The Sensual Life

I don't know if you noticed

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Sun, 15 Feb 2009 02:26:00 +0000

But I never update my blog anymore!

I've been so focused on other things, I just don't have time or the interest. I'm not sure what do with this blog. Delete it? I was actually coming here to create some good educational game links for Gideon, who is now officially obsessed with the computer...and I'm not sure in a good way. Like Mommy and Daddy like son.

I don't know. I guess I'll think on it!

Happy Child Abuse to All and to All a Miserable Lonely Death

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Thu, 01 Jan 2009 17:06:00 +0000

What's up with all the horrible movies about awful things happening to children? And around the holidays no less?

First I saw Slumdog Millionaire, which was good, but I literally had to hide my eyes for a scene. And then last night we 'celebrated' New Years' Eve by seeing The Curious Case of Benjamin Button in which I learned that we all die and that love is fleeting and bound to end badly.

Oh, thanks. Like I didn't know that already and really needed reminding of it.

I think that was the first movie I saw that caused me to spontaneously erupt in tears ten minutes AFTER it was over.

I used to take great joy in teasing my mother because she refused to see depressing movies. She liked action movies because the bad guys always get their comeuppance. Now I have officially become my mother. Why do I want to see something depressing? Like life isn't depressing enough?

--Although I did just read The Gargoyle by Andrew Davidson, which was good, but also depressing. Good read. Bad ending. And now I've started The Widows of Eastwick. 1/4th of the way through I realized that I never actually read the first one. I just saw the movie. (Not depressing. Probably bad, but seemed sexy and daring when I was like 11.)

Actually, I'm kind of sickeningly happy these days, which is probably why I don't want to be reminded that things always change. If I'm so happy, there's bound to be some misery lurking just around the corner.

Slacker Blogger

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Tue, 30 Dec 2008 01:53:00 +0000

I've been such a blogging slacker lately! I guess that's probably a good thing because it means my honest to goodness off the computer life has been too full to sit here typing! I do feel like I've been busy. I guess it's the holidays.

We're going down to the beach house Friday to check it out. It's been all I've been thinking about, even though I've been trying to tell myself NOT to think about it. I've even started compiling my design ideas in a little beach blog. So much fun!!!! I love interior design, even though I'm not that good at it. I thought I could post my reno pictures there too.

I have NOT been exercising enough and I have NOT been writing. So I officially suck. I am blaming this all on winter sucking the life out of me and blaming none of it on my lack of responsibility and general love of sitting on my butt.

Beachy Keen

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Fri, 19 Dec 2008 05:56:00 +0000

Before I was born my parents lived in Virginia Beach for a time. My dad was in the navy. Then for several years they split their time between Richmond and the beach. They owned...own...a small ranch house near the bay, and I have vague memories of it. But we stopped going by the time I entered kindergarten. And since then they've rented the house out.

My dad told me tonight that the current tenants, who have been there for the last 12 years, are leaving. And he asked whether we'd like to keep the house. We wouldn't own it (until I inherit it), but it would be ours to use if we paid for the upkeep, taxes and insurance.

Marc and I loved going to the beach last year. The whole oceanfront area has become really family friendly. There were street performers and fireworks and bike rentals. And I've kind of harbored this fantasy that my dad would offer us the use of the house--even though you have to drive to the oceanfront area. It's too far to walk or bike.

There is a park nearby with bike trails and the bay is within walking distance, although I really don't like to swim in anything other than pools! I like looking at the water, though. We could also take Lulu and Taz. I'm pretty sure the yard is even fenced.

The house is small. 972 square feet, according to Zillow and I'm pretty sure it has not been updated in FOREVER, so I don't want to get my hopes up. We could look at it and be overwhelmed. But right now I'm having a wonderful romantic fantasy about our cozy beach house and summers at the beach! We'll go down and take a look at it at the end of December. Right now I'll just keep the dream alive! :)

Home Sweet Home

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Wed, 17 Dec 2008 03:41:00 +0000

We're back from our very fun trip!

I heard back about the second contest I entered. Runner up. No request...which is not exactly surprising considering that (like and idiot) I didn't check to see that both contests had the same judge!

I'm kind of bummed, but this is really what writing's all about.

Rejection!

Still...not bad my first time out.

Oh, and Alice asked me if I'd ever publish anything there. No way! Not the book I finished, anyway. :) My blog is listed on my Facebook page!

But the idea I have for the next one is much tamer. I'd feel more comfortable sharing that one!

I won!

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Thu, 04 Dec 2008 03:50:00 +0000

I won in my category for one of the contests I entered. :) Yeah! But I didn't get a manuscript request, which I have to admit makes me a little bit sad. I was really hoping. I suppose it's still possible...but...

Still. I won! That's cool, right?

My Screwed Up Life

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Tue, 02 Dec 2008 23:01:00 +0000

Child sick all yesterday. Bad cough. Fever at night. Puked chocolate milk on new beige carpet.

Finally slept...until 8:30AM!!!!!!

Cranky all afternoon until finally fell asleep at 3:15PM while we were watching TV.

6:00PM and child is still sleeping?

Child will be up until midnight.

What have I done?

The Grand Experiment

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Mon, 01 Dec 2008 02:33:00 +0000

I'm trying an experiment with Gideon. He's been more and more interested in "reading" when we read books to him. He pretends he's reading the words on the cover and makes up stop so he can "read" them to us. He also knows all his letters and their sounds (usually). (Thanks to Leapfrog fridge factory and the Letter Factor DVD)

So I heard about this book called Teach Your Child to Read in 100 Easy Lessons. It has almost 500 reviews on Amazon and most of them are positive. I thought I'd give it a try.

I never really though I'd teach Gideon using phonics, but I can't see why it would hurt. Honestly, he's a boy and acts like a boy. He really likes rules and systems, so phonics will probably work for him.

Tonight we tried the first lesson. It went well, although there's a writing component and Gideon can't really even approach making letters. They vaguely look like the letters, but his motor skills just aren't there yet. But I figure just tracing the letter and trying help his motor memory.

Anyway, so this will be a neat experiment. I'm going to give it a try and see how he does! If it doesn't work, I'll back off and try again in 6 months or so.

Passivity

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Sun, 30 Nov 2008 20:27:00 +0000

Ugh. I feel so passive.

I'm such a slacker!!!!

What's been going on? Thanksgiving was good. Gideon''s birthday was awesome. I have some vague, cold-like thing that's been going on for a month and a half. I'm not even really sick. It just comes and goes, but never truly goes away.

Gideon, who used to be the most awesomest sleeper in the world, has totally taken his revenge upon us. He refuses to sleep in his own bed and will only go to sleep when we go to sleep. So he's been up until midnight and then promptly wakes up at 7AM and then takes three hour naps in the afternoon.

So why don't I wake him up?

Because he's been up with us since midnight and then we have freedom and we want time to ourselves. So it's a vicious cycle. Plus, we're going on our cruise on Friday and his sleeping will be all messed up anyway. So we might as well just deal with it.

I have become a reluctant 'co-sleeper'. Which doesn't really bother me. I'm not opposed to actual 'co-sleeping'. I'm just opposed to giving it a name and declaring it as some sort of intentional parenting technique. Because we don't believe in rules! We're anarchists! We're un-parenting!!!!!! Vive la resistance!

I kind of love having Gideon sleep with me. But he coughs. Cause he's got the same vague non-sickness sickness that we don't have either. And he's a bed hog and kicks me in my face and shoves me over to the far side of the bed so I'm all scrunched up in the fetal position.

But he looks really cute. And the other night he laughed in his sleep and it was sooo funny. I have no idea what he was laughing about. But whatever it was, it must have been good.

Although I showed Gideon YouTube videos of animals kicking people in the nuts and he thought that was hysterical too. Apparently, the child has kind of a lowbrow sense of humor.

What else? I was in pain for two days because Gideon smacked me in the eye with a bristle brush. He scratched my cornea. PRK redux minus 90% of the pain. That's what you get for being tickled that your kid wants to brush your hair.

The Waiting Game

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Mon, 24 Nov 2008 20:38:00 +0000

So. I'm supposed to hear back about those contests any day now. Winning really isn't the point, although that would be nice. I pretty much already 'won' by getting in front of the editor and agent. I'm just waiting to see if either one will request more of my book. (Which I haven't finished revising because I suck. But I'm pretty close.)

I keep telling myself not to get excited. I KNOW that what I wrote was formulaic. I know it was my first finished try. It's unlikely that they will ask to see more.

But it's really hard not to get my hopes up. You know?

I haven't been this interested in the phone since before I met Marc.

Ugh.

We go away in a week and a half. I promise that after I get back I am going to start on my new novel. Like really and seriously. I know it's a good idea. I know it can be funny and sexy and silly.

Writing is starting to seem like dieting.

Laser Robot Eyes

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Thu, 20 Nov 2008 03:03:00 +0000

Marc is getting LASIK tomorrow. He's been very jealous of my post PRK excellent vision. I hope and assume that his recovery will be better than mine. He's supposed to be have vision as good as mine was a month out 24 hours after his surgery.

I've been telling Gideon that mommy and daddy will both have laser robot eyes. I think maybe I think that's funnier than he thinks it is. But I feel a little bit bad because the kid is bound to need glasses and he's going to feel all alone.

Just as a PRK update, my surgery was about 3 1/2 to 4 months ago. I think I have 20/20 vision in one eye and just about 20/20 in the other. One eye is a tiny bit better than the other, but I only notice at the movie theater, for some strange reason. The only problems I still have is that my eyes are still kind of light sensitive. I have to wear sunglasses while on the computer if I'm on for any time. Otherwise my eyes feel tired and strained. And I still have to put the prescribed goop in my eyes before bed. A few times I haven't put enough on and I've woken up with one eye slightly stuck together. It hurts. I was supposed to be done with the goop by now, but I'm not. Overall though, I am really happy I did it--horrendous pain and all. And it was horrendous! It was a tougher recovery than my c-section!

In writing related news, I have totally slacked this week on revisions. I am 2/3rds of the way done, but I just got lame and distracted. I will hear by the end of November if a full manuscript will be requested. I'm hopeful, but realistic. I have a fantastic idea for my next book, and I really want to get started, but I'm kind of scared. I think I'll wait until after our trip. It's a totally different kind of book, and I think it will be a lot of fun to write.

Catharsis

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Wed, 19 Nov 2008 03:33:00 +0000

I can't believe that Gideon's going to be 3 years old on Sunday. I just have no idea where the time went.

I remember when I was in the hospital right after he was born and Marc had just left and the nurse had taken him into the nursery for a little bit. I was lying in bed and Lost came on the tv, and it was just the most surreal feeling. It was like nothing had changed, but everything had changed, and I just lay there and cried.

I'm not sure why, but that memory has stayed with me. I just remember the enormous peace I felt. I guess the best way to describe it was catharsis. It was a combination of intense joy and intense sorrow.

I still feel so grateful for him every day. I swear I love him more each day, even when I have to remind myself not to strangle his adorable little neck. Gideon will never really know how much I owe him.

Too Funny

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Tue, 18 Nov 2008 16:09:00 +0000

I just saw the "controversial motrin moms commerical" (as YouTube describes it). Too funny. Just too, too funny.

Personally, I thought it was amusing, but only because I am a totally unattached parent. I did try to make my de rigueur hot sling work, but my kid hated the thing and I didn't exactly need a giant pocket of fabric attached to my already voluminous stomach. Chalk me up for a stroller slut.

I think the ad is supposed to suggest that women who have pain from using slings should take Motrin.

But it basically says that baby carriers are just trendy child accessories that martyr moms use to feel good about themselves and appear mom 'mom-like.' Oh yeah. And that moms who wear slings are tired and crazy.

In all disclosure, I pretty much agree with that assessment. (Except maybe the tired and crazy, because most of the moms I know are tired and crazy with or without slings). But I don't think I'm the target audience.

I had a good laugh, though. Thanks Motrin!

I Love a Deal!

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Sat, 15 Nov 2008 01:42:00 +0000

I've been stalking Priceline for hotels for our pre and post cruise stay in Orlando. I got two fantastic deals on the Grand Cypress and the Peabody! Eeeek. That just totally made my night!

The Talent of the Room

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Thu, 13 Nov 2008 12:26:00 +0000

I just sent this to my friend Valley on her blog, so I thought I'd post it here too!

This is an essay that Brian Morton gave to one of our MFA workshop classes, and it stuck with me. It probably stuck with me because I knew it revealed my essential failure as a writer. The gist of it is that no matter how good a writer you are, the most important part of being a writer is having the "talent of the room." Meaning that you have to endure the task of sitting alone in a room for some long amount of time actually writing.

For a long time I only even tried to write short stories. I didn't think I had the patience to even try to write a novel. Then I tried a couple of times and got through half a novel before I realized I had no idea where it was going and it sputtered out.

Then I really didn't write for years and years. I felt I'd lost my inspiration. Now I think maybe that was because I always wrote too much about myself. Coming back to writing and looking outside myself for inspiration suddenly seems to be a lot easier. But I think that had to happen over time.

But the talent of the room is still hard. To write the book I wrote--yeah!!! I wrote it no matter what happens to it--I had to do nothing but write until it was done. I was too scared to stop. I thought I'd quit. I think I might have. And now I'm feeling scared to start the next one, even though I kind of can't wait. I don't trust myself to be able to carry through.

When I was younger I thought that being a writer was about being good at it. But the older I get and the more books I read, the more I realize that it's far less important to be good than to have 300 pages in your hand. There are a lot of good writers, but there are a lot less of them that have 300 pages in their hand ready to print out on a computer.

Catching Up

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Wed, 12 Nov 2008 12:40:00 +0000

I haven't been keeping up with my blog, which is probably a good thing. It means my life is too busy to narcissistically record the minutiae of my day to day existence.

And now I should really be downstairs helping Marc with Gideon, but instead I'm pretending to be doing something important and actually writing this!

Let's see. My kitchen is slowly coming along into perfection. It's looking so nice, and will be done soon. If you're contemplating painting your oak cabinets cream, do it! Don't wait five years like I did.

I'm still revising my book. I slacked for a week, but got back on the wagon yesterday and I'm making progress. I have about 150 more pages to revise, but it's going fairly quickly.

I have a new idea for another book. Actually, it's a series of books and I'm very excited about it. It's not Romantica. It's more inspired by the Sookie Stackhouse books I've been reading for a while (finally finished them all), but it's not a vampire story or werewolf story. It's more the tone that I'm going for, although it's not southern either! For a change, I've actually come up with a pretty cool plot. And I've got it about 3/4ths plotted out in outline form. However, I can't start writing it until I finish revising the first book. That may be a good thing. It can percolate.

I went to NYC this weekend to visit David. It was lots of fun. I got to meet all his friends, and I caught up with my old roommate. We saw a show. We ate good food. We chatted and hung out.

Life is good!

Eh.

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Wed, 05 Nov 2008 00:57:00 +0000

I wish I could say I was more interested in this election. I voted for Obama, but kind of reluctantly. I never quite got over Hillary losing, and I still think she was the best woman (or man) for the job. I still have no real idea of who Obama is or if he can really accomplish anything. But I thought Sarah Palin's nomination was such a joke (and insult) that I pretty much felt I had to vote for Obama.

But I can't say I care much, which is weird since I live in Virginia and have been dying for it to turn blue forever. Now it looks like it might, and all I feel is...eh.

I had a brief thought of voting for McCain just to piss off the extreme left, which I hate just about as much the extreme right. But ultimately I suppose I couldn't do it because of abortion rights and David, whom I hope will get married one day.

I've been more excited that my cabinets are in the process of being painted and Gideon really likes his new gym class. It's really neat!

And I have not been revising for the past two days. I know I should. I don't know why I can't do it.

I go to NYC on Friday for the weekend to visit David for his birthday. We're going to Babbo for dinner--one of Mario Battali's restaurants and a showtunes piano bar that David likes called Marie's Crisis. Sounds fun! I like showtunes and piano bars and gay men! Yeah! David's also having a party and I get to see some other old friends! And maybe I'll bring home some Babka from 2nd Avenue Deli (no longer on 2nd Ave.).

However, we would not let me go see The Little Mermaid on Broadway or Mary Poppins or anything equally as stupid. He only likes to see boring character pieces that put me to sleep. I keep hoping for a revival of Hedwig with John Cameron Mitchell, but it hasn't come. I'd be up there in about two seconds for that!

The End of Me

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Tue, 04 Nov 2008 20:00:00 +0000

I realized today that I really don't like poetry anymore. Not most of it. Not the confessional stuff I used to love so much.

Hm.

That's a change.

Where I'd Love to Be

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Thu, 30 Oct 2008 03:59:00 +0000

Although I'd like to be published anywhere, I've noticed that as a reader I really like the books in the Kensington Aphrodisia line. If I could, I think that's where I'd want to be published!

How did I miss this?

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Wed, 29 Oct 2008 21:30:00 +0000

I have no idea how I missed The Great Schlep. This is too funny. But my only living grandparent lives right here in Richmond. I did, however, let her know that Obama is really not a muslim.

Revision #1

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Tue, 28 Oct 2008 02:54:00 +0000

41 of 341 pages.

My Name in Lights

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Tue, 28 Oct 2008 01:42:00 +0000

Okay...My name in text.

So, I've been calling my friends all day and feeling very excited. But the truth is that as excited as I am...I mean...these are the first two contests I ever entered...the first book I actually FINISHED (unless you count the collection of short stories I did for my graduate thesis)...the truth is that the major point for me in submitting to these contests was to get my book read by editors and agents.

What would really be a win is if the editor liked my story and asked for a full manuscript. So now I have a couple of weeks to pretend like she's going to do that and make sure my book is in tip top shape.

One bad thing is that I didn't pay enough attention and I realized that the same judge is judging both of the contests. So if she likes my story that's great. If not, I'm kind of doubly screwed. But one contest has both an editor and an agent, so that's a positive.

I'm still sort of amused that I may be kind of good at this romance thing because I was always such a literary snob. I'm sort of dying to publish and ask NYU to put me on their alumni publications page. Ha ha. But I suppose the truth is that even when I was writing "serious" fiction, I seriously liked writing about romance and sex. It was just dark, miserable, obsessive romance and sex.

I know I'm going to get a giant kick in the pants for feeling so damned great today, but bring it on. I can't help it. It was a good day.

Two contests!!!!!

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Mon, 27 Oct 2008 16:23:00 +0000

Oh my gosh!!!!! This is crazy and awesome! I just got a call and I finaled in the other contest I entered too!!!!

They said they loved my story. I think this is the bigger contest of the two. I can't believe it. I am so excited!!!!!

This is nuts!

Eeeek!

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Mon, 27 Oct 2008 11:57:00 +0000

My novel is a finalist in one of the contests I entered!!!!!! Oh my gosh!!!! The letter I got told me that judged often request full manuscripts of finalists so I should get mine book ready!!!! Acccccckkkkkk! I totally polished the first chapter but the rest of it sucks. I guess I'm going to be editing and writing like crazy the next couple of weeks!!!!

Anybody want to edit some porn with a plot?

Personhood

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Mon, 27 Oct 2008 00:16:00 +0000

At some point Gideon became a real person. He has a sense of humor now. He's developing empathy. If he bumps me and I say "Ow." he tells me he's sorry. (I find that really cute.) He's learning like crazy. He cracked me up today when we were watching TIVOed Saturday Night Live. Marc and I were laughing at the jokes along with the audience and he laughed right along with us. Somehow I guess he just knew or felt that if people were laughing the right thing to do was laugh with them.

This has made me more sensitive to his education. Last week I took him to craft time at the local library and we made Halloween bats and sock puppets. I realized that I don't do enough of those kinds of things with him. So Friday I went to Ben Franklin and got materials for more Halloween crafts. We decorated foam pumpkins and ghosts and made Halloween paper chains. I let Gideon practice with the safety scisssors. (The kid could cut a straight line. I was impressed.)

I want to put him in some more activities. I wish I was dedicated enough to plan educational opportunities for him all the time, but left to my own devices I will only too happily plop down in front of the computer and let my kid zombie out to Mickey Mouse Clubhouse on repeat. And there have to be better ways for him to spend his time.

I also browsed around today at private schools online. I don't know if we'll send him to private or public schools, but it's neat to see the different schools philosophies and programs.