The Sat Tire News

Kartoon Time

2013-07-15T13:49:00.003-07:00

Kartoon Tyme

2013-05-12T13:37:00.004-07:00

Kartoon Tyme

2013-01-16T21:11:00.000-08:00

Kartoon Tyme

2012-10-07T21:15:00.002-07:00

Kartoon Tyme

2011-04-05T15:36:00.000-07:00

Kartoon Tyme

2011-03-19T07:29:00.000-07:00

Kartoon Tyme

2011-03-10T15:30:00.000-08:00

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Kartoon Tyme

2011-02-04T16:38:00.000-08:00

" Why America May Go To Hell" The Other Martin Luther King

2011-01-17T09:25:00.000-08:00

"Why America May Go To Hell" is the title of the sermon that King was to give on April 7th. He never delivered the sermon because he was assassinated days before. Below are segments of speeches by the "other " King. The King who was opposed to war and sought economic justice for all.

"If America does not use her vast resources of wealth to end poverty, to make it possible for all of God's children to have the basic necessities of life, she too will go to Hell…."
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And I am sad to say that the nation in which we live is the supreme culprit. And I’m going to continue to say it to America, because I love this country too much to see the drift that it has taken. God didn’t call America to do what she’s doing in the world now. God didn’t call America to engage in a senseless, unjust war. There’s a war in Vietnam, and we are criminals in that war. We have committed more war crimes almost than any sensation in the world. And I’m going to continue to say it. We won’t stop it, because of our pride and our arrogance as a nation. But God has the priority to put nations in their place. The God that I worship has a way of saying, “Don’t play with me!

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To accept passively and unjust system is to cooperate with that system; thereby the oppressed become as evil as the oppressor. Noncooperation with evil is as much a moral obligation as is cooperation with good. The oppressed must never allow the conscience of the oppressor to slumber. Religion reminds man that he is his brother’s keeper. To accept injustice or segregation is to say to the oppressor that his actions are morally right. It is a way of allowing his conscience to fall asleep. At this moment the oppressed fails to be his brother’s keeper. So acquiescence-often the easier way- is not the moral way. It is the way of the coward.
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Injustice anywhere is a threat to justice everywhere…Human progress is neither automatic nor inevitable. Every step toward the goal of justice requires sacrifice, suffering, and struggle; the tireless exertions and passionate concern of dedicated individuals.

Kartoon Tyme

2010-12-30T21:11:00.001-08:00

Kartoon Tyme

2010-12-27T16:39:00.000-08:00

Palin FaceBook Rant Part 2

2010-11-19T23:07:00.000-08:00

Did you see the FB post of the Palin girls going ballistic? Well here is a new post they just had on FB. Not even the Huffington Post has this. Here is a link to the original if you have not read it.

Pentagon Considers Drones to Target Christian Militias

2010-09-15T15:41:00.000-07:00

WASHINGTON- Recently leaked Pentagon documents show that military officials are considering the use of unmanned drones to combat Christian Militias. Earlier this year federal law enforcement officials captured members of a Christian militia who were planning paramilitary attacks on law enforcement.

The Pentagon document states that the Christian extremist group was planning a holy war. Their objective was to create a Christian state whose laws would be strictly based on biblical text. Those who did not prescribe to their beliefs would be considered infidels and purged from society.

Unmanned drones, used to target Muslim extremist in Pakistan and Afghanistan, have been a tool of the Obama administration. “This is the next logical step to combat domestic terrorism”, says an administration spokesperson.

Record Industry Mogul to Copyright the “N” Word

2010-08-12T21:53:00.000-07:00

LOS ANGELES - Music mogul Pookie Knight in an interview with Hip-Hop Magazine confirmed rumors that his company “Know Hoe” records was in the process of securing the copyright for the “N” word. Knight says, “ In the climate where everything from the human genome to plant and animal D.N.A. is being copyrighted, why not copyright the “N” word?”

It is estimated that the "N" word is used millions of times a day. If Knight were to institute a Goggle type pay per click or pay per use, he could potentially make billions. Knight adds, “Imagine how many times some of these rappers use the word. We are thinking long term. Between the racist and rappers we could potentially bring in $10 million per month. We are not even factoring in the closet users.”

In 2007 the NAACP sought to ban the use of the “N” word. However, their campaign gathered little traction. The NAACP feels that if Knight were successful in his copyright bid he may be able to help them in their quest to bury the word’s use forever. However, “Know Hoe” executives do not see eye to eye with the NAACP. “If we can make money out of charging people for using the word then we’ll do it.” says Knight. “This is America the land of capitalism. If people will buy it, we’ll sell it.”

Arizona to Secede From the United States

2010-07-29T18:52:00.000-07:00

Phoenix- In a stunning announcement Arizona governor Jan Brewer announced today that the state plans on seceding from the country due to it’s embattled immigration crisis. On the eve of the implementation of SB 1070, Arizona’s immigration enforcement law, a federal judge struck down elements of the law based on its constitutionality.

Arizona’s secession plan calls for it to be renamed the National Republic of Arizona. Its’ current governor will continue as its head of state. It has also been rumored that controversial law enforcement figure, Joe Arpaio, has been named National Security Czar. If confirmed he would be responsible for the enforcement of law and order (not the T.V. show) and securing the borders shared with the United States and Mexico.

Sources within the Brewer administration site the rational behind the secession is to have jurisdiction over immigration law. The US federal government currently insist that they have dominion over immigration policy. “By becoming our own country will can determine who is a valid citizen and who is in NRA illegally,” says an NRA spokes person.

According to Arizona officials, all individuals who feel that they can provide the proper documentation to prove that they were either born in Arizona to Arizonians or “legally” emigrated from the United States will be able to petition for citizenship. Otherwise, non-citizens will have 30 days to self deport to any of the 49 states in the United States or be faced with forced deportation, imprisonment and/or fines.

Arizona officials are not concerned that they may take an economic hit by becoming a republic. They feel that their economy is strong enough to stand on its own. The NASDAQ indicated that Arizona’s main exports, cacti and sand, have gained 8 point on the stock index since Arizona announced its’ secession. In addition, they feel that remittances from Mexico to Arizona will help level if not boost its’ economy.

Upon announcement of secession from then United States, Mexico has been the first nation to officially recognize the National Republic of Arizona.

Rapper Little Wayne to Become New Face of the NRA

2010-06-16T23:39:00.001-07:00

NEW YORK - Unhappy about the violation of Little Wayne's fourth amendment rights National Rife Association officials have decided to make him their new spokesperson. Currently serving jail time for gun possession, Little Wayne will serve as a conduit between the NRA and the African American community.

Chester Whinn, NRA public relations liaison, says the NRA has been a historically southern white male organization. “We have a monopoly on this demographic.” says Whinn, “However we are always seeking new membership. We feel that by having Mr. Wayne as our spokesperson we will broaden our demographic.” With many rappers promoting guns and having run-ins with law enforcement Whinn sees hip-hop and the NRA as making good bedfellows.

Looking into the future, the NRA can see itself as a sponsor of the Hip Hop awards. “We could call it Hoes and Howitzers,” laughs Whinn.

Currently only 2% of gun totting rappers are a NRA member.

FIFA Allows South Africa to Use All Black Soccer Balls in 2010 World Cup

2010-06-12T11:56:00.000-07:00

JOHANESBERG - South Africa, the host of the 2010 FIFA World Cup, petitioned tournament officials for permission to use all black soccer balls in all world cup matches to commemorate the end of apartheid. The standard black and while balls, says Qasi Sawila, president of FIFA South Africa, is a symbol of South Africa's dark apartheid era where blacks were denied basic rights, similar to the Jim Crowe era of post slavery America.

Sports analysis wonder if this precedent will have a bearing of future World Cup Tournaments. Some suggest South Africa is receiving special treatment because it is the first African nation to host the World Cup.

Solar Energy Spill Disaster

2010-06-03T11:10:00.001-07:00

HUSTON- Weeks after the catastrophic oil spill in the Gulf Coast the solar energy giant Solar Inc. reports that their desert energy farm is in the midst of another energy disaster.

According to Solar Inc. spokespersons, the solar energy farm sprung a leak and trillions of rays of sunlight are leaking from the farm. Environmental Protection Agency officials are calling this the worst solar energy disaster recorded in history.

The leak unleashed trillions of solar rays. Engineer are unsure what caused the failure, but feel that there was a malfunction of the solar panels that capture sun rays and convert them into electricity. Solar Inc. officials admit that the leaking or un-captured solar rays could have long lasting effects on the environment. There have been numerous reports of birds coated with sunlight. Also, it has been reported by local fishermen that fish have been spotted covered in solar rays. The cost of the clean up could cost as much as a few cents (US).

Solar rays will continue to pollute the air until engineers can fix the leak. A Solar Inc. spokesperson says that it could take up to three weeks to find a remedy and plug the leak.

The leak is apparent on Wall Street. Solar Inc. shares have bounced on the speculation that there will be a run on solar rays due to the diminished supply.

Octomom Accused of Being Baby Factory for Al Qaeda

2010-05-25T23:06:00.000-07:00

WASHINGTON- Recently obtained documents acquired through the Freedom Of Information Act (FOIA) show that intelligent sources monitored Octomom in 2009. The document shows that intelligence officials investigated whether or not Ocotomom, whose real name is Andya Sulemman, is a baby factory for Al Qaeda. Based on the number of suicide bombings and the lack of new recruits, Al Qaeda is thought to be utilizing the uterus of Octomom to produce future operatives.

According the National Security Agency there were 81 suicide attacks in 2001 and 460 in 2005. There have been an estimate 1,840 suicide bombings between 2005 and 2009. If these numbers are accurate the terrorist group could possibly recoup its membership if they had a cadre of uteri to produce future recruits. Sources at the NSA disclosed that besides Octomom, Al Qaeda also considered Kate Gosselin, Kate and John Plus Eight, as a possible recruit, but had a changed of mind once they watched the show.

Pollsters Poll Polling

2010-05-12T21:30:00.001-07:00

SB Press

TOPEKA- A recent poll by Polling Inc. shows that 90% of the polls conducted by pollsters are carried out by only 50 % of polling services. Paul Pollanski, President of Poll Inc. says the other 50% of polls are done by the other 50% of polling services. Of this 50%, 75% of the polling services employ 30% of the pollsters. One hundred percent of these pollsters were polled. These pollsters stated that when polled they answered the pollsters questions 63% of the time. This poll demonstrated that pollsters who poll other pollsters are 40% more successful than those pollsters who are polled by non-pollsters. “When polling pollsters” says Pollanski, “We get accurate data that enforces the idea that polls are good for polling.”

Former FEMA Chief Brown Breaks Silence About Katrina

2010-05-05T07:38:00.000-07:00

SB Press

WASHINGTON - “Yes, we fucked up”.

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2010/05/03/michael-brown-obama-wante_n_562004.html

Arizona Says Adios to E.T.

2010-04-30T14:49:00.000-07:00

SB Press

PHOENIX - Heeding the word of scientist Stephen Hawking who recently said on his new television show, Into the Universe with Stephen Hawking, “Humans should fear aliens” the Arizona legislature passed a law prohibiting E.T.s (extraterrestrials) from entering the state.

The bill SB520 gives law enforcement the right to stop any being that they suspect as being an E.T. Provisions of the law call for the formation of an Extraterrestrial Intelligence Enforcement Unit. The unit’s sole purpose will be the pursuit and apprehension of E.T.s. Will Smith and Tommy Lee Jones are rumoured to be heading the unit.

Proponents of the law say that it will keep tight controls on E.T.s “They come here and steal our resources and take our jobs,” says self described character actor Justin Akter. “I have auditioned for parts such as A.L.F., Chewbacca, Marvin The Martian, E.T., Jar Jar Binks….I can’t get any work because of “them.”

Arizona is taking staunch measures to ensure that their state is free of E.T.s. Governor Jan Brewer wants to build a dome in the stratosphere over the state to keep E.T.s out. State officials are in talks with NASA to negotiate a process of deporting E.T.s back to their planets of origin. The citizen’s group “The Cosmos Cops”, armed with telescopes and binoculars, patrols the heavens for illegal E.T.s.

Backers of the law showed their support today in font of the state capital. Well over one thousand vocal supporters dotted the capital lawn, many carried signs E.T. Go Home , Arizona Against Aliens, Mars is for Martians-Earth if for Arizonans, God Hates E.T.s.

Arizona resident and extraterrestrial Super Man isn’t even immune from the law. A press release by Super Man’s attorney says that he is being detained by the EIEU pending an “Extraterrestrial Review”. “He has tried to become an Arizonan and assimilate”, says his wife Lois Lane. “But the fact of the matter is he’s an E.T.” If found guilty of being an illegal extraterrestrial Super Man says that he will self deport back to Krypton.

Blacks Reap Untold Benefits Thanks to Obama

2010-04-27T21:58:00.000-07:00

SB Press

ATLANTA- A study published by the liberal think tank, The Leftist Institute, indicates that African Americans are reaping the benefits of America’s first black president. Under the Obama administration African Americans finally received reparations in the tune of 1.8 trillion dollars, most in the form of 40-acre land parcels and equus hybrids.

In addition, the unemployment rate for African Americans is not only lower than any other time in American history, but is also lower than that of whites. Unemployment for African American teens, which was pressing 50% pre Obama, is now at an all time low of .03%.

The incarceration rate of African Americans has plummeted to a historical low. The term DWB (Driving While Black) has been officially retired now that law enforcement officials no longer target blacks.

Currently, there are now more African American males in colleges and universities than there are in correctional institutions. Teen pregnancy, and mortality rates have also plummeted thanks to Obama’s pro-black policies.

Upon notice of the upgraded state of Black America, the NAACP and Urban League have determined that they are obsolete and will officially close their doors the first of the month.

Troubletown: This Week's Cartoon: The Real America

2010-04-21T12:08:00.000-07:00

Troubletown: This Week's Cartoon: The Real America

English Only Advocates Have New Proposal.

2010-04-20T20:59:00.000-07:00

SB Press
Staff writer

SAN FRANCISCO - Members of the English only advocacy group, Engrish Only For America, (EOFA) have submitted a new proposal to the California legislature. Not only do they want to make English the “Official” language of California, they also want to ensure that no other language can be used within the state. They have proposed that all signage, billboards, documents…. be written in English. This law would also apply to proper and improper nouns with origins outside of English. The group also advocates the elimination of all Latin and Greek roots, prefixes and suffixes. Engrish Only for America staunchly insists that all non-English words would have to be translated into English. Those words, which cannot be translated, would have to be described.

The group posted their proposal for changes of the English language on their web site. Examples of language changes include: Bandanna (Hindi); dyed cloth, Piano (Italian); sting based musical instrument played with fingers, Robot (Czech); Worker, Educate (Latin); lead, Orange (Sanskrit); fruit, Chocolate (Nahuatl.); bitter, Check Mate (Farsi); dead king.

Opponents of the proposal include the (ERAA), Ethnic Restaurant Association of America. Sanddeep Phlang, spokesperson for the organization says that this law would cause menus in ethnic restaurants to become multi-page documents. “Could you imagine translating each and every entry on a Chinese restaurant menu? It would go on forever.” says Phlang. He adds that it would cost ethnic restaurants millions of lost revenue by increasing the time customer needs to read menus and ask questions. In addition, he says, it would increase customer down time, either sitting at the table or standing in line. “That would decrease the number of customers who can be served per day” he adds, “That would be a huge financial blow.”

When asked about food items that do not translate EOFA spokes person, Noe Angelis, stated that words such as taco would be called, “flour based starch substance (soft or crunchy) filled with meat, cheese, lettuce, tomatoes and sauce.” When reminded that hamburgers originated from Germany he quipped that they would be renamed, “ ground beef placed between two bread buns.” “Luckily” replied Mr. Angelis, “the Earl of Sandwich was an Englishman, or we would be in trouble.”