The SMILF

SMILF - v 1.0

2010-12-14T21:33:00.001-05:00

Meh, I'm single again. And Josh reads the blog. Hi Josh! You have many admirers here!

Ha. I'm super awesome at stealth. Anyway...

Josh was super, and honest, and he's ready to be done with having babies. I am not. That is that, my friends.

I am taking a dating hiatus until sometime in the New Year...

Happy Christmas all!

XO

Feck My Life.

2010-12-12T21:24:00.000-05:00

I'm really, really, really struggling...

I KNOW you all love Josh. Heck, I'm pretty crazy about him too! We had a great weekend - movie and a snuggle Friday, and spent all day Sunday together. He's amazing. Totally understood my one sentence, "Ireallylikeyouandit'sjustgonnatakemesometimetogetusedtosharingmytimeandenergywithanyoneevensomeoneasawesomeasyou". He kicked my arse at Scrabble, raved over my dinner, played with my kid at Chapters while I obsessed over the best 3 Christmas books for The Girl... smiled about it!

I'm just really sure I want to have another baby. And it's interfering with my ability to appreciate the alternative. Made it perfectly clear to Josh that it's always on my mind, and that it's not NOT an issue still for me. We're both thinking on it.

There are other factors too. He's tied to his area of the city by the location of his children. It's on the other side of the city... equals me starting over in a new job, with suck all for vacation, and no backyard. Sounds small and little right? It's not number one, but its on the list for things pulling at my mind.

We go 2 weeks of the month with no physical contact. I think that contributed to my battiness over the texts and emails and calls... I need physical contact. Our attraction is NOT just physical, but I think contact connects couples in a way that maintains prolonged interest, if that makes any sense? In my crazy head it does!

Anyway... he's coming over Wednesday night. He's on the same page as me... if it's a big block for me, it's not fair to either of us to continue seeing each other... and yet... he's coming over Wednesday...

okokok... Some Random Posts

2010-12-07T21:02:00.001-05:00

So, I miss this blog. And, I feel the need to hear my readers on some things, like:

Josh is more romanticky than me. Do I fake it? Like set a reminder in my work calendar to send him a random text that says "X. That is all."? I feel like I should reciprocate his random texts despite being a crazy busy, single mom, employed as a manager and trying to succeed woman? Wait, I'm going to go the route of "no faking orgasms, it only really hurts me" rule. Right? No faking my dating style?

On weeks that Josh has his kids we go a little over a week without seeing each other. How many nights should we be talking on the phone? 'Cuz, I HAAAAATE phone calls. I have no home phone or personal cell (work BB only). It's rude to text or email only, right? Even I'm a little embarrassed to ask.

Ah. That feels better. Welcome to the neurosis that is S(mitten)MILF. I will be sometimes posting some crazy - better out than in, right?

The End

2010-11-28T22:59:00.001-05:00

That's right! The End. SMILF is MILF and we've reached the natural conclusion.

Josh came for tuna melts and broccoli Saturday and after Scrabble (SMILF win, soundly), wine, movie, sleepover (ON THE COUCH!), coffee, eggs, baking cookies, baking saltdough ornaments, walk, painting ornaments, chicken taco soup (oh dear me, SO GOOD!), and some snogging on the couch after bed time... I sent him home Sunday night. He left a toothbrush and his deluxe Scrabble board here (so you know it's serious).

I'm happy to close this blog with a:

MILF owt.

X

I Know!

2010-11-26T06:00:00.001-05:00

If I were on your side of the computer, reader, reading the last few posts of mine, I'd maybe roll my eyes at the rapid descent I'd taken into contemplative thought based on one date. I can't stand a drama queen. Unless it's me. My drama is never queen-ish... So. You have to stand me too. I wave my drama queen scepter at you and command you to read on.

I can't explain it, but after a conversation this evening with a wise woman friend of mine, I can say, I just know. HA! And yesterday, I did NOT know! I still don't know the things I didn't know yesterday, but the knowledge of my excitement, my enthusiasm to open my life to Josh and to better know his life and his children is real. After one date. How drama queen is that? How reckless and irresponsible! In a heartbeat, I would have harshly judged another SMILF feeling this way.

My guard has been up and my insecurities have dominated all of my previous relationships. Every. Single. One. It's not present now.

There was no pooping before Sunday Scrabble. I wasn't really nervous. There was already an ease in our communication that had me feeling like I was just headed over to the home of someone I've always known. I made us tea in his kitchen while he played with my daughter. I didn't feel like the whole relationship was riding on whether or not he noticed a zit somewhere on me. This early stuff? It's easy. It's familiar. I've never experienced anything like it.

So anyhow... his reply to "I don't know" was via text: "SO. You wanna hang out this weekend? x "

Via email reply, he's sorry he drew a line, and was being cautious. He'll take it day by day with me... and he wants me to meet his kids! I guess we're over being cautious!

I want to do what makes me happy today, as many comments have stated...other than planning for his arrival in my currently horribly dirty house this Saturday evening... that does tarnish my happiness a bit. What to serve with red wine and Scrabble.... hmmm....

Heavier Things

2010-11-25T08:52:00.002-05:00

Isn't science an awesome and terrible thing? To be able to mutilate our body in such a life altering way. To play God. To cut the channel that leads to life. (I did mention, didn't I, I like dramatics... heehee).

Josh sent me a long, lovely email. He is certainly verbose. I'm going to have a letter writing complex, I can tell.

Essentially, he drew a line. He can tell he's going to fall hard for me, but he needs me to be honest with myself. He does not reference his vasectomy, but I know it's what he's referring to. His last year long attempt at a relationship ended, in part, because of his inability to have children.

My response has to be, "I don't know."

That will have to be okay for now. If it's not something he's comfortable with, that's okay too. I'm preparing for that.

There's so many reasons I'm not ready to say, "I'm happy to be with you."

1. HELLO, JOSH! We've only spent a day together. SHEESH! How do I know if you always leave the toilet seat up, or if you are mean to your mom? These are important factors!

2. I don't know what that looks like. If a man chooses in his 20's to close the door on more children, is there room in his heart to love mine like his own? This is important. This is all important.

3. Am I finished? Am I well and truly content if I never have another child? Would I have weaned my baby when I did? Will my heart hurt every time I hold another person's baby? Will I hit menopause and have a midlife crisis over it? I DON'T KNOW. It's too soon to tell.

4. Will I always wonder what might have happened if I walked away and kept looking?

I just don't know. How does one know such a thing? So, I'm about to write as verbose a reply as I can, saying basically three words. I. don't. know.

HELP!

2010-11-24T06:00:00.001-05:00

So... what's a transitioning SMILF post about? OH! I know. I really do need your assistance.

Brett attended his best friend's funeral... and he is BBMing me some pretty trusting stuff. I feel like a giant A-hole. Or a douche. Or a douchy A-hole. What the heck do I do? All comments appreciated. Did I mention he's only been in the city a few months and thereby has NO close friends in the area? I mean, it's not like we have "been dating"... so it's not a break up. But I feel like a monster saying right now, "Oh, by the way, I might be seeing someone now, sooooo....".

Help!

Yes!

2010-11-23T06:00:00.000-05:00

Well, lots more texting, some even ended with an "x"... is that a first kiss? Whatever, it's more action than I've seen in almost 3 years. I'm counting it. Me thinks he likes me.

I've read the comments... um, a zillion times... and I'm swayed back and forth with each commenter.

YES! They do all seem perfect at first (actually, I am internalizing that - no one is perfect. Staying unmelty. Also taken to heart by my friend,TC). Helps with the nerves.

YES! I do want babies. Surely I do! Don't I? This is the truth: I felt softwarmfuzzies watching Josh with The Girl. I didn't think one time of his severed testes while I was there. Well, I did. But it had nuttin' to do with baby makin'. I wanted to jump that boy like a spring grizzly eyes an old, slow salmon. Thank GOD The Girl was there. My point. I wasn't watching them thinking, "What a damn shame."

YES! I do want to see where this goes. I know it ultimately might lead to a super sad breakup. Or, a Hollywood ending. You know where the V fails and I get a one in a million baby? Or the one where it cuts to my little Chinese daughter and I coming home to Josh and The Girl and The Stepkids? OR... just happily ever after.

Sunday Scrabble

2010-11-22T06:00:00.001-05:00

I played a six hour game of interrupted Scrabble with Josh on Sunday. He beat me. Jerk.

He made Cinnamon Rollups, set out fruit, prosciutto, and cheese and made a big ol' cup of coffee for us girls. His house is full of his art, reclaimed and reworked furniture, plaster and exposed brick... you can see his hand in the whole place. It was so comfortable and cozy. We went for brunch and stayed until 4. Crazy right?

The Girl played his guitar, coloured in his sketch book, and rearranged his photographs. Josh never once looked alarmed. He's so perfect... other than that broken baby maker. Seriously, by the end of the day, The Girl was hanging over his legs hanging out. And she hates people. He also has a dog and a bearded dragon, both of which were a total hit with the kid... like "trade slobber with the dog and squish her nose to the glass of the tank constantly" hit. Josh laid out on the floor on his belly to sketch her a greeting card quality Santa. I'm not going to lie - watching his reaction and delight in her made my ovaries cramp.

But, I wasn't looking for a sitter. All that is marvelous, but what did I really think of him?

He's got a great story telling bone, he's terrible thoughtful, a good host and homemaker, his smile is quick and open, and his bum. Oh my. I can't believe I didn't get caught looking at it. He flushes when he talks about the "why" he does stuff. That makes me melty.

Ouch, there goes my womb.

SMILF?

2010-11-19T06:00:00.001-05:00

The Girl is STILL sick... and she coughs until she barfs. Tonight, I put her down... no, like to SLEEP... she's not THAT sick... weirdos...

Anyway, I put her BED, and realized her hand smelled like strawberry vomit from the last time she puked, conveniently right out of the bath and fresh into her pajamas. And I thought, "Hm. That kinda smells nice."

I LIKED THE SMELL OF HER BARF.

And in the moment I realized I had a preference for the fruits I'd feed my kid when she is sick, I thought again: Mommy is really neverevereverever getting laid again. I'm too far gone to the mom side to ever get my seksi on.

Please Universe. No more barf. I want some seksi to grow back for Sunday. You know, for when I'm playing Boggle with Josh while my toddler runs around us. Oy.

Short Report

2010-11-18T11:22:00.000-05:00

I might have to trim my "daily" posts to only posting when I actually have something to tell you. I have tiny tidbits for you:

1. Brett BBMd me to tell me his best friend was killed in a car accident. I'm staying in close contact with him... he wanted to tell someone not close to the situation. That's a shitty, shitty, horrid thing. I hope I have words when he needs them.

2. During my text date with Josh last night, I learned the following about him:
- He likes pie and bakes it, he recently ate a Bulk Barn sized bar of chocolate in one sitting, he has a mustache for Movember, he's a potty mouth like moi, he plays geetar, he drinks chamomile tea and is QUILTING, and old farts can be dead sexy. This morning he texted, "I know I'm acting like a BF, but my morning wouldn't be complete without saying 'Good Morning'." He's so cute.

And he's calling me riiiiight now. Ciao.

Borink

2010-11-17T06:00:00.002-05:00

I'm just posting to bore you.

Played, "What's your favorite..." via text with Josh. Seriously. I just always fall for "The Wrong Guy".

BB (That would be Backburner Brett or Boring Brett, depending on the commenter) BBM'd me. Ahem, a quote:
"Chuck Norris is who Willis was talkin' about".

I swooned.

That is all, kids. It's Glee night, and I am weaving in ends on a crochet throw for a friend. And busy finding out more about Mr. Wrong.

Brett - Date 1

2010-11-16T14:40:00.000-05:00

Well, Brett is cute in that scruffy, manly, "I work outside doing manly work" (he has a commercial grounds company franchise) way. He's also pretty serious, might be a little shy, has a nice smile when he shows it... and ummm... not grabbing my attention.

We met at Starbucks to pop his Starbucks cherry... that's right, he'd never been. THAT was fun. We talked some Starbucks... talked coffee.. talked past weekend... talked colds... pretty exciting stuff. I waited and listened for a "click"... silence. Nothing going on there. He is the kind of serious that pulls at me to do silly things and MAKE laugh, if you know what I mean... like poke a finger in his uptight butt as he walks up stairs in front of me... but, I'm not sure we'll get to that.

There was no "Nice to meet you" text as a follow up. Men don't lose points for failing to do it, but they lose the opportunity to make me smile, thereby granting bonus points.

I can't remember ever talking about children beyond, "Yeah, I want them someday", with any one I've dated in my single gal life, and I've certainly never had a vested interest in a man's reply to a story about a child, or the answer to the question, "Have you spent much time with any kids". Brett's reply to that... "Just my nephew... then I get to hand him back". I think that is fairly standard for single man speak. Single man dating is way harder conversation wise than single dad dating - my early thoughts on this.

He's pretty boring. Maybe he thinks that of me and The Girl talk too. But, I think we'll have coffee again. There's nothing going on, and maybe he'll sneak up on my affections. We'll see.

Less Gray

2010-11-16T08:43:00.000-05:00

Huh, it occurred to me that the whole Josh issue was a gray area too... Damn, I hate missed opportunity working on a theme!

Josh and I talked... we ARE going to take The Girl to a park at the beach this weekend, just to meet. We had a pretty good connection, I think we're both curious to at LEAST shake a hand, you know? I hope it doesn't cloud the issue for me.

Ya'll are correct - it IS a dealbreaker, at least at this point. At 33, I'm not ready to hang up that possibility. Maybe at 38? or 39? But for now, I'd still like to envision a "meet, fall in love, get hitched, make a baby". I waited 30 years to be a mom, and I love it more than anything I've ever done. I'm just not ready to say, "That's it."

AND!

I'm meeting Brett for coffee on lunch. A THREE POST DAY! Can you stand it? I'll let you know how it goes... my sinuses are packed, The Girl barfed at 4am, I AM NOT WEARING MASCARA, I have a zit that's almost healed on top of my nose, and I stayed up past my bedtime brooding and eating homemade chocolate cookies with Nutella frosting and Oh Henry's last night...

Not an optimal dating day. But I'm getting back on that horse.

Gray

2010-11-16T07:00:00.003-05:00

So... I still don't know about Josh... I mean, I KNOW. I'm waiting on the opportunity to call him and tell him.

It's just discouraging. I'm discouraged. Tired of looking. This post is gray.

This SMILF is going to take it day by day... but... I might be taking a "looking" hiatus. Maybe I'll feel inspired tomorrow? Maybe the next one is the next big thing? Right now, I'm not even sure I care if I ever meet someone... it's how I felt the 2 years leading up to me opening my first dating account. Will it be two more years?

Okay. Mope over. Maybe I'll go onto Plenty of Frogs tomorrow and wait for messages written in "text speak" to make myself feel better. Back on the proverbial horse, right?

Snip.

2010-11-15T06:00:00.007-05:00

Snip.

A few ways "Snip" works into this post.

Snip 1:
Josh and I did not meet this weekend. The Girl is a coughing, vomiting disaster, and I am the only one (like seriously, the only person in a 250 kilometer radius) that will deal with that. Josh also threw his back out at work. So - Snip. Cut that plan from my weekend.

Snip 2:
Josh drops that he's had a vasectomy, and he's not open to trying to reverse it. This came up talking about his last attempt at dating. It's one of the reasons it did not work out.

POSSIBLE Snip 3:
Me cutting this one loose. I've always felt I'd give The Girl a sibling, single or not. Wait a few years, and if I was still alone, turkey baste her a brother or sister. It physically hurts my insides to consider not having a baby/nursing a baby/raising another child again. I LOVE being a mom. Totally do not reckon on never doing it again.

Why is Snip 3 "possible"? Because I know there are no guarantees in life. What right do I have to be dissatisfied when I already have one AMAZING child in my life? What if I meet someone with an unsnipped whatever-it-is-they-snip and fall in love and still have no more babies? That's possible. What if I don't meet anyone and try a turkey baster and that results in no babies? That's possible too. He also picked THE best weekend to tell me he's neutered... Two full weeks of coughing, snotting, whining, puking The Girl. UGH. No more babies? Let me wipe the milk curd barf off my cheek and think about that!

Is this a deal breaker?

Breaking Rules

2010-11-12T06:00:00.000-05:00

I am breaking a rule:

8. It is absolutely possible to develop a really huge crush on someone via email if it goes on too long, and then feel like a total douchebag when you meet the first time and realize there's not enough gold in Saudi Arabia to get you to have sex with that person. Meet early. Don't make this "I'm a poopy person" inducing mistake. The internet will never measure spark. Do not get invested without a meeting.

Josh and I text all day long right now, and it's cute stuff. He wishes me good night with "Nighters, silly duck". We talk about our kids. We talk about our good minutes, our tough minutes, our funny minutes.

We REALLY have to meet this weekend. This is complicated. He's very okay with hanging with The Girl and I. If I didn't know someone well who knows him well, and has told me to "go for it", that would never happen. Here's his words from an email:

Considering that you might want someone in your life to mesh with what exists already (that being you and The Girl) then wouldn't it stand to reason that we see what chemistry exists in that setting?

But that's a rule. I know it. Really, The Girl meets new people all the time, and this is a friend of a friend... is it totally wrong to go for a walk in a park with a "date" and my child? Ugh. It's FRIDAY, and I still don't know.

Some history, for those that don't know. I don't live anywhere near family, so dating means putting The Girl in care for dates. I'm loathe to do that, because I work full time, and I love spending my weekends with her. And in reality, I'm not looking to date someone that would want her not to be a part of whatever plays out.

But...

If this lasts a year, and next year, I meet someone, and that lasts a year, and on and on and on... what sort of damage will this do to The Girl? Thinking about this... is almost too much to bear. Scares the absolute will to date right out of me. It makes me hesitate... in so many ways. Might be why you guys get so little to read about?

This is one of so many rules I'm negotiating and running into.... as a SMILF. Whole new dating universe.

Lessons Learned

2010-11-11T06:00:00.002-05:00

No coffee today. Josh hasn't brought it up, and we all know first dates to me are as anxiously awaited as an appointment to have nose hairs pulled, one by one... so I didn't bring it up either. He's still talking about this weekend.

So, as I sprawled in my bath tonight (The Girl goes to bed at 645 since the time change... BLISS) doing absolutely freaking nothing... I thought I'd give you a list of lessons learned from previous online dating experiences. Because I love you, and I want to save you the hassle should you give it a go in the future.

1. All high school Catholic board teachers smoke pot. A lot of it. If you need some, ask one.

2. Personal trainers will show up for your first date with a mesh shirt on that will show the shadow of nipple. Take a pass.

3. Personal trainers will tell you how to best work off those 5 pounds over your first dinner date. Trust me, you'll just spend the rest of the evening thinking about where he saw those 5. Oh, and there's such a thing as a "Naked Women's Wrestling League". He trains the "wrestlers". Okay, I'm moving on now.

4. Men who only have photos that look like scanned yearbook photos, are 15 years older, balder, and heavier than the photo represents.

5. Men with photos that have you squinting and pressing your nose to the screen to discern any facial features for all 5 of their photos, are hiding something.

6. Men that sweat profusely just living their daily life, will shower you in sweat during sex. Stay on top, and buy pillow and mattress protectors if that's the only flaw. And bulk laundry detergent, you'll be washing your sheets a lot at first.

7. Men that have this or something like it in their profile, "Don't bother wasting my time if you're not ready to date, are hung up on your ex, or have mental issues" have baggage. Serious baggage. Trust me.

8. It is absolutely possible to develop a really huge crush on someone via email if it goes on too long, and then feel like a total douchebag when you meet the first time and realize there's not enough gold in Saudi Arabia to get you to have sex with that person. Meet early. Don't make this "I'm a poopy person" inducing mistake. The internet will never measure spark. Do not get invested without a meeting.

9. If you meet someone that still lives at home with mom, make them a friend instead. Wait until they've moved out. No good will come of this. They will see your independence as a ticket out of mom's house. That's it.

That's all I got for now! If I think of any more, I'll be sure to follow up with another list.

On The Heels of "Hotness"... The Universe Speaks

2010-11-10T10:08:00.000-05:00

Had to make a special update... you'll be terribly happy I did...

My Chai Rooibos Yogi tea tag reads: You will never find happiness if you do not conquer your own doubt.

If that's not the universe sending me a message... then it's just one more of the reasons I love that tea...

Plus, Josh sent me all sort of text flattery this morning, so my head is nice and fat. I'll ride that for now.

Hotness?

2010-11-10T06:00:00.001-05:00

Nothing really current to relay to you - sent an email to Josh, received an email back... a couple of silly texts. Thought I'd talk about something that's always plagued me.

Boys that are hotter than me.

No one wears a number around, and I'm sure many greater than me will tell me physical beauty is subjective, and that this is a silly concern.

I am not that big.

Josh, I can tell by checking out ALL his Facebook photos, is way hotter than me. He has a strong jaw (go on, fling yer terd, Draper), warm, wide smile and has that casual cool bohemian thing that automatically assigns you one level higher on the hot scale.

Like Brad Pitt is hot... but Brad Pitt is just THAT MUCH MORE hot, because he can rock a fedora and goatee, you know? And McConaughey... with the bare feet, naked chest, hippy beads and jeans hanging off his chiselled hips? Men that can do that can date 2 rungs over their own rating (if that is possible...)

sigh.

Anyhow, my little grade school insecurities ALWAYS flare when I go into a first meeting thinking "He's WAY too hot for me".

That's all.

Anyone reading marry someone they felt was much hotter than themselves?

No Date For YOU!

2010-11-09T13:22:00.001-05:00

Brett cancelled. I'm relieved. He added me to his work Blackberry, asked me to send him some test email to it because he felt it wasn't working correctly, then said he was swamped and had to rebook for later this week.

Since I'm all booked up with gym, and possibly Josh on Thursday, I told him next week.

He simply said, "Boo". "Okay".

Snore.

Where's the wooing? There's zero woo in this guy, I'm a neglected housewife already.

Really though, who cares. I'm planning to be swept off my feet later this week. Oh yeah.

The Morning Report.

2010-11-09T06:00:00.001-05:00

Jess - Josh is 34 to my 33, by almost exactly one year. Boy started making babies young-ish, by my elderly parenting standards.

So... today is coffee with Brett. Ya'll feel it's useful. So, I go and await bedazzling conversation and... a free coffee. Or an opportunity to say, "I told you so!". I don't even think I'll feel like pooping I'm so uninvested.

Stay tuned for "The Afternoon Report" for a post date wrap up.

OH! Almost forgot - got an email from Doug making a light hearted comment about one of my Facebook status' from last week. He received a clipped 4 word reply... See readers! I told you! That shoulder was icing!

Quick - Answer Me This:

2010-11-08T13:43:00.000-05:00

Should I cancel tomorrow's coffee date? Brett bores the heck outta me digitally, I'm not even remotely excited to meet him tomorrow. I can't stop thinking I should cancel. Please comment. Why bother, right?

Coffee, Emails, Butter Tarts

2010-11-08T06:00:00.002-05:00

It's been a ridiculously busy weekend in my love life!

When Brian and I parted on Friday, he asked if he could call me, and I said, "Sure!", while staring at the ground. That's why I needed to figure out how to let him know I wasn't interested. My post was not complete, sorry!

So, an email was sent to Brian, letting him know he was a really cool, intelligent coffee date, but there was no physical spark there. If I had received it, my ego would have taken a hit, but what else was the option? Better than ignoring, right?

He emailed back with the same message and a "Let's be friends, if you promise you can keep it platonic *winky face*".

That one, I AM going to ignore.

Then Backburner Brett BBMd me and asked me to do lunch coffee. I accepted. That's on for Tuesday.

Josh and I had been emailing and texting furiously on Friday and Saturday, and on Saturday night at about 9, we had an almost 2 hour phone call. Both of us hung up a few times to tend to little kid needs (his are 10 and 8 - I can't remember if I had reported ages, and if I had, if it was reported accurately), but it was definitely the longest call I've had in 10 years?

I detest the phone. I use it to make plans. That's it. This is Something. To keep my nerves down, I told him I was going to put him on speaker and make a wreath while we talked. There's a lot of anxiety for me in a phone call. We all know how inconvenient my nervous habit would be during a PHONE CALL. When would I flush? Here's what I made, instead. Maybe it will hang on our door 50 years from now? In Hollywood, you KNOW it would.

So, we talked for two hours about our children, our parenting, our hobbies, our pasts... it was nice! Only a couple awkward silences. Those felt much longer than I'm sure they were. He asked me for a lunch coffee, set for Thursday (since I'd agreed to a lunch coffee with Brett on Tuesday, and I have a running date with ~~Rylan~~ the gym on M-W-Fs).

Before we hung up, he said, "So, essentially, we've just had our first date!"

Really - we really did! Single parents do some phone dating!

He added me on Facebook, posted on my wall and texted me this morning. I think he likes me.

He also asked me this morning to make butter tarts with him next weekend. I had said the only crusty thing I'd ever be tempted to try baking would be that delectable treat...

I'll save the whole internal struggle over the butter tarts invite for another day...

The (Up)Date.

2010-11-05T15:18:00.002-04:00

I have to preface this post with a truly horrible secret about the SMILF. I rarely get terribly nervous about anything. Truly - I didn't stress about pushing a baby out for nine months of pregancy, I don't flip out at "job evaluation time"... This is for the best. That paragraph is NOT the truly horrible secret.

If you have a delicate nature, or are eating lunch, close this blog.

I poop when I'm nervous. Like, I have to be REALLY, REALLY, REALLY nervous for it to happen. But when I am, like in the hour preceding a job interview I desperately want, or before a 1st date, or 5th, if I really like the guy, I poop a lot.

In pre-The Girl days, I would just suggest meeting for a beer, and I'd have one before I went, which relaxed me. I smoked at the time, so I burnt a lot of nervous energy at the expense of my lungs. Neither of these are appropriate for a job interview, a lunch date, or an evening date where I have to come home and parent alone later that night. Let's face it - cabs cost money, as does child care, and single parenting pays very poorly. Lunch coffee is easiest on my pocket book. It just doesn't allow me to get a little oiled with alcohol.

Anywho, back to my new nervous habit, pooping. It has it's upside. I feel VERY svelte for every first date. There's NO chance of accidentally tooting over coffee, that's all gone. And, fortunately, it passes when I actually get up to go to my date. It's the sitting and stewing. I can't take it.

I'm telling you this because I'd like to direct you to this blog post, by SINGLE DAD LAUGHING... who's advice was NOT timely in my case, but handy, for my next first date.

Yeah, there's going to be another first date. This was not a match.

Brian was nice. I felt very relaxed with him. He reminded me of any good ol' boy I'd find having coffee in any of my hometown gas station/restaurants (yes, we have those where I grew up). I would TOTALLY hang out with him again and play crib or euchre over a beer. But there's no chemistry. At all.

Now, how do I tell a nice guy that? Dodging emails, calls and texts would be my old way. Seriously, I sucked at being a nice person.

Suggestions? My only thought is an email. I'm a phone a phobe, and I don't think one date warrants a call.