The Skinny On

Strengthen Your Willpower with Mental Exercises

Jim Randel — Mon, 26 Sep 2011 08:58:45 -0700

The subject of willpower is fascinating. Why can some people make a goal or resolution and stick to it no matter what, while others quickly fall by the wayside?

I have studied this subject for twenty years. I am also proud to report that one of my first books, The Skinny on Willpower: How to Develop Self-Discipline, is becoming one of Amazon's top sellers.

And so, I think I have some answers to the above question:

1. Some people are raised with a positive-outcome mindset. They believe if they do X, Y will occur. As a result, these people will exercise willpower - whether it means taking or refraining from action - that connects them to their goals. Others don't have the same faith in positive outcomes and so are not so willing to sacrifice X for the possibility of Y.

2. Some people fool themselves. They think they're committed to an outcome but in reality are only committed IF that path is not too arduous. Others prepare for adversity and are thereby better equipped to deal with stress and distraction when it (almost inevitably) appears.

3. Some people make specific goals. Studies have shown that the more specific you are in stating goals, the more likely you are to find the resolve to achieve them.

4. Some people understand that exercising willpower is fatiguing, so they pick their spots. Researchers have proven that we all have fixed quantities of resolve. As a result, we need to refill our willpower tanks periodically. So, for example, it's not a good idea to begin a diet when you have just finished a large, difficult project. Give yourself some time off.

5. Some people build their willpower with progressive, incremental exercises. This is a big topic in psychology research right now: the analysis of how people can build their willpower "muscles." So far, the research shows that by slowly challenging yourself to increasingly more difficult challenges, you can increase your ability to exercise willpower as and when you need it.

By the way, although psychologists are presently fascinated with strengthening one's willpower with progressive challenges, here's a quote I found from a book written in 1899:

"Self control may be developed by precisely the same manner as we tone a weak muscle, by little exercises day by day. Let us do each day...a few acts that are disagreeable to us, the doing of which will help us in instant action in our hour of need." - The Kingship of Self-Control, William George Jordan

I intend to write more about willpower and self-discipline in future posts because I subscribe to the words of Teddy Roosevelt: "With self-discipline, all things are possible. Without it, even the simplest goal can seem like the impossible dream."

What mental exercises do you use to improve your willpower?

The Zeigarnik Effect

Jim Randel — Mon, 19 Sep 2011 21:09:32 -0700

Ever get a song in your head that keeps popping up? Some psychologists have called this an “ear worm,” which fortunately is perfectly harmless.

An ear worm is an example of your unconscious mind jumping into the life of your conscious mind. Let me give you a bigger example.

Many years ago, a large group of psychologists went to dinner. They each ordered something different but the waiter did not write down one thing. And yet, the waiter got every order perfect.

After the meal one of the psychologists went back into the restaurant and asked the waiter a question about a recipe for one of the meals. To the psychologist's surprise (figuring the waiter had some kind of photographic memory), the waiter couldn’t even recall serving the dish the psychologist was asking about.

One of the diners, a psychologist named Bluma Zeignarik, needed to understand how the waiter could be so precise on each order and then 30 minutes later barely remember serving the meals. She concluded that once the waiter’s brain checked off a task – serving the meal – it moved on. His brain was now on to its next task.

Zeigarnik's subsequent research found that the unconscious mind will hold onto a task until it is completed. That is why the need to finish specific chores will keep popping into your mind until completed. But then Zeigarnik discovered something else that can be helpful to all of us.

She asked a large group of people to make a list of the five things they needed to get done in the next week. She then divided them into Group A and Group B. The members of Group A were instructed to make a specific plan for accomplishing each items on their to-do lists. The members of Group B were not similarly instructed.

Over the ensuing 24 hours, members of Group A and Group B were monitored. They were asked to make a note every time a thought popped into their head, reminding them of an unfinished chore. Zeigarnik was surprised to learn that while Group B members had trouble concentrating for any period of time without some item of unfinished business popping into their consciousness, the same was not true of Group A. Zeigarnik realized that the simple act of making a plan had mollified the unconscious mind of the Group A members. Their unconscious was satisfied. But not so for the members of Group B.

What is the lesson? For whatever reason, your unconscious mind keeps track of your open items. It wants you to accomplish them, and it will nag you until you do. But if you simply take the first step in achieving these items – by making a specific plan to do so – you will not only be on your way to getting done what you need to, you will also earn a little peace of mind as your unconscious mind will give your conscious mind a break.

Seeing But Not Observing

Jim Randel — Mon, 12 Sep 2011 12:32:44 -0700

The fictional detective Sherlock Holmes once remarked to his assistant Dr. Watson:

"You see but you don't observe."

Sherlock was making the point that Watson sometimes missed obvious clues.

Last week I read Joe Navarro's book, "What Every BODY is Saying". Navarro is a former FBI agent whose expertise is body language. He would sit in on critical interviews with "people of interest" (alleged criminals and terrorists) and watch their body movements.

I must say that until I read Navarro’s book I was a little skeptical about body language. I presumed that a hardened terrorist, for example, could learn to control his body "tells" and confuse an observer.

Navarro changed my mind. He explained that the brain operates in different ways and that the limbic system is that part of the brain that acts reflexively. In other words, there is no conscious control over the limbic system; it will react as it has been wired to do for centuries. It will evidence signs of "fight or flight" when in danger. It will indicate shock when surprised.

Speaking of "fight or flight," Navarro explained that there are actually three different physical reactions to danger – freeze, flight and fight – which manifest themselves sequentially. When at risk, an animal will first freeze to assess the danger. Then the flight option is considered. Only as a last choice will most animals fight. Humans are the same and indicate differing body positions for each reaction.

I was also surprised to learn the one part of the body that is hardest to disguise. Want to guess?

The legs and feet.

"When reading body language, most individuals start their observation at the top of a person (the face) and work their way down, despite the fact that the face is the one part of the body that most often is used to bluff and conceal true sentiments. My approach is the exact opposite. Having conducted thousands of interviews for the FBI, I learned to concentrate on the suspect’s feet and legs first, moving upward in my observations until I read the face last. When it comes to honesty, truthfulness decreases as we moved from the feet to the head.

I will be back to you with more information about body language, a new and interesting subject for me.

More Than Necessary

Jim Randel — Tue, 06 Sep 2011 13:09:53 -0700

Gratuitous communication makes me nuts. What is "gratuitous communication"? Any form of business expression that conveys more than it needs to.

Let me give you an example. Recently, a friend asked me to meet his brother and give him guidance on a real estate deal he was working. I said OK and suggested the brother e-mail me to set up the meeting. Here's the e-mail I received:

"Hi Jim. Thanks for agreeing to meet with me. I will be hanging out at the beach on Wednesday, but open to meet on Thursday or Friday."

So I asked myself: "What is the point of telling me that you're spending the day at the beach on Wednesday?" It does not add anything. It might even bother some people sitting in their office on a bright, sunny day. It was just gratuitous.

I don't know what causes people to ramble - orally or in writing. I have been in many business meetings and negotiations when someone went on and on, way past what was needed and often to his/her detriment. I believe that any wording beyond what is needed can sometimes backfire.

It is not easy, but here are some my rules of business communication:

1. Reread before you hit 'send.'

2. Put several beats between when a thought arises in your head and when you articulate it.

3. Force yourself to slow down when you start to get excited. Mistakes can occur when you get angry, or even when you are excited in a good way.

4. When writing or speaking, keep asking yourself: What is the point of that word or phrase or sentence or paragraph? Does it serve a purpose? Or is it just taking up space?

Needless to say, I am not talking about personal or intimate communication, when all rules are off. (Or are they?)

Do you know who is credited with the expression "less is more"?

a) Thomas Jefferson, statesman

b) Ludwig Mies van der Rohe, architect

c) Henry Ford, capitalist

d) Steve Jobs, entrepreneur

e) Harriet Beecher Stowe, author

The answer in next week's post.

It's All About Commitment

Jim Randel — Tue, 30 Aug 2011 13:38:54 -0700

This post is the first in our new weekly program.

I will publish one each week. It is being sent to everyone who signed up for one of our offerings at The Skinny On or Street Smarts.

What am I trying to accomplish here?

I just want to give you something to think about, some new concept or idea that will hopefully help you move forward in life.

I do not claim originality or creativity. I simply capture the thoughts of others who have been successful in their chosen endeavors. I am just the conduit.

Today's thought is from a friend who has built one of the most successful private companies in the United States. I won't use names or details, so let's say he's in the paper clip business.

We recently had the following conversation:

Me: 'Do you attribute your success to being in the right place at the right time? Did people simply need a new paper clip exactly when you started making yours?'

Him: 'No. My success is about people. If a law banning paper clips was passed tomorrow, we would be in the rubber band business, and we would be equally successful. Good people can accomplish anything.'

On reflection, I totally agree with him.

The story of success in America is the tale of individuals, or groups of individuals, who put their mind to something and then went “all in.” And from my observation and years of study, these people are not necessarily the smartest, the most talented, the best looking, or even the luckiest. Rather they are those who are willing to make the greatest commitment to their endeavor.

What's your secret to success?

10 Ways To Persuade Someone to Your Point of View

Jim Randel — Tue, 02 Aug 2011 06:29:03 -0700

Recently, I gave a speech titled, "The Art of Persuasion." I have actually been working on this speech for 10 years as I have made it a point to learn and study everything I can about the subject of persuasion. Here is the outline of my speech:

1. Prepare

You need to think before you speak: What is going to appeal to other people? Who are they? What are their hot buttons? What is the most you can realistically achieve in this conversation? How will you respond when they say X? And so on...

2. Connect

Find some bond between you and the other person. People are persuaded by people that seem like them. Find some commonality to build on (e.g., background, interests, culture).

3. Listen

Be quiet. Really, really listen to what the other person says. Pivot (modify your pitch) as needed. Observe body language.

4. The Law of Scarcity

People want what they cannot have. Think of ways to make your proposition time sensitive, exclusive or rare. Someone may just jump at your offer, before it's too late.

5. The Rule of Consistency

Get small concessions or acknowledgements that you can turn into bigger ones. People like to think of themselves as consistent. Get your foot in the door, metaphorically speaking, and then press for more.

6. Mental Shortcuts

People do not like long analyses. Give someone an easy way to come to the desired conclusion. For example, some merchants will increase a product's price - so long as it's not easily comparable to other items for sale - because buyers believe that something priced expensively must be high quality. In lieu of a full analysis, some people simply take a shortcut in their thinking.

7. Herding

You can improve your chances of 'making a sale' if you show that others are already doing it - and achieving good results. All of us are herders.

8. The Rule of Reciprocity

Create a sense of obligation. Do something for another and he/she will want to do something for you in return.

9. Be Patient

If you try to rush things, you may be off-putting. Mirror the other person's tempo. Do not try to accomplish too much too soon. Marketers suggest it takes seven "touches" to convince someone to buy.

10. Emotion

Find an emotion to touch in your listener. People buy with their heart and justify with their brain.

What's your favorite persuasion tactic?

Mind Control and Persuasion

Jim Randel — Mon, 11 Jul 2011 08:51:20 -0700

The ability to persuade another person is obviously very valuable. But don't think that all you need to convince someone else is a well-reasoned argument.

People make decisions at some gut level and then justify them logically. A well-written book on this topic is David Brooks’The Social Animal.

"We are living in the middle of a revolution in consciousness. Over the past few years, geneticists, neuroscientists, psychologists, sociologists, economists, anthropologists, and others have made great strides in understanding the building blocks of human flourishing. And a core finding of their work is that we are not primarily the products of our conscious thinking. We are primarily the products of thinking that happens below the level of awareness."

To convince another to your point of view, you must reach him or her on some emotional level - what I call "mind control."

As an amateur magician, I learned skills that helped me perform "close-up" magic – card or coin tricks done in close contact with the audience. One key to this kind of magic is keeping the attention of the viewer focused solely on what you want.

If you do a trick that involves misdirection, the important stuff happens away from where the viewer thinks. So you need to control the viewer’s mind. You cannot let the viewer’s mind wander and discover what's really happening.

Similarly, when you try to persuade other people, you need to keep them engaged emotionally. Here are some suggestions:

1. Watch their eyes. If they start to wander, you are losing them.
2. Be cautious of long pauses in your presentation. When you speak with confidence and authority, you are in control. When you stop speaking, you give the listener time and opportunity to wander.
3. Meanwhile, you must allow others to speak. In fact, you want to know what's on their mind. When they speak, they are engaged on the topic/emotion you seek to touch. But be mindful of dangerous "down times."

It is a great art to persuade others by touching their emotions. The first step is to control the viewer or listener’s mind.

Our new book Street Smarts: Beyond the Diploma is now available at our website, www.thestreetsmartsbook.com/book.

I Forgot To Kill It

Jim Randel — Mon, 20 Jun 2011 07:10:58 -0700

One of the challenges in business is figuring out how to ignite interest in your product or service.

If you want to hire marketing experts, they are out there. You can find people in every size and stripe who claim to have the road map to turning your product or service into the next super hot thing.

Of course, none of them really know what to do.

And that's because no one really knows what will ignite a groundswell for any particular product or service.

It seems the process is part quality (your product/service has to be good), part uniqueness (your product/service has to be different), part money (enough people have to learn about it), and part luck.

Recently, I heard a great story about marketing.

A few years ago, Smirnoff created a tea product with vodka in it. They were unsure how to get the word out. One idea was to create YouTube videos about their new product.

Most of the videos were what you'd expect: Drink Smirnoff tea and you'll be more attractive. One video was a spoof that the producers did on a lark. It was a rap bit with preppies talking about their life, including drinking Smirnoff tea.

All the traditional videos fizzled. The spoof went viral and attracted millions of viewers.

I asked the Chief Marketing Officer how in the world he came up with the idea for that video and how he knew it would go so viral.

"Are you kidding?" he said.

"I didn't even know it had been made. And when I saw it, I immediately made a note to myself to kill it. It went up on YouTube only because I forgot to kill it."

I think there is a lesson here. Since you never know what will hit the public's hot button, you have to try many different things. Or, something like that. Let me know your thoughts. Our new book Street Smarts: Beyond the Diploma is now available at our website, www.thestreetsmartsbook.com.

The Little Things

Jim Randel — Tue, 07 Jun 2011 06:32:26 -0700

Sometimes it’s the little things that trip you up.

Two weeks ago, I had a meeting with the CEO of a company. I was trying to persuade him to accept a proposal I had made.

I was well prepared. I had thought about my outfit. I had rehearsed the progression of my comments. I had gotten a haircut the day before.

As I was driving to the CEO’s office, I realized that my car was very dirty. I parked in the guest parking area outside the CEO’s office building. I went up to his beautiful, fourth-floor office. I remarked on what a magnificent view he had.

He thanked me and looked out the window. He noticed a red Jaguar in the guest parking area.

CEO: “Wow! That is a nice looking Jaguar. Is that yours?”

Me: “No, I am the BMW parked next to it.”

OOPS.

I remembered how disgusting my car looked.

The CEO never said a word about my car. He may have not even noticed it. But from that minute on, all I could think about was what a jerk I had been for not washing my car before the meeting.

People make judgments on all sorts of tangibles and intangibles – conscious and subconscious. Who knows whether the CEO was influenced by my awful-looking automobile (I got some of what I wanted but not everything).

You can never think of everything, of course. But you can try.

Needless to say, I will never again go to an important meeting with a car that looks like I just drove in from the desert!

I would like to thank all of you who have bought or recommended our newest book, Street Smarts: Beyond the Diploma. Our sales keep growing, so someone must be speaking well of it. We have now sold almost 1,000 books in the first month of publication.

Success is a Jigsaw Puzzle

Jim Randel — Wed, 01 Jun 2011 06:13:49 -0700

There are some people who are overnight successes. These people usually possess one of the following:

• Incredible, over-the-top talent (rare)

• A big head start (the heir of an established star)

• A lot of luck (some people do win the lottery)

For the rest of us (the other 99.99%), the path to ultimate success is not so easily traversed. No one holds the door open for you. You have to scratch and claw to achieve your goals.

Often the process from here to there is like doing a jigsaw puzzle. There is no single precipitating event that triggers success. It's not like you're Ordinary Joe one day and Superstar the next.

Rather the process is most often the gradual accumulation of:

• Skill/talent

• Contacts

• Experience

• Information

• Opportunities

Like a jigsaw puzzle, most success stories are pieced together over time. You sets a goal and start off on a journey. Along the way, you make mistakes and learn. You stumble and fall. You build on your strengths and work on your weaknesses. You meet people who can help you. You get better at finding and capitalizing on opportunities. Then one day, you exclaim, “Holy Cow, I’ve made it!”

And as with a jigsaw puzzle, many people become frustrated and give up. People tire of the process, of sitting still or of being inside when the sun is shining. People decide to stop working at the puzzle.

Those who stay the course are give themselves a shot at their aspirations, and creating a beautiful picture for their life.

What keeps you motivated?

I am grateful by the early response to our new book, Street Smarts: Beyond the Diploma. We have already sold several hundred books and received great reviews. There are only two places to buy right now: (1) Amazon, or (2) our website: www.thestreetsmartsbook.com/book. I hope you will give it a try.