The Solace Blog

A Bad F***ing Day (Is An "Okay" Life Really Okay?)

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Wed, 29 Jun 2011 04:55:00 +0000

Ever have a bad day that is so f***ed up you just want to scream.....or cry.....or hit something.....or hit SOMEONE?

So here's the thing. We all have certain beliefs that we build our world on (and around). If we are lucky we build our belief systems on ideals and not people. People will disappoint you every time, just give them enough time.

I have been reading a lot on the topic of happiness and the law of attraction lately and have been trying to implement many tried and true aspects into my life. I have really been making lots of headway lately, then today -WHAM! Right to the head - something hit me like a ton of bricks. (No, I am not going to tell you what it was.....cuz then you would REALLY think I'm insane.)

You see, it doesn't take much to change my mood. The smallest thing will make me ecstatic, but then five minutes later a tiny, insignificant thing convinces me that life is not worth living.

I seriously think that lots of suicides happen because people who were destined for great lives instead end up with "okay" lives....and they know it.

I am not joking or trivializing suicide. I have been on the verge a few times and I know how peaceful it feels when you make the decision to do it. Suddenly, everything is right in your world. How f***ed up is that?

(My significant other is out of town right now - which is both good and bad. Nothing more to say about that.)

When you wake up and realize this is not the life you signed up for, not what you planned - what do you do? Is an "okay" life really okay?

When you have been numb for a long time, asleep even, and then one day you wake up - what do you do when things are set on a track headed for a scary place you don't want to go? ("Okay" is a scary place, in case you don't know.)

My personal belief is that all people are destined for greatness. I sincerely believe that every person is born with innate abilities and unending possibilities. I have seen some people overcome situations and succeed in life in ways that have proved it to me.

Here's the problem: We get off track. We make bad decisions. We end up living someone else's dream....which is fine, except it's not our dream.

It doesn't matter how good you've got it if it's not what you want. Life is not "One Size Fits All" and you are not ungrateful if you want something different. And no matter what some churches tell you, it IS okay for you want a fulfilling life. It's not selfish. You can't contribute to things and people outside yourself if you don't have anything inside yourself to give.

You should crave the companionship of a mate who makes you tingle from your head to your toes. You should always go after one more thing that will make you happy. Never take "no" for an answer, always turn it into a "yes" instead.

(I need to take my own advice more often.)

After all this rambling, you can understand why I feel the need to just CHANGE THINGS. I want to change the BIG things, but since I can't do that right now without disrupting the lives of MANY innocent people.....I guess I will continue to change the little things instead. All I can do is all I can do.

So I am sitting here tonight licking my wounds and wondering what kind of new curtains I might buy.

Good night, everyone.

Why I Need a Brain and Instructions On How To Use It

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Tue, 17 May 2011 15:10:00 +0000

Ever feel like your brain is SO screwed up that you wonder how you ever hold one coherent thought? Sometimes I actually wonder if my brain has stopped making some chemicals altogether.

I have done some of the stupidest things over the past eighteen months. There are days when my brain feels completely numb.....it feels like it's absent from my head. However, I continue to breathe and do other automatic tasks, so it must be awake and doing something up there.

You know, you read all these "self help" books and try to increase the productivity of your brain (and specifically your thoughts). Or at least I do. Then you try to implement all these foreign thought patterns that will change your life. When you think about it, these really are instructions on how to use your brain. It trains you how to think, and not think as well.

What my brain needs is a good rest. I was watching a show on television last night about how young people who leave their Amish community usually miss many aspects of their old lives. One guy was saying that he missed the slower pace and the quiet, peaceful evenings.

I have never had a life that slow or laid back, but I'm sure I could use a few of those evenings myself. I think we all could.

Meditation is the key to making your mind shut up and leave you alone. I am getting better at it, but it is quite difficult for me. I actually think my mind is louder, busier, and more obnoxious that most people's. I just can't make it be quiet.

Anyway, I am going to see Train tonight, so that will give my brain a surge of happiness.

John Rzeznik Is On Live From Daryl's House

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Tue, 17 May 2011 13:57:00 +0000

I am a huge fan of Live From Daryl's House anyway, but when he had John Rzeznik on his show it sealed the deal for me. If you are not a fan of his, then you don't know what you are missing. As front man for the Goo Goo Dolls, he is the most talented songwriter and performer I've ever seen. Check out the complete episode here.

There's also a great episode with Train on there (who I happen to have tickets to see tonight). Hope you enjoy these as much as I do!

The Sweetest Lie (All Relationships Have One)

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Sun, 27 Mar 2011 22:24:00 +0000

Took my husband to the airport this morning so he could fly off to another country and make us some more money. He enjoys making us money, though not flying to other countries so much.

It's his job, you see. To take care of the kids and me. And it makes his chest swell out really big when he thinks he is doing it well. It makes him feel needed as well as productive.

I often make the joke that he is good for more than just changing light bulbs and killing spiders. He laughs too, but not as hard as me.

He supports my various interests, which right now happens to be internet marketing. So I really can't complain. I stay home with the kids (some days I DO complain about that), and he let's me run with whatever tickles my fancy.

However, part of this stems from the fact that fresh out of college I turned down the various offers of headhunters who wanted to place me with several different companies in other states. Moving was not a possibility as far as my husband was concerned because he was HAPPY with HIS JOB. Discussion closed.

Jobs in my field were hard to come by in the area where we live, so guess who had to look for jobs in other fields? After trying several fields that just didn't do it for me, I finally went back to school and got a graduate degree in yet another field that I didn't really enjoy either. Turns out he had some opinions about what I did down that path as well.......

He also had opinions about the town we lived in, the church we went to, the piece of property he was willing to live on.........and since he had such difficulty with change I tried to be unselfish about things.

Now, am I blaming him? Yes and no. I allowed my decisions to be made for me, and I allowed him the power to make me feel guilty if I didn't go along. (I have spent my whole adult life trying NOT to be the wicked witch that is my mother.)

(Uh, my mother.....)

So while he tries to pretend that he showers me in decadence by catering to my every whim, we both know the truth.

Hubby has been a naughty, selfish boy. And now he's trying to make himself feel better about it.

I titled this post "The Sweetest Lie" partly because that's what this is all about - the lie we both know exists. And because it's the name of a Goo Goo Dolls song that I love.

But in the end, I stay home with my kids, I have a new house, I drive a nice car.....I guess being fulfilled with my work is just too much to ask for on top of everything else.

However, I am really digging the internet marketing these days. It has turned into a huge challege, and I am up for that challenge. The learning curve is quite steep, and I am mostly self-taught. I probably would not be doing this if I had some high-profile job that I originally craved right out of college.

So I should thank him for being so selfish, right?

Habitual Liars (And What You Can Get Away With If You Are Pretty)

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Tue, 08 Mar 2011 21:12:00 +0000

There are these people out there in the world who apparently think that lying is okay. In fact, some of them appear to think it is a sport, and a competitive one at that.

You know the people I am talking about. They will look you straight in the eye and tell you a lie for absolutely no reason other than the thrill of it. Then they will spin another lie to back up the first one.

One of my friends was just telling me earlier today about problems with her boyfriend who is a habitual liar. Living with someone like that just tires you out after a while. It takes a lot of energy to navigate the waves of lies.

My first husband was a real dandy. If there had been an Olympic competition for lying he would have won it hands down. The best part was that his mom was in complete denial of his problem. Oh, she knew what a liar he was but frequently spouted that "He doesn't lie to his mama!" with so much conviction that she must have believed it on some level. I would just smile cuz whatever lie he had told her five minutes before was usually a good one.

The other thing is that liars always want someone to back up their story. My ex would constantly put me on the spot by asking me to back up his wild stories. It was very difficult for me since I have never made a habit of lying and had to find many creative ways of wiggling out of those situations.

By the time we were ready for a divorce his lying was to the point of being laughably ridiculous. He couldn't honestly think ANYONE believed those stories! But he kept spinning them.

I have often wondered about the pitiful girls who got him after me and what they probably had to put up with. But they probably did it with a smile.....he does look like a Greek god, after all. At least he DID. I haven't seen him or spoken to him in years. Hmm...wonder if he still looks that pretty (and if girls are still putting up with his crap).

People always forgave him because they wanted to be his friend. I also forgave him for years because I wanted to be his wife, despite the fact I couldn't believe a word that ever came out of his mouth.

I believe it's true that pretty people get further in life because people "like" them better and are attracted to them on many different levels (not just romantic).

I personally like to put my head on a pillow at night with a clear conscious. But that's just me.

How To Have a Happier Marriage - My Take On It

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Tue, 01 Mar 2011 18:17:00 +0000

I have my own take on marriage that's probably not that popular. Well, at least I am DEVELOPING a different view.

This is a fact: The mate you pick at twenty is not usually the person you would pick at thirty - or forty. It continues to change as you you get older. Maturity and knowledge play a lot into it, along with changing interests.

Stop for just a minute and ask yourself -Am I happy with the partner I have right now? Be honest. Don't tell yourself a lie so you will feel good about your life...that's counterproductive.

In between my two marriages I dated several different guys. None of them were "the one" but I enjoyed the variety. I had always gone from one heavy relationship to another, so just enjoying the moment was great for a while.

What am I trying to say here? Well, marriage is a scary proposition. You are supposed to commit to it forever, but forever is a mighty long time. Are there people who can be happy with each other for fifty years? Apparently so, at least they claim to be.

Ever heard of serial monogamy? It's where you are exclusive, but not together forever. You don't even plan to stay together forever necessarily, but you are totally exclusive and monogamous while you are together. Then you will probably go be monogamous with someone else when your current relationship has run its course. Hmm....

While this might sound good on the surface, society would completely fall apart if this was how everyone operated. Plus, there would be a whole generation of children with severe insecurity issues. I can't even imagine the implications of that a few generations down the road.

So how DO you have a happier marriage? You make the decision to be happy everyday, so matter what your situation might be. Then you treat your mate as well as you want to be treated. Try to be as honest as you can without telling your mate things to would hurt them for no good reason. I personally believe that it's okay to have a few secrets from your mate. Sometimes it is even healthier.

I know people who have cleared their conscious about affairs that happened ten or twenty years before only to crumble their spouse's world. I believe that is sort of selfish at that point (especially after that much time). But that's just my personal opinion....not everyone will agree with that.

So here's my advice: Be thankful for at least one thing everyday. Then be thankful for one thing about your spouse each day. It will make a huge difference over time.

And be your own person.

Life Looking Through a Different Window

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Mon, 28 Feb 2011 16:41:00 +0000

A few months ago I had a strange dream. Now, I dream all the time and it's usually really weird dreams. You know me. Psychologists say that everyone dreams, but some people don't remember their dreams. That sounds about right. It's a matter of how in touch you are with yourself.

Anyway, here is my strange dream. In my laundry room there is a transom window up really high that you can't see out of. It is there simply to let light in. So in my dream I was sitting/hovering (not sure which) up really high in the air and I could see out of that window. When I looked out I was amazed at how different everything looked. Nothing ever looked like that when peering out any other window in the house. Everything was so beautiful now!

Well, it doesn't take a Ph.D. to figure out the meaning behind this dream. I was seeing life from a different perspective and it looked better that way.

I have been doing all this soul searching and introspective stuff lately, and I must say that my life IS getting better. Lots of hindrances have been eliminated in my life because I CHOSE to eliminate them.

Control, people. That's what it's all about. We all have more control over our lives than we think. If you are deeply religious, then your church doctrine may teach that you have no control over your life at all. God controls everything. I bought into that for a long time, but I don't believe it anymore. I believe that we are given choices (and many more than most people think.) And unlike most people I know, I don't believe you are going to hell for exercising control over your own life.

That's my opinion. People should not sit back and take whatever comes at them. Everyone should be proactive, no reactive. Stage your own life, don't let it stage you.

You want something good to happen in your life? Then go out and MAKE it happen. God will not smite you!

Why a Firm Backside Is So Important In LIfe

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Thu, 24 Feb 2011 15:54:00 +0000

This morning I got in the shower as usual, and the most curious thing happened. As I was washing I discovered that my backside was firmer! Then I realized my legs were firmer too! Holy cow! I was excited! All those hours on the treadmill and Total Gym are finally paying off!

I called my husband at work to tell him how happy I was about my ass. He said, "Well, that makes two of us." (I can always count on him for support.)

This brings me to a crucial important point. Body image is very important to everyone, even those who are too high and mighty to admit it. Why? Besides the psychological components, it also signifies that I am in control of my body. I control my life, it doesn't control me. I take charge and get things done.

I have to say I had a better than average body until the birth of my kids. That's why I think it is such a slap in the face to women that bringing a life into the world brings on all these horrible, scary changes.

You do a beautiful thing by bringing a life into this world, and this is what you get for it. Things never go back where they were to begin with. And if you opt for surgery to put things back, you get a new set of potential problems. Any surgical procedure has potential hazards.

I actually expanded in areas that had nothing to do with carrying or protecting the little critters. What's worse is those areas are not gone even though my kids are way past the baby stage. I lose weight, but those areas hang on to me for dear life. What the hell?

You know, it's really hard to be a sex kitten when your body will not cooperate with you. Men have it easy, their contribution is fun and short lived. Ours goes on until we die (at least the after effects) and giving birth is painful to the degree that most guys probably couldn't even take it.

Lots of women say that you quickly forget the pain of childbirth. That is the biggest bunch of bull I have ever heard. I remember every ounce of that pain! I literally wanted someone to hit me in the head hard enough to knock me unconscious.

I really can't understand those people who just keep having more and more kids. What kind of body do those poor women have at this point? SCARY. That's what.

I waited until I was older to have my kids and I am thankful every day for that decision. These teenage moms ruin their bodies very early in life and have all those years to live with the consequences.

But I am determined to have my body back. I will go as far as I can with it, then I will let the doctors take care of the rest. Luckily, I have a husband who supports my decisions. By that I mean he is willing to pay for it - after all it is for his enjoyment as much as mine, right?

So, you see, it is very important that I have a firm backside. I am just vain enough that it matters to me. Actually, I am becoming more vain as I get older. I know that's the opposite of how it's supposed to be, but I have never been accused of being normal. If you have read any of my other posts, then you know that.

That's enough for today. Got to get back to blogs that actually bring in some money (and to watching John Rzeznik). Wishing everyone a firm backside......

The Curious & Foreign Feeling of Happiness

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Thu, 17 Feb 2011 22:49:00 +0000

How do you like the happy little tree pic? Pretty groovy, huh?

The other day I was tinkering around the house and thinking about a long list of things, when suddenly it occurred to me that I was sort of happy. It caught me completely off guard, and I really wasn't prepared for the consequences of it at all.

I mean, if I'm going to be one of those "happy people", then will I have to let go of all my moodiness and bad attitude? I don't think I could function with that, really. I always climb into my bubble as a defense mechanism, so if my bubble suddenly had a hole in it....well, let's just say I would be happy no more. So maybe it would become a vicious cycle? (I really am not on drugs, it just sounds like it.)

See, I have always been one of those people who believed that happiness was fleeting, brief and only came in small doses. My parents taught me that, but also added the theory that anytime your life is going well you should be waiting for something bad to happen - because it always does. (Thanks, Mom and Dad!)

It has taken me many years (I won't say how many) to unlearn many of the untruths they taught me. In this day and age we all know your life is what you create, not what is handed to you. Well, we all know it intellectually, some most of us have not taken it to heart.

So my feeling of happiness was curious and foreign to me because its almost seemed to sneek up on me. But since I know how the law of attraction works, I am well aware of the fact that I brought this happiness on myself. So there's no one to blame but myself.

Although happiness is not a "thing" it is still something you can reach out and grab. You can nurture it and make it grow, just like a tree (hence the happy tree pic). Every day we all get out of bed and make the decision, either consciously or unconsciously, to be happy or not. We do it EVERY SINGLE DAY of our lives.

What's your decision today?

Plastic Surgery - Foolishly Vain or Modern Technological Marvel?

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Thu, 17 Feb 2011 05:12:00 +0000

When I was slighly younger I used to believe I could grow old gracefully, but now it appears that I was wrong. So very, very wrong! I am kicking and screaming! And there's nothing graceful about that - or ladylike for that matter.

I have been considering a few procedures that would help me fight nature for a little while longer, and I cannot help but ponder just how vain that makes me. Yes, it is partly about control. I want control of my life and my body, so it annoys me when outside influences interfere.

So back to being vain - Is plastic surgery a vain overindulgence or is it just being a girl in 21st century? I mean, think about it - there was a time when shaving your legs was over the top or even wearing make up. So I am not so sure that going under the knife is so wrong. Maybe it's just taking advantage of modern technology. Afterall, this is the only body we will ever have.

We live in an age of change. Sometime the changes come at us so quickly that we have trouble keeping up, but I am determined to roll with the tide and take advantage of a few small nips and tucks.

Yes, I will definitely do that - sometime in the future. Okay, so maybe I just like knowing it's an option. It's out there in the distance, just waiting for the time that I am READY for it.

So until then, I will be daydreaming about all the wonderful things that can be done to improve my exterior.

Why Wanting To Throw Up Will Make You Successful (Plus 10,000 Hours)

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Wed, 16 Feb 2011 04:19:00 +0000

You know, I have several blogs, but I am finding this is my favorite one. It's probably because it is about a whole lot of nothing, and I can say whatever the blankety-blank I want to say. It's a beautiful thing, for me anyway.

So I was roaming around on Twitter and found this audio clip of John Rzeznik during an interview where he was talking about putting in his 10,000 hours. (In order to be truly good at something, an expert, you must put in at least 10,000 hours working and practicing at it.) That got me to thinking about the concept in general. Then I tweeted about it. Then I decided to crank out a whole post about it. My brain works that way - I sort of fixate on one thing at a time.

It made me sort of wonder about the difference between innate talent (the kind you are born with) versus the kind that you develop (10,000 hours of work). Wasn't it Michael Jordan who didn't make the high school basketball team, but then practiced really hard to make it the next time? Most people comment on his talent, and he definitely has some. But maybe the hard work weighs more on his success than the seed of talent he was born with.

Having a background in psychology, I am fascinated by these questions. Just think, you and I could be experts in ANYTHING! Now, I know there are some practical realities here. A person who is paralyzed from the waist down cannot become an Olympic track runner. That's obvious.

But I think people often sell themselves short. I picked this up in some reading a while back, don't remember where, but basically it states: If your dreams don't make you want to throw up, then they are not big enough.

I personally like that philosophy. It keeps you on your toes and doesn't let you waste your life. You will never achieve anything that is not first a goal. Wouldn't it really piss you off to be a car mechanic all your life and then find out that you could have been a race car driver?

So set your dreams high (and start your 10,000 hours today)!

Why I Hate Working With Irrational, Manipulative Women

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Tue, 15 Feb 2011 15:37:00 +0000

Yes, I am a girl. If you have read any of my other posts, then you already know this. But just because I am of the female persuasion does not mean I am like the "normal" ones.

Luckily, I no longer have a workplace to go to. I have other money-making endeavors on the Internet, so I work from home. But back in the day I had regular jobs, and I have to say the worst ones were usually those with the most women on the staff. You could almost see the sparkle in their eyes while they stirred up trouble!

I have no tolerance for workplace drama, clicks, gossip, or anything related to that. I think it is childish and aggravating. I can totally understand why women have gotten such a bad reputation. It is also obvious why so many guys think all girls are irrational and unreasonable. Some girls are just plain troublemakers and need their mouths duct taped shut.

My own mother used to get up in my father's face and push every button he had. She would say, "hit me, go ahead and hit me". He never did, in front of me at least, although I think he popped her a couple times when I wasn't around.

Now, I am not advocating hitting women, so don't think that I am. But she was plain evil to live with, for him and for me, and she was asking for it. I never knew how he managed so much restraint in front of me. He actually pulled his hand back a few times, then he looked over at me and put it down again.

She was so irrational and mean that there were times I actually wished he WOULD hit her. I thought maybe the tide of power would shift and he would get her under control. I daydreamed about what it would be like to live in a calm, happy home. But once again I digress......

My husband says I am a lot like a man is some ways (the good ways though). Since I am against these ridiculous behaviors, I do not engage in any of them. I am very direct. If I am upset with him, believe me, he knows it. And he also knows why because I do not play games in any way.

Even crying gets to me. There a a few exceptions to this rule with a very small number of close friends. But for the most part, if someone starts crying I want out of the room immediately. I just can't handle it and I don't want to comfort anyone through that. There are people who DO want to, so I always let them.

This might have to do with the fact that I come from a family of criers. They cry about everything all the time. Family funerals are an absolute nightmare for me because of all the loud, hysterical bawling. Gives me shivers just thinking about it.

You have probably figured out that I am not a crier either. It takes a whole lot to make me cry. If I am bent about something, I try to channel the energy into something constructive. (Like creating a blog where I rant and rave about everything!)

Since I no longer have a real job, it makes it easier to avoid these trouble-making women. However, life is life and you can't always avoid them completely. When I get in the presence of one, I usually go the other way if possible. You know, keep them at arm length.

Boy, I DO sound like a guy, don't I?

How Duct Tape Can Make the World a Nicer Place (And Help the Economy)

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Mon, 14 Feb 2011 22:43:00 +0000

Why are people so ridiculously mean and nasty? I must state the obvious - you get what you give people. If someone is putting out loads of hatefullness everyday, that's exactly what they will get back in life.

There are two types of mean, snotty people - those who keep the meanness to themselves and those who have to project their nastiness out to other people. (Misery loves company, you know.)

The seems the crankiest people are usually the most selfish and judgemental. I sometimes want to just ask people, "Why are you so pissed?" (I think it used to be directly related to girdles, but who wears those anymore?)

Everyone has lost dreams and deep dark secrets, and no one can know what they may harbor in their head and heart. That is completely understandable. What really gets me is when people are snotty to those who are TRYING to be nice to them. If I meet you on the street, I am in no way respsonsible for the fact that you hate your wife. So please go home and take it out on her, not me.

Now, I am generally not a mean person to begin with, but when I do feel hateful I go into my little bubble and stay there until I am fit for human interaction again. I know when to shut the hell up and he knows when to get out of my face. It's a beautiful thing when things work in harmony like that.

I have some family members (and some acquaintances, I wouldn't call them friends) who like to push their miserable constitutions onto EVERYONE around them. In fact, I have very limited contact with certain members of my family because they are always so negative.

Ever hear someone make a comment and wonder if they meant more by it? Well, in my family they DID mean that plus much more that you probably didn't even catch. They have brought slurs and degradation to an art form.

Just today a person I know stormed out and caused a scene in a public place. Now, I know it is Valentine's Day and people frequently get depressed on holidays, but there's also some consideration for those around you. Don't be so selfish. That's what's wrong with this world now - too many selfish people.

If you are having a bad day, then try not to make it EVERYONE ELSE'S bad day.

So this is why I think everyone should carry around a big roll of duct tape. Every time someone says something that's mean and nasty, we should just duct tape their mouth shut. Eventually, they will learn to keep their mouths closed if they don't have something nice to say.

So when you really think about it, duct tape could easily make the world a nicer place. Using all this extra duct tape (cause we would need A LOT) would also increase production of duct tape and create new jobs. It would be good for the economy. See? This is a win/win situation for everyone.

My Gift To You For Valentine's Day

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Mon, 14 Feb 2011 15:28:00 +0000

I personally can't think any of better gift for anyone than the Goo Goo Dolls. So with that in mind, here's one of their older songs live. This is one of my all time favorites. The words are incredible. Hope you enjoy it. Happy Love Day!

Why I Am Becoming One of Those Ridiculous Liberals That I Hate (Again)!

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Fri, 11 Feb 2011 19:19:00 +0000

While I was writing my last post a few minutes ago, I started thinking about this and couldn't get it off my mind.

When I was younger I was quite liberal in my views. If the things someone else did had no negative impact on me, then I was completely unconcerned with their actions. "Live and let live" was my motto. It worked well for me, much to the horror of my family. They were scared to death that my bi-sexual roommate was going to convert me. Believe me, she tried.

However, as I got older I started to become quite conservative. I even passed up my parents and went to the opposite extreme. I was never mean to anyone who disagreed with my views, but I definitely thought they were wrong and I was right. Self-righteious, I know.

Then in the last year or so the most amazing thing has happened. I have started leaning to the liberal side again.

What has caused this huge change in my point of view? Well, for one thing I have been wrestling with many religious issues for some time now and can't seem to find answers that fit. Religion was the biggest catalyst that caused me to become so conservative and rigid in the first place (plus getting older and having kids). Also, a gay family member killed himself recently. The burden of being "abnormal" just became too much to deal with.

What we all want is for the world to be a better place - for our kids, and even for ourselves while we are in it. I am starting to believe that God is not as strict and mean as people want to pretend. I know it doesn't say that in the Bible, but there are so many contradictory things in the Bible that it becomes a moot point.

As for myself, if I hadn't been raised in church I would most likely be an athiest right now. My struggle for answers has been long and tedious.

However, I can't let go of the fact that we came from somewhere and everything must have a beginning. We all know about the Big Bang Theory, but my theory is that someone had to cause the Bang. But I digress.....

I remember liking Joy Behar when she did a column in one of the ladies' magazines a few years ago. Then I saw her on The View and I immediately detested her. My opinion was that people like her were the reason this country was going downhill. I could not stand to listen to anyone spout the things she was saying.

But here I am today.....becoming liberal once again. I doubt I will ever become an extreme liberal, or that I will agree with a lot of what Joy Behar says. But I am here and ever evolving, and that's what counts.

The one big message in the Bible is that we should all love each other, but that's pretty hard to do when you are so busy judging all the time, don't you think?

Friday Words of Wisdom - The End of Self Monitoring

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Fri, 11 Feb 2011 18:45:00 +0000

It's Friday again, and I am feeling quite introspective. I have come to realize that there must be something about Fridays that does it for me. All these epiphanies seem to show up and I do some of my best writing on my other blogs on these days.

Anyway, I decided I would share some words of wisdom today. So here goes....

There are two types of people - those who self-monitor and those who don't. Here's what that means. Some people change their behavior according to the people they are around. Those people self-monitor. It might be slight changes, it doesn't have to be total changes in personality. It is a sort of alteration used to fit in better, although it is usually done on a very basic unconscious level.

On the other hand, there are those who don't change their behavior even one little slight bit. They do no self-monitor at all. Research has shown these people are happier than those of us (yes, even me in the past) that unconsciously "go with the crowd" in a matter of speaking. Society says we should act certain ways, so we try to fulfill those "obligations" the best way that we can.

So what's my point?

Everyone wears masks, right? There is not one person on this planet who doesn't have secrets and a feel a few things that we wouldn't say out loud to anyone. We hide behind a variety of masks: husband, church member, parent, co-worker. We do all the things that are expected of us - and that's not necessarily a bad thing to a certain degree. After all, someone has to bring home money and feed the kids.

But here's what I am getting at: Stop trying to behave in ways that are "acceptable" to other people. Be yourself and say, **** off to anyone who doesn't like it. (In your head, of course, I don't want you in a fight.) It's a lot easier than you probably think. Just give yourself permission not to care what other people think.

To quote John Rzeznik once again:

Nothing is real
It's all what you believe

No truer words have ever been spoken.

Come to think of it, most of my introspective moods probably come from listening to the Goo Goo Dolls. John Rzeznik is a great philosopher, you know.

That's enough babble for now. Peace out.

Is It So Wrong To Have a Bad Attitude?

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Thu, 10 Feb 2011 21:49:00 +0000

Do you ever get in a bad, horrible, I-don't-give-a-damn mood? Come on, don't lie. Tell the truth (we will discuss whether it's wrong to lie in another post).

Society says we are all supposed to be upbeat and happy all the time and roll with whatever comes our way. And we have a "bad attitude" if we do not meet that criteria, but really the only thing I can see wrong with it is pushing your bad mood onto someone else, right?

As for me, I usually go into my little bubble when I am feeling negative (and/or mean) so I don't really bother anyone else. And the people who would complain about me being so quiet and distant are the ones who can't be pleased no matter what you do.

When I married my husband I woke up mad at the world basically every morning. I had done that every day for years. That was just me. I like everthing and everyone better after I had been up for awhile. My husband, on the other hand, was pertetually happy. EVERY SECOND OF EVERY DAY! It was so annoying it made me want to scream! That just added to my bad mood, of course. The only thing worse than waking up in a bad mood is having someone in a good mood up in your face.

So what I am trying to say really is that I enjoy my bad moods sometimes. It allows me some space from other people, which I enjoy immensely. And although I do not purposefully pick arguements with my husband, I sometimes enjoy the distance and lack of expectations that comes afterward. I know, you are thinking that I am a real witch right about now, but after a few years of trying to be the "perfect" wife and mother I finally just decided to be human. I gave myself permission to do that. And I am giving you permission right now too, if you need it.

I finally understand that thing about responsibility crushing you. I am there.

If you want to discuss faults, then I can point out more about myself than anyone else. If we are truthful, all of us really can because we all have things in our heads that we would never say out loud - not even to our best friends. There is a bad attitude deep down inside all of us, just waiting to get out. And I think it is unhealthy to hold it all in, like anger. In fact, anger and bad attitudes are completely interrelated. You can have one without the other, but not for long.

So if you have a bad attitude, you are not alone. I am right here rooting for you. If you have any words of wisdom, please share them below. I think we could all use them.

Okay, enough ranting for one day. I could actually go on for pages, but I will spare you the drama.

Attraction

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Fri, 04 Feb 2011 18:18:00 +0000

I was in another one of my introspective moods this morning and started contemplating attraction. What makes one person feel attraction for another? I don't just mean sexual attraction, but every type of attraction that exists.

What attracts you to your best friend? Your mate? I have had several instances where I was deeply attracted to a male intellectually, but not physically at all. I wanted to be around them, but only to talk to them. Some people think that men and women can't be "just friends" without complications, but I don't agree. At least I know that I can be, maybe some people can't.

There are subconscious things going on in our brains every second of our lives that dictate who we are pulled toward. The mindset you have will bring people to you or help push them away. If you think people cannot be trusted, then you will attract people to you who are not trustworthy to validate your own preconceived notion.

When it comes to sexual attraction, there's another whole set of criteria to add to it. Things such as pheromones come into play.

But what about feeling attraction for people you don't even know? Have ever seen a person on television that you felt instant attraction for even though you had never even met them? If you stop and think about it, that is really weird. Why would you want someone you don't even know?

Well, your brain takes the information you have about them (how they look, act on television, talents that are obvious), then it fills in the blanks on the information you don't have. You might imagine things they like to do or the kind of character they might have.

(This is also how stalkers develop "crushes" on their targets, but that's another post.)

Or, if you are a guy, you simply give them a once over and make your decision based solely on how they look. Can't really get mad at guys for that though since that's the way they are wired.

There are exceptions to that rule. Last night we watched the movie "It's Complicated" and I laughed myself silly. But the interesting part was that the guy had a young, super attractive wife, but he still preferred his ex-wife because she had a comforting quality for him.

In the end attraction has a lot to do with comfort zone, as all things in life. We are attracted to things that feel "normal" and within our set of values. This is one reason that most abused women come from childhood homes with lots of abuse. They are used to it, so it feels comfortable.

There's a saying that if you look at your ten best friends and average their income, then you will get your approximate income right now. That is true in most cases. It's the Law of Attraction at its finest.

The next time you feel any type of attraction toward any person, take a minute to sort out the reasons why. If you can figure that out, then you have taken a big step toward figuring out yourself.

Choices

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Thu, 03 Feb 2011 16:20:00 +0000

So I want to talk today about choices. It seems so that some of our most important choices in life must be made when we are young and immature.

Choices are those horrible little things that can make or break your whole entire life. In just one tiny second, you change the course of your life in ways that can be glorious or down right scary.

When we are young whippersnappers (don't you just love that word?), most of us don't really know who we are yet. So when we have to pick career paths and spouses, we are almost stabbing in the dark at times.

Think about this: Most people would not marry the same person at age 35 that they would marry at age 25. It just gets worse by the decade. And why do you think so many older people are going back to college to change career fields?

It is rampant. I believe one of the biggest reasons that people fall into the pit of the "mid-life" crisis is because they made bad choices early in life. Suddenly, they realize their life is half over and they have not lived in a way that was fulfilling for them. Then they are afraid to spend the rest of their life in the exact same way.

So here's the really bad thing about it. I know several people who are younger than me and just starting out in life. I have offered my advice on making solid choices whenever people have consulted me, but it never seems to do any good. I try to put my best spin on it, try to make them see things from a different perspective. But to no avail.

It seems humankind is doomed to repeat the same mistakes over and over in every single generation.

I remember when I was younger and had the same outlook on life as any other teenager. I was invincible, nothing bad would ever happen to me, I would never get old, and I my life would miraculously fold out before me and it would be magnificent.

Reality check: husband, kids, and mortgage. School, soccer practice, and PTO.

Nice, huh?

It's the American Dream, and we are all living it. And we will continue to do it, even if it sucks the life out of us, because we must.

Running.....

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Wed, 02 Feb 2011 05:50:00 +0000

Ever wish you could just run...as fast and as far as you could possibly go?

I know when life gives you lemons you are supposed to make lemonade....but what do you do when you are tired of lemonade? Eventually, too much of anything will choke you.

So what would happen if you really just ran? If you got up and just did it? It makes me think about that movie called "The Hours" that came out several years ago. Julieanne Moore (did I spell her name right?) played a woman who couldn't take her life and made a decision not to kill herself, but to leave her husband and child to start a new life without them. The movie shows the outcome of decision in the life of her grown son and the issues he has (supposedly) because of her actions.

John Rzeznik says it all:

They painted up your secrets
With the lies they told to you
And the least they ever gave you
Is the most you ever knew

And I wonder where these dreams go
When the world gets in your way
What's the point in all this screaming
No one's listening anyway

So what should she have done? Stay there so everyone else could be happy? Should it be right for her to be the only one who didn't get to have what they wanted (and needed) in life? When you choose to have children, your right to happiness comes after theirs. That's just how it is. It comes with the decision to have kids. But not all people make their children a priority.

Responsibility is four letter word disguised as something "mature". Marriage, mortgages, extended family, community commitments etc. are all things that can add up until they smother the life out of you. Sometimes I would like to go back to the time when someone else cooked the meals and washed the clothes. You truly don't know how good you have it when you are little. You are too busy trying to grow up. Always running....

Julieanne Moore's character was running from all those things and maybe more. There was a scene where she was trying to bake a birthday cake and it was just more than she could handle. Some days I can relate to that - sad to say.

There are so many unanswered questions out there. Sometimes I think there are even more unanswered questions in here (my head). But what do you do when your life has taken a direction that is unfulfilling?

Suck it up and smile?

Why Slobs Are Smarter Than Me (What I Learned From Raking Leaves)

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Sat, 29 Jan 2011 19:49:00 +0000

Ever Get Tired Of Doing the Same Monotonous Things Over and Over Again?

I was just outside enjoying some nice sunshine and fairly warm weather for a change. It was pleasant out and I could hear the birds singing. But there was just one problem. I was raking leaves, and I HATE raking leaves because we live in the middle of the woods and the leaves ALWAYS come back....with a vengence.

So why do I even bother? Who knows. Because I am a good citizen, I guess. Or a good homeowner, neighbor, wife, mother....take your pick.

While I was grumbling under my breath, I relfected on how I hate doing the same things over and over again. I like to see results, being the A type personality that I am, so doing things that you only have to do once appeals to me.

For instance, I like to rearrange the furniture. I move it....it stays there. Cleaning the house, on the other hand - I do it because, again, my A type personality requires that things are tidy - but I hate it. I know I will have to make the beds, do the laundry and everything else again tomorrow.

I have decided that people with those scary looking houses are smarter than me. For example, they NEVER make the beds and are perfectly happy with it. So if they have three beds in their house they are probably saving about 20 minutes per day. So that would make about two hours and 20 minutes each week that they have to do other things.

I would LOVE to have an extra two hours and 20 minutes each week! Who wouldn't?

And that's just talking about the beds. Think of all the other tasks that could be cut out each week! I could literally gain HOURS each week!!!

That's it.....I am becoming a slob. Starting today. I'll let you know how it goes.

Why Little Boys Need Parents

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Fri, 28 Jan 2011 18:22:00 +0000

Okay, I just found this and it's even funnier than the last post. It has actual pictures! Enjoy!

Why Little Boys Need Parents

Funny Things Boys Do

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Fri, 28 Jan 2011 18:15:00 +0000

I saw this and thought it was too funny not to pass on. Here's the link to the site where it originated:

Adrian's Crazy Life - Funny Things Boys Do

Here's another funny from my friend Carol.

You find out interesting things when you have sons, like...

1.) A king size waterbed holds enough water to fill a 2000 sq. ft. house 4 inches deep.

2.) If you spray hair spray on dust bunnies and run over them with roller blades, they can ignite.

3.) A 3-year old boy's voice is louder than 200 adults in a crowded restaurant.

4.) If you hook a dog leash over a ceiling fan, the motor is not strong enough to rotate a 42-pound boy wearing Batman underwear and a Superman cape. It is strong enough, however, if tied to a paint can, to spread paint on all four walls of a 20x20 ft. room.

5.) You should not throw baseballs up when the ceiling fan is on. When using a ceiling fan as a bat, you have to throw the ball up a few times before you get a hit. A ceiling fan can hit a baseball a long way.

6.) The glass in windows (even double-pane) doesn't stop a baseball hit by a ceiling fan.

7.) When you hear the toilet flush and the words 'uh oh,' it's already too late.

8.) Brake fluid mixed with Clorox makes smoke, and lots of it.

9.) A six-year old boy can start a fire with a flint rock even though a 36-year old man says they can only do it in the movies.

10.) Certain Legos will pass through the digestive tract of a 4-year-old boy.

11.) Play Dough and microwave should not be used in the same sentence.

12.) Super glue is forever.

13.) No matter how much Jell-O you put in a swimming pool, you still can't walk on water.

14.) Pool filters do not like Jell-O.

15.) VCR's do not eject 'PB & J' sandwiches even though TV commercials show they do.

16.) Garbage bags do not make good parachutes.

17.) Marbles in gas tanks make lots of noise when driving.

18.) You probably DO NOT want to know what that odor is.

19.) Always look in the oven before you turn it on; plastic toys do not like ovens.

20.) The fire department in Austin, TX has a 5-minute response time.

21.) The spin cycle on the washing machine does not make earthworms dizzy.

22.) It will, however, make cats dizzy.

23.) Cats throw up twice their body weight when dizzy.

24.) 80% of women will pass this on to almost all of their friends, with or without kids.

25.) 80% of men who read this will try mixing the Clorox and brake fluid.

Life Changing Day (With John Assaraf)

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Thu, 27 Jan 2011 17:19:00 +0000

So I am a huge fan of John Assaraf and think he is a huge inspiration. Right now I am reading The Answer, which turned out to be a great book for your whole life, not just your business. I find that reading his books keeps me focused and feeling like I have some control of my life. There are several other authors I use to help me stay positive (although you can't tell it by reading this blog) but John Assaraf seems to work best for me.

I like the way he mixes the spiritual aspect in with the science and practical application of information. He is on my list of people I want to meet in this life. I would love to have one long, uninterrupted conversation with him. The way he turned his own life around is so interesting for me. The power of the mind is incredible.

Thoughts are things, you know. And all things start with thoughts. So today is my life changing day because I have decided that it is. That thought is all I need to set it in motion.....

If you want to check out the book too, here it is.

If you are not interested in the book with quite so much business-related information, then I would recommend Having It All. I am reading this book for the sixth time right now. (I always read multiple books at the same time.)

Being an only child, I am used to having lots of time by myself. However, now that I have a husband and two kids I have next to no time alone and it has affected me in a profound way. I have always been the typical A-type personality who is ultra organized. But lately I have become extremely unorganized and unable to manage things that are important to me. Worst of all, I have lost touch with all my creativity.

Creativity is like a muscle - if you don't use it, you lose it. With the personality that I have, it is necessary for me to first get control of my life and environment before I can get the creative juices flowing again. I suppose I am a contradiction - an overly anal person who is creative. A control freak who is also a free spirit in many ways. Then again.....maybe I am not a contradiction (or freak) after all. Picasso had many of these traits, although I am not temperamental like him. However, it seems that tortured people are usually the most creative.

Anyway, time to close because I am babbling now........

Why Are We So Unselfish? And Aren't We All Tired of Being Such Wimps?

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Sat, 22 Jan 2011 22:38:00 +0000

So birthday dinner was nice last night, but it was over way too soon. Ahhhhhhh....all good things must come to an end. I am sitting here listening to Maroon 5, which makes me think of something.

Back in the summer my husband and I had tickets to see Train. We had purchased these a couple months before the concert and we were completely psyched to be going....okay I was totally psyched to be going. He was just following me where I was going (like he always does).

So then it turned out that Maroon 5 were going to be in town the night before the Train concert. Now, we were having to travel to the Train concert, so that meant we would already be away from our children for one evening. After some debate, we decided not to buy tickets for the Maroon 5 concert because we didn't want to leave the kids two nights in a row.

While eating lunch earlier today we were reflecting on what a bad call that was and how we would do that differently now. We basically spend our lives devoted to the kids and it wouldn't have killed them if we had left them with some family for two evenings in a row. In fact, they would have loved it. But for some reason we felt it would make us bad parents to leave them for two evenings, when it probably would have de-stressed us and made us better parents.

I am so tired of being so unselfish about EVERYTHING! By the time I do everything for everybody, there is nothing left for me. I have suddenly started taking time and resources for myself....and you know what? It feels good.

Sometimes I just sit on the couch and refuse to do things that need to be done. Either my husband will do it or it will still be waiting when I get up. The world will not end either way. I have stopped being a wimp and started carving out my own space again. I have even started having girls' night out again. Remember those?