The Savvy Male

Emotional Affairs

2006-05-05T08:13:00.000-07:00

"She is just a good friend" or "He is just like my brother". Ahhh, the often said words between two people arguing about a third party outside their relationship. Problem with these statements, is that most people in this day and age don't have a good sense of BOUNDARIES. Thus, the "good friend" or "just like my brother" often become more. Lets face reality folks. With a society that has blurred the boundaries of acceptable or tolerated behavior, the wiggle room that exists for "just a good friend" to blossom into something more has become more common. There are two kinds of sex. The quickie, or "one nighter "that is hormonally driven, and then there is the intimate emotional sex that occurs between two people that have feelings for each other. Friendships that don't recognize boundaries, progress to "Best Friendships", that progress to "Deep Friendships". "Deep friendships" without boundaries run the risk of physical intimacy as the next phase to that friendship. Even "Deep Friendships" that recognize and adhere to physical boundaries, but explore deep emotional intimacy can blur boundaries that bring those involved to the brink of physical desire. So, even if physical affairs haven't transpired, emotional affairs run the risk of getting you there quicker. Emotional affairs are detrimental to existing relationships. So does your significant other have the right to question a friendship that seems to scratch more than the surface? You bet !!! Out of respect for your significant other, you need to put your own self interests aside and look at the world from their shoes. Even if you haven't banged the bedsprings with "just a friend", the emotional affair that may be going on can create a "Mind Bang" that is just as powerful. Eventually more bangin around is going to happen.

Emotional Resolve in a Relationship Demise

2006-04-30T10:32:00.000-07:00

Breaking up is hard to do. Just like the old song says. Just so happens, it is harder for men, than women. Women operate better in emotional circumstances. Therefore, they also are better at resolving emotional crisis. GUYS !!! Once a woman has put the relationship to rest, no stalking, groveling, or pestering is going to bring her back. GET OVER IT !!! If you were foolish enough to push her to the resolution phase of a relationships demise, then it is too late. Your best bet is to get counseling to help you navigate to your own resolution, then move on. Don't be an idiot and think stalking her is going to perceived as a show of appreciated devotion. It is more like a cold wet wool blanket.

What do woman want?

2006-04-07T18:36:00.000-07:00

For women that want to stick around....Bottom line?.....#1-Security, plain and simple. Or at least the perseverance that will lead to security. You either have a job, show the ability to keep a job, or find a new one quickly when the chips are down or you get "pink slipped"? (This doesn't include illegal jobs.)
Can you keep the cave safe and pay the rent?
Area you satisfied with status quo and minimum wage, or do you have aspirations to make more? Money is a good way to create security. Is the car stereo the financial focus of your paycheck, or do you show financial responsibility? If you are not rich but show the ability to handle what money you do have, this shows more potential for Security.
Are you going to be around to protect the cave? Or do you have more potential to get yourself thrown in jail?
Second.....Humor....Can you laugh, and can you laugh at yourself. Laughing at others is easy, and sometimes even condescending. Take the pompous stick out of your hind end and be real. Best of all, can you make others laugh.

Third..... Communication. Can you listen without talking? Do you look into her eyes and listen, or look away while listening. Looking away, while listening and responding with "ya", "sure", "hmmmm", "uhaaa" to elicit supposed interest doesn't convey that she is the most important person at that one moment in time. People LOVE to feel important. Feeling like they are a secondary thought in your mind doesn't make them feel important. Make them feel important in your space and they will develop affection for you.

Fourth....Variety. Not as in she wants to taste different flavors, but more so in the fact that she wants to feel different flavors. Switch things around. Throw in an unpredictable maneuver. Play around in different environments. Have you ever watched your girlfriend or wife change the furniture and decor around in the living area of the house. Happens regular in the main entertainment area. It satisfies their need to feel newness or variety. It elicits emotion, which is what their battery runs off. The battery charges off of variations in emotional charges. Balanced, flat line emotion leads to a battery/energy drain. Thus the reason many women have no problem with the variable ups and downs in emotion that men witness. Those ups and downs which totally perplex the observing male, actually create battery charge for women. What else can charge her battery?
Fifth....Danger. Not as in "abuse and bruise" potential, but more so in the sense that a male's testosterone makes him active and alive. Do you have the real moxie that simmers under the surface for adventure? However, this DANGER trait will be weighed against the ability to maintain security. Danger is not to be substituted with stupidity.
Physical attributes? Where do they fall in grand scheme of things? Obviously not high up. Thus the reason that so many frustrated men often ponder in wonderment about how the "Less than Mr. Atlas" got the babe. They got their partner because they are "in the know". They see the big picture, they live the big picture. They got their partner because they are The Savvy Male.

The Danger of "Naked Tennis"

2006-04-03T12:49:00.000-07:00

Note of caution to all Men. If a women is engaged in a moment of anger/emotion that is directed towards you or someone else, don't actively involve yourself in the natural "I can fix it mode". Fight the urge to do anything more than just listening. Her emotional state is a temporary thing. A women's internal batteries run off of emotion. They don't need fixing. If the emotion is directed at you, definitely avoid the urge to fix. Best bet is either to listen, or avoid her space for an hour or two. (However this doesn't mean just getting up and leaving the house without communicating where you are going or when you will be back.) If you do decide to enter the conversation, understand that this is akin to stepping onto a tennis court naked and dangling, with an opposition that can serve the ball 120 mph.........AND YOU DON'T HAVE A RACQUET.
Remember, emotional outbursts don't need to be fixed. They are a natural phenomenon and are best left to resolve themselves.
Note of caution #2-Avoid being coaxed onto the "tennis court." You will lose flesh!!!

The Emotional Bank Account

2006-03-30T09:10:00.000-08:00

Always beware that the emotional health of a relationship is like a bank account.
If you take out more than you put it, the imbalance results in an empty account.
If you check your bank statement once a month, the same should be said for the emotional bank account you keep for your relationship. Your partner isn't responsible for your account, only their own.
On a slightly different note, for those that have been in previous relationships. Take head that previous relationships may have done business at a different bank, with different rules. Going into a new relationship a couple must understand each others bank, and banking rules. Banking rules are discussed, not assumed.

Reality Rules for Healthy Relationships

2006-03-27T10:06:00.000-08:00

Reality Rules

1-People don't read minds. Don't expect them to, and don't propose to be able to.

2-Fighting is constructive if it occurs within a set of rules. FIGHT FAIR !!!

3-Blaming is easy, and the cowards way out.

4-Appreciate your mates differences, strengths and weaknesses.

5-Pay attention to your health

6-Stay in the now...the present moment. Listen well, and speak objectively

7-Make joint decisions

8-Appreciate your partner and show it.

9-Reminisce about the good times

10-Be in love, don't fall in love

11-Allow alone time. This means individual alone time.

12-Water the Garden everyday. Rotor-till and fertilize the garden every 3 years.

13-Plan time for intimacy.

14-If you want someone to be tolerant of your "idiot-syncrasies", be tolerant of theirs. Appreciating individual quirks.

15-When a communication rubs you the wrong way, first take time before responding negatively to question whether you recieved the information the way it was intended. Second, if you believe your reception was correct, then ask yourself what possible alternative reason catalyzed the offending communication.

Mold Tolerance Coefficient

2006-03-20T10:04:00.000-08:00

Oh the differences. The wiring of a woman is definitely different than a man. That is why a woman's shower gets cleaned regularly, and a man's only when he wants the security deposit back. This I call the "Mold Tolerance Coefficient"(MTC). The inner workings of a woman have a low tolerance for the green stuff on the shower grout, much less the tile. Men on the other have a high, high, high, high, (did I say high?), MTC. Most men are colorblind to the changes in hue that occur when shower grout becomes green, black, or any combination of the aforementioned. They even don't recognize subtle changes in the color of the actual shower tile. Guys typically only recognize something if it is warm and moves. It's our "Prey Instinct". Our minds aren't wired to notice the growth motion of progressing mold fields. Guys !!! This is our flaw. Recognize it and deal with it. Correcting it will endear you. It is worth some "Savvy Points". (Not to be confused with "Brownie Points", which are points that can be obtained through the use of monetary exchange for Bling-bling.) "Savvy Points" will get you further than "Brownie Points" They show respect for the needs of your female counterpart. If you have "selective mold amnesia", or ultra high MTC, then YOU NEED HELP!. Log onto http://www.vellosoft.com/miniminder/ and place this little baby on your computer desktop. It is like a digital sticky-note. Program it to take your turn at cleaning the shower. Hint #1-Set it more than once a year. You need to take your turn once a month. Hint #2-Don't expect an "atta boy" unless you mention you cleaned it, or she can smell the cleaning products.
Ladys....on the flip side, don't expect our MTC to be as low as yours. Don't expect us to read your mind. We are good at tasking if we know what the task is. We don't read minds. Create a "honey-do" list when you need something done that we men are typically not wired for.