture and not just the edited, photoshopped, profitable version that they want you to see.

I also recently finished watching Michaela Coel’s new series I May Destroy You on BBC/HBO Max. I cannot recommend it enough, It’s indescribable. It’s bold and complex and does not go where you expect it to, I spent half the time watching by reacting to it viscerally/laughing/crying/gasping. It's brilliant and she is an inspiring person who is really making a way for new writers by again offering transparency.

I think whatever you consume and learn you also have to edit and censor as well. Social media makes it so easy to find things that trigger you even if you are not looking. Everything is amplified so your anxiety and insecurity can heighten if you expose yourself to those things on your feed. I have tried myself to mute/unfollow the people that take up free space in my brain with things that don’t inspire me. I have even found that some of the most inspiration comes from my other friends experiencing the same issues with how we consume and supporting your friends is free! We’re in this amazing brilliant time with technology where we have some control over the things we do and say so why not put yourself in the way of beauty.

What is bringing you joy or solace in these ever-evolving times?

I am finding joy in conversations, in socially distanced BBQ’s with my friends, in cooking. These precious moments now feel imperative to counteract how much evil there is in the world. It can get overwhelming as an empathetic person to shut out how much we don’t have control over so by committing to small acts of love I am doing the most.

I now feel like there is solace in quiet moments, in not questioning the existence of something or the presentation of hardship because you truly are where you are supposed to be at any given moment. We have spent months without so much that we thought we needed to live happily. When our livelihood is taken away what we are left with if we are lucky are our friends or our family, those things show us what matters most. I feel ever present now and don’t want to miss a second of any moment with the people I love and that is so far away from an idealised version of what we think happiness is. I get to hug my mother everyday and talk to my best friends from across an ocean which is amazing and truly envelopes me in a sense of love and joy.

I also find solace in iced coffee, we get around 60 days of sunshine in England a year. There is nothing like that first sip of iced coffee in my parent’s little English garden, while my dog is trying to fight me for a piece of toast.

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]]>Checking Back In With Karen JohalAll Roads EditorFri, 12 Jun 2020 17:57:13 +0000/roads/karen-johal553d4b8de4b0fe84387378c6:57cf49c6ff7c5074fe8b96da:5ee3c16c60aaa57213f32d65Actor, Performer

www.instagram.com/karen.johal

EDITOR’S NOTE: We did this interview with Karen back in April/May 2020. It reflects a moment in time when the world was in a very specific place and just beginning to grapple with the full extent of the COVID-19/quarantine pandemic, so we ask that you consider this context when reading through this lovely and thoughtful interview. And since the world has continued to evolve in ways we couldn’t have predicted in even the short time since this interview was completed, we decided to circle back with Karen for a brief check-in and update, which you can find on the site here.

We know many of you are dealing with incredible stress and trauma as a result of recent events, including the very real loss of livelihood, mental and physical stability, and even dear loved ones. Here at All Roads Magazine, we still believe in the value and immense power of sharing our stories and experiences with one another. They help us to connect and feel less alone, they can provide us with a much needed distraction, they assist us in our reflection and healing, and they can allow us to ponder the future and try move forward a little lighter and with hope. So, we hope this one offers you a chance to take a small break, release a cleansing breath, and get to know an incredibly warm and driven artist who seems to radiate optimism, resilience, and light. Stay safe, be well, and enjoy…

Welcome Karen! Let’s start off with the obvious place to start, please tell us a little about yourself:

My name is Karen, I am originally from Birmingham in the UK, I have been living and working as an Actress in New York for the past five years. I graduated in 2017 from The American Academy of Dramatic Arts NY Company. I am currently waiting out the Coronavirus pandemic at home in the UK with my family, cooking and eating every morsel I can find in the house and on a mission to complete Netflix.

As you may have mentioned, you completed your training at the American Academy of Dramatic Arts (AADA) in New York City. What led you to New York and what were your experiences at AADA like? Did they have an influence in shaping the artist/person you wanted to become?

I was auditioning for drama schools back in the UK and at the time AADA was holding auditions in London so I applied and got accepted into the Fall class of 2014. I was not necessarily aiming to move there but when I got in it made complete sense, I had always wanted to come to New York but never imagined my first time visiting would be to move my entire life there. My experience at AADA gave me the training I needed to pursue acting professionally, I made a lot of great progress there as an artist and a lot of my experiences there can be credited to the person I am now, not just professionally but also because of the personal journey I went through, AADA was the catalyst for the growth I experienced starting out as an artist. I picked up a sense of where I fit in, who I wanted to be and why I was pursuing acting in the first place. I knew very little about the industry but very steadily learned about the craft of acting in one of the best cities in the world. I was also surrounded by people who had the same ambitions and aspirations as me so that gave me a sense of motivation to succeed that I had not experienced before.

If you haven’t answered this already, what made you decide to (or feel prepared to) take the leap to pursue acting full-time professionally?

It started around the time when I was living in the UK, I was at that age when you're in school and everyone around you is telling you that you should be doing something with your life and that you need to make a decision about who you want to be as an adult but a career in this industry is one of the last things that the people encourage you towards. A lot of the time the choices you have available to you  are safe so that they will give you a steady life and people encourage that choice with the best of intentions but I had always wanted to be a actress and I didn't know how to make that a possibility so I spent a lot of time thinking about not only making it possible but turning it into a practical and feasible career choice. I did not know anyone who had gone to drama school and didn't know anyone in the industry so I was starting from scratch.

The ultimate decision came out of knowing that I wouldn’t be happy doing anything else even if I failed trying. I did not feel prepared with the little knowledge I had to just start auditioning and feel my way around so I started off looking into training programs in the UK. When I got in AADA and was accepted I knew I would be investing a lot of time, money and effort  so I had to pursue things all the way, it was definitely a huge leap of faith and I had to move forward not only for myself but for others around me to prove that this was a bankable investment even if I myself was unsure at times.

How did you navigate such a huge transition as moving to an entirely new country?

It was hard. I had moved out of my parents house and left my entire family who are all from the UK when I was 23 and one of my best friends had just passed away that summer so it was all a bit unbelievable. A lot of people I knew would say that they couldn’t do what I was doing and it probably seemed like a crazy lifestyle change to make.

I think moving to another country to go to school gives you a bit more safety, there was a structure and a schedule so I had a place to be and a sense of purpose. I had worked really hard to even get accepted so I knew moving was not going to be easy. The school had an apartment building next door where I lived with some of the other students, so I had a home life too and I met some amazing people there. I met one of my best friends Eliza who is also an actress. She moved from London in the Winter, having her there going through the same transition of moving to a new Country made things easier.  Some years later we have fortunately become like each other's family which is a real credit to our friendship given that it started from two British girls moving to America to become actresses! We are also so lucky today with technology I can FaceTime, Skype, zoom and virtually be with my family when I miss them which over the years has been pretty frequently. The transition was not easy but I also fell in love with New York which I think is unavoidable, so as hard as the first few months to a year probably were for me I wouldn’t trade a second of it.

You have mentioned in other interviews that you’ve often felt out of place in various environments, however you’ve found a way to turn that on its head and view it as an asset or superpower in how to promote yourself or operate as an actor. Can you talk a little more about that?

I think when I have felt out of place in the past it comes from this sense that I can’t quite believe how lucky I am to do the things I have done and to have achieved the things I have in my career, it's like having imposter syndrome in some sense. I didn’t grow up seeing a lot of people in the industry who look like me so why would I feel like I belong in these spaces when everything around me growing up has told me that I don’t belong in these spaces and that I am never going to.

When I think about how I navigate now, I am making room for myself. I am seeing more people who look like me in the industry who come exactly as they are and have met success from being completely themselves and that is not an easy thing to do today. I am trying to show who I am at the core while also trying to make it into a market that tells me there are 101 things that I need to change about myself. We are always being told that it's imperative to “sell ourselves” to meet success but the idea of being ourselves is often another version of someone else who has had success before us. Then it makes you think well if I do what they did I will be successful too and I’ll belong in this space just like they do.

In this age where social media has us believing in unrealistic standards it's hard to walk the line of what is branding and what is harmful and goes against your true and authentic self. I have learned to accept that I may have a bit of a wobble now and again and doubt whether I am deserving of a seat at the table and that is a natural thing to do, I am not going to feel okay 100 percent of the time but I am absolutely sure of who I am and how I want to navigate through the industry professionally and I have to offer that up in an honest way to respect the kind of artist that I want to be.

Resilience is key in this business. You seem to have a great ability to stay focused and move yourself forward even in times when the road ahead gets bumpy or the path forward isn’t clear. Can you talk about a few experiences that really tested your resolve and how you navigated them?

There have been times where things have been tougher than expected and I have even surprised myself with how resilient I can be, but the only way to get ahead and over these times is through them. Last summer I found out my grandmother has Stage 4 bone Cancer when I was in the middle of a run for “As You Like It” and I wanted more than anything to just go home, I was having an amazing time but I remember feeling guilty about being in this wonderful show, with these incredible people all the while secretly wanting to astral project back to England. I had to accept what I had control over, what made sense at the time and how to compartmentalize the rest.

And when I did eventually come home I knew it was the right time, I was exactly where I was supposed to be and in hindsight that experience is applicable to situations in the past where things have not exactly gone to plan and I cannot for the life of me figure out why and it's only when you come out on the other side then you go “Ah I see”. You feel every emotion under the sun and I definitely have had times where my mental health has taken a huge dive and it's a massive amount of effort to get back to a steady pace but my resolve comes from looking back at all the times I did not quit before where I could have. It is so easy to give yourself reasons to quit this business because it is not built for you to fly through it  but nothing in life is. I have to weigh up what is worth struggling through and what I think I can endure and it is always more than I give myself credit for. I am also in such a fortunate position where my resilience is not just down to me. I have a supportive family and a handful of friends that I can count on for anything and that is so important, wherever I need to just talk or ruminate over a problem, I have people I can go to and that has not always been easy for me as someone who does not like to ask for help but its so important to do that especially when the way forward is not clear to you, the people you love really come through for you and hold your hand when you need them.

What advice would you give someone who’s just starting out (or super introverted) and not sure how to go about making connections and remaining resilient through so much rejection?

 There is so much to navigate when you are first starting out. In school making connections and “networking” was really emphasized in a way that always made me anxious. I am not the loudest person in the room and am really terribly British when it comes to talking about myself in a promotional way but when I think about the people I have made professional relationships I never felt like I had to muscle any of them, I was in shows and productions where my work was the focus, it did the talking for me and the connections I made came naturally. I was very aware of just being myself and not being too pushy because I did not want to come off as arrogant which I was probably in no danger of doing but that was from overthinking too much about what is the right way to do things.

I think if you are naturally super introverted then it's tough to find that balance because you are told that you're supposed to be a brand and a walking, talking business but I would always advise to never change your nature. If you are shy but you become more confident through your work then that's how you are and that is a truly endearing quality that only you have and people will see that naturally. Rejection is an awful side effect of what we do, but it's a necessary evil you eventually get used to because it's not personal. There isn't a magical way to navigate through it but I would say that taking it in your stride makes it easier each time and each time you get through a rejection you are building up more resilience against it that then allows you to just focus on your work.

You’ve been very fortunate, and very skilled, to have been able to seek out a wide-range of mentors. What advice would you give someone looking to find a mentor or community of teachers/friends to lean on and learn from?

I was not necessarily seeking out mentors or looking to build a community in a direct sense, mostly because I didn't know how important and imperative it was to have one until afterwards. I have worked with a number of amazing directors and brilliant actors over the last few years, and I think by being a person who is prepared and reliable, others will naturally gravitate towards you because they know that you are going to work hard and be there when they need. People also love to support new talent, especially when they see potential in them.

I think it is important to seek out people that you know can help you and to be clear about what it is you are looking for. If you know that you are lacking in some skill set in a certain area, maybe there is a theatre company who can offer assistance with that or even people you went to school with who are creating something new. Going to events I think helps too. I went to an event by Actors Expo last year for the first time, it was completely free and I met some amazing people. I sat in on workshops from industry professionals and I learned so much from a format I didn’t know existed. I also think having a community with a diverse skill set is important too, having people who are not in the same industry really opens up your world and allows for a balanced exchange of knowledge.

How have you been faring in this time in quarantine? Both professionally and personally? Any advice for other artists in either arena?

I have been doing well. Been keeping a balanced schedule and just accepting this time for what it is and changing my mindset towards it. I have also been re-reading my favorite books, painting, cooking, eating and annoying the hell out of my dog with cuddles 24/7. I feel really lucky to be home with my family and that everyone is safe and healthy. I have been doing virtual readings with theatre companies who I did shows with last year. They have had to quickly adapt to a new normal with using Zoom which has been a really lovely way to stay working and connected. I have now had the time to really strip back to basics and look at my career ahead and really take the time to ask myself what I want it to look like and where I see it going.

This time is so unusual and there is no right way to do a pandemic. It’s so easy to feel pressure through what we see on social media but I am enjoying the fact that there is no concept of time right now. I am just checking in on my friends who I care about to know that they are safe, trying not to murder my siblings while I am at home and being really honest with myself about who and what I want to spend time on now. Things that were important before now seem trivial and we can survive with a lot less that we thought. And I would advise to other people that even though things are on pause right now you are exactly where you are supposed to be and if you can make it through this time safe and healthy then you would have achieved a lot more to be thankful for than anything a professional achievement can give you.

What’s something you wish you knew before you got started on your path? Or, what have been some important lessons you’ve learned along the way.

I wish I had a bit more confidence starting out. I think I hesitated to get started because I was not truly honest about what I wanted to do. So I wish I knew or had a stronger sense of myself and what I have to offer. But looking at how things have turned out now, I am glad that I did the best with what I had at the time. I have achieved a lot more than I thought I would and have come a long way from where I was at with my self esteem and confidence. A lot of obstacles that stand in our way are the ones we make up in our head and I wish I knew how to combat them earlier on because of where I am at now with them.

Given all that you have going on at any given moment, how do you find or strive for balance?

One of the most effective things that has helped is something that I do with post it notes that I made up a few years ago. I write down three main things that are important to me on a larger scale and try to put the notes in a place where I can see them everyday. That way anything smaller or trivial that is maybe having an effect on me mentally or is unproductive in some way becomes easier to deal with. For the last few years those three things have remained the same, and when I am comparing a main priority like my health versus a smaller problem it gives me that focus I need to put into perspective the actual scale of the things I have going on. I started doing this because I had just finished school and was dealing with some issues personally and it was affecting my career in a way it had not before. I didn’t know why or how to deal with it so physically writing things down and seeing how the personal issues were being inflamed into something bigger than they were really helped. I could see that my approach to try and juggle everything and ignoring my personal problems was making small tasks really hard to deal with.

Essentially, writing things down helps a lot. I have always kept a physical diary that I can write in and see everything I have coming up so I know where I am at. And I think I have done a pretty good job at balancing my career and personal life in this way but I think your priorities naturally shift over time as well. The people I care about in my life will always have priority over anything I do professionally and my mental health will always be more important than any social obligations I have. I definitely realised this and established it as a core belief from having my priorities the wrong way around. But you have to go through that so you can sort things and move these parts around to find the balance that works for you. There is no right way to get the perfect method and it's always going to change depending on where I am in my life. The most important thing is adapting to your circumstances and being honest about what you can handle and what you truly care about.

Do you ever experience fear, doubt, or loneliness? How do you manage those feelings?

Yes for sure. It comes in waves. I feel insecure just as much as anyone else but it manifests itself in different ways. Sometimes I don't really know what to do to dissipate these feelings so I have learned to stay with them when they come up and work with them. If I am feeling fearful of a situation or a circumstance coming up I can often pinpoint where it's coming from depending on what it is. And when I can’t, I just have to sit with it and try to be kind to myself as it passes.

Doubt comes with everything I do. I hate not knowing the outcome of situations I am in, especially when I have to be vulnerable, but I think what you learn from accepting these feelings is really valuable. My doubt and feelings of loneliness help me to be courageous because it forces me to move through them and in order to do that I have to show parts of myself that I am used to hiding. I think wonderful things can happen when you show your heart. It is not an easy thing to do and that is probably why we find it hard to talk about having these feelings in the first place. And when you’re stuck in that head space, especially as someone who overthinks, your mind tells you that you need to be alone or that you are alone and that no one wants to hear you out. But when you move through these emotions you actually learn more about yourself and how your vulnerability actually makes you stronger.

What do you do when you feel stuck creatively?

I try to get out of my head as much as I can, I think my creativity probably gets stifled the most in times of stress so I try to find the root of the problem there and then work out how to alleviate the stress and I find that clears things up.

What do you like to do besides performing?

A lot! I love to cook, I love throwing parties and hosting my friends for things like Christmas and birthdays. I paint and keep a sketch book which I am trying to fill at the minute with drawings. I love listening to music, I just discovered a new British artist Joy Crookes who I am becoming rapidly obsessed with after I saw her live in London earlier this year. I love swimming and going to the movies by myself which I am really missing doing right now. I think it's so important to have outside interests in what I do for a job. It makes up a lot of who I am and informs what I do as an artist at the same time, like reading books that aren’t plays and switching off from things so that I feel like I am more than what I do.

Of what you’ve accomplished or experienced thus far, what are you most proud of so far or found most rewarding? (either professionally or personally)

Professionally I have a lot to be proud of too. When I first graduated I was cast in Julius Caesar directed by Oskar Eustis for Shakespeare in the Park. Being on the Delacorte stage was incredible and it was one of the first shows I did. I also opened a show later that year called Journey to America at Carnegie Hall to an audience of over 2,800 where I got to implement some elements about my heritage into the show. But I am most proud of the lead role I played in Frank’s Plan on Amazon Prime Video. That was something I could show my family and friends on a streaming platform for the first time and it did really well and was made by a well-established director Juhui Kwon.

Personally I will always be very proud of moving to New York. It's not an easy thing to do and because it was such a long time ago it's easy to forget how big of a deal it was at the time. It has definitely been most rewarding personally as it has resulted in so much abundance in my life and is responsible for a lot of my most cherished memories.

What’s something you would love to do but haven’t gotten the chance to yet? (either professionally or personally)

I have a huge list of things I want to do over a long career span, if I am lucky, and I am working towards that slowly. I would love to understudy at some point because the work, technique and skill that it requires really scares me so I know that it would really test my ability as an actress. I would also love to be in a series that explores British Asian culture. I don't think that is something that has been truly explored in the industry so I would love to be a part of something close to my upbringing. A huge personal flaw is that I can’t cook rice so I would love to be able to do that, it would open up so many cooking possibilities! I’ve also never been skiing or to Disney World in Florida.

What are you promoting these days or what’s next?!

I have a few virtual readings coming up over the next few weeks which is exciting to be a part of! Figuring life out post-quarantine at the moment and I am filming a project in New York next year called Victimhood directed by Cody Clarke which was postponed because of Covid-19. The film is a thriller about a group of strangers who wake up in a panic room and have to decide which of them gets to be released. I play the lead role “Sana” who is a Muslim woman dealing with her faith and sexuality.

Now, let’s have a little fun…What advice that you would give to your teenage or younger self?

Take care of your skin. I know it sounds like a minor bit of advice but I think it's so important because I didn’t wear sunscreen until I was in my early twenties. Also, don’t over pluck your eyebrows, bushy brows become a well sought after trend kid!

Who or what inspires you?

Aside from my friends and family there is always someone or something different that I get inspiration from at any given moment. At the minute it's Nadiya Hussain and her cooking show on BBC Two and Julia Garner from Ozark but next week that's probably going to change!

Who or what motivates you?

My grandparents are responsible for a lot of what I have been able to do with moving to New York and getting educated so they motivate me in a big way. I also have an incredible group of friends whose support is unwavering, even from different countries, which is especially incredible during this time. Staying motivated for them has helped a lot during quarantine.

What scares you?

Horror films, tequila, and talking on the phone in public.

What brings you the greatest joy or satisfaction?

Wrapping presents and giving them to people I care about and seeing their reactions. Funnily enough, I get embarrassed receiving surprises or presents but the other way around brings me joy every time I do it for them!

What should everyone do at least once in their life?

Skinny dip.

What is a favorite memory?

From a Christmas party I threw from a few years ago.

What’s your favorite song or album? (or closest you can get to it) And Why?

My favourite song is  I Believe in You and Me by Whitney Houston because it's from my favourite Christmas film The Preacher's Wife.  My favourite album is In Utero by Nirvana because they are my favourite band and it was their last studio album.

What is your favorite restaurant or meal?

Las Iguanas (a Brazilian/Latin restaurant in the UK) and I also love sushi!

Who is on your guest list (alive or dead) for your perfect dinner party and what would you eat?

Chani Nicholas, Anya Chalotra, Mary Berry, Jameela Jamil, Eva Mendez and Dolly Alderton.

Antipasti starter, lasagne as a main and Sticky Toffee Pudding as dessert.

Where is your favorite place on earth?

In the ocean or swimming in any body of water.

What’s something you can’t live without?

Music and pasta.

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]]>Karen JohalAll Roads EditorFri, 12 Jun 2020 17:57:06 +0000phil-keeling-audio553d4b8de4b0fe84387378c6:57cf49c6ff7c5074fe8b96da:5ee3c1437c188012668add18Coming Soon!

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]]>Audio Interview with Phil KeelingAll Roads EditorFri, 20 Mar 2020 18:19:00 +0000roads/jake-hart553d4b8de4b0fe84387378c6:57cf49c6ff7c5074fe8b96da:5e75015450c05f613d9047feActor, Director, Educator

http://www.jakehart.org/

Marvels Podcast:
https://open.spotify.com/show/3FHDexESyV0wMrJYpZ3Dhe?si=46QnvfRjRQ-Docm1q1IgYw

Cordillera International Film Festival:
www.ciffnv.org

Let’s start off with the obvious place to start, please tell us a little about yourself:

Well my name is Jake hart and I’m an actor living outside New York. I started off in the Bay Area in California, and then to Seattle for High school and college. I traveled the country doing theater for a few years, finally coming to rest in NYC over 12 years ago. Since then I’ve built a career of steady work and even managed to start a family. Currently, I’m a professional actor, voice actor, a SAGAFTRA committee member, and parent/slave to my 6 year old overlord. More recently, I’ve taken on the role as Development Coordinator for the Cordillera Film Festival.

You completed your BFA at the Cornish College of the Arts, a theater program that focuses on nurturing students as well-rounded artists and subscribes to the idea that theater and storytelling can serve as a force for positive change in the world. What was that experience like and what influence did it have in shaping the artist/person you wanted to become? 

I would be lying if I didn’t admit that the time I spent at Cornish absolutely made me what I am today. I suppose the same could be said of anyone’s collegiate years, just going from 18 to 22 (in my case 19 to 23) somewhere different than you’re used to will have that effect. But the life experiences have as much of a hold as the training. I’m a strong advocate for the conservatory system. Keep a small group, work hard all day every day, and you’ll go further. A system that forces you to keep your foot on the gas, and in many of our cases, work multiple jobs outside at the same time, is one that will likely prepare you for anything. After 4 years of that, the requirements of this lifestyle weren’t so daunting. As for shaping me into the artist I wanted to become, I would have to say that is still shifting. I was introduced to voiceover there, which is now the bedrock of my career, though I never would’ve guessed that before. I honed my Shakespeare there, which is still my great love. But what I want to do with this life, what I have to say, is ever changing, and the tools I use are ever evolving. I think the messages I want to be a part of, and the stories I have to tell, flow freely from one medium to another. For me that sometimes means going outside the realm of acting. I use the tools of my conservatory training for acting, but I use the life experiences I gained there to shape my artistic world view.

If you haven’t answered this already, what made you decide to (or feel prepared to) take the leap to pursue acting full-time professionally? And what made you choose to settle in the NYC area as opposed to a different actor hub?

I’ve known I wanted to be an actor since I was 11. I wasn’t sure how or what that truly meant, but I knew I wanted it. For one second I thought maybe I would be a rock star instead, but that wasn’t really ever in the cards for me. Playing a myriad of characters and telling a story. That was my addiction. I never felt prepared exactly, I just kept telling myself it had to work and there was no other option. I think I started like most people who want to act, with TV and films. Living in those fantasy worlds seemed like a dream. Of course once you start doing it, the stage becomes the training ground, and after a few years I stopped thinking about anything but that. Film and television seemed further and further away. I first passed through NYC when I was 20. I was on a layover with my girlfriend on our way to Italy. The second I saw it from the air, I knew it was home. I came in on the path train to the towers and from the second I exited Tower One I knew I loved every filthy inch. After school when I came through on a tour or whenever I had a week or 2 off, I would spend it there. I even did all my auditioning at the equity building and that was how I would book the next and then the next gig. Ironically it was only when I decided to stay that I saw less and less of that place.

Over the years, you’ve done an impressive job working consistently as an actor. The breadth of your work spans a wide variety of art types, from Shakespeare to television to video games to voice over to satirical videos to educational work and beyond. Is there one method or medium that you prefer over the others or that you consider the most powerful/effective in sharing a story?

I no longer prefer one medium above another. It took me all the way up to the age of 40 to think that. I recognize now that the mediums are themselves just tools. Each is beautiful and magical in it’s own right, and serves some stories better than others. As for preferences, when it comes to sharing a story nothing will ever give an actor as much instant gratification as live performance. Whether it is classical, contemporary, musical or live band, improv or stand-up. That work will always fill me in a way nothing else can in the moment. Not only the live interaction but the day-to-day work it takes. The the filling out of a piece moment to moment in its entirety, then doing it again, and again. When I work on camera there is now a deep satisfaction in locking a perfect shot. As an actor I have little to do with it unless I’m working very closely with the entire crew. Truthfully that has only occurred for me when I’m co-producing, or if it’s a small personal crew working on a passion project. But when we get the right take, light, sound, camera everything clicking together at the exact right moment with the actors…it feels timeless and perfect. Privately I’ve found myself so used to being in a voice-recording booth, I wouldn’t know how to spend my life without voice work and animation. I love it dearly. The detail of that craft has bled into my bones. Just the other day I needed to get some copy into 50 seconds and without paying attention I could sense when I hit it at 47.5, and had a feel for the copy’s perfection at 48.5. That’s the sort of work that comes with time, the sort of work that makes me focus. Aaaagghhh the question was which is most effective. Well that’s gotta be the small screen. It may be turning into a galaxy of content so large we can all be lost, but it will also continue to reach the largest audiences. At the end of the day, the stories that reach the most people will live the longest.

In addition to acting professionally, you also pay it forward through your work as an educator and advisor with many impressive organizations (NYU’s Tisch School, The Public Theater Emerging Writers, The LARK, to name a few). Can you talk about what those experiences entail, how you got involved, and why this work is important to you?

The first time I taught was for the Red Eagle Soaring Native Youth Theater in Seattle. It was so hard I told myself I would never do it again. But over the years, I realized that every time I went back, or had a residency at a College or University, it was filling me. It was a chance to share what I loved in a way that helped me remember why I loved it. It was a chance to share something I thought I knew and in seeing it reflected back at me, learned it all over again from entirely new dimensions. Found new depths within the work. When you teach acting or direct something, it mirrors all those things back to you. Also, if I find myself teaching a practical application course like fight choreo or voice over, I relish the chance to tell people practical tips and tricks I wish I had learned in school. No one ever tells you what mic to buy, who to go to for reels, whether tumbling wil be 100 million times more important than bo staff. One big one that my own senior acting teacher mentioned to us, how to do your taxes and file for unemployment! My dean at Cornish, who I will admit never thought I was the sort of student who should go to grad school, did give me one sentiment that makes sense to this day. He told me he wasn’t worried about my future because I was good at figuring out how to be where I was needed. I think it was like that for teaching. I started off an inner city Native who couldn’t imagine how I could be an actor. I got out of school and wanted to find those kids and let them see how. Later it changed, I simply wanted to help them to see that their artistic tendencies mattered, and that their artistic lives were valid. I some ways it’s more important to me than any personal achievement as an actor.

You also do a lot of work partnering with Native/Indigenous arts organizations and performing in their productions, (Amerinda, Red Eagle Soaring Native Youth, Sovereignty, the Yale Indigenous Performing Arts Program, and most recently Ajijaak on Turtle Island). Can you talk about what they do and how/why you got involved?

For the first time in this nation’s history Natives are being heard in the public square, our peoples are being elected to public office, our claims of tribal sovereignty are gaining a foothold in U.S. courts. In addition to that, Native cultural arts have started flourishing in every major city. Whenever I can be a part of that explosion- the freedom of art, of justice in the form of our many cultures’ right to exist, I will be. I’m part white, but I’m also of Mexican and Cherokee heritage. Most of the heritage of my family lines has been swallowed by the culture of America. The different forms of hiding and assimilation my families had to endure, the erasure they were subjected to is finally being decolonized. Whatever small part I play in that process, I am here for it.

Given your track record to finding collaborators that match your personal and artistic mission, what advice would you give to someone who is looking to connect with these same types of people and/or organizations in their own areas, but either don’t know where to look, aren’t sure how to get involved, or where they fit?

Oof, this is a deeply personal question. One I’m not sure I can answer for everyone. It also happens to be a question I don’t think I can always answer for myself. There are a million ways to go about finding collaborators. Sometimes those collaborations are fulfilling and fun and come to nothing. Sometimes they’re difficult and limited, but spawn wonderful things. I know for certain I’ve met folks I want desperately to work with who don’t think I’m a good fit for them. I also know some people will be important to me forever, and sometimes the ways we can actually work together will come and go. Part of me wants to be super positive and Instagram-level optimistic, and just say the right collaborators will come to you when you participate in readings and workshops and meet with people who inspire you. Just reach out to those you can learn from. But that feels sort of impossibly murky even as I see it on the page. In some instances that has worked. I met Mary Kathryn Nagle through the Emerging Writer’s Group at the Public, and it has created one of the most important artistic friendships I’ll ever have. I met Gina Rodriguez at a School of Visual Arts senior reading I auditioned for, she brought me to her legit agency and spent a year sending me on auditions from her desk(where she was an assistant, learning how to succeed). On the other hand, I met my Cult Comedy Pictures partner George Gaffney when we were both working at a hotel downtown, and that work exploded my life forever, changing everything I wanted to do and realized I could do. My point is, if you want to make God laugh, tell her your plans. It is absolutely possible that the multi-media ensemble opera you want to make, is also in the hearts of another group of people you will meet at an acting class, or an SVA reading workshop. It is also possible you will meet someone at the restaurant you work at, they will want you to play bass in a band they are forming, you will learn the chords in 3 months and your band will be featured in the background of a television show the following year. Your life can change forever with art, where you start is rarely where you end up. Be open to those changes and you continue on, grow as an artist, and find artistic rivers you never imagined. Get tunnel vision about a project or an idea of what you want to accomplish, say no to everything else, you will likely stay at your day job, and your web series pilot will spend 3 years in post.

Stories are important, now more than ever, especially those that amplify all voices and embrace the full diversity of our world, both past and present. Who are some of your favorite storytellers or artists?

Mary Kathryn Nagle, Delanna Studi, Larissa Fasthorse, Susan SoonHe Stanton, Dominique Morriseau, J. Julian Christopher, Vickie Ramirez, Jocelyn Bioh, Diana Oh, Laurie Woolery, Martina Majok, Maria Goyanes, May Adrales, Kip Fagan, Heidi Shrek, Patricia McGregor, Ty Defoe, Madeline Sayet, Vera Starbard, Molly Smith, Jason Grasl, Carolyn Dunn, Darrell Dennis, Tanis Parenteau. This is just the tiniest tip of a very large iceberg. A mixture of writers and directors. There are more, so many more.

How has becoming a father influenced you?

HAHAHAHA. I mean, every fiber of my being has changed, I’m fairly certain I’m genetically different. I’m fundamentally and philosophically different. She is a part of my waking life forever. She’s literally jumping off my legs and watching Big Hero 6 while I type this. No part of me will now exist without taking her into consideration on some level. Also, I do waaaaay less theater and way fewer private projects because I don’t want to be away from her too much. It is absolutely a sacrifice, and I will make a million more if needs be. While I know she will never care about or be into every single artistic decision I ever have made or will make, but I want now more than ever to leave the world better than I found it, and that includes not littering the floor of theaters with garbage candy when I could be putting something of use on the stage or screen.

Given all that you have going on at any given moment, how do you find or strive for balance?

I don’t is the short answer. If anyone ever gets the chance to read this, I can tell you it took me months to send in. Raising a child has changed everything in this way as well. I simply keep going. I don’t work out enough and hope to change that, but I prioritize family, then work, then enough bills to keep the lights on, then everything else ends up on a series of lists that will never be empty. There are probably 7 spiritual laws of things that spark joy I’m forgetting to do, but at the end of the day. I just want to work, to keep working. To be of use. When I get a moment above water to breathe I try to focus on artistic projects I’ve wanted to focus on, and usually the simple pursuit of that leads back into the work rabbit hole. It is stressful and tense, and every second is better than waiting tables, or bouncing, working in a hotel. I will do just about anything I have to do to stay working in the arts. I sleep 5 or so hours a day, I make my daughter breakfast, I look for or make work, sometimes like today I take her to a job, rinse and repeat. At this point, when I take a vacation I lose my mind 3 days in and need to go back to work.

What do you do when you feel stuck creatively or stuck in general?

No time for that. I have always found something to do, even if it pales in comparison to thing I imagined. Much like my work life, my practice is to keep on. Before I had my daughter, I would sneak out and do a reading or audition for random shows, start contacting every artist I knew was working to see if there was something I could do. I once light designed a show because someone near me said they knew someone who needed that. I try to remind myself the pros get stuck like everyone else. Just keep writing, keep shooting, practice a new song for an audition book, or fix some work that’s never been right. Go to Karaoke and challenge everyone in your mind, then make up back stories about each of them. Go to a performance of some kind and be inspired, disappointed, or jealous. Be all 3! Go down a google rabbit hole of an artist you think you’re similar to, at 1 in the morning you’ll find some part of their history that you want recreate in your own life. These are all tricks. None of them will work every time, but something always comes if you never stop trying.

Do you ever experience fear, doubt, and/or loneliness? How do you manage those feelings?

I question myself almost every day. What I feel isn’t fear exactly, it’s more like swimming into an ocean without knowing where you’re going. Some days you stop to tread water for a minute and you can no longer tell where you’ve been, where you are, or what will be ahead. Doubt for sure. I doubt every now and again, implode a lil’ bit, and fall to the floor. Wondering if where I am is as far as I’ll go and if I should stop now and do something else. Or on a more macro level I wonder if the entire existence of myself as a performer more than a creator has been short shrift, and I should’ve done something entirely different for the world. No genuine answer, that still happens. The loneliness is different. As someone who spent a great deal of their life with both fomo and an immense need to please others, it took and takes everything inside myself to find solace and necessity. When I was a professional theater actor and did nothing else, I was almost never alone, and the intensity of what Joe Calarco coined the insta-family gave me such fulfillment that I never stopped long enough to worry about what I would do next. When I committed to New York and a different form of career, things started to change. When I committed to stay here it forced me to live by the axiom I have preached to college students, “Acting is what you love, but auditioning is your job.” Then you have to slowly foment your alone time into a creative source, and relish what it offers that creativity. Over the years it has helped me in the audition process that I look forward to my audition times. Not just as a moment to shine or perform, but also as a chance to meet, catch up with, and truly appreciate my fellow actors. These are my colleagues, the people who will most understand me, the insta-family on a level I never knew I would come have. Now I crave my alone time between those moments and home.

Have you ever straight up failed? What did you learn and how did you come back from it?

I have and do fail on the regular. I’m 41 and not famous. I have had shots and missed, I have shots disappear in front of me. I have had moments of those amazing creative collaborations you spoke of and fallen short, both for myself and others. I have been ill prepared, mis-cast, in situations where I didn’t agree, and in situations where I just didn’t understand, only to get it five years later looking at a photograph in a magazine while at a bus stop. I once had a callback turn into a 45 minute meeting with a famous film director thinking, “This is it. This is the turning point.” only to never hear from him again. Just do better next time. Nothing is the end of anything, not until you die. Know that it may have had nothing to do with you personally. Most of the time it doesn’t. Know that your failure in one moment is like breaking down muscle during a workout that will only build up stronger, and you can work to fail differently next time. If everything happens without error in your life, nothing will mean anything.

What is the best advice you've been given (career or otherwise)? Or, what advice would you give to your teenage or younger self? 

I’ve been given tons of great advice over the years and probably followed less than half of what I should have. The best? I can’t be sure, but there are a couple of big ones that float to the surface. Early on, about a year after college, a wonderful man named Jerry Manning invited me for coffee after I didn’t book a callback. That has never happened (before or since) to me. He told me the director loved my work and enjoyed everything I did. After I left the room she told him so, and then said, “It’s too bad we won’t be able to use him.” As he told me, he was startled by her response and when he asked her why, she responded, “The role spends most of the time in the background on the stage. The way he looks, and his particular qualities, it’ll pull way too much focus.” Discussing further he told me he had learned a lot that day about the nuance of the needs of that show, but also gained insight into something he thought I might want to know about myself. It was one of the greatest gifts I’ll ever receive as an actor. Knowing who you are, what you truly look like, sound like, the effect you as a being have on the audience. It means everything. Truthfully it can take years of performance of every kind to truly understand what that is, but it must be done. I’ve gone on to see colleagues and performers of every type spend years-YEARS trying to force themselves into being the type they want to be, not the type they are, myself included, and it almost never works. When it does work, it only does so through radical physical transformation. Meanwhile, so many of us miss out on a thousand characters, roles, and opportunities we would’ve been perfect for if we had embraced them. What can we do practically? The thing most of us fear the most. Put yourself on camera, put yourself on audio recordings, and take photos of yourself. Do it a lot, more than you think is necessary. Camera-test not just your auditions, but your scene work. You’ll have to do it to the point you no longer self conscious of it. You may hate what you see and hear at first, but that’s only self doubt, it’s only hesitance to see what’s truly there. Once you embrace you see, you’ll see yourself for the type you truly are. Then you can begin to see the world that your characters can climb into with ease. That is the world in which you’ll have the most opportunity to grow.

Of what you’ve accomplished or experienced thus far, what are you most proud of so far or found most rewarding? (either professionally or personally)

So my child is first. She’s first forever, she knows it, and everything I do forever will be with her in mind, and any other children I’m allowed to make. Teaching at Red Eagle Soaring is one of the most important things I’ve ever been a part of. So many of the wonderful students, now adults, who came from that program are shining examples of the humans I hope can save the world. And working with Mary Kathryn Nagle and the Strong Hearts who created Sliver of A Full Moon. That play, which is never entirely performed as a fictionally narrative piece, is a dramatized story of the passage of the Violence Against Women Act, and many of the powerful survivors and allies who helped it come about. The piece is often performed with some of the survivors sharing their stories, and it’s an ever-evolving piece because it’s an ever-evolving issue. Every time it reaches an audience it helps spread the message, and serves as a call to action for change. It is more than theater, and I am humbled and grateful every time I’m able to be a part of it.

What’s something you would love to do but haven’t gotten the chance to yet? (either professionally or personally)

Big movies. I want to be in big movies, and do big movie shoots in places near and far. I love it and want more of it. If I could shoot half of every year for the rest of my life, I would.

What’s next?!

These last few months, I’ve mostly made commercial and podcast voice work. It’s been fun and enriching, it also gives me more family time. Over the summer I was thrilled to take part in a festival of the complete works at Classic Stage Company, put on by Play On Shakespeare. I was also recently part of a video piece constructed around the works of Mac Wellman here in NYC. As I branch out into this new midlife phase of character work I’m starting to book, I will have to see what parts come. So far, it’s been exciting and, as I mentioned before, a little scary. But I’m doing my best to embrace what I am becoming, and I’m excited to see how that changes the work I’ll be able to make.

In times of stress, how do you relax, take care of yourself, or indulge yourself?

Currently I eat and drink my feelings, it used to be running and exercise. I’m trying to get back to that.

What motivates you?

Mostly a desire to work. I love the work and the process of the work. When that well runs dry, fear and economic insecurity usually sustain me until the desire returns.

What scares you?

Self doubt, and the idea of being disliked, or unwanted. Also, giving in to failure. Not spiders, it’s more that I get frustrated at them for being like us.

What brings you the greatest joy or satisfaction?

Yesterday, in the middle of a recording session I just took a minute to love being in the booth, love talking with the engineer and creative director while they cut a take down. Those moments in the middle when something is being made, and I get to be a part of it, and realizing this is what I do. It’s the best. 

What should everyone do at least once in their life?

I want to say something better…but probably mushrooms.

Beyond what we’ve covered here, what is something you really want people to know about you?

I don’t mean to talk as much I do, I apologize (in advance) please know I’m always working on it.

What is a favorite memory?

Mostly stuff about my daughter being awesome.

Who’s your idol?

Possibly Bill Murray, Meryl Streep, or maybe like Oprah. Though I once saw J.K. Simmons typing on a laptop in an airport, he looked so happy and at peace I thought, “Jesus! I have to figure out what makes that mindset happen. I wanna be so happy that I make that face on the regular.”

What is your favorite restaurant or meal?

No favorite restaurant, many are good for different things, but Chongqing Chicken is probably my favorite thing to eat.

Who is on your guest list (alive or dead) for your perfect dinner party and what would you eat?

I feel the same way about people as I do about restaurants.

Where is your favorite place on earth?

Probably the woods of the NW, also lower Manhattan at sunrise.

What’s one thing you can’t live without?

I’ll never reveal that weakness to my enemies.

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]]>Jake HartAll Roads EditorFri, 31 Jan 2020 18:57:28 +0000/roads/walter-gray-iv553d4b8de4b0fe84387378c6:57cf49c6ff7c5074fe8b96da:5e3476dde35b7148dd04eb26Meet Walter Gray, IV, an LA based actor, voice talent, and motion capture (mocap) performer extraordinaire! He’s also a dear friend from way (way) back, to when we were mere children going through our theater undergrad program together.

In addition to being largely known as a voice and mocap actor for the video game industry (titles include God of War, Spider Man, and Last of Us Part II to name a few) he’s appeared in a variety of plays at well known theaters in the Los Angeles area as well on the HBO hit series The Newsroom. Most recently, he announced he’s been invited to play taskmaster and Daily Bugle reporter Phil Sheldon in the new Marvel’s Avengers game. And since October 2019 (we recorded this back in January 2019), we’re happy to report that Walt has retired from Sony as a Key Set Production Assistant and now also directs part-time in the voice over booth for various upcoming projects in addition to his acting career. Go Walt! You can find more of his credits on his IMDB page here.

In this interview, we discuss Walt’s advice for surviving the audition room, the joy of carving your own path, and how he had to navigate life after experiencing an unimaginable loss. It’s been a long, often winding, road to get to this point (we can’t thank Walt enough for his patience and flexibility) but we’re thrilled to finally be able to share this beautiful, and deeply personal, conversation with you all. Enjoy!

Trigger Warning: There is explicit language, mentions of death and anxiety, and discussions of parental loss throughout this interview (specific themes and timing below). If you need immediate assistance, scroll down to find some helpful resources.

Interviewer: Caitlin Simkovich, All Roads Media Founder & Editor

Produced and Edited by: Caitlin Simkovich, All Roads Media Founder & Editor

All interview music by: Manuel Ochoa via Melody Loops

Photo credit: Kimberlee Peterson (@lotta.photo.kp)

___________________________________

Summaries, Definitions, and Bios:

Motion Capture (mocap): the process of recording the movement of objects or people.

Richard III by William Shakespeare

Hamlet by William Shakespeare; Polonius

The Newsroom: HBO drama by Aaron Sorkin

Bessie Anderson Stanley, success poem

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Trigger Warnings:

Self-harm: 6:15-6:37
Body image: 14:30-15:00
Car/driving-related trauma: 24:20-24:45
Death: 32:35-33:00
Anxiety: 32:49-34:00
Parental loss: 33:20-34:00
Boston Marathon bombing: 37:40-38:00
Parental loss, memories, and grief: 38:15-1:03
Mortality: 1:03-1:12
Mental health, anxiety, regular health: 1:03-1:12

Suicide/self-harm: If you are experiencing suicidal or self-harm thoughts and need immediate help, call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-8255. The Lifeline provides 24/7, free and confidential support for people in distress, prevention and crisis resources for you or your loved ones.

Anxiety/depression: Anxiety and Depression Association of America

Grief: https://www.mastersincounseling.org/guide/loss-grief-bereavement/

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]]>All Roads EditorFri, 17 Jan 2020 21:24:07 +0000http://www.allroadsmagazine.com/roads/tristan-shuler553d4b8de4b0fe84387378c6:57cf49c6ff7c5074fe8b96da:5e21f9ac7cc7f93faf28f94cActor, Director, Hustler 

www.tristanjshuler.com

@TristanJShuler

Let’s start off with the obvious place to start, please tell us a little about yourself:

I’m a theatre artist currently based in New York City. I love that you call me a “hustler,” because that’s straight up what it feels like 24/7, I’m constantly hustling for the next thing. I direct, act, choreograph, dramaturg, script consult, write, coach/teach for any and all things related to theatre. I love to laugh and joke around – that’s what keeps me grounded- so you’ll find I work on a lot of comedies. I grew up in Brooklyn, New York, before moving to Pennsylvania, where I studied at the local performing arts high school. After that I moved back to New York City to study at The American Academy of Dramatic Arts and start my career. Since then I’ve just been…hustling.

As you mentioned, you completed your early training at the Lehigh Valley Charter High School for the Performing Arts (LVPA) followed by the American Academy of Dramatic Arts (The Academy). What were these experiences like and what influence did they have in shaping the artist or person you wanted to become?

I think my theatre education has everything to do with what kind of artist I’ve become. LVPA was where I became “Tristan J. Shuler,” ya know? It was where I developed my work ethic & how far my passion could push me. I also discovered what type of work I was into. That school threw so much content at me, I got a taste of practically everything. So when I continued my acting studies at The Academy in New York, I knew exactly what kind of work I wanted to do. And the instructors and teachers I was blessed with in those years were so instrumental to who I am now. If they didn’t believe in me so much, I would not have chosen this as a career.

What made you decide to (or feel prepared to) take the leap to pursue acting full-time professionally? And what made you choose to settle in the NYC area as opposed to a different artistic hub?

I don’t even know, actually. I was in this major depression during my senior year of high school and most of that year I thought that I would be joining the military. My whole family had been or currently was enlisted and I thought that was the easiest option. Then, under a last-minute deadline, I applied to and auditioned for I think ten or twelve schools. I even applied for one school as a pre-law major! I got into all except one (I got into the pre-law program, thank you very much!). And that was the hint that “oh, I should do this.”

The final factor was that I needed to study in a city where I could also work. I wasn’t going to go study in a place where I couldn’t build a network. So NYC was the answer there and that narrowed my choices. I got a final push from two amazing mentors in my life, and they’re really the only reasons I ended up going to collegiate acting school officially, which is the reason I ended up in New York.

Your career as a performer has taken you in a lot of exciting directions. From television and film to Off-Broadway to Teatro Potlach in Italy, you’ve managed to make a lot of opportunities happen for yourself and seemingly without representation, which is hugely impressive. No doubt sheer will, hustle, and talent has a lot to do with this but could you give us a little insight as to how you sought out these opportunities? 

This one I’m not too sure of. I guess I can amount it all up to “the more people that know you’re work, the better.” The funny thing is, that I don’t feel like I’ve really accomplished much of anything yet. But, I know that I have to celebrate all the wins, no matter the grandeur! Basically, I like to work hard and be kind to everyone. I’m happy to say that hard work and kindness is often returned in opportunity.

What advice would you give someone who’s just starting out (or super introverted) and not sure how to go about making connections?

Give up the coy act. I’m an introvert, but no one out in the world is going to believe in you if you stay indoors. Say “Hi”. Fall in love. Be kind. Just be a person. Also be honest – that’s huge.

At any given time, you’ve got your hands in a number of different types of projects. Between actor, performer, choreographer, director (etc., etc., etc.), is there any one of these identities that you identify with or mediums that you gravitate towards most?

Well it’s funny, when I was in high school, I decided that I was going to be a director. So I told myself I would go to acting school because I could never imagine directing actors without knowing every little thing about how an actor lives and what an actor does. So that was supposed to be a stepping stone, but it became a huge part of what started my career. Now, I think I’m mainly an actor, but I also do all of these other mediums, which I love. I love that I can be a multi-hyphenate and good at more than one thing, and that the industry allows me to do that.

In addition to working as a performer, you also pay it forward with your work as a teaching artist. Can you talk about why this work is important to you and what lead you down this road?

The teachers and coaches I had in my educational years are so instrumental to my success and future. If I can’t provide that same type of inspiration for somebody else, there’s really no point in doing it all.

Along the same lines, part of your mission as an artist is to support emerging artists and new works. Can you talk a little about this aspect of your career and about the work you do with A Night of Play? How did you think of pairing theatre and games in order to create such a fun and unique theater experience?

Aw, I love A Night of Play. Something I’ve been passionate about since puberty is new plays. I didn’t realize WHY I was passionate about them until a few years later, when I started seeing revival after revival and every. Single. Actor. Was white. Every. Single. Time. So the importance of new work became really apparent to me when I realized that for a lot of the people out there, “the classics” is just another way of saying “the white way,” which is literally the term for Broadway: “The Great White Way.” My eyes can’t roll back hard enough. I don’t have time or tolerance for that. So I support a lot of new theatre and new works festivals with emerging artists who need support from people who can identify with them.

A Night of Play is just a little event I created to bring together emerging artists and new plays with a board game party to break the ice. I can talk about A Night of Play forever, but I’m taking a little break from that at the moment. It’s a lot a lot of work to curate and script consult for four different playwrights’ new plays every month and get them staged reading ready with great actors in three weeks for free. The process and the project, however, was so insanely fulfilling, and produced some really beautiful moments and scripts. Board games and new plays are my favorite two things on earth, so A Night of Play holds a special place in my heart. I can’t wait to do it again sometime soon.

Why is community so important and what advice would you give to those trying to find theirs or want to break in but don’t know how or are too scared?

I actually think LOOKING for your community is detrimental to actually finding a healthy community. I think you have to trust yourself and be true to yourself, then your community will wrap itself around you naturally. Forcing things like friendships and professional relationships never works, unless you’re Joe Goldberg from “You.”

What’s something you wish you knew before you got started on your path? Or, what have been some important lessons you’ve learned along the way.

This is going to sound dark, but I wish I knew how lonely I’d be sometimes. I wish I knew that what made me happy then is not always going to make me happy, and that’s okay! I wish I was in therapy earlier! Haha! But yeah, I wish I was more emotionally prepared for some of that. Oh, and I also wish I had a savings account.

Given all that you have going on at any given moment, how do you find or strive for balance? 

I seriously don’t. I think I struggle the same as everyone else with finding balance. I’ve just recently started to follow the “put me first” rule, and it’s wild how some people don’t respond well to not being my number #1 priority. That being said, I think self-care is super important. Being honest with myself. Asking “What do I need right now?” And then prioritizing that. And in the busier weeks when I’m running around from event to show to audition to whatever else and I feel like there’s no time in the day for me, I add a two hour block to my Google calendar for “Tristan time.” I take a lot of naps.

Do you ever experience fear, doubt, or loneliness? How do you manage those feelings?

Every single day. I don’t think it’s a matter of managing them. It’s a matter of accepting them.

What do you do when you feel stuck creatively?

I go see other people’s art. There’s nothing like watching someone do what they love to inspire me again.

What do you like to do besides performing, directing, or teaching?

I play a lot of board games. I love a good Dungeons & Dragons night with some friends or a game of Uno with a charcuterie plate to share. When I have the time, I work out and practice yoga. I also am an avid audience member. I will never say no to go see a show.

Of what you’ve accomplished or experienced thus far, what are you most proud of so far or found most rewarding?

Something I’ll always be quite proud of is when I got to perform at The Drama Desk Awards with the cast of Spamilton: An American Parody. That was so wild and so fun, and I had no idea the show was really that big of a deal until we were rehearsing to open up for the awards that year next to people like Michael Urie and Jane Krakowski. That was a super big deal for me – I might still be reeling from that!

What’s something you would love to do but haven’t gotten the chance to yet?

Eek, I actually think I’m ready to try some new spots to live and work. I’ve lived in New York City for eight years and feel like I’ve experienced so much. But I want to travel a bit, and maybe find a new network out in a different part of the country!

In times of stress, how do you relax, take care of yourself, or indulge yourself?

Naps. So many naps.

Who or what inspires you?

I inspire myself. What keeps me pushing is always asking myself, “What would young Tristan think of me right now?”

What motivates you?

Faith.

What scares you?

Being forgotten after I die.

What brings you the greatest joy or satisfaction?

Laughing with friends. There’s nothing like forgetting where you are and just being with old friends that have so many inside jokes with 

Who’s your idol?

Ryan Murphy. Lady Gaga. Baz Luhrmann.

What’s your favorite song or album? (or closest you can get to it)

“Marathon Runner” by Yellow Ostrich. I woke up once on a park bench (it’s a long story), and this song was playing in my earphones. It was a magical moment. I was 16 years old, and this song has stuck with me since. It reminds me that life is a marathon not a sprint. We run for a purpose not for a destination. I think it’s a beautiful lyric and I love the ambiance.

What is your favorite restaurant or meal?

Mac & cheese.

Who is on your guest list (alive or dead) for your perfect dinner party and what would you eat?

Rosa Parks, and I’d let her sit wherever she damn well pleased while we eat mac &cheese.

Where is your favorite place on earth?

My bed.

What’s one thing you can’t live without?

My friends – I have such beautiful people in my life. I couldn’t live without them.

What’s next?!

Ah! This question. I am actually currently in Toronto rehearsing to embark on a Disney Cruise Line for a couple of months, doing some of their shows, including Frozen as Kristoff. I think it'll be pretty magical, and it should feed that travel bug I've been having. I just finished a little stint on the Spamilton National Tour, but I am so ready for new adventures. What's next is scary but exciting, and I'm so ready for it. Follow my social media and you can be in the loop! ;) I post everything up on there! @TristanJShuler.  

Beyond what we’ve covered here, is there anything you really want people to know about you?

I think the best thing to know about me is that I don’t believe in luck. Or if I do, I have never been blessed with it. Working hard is my claim to fame – that’s all I can accredit any of my accomplishments to, which makes every step of the way that much more special.

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]]>Tristan J. ShulerAll Roads EditorWed, 11 Dec 2019 21:56:53 +0000/roads/angela-milton-continued553d4b8de4b0fe84387378c6:57cf49c6ff7c5074fe8b96da:5df1603485f1263eac773a70PART 2

Theatre Producer & All-Around Creative

http://www.angelajmilton.com/

https://www.facebook.com/ImmersiveResponse/

And we’re back! As you mentioned in Part 1, you recently created a site-specific, interactive experience called the WWI Wardrobe Project. Can you talk a little about what this entails and what sparked the idea?

I have been fascinated by the impact of World War I (WWI) for as long as I can remember and wanted to look at it from the perspective of those on the home front – the women who had put aside campaigning for the vote to work in factories, nursing, working on farms, or getting together to send items to the troops abroad, as well as about any men left behind - what that felt like for them and why they may have not gone to war.

In terms of what sparked the idea, I was inspired by a huge photo of my great-grandfather that hangs in the hallway at my parent’s house. When I was younger I thought that my great-grandfather was really old in the photo, but as I got older I realised he wasn’t, he was just posing with his best suit on – as was the tradition at the time – to show him as a responsible, respectable man. I started wondering about him and his life. I had this idea for a show where people would get to dress up and have their photos taken in period costume. That way they could see themselves as their ancestors or fore-bearers and perhaps recognise that as people we are still much the same inside, no matter what time period we lived in. From there, the WWI Wardrobe Project sprung forth. I then started to add in extras such as singing songs together (music was important at the time for gathering the spirit of togetherness) and getting people to read letters out loud.

The show is a mix of actors and audience participation to create the overall story. Could you discuss some of the characters and how they came to be?

There was such a range of work that women could do when the men were away at war. The most familiar was the nurse of course. A friend, Jen McGregor, who is a Scottish playwright and director, had a monologue she had written that was about the experiences of a nurse during WWI. It fit what I was doing and is the only part of the show that I didn’t write.

I was also fascinated by the premise of ‘Canary Girls’, the women who worked in the munitions factories building bombs. Many ended up with yellow skin from the toxins and sometimes dyed from the poison. Scotland had the largest munitions factory in the UK at Gretna and it made sense to tie that in.

The sole male character is a young man who was not able to go to war. He is based on my grandfather who hadn’t been able to fight due to a foot injury from an industrial accident and because he was a crofter. There were a few reasons why a young man would not go to war and these included certain occupations (those who grew/caught food which was needed due to wartime shortages) and particular injuries or conditions. I made my character a fisherman who served as a naval reserve volunteer. Like my grandfather, the fisherman had a foot injury that precluded him from fighting and it was interesting to research what that might have felt like, including the impact of White Feathers (an organisation that aimed to shame men into enlisting in the British army).

For my character, I wrote a woman who had a son at war and was part of the Women’s Rural Institute (WRI), an organisation that came into being in Scotland in 1917 specifically to look at ways to help the war effort using the skills of local women. My mum has been part of her local Rural Institute for as long as I can remember so I had some inspiration there too.

As we mentioned, the show required audience participation as a way to tell the story and enhance the experience. What challenges and successes did you encounter with this method?

Yes, there are always challenges! Funnily enough, I found that the reviewers thought it stressful even when no one was forced to join in. But we approached it gently, directly addressing things to the audience, and found that the natural progression of the show allowed the audience to get comfortable with participating. For example, the audience was a part of the ‘WRI meeting to help with the community.’ It started with everyone having a singsong, then they were invited to dress up and have their photo taken, etc. and by the time they were given the opportunity to ask questions of the characters and read out the letters, it was never much of an obstacle, especially since they could look at the text as opposed to each other. Out of 60 opportunities to dress up (20 shows x 3 costumes), we had 51 people dress up – pretty good odds for a show I think!

That said, I do think people were afraid of the questions at first, until someone got it and then it became difficult to reel it in! I did a lot of “hot seating” with the actors so we were really prepared to be asked anything and everything about their roles and the time period. Research was key.

The real challenge getting an audience, that was the hardest thing. This might have been the time slot (early to late morning) or just not enough interaction with the target audience, I don’t know. I lost a lot of money and sometimes spent too much time worrying about audience numbers rather than the job of performing. But for those who did come along, they seemed to really enjoy it. I have had some people come up to me more than a year later to say how much they enjoyed it.

Did you produce the show on your own or did you use a team?

I did the producing all on my own which was incredibly tough and when I do the show again (I intend to further develop it) I will need help. I directed it with a light touch which worked for the immersive style of the piece. For the writing, I whizzed it past my writer friend and she said it was in good shape which was a relief. I spent about 3 months doing a lot of work and getting very little sleep. If I had had funding rather than just my personal savings, I would have tried to use a team, but it is a challenge being self=funded at the grassroots level.

However, there is that satisfaction of knowing just how much a human being can be capable of and having my own voice out there.

How important is it to find people who share the same creative vision or values as you?

Incredibly important. For example, when we worked together, I liked our shared vision. We may not always have had the same creative thoughts but what we did was find a way to meld them that brought forth lovely shows. I have met a lot of great people back here in Edinburgh, but it takes a special team to have that click that enables working together creatively. For this piece, I was very careful in who I chose to work with, which I think helped immensely throughout the process.

In Part 1, we talked a little bit about compromise with regards to living a creative life. What have those compromises been for you and how do you manage them?

The biggest compromise is having to have a day job to afford to live. Unless you have the connections or background to be able to work more frequently in the creative field, you spend a lot of time doing something that is not your creative life. It is exhausting and sometimes I struggle for creative inspiration. There has been a big stooshie (great word) recently here in the UK about the demeaning of an actor in the press who had had to get a job as a security guard in a store to pay her bills (click here for story). She had been in a well-known soap but that contract/role came to an end. There is a public perception that once you are well-known that somehow equates to being financially well-off which, as any creative knows, is usually not the case! It is exhausting though, to try and keep being creative when all your energy is drained by a job that – just about – pays the bills.

But for me, putting on my own work has helped to remind me of what I am capable of. Having that not only reminds me of the skills I have (that I often feel must be lacking when I struggle to be seen creatively) and there is such joy in putting on a show and telling the world that you have a story to share. Earlier this year I, without thinking, said to someone: “when I used to act…” When I realised what I had said I was devastated, at least that was what it felt like at the time, a point when I had no chance to use my skills. I am an actor. I am a director. I am a writer. I can be all of those things and still need a day job, and often I just have to remind myself it is OK for it to be that way and I am more than the sum of my parts.

Obviously, you are a woman of many talents. Out of all of those hats you are wearing at any given time, is there one that you identify with the most?

I have been asked this a few times in the past year – probably because I have made a more conscious effort to network – and I think it honestly has to be about the play or the production. Sometimes I want to tell the story in one way (by performing it) or by helping others to tell that story through directing, producing, or writing. I said to someone recently that I have accepted I might not be performing at the well-known theatres here in Scotland, so I am going to do something that I enjoy, that inspires me. Yes, I want to get paid to do that (and it seems silly that creative jobs are often seen as an area that pay is only a ‘nice’ thing to do if possible, despite it being an actual job) but I also want to do things I enjoy. I have met actors who are jaded from doing roles that they haven’t enjoyed or being seen as a particular performer when that is not what they actually like. I know it can’t always be the most amazing thing, but if I can’t enjoy something in the role or in being part of a production, then is it worth my time? My time is precious, especially the older I get. We get lulled into this sense that as creatives, we should just be grateful to get a role/part of a production but actually, should we? Maybe once in a while taking that paid role for the money is fine, but if you do that longer term you lose the joy of it, and for me, that would feel wrong. I also want to make clear that I don’t see it as a hobby – it is a job and a job that I love.

What’s next?

I am in It’s A Wonderful Life as Clarence (the angel, gender swap!) at the Scottish Storytelling Centre here in Edinburgh in December. After that I am hopefully doing the development of the next stage of the WWI Wardrobe Project (the long hoped-for version with a tea dance for everyone in costume). Plus lots more percolating in my head.

Who’s your idol?

Oh, so many… Keanu Reeves, because he does his own thing. He gives oodles of his money to many charities without publicising it and because, despite a great deal of challenges in his life, he has kept going with dignity. He might not be one of the greatest actors, but he gives so much. Also, Greta Thunberg, the inspiring face of youth that has a voice and uses it. Loads more but I think those are a good start!

What’s your favorite song or album? (or closest you can get to it) And Why?

Oooh, well… 9 to 5 by Dolly Parton is a song that will always get me on my feet (I grew up with country music – Scottish people are big fans, or at least were when I was young); Blaze of Glory by Bon Jovi which is from the Young Guns II soundtrack. It has been my wake up song for years! Most songs by ABBA – they contain so much emotion, especially those that plot the separation of two of the group. I love Bach’s Cello Concerto No. 1… and for album, it’s a choice between Appetite for Destruction by Guns n Roses and the soundtrack from White Christmas (I love Christmas things!).

What’s your favorite piece of literary work? (book, play, poem, etc.)

Funeral Blues by WH Auden – it captures the range of feelings so well.

Who is on your guest list (alive or dead) for your perfect dinner party?

Well, it would be great to see you there! Some friends from my school days – Alison, Terry and Tracy. Plus my grandparents, Ella and Jim Fraser, and Gertrude and Sandy Milton. Lisa Milinazzo and her husband Wally. If you want to talk famous types, well… Will Shakespeare, Michelle and Barack Obama, Benedict Cumberbatch, Queen Victoria, Frederick Douglass, Billie Holiday, Oprah Winfrey, Keanu Reeves, Dolly Parton, Joan of Arc. Hmm, probably quite a big table there!

What would your last meal be?

Mac n Cheese, mmmmm!

Where is your favorite place on earth?

That is a tough question. I think it’s wherever home is and at different times, that has felt like New York City (in Central Park near the loch, not far from the zoo) and Edinburgh, standing in my garden, looking up at the stars.

What’s one thing you can’t live without?

I would be devastated if I could no longer hear music but I guess I would live. Let’s just say that if I thought I could never perform again, that would be life-changing.

If you could give a piece of advice to someone interested in starting something – whether it’s a business, a new career path, a new adventure, a relationship – what would you tell them?

Do it – even if you have to do it along with something else until whatever it is you want to succeed in is up and running, just do it. We spend so long second-guessing the world and ourselves, but life is so short, so, so short: take the chances when you can. Make moments and take moments. Tell people you love them. Have empathy.

Didn’t catch Part 1? Read it here.

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]]>More Angela MiltonAll Roads EditorTue, 03 Dec 2019 00:21:21 +0000http://www.allroadsmagazine.com/roads/angela-milton553d4b8de4b0fe84387378c6:57cf49c6ff7c5074fe8b96da:5de5918dc10a1a142dda5967PART 1

Actor, Director, Writer

http://www.angelajmilton.com/

https://www.facebook.com/ImmersiveResponse/

Let’s start by telling us a little about yourself:

I live in Scotland – the lovely Edinburgh (of Edinburgh Festival Fringe fame). I trained as an actor in London and then New York, graduating from the Company of the American Academy of Dramatic Arts (AADA), New York, in 2007. Subsequent to that I was awarded an artist's visa (the O2 visa for Extraordinary Ability). I worked in both New York and Los Angeles, mainly in theatre but with a wee foray or two into film.

I now live in a wee house with my cheeky rescue cat Tibby and have slowly built up a network of fellow artists in Edinburgh, mainly at the grassroots level, which is wonderfully diverse and exciting, but financially challenging (ah, the life of an artist). I survive by having a day job as a student advisor, trying to problem solve and helping students in difficulties. The empathy that an actor has comes in very handy, and problem-solving is pretty much like being a producer so those skills are very useful!

In 2017 I decided to set up my own theatre company, Immersive Response, as I love working in immersive theatre, which I believe – when it works – can engage the audience much more without them even realising how much they are part of the show. Sneaky! My theory is that when an audience is immersed in the work, they will remember it more than just a regular show that they have watched as a passive audience member.

Early in your career, you were working in an entirely different industry, what made you switch to pursuing a life in theater?

I have always wanted to be involved in performing as a small child. My imagination knew no bounds and I could always be found, sitting in a corner reading books and imagining new worlds. However, I grew up in a small village in the north-east of Scotland and at the time there was no access to any type of drama class in the area. We only had a drama teacher for one year when I was at Secondary (High) School and even then, the work was extremely limited. So… the desire bubbled away until after I had studied another degree – Publishing – and then started work. I was bored!! I started taking drama classes part-time, moved to London, and eventually attended a foundation year at Mountview (then Arts Ed). 

In fact, you moved across the pond to pursue a degree in acting at the American Academy of Dramatic Arts (AADA) in New York City. What made you decide to go there and how did you manage the transition?

I visited friends from Mountview who were attending drama school at AADA and I knew then where I wanted to be.

When my maternal grandparents passed away, they left me and my sister a little money which contributed to the loans I needed to go to drama school (the first loan that was approved was thanks to an understanding bank employee who had a sister who was a dancer!).

I was very lucky in that the company I had been working for in London had a flat in New York at the time (it came with their office there). They let me stay there for a couple of weeks until I found a room to live in. I also shipped a couple of boxes of things with me to have something familiar from home. I had also managed to meet up with a couple of people in London who were also going to be studying at AADA so it felt like I wasn’t entirely on my own. I literally finished my job in London on a Thursday, went to the wedding of one of my old flat-mates on Friday, and then the next morning flew to New York. I had a panic attack in the middle of the wee hours on Saturday, thinking WHAT HAVE I DONE?! But then I just had to get on the plane and go.

I had a fantastic time while at AADA. I had worried about being a mature student but discovered that there were actually loads of us. I made some great friends who I am still in contact with today and it really changed me as a performer. I learned a whole toolkit of skills which I still use in my work. The time spent getting a strong basis of training was invaluable as it gives you habits that will keep you going, even when the work is not as frequent or available. But it also made me aware that acting, and theatre, in general is still a business. Whether you are on stage or bringing it to life, the work still needs to be seen. 

It must have taken a lot of courage to pick up and go like that. What advice would you give someone on the verge of taking a big leap but might be too scared to follow through or don’t think they can?

Something I have always said – and try to live by for the most part – is that life is too short. I come from a family where, for many reasons, although lack of opportunity was a huge part of it, talent and ability was not allowed to flourish. The example that always stands out for me is that my maternal grandmother (the one I mentioned above) was not permitted to go to university by her father (not for the likes of her being from a working class family). And so an incredibly intelligent woman ended up living a good life, working hard as a cleaner, but a very different life to what might have been.

So I would say, trust your instincts and take the chances when you are given it. I have found that any time I did not trust my instinct, that was the wrong thing to do. It isn’t easy to listen to your inner voice, but without risk, there is no change. Also, it is never too late to get training, whatever that is for you.

Besides Edinburgh and New York, you’ve lived in various theater hubs including London and LA. What are the differences/similarities of the arts/theater scene in all these places?

The main differences between the UK and the US are to do with opportunity. In the UK, work tends to come via agents and very good contacts. If you do not have those contacts or an agent, it is incredibly hard although still possible. Making your own work is definitely the way forward here in the UK now.

In the UK, there are not usually open auditions and many auditions are not posted anywhere that actors can even find them. This is the opposite in the US which is what I loved about it. There is a company called Spotlight, that is the go-to place in the UK but even the auditions posted on there are at different levels, with only some of them available to actors, but the majority only to agents. Again, if you don’t have an agent it is very very hard.

What I loved about the US was that you didn’t have the same need for an agent – although obviously it helps – but that it felt as if the opportunity was there, that anyone could get a chance and audition. Los Angeles had quite a big theatrical community, which I was surprised at and really enjoyed. I loved New York though – it still has my heart.

What brought you to Edinburgh?

The simple answer is money. I had graduated drama school at the height of the worldwide financial crash. I made it work for a while, but due to visa restrictions, I couldn’t simply get a day job as others could. If I did, I could be thrown out of the country. I was also homesick and so I returned to Scotland and to Edinburgh where I knew there was a theatre community. I was broke but completely enriched artistically. 

You’ve worked fairly extensively with the Edinburgh Fringe, what is that experience like?

I have realised that I love being able to see the audience and work in smaller, more intimate spaces. When you work with immersion, being able to feel part of the show is important – and this can absolutely be done without forcing it – which is easier in a smaller space than a larger, traditional space.

The Fringe itself is huge though, so it’s a difficult, competitive marketplace. It has both everything and too much of everything! The pros are that you can see theatre from about 9:00 in the morning until about 5:00 the next morning. The cons are that you never quite know the quality of what you are going to see. You can guess, but that will not always be correct. I guess this could also be a pro because it makes it more of an adventure and you can learn just as much from “bad” theatre as you can from “good”. I am thinking about venturing further afield though. Even with Edinburgh being the largest arts festival in the world, there are so many to experience that I need not to limit myself.

Let’s switch gears a bit shall we? In addition to acting, you are also an incredibly talented director. You’ve got a true talent for getting to the heart of a play and unearthing depth and humanity in characters and relationships that aren’t always obvious. What draws you to plays or stories generally?

Ah, the million dollar question! Does it come alive in my mind? Can I see the possibilities and does it inspire me? Do I care about this character and their journey? If not, then why would I bother engaging with the production?!

Usually it needs to trigger something in my imagination or pull at my heartstrings. I like things that are emotional but that come from a genuine place of being. I like to remind people it is okay to laugh, to cry, and to show feelings in general. Irish plays are great for this! It is why I love immersive work – if the world is around you, then you are connected to it whether you like it or not, and it will affect you. We human beings spend so long trying to put on a brave face. I am all about letting out what is underneath (not forcing it, just giving the freedom to allow it to come out as it needs).

What’s your process or style for directing a play or creating an experience?

Oooh, well, I was very much inspired by a director I have worked with while at AADA, Lisa Milinazzo, as well as the work of Mike Leigh the film director. They have similar processes to developing stories which I have consistently drawn on. Lisa worked in a very particular way, improving character work and building from the root up. This inspired me to be involved in directing and looking at a different way to tell a story. In a nutshell, I like to:

• Improvise around the story – what happened before, what happened after? By doing so you are giving life to the scene – it hasn’t just happened in that moment from nowhere, but has actually developed from a previous moment yet to be discovered. For example, I often look at shows where it is obvious an actor is just moving to a particular place, or sitting in a particular way just because they have been told to. While there is an element of that in direction, if it doesn’t come from a place of reality or authenticity, other than it simply looks good, then it doesn’t quite fit into the natural rhythm of a body. Actors can sometimes find a reason for that movement that will help make it natural, but that isn’t always the case and it will be those moments that jar and take the audience out of whatever connection they have had. They might not be able to articulate it, but I believe that is why people may watch something and think it is OK rather than great – the connection is lost.

• I love to plot the journey of a play with music, even if that ends up just being for my own purposes. The music should inspire an emotion, which, admittedly, will be different for different people. For example, there are certain songs that instantly take me to a time and place, so when I hear them, the emotion of that time is with me immediately. If a scene reflects a storyline that I think has that emotion, for me, that could tell the story within. In a way it is a bit like the score of a film. Often as viewers we are directed to feel something by the sounds in the background, whether that be the sound of children laughing or a piece by Bach. I ask actors to find a song/piece of music that embodies their character – whatever that means to them – and then help them develop that in their character work. Sometimes that can end up being the pre-show music, the warm-up music, or just what inspires me for direction.

• I always believe if you can make people (the audience) feel that they are in a certain time or place, then that is half the battle. With actors, you will have had time during rehearsal to find and develop this, but with the audience you need to envelop them in it as soon as possible. This isn’t just about a set, although that might sometimes be part of it, but often about setting the mood,. I am happy when some audience members spontaneously chat as they are leaving, saying that it jarred going back into the modern world. If they are living it, something has definitely worked! 

Part of your style as a director is to not be limited by gender, age, or background when casting for a production. There were also times when you also didn’t encourage actors to change their accents (British or Australian) to something more standardized. For example, in your direction of Shakespeare’s Romeo and Juliet, Benvolio was played by a woman (originally a man) and various actors maintained their British or Australian accents despite the play being produced in the US. Can you talk more about your philosophy regarding this?

Absolutely! I love working differently with characters. We are still, in this modern world of ours, telling a lot of stories that are reflecting the older standard of the white male experience. Nothing wrong with that per se, because there are some wonderful stories within that standard, but I like to ask myself if there is another story we could be telling. Does it fit with our actual lives? Who or what could reflect that more?

I also don’t think we realise how few women exist in plays or films until we consciously approach it. Does this character need to be a man? (Often, the answer is ‘no’.) If a man, does he need to be older than the woman, or stronger, or richer, or… you get the drift.

With accents, they are part of us, a natural reflection of our backgrounds and experience. I like to ask ‘does the accent need to be of the place the play is set?’ We live in a multicultural world. Very few places are filled with people who just grew up and lived only in that one place, so why not reflect it? People can absolutely put on an accent, adopt it, and then that becomes an added layer, though it fits more naturally for some than others.

I think it is also about just giving people a voice. We all have voices – as in an inner thought and perception of the world – so if we do not have that reflected on stage, we end up with a more narrow “voice” that then leads audience members to believing, or subconsciously accepting, that that is the voice that we should exist with and accept as set in stone. Em, NO!

Any advice for actors overwhelmed by the auditioning process?

Auditions are scary and wonderful. It is a skill, a chance to show what you can do, and so it is natural to have a fear of it when you audition far less than you would like. And… some people just hate the falseness of that one-off showing of what a person can do. All I can say is, think of it as being in the moment. It is just a moment. And keep in mind, you may have been the perfect fit for the casting director but not for the producer or vice versa. It isn’t always about being the best actor but often about the fit for the role, production, etc.

Also, find your people; play, rehearse, and find your coping mechanism – a reason why aspects of auditioning can be overwhelming is that we don’t get to practice it often enough, or with enough different people. And that any negativity in the room, more often than not, has nothing to do with you.

Let’s get a little corny. Has there been a favorite role/production in your career or one role/production you’ve always wanted to do but haven’t yet?

As a performer, in my final year at AADA I was in The Birthday Party by Harold Pinter, directed by Lisa Milinazzo, who I mentioned above. That role was fantastic and really spurred me on to realise I like the quirky, the different, and that being cast as such was not an issue!

I loved working on my WWI Wardrobe Project and am developing it further for next year (I hope). I want to work more in my writing.

I would love to be Nancy in Oliver Twist – I am fascinated by the layers in her character and how she can see in the good in an otherwise dark world.

As a director, I have a special place in my heart for Room 211 which really kicked it all off for me and then led to our adventures with Bare Shakespeare!

I have loads I want to direct and they are all in my head (ah, the time to devote to being creative..)

What scares you?

Life passing and not having enough time to create. Also ghosts.

What brings you the greatest joy?

Telling the story and looking up at the stars. In fact, even just looking up wherever – we only see so much when we look ahead, but we have much that is around.

What is a creative experience that moved or changed you?

The Birthday Party – I realised that I can act and do things my way. I had a very bad experience with a theatre company here in Edinburgh a few years ago – I won’t mention any more than that – but I realised that if I am going to give my time to something, it will have to be on my own terms and I need respect as an artist.

What is a favorite memory?

My first visit to New York in 2003 – a group of ex-Mountview people, all 10 of us, on top of one of the rocks in Central Park just before New Year. Less than one year later, I would be living in New York.

What is your favorite restaurant?

Oh, hmmm. Chipotle? Does Chipotle count? I miss Chipotle…

What would you like to do that you haven’t done yet?

Perform on stage here at the bigger known theatre spaces in Edinburgh. Work for the RSC (Royal Shakespeare Company). Direct a feature film. Write a Christmas movie. Be able to give up the day job and just work on being creative. Also… go into space (a dream for about 30 years now!)

What should everyone do at least once in their life?

LOOK UP! And travel, even just a wee bit – this world is both immense and small: it should be explored. Also, have a snowball fight – you have never felt properly alive until you have had a fight with cold slushy snow!!

Let’s end with some advice. What advice would you give to your teenage or younger self?

Oh, go and study acting at a younger age! Ask your parents for money to travel to drama classes. The kids at school will not understand your creativity but that’s OK. You don’t need to give up on your dreams just then – there is a whole lifetime to explore. Also, ask more questions of your grandparents – family history is a living thing: it makes us who we are, so remember it. Have fun!

Read Part 2 here.

Production photo credits : Mark Wyville and Jasmin Egner; Top headshot photo credit: Barry Spence

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]]>Angela MiltonAll Roads EditorWed, 20 Nov 2019 02:39:19 +0000http://www.allroadsmagazine.com/roads/james-parenti-recorded553d4b8de4b0fe84387378c6:57cf49c6ff7c5074fe8b96da:5dd49f5df129ea05a88d17e8James Parenti is back.....again! We love talking to James so much that this time, we decided to record it. In this interview we dive into the thought process behind his latest play, the personal demons that inspire our art, and the ever-evolving balancing act that is living a creative life. Basically, if you want to listen to two theater kids geeking out on shop talk, you've come to the right place.

Trigger Warning: There is explicit language and mentions of physical abuse and suicide throughout this interview. If you are experiencing suicidal or self-harm thoughts and need immediate help, call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-8255. The Lifeline provides 24/7, free and confidential support for people in distress, prevention and crisis resources for you or your loved ones.

Interviewer: Caitlin Simkovich, All Roads Media Founder & Editor

Produced and Edited by: Caitlin Simkovich, All Roads Media Founder & Editor

All interview music by: Manuel Ochoa via Melody Loops

___________________________________

MORE FROM JAMES:

Listen to Creepy Kitty, the Fear of Blushing album James mentions in this interview, here:

https://fearofblushing.bandcamp.com/album/creepy-kitty

Listen to all albums by James Parenti here:

https://jamesparenti.bandcamp.com/

Learn more about May Violets Spring by James Parenti here:

https://www.facebook.com/events/824035677611844/

Read our written interviews with James Parenti here:

PART 1

PART 2

Summaries, Definitions, and Bios:

Verse: writing arranged with a metrical rhythm, typically having a rhyme.

Blank verse: verse without rhyme, especially that which uses iambic pentameter.

Prose: written or spoken language in its ordinary form, without metrical structure.

Antony and Cleopatra by William Shakespeare.

Hamlet by William Shakespeare.

Romeo and Juliet by William Shakespeare.

Titus Andronicus by William Shakespeare.

Fulvia

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]]>All Roads EditorFri, 01 Nov 2019 15:31:19 +0000http://www.allroadsmagazine.com/roads/louisa-shafia553d4b8de4b0fe84387378c6:57cf49c6ff7c5074fe8b96da:5dbc4c93534d6168cf767593Chef, Cookbook Author, Recipe Developer

http://louisashafia.com

Instagram: @louisashafia

Let’s start off with the obvious place to start, please tell us a little about yourself*:

Hi, I’m Louisa. I’m enthralled – obsessed, you might say – by the food of Iran. I also love to cook healthy, vegetable centric, seasonal food. These two passions are my creative compass in life.

I make my living doing Persian food pop-ups, writing cookbooks, consulting, developing recipes, and teaching cooking classes. I’ve published two cookbooks, The New Persian Kitchen and Lucid Food: Cooking for an Eco-Conscious Life.

With a dear friend, I started a line of beautiful, eco-friendly cookware called Magpie Cookshop.

After living in Philly and Brooklyn for many years, I now live in Nashville, TN with my husband James, and our son Dante Bijan. I’m really enjoying living – and eating – in the South. Ironically, because Nashville boasts the country’s biggest Kurdish population, I now have many more places to shop for Persian ingredients, and access to the best baklava I’ve ever eaten.

*From louisashafia.com

Your first cookbook, Lucid Food, and cookware line both embrace the mission of being eco-conscious, can you explain a little about what is behind the concept of “lucid food”?

I’ve always felt strongly about conservation. Chalk it up to attending  Quaker school in Philadelphia, where there was a strong culture of environmental consciousness, or to my parents, one of whom was born during the Depression and the other who was an immigrant. There wasn’t a lot of waste in our household. Between those two forces, conservation and a wish to live in harmony with the planet became second nature.

Your second cookbook, The New Persian Kitchen, is a beautiful love letter to Persian and Iranian food and the family traditions that surround it. Why was it important for this to be the focus of your second book? 

When I wrote my first cookbook I included a few Persian recipes. I ended up having so much fun preparing those dishes and exploring those flavors that I decided to write a book focusing only on Persian food. I felt excited that this rich culinary world was part of my own personal history. I didn’t realize at the time that learning about Iranian food and culture was a way to understand myself. My father came from Iran but his heritage was very removed from our lives and he didn’t like to talk about it. Researching recipes and connecting with other Iranians and my extended Iranian family helped me uncover the mystery of my own background. The more I worked on the book, the more important it became for me, and that process of finding myself through the food of my heritage is an ongoing process. 

What’s something you wish you knew before you got started on the publishing path?

A book release is a rare time when journalists seek you out. I wish I had debuted my cooking tool, the “rice bonnet,” at the same time as the book. I’m happy with the attention that the product – my take on an age-old cooking tool for making Iranian style rice – has gotten, but I wish I had timed the two things to coincide.

What is your favorite thing to cook, either for someone who has never tried Persian/Iranian food, or in general for someone you care about?

I  love to make what I call Persian breakfast. It’s a very loose take on the breakfasts I was served in Iran. It starts with the classic Iranian herb platter which consists of fresh herbs, scallions, a Persian flatbread like lavash or sangak, radishes, walnuts, and feta cheese. To that I will add whatever fresh fruit is in season, yogurt, olives, toasted nuts and dried fruits, a special fruit conserve like rose petal jam if I have it on hand, and maybe some eggs. The only fancy thing I do is toast whole spices and put them in olive oil and pour that mixture over the feta. I put everything out in pretty bowls and plates, and let people help themselves. It’s so easy and really beautiful.

Do you ever experience fear, doubt, or loneliness? How do you manage those feelings?

Every day. Doing my work really helps.  When I procrastinate, the negative voices in my head can take over. But when I do my work and turn in a story to an editor, for example, I feel positive, like the world is a good place. That connection that comes from working with someone and corresponding also feels reassuring. Other things that help are exercise (walking, most essentially), meditation, spending time with friends, and being present with my son.

What do you do when you feel stuck creatively?

I take a dance break! Getting out of my head and moving my body really helps, so I like to put on something that makes me want to get up and groove, and I dance around and try to take up as much space as possible. I also like to pick up some writing that inspires me; sometimes reading a strong voice can help snap me back into focus on the point I’m writing about, and remember to communicate rather than worrying about fussy words.  

Of what you’ve accomplished or experienced thus far, what are you most proud of so far or found most rewarding?

Writing my cookbooks was a huge accomplishment and more challenging than anything I’d ever done. Then I went through the painstaking process  of getting my paperwork to visit Iran and that was mind blowing. I got to see where my father grew up, visit the graves of the grandparents I never met, and connect with my family there. The following year I had my son, and he has opened my heart in new ways and increased my capacity for love, not just for him, but for people in general. All of those events have shaped me and I feel grateful for them.

What’s something you would love to do but haven’t gotten the chance to yet?

There are a lot of places I’d like to visit. At the top of my list are Japan, Brazil, and Australia.

Is there any advice that you would give to your teenage or younger self?

Find women role models and learn from them. Also, learn Farsi.

What’s next?!

Here in Nashville where we live, I’m very excited to be working with the Tennessee Immigrant and Refugee Rights Coalition, an immigrant advocacy nonprofit. We’ve been doing Persian fundraiser dinners in my home and at restaurants for the last two years. I’ve become such an evangelist for their work that I constantly rope in other chefs to cook for them. Now I’ve earned the title of Culinary Liaison, so I can continue drawing in support in an official capacity. I’m grateful to have found a place to serve, where my Persian cooking helps to raise awareness and bring people together around food.

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]]>Louisa ShafiaAll Roads EditorMon, 22 Jan 2018 21:47:58 +0000/roads/2018/1/22/more-james-parenti553d4b8de4b0fe84387378c6:57cf49c6ff7c5074fe8b96da:5a66552cc830252e5725153aPART 2:

Songwriter, Producer, Collaborator

http://www.jparenti.com/

https://jamesparenti.bandcamp.com/

Welcome back! Let’s pick things back up by switching gears to your music career, shall we? On your site, you refer to yourself as a songwriter and not a musician even though you play instruments. Is that an accidental choice or do you see yourself more in that light?

Well, I guess the overall impact of the song as a whole is more important to me than any one instrument, or a particular performance. I spend more time working on the lyrics, melodies, and chord progressions than I do on trying to come up with a cool guitar part. Even though I play most (or sometimes all) of the instruments, all of those individual parts only exist to serve the needs of the song.

But I think it’s also a genre consideration. I’ve been hugely inspired by people like Elliott Smith, Aimee Mann, Sufjan Stevens, and Joni Mitchell. And even though they sing and play multiple instruments, and whether they play on their own or with a band, they’re primarily thought of as singer/songwriters. I guess I aspire to be grouped in with people like them!

What was the catalyst for switching gears from acting and playwriting to music?

I actually started playing guitar and writing (terrible) songs before I ever took an acting class. But they each take precedence at different times depending on what else is going on in my day-to-day life. Basically, if I get cast in a play or if I’m working on a production, music takes the back seat. But if I’m really focused on recording and mixing an album, then maybe I don’t audition for a little while. They all feed different needs, and getting better at any one of them means I’m a stronger artist overall.

Do you bring any of your playwriting or acting background to your music?

Yes, and vice versa! I mentioned in Part 1 about how writing verse is musical for me. I tend to think of various story beats as different tempos, or different musical styles. I remember in rehearsal for a reading of the play I’m working on now, I was working with an actor about a particularly challenging scene, and I said something like “Here the two characters are overlapping and building on each other, so it’s this fugue feel, then your character comes in with this military march speech,” and when she asked about the last line of the scene I said it was returning to the root chord of the song, the musical resolution. And I didn’t realize that I’d been thinking about the scene in that way until I said it out loud. I don’t know how helpful that was from an acting perspective, but I’m the writer, not the director!

As we mentioned in Part 1, in 2015 you wrote music for a new play awesomely titled POPTART! How is writing music for the stage different than writing an album? What was that process like?

Writing music for POPTART! was so much fun, and such a wildly new experience for me! Before POPTART! I mostly relied on inspiration for writing, and let songs come to me. But we were on a deadline. We had to write X songs in Y months, and not only did they have to be good, but they had to move the story forward. And be from different characters’ voices! Also, it was one of the first times I’ve collaborated as a songwriter. My wife Krystle Phelps, her sister Trish, and I, all worked together to figure these songs out, and the process was not only really enjoyable but also yielded super exciting results. Yes, maybe I’m biased.

Among other things, POPTART! deals with identity, and the difference between the authentic self and the "performed" self. The basic plot centers around a pop singer, Monique, and an indie rocker, James, who’s hired as her songwriter. So, there are songs of Monique’s, songs from James’ oeuvre, songs that James imagines would fit with Monique’s brand, and finally material that they come up with together. With all of these songs, we were concerned with each artist’s ideas of who they believe themselves to be, how they believe their audiences perceive them, and how they’d like to be perceived. It was an exciting balancing act. 

Indeed! How would you describe your overall sound? Is there a difference when you’re solo as opposed to collaborating?

I guess the easiest way to describe our sound would be “indie rock.” That term is so loose that it’s almost meaningless, and can incorporate all the different aspects of what we do: the melancholy finger-picking songs as well as the jazzier improvised moments and the bombast.
I still write, arrange, and record most the music under my own name, even though we’re playing it as a band now. The great benefit of the band is that I have these incredibly talented people, who are also my close friends, who can interpret the songs and their parts through their own taste and instincts, so that the songs can come alive anew when we play them, just like a play would. 

For example, a few years ago we were working on a full band-arrangement for a song of mine called “Lucky Star,” which is just voice and guitar on the record. I didn’t have any idea what Jared could play on drums, especially towards the end, so I think I just asked him to “do something weird.” And the insane, climactic drum part that he came up with has become a defining characteristic of the song; part of me wishes the live version was on the record!

How did your current band come together?

I’ve been playing music with my friend Jared Mancuso for many years, since we met in college. I had been playing bass in his band at the time, The Jared Project, along with our friend Audrey Lobdell on drums. Since the musical and personal chemistry there felt so right, it was an easy shift for us to start playing my music as well. In addition to being wickedly talented, they’re also multi-instrumentalists: Audrey plays bass in my band and drums in Jared’s, and Jared went from singing and playing guitar to playing drums with me. It’s a crazy little game of musical chairs we play at our joint band practices.

Let's talk a little business. How do you go about scouting and booking gigs? Do you work with a manager or agent of some kind?

Currently, I’m doing it all myself. After a decade or so of playing in NYC (and maybe four years of actually playing decent ones), I have some relationships with venues and people who consistently want to book us, which is a great privilege.

For shows outside of the city, it’s mostly just cold-calling people. I’ll look at an area or city we want to play, look into venues that seem like they’d be a good fit, and then just send them an email with my music. Just like trying to get auditions, it’s kind of a numbers game: if maybe five to ten percent of people get back to you, the only way to get a considerable response is by reaching out to as many people as possible! I definitely wouldn’t rule out working with a booking agent, it just hasn’t come to that yet.

Who or what influences or inspires your music?  

I draw from so many things! Anything that’s emotionally engaging can open a door to a new song or sound. Recently, I’ve been really excited by using non-musical art forms as entry points to my own music. In a kind of synesthesia, I like to try to make a song sound like a particular painting or film or book. That said, I don’t know if it’s the most helpful way of collaborating. How would you respond if somebody said, “Try to play this song like Water Lilies."? It really gets the wheels turning for me though.

This is a really fascinating concept. What would a song like Water Lilies even sound like? 

Well, Water Lilies was an example I pulled out of the air. But that’s a good question! In my music, I guess a song like that would have an indistinct, psychedelic quality, like you couldn’t quite put your finger on what you were hearing. Something that feels simultaneously distant and enveloping. Now that I think of it, I was trying to do something similar with the beginning of my song “Hope That You Know.”

And I have to say, I spent a long time staring at those lilies at the Musée de l'Orangerie in Paris. They’re deceptively overwhelming. On the surface they seem so tranquil, but there’s an obsessiveness on Monet’s part that feels at odds with the tranquility. Like you’re staring into your own subconscious or something. It really got under my skin.

How does a song come together for you?

Lyrics always come first for me. If I have a musical idea first, and try to apply lyrics to it, I seize up. Without fail. I try to find ways to circumvent my self-conscious, critical mind. It’s usually a multi-step process: I start with free association, just filling up pages with anything that comes out. Then later I’ll revisit the mess of words and pull out things that still feel resonant, and basically collage them together. So even if I have an idea about what I’m getting at, or what a song’s about, I can still find ways to surprise myself. Then those words inform melody, and the song builds from there. 

To date, you’ve put out three albums, Maybe That's Why We Lost, Don't Be Gone Long, Ellen, and You Look Like Hell. What goes into writing and recording a full album. Do you work with producers? How was the process different the second or third time around as opposed to the first?

I take pride in engineering and recording everything myself, and playing most of the instruments. I started recording many moons ago on my parents’ PC, and have just been learning by trial-and-error ever since. Blogs and YouTube tutorials have been super helpful, but really the only way I learn to do something is by doing it. I have a handful of versatile microphones and a multi-channel interface, and I record and mix everything in a program called Logic Pro X. I record 90% of the instruments in my bedroom, and then pack up my stuff and go to a rehearsal studio or a friend’s place to record the drums. It’s decidedly DIY and not very glamorous, but I’ve figured out a process that works for me. The acts of recording and mixing are often just as enjoyable to me as writing the songs.

On my first album I was especially concerned about style, and how best to present those songs in a way that was both emotional and cohesive. I had all these ideas and no way to organize them. So, I gave myself a very narrow framework inspired by a few of my favorite artists’ first records. Limited to a smaller palette, the otherwise-infinite musical possibilities didn’t feel so overwhelming, and I was able to make something I was proud of.   

All in all, it’s an incredibly daunting and tedious process, just like writing a novel or a play or making a film. The only way to get through it is to focus on the concrete steps immediately in front of you rather than the big picture, most of the time. And, to a certain degree, every time feels like the first time and the fact that I’ve done it before doesn’t necessarily make me more confident that I’ll be able to do it again!

That said, now that I’ve done it a few times, I’ve developed more confidence in the process. I allow myself to try and fail more than I did at first. I also know now that a song could be nearly completed but still need to be completely torn down and rebuilt before it works. Maybe even multiple times. The only way out is through!

Was there something you wish you knew before you started putting together your first album?

I learned a lot while making my first album, and I’m really pleased with how it turned out. But in the albums since, I’ve found it helpful to write much more material than I’ll use, and pick the songs that are strongest or that fit together best. Why We Lost, on the other hand, was a collection of the twelve most recent songs I’d written at the time. But I’ve since learned that an increase in quantity can also lead to an increase in quality, even if that means I have to "kill a few darlings!" A friend of mine calls this the “leave the tap running for a while if you want hot water” effect. 

That makes total sense. In other interviews, you’ve described your latest album, You Look Like Hell, as a horror-film love story. I love that, can you elaborate on what that means? Do your other albums reflect the same theme?

Thank you! This album was inspired in part by a screenplay my wife wrote, also called You Look Like Hell. It’s a horror story about a grieving young woman whose depression literally turns her into a monster. I found that theme extremely potent. Who among us hasn’t felt monstrous and unlovable? How do we accept love if we’re damaged? So, I attempted to incorporate the literal horror elements from her story into the themes that I was writing about. It’s like a parallax view of her screenplay, from my own messed-up perspective.

Also, some of my favorite films are (arguably) horror movies, or they mix some elements of dread with deep tenderness. Films like The Piano and The Fountain. I wanted to make something that would feel akin to those. Also, Alien.

I think Don’t Be Gone Long, Ellen and You Look Like Hell are thematically similar. But I think the latter relies a little more on allegory and fictionalized elements, and therefore holds together a little more concretely. Like Picasso said, "the lie that tells the truth." Whereas the former holds together thematically but the threads are a bit looser. You could think of You Look Like Hell as a novel and Don’t Be Gone Long, Ellen as interconnected short stories.

You seem to have a natural attraction to adaptation. Is it purely about exploring another person’s voice or point of view for you or is there a personal element there as well?

At some level, I think all art is an adaptation. Someone hears a concerto, or watches a film, and says to herself “I really like elements A, D, and E, but B, C, and F weren’t for me.” Then she goes back to the drawing board and has to supply pieces of herself to fit the holes, and try to fit them with the existing elements, which necessarily change from how they started. Voila! New piece of work.

That’s why I think there are so many adaptations and reimaginings of something like Hamlet. It’s an incomplete puzzle. The pieces that are in the text are amazing, but you can only bring pieces of yourself to complete the puzzle. So, your finished puzzle will look different than mine, since we had different things to give. With Violets, however, I decided to throw out two-thirds of the puzzle pieces, rearrange what’s left, and make something totally new!

This reminds me of something that many of us can fall into now and again. I’m talking about the crippling “It’s all been done already” effect. I've heard a number of wise people say that the thing to remember there is that everything HAS already been done before. But that it shouldn’t stop you because no one is going to do it like you will. Do you agree with that?

I totally agree with that! I don’t think we should be daunted by the fact that someone else had a similar idea, for two reasons. First, no one’s going to do it exactly like you. Just like a fingerprint, your brain and your creativity are completely unique to you. Second, if someone does happen to make something that looks a lot like your idea, that’s an opportunity, not a roadblock. You can use that as a chance to deepen your idea, make it more specific to you and your unique point of view. And you can use the other person’s work as a foil: what do you like about their execution? What would you do differently? What can you learn from them?

For example, there’s a novel called Ophelia which seems a lot like May Violets Spring at first blush. It tells the story of Hamlet from Ophelia’s point of view, as imagined by author Lisa Klein. I read it after I wrote Violets. It’s great! It’s being made into a movie with Daisy Ridley that’s also probably awesome. But guess what? It’s not in verse. It doesn’t deal with Ophelia’s bodily autonomy. It doesn’t deal with systemic sexism in fictional Denmark as a metaphor for the same in the U.S. The fact that the two pieces have a few cosmetic similarities doesn’t nullify either one, in my opinion.

Between acting, playwriting, and music is there one outlet you gravitate towards more than the others or is it equal?

That really depends on my mood, and the weather, and what I did the night before. Each form satisfies a different need. Writing plays and songs is very solitary and I can kind of live in my cocoon for a while, but they can lead to community and collaboration. Acting is all about interpreting the playwright’s and director’s intentions, and being publicly vulnerable. They all scratch a different itch, I guess.

Definitely. What are you working on now? What’s next?!

Well, I’m slowly writing another play. I’ve started writing and recording some new songs. I have some shows lined up with my band, and I’m doing a play in the spring. I’m also playing bass with my buddy Jared Mancuso’s band a lot, and I think I’m going to help out with recording his new album. Just keep doing all the things!

Tackling so many creative endeavors isn’t easy, let alone ones that put you in front of an audience on a consistent basis. Do you ever experience fear or doubt? How do you manage those feelings?

I have fear and doubts all the time. If it’s a performance, I comfort myself by remembering that I’ve had plenty of time to prepare: I’ve laid the track, and now I just have to ride the train. 
It helps that I’ve also had plenty of terrible performances, and as it turns out, I survived! If the worst-case scenario is embarrassment, I know I’ve been embarrassed before, and there’s always something to be learned from failure. I also remind myself, when I’m feeling particularly self-conscious, that most people are too busy worrying about themselves to worry about me.

In times of stress, how do you relax, take care of yourself, or indulge yourself?

I’m very fortunate, because I have an incredibly supportive partner in my wife Krystle. If I’m in over my head on a project, she makes sure I eat and sleep and drink water. 

Otherwise, I find exercise helps me connect to my body and stay centered. I can be particular (fussy?) about getting eight hours of sleep and making sure I eat enough every day. It sounds so silly and obvious, but the basic fundamentals of physical health go a long way toward my emotional health.

Not silly at all, I absolutely agree. So what makes you feel strong or powerful?

Honestly, preparation. Whether it’s for a performance, or a recording session, or a meeting, knowing that I’ve dedicated enough time to really have my ducks in a row adds significantly to my self-confidence. And deep preparation allows me to be more comfortable feeling loose and improvising, which ultimately leads to work that’s stronger and more alive.

What do you do when you feel stuck creatively?

Anything else! Take a walk. Forget about the project I’m working on, and watch/read/listen to something completely different. Eat a sandwich. It’s a cliché, but I’ve made some breakthroughs while brushing my teeth or washing the dishes.

I also really love to drive. Something about half of your brain being focused on the task at hand while the other half can drift and free-associate is really helpful for me. Unfortunately, it’s not really feasible for me to have a car here in NYC. So, when the band is out on the road or when Krystle and I take a road trip, I love to be the one behind the wheel.

You've already alluded to it a bit, but what’s something else you like to do besides act, write plays, and make music?

I love going to the gym. I’m not Mr. Fitness Guy, but pushing myself to new accomplishments in running or lifting is really gratifying and exciting. I think there’s a connection between developing physical strength and mental toughness.

I’m also really into cooking! Making meals for people is a really fun and low-stakes way to stay creative, and in a weird way it’s also one of the ways I demonstrate affection. “I like you. Are you hungry? Let me take care of you.” 

What is something you wish you knew before you started any of these projects?

Unfortunately, I’ve spent a lot of time waiting around to feel "ready", or to get permission from gatekeepers. Part of me is stuck in sophomore-land, like I’m just waiting til I’m a junior or senior when I’ll magically be ready. But I’ve learned that no one’s ever ready. The only way to start is to start, and make peace with not being good at something for a long time. Little by little, by being bad at it, you get okay at it.

What are you most proud of in these experiences?

I’m really proud of creating my own work on my own terms. While working with a record label or having a play of mine produced by a huge theater might ultimately mean that my work could be seen by more people, I’m proud that I dove in and started making stuff without waiting for permission, or waiting for the stars to align. 

What is the best advice you've been given? In your career or otherwise.

 “Fuck it.” In an acting class in college, I was struggling with staying out of my head and living in the moment onstage. I wanted to be great, and so I had a hard time dealing with being just okay. The difference between where I was and where I wanted to be felt so vast and overwhelming, and that was basically making me freeze up. My professor, who excelled in giving extremely simple and actable feedback, pulled me aside and gave me the two-word mantra, fuck it. It was the perfect mix of stupid and spot-on. Fuck it. Make a mess. Just do a bad job for a while, let it be what it is, learn from it and grow. 

AMEN. What is a favorite memory? 

In Paris, on a boat on the Seine, the tower lighting up as the sun goes down.

What is a creative experience that moved or changed you? 

Similar to NaNoWrimo, there’s something called JoCoAlbMo (Joe’s Concept Album Month) in which people write and record a concept album in the month of March. Krystle and I did this last year under the name Fear of Blushing, and it was an amazing experience. Part of what’s wonderful about the idea is its absurdity. It usually takes me more like two years to do everything that goes into making an album, and we did it in thirty-one days! It was challenging to keep up the pace, but also really confidence-building to keep up the quality level while doing so. 

I learned a lot about the beauty and power of starting before you think you’re ready. And since the breakneck pace kept us from being too precious or overthinking, I learned that it’s possible to make something really cool when you just follow your first impulses and trust your instincts. I’d like to learn to apply that fearlessness to the rest of my work.

Who’s your idol?

I used to have some idols that I used as standards to hold myself and my work to. But nobody’s perfect, and no two people have the same path or process. So, I guess right now I’m just trying to figure out how to be my own idol. (But also, my wife is my hero.)

What’s your favorite song or album? (Or closest you can get to it). And why?

That’s a tough one. I guess I’d have to say Either/Or by Elliott Smith. It’s just absolutely perfect from end to end, and every song is devastating in its own way. Also, the band at our wedding played “Say Yes” from Either/Or, so that song is particularly special to me.  A close second is his album XO. 

What’s your favorite piece of literary work? 

That’s another tough one! I recently read To The Lighthouse and loved it. East of Eden is an old standby. If plays count as literary work, Angels in America is a top one for me.

What is your favorite restaurant?

There’s a place called The Bonnie down the street from us here in Astoria. It’s a little pricey but the food and atmosphere are great. Sometimes we go there for special occasions that aren’t quite special enough to warrant leaving Queens.

Who is on your guest list (alive or dead) for your perfect dinner party?

Jane Campion, Catherine Bigelow, Ava Duvernay, James Cameron, Sigourney Weaver, Aimee Mann, Courtney Love, Kendrick Lamar, Miles Davis, Sufjan Stevens, Elliott Smith, Cleopatra, Virginia Woolf...and I guess Shakespeare can come but we’d probably get in a fight.

What would your last meal be?

The steak-frites from Le Relais de l’Entre-Côte in Paris. It’s the only thing on the menu.

Where is your favorite place on earth? 

Next to my wife. 

I’ve also spent some time in Woodstock, Portland, St. Martin, and Paris, and they’re all pretty great. I have a love-hate relationship with NYC.

What’s one thing you can’t live without?

My fingers, so I can play music and write. I guess that’s ten things.

Let’s end with a final piece of advice. If you could talk to someone interested in starting something – whether it’s a business, a new career path, a new adventure, a relationship – what would you tell them?

Just start. Just start right now. Any big project that’s really worthwhile will feel incredibly overwhelming at first, but don’t let the towering nature of the whole project to be a reason to never start. Just pick one thing, something you can do right now, and do it. Then do the next thing. And just keep doing the next thing until it’s done.

Similarly, I’ve seen this idea compared to building a house. Looking at a beautiful, finished house, it’s easy to feel daunted and even give up before you start. But you don’t build the whole house at once. In fact, the whole process is just putting down bricks, right? And you just put down one brick at a time. And if you spend a few weeks just showing up and putting down bricks, eventually you’ll look up and realize that you’ve put down a ton of bricks, and the finished house isn’t so far away! So, you just keep putting down bricks.

Read PART 1 of this interview.

To learn more about James and his projects, visit:

http://www.jparenti.com/

https://jamesparenti.bandcamp.com/

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]]>More James ParentiAll Roads EditorMon, 22 Jan 2018 21:47:51 +0000/roads/2018/1/22/james-parenti553d4b8de4b0fe84387378c6:57cf49c6ff7c5074fe8b96da:5a664bb353450afd71f7b3fcPART 1:

Actor, Playwright, Adapter Extraordinaire

http://www.jparenti.com/

https://jamesparenti.bandcamp.com/

Let’s begin with the obvious place to start, tell us a little about yourself.

I’m an actor, writer, songwriter, and occasional producer. I’m originally from Florida, but I’ve been living in New York City since 2005. My wife and I just celebrated our second wedding anniversary, but we’ve been a couple since 2001. We live in Queens with our guitars and imaginary cats.

A few years ago, you wrote a play called May Violets Spring, an adaptation of William Shakespeare’s Hamlet told from Ophelia’s perspective. This is such a creative idea, what was the inspiration behind it?

This is a bit of a long story. In 2010, I was in talks to do a small production of Hamlet. While I was going over the script, I became really invested in Ophelia’s story. She has so much going on in her life, and then she gets cast aside by the script. It seemed like Shakespeare wanted to get her out of the way to get back to Hamlet’s story in Act V. 

At first, I thought it might be a good idea to have her onstage during Hamlet’s soliloquies. That way, rather than solely confiding in the audience, he could also be confiding in her. It would have more impact, I thought, for him to lose such a close friend, lover, and confidant. But then it seemed insulting to have her onstage while Hamlet talks at her, and not allow her to engage.
 
So, then I attempted to cut the soliloquies into conversations. This way, I thought, she could engage with Hamlet’s inner life more deeply. An example might look something like this:

Hamlet: How weary, stale, flat and unprofitable/Seem to me all the uses of this world./ Fie on’t! Ah fie!

Ophelia: Tis an unweeded garden/That grows to seed, things rank and gross in nature/Possess it merely.

Hamlet: That it should come to this,/ But two months dead-

Ophelia: Nay, not so much. Not two.

When I presented this idea to my director, the extremely talented Katherine M. Carter, she encouraged me to dig more deeply into this idea, and pursue it as a new piece: a fully-fledged adaptation, rather than just an unusual cutting.

“What a great idea,” I thought. “Give me a month and I’ll finish the first draft.” The play would get its first production about four years later.

Shakespeare is often criticized for being lean in terms of fully developed or realized female characters. What was it about Ophelia specifically that inspired you to adapt Hamlet from her perspective as opposed to another classical heroine?

There’s a staggering number of female characters from literature, and Shakespeare in particular, that are underdeveloped. And so many of them hint at a woman with a rich inner life, but they’re still undeserved by the playwright. 

There was something about Ophelia that really fascinated me. She has such an upsetting family life: she’s grown up without a mother, and I’d argue that the men in her life are abusive in a number of ways. Her father seems to think that censoring her behavior is the same thing as fathering her, and has no qualms about using force. Her brother is almost disturbingly invested in her virginity. Though the text doesn’t give us an abundance of specifics about her relationship with Hamlet, it’s clear that there’s some degree of intimacy and trust between them, which is absolutely crushed in the ‘nunnery’ scene. 

The way she’s used as a tool by the men in her life is part of the plot of Hamlet, but it also is reflective of the way men treated women in Elizabethan England, and in America in 2010 when I started writing it, and now in America in 2018, and, and, and. 

What was your process for crafting the play together? Most importantly, how in the heck did you tackle writing in verse?

I thought I could basically re-edit Hamlet to bring out the threads that were pertinent to the story I wanted to tell. At first, I had no intention of writing any significant amount of verse, and was just plugging in a line here or there as connective tissue between bits of extant text. Things like “Ay, my lord,” which seemed pretty innocuous at first. As I learned more and more about Ophelia and what was going on in her head, I tried to pull from other Shakespearean sources to use. Because I have a pretty decent working knowledge of a handful of plays (mostly from doing productions of them throughout the years) I was able to ‘quilt’ certain sections of other plays and speeches and sonnets where I needed them. Because of that, there’s a good amount of other plays throughout Violets: Cymbeline, Love’s Labour’s Lost, Tempest, Twelfth Night, and Richard II.

But as we’ve already discussed, there’s not an abundance of great material for women in Elizabethan plays. That was part of the problem in the first place! So, I attempted to write a few extra lines here and there. But then a few lines turned into a few speeches, which turned into soliloquies and scenes, and on and on. And I was learning as I went! Some of the earlier material I came up with had to be discarded or thoroughly re-worked as I learned more about the process of writing verse.

Also, there’s something wonderfully musical about blank verse. It’s easier for me to hear the rhythm, melody, and onomatopoeia than in prose, especially if you start to think about each line as a measure of music. So, when I start to get stuck, I can sometimes even just hum the melody of a character’s argument and work from there. I don’t know if this would work for everyone, but I found it very helpful!

Was this a lone venture or did you work with a team?

The actual act of writing was solitary, just me in front of my computer trying to hammer lines out. But I was extremely blessed to have a number of incredible collaborators at different stages of the process.

First, there was my friend Katherine Carter, who was the first person to see the idea’s potential as a fully-formed adaptation rather than just a new edit of Hamlet. Her theater company, The Other Mirror, generously agreed to do a development process and reading of the play in its early stages. Katherine and that development cast were extremely helpful - not to mention incredibly patient with me while I learned how to write verse and figured out what this play wanted to be.

Then there was Reesa Graham, who was the director of the play’s first production, and ultimately my primary collaborator on the play. She read innumerable drafts of the script, and served as something of a dramaturge as we worked together to shape it. She also worked closely with me as I learned to embrace the music of blank verse.

Under Reesa’s guidance, we did a private reading of the play with an all-female cast, which was hugely beneficial. Being a man, I was aware that trying to write from a young woman’s point of view could lead to stilted or condescending work, or that I could just be completely off the mark. So, I wanted to hear feedback from as many women as possible, and incorporate their points of view into the play.

And when the play finally went into its first production in 2014, we were fortunate enough to have a lengthy development process where we built the play’s final shape on our feet. I can’t say enough about how helpful it was to have such a generous, creative cast in Monique St. Cyr, Sarah Eismann, Mat Leonard, Michael Griffin, David Bodenschatz, and especially Gwen Sisco as Ophelia.

Finally, my incredible wife, who taught me everything I know about writing, storytelling, and empathy.

Let’s switch gears and talk business for just a second. As many of us know, producing your own work takes not only time, but money. Did you do any fundraising or put up the funds yourself? What kind of marketing or advertising did you do to help get the word out? 

We did a small campaign on IndieGoGo, where I think we made around an eighth of the full budget. I ponied up the rest on my own! I was working fifty-plus hours a week as a waiter at the time, and squirreled away every penny I could for months. It was a really big investment on the front end for the theater and rehearsal space, but we were really fortunate because we ended up making most of it back! I think we actually broke even, which is a small miracle for off-off-Broadway.

As for marketing, we had posts in Broadway World, and a handful of theater blogs agreed to post interviews or features about the play, which was super helpful. And we saw a significant increase in attendance after the first few nights we were open, which I think is due to some of the reviews and word of mouth. We were lucky to have a few people who were very vocal about enjoying the play!

My advice about producing is the same as it is for pretty much anything else. Just do it! No one’s coming to help you and make your dreams come true, so if you want it, you have to be the one to make it happen. And building an amazing community that believes in what you’re doing makes all the difference in the world.

Excellent advice. Ok, back to creative. How did you land on the title? Can you elaborate on the significance?

It’s a line that Laertes says in Hamlet, over Ophelia’s grave. Since so much of the play is about her taking agency of her own story, it felt potent to have her take ownership of a phrase that her brother uses to tell her story for her. It’s also about planting the seeds of hope in her own life and future.

Was there anything new you learned, or other realizations, about Ophelia, Hamlet, or the world they lived in in doing this project?

I learned that a slight change in your perspective on the characters can have a huge impact on the story. If, like Shakespeare, you’re essentially living in Hamlet’s head, he’s the hero: noble, conflicted, sympathetic. But if you live in Ophelia’s head, Hamlet becomes selfish, unpredictable, dangerous. He’s one more man in a long line of men who would use her for his own purposes.

I’ve tried to tease out these threads throughout Violets. There are a few scenes where Hamlet performs kindness or sweetness for Ophelia, but never takes her actual best interests to heart. For her part, Ophelia chooses to see the performance as truth for the first half of the play, and then only sees the red flags of his behavior in hindsight. A discerning audience would hopefully see both Hamlets simultaneously: the guy who seems nice, and is acting like a caring partner, but he’s also hugely manipulative and could be having this same conversation with almost anyone.

Working on this play forced me to examine my own life and relationships as well. Do I ever feel entitled to a certain kind of treatment, just because I’ve been ‘nice?’ Do I assume my interactions are transactional? Do my male friends? How do I hold myself accountable when I exhibit toxic behaviors, so I don’t become like Hamlet?

These questions felt particularly pertinent earlier in this decade, when a good deal of the misogyny I observed lived in the world of microaggressions and toxic entitlement. (I’m aware that as a cis white man I have an extremely limited perspective on this.) But in our current political climate, the misogynists (and racists, and homophobes, and, and, and) don’t seem to think they need to hide or change. If I were writing a play like this today, it would have to grapple with the more blatant misogyny currently on display, as well as the complacency of self-proclaimed allies. The play I’m working on now attempts to do just that. More on that later.

We’ve talked a lot about Ophelia’s interactions with men. Given that female relationships can be just as complex, or even more so, I’m curious to know how Violets approaches this aspect of Ophelia’s story. How does your version explore Ophelia’s relationship or interaction with, say, Gertrude (Hamlet’s mother)? 

That’s an excellent question, and I did attempt to explore her relationship with Gertrude throughout. In this version, Gertrude sees the world as a zero-sum game. Rather than recognizing how difficult it must be for Ophelia to navigate this world, she primarily sees her as a threat to her own power. So as Ophelia’s life starts to fall apart and she begins to act outside of the society’s expectations, Gertrude attempts to get her out of the picture entirely.

We also explored her relationship with Horatio, who’s a female in Violets. Horatio’s worldview is the opposite of Gertrude’s: she believes that a rising tide lifts all boats, and that the best way to help herself is to help her friends, Hamlet and Ophelia.

I don’t mean to imply that these are the only kinds of relationships that exist between women. Rather, I wanted to show the extremes of selfish and selfless behavior among disenfranchised people.

In the traditional Hamlet, Ophelia's death can be considered a pivotal moment, she's no longer mentioned after this point, and there is some debate within the play about whether it was an accident or a suicide. Perhaps we're giving something away here, but, how does your adaptation handle Ophelia's death? Do we get more insight since we’re able to hear from Ophelia directly? 

It does definitely give something away. Here be spoilers!

In Violets, the action completely separates from Hamlet about three-quarters of the way through the play. After Ophelia’s ‘mad scene,’ which she’s deliberately faking in an echo of Hamlet’s earlier feigned madness, Gertrude literally hands Ophelia a blade and tells her to kill herself. Believing she’s done so, Gertrude then goes to Laertes and Claudius and gives her famous ‘willow’ speech, which we know in this context to be completely fabricated for Laertes’ benefit. From that point on, Horatio helps Ophelia fake her own death so that she can escape Denmark and start over somewhere new. She meets Hamlet one last time over her own grave and entreats him to join her, but he insists on returning to Elsinore for the final showdown he believes is inevitable.

This isn’t meant to be an interpretation of her death in Hamlet, but rather a reaction to it.

In true Renaissance man fashion, not only did you write the piece, you also had a role in the production as Hamlet. Was the acting process different seeing as you were performing in a piece you wrote? How was playing Hamlet different in this version versus the traditional version?

This sounds laughable now, but I thought that playing Hamlet in Violets would be easy. Ha! I’d spent so much time with the script, years in fact, that I assumed I knew exactly how every scene and every line should be performed. But it’s a completely different process to get inside a character’s head and work out these scenes on your feet. I had to un-learn a lot of what I thought I knew about performing this character.

It’s hard to say exactly how playing the role differs between Hamlet and Violets, since I’ve never actually played Hamlet in the original! I’ve done a few readings, and I think I’d be well-suited for the role (put me in, coach!) but I don’t have a full production as a reference. I know that playing this version of the character isn’t a marathon the way it would be in a production of the original. That dubious distinction goes to Ophelia (and again: Gwen Sisco, who originated the role, is a champion).

But I will say that there’s a difference of intention. Hamlet in Hamlet, I think, is meant to be sympathetic. Hamlet in Violets is essentially the primary antagonist. Though he’s not a monster, I’ve tried to bring out the more selfish aspects of his character on the page. So, it’s incumbent upon the actor playing him to embrace his egotism while also being a more generous and supportive scene partner than might be necessary in Hamlet.
Was there something you wish you knew before you got started?

It took me a while before I realized that Ophelia was the protagonist, not just a more fully-fleshed supporting character. I spent a lot of time working on things in Hamlet’s point of view before I made that discovery, and most of that ended up being cut!

I also wish I had a better idea of the scope of putting together a project like this. Earlier I mentioned that I thought I could knock out a draft in a few weeks, and then it took a few years before the play took on its final shape. Although maybe that green overconfidence and excitement helped see me through to the end! 

How was May Violets Spring received when it went up? No doubt there was a lot of excitement surrounding the concept.

Thank you for saying so! It’s a bit difficult for me to answer objectively. I think people liked it! But I’ll just stick to facts: we sold out most of our performances, and all of our final week. I remember we had to add seats and, sadly, turn people away at the door due to the fire codes. And there were enough people that still wanted to see it after we closed that we actually extended the run! We moved to a bigger theater for an additional week to meet demand. I definitely felt proud of that, and glad that we were able to find a theater that could accommodate us.

The production also received some love from critics. I remember that any waking second which wasn’t already taken up with performances or work went to interviews for a while, which was a totally new experience for me. Among others, we got mentioned in the Wall Street Journal which was cool, and the excellent theater blog A Work Unfinishing named us one of their top picks for the year.

Congrats, that’s awesome! It seems like there might have been enough steam to keep going with the run. Did you consider this or were you ready to move on and do something else?

By the time the first extension was over, I think we were all ready for a break. The development process and performances had already been such a marathon, and then we pushed closing back an extra week! When we were loading into the new theater, I was so impatient and tired that I actually slipped a disc in my back...and then played Hamlet that night. I learned a lot about self-care that week!

I wonder what it would have been like to take some time off after the initial closing, and then re-group and extend the run in a more focused, thoughtful way. But sometimes, when the train’s moving, you just have to keep riding.

But enough people had been invested in the play that it was produced again a few years later, in the autumn of 2016. It was really gratifying to know that the piece had taken hold of people’s imaginations enough that they were interested in mounting it again. It was an entirely different experience for me to solely be the playwright, and not be responsible for acting or producing. I learned a lot about how a play can change from one production to the next.

I do hope that the play’s life will continue. I’d love to see it be produced again elsewhere. I also think it’d work well at colleges, as a supplement to a curriculum on Shakespeare and Hamlet in particular. If any budding producers are reading this, I can tell you that it’s designed to be done with pretty minimal overhead!

Totally understandable. Have you done other adaptations or tackled other stories from a different or underrepresented point of view?

Well, I’m working on another play now, which I’m currently calling Our Hanging-Ropes. It was inspired by the fact that at the top of Shakespeare's Antony and Cleopatra, Antony’s wife Fulvia dies, and the other characters seem to celebrate. That’s an even worse fate than Ophelia dying offstage - Fulvia doesn’t even get to speak! And Antony and Cleopatra are so happy that she’s out of the way! I needed to know more about her. And historically she’s a super interesting personality. 

But rather than specifically focusing on her inner life, à la Violets, I’m interested in the way these two women interact who never meet. The play is far from finished at the moment, but it’s about identity, and trust, and what we owe to the people we love.

Another fascinating idea. I can't wait to read/see it when it's finished. Who or what inspires your writing?

I come to writing as an actor, by which I mean I’m primarily interested in existent stories. But I also don’t want to be that guy who only writes new verse adaptations on Shakespeare. I’d like to do something completely new in the future.

What have been some of your favorite roles, or experiences, as an actor? Or, if it’s more interesting to answer, what is a role you’d like to take on or a production you’d like to be in that you haven’t had the chance to do yet? 

A few years ago, I had the very good fortune of playing Prior in a production of Angels in America at the Connecticut regional theater Playhouse on Park. There’s a reason Angels is one of the most important American plays of the past hundred years: it’s incredible. An actor could work on that play for years and still find things to unpack. And I loved working with director Sean Harris, who put together a uniformly excellent cast. 

I also loved working on POPTART! Though I sing often, it’s been quite a while since I’ve done a musical, so it was a welcomed challenge. And that play is just so well-constructed and the actress playing Monique (Monique St. Cyr) was such a powerhouse that by the time we were opening, it felt like my only job was to step onstage and survive the next ninety minutes. 
One of my favorite plays is The Credeaux Canvas by Keith Bunin, and it’d be incredible to tackle the role of Winston. If anybody’s doing a production, hit me up. And I’m sure it goes without saying, but I’d love to take a crack at playing Hamlet proper. 

Who or what inspires you generally? 

People who are really good at what they do. Painters, writers, filmmakers, dancers, woodworkers, anything. Excellence in any form is inspiring.

What scares you?

People who don’t know how to behave in restaurants.  “Good guys with guns.” 

What motivates you?

An exciting idea tends to make me feel an urgency to work. I never feel like there’s enough time to get something done, so if I want to work on it, I want to work on it now! Also, there’s an extremely satisfying feeling as a project becomes realized where you look over all the things you’ve accomplished that once seemed completely impossible. I’m chasing that feeling, but first you have to do all the impossible things to get there!

What brings you the greatest joy?

Spending time with Krystle. (Do I sound like a broken record? I really like my wife!) Also, making cool stuff. Taking an idea and making it into a reality. Helping my friends do the same. Finding ways to surprise myself.

Also, the adventure of a badass dinner at a beautiful restaurant with a little wine and good company.

What brings you the greatest satisfaction?

As I mentioned above, that feeling of accomplishment when all the overwhelming tasks are done, and a big project starts to take shape.

Have you ever taken a risk, and have it work out great?

Well, the original production of Violets was risky. As I mentioned, there was a huge financial investment at the beginning of the process: for the theater rental, rehearsal space, people’s paychecks. But there was also a huge possibility that the play itself would fail, or be misunderstood. At first, there was a good number of people who did not understand the general conceit. I thought I might be crazy. But ultimately, it’s one of the things I’m most proud of. 

Have you ever straight up failed? What did you learn and how did you come back from it? 

I had a really bad show a few years back. It was my first time playing at a venue I was really excited about, and my first time playing with a particular keyboard player. The keyboard that we brought to the show wasn’t the same one we’d been using at practice, and the two weren’t tuned to the same specifications. (I think the practice one was tuned to 440Hz, and the one at the show was 432Hz). It took a few songs to figure out what the problem was, then I had to stand there tuning by ear onstage, which always happens in super slow motion. The whole experience really shook my confidence, and the show did not get better from there. It took a while before that venue was willing to have me back. 

So, what I learned in that case was, for concerts: as much as possible, practice with the equipment you’ll be using at the show!

But more importantly, I learned that it was okay to have a rough show. I renewed my focus on the fundamentals, upped my game and my confidence by playing lower-stakes places for a while, and eventually came back to that venue with confidence. It’s one of my favorite places to play now.

What is an experience that you would want to experience again?

For one thing, I could relive my wedding every day. 

I’d also love to try another production of Angels in America. It’s such an amazing experience to live through that show, especially when there are still people in the audience who’ve never seen it. (Put me in, coach!)

What would you like to do that you haven’t done yet?

Play Hamlet in Hamlet. Play my music at Carnegie Hall. Have one of my plays produced Off-Broadway. 

Oh, and I want to make music videos for my songs! But I have no ideas for music videos. Video directors, come at me!    

Ok, let’s end this part with some advice to your younger self?

I’d advise my younger self to be more honest and stop waiting for permission.

Read PART 2 of this interview.

To learn more about James and his projects, visit:

http://www.jparenti.com/

https://jamesparenti.bandcamp.com/

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]]>James ParentiAll Roads EditorMon, 29 May 2017 01:20:33 +0000http://www.allroadsmagazine.com/roads/2017/5/28/ashley-evan-weller553d4b8de4b0fe84387378c6:57cf49c6ff7c5074fe8b96da:592afeead482e9898c63f235On Leadership, Support, and Service

Let’s start from the beginning shall we? Please tell us a little about yourselves:

ASHLEY:   I grew up an only child in Schnecksville, PA; a small town situated in the Lehigh Valley. I found a love of theatre and dance at an early age working with local devised theatre companies doing musicals in high school. Eventually I was accepted to IUP (Indiana University of Pennsylvania) to study theatre and dance full time.

After graduating, I found myself back in the Lehigh Valley and continued working with The Pennsylvania State Association for Health, Physical Education, Recreation and Dance (PSAHPERD), State Theatre for the Arts, eventually landing a job with The Lehigh Valley Charter High School for the Arts as part of the theatre faculty. In my eight years of teaching at Charter Arts, I’ve directed a number of shows including Chicago, Hair, The Real Inspector Hound, and The Bacchae. In 2010, I received the Dance Teacher of the Year Award from PSAHPERD and received the Emerging Leader Award in 2014. Currently, I’m also an ensemble affiliate with Touchstone Theatre in Bethlehem, PA where I’ve appeared (and will again next year) in the annual devised production of Christmas Follies. In addition to Follies, I’ve assisted with Touchstone's Young Playwrights Festival for the past two years. This summer, I’ll be traveling to Fara in Sabina, Italy this summer for Teatro Potlach's festival FLIPT.

EVAN:   I grew up in Sinking Spring, PA with my parents and younger sister. Because I was incredibly energetic, soccer quickly became my first love. I played non-stop, including  participating on JV and Varsity teams in high school. Eventually, I was accepted to Moravian College, known for its outstanding teacher program, becoming a (soccer) captain my senior year. When I started my job search, it was important to me to find a school where I could make a difference - in teaching and in soccer. I found Phillipsburg High School in New Jersey and landed a job as an English teacher (where I still work to this day). Over time I worked my way up from assistant coach of the soccer team to head coach my second year. At the time, the Phillipsburg soccer team was small in comparison to the football and wrestling programs. I’ve worked hard to build the team to where it is now. In addition to coaching, I also established a youth program, which continues to improve and grow each year. I’ve been fortunate to have received Coach of the Year in the Lehigh Valley in both 2013 and 2015.

Did you always know you wanted to teach?

ASHLEY:   Evan always knew he wanted to be a teacher. Initially, he wanted to be a math teacher but found English as the subject he wanted to teach because he had to figure it out. He felt he could help students understand it better since he had to work so hard to get it himself.

I think I fell into teaching.  I remember my mentor mentioning this to me during my time at IUP, and I fought it with every bit of my being. But when I got into my interview process and actually started teaching something that means a lot to me, I knew it was the right path.  

How did you meet one another?

ASHLEY:   Evan and I met online. We both believe we never would have found each other if it wasn't for the online dating scene. Even though Evan teaches English and coaches soccer and I teach theatre and direct/choreograph, we found so many similarities in our daily work. We're both very passionate about what we do, try to reach kids, deal with parents and administrators, and continually strive to better ourselves and serve our community.

Let’s get into this leadership stuff….What qualities make a great mentor, role model, or leader in your mind?

ASHLEY:   I believe one of the greatest qualities is honesty. A mentor, role model, or leader shouldn’t fear honesty with themselves or with others.  I also agree with Evan on patience, because when you take on a role like this, patience is a virtue.

EVAN:   Way too many to list, but a few integral ones are courage, patience, understanding, resilience, vision, grit, humility, and drive.

Is there anyone, either in your life or in the world who embodies these characteristics to you?

ASHLEY:   I have one mentor who is someone that I believe embodies these qualities. Her name is Holly Boda-Sutton and she is a professor of dance and the artistic director of the dance company at IUP. She was my teacher when I attended and we continued to keep in touch even after I graduated. I value her as a mentor because she has gone through many points in her life where she was challenged and looked to her own mentor for help or guidance. And while I go to her with questions or concerns about my occupation, hobbies, and/or life, she has found the delicate balance of guiding me and letting me figure it out for myself.  

EVAN:   I don’t think anyone is perfect, but John Wooden (American basketball player and head coach at UCLA) is about as close to it as I would want to get, even though he just died a few years ago.

Has there been a significant event or person that’s shaped your character/personality?

ASHLEY:  I think there have been various points throughout my life that have shaped who am I today.  I’ve found that events that occurred in my twenties were the ones that taught me the most (so far). I found the people that I wanted to be associated with and had to let others drift away. This was a hard lesson one to learn at the time but was definitely for the best.

EVAN:   Of course, but I don’t know if there is only one though.  I believe that it is important to have mentors in all areas of life. So, I want to, and try to, learn from great coaches, great husbands, great fathers, great businessmen, great philanthropists, etc.

What are some of your favorite resources about leadership or how to be a role model or mentor? (Books, podcasts, websites, TV shows, etc.)

ASHLEY:   Honestly, I don’t know that I have any physical resources (books/podcasts/websites). I think I go off remaining true to myself and observing others around me with how they handle situations. I find going to my mentors and having discussions suits me best.

EVAN:   Great question.  There are so many.  In fact, I took them all and developed a leadership class at my high school for my students.  So . . . I could break them into categories.  

TED TALKS - If you are looking for TED Talks, I recommend anything by Simon Sinek.  I think that he is the best right now.  I also like “Everyday Leadership” by Drew Dudley and “Why I Read a Book a Day” by Tai Lopez.  Amy Cuddy speaks about the “Power of Body Language and Confidence”.  And Natalie Warne (a teenager) empowers kids to change the world in her talk “Anonymous Extraordinaries.” 

BOOKS - John Maxwell, of course, is the quintessential answer.  He is a legend.  But, there are so many other authors, too. In my class, we’ve read How to Win Friends and Influence People, How to Have Confidence and Power in Dealing with People, How I Raised Myself from Failure to Success in Selling, Personality Plus (and take the quiz), The Slight Edge, The Talent Code, The Ant and the Elephant, and parts from Outliers and Launching a Leadership Revolution.  

CDs/PODCASTS – Most of my favorite leadership CDs are stories. So, I have listened to the stories of coaches, entrepreneurs, businessmen, athletes, and inventors. All of the resources have great nuggets of truth. Just take one lesson at a time.

On the surface, it can seem that the world of soccer and the world of theatre/dance are very different. You sort of alluded to this earlier, but do you ever find these worlds affect, influence, or parallel each other? Or is this a case of opposites attract?

ASHLEY:   Our worlds are actually a lot alike, even though he lives in sports and I live in the arts. Throughout the school year, during soccer season, during my rehearsals, Evan and I come against the same obstacles (students, parents, colleagues, curriculum, paperwork, etc.). Because of this, we're able to understand each other and lean on one another. We recognize that our ability to have these outlets ultimately make us stronger and better people.

Our college experiences were also similar. We both had to balance very intense external activities with a full class schedule. It turns out, there are a lot of parallels to soccer and theatre. Both fields are highly competitive, mentally, physically, and emotionally demanding, comprised of players with specific roles, and where success is dependent on trust and teamwork.

It's funny, people are always saying to us “You’re always so busy. How do you keep up with the hours?” While it’s true that school, theatre, soccer, and family keep us super busy, it’s part of something bigger that’s ingrained in both of us. I feel that even even if we weren’t pursuing these specific passions, we’d still be spending a lot of our time in some other way to benefit others.

EVAN:   Yes. Definitely. I find we actually do the same things but in different fields. I believe that this common ground strengthens our bond because we can relate to one another.  

We both lead students. We both teach, coach, train, mentor, and model. We both have to bring groups of people together, deal with negative feedback, and solve problems. We both have to cast a vision to students or players and we both understand the awesome responsibility that we have been blessed with.  

And because this responsibility can be difficult (and because we both take it so seriously), it is imperative to have someone understand your struggles and your successes. We are both on the same journey, so we can offer each other advice.  I feel truly blessed to have a wife who supports and understands my dreams and my aspirations.

Have you ever tried your hand at the other’s activity?

ASHLEY:   I attempted to play when I was younger. But during my first game, I got hit in the head by the soccer ball, and immediately left the field...in the midst of the game.

Evan’s only performed on the soccer field. In fact, he’d only seen one play/musical/dance show before meeting me. Now, he’s seen a million.

How important is it for kids to have role models, mentors, or a strong leader in their lives?

ASHLEY:   Very important. They need someone they can trust, someone they can turn to, someone they are not afraid to speak to even if it is embarrassing or could possibly "get them in trouble." Especially today, when everything is on social media and they are so easily influenced. This is not to say that role models have all the answers but just someone being there can make a difference.

As adults, we need them (role models) just as much.  For the same exact reasons I stated for the kids. Sometimes you just need someone you can trust and be honest with to help you.

EVAN:   Critical. Absolutely critical. For some kids it will happen by default, but the older kids begin to seek mentors once they understand the importance. We actually have a mentor program on the soccer team. I pair a senior with a freshman (I let them choose) and then the mentor is responsible for the successes of the mentee/protégé. We take care of younger players, and, if they succeed, we all succeed.  The older players really relish this responsibility.  I get to mentor our captains/seniors, so I have to model the behavior that I want my kids to repeat.  

In the classroom, I stress the importance of role models, but it is harder because you are confined by the rules of the classroom.  The only thing that I can do is share my mentors with the kids, explain the value, and then urge them to seek one for themselves. When the student is ready, the teacher will appear.

The answer here may be obvious, but have your students ever taught you an important lesson on leadership or being a strong role model?

ASHLEY:   Absolutely. There are just too many occasions to list. One example is when you attempt to approach a lesson or teachable moment and a student (or several) doesn’t understand you and/or the material. It teaches you to be flexible and that not everyone learns/listens/understands the same way. And while this fact may be common knowledge, it is a different experience when it is your job to teach. This lesson has been the most important for me to learn as a role model and is why patience, flexibility, and honesty are key. When a student trusts you, it is both a scary and a great feeling. I feel an obligation there and my students notice the effort.

EVAN:   Oh my goodness yes.  Everyday. Often, though, they are the mirror or the lens through which I see myself. It is the way that I can measure how well I am doing. For instance, one of my students was telling me the other day that my students like coming to class and are willing to do my work because I take the time to ask how their days are going (and then I actually listen and respond to them). She said that a lot teachers don’t do that. And as a result, kids are more willing to work hard for me. It was an enlightening experience.

Do you have any strategies for managing group dynamics or differences? Are there any lessons you impart regarding different perspectives, opinions, personalities, work styles, etc?

ASHLEY:   This is something I have started to do more of in my classes. Again, I try to stay flexible based on the student’s learning style. Depending on the assignment, I give options to work alone or in small groups. I’ll find the students who aren’t afraid to speak up and pair them with a student who is more introverted, hoping that each can take a cue from the other.

I remind them that the world needs both leaders and followers, and that these roles can switch, but that doesn’t mean all voices shouldn’t be heard. I also reiterate that there always needs to be a level respect and openness in order for all creative voices to shine through. I think I have this discussion with my freshmen the most.

Lastly, I try to use my colleagues and myself as examples. I believe it’s healthy for my students to know that the four of us do not always agree on certain topics, classroom management, artistic choices, etc. but we have learned ways around this in order to collaborate and work together.

EVAN:   So many to list, but I highly recommend Personality Plus and the other people skills books that I listed above.  I always try to choose my (soccer) captains from the four quadrants of Personality Plus because each one will have such different strengths and weaknesses.  It also helps me to help them appreciate everyone, and more will get accomplished that way. 

Do you have any philosophies or mantras for believing in yourself, developing confidence, or simply changing your mentality for the better?

ASHLEY:   I have a box of letters, cards, sticky-notes, and pictures from students since I began teaching. I also have an email folder. This is a great way to find confidence and remember that while I am teaching them, they are also teaching me and I always have more to learn.  

A philosophy I think I am living more and more each day is to take a deep breath and decide what needs your energy or time and what doesn’t. You are not always going to make everyone happy, get everything done, or be perfect in everything. But as long as you listen and are kind, caring, and thoughtful, you will always have something to be grateful for.

EVAN:   Self talk is big.  I believe there is a book called What to Say When you Talk to Yourself, but I haven’t read it yet. Basically, there is a whole series of things to do in order to develop confidence. Again, the books and TED Talks will give you plenty of specific strategies. That said, that won’t necessarily be enough. You still need to live the ideals and practice everyday.  You have to tell yourself what you believe in, where you are going, and why you are going there. Everyday. And you attach emotion to it. If you don’t know, continue to search until you find your answers and then employ the strategies from the books. Confidence comes naturally from people who are on fire for a dream. Confidence comes from within and it radiates out.

It’s really easy to feel like you don’t have the experience or expertise to be considered a role model or leader. Do you ever battle with impostor syndrome or other negative thoughts such as fear or doubt? If so, how do you navigate that?

ASHLEY:   Yes, impostor syndrome  - it was awful when I began teaching.  I had 100+ students looking to me for answers everyday. All these thoughts ran through my head, “who am I to tell them how to act”, “who am I to tell them that this performance was better or worse than the last”, “who am I to stifle/ build their creative voices”. It was intimidating, but I had to employ what I looked for in my mentors and teachers, honesty. If I didn’t know something, I would tell them and then go home and figure it out.  The next day I would came back and was able to explain it to them or have a discussion.

I remember the first letter I received that tore apart a show I directed and choreographed.  This person annihilated everything that I had worked on for four months. I was completely devastated and embarrassed. The first thought I had was that I let my students down. I went to Evan and he said to keep the letter somewhere so that I could go back to and read it again. He then shared a letter with me that he received when he began coaching and teaching that tore him apart. He said that not everyone will agree with or even like you. They could be jealous of you, wish they had the same drive, or just have negativity in their own life, you never know. Sometimes these negative letters/emails are a good thing because they make you reflect. Funnily enough, I found that letter a few months ago and it made me chuckle about how much I’ve grown as a person since I received it.

For everyday moments of negativity, I don’t hold anything in and as soon as I let it out, it becomes something I have to fix. I just try to take a deep breath and go at it head on.

EVAN:  Funny you ask. I just went over this with my leadership class. The answer comes from a book called The Ant & the Elephant. The short answer is Pattern Interrupt. You must recognize that you aren’t getting the results you want or that you might be feeling complacent. Then, you rekindle your dream and focus on that. Once you get your goal or your dream into your subconscious, you will be right back on track.

What do you do when you feel stuck or you hit a wall? (Mentally, emotionally, creatively, etc?)

ASHLEY:   It depends on the situation. I tend to walk away from what is holding me back for an hour, a day, or a weekend. I try to clear my mind or find something else to do – exercise, watch a movie, hang out with friends, or read a book. I found that sometimes you just need space. Once you’ve cleared your mind you can return with fresh eyes and a better attitude.

EVAN:   Revisit the dream.  Find a mentor.  Often, when I can’t find my own way out of a problem I will seek outside help. I have mentors in my coaching life, my financial life, my teaching life, etc. You get the idea. Having a mentor is like having someone in a helicopter to guide you through the forest when you feel lost.

What’s the most challenging and the most rewarding part of what you do?

ASHLEY:   Most rewarding - when a student’s light bulb goes off. It’s pretty amazing when you see them working through something, whether in rehearsal or class, and it just clicks.

Challenging – It is a lot of hard work. And when you love it as much as I do, you can really give it your all and don't always receive it back.

EVAN:   The time commitment is the most challenging. And the realization that I won’t be able to help everyone. I might fail some kid who needed me. I feel really crappy about that.  

The most rewarding parts are watching other people succeed, bringing light to a place that didn’t have it before, building something that will live on after I’m gone, and creating a legacy through others.

Have you ever straight up failed? What did you learn and how did you come back from it?

ASHLEY:  Haha, absolutely. I learned how to pick myself back up because there won’t always be someone else to do it for you. On the flip side, there are times when a risk did pay off. No matter how it plays out, you can learn from it.

EVAN:   Oh my goodness yes. Of course. Many times. Failure is necessary. But I believe some famous speaker said something like “going from failure to failure with the same resolve is why I will succeed.”  I also like this one, “I fail and I fail and I fail and that is why I succeed”.  

Failure is stigmatized in schools and it shouldn’t be. I’ve failed many times as a player: been benched, cut from teams, missed opportunities, let my teammates down, didn’t receive all-star status, or achieve my personal goals. I’ve failed as a person, a friend, a leader, and a coach.  But I am a competitive person so I always want to know what I can do so that I never fail again (or at least prevent myself from making the same mistake again). Every time we lose a soccer match, I want to know what I can do better to prepare my team so that we never lose again.

What makes you feel strong or powerful?

ASHLEY:   When someone says something about a show/performance/class/moment in time after it happened. To me, this means that it made them feel and that they remembered the experience. Also, a good haircut, manicure/pedicure, or a coffee from Starbucks really does make me happy. Sometimes you have to do little things for yourself to be a better, stronger, more powerful you.

EVAN:   Gratitude, without a doubt. Everyday, I say to myself, “I am blessed and highly favored. I am blessed and highly favored.” It gives me great strength every time. I also enjoy watching my players/students succeed. When they grow into respectful young men and achieve success on and off the field, I take great pride in that.  

In times of stress, how do you relax, take care of yourself, or indulge yourself?

ASHLEY:  Go for a walk, take deep breaths. I ask myself if this is worth getting upset over or if it’s even something I can fix. Honestly, I am still working on this one. Breathing has helped, as well as being more open with myself and others. When I’m stressed, I go to Evan a lot because he often will have gone through the same thing and will understand. I am a work in progress!

EVAN:   Honestly, I don’t feel that I am good person to answer this question because I rarely relax. But when I do, I usually let my mind drift, which usually leads to innovation and new ideas. I listen to podcasts on the way to work everyday. I read.  

I intentionally put “good stuff” into my brain and that always makes my everyday problems seem much smaller. Also, I’ll take a deep breath, focus on my dream, and decide whether this obstacle is gonna take me closer to or further from my dream. Then, I act accordingly.  

I once heard a speaker say that the size of the leader can be determined by the size of the problem it takes to unseat him/her. Therefore, I don’t let myself become unseated by everyday problems. Smile. Take a deep breath. Do your best. And solve the problems one at a time. But always remember to be grateful and to smile. Gratitude goes a long way. It’s tough to be upset if you feel truly blessed to get to do what you love to do.

What is the best advice you've ever been given? (career or otherwise)

ASHLEY:   Don’t lie, it doesn’t get you anywhere. Be kind to everyone, even if they aren’t kind to you. Treat those like you would want to be treated. These tend to be cliches, I know, but these three have come full circle for me and I truly believe in them. My favorite is that you have to love and be happy with yourself first before you can give it out to others.

EVAN:   Depends on the situation.  Some of my favorite philosophies are as follows:

Be on fire to learn and grow. Set yourself on fire and you light the path for others.

Look at the problem you are dealing with right now and ask yourself, “Is this a hill worth dying on?” If so, keep fighting. If not, march on and find the hill worth dying on (and the cause worth fighting for).

Who or what inspires you? (in your job, life, etc.)

ASHLEY:   This one is hard for me to answer. I tried to think a lot of about this. And I think what inspires me, whether for teaching, acting, or being a wife/daughter/friend is love. For me, it all comes down to love.

EVAN:   Success.  Watching others succeed.

What scares you?

ASHLEY:   Being alone.

EVAN:   Failure. Mediocrity. Having regrets.

What motivates you?

ASHLEY:   This one is also really hard for me to answer. I think my motivation comes from wanting to improve and be a better person, and a good example, in all facets of my life.

EVAN:   My dreams.

What brings you the greatest joy?

ASHLEY:   The feeling of accomplishment after I've poured my heart into whatever it is that I'm doing.

EVAN:   Pursuing my daily goals and dreams with my wife.

What brings you the greatest satisfaction?

ASHLEY:  When others around me notice my dedication and hard work.

EVAN:  Watching my students/players succeed.

What’s one quality about yourself or your life that you’re trying to improve?

ASHLEY:   Funnily enough, self-confidence and leadership qualities.

EVAN:   Listening.

What is an experience that you would want to experience again?

ASHLEY:   When my husband proposed to me.

EVAN:   Vacations with my wife.

What would you like to do that you haven’t done yet?

ASHLEY:   To go sailing for a couple weeks.

EVAN:   See the world. Visit every continent. Win back-to-back championships. Become financially free. Donate 90% of our income to a charity. Start a school.  

What should everyone do at least once in their life?

ASHLEY:   Take a trip that scares them….but in a good way.

EVAN:   Work your heart out for something and succeed at it.  Also, go skydiving.

Beyond what we’ve covered here, what is something you really want people to know about you?

ASHLEY:   Even though I'm in theatre and dance, I'm a total introvert.

EVAN:   Nothing.

What is a favorite memory?

ASHLEY:   Listening to music on reel-to-reel with my dad growing up. We still do this today except now we sing and talk as a whole family...and drink gin and tonics.

EVAN:   So many.  Our wedding, childhood vacations, time with family, winning the H/W/S Championship.

What is a creative experience that moved or changed you?

ASHLEY:   I just finished directing and choreographing HAIR. I spent a lot of time reflecting through the process and checked in with myself a lot. This experience has definitely changed me for the better; as a director, teacher, choreographer, performer, and as a person.

What’s your favorite song or album? (or closest you can get to it)

ASHLEY:   I love "Mr. Bojangles" by Nitty Gritty Dirt Band. I'm also slightly obsessed with Justin Timberlake's 20/20 album.

EVAN:   I do love “Simple Man” and “I Can’t Help Falling in Love with You” because they reignite such strong memories.

What’s your favorite piece of literary work? (book, play, poem, etc.)

ASHLEY:   Rosencrantz and Guildenstern are Dead by Tom Stoppard. I also love The Great Gatsby.

EVAN:   I really like The Old Man and the Sea, but They Call Me Coach (John Wooden’s memoir) is my favorite book.

What is your favorite restaurant?

ASHLEY:   Evan and I went to this amazing BBQ place in New Orleans called The Joint. It was a local favorite. I definitely danced on the way out thanking the staff. That's how good the food was.

EVAN:   Today, it’s Youell’s  Oyster House in Allentown, PA.

Who is on your guest list (alive or dead) for your perfect dinner party?

ASHLEY:   Marilyn Monroe, Frank Sinatra, Baz Luhrmann.

EVAN:   Probably a list of the greatest coaches of all time.

What would your last meal be?

ASHLEY:   Crab legs, lobster tail, and a piece of pizza with pepperoni and mushrooms. A gin and tonic and a glass of Riesling.

EVAN:   Something involving seafood.

Where is your favorite place on earth?

ASHLEY:   So far, the Flamingo Resort in St. Martin.

EVAN:   Not sure yet, but I do love Spojnia Farm – a childhood vacation spot.

What’s are the things you can’t live without?

ASHLEY:   Respect.

EVAN:   Respect and integrity.  Also, my wife. :)

If you could give a piece of advice to someone interested in starting something or taking a leap – whether it’s a business, a new career path, going back to school, a new adventure, a relationship – what would you tell them?

ASHLEY:   Hard work pays off. Don’t give up even if it you think it will never happen.

EVAN:   Just start. Don’t worry. Don’t delay. Don’t be afraid to fail. Find a mentor. Ignore the naysayers.

What advice would you give to your teenage or younger self?

ASHLEY:   Stop worrying about what others think.

EVAN:   Take more chances. But overall, I like the life I lead, so I would just want to tell him that all he is doing as a teenager will pay off someday.

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]]>Ashley & Evan WellerAll Roads EditorMon, 17 Apr 2017 20:20:33 +0000http://www.allroadsmagazine.com/roads/2017/4/17/more-phil-keeling553d4b8de4b0fe84387378c6:57cf49c6ff7c5074fe8b96da:58f4e645cd0f6824cac08c1aPART 2:
 

Writer, Author, Word Count Enthusiast

Welcome back! Let's pick up where we left off shall we? Why write? 

God, I have no idea. I suppose I enjoy it. I mean, I’m proud of what I create, but it gets damn frustrating in this day and age. Writers are better known for their lifestyle than their actual work. No one looks at a guy downing a bottle of wine and exclaims, “Ah! You drink like a physical therapist!” It sounds like a cliche, but I suppose it’s an impulse: the need to write. I probably wouldn’t if I could avoid it. It’s like something in my brain said, “You know, I’d really love to create a form of art that hardly anyone will get through: but at the same time, I sure hope I can make basically no money from it.” 

I’d trade it for the ability to understand nuclear physics or speak Mandarin. Maybe that’s why writers have a reputation for being depressed: we’re saddled with a talent that people admire outwardly, but rarely get around to actually appreciating. I don’t know: sculptors probably have it worse. At least people buy books, even if they don’t always read them. 

Do you have a creative process or specific style you prefer? What do you do when you feel stuck creatively?

No process to speak of, really. If I’m writing a book, I try to force myself to write a certain amount of words a day. That’s what I’m doing right now. I’ve been sitting on a book for years now, and I’ve finally started writing it, so I’m forcing myself to 1,000 words a day. 

It’s not a matter of inspiration striking. An idea sits inside of my brain, and I give it legs and arms and eyes and an adorable little mouth. And it sits in my head walking and talking and getting to know the neighbors and always it’s growing and growing until I can feel its toes wriggling out of my ear canals and I finally snap and start drawing the idea out just so I can be done with the damn thing. 

This is starting to sound like I hate writing. I really don’t. I love writing. I love writers and words and books and poetry and plays. I love it all. I own far too many books. They’ll use them to build me a funeral cairn after I’m dead. But I think I don’t want to put across some sort of romantic idea of why I write or how. I spent a lot of time reading the sort of “How And Why” books of creative writing when I was younger, and they all spoke of the process of writing like it was a sort of magical spell. A way of winnowing the shadows and shades of your ideas onto the page. Cast the ideas down like Norse runes and dance naked under a full moon while reciting the opening pages of lesser-known Fitzgerald books. And then, as the sun rises, you’ll find your completed novel nursing on the teats of a dead she-wolf under the morning dew.

Admittedly, I may have been reading the wrong books.

It’s a lot of work being a writer. It’s about as non-artistic a process as you can possibly imagine. It’s headaches from staring at a glowing monitor. It’s not as noble and foggily artistic as it looks from the outside. An empty bottle of wine looks romantic on the screen. Somewhat less romantic when you’re peering at it through the pine straw haze of a hangover. That’s what being a writer is like.

That’s probably true of other people’s lives to a certain extent. 

Is there a piece that you are particularly proud of?

I wrote a book called Drunken Vampire Hunting For Beginners. It isn’t ready yet, but I’m proud of it. It’s my first finished book. I have a stand up comedy album called Conquistadork that you can get on iTunes. It isn’t as good as I remember it being, and I’m not really the same guy I was when I made it. But, again: it took a lot of work and I made it.

Who are some of the writers that you admire?

I read mostly nonfiction these days, largely because I have the attention span of a fruit fly and the need to learn as much as I can about any passing topic that even somewhat interests me. I’ve always been like that: I was an insufferable little know-it-all when I was a kid. Still am, to a certain extent.

A lot of essayists. David Sedaris and David Rakoff, of course. 

Charles Bukowski is a writer I’ve never been able to shake. I adore the man. And he’s a tough one these days because I’m a feminist and I know that he can be particularly divisive, depending on who you’re talking to.  

I just got finished reading The Sellout by Paul Beatty which was an extraordinary piece of satire. I’m a huge fan of graphic novels: Saga by Brian K. Vaughn and Fiona Staples is breathtaking. Jeff Smith’s Bone and Sam Keith’s The Maxx probably inspired my writing more than I can adequately describe. 

Putting yourself out there, both physically and creatively, is definitely not easy. Do you ever experience fear or doubt? How do you manage those feelings?

There is always fear and doubt. My life is a tiger’s pelt of fear slashed with black stripes of confidence and bravado. Crow T. Robot once said, “I calculated the odds of this succeeding versus the odds that I was doing something incredibly stupid, and I went ahead anyway.”

I think that sums up my process for fear. I just barge ahead anyhow, like a bull in a china shop. If I think too much about certain activities I just won’t do them. Sometimes you have to trick yourself into having a good time.

In times of stress, how do you relax, take care of yourself, or indulge yourself?

A good glass of gin, or a bad glass of wine. You’re not supposed to go straight to alcohol when people ask you how you de-stress, are you? Or have we gotten to the point as a culture when people can admit to that sort of thing in polite company? Oh well. I keep a stack of books and graphic novels by my bed. Lay down, open a bottle, and try to read while the cat invades my personal space. That can be very nice. Friday nights I get drunk and listen to podcasts while I play games. It’s my night. That sounds very millennial and sad to some people, but it’s my time to be a garbage person and burrow into my little hermit hole. I quite enjoy it. 

What makes you feel confident, or at the very least good, about yourself?

When I worked as a concierge and I was feeling depressed about my lot in life, I would hide in one of the bathroom stalls and pose like Superman for 2 minutes. Hands on hips, shoulders back, chin thrust outward in a very manly way. This pose is actually supposed to boost your confidence: give you your bounce back. It completely worked until I started to wonder how many people could see me doing this pose through the cracks in the stall. Or wondered why I went to the bathroom and stood but never dropped my drawers or anything. 

People probably never wondered that.

If you’re ever at a comedy show and you liked even a single joke that one of the comedians told, find them after the show and let them know. There’s a good chance that comedian is teetering on the verge of quitting the whole business, and you have no idea how much a single “I think you’re funny” can sustain one of us.

You have your hand in so many things, it’s hard to imagine there’s time for you to do anything else. Is there something else you like to do besides your projects?

I’d really like to take up gardening. I make my own gin and the idea of growing my own juniper bushes and roses and other botanicals to go into my booze seems like a worthwhile thing to explore. I’ve also started making wine, but the first batch didn’t go so well. On a completely unrelated note, would you be interested in purchasing several bottles of red wine vinegar? 

What is something you wish you knew before you started any, or all, of your projects?

Nothing, really. I think the point of projects is to be surprised by the outcome. That can be a happy surprise or a nasty one, but even failing at something can be fun if you do it in a way that is completely you. Part of me wishes I’d taken some time before recording my comedy album. I was still very young in the business, and a lot of those jokes are either unfunny to me or just don’t represent me at all anymore. But at the same time, if I’d put it off, I wonder if I would have done it at all. There are positive things about being impulsive, sometimes.

Given all of your projects, is there any one outlet that you seem to gravitate towards more than the others?

Writing. I’ve been writing stories as far back as I can remember. And I did say that I would trade it for something more practical. Maybe I mean that. I don’t know. Crafting sentences, characters, words: it’s just something that I do. Like eating and composing drunken tweets. Maybe my writing is special, maybe it’s not. But it’s definitely linked to me as a person. So I love it, and it frustrates me daily. It’s like country, family, and creed: if you’re going to love it, you have to love it warts and all.

What’s the most challenging and the most rewarding part of starting/ finishing that project?

It really is like that old quote: “I don’t like writing. I like having written.” Like a lesser version of childbirth: the process is arduous and filled with self-loathing and, if you’re lucky, several sorts of mind-altering substances. But after all is said and done, you’re left with a little seven pound bundle that you want to show off to everyone, however they might feel about it. Maybe it’ll take up wings of its own and go on and do great things. Maybe it’ll kill you in your sleep. 

I could probably take this metaphor further: should I go on?

What is the best advice you've been given? (Career or otherwise).

First story about a father figure:

My first name is Stephen. As a young writer, I was signing my work as “S.P. Keeling” or “S. Phillip Keeling”. There was something so serious about the idea of being a writer back then. “I am meant to be taken seriously. These initials will get the point across. Also, instead of “Phil” I am now “Phillip”, despite the fact that no one calls me “Phillip” except for mom and my sister.” 

It was a small affectation on the surface, but I think it influenced me more than I thought. I was a sophomore in undergrad, taking a playwriting course with Ed Simpson, a man who I still see as a mentor and father figure. He was the sort of adult that your parents hope you’ll attach yourself to now that you’ve left the nest. Good-natured, kind, incredibly funny. And dedicated to the idea of teaching his students, whether it was through lecture or example. And one day he just casually told a story about his first play, and how he signed it, “Edward K. Simpson”. For a lot of the same reasons I was doing the “S. Phillip Keeling” thing. Long story short, he decided, “Nah. I’m not Edward K. Simpson. I’m Ed.”

I don’t know if he was aiming that at me: I don’t recall him actually bringing it up in direct relation to me. But I thought about it for a long time, and eventually made the same decision that he did. I’m not entirely sure who S. Phillip Keeling is. I’m sure he’s very impressive in his own way. But I’m Phil. It was a step in the direction of becoming less of a pretentious little shit. I don’t know if it counts as advice, but it helped. Ed taught me a hell of a lot, but just being a model for a theater major’s manhood was probably the most important of them.

Second story about a father figure (my actual father):

My dad was always a little bit of a mystery in my life. He’d come home at the end of the day in his BDUs (I can still recall the smell of them: a very specific smell of fabric that you can’t really replicate), and sometimes we’d go out to see him parachute onto a massive, barren field: he was a tiny dot out on the horizon and then he’d stride up to us after what felt like forever, carrying his parachute and smiling out from a haze of camouflage and kicked up red dust. I love my dad in the affectionate way that a boy should love his father, but he was also always this mysterious and incredible monolith of a human being. Still is, in many ways, but it’s different when you’re little. He escaped the poverty of small-town Alabama to travel the world, attend an Ivy-league school, and basically become the hardest act to follow of all time. My brother and I would tell him basically that, and he would say, “I didn’t do all of those things for you to live up to them. I did them because it was the best way I knew to provide for you. So you could go out and do whatever it was you wanted to do with your lives.” He’s also a really great writer: he’ll write you a casual letter that’ll make you grin like an idiot.

This is steadily becoming a ramble, and I apologize. I tell you all of this because my dad has given me a ton of terrific advice over the years. From simple life instructions like, “When you’re sad or depressed, sit down and write out everything that you have to be thankful for.” To more complex discussions about responsibility and satisfaction in life. But the thing that always comes back to me is a long time ago, we were driving past a series of jump towers: the sort that they use to train paratroopers. And he told me that they were a specific height: because psychologically speaking, past a certain height, if you can jump off of a tower, you can jump out of an airplane. And that got me to thinking: There’s a limit to fear. If you can climb over that limit, you’re impeded by nothing. I don’t know if he meant it to impart that sort of lesson to me. For all I know, it was my pop offering up a piece of trivia that he thought I’d find interesting, and my brain took the notion and ran with it. I still think that counts, though: either way. I love my dad: I love listening to his stories. Again, I don’t know if that counts as advice.

Probably not. I’m terrible at this. 

Trust us, you're not. Who’s your idol?

I strive on the regular to be as close to Raul Julia’s portrayal of Gomez Addams as is socially acceptable.

What’s your favorite song or album? (Or the closest you can get to it).

Radiohead’s OK Computer is the greatest album of all time. I don’t make the rules: it just is. Followed closely by Rain Dogs by Tom Waits, Apollo 18 by They Might Be Giants, and Several Arrows Later by Matt Pond PA. All albums that take me to a wonderful place.

What’s your favorite piece of literary work? (Book, play, poem, etc.).

My favorite book is Straight Man by Richard Russo. Not his best known work, but overall the most satisfying novel I’ve ever read. And I’ve read it at least a dozen times. 

Do you have a favorite restaurant?

I’d like to offer a brief moment of silence in the memory of Angel’s: once the best barbecue place in all of Savannah. Elizabeth on 37th in Savannah. Husk in Charleston. 

Who is on your guest list (alive or dead) for your perfect dinner party and what would you eat?

Tom Waits, Charles Bukowski, Truman Capote, Dita von Teese, Storm Large, Henry Rollins, PJ Harvey, Nick Cave, Dorothy Parker, John Flansburgh and John Linnell, Brendan Behan, Scott and Zelda Fitzgerald, Salvador Dali, Fran Lebowitz, James Baldwin, and Groucho Marx. Shrimp and grits will be served, along with several cases of brown, red, and clear liquids. May we never make it out alive.

What would your last meal be?

Shrimp and grits. Biscuits and gravy. A cheeseburger the size of my head. A bottle of Nolet’s gin. Hell, that might be how I die.

Where is your favorite place on earth?

A bench on Tybee Island.

What’s one thing you can’t live without?

Legal pads and leaky black ink pens. 

If you could give a piece of advice to someone interested in starting something – whether it’s a business, a new career path, a new adventure, a relationship – what would you tell them. 

Just do the damn thing. Don’t get precious. But don’t give up hope, either.

Read PART 1 of this interview.

Read stories by Phil Keeling on the All Roads Magazine website here:

• The Girl in the Green Dress

• PUNCHLINE

Follow Phil Keeling on Facebook here!

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]]>More Phil KeelingAll Roads EditorMon, 17 Apr 2017 20:20:26 +0000http://www.allroadsmagazine.com/roads/2017/4/17/phil-keeling553d4b8de4b0fe84387378c6:57cf49c6ff7c5074fe8b96da:58f4df1b15d5db5e2530239cPART 1:
 

Comedian, Games Critic, Conquistadork  

http://www.twitter.com/ElConquistadork

https://www.facebook.com/ElConquistadorkPlays/

http://www.youtube.com/user/ElConquistadork

 

Let’s start off with the obvious place to start, please tell us a little about yourself:

I was born into a southern, military family in West Germany (when there was a West Germany). My father was an officer in the US Army, and my mother was an elementary school teacher turned stay-at-home mom. I am the eldest (and least mature) of three kids: the only one with brown hair, and the only one to have voted for Barack Obama. I was a bookish kid. Some mothers would punish their kids by forcing them to stay in their room. My mom punished me by forcing me outside, a place I generally avoided unless I was looking for bugs (which was not infrequent). As a family we moved constantly: from Europe to the Deep South to New York to Central Pennsylvania. We’ve been all over the damn place, and I blame that for just about everything in my makeup as a person.

So, because you’re a bit of a jack-of-all-trades kind of guy, I’m going to break the questions out into sections based on project. We'll cover part one here and part two in another segment. Sound good?

Sounds terrifying. Let’s do it.

First up, why video games? How did you get into gaming and reviewing in the first place?

Video games were sort of a constant I had in a life of inconsistencies. I liked the stories and the challenges. And as I got older, I got to watch as the medium of video games matured at around the same rate I did. When I was a kid, it was pretty straightforward. Games were fairy tales and fables, mostly. Now, games deal with topics like identity, death, grief, and love. And they do it in a way that films, books, and any other art form cannot.

Talk about that some more. What do video games offer as a storytelling platform that other mediums don’t or can’t?

You’re a part of it, you know? There’s a visceral reaction to what’s happening because you’re engaging with it on a level that’s more personal than a film or a book.

The Game Brothers: A Tale Of Two Sons is an exceptional example. It uses the actual game controls to convey the story: you control one boy with one thumbstick, and his brother with the second thumbstick. And when something happens to one of them, and the thumbstick no longer works: you feel that. It lurches something in your guts.

Papers, Please is another game like that. You play a border guard at a fictional communist dictatorship, and you have to decide who gets through and who doesn’t. It’s an absolute drudgery of paperwork and deciding your own morality. It’s engaging, and it’s very effective. 

What makes a video game really good in your opinion? What are some of your favorites?

It’s just like any art form (and yes, I consider games to be an art form). It resonates with something inside of you. It’s a personal experience. Last year I played a game about a family losing their son to cancer (That Dragon, Cancer), and it hit me right in the guts. I wept and drank some gin to make myself feel better. My friend and fellow YouTuber SpoilerKevin, on the other hand, played it and was completely devastated. He’s a father. So it hit some very real places in his mind and in his life. I like games that catch me like that, whether it’s through the story, the subject matter, or the game play itself.

Games like Bioshock Infinite, Night In The Woods, and Papers, Please are magnificent examples of telling a story through games. Games like Civilization I’ve been playing since I was a kid, simply because I love the gameplay itself. Building cities, founding cultures, and trying not to be crushed by everyone else? Fun. Contrary to what many gamers and gaming journos think, you can heavily analyze a game and still have fun with it. That’s what I aim for.

There’s an episode of Reply All that covers The Dragon, Cancer. The story is both incredibly moving and devastating all at once. It's a good example of the point you were making earlier. Given how immersive and emotionally rooted some of these games can be, it's easy to see how this medium can be an effective, if not cathartic, outlet for both the player and the creator.

I think I know which podcast you mean. Games are very much like movies, these days. There are still your standard popcorn fare that you play and rack up a high score and don’t really give much thought to. And then there are massive, self-indulgent space operas, high school dramas, and sad, introspective indie pieces.

Take Pony Island. I love Pony Island. It starts out as a very simple running game. Hop over fences: that sort of thing. And then, as the game progresses, the system starts to shut down. Something’s wrong with the game, and it starts to break the 4th wall to fuck with you. It’s deeply troubling and scary in a way that films aren’t. 

And that’s not to suggest I don’t like big, dumb explody games. One of my top ten games of 2016 was the remake of DOOM, which is simply a big, beautiful run and gun where you kill demons. There’s a feeling among a lot of your average gamers that you have to be one or the other: an art house gamer, or a hardcore gamer. And that just isn’t so.

The production for your online reviews seems fairly involved (in a good way). What does it entail to produce one video/review? How did you learn all the ins and outs of putting something like this together?

My YouTube channel is a lot like my car: anything I know how to fix or arrange, I learned out of desperation and necessity. If I’m making a review, the steps generally go like this: as I play the game, I capture footage of it. I finish the game, and write a review. I record myself reading the review, and edit it into the footage, which I cut up to make it appropriate to what I’m saying in the audio track. I add some music, the intro and outro, and we’re finished. Generally takes a few hours.

Where did the name Conquistadork come from? Is there a personal connection or inspiration?

I was writing essays for a website called Classy Hands, but I was also looking for work. This was just around the time that employers started getting really friendly with the notion of googling your name when they decide whether or not they’d bring you on board. Everyone needed to be real respectable: no Facebook pictures of yourself in a bikini sitting on some stranger’s lap, you know? So I figured my weird essays with their four letters words wouldn’t be helpful. Long story short, I needed a pen name, and I liked Conquistadork. A conqueror among dorks. Far more confident than I generally feel, which helps. 

Now, to switch gears completely... Why stand up? What made you want to take a leap and try your hand at it?

I’ve always loved stand up comedy. I was listening to my dad’s Steve Martin records when I was a kid. I didn’t try my hand at it until I was 27, which is pretty old for a brand new comedian. I blame Lee Keeler. He was working with one of Savannah’s first open mics when we were at grad school together and literally told me: “We need comedians. Prep 10 minutes.”

So I did. Blame Keeler.

What’s your stand up style? Do you pull from real life or is it more of a persona? 

I am delighted by inappropriate jokes. I think it comes from being raised in a traditional southern home where etiquette and saying “ma’am” and “sir” and “please” are so important. The people who always impressed me the most growing up were people who could think and speak in a profound way while also appreciating the sillier things in life. For that reason, I like to think I’m a fairly thoughtful comic, but I never have and never will shy away from four letter words and explicit imagery. 

I’d like to point out here that my mom raised me to be a perfect southern gentleman. She did a great job. Mama tried. That’s how strong my urge to talk about sex and grim imagery is. I love sex and grim imagery. I try to keep the two separate, though. 

What was your first gig like?

It went great. Which is a problem. A ton of baby comedians have an amazing first show. It’s because everyone knows it’s your first show, and maybe you’ve invited supportive friends. You do a great five or ten minutes, everyone tells you how wonderful you are. And then you spend the next two or five or ten years eating shit. I wouldn’t go so far as to say I ate shit immediately afterwards, but the more I performed for people who didn’t know me and think I was adorable, the more I realized how much work went into the craftsmanship of the jokes.

For many people, public speaking, let alone performing, is a worst fear. No doubt your background in Theatre helps here. Can you explain the preparation it takes to do stand up and put a set together?

Theatre helped a lot. Not just in alleviating the fear, but knowing how to own the stage. Actors, musicians, dancers, comedians: we’re all doing the same thing. We’re all just satyrs saying the same things in different languages. I do a lot of the same things I did as an actor: I mutter my jokes to myself in the shower. I recite the punchlines when I’m washing my hair. I practice in my bathroom mirror and see what sort of face I make when I use a specific adjective to describe a specific location on the body. To the outside world, it looks like world-class narcissism. Maybe it is. But it masks the little gremlins inside trying to sabotage our every move. Comedians are egomaniacs with terrible self-esteem.

Talk a little more about that. How can you have a massive ego with very little self esteem? 

I’m hesitant to reinforce a stereotype, but comedians tend to be broken dolls. The motivation behind getting onstage to tell jokes comes from so many odd places, and those places often have something to do with coping with pain: whether it’s in your life or others. At worst, it creates performers who are onstage begging to be loved, if only for a few minutes.

At best, it creates raw, exquisite art. Just look at Tig Notaro’s 30 minute special “Live” which she performed literal days after being diagnosed with breast cancer. 

Or Doug Stanhope’s “Farewell, Mother” which is about him assisting in his mother’s suicide.

And both are some of the funniest material you’ll ever hear. And also painful. I love that. It’s not a normal person who shares that sort of experience to strangers while simultaneously trying to make them laugh. I think that’s beautiful.

Who are some comedians you really admire?

People like George Carlin, Patton Oswalt, Louis CK, Dana Gould, Marc Maron, Doug Stanhope, Jackie Kashian, Kyle Kinane, Rachel Bloom, Emo Philips, Tig Notaro, and Maria Bamford are among my favorites. I appreciate comedians who are able to talk about the dark and real while keeping it funny. I also have a great big place in my heart for the weirdos of the world.

I also adore Mike Birbiglia, but I have a grudge against him, because I suffer from night terrors, and his masterpiece is “Sleepwalk With Me”, which is a one man show entirely about his own sleeping disorder. Bastard cornered the market. 

What’s the most challenging and rewarding thing about doing stand up?

It’s personal. Birbiglia said it very well: in one of his sets he describes the idea of people seeing a movie they hate, and they say, “I didn’t like the script” or “I didn’t like that casting choice”. But if someone doesn’t like a comedian, it’s essentially them saying: “We don’t like you. As a person.”

A crowd booing you will always be better than one that is silent. I’ve had beer bottles thrown at my head, and I’ll take that over polite, tepid laughter.

The rewards… Occasionally you get free beer from the bartender?

Who or what inspires you? (in your business or otherwise)

Music, art, and literature. A brand new notebook. My family. Those late, 3am sessions of washing the dishes because you’re drunker than hell and it just seems like a good idea. Moments like that are when you can solve problems. It’s like singing in the shower. Good for you. 

What scares you?

Overly confident 22-year-olds in shorts. They don’t have to be wearing boat shoes, but if they are it only makes things worse.

What motivates you?

The fact that one day, I will die. It’s a very cheerful time stamp to put on everything, you know? “Well, better get a thousand words in today: I might be worm food this time tomorrow.”

What brings you the greatest joy?

Cleverness. A bottle of something intoxicating. People who are intoxicating. A woman’s fingers in my hair. Worthwhile conversation and good food. Worthwhile conversation and lousy food. The smell of the ocean. The smell of burning leaves.

What brings you the greatest satisfaction?

A finished piece of work that I’d almost convinced myself I’d never finish.  

What is an experience that you would want to experience again?

Maybe reliving college again. Go back to all of those warm memories and see if they hold up to nostalgia’s magnifying glass. Hmm. On second thought maybe I wouldn’t want to do that.

What would you like to do that you haven’t done yet?

I have a dream of emceeing a burlesque show. It just feels like a good fit.

What should everyone do at least once in their life?

Just go ahead and flirt with that guy or girl at the bar. Give it a shot. Fuck it.

What advice would you give to your teenage or younger self?

Just do the damn thing. Don’t get precious. But don’t give up hope, either. Clean your goddamn room.

Read PART 2 of this interview.

Read stories by Phil Keeling on the All Roads Magazine website here:

• The Girl in the Green Dress

• PUNCHLINE

Follow Phil Keeling on Facebook here!

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]]>Phil KeelingAll Roads EditorTue, 14 Mar 2017 02:02:46 +0000http://www.allroadsmagazine.com/roads/2017/3/13/molly-grace553d4b8de4b0fe84387378c6:57cf49c6ff7c5074fe8b96da:58c7479d2994ca3a007deb9bOwner at KLEUR

http://www.kleurshop.com/
INSTAGRAM:  @kleur_shop        TWITTER:  @kleur_shop

Let’s start off with the obvious place to start, please tell us a little about yourself:

My name is Molly Grace. I currently live in Winston-Salem, North Carolina, but was born in a small town in Western Pennsylvania. I lived up north for pretty much all of my life until about seven years ago, when my family moved down here. It’s a great little city. I fell in love with it when I was younger, way before it was developed into what it is now.

When we did make the move down here, my son had just been born and it was supposed to be just a transition move, a sort of place to go where we could learn how to be new parents before returning to bigger cities up North. My then-husband and I were looking to change careers as well. When we met, we were actors, but not really loving the lifestyle and were pretty unfulfilled.

By the time we settled down here, Winston was really starting to develop and boom as a fast-growing city, and there was a ton of potential to explore what we actually might like doing, so we stayed put. I’m a painter and a musician as well, so I ended up being able to throw myself into taking those two avenues more seriously. I joined an artist collective that ran a gallery downtown, and started painting regularly. Because the music scene is extremely grassroots, I was also quickly welcomed into that sort of world, and began playing shows and collaborating with other musicians. It’s all kind of a blur, to be honest, it was a beautiful whirlwind for a few years, learning to flex all these new sides of myself. Because it’s a smaller city, it didn’t take long to be fully integrated into the growing downtown creative scene culture, and getting involved with a lot of collaborations became pretty natural. At the same time, I went back to school to become a middle school teacher, which I did for a couple of years before deciding to put that career on hold and try my hand at owning a business.

So, how did this all start? Where did the original idea to start KLEUR come from?

Honestly, the idea to start Kleur started a long time ago almost as a joke. My son, his father, and I traveled up to Western Massachusetts when he was barely a year old. I lived up there for a time about ten years ago and we were considering it as an area to move to once our “transition” period in North Carolina was up. Some friends of mine up there had opened a shop called LOOT, which featured small-batch handmade goods and also a lot of up cycled and found pieces, and they did workshops and community events, like potlucks and political stitch-n-bitches.

At the same time, as you know, little shops like this were popping up all over the world, as part of the whole Maker Movement thing. When I lived in New York years before, Brooklyn was already way ahead in that game. So in that respect, I guess you could say Kleur was first inspired simply by other shops who do essentially the same thing -- they’re all different, but the heart is the same. Anyway, totally apart from that: When we got back to Winston, we talked about staying because it was so affordable. I was staying at home with the baby while he worked, and so started running an Etsy vintage shop online to stay busy and to make some extra money. When we would go to thrift and antique shops to get things for me to sell, we noticed that books were dirt cheap at most of these places. Since he and I both love to read, and also really love discussions, we joked that we could maybe open up a used bookstore here in Winston. There were, at the time (and still), a ton of empty spaces in our downtown. Our grand fantasy was a bookshop that would have big, long reading tables down the center. We would host discussions, readings, think-tanks, small performances, and other things like that. Maybe serve coffee. It was a total pipe dream that we never even pretended to begin fully realizing.

When I started teaching, I loved it so deeply, but it was difficult for me to maintain because I’m very non-traditional in that sense and teach in a way that isn’t really suitable for public schools in a conservative part of the country. But I loved the process of education, of people learning, of conversation, exploration of ideas, and so forth. When I quit, I was sitting around a dining room with my mom, pretty upset and at a loss about what the hell I could do with myself, and somehow the idea of opening a space of my own came up - one where people could share ideas, collaborate, build new skill sets, and feel totally comfortable flexing some creative and intellectual muscle.

The bookstore idea came back to me, but it wouldn’t work in a city like this just yet -- I didn’t think used books would sell well enough to keep the doors open. Right around then, Instagram was totally off the chain acting as a window into an enormous world full of creative young tradespeople and all of these beautiful shops that were featuring their work. So somewhere at that time I thought, “well, shit, maybe I can do that! And add a maker space to the mix, to get the community-building/skill-building aspect in there as well. Once the idea set in, there was 100% no way in hell I wasn’t going to do it. I did the craziest thing I think I’d ever done up until that point: I made an Instagram account, came up with a name for this future shop, and started advertising the shop as “COMING SOON,” way before I had any real inventory, a space, or even a plan at all. When i did that, I was sort of holding myself accountable. Sort of a “No going back now!” type of thing.

What does KLEUR mean? How did you come up with such a unique name?

Kleur is Dutch for “Color,” which is partially a joke because the color palette of the shop is predominantly devoid of most colors! Mostly whites, beiges, natural tones, that sort of thing. Most people who hear Kleur means Color have a little chuckle. The reason for it, though, is mostly to do with my childhood. My parents worked odd hours, so I was partially raised by another family who were my caretakers when my parents had to work. My daytime caregiver when I was really young was a woman named Mary. I get most of my more noticeable personality traits from her. She’s wildly colorful - talks a lot, tells incredibly detailed and illustrated stories, and is always vibrant.

When I was a kid in her home, I witnessed how deeply committed she was to community-building. They often had people coming in from all over to stay with them, sometimes for months at a time. Anyone would pop in unannounced for dinner. They had a total revolving door policy - their house was always open to anyone who wanted a home cooked meal, or just an evening of talk and company. It was an incredible way to grow up. I used to (still do) marvel at her capacity for giving and loving just about anyone who would let her. It’s something I grew up knowing I wanted to be able to do for others one day.

Mary also is a compulsive collector of things -- anything she might come across when she’s out doing errands could charm her, and she’d buy it, and bring it home. She would go out into the Amish country and buy up just about any hand-carved wooden object that someone made with their own hands -- and you can be damn sure she would get to know their life story in doing so, then come back and relay it to anyone who was over that night for dinner. Their home was always filled with random wooden pieces, or milk glass pitchers, or anything at all that screamed homestead, or comfort, or traditional trades. She had dried flowers everywhere. The whole atmosphere was cozy, and eclectic, and homey. Mary also has Dutch ancestry, having grown up in Holland, Michigan. I don’t actually know if that’s true. But I do know that Dutch culture is something she’s always been obsessed with, and it was evident in her decor and in her collections. So, when I was trying to think of a name that would, to me, embody the sort of place I wanted my shop to be like, it seemed natural to name it in homage to her.

What is KLEUR’s mission and who does it serve?

For the boutique side of things, the mission is simply to be a venue for hard-working makers and creatives to have their products sold and shared with my world. I curate the shop myself, and each product line is chosen first and foremost for how dedicated the individuals behind them are. In short, the shop acts as a way to celebrate and promote the hard work and ingenuity of other people who have truly taken on their craft as their livelihood.

As for the maker space, the mission there is to offer a huge variety of free or affordable events and workshops that promote individual and community enlightenment. It sounds broad because it is. A maker space is, simply, a place where people can come together, share tools and resources, and learn or share new skills and ideas. What makes Kleur a little unique, at least to this area, is how accessible these are. We keep the cost really low, and the environment is extremely laid back and casual. It’s important to me that people feel at home there. Also, while I come up with a lot of the workshops or events on the calendar, the community also has an open door to propose what they would like to have offered. Actually, I’d say more than half of the things we offer are proposed and then led by random community members who walk in and say, “I’d love to lead a class on _______, can I do that here?” And the answer is almost always yes.

The work space has a fully stocked tool and materials library. There are about ten cabinets filled with creative and practical supplies and materials, and a cataloged tool chest with hand tools, power tools, hardware, you name it. One of my favorite little extras Kleur provides is a no-questions-asked availability of these to whoever wants them. When we don’t have workshops, mostly during the daytime business hours, the work space is also available for anyone to use. A lot of small organizations or teams meet there on their lunch breaks, for instance, to have a group meeting. Sometimes people come in just to work on a project or something. It’s really cool.

Did you open Kleur all by yourself or were there others involved?

When Kleur first opened, there were three partners: myself, and two other women who, aside from Kleur, were independent entrepreneurs and had their own lines of products. One of them is a clothing designer and founder of Formation Design Studio women’s apparel, and the other was a leather worker, and Jane-of-all-Trades sorts. She owned Narrow Lines Co. Originally I had approached them just as makers whose products I wanted in my store, but one thing led to another and they joined me as partners.

That lasted for about six months after the shop originally opened, but both ended up getting bigger opportunities in their fields and left to pursue them. The original location was a really, really tiny spot. We had workshops and classes and things, but not as many as we wanted because our space and resources were so limited.

Once the other two moved on, I decided to expand into a bigger location and really put more emphasis on the maker space. The shop shut down last summer for a short period while I moved everything into the current location. Around that time, I hired a freelance marketing consultant who had just moved here from New York City - Allison Beilharz - just for some help in revamping my PR strategies in the hopes of growing my market reach. We became really close pretty quickly, and she has since assumed the role of my creative partner. She helps me run the show, and in general is just as much a part of Kleur as I am now. She gets Kleur in a big way, and really understands and shares the whole dream is for what the shop can do for the community. I love working with her.

Do any of you have a background in retail or business? How did you learn all the ins and outs of starting a brick and mortar store?

I had no idea what I was signing up for, and still am figuring it out! Every day is a new Trial-and-Error process. Luckily, Allison has worked in retail for eons, and in much higher volume capacities, so she’s been teaching me a lot. Everything that Kleur is now came through making mistakes and learning from them. I make them every single day. Initially, it was  a lot of asking the internet what I should do, and then of course social media gave me huge insight. Being able to “see” other shops and how they promote or organize themselves has been totally invaluable.

I happen to know that you have an extensive theater arts background; do you bring any of that or those experiences into your business? 

Just this week I was thinking about this! Every time I have to build something or renovate the space, I have to do it with my own hands because I can’t afford to hire contractors. This week, for instance, I’ve been building some small walls inside the shop to partition off the work space area from the boutique area. So in that respect, yes, having a background in theater, particularly with building sets, has certainly come into play. In general, theater really prepares a person to think on their feet, and make do with whatever resources you have in front of you. So that comes into play every single day, as well. Because it’s just me and Allison running the shop (I don’t have employees), we have to work really long hours, often times sitting shop all day and then setting up and being present for workshops or events all night, ending at 10pm. Anyone in theater is very familiar with overworking themselves! I’d say that more than anything is a skill that has transferred over. Skill, curse - same thing.

The items in your shop seem really special. Everything looks so lovely and exceptional; how do you find your artists and/or the goods you sell in your shop?

Initially it was me approaching local makers and simply asking them. I also took to Instagram to find pretty much all of my faraway, out-of-town product lines. Once we’d been open for awhile, I started getting emailed submissions from makers all over the country. Now, I’d say almost all of our new products come to me in that way, though sometimes if I come across some work that I absolutely love, I write them right away and ask if they’d like to be in the shop.

Will you work with any artist or is there a philosophy you stick to?

Quality of the products is key, of course, and obviously there is an aesthetic component. I like things minimal, with either a modern or traditional quality to it, or a blend of both. I call it, “Modern Nostalgia,” in those cases. I mentioned the color palette. That’s actually pretty important to me, to keep that consistency of style across the board. The branding is extremely important. Branding tells anyone - myself, the consumer -- how professional and serious the maker is. Bad branding, obviously, doesn’t sell as well. More importantly, though, bad branding communicates a lack of connection to what they are doing. If a label or logo is on point, if their website is really well-maintained and of professional quality, if their product photos are consistent with what you’d see in any bigger retail shop, then I’m pretty much down to carry.

There are exceptions, of course. I do carry many lines who, for them, I’m the first or only stockist they have. Some of them don’t even have branding yet. I really like being a venue for those people to see what they need to improve on while they start to make this jump in their careers. Being displayed alongside other products who are thriving and can be found in shops all over the country gives these sort of novices a boost in their confidence, but also gives them an avenue to see how they could potentially grow their brand.

What made you feel ready to make the leap and take the first step?

Desperation. Everything else I was doing wasn’t fulfilling me or paying the bills. Now, that’s not to say that I’m able to pay those bills with Kleur yet, but it’s getting there! In general, I’m pretty impulsive. Not the best quality in a business woman, but I’m making it work. That impulsive side of me tends to jump first and worry about the parachute on the way down. I’m working on that, but it certainly helped make the shop come to fruition.

What’s the most challenging and the most rewarding part of starting a retail business?

Money is the most challenging aspect, second maybe only to the notion that no matter what day it is, you’re never “off” work. Trying to find a balance between Kleur and my personal life is very challenging. If I sign off from the shop, I most certainly fall behind a little, and vice versa. I’m working constantly to try to streamline my business operations so that I can allow myself very structured times where I can say, “No. I’m not checking my email today, it can wait until Wednesday,” so that every duty has a time and place. If I had employees and could delegate, things might be easier, but I don’t. So, for right now, the biggest challenge is juggling it all, and finding time for myself. That said, the most rewarding thing is seeing the fruits of all this labor. People love Kleur. Winston loves Kleur. I hear it every day now - they’re finally starting to really understand what the makerspace is, and what the mission behind it is. I love seeing the community use the space, and hearing the public’s response to what I’m doing. It really makes the long hours feel worth it.

Starting your own business is definitely not easy. It’s a really admirable adventure to take on. Do you ever experience fear or doubt? How do you manage those feelings?

I experience doubt and fear daily, but I simply shove it aside. I have to, or I won’t get anything done. I’ve been really focused on trying to learn how to live in the moment and keep anxiety at bay. When things pile up, and I feel pulled in a million directions, I try to get myself to prioritize what needs to get done and check off the boxes in that order. Given my personality, that sometimes gets tricky. Whenever I lose track, and things do get a little chaotic, I just try to reel my dial down a bit and not let stress take over. There are so many things to fear: what if sales are bad this month? What if no one comes to this workshop and the instructor is disappointed? What if one of my makers decides I’m doing a shitty job and wants to pull their products? Tons of “What Ifs” to be found. I’m learning to just let those things happen, not take it personally, and try to stay super positive while I’m learning how to do this well.

In times of stress, how do you relax, take care of yourself, or indulge yourself?

The workshops and events we have really help! I really mean that. They give me a re-charge. Thinking back to the whole theater analogy, I think the same goes for that mindset. It’s like when, as an actor, you finally get to opening night after weeks of hard work. It’s pretty euphoric, and euphoria can refresh anybody. Apart from that, I take baths. A lot. I don’t let myself nap. And I started doing yoga daily, even if its only for a few minutes. I make myself get up early, so that I don’t stress about wasted time, and so that I can give myself at least one hour each day to have a coffee and hang out alone. I try to spend time with my son when I can, and when he goes to bed, I try to unwind with myself or with friends. Wine helps! So does going to bed early sometimes. I never watch TV. I sometimes go to movies, alone or with someone else. Other fun facts: I like college basketball, so taking myself out for a small meal at a bar where a game is on is a definite guilty pleasure. Part of the whole “Turning Off” thing, I guess.

What makes you feel strong or powerful?

I think being involved in so many good things makes me feel powerful. In addition to Kleur, I’m an activist for a lot of causes I really care about. I do a lot of that activism through Kleur, actually. Being involved in things that have heart is a powerful thing. Apart from that, I spend a lot of time now giving myself credit. I learned earlier this year that I had, for years and years, gotten into a rut where I didn’t celebrate myself or even acknowledge parts of me that were good, or interesting. Since then, I’ve actively pursued self-compassion and self-celebration. I started therapy, and I love it. Each Monday I get to sort of assess where I am and how I’m feeling toward myself. I’ve allowed myself that luxury so that I can give myself more additional emotional luxuries every day.

What do you do when you feel stuck creatively?

I have no idea. I truly don’t. I think I must just switch gears and hope something comes up when I’m not looking for it. It usually does.

What’s something else you like to do besides build your business?

I like to be a help to other people, like my friends, or work on those social advocacy causes I mentioned. Since Trump was elected, I’ve dedicated almost all of my spare time to resistance activities or advocacy, and it’s extremely rewarding, if not more than a little daunting at times. Also, North Carolina is beautiful, and I’m very close to a lot of great hiking spots. I’ve been trying to re-incorporate a lot more time spent outdoors than I was able to do in recent years. I do still paint when I can, and I am very fortunate to have found a great fellow musician whom I squeeze in shows with. His name is Tyler Nail and he’s profoundly talented. We’ve been playing together under the handle “Grace & Nails” for a little under two years now. Of course, we’re too busy to have any recordings I can share with you. We’re both working on that. I’m hoping to spend more time on that project this year.

What is something you wish you knew before you started?

Oh god. I wish I knew more about taxes, money flow, profit and loss, and time management. I also wish I had been born a more organized person. Oh well.

What are you most proud of in this experience?

I’m proud that I’m doing it, and that I’m trying my best. A lot of people, understandably, were a bit doubtful of Kleur’s mission and what I was saying to everyone it would look like. Yet, a year and a half later, almost everything I illustrated at the beginning has happened, or is happening. I’m proud that I went in totally green and naive and have been slowly learning what works and what doesn’t. I’m also very proud of the network I’ve been building, with both local professionals and also some of the friendships I’m making with my makers and others, like the artists we host for residencies. I’ve met so many wonderful people who just want to put goodwill out into the world. It’s such a positive career. Almost anyone I’ve connected with through Kleur is a positive individual, with good morals and a big heart. It’s the best.
 

What is the best advice you've been given? (career or otherwise)

Haters gonna hate! Don’t let anyone who is skeptical of you or your ideas make you feel like they’re not going to work out, or that they’re not good ones. If something isn’t working, figure out why, try to fix it, and go from there.

Who or what inspires you? (in your business or otherwise)

Empathy, and the desire to instill it in others.  And the drive to inspire other people to be good. I know that sounds cheesy but it’s true.

What scares you?  

Ugh. Money. And the current political situation we’re in.

What motivates you?

The fact that change is possible, and the fact that people are capable of changing what isn’t good in their world or the world we’re sharing. I’m a painful optimist. It’s obnoxious.

What brings you the greatest joy?

Teaching kids really did that for me. Also, having any really incredible conversation, or laughing with someone whose sense of humor is perfectly in sync with mine. Also, any moment where I feel like I’m not failing as mother is the biggest win for me on earth.

What brings you the greatest satisfaction?

Hearing encouraging words from others, hearing feedback that tells me people are happy I’m doing what I’m doing, that they’re even a little better because of something I’ve said or had a hand in creating.

Have you ever taken a risk and have it work out great?

Always! Teaching was that way. I had no idea what I was doing or if I’d be good at it. I was great at it. I’ve never been more sure of something in my life.
 

Have you ever straight up failed? What did you learn and how did you come back from it?  

I’ve failed at so much. For a long time I had a terrible habit of abandoning anything once it got too hard or heavy. Like being an actor. To be sure, I’m glad I’m not doing that anymore, it wasn’t as selfless or satisfying - but I still gave up before I even really tried. That’s the worst kind of failure. I’ve done that with many things and I regret it sometimes.

What is an experience that you would want to experience again?

Teaching language arts and history again, to middle schoolers. I so hope to be able to do that again, or something similar to it. I also really want to travel more, put myself in situations where I’m in a place where I can’t speak the language and everything around me is new and foreign. My experience with that is really limited.

What would you like to do that you haven’t done yet? 

I’d love to be a maker myself one day. I’m very attracted to ceramics, pottery in general. I’d love to get myself a studio set up and learn the skill set needed to start a little line of my own. I’d also really like to make yoga more of a staple in my life. Also, my little dream is to have a cabin in the woods somewhere, decorate the shit out of it, and essentially have it be a main source of income as a rental property (that I, obviously, get to use whenever I please). If I could do that with any combination of the above, I’d be set.

What should everyone do at least once in their life?  

Wait tables and get broken up with.

Beyond what we’ve covered here, what is something you really want people to know about you?  

That I was not always so positive or driven, and that I’ve spent years being a fairly selfish, self-indulgent person. It takes time and energy, but most of all, it takes being conscious of your faults, if you want to change yourself into a happier, healthier, and all around better person. When I talk about empathy, which I do a lot, it’s because when I woke up to how shitty and depressed I could be sometimes, I realized it was because I wasn’t looking outward at other people enough. Now it’s something I see all the time.

Who’s your idol?

James Baldwin, Mary (who I mentioned before), Gloria Steinam,

Who is on your guest list (alive or dead) for your perfect dinner party and what would you eat?

Gertrude Stein, Seth and Jonathan from Uhh Yeah Dude, James Baldwin, Elizabeth Cady Stanton, Edward Morrow, Jerry Spinelli, Barack and Michelle Obama, my dad, Bill Nye, my good friends, Tom Hanks, Kate Winslet. And we’re just at a lake house eating cheese and snacks on a big porch. It’s a good time.

What advice would you give to your teenage or younger self?

You are an idiot and that’s okay, but don’t blame others for your shortcomings, you dummy. Buckle down.

To learn more about Molly and KLEUR, visit: 

http://www.kleurshop.com/

You can also follow KLEUR on social media at :

INSTAGRAM:  @kleur_shop        TWITTER:  @kleur_shop

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]]>Molly GraceAll Roads EditorSun, 12 Mar 2017 16:39:04 +0000http://www.allroadsmagazine.com/roads/2017/3/12/marsha-martinez553d4b8de4b0fe84387378c6:57cf49c6ff7c5074fe8b96da:58c57961bebafb01e04cd4feFounder of Sixteen Eleven Floral Design

http://www.sixteenelevenfloraldesign.com/

Let’s start off with the obvious place to start, please tell us a little about yourself:

I was born in Santa Fe, NM to an amazing family then moved to New York City when I was 18 to study acting. After college, some friends and I founded a small, politically conscious theatre company called Stone Soup Theatre Arts. I was lucky enough to do theatre consistently for almost ten years  because of Stone Soup, but more importantly, I made some of the best friends of my life with this company. In 2008 (and in the midst of a recession), I thought it would be a great idea to quit my steady and reliable office job and try my hand at acting full-time. Little did I know that looking for a job to pay the bills would be a full-time job in itself. As an actress, it was only inevitable that I would wait tables so I did that for about 3 years. Two great things came from waiting tables: the first was meeting the funniest and kindest guy who would later become my husband and the second was discovering that neither acting nor waiting tables was something I really wanted to do.

So, why floral design? How did you first get into it?

In my heart of hearts, I think I’ve always known that flowers would play some part in my life. I’ve loved nature since I was little and I’ve always wanted to be creative. Until a couple of years ago, I thought my only outlet as an artist was performing but it wasn’t until I was waiting tables that I realized I could utilize my creativity in a different way. I worked at a restaurant in the West Village in NYC that hired a floral designer to come in and create a new arrangement every week. She was so creative and happy seeming and watching her I thought, “I could do that”. Soon after, a friend trusted me to do the flowers for her wedding and I slowly started getting other jobs after that.

Your designs are really beautiful. Would you mind telling us a little about your creative process?

Thank you so much! In terms of my creative process, I almost always start with color.  Usually brides will have their wedding palette chosen already and it’s easiest to start from there. Also, I find that the season usually dictates a lot of my design. Knowing that a bride is getting married in October, for example, I can anticipate designing with seasonal blooms like dahlias and gorgeous foraged greenery. The next step is really just letting the flowers speak for themselves. My aesthetic leans toward a looser, garden-ey style and I try to design with a sense of movement and grace. I love the way a poppy stem will curve, and I’ll try to design around that unique characteristic, for example.

You happen to have a theater arts background; do you bring any of that or those experiences into your business?

Again, I think I’ve always wanted to be creative in some way and that started out early on as wanting to be an actor.  If I’m being truthful with myself, I think what I was best at was putting a costume together or figuring out my hair and makeup, or making the props. I always felt more confident with the tangible elements of theater, as opposed to bringing a character to life. The theatre helped me realize that the creativity that came from my hands was stronger than what came from my voice or stage presence.

What made you feel ready to make the leap and take the first step?

I don’t think any day job I’ve had has ever made me happy. I realized this a few years ago while commuting to yet another office job.  Working with flowers and learning from other florists has shown me that it is possible to pay the bills and also be fulfilled. I once worked on flowers for a wedding where I didn’t stop to eat or use the bathroom for over 7 hours. I was completely immersed in what I was doing and so lodged in the present moment, time just completely flew by. No other activity or job has stopped time like that for me, it’s a really special thing.

What’s the most challenging and the most rewarding part of starting a floral design business?

The most challenging part of starting this business is doing everything by myself. I’m self taught and I have had to learn every lesson the hard way. At the same time, doing everything myself is immensely rewarding. Knowing that I’ve taught myself a skill that aims to beautify the world (even just a little bit) has brought me more gratification than any raise or promotion from previous jobs.

Do you ever experience fear or doubt? How do you manage those feelings?

I wrestle with fear and doubt constantly! I always wonder if I’m good enough or skilled enough and I know I still have so much to learn. I used to manage these feelings with reassurance from friends and family. While there’s nothing better than hearing how good your work is from those closest to you, I’ve found that it’s more practical to have my floral peers critique my work. Getting constructive criticism from florists whose work I admire helps me more in the long run.

In times of stress, how do you relax, take care of yourself, or indulge yourself?

My husband and I recently moved to Denver, CO. because I realized that NYC was was making me so anxious that even a trip to the grocery store was stressing me out. Being outside in nature has always centered and relaxed me and now that I live in Colorado, I have so many opportunities to do just that. I also love to eat and explore new restaurants. We’re lucky that Denver has such an amazing food scene.

What makes you feel strong or powerful?

Being around like-minded women always makes me feel strong. When women lift each other up and support each other, there is no stronger force.

What do you do when you feel stuck creatively?

When I feel stuck I usually walk away from whatever I’ve doing for a bit. Being in a creative rut is the equivalent of saying one word over and over and it loses all meaning. The same goes for whatever I’m working on - if an arrangement doesn’t look quite right, I have to step away and look at something else. Just looking out the window will help refresh my brain.

What’s something else you like to do besides floral design?

I love to read. I read everything from J.K. Rowling  to Steinbeck.

What is something you wish you knew before you started?

I wish I knew that I was going to make mistakes and that’s okay. I’m so hard on myself for every little mistake and I dwell on them for weeks after an event is over. Mistakes are inevitable and the only thing I can do is learn from them.

What are you most proud of in this experience?

I am most proud when I can turn obstacles into opportunity. I like the moments when something doesn’t quite go as planned but still looks intentional.

What is the best advice you've been given? (career or otherwise)

My Dad has always told me to “walk it off” in both the literal and figurative sense. My family always encourages me to always get up after falling.

What scares you?

Driving stick shift in a city I don’t know scares the crap out of me. I’m doing it anyway.

What motivates you?

My husband, Michael motivates me. He’s constantly pushing me to be the best I can be in my business and in life.

What brings you the greatest joy?

At our wedding there was one moment when everyone I love in the world was dancing under one roof - I don’t think I’ve ever been happier. Laughing, eating, and dancing with family and friends brings me the greatest joy.

Have you ever taken a risk and have it work out great?

At 18 years old I moved to New York City and didn’t know one person east of Dallas, TX. I stayed in NYC for almost 20 years. I grew up there, learned a lot about myself, met my husband and some of the best friends a girl could ask for.

Have you ever straight up failed? What did you learn and how did you come back from it?

  I once took an office job that I knew in my gut was a wrong choice. I was desperate for a job at this time so I was willing to take anything. I didn’t last long at this job and have always felt a bit of shame when I think of how ungracefully I was let go but I learned to always, always trust my gut.

What would you like to do that you haven’t done yet?

I would love to learn how to surf. First I have to become a better swimmer and get over my fear of drowning in the ocean.

What should everyone do at least once in their life?

Everyone should travel to a place where they are completely out of their comfort zone. Not knowing the language, the currency or where you are is scary but one of the most fun experiences you could have.

What is a favorite memory?

On our honeymoon running through the streets of Granada, Spain being chased by a garbage truck while slightly drunk off wine and laughter.

Who’s your idol?

These days, all the badass women striving to do good in this world: Elizabeth Warren, Sally Yates, and Kamala Harris to name a few.

What is your favorite restaurant?

Marea in NYC.

What would your last meal be?

A charcuterie plate, followed by fried chicken, Alaskan king crab legs and a key lime pie.

Where is your favorite place on earth?

There’s a little stretch of beach on Koh Lanta in Thailand where massages are $5.00USD and gin and tonics are even cheaper.

If you could give a piece of advice to someone interested in starting something – whether it’s a business, a new career path, a new adventure, a relationship – what would you tell them.

This is an oldie but goody: feel the fear and do it anyway.

What advice would you give to your teenage or younger self?

Get out of your head - reality is way less scary.

To learn more about Marsha and Sixteen Eleven Floral Design, including booking information, visit: 

http://www.sixteenelevenfloraldesign.com/

You can also follow Sixteen Eleven Floral Design on Instagram at :

https://www.instagram.com/sixteeneleven_floraldesign/

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]]>Marsha MartinezAll Roads EditorThu, 29 Sep 2016 00:07:06 +0000http://www.allroadsmagazine.com/roads/2016/9/6/were-all-human553d4b8de4b0fe84387378c6:57cf49c6ff7c5074fe8b96da:57cf49e7ff7c5074fe8b9811"We're all just trying to do our best and figure our shit out."

It's easy to look at someone else's life from the outside and think it looks perfect. It's easy to compare ourselves to others and judge our choices and milestones based on this comparison. In an age of perfectly crafted online presences and expertly filtered photos, it can often look like the whole world is accomplishing more than you, looking better than you, and generally doing better at life than you. 

Right? It's not just me?

Now, I don't think there is anything wrong with wanting to put your best foot forward, creating an aspirational social persona, or using others as a means of healthy motivation. I'm talking about when it crosses that line. That line that shifts the conversation in our heads from good to not so good. 

Yea, you know these voice I’m talking about. 

These voices can be loud and they can be cruel, chipping away at our confidence until there’s nothing left but paralysis or defeat. If bad enough, they can stand in our way from pursuing the things we want in life, from trying something new, from making a friend or finding love.

The truth is though, this is an illusion, an assumption. The truth is, none of us have it totally together 100% of the time. Seriously, everyone’s got their shit. 

Say it with me, “everyone’s got their shit.”

One day we’re on the top of the world and others we’re just trying to keep our head above water. Even when we recognize this, we don’t always believe it. We believe the lies we tell ourselves. We assume that just because a person has a smile on his or her face, it means they’re succeeding.  We assume that when someone is successful, it happens overnight. We don’t see the work. We don’t see the pain or journey lingering underneath the sunny surface. 

So, we judge. Or we spiral. Or we give up. Slapping on our own happy face and proceeding like everything’s fine. But this just detracts from having real conversations that move us forward as people. We’re human, but human isn’t perfect. And there’s so much beauty in the imperfections and figuring things out in in our own way. There’s depth in being human. To getting up every day, doing our best, and trying to leave the world a little better than we found it. And if we don’t? There’s always tomorrow.

I don’t have all the answers.  I definitely don’t know everything. But I am endlessly curious. I want to take the mystery out of things. I want to share the lessons I’ve learned (or am learning), what inspires me, what makes sense to me. I also want to learn from those who are doing amazing things, both big and small, and share their inspirational stories (whether they see themselves this way or not). I want to create support and community to show that we are not alone, in our struggles, in our successes, in our desire to feel connected and understood.

This space is dedicated to generating positivity, building confidence, and exploring personal growth. To rebelling against this "perfect standard” with authenticity.  To battling incredible hate and negativity with humanization and empathy. 

So, to those who feel the same way, who are on the same journey, or looking for answers to the same questions.

Welcome.

Caitlin Simkovich

All Roads Magazine Founder & Editor

Also by Caitlin Simkovich:

Bowtree Drive

You Are.

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