Infants experiment with biting

Every infant experiments with biting. Babies bite their teething toys, their mommy’s breast, their pacifier, or the fingers or shoulders of their parents. Usually, the parent’s immediate flinch or cry of surprise communicates to the child that biting hurts, and after a few experiments, the child has learned enough about biting to move on. The experiments cease. There’s nothing bad or wrong with these biting experiments: the baby is doing what he or she must do to learn.

It helps the learning process if the adult responds with a loud “Ouch! Please don’t bite me,” but doesn’t blame, punish, or lecture the baby. The baby needs to experiment in order to learn, so a few painful moments will be necessary before the learning process has taken its course.

Parents must guard their own safety with an infant who is exploring biting. For instance, it doesn’t make sense to put your finger in the mouth of a baby who is exploring biting, if he has teeth!

Toddlers bite when they feel afraid or frustrated

By the time a child has reached toddler age, he has learned that biting hurts. Seldom is a bite from a toddler an experiment. You might think, “Well, if he knows it hurts, why does he decide to do it?”

In my view, toddlers don’t decide to bite. They are generous beings at heart, and they don’t want to hurt anyone. A toddler bites because a big wave of tension has suddenly flooded his brain. He doesn’t plan this, and he doesn’t know how to stop it. Toddlers’ biting is like a sneeze or a cough—his body does it for internal reasons that aren’t under his control.

One of the main reasons toddlers bite is because they are feeling afraid or frustrated. When they haven’t had their fill of close, relaxed time with their parents or caregivers, or when stress has risen in their lives, they may not express the fears or frustrations through natural outlets like crying and tantrums. To them, the situation doesn’t feel favorable for expressing lots of feelings. But the feelings rumble nevertheless, and when they become intolerable, biting can occur.

Toddlers need an outlet for their feelings

Toddlers need chances to express their frustrations, fears, and other upsets on a daily basis. They want to be close to Mommy and Daddy, but mommies and daddies have to work, shop, fix meals, talk on the phone, and take care of other children. Toddlers in childcare want to be treasured by their caregivers, but caregivers have many children to consider.

So tension builds, one little disappointment or lonely moment at a time. A day’s ordinary events can easily leave a toddler feeling upset and alone, although nothing an adult would consider “difficult” has happened.

For instance, if a parent is gone for a night on business, a toddler doesn’t understand her absence. He feels afraid and tries to cry, hoping to heal his fears and sadness in the arms of someone who loves him and will listen. But the well-meaning caregiver believes that the toddler will feel better if he doesn’t cry, and gives him a bottle or puts him to sleep. The next day in childcare, he bites a child. He tried to release his tensions, but couldn’t. So the feelings he stuffed away jump out in the form of biting. He doesn’t know why, and he didn’t choose to bite. He was simply too full of tension to function well.

Both current tensions and stored tensions can cause a child to bite

The tensions that drive toddlers to bite can arise from things that have recently happened. The birth of a sibling, the absence of a parent, witnessing violence on TV, a change in caregivers, or moving from one apartment to another are the kinds of things that can cause a child to bite.

The fact that a toddler has feelings that are being expressed in biting isn’t the fault of the parent, or of the toddler. Biting is like a runny nose: it’s common, it’s not fun for the child or the parents, and it can affect other children adversely, but it’s not the sign that anyone is “bad.”

Sometimes, the most likely explanation for biting is that it’s driven by feelings that come from events at the beginning of a child’s life, rather than by current tensions. For instance, I know several toddlers who would bite or lash out at other children when there was no unusual stress that their parents could identify. Usually, this aggression would arise when children were sitting or playing together in close quarters.

When we began to try to figure out what tensions might be operating, we found that each of these children had experienced a difficult birth. Each had been born after a long labor or after being stuck in the birth canal for some time. We guessed—with young children, guessing is the best one can do—that children crowding close might trigger strong, early feelings of being trapped and in danger.

Toddlers may also bite out of frustration. To be a toddler is to see a vast number of interesting things people do, and to think, “I want to do that!” The toddler doesn’t know that he doesn’t yet have the power or coordination to fully succeed. It is a hopeful and a frustrating time of life.

When a toddler’s tantrums—his natural, healthy, and tension-relieving response to frustration—aren’t allowed, a child’s frustration can build until he can’t stand to be close to other children. He bites or lashes out, because the buildup of frustration inside him has had no permissible outlet.

You don’t need to know the reason a child is biting

Guessing why a child bites can be helpful in predicting when this behavior will arise, so that you can be close at hand to intervene to help the child and protect other children. But to help a child, you don’t need to understand the source of the tensions. Whether you have thought of a likely cause or not, your helpful actions will be the same.

Help a child release tensions in productive ways

Biting doesn’t release a child’s inner tension. A child feels much worse after he’s bitten someone, even if he appears to be indifferent. Hurting someone adds to his load of upset, and the guilt he feels makes him look like he doesn’t care. But inside, he’s more frightened than before.

When a child has bitten someone, get close. Tell him gently that you’re sorry you didn’t get there in time to keep things safe. Then, move so that you can look into his eyes, and ask him if he can tell you how he feels. You won’t usually get words of explanation, but you will get a child who feels so badly that he can’t look at you, and can’t connect. He will usually begin to writhe and squirm.

If you keep gently trying to make eye contact, and tell him you want to be with him right now, a child will often be able to move into releasing feelings through crying or a tantrum. Sometimes a child will begin to laugh, rather than cry or storm, as he tries to wiggle away. That is a good sign. Laughter is often the first step in the tension release process.

All the child needs to keep releasing the tension that caused him to bite is your kindness, and your attempt to connect. You don’t need to be the child’s parent to be the one to help. Any nearby, caring, patient adult is a good person to intervene. A child over the top with tension needs a listener, any listener. If the listener isn’t his parent, he is likely to cry about wanting his parent. Those may be the feelings at the root of his biting behavior.

You don’t need to wait until another bite occurs

There two strategies that are proactive and begin having a good effect quickly. They are Special Time and Staylistening.

Special Time

The first step to helping a child who bites is to strengthen his ability to feel your attention and love. Special Time is an ideal tool for this step.

Set a length of time, anywhere from three to twenty minutes, tell him how long it will be, set a timer if you have one, and then get close. Offer warmth, eye contact, and enthusiasm, and play the way the child wants to play.

If he’s playing in a manner that excludes you, keep offering gentle touch and eye contact. If he finds a way to laugh with you—without you tickling him—try to keep the laughter going, because laughter releases tension and helps children feel safe and understood. When the time is over, let him know that you enjoyed playing with him, and that there will be another Special Time soon.

Special Time, done daily or several times in a week, will encourage a child to show you his feelings as they arise. He may start crying when you leave, or have a tantrum instead of sulking when he doesn’t get an extra cookie.

This is progress, although some people might interpret it as “regression.” Special Time has warmed up the relationship. Your child bursts into tears because he feels close enough to you to hope that you’ll fold him in your arms and say, “I’m sorry you feel so upset. I’ll listen.”

Staylistening

Children who have begun to bite are signaling that they have big feelings that need to be heard. These feelings are carried to the surface by small pretexts such as not wanting to get into the car seat, not wanting to undress for a bath, or not being able to give up playing in order to go to day care. The child wants and needs someone to lovingly listen while he releases his feelings through crying or tantrums.

Staylistening gives the child this chance. When the parent or caregiver notices that feelings are about to erupt, the child will benefit if he moves close, drops other expectations for a time, and listens with warmth. Children know exactly how to unload tension. Parents and caregivers have the opportunity to revamp their responses, so that crying and tantrums can do the wonderful but time-consuming job of dissolving the feelings that are at the root of biting and other difficult behavior.

As parents and caregivers, we need to train ourselves to think, “Oh, good, a tantrum. He trusts me, and he’s had quite a day!” or “Ahhh. She’s going to cry for awhile now. It’ll be nice to take some time to connect with her—I’ve been rushing all day long.”

Used consistently, Special Time and Staylistening will provide a release valve for the tensions that cause a child to bite. It may take awhile—toddlers usually have a full storehouse of tension by the time they begin to bite. But if you listen until a child is done crying, you will him relax, and play more freely. He will show you more of the emotional storms he hopes you’ll help him with, rather than tightening up until he lashes out.

Toddlers may also bite when times are especially sweet and close

Sometimes, a parent will be snuggling and playing affectionately with their delighted toddler. when their child bites them out of the blue. It’s a shock, and feels like an insult! After it happens a second time, parents become wary of playing at close range. They can’t understand why their own child bites them during the sweetest of playtimes.

The chance to snuggle and laugh and have a parent beam at him delightedly is deeply reassuring for a child. He absorbs as much of the parent’s love and delight as he can. He feels safe. So his instinct to signal for help takes over. A bite in the middle of warm, close play means, “I’m ready to tell you about some big feelings, but I need you to help me release them.”

When you have been bitten, it’s smart to react with as little fluster as possible. Hold your child close, and say something like, “Honey, I can’t let you bite me. Tell me what’s on your mind.” Offer eye contact, and stay very close. The feel of your attention and your willingness to listen will help your child progress from biting but having no feelings about it—fears make most people, big and small, numb to their feelings—to feeling upset, panicked, or frustrated. Stay close and supportive. Your attention helps the child focus on the feelings he needs to express and heal. Your attention is a balm that, when he’s finished, he will fold deeply into his heart.

Hold a child safely “on the edge” of biting

Once your child has bitten you in the midst of affectionate play, be on the lookout for him to lunge for you again when you play with warmth and closeness. If you can catch a child who is ready to bite just before he has gotten to you, and put your hand on his forehead, you’ll be able to keep yourself safe and he’ll be able to notice the tensions that drive him to bite.

Gently hold him, inches away from the bite he feels driven to take, and tell him, “I’m not going to let you bite me, dear,” in a tone that lets him know you’re ready to help him. Offer your support and attention, and don’t let your child change the subject. He will either laugh hard and release tension safely that way, or begin to cry hard because he finally has the safety he needs. Your support helps him feel the fear that’s bothering him.

Don’t shame, blame, or punish a child who bites

A child can’t help that his feelings are packed in so tightly that biting occurs. He has tried to cry, and tried to tantrum, but has not yet gotten the support he needs to release feelings of fear or frustration. You can help, whether you’re a parent, a caregiver, a grandparent, or a friend. Every child will move away from biting, as soon as the release of his pent-up feelings allows him to relax and feel safe. Children who bite are good children in need of a good cry, in the arms of a caring adult.

http://www.handinhandparenting.org/news/14/64/What-to-do-When-Your-Toddler-Bites

http://www.cdc.gov/safechild/Falls/index.html  FACTS from CDC

We all want to keep our children safe and secure and help them live to their full potential. Knowing how to prevent leading causes of child injury, like falls, is a step toward this goal.

Falls are the leading cause of non-fatal injuries for all children ages 0 to 19. Every day, approximately 8,000 children are treated in U.S. emergency rooms for fall-related injuries. This adds up to almost 2.8 million children each year.

Thankfully, many falls can be prevented, and parents and caregivers can play a key role in protecting children.

Prevention Tips

Play safely. Falls on the playground are a common cause of injury. Check to make sure that the surfaces under playground equipment are safe, soft, and well- maintained (such as wood chips or sand, not dirt or grass).

Make your home safer. Use home safety devices, such as guards on windows that are above ground level, stair gates, and guard rails. These devices can help keep a busy, active child from taking a dangerous tumble.

Keep sports safe. Make sure your child wears protective gear during sports and recreation. For example, when in-line skating,  use wrist guards, knee and elbow pads, and a helmet.

Supervision is key. Supervise young children at all times around fall hazards, such as stairs and playground equipment, whether you’re at home or out to play.

1. Be prepared. More than a Boy/Girl Scout motto, this principle applies in adult relationships as well. Rehearse what you want to say and how you want to say it.
2. Remember that emotions are contagious. The way you talk to this adult is likely the way they will respond to you. Set the tone with respect, courtesy, and dignity.
3. Share what you’d like to see as an outcome. While you cannot control others, you can ask for what you want. The more specific the request, the better.
4. Listen to their point of view. These “critical conversations” aren’t about winning — they are about making meaningful contact with another person. Allowing them to share their reaction to what you have to say is important.
5. Make agreements. Change happens when two or more people make meaningful agreements. Brainstorm what you can agree upon. Agreements are the gateway to change. Map out what both of you will change. How will you mark progress? How will you hold one another accountable for change?

Week of the Young Child visitors to celebrate Early Years are the Learning Years! 

     Tuesday – Large Motor Movement, Yoga with Ms. Darci. 

     Wednesday – Storytelling/Literacy  with Mark    Herring.

     Friday – Lasers and Lights/Science  with Dan Bialke

Thank you so much to all our volunteers!

Gardening offers everything a teacher could want when developing curriculum to draw children into their world. As in other fertile curriculum topics, gardening provides opportunities for children to develop socially and emotionally, individually and as a community. The work involved in gardening supports children’s physical development, nourishes all their senses, and helps them learn to slow down and observe carefully. In addition, the knowledgeable teacher can use gardening as a basis for a full intellectual curriculum, incorporating language and literacy, science and math concepts, social sciences, and the arts. Finally, gardening offers a unique opportunity for teachers to foster dispositions, or “habits of mind,” such as curiosity, cooperativeness, respect for living things, persistence, and caring, that will serve children well throughout their lives (Katz 1993, 6).

PHYSICAL, SOCIAL, AND EMOTIONAL DEVELOPMENT

Young children are sensory learners, and gardening calls to all their senses. The visual impact of flowers, vegetables, and living creatures pulls them into the garden, where they immediately reach out to touch the growing plants. They notice the fragrance of flowers and herbs, hear the grasses rustle in the wind and the hum of the bumblebee as she settles on a coneflower. They pick mint, perhaps tasting the herb for the first time in its natural state. Later, they harvest vegetables and herbs to use in cooking activities, and maybe try a food for the first time because they grew it themselves.

Gardening is movement and children need to move. They can’t help it. Ask a group of three-year-olds to sit still, then observe how much harder this is for them than running and climbing. We’ve always known that movement helps bodies grow, and now researchers have confirmed that it is also necessary for brain development.

The garden gives children a place to practice both fine and gross motor skills with purpose. Children dig holes to plant seeds or seedlings. They pick up tiny seeds and place them in a hole or broadcast them carefully over a wide space. They collect mulch in wheelbarrows and spread it on the garden, then hold the hose as they sprinkle water over the growing plants. Weeding requires careful selection and removal of unwanted plants. Picking flowers takes skill and practice; pull too hard and the roots come up, cut too high up and there is no stem to put in the vase. Some flowers can be broken off; some need to be cut with scissors. When the children harvest vegetables, they must use the right amount of pressure in removing the desired part of the plant to avoid damaging the remaining part.

Social growth occurs when children work in groups in the garden. They learn to listen to each other and share what they know. Because their experiences differ, they learn from each other. They develop social skills as they encounter situations that involve taking turns, compromising, and sharing. Patience and the ability to tolerate delays evolve as children learn that their turn does come when they work cooperatively with others.

Children and adults all have to work cooperatively in the garden. This is a group project, and negotiation is sometimes necessary when determining what to grow, who will do what task, how to carry out a needed job, or what to do with the harvest. Everyone has to work together to solve problems when they occur, building a sense of teamwork.

Children develop confidence as they work in the garden. They conquer fears as they encounter new creatures in their explorations, examine them, hold them in their hands, and return them to their homes. Even children who don’t like to get dirty are drawn to a session of planting flowers. They dig with trowels and, though they may don gloves or grab the stem of the plant to avoid touching the soil, they participate. The garden is responsive to children with disabilities or to those who are just learning the common language of their school. Many plants take very little skill to grow, and a good teacher can include everyone.

Gardens are beautiful. Many teachers in recent years have begun to recognize that institutional-style buildings and classrooms lack the aesthetic qualities that are necessary to foster a deep appreciation of life in children. Adding a garden softens the outdoor classroom area and adds a focal point that changes the quality of the playground experience. By bringing flowers or foliage cuttings from the garden inside, children and teachers can do the same for the indoor classroom.

Anyone who enjoys gardening knows the sense of calm that comes from handling the soil, tucking seedlings tenderly away, watching the plants and animals that inhabit the garden.

The garden demands that people wait. Plants grow at their own pace. The garden gives children opportunities to slow down and take time to explore in detail. Children who observe closely will notice small changes from day to day, large changes from week to week. They learn the need for patience and careful observation. They learn to nurture.

With gardening, teachers can create private spaces for children. Much has been written about the need for children who are in group programs for much of the day to have some privacy. In fact, while teachers occasionally take breaks, children are usually not allowed to leave the classroom. They are often expected to remain with a large group of other people for nine hours a day, or even longer. As adults, we know the importance of building in time to be alone, to think, to observe from a distance. Garden spaces can give children this opportunity. Teachers can build a special structure (such as a trellis house) with this end in mind, or plant so that small, protective spaces are left. Whether the space is under a low-hanging tree, behind a bush, between rows of plantings, or within a carefully constructed sunflower house, children will appreciate the joining of solitude with the comfort of natural elements.

From Hollyhocks and Honeybees:Garden Projects for Young Children by Sara Starbuck, Marla Olthof, and Karen Midden, © 2002. Reprinted with permission of Redleaf Press, St. Paul, MN; www.redleafpress.org.

Wherever you decide to put your garden, let your child choose what he wants to plant. Be sure to do your own research first so you know what’s in season and what will grow well in your climate. Planting small plants, in addition to seeds, will give your child something to look at while waiting for seeds to sprout. But don’t skip the seeds altogether, your child may grow impatient waiting for things to happen, but it will be worth the wait! Discuss with your child what a plant needs to grow and have him help you plant the seeds or plants. Involve your child in the watering and, if you end up growing some vegetables, the harvesting.

You may want to do some experiments to help your child understand why a plant needs certain things to grow. What happens if you don’t water some of the plants, will they grow as well? What about if you water too much? Will a seed grow if you plant it in the sand instead of the soil? Does the amount of sun a plant gets affect how it will grow? Try planting some seeds (of the same variety) and experimenting with different factors. Give one a lot of water, and don’t water another one quite as much. Plant one in a very shady spot and another in a spot that gets lots of sun. You can easily recreate these experiments indoors by using several paper cups and planting the same seeds in each one. Give them different amounts of water, or place the cups in places in your house that will get different amounts of sun. Don’t forget to help your child create a research journal to note her observations! Take some pictures every few days to document your growing plant. Create a collage with the photos, you’ll be amazed at how much your plant grows in a relatively short time.

You may have some seeds in your kitchen and you don’t even know it! Dry beans and avocado pits are especially good because they’ll give your child an opportunity to watch the plant grow out of the top and the roots sprout from the bottom. For beans, place some damp cotton balls in a zipper baggie, place several beans on the cotton and seal the bag. Place the bag in a sunny spot (perhaps tape it to a window) and it will sprout quickly. For avocado pits, stick toothpicks in the pit so that it can balance on top of a cup. Fill the cup with water until the bottom half of the pit is covered with water. As the water evaporates, add more to ensure that the bottom third to half of the pit stays in water. Change the water every few weeks. Be patient, an avocado pit could take a month or two to germinate! Experiment with other seeds in the food you eat, such as apple seeds or watermelon seeds.

Happy growing!

Alison
April 5, 2012  http://www.savvysource.com

Before you go out and buy a pound of jelly beans, take a moment to think about that mound of candy you’ll end up with at the end of the day. Then consider these twenty fun alternatives for filling the eggs for your Easter hunt.

1. Cool erasers. These Japanese puzzle erasers are a hit with the little ones.

2. Stickers. Cut out one or two stickers per egg. These are pretty darn cute.

3. Pennies and other coins. Kids love collecting change!

4. Lottery scratch tickets. For a laugh.

5. Whistles. Just to add to the festive atmosphere.

6. Bouncy balls. Because the Easter Bunny loves to bounce.

7. Stamps. Both the postal and the decorative kind are popular with kids.

8. Costume jewelry. A string of beads or a sparkly ring will fit nicely into an Easter egg.

9. Herbal sachets. A lovely sensory surprise.

10. Seed packets. An invitation to partake in spring.

11. Finger puppets. Aren’t these cunning?

12. Tattoos. A little Easter egg on a chubby hand makes a kid smile.

13. Matchbook cars.  For speedy Easter getaways!

14. Band-Aids. What kid doesn’t love character-themed bandaids?

15. Chapstick or lip balm.  Preferably the “smelly” kind.

16. Squinkies, or other tiny animals figures.

17. Fake gems.

18. Lego people.

19. Hair ties and barrettes.

20. A love note from the one and only Easter Bunny.