The Screaming Goregasm

The Woman in Black

2012-02-21T10:00:00.000-08:00

Year: 2012

My boyfriend knew that I would not want to see a romantic movie on the most romantic day of the year (Valentine's Day), so for our special V-Day date, we saw The Woman in Black. I'm kind of a late bloomer when it comes to popular things, so I am just now reading the Harry Potter books. I found it difficult to restrain myself from screaming "Harry Potter! Harry Potter" (like on the Potter Pals) when Mr. Radcliffe first appeared. But I was able to direct my attention to the movie and his new character (Arthur Kipps)rather quickly.

Years ago, a woman adopted her sister's son because she found her to be an unfit mother. However, the young boy was killed in the marsh around their home, and his birth mother was very unhappy about it. She'd been trying to get her son back, or at least be able to see him once in a while (they wouldn't even give him her birthday cards), to no avail. She blamed her sister for his death, and soon after took her own life.

In the present, that sister has died, and Mr. Arthur Kipps has been sent to her home to arrange all of her things. He is warned by several villagers that the house is very haunted and very dangerous, but he doesn't believe it at first. After he arrives and takes a look around the house, children start to die. It seems that the villagers don't like him at all, and somehow blame him for the children's deaths. He soon finds out (after he's trapped in the house with no way of leaving) that the suicide victim is haunting the house. She is angry about her son's death, and takes other people's children as a way of consoling herself. One villager told Kipps that, once she is spotted, a child is killed. They're not actually killed, though; The Woman in Black appears to them and convinces them to take their own lives. Children can be seen jumping from windows, lighting themselves on fire, or drinking lye in order to get the job done. Kipps knows he must do something (perhaps reunite the woman with her son), or none of the town's children will be safe. There's only one problem...His own son will be coming to visit him very shortly, and he must find a solution before his child's life is in danger as well.

There are definitely some spooky parts in this movie, and it didn't make me jump a couple of times. But I think it relied to much on the startle factor, rather than actual fear. We all know the scenes in "ghost" movies, where the spirits pop out of nowhere, or appear in mirrors, etc. These were used to the fullest extent, almost to the point that it seemed overdone. The story was pretty good, and I thought it was filmed beautifully. But was it a great movie? No, but it wasn't awful either. I think Daniel proved himself a pretty good actor outside of his safe zone, and I wish him all the best with his future projects. But overall, this one could have been much better. I think I will have to look into the original film (which I didn't know about until after I'd already seen this one), and see how it compares.

A New Toy and Some News

2012-02-02T18:47:00.000-08:00

I guess lately I'm using my blog as a way to update on the status of my little horror collection. I promise it won't be like this forever. But I went back to my new favorite place on Wednesday and bought this cute little guy. The lady laughed at me when I took it to the counter. She said she couldn't believe how popular he still is. Really? He's fucking awesome; what do you expect? But I digress. I believe I'll try to go back every weekend to get something new, and hopefully I'll get a wonderful collection going. I'm pretty proud of it as it is, and it will only continue to get better. I found a Nightmare on Elm Street matchbox car to match my F13 one, and I shall get that one next time. And then...I'm thinking an Evil Dead action figure, so that I can remember Ash as he was and always should be.

Which brings me to my next topic. Some news for you guys. BloodyDisgusting posted an article about the Evil Dead reboot, which has just cast its first character - the male lead. They're going with something a little bit different this time, as they are not using the Ash character. Yes, that's right. So we'll have an Evil Dead movie without Ash. It just doesn't make sense to me, how they can take away a series' most important character. It's like F13 without Jason, or NOES without Freddy. It's just not right. So, although Sam Raimi and Bruce Campbell are producers on the film, I'm not quite as excited as I thought I'd be. I honestly think they should just skip the reboot and do a fourth movie, with Ash, played by Bruce Campbell. The after-years, or something. I understand Bruce is getting a bit old for the character (at least if they want to start up where they left off), so I guess it's a good thing they chose to exclude him. Because NO ONE else could pull that character off the way he did. But still, I'm not digging the idea. But I will still be seeing the movie, and who knows...Maybe it'll be good.

So what are your thoughts on it? Is it right to take Ash out of the Evil Dead?

To read the full article, go to http://www.bloody-disgusting.com/news/28187

New F13 Memorabilia

2012-01-23T18:27:00.000-08:00

So, I haven't blogged in quite some time, and I know I should probably come back with a super awesome movie review. But, I'm not going to do that. Why? Because I'm too damn excited to show off what I bought over the weekend. My boyfriend and I went thrift store hopping. I was searching for some kind of knick-knack to zombify. I didn't find anything in that department, but I found something wonderful when we stopped in a little comic book/toy store: A Friday the 13th Matchbox car. Yeah, I said it. It's cute, I'm sure it'll be worth some money one day (not that I'd EVER sell it), and I only paid ten bucks for it. Score!

Voila!

I guess Jason must be preying on dwarves these days, because he's twice as big as that van. But oh well. It's cute and I love it! The store where I bought it had tons of horror movie stuff: more Friday figures, along with A Nightmare on Elm Street, Halloween, Scream, Evil Dead, and even The Munsters! Oh boy, I can't wait to go back and get some more.

Chillerama

2012-01-04T16:41:00.000-08:00

Hello, hello. I'm not dead, I swear! Well, maybe a little, but that's beside the point. But with all the excitement with Christmas and New Year's, I just haven't found the time to write much of anything. Or, if I'm completely honest, I just haven't felt like it. But I thought it was about time I return. Anyways, I was dying to see Chillerama the second I saw an advertisement about it, because I thought it would be totally hilarious. So of course, when my boyfriend gave it to me for Christmas, I made him watch it with me that night. I'm not sure he liked it too much. But my verdict? I wasn't wrong.

It basically pays tribute to the double features of old (except it's more of a quadruple feature). It starts off with a man paying a visit to his wife - in her grave. He hates her for some reason, and decides to rape her corpse. Only his wife doesn't like that idea too much, so she rises from the dead to bite his wiener off. He bleeds neon blue blood all over the graveyard and, instead of going to the hospital, he decides to go to work. Where does he work, you ask? Well, at the drive in movie theater, of course. He cleans himself up in the back room, and washes his bloody hands in the popcorn butter. We know then that the unlucky moviegoers are going to have a very interesting night...The theater patrons watch four films, only three of which we get to see in their entirety.

In Wadzilla, a man is upset because he can't donate his sperm. His count is extremely - and I mean extremely - low. It appears that he can only produce a single little sperm at a time. So, in an effort to raise his count a bit, the doctor gives him an experimental drug supposed to do just that. But instead of making him create more sperm, it only strengthens the one he has - and it grows, and grows, and grows. Every time he becomes aroused, he gets a terrible pain in his testicles, and the doctor tells him the only thing he can do is relieve them of their tension. So, when a blind date gets his blood flowing, he relieves himself in her bathroom. What emerges is a monstrous sperm monster that is intent on finding an egg - in the man's date! They escape, but so does the monster. It terrorizes the city, and it grows more and more with each passing moment. When it is at its largest, the only possible mate for it is Lady Liberty herself.

Wadzilla is my favorite of the four films. It is so goddamn gross its funny. We happened to be eating dinner when we were watching it, and I noticed my mom was having trouble getting her food down, which kind of made it even funnier. The effects are (I assume) purposely horrible, and that just makes it all the better.

I Was A Teenage Werebear - When you hear "werebear," you think that these people will be transforming into cute little grizzly bears, right? Wrong. They're not bears as in "ROAR, eat your face" kind of bears. They're bears in the "rawr, eat your ass" kind of bears, complete with leather chaps. It seems that arousal brings about the transformation, and makes the werebears want to either a) rape someone or b) rip someone to pieces. Oh, and it is a musical. Our gay friends sing little songs throughout the whole thing. This one cracked me up, because it was so stupid. I'm not saying that's a bad thing, it's just what it is. It wasn't the best one of the bunch, but it was definitely entertaining.

The Diary of Anne Frankenstein will have you rolling in your seat! Well, not literally, but you will laugh, I assure you. So, apparently, Anne and her family are relatives of Victor Frankenstein. After the scandal involving the Monster, the Frankenstein family shortened their name to Frank. Anne's family has possession of Victor's diary, and Hitler simply must get his dirty little hands on it. He plans to create some kind of super soldier, using the bodies of fallen Jews. But what he creates instead is an angry Jewish monster. The monster is played by my favorite of all the monsters, Kane Hodder, and the whole movie is worth owning for the simple fact that I got to see him dance. However, I must admit that the best part of this one was Joel David Moore's horrible German. All of the other actors spoke correct German. He, on the other hand, just made shit up. And it made for some hilarious movie-viewing. At one point, he yelled "Kill!" about twenty times, using a different word each time.

The fourth movie that the movie-goers watch is all about shit. We don't get to see this movie, and I'm thankful for that. Instead, our attention is turned to what is going on in the theater.

Zom-B-Movie - This one continues where the opening sequence left off. The penis-less man's blood has gotten into the popcorn, and has turned everyone into horny zombies. So we have, all around the parking lot, zombies raping humans and turning them into horny zombies. Our two remaining characters lock themselves in the car and, since they've just realized that they love each other, decide to have sex. But the owner of the theater is very prepared, and all is perhaps not lost.

All in all, Chillerama is a wonderful movie, and will be loved by horror fans across the globe, I'm sure. It's one of those movies that is so goofy you can't help but love it. This is honestly my favorite type of horror movie. I get to see blood and guts and murder - all that good shit - plus I get to laugh my ass off. It's a win-win situation, and Chillerama definitely delivers the goods.

Happy Birthday

2011-12-23T17:52:00.000-08:00

So, today is my 22nd birthday. Here's what I've done so far today:
1) I went shopping with my dad, to find my boyfriend's Christmas gifts. My dad bought me lunch at a yummy Mexican restaurant.
2) I came home to a birthday cake that my mom and cousin made for me.

My mom knows me well enough to make me a monster cake. I love her. :)

3) I tried to make some Christmas cookies, and I completely ruined them. The first batch was 100% BURNED, and the second batch...Well, something happened to the dough so that I couldn't even cut it with my awesome Christmas cookie cutters. I'm not sure what I did, but I'm still pretty upset about it. Explanation: I've been on a diet for the last month or so, and I've pretty much cut out all sweets. My boyfriend calls me the cookie monster, so you can guess that I FUCKING LOVE COOKIES. I was extremely excited to get a cookie for my birthday, but alas...I fucked up. Store-bought Christmas cookies, anyone?

4) Now...I'm bored, and desperately wishing that I had a cookie. My boyfriend is out shopping with my mom, and I'm watching my step-son play Super Mario Sluggers on the Wii.

PS. I really want a cookie. :(

13 Days of Creepmas, Day 13

2011-12-13T17:34:00.000-08:00

So, it's the last day of Creepmas, and I'm fresh out of ideas. At least I lasted this long, right? Anyways, today I guess I'll share with you my plans for Christmas. It probably won't be too interesting, but I'm excited.

First of all, my eight year-old stepson will be coming to stay with us on the 22nd (the day before my birthday!). We'll be getting cookie dough and making Christmas cookies with him. Except I've kind of rubbed off on the poor boy, and he's loving zombies lately. He wants to make Zombie Santa cookies. We'll also be making a gingerbread house. I'm especially excited about this, because I've never made one before and I've always wanted to. I'm glad I'll get to experience that with him. And knowing the two of us, it will probably be a haunted gingerbread house.

After that, we'll be going to my boyfriend's sister's house on Christmas eve. We'll spend the night, and come back home to spend the rest of Christmas with my mom and dad. I'm expecting some horror-related gifts, because...well, my family knows me very well. I will post photos of those (if I'm right), and the cookies I'll be making with my little buddy. I'm really excited about this Christmas, mostly because of my newfound family. I think I've gotten some great things for everyone and I can't wait to hand out my gifts. It won't be extremely eventful, but I suspect I will have a great Christmas this year.

So, what are your plans for Christmas? Anything spooky going on? Or, like me, will you be spending a nice calm Christmas with the ones you love? Christmas is less than two weeks away, so I hope everyone's gotten all their shopping done. I know I haven't! But let me know what your plans are. Maybe some of you can give me some more spooky ideas. :)

In the meantime, remember....

Have yourself a scary little Christmas.

13 Days of Creepmas, Day 12

2011-12-13T17:25:00.000-08:00

There's no doubt that there is a lot of creepy Christmas stuff in the world. Some of them I'm not sure are intentional. I've found some bizarre things throughout Creepmas, and I'd like to share some of those things with you.

Creepy/weird Christmas

_{This thing is creepy, and AMAZING!}

_{Can anyone say "still lives with his mom?"}

_{WTF? Is that a monkey raping a yeti? Just...what the hell.}

_{Frankie wishes you all a Merry Creepmas}

_{Living Dead Doll Nohell. She's creepy & cute. Look closely, and you'll see her pupils are snowflakes. :) They're all sold out at the moment, but you can check it out here.}

_{Again...What the hell? And she's a red-head. We've already got a bad name, do you really have to make it worse?}

_{This scares me more than it should, probably.}

_{Zombie Santa says "fuck you" to Christmas.}

_{I'm not sure why, but this Frosty, to me, is creepy as hell!}

What do you guys think? Have you found any creepy Christmas cards? That's what I was looking for, but I couldn't find too many. I'd love to see some if you've found them!

13 Days of Creepmas, Day 11

2011-12-11T17:29:00.000-08:00

Once again, I have more creepy Christmas music. This is a little bit different than the others, because the music is actually beautiful. I found it randomly through Google, and I really enjoyed it. It's called "Have Yourself A Scary Little Christmas." Yes, that is the same title as the Tales From the Crypt Christmas CD, but this is very different. A pianist named Kris Knight takes classic Christmas tunes and gives them a sinister little twist. Not only is it creepy, it is incredibly beautiful music. The website allows you to hear clips of each of the songs, and you can buy the entire album on Amazon if you wish.

Go to scarylittlechristmas.com to hear this wonderful music.

13 Days of Creepmas, Day 10

2011-12-10T19:11:00.000-08:00

Once again, I have some awesome Creepmas music for you. I have no idea who wrote/performed this song, but it is AWESOME. It's a nice twist to a holiday favorite, and I think all of you Creeps will enjoy it. Pay no attention to the video. Someone made a fan video for the song, and it's the only one I could find with decent sound quality. It's the song I'm trying to showcase. If you enjoy the video as well, though, that's fine and dandy.

Grandma Got Dismembered by a Chainsaw

13 Days of Creepmas, Day 9: The Tale of Zombie Santa

2011-12-09T20:18:00.000-08:00

If any of you read my post about meeting Kane Hodder, you will know that I met a very interesting zombie in the parking lot. You will also know that this particular zombie quite resembled 'ol Saint Nick. And, if you know me, you will know that I thought, "Hey! I should write a story about that." And that's exactly what I did.

Read my story after the jump!

Mrs. Claus was getting tired of being married to Santa. He slaved over his work all year long making preparations. She didn't really see the need to start so early, even though Santa did have to make toys for every child in the world. She never got to see him, or spend time with him, or be a little naughty with him. He was always running around, barking orders at the elves and taking care of the reindeer. And then when Christmas Eve finally arrived, he was gone for what felt like ages. It's like he forgot he had a wife. So that's why, when Santa finally did want some alone time with her, even though she was desperately craving it herself, she refused. She wanted him to quit; to stop worrying about the rest of the world and worry about his responsibilities at home. She hoped that, if she cut him off from intimacy, he would get the hint.

But instead of getting her hint, he got a hooker. Being turned down so often made Santa want it more, and he just couldn't take the build-up. So every night from then on, he would go out and see Kiki, his little Asian love muffin, as he liked to call her. Kiki was crazy and freaky to the max. There wasn't anything this girl wouldn't do; there was nothing she wouldn't let him do to her. If Santa didn't enjoy her "company" so much, she would definitely have been on his naughty list.

Mrs. Claus found out about Kiki eventually, and that was all she could take. She kicked Santa out of the house. That is where he ran his business. It was big and was able to house everything he needed: his workshop, the elves, and the reindeer. Without that, what would he do? Thankfully, she showed a little bit of mercy on him, and allowed him to continue working from her house. Santa found a little apartment in East North Pole, and he'd travel to his old home every day to work (and a couple miles farther north to see Kiki every night).

One of Santa's every-day duties was taking care of the reindeer. He would brush them, play with them for a little bit, and feed them. He did those things when he was there during the day. But reindeer are very big eaters, and are constantly hungry. Since Santa wasn't there at night, there was no one to feed them. Mrs. Claus didn't know how, and all the elves were terrified of them. So, starving and angry, in order to keep themselves alive, the reindeer started finding their own food: the elves! One by one, the elves were eaten alive by the reindeer. And with no elves, there could be no toys. Santa was devastated, so he decided he should teach his ex-wife how to feed the reindeer. It wasn't that hard. He didn't know why that woman had to be so stupid.

With food in their bellies finally, the reindeer stopped eating the elves. There were only a dozen or so left afterwards, though, so toy production slowed tremendously. But that wasn't the worst of Santa's problems.
It seems the elf blood was extremely toxic to the reindeer, and their stomachs just couldn't handle it.

Eventually, the reindeer started dropping like flies. So now, Santa had hardly any elves, no reindeer, and no toys to deliver to the children. He was very angry with Mrs. Claus, because he knew it was all her fault. If she hadn't kicked him out, none of this would have happened. Of course, she kicked him out because he was cheating on her. But even that wouldn't have happened if she just shown him a little love every once in a while. He didn't understand women, but he understood that this one had ruined his life. So he confronted her. There was a lot of yelling and screaming and fighting, and Mrs. Claus became angrier than Santa had ever seen her. Her face turned red, and a vein bulged from her forehead. He thought her head would explode. "That wouldn't be so bad," he thought. But Mrs. Claus wouldn't have him treating her this way. She was already pretty angry with him, but this sent her over the top. She grabbed a big knife from the kitchen and rammed it into his big, fat gut. Santa was dead.

But Santa is magic, of course, so he didn't stay dead for very long. He didn't look quite as lively as before, but he was up and moving. He couldn't make toys anymore, or do any of those wonderful Christmas things, but at least he was alive - sort of.

Zombie Santa found his way back home, after a brief stay in the North Pole Hospital. He found that he had a strange craving for human flesh, and who better to test that out on than his dear wife? He found that she was quite delicious, and he wished he could eat her over and over again. But the only thing he left was her heart - he wanted none of that - so there was no more Mrs. Claus for dinner.

Since he couldn't deliver toys on Christmas anymore, and since he realized he was pretty scary these days, he got a job working at a haunted house. They wanted him to act like a homeless man - push a shopping cart around and scare some kids. He didn't have a problem with that. His life had gone down the shitter, and he was tired of being happy all the time. He had no qualms scaring children instead of making them smile.

One night, Santa was working the haunted house as usual. He saw a little red-haired woman who he thought looked kind of like one of his elves. He didn't want any part of his old life fogging up his new one, so he decided that she had to die. He walked up to her, stared her down for a little while, and angrily grabbed at her throat. She side-stepped him. Then she did the unthinkable - she laughed at him! She laughed at him and walked away. This made Santa even more furious. "It's okay," he thought. "She'll be back. And when she returns, I will rip her throat out and have it for dinner!" He let out a malicious laugh, and all the little children gathering around him screamed and clutched at their mothers. "Hey," he said to himself. "Maybe this new life won't be so bad, after all."

13 Days of Creepmas, Day 8

2011-12-09T20:09:00.000-08:00

Again, I forgot about Creepmas yesterday. I guess I've just been too busy with Creepmas shopping to think about anything else. But here we are, and I shall post twice again today. First, I have another creepy Creepmas song for you guys.

Wednesday 13 - Buried by Christmas

Merry Christmas ho, ho, ho
I'll be six feet under the snow
Jingle bells along the way
I'm a dead motherfucker and I'm counting my days
I've been too naughty, I forgot to be nice
I guess violence is my vice
So check your list Santa, and check it twice
I'm a dead motherfucker all right

I'll be buried by Christmas x8
(all I want for Christmas is a custom fit casket with black velvet interior...Oh yeah, and a bucket of chicken.)

Seasons beatings and a jolly farewell
By Christmas Eve I'll be rotting so well
In a one horse open sleigh
Straight to Hell laughing all the way
I've been too naughty, I forgot to be nice
I guess violence is my vice
So check your list Santa, and check it twice
I'm a dead motherfucker all right

I'll be buried by Christmas x 8
(Santa, if you're out there, and you can hear me, your fat ass better have me a freshly dug grave)

I'll be buried by Christmas x 8

If you would like to listen, go here.

13 Days of Creepmas, Day 7: 4 Reasons I Think Santa is Evil

2011-12-07T14:09:00.000-08:00

A few days ago, I posted creepy photos of kids with Santa. It is apparent that children these days think Santa is completely evil. But I have three reasons why us adults need to realize that they're absolutely right.

He's a child molester

I think the photo says it all. How do regular child molesters lure children in? They offer them things they want: candy, puppies, toys, etc. Why else would a big fat man crawl through your chimney while you're sleeping, carrying a huge sack full of toys for your children? Notice it's only the parents, or aunts and uncles, who give the children clothes for Christmas. Santa never brings clothes, because he doesn't want them wearing any.

He's a stalker

Okay, am I the only one uncomfortable with an old man watching me while I'm sleeping? There's nothing right about that. Yet Santa gets away with it, year after year.

Breaking & Entering, anyone?

Again with the chimney. I don't want anyone breaking into my house, especially if they're trying to rape my children. No thank you, Santa. Get your creepy ass away from me!

He likes hookers

I learned from the TV show "Manswers" that Saint Nickolas was actually the patron saint of hookers. Yes, Santa is the SAINT OF HOOKERS. It is said that he saved three hookers from...something, I don't remember. But the important thing is that there were three of them. Now you know why Santa's always saying, "Ho, ho, ho." Maybe he's out looking for them, and he thinks they're hiding in someone's house? He just figured the best way to get inside was to offer bunches of goodies to the little ones.

So there we go. Santa is evil. Anyone agree?

13 Days of Creepmas, Day 6

2011-12-06T14:04:00.000-08:00

Today I have another poem, inspired by one of my Christmas-themed "Dead Babies."

Grandma Got Devoured by a Reindeer

Grandma got devoured by a reindeer
Walking home from our house just last night
The scent of the Christmas turkey lingered
And Rudolph knew he had to have a bite

Well Daddy said he's glad that she's a goner
'Cause she nagged him 'till he thought that he would die
Now that Granny's buried underneath the snow-pile
There'll be a smile on Daddy's face on Christmas night

Now Daddy's singing Christmas songs again
while the elves are all busy making toys
Everyone here is so full of Christmas spirit
I've never seen the North Pole so full of joy

The Nightmare Before Christmas

2011-12-05T13:55:00.000-08:00

Year: 1993

I don't think I could possibly participate in the 13 Days of Creepmas without giving The Nightmare Before Christmas some attention. So, for the 5th day of Creepmas, I present a review of one of the best movies ever made.

Everyone knows Jack Skellington. And everyone who knows him loves him, I'm sure. He is hugely popular, and I think he always will be. I know he's definitely one of my favorite movie characters of all time. I know this is a horror movie blog, and this movie isn't exactly horror; but I'm going to review it anyway. I don't know; it might frighten some kids out there. For me, though, I was always terrified of the Gargoyles preview that came before it on my VHS. Anyways...becoming incredibly cliche in 3...2...1

Jack Skellington lives in Halloweentown. Like the North Pole, they spend 364 days of each year getting ready for their big day - Halloween! Everything's creepy and wonderful in Halloweentown once the day arrives, and Jack is in the middle of all of it. They have a ginormous celebration, and it wouldn't be complete without The Pumpkin King! However, Jack's getting tired of it. It is the same thing, year after year. And the Pumpkin King would like to do something different every once in a while.

So, as he's taking a depressing stroll through the forest, he stumbles upon several different portals - doors set into tree trunks. There is a portal for each holiday - Easter, Thanksgiving, Valentine's day, etc. But Jack is especially drawn to the sparkly green tree, and he takes a peek - only to tumble down into an incredible new world. Christmastown!

Everything is so beautiful in Christmastown. There is snow on the ground and smiling faces all around. Jack is ecstatic that he has finally found something different - different from all the gloom he sees back home. So when he returns to Halloweentown, he tells everyone about what he's seen and begs them to have Christmas this year instead. They get to work, busily making toys for all the children. Jack even has Santa Claus kidnapped so that he can get some inspriation. Not only does he have to worry about the Jolly Red Giant, but he has to worry about Oogie Boogie: the man who (along with three little spooky children) helped Jack capture 'Ol Saint Nick. Oogie Boogie captures Jack's true love, and he must save her. But that's just a bit of a side-story, so let's get back to the big picture.

When Christmas finally arrives, Jack gets back to Christmastown to deliver the presents. Only problem is that Jack's roots are in Halloweentown, and he made the gifts accordingly. The children are terribly frightened of the gifts they receive and their parents become worried. They begin calling the police and complaining, and eventually it is decided that Santa must die. Only Santa's trapped back in Halloweentown, and when they send out the cannons and guns, they're aiming straight for Jack!

I've been in love with this movie since I was a child. When I was about nine or ten, I would watch it every single day; I couldn't get enough of it. I think this, along with Friday the 13th, played a part in my love of spooky things. I think Tim Burton is somewhat of a genius. Though I haven't enjoyed every single one of his movies, he does create beautifully spooky things. The Nightmare Before Christmas will ALWAYS be one of my favorite movies.

13 Days of Creepmas, Day 4

2011-12-05T13:04:00.000-08:00

I was so incredibly busy yesterday that I completely forgot to do my Creepmas post! I'm sorry, but I'm back on my game now. And to make up for it, I'll do two today.

When we were kids, did we ever realize how incredibly terrifying the mall-santas were? I know I always looked forward to having my picture taken with Santa, but maybe they weren't so weird then. I don't know. But kids these days seem terrified of them, and rightfully so. I think I would be too.

Creepy Santas

_{This one scares ME!}

_{He's not really all that scary, but his mustache is!}

_{"Be quiet. I'm about to eat your child."}

I think one of the requirements for hiring a Santa should be that he NOT look like a child molester. Why has Santa, the most jolly man in the world, become so damn scary? All of these photos and more can be found at Creepysantahotos.com

13 Days of Creepmas, Day 3

2011-12-03T15:23:00.000-08:00

I've gotten really into painting lately. So when I first heard about Creepmas, my first thought was to get some Christmas-y thing and paint it up to be...not so Christmas-y. I looked around for a while, and I found a cute little Snowman statue. So, I present to you: Frosty & The Zombie Kids

The texture of this thing was really weird, so it was actually kind of difficult to get the paint to stick in the right places. But I like the way it turned out, so it was worth it.

13 Days of Creepmas, Day 2

2011-12-02T19:06:00.000-08:00

I'm sure everyone remembers a little show called Tales From the Crypt. I, myself, had a bit of a crush on the Crypt Keeper when I was a kid. I still think he's a cutie patootie. But that's not the point. Some might not know that the Crypt Keeper put out a Christmas CD. I own this CD, and it is incredible. So, here's a peek at the most awesome Christmas CD ever made.

Tales From the Crypt: Have Yourself a Scary Little Christmas

Tracklist:
1. Intro to Album
2. Deck the Hall with Parts of Charlie
3. Juggle Bills
4. We Wish You'd Bury the Missus
5. Moe Teitlebaum
6. A Christmas Card for the Cryptkeeper
7. Christmas Rap
8. Intr to Cryptkeeper's Family Christmas
9. Cryptkeeper's Family Christmas
10. Twas the Fright Before Christmas
11. 12 Days of Cryptmas
12. Revenge of the Cryptkeeper
13. Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas
14. Should Old Cadavers Be Forgot

You can buy this CD on Amazon here. But for now, here's a Christmas treat for you all. My favorite song on the album: Christmas Rap.

13 Days of Creepmas, Day 1

2011-12-01T13:56:00.000-08:00

So, Creepmas is finally here! I'm actually a bit nervous and worried, because I have no idea what I'm going to do for the last three days. But perhaps I'll figure that out before it gets here. Anywho, for my first day I will present you with a spooky Christmas song.

Zombina and the Skeletones - Chainsaw for Christmas

Last year my baby got me a game boy
I still haven't taken it out of the box, oh no
My family still gets me the same toys
They might as well be buying me rocks, oh yeah
Every year I sent the same list
first class to Santa's house
Every year I feel a little more sick
at the way Santa's messing me about

I want girl skin shoes
and a boy skin hat
I want the new Slayer album
and a couple of rats
But most of all...

I want a chainsaw for Christmas
I want a chainsaw for Christmas
I want a chainsaw for Christmas, yeah
'Cause I can give that gift to all of the world

I get the feeling we're gonna have some good fun
We'll have a party, party time, oh yeah
I hope my baby gets me a nail gun
and I hope he lets me try it out on his spine, oh yeah
I want an atom bomb
and a bald head wig
The Necronomicon
and some sandwiches!
But most of all...

I want a chainsaw for Christmas
I want a chainsaw for Christmas
I want a chainsaw for Christmas, yeah
'Cause I can give that gift to all of the world

To listen to this wonderful Creepmas song, go here

The Walking Dead mid season finale

2011-11-28T17:02:00.000-08:00

I was kind of pissed when I realized that The Walking Dead wouldn't be returning next Sunday, but there was a lot of stuff going on last night. It will be returning on February 12th, so it won't be TOO bad of a wait. But it'll probably kill me anyways. I'll be a Walker by the time it returns. If you've yet to see last night's episode, this post will contain some spoilers. Continue at your own risk.

So, I really enjoyed last night's episode. But I have a few questions I'd like to ask you all, to see if we're on the same page here. My own little version of Talking Dead, I guess.

1. Am I the only one who wishes Shane would get eaten already? He's a complete asshole to everyone around him, and I'm really getting sick of it. He has no compassion or regard for his fellow man at all. Maybe that's the way you need to be in a world full of Walkers, but still. I understand he's a survivor, but he doesn't have to be such an asshole all the time.

2. Was Shane right in releasing all the Walkers from Hershel's barn? I know he was trying to prove a point while simultaneously ridding the camp of danger. But I'm sure he could have gone about it in a better way. I agree with what Rick was trying to do: talk to Hershel and convince him that they weren't safe. If that didn't work, sure, then Shane could have taken matters into his own hands. But releasing about a dozen Walkers onto his camp? Now THAT'S dangerous.

3. Who is the father of Lori's baby? I hope it's Rick's, but it probably does belong to Shane. I don't even want to know what he'll do farther along in her pregnancy or when the baby is finally born. Of course, with the lack of DNA testing in their apocalyptic world, we'll never really know who the father is. Maybe they should try to find Maury...

4. Who else is upset about Sophia? I had really hoped that little girl would be okay, especially after all the trouble everyone (mostly Daryl) went through trying to find her. When I saw her shambling out of Hershel's barn, I almost broke out in tears. I will say, though, that she was quite the creepy one. Also, is it good that Rick was the one that killed Sophia? I was hoping they'd let her mom do it, so it could be someone very close to her. That way, it wouldn't just be killing some Walker. But I guess anyone would have been better than Shane.

So what do you think? Come on! Let's have a discussion here.

The Worst Horror Movie Ever Made

2011-11-25T20:00:00.000-08:00

Year: 2005

"Bananas are horrible creatures! They mutilate their prey!

No, I don't think so badly of this movie that I don't think it even deserves a title. That is actually what the movie is called, and rightly so. The director, who calls himself Bill Zebub, was going for a terrible horror movie. So don't expect it to actually be pretty good. He wanted it to be awful, and he succeeded. But I think certain people will like it, because I certainly did. It is completely horrible, but it's funny because of that. It starts off with a group of friends playing cards. The group starts dying off, by being killed - mostly - by bananas. One man slips on a bar of soap and busts his head open on the floor. Except it's not his head; it's a watermelon. There was no attempt to hide the fact that it was a watermelon, either.

When all their friends die, Jeanne and Rocco (the hosts of the party) decide that there's no way the cops will believe that they didn't do it. So they go on the run. Along the way, the meet quite a bit of colorful characters. They meed a toilet paper mummy, zombees (zombie-like bumble bees with red eyes), a family of stereotypical rednecks, an alien with a raging hardon, a shit demon complete with corn-mouth, ghosts of slaves on the underground railroad, a baby-eater, and bunches of terrorists. America seems to be under a terrorist attack, so they have that to worry about as well as running from the police.

We've also see a bunch of crazy people when Rocco ends up being admitted into an insane asylum. Jeanne gets turned into a giant, Rocco travels inside of her and discovers that she's pregnant. He aborts the baby with a lasergun. Jesus also plays a part in this movie, and I must warn everyone - IT'S BAD. If you're not into religious jokes, steer clear, please. Jesus happens to be a rapist, and tries to get jiggy with Jeanne. I don't want to go to much into this part of the movie, so as not to offend anyone, but it's pretty bad. Personally, I found it hilarious, but I understand that it will not be funny to everyone. There's also a horny werewolf, who changes at the sight of a bare ass (a full moon, ha-ha). Like I said, there are plenty of colorful characters.

The acting is horrible, the effects are horrible, the dialogue is awful. Everything is awful. There was practically no story to it, it made no sense, and you'll probably lose a few brain cells while watching this. Don't expect anything different. That was the plan when making this movie: Bill Zebub was intent on making the worst horror movie ever, and most will agree that he succeeded. Personally, I love movies that are purposely stupid. But it's not for everyone. Trust me. Proceed with caution.

NOTE: This movie was actually remade in 2008 by Bill Zebub. I think he just wanted to make it a little bit better, but I'm not quite sure. Anyways, the remake seems to be a bit more popular than this one. It is practually impossible to find any sort of video or photos to go along with this movie (the photos I have up are screenshots from my DVD). If you do a google search, almost everything you will find will be for the 2008 version. So, it seems that this movie is completely dead. So, there is no trailer in The Trailer Park. I couldn't find a damn thing.

Pervert!

2011-11-21T14:12:00.000-08:00

Year: 2005

I don't think you have to be a pervert to watch this movie, but it probably helps. When you've got a sick and nasty sense of humor like me, you'll enjoy it. Otherwise, you'll probably just think it's stupid and that you wasted your time. In Pervert! a young man, James, stays with his father somewhere out in the desert, it seems. His father, an old dirty man, somehow seems to get some really hot ladies. But he can't keep the ladies for too long, because James likes to steal them. Unfortunately, James doesn't get to keep them very long either, because they all end up dying mysteriously.

We're led to believe for a while that it's some sort of boogeyman killing the women. We see a first-person view of something crawling from underneath James' bed to go out and hack some hotties. But we soon realize that the beast does NOT live under James' bed...It lives in his pants, and it is very jealous. Or, I shall say she. She loves James, and she doesn't want any other women near him. We find out that James had spoken with a witch doctor in order to help him attract women. But of course, all magic comes with a price.

James' dad is somewhat of a freaky artist, and he creates sculptures of female bodies - out of meat. This leads us to believe for a while that it's actually the old fart killing the women. But no, he's just a lonely, crazy old man with some issues. James eventually ends up falling in love with a nurse that he'd hired to take care of his father. But the nurse had ulterior motives, and all did not go as planned. So, again, if you've got a twisted sense of humor and enjoy really cheesy and weird horror movies, Pervert! is the movie for you.

Zombina and the Skeletones: The First Kiss

2011-11-20T16:00:00.000-08:00

Ever since I started this blog, I wanted to do something with horror themed music; I just haven't gotten around to doing it. But that all stops now. If you've never heard of Zombina, you're really missing out. They are amazing musicians, with INCREDIBLE horror music. They're one of my favorite bands, and The First Kiss is one of my favorite songs. I like this song because it's a little bit different from the rest of their music. Most of their songs are pretty obvious. You understand immediately that it's about zombies, monsters, or whatever. But this one's not quite as obvious, and the lyrics are absolutely beautiful. It is about unwillingly being forced into the world of vampires.

Zombina and the Skeletones: The First Kiss

I have a confession for you
You're not my first
I'm older than I seem
though sometimes I still move too fast
I'm smarter than I look
but I have a checkered past
I have a confession for you
You won't be my last

The first kiss cuts deeper than the rest
It's a shame, but it's just the way it is
The first kiss cuts deeper than the rest
I will never breathe again

I have a confession for you
My love passed on long ago
When the world was black and white,
and I was oh so young
Now I'm obliged to take from you
what I need to stay strong
I have a confession for you
All I love is gone

The first kiss cuts deeper than the rest
It's a shame, but it's just the way it is
The first kiss cuts deeper than the rest
I will never breathe again

In between days
Only at night
I took his love
He took my life

Somehow my dress became undone
The moon stared down in disapproval
Like a dead man's head forced into a pitch black drain
Weeping stars to illustrate a glittering release from pain
From my loveless life
My lifeless love
would gleam just like the tears that hung above our heads
in these wooden beds
I think it's getting late
Now I kneel before St. Peter's gate,
the hot breath of Hell still on my neck as I wait
And I wait, and I wait, and I wait

The first kiss cuts deeper than the rest
It's a shame, but it's just the way it is
The first kiss cuts deeper than the rest
I will never breathe again

If you want to listen to the song, you can do so here.

Friday the (not-so) 13th, Part 6

2011-11-18T16:16:00.000-08:00

Being a bookworm, I'm really interested in all the Friday the 13th books out there. I was surprised to find out that there are quite a lot of them. And, unfortunately, I cannot afford any of them. But here's a look at some of the books I've found.

Friday the 13th books

Camp Crystal Lake series

As far as I can tell, this series is follows the formula of the movies. Kids going to the lake only to be taken out one by one. They're not novelizations; they're just based on the film series. It seems pretty interesting to me, and I might check them out one day. You can buy these on Amazon, but there is a HUGE difference in pricing between new and used copies. You can get a new one for almost three-hundred dollars; or you can get a used one for thirty cents. It doesn't make sense to me, but when I do finally check it out, I'll be going for the used.

Buy "Mother's Day" on Amazon

Crystal Lake Memories

This is a complete history of the Friday the 13th series, with a foreward by Sean Cunningham. I took a peek inside the book at Amazon, and it seems like it is completely amazing. I would LOVE to have this book in my collection.

Buy it!

Making Friday the 13th

This is the only of the books that I actually own, and it's definitely wonderful. It, if you can't tell from the title, describes the making of each of the movies (not including the newest), including several behind the scenes photos. It is very interesting and has taught me a lot about the series.

Buy it!

Friday the 13th Novelization

These ARE novelizations of the movies, based upon the actual screenplay. I once read an excerpt of the second of these, and it goes a bit deeper into the story of Jason and his mother. I would also love to have these, so I can get to know my husband better (he doesn't talk much, so it's hard as it is to get to know him very well). I've found parts 1, 2, 3, and 6 of these books. I'm sure there are parts 4 & 5 as well, so we know there are at least six novelizations. I'm not sure if Simon Hawke has written books for all the other movies, though.

Buy it!

Friday the 13th series

This is also a series based upon the movies, all written by different authors. It seems interesting, though many of them received terrible reviews on Amazon. I'd still love to read them.

Buy 'em on Amazon!

Freddy vs. Jason vs. Ash

Out of all these other books, I want these comics more than anything. The story is this: Freddy is dead, and trapped inside Jason's mind. Along with Jason's mother, Freddy convinces him to retrieve the Necronomicon so that Freddy can be resurrected. Ash, along with other S-Mart employees, must stop the madness. According to what I read, Freddy eventually resurrects Jason's victims as deadites, and a huge battle between the three icons commences. I am dying - DYING - to read these. Seriously, I'm dying inside.

Buy it! And buy me one too! :p

There are several more books based upon the Friday the 13th series, and it would be impossible to go through every single one of them. But by following the links I've provided, you can probably find all of them.

Skinwalkers

2011-11-17T15:40:00.000-08:00

Year: 2006

A lot of werewolves are very accepting of what they are. In fact, they not only accept it, but they embrace it; they love it. They love the feeling of tearing into human flesh; they describe it as being like a drug. They are addicted. But there are some other werewolves who do not see it that way. The see it as a curse, and all they want is for it to end. According to Native American legend, a half-breed boy will end the curse forever. Once the boy turns thirteen, he will have the power to end it all. A red moon will signal the coming of the boy's thirteenth birthday, and for one pack of werewolves, it is not a happy occasion.

Skinwalkers follows Timothy, the thirteen year old half-breed boy, and his family. All are werewolves except for his mother and a family friend. His family soon becomes a target for an opposing pack of werewolves who wish to kill Timothy in order to keep their animal-like lives. They do not want it to end, and they will do whatever they can to stop him from doing so. Timothy and his family must run for their lives in order to save him from those who wish to kill them; and also, to be able to lead normal lives. Many are lost on the way, sacrificing their lives in order to keep him safe. But will Timothy ever really be safe?

I liked this movie. There was a good bit of action, though not a whole lot of gore. What was interesting was that the wolves in Timothy's family chained themselves up at night, so they couldn't get out and kill anyone. They're kind of like vegetarian werewolves. But it wasn't that they didn't want to eat people. The problem was that they did, and if they ever fed on a human, they would be stuck. They would become like the other Skinwalkers who embrace and love what they are, and they definitely didn't want that to happen. I liked this because it wasn't a typical werewolf movie, and they were actually werewolves. They were like wolfmen (the way they're supposed to be), and I like that. It wasn't the most wonderful movie I've ever seen, and the fear factor was practically zero. But the story was interesting, the characters were likable, and it was filmed beautifully. It's interesting and I'm glad I watched it.

Children Shouldn't Play With Dead Things

2011-11-13T15:12:00.000-08:00

Year: 1973

A group of thespians travel to a creepy island with their theater director, Alan. Alan, it seems, is not only into the theater. He also dabbles a bit in the supernatural. He dons a hideous blue robe, digs up a corpse from a nearby cemetery, and performs a satanic ritual in order to raise the dead. He wants to turn the corpses into his slaves. No one expects it to work, but of course, it does...Eventually. When the zombies do rise up, it's not all that impressing. They're not the best zombies I've ever seen, but I can overlook that. I have nothing against bad zombie movies. It's the complete uninteresting-ness that bothers me.

It takes an hour for the dead things to actually come to life. All the time up to that point is spent wandering around the island, bickering at one another, and overall being extremely boring. The characters really aren't all that likeable, and neither is hardly anything else.

There are three semi-interesting points in the movie. 1) The way Alan dresses. It's not that it's all that interesting; it just happens to be the most frightening part of the movie. He looks like he's in a bad '70s movie. Oh, wait... 2) Anya, a very strange girl who feels symathy for the dead. She's the typical "we shouldn't do this" type of character, only she becomes pretty creepy in the process. 3) Jeff, who pisses his pants after Alan pulls a very scary (note: it's not that scary) prank on him. He keeps repeating, over and over and over, "I peed my pants. I PEED my pants." It's funny and, luckily, he shuts his trap before it gets too annoying. So, if you're up for something completely mindless, check it out. But I wouldn't really recommend it, unless you're just a mega fan of badly made '70s horror flicks. It's not the WORST movie I've ever seen, but it probably comes close. It might have been better if the characters were given more likeable personalities, or if the pacing was a little faster. But as it is, it just wasn't my cup 'o tea.