The Smokin' Frog

The Nasty Lions Club

2011-12-21T12:13:00.000-08:00

For some people, even the holidays can't bring them cheer. They're nasty and grumpy to the core. That would certainly describe The Nasty Lions Club. They're cranky as a way of life. If you're not cranky you definitely need not apply for membership.
This is not an association that cares about the plight of society. They really don't care. So if you like humanity go somewhere else. "Holiday cheer? Bah humbug!"
"Santa's a fraud!" Boy is that ever nasty. "Why can't people buy their own toys?" Shiesh! Not exactly the way to win friends and influence people.
But on an alternate note: if you've gotten to the point that no one can stand you...this is the place where you'll be welcome. It's a place where no one knows your name nor cares to. They'll be no one there that will try to fix you or your problems, simply because they don't care if you live or die. But please don't die there. The mess would be way too irritating.
The Nasty Lions Club is basically a place that corrals all the nasty cranks in the community in one spot, so the rest of the community can enjoy the little pleasures that are left in a socialist country.

You can get The Nasty Lions Club T-Shirts at The Smokin' Frog Conservative T-Shirts. Some friends may laugh, others will be warned to back off.

Cowlick T-Shirts

2011-12-15T11:37:00.000-08:00

Definition: Cowlick, v. a very serious problem for some cows, as well as the rest of us, especially the stupid among us. Licking everything we see can always present potential problems, this is common knowledge. And yet, some must experiment. This is clearly a strange phenomena.
But this poor cow has certainly got himself in a mess. Who will rescue him? Who is outside, freezing their butt off, in knee-deep in snow, that could possibly help? NO ONE! He's screwed. He'll either die right there where he stands, or maybe there will be a wave of global warming that will blow through and rescue him. What? You say you don't believe in global warming? Well of course no one with a sound mind does. Most of us are quite able to read all of our historical data (not to mention the secret emails that were uncovered) and come to the same conclusion...the weather changes and is unpredictable. It used to be warm and then it got cold and then it got warm again, now it might get cold again. Hmmm... We also are able to read the record that liberal globalists have left for us from the seventies and before, warning us of the coming ice age. We notice these same people are now calling for global warming. They really do think we are idiots.
But no, we're not. Just people and cows that go around licking everything they see fit into the idiot category. Just people that eat all of the dribble that these statist "chicken littles" cook up. All we can do is scream: Read! Read! Read! Question everything! And don't worship the earth, worship our Father in heaven.
And don't lick everything you see, your tongue might get stuck.
However, Cowlick T-Shirts and Ornaments are fun to give and to wear, and you can get them at Funny T-Shirts, Bowling T-Shirts.

Sick "Of Everything" Monster

2011-12-15T07:13:00.000-08:00

Well now who can't relate to that? Sick of losing jobs? Oh yeah. Sick of government lies? Oh yeah. Sick of ads? Oh yeah. Sick of being told you have no right to what you earn? Oh yeah.
"WE'RE SICK OF EVERYTHING!!!" Yes this little angry monster conveys what most of us feel everyday. What can we do about it? Not much. But just screaming out our exasperation does help...sometimes. Not all the time, but sometimes. It's as if we have this pressure valve that has to be released. Of course, we really shouldn't direct this release towards any particular person. Because they may be in need to release their valve as well and it might be far more explosive as yours. And you may in fact be the cause of it. You can imagine the regret you'll experience.
Sick Monster t-shirts and stickers will make great gifts for all of your exasperated friends and family. Funny T-Shirts, Bowling T-Shirts has lots of funny gift ideas for Christmas and any special day.

The Runaway Christmas Elf

2011-11-25T16:22:00.001-08:00

Christmas Elf T-Shirts and Story Cards.

He wanted a warm sunny climate. He was tired of freezing his butt off all year long. He wanted a good meal. He was just simply tired of his persistent sugar high. If he was going to be high, it would have to be over something better than sugar.
But most of all, he was tired of Santa. Kris has a really good personality and he gets along with just about anyone...usually. But Santa had started to get under his skin, big time. He can be so annoying with his “wee little folk” and his “cookies and milk for everyone.” (Goodness, can you imagine what it’s like working with a whole group of people that have milk breath all the time?) And when you talk to Santa about...anything, he lifts you up to sit on his lap. It’s humiliating! Kris is 29 already, and most of the others are much older than that.
Well, it was inevitable. He finally broke. He made his escape plans with his closest friend, Blitzen. (Blitzen was another one that had been feeling abused and taken for granted. Let’s face it, who really cares what Blitzen thinks. It’s always “Rudolf this, and Rudolf that. Rudolf! Rudolf! Rudolf!” Yeah, well, take away that sleep-robbing-neon-light of a nose and what have you got? Nothing! You got a reindeer with no nose. He’d be nothing.) So, the time arrived, they packed a couple of lunch boxes (cookies and milk it’ll have to be for now). Then, they stole some of Santa’s cash, made reservations at the Laguna Beach Hotel and snuck out. After they made their way to Sunny California, and had a good meal for the first time in their lives, they high-tailed it out to the beach. “Oh, Hoochie Mama! Look at all of the babes!” they both exclaimed. Well, these two were smart enough to know that their stunning good looks would get them only so far. So they took their stolen cash and headed out to get some hot clothes that would set off their boyish charms, and “Look out California!” Kris and Blitzen set out to PARTAAA with ALL of the California babes. You can almost hear Rod Stewart singing, “If you want my body, and you think I’m sexy, come on honey let me know.”
Yeah, you go Rod.
 But of course, there is always a down side to even the best of circumstances. (Didn’t someone say that once? Oh, yeah...that was me.) Now they’ll have to watch their backs, especially at Christmas time when Santa flies over. He has a great satellite system these days, and a little known fact about Santa is that he is very possessive about his stuff. You wouldn’t think this was the case, with all of the toys he gives out. But when it comes to ‘his money’ and ‘his cookies and milk’ and ‘his elves’, well, he’s like a man possessed. They’re his, and he wants them back. So as good as Kris and Blitzen look, they will always be looking over their shoulders, since he really does know when they’re sleeping and he knows when they’re awake.  And he knows that they’ve been very, very bad.

Grumpy Tiger T-Shirts

2011-11-04T14:43:00.000-07:00

Not every day is a good day to annoy people. But if you annoy a tiger you may wind up dead. So you have to use your good judgment. You do have good judgement, don't you? If not, you're screwed!
Get this funny Grumpy Tiger T-Shirt from Funny T-Shirts, Bowling T-Shirts.

Anger Management Experts Story Cards

2011-02-09T16:08:00.000-08:00

Funny T-Shirts, Bowling T-Shirts line of funny NEW Story Cards is growing everyday.
Inside the Anger Management Story Cards you'll find out about the true origin of the Anger Management Experts. These folks are expertly mad at everything. And they had a really good solution to our problem with our Congressmen and Senators. "Just Eat Them!" Whoa! Now that does sound good!

Here's their story:
The True Story of The Anger Management Experts
(With apologies to The Teddy Bear’s Picnic).

You’ve all heard of The Teddy Bear’s Picnic, right? You’ve all heard of the warnings, that it’s not safe to go in the woods alone, that it was better for you to stay at home. It sounds like an ominous warning. A very terrifying situation those picnics must have been to outsiders. And what kind of games do you supposed they played? What could be so terrifying? Was this some kind of secret society? What were they, Masons, or something?
Well, some of our number took them up on their warning to go in disguise, and snoop them out. Not one of these bears were aware that there were intruders in their midst. And what the spies found was hardly a picnic with happy go lucky teddy bears. And this was surely a big surprise.
They found out all they needed to know about these supposedly gay bears. Why, they aren’t gay at all! And they don’t much like dancing about either, and they’re never happy with their food, they don’t think it’s all that wonderful. They actually have a lot of things on their minds.
This picnic is really the annual meeting of the Cranky Bears International. And they have lots to be cranky about. They don’t like being asked questions, they don’t like interviews. They don’t like snoops. They don’t like fun and games. And they don’t like cheap chocolate. They don’t consider cheap chocolate much of a treat at all. They’re not politically correct, and couldn’t care less if you approve of them or not.
They especially think the government sucks. They’re tired of the government trying to tag them all the time. They’re tired of being traced. Others have a right to privacy, they don’t understand why they don’t. They’re sick and tired of the government intervening in their lives.
Now the only question on their minds is, what are they going to do about these nosy senators and congressmen? “They stink!” And these bears all know it. They aren’t serving them well at all.
Finally, after what seemed to be an endless debate, a voice of reason stood up and proclaimed, “We’re bears for goodness sake! We’ll just eat them!”
Eat them?
Well of course! How very simple. We’ll just eat them!
“What an excellent idea. And so obvious,” the rest of the C.B.I. members said in unison. “Why haven’t we thought of that before? How could this delightful, and satisfying solution have eluded us for so long?”
So with their resolution decided on unanimously, and the day of their grand Congressional Banquet set, for the first time in the whole history of the Cranky Bears International, there wasn’t one member there that was actually cranky. They toasted their upcoming National Feast, ate their cheap chocolate, and for the first time in their lives, smiled at each other.

But...it wasn’t quite that simple, it never is.
A government agent informed them that it would be unlawful to actually eat an elected politician. So in an effort to disguise their true carnivorous intentions they changed their name to Anger Management Experts. Now their hostility to government can be explained as part of the job.

Have a good day...or not...nobody really cares.

2011-02-02T13:21:00.000-08:00

Funny T-Shirts, Bowling T-Shirts has just put out NEW Story Cards. Bowlers (and anyone with a sense of humor) will enjoy our funny holiday and bowling card stories. More will be added regularly so check back often.
Inside the Pig-Out Birthday Story Cards you'll read a personal testimony of how cruel some people have been to one poor little porker.
Pig-Out Birthday Postcards are also available.

Listen to his sad story:
Yeah, that’s right, I’m a pig. So what?  It was good, there was a lot of it, and I ATE IT ALL. Thanksgiving Dinner. Ahhh!!! I could eat turkey every day of the week. And I could eat a lot of it and ALL of the trimmings. And I don’t feel an ounce of guilt or shame over it. But people have said some terrible things to me about my shape and size. What do they want... “I’m a pig,” I tell them. It’s as if they have no compassion or empathy at all.
One even suggested stomach stapling.
STOMACH STAPLING? “I’m a pig! And I 'want' to eat a lot. Why would I want my stomach stapled?” I may not be the brightest pig in the sty, but wouldn’t that make my stomach smaller? I want it enlarged, not shrunk. I love to eat and I’m comfortable in my own body. The sanctimonious crowd may not be comfortable with eating this much, but I say, “Good! More for me. Now get out of the way before I staple your mouth shut.” 
“Just pass the turkey.” 
“That stuffing doesn’t have bacon in it, does it?”
“Then again, don’t tell me.”

What a sad story.
Thankfully The National Brotherhood of SWINE United Against Intolerance is on the job.
They need your support today.

Funny NEW Story Cards

2011-01-21T11:20:00.000-08:00

Funny T-Shirts, Bowling T-Shirts has just put out NEW Story Cards. Bowlers (and anyone with a sense of humor) will enjoy our funny holiday and bowling card stories. More will be added regularly so check back often.

Inside the Drunken Leprechaun Story Card you'll read about the true origin of Pat, his club and how he got his money. Your friends will love to get this card this St. Paddy's Day. Erin Go Bragh to you.

Mad Mouse T-Shirt

2009-11-14T16:45:00.001-08:00

Mad Mouse Ladies T-Shirts by funnybowlingshirts
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We can all appreciate this poor little mouse's angst. Life can be full of concerns. We have political troubles that cause global anxiety. We have swine flu, that believe it or not, cause great uneasiness for mice. It's quite understandable, being much closer to swine than humans. And worst of all we have all those geniuses building all of those better mouse traps. Mice know that their days are numbered. One of these days one of those mousetraps really will work better.
But with this particular mouse, he's just sick of questions, complaints, and life's many small irritations. He does look peeved. He's in a snit. Maybe we should just give him his space.

No Illegal Aliens Allowed

2009-08-17T09:23:00.000-07:00

No Illegal Aliens Men's T-Shirts by funnybowlingshirts
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We have had it in this country with all of the illegal aliens. There are just too many of them. Why can't they stay where they belong? So many folks are troubled by this influx. We have laws against illegals. They're criminals. Do our laws mean anything anymore? And what about all of their captives? What have they done to them? These people aren't normal (who knows if they ever were, but they're certainly not now). They just can't keep showing up here and abducting people. These people don't belong to them, they belong to us. They should go and get their own people. And what were they probed with? They surely are different now. Goodness, every freakin' light in the sky creates a recurrence of post traumatic stress for these poor souls. And their nightmares...big eyed, green creatures shoving probes into every opening they can find. These people keep waking up in a sweat. And most of them seem to have more openings than they used to have. It's simply inexplicable.
What do they want? Are they going to take over? Kill us? Eat us? What? What do they want?
It really is time that we fight back. Eliminate these foreigners before they eliminate us. New laws must be enacted and enforced. Vaporization should be used before it is too late.
They just can't keep taking over every planet that they are intrigued by. Yeah, yeah, we all know how interesting we are. Every other TV show tells us relentlessly how intriguing we are, so it must be true. But still, they have their own planet and they should stay there. We must insist that Earth is for Earthlings, Mars is for Martians and Venus is for Venusians. These aliens must work to create their own intrigue, not steal ours.
And we really don't know how much damage all of their space ships are doing to the atmosphere. Maybe they are the cause of global warming. They're the ones flying around in our atmosphere all of the time, not us, we're on terra firma, and would like to stay here.
And how many are here already? Do we know? Do you really know that next door neighbor of yours? You know, the one that keeps bringing over the crappy pies. Why can't she learn to cook? Well, maybe she can't. Did you ever think of that? Hmmm...Maybe she's an ALIEN!!!
And why won't that @#%#%$# dog shut up? Does he have a probe up his ass? (That would definitely make me scream blood murder.)
And that hamster. For hours on end he runs and runs and runs in that stupid wheel. Do you really think that's normal? Hamsters used to be a great society. Now they don't care, they're totally docile. What happened. Well, maybe it's just too difficult to stop and sit down.
And notice how squirrels can't make up their mind on crossing the street. It's not that difficult of a decision. They only have two options, go or stay. But nooo...what we get is "this way, that way, this way, that way, too many choices, what shall I do, it looks good over there, but I just don't know." I say "hit the darn things." That'll make them move their butts. But the chipmunks have no problem at all. This is because the squirrels were abducted and modified. Notice all of their erratic twitching. They're being controlled like radio cars by the aliens. They're trying to make us crazy. It's an alien plot against our planet.
Why do you think cows are mad so much lately? Why do you think dogs and cats smell each others butts? Yeah, that's real normal. And why do dogs chase their own freakin' tails around for hours on end? Let's face it these creatures are insane. Someone has been messing around with our stuff. It must stop now!
No, my friends, the aliens are here. What do they want? Do we really want to wait to find out? Vaporize them now and get it over with.
Oh, I don't know, maybe I'm too harsh.
I don't mean to be harsh but I still say we should vote for NO MORE ILLEGAL SPACE ALIENS!
We should act now before it is too late.

The Dark Alley Boys T-Shirts

2009-07-31T10:04:00.001-07:00

Dark Alley Boys Ladies T-Shirts by funnybowlingshirts
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Many people fear dark alleys, with good reason. You never know what's lurking in those scary dark alleys. Many, in our world today, have many grievances. Many have decided to take the vigilante root. Now, this is illegal. So to take this root, you have to be ready to suffer the consequences. Some, in our world today, have been mightily provoked. Like our friends here, the Dark Alley Boys. They're pinheads. Good for nothing but for beating the crap out of. Well, they have had just about enough of this racist violence. What have pinheads ever done to anyone? Nothing. And what do they get for their pacifism? Assaulted, mercilessly and often. Well clearly, pacifism doesn't work. They have had enough. Now, they're stark, raving, mad pinheads ready to fight the next bowling ball and bowler that assaults them. They will take no prisoners. They are dressed to kill. Look at their snarl. You don't get that kind of a professional snarl by being a kissy-faced, pacifist, love everybody, Mr. Rogers loser. No way. Now it's war. Tonight the Dark Alley Boys strike back! "BRING IT ON BALL BOY!!!"

The Story About The Fish That Got Away

2009-07-31T09:57:00.000-07:00

Fish Got Away Men's T-Shirts by funnybowlingshirts
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Did you ever hear the real story about the 'original' fish that got away? I'll bet you've heard a lot of variations of it. It's like the telephone game. These tales just seem to get distorted. But once upon a time there really was an original fish, that just had it with the ocean. And this is his story.
It's a well known 'true' fact, about this particular area of the ocean, that the fish generally are fishitarians. It's like a religion. And most fish subscribe to it almost, well, religiously. There are rules, such as you have to be able to swim. You have to be colorful. There are strict dietary rules too, which of course is how it got it's name, fishitarian. Obviously they eat fish and that's exclusive. It's the law. You can be excommunicated if you deviated from this practice. It's not a hard law at all since these fish apparently are cannibals. They eat each other and no one seems to think this odd. They like fish so it is not a difficult requirement for most fish to follow. No little fish ever wakes up and says, "Mom, why do we eat fish?" It's just like breathing, you just do it.
Except for Bill.
He not only thought it odd, he feared for his life. But it wasn't always this way. He used to be 'normal'.
But that was then.
One day, while a couple of fishermen were fishing, they passed over Bill's area of 'the pond'. (They got that from an English Salmon that got lost one day and wound up off the coast of sunny Florida. They thought it was cool so ever since they've referred to their ocean as 'the pond'.) Anyway the fishermen, knowing the exotic nature of the fish in this area, kept throwing in some pretty good squid, eel, and really tasty clams to attract Bill and his friends. They went nuts over this feast, it was like gourmet city. They had to keep moving to avoid getting caught but the food along the way was great. They zigged and zagged between appetizer and entree. And OHHH!!! Those desserts were to die for.
They never had anything like this before. James seemed to become somewhat addicted to the crawfish almost immediately. While the fishermen were preparing the next batch, James was quite impatient...no, he was salivating, and darting back and forth anxiously under the boat and carelessly rammed it from underneath. He jostled the boat so badly that the fisherman's burger, made just the way he liked it, was knocked right out of his hand and into the water. Well no, not really, it went right into Bill's mouth. He was right under the boat when the burger took flight, and it fell into his open mouth and he ate it, swallowed it and said "What the heck was that!" That taste! That aroma! It was simply unbelievable. He thought, "Surely I died and went to fish heaven." This was not like anything he's eaten before. This was not like...fish. This was pure excitement. this was nirvana. He was euphoric. His friends immediately, including James, came to his rescue they tried to pump his stomach. They thought he would be deathly ill. But no, he was fine and no one could understand why. No one could understand his sublime demeanor, since this was poisonous food for fishitarians, every one knows that. But nothing happened to Bill. Nothing. Yet.
This was too much excitement for one day so they called it quits and went home.
Bill couldn't sleep at all that night. He knew this was going to be trouble. He couldn't get the memory out of his mind or stomach of how good that red greasy burger was. "No, No! It can't be. They'll all find out. They'll know. They'll know what I secretly think of. I really want another beefy burger." Fishitarians will know you don't behave like this from eating fish. And this was against the law.
But it got even worse.
Bill lost his taste for fish completely. It just couldn't compare. He couldn't hide it any more. He would rather starve that eat those bland neighbors of his again. He knew he would have to leave the community before he was found out. He would be excommunicated for sure. And that would be too humiliating.
So he made his plans and one day, he just left everything behind. Who could blame him. We all know how fish can be so boring, and you know how they just don't satisfy. In an hour your hungry again. Bill couldn't eat even one more clam.
Bill left the pond. It was nothing personal. He just had to get outta there. He just needed a good meal. He headed out for the main land, the big city lights, he would just follow the aroma until he reached his new nirvana, the Big Beefy Burger Hut, two blocks north and on the right.
The fishitarians never did hear from Bill again. But there were rumors that the Sea Shack, right up above 'the pond' had a special that night. A rare strange and colorful fish was caught and the customers are still talking about how good it was until today. We tend to think that it could be...nah...nah. Was it? Nooo! It couldn't be, could it? But everyone seems to think, on that fateful day, Bill swallowed something that would eventually kill him, although ironically, make him taste really good.
But we will never know for sure.

Now that was a whale of a fish tale.

Bowl-Off T-Shirts

2009-07-31T09:49:00.000-07:00

Bowl-Off Men's T-Shirts by funnybowlingshirts
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This is what a bowl-off looks like. Watch how a real bruiser removes the 'garbage' from his alley like a true professional. Watch him as he grabs the whining little pinhead and pounds the lights out of him. Bowling is war! Watch him beat the snot out of the poor little pinhead. One solid pocket hit after another. "AAAHHHHH!!!!" screams the poor thing. But this monster will not stop until he pounds the lights out of him. Well, the pinhead was trespassing, and nobody likes other people messing around with their stuff. Just because this is America doesn't mean that you can go any where you please. Cross into someone's alley and you just might get your tuckus kicked in.
And if the government gets involved and you really better hide that little tuckus.

The Drunken Leprechaun Club T-Shirt

2009-07-31T09:18:00.000-07:00

Drunken Leprechaun Men's Long Sleeve T-Shirts by funnybowlingshirts
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It's that time of year again. The Leprechauns are out and drinking themselves silly. Take this Leprechaun, Pat. You wouldn't believe his story. Now, keep in mind, that Leprechauns are a strange lot to begin with. But Pat, is a special case. Not so very long ago he had nothing. This is unusual for a Leprechaun, they are generally very gifted. But not Pat. He didn't even have beer money. And he hung out with a problematic crowd. Banshies, Phookas, Bogies, and one particularly rowdy Hag named Jean, who came to visit a couple times a year (she was very sweet until she had a couple of shots, then the bar usually shut down). Now, there was one thing that Pat could do like nobody else...he could put it away. Beer, that is. No one, not nobody could out drink Pat.
But one day his life changed. He got in a drinking contest with a very powerful and large Goblin. Powerful but simply unaware of Pat's gift for drinking massive quantities of beer and not even having to pee. (Really and he was barely 3 feet tall.) This Goblin's name was Snotnose, for obvious reasons, and he was a bully and a braggart. He challenged Pat to a guzzling contest and made a promise to give Pat a map to a real pot of gold. He gave proof of its existence and so the contest began. Well, everyone knew that this Snotnose character was in over his head. Pat had quite a reputation. And he drank him into the ground...literally. That's right, Snotnose dropped dead. He just keeled over. At first, they thought he was trying to get out of the contest. But no, he really dropped dead. So after they toasted his life and buried him, Pat took the map, put together an exploration party, and went off after the pot of gold. After searching for about a week and a half they found it, and it was the real thing. It was overflowing with gold and there was some chocolate there too. "Hmm," Pat said, "someone had very good taste. It's from Switzerland."
Besides his outrageous gift for drinking, Pat had one more gift in abundance. He was generous to a fault. He split the gold and chocolate with the search party. Then Pat took his share and built a club for all of his drunken Leprechaun friends. They had not been welcome in many places. But, now they had a place where everybody knows their names, even if sometimes they were to drunk to know themselves. Of course, no one to this day has out-drank Pat yet. He has a gift. Wherever the beer goes, is a mystery. But Pat's place, The Drunken Leprechauns Club, is doing very well and their big day is almost here. Pat may be the drunkest Leprechaun that you will ever see, but not so drunk that he can't wish you a "Happy St. Paddy's Day! "Hic.

Are Bowling Demons Real?

2009-07-17T07:31:00.000-07:00

Bowling Demons Women's T-Shirts by funnybowlingshirts
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Yes they are.
Definition: n. scary little buggers that eat up sniveling, whiny pinheads, and spitting them out, generally, at their bowling opponents. Can be nasty, depending on how much they've had to drink. No pinhead has ever been known to survive an encounter with a Bowling Demon. They are to be avoided at all costs, if they are real. There are phonies, but they are not too scary.
It is not known yet if Bowling Demons are born or made. We still have a lot of research to do. And that is exactly what we are doing at Really Funny Bowling T-Shirts, our bowling research wing. We've found out a lot over there. In recent days we've found conclusive evidence that our new President, Barack Obama wants to bowl with us. And he likes our t-shirts. Who knew? Now we all do, the secret is out, and we've put the proof on that site. His administration leaks like a sieve, so it was inevitable that the public would know eventually. We are in negotiations now to set up the bowling match, a very laborious task what with all of the security issues, as you can imagine, we're not exactly on his Blackberry list. Just because he plays basketball doesn't mean he can keep a bowling ball out of the gutter, so hopefully he can tone down his cockiness just a tad, especially since he throws a baseball like a girl. This little Bowling Demon is ready to chew him up and spit him out. We'll have to wait and see how he spins the results after he gets his butt kicked at the bowling alley. Wanna bet if he loses MSNBC won't carry it? But FOX sure will.

Bowling Pinheads T-Shirt

2009-07-06T12:10:00.000-07:00

Bowling Pinheads Men's Long Sleeve T-Shirts by funnybowlingshirts
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Attack Of The Pinheads
It was late. The game was almost over...almost.
The Pinheads had just about enough. They had one ball too many thrown at them. They had too many names yelled at them. No matter what they did, it just wasn't good enough. Now was the time for action. They would stage a revolt. They would demand their rights. They would resist the pressure to play ball. They would no longer roll over for just anybody. They were mad and they weren't going to take this lying down.
"Strike! You want a strike, Ball Boy? We're on strike!"
"We're not going down this time!"
"Let's see how you do with a little resistance!"
Well, you could tell that the bowlers were stymied. They were never spoken to that way before, at least not by Pinheads. Sure, there was always some friction. But now, now they had completely lost control. Their center of gravity had shifted. This couldn't be good. They would now have to watch their backs. The dark alleys were never going to be the same again. There would be grippers lurking in those graveyards, and they would not be the usual suspects. There would now be a new definition of a 'heavy hit'. There would be no more cheater balls, only cheater pins. The Pinheads would be the only crankers now.
The bowlers were now in deep doodoo and they knew it. Their balls would be D.O.A. They would be hammered.
Yes, a new day was dawning.
The revolution has begun.
The Pinheads have attacked.
And the lights went out.
What will become of us now?

Now, if we could only get our citizens to treat our hired public servants in the same fashion we may still be able to hold on to the Republic.

Pig Out!

2009-07-03T17:03:00.001-07:00

Pig-Out Ladies T-Shirts by funnybowlingshirts
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Yeah, that's right, I'm a pig. So what?
It was good, there was a lot of it, and I ATE IT ALL.
Thanksgiving Dinner. Ahhh!!! I could eat turkey every day of the week. And I could eat a lot of it and ALL of the trimmings. And I don't feel an ounce of guilt or shame over it. But people have said some terrible things to me about my shape and size. What do they want..."I'm a pig" I tell them. It's as if they have no compassion or empathy at all. One even suggested stomach stapling. STOMACH STAPLING? "I'm a pig! And I 'want' to eat a lot. Why would I want my stomach stapled?" I may not be the brightest pig in the stie, but wouldn't that make my stomach smaller? I want it enlarged, not shrunk.
I love to eat and I'm comfortable in my own body. The sanctimonious crowd, the government food Nazis, may not be comfortable with eating this much, but I say, "Good! More for me. Now get out of the way before I staple your mouth shut."
"Just pass the turkey."
"That stuffing doesn't have bacon in it, does it? Then again, don't tell me."

Bowl With Uncle Sam T-Shirt

2009-01-01T07:30:00.000-08:00

The Not Too Official United States Bowling Team T-Shirt

Uncle Sam has been getting the snot beat out of him lately from all sides and all countries. Here he is a nice guy that has helped more people than anyone else around the world and what does he get for it? He's called every name under the sun, and the moon, and the stars. He does have feelings you know.
He's exhausted.
So what, you ask, does he do to relax. You guess it...HE BOWLS! And he is quite good too.
Bowl with Uncle Sam. Everyone wants to be on his team,
The Not Too Official United States Bowling Team. But are these guys really ready for prime time? Of course not. That's why this team is called "The Not Too Official United States Bowling Team". Maybe someday. But they do have really good competition from Team USA. So they will just have to practice more. But from the looks of his team mates, they are bowling to kill.
Uncle Sam endorses our bowling shirts. Wow! He likes The Not Too Official United States Bowling Team T-Shirt and see, he is wearing our Bowling Pinheads T-Shirt.
He really does have great taste in clothes.
Start the year off right. Bowl with a team that has authority in those dark alleys.

Cranky Bears International

2008-10-10T09:11:00.001-07:00

Anger Management Men's T-Shirts by funnybowlingshirts
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You've all heard of The Teddy Bear's Picnic, right? You've all heard of the warnings, that it was not safe to go in the woods alone. That it was better for you to stay at home. It sounds like an ominous warning. A very terrifying situation those picnics must have been to outsiders. And what kind of games do you supposed they played? What could be so terrifying? Was this some kind of secret society? What are they, Masons, or something?
Well, some of our number took them up on their warning to go in disguise, and snoop them out. Not one of these bears were aware that an intruder, a spy, was in their midst. And what the spies found was hardly a picnic with happy go lucky teddy bears. And this was surely a big surprise.
They found out all they needed to know about these supposedly gay bears. Why, they aren't gay at all. And they don't much like dancing about either, and they are never happy with their food, they don't think it's all that wonderful. They actually have a lot of things on their minds.
This picnic is really the annual meeting of the Cranky Bears International. And they have lots to be cranky about. They don't like being asked questions, they don't like interviews. They don't like snoops. They don't like fun and games. And they don't like cheap chocolate. They don't consider cheap chocolate much of a treat at all. They are not politically correct, and could care less if you approve of them or not.
They especially think the government sucks. They are tired of the government trying to tag them all the time. They are tired of being traced. Others have a right to privacy, they don't understand why they don't. They are sick and tired of the government intervening in their lives.
The only question on their minds is, what are they going to do about these nosy senators and congressmen? They stink, and these bears know it. They aren't serving them well at all.
Finally, after what seemed to be an endless debate, a voice of reason stood up and proclaimed, "We're bears for goodness sake! We'll just eat them!"
Eat them?
Well of course! How very simple. We'll just eat them!
"What an excellent idea. And so obvious," the rest of the C.B.I. members said in unison. "Why haven't we thought of that before? How could this delightful, and satisfying solution have eluded us for so long?"
So with their resolution decided on unanimously, and the day of their grand Congressional Banquet set, for the first time in the whole history of the Cranky Bears International, there wasn't one member there that was actually cranky. They toasted their upcoming national feast, ate their cheap chocolate, and for the first time in their lives, smiled at each other.
If only humans could come up with as satisfying solution to Congress.

Lipstick on a Pig

2008-09-11T07:14:00.000-07:00

Lipstick Pig Women's T-Shirts by funnybowlingshirts
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Well, we sure heard a lot about those classy pigs lately. But it was a surprise to some people that pigs had such good taste. Some of us always knew it. And now the whole country does too. Pigs love to look good. You can slop in mud and goo just so much. Then it's time to get all fixed up with your prettiest shade of pink lipstick and hustle over to the next farm, pick up your lady friends and go out on the town. And there is no shame in being a pig. They know full well that lipstick would never change that. They are proud to be the pigs that they are. Let's face it, we all know a lot of people that we would love to change, if it was as easy as wearing lipstick. But no. No matter how classy some look, they are still _ _ _ _ _ _ _.
Ohh, I wonder what that spells. Hmmm....
Lipstick on a Pig T-Shirt will surely get a laugh, and laughing is good for us, right?
Whether it's bowling season or Christmas and Holiday Shopping time, you'll find lot's of funny t-shirts and gifts at Funny T-Shirts, Bowling T-Shirts.

Cheese Addicts Vanish Overnight

2008-07-28T10:35:00.000-07:00

Cheesy Club Ladies T-Shirts by funnybowlingshirts
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Cheese-o-holics Anonymous has given up. After much study, programs and drugs, it has been decided that the condition, the disease, can't be cured. Addicts to cheese are just plain screwed.
Once a cheese-o-holic, always a cheese-o-holic. That's it, tough luck, deal with it.
So this venerable institution has been disbanded.
The researchers, being out of a job, but being very creative, have come up with a solution to their penniless condition and their insatiable addiction. And last week they unveiled their gift to an awaiting world. And the Grand Opening of The Cheesy Club was greeted with riotous applause.
The Cheesy Club is just what cheese-o-holics have been salivating for. The shame and the stigma of addiction has been lifted literally overnight, as cheese-o-holics have been elevated to the status of Connoisseurs. What a turn of events. Addicts, that simply can't control themselves, now find themselves...experts, professionals. Filling the needs of enquiring minds. Providing information that can make or break ones social status. Giving freely the information that we crave. Allowing us to continue on with the facade that we actually know something about fine dining.
They provide us with answers to the questions that keep us up at night, such as:
-Cheddar or American? Which is best for burgers?
-What is the proper cheese to have as an appetizer for a pizza party?
-Does the smelly Lindenberger cheese, cause body odor?
-Can you really call pizza, pizza, if it consists of vegetables instead of cheese?
-Does cheese made from reindeer give any ethereal abilities?
-Does Roquefort cheese prevent one from getting sick?
-Why was Miss Muffet so easily dissuaded from her fine dish of expensive cheese?
-Isn't Gjetost really just good candy?
-Don't you think, people passing off tofu as 'cheese imitations' should be put in jail?
-Does any one really know who the original Big Cheese is?
-Why don't we ever see cows eating their own cheese?
-What do cows have to laugh at anyway?
-Are they ever really happy about their product? Do they ever say, "I really could have done better?"
-Do cows, sheep and goats ever fight over whose cheese is best?
-Does blue-veined cheese cause blue-blood people?
-Who was the first person to cut the cheese? And which cheese was it?
It is amazing how these addicts turned their minus into a plus. The Cheesy Club has created elitist positions for all of their addicted clientele, those gurus of all culinary wisdom. They give their deliberations freely, and they really enjoy the gifts that are sent to them in appreciation. Cheese gifts of course.
The first council meeting has concluded and they have issued their first official declarations:
1-CHEESE IS REALLY THE STAFF OF LIFE
An advertising agency changed that to bread a while back and The Cheesy Club wants to set the record straight. Although cheese does taste good with many breads, so they are not trying to knock the bread companies.
2-CHEESE IS NOT JUST FOR DINNER!
No sir, it is a fine food for breakfast, lunch, dinner, snacks, gifts and it is a sleepwalker's delight (just have it cut up before bed, we don't want to encourage sleepwalkers to mess around with knives in their sleep).
So they instruct us to eat cheese, and eat it often.
Look at all of the cheese recipes that we can delight in:
Cheese and crackers
Cheese and wine
Mac and cheese
Cheese casserole
Cheese doodles
Grilled cheese
Cheesecake
Cheese danish
Cheez-its
Cheeseburgers
Cheesesteaks
Cheetos
Cheese balls
Cheese pie
Cheese Whiz
Fried cheese
Cheese fondue
Cheese puffs
Lasagna
Mozzarella and tomatoes
Cheese blintzes
Cheese souffles
Cheese crepes
French onion soup
Chicken Cordon Bleu
We really could go on forever, or almost forever.
And who wouldn't want their caring empathetic friends to bestow on them a cheese basket?
Why, cheese is so good that some people wear it on their heads. What other food do you see people doing that with? Bananas? Who'd look like a fool for a banana. Many of The Cheesy Club's members are of the rodent family. They actually risk their lives to get to their coveted Gruyère. That's right. They defy death all for the love of cheese. Would they do that for tofu? Maybe if they're retarded, because that's crazy man. Tofu? Euuhh!!
The Cheesy Club also issued their first directive (not fully a declaration but close enough) instructing us not to believe the claims from the medical associations, that say cheese can clog our arteries. We should remember all of the lies that were told to us about eggs. For years they put out propaganda demeaning the poor egg, condemning those that partook. No more than one or two a week they told us. Who can eat one egg? That's crazy too. We all know now that eggs never killed anybody. Those same people want to scare us away from our reason for living and The Cheesy Club thinks we shouldn't listen to them. No, they think we should follow the lead of our little mousy friends. Death does not scare them. High medical bills do not scare them. New insurance regulations don't scare them. The government doesn't scare them. The cat does not scare them! Because life without cheese is not worth living.
CHEESE! It's to die for!

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Mr. Frank N. Stein Gets Help

2008-06-17T14:10:00.000-07:00

Frankenstein Men's T-Shirts by funnybowlingshirts
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Halloween is right around the corner. And who better to check on than Mr. Frank N. Stein himself. He feels that he has been greatly misunderstood. Well now, we all could relate to that. Life is hard and being called names all the time can wound the spirit fatally. Just imagine what it is like, every time someone, anyone, sees you, that they scream bloody murder. What would you think? "Goodness, is it me?" "Do my clothes match?" "Is my breath fresh?" "Maybe they don't like the color of my skin."
And then they call you a monster. A monster! Why, you don't even know these people. Who do they think they are? Is that what their parents taught them? Well, in any case, it was time for him to talk about it. Hopefully Dr. I. L. Shrinku will be able to give him some peace. He's been treating monsters just like Mr. Stein for many years. Most of his patients have gone on to live normal lives right in the mist of the screaming. Many of his patients are politicians. Really. Dr. I. L. Shrinku has taught them skills which have enabled them to continue on despite their monstrous condition. "See," he tells Mr. Stein, "being a monster has never stopped anyone from living a fulfilling life. Even politicians can live with this condition all of their lives and can still go on to screw up the country. So there's really no need to lose hope."
Maybe Mr. Stein will finally find peace.

The National Bums Club of America

2008-05-11T12:42:00.000-07:00

Throw The Bums Out Men's T-Shirts by thesmokinfrog
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Let's face it, who doesn't want to be a bum.
Bums have all of the power and who doesn't want power? Right? Right.
We all want power. Of course, the down side is that sometimes there is a call to throw all of the bums out, but generally speaking, that never happens. So despite their periodic bad reputation, everyone wants to be a bum.
One minute you could be a struggling attorney suing the pants off of a real or fabricated enemy, or, teaching other struggling-soon-to-be-attorneys, how all of the pants in the world should belong to them. Then by happenstance, you find yourself to be a bum. Now, the same people that lost their pants to you and don't particularly like running around with their fannies exposed for all the world to see, pay you to continue to take them to the cleaners. They have plenty of reasons to want to dispose of you, but the fact of the matter is, you are now a bum. Bums bring out the strangest behavior in their constituents. Bums tell their bottomless constituents how they will fight for them now, since they have no pants. This is always well received. But let's face it, if you are standing around, basically flashing the world, you would receive anything well, even if it's from the very bum that took your pants in the first place.
Yes sir. "We're the bums of America and we're on your side," they tell us. "Yay!" We love it. See, they care. They like us, they really, really like us.
So bums have the life. And they can change the rules as often as they need to, in order to keep the life. Who knows if you will belong to the same bum tomorrow or not.
And bums also get to become world class travelers. They care about the peoples of the world so very much, you know. These folks tend to have more colorful pants, and they are cheaper, so our bums want them. Well of course they do, their own constituents don't have pants any longer...they're na-e-ck-e-e-ad!
Bums are treated very special. They like to eat well. They like to be invited to nice meals. Now, let's face it, if you have no pants, you really can't take your bum to a nice restaurant. Most restaurants require shoes at the very least. And nice restaurants require a jacket and tie as well. So these restaurants wouldn't appreciate a clientele with their tushies exposed. So unless you can figure out how to get new pants that the bums won't take, and cover up those privates, you get bupkis.
Yes it's true, bums have great perks.
But like we've already established, there is the periodic call to throw the bums out. By that we generally mean, 'your' bums not 'our' bums. We may have no pants at all, thanks to our bums, but they're our bums and we're keeping them.
Does this fig leaf make me look fat?

The Origin Of The Year Of The Rat

2008-04-30T19:14:00.000-07:00

Dirty Rat Ladies T-Shirts by funnybowlingshirts
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Why in the 'world' would rats get their own year? Why indeed.
While some rats are very scary, this festive year is really named for just two in particular.
This is the true origin of The Year Of The Rat. Would I Lie?
Actually, it is a commemoration, set up by The High Order Of The Tokyo Skeeby Jeebies Travel Lodge of the Ninja Rodent Community (it's located in a shopping mall looking out at Mount Fuji). It is in honor of Hiroshi and Sumi, world class travelers and treasure hunters. These are the original rats that hit the road to see the 'world', (see, I told you) in 80 days. They've racked up more miles than the Roadrunner outsmarting Wile E. Coyote. BEEP! BEEP! And they've generously put it all down for us in their travel guide book:

BEST RESTAURANTS AND RECREATION AREAS
While On The Road And In The Can.

The lodge is indebted to them for their efforts to uplift the self esteem of garbage eaters everywhere and share their knowledge with the younger generations.
As you may know, rats have had a reputation problem for some time. Japan is no different than America when it comes to rodents. They're all over the place, and not always welcome. Some have even referred to them as 'kinda creepy'. Well some of them are creepy (how about Ben that starred in Willard, yeah he was creepy). But Hiroshi and Sumi, had turned this personal negative into a plus (the Japanese are always doing that). While their road to fortune has had some serious road blocks, they managed to get some great photos (the Japanese, you know, can't be without their cameras, and we are so glad for that). And they've put them all in their travel guide.
And yes, the rumors are true, these two, Hiroshi and Sumi, are nasty rats. Nasty and cranky. Always name calling. Never mind giving them a festival YEAR, it's amazing that anyone liked them at all, what with all of their bickering. If you didn't know better you would think they were cats and dogs, always fighting. A bunch of garbage mouths, talking trash. "You Dirty Rat!" Shiesh! No one would ever think they were life long friends.
But, they've traveled around together for some time, taking over where the raccoons left off..."ooohhh...a fancy French garbage can, Foie Gras tonight." What a treasure, "We've hit the mother lode."
They've traveled a lot of roads; the long and winding road, tobacco road, the road less traveled, the road more traveled, they even took the road that wasn't taken. They've been on public roads, private roads and most of the time they are middle-of-the-road. They tried the road to stardom but it turned out to be the road to nowhere. They even followed the chicken across the road but still haven't found out why she did it. Once they went way off-road while following a musical fellow in tights. His flute was appealing but things started to go badly. "Seemed like a cult if you ask me," Hiroshi said. Sumi agreed, "It sure looked that way especially when all of our friends jumped into the river."
But, after years of traveling around to see the world's classiest garbage dumps, they started to develop a serious road rage, some have even referred to them as road hogs (HOGS!, no less, such name calling). So they made the decision to call it quits, and pass the torch to another fellow traveling ambassador for The High Order Of The Tokyo Skeeby Jeebies Travel Lodge. "I'm hungry let's get off the road, go home and stay put. I want my own can tonight," Sumi said, and Hiroshi agreed, seeing as they had much to write about.
But as cranky as these rats were, the road home was certainly the best.

The Idiots Defense Fund

2008-04-22T11:04:00.000-07:00

Idiots Ladies T-Shirts by thesmokinfrog
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Are you an idiot? Have people told you this? While it truly is a very rude thing to say to someone, there comes a time when we simply have to admit the hard cold facts. You can do it...say this with me...I am an idiot.
While that probably won't make you feel any better about yourself, there is good news. The Idiots Defense Fund has been created for people just like you...idiots. That's right. The Idiots Defense Fund has been helping idiots just like you for over 35 years. What? You say you've never heard of it? But we have already established that you're an idiot, so there has probably been a lot of stuff that you have not heard of. Why, we could list in short order, a dozen idiotic actions of our government alone, just to show you that a lot has slipped past you. But because you're an idiot, we don't want to rub your nose in it. We're here to help you.

The stigma of idiocy has ruined many families. It has caused some families to hide members of their own families in the attic, never to be seen publicly again. (And we must admit, down deep inside, we wish other families followed this unusual practice. But it is illegal.) Idiocy has kept many economic advancements off limits to those afflicted with this horrid condition. And of course, by some strange turn of events, some people find themselves in a high level office, only to have it exposed at an untimely time, that they too are flaming idiots. Now imagine, that you find yourself by happenstance, the head of a country, or a Senator or Representative, only to learn at a later date, that you simply have no idea of what you are doing, or how you got there. (Oh, that's right, you got me. We've had so many of this type of example, that it has nothing to do with the imagination. It is our reality.) What's a country to do? Shoot them? You can't do that. They would just put you in jail with another idiot anyway.

Idiots Bumper Stickerpolitical by thesmokinfrog
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Idiots tend to create their own reality. You know how it is. Before anyone actually figures out that someone's an idiot, he's gone and started a world war, you know, like Hitler. We've all seen the old film clips of him, he was a super-duper flaming numbskull (that's the highest level of idiocy). It's really amazing that anyone fell for his nonsense. See, idiots have more power that one would think off the cuff.
In recent years we've all seen what idiots can do when they are at the helm of corporations. It seems sometimes, that the boards of the corporations actually seek out an idiot to run the place. And they do, you know...run the place...right into the ground that is. But what do I know. Maybe I'm too harsh.

Anyway, how would you know if you were surrounded by idiots or not, or if the idiot is you? Well, that's where the Idiots Defense Fund comes in. The I.D.F. has been involved in many clinical studies to find out:
1-Is idiocy is a condition from conception or did something go wrong on the way out? Or is it a learned condition?
2-What are the warning signs, if any?
3-Is it curable?
4-Can people be idiots and still be productive citizens?
5-Is it a preference? A choice?
6-How do family members cope? Are there new skills to learn that would replace the tried and true, ever popular neck wringing?
So you can see that they really need you help today. Today, there seems to be an epidemic of this dreaded condition. Time is of the essence since there is an election coming. Please consider supporting the Idiots Defense Fund, you never know when you'll be their next client.