The Segue

Super Human Love, Super Human Pain

2009-02-13T07:10:00.001-05:00

How can something that was so right go wrong? Everything was perfect. I had finally found someone that I loved more than myself. Someone whom I wanted to give the world to. Valentine’s Day last year was our first date. Then two days shy of Valentines day this year, she breaks up with me. It wasn’t even like anything was bad between us. In fact things were great. All this week we had talked about house warming parties, trips we were planning this summer, our future in school. Hell even as we spoke that day, everything was normal and great. Now I feel broken. I feel crushed. I feel like my better half has left me. It hurts so much. It’s a type of pain I don’t wish upon anyone. I love this girl more than I love myself. My love, my lover, my best friend broke my heart. I keep asking myself why did this happen? What happened? She said that she relied on me for her strength. That I was her support. She knew she could run from me and I would do whatever it took. She wanted to develop her own strength. Learn to stand on her own. And all I can think is that she doesn’t have to.

I was happy. I’m talking about the type of happy where i don’t even want to talk to another girl because I have all that I want in her. I feel like she is my soul mate. The one I am supposed to be with. This is the girl I wanted to share the rest of my life with. Hell I would have proposed to her earlier, but because of where she wanted to go in life, I held off. The other day when I was at her house, she hugged me and squeezed me so hard and I didn’t want to let go. I got lost in that moment and dreamed of a future where we had grown older and were celebrating our 50th wedding anniversary. Funny, we came so close to making it to the first one.

I feel so much pain. It hurts to the point where its almost unbearable. She asks me if I am ok. What am I supposed to say to that? No, I am not ok. I’m not in a good place. I’m drowning in depression. A huge part of my life has been ripped away from me. I didn’t know I was capable of loving someone this hard. Its superhuman how much I love her. Just as hard as I love her is how much I miss her. And I know that I will miss her even more. All I want is her back. All I want is to work it out. She is my reprieve from the chaos in my life. My breath of fresh air. She has a glow in her eyes that lets you know that everything will be ok.

I wonder am I strong enough to endure this. I feel as though I was tossed aside. I don’t know how to deal because nothing I have gone through has been this extreme. I need this woman in my life. Right now I am not in a good place. I am not stable. One of the people in my life that said they would never hurt me just crushed me. My soul hurts. And yet all I want is to be with her. All I want is to have her back. All I want is to continue giving my all to her. I love her more than anything. I pray for her more than I pray for myself. And I would do anything to get her back…

I'm Heated, Hurt, and Konfused

2009-02-09T08:23:00.001-05:00

I’m pissed. I have every right to be pissed. This is the reason why its not always a good idea for my girlfriend to always be hanging out with her best friend that is single.

I don’t care if my girlfriend goes out with her friends. Yea I’m gonna be jealous. That’s just me. I mean my girlfriend is bad. So I’m texting my frat brother telling g him that I am bored on a Friday night. I text my girl the same thing. They both tell me that they are at Whiskey Blue. So I start heading up there. My frat hits me and ask when was the last time I spoke to my girl. I told him right before I spoke to him. He asks has she seen me yet. I tell him no. it turns out that this dude was hollering at my girl. From what I was told by my frat, my girl had this shocked looked on her face. I mean she had dudes coat over her because she was cold. But my frat says that they looked way too comfortable. Mean old dude was putting his arm over her shoulder and all. When my frat walked over there, she sprang up throwing the coat off of her. So later on that evening, she comes home and tells me that only one guy tried to talk to her. So the next night she and i are at a movie. I get a call from my frat asking me to call him when my girl isn’t around. I tell my girl that I gotta talk to him and she starts getting all nervous on the way home. Then she starts having a panic attack. When she gets home she tells me that she doesn’t want to hurt me and tell me everything. But she breaks down, while in tears, that the was feeling and liking the guy she was talking to. She didn’t do anything with the guy. Its not like she kissed him or they did anything. But I had to ask her if she got the guys number. She said yes. I had to ask her if she had planned to call and hang out with the guy. She said that at first she thought about it but then realized it would be a bad idea. Now I need to decide if she thought it would be a bad idea before or after my frat brother saw her. See if you thought about hanging out with dude knowing that you like him, that’s intent. That says to me that you know what you are doing is wrong. I told her to erase dude’s number from her phone. And if dude calls her, we are going to have some issues. She didn’t betray my trust, but shit still hurts. I mean she answered my questions and was honest. I can see that she feels sorry. Never the less I am still pissed. Do I have aright to be pissed? Should I still be pissed. I mean I already feel hurt. I don’t want to lose this woman. This morning as I am getting ready for work, I had to look in the mirror and keep telling myself “I am not a fool”. Tell me I am right world…

If your girlfriend’s best friend is single, its not always a good idea for them to be going out. The funny thing about this situation is that my girls best friend didn’t even try to stop all this from happening. I mean I understand the reasoning why, but that is still fucked up.

Now every time my girlfriend wants to go out with her. But I feel I am within my rights to do so. Am I wrong?

I Have Always Been Proud

2008-11-05T16:16:00.001-05:00

I am not going to be like the many and say that I am finally proud to be black or I am finally proud to be an American. I have ALWAYS been proud to be an American and I have ALWAYS been proud. You ask any true sports fan how they feel about their team; they will tell you that they are with their team through the ups and downs. They stick by their team through thick and thin. That’s how I feel about my race and my country.

The glass ceiling has been removed. There is no excuse or reason as to why you can’t achieve your dreams. They day’s of “the man is holding me back” have ceased. There once was a time where blacks weren’t even considered human. There was a time black were treated as second class citizens. If anything, this election proves that there is no valid excuse or reason for failure. This proves that we young people are ready to unite and take over the world.

My grandmother has dementia. I have to tell her things over and over every 5 minutes. This saddens my heart every time. And I know that this will be no different. I know that I will get to see her face light up every time I tell her that a black man is president of the united states. She will know that what she fought for, what she lived through, allowed us to break down that wall. When I spoke to my mother, she told me that she hoped that I, her son, would see this day. It was with great pride and pleasure that I was able to tell her that she was able to see it. This is for her sacrifice.

But I am compelled to remind everyone that you should always be proud of what you are, no matter what. ALWAYS BE PROUD TO BE AN AMERICAN. ALWAYS BE PROUD TO BE BLACK. ALWAYS BE PROUD TO BE WHAT YOU ARE. There is nothing wrong with pride.

To Sen. John McCain, I would like to thank you for showing how you truly are during your concession speech. Like many others, I believe what we saw during that speech was your true character which deserves so much respect.

To President-Elect Barack Obama, you are THE living dream of our forefathers. You are the culmination of generations of blood, sweat, and tears. The thousands upon thousands that gave their lives so that this dream could one day become a reality can finally rest in peace. Their lives were not in vain. You have united, inspired us. You remind us of what makes this country great. You are our hope. We whole heartedly put our faith and trust in you. You have achieved so much in your campaign. No matter what happened, you have achieved something that will live in the memories and hearts of the citizens of this country for an eternity.

Congratulations President Barack Hussein Obama, II

The Doc That Wouldn’t Listen

2008-06-26T11:24:00.000-04:00

I actually wanted to write a post earlier in the week, but unfortunetly I was feeling a little under the weather. But I have damn good reason too. This past weekend I was at the Atlanta Greek Picnic which is basically a three day party for Black Greek Organizations. Somehow this weekend, after all the chanting and sweating, I managed to lose my voice. For me this was not cool at all, but for everyone else, they took it as a blessing. At a party that night, I also managed to catch some sort of bug that had me coughing. And just so by chance, I mad a promise to a particular young lady that I would quit smoking. So the day after all the festivities ended, I started using the patch. And here’s where all my troubles began….

Click to read after the jump

So I woke up Monday morning feeling like I had been hit with Semi truck. I had no voice and I just felt weak. So at 8:30AM as I am leaving the house, my girlfriend puts on the first of the “quit smoking” patches. I go to work and I am feeling fine. I come home and a start coughing and coughing. Then my throat starts hurting and flem is coming up. I know it’s nasty. Then a headache comes around. Even though I have all of these symptoms, I’m still feeling a little alright.

I wake up Tuesday morning feeling like Amy Winehouse an hour into sobriety. I was sick like no other. So I call the doctor and set up an appointment. My girlfriend goes to work and I see the Doc. When I get called into the little room with the little chair by the nurse, I start telling her my symptoms. “Let me guess, you are here because you have no voice, right” says the nurse. I reply with a faint whisper, “No. Actually I have headaches, nausea, flem, and it feels like a fat person is sitting on my chest so its hard to breathe, and I have a stiff neck. Oh I started using the anti-smoking patch.” She typed all fo this into her little laptop. And she sent the notes off to the doctor. 2 minutes later, the doc rolls in, says Hi, takes out the big wooden stick, looks down my throat, and says I’m proscribing this antibiotic and giving you some mucinex. I am going to print out the prescription and you can be on your way. Before I could ask what I had, he was out the door and on to another patient. I should have known that my troubles were going to start here.

So I pick up the meds the doc proscribe and took the first dosage of them. For like thirty minutes, I’m feeling alright, then all of my symptoms intensify. I mean my symptoms went from like Bruce Banner to Incredible Hulk. Then, on top of those, I had the worst stomach pains of my life. I felt like I was getting stabbed every fifteen seconds. So my girlfriend calls two of my friends, on is a med school student, the other has been a pharmacist for the past seven years. Both told her to take the anti-smoking patch off and to get some fluids in my body ASAP. It turned out that my body could not filter the antibiotics tha doc gave me and the anti-smoking patch. So I virtually went into nicotine overdose as well as took on every symptom of both the patch and the medication.

My friends asked me later if the doc actually read the notes and wondered if he knew I was actually on the patch. That probably would have saved me a whole lot of pain. But now I have to take care of my girlfriend because she is showing the same symptoms.

Any of ya’ll have a doc that just wouldn’t listen?

Kels Goes Free!!!

2008-06-17T11:46:00.000-04:00

Kels goes free!

So you might be asking me why I am writing about the R. Kelly trial. The reason being is that R. Kelly’s “Sex Tape” was among the most downloaded videos in the country at one point in time. I remember being a freshman in college when the story of the sex tape broke out. Yes I know I’m a youngin. I’ve been a fan of Kels for quite some time, but I don’t condone what he “allegedly” did. What gets me is how the trial seemed to go down.

Read more after the jump

It seems that the DA spent the past seven years gathering their so called evidence against Robert Kelly. During this time, Kelly had numerous other run –ins with the law for various charges. We teach young children that if “you do the crime, you do the time”. Can we really tell children that with the acquittal of R. Kelly?

The makes it known that he likes young children. First he married the late R&B singer Aaliyah when she was only 15 years old. He takes on the nick name “Pied Piper” which comes from a German tale about how a guy lures little children toward a gruesome fate. He “allegedly” made a number of sex tapes with under aged girls, one of which featured the niece of his former Stephanie “Sparkle” Edwards. Jurors were even able to point him out in the alleged videos. Cartoon Network’s “The Boondocks” aired a parody of how the trial would go down (Which also happened to be one of the most popular episodes of the season).

The evidence was obviously there, and as the episode of the Boondocks went, so did the actual trial. This trial started and ended as quickly as quickly as Amy Winehouse’s periods of sobriety. And while he was under investigation, he managed to release six albums and was featured on a number of remixed songs. That seems like a harsh punishment. Sorry my satire can’t show in the blog.

So my question to the public is, do you believe that the DA put together a well prepared case against R. Kelly? Do you think that R. Kelly’s celebrity status got him off?

She Has Myspace On Lock Down!

2008-06-17T11:44:00.000-04:00

She Has Myspace On Lock Down!

Alright so I found this story out of Orange County, Florida about this online predator. The funny thing is the predator is not who you would expect it to be. We all hear about the 47 year old perv posing as an 18 year old stud to swoon and lure naive 14 year old girls into meeting them and…well you get the idea. But this case is different.

A particular myspace profile list the user as a 19 year old woman who is divorced. Like many myspace users she is lookin for love and wants to meet up with a guy offline. Well she has. She has met guys off line and she ultimately has sex with them. The twist is….[click to read after the jump]

The twist is she is really 13 years old. Yes people 13! She picks up these guys on myspace and other places on the internet, meets up with them, has sex with them, and tells them how old she really is after they have sex. A guy named Darwin Mills was arrested and sentenced to 5 years in jail for having sex with her. On the second occasion, yes second occasion, a guy named Morris Williams was sentenced to 1 year in jail and 5 years probation for the same thing.

But Williams did, what he thought was, the right thing. After he had sex with her and found out how old she really was, he went and told her father the whole situation. He told her about the myspace page, her tactics, where they met up. And in turn, the father called Johnny Law on Williams.

The family of the “alleged” 13 year old victim (and I use the term extremely loosely) says she still stays out late and they have not deleted her myspace page.

I now pose these questions to you all: Is this fair? Who is to blame? Is it the 13 year old girl? Is it the parents? Is the fault of two duped men? Is our justice system that faulty to where responsible parties go unpunished? What should the punishment be?

Oh and if you want to read more about the story before you post your comment, you can read it here www.wftv.com/news/16348047/detail.html

Dating Application Process

2007-11-05T19:10:00.000-05:00

I think that we are all guilty of placing people in one of these two categories. So see someone. You think they are cute. Naw not just cute, they look good as hell. Normal right? But when that person opens their mouth, they can get put into one of two categories off the bat. Either they say a number of stupid things, or they actually sound like they have substance to their personality. So how do u differentiate the two?

Relationship material
I don't know about everyone else, but i look at dating like filling out a job application. I am looking for a particular type of background, experience, and other qualifications. Just as in the work world, in order to get the job you want, you must have the right combination of qualifications. As stated in my previous blogs, I am looking for a woman that has (or is about to receive) a degree from a 4-year university. I am also looking for someone that doesn't have an kids. Moving on...You meet someone that meets the basic qualifications. Then comes to the dating stage. The stage of dating is like the interview for the job. This stage should not exceed two months. that should be ample enough time to understand someone (not know but understand) to decide if you want to get in a relationship with this person. If all te qualifications are there, ad you're feeling that person, then there is no reason they shouldn't get the job. But like all jobs, some applicants get put in the "we'll call you when we have something available" category, which leads me to the fuckable category.

Now don’t get it twisted. If you are in the fuckable category, that means that you are a friend. You are someone we are cool with. It’s not necessarily a one night stand thing. It means that you are attractive and you are cool. You are just not what we are looking for in a relationship. It could be your background, or a personality quark. Whatever it is, something has placed you in this category. But there is a way to get out of this category… if you want. If for whatever that one or group of elements that was keeping you in the fuckable category changes to the liking of that other person, then there is a chance that you might get moved into that relationship category. But just because that element changes doesn’t mean that you WILL get into the other category.

The first three dates are equivalent to the interview stage. It means that you have the right background and there could really be potential. This is merly an opportunity to get a glimpse into the other person’s personality. Combined with phone conversations, three dates is sufficient enough time to determine if you want to start dating this person. You can stretch out the time frame of those three dates to last a month is need be. But it should NOT exceed a month.

If that person is what you are looking for, then offer them the job. But don’t think that its all down hill. Just because they are dating doesn’t mean that they are in the clear. The dating stage is like a probationary period at a new job. Just like at work, you are hired to see if things are truly going to work out. But you do have titles in this stage. Whether they want to admit it or not, you are someone’s girlfriend/boyfriend. This probationary period can last from one month but should not exceed 4 months. You should be really feeling the person out in this stage. By the end of this time frame, you should have made the decision as to if you want to be in a relationship with this person or not.

If you decide that you do want to be in a relationship with this person, then you are goods to go. You would have taken the time you need, and learned how that person really is. Just as at work, after your probationary period, you can begin talking long term arrangements with the company. That’s the application process of dating.

P.S.
If you’re “GROWN” , you will always let the person know where they stand with you (fuckable or relationship material). Not only for safety purposes, but also just off principle.

25 Hour Days

2007-09-28T15:35:00.000-04:00

Damnit, there just aren't enough hours in the day!!! I wake up, shower, eat breakfast, clean my kitchen, brush my teeth, get dressed, haul ass to work, and work anywhere between 8 to 10 hours a day (sometimes longer on a the weekends). The second, I get off of work, the entire world blows up my phone. Wednesday night is Verve, Thursday is Thirsty Thurdsay with my co-workers. Friday is Compund, In Bar, or Slice. Saturday is Djangos or Esso. Then, when the club lets out, I gotta get some food. The I drive home. Before I know it it's 5 or 6 A.m. I shower again and attempt to go to sleep. I end up falling asleep around 7 and before I know it, my alarm goes off!!! Well, time to do it all over again.

I know you're thinking that I am doing this to myself. This is true. But I am trying to figure out a balance between my career, my own personal time, my family, and my friends. In college I would only get about 2 hours of sleep per night because I was always shooting video, editing, or writing plays for class. I would go hard all week doing that and crash on the weekend. But now, I bust my ass 6 or 7 days a week so I have no time to crash. Even now I am sitting at work writing this blog.

It just seems that there is so much to do and so much that has to be done, and in some cases, I feel obligated to see everything through. If my line brother or my dean calls me up saying they have something on their mind, I am obligated to say "hey meet me at (insert name of bar here) and lets talk about it", regardless of how I am doing. If an aquaintance that I havent seen in a while calls me and says hey i am going out tonight and I want you to come along with, I sometimes feel compelled to go. I know I don't have to, but if i don't go, I feel like an ass for not goin. And shoot, hangin out with the bruhs usually ends up with making sure each and every NUPE got home safely.

All I am merely stating is there is so much to do and not enough time to do it in. Whether it deals with your career, social, relationship, or whatever else kind of life, there just simple isn't enough time to take care of everything. You feel me?

Old School

2007-09-26T23:04:00.000-04:00

So today I was at Centenniel Park walking around and people watching. And I noticed how many young people I saw with babies. I would look closer at their fingers and there would be no ring. It's weird how many unwed parents are out there, but am I the only one that sees something wrong with that? This led me to question the views of relationships from my generation. Did I miss something, or do I just have old school views?

A Woman's Plans and Goals

2007-09-26T20:13:00.000-04:00

"The C.I.A. ain't got shit on a woman with a plan!" Anthony Anderson said it best. Alright, here is the situation. My boy is 27, has a good job, and now his girlfriend is pregnant. Of course it wasnt planned. But he finally realized he was trapped. Apparently she had a plan from the the get-go. My boy said to me"If she planned this whole thing out like that, I'm scared of her".

My friend's girlfriend is in her third year of med school. She met my friend about a year ago. They were dating and she all of a sudden comes up pregnant. He went with her to the doctor to get cheked out and the doctor confirmed that she was pregnant. He went throughthe stage of panic for about 3 months. Then all of a sudden, she had to go to the hospital and the doctor told her that she was 1 month pregnant! Yes I said it correctly. She was only 1 month along as opposed to being 3 months along. "How does that happen" you ask. Well, being a med school student, you have access to perscriptions, and with the right cocktail of medications can make yourself exude pregnant like syomptoms. Either that, or she just paid the doctor off.

"Why would she do something like" is probably your next question. Let me explain (and try to keep up). She is in her third year of med school witch means she is about to take her boards. After that, she will go on rotation at the hospital. This will probably last for two years or so. Then she prepares to take her exams for another two years while she is still rotating through the hospital. We are at 4 years now. Then when she becomes a doctor, she will spend probably another 7 years establishing herself. By this time, she is 36 goin on 37 years old. What man really wants to start a relationship with a woman who wants kids that is already 37 years old? If she is 37, the guy would probably be in his early 40's. If a man is in his 40's and doesn't have kids, he never wanted any. So I guess she decided that it's now or never to have a kid.

The messed up part about it all is that my friend wanted to go to grad school, but is now realizing that he won't to achieve that dream. Because he will be working to take care of the two of them while she is living her dream of being a doctor. He will honestly be taking care of the child for the first 8 years because she will be working. By the time when his girlfriend can steap up, the time for him to enjoy grad school would have come and gone. she lives out her dream while his dream gets shattered.

A woman has two goals in life: to be a mother; and to be a wife. Everything else is secondary, even her career. But to what extent will a woman go to achieve these goals?

But I can't just get on her. I need to get on my boy for not wrapping it up. I have been telling him for a while that he needs to wrap 'cause you are gonna get yourself into a situation. I guess all I can say is "I told you so"

J.C. Beinghim

Preception

2007-09-26T19:30:00.000-04:00

I'm the type of guy that has no pity for anyone who willingly puts themself in a situation, especially if you knew the consequences before you acted on them. Bottom line is that you reap what you sow. My boy out in Cali rarely ever has a steady girlfriend because women constantly attempt to use him for his money. As soon as he sees the signs of this happening, he throws the girl away like a used kleenex. I can't fault him for that. He called me the other day and we were talking about why it is so difficult to find a steady girlfriend. I had to check him and open his eyes as to how he was fuckin up.

See , his problem is that he has that businessman/baller mentality. You know the type that buys bottles of Moet and "makes it rain" in the club. He drives an 07 Range Rover with 26's on hydrolics with TV's all throughout. You know the type. Basically he feels the need to let everyone know he has money. This is where he is fuckin up.

First impressions are everything. If a woman sees a guy throwin money into a crowd of people from the VIP booth, she is going to be attracted to your money first. And however long you friendship/relationship lasts, she will always remember that you are a guy with money, ergo a lot of times,she will expect you to pamper her. So I told my friend that he really can't fault women because he is willingly put himself out there. I'm not saying all women are like this, but i am saying that if you meet a woman under these types of conditions, don't be supriesed if you find yourself spending obscene amounts of money.

But women, under other circumstances, you don't have anything to complain about either. If you are out somewhere enjoying the nightlife wearing less clothing than what's found on a swimsuit photshoot. Let's be real, I see a woman dressed (for lack of a better word) like that, I am gonna think that I might be taking somoene home with me tonight. But then a woman get extremely upset when we come at her on a purely sexual tip. "I am not a ho!" Well pardon me, I was confused. I saw that you were wearing a ho's uniform and I assumed that...well you get an idea.

Now ladies, I understand you wanna look sexy and all when you go out, but don't overdue it to get attention, because you are just setting yourself up for a situation. And if a group of girls are goin out, make sure that your homegirl is dressed appropriatly. Just remember...you are the company that you keep. You only get one shot at a first impression.

J.C. Beinghim

Assuming Makes An Ass Of You, Not Me!

2007-09-26T16:00:00.000-04:00

This past saturday, I went out with my frat brothers to celebrate my line brother's birthday. We were out at one of the many clubs in Atlanta having a good time. The bruhs and I do what NUPES do and that's holla at girls. But the bruhs and I found out that we all had to do the same thing when talking to these women. We all had to lie about ourselves. I know men lying is nothing new. This has been a complaint amongst women for generations. But why do we lie. Well, under the circumstances, women put us in a position where we have to lie.

I started a casual conversation with a young ladyand things seemed to be going well. Then she asked me what I do for a living. The second I told her my job title, her eyes shot open and face lit up like a kid looking at fireworks. But not for the fact that a good guy was talking to her. She immedietly saw a hook up or someone she could use to get what she wants. She immediatly started asking me if I could "hook her up" with a job. I'm not a bad guy so I tried to see what her background was in, and nothing she said was remotely close to the qualifications for positions that were open. It's just amazing to see how quickly a convo in the club turned into an inquary on how I need to help her out. This is one of the many instances that have occured. The second I say what I do for a living, women automatically think dollar signs and plot how they can monopolize on the situation. I have a frat brother who is a doctor that faces the same problem.

So how do I combat this dilemma? Well...I am about to tell women that I work baggage claim at the airport. I know it's lying but what choice do I have? The second a brotha with a good job comes around, woman begin to pay more attention to what he is rather than who he is. Now if a woman is still interested after I tell her I work at the airport, I will tell her what it is that I really do. I would have figured out whether or not you are truelly interested in me personally or what my profession is.

I guess my point is that we lie because much of the time we are put into situations where if we don't lie, we will be used, abused, and taken advantage of. But women, I want you to stop and analyze yourself. How many times has a guy who has been a lawyer, an entertainer, a doctor, or a business man, tried to talked to you and you started thinking how how he can help you achieve something? It's nothing to hit at asking for help to advance yourself, but when advancing yourself becomes your primary concern, that 's when the issue arises. Not to mention, if I am in a social setting, the last thing I want to talk about is work.

J.C. Beinghim

I Can't Even Find Ms. Right-Now, Let Alone Ms. Right

2007-09-26T02:09:00.000-04:00

In college, dating was easy. You meet a girl in class or on the yard, hang out and chill, and before you know it, feelings grow, and a relationship begins to bloom. when you date someone you went to school with, you know that the person you are talking to has the same background as yourself. You are both ambitious, and taking the steps towards advancing yourselves through school. On a college campus, (especially a Historically Black College), dating was not only easy, but there were a plethera of options.

Then graduation comes and you are slingshotted off to a whole new dating world. It's a new world where all the knowledge on dating that you onced possessed, is not obsolite. It's also a world where you are in a new class system. You are now the new college graduate who has (if you haven't already found one) a new career. You are probably living in an area and/or state for that matter, so you don't know anyone. You probably don't have any children, nor do you have any responsibilities to anyone other than yourself. Sound about right?

So now you set out to see what the dating seen is like in your area. You probably hit the hottest club in town to see what potential is out here. But you go out remembering that the club you are going to is not going to be full of college students. The moment you step in the club, you make your wat to the bar to grab a drink. On your what seems like an endless journey, you check out every physically attractive individual you pass. Once you get to the bar, you spend another 20 minutes scanning the room until you eyes lock on to someone that might be worth talking to. The second you finally start talkin to them, it's like the iceberg hittin the Titanic. Shit just starts goin down!

I can't say it's like this for everyone. I can only tell it from a 24 year old professional black man's perspective. When I hear things like "i'm 22 and I have 2 kids at home", or "my last boyfriend slammed my head in the wall" or even "three of my friends got shot" I don't even waste my time saying goodbye. C'mon now. I don't need or want to hear that. These are the same women that say they want a man that is college educated, has no kids, never been to jail, has the car, the house, and works in corporate america. ***NEWSFLASH LADIES*** that guy you want with all of those qualites does not want to deal with those situations and level of drama in your life. Not to sound like a dickhead but, why would I want someone with al lthat goin on? Whether this sounds awkward or not, it is actually a frequent situation here in Atlanta.

I'm gonna be real for a second. Being that recent graduate, you may not have everything in place, but you are working towards it and will be achieveing it soon. You may be in an entry level position in corporate america. You are probably renting an apartment. You can't afford to drop two or three hundred dollars on a whim. But you do have a desirable background and are in a position where you will move up the career and social food chain rather quickly.

With that being said, you seek someone that is in the same situation. But here is the shit kicker, there are very few black women that, at this age, will settle for their equal. If a woman has an option between a guy that is getting started and a guy that already has it, nine time out of ten she will choose the guy that already has it. And that guy that already has it is like 30 years old. Her choice was actually really simple: a guy who I can learn from and follow in his path of success; or a guy that is still trying to figure it out. And no, I can already feel some women getting upset. You are not a golddigger. You simply chose a man that you felt was better qualified. I can't fault you for that. So now that the recent female college grad demographic is taken, we are left with two demographics.

Women still in college are the second demographic. These women may not have their goals straight yet, but they are working on getting to a point where the finally realize them. It's common for a recent grad to date someone that is still in school because it is a safe zone. You know that they virtually have the same background, outlook and aspirations you have. The problem is that the two of you are in different stages of your life. Being in the workforce, you are introduced to new outlooks on life and are expieriencing new and, most of the time, "grown" things. The level of priorities and responisibility is something else that is different. You eventually come to realize that being in different stages of your lives makes maintaining a relationship entirly too difficult. And as a new hire to a corportion, the time devoted to balancing a realtionship is intead spent on work and various other responsibilities. Believe me I have tried with an ex to explain how working hard in school, and working hard at the job are two totally different things but until you expierience it, you will never understand what I mean. Now that the potential for that relationship has sunk, we are down and out to our last demographic.

This last demographic refers to the demographic that I was talkign about at the top of the blog and that is the "I never went to college and have no desire to go,i have kids, a crazy ex, and i work at the mall". I am not knockin you if this is your status or viewpoint, it is just not what I want to deal with. And frankly I don't know what man in my position would consider a long term relationship with a background such as that. But even though I am not attracted to that, they are all that is left for the recent black college graduate male. But when we meet a woman like that, we don't think Ms. Right. We think Ms. Right Now. Because I am not a dog like that, I would rather save her and myself the time and not even approach them.

So what am I supposed to do? Am I supposed to lower my standards? Atlanta is supposed to be the place to be for young single black men. Yes the ratio is high for women to men, but the options are low and the quality is even lower. It's funny that women always gripe that young black men don't commit. It's because we don't have anyone that meets our standards that we want to commit to. To the ladies that just graduated from college, there are good brothas out here that have graduated from college, have not been to jail, don't have kids (and none on the way), do have good jobs, and have everything goin for them. You just have to give us a chance. If I offended anyone in this blog, I apologize, but hey, that's life and that's real talk.

J.C. Beinghim
(a good brotha)