THE SILVERBACKS

SENIOR TRYING TO SET PASSWORD

2015-09-30T01:00:00.000-04:00

WINDOWS:
Please enter your new password.
USER:
cabbage
WINDOWS:
Sorry, the password must be more than 8 characters.
USER:
boiledcabbage
WINDOWS:
Sorry, the password must contain 1 numerical character.
USER:
1 boiled cabbage
WINDOWS:
Sorry, the password cannot have blank spaces.
USER:
50damnboiledcabbages
WINDOWS:
Sorry, the password must contain at least one upper case character
USER:
50DAMNboiledcabbages
WINDOWS:
Sorry, the password cannot use more than one upper case character consecutively.
USER:
50damnBoiledCabbagesShovedUpYourAssIfYouDon'tGiveMeAccessNow!
WINDOWS:
Sorry, the password cannot contain punctuation.
USER:
ReallyPissedOff50DamnBoiledCabbagesShovedUpYourAssIfYouDontGiveMeAccessNow
WINDOWS:
Sorry, that password is already in use

A California Love Story

2015-09-28T01:00:00.000-04:00

Hold My Beer...I Got This!

2015-09-26T01:00:00.000-04:00

NICE TRY

2015-09-25T01:00:00.000-04:00

Jack goes to his friend Mike and says "I'm sleeping with the minister's wife. Can you keep him back in church for an hour after service for me?"

Mike doesn't like it but, being a friend, he agrees.

After the service, Mike starts talking to the minister, asking him all sorts of stupid questions, just to keep him occupied. Finally the minister gets annoyed and asks Mike what he's really up to.

Mike, feeling guilty, finally confesses to the minister. "My friend is sleeping with your wife right now, so he asked me to keep you occupied."

The minister thinks for a minute, smiles, puts a brotherly hand on Mike's shoulder and says, "You better hurry home right now. MY wife died a year ago".

HERE'S YOUR SIGN!

2015-09-24T01:00:00.000-04:00

Bill Tries To Cheer Hillary

2015-09-12T01:00:00.000-04:00

Bill tried to cheer up Hillary this morning by reminding her that Nelson Mandela wasn't elected president until after he had served 27 years in prison.

Washington Redskins Change Name

2015-09-09T01:00:00.000-04:00

Daniel Snyder, owner of the NFL Redskins, has announced that the team is dropping the word "Washington" from the team name, and it will henceforth be simply known as "The Redskins."

It was reported that he finds the word 'Washington' imparts a negative image of poor leadership, mismanagement, corruption, cheating, lying, and graft, and is not a fitting role-model for young fans of football.

A Few Blonde Jokes...

2015-09-07T01:00:00.000-04:00

Two blondes were filling up at a gas station and the first blonde says to the second, "I bet these awful gas prices are going to go even higher."

The second blonde replies, "Won't affect me, I always put in just $10 worth."
* * * * * *
A blonde and her husband are lying in bed listening to the next door neighbor’s dog. It has been in the backyard barking for hours and hours.

The blonde jumps up out of bed and says, "I've had enough of this". She goes downstairs.

The blonde finally comes back up to bed and her husband says, "The dog is still barking; what have you been doing?"

The blonde says, "I've put the dog in our backyard, let's see how they like it."

* * * * * *
One day, Jill's husband came home from the office and found her sobbing convulsively.

"I feel terrible," she told him. "I was pressing your suit and I burned a big hole in the seat of your trousers."

"Forget it," consoled her husband. "Remember that I bought an extra pair of pants for that suit."

"Yes, and it's lucky for you that you did," said Jill, drying her eyes. "I used them to patch the hole."
* * * * *
Two blondes were walking down the road and the first blonde said, "Look at that dog with one eye!"

The other blonde covers one of her eyes and says, "Where?"
* * * * * *
A blonde decided to redecorate her bedroom. She wasn't sure how many rolls of wallpaper she would need, but she knew that her blonde friend from next door had recently done the same job, and the two rooms were identical in size.

"Buffy," she said, "How many rolls of wallpaper did you buy for your bedroom?"

"Ten," said Buffy.

So the blonde bought the ten rolls of paper and did the job, but she had 2 rolls leftover.

"Buffy," she said. "I bought ten rolls of wallpaper for the bedroom, but I've got 2 leftover!"

"Yes," said Buffy. "So did I."
* * * * * *
A blonde bought two horses and could never remember which was which.

A neighbor suggested that she cut off the tail of one horse, which worked great until the other horse got his tail caught in a bush. The second horse's tail tore in the same place and looked exactly like the other horse's tail. Our blonde friend was stuck again.

The neighbor then suggested that she notch the ear of one horse, which worked fine until the other horse caught his ear on a barbed wire fence. Once again, our blonde friend couldn't tell the two horses apart.

The neighbor then suggested that she measure the horses for height.

When she did that, the blonde was very pleased to find that the white horse was 2 inches taller than the black one!!
* * * * * *
Blonde Interview.

The executive was interviewing a young blonde for a position in his company. He wanted to find out something about her personality so he asked, "If you could have a conversation with any person, living or dead, who would that be?"

The blonde quickly responded, "The living one."

A Close Relationship

2015-09-06T01:00:00.000-04:00

A businessman in the first class cabin decided to talk to the drop dead gorgeous flight attendant...“What is your name?”

Flight Attendant:   “Angela Benz, sir.”

Businessman:      “Lovely name ... any relation to Mercedes Benz?”

Flight Attendant:   “Yes sir, very close.”

Businessman:       “How close?”

Flight Attendant:    “Same price!”

Things That Aren't A Deterrent To Drinking!

2015-09-05T01:00:00.000-04:00

Pants On The Ground!

2015-09-04T01:00:00.000-04:00

Family Planning Advice

2015-09-03T01:00:00.000-04:00

Donald Trump And The Press

2015-09-02T01:00:00.000-04:00

Dear Abby...My husband is a liar and a cheat!

2015-08-25T01:00:00.000-04:00

Dear Abby,

My husband is a liar and a cheat. He has cheated on me from the beginning, and, when I confront him, he denies everything.

What's worse, everyone knows that he cheats on me. It is so humiliating.

Also, since he lost his job 14 years ago, he hasn't even looked for a new one.

All he does all day is smoke cigars, cruise around and shoot the bull with his buddies, while I have to work to pay the bills.

Since our daughter went away to college he doesn't even pretend to like me, and even hints that I may be a lesbian.

What should I do?

Signed: Clueless

Dear Clueless:
Grow up and dump him. You don't need him anymore! Good grief woman, you're running for President of the United States .

The One Job Every Retired Man Has

2015-08-23T01:00:00.000-04:00

Someone asked me, "...And now that you are retired, do you still have a job?"

I replied, "Yes - I am my wife's sexual adviser."

Somewhat shocked, they said, "I beg your pardon, but what exactly do you mean by that?"

"Very simple. My wife has told me that when she wants my fucking advice, she'll ask me for it."

HOW TO GET TIME OFF

2015-08-22T01:00:00.000-04:00

Two factory workers were talking.

"I know how to get some time off from work," said the man.

"How do you think you will do that?" said the other one.

He proceeded to show her...by climbing up to the rafters, and hanging upside down. The boss walked in, saw the worker hanging from the ceiling, and asked him what on earth he was doing?

"I'm a light bulb," answered the guy.

"I think you need some time off," said the boss.

So, the man jumped down and walked out of the factory.

The second worker began walking out too. The boss asked her where did she think she was going?

"Home. I can't work in the dark."

Political Correctness Is Killing Us

2015-08-20T01:00:00.000-04:00

Obama's Ball

2015-08-19T01:00:00.000-04:00

Ode To The Welfare State

2015-08-17T01:00:00.000-04:00

WHAT AMERICA USED TO BE ABLE TO DO...

2015-08-16T01:00:00.000-04:00

Not only is the picture awesome but so are the statistics!

During the 3-1/2 years of World War 2 that started with the Japanese bombing of Pearl Harbor in December 1941 and ended with the Surrender of Germany and Japan in 1945,

"We the People of the U.S.A." produced the following:
22 aircraft carriers,
8 battleships,
48 cruisers,
349 destroyers,
420 destroyer escorts,
203 submarines,
34 million tons of merchant ships,
100,000 fighter aircraft,
98,000 bombers,
24,000 transport aircraft,
58,000 training aircraft,
93,000 tanks,
257,000 artillery pieces,
105,000 mortars,

3,000,000 machine guns, and

2,500,000 military trucks.

We put 16.1 million men in uniform in the various armed services, invaded Africa, invaded Sicily and Italy, won the battle for the Atlantic, planned and executed D-Day, marched across the Pacific and Europe, developed the atomic bomb, and ultimately conquered Japan and Germany.

It's worth noting, that during the almost exact amount of time, the Obama Administration couldn't even build a web site that worked.

That Damned Confederate Flag

2015-08-15T01:00:00.000-04:00

Thank God that damned Confederate Flag is finally being removed from the South Carolina capitol.

It's comforting to know that racism will finally be ended by pulling down this flag, and blacks will now be free to live the American dream; free to keep their families together, free to value education, free to support their own children, free to stop murdering each other, free to graduate from high school, free to get married before having babies, free to stop crime in their neighborhoods. We will all rest easier knowing that those problems have finally ceased to exist, just because the flag has been taken down.

PRECIOUS MEMORIES

2015-08-14T01:00:00.000-04:00

A minister decided to do something a little different one Sunday morning. He said "Today, in church, I am going to say a single word and you are going to help me preach. Whatever single word I say, I want you to sing whatever hymn that comes to your mind."

The pastor shouted out "CROSS." Immediately the congregation started singing in unison, "THE OLD RUGGED CROSS."

The pastor hollered out "GRACE." The congregation began to sing "AMAZING GRACE, how sweet the sound."

The pastor said "POWER." The congregation sang "THERE IS POWER IN THE BLOOD."

The Pastor said "SEX". The congregation fell into total silence.

Everyone was in shock. They all nervously began to look around at each other, afraid to say anything. Then all of a sudden, way from in the back of the church, a little old 87-year-old grandmother stood up and began to sing "PRECIOUS MEMORIES".

Gotta Love Little Old Ladies.

Why Asses Are Hired In Government

2015-08-13T01:00:00.000-04:00

Once upon a time there was a king who wanted to go fishing.

He called the royal weather forecaster and inquired as to the weather forecast for the next few hours.

The weatherman assured him that there was no chance of rain in the coming days.

So the king went fishing with his wife, the queen. On the way he met a farmer on his donkey. Upon seeing the king the farmer said, "Your Majesty, you should return to the palace at once because in just a short time I expect a huge amount of rain to fall in this area".

The king was polite and considerate, he replied: "I hold the palace meteorologist in high regard. He is an extensively educated and experienced professional. Besides, I pay him very high wages. He gave me a very different forecast. I trust him and I will continue on my way." So he continued on his way.

However, a short time later a torrential rain fell from the sky. The king and queen were totally soaked and their entourage chuckled upon seeing them in such a shameful condition.

Furious, the king returned to the palace and gave the order to fire the weatherman at once!

Then he summoned the farmer and offered him the prestigious and high paying role of royal forecaster.

The farmer said, "Your Majesty, I do not know anything about forecasting. I obtain my information from my donkey. If I see my donkey's ears drooping, it means with certainty that it will rain."

So the king hired the donkey.

And so began the practice of hiring asses to work in the government and occupy its highest and influential positions.

How To Keep Jehovah's Witnesses Away!

2015-08-12T01:00:00.000-04:00

I Don't Always Eat Humans...

2015-08-10T01:00:00.000-04:00