Sarah Siders

Making bread and other tranquil things

2013-02-20T06:00:00.000-06:00

I got one of those ideas in my head a couple weeks ago. I wanted to make bread.

I could see myself quietly kneading the dough, rolling in the yeast, slowly, methodically, rhythmically. Connecting with an ancient tradition. It seemed so lovely.

Josh told me we had yeast, which I didn't think we had. It stressed me out a little to know that because that meant I really had no obstacles between me and the bread-making fantasy.

Then I realized we had no flour because the weevils got to it. Which made me feel better.

Something about making things from scratch turns this girl a little nervous. I'm so afraid to mess it up. I'm afraid the moments in my head will turn into flour-covered disaster, with John careening through the house covered in white powder. And suddenly the walls and the furniture need to be cleaned. And the bread would be forgotten.

A moment made more tragic less by mess and more by disappointment.

So I went to the store and I bought more yeast. I told myself the old yeast might have gone bad. And I bought wheat flour since I believe that I am into that sort of thing, even though I drink Coke and eat candy bars.

I put the molasses and the oil on the counter with the measuring cups. And then I waited some more. Bread-making required the perfect moment. I just needed to wait for it.

Tonight my friends are coming for dinner. My friend who cooks with a Julia Child's cookbook, who knows how to poach an egg.

It's a good thing she is not judgmental.

In my internet searchings, I found this short film from Kinfolk, the hipster crowd you secretly want to hang out with. They make everyday life look extravagantly beautiful with their aged film treatment and typography, the nearly-sedating music. It's nearly impossible to be stressed while watching this film. I realize the unidentified star of this film doesn't have a two year-old in the background who just lobbed his toothbrush into the toilet.

But still, it's so peaceful, so slow. You can't rush, can't hyperventilate. Please enjoy this beautiful film and reconnect with slowness.

the art of making bread from tiger in a jar on Vimeo.

After viewing this, I did make my own bread. How could I not? John was down for a nap, and the house went quiet. I tuned in to the Album Leaf station on Pandora, lit a candle, and gave myself the hours. Here is the recipe I used, which is a video from All Recipes. It's pretty tranquil as well.

Here is the result of my process. I was proud. Not bad for a first-timer.

The recipe did make three loaves. I gave one way and gobbled up the rest with help from the boys. It's something I will certainly do again soon.

Why we need all five

2013-02-18T06:00:00.000-06:00

I've been craving curry lately. Spicy things: salsa...that's all I can think of.

It's one of those times I wonder if I'm pregnant. Oh, wait. I always do.

As I sat finishing my Thai yellow curry this afternoon, skin sweating just a little, nose on the runny side, I thought about what this biological urge for spicy might mean. And it reminded me the Chinese already figured it out.

Our bodies need five flavors to function, to maintain life flow and balance. I'm not sure what to make of their theory of qi and all that, but they're onto something with their approach to diet and health.

According to this article from PingMing Health, each of the five flavors in food impact a specific essential organ. I find this so fascinating.

Heart – Bitter
Liver – Sour

Spleen – Sweet

Lung – Spicy

Kidney – Salty

The functions of each flavor are relatively vague, but the article goes into more detail for each element. I recommend you read it.

Sour flavour can calm the body.

Bitter flavour can clear heat.

Sweet flavour can tonify the body.

Spicy flavour can expel wind and cold from the body.

Salty flavour can help the body to dissolve stagnation.

[photo cred: landsofwisdom.com]

The article describes the path of each food and how cravings aid in diagnosis:

"The famous ancient traditional Chinese medical text, Huangdi Neiing, records that after eating, sour flavoured foods goes to the liver first, bitter flavour goes to the heart first, sweet flavour go to the spleen first, spicy flavour goes to the lung first, and salty flavour goes to the kidney first.

The organs try to balance themselves through your diet. When an organ is sick, the body can tell you what organ may be impaired through cravings for a particular taste.In the clinic, we consider the flavours as part of the traditional Chinese medicine diagnosis, to discover what organs may be in disorder.

For example, my clients often complain of cravings for sweets, which usually indicates spleen deficiency, because the spleen organ likes sweets."

And of course, floaty philosopher that I am, I wonder what this tells us about our souls. How we stay in balanced in life.

And maybe how sometimes, the adventures or relationships we crave reveal the imbalances and lacks in our "soul diet".

Sometimes life offers us the flavor. A death of a loved one, the ending of a relationship, a hope or goal that fizzles on impact: these can send us reeling. And suddenly we're in a new flavored season, one of sour or bitter.

Primal beings that we are, we seek pleasure and avoid pain. We nearly always want sweet, or at least, we aim to avoid the bitter and the sour. But sometimes they come to us, and there is a balancing that happens.

These moments of pain and sorrow are the ones that make us human. We stop doubting Jesus' humanity when we see his loneliness and fear in the garden of Eden, his compassion at the lost hearts of people who had no one to care for them, his grief when his friends, Lazarus and John, died.

His humanity is vibrantly on display maybe not as much in his laughter or statements of irony, but most in his aching.

Pain makes us raw; reveals who we are. We stop propping up facades, and painful as it is, it's nice to let the fake go for a while. Maybe forever.

Then sometimes, we go in search of the missing flavors. We can feel our lives are missing the spicy, the adventures, the unexpected. Or the sweetness of companionship or feeling rightly fitted somewhere.

And I think that says something about where we are and what we need. In other words, the experiences we seek reveal what is missing. Seems obvious, right?

The problem arises when we try to forge the adventure ourselves, when we stop trusting in Someone who loves us more and out of fear of getting left out or being alone forever, we try to create the missing thing.

But it often feels empty when we do it ourselves.

I don't know what else to say but this: He made you this way, made me this way. He wants me to taste all the flavors. Wants his life flow active in my veins and mind and spirit. He wants me to taste the sweet, to have the spicy of adventure and the alive of the sour and the bitter. It's all part of being human.

And Jesus is there to remember with us in vivid color what it feels like to be fully alive, fully human, fully here. And he is fully with us. Always.

Crazy For Love Day 7: Lindsey + Ryan (and the whole family)

2013-02-16T06:00:00.000-06:00

Today is our last day of the Crazy For Love series. It's a story sent in by Lindsey, mom of two littles and the wife of Ryan. She lives her dream out at Beyond Motherhood, recording the moments of parenting two kids less than two years apart. I admit I don't know how she does it.

She wanted to share a few of the things she loves about her family, and she couldn't pick just one of them. Read on for Lindsey's list of things she loves:

"These are the ones I love. My first and true love, Ryan. The patient man whose calm strength guides our family. The little people who run wild with big smiles and never ending energy.

Our daughter Sarah, who is full of curiosity, spunk, and a healthy dose of drama.

Our little guy Andrew, whose smile can light up a room and who is a source of laughter and joy.

This is my family. When I look into their eyes, I see purpose, futures, potential, and lots of love!"

This concludes our wild week of Crazy For Love stories.
Thanks for reading. It's been so wonderful to hear from readers who have lives full of love, hasn't it? And it's been a great reminder to me to slow down and appreciate the beauty of my favorite people. I hope you've benefited from the stories as well.

Now it's our turn to be Crazy For Love, not just once a year or around the holidays, in everything, and especially in the small things.

Let's live lives full, enjoying and soaking up the precious moments with our favorites.

Soak them up, everyone. Soak them up.

{If you've missed a few of the stories, don't worry. Click here to read the entire series.}

Crazy For Love Day 6: Jessica + Ryan

2013-02-15T06:30:00.000-06:00

Today's Crazy For Love story comes to us from the East Coast, and really, it started all the way across the ocean, in Madrid, Spain, just a few years ago. It's a love story from my friend, "Ica", also known and Jessica and the love of her life, Ryan.

I remember when Ica was just getting to know Ryan, just letting herself fall in love, scary as it was. And we gushed across the miles, hoping the feeling was mutual.

And boy, was it!

It was a great day when they finally shared their "I like you too" feelings, and then the whole thing took off. These two are a pair I don't get to see often, but I thoroughly love it when I do. Their love for each other and for life is contagious. They know how to enjoy extravagance and simplicity, and how to make any old day fun and adventurous.

So let me introduce to you: Ryan + Jessica.

Oh my gosh, these two. They are such a crack up. I like them a lot.

Jessica tells us the story of what she was looking for most in a mate, and the moment she found it in Ryan. Here it is:

I asked him, “Would you describe yourself as whimsical?”

It was the first time we walked together in the city where we eventually fell in love.

He looked slightly amused and confused and didn’t stifle the laugh as he replied “Hmmm, I don’t know how to respond to that, why do you ask?

I didn’t answer, I need not have asked in the first place. He was whimsical, I knew it. And this meant that he possessed one of the most important qualities I was looking for in a soul mate. Life became a little more intriguing.

So we spent many days together that hot, dry August in Madrid. We wandered about the deserted city- long meandering walks where we spoke of life, music, people and nonsense. We ate red velvet cake with summer berries and always kept our eyes peeled for the rarely seen Spanish squirrels. He rode the carousel with me and wholeheartedly agreed that we should ride the pigs instead of the horses, giving them names and voicing their animated pig conversations as we swirled around.

“I like you.”

“Why...?”

“Because you play my games.”

I am introverted, oh so introverted...happy as a little clam to be alone, drinking in the world around me and smiling at its peculiarities. But, here was someone who noticed those same peculiarities and wanted to smile with me. What great fun it was! I had never felt so completely free to share the ridiculous part of myself. And, even more than that, to know that it is appreciated and loved.

He is a writer, a musician- an artist. He knows how to feel the fullness of life’s seriousness and has a beautiful way of expressing that which is solemn or even dark. This is one of the things I deeply admire about him.

But...what do I love about him? I love that he is whimsical.

Do tell. Could two people be more whimsical than this.

Happy Love Week, Month and Life to you both! And to all of us. Jessica, thank you for reminding us that playfulness, fun and friendship are what make relationships last.

{We only have one more day in our Crazy For Love series, the story of sweet family of four. Stay tuned.}

Crazy For Love Day 5: Deb + Tom

2013-02-14T06:00:00.000-06:00

{Happy Valentine's Day, Everyone}

Today is Day 5 of 7 in our Crazy for Love series.

I chose this Crazy For Love submission from Deb for Valentine's Day because I think this couple is an excellent example of what it means to love each other for life. And not just that. They let their love overflow into the lives of others. Many of my friends and I have benefited from Tom and Deb's fun-loving, playful, God-centered relationship.

Let me introduce to you: Tom and Deb

Here's what Deb has to say about what she loves about Tom:

"We will have been married for 33 years in May and are still very best friends. We finish each other's sentences or often don't even need to talk because we know what each other is thinking. We are living out the One-ness of marriage and act as a unit in all that we do. God blessed us with each other and He knew exactly what He was doing! All His ways are good!"

Let's take that little bite of wisdom from their story and let it become our own. Thanks, Deb.

{Just because it's Valentine's Day doesn't mean the love stops tomorrow. Two more days of Crazy For Love stories coming your way. And then, we get to keep the Crazy Love on all year.}

Crazy For Love Day 4: Cris + TJ

2013-02-13T06:00:00.000-06:00

Today's Crazy For Love story shows a determined kind of love. It's a love story between two Soldiers, which withstood the test of years of service to our country. Our submission is from Cris, who makes no fanfare of her and her husband's loyalty to our nation, but we can appreciate the strength of their love knowing the pressure and transition it withstood.

Here's to you, Cris and TJ. Thank you for your service to our country. We are grateful. May you have many more years together, enjoying each other's company. We hope your friendship only grows through the years.

Let me introduce to you our Crazy For Love story of the day: Cris and TJ.

Here's what Cris has to say about her hubby and the love of her life, TJ:

"After 15 years of marriage, he still says please, thank you, excuse me, and I'm sorry. He brings me a towel every night when I forget and scrapes ice from my windshield in the winter. He cries during Grey's Anatomy and laughs during Big Bang Theory. He is my perfect match."

15 years? Isn't that awesome? I'm always inspired by couples who are still in love and admire each other after being married for several years. Thank you for sharing, Cris.

{Stay tuned for daily Crazy For Love stories all week in celebration of Valentine's Day}

Crazy For Love Day 3: Faith + Joe

2013-02-12T06:00:00.000-06:00

This is our third installment in the week-long Crazy For Love series. So much love, and we're not even half-way done. Valentine's Day is two days away. Plan something lovely for the ones you love. Don't take for granted how special they are to you.

Now without further ado, let me introduce to you: Faith and Joe

This story was sent in by Faith:

"I love Joe because he has been through everything with me and has stuck with me when every other guy I know would've left in a heartbeat.

We've both endured difficulties in our lives but we've always come back to each other. We grew up through many transitions and saw each other grow up through high school and to college.

We both have committed ourselves to each other as boyfriend and girlfriend and help each other grow in faith and love every day."

{Stay tuned for daily Crazy For Love stories all week in celebration of Valentine's Day}

Crazy For Love Day 2: Chris + Stephanie

2013-02-11T06:00:00.000-06:00

This is day two of our celebration of love. I'm calling it Crazy For Love week. A little reminder to me and to all of us to love the ones we love.

Let me introduce Chris and Stephanie:

Chris sent in a few pictures of him and Stephanie through the years. You can tell they grew up, but then, they still look the same. Some very good genes you both have.

A very young Chris and Stephanie on their wedding day

Chris and Steph and their two darling girls, Zoe and Eden

Here's what Chris had to say about Stephanie:

"One of the many things I love about my wife is her ability to accomplish anything she desires. Most people think she is shy and reserved, which she normally is, but she is extremely intelligent and can work through any problem or fear or concern until the job is complete. She and others might be surprised by it, but I never doubt her.

Oh ya, and she is an amazing cook. That can never hurt."

Bravo! You have to love this kind of support from a husband. Thanks, Chris. You're obviously an incredible husband. And your daughters are adorable too. But, you already know that. ;)

{Stay tuned for more Crazy For Love stories all week long}

Crazy For Love Day 1: Molly + Joshua

2013-02-10T06:00:00.000-06:00

Let me introduce to you: Molly and Josh.

This is our first installment of Crazy For Love, sent in by Molly, who was one of the first ones to respond to the request for Crazy For Love stories. Her story is fun and inspiring, and I know you will love it too:

"They say good things come to those who wait and as of now I couldn't agree more. I'm 25 and hadn't ever been in a relationship until this year. Joshua and I met online, long story short we both were coerced into and were leaving the site when he found me. We talked and talked for months before meeting.

We happened to meet accidentally not on a day we intended but we were in the same place at the same time. I like to think God knew what he was doing. I knew the minute I saw him that there was something there but it wasn't until 3 months later that Josh asked me to dinner. 10 days after that he asked me to be his girlfriend and now here were are nearly 7 months later.

Over these months the reasons I love Josh haven't changed much, though they've been added to and strengthened. I love that he found me beautiful before and after losing 25 pounds. I love that he wants nothing more than what makes me happy and lifts me up. I love that he uses words to uplift, encourage and strengthen me. I love that he recognizes my tender heart and protects it. I love his willingness to keep his word and his willingness to sacrifice himself and his time for others.

Joshua is an active duty soldier in the Army stationed at Ft. Riley. Our first Valentines day together will be spent apart. Honestly that's ok, because he's doing what he's committed to doing, being who he is called to be and I couldn't love him more for it. Besides, he makes me feel like every day is Valentines Day."

What a cool, unique story, Molly. Thank you so much for sharing.

{Stay tuned for daily Crazy For Love stories all week in celebration of Valentine's Day}

You're My Hubby and I Love It: 50 things I love about my man

2013-02-09T09:21:00.001-06:00

It's been almost 6 years since I discovered Joshua Siders wasn't like any other man I'd ever been with. It was some day in May 2007 when he made me laugh, had an answer for every snarky remark I threw him, and I knew: I met my match.

Since then, we got married, bought a house and a puppy, grew a baby and a planted a church. We've been through a million rough things together, along with all the good moments, but I wouldn't trade any of them because in tough times, I saw his strength, tenacity and love shine through. Here are just a few things I love more and more about Josh Siders:

In 2008, marriage day, in love {photo cred: saratafoyaphotography}

1. You give the best hugs
2. You still take me out for dates
3. Your laugh when you play with John is so comforting
4. You love to make me happy
5. You have a mystical ability to run a church
6. You can cook
7. You do laundry
8. You fix broken things around the house
9. You're an intuitive counselor, even without formal training
10. You're an efficient time manager
11. You have big vision and,
12. You know how to take the small steps to make it happen
13. You are compassionate, but
14. You know when to lay down the law and you're not afraid of conflict
15. You know how to teach, preach and you care deeply that your people are engaged
16. You know what people need
17. You see the potential in people and want them to live up to it
18. You never forget important dates
19. You still say "I love you"
20. You are an incredible parent
21. You do things most dads (wouldn't or couldn't) do
22. You respect me as a woman and want to help extract every ounce of my calling
23. You believe in me
24. You think I'm smart and funny and you tell me
25. You are willing to serve in unseen ways
26. You can teach yourself almost anything
27. You persistently look for "the issue behind the issue"
28. You offer wisdom to anyone who will take it
29. You want to leave a legacy in our family and church
30. You know your life and calling aren't all about you
31. You love to see others succeed
32. You take good care of your stuff, even though it's only stuff
33. You are a pretty basic guy
34. You have good fashion sense
35. You always know how to make me laugh (unless I'm in labor)
36. You never judge me
37. You are willing to let me and others fail but won't leave us to figure it out alone
38. You are really good at playing with John
39. You know how to have a good time, and you know how to get down to business
40. You say "Sorry" if you're wrong
41. You love Jesus and it's evident in how you love others
42. You smell good. (No really, that's something I like because not everyone does.)
43. You are patient, even when I'm not
44. You are so, so, so consistent
45. You don't give up on people
46. You forgive without holding back
47. You know how love me and John so well
48. You like me because of, and in spite of, all my idiosyncrasies
49. You are real
50. You are my favorite

2013, family picture day, still very much in love. and more so.

What are your favorite things about your favorite people? Write them down and tell them. We all need a little encouragement, and why not take the month of Love to do it?

All this crazy love talk is inspired by #crazyforlove week here at the blog. If you want to share your Crazy For Love story with me, send it with a picture to scsiders@yahoo.com, for a chance to be featured here on the blog.

You're Two and I Love It: 50 favorite things about my toddler

2013-02-08T06:00:00.000-06:00

Everyone always talks about how toddler years are so hard. And I feel it. But there are so many precious, wonderful, adorable things that happen now, things that will end and never happen again: the way they're learning to talk, their tiny voices, the way they extract joy from the simplest experiences. There is so much to love. So in honor of the Love Month, I'm picking 50 of my favorite things about my toddler. Enjoy!

You have giant, squishy cheeks
Your main job in the world is to play
You laugh at everything
You don't judge me
You give slobbery kisses
You are still small enough to pick up if you are having a tantrum
You have baby soft skin
You are turning into a little boy
You approach the world with an enormous, contagious wonder
You want to try out everything
You are still learning to talk and it's so cute
You are getting smarter by the day
You think cars and trucks are awesome and you shout them out when you see them
You think I'm hilarious
You don't make fun of my dancing
You don't have personal space
You forget really easily
You are easily distracted from bad behavior
You sleep 10 hours a night and take a 2-hour nap
You're starting to become a little person
You're still kind of a baby
You let me read you bedtime stories
You still drink out of a sippy cup
You still sleep in a crib - but you can climb out
You have the best giggle and it always makes me laugh
You wear big boy underwear with superheroes on it
You don't think my breath stinks in the morning
You like cuddling
You love people
Your haircut is terribly cute
You are so good-looking, I can't stop staring at you
You say "Hi" the cutest way possible
You love being the center of attention
You are great with people
You are really fun to be around
You're hungry to learn
You're curious
You're a great dancer
You always forgive me, even when I don't ask
You are sad when I leave
You are happy when I come home
You blow kisses to anyone, except strange, weird people
You love play and being happy
You got the best of me and Josh
You make sweatpants look adorable
You think life is awesome
You don't have shame about anything
You don't live with regret
You like yourself, the dog, your mom and dad, grandmas and grandpas, and all the other important people
You know how to make other people happy

The virtues of discomfort and how the world gets changed: a manifesto

2013-02-06T06:00:00.000-06:00

If you want to change the world, you will never do it sitting down. Not there in that chair, all comfy and cozy. No, you don't care enough from that position.

You will never be radical if you can’t embrace discomfort.

You will be a safe, squishy slug no one is afraid of. You must hand over your World Changer title.

Comfort is you in control.
It’s a place where you know what is best for you.
Where you and I can be the gods of our own personal universes.
See why it's so hard to give it up?

But being uncomfortable doesn’t mean you are unsafe, unprotected.

It usually means you are in search of truth,
and the discomfort is the indicator you are closer.

Discomfort is the ache we get when we grow, your guaranteed, without-a-doubt knowledge you are changing, evolving, becoming.

Your desire for comfort and feeling good could be the death of you.
At least it wants to be the death of you.

In fact, I would say discomfort is a good thing, and we can embrace it because we will always be safe. Really safe.

Safety is the place we live every day in the eyes and palm of a Father who loves us.

[photo cred: www.armsaroundba.org]

Safety does not mean nothing bad ever happens.

It does not mean our feelings never get hurt.
Being safe does not mean we always get our way.

But it means we are never alone.

We can be in pain and uncomfortable and feel like we've never been here before
and we never want to come back.
But we can survive because we are with Someone.

We are not alone.

Not alone is what makes danger okay. It's what makes discomfort bearable.

And this is the truth of our existence. We just aren't ever alone.
Father God put Jesus through the alone so we don't have to feel it ever again.

We no longer need to create our own safety; we are already there.

So if you embrace discomfort, vulnerability and the pain of your own human existence, you will discover real truth, the gems and mysteries and hidden things of God and his creation.

And if you decide to give up your recliner and your right to the bubble wrap,

you just might change the world.

“Happy am I to love a hungry life,

and blessed am I to thirst.

Disillusionment is a gift within;

I am blessed among men.”

{Lyrics by Lovesick, by Misty Edwards}

The danger of safety

2013-02-04T06:00:00.000-06:00

Word of warning: This post is about comfort. You may feel un-comfortable while reading.

Two weeks ago I wrote about living in between, about the unhappy space where I live, a place in which I have a dream, goal or destination floating somewhere in front of me, and yet I do nothing to move towards it.

This “ah-ha” led me to the conclusion my motivating values do not match my stated values, in that I am motivated by something other than what I claim to be.

For me, the values most true and evident in my life were fear, comfort and laziness. It was disheartening, to say the least, to realize these weak and powerless motives and desires were CEOs of my everyday existence. But ironically I’ve been too comfortable to change.

Over the past two weeks, I’ve been acutely aware of my love for comfort, and believe me, I am uncomfortable now. I think God is pressing the issue.

Last week I talked with a Soldier who grew up in an urban area in the South where violence was the norm, where gunfire and other life-ending measures settled disputes on a regular basis. He lost his first friend at age seven.

He told me it is unfair so many people in the world controlled their access to global unrest and poverty with the click of a remote. If they wanted to, they can simply shut off the TV and ignore the problems, he mused. “But some of us live there, and we can’t ignore it.”

I immediately saw in the mirror the many nights I’ve read news of atrocities committed on our soil and abroad. I signed a petition, retweeted an article, shouted a call to action. And then I turned off the light and went to bed. Outside my house no gunfire echoed through the streets, no screaming for help, no sirens.

But perhaps what is worse than my love of comfort is the safety I pack around me makes me safe. Creates in me a preference for the moderate, for 70 degree temperatures and sunshine, for the indoors, for well-manicured everything. My desires for comfort and safety weaken my ability to innovate and increase my whininess. They strip me of change agent status.

They make me “un-dangerous”.

Most of us want to know we are not in danger as we walk around, that we are not about to get robbed or shot. I think this should be a right for all humans, although it certainly isn’t a reality for a majority of the world.

But what about all the other convenience features of our lives: dishwashers and warm showers, functional cars, indoor plumbing, a closet just for shoes, a cup of coffee every morning?

We claim we cannot live without these amenities, and we loudly bellyache if it is ever required. The inability to live without the extras, the things beyond food, water, shelter and air, seems to be more a sign of a maladaptive state of being than a badge of success.

photo credit: www.wyndsongwrites.com

In our middle and upper-class American bubble today, we are snugly unaware, insulated, bubble wrapped from a hurting world that knows the feeling of a dirt floor in their bedroom, and wonders if they will have enough food to eat tomorrow.

The sound of war and pestilence are foreign to us. We simply shut off the television. We can close our laptops, safe from the dangers of the world.

But the safety comes with a price. Now that we are safe from the world, the world is now safe from us. We are no longer dangerous.

Think about it. What life-changing invention ever came from a man on a couch who said, "Ah, this is great. I have everything I need. I am perfectly comfortable"?

Looking back at great innovation, we don't see a trail of people without problems at the helm. We clearly see lack, a sense of something missing, as a creation motivation. Pain and hardship are excellent inventors themselves.

So I’m here writing this, painfully aware of my comfort, and suddenly, very uncomfortable.

I want to be dangerous again, but I'll admit I'm still terrified of what it will cost. Because I know that on a good day, it will cost my comfort. I will have to hand over my complacency. But it could cost me more.

Is being dangerous, being effective, being an envelope-pusher, a creator, an idea-generator, a problem-solver worth it? These people stand out on the edge near the issues. And the issues are inherently uncomfortable. They feel like world hunger and look like war orphans and widows.

There's no room for complacency here. There is only work to be done, and room for people who will do it.

Something to think about:

What are you compromising so you can be comfortable?

What ideas and innovation have you missed because you have to start our day with coffee and the news?

What parts of God do we overlook because it takes discomfort to see it?

{The topics of discomfort, waiting and the ability to change the world are eating me up this week. At least one more post is coming on this topic. Perhaps more. I am uncomfortable now. Thanks, God.}

Five tenets of a pro-life advocate

2013-02-02T11:43:00.000-06:00

[This post is published at Live Action News.]

In Portland, Oregon, in 1981, just eight short years after Roe vs. Wade passed, I was born to two fervent pro-life activists.

Our home was the headquarters of traditional yet uncompromising pro-life advocacy. My father and his friend vigilantly interviewed those running for office and published the Voter's Guide for Oregon Right to Life. My mother and her friends stood outside of local abortion clinics, attempting to make contact with women to help them see the value of the lives in their wombs. Then they threw them baby showers.

In high school and college, I wanted my turn fighting on the balance beam of life and death. But in my college town, there was (thankfully) no abortion clinic to protest. Where did I belong?

Then a troubling new theme emerged, which forced a new bent to my activism. I began to meet women who went through with abortion, but not because it was their choice. They were forced, one by an abusive boyfriend and another by unsupportive parents.

The polarized abortion movements offered them no options either. They were either supposed to embrace with pride their right to an abortion, or slink into the shadows as a new accusation of "Murderer" hung over their heads. How are these real choices?

During college I studied social work, and after a few years in the field, my advocacy continues to evolve. Today I find myself among one of the highest-stress populations: military families. Social workers are thoroughly trained to swallow personal opinions. But I know lives are stake here.

In my work today, these five beliefs and actions serve as my guide:

1. I believe "Every woman wants to raise her child". I realize this is not true in every circumstance, but this is the belief I operate under when talking with women sitting on the fence of abortion, adoption, or raising her child. The stories I've heard about women having abortions were nearly all out of fear and lack of options. But what if she had options? What if she felt supported? I believe in these conditions, most women want to raise their own child.

Read the rest at Live Action News.

Living In Between

2013-01-29T13:50:00.001-06:00

When you say you want something, but you do nothing to attain it, what is that called?
Laziness?
Lack of vision?
Poor discipline?
Self-esteem issues?
Lying?
Fear of commitment?

It's something. I don't know what to call it, but I can tell you how it feels. It's miserable.

It's living "in between".

This is my relationship with many things in my life, loose fitting goals strung out in front of me. I read them like a menu: Should I do this or not? And then I choose not to order.

It's bothered me more and more lately that so much of my life is lived in the space between. With finances, with relationships, with God, with fitness and health. I choose not to choose.

And then that is my choice. This strange, icky, in between place where I feel compelled to do something, and yet repelled by it at the same time.

I want to spend more time with God. Why don't I?
I want to focus more on my family. Why don't I?
I want to write three times a week on my blog. Why don't I?
I want to be in shape physically? Why aren't I?

I talked to my friends about this phenomenon last week. My friend Kerry called it something like "competing values". I have a value to love God, but I also value something else more, or else I would spend the time with him that I want.

I have a value for health and fitness. But I value something else more, or else I would be fit.

This is the painful part. Peering under the boulders of inertia to see what my values truly are.

And do you want to know what mine are?

I think nearly every time I looked, I saw laziness, fear or a desire for comfort.

Really? These three things are shaping my life and destiny? Planning my days and moments?

Really? It's so disappointing. Our actions display our true values better than anything else we do. But how often do we stop to evaluate how well our actions actually match our values? I rarely do.

Instead, I made peace with the discomfort of in between. Why? I guess it's obvious by now: because it was too uncomfortable to change.

We all do it.

But if you're fortunate, if you're very, very lucky or blessed or divinely favored, something will happen and you will become uncomfortable again. A cosmic event, tiny or giant, will come along like an undertoe and sweep you up and you will just have to go with it. You will be forced to change, to adapt, to see yourself as you truly are.

But only if you're lucky.

And yet, the thing we need most, the discomfort, is what our comfortable selves spend our lives avoiding. Strange, isn't it?

I started asking for help a while ago, sending up loud, pleading prayers, recognizing my helplessness to make real, significant change.

For as progressive as the human race is, we truly are so limited in managing our own hearts and behaviors. We need help.

I don't like asking for help. I don't like discomfort. But even more than these, the thought that laziness, fear and a motivation for comfort are directing my life with more strength than God's calling on my life, that is too painful to ignore.

I'm making changes. They start with an acknowledgement I'm no good at self-help, a repentance for living without intention. And they're followed by one of Anne Lamott's favorite prayers: "Help!"

And then I try again.

[Photo credit: www.artisamerica.org]

Happiness is...

2013-01-22T22:46:00.002-06:00

...being reunited with the love of your life the day after your 2nd anniversary after he'd been gone at war for nine months.

Oh my gosh, don't you just love it? Miraculous.

Congratulations to my two wonderful friends who got to be together again today after a grueling nine-month separation. (In case you don't recognize her, this is my favorite photographer, our family go-to, Emma from RoseWheat Photography with her lovely hubby, Jeff.)

I wrote about another reunion of theirs less than a year ago, the beautiful waiting, the longing that built up and the moment of togetherness. How it feels like our yearning for Jesus.

A few months later, I dreamed a dream he'd make it back to us, safe and sound.

And today, here they are, together, having conquered an entire deployment already. And now, back together and stronger than ever.

Aw, man. Will you look at that? Just perfect.

All the 1940's postcards I've seen in the bookstores pale in comparison to the heart-melting emotion of their reunion. I've been staring at these photos every chance I get tonight. Their incredible photographer from Hello, Gorgeous. Photography captured the intensity just right.

Don't you just love love?

What God Hates More Than Bad Government

2013-01-21T23:21:00.003-06:00

When God donned human flesh and arrived on earth around 2000 years ago, he knew there was a big problem. But God's idea of the problem, and therefore his solution, were a little different than the expectations to which he arrived.

Scriptures foretold a powerful warrior king who would rescue all people and set up an infinite and eternal kingdom of his own. In fact, God-experts and prophets had been talking up a great salvation for hundreds if not thousands of years by the time he got there.

The legalistic few had plenty of time to define the problem: the truest, wildest oppressors were the men and women who ruled over them with a heavy hand, who did not have their best interests in mind.

This problem in clear view, they knew exactly who were looking for: A king who would use military strength to overthrow oppressive governments who were in opposition to their God, culture and way of life.

So it's no wonder when Jesus showed up as a carpenter from the wrong side of Israel, all scraggly and earthy, it was clear he was not the long-awaited Savior.

photo cred: throughthescriptures.wordpress.com

Jesus, a guy who doesn't bother to start his ministry until he is 30. Not at all in a rush to solve world hunger by age 25. Not making a run for public office. Hanging out with children and sick people and various vagabonds and ruffians. He just didn't seem to have much of a political agenda.

Sure, he spoke like a man who knew what he was talking about. He had the nation talking, a figure of controversy. He started a movement.

But he was no king.

Don't stop what you're doing and get all bothered with this guy," the teachers of the law urged the people. "He's obviously not the one we're waiting for."

That much was clear. He was NOT who they were waiting for. Jesus was not the answer to their problem.

But God, being God and all, had a wider scope of the problem. He saw human history as impacted by a far greater evil, a much more wicked tyrant: sin. Sin and its deception that we too can be God plunged humanity into its deepest darkness without a plan for self-rescue.

This problem did not touch only one small people group. Everyone alive was under the spell.

So along came Jesus, into the muck. Knowing he would arrive to a people who should be eager to meet him, and yet he would become the nation's greatest disappointment.

Today we still pick the wrong enemy. We magnify the darkness of tyrannical governments and the political agendas of others with whom we disagree, only to miss the world's most horrific evil: the sin and pride in every human heart.

It's in me. It's in you. We all want to be God. This motive is behind every war, every mass genocide, every murder, every hateful thought.

And if it weren't for Jesus, we and the whole earth, would be stuck this way.

But thank God for Jesus, who understood the true oppressor and dealt with it violently. Putting death to death, ripping away its sting forever.

But to live in the freedom we've been afforded, we must identify the problem the same as God does. What evil do we hate most? Is it those who disagree with us or those who vote differently than us? Or do we hate above all things the sin found in our own heart? This is where God can swing in with generous helpings of the grace and freedom Jesus purchased with his death.

www.thedailybanter.com

As we see our President swear in for four more years, whether we agree with his beliefs and intentions or not, please be conscious of the thoughts and intent of your own heart. Because those are what Jesus died for.

One final note:

We do not hate ourselves - not ever. That is not agreement with God as we are made in his image. To hate self is to hate God. But he despise anything that comes out of us that disagrees with who God is and ask for grace to rebel against it.

Weekend Happenings: A Rustic Pink Vintage Baby Shower

2013-01-20T18:11:00.002-06:00

I hosted a shower for one of my very dear friends this weekend. She is the first of my close friends to have a second baby, and this one is a girl so I am thrilled to give myself the title "Aunt Sarah" so I can have official access to purchasing all the pink, fluff and tullage a girl could want.

My lovely friend modeling a rubber ducky with an attitude.

Let it be known that I am not the cute, crafty mom that blogs about showers and parties and crafts. In fact, I don't even like cooking or baking. Fortunately, three of my friends helped me with food so all I had to do was whip up Mama Jean's amazing coffee cake, and I was done. That way I could focus on the part of the shower I enjoy most: decorating and design.

I throw showers and parties for friends fairly often, and although it makes me a little crazy in the process, I do enjoy gobbling up design blogs to see what other people have done. I always end up with a million ideas at the last minute. Like the idea to make party favor bookmarks from lace, ribbon and my Victorian scrapbook paper. Too late for that idea - not enough time, but maybe next time.

I'm imaginative, but I'm also on a budget so I opted for the mostly pink fabrics and textures I already had around the house. I wanted to have a little Victorian touch to the rustic chic already in our home. Here is a tour of what I came up with:

Picking fabrics and textures is always fun, especially when your friend's baby girl is involved.

I don't really like games at showers or parties. The fun always feels forced, contrived and inauthentic. It's a bad feeling. Instead I like to pick activities or crafts for guests. I had a Barbie princess puzzle laid out on a table for guests to work on. I also picked this idea below as an activity for guests and way for them to give my friend a happy wish or prayer for the baby.

I call it The Blessing Tree, a combination of ideas I found on the blogs, specifically this idea from Baby Lifestyles. I am quite proud of this so feel free to steal the idea. I found a few small branches with some character in the yard, and used tulle to help them maintain position in the vase. Then I cut out leaves and birds from Victorian-style scrapbook paper and used clothes pins to clip them to the branches.

Guests were directed to "write a prayer, wish or blessing for the baby" to be used to decorate the baby's room. I'm really excited for this to materialize in the decor of the room, although we're not totally sure how we will incorporate it yet.

I will definitely be using The Blessing Tree at other showers though. Such an easy, pretty and fun idea.

The Blessing Tree

Here is the Victorian paper again, this time with the baby name written on it. These are spin-off of a super cute baby girl shower theme, again from Baby Lifestyles.

In the bathroom, I classed up the towels by providing individual hand towels for guests with a small basin to disgard used towels. And there's the Victorian paper again. It goes with everything!

I love this glass lantern/cage my aunts and mother-in-law bought me for my wedding. I use it for decorating for the seasons and to display simple decor for parties and showers. Here I rolled dried flowers in pink tulle and placed it in the lantern. So easy.

"Put a bird on it" door hanging. I love this too. I used these birds at a bridal shower earlier last year and repurposed them with a branch as a door hanging with the baby's name written on the birds. Also used the Victorian paper and extra branch from the yard at the top.

And here is my friend, opening one of her many gifts. She is very loved! Can't wait to meet this little girl. She is going to be one amazing little woman, just like her mom.

What the Waiting Is For

2013-01-18T00:28:00.001-06:00

I was thinking about my daughter the other day.

I don't know her yet. She hasn't been born. But for Christmas, I bought her a pink polka-dotted tutu from JCPenney. It seemed appropriate. I practically lived in mine the year I was 6.

There's also an antique pink rose headband waiting for her, along with a plush, white crochet coat hanging in her closet. And she hasn't even been conceived. I'm expecting her though.

As I gave John a bath the other night, I remembered that not very long ago, he too was just a dream. Three years ago in December 2009, I wrote about waiting for something I really wanted, and the wrestling with God that inevitably followed when I took a risk and hoped for something.

Is God good while we wait?

What is the waiting for?

Why does waiting feel so empty?

Why is hoping so risky?

Photo cred: http://viraeya24.tumblr.com/

These are the questions we ask when we want something and are forced to wait, and I've realized, we often give up without really asking. The longing hurts too much. What if God doesn't come through? What does that say about God? What does that say about me?

I hate to say it, but that's what I did this time. With John, I didn't know if I could get pregnant or not. I never had before. I prayed and lamented and cried and begged. I wanted a child, and I only knew one person who could get one for me: God.

This time, I've been more hands-off. I've disguised it as a laid-back approach to conceiving, but it's really lack of faith turned apathy. I've been afraid to hope.

I wrote about it in the dream blog. I tell my friends about it. I even buy her clothes. But I don't talk with God about it. I don't plead anymore. Too much to lose. I remember it hurt, the sting of wanting something I was helpless to get for myself, only to wait and delay again. I would rather just pretend I don't want it. Maybe she will surprise me.

So what do I really want? And what am I willing to do to get it?

My friends and I are reading through Donald Miller's Storyline book, and these are the ultimate questions of our lives:
Who am I?
What do I want?
And what am I willing to do to get it?

The Civil Wars were playing in the background while John splashed in the tub, and the album arrived at To Whom It May Concern. I wasn't paying too much attention to the words until this song. I pulled John out of the tub and wrapped him in his towel, and hugging him close, I listened.

Maybe it's not just me waiting. Maybe she is waiting for me.

Maybe this is how God makes our hearts and lives ready for the things we want. He makes us want them desperately. And the desperation, the longing, is what forges in us the humility and character and beauty to care for the gift.

Beautifully, hauntingly, the Civil Wars sang, reminding me a dream is just as real as the thing itself. I was holding living proof there in my hands, soaking wet and squirming.

"Why are you so far from me?

In my arms is where you are to be

How long will you make me wait?

I don't know how much more I can take

I missed you but I haven't met you..."

So I swung him around in his fluffy brown towel, and we danced across the hardwood as I kissed the tiny face of the boy who used to be a dream.

What's a thing or person in your life you have now that only used to be a dream?

For most of us, it's relationships: a partner, a child, or even simply a sense of belonging or knowing one's life purpose. What do you have now that was only a daydream not long ago?

It's encouraging to see that dreams do take shape and come to dwell among us. I need to remember this pattern so I can gather up my courage to dream some more.

New Year's Vis-olutions: Learning to Dream Bigger

2013-01-16T06:00:00.000-06:00

I know it's already Wednesday, January 16. And you think I forgot to talk about vision, goals and resolutions for the New Year. But I did not. I was quietly refining my hopes and dreams in my head and in conversations with God and with Josh. Because this is scary, grand and wonderful stuff here. And I don't take it lightly.

I got nervous because resolutions always make me nervous. What do I want to change? Everything. I want so many areas of my life to improve. But that was the wrong place to start. And I always think too small that way.

I decided to try something different this year, ask myself a new question. Below is an excerpt from my journal. his is basically a (clear) stream of consciousness on what I want my life to manifest, and what I hope for in this year, and in the next five years. As I wrote, my mind expanded. I let myself think bigger, dream wider.

[photo cred: http://suhasagban.com/]

So for today, these are my goals, my vision and resolutions. I am going to be using Ron Edmonson's Life Plan steps to work out the details, but here you have it. This journal excerpt reveals what I want to be when I grow up.

"I've been trying to figure out what I want to change, what I would like to be different in this next year. It's hard to start there. I guess I will start with the Miracle Question.

What if I woke up in the morning and everything was perfect. What would it look like?

I would wake up in the morning EAGER to spend time with God. He would would meet me there. I would pray, worship, write, encounter him, and get great ideas.

I would not leave for work until 7:45 because I have a local office where I can go work on my book. I am writing a book and keeping my blog up to date. I have social media to manage part of the day. I have meetings. I have a trip to plan.

My blog is successful. I find my niche and people are listening, getting impacted, lives changing, regularly having ah-ha moments. And they come to read because they know they will find hope and inspiration. They hear wisdom and get new insight. It's easy to write because I know what God is saying people need to hear. It's not a stretch anymore.

And I dress like this. And look like this. [www.vi.sualize.us]

I would return home for lunch where I would have time with my family.
OR

I would hunker down in theWELL prayer room and spend an hour with God.

I would come home between 3 and 4 to play with my kids - because my work day is done - and get caught up on their day. We would do basic life things: laundry, play and get ready for dinner.

I have a meeting that night, but it is energizing: a conversation with pastors, an outreach to the poor, an art showing or concert. But God is present, always present, and I never want to miss it.

In the evening, I have quiet time with Josh and more time in the IHOP prayer room web stream. I end the day with the peace and presence of God, just like I started it.

Our money is not tied up in debt (school loans or credit cards) so we can do awesome things with it: we buy wells for villages around the world, we send children to school, we back missions and justice movements around the world that we want to see thrive. We support the ending of abortion and the ending of human slavery. We sense the power of our finances and instead of choosing to eat out often or do frivolous things, we see that our money can purchase the freedom of a 10 year old girl in Cambodia. Our priorities are right on.

Trips to the grocery store or restaurant are consistently intriguing. God shows up because I bring him with me. It's fun to see what he does. He heals, he speaks prophetically, people give their lives to Jesus.

theWELL is a fun place to be because the Spirit of God is evident. There is a thriving Prayer Room working towards 24/7 impact, with multiple ministries springing up from the burdens on people's hearts: partnering with other churches to reach out to the poor, single parents, family ministry, powerful counseling ministry, children who come Sundays and get powerfully impacted by the Word, by the Spirit and meet God. People who come to theWELL regularly encounter the presence and the Word. They are prophetically ministered to. Healings happen often. We staff the Prayer Room with little difficulty.

theWELL is responsible for the development of the arts in the city. First Fridays is well attended with a good reputation and extends to the secular world as a ministry. People come because they know they will meet God, and the artistry is second to none. Amazing artists, musicians and writers spring up in the community and come to be near the creative God who is the source for all the best ideas. Some of them hear crazy stories of what goes on and they come. They are changed, and they stay, or are launched intentionally into their callings around the world.

Transformational art. [Work by Jazzy Chun Earl]

The Army of God's people volunteer in this day. Our church is well pastored, well cared-for, and volunteers are easy to come by. There is a strong purity and holiness among God's people. They know truth and easily identify deception. Division has no hold and leaves easily. Same with witchcraft, manipulation and control: out before they even get a hold. And bitterness, hatred and murder will all bow in the presence of Jesus, never taking root or causing trouble.

Missions is active and strong. The church does not know how to keep quiet. Stories of God's movement open doors. Everyone who is part of theWELL has a story to tell, and everyone wants to serve, innovate, be on adventure. It's easy to organize mission trips locally and across the globe. Prayer and missions are intrinsically tied and everyone in theWELL knows it and serves the cause."

Coming soon...

Developing your vision: If you're stuck and don't know how to create a life vision, or you don't even know why you're here on this planet, try these tips on for size. Check back later for more on this.

How Does She (Not) Do It?

2013-01-14T05:00:00.000-06:00

I'm not going to lie. Sometimes when I'm in self-pity mode, I wonder why more people don't ask me how I do it.

I am a hundred things to many people, or at least six things to hundreds of people. My weeks are planned before I even get to them. I don't really do spontaneous anymore. Or I shouldn't.

Me and then some. [Photo cred: www.heddalettuce.com]

At home, I am mom and wife. Which means I cook, clean, encourage, teach, shout, whisper, laugh, snuggle, tickle, entertain, chase, battle and bathe.

At work, I am a calming voice in crisis. I am the motivator, the creative brain, the journalist. I am the fixer, the one with ideas, the marketing girl and flyer designer, the sleep expert, the one of loves moms and babies.

At church, I recruit, schedule, prop up and cheer on our Children's Ministry and Women's Leadership Programs, which developed frantically and messily out of my brain from sheer necessity. And sometimes I get to preach too while I'm on my way to getting my pastoral license.

At night, I am a writer, a blogger, an aspiring author and big-thinker. I am only in the beginning of finding my voice and learning what I am all about, but I'm traipsing down the path, discovering things. Learning to like myself.

Maybe I'm just like any working mom, but it feels like I'm doing a lot. Like there is always so much going on.

But no one asks how I do it. No one wonders how I balance it all.

I wonder if it's because I'm kind of an obvious mess. When I talk to people after church, I'm in a hurry. And I'm chasing my son out of the corner of my eye. Maybe everyone can see that all the stuff that gets done is smashed together with as love and limited time.

The anxiety of life has been getting to me lately. It's like I used to be able to outrun the "too much" factor, but I am definitely slowing down. Or it's speeding up.

www.thenextwoman.com

I want to be better, grow, stretch, expand. I want my writing to improve. I want to know God more, read more, fit back into my size 4s, get more time alone, get more time with friends, figure out how to teach and nourish my child's mind and soul, have another child biologically and adopt, encourage my husband, write a book, be brave and pray for more sick people for healing, finally get to India and power up some rockstar kids and women's programs at church.

But I only have 168 hours a week.

I'm trying to do it all, and I'm not doing any of it that well. I have great intentions. I really do care about people. I crawl into their shoes fast.

But sometimes I care too much. And my priorities tilt against my sanity. I forget how to take care of myself, to value the voice of God and quiet with my family, to stop the spinning and sit in the silence for a few minutes. I lose sight of what I want on my tombstone: "She loved well".

I just want to put it out there that I'm doing a lot, but at the end of the day, what I really want is to love. To love God, my family and the people I'm with. So when I'm talking really fast and when I tell you have a new idea for a website or a new book idea, just know I'm on my way over here, learning to love.

You can remind me of what really matters if you want, but I promise my soul will bring me back to it. Remember to love. Love is the point.

And this is how I'm doing it, in this messy, "me" way.

If you're feeling sloppy and slow, like you know where you want to go but you're so far away, there's grace for you too. God's not in a hurry so let's not be either.

Let's just keep looking at Jesus, talking to him, and getting his feedback on this life. He's so kind, encouraging and gentle. He's not going to rub your nose in your failure. And neither will I.

Let's be nice to each other as we figure it out.

What We Can Do For Syria

2013-01-12T19:27:00.002-06:00

I know no one is talking about this, not really. But in the Syrian conflict to date, approximately 60,000 people have died, and they're calling for 100,000 more this year. Yes, they're making a casualty prediction. They're saying 100,000 more people will lose their lives in one tiny nation alone, in one year. It's like they're already assuming nothing will change. That no one will intervene.

We removed Hussein. We assisted in the removal of Mubarak and Gaddafi. But we won't touch Assad. I know it's expensive, but why did we draw this faux line about the use of chemical weapons? What about the Geneva Convention and the universal values of human rights? The U.N. is impotent, and everyone knows it. Let's not pretend that U.N. resolutions and statements of condemnation are real action.

I know we are strung out from our own war. War is hard on any soil - home or abroad. The global economy is in shambles. Politicians are polarized over how to resolve the crisis. No one has a heart for anything but escape. We all want to escape. Maybe that's why we can't talk about Syria, a nation and leader killing their own people by the thousands, eliminating anyone who contests the authoritarian rule. We come home and flip on Netflix, drink our coffee and forget about the mess.

[www.savethechildren.org]

I'm as guilty as the world. I hardly let myself think about it. I've been like everyone else, not thinking, not looking. It's horrible to say to ourselves that horrendous atrocities occur daily in Syria, and we aren't doing anything because we are tired.

I feel bad. I feel helpless because these people are helpless. It is right to feel this way, to absorb even the tiniest breath of solidarity with these people. They are at war daily, constantly in fear for their lives and the lives of their families. And they don't have an army on its way to rescue.

Libya knew help was coming. So did Egypt. They got an army of rebels together, and we backed them. Not Syria.

I remember watching a political forum in 2001 or 2002. An American Iraqi stood at the mic to tell the politician being interviewed how two of his family members had been killed by Saddam Hussein, and these were only two of over one million deaths during his rule. With fervency and pain, he asked, "How many more will need to die before you do something?"

I was shocked to hear this request for U.S. military intervention coming from an Iraqi, knowing the U.S. brings its culture, values and politics alongside its weapons. But he asked. And eventually we did something.

So the question is being asked again, but this time for Syria. "How many more will need to die before anyone does anything?"

All I know to do is pray. This is no longer a matter we can solve with our human wit and wisdom.

My prayer is that the Syrian people will get real help, not horses, chariots, or tanks. Not just big guns or explosives. I want the world to rise up against injustice, but even more, I pray they look up and see God defending them, even as Elisha's servant got his eyes opened to the angel armies coming to defend Israel.

Today Syria needs a defender. Lord, protect the innocent ones. Tear down evil and raise up righteousness. Shatter the yoke that burdens the Syrian people. Break the rod of their oppressor. Give them freedom in Jesus. Bring restoration to this nation in anguish. Do what only you can do, Jesus. Rise up and rescue them.

For those who would like to contribute financially to aid the Syrian people, you can do so through Save the Children. [This organization is BBB approved and has a good reputation.]

Recent news on Syria:
Huff Post: Syria Military Intervention No Closer Despite Rising Death Toll
CNN: U.N. Agencies: Stop the Suffering in Syria
NYT: Russia Supports U.N. Envoy in Syria

A Slightly Insecure English Teacher

2013-01-08T23:07:00.001-06:00

Sometimes I am the most insecure of women. Especially when it comes to parenting.

It's so easy to identify where everyone else is sparkly and functioning, where other children excel and where my child seems to be lazily lagging behind. And it's got to be my fault, I assume, some dormant genetic flaw, some information I'm lacking, too much television, not enough carrots.

My primary area of missing confidence in parenting is in my son's speech. He's mastered the garbled language from another planet just fine. The problem is none of us can understand it. But he seems to enjoy watching us attempt to teach him this speaking system we appreciate so much.

Around the house, I promote the use of English by holding up an object for him to see, repeating its name, hoping his spongy brain is starving for the information.

"Book. This is a 'book'. Can you say 'book'?"

He stares at me with squinted eyes, wondering when I'm going to be done making that noise so he can move on with his life. Sometimes though, he repeats the word straightaway, as if that was one of the words that came with his original programming. Or maybe a cognate from his native tongue. Either way, he occasionally zings it out and we make a big deal with clapping and whoops and the works. So I know he can do it.

Is he slow-er or just defiant? Or something in between? I wonder to myself. But since he doesn't speak great English, I don't know.

The other day I held up an orange.

"Or-ange. OR-ANGE," I enunciated loudly and firmly.

"Why-et," he replied, holding his pointer finger to his mouth. "Ssshhh."

This is not going well. But then, I didn't know he could say "quiet". Kind of.

He must know I am craving the inner workings of his mind. I can't wait to ask him why the sky is blue or what God is thinking about. It's going to be great. I just want to get there already.

[photo cred: www.medicmagic.net]

Some of his friends are tiny wordsmiths already, scampering about with really rewarding sayings like, "I love you," and "You're silly, Mama."

Seriously? What do I need to do to get that from my kid?

It really does seem like most of his friends traded in their baby planet language for English with ease, and John is the only left, hanging on, refusing to acculturate.

My pediatrician did nothing to assuage my mommy fears when I confided my concern about his speech. I hesitated when she asked about whether or not he's up to 25-50 words in English, which was my bad, but I didn't really know for sure. She proceeded to recommend Infant Toddler Services for his speech. And she wants to see him in six months. Thank you very much, lady-who-does-not-have-any-kids. I feel like a mom-fail. And by the way, what if he was making the quota?

So you see, I come by my insecurity honestly. And by honestly, I mean, I apparently still think my son's success in the world is in direct correlation with my success as a human. So please talk already, John, so I don't flunk life.

Yesterday I decided to step up my speech pathology game. I didn't call ITS yet, but I won't rule it out. I'm sure they would be helpful, but I am still holding out that I can teach him.

So instead I Googled "help my toddler talk." I found several great resources, which I am listing here. For anyone who can't wait to hear their toddler's inner thinkings and wants to speed up the learning, here are a few ways to help draw it out. I'll be trying them out, and I'm sure within a few short months, John will start writing my posts for me.

Help My Toddler Talk.com. This is a blog with tips. There is a learning calendar available for purchase, but the blog has a lot of good ideas.

Teach Me To Talk.com

ABC's of helping your tot talk from Parents.com.

Helpful info on children's speech development - from a speech pathologist

Why Risk-Taking Is So Hard

2013-01-04T06:00:00.000-06:00

Most of the time for me, it comes down to this. I am not willing to be scrutinized, squinted at, gossiped about. I settle for smaller-than-I-am so I can just be understood.

But am I really even being understood if the "me" I portray is smaller than the real version? In that case, what I am really settling for is not even being understood. I am simply deciding that not being rejected, scorned, kicked out, ostracized is better than courage. Better than making a difference. Better than pushing back.

I shrink down tiny so they don't take my name off their guest list.

Really? Is my birthright so cheap? Is my destiny so dilutable and trivial that I can sell it for acceptance by people who don't want to make a difference in the world anyway? Who don't even know who they are enough to judge my reputation with any accuracy?

I want to be big, make a splash, be brave and change things. But that awkward moment inevitably comes where I can take a stand or I can sit quiet, where I can leap on faith or stifle miracles with my doubt. Where I can pray for healing right then and there, or I can sympathetically inform them I will pray later. Not wanting to make a scene, of course. Not wanting God to disappoint us. Not wanting to be a fool.

But as Rhett Butler told Scarlett O'Hara: "Reputation is something people with courage can do without."

My prayer is only: Dear God, give me a hearty, sturdy soul so I can live with rejection, without reputation, in pursuit of your glory and your adventure every day.

(I will be writing more on this. The topic of fearless innovation has snagged my soul more than most things right now.)

Photo cred: ouzouzouz.deviantart.com

Hospitality and the Ministry of Stuff

2013-01-02T06:00:00.001-06:00

I grew up with a Mom who lived a humble hospitality. Holidays were acknowledged but without fanfare. Tasteful decorations indicated to visitors we knew which season it was, but no one thought we were trying to get into the home show.

My folks were a conservative bunch. Generous with the least of these, our resources were not meant to stop with us. I experienced this philanthropic value throughout my childhood, although it was never clearly stated, and for many years resented how my parents chose to spend their money. It was not on extras for us.

In college though, I took up the Poverty Equals Christianity banner and carried my family's history as a badge of pride. I took care to minimize my own possessions, secretly believing there was a special place in heaven for those who could cram all their belongings into only one vehicle. Annual trips to Salvation Army to purge the closet were my pilgrimage to the Mecca of Light Living.

Then I got married. My mother-in-law is a misplaced southern belle who likes pretty things. Her frequent visits to home decor sales were a pilgrimage of her own.

The first three years we were married, she brought poinsettias, wreaths or other home furnishings to help me make our apartment a home. I did my best with what she offered, but I told her I just didn't do much decorating. I'm friendly; my hospitality is in my personality, I thought.

That was, until a vase of flowers changed my mind.

This year we started Second Sunday Community Meals at church. Everyone brings something, and we all crunch together at sprawling round tables to eat. It's rowdy and delightful.

One day my friend Emma skipped bringing food and brought flowers instead. She tucked tiny buds into vases and stowed them in the center of each table. The room transformed.

That was the day I realized that stuff isn't bad. Furnishings and decor in a room create the ambience: an environment of austerity and sucking in your gut, or a habitat of relaxed homecoming.

The flowers were a welcome sign that day. A symbol to say, "We want you here so don't pack up and leave so quickly."

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This year, all the Christmas decorations made it out of the attic. The Nativity scene. The tasseled red table runner. The centerpiece I meant to create last year but never got around to it. Even the silly stuffed Santa doing a handstand. And this year, it looked like Christmas at the Siders' House.

But it's not just things for things' sake. It's the Ministry of Stuff, the environment I create to welcome others into my life. It says "We want you here, and we made this place nice because you matter to us."

Emma didn't know she taught me this lesson. She didn't know because this is just a value she intuitively gets. She doesn't say it out loud, but it's in her life. And I want it in mine.

But I bet if Jesus had a house down here, he'd hang a pictures on the walls and a wreath on the door. Maybe a star on the tree. Candles would warm the corners with flickering fragrance. Hot cocoa in hand, we would all feel snug and welcome, knowing we're right where we belong.