Going Home- A Short Story

Going Home, The Short Story Course, Adelaide Uni

2011-12-05T21:08:00.001-08:00

Going Home

John’s struggle for breath makes his chest burn, heart beating so loud that he can hear it in his ears. “Get me out of here!” He is lying face down next to a jungle path. The jungle is so close that even though he is only a few feet away from the track, no one could see him should they happen to pass. It is hot!

The details of what had happened are a bit fuzzy. Guerrillas kidnapped him, on his fortnightly fly in, coming from the airport on the way to work in a remote gold mine. He was being held in some miserable conditions and feels physically drained. The kilograms have dropped off him quickly but he wasn’t beaten or tortured so he is in good condition mentally. One day he’ll be sick and the next day he’ll be fine. This is possibly an early sign of malaria, he is thankful that today is a ‘rest’ day.

He has just managed to escape from a makeshift compound made of barbed wire. The high level of traffic inside the area means the compound is covered in mud. Inside the compound is a series of tents and huts. These huts are constructed in the native style complete with stray dogs, smell of human excrement and cooking. The concept of rubbish removal is one step from the back door with the biggest toss possible; everything is dirty.

Mining can be an isolating experience, but the isolation means the unimportant is stripped away. John is missing home. The work which is giving him the money to buy anything he wants has come at a high price: ex-wives that are not on good terms with him and kids that are distant yet money hungry. The fortnightly flight to his remote piece of paradise is a beacon in his life always calling him home. Standing in the middle of the property over-looking the remote bit of coastline is the stone cottage he calls home. The property is so remote that it has solar and wind powered batteries for electricity, and mobile phone reception a 15 minute walk away. Each day begins with a run along the beach and then a short wood fired shower and ends with a cold drink on the balcony. This is the time, place and space that give his life joy. He is going home and nothing is going to stop him.

Moving through dense secondary jungle is extremely strenuous and a long range view impossible. It has an extreme green intensity enhanced and made to shimmer by the recent rain. John is in a valley and the river is close as he can hear the water running. The smell is a warm woody scent of rotting leaves. He is wearing an odd shaped green scarf that is very irritating because it is so tight. All his clothes have been ripped to shreds by wait-a-while, a vicious vine with hook shape barbs that with no amount of straining against seems to let go. When dealing with it, wait-a-while is the only appropriate attitude. Thankfully, his adrenalin is pumping so hard that the pain of the scratches has temporarily been dulled to a throb and because of the humidity and sweat he is soaked through to the skin.

The crew that he has escaped from is not happy! They are guerrillas fighting for autonomy from a repressive regime. They are armed with an assortment of weapons that have been bought “on the cheap”. They’re mostly old and originating from China, AK47’s etc. The weapons might be old but they are reliable and no matter how old a bullet from one hits you, you’re dead.

They have basic communications-some old Nokia 3310’s and a sat phone. The mobile reception is not good enough in the valley for the Nokias to work but they may well work higher up the hills. The guerrillas have a combination of olive drab and camouflage uniforms, which makes them, look like soldiers, but they are all wearing plastic flip flops held together with rubber and plastic patches, which gives them an incongruous look. They exhibit a rudimentary understanding of basic military operating procedures.

The group consists of twelve people. There is no night work as they lock everything down and go to bed. During the day they run two shifts, half of the guerrillas work and the rest do patrols. They are extremely confident that they can’t be found. This gives the whole group a high level of laziness in their attitude toward security. The group is mainly local and have lived in the region their entire lives. They know and understand the country from a practical perspective. This is reinforced by the collective understanding ingrained by telling stories and myths, allowing them to ‘see’ things in the same way.

The commander running the camp visited John while he was in the compound a number of times to identify his ‘market value’. The mining company that John works for has deep pockets and little experience or expertise in dealing with this type of situation. Once this was established the commander quickly deduced that John was to be kept and exploited for his full market potential.

John was surprised by the commander’s appearance, it was not what he had expected. He was a short fat man who looked like he had eaten just one to many doughnuts. He seemed in complete contrast to the others because they were thin and haggard. He had long grey frizzy hair that made him look like a hippy reject from the seventies. Other than the fact that the government’s military had been trying to hunt him down without success for thirty years it would have been humorous.

The commander has a clear understanding of his objectives, which are much further reaching than the locals he recruited. He is very concerned about the ideology of his cause and looks at his actions from a global perspective. The need to have money to influence the ideological objectives he was attempting to achieve is paramount in his mind; hence the reason John was kidnapped. He has garnered respect from his subordinates and his tactical understanding suggests he has some military experience. The local recruits have a much more positive attitude when he is around.

The guerrillas do not share the commanders overarching political views. They want the government to “go away and leave us alone, so we can get on with our lives”. The only real link between the commanders and his guerrillas is they want similar outcomes and they are using each other as a means to an end.

The sighting of the compound demonstrates the commander’s tactical ability. It is on low ground but at no point is it directly overlooked. The way in which the jungle interacts with the swamp forms a barrier that makes it difficult to attack. It has sheltered access to water. This is important because government troops do helicopter patrols along the river on a regular basis.

John has managed to pick up a revolver with six rounds that had been left unattended. This will create a change of approach when the guerrillas work out that its missing as they will adopt a shoot first ask questions later attitude. With the longer range and greater stopping power of the AK47 this could end badly. It does but means he has some protection.

Whilst John doesn’t know much about the area, the primary jungle he can see further up the valley means it will be faster travelling because the canopy cover discourages growth on the ground. It also means it will be easier to be tracked when followed. His plan is to move further up , create a diversion that makes it look as though he is walking out of the valley. He will then change direction and escape via the river. Escaping via the river means even if they do work out where he’s going, they will be less likely to follow. This is because of the risk of being spotted by government helicopter patrols.

John’s heart rate has dropped enough that he can hear himself think. The sounds of the surrounding birds and insects have started to pick up again. He can hear the camp and there seems to be a lot of yelling and screaming going on. It seems they have figured out that he has gone. Unfortunately it seems to be fairly controlled chaos and they are probably getting organised fairly quickly. John needs to move fast. It will probably take about an hour to get to the top of the hill.

In his time spent in the compound John was able to observe the measures that the commander used and from these observations is trying to anticipate his likely responses. His guess is that he will split the men up and there will be two guerrillas sent down this track. This means that he has a narrow window of opportunity to make his escape.

The ground is extremely slippery and uneven. He won’t be able to run but should be able to achieve a fast trot.

Crack, thump! Crack, thump! Shots ring out.

“Where did that come from?” John’s guess at the commanders anticipated reaction is wrong. There are more than two people coming up the track and the guerrillas had moved a lot faster than he had projected. John knew that it was the very distinctive sound of the AK47. He knew that it wasn’t good, he would need to move quickly, and there was another large flaw in his plan! The guerrillas won’t need to contact each other on mobile because the shots ringing out will bring everybody running. “Crap!” he thought, there are three of them running up the track and they are still too far away to hit with the revolver. The immediate necessity is to stop them moving so quickly. His decision is to use up two rounds to keep their heads down. Frustration! Try as he might he can’t seem to keep a bead on them. The jungle obscures his line of sight. Breathe in, breathe out, breathe in, breath half way out, squeeze two shots off. Double tap, Bang! Bang! While it doesn’t hit anyone, it has the desired effect. They get their heads down and stop approaching his position.

The escape plan is not going well and John really needs to move quickly from his current position. An alternate safe position is about twenty metres behind him. He has a quick look to see how things are going with the approaching guerrillas. All is well they still have their heads down. He is off. His legs have started to get really heavy; it feels like he is running in mud up to his waist. He is running in slow motion. He can’t understand why he can’t pick up the pace? It’s an odd feeling. The speed of the people chasing him seems to be picking up. His movements seems to be getting slower?

John is again trying really hard to predict the commander’s next move. The sound of shots reverberating around the valley allows him to concentrate his forces. Now he knows where to concentrate his attention! This means the consequence of John’s next manoeuvre is becoming critical and it had better be a good one. The guerrillas below have been joined by half a dozen of their comrades and they have moved like lightning because they are only twenty metres away. John can’t work it out; it feels like a time warp. How did they cover the ground and get close so quickly?

“What is that noise?”

John thinks “No!” someone has closed stealthily behind him and grabbed him by the throat. His heart rate jumps. He feels a sudden pulse of adrenalin. An arm works like a lever across his throat. The attacker is tall and strong. John has been lifted off of the ground so that he can’t get enough purchase to fight back. He glances down to see if he can kick his attacker’s shins. The attacker is wearing boots. The lever’s getting tighter. He’s starved of oxygen. His vision starts to blur. Darkness.

Exegesis:

“I like football and porno and books about war” (Leary, 1993)

I chose to target my story to Australian working males in my age group. Taking a marketing perspective allowed me to think about my stories target market and their issues and interests; it is all about the reader. This group is likely to have mortgages, work and they are unlikely to have much time. This means the short story is a superior format because of the reduced time commitment. The presentation and the first few lines are of paramount importance. I tried to start my writing with a vignette, in the style of the first few words of Jim Grace’s “The Devils larder” (2001). “I’m a pimp of sorts. I have a team of girls.” I thought this was a perceptive way to engage an audience and an example of a hook that would grab my target markets attention. The goal is to gain enough story telling credibility and interest for the audience to give me permission to write the balance of the story. Once the reader is convinced the story has value then the writer has freedom to give them the context in which the vignette is written. The next part of the process was to fill in the back story and begin the action. It pays homage to Frank Moorhouse’s story “Room Service” (1987). I’ve tried to emulate the way Frank uses a simple style with out being condescending and assumes background knowledge. I’ve copied his idea of styling sentences in an increasingly short staccato way as the story goes on to give the story rhythm. The style is also used to increase the dramatic tension where required and give the narrative immediacy and impact. The balance of the story is written as a plot driven piece of escapism allowing the audience to put them-selves in the place of the main character.

The basis for the stories idea comes from an ongoing “escape and evasion” style of dream that I have had for many years. The rest of the story is an accumulation of things that I’ve been involved with or are interested in. The information about wait-a-while and malaria for example comes from painful personal experience. The idea, discussion and understanding of guerillas emanates from an SBS documentary. It was about the capture and rescue of Íngrid Betancourt from FARC guerillas in Colombia. The understanding of the politics of the individuals, and how each sub group involved has a different agenda, was reinforced by David Kilcullens book, “The Accidental Guerrilla: Fighting Small Wars in the Midst of a Big One” (2009).

The writing process was assisted by attending the tutorials. During the tutorial we were asked to think about the house where the character lived which was beneficial on two levels. Instead of thinking about one possibility I imagined three and post hoc tried to envisage which one would be best. This exercise also highlighted that my character had no motivator. This allowed me to achieve two outcomes it gave my character somewhere to live and a motivator to give the story momentum. The ending has evolved through different outcomes. It was initially the reaction to the events on waking. On reflection this did not see to have the desired resonance for the reader and was changed to give it a more forceful impact. The short story; hard to get right, but a powerful format.

Bibliography:

Grace, J 2001, The Devils larder, Viking /Penguin, London.

Kilcullen, D 2009, The Accidental Guerrilla: Fighting Small Wars in the Midst of a Big One, Scribe Publications, Carlton North.

Moorhouse, F 1987, Room Service, Penguin, Ringwood.

Songfacts.com, 2011, Asshole-Dennis Leary, Songfacts,

Viewed 30 August 2011, <http://www.songfacts.com/detail.php?id=15352>.

Result 41/50

The Short Story Course Journal, Adelaide Uni

2011-12-05T20:34:00.001-08:00

The Short Story Journal

Course: 3120_ENGL_2045

Date: 15^th Sept 2011

Contents

Rioters London 2011

Riot Police

Fuck the Dispassionate Third Person Narrator!

Yes Corporal!

The dawning age of the short story writer

They’re not dead yet!

Rupert doing it tough

Parrakie, South Australia, Map

White Settlement

Gift of the Magi Alternate Ending

Rioters London 2011

Word is you’ve got no money!

Lecture Notes

Write a story based on the following picture:

Rioters London 2011

^{^[1]}

I’m sick of this bullshit!

Old bill, CCTV

It’s worse than Orwell’s 1984

Got busted

Screwed by the courts

But “Despite all my rage I am still just a rat in a cage” ^{^[2]}

No money

No job

No hope

Today’s the day, I Fuckin’ take what’s coming to me

“Fuck you I wont do what you tell me,

Fuck you I wont do what you tell me

Fuck you I wont do what you tell me”^{^[3]}

Riot Police

“Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil.” (Psalm 23)

Thump! Thump! Thump!

Baton on shield

Get the adrenalin pumping

Right, let’s get this done

Keep the line straight

Push! Push! Push!

Controlled aggression

Come on, we’re getting traction

Hold the line

Gas! Gas! Gas!

Canister deployed

Ahh Shit! Paint balls and bricks

Here comes the push back

Hold! Hold! Hold!

The thin blue line

Fuck the Dispassionate Third Person Narrator!

Military History- tells the facts not the truth.

Bravo company advanced on hill x with two dead and three enemy killed.

It gives no indication of the smell, or the adrenalin rush. The elation at having overcome the toughest opponent of them all, “the one that can think reason and shoot back” (unattributed)!

What about the sorrow and shock of losing mates? Fuck the government’s agenda, he watched my back when I needed him, I owe him a debt that can’t be repaid. The government is never going to hug his kids; it’s never going to replace his humour or potential.

Yeah I’m bitter, well fuck you!

He was a good bloke.

Yes Corporal!

By the right, quick march, left right, left right, left right, left

Swing your arms in time you quamby, give me 20.

If brains were dynamite you wouldn’t have enough to clear your ears, give me 20.

Get me a goffa, give me 20

Get me a durry, give me 20

If you don’t shut up, I’ll rip off both your arms, shove them up your arse and push you round like a wheel barrow, give me 20.

Hurry up people, give me 20

Complete bloody furphy, give me 20

Somewhere son, is a village with no idiot & your it!

[5]

Unknown soldiers marching in Melbourne

The dawning age of the short story writer

They’re not dead yet!

“Postmodernist thought is an intentional departure from modernist approaches that had previously been dominant.”[6] (wikipedia, 2011)

The age of the short story writer is coming, but the transition from the old landscape and adaptation to the new reality will be brutal!

Books are a commodity[7] and while writers continue to use the current infrastructure that is based on turning their highly valuable intellectual property into mass produced commodity they will continue to suffer. The book retailing business is currently in turmoil and it’s the consumers fault[8]. As some one who is forced to buy books (for Uni) that aren’t worth the sticker price, of the 32 books I’ve purchased in the last three years I’ve kept three and given the rest away. This is intern reinforced by the fact that I’ve had no earned income for three years. Purchasing a book has come down to price. Having been forced economically down this path the thought now is “why pay the publisher/printer when what I really want is to pay for the writer’s time and insights”.

That is a problem if writers aren’t prepared to give up the notion of publishers, dead trees and bookshops. It comes down to shortening the supply line. This will be a big call as these things are part of the fabric of writers’ lives, emotional attachments, self image etc.

As Mike Masnich from tech crunch discusses:

“But the truth is that the main advantage these particular gatekeepers had was in distribution. They controlled the gates to distribution, and knew they could charge huge rents to get through. Copyright was merely the mechanism that built the gates, but the fact that there was a gate at all was a function of technology. Now technology has done away with that, and opened up the playing field wide. So wide that gates are meaningless, and the real focus needs to be on enabling content providers to do amazing things to stand out in the wide open field. But that's got nothing to do with copyright”[9]

Shortening the supply line to reduce cost, dismantling and replacing copyright and digital versions leads to the question “Is it available electronically?” With the old business this creates a huge problem, as soon as there is one electronic copy available the replication cost is zero and the free-wheeling nature of the internet mean copyright is ineffectual, virtually unenforceable and therefore after the initial showing the material is free.

In the search for a solution the current artistic business models offer some potential solutions that could be worked with and adapted. The comedian seems to have the toughest time of all artists because of the consistent need for new material and another audience. This is because you can’t tell the same joke to the same audience twice. In the past writers have been able to write a novel send it off to the publishers, do a book tour, kick back and wait for the royalty cheques. These days are fast running out.

The power of the short story (yarn, joke, bullshit) has not gone away, if writers were to get back on to their soap box, into the pub, sit around a camp fire or the street corners, these have gone virtual and 6,930,055,154 people[10] are potentially involved every day.

The problem is how to make money? If you hear a song that you like you are happy to listen to it many times, the nature of a short story is once read you loose interest. In the new model the short story writer like the comedian needs to produce new work on a regular basis to get people to pay to see his “gig” but is happy when his punters tell there friends the joke because it encourages their friends to pay to see him. In marketing speak this is encouraging a following in the early adopter’s part of the market. Writers can create the same situation by creating a blog (website) that either charges consumers a fee, uses banner ads or pay per click to generate income.

If the innovators and early adopters become evangelists and convert the early majority and buy the next story at a low price (or free) it opens up the market and provides the writers with a much greater potential income.

3 Blog’s That Make A Lot Of Money Online[11]

Rank	Website	Owner	Monthly Earnings	Main Income
1	The Huffington Post	Arianna Huffington	$2,330,000	Pay Per Click
2	Mashable	Pete Cashmore	$560,000	Advertising Banners
3	Perez Hilton	Mario Lavandeira	$450,000	Advertising Banners

The volume of information that people are forced to consume daily mean that relaxing with a good book is less attractive. The writer has a much shorter time frame to tell their story. The short story blog also allows much greater input by the reader, if you can’t hear the audience clap or boo you have no sense how your going. It “shines a light on excellence” and allows an almost instantaneous response, hopefully giving an incentive to carry on or “step your game up”.

Breaker Morant[12]

Henry Lawson[13]

Lets put the “rock star back”[14] into writing and make it financially attractive and cool, not sleazy (thanks for your help Mr Murdoch) and poorly paid. Welcome to the dawning age of the short story writer!

Rupert doing it tough

“My Precious”

Now heres a bloke with huge sunk costs, holding on to the old ways, and the power they brought, really tightly. Even though his empire doesn’t rely on publishing any more he personally is finding the transition extremely difficult.[15]

Gift of the Magi Alternate Ending

Whilst no financial relief do the holidays bring, time for reflection a change in mindset is afforded.

Trading worldly goods did not replace the things of true value they had in abundance. Physical objects could never replace love, respect & self sacrifice. How could these things be compared with the passing value of trinkets?

Insights into the creation of money from thin hair, trade and arbitrage, give greater scope to live in a world with financial success, love, beauty and hope.

*I don’t think I understood this story? Maybe the ending wasn’t the ‘put down’ that I understood? I still think that if I’ve read the ending a number of times and not been able to decipher its meaning the writer has missed the point. I read a SEO (Search Engine Optimisation) blog in which they’d done some research into a company’s web site which they discovered that it was very ‘sticky’ for older people. They were very proud of this until they worked out that the site was so confusing that it took a long time to work out how to use, but older people were prepared to persist. The take away for the SEO Company was a generational change in attitude:

“Older: if I can’t work it out I must be an idiot.

Younger: If I can’t work it out you must be an idiot.” (unattributed)

I can’t work the ending of this story out, who is the idiot?

Parrakie, South Australia, Map

White Settlement

[16]Fruit trees, scrub and remanets of Ma Monka’s house Baan Hill, South Australia

A soak is an area where underground water comes close enough to the surface to be accessed by humans and animals. Dry conditions mean animals are attracted which makes hunting easier. The Ngarkat aboriginal tribe were experts in this field. Because of limited carrying capacity each soak could be no more that two days walk apart. The soaks form an intricate chain in a sequence of stepping stones allowing the Ngarkat to move from summer to winter food sources. The dreaming about the soaks that form this chain is so old that some of the animals have become extinct and the stories have become myth. The delicate balance between this interconnection of myth and reality was extremely fine, in a strong yet brittle relationship. On the 27 January 1822 as the Ngarkat walked over the sand dunes the Baan Hill soak was dry.

Word is you’ve got no money!

Sunshine, lollipops and

rainbows,

Everything that's

wonderful is what I feel when,

we're together, (Lesly Gore)

What are you lot doing here? You’re making the place look untidy

What do you want?

When you came into ask for a loan did you see “charitable institution” written above the door?

You card carrying, hand holding, fucking hippie!

If you think this loan will get up just because you want it to,

Because it’s nice, because it will save the planet,

Your kidding yourself!

No, It’s not the governments fault, It’s not banks fault

You are the problem!

How much money have you got?

Oh isn’t this nice? The only money you’ve got is what the government saved for you and called superannuation.

Oh looked you stopped investing in the “lets all hold hands together” super fund because the return started to slip and invested it in the “show me the money you bastards” fund.

Do you think that investment returns just appear out of thin air?

Super funds invest in companies

Companies are simple creatures

Companies make profits and return dividends

If they don’t investors take their money out

Each year the investors want more profits

Companies are ruthless with costs

Guess what? Airy fairy loans that have no possibility of being paid, just like yours get nixed!

Tell your story walking and don’t let the door hit you on the ass on the way out.

Lecture Notes:

Week 1:

Character

•Cannot be separated from action/plot

•considered in relation to point of view

Character & point of view

•Omniscient author-narrator

•omniscient narrator

•Character as narrator

A character might be implied

Imagined,projected, another aspect of a character’s personality, absent but affecting another character, etc.)

Protagonist

•Lead character

•revolves around the protagonist

Antagonist

Character who opposes protagonist

Minor characters

•Have a specific function

Who is this character?

•Gender?, Age?, Race?, Nationality?

Direct characterisation

•Appearance, Speech, Action, Thought

‘The Iceberg Theory’

Much of what readers know about any given character is never stated remains submerged

Week 2:

Plot versus Story

Gus Freytag 1863, rise, climax, fall

Plot: the author rearranges time sequence

Story: events arranged in time sequence.’

Week 3:

Narrative Point of View

•From where is the writer telling us the story?

•What frame is being placed on the subject?

•Whose story?

•Should the story be told by the main character?

What choices are there?

•The first person - using the ‘I’ narrator

•The second person - using ‘you’

•The third person - which normally describes the characters as he or she

The first person narrator

•Voice of the protagonist (his or her own story).

•Witness who tells of an event.

•That of the re-teller, where the ‘I’ tells a story first told by someone else.

Third person narration

There are generally three types:

•Third person omniscient

•Third person limited or intimate (or subjective)

Week 4:

Theme: Race & Class

§ No answers, just questions, frame ideas, develop instinct for good ideas

Concentrate on detail, Show don’t tell, should not be reduced to cliché, Can’t state the theme.

Week 5:

Setting, Atmosphere & Environment

What makes the story different & engaging

Convince the reader to believe

Setting should enhance the story

Draw maps of character

About a moment in time

Sir Walter Scott. 1771–1832

SOUND, sound the clarion, fill the fife!

To all the sensual world proclaim,

One crowded hour of glorious life

Is worth an age without a name.

Result: 6/10

[1] http://coto2.wordpress.com/2010/11/10/50000-london-students-riot-against-conservatives/, viewed 16 September 2011.

[2] http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bullet_with_Butterfly_Wings, 1995, viewed 16 September 2011

[3] http://www.ratm.net/lyrics/kil.html, 1992, viewed 16 September 2011

[4] http://www.artmonthly.org.au/artnotes.asp?aID=5&issueNumber=206, viewed 14 September 2011

[5] http://www.slv.vic.gov.au/argus/0/1/2/doc/an012215.shtml, viewed 14 September.

[6] Wikipedia, 2011, “Postmodernism”, viewed 3rd September 2011, <http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Postmodernism>

[7] www.booko.com.au

[8] http://www.allsp.com/, season 8 episode 9, “Wallmart comes to Southpark

[9] Masnick, M, 2011, “Why Are We Letting An Obsolete Gatekeeper Drive The Debate On Anything?, viewed 3 September 2011, <http://www.techdirt.com/articles/20110823/02531915631/why-are-we-letting-obsolete-gatekeeper-drive-debate-anything.shtml>

[10] www.internetworldstats.com, viewed 15 September 2011.

[11] http://www.incomediary.com/top-earning-blogs/, viewed 11 September 2011

[12] http://seanlinnane.blogspot.com/2010/01/breaker-morant.html, viewed 11 September 2011.

[13] http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Henry_Lawson, viewed 11 September 2011.

[14] http://www.ted.com/talks/lang/eng/chris_anderson_how_web_video_powers_global_innovation.html, viewed 11 September 2011.

[15] http://newstechnica.com/2009/11/10/murdoch-announces-plan-to-cut-off-nose/, viewed 11 September 2011.

[16] http://www.panoramio.com/photo/20351851?source=wapi&referrer=www.panoramio.com, viewed 14 September 2011.