the slack daily

URGENT: Emily Losing her Foster Home.

2008-10-02T11:15:50-07:00

Please read and crosspost.

Remember Emily, who I wrote about a few months back? She's losing her foster home as they have to move. Unfortunately, Daisy does not get along with other dogs and my apartment isn't big enough to be able to crate and rotate. As a foster, her vet expenses and food would all be paid for by Bill Foundation. We just need somewhere for her to go.

Hi friends,

I don’t usually send out emails like this but this is a very special situation. If you can’t help please forward this email to your friends and family in the Los Angeles area who you think might be able to help.

Emily was found wandering at Echo Park. Cold, scared, confused…… Emily was very lucky to bump into some very kind folks who took her home from the dark scary park where she was roaming. Clearly she is an older dog who has had many litters of puppies and has not been taken care of. Her kind rescuers got her spayed and vaccinated and kept her at their home for as long as possible but now they are moving away and Emily is with us. She DESPERATELY needs a foster home. This is why I am writing to all of you……

Emily is such an easy dog. She is housetrained, does not bark, does not beg, is not destructive. She gets along with big dogs, small dogs, old dogs, young dogs, hyper dogs, annoying dogs, cats, birds, kids, babies, elderly. She really is a PERFECT dog. She adapts easily to new environments and fits in seamlessly anywhere. While you will always know Emily is there because she is such a warm and loving presence, With respect to her requirements you literally will not even know she is at your home. She quietly rests on the couch or on her dog bed, she does not bother anyone, she does not make a sound.

Emily has pretty severe arthritis and will do best in a home without stairs. She will take a daily dose of glucosamine and she is currently on a mild pain reliever (all provided for and paid for by Bill Foundation.) She is hefty, in part due to lack of exercise and bad diet. She will need to be on a reduced fat senior diet (also provided for and paid for by Bill Foundation.) Because of her arthritis and physical limitations she really can’t get a lot of exercise. She does enjoy going for short slow walks though, so this is important. We are currently working with our vet to determine if the issue is more than arthritis; there is a possibility that there is an old pelvic fracture that has healed funny and there is a possibility of problems with her pelvic bone. As her foster parent we would ask that you bring her to and from her vet appointments as often as possible (all vet care is paid for by Bill Foundation.)

There is no secret about it, Emily is a tougher placement. Although she is THE EASIEST, sweetest, most well behaved dog ever she is an old brown pitbull mix. People are not lined up around the block for her. There is a good possibility that she will be around for a while. We are looking for an angel to take in THIS angel and give her a cozy place to live out her days…. Or, hopefully years…… we promise you will be rewarded with the most loving appreciative dog that has ever come through our rescue.

If you can help in any way please contact me!

Thanks,

Debbie

Bill Foundation

Debbie can be reached at billfoundation [at] billfoundation [dot] org. Please write "Emily" in the subject line.

Ask What You Can Do For Your Slackmistress...

2008-10-01T16:37:16-07:00

[copied from my personal email]

Hey Everyone!

So petfinder.com, where we list our Bill Foundation dogs, is running a contest with The Animal Rescue Site. Every click donates money to an animal in need, but now they're giving away $100,000 in grants to Rescue Organizations, and we'd love Bill Foundation to be one of them. Here's all you need to do:

1. Go to The Animal Rescue Site.

2. Click on "Click to Give" (it's a big purple box)

3. That will take you to the next page. SCROLL DOWN and at the bottom is an ad for the Petfinder challenge.

4. Click on the ad.

5. This will take you to the NEXT page 0 and here's the important part - VOTE FOR BILL FOUNDATION. Just enter Bill Foundation and set the state to CA and click SEARCH.

6. This will bring up Bill Foundation. Just click VOTE and you're done.

The contest is simple: you can vote ONCE A DAY (from EACH computer, from EACH browser, so do it from home and from work!)

As you know, the current state of the economy has been tough on us all, and it's not just affecting people. Animals are being abandoned and turned in at shelters because people are losing their homes and their jobs. We're at capacity, and our vet bills are rising. However, this is a simple way to help the dogs that costs nothing but a few moments of your time.

The contest runs until December 15th. So make The Animal Rescue Site part of your daily routine. I'll send out email reminders, but I know that you all have address books and MySpaces and Facebooks and blogs of your own. Please spread the word among your family and friends.

Information, buttons for your sites and your blogs, ready-made press releases can be found here.

Please please please, pass this along. And vote daily.

Thanks so much!

Love love,

Nina
the slackmistress

Gone Fishin'

2008-09-24T16:09:12-07:00

I've got a ton of writing to plow through in the next two weeks, so you won't see me much around these parts. If you're going through slackmistress withdrawal, you can always find me on Twitter or making an ass out of myself every Saturday night.

What a Difference Having Your Jaw Sawed Off Your Head and Bionically Reattached Makes.

2008-09-19T12:59:58-07:00

And don't forget:

Will has the details and the FAQ here.

Sick in the Head.

2008-09-18T10:08:07-07:00

I've been sick for the last couple of days. Unfortunately, life as a freelancer means no sick days, and my various amalgamation of part-times jobs don't offer PTO or otherwise, so being sick borders on a nuisance to a full-on financial crisis if I'm Unable to Get Stuff Done (thankfully this hasn't happened yet, as I'm always able to shackle myself to the computer in any state.)

Yesterday at the gym I was sniffling like an Olsen twin leaving the bathroom at Mood when a friend said to me don't you miss being sick as a kid? Your mom would tuck you into bed and bring the TV in the bedroom and feed you chicken soup and crackers all day?

Apparently I know people who were raised by the Cleavers.

SlackMom didn't work outside the home, so when we were sick, she was there to take care of us. Or I should say, when we were sick, we were there. All. Day. Anyone who's ever worked at home knows what it's like to have the place to yourself all day. You dress in the clothes in the pile closest to the bed, which sometimes results in your grocery shopping in PJ's and combat boots. Hair brushing is optional.

Another friend of mine, a working actress, confessed to me that she was worried she and her fiance would break up after he was on hiatus from the show he was working on. He'll be...here, she told me. HERE! This is my apartment!

At the first complaint of a scratchy throat or a febrile forehead, SlackMom would call our bluff and suggest that we should just try to walk it off. Go to school, she'd say, and if you still feel bad, go to the nurse. Going to the nurse was a major pain in the ass, so you'd usually just suck it up and make it through school.

As I reached high school, I suddenly found myself attending school when I was sick because I had things to do. There was play practice and set building and costumers to talk to, there were Forensics (Speech Team) coaching sessions and honors classes and staying home just wasn't an option. So I'd head in, attend the classes I'd need, sleep in the Student Council office for classes I didn't (Mrs. Bennett had us reading Le Petit Prince for six full months.)

However, this eventually caught up to me - not that I got in trouble, mind you - even though my high school took attendance in every single class, you only needed to be an honor student with an honest face and handwriting that looked just like your mother's to release you from the bonds of World History.

No, my senior year found me hocking up a lung on the day that my Honors Calculus class was to take some sort of standardized test that was going to prove we were smartypants and supposedly get the school additional funding. While I didn't always enjoy my high school experience, I didn't hate it. I pulled on a pair of combat boots over my PJ bottoms and was ready to go.

SlackMom handed me a large commuter mug on my way out. Whatever you do, don't drink this while you're driving.

I sniffed the mug. Is that...?

Yup. Just sip, she instructed me.

I hopped in my black and red '84 Firebird (yes, my actual car) and drove the mile to school.

My fellow math nerds congregated in front of Glenbard West's auditorium, where we were scheduled to take the test. I gingerly sipped from my commuter mug. The liquid first burned my throat, then was oddly comforting.

SlackMom had made me a hot toddy.

A friend of mine (I don't remember who, so speak up if it was you) asked is that...?

Before she could finish, the Calculus teacher - who once told me to "tap dance up to the blackboard" to solve a problem - swooped down on us.

What is that?

I'm sick, I croaked. It's medicinal.

I waited for her to threaten to send me to the Principal's office. Or call my mother.

But instead she said

No drinks are allowed in the auditorium, she warned me. So finish it.

I looked at my friend and shrugged. If you insist.

I chugged the hot beverage as fast as I could.

And took the Illinois State High School Standardized Math Test half in the bag.

Cheers!

My Mom is Cooler Than Your Mom

2008-09-15T09:54:15-07:00

For those of you who came out - and by came out, I mean sat in the comfort of your own home avec a frosty beverage and sans pants to watch Saturday night's BetheMarriage LIVE! (On Ice!) (highlights coming forthwith, the archived episode in its entirety can be seen here), you'll know that the chatroom was joined by someone who figures prominently in the slackmistress archives.

SlackMom.

She reminded me of the time I was five and SlackDad took us to see a movie on a school night and I was so excited I wolfed my Milk Duds in record time and proceeded to yak all over the red movie theater carpet. SlackDad, taking a parenting cue from 1980, yelled that they were going to make me pay to clean it up, and drove home a vomit-covered eight-year old who now got nauseous at the sight of John Ritter (but surprisingly, not Milk Duds.)

I thought the movie was called Greatest American Hero, but I wasn't sure.

At home, Older Slackbrother J. was watching with SlackMom.

It was called Hero for Hire, he said.

No, SlackMom replied, that's Luke Cage.

Luke Cage: Hero for Hire.

(The movie was Hero at Large.)

What My Dog Thinks of Sarah Palin.

2008-09-12T10:57:44-07:00

Feel free to nab-n-share!

Sweet Little Lies.

2008-09-11T11:22:10-07:00

I like to tell lies. This is supposedly a terrible thing, but the way that I live with myself is that

a) I'm awesome, and

b) they're not the sort of lies that would really, truly hurt a human being. I'm not misleading the public or terrorizing young children (well, not much. There was that whole Santa-as-a-Vampire thing. )

I don't know why I like to tell tall tales except that it's something that I've always done just do see if people would believe me. When I was eight years old, my local grammar school shut down and I had to go to Ben Franklin School which was twice as far away. Everyone else from my old school went to Lincoln, so I was a new girl in a new school who knew no one. My first year, I convinced a girl that I was supposed to be born a puppy. Maybe it was my delivery, maybe it was my know-it-all demeanor, or maybe we were just nine years old and that makes sense, but she bought it.

The next year everyone discovered that SlackMom's first language wasn't English but Russian, which led to rumours that we were communists (which incidentally, were also spread in my previous school.) So I just told everyone that my parents were spies. Which again, everyone believed. (Although a year later I realized that the whole point of spying was that you were supposed to be covert, meaning that your nine-year-old probably shouldn't be running her mouth off at school. Clearly my security clearance had been revoked.)

Now it's twenty-five (eeek) years later and I've turned my love of fabrication into a sometimes-career. But I still like to retain my amateur status:

Even our Saturday Night Chats do nothing to dispel the following:

We like to swing.
I was born a man
My hair is a wig.
Will is gay.
It's good luck to catch the foreskin at a bris.

What're some of the biggest whoppers you've told?

Does This Qualify For Membership in the 'Finer Things' Club?

2008-09-09T08:53:55-07:00

If you've been hiding under a rock (with our furry friend), you might not know that things have been stressful around the Detective Agency for the past few weeks. Crazy pasts, uncertain futures, and an overwhelming desire to pack up our things and Daisy the Wonderdog and set the whole place on fire.

Needless to say, the sexin' has not been going on.

Last night was a peek back into normalcy - or what passes for normalcy in our lives. A date over margaritas, a football game, and a return to our house without talk of matches and kerosene for the first time in nearly a week. I got ready for bed and instructed Will not to stay up to late.

I was intent on knockin' myself off a piece.

Will crawled under the covers a few minutes after I did.

You know what the best feeling in the world is? he asked me.

I smiled. This is usually followed up with some expression of love, of desire, of holy-crap-I-can't-believe-I-married-you.

I waited. He continued.

Pooping at work.

What?

It's like, you're there but no one knows where you are. No one can ask you to do anything. You just go to a different floor and you poop. In peace. He sighed contentedly.

You are never getting laid again.

Past v. Future

2008-09-06T09:08:36-07:00

Where I was last Saturday night:

Where I'll be this Saturday night:

With more of this, I'm sure:

(Beers courtesy of Brad, the Manager at 8oz.)

Join us tonight for BetheMarriage LIVE! (On Ice) tonight at 8pm PST on Ustream!