THE SILVERBACKS

LIFE IS SHORT

2012-02-25T01:00:00.000-05:00

SELL ALL MY STUFF WHEN I DIE!

2012-02-24T01:00:00.000-05:00

TOM'S BITS WERE CRUSHED

2012-02-23T01:00:00.000-05:00

The pastor asked if anyone in the congregation would like to express praise for answered prayers.

Suzie Smith stood and walked to the podium. She said, "I have a praise. Two months ago, my husband, Tom, had a terrible bicycle wreck and his scrotum was completely crushed. The pain was excruciating and the doctors didn't know if they could help him."

You could hear a muffled gasp from the men in the congregation as they imagine the pain that poor Tom must have experienced.

"Tom was unable to hold me or the children," she went on, "and every move caused him terrible pain. We prayed as the doctors performed a delicate operation, and it turned out they were able to piece together the crushed remnants of Tom's scrotum, and wrap wire around it to hold it in place."

Again, the men in the congregation cringed and squirmed uncomfortably as they imagined the horrible surgery performed on Tom.

"Now," she announced in a quivering voice, "thank the Lord, Tom is out of the hospital and the doctors say that with time, his scrotum should recover completely."

All the men sighed with unified relief. The pastor rose and tentatively asked if anyone else had something to say.

A man stood up and walked slowly to the podium.

He said, "I'm Tom Smith."

The entire congregation held its breath.

"I just want to tell my wife the word is 'sternum'."

MAN SHOOTS SELF IN FOOT!

2012-02-22T01:00:00.000-05:00

The .45 caliber round, as you can imagine, makes a pretty big hole. Now here's proof it does!

I can just imagine how the conversation went:
"Hey honey, check out my new .45, it has a really great trigger pull" nice squeeze ...Bang!!!!...Oh CRAP!!...Honey...I need another Budweiser. Man that hurts!"

Off to Wal-Mart for some new shoes and a book called..."Handguns for Dummies”!

The Ten Greatest Mechanical Principles

2012-02-21T01:00:00.000-05:00

Here are 9 great mechanical principles and inventions, which show the greatness of the human mind.

Simple animation to explain complex principles:
1: Aircraft Radial Engine

2: Oval Regulation

3: Sewing Machines

4: Malta Cross movement - second hand movement used to control the clock

5: Auto Change file mechanism

6: Auto Constant Velocity Universal Joint

7: Gun Ammunition loading system

8: Rotary Engine - an internal combustion engine, the heat rather than the piston movement into rotary movement

9: Boxter Engine - it's cylinders lined up side by side

BUT, leaving the best of ALL till last...

Well, the Church removed my cookies from the bake sale...again.

2012-02-20T01:00:00.000-05:00

I don't know what their problem is - I just used a dog bone cookie cutter...cut them in half and decorated them!

I thought they looked rather cute, and I put a lot of work into them!

HOW TO TELL IF YOU'RE IN A GAY BAR

2012-02-19T01:00:00.000-05:00

THE NEW SQUIRREL RIDE AT DOLLYWOOD!

2012-02-18T01:00:00.000-05:00

Public Breast Feeding Causes Traffic Jam!

2012-02-17T01:00:00.000-05:00

What did you expect?!

LAST NIGHT'S PARTY AT THE SENIOR CENTER!

2012-02-16T00:30:00.000-05:00

Last night we went to a party at our local senior center. The second Tuesday of every month they have an evening potluck supper. We usually eat, play bingo, reminisce, and drink a little wine and talk about the good ole days.

We heard Selma Martin's grandson is staying with her for a few weeks. It's rumored he got in a scrap over some marijuana with the law out in Vancouver and he came to YUMA to avoid the heat. Anyway, Selma is known for her delicious Brownies and she always bakes up a quadruple batch for each get-together. She makes enough for everyone and some for folks to take one home for later. For some reason they were extra good this week and every last one of them was eaten. Not a one left over. We later found out that Selma 's grandson, Butch, laced the brownies with some of his marijuana.

Knowing this, I guess it offers a logical reason for everyone feeling good that night By the time Zeke put on the bunny hop record, everyone was in a real good mood and it was the first time the whole place got up and danced...

That is until the cops came to check all the noise complaints.

Well, that's another story.

IT TAKES A SPECIAL PHOTOGRAPHER TO CAPTURE "CUPID'S UNDIE RUN"!

2012-02-15T01:00:00.000-05:00

You better be in shape if you plan on photographing Washington D. C.'s annual Cupid's Undie Run. Luckily, this day was warm for February!

Cupid's Undie Run is a 1.5 mile run in your bedroom-best on Valentine's weekend. No, we're not crazy, we're just crazy serious about raising money for The Children's Tumor Foundation.

DO YOU HEART ME?!

2012-02-14T00:00:00.000-05:00

It's Okay For Old Men To Chase Young Women

2012-02-13T01:00:00.000-05:00

Stupid Terrorist Tricks

2012-02-12T01:00:00.000-05:00

What Day Should You Start A Diet?

2012-02-11T01:00:00.000-05:00

People Love To Stereotype People

2012-02-10T01:00:00.000-05:00

Is Your Trunk Too Short?

2012-02-09T01:00:00.000-05:00

FAT KIDS!

2012-02-08T01:00:00.000-05:00

Another Sign You're Getting Old

2012-02-07T01:00:00.000-05:00

IT'S HAMMER TIME!

2012-02-06T01:00:00.001-05:00

It's All Bird Crap!

2012-02-05T01:00:00.000-05:00

There Are Some things That Should Never Be Exposed!

2012-02-04T01:00:00.000-05:00

I think the circled face explains it all!

Churchill's Italian Cruise

2012-02-03T01:00:00.000-05:00

The current plight of the Costa Concordia which sank off the coast of Italy, reminds me of a comment made by Winston Churchill.

After his retirement he was cruising the Mediterranean on an Italian cruise liner. Some Italian journalists asked why an ex-British Prime Minister should chose an Italian ship.

"There are three things I like about being on an Italian cruise ship" said Churchill. "First their cuisine is unsurpassed. Second their service is superb. And then, in time of emergency, there is none of this nonsense about women and children first."

Guess Which One Is A Convicted Felon!

2012-02-02T01:00:00.000-05:00

WILD TURKEY AND COCA-COLA DON'T MIX!

2012-02-01T01:00:00.000-05:00

I would bet that driver actually went somewhere

and had a Wild Turkey straight after this happened!