The Smoking Tiger

Five-Year Update

2011-09-08T22:28:00.000-04:00

Wow! It's been five years since my cancer battle began! So much has happened since then. I have gotten back into the music business and re-discovered my love of the guitar. My children are growing up faster than I can keep up with.

I recently had a colonoscopy/endoscopy and passed both with flying colors. My bloodwork came back normal and so far all is good. My family and I participated in this year's Cancer Survivor Day celebration at the Carol Simon Cancer Center (the place I received my treatments). A reporter from Coping With Cancer Magazine took my pic and said I will be included in a feature article. What a feeling it was to be there with other survivors, sharing our stories, celebrating our successes and supporting each other.

I have also worked with a few new patients in their path, most of which have since passed. I am hoping to be able to do some Music Therapy work at the cancer center as well as entertain kids with cancer.

It's Colonoscopy Season!!!

2010-11-17T10:35:00.000-05:00

Well the end of the year is here and it is soon time for the bi-annual colonoscopy! Do I sound excited? Yes? Sorry...

Please, if you have never experienced the joy of having a metal rod with a camera and light shoved up your butt I do encourage you to get one scheduled soon. All joking aside, the test is painless and the benefits are priceless.

More to follow!

Happy New Year

2008-12-31T23:35:00.000-05:00

I would like to wish all of you a very happy, safe, healthy and exciting new year. May your medical tests come back clean...may your jobs remain secure...may your bills be paid...may your pipes be full...may your coffee be fresh and hot...may your cats be well-fed.

Second post-cancer colonoscopy

2008-09-29T17:55:00.000-04:00

Well today was my second post-cancer colonoscopy and all went well. They said that my blood pressure was slightly elevated so I am going to visit my priimary this week. Since this test was clean I now can go every TWO years for the test instead of annually. Now I need to start a good high-fiber diet!

Update for Sept. 24, 2008

2008-09-24T01:48:00.002-04:00

I went to the oncologist today for bloodwork, consultation and port flush. All is well so far. I have to wait for the bloodwork to come back but in this case, no news is good news.

This Monday, September 29, 2008 at 1:00 p.m. I will be having my second post-cancer colonoscopy. I am apprehensive as usual but it must be done since I am a few months overdue. I will post another update after the procedure with those results.

With love and gratitude,

Jimmy Muraco

9/11

2008-09-11T19:04:00.000-04:00

Seven years ago today I saw smoke in the sky but no planes. I saw tears of sorrow and joy. Cars sitting at a park-and-ride waiting for drivers that would never return to claim them. People speeding down the highway blind to everything around them from tears as they turned up the radio. Cell phones being smashed by those who could not get through to their missing loved ones. Men with shotguns standing on rooftops. Chaos. Death. Destruction. Confusion.

Seven years ago today I saw a flag raised amongst the smoking ruins and dead bodies. Groups of strangers singing hymns together. People of all colors and ages join together to help those in need. Rich, poor, young, old, male, female, black, white. What was meant to destroy a nation gave it new life.

For those lost souls of 9/11/01
For those of us who were there and survived. For everyone affected by that horrible day.

God bless America.

Second Anniversary Update

2008-04-06T17:29:00.002-04:00

Hello all...

It's just a few days past the second anniversary since my diagnosis so I thought I would touch base here with all that has happened in the past year.

I had bloodwork done a few days ago and if I do not hear anything back from the doctors within a couple of days then everything is normal. I do not expect any problems but, as always, it's always a waiting game.

I do not have the neuropathy anymore, nor do I have the cold sensitivity. I still get the palpitations but it seems more anxiety-related than anything else. I have had that problem years prior to the cancer and the docs say all is well there.

I continue my work counselling newly diagnosed patients and encouraging people to stop procrastinating on getting any needed tests done.

In two weeks I am going on a cruise. I made that promise that if I survived I would go on one. While on the ship I plan to say a prayer for all of the current patients, survivors and those who did not survive. I will then throw a cancer ribbon into the sea in their honor.

I was recently at the oncology center where I got to see many familiar faces. It was great to see them all and I realized how much I missed them. I will never be able to express the gratitude I have for the love, support and care that they provided. This is the site of the practice that I go to.

This is the doctor that saved my life. What could I possibly say about how much I admire, love, respect and to thank this man? He truly cares about his patients and goes far above and beyond to provide the finest care. He is a blessing to all of his patients.

On the down side, going through a cancer battle changes one in so many ways. Some positive, some negative. On the positive side, I am more mellow, I no longer get upset over the small stuff like I used to. I appreciate all that I have now and take nothing for granted. I am also a better husband and father because my priorities are no longer focused on me but on where they should be. I have been humbled to the extreme and I am grateful for that (some of you will understand that one better than others).

On the negative side...again, some of you will feel that I am speaking to you and maybe even for you, I always feel like I am living under the gun and waiting for the proverbial "other shoe" to drop. It's not hypochondria or paranoia...just the feeling of anticipation of the "next thing to go wrong" because that is what I have experienced these past two years. Every little blemish, anomaly, etc. plants the seed of "Could this be...?".

It's strange, I look back at my posts on this blog and it reads like it was written by someone else. The entire experience has been so surreal as if I was sitting in the back seat of a car with someone else driving. I was on "auto-pilot". Perhaps that is the survival instinct? Maybe the shock of it all numbed me so much that to this day I still cannot fathom the reality of what I was facing?

I cannot tell you how many times I have heard "God saved you". Have any of you other patients/survivors heard it too? Of course you have! Do we believe it? To some extent I do but then arises the question: "Was God with those who did not survive?" Well, perhaps He was...I don't know...I guess that is where true faith comes in. It's the reciprocal of the question: "Why me?" I never asked that question because the answer was too obvious: "Why anyone?".

If you are a current patient or survivor, please drop me a line. I would love to hear from you.

For all of you who have read this blog from Day One I thank you so very much and encourage you to stay tuned because I hope that this story has many more chapters.

Be well.

My First Post-Cancer Colonoscopy

2007-05-29T00:08:00.000-04:00

Recently I had my first colonoscopy since being declared cured. Everything went well and the results came back perfect. I will have to have another colonoscopy in a year and if that one comes back clean then I can go two years in between tests then maybe three years, etc.

Again, I cannot stress how important it is to have the test! It is a painless procedure and can save your life. You have nothing to lose except your life. Is it really worth putting it off?

I am still recovering from the chemo. The neuropathy is still present but not quite as bad as it was a few months ago. I no longer have the sensitivity to cold which is a blessing with the weather as hot as it is. I still get the heart palpitations but they are not as bad as they were last August when I thought I had a salsa band living in my chest.

I will post more as circumstances permit. I do thank each and every one of you for reading this and showing all the love and support that you have. We have been through this all together in spirit and we have been victorious. Praise God!

Epilogue

2007-02-07T23:40:00.000-05:00

Since the "Cured" status was given I have been slowly recovering from the physical damage that the chemotherapy has done to my body. I know that it could take a couple of years for it to get better so I am being patient. My hands are still numb, I still get gastrointestinal distress, weak joints, etc. The emotional part of this ordeal is still buried deep within my subconsciousness. While I do not intentionally dwell on the past year, the events are always present in the background of my thoughts.

I will be doing volunteer work at the cancer center trying to help others who have been recently diagnosed and the folks who are still getting chemo. Whether it is to bring some coffee or tea, a magazine or just some talk that only another patient can understand, I will do whatever I can to ease their already-heavy burdens.

Another project I am planning is to get the recommended age for a colonoscopy to be at least 35. The current age is for 50 year-olds to get their first one. I was 39 when I had mine and you know those results. I have also spoken with many folks who have had pre-cancerous results from their colonoscopies and each was under 50. I truly feel that many lives can be saved by having people screened much earlier than the age of 50.

Spring will bring me to another colonoscopy and tests. This is just part of the routine maintenance to monitor for a possible recurrence. Eventually, I will be having the porta-cath removed from my chest which will be the final act in this whole story.

I will continue this blog and let the format change as circumstances allow. A recurring theme that will remain is the encouragement to get tested early and regularly.

I thank each and every one of you who has posted a comment or sent me an e-mail. I hope that we may continue corresponding as the bilateral exchange of encouragement has been amazing. In the shadow of such an advisary as cancer we have managed to form a small, but strong, community here. It is for that reason that I say: "We beat cancer!"

The Scan Results Are In!

2007-01-18T14:56:00.000-05:00

Well folks, this is it. This is the post we have been waiting for. I will keep this one short but I will post another more detailed post later.

The scans are PERFECT and I am now officially CANCER-FREE!!!!

I am still in shock so I don't think it's really hit me 100% yet, but I wanted to share this with you as soon as I found out. After all, you've all been with me since this whole thing has started almost a year ago.

WE DID IT!!!!!

The Climax (The scans are tomorrow)

2007-01-15T21:43:00.000-05:00

Well my friends,

Tomorrow at 10:00 a.m. I will be having the battery of CAT scans to see if there is any cancer in my body. While my oncologist says he is positive that I am cured, I will not believe it completely until I see the results of these scans saying that I am cancer-free. It is only then that I will call myself a "cancer survivor" as opposed to a cancer "patient". Once the results are here I will post THE post I made reference to several months ago called "The Scan Results Are In".

I also want to thank, once again, everyone out there that has shown love and support in what has been the biggest trial I've had in my life. Hopefully there will be some positive closure after these scans.

First Month's Update

2006-12-17T20:06:00.000-05:00

First of all, I am sorry for not posting anything earlier. My final infusion was on November 20, 2006 so I felt since it's been about a month since then I would post a brief update.

I have been very sick all week with some weird bronchial infection. Fever, coughing, etc. Every time I cough my head feels like it's been clubbed with a sledgehammer.

The neuropathy is getting worse. I've lost about 80-90% of the feeling in my fingers. Since this whole thing has taken six months to get to this point it will probably take three times as long to recuperate.

My Diabetes is still so out of control that my primary doctor put me on a new medication, although I cant start it yet since I am currently sick. After two weeks on the new med I have to get bloodwork done then meet with the doc to go over the results. It seems like it never ends, does it?

In other news we got a deck put on the front of the house. Perhaps this Spring (as long as I am not SICK AGAIN!!!!) I will be able to actually sit out with some coffee and feel like a normal person for a change.

The holidays are coming up so fast and I have been sleeping so much from this weird illness. I only see less than an hour of daylight each day anymore. So much for shopping.

I will try to post more when anything new comes up. I should have at least one more before the holidays.

Doctor to me: "You are cured"

2006-12-01T22:24:00.000-05:00

Ok...time for the reveal that I have been putting off for a couple of days. I met with my oncologist the other day. He reviewed everything and looked at all of the latest tests. He looked at me and said "You are cured of cancer".

Now, the reason I have not posted this until tonight is because I have NOT had the PET or CT scans to search for any cancer cells. Being that I have had a few (to say the least) I remain a bit skeptical that I am completely cured. I know the doctor knows what he is talking about but I guess I still need the reassurance that only test results will prove. The doctor said that the tests will be done but it's more for my comfort than necessary for diagnosis.

So there you have it. According to the specialist, I am cured. After the holidays I will have the battery of tests but we are all 99% sure that they should all be perfect. If this is true that I am actually cancer-free you can just imagine how I would feel. I want very much to believe it 100% and scream for joy but I am so afraid to at this point. Prior to this ordeal I was a major hypochondriac so perhaps it is for that reason that I am still in fear.

For what it's worth...the doc says I am cured.

Some Inside Information

2006-11-28T22:27:00.000-05:00

So far this round is proving to be a monster. The fingers have severe neuropathy and anytime I eat anything I get severe abdominal pain for a few hours. The docs say it is just from having the 12 rounds of chemo and should gradually dissapate.

All during my chemotherapy I kept a spreadsheet on some of my vital blood tests. From there I charted them and kept them on my Dell Axim to show the doc each time I came in. I thought it might be interesting to share some of these charts to show you just what happens in your blood during 12 rounds of chemo. Those who find this NOT to their interest may choose to go visit Yahoo or somewhere else.

Hemoglobin

Normal Hemoglobin levels run from 11.0-18.0. You can see that it goes low between infusions which is part of why I get fatigue, shortness of breath, heart palpitations, etc. during those times. The reason my hemoglobin was so low was because I had internal bleeding for over two years. When your hemoglobin gets low it causes you to become "Anemic".

MCV

"MCV" is basically the size of your red blood cells. Mine were low (after an inital spike from the steroids) and did not really come up to "normal" levels until I had ten rounds of Venofer (an Iron infusion). Normal range is anything over 100. Mine remained under 80 then slowly climbed after the Venofer. The low MCV levels added to the anemia problem and created a much more intense fatigue, palpitations, etc.

Red Blood Cells

Red Blood Cells are pretty much self-explanatory. As you can see, just as the other charts showed drops on the week before an infusion, the Red Blood Cell counts were no exception.

Platelets

This one really shows the havoc that cancer and chemotherapy can wreak on the human body. Like all the other charts, the very first point is the day of the first infusion. You can see that the following week there was a major drop followed by a huge spike. This went on over the entire regimen of chemo, however, you can also see how my body was rendered weaker and weaker and ending up with an abnormally low platelet count.

I hope you found this information useful, or at the very least, entertaining. These charts are the actual charts I made and the actual numbers from my CBC tests.

I Went the Distance...and I'm STILL Standing!

2006-11-20T22:56:00.000-05:00

Today I had my 12th and (hopefully)final infusion of chemo. After the holidays come the scans then we will proceed however is condusive to the results. This round is proving to be a tough one so far. Lots of pain and weakness. I also found out today that I scored high trigycerides on my lest chem panel test. They said not to worry because I did not fast for the test but still...I worry.

I will try to keep this blog current as this round progresses. The bout is over...split decision....now we just wait for the final verdict. Whatever the results...we went the distance. We took the entire 12 rounds with each round having us coming back in and looking for more punishment.

The cancer is scared. It knows we are tougher than it is. Eye of the Tiger.

Round Eleven Midpoint Report

2006-11-14T20:53:00.000-05:00

Well, we are halfway through Round Eleven and things are really tough this time around. I have been having severe gastrointestinal problems, neuropathy and a lot of aches and pains. I had my CBC today and all the numbers are great. After Round Twelve (next Monday) there will be a break for the holidays after which I will start the new year with tests, scans, etc. It is my dearest hope that by the time my one-year anniversary comes around I have a clean bill of health.

A few folks have asked what I plan to do if I get that clean bill of health. Here is my answer in a nutshell:
1. Take some time to recover from the stress and chemo
2. Take wife on a cruise
3. Go back to the gym and become the man I was before this ordeal began
4. Finish my new CD
5. Continue this blog to focus on the recovery period
6. Continue working with newly-diagnosed patients

If things on my tests are bad, then this blog will continue on focusing on whatever new ordeal Life deals me. Remember...it's one day at a time and it's Life on Life's terms. What we cannot control we must learn to deal with as best we can without complaint. It's not the burdens we have to bear...it's how we bear our burdens. Those words are meaningless if we do not apply them every day no matter how good or bad Life is at that given time.

No day but today.

Round 11 Report

2006-11-08T16:49:00.000-05:00

Monday was my 11th infusion of chemotherapy. This one is proving to be a really tough one so far. It seems that it is trying to win this fight by a knockout, but I will not let that happen. I will not only go the distance, but I will win this whole fight.

So far it has been a lot of neuropathy and digestive system problems. The neuropathy has changed a bit as it now has more numbness and a "pinching" sensation as if someone were biting on your fingertips. The local weather is not helping things either. Each day it goes from cool and sunny to cold and rainy with a LOT of wind. Allergies are out of control all over this area.

Hopefully the symptoms of the chemo will gradually decrease so I am ready for the 12th and final round. It's going to be a tough battle but losing is not an option.

Dealing with cancer patients No. 1

2006-10-30T21:46:00.000-05:00

I want to start a new feature of this blog that gives some tips on things one should never do when speaking to someone with cancer. Due to a lot of insensitivity and basic cluelessness I feel that many can benefit from knowing some "Do-and-Dont" tips"

Tip No. 1: NEVER begin a sentence with the words "You should feel" or "You should be"! This is a MAJOR "no-no"! What the cancer patient hears is a non-patient telling him/her how he/she should feel. Unless you are a cancer patient or a survivor you have NO right to tell us how we should feel. Unless you have been in our shoes you have no idea how we feel, let alone be qualified to scold or correct us if we seem to feel anything less than euphoric!

I have been told "You should feel happy that it's not worse" and "You should be positive and stop talking so negative". Who the Hell are these people to tell me how I should feel? Many of us see our spouses, children and wonder just how much time we have left with them. Any anomoly on our bodies causes us panic because there is a possibility it could be a manifestation of cancer.

This also applies to saying "I know how you feel" or "I understand what you are going through". Again, unless you have been through it, you do NOT know a thing about it.

Round Ten: Midpoint

2006-10-29T17:49:00.000-05:00

Well, so far I am at the halfway point of Round Ten. The biggest pain has been the sinus infection that I have had for a week now. I still have not come down with a fever but I do have the gastrointestinal problems big time.

More than the physical discomfort, I have recently realized that I have some major anger issues with this whole ordeal. I thought that I was doing well with how I have been handling this whole mess but now I know that there is much more going on under the surface than I had known. I am not even sure I understand what it is that I am angry about, although I have a few ideas, but this anger has manifested itself into something resembling an alternate personality. I have this thing in my head that feeds into my anger and makes me crazy sometimes.

Anyway, this round is going along pretty smoothly. Hopefully the next two will go well too.

Round Ten Begins

2006-10-23T22:40:00.000-04:00

Today was the start of Round Ten of my chemotherapy. It has so far been a rough one as I have severe allergies aggravating my system in addition to the chemo. Certainly not pleasant.

November 20, 2006 is the date of my final infusion. Two more to go. While this in itself should be a great event, it is overshadowed by the pending results of the tests and PET scan I will have post-chemo. In a nutshell, this will tell us if I am "Cured" or if it is "Just a matter of time". Those results are the scariest part of the whole ordeal. Living a life that is hanging by a thread and sitting helplessly waiting to see if the thread breaks is no way to live for the long-term.

There was a family emergency today during my infusion that required my wife to pick up our oldest daughter and bring her to the hospital to bring me home. She got to see the Infusion Room and all that goes on behind the closed doors and curtains. It did not seem to bother her that much until it was all explained to her later. The nurses took a quick liking to her and they spent a lot of time talking with her and making a fuss over her. I think she enjoyed the attention almost as much as the nurses did. It was nice of them to do that as it reduced some of the edge of the reality of that place.

Many changes since my first entry on this blog: physical, emotional, mental, social, spiritual, etc. Strangers are now friends....some friends are now strangers....outlooks on Life and everything in it have changed....I would break into song here but that would annoy even me.

I will try my best to keep this blog updated as much as possible. Thanks for reading.

Be safe and be strong.

Round Nine Progress

2006-10-14T11:02:00.000-04:00

So far Round Nine has been a bit easier than the previous one. I have had some bad gastrointestinal problems and neuropathy but otherwise it's been manageable. One thing that is bothering me a lot is that I keep getting the taste of the saline they use to flush the port in my chest. The thought of it makes me so nauseous!

This morning I let my wife sleep late and I made breakfast for the kids. After a couple slices of coffee, I made my famous french toast (we call it "Tiger Toast" here) with eggs, milk, fruit, etc. After breakfast and cleanup they got dressed and then watched a movie. Mom got to sleep until 10:00 a.m. which has to be the first time in a long time since that hs happened.

Answering the Bell for Round Nine

2006-10-09T17:35:00.000-04:00

Today I went in for Round Nine of this twelve-round bout with chemotherapy. I feel stronger this time around and my blood levels were all normal today! This is the first time that has happened since I had my first pre-op CBC test! The fact that the levels are now normal is a good indicator that the chemo may be doing what it is supposed to. This discovery brings about some extreme emotional feelings that really cannot be described. Upon realizing this fact, about the blood levels, I was hit by a wave of deeply buried feelings that all came out in one large burst of tears (yes, I am crying right now).

I have never really said this on here but this fight has been so damned hard and scary. The feelings of fear, pain (physical and emotional), worry, doubt, depression, shame, sorrow, weakness, helplessness, worthlessness, despair...I could go on but I think the point has been established. I am still afraid of what results my PET scan will provide but I have a little more hope now than I did yesterday.

I thank, once again, all of the wonderful folks who have shown me such love and support since the beginning of this ordeal. It means so much more than words can say.

No fever so far this evening. At this same time two weeks ago I was up with a 102.6 degree fever, body aches, etc. Naturally I am not expecting an easy round by any means but so far this is going better than Round Eight.

Be well...be safe

Taking a break from the battle

2006-10-02T23:30:00.000-04:00

Each year our church hosts a fair and this past Saturday was the date of this year's event. It was so nice to be able to spend a day not being a "cancer patient". The fair had a petting zoo, pony rides, hay rides, vendors, games, etc. It was a great family outing. I would like to share with you a few pictures from that day. Sometimes it's nice to see the person instead of the patient.

My son Sky who loves donuts.

My oldest daughter Leah on a pony ride.

My youngest daughter Avy on a pony ride.

My personal favorite...Tiger and cub

Down but Not Out...

2006-09-27T18:00:00.000-04:00

First off, I apologize for the gap in between posts but I hope that after reading this updates you will all understand why there was one.

On Monday I went for Round Eight infusion. I started feeling a bit lousy throughout the infusion and by the time it was over I just wanted to sleep. I came home, had a sandwich then eventually stretched out on the bed and took about an hour to fall asleep. My body was hurting so bad (especially in my back) and my stomach started turning sour.

Two hours later I woke up and felt horrible. I had a temperature of 100.5F and absolutely NO appetite. I sat on the sofa for a while contemplating keeping a "chuck-bucket" close by just in case. Things kept getting worse so I lied down on the bed and spent some time with the kids before they went off to bed. My temperature kept rising, which has never happened to me before...it has never gone over 100.5F. Once the temperature hit 102.6F my wife called the oncologist who prescribed an antibiotic in the event that I may have some strange internal infection. So my wife ventured out late that night to pick up the pills while I just lied in bed in pure agony. I had taken some Tylenol then two Oxycodone pills for the pain.

Eventually I fell asleep around 9:00 p.m. I felt like everything was going in slow motion. Getting up to go to the bathroom was a nightmare between the extreme pain and the dizziness from the fever. I took two more Oxycodones for the pain and tried to sleep some more.

Around 4:00 a.m. I awoke in what felt like a swimming pool. Apparently the fever broke and I was sweating so badly that all of my pillows and sheet under me was dripping wet. I checked my temperature and it was back to it's normal 96.0F. I cleaned up a bit then fell back asleep.

I saw the doctor that day who said that it all sounds like it is chemo-related. Apparently the absorption rate and build-up of the Oxialiplatin is starting to catch up to me. I have not run a fever since that night but I have had some insomnia and severe other side effects.

This round the chemo is winning so far. This was the first time I've been knocked down since this began...but I got right back up and refuse to throw in the towel. I knew that this would be a fight and the further I get to going the distance, the tougher this fight gets.

The cancer is scared...it knows that I am out to kill it. Only one of us will walk away.

Quiet night with the kids

2006-09-20T22:09:00.000-04:00

Tonight was pretty good as I got to spend some "well"-time with my brats...err..kids. We watched some cartoons together and just chilled out for a while. Times like that are so rare and they never last long. Mostly because the kids cannot behave well for any period of time. Anyhow, here is a shot of my domestic scene. I look like Hell from some sleep depravation and the fact that I am lying on my back.

My oldest did her homework then joined the three of us on the sofa to watch some old Dexter's Laboratory cartoons. I'm not sure who enjoyed them more...the kids or me!