First I have to say thank you for your emails and comments and prayers and tweets and Facebook comments the other day. I appreciate you more than you could know. And I'm glad to know that I'm not the only one who blows it BIG TIME as a mama.
In God's perfect ways, he's used it to clear the air and Audrey and I are connecting and talking better than we have in a long time. He is good!
***
The girls worked so hard at school yesterday. They really buckled down and persevered and were diligent--and I'm so proud of them. And told them so a lot.
(Here's that Spiritual Mothering thing coming into play--It's not enough to THINK it, we've gotta SAY it when it comes to encouragement!)
When we started school back in August, our Bible curriculum started us reading through the book of John together. And instead of just reading it, we've really been studying it together.
(blurry--sorry!)
The girls have done a couple of things with John:
And all the while, they've been reading out loud, working on tone and inflection and pronunciation and all that good stuff.
Well, we finished John last week. The lesson plans have us starting 1 Samuel now.
So yesterday, I taught them a little bit about the book--the context, its place in Israel's history, the kinds of stories it includes. And instead of outlining the book, we're going to do something a little bit different.
Instead of reading each small section together each day, the girls will be using the day's section for their quiet time and making notes in their journals.
I'm so excited about this!
At the beginning of each week, I'll list each day's reading so they can find it quickly and easily. And I listed the kinds of things they should be noting.
We're going with answering WHO, WHAT, WHEN, WHERE, WHY, and HOW. They'll note any questions they have about the text, and write out any verse that stands out to them that they want to remember.
They know that because 1 Samuel is a narrative, they may have more than one WHO in a story. (Hello, chapter 1: Elkanah, Hannah, Penninah, Eli, Samuel!) They can pick one or more than one. I left it up to them so it doesn't get overwhelming.
This is all familiar to them from the time I spoke at their chapel last year about being Bible detectives. But no mustache yesterday! Confused? Go check out this post.
Then during our Bible lesson, they'll ask their questions and we'll search for the answers together. (Why did Elkanah have more than one wife? What does it mean to be weaned?)
Before they know it, they'll be experts at inductive Bible study method!
They started yesterday and did a great job. It was fun to see that they chose different WHOs for chapter 1 and so they were great listeners when it came time for them to share with each other what they'd written down.
I am not usually a drama queen by nature; I tend to stay pretty even tempered. (Though I will say I used to be a drama queen. Not sure if that was me, or just me having two children under the age of five for a season. Whatever it was, it was exhausting and I didn't like it much.)
Anyhow, today I was a drama queen. Or, more of a DRAMA QUEEN as the case may be.
Not so pretty. No tiara, no royal robes.
Just a good hair day and a really bad attitude.
The thing is, I don't even know what set me off. The day started fine. I blogged about my desire to get back to some discipline in my walk, some strict training in this journey of faith. I got the boys to school (my extra two!) after spending the night with them, and then went back home. I walked in the door and WHAM!
It felt like I walked into a cloud, under a cloud, into a swirling mess. Some of it feels like SUPER DUPER PMS (my friend Yvette says it should all be capitalized like that, and I agree), but some of it felt darker than that. Stifling. Suffocating.
When I said "Bring it" at the end of my last post, that is so not what I meant.
And so I struggled against it and fought the cloud and then in a fit of rage gave in. Said horrible things to Audrey. Yelled a lot and was mean.
And I have to admit that it felt good to give it free rein. For about a fraction of a second. And then it felt bad. Really, really bad.
I hate knowing that kind of thing lurks in me. I had thought it was gone--it's been years since rage has come out like that. And it scared me.
So I curled up on the floor in the living room and did the ugly cry. And then I got up and cried some more. Then read comments from you on Twitter and Facebook and listened to voicemail and cried some more.
And then I apologized to my sweet girl. Asked her to forgive me. And she did. I hope what she'll remember is me admitting I was wrong, remember my sorrow over my words rather than the words themselves.
I hope she'll remember someday when she's a grownup that it's hard to be grownup sometimes, hard to be a mom. That moms can apologize to their kids, ask for forgiveness too.
I hope she remembers that we get do-overs. That while we do have to deal with the consequences, we can forgive and move forward and start again.
***
Lisa sent me this verse, and it's one you might need to if you can relate to any of this. It's definitely going on a card and be written on my heart:
I will try to walk a blameless path,
but how I need your help,
especially in my own home,
where I long to act as I should.
Psalm 101:2, Living Bible
The girls and I are going to start learning Psalm 19 this week. We have a couple of weeks to get it down, so this morning we'll be making our verse cards and then heading out to the office supply store to get them laminated. We have quite a stack waiting to be done. And who doesn't love a trip to the office supply store?
I feel like I'm starting to sound like a broken record a little bit, but our discipline is still off. No excuse.
In fact, I need to confess that my own personal discipline is just off lately. My quiet times have been haphazard, sort of on the fly, and not totally honest. Which is silly, since God knows the truth no matter how I try to spin it or hide it.
Beth's video message on the Living Proof Ministry blog hit me square between the eyes this morning. And it called to mind her talk in Laramie back in May about the need for STRICT TRAINING. I said I was in then. I meant it. And I still mean it. But it's time to act like it again.
I'm in.
Excited and a little scared. But ready because I don't want to lose ground, don't want to coast. I want to be strong, to be mighty, to be honest, to be brave.
In the words of my dear friend Susan: Bring it.
Let's make this week's discussion a simple one. Share one or two things that you underlined and explain why.
Was it something you wholeheartedly agree with? Something that challenges you to grow? Something you want to know more about or study more in depth?
If we were sitting around in a circle at a coffee shop (picture your favorite one and maybe even tell us which one it is so we can picture it too!), how would you finish this sentence: "I underlined the quote that says ________________ because ________________."
Got up this morning and headed to Cardiff for some VG's donuts to take to the beach. Talk about a great way to start the day!
How cute are those turkey cupcakes?
While they ate donuts, I went for a run on the beach. And after I could breathe again, THEN I ate my donut. Glazed old fashioned. Cause I didn't see any kruellers, which are my all-time favorite!
The other day at Legoland I couldn't help but get a little bit nostalgic when Emma wanted to go on her favorite ride. At least it was always her favorite when she was little. She remembered it and wanted to go again for old time's sake.
When did she grow up so much?
I got up this morning and went for a run on the beach. So good. Then back to the house to make pancakes and bacon for breakfast. By 9 a.m., we were all ready to go and rolling down the 101 to Cardiff.
We backed into a spot right on the beach and settled in for a couple of hours. The kids built castles, played on boogie boards, and Toben got in some surfing.
It was a little bit cool today at the beach, so they were all happy to have their new surf hoodies that we picked up last night at Hansen's. Every kid needs a good surf hoodie:
My surfing kids:
I sat in the back of the car, reading and looking up to take pictures like these from time to time.
And look! I even managed to get in a picture or two...
My spot at the beach (finished another spy novel):
Me and "my" boys
After lunch, we headed to Mike McGills for some skate stuff--new stickers for Tobin's board and a cool shirt. Lowden loves Legos; Tobin (yep, another Tobin, but this one with an "i") loves to skate. So the boys each got to do their favorite thing this weekend.
Then we headed over to the Encinitas YMCA to check out the skate park. Tobin wasn't quite ready to drop in to the pool here, but said next time for sure!
Tomorrow? Donuts at the beach for breakfast for them, a run along the beach for me. Then packing up and hitting the road back to Phoenix.
We spent all day long at Legoland and we are so tired! The kids are all tucked into bed and it's quiet, so I think they're all asleep already.
I'm off to get some jammies, brush my teeth, and wash my face. Then I'm hoping I can stay awake long enough to read for a bit. If not, I'm happy to go right to sleep too.
Tomorrow we're hitting the beach. Backing the car up to the beach, letting the boys surf, the girls play. Me? I'm going to take a book and stare at the ocean in between paragraphs.
There are about 100 more pictures, but I'll spare you!
A few months ago I was overcome with the urge to quilt. And not another Seven-Year Quilt--but one I could actually quilt by hand and finish in a reasonable amount of time, like, say, a month or two.
A baby quilt would be perfect. And since I have some friends who were adopting a beautiful boy, I even had someone to make it for.
She'd asked me to make their baby bedding, and while I gave her the yardage left over, I kept a bunch of the scraps with the thought they'd make, well, something.
So I added the turquoise ovals and circles from my stash, bought the solid brown and some batting, and look! I even finished it in time for the baby shower.
I love how the back looks, but couldn't get any pictures to turn out right. And I especially love how wrinkly a quilt gets after it's all done and washed.
Every quilt needs a name. This one is "Chosen." It's embroidered on the back, under the baby's name, along with a reference from Ephesians about how we are chosen by God. This lucky boy is twice chosen!